Everybody Likes Kyle
You were woken up by a loud blare of guitars along with drums that sounded like they were urging you to jump right out of your skin.
Since that was an understandably tricky thing to do and you were not normally one for tricks, you merely jumped right out of your bed. Or well, attempted to, the mass of blankets you had wrapped yourself in like a burrito proved to be rather effective restraints, leaving you sitting upright with various fabrics coiled around your legs.
The loud groan as you rub your eyes does nothing, it neither alleviates your frustration or dispels the disoriented feeling as you try to get used to being awake in your own bedroom.
The screams then start.
Not from anyone in the building, there is no need to panic.
From whichever blasted machine that was playing the guitars and the drums at this unholy hour.
Who even manages to take a turn so far left from music to end up at… that?
Who is so rude as to play it at this ho…
You scramble for your phone. Promptly knock it to the floor. Sigh. Detangle yourself from the blankets. The screams seem to be urging you on in this totally attractive mockery of a butterfly getting out of a cocoon, weirdly enough.
Once you finally reach your phone, your knee cracking as you need to nearly crawl under your desk because why wouldn’t a completely non-spherical object tumble as far away from you as possible, and you realize it’s 11am, you feel no less irritated.
In fact, you feel more irritated. With yourself. You couldn’t even be irritated with someone else in peace.
Alright, so it wasn’t at an unholy hour that this… cacophony, because it sure as hell wasn’t music, was being played.
It was at a perfectly… holy hour?
It just still did happen to wake you up.
And for what? Who the fuck was even playing that? That never happened before, this building was rather quiet.
As if the cacophony wasn’t enough, loud thuds that sound suspiciously like heavy steps and furniture being moved around are now shuddering through the thin walls and floors and that is when you realize that 16B is finally getting a tenant.
Oh no.
***
Messy bun? Check.
Leggings? Check.
Oversized T-shirt without any breakfast stains on it? Check.
Teeth brushed? Uhhh… Mouthwash gargled? Check.
Hunting down slippers that belonged to the same pair was more challenging than it had any reason to be having in mind that you possessed no canines or felines who would mess with your footwear, but once that was finally done, too, you tried not to stomp (the effect would be ruined in soft bunny slippers anyway) angrily as you went to ask your new neighbor to tone down their… music.
You nearly fell over a huge box as soon as you stepped out of your apartment. Looking down, you jumped away as a sheen of fur alerted you to the fact that this might be a pet whose temper you do not know…
Except the fur wouldn’t move. And was a giant pelt. Suspiciously looking like it used to belong to a wolf.
Then you look around the assortment of boxes, trash bags, furniture pieces, and just… stuff lying all around the hallway. The questionable taste in music your new neighbor undoubtedly had seemed to extend to furniture as well.
You were staring at a gigantic Edwardian sofa that has been through what its owner most likely considered a genius furniture flip, its upholstery a shiny black and its wooden trim an offensive gold complete with… spikes. The sofa had spikes on the top of its backrest. Cushions were strewn on it, in shades of black, gold, and red and the similarly dated cabinet with glass doors had odd symbols painted in gold on its doors, like… a circle with a bunch of arrows pointing out of its center.
Another box near the one with the wolf pelt contained leather-bound books. So far the least visually offensive or odd thing here.
And then another… was full of skulls. Fucking sk-
The man who popped out of the ajar door of 16B had to bend to walk through.
He promptly pushed aside a heavy wooden treasure chest with his foot. The chest clanked like it was full of metal.
Once fully upright, he was… terrifying.
7 feet of broad, muscled, tattooed mass.
His head was shaved on the sides, with the hair on top dyed the same offensively flaming red his sofa cushions were. It was held in a high ponytail with what looked like a metal cylinder, ornate and as edgy as the rest of him.
Piercings (yes, several) on his brow and ears. Tattoos on his entire body, including the sides of his head. Nails longer than yours on his right hand, filed into points and painted black. Short and black on his left.
He looked like one of those thirst trap alternative guys on TikTok. You always weirdly assumed those guys weren’t real.
With a slight jerk of his chin toward his new apartment, (oh lord, this is your new neighbor! Is he going to sacrifice virgins on Saturday evenings? You worked on Sunday, for fuck’s sake!) he boomed, voice deep and rough:
“Haarken, turn the music down to 16.”
Huh. 16. The music became barely audible in the hallway instantly. He renamed his Alexa into… Haarken? Could you even do that? Also, he set up his Alexa before he unpacked?
“Hello there.” The TikTok demon grinned at you, revealing a row of straight teeth with suspiciously sharp canines, like they were modded. Of course they were. Half his books are probably what sells as occult at the same stores that sell crystals to heal cancer.
“Did I wake you?”
You smooth down your hopelessly wrinkled loungewear T-shirt, a ratty piece of crap that’s gray instead of black now, with some band image that you never recognized or cared about as you dug the garment out of a bin at a thrift store ages ago, when it was still black and whole.
“Is it that obvious?” You toss back and he chuckles. He sounds weirdly menacing as he does.
“A little. I suppose you’re next door?”
He jerks his head toward your unit and you nod.
“I’m Kyle.”
He extends a shovel-sized calloused hand for a handshake. It’s very warm and just as rough as it looks.
“Kyle.” You repeat dubiously. You expected him to introduce himself as a Samael or an Asmodeus or at the very least a Constantine. Nope. Kyle.
He raises both pale eyebrows at you (Kyle is apparently a natural blonde) and you realize that he’s expecting to hear your name in return, so you provide it.
“Nice to meet you. And I apologize for waking you. If you wish to keep me company as I take all this stuff in, there will be a homemade steak in it for you.”
It’s your turn to raise both eyebrows. Kyle looks frightening but he’s apparently polite. And you can’t remember the last time you ate steak. Let alone a homemade one.
“Do you always bribe people into hanging out with you?” You sass him jokingly and a deep line forms between Kyle’s eyebrows. You weren’t able to determine his age up until that point but you suspect he may be older than he looks anyway:
“I like to think of it as an enticing offer. Works better than force or a sense of obligation, don’t you think?”
You feel a bit shitty, since you tried to make a joke but Kyle seems genuinely miffed, his large nostrils a bit flared. So you just nod.
“That’s true. I do like steak. I just hope I don’t end up in this box.”
You point at the box with skulls and the deep line between Kyle’s eyebrows disappears. Your second attempt at a joke is more successful as Kyle barks an unattractive little laugh, one of the ones that sound like a pig:
“No, those belonged to enemies. Plan on not becoming an enemy.”
It’s mighty stupid to think Kyle is kind of cute. You do so anyway.
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