#t/w sui
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i cant take it anymore. its too painful and i have nothing but suffering thats all i feel and its always been hopeless
i have NOTHING, no one at all to live for .. the one i lost i dont even .. i dont even know if i want her back, although i know we will never meet or talk ever agaib. its already been years. its hard when the person is your fp or.. ex fp.. the feelings that are overwhelming stay but at the same time i have so much anger and despair for what she did. i wish it never happened i had no control over it and i hate it, i HATE HER . SHES THE WORST and never cared like i did, even though we had such a strong bond.. to her it was normal friendship which by the end disapeared.. not for me. because my fucking fucked up head isnt like everyone elses and so im left all alome all i have is suffering, nothing will ever be good enough anymore. i doubt i could even feel that ever again.. i hate her too. i wish i never met her, because otherwise atleast i couldve not known what that felt like. to have an fp. someone who is the entire world for me and i couldnt do shit about it . all i can think of is memories and mourn it . but i also hate her and in one way do not care or wish to EVER meet her again- which again will never happen anyway.. i just feel so fucking empty and have forever but it gets worse the older i get. i cant feel ANYTHING FOR LIFE let alone others now. im living for no reason at all. every part of the day is just empty, void depression and deep bored and loneliness. nothing and no one can fill that anymire either, i knew that when i had gone to college (for a few months until i dropped out and left those great friends id made) because it didnt make me feel ok and i couldnt handle it , i left as always. so i never have anybody. and when i try and form a conmection with stra gers , just to feel sometthing - i feel absolutely nothing at all . nothing now. all i do id hate myself and stuck in my head.
i never want a family i dont care about love anymore or anything and all i feel is that deep empty, despairing feeling and its unBEARABLE .. every fucking day. all i can do is repeat that in my mind and breakdown because what else am i able to do except die? but aside from my anxiety about that, even dying doesnt sound good anymore.. because what will happen? i feel i wont go to heaven because i quit church because of the horrible _thing there. i dont really care abput anything.. except my dog but that isnt enough to make me able to get through when everythings missing and IT ALWAYS WILL BECAUSE I HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS. HAVE THIS MENTAL ILLNESS, BPD, AND MAJOR DEPRESSION WITH ANXIETY AND OTHER SHIT THAT RUINED EVERYTHING. ive tried SO hard. so fuckinh hard everyday its torture it always has been but its gotten worse to the point i can hardly think i just feel like an empty shell and the pain is like nothing else. i dont know whatll happen if i die, but whatever happens it should be better than this.. if not, i cant escape it itll come on its own if i dont. so i should just do it. no one cares anyway and i dont either
im just so heartbroken and what i fucking had to be and what my life hd to be. its not fair and nobody except others like me know what this is like.
i cant do it guys its harder and harder and i cant carry on i swear to god
#VENT#t/w sui#i give up i swear to god its unbearable and all i do is stay and its hell pure hell#i think im going to order a big bxctr this time. i have a noose but i dont get privacy much which is why i dont#because im scared theyll catch me and then its even worse
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introduction teehee
most recent edit: 2/03/24
hi!
general questions
who am i?
i'm cat (dont capitalize, as in Cat) and tentatively eli or nico. i'm a minor, as well as in middle school (ages 11-14). i go by it/its (if you're calling me cat) or they/he (if you're calling me eli or nico) or no pronouns. i am transmasc agender, aroacespec (aroflux and aegosexual), and pan.
what do i post about/reblog about?
marauders
genshin impact
other random fandoms
dreamscape nexus (...)
life things! (vents, random events, etc)
things about my friends :D
classes outside school (ballroom dance, art, aikido, russian, math)
writing (i am a writer)
music (i post lyrics from music, is fun)
gay (i am gay)
my friends
family, pets, friends?
one older sister
two cats - kim and shego (or floorshitter)
irl friends:
pissboy (my husband. he/they) (pissboy origin story)
lee (my wife. not a permanent nickname. she/her)
preppy (my wife, not a permanent nickname, she/her)
miss eighth* grader (she/they, talks abt sui a lot)
ashes (she/her, my bbg)
may mention some other ppl as well lol
can you tag me, ask me questions, tag me in chain asks or tag games?
sure, i might not participate in tag games or chain asks tho :>
timezone?
PST, inside a sink
dni?
if over 25, bigots in general, the usual
what can you call me?
no: bro, guy, gal, sis, girl, man, boy, dude, etc. (gendered terms in general)
yes: pet names (sarcastically and/or platonically, ofc) such as sweetheart, honey, bbg (please dont fully type out babygirl); lil guy is fine
i might call myself a girl or a boy, dont take this as permission please x
--
*used to be miss seventh grader
other info
i would appreciate tone tags if you feel you are speaking too vaguely, but otherwise it's fine
am either a slytherin or ravenclaw. slytherin most-likely
am INTP-T
scorpio sun, sagittarius moon, scorpio rising (i think)
pandora sun, lily moon, regulus rising
i speak english and russian, am learning german and hebrew (long story)
one sideblog, @catinasink-writes, this is only for my fanfiction
i also have another sideblog. kudos to you if you find it
I might ask you to explain a sentence or a phrase for me, it's bc words tend to not be understandable for me sometimes
i. might be neurodivergent
please alert me if you're going to leave, it scares me sometimes
am matching banners with @shrimpysstuff!! go check her out, her blog is wonderful :3
tags!
ramblies, vents, anything thats not a reblog and doesnt fall into another category: #cat's rambles
posts mentioning my cat, or with my cat: #cat's cat
writing (in general): #cat's writing
writing (actually writing: #poetry maybe
my art: #cat's art
my asks: #cat's asks
posts made during school (tend to be queued): #cat's schoolposting
music-related posts: #cat's lyricposting
my own music: #cat's lyrics
my beloved friend @this-is-me-lolol: #basil my beloved <3
pissboy, my friend: #my lovely pissboy
my friend @o-kye: #tumblr user o-kye
cali cult: #calicos
sink lore: #happenings of the sink
blender anon: #cat's blender anon
dear anon (dreamscape nexus thing): #cat's dear anon
dreamscape nexus (...): #Dreamscape Nexus
ao3 details
my account (catinasink)
i've got a good feeling that we could be something
rated T
the Selection but rosestarkillerchaser
features the Blacks as the Schreaves
the Order as the rebellion
rosestarkillerchaser, emmarlily, wolfstar
unfinished, 8/30 (estimate)
watching pixar on a school night
rated T
a texting fic for the marauders 5th year and skittles 4th year
modern au w magic
rosestarkillerchaser, emmarpanlily/sunkeeperflowerseer, wolfstar
background benjy/peter + nobleflower + frank
slowburn
unfinished, 25/?
they're so pretty it hurts (i'm not talking about boys, i'm talking about girls)
rated T
oneshot about marlene
in the universe of wpoasn
features slavic marlene!! bc that is my love >>
also ace marlene!
2.7k words
finished, 1/1
dear angel lacy, eyes white as daisies
rated T
in the universe of wpoasn
noblesea (molly and alice) focused
has noblesea, nobleflower, and fralice (polyam alice)
slowburn
unfinished, 2/8 (estimate)
fic summaries (definitely accurate)
tumblr writing masterlist (chronological order, first most recent)
song-resembling thing (aka big mistake) (with voice ;-;)
maybe one day
to old friend once again
jolly ranchers
to v
my love
piano
fuck periods
more vent (green)
to my old friend (again)
to my old friend
more poetry/rambling/vent whatever :>
more poetry
poem thing that blender anon said i should share
have a nice day!
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Tomb of Yu Hong 592-598 CE. Link to my blog at bottom with more sources and description of individual images.
This is probably a Sogdian tomb. Interestingly, the man has a haplogroup that was widespread amongst the blue-eyed Mesolithic/Neolithic Western Hunter Gatherers (WHG are probably where blue eyes originated from) and the haplogroup is found today most prominently in Sami, Finns, and Estonians. His wife has a haplogroup found prominently amongst East Asians. Based on her East Asian origins and the inclusion of some Turkic-looking people in the tomb's artwork I would assume she was probably a Turk, herself. The long-haired men without halos (e.g. panel 4) are probably Turks, that was a typical appearance for them during this time period. Men from other surrounding populations such as the Sogdians, Huns, Tocharians, etc. typically kept shorter hair that didn't go past their shoulders. More info:
"The man buried in the tomb went by Yu Hong (Chinese: 虞弘; pinyin: Yú Hóng; Wade–Giles: Yü Hung; 533–592 AD), with Mopan (莫潘) as his courtesy name, who was a Central Asian, probably of Persian or Sogdian origin, and practiced Zoroastrianism. He had settled in Early Middle Period China during the Northern Qi, Northern Zhou and Sui dynasties. This tomb is so far the only archaeological find in the Central Plains region that reflects Central Asian (Western Regions) culture. The epitaph found in the tomb records that he was a noble of the city of Yü-ho-lin / Yuhelin (尉紇驎) in the mysterious Yu country (魚國), assumably for which he is named, because the two characters 虞 and 魚 are homophones.
According to the epitaph, Yu Hong started his career in service of the nomadic tribe at the time, known as Ruru. At the age of 13, he was posted as an emissary to Persia by the Khagan of Ruru, as well as Parthia, Tuyuhun and Yuezhi. Later he went on a mission to the Northern Qi, Northern Zhou and Sui dynasties. He served as chien-chiao sa-pao fu / jianjiao sabao fu (檢校薩保府, lit. “acting director of the office of Zoroastrian affairs”, or “Sogdian affairs”) during the Northern Zhou period. The term sa-pao / sabao (薩保) comes from the Sogdian s′rtp′w, means a “caravan leader”.
He had later served as a provincial governor in the Sui dynasty government, a chieftain of the Central Asian people who had settled in China during that period. Yu Hong died at the age of 59 in 592 AD. His wife survived him by six years, and was buried in the same grave in 598 AD.
A study on ancient DNA reveals that Yu Hong belonged to the haplogroup U5, one of the oldest western Eurasian-specific haplogroups, while his wife can be classified as haplogroup G, the type prevalent in East Asia.
The age of U5 is estimated at between 25,000 and 35,000 years old, roughly corresponding to the Gravettian culture. Approximately 11% of Europeans (10% of European-Americans) have some variant of haplogroup U5.
U5 was the predominant mtDNA of mesolithic Western Hunter Gatherers (WHG) [this is where blue eyes probably originated from].
U5 has been found in human remains dating from the Mesolithic in England, Germany, Lithuania, Poland, Portugal, Russia, Sweden, France and Spain. Neolithic skeletons (~7,000 years old) that were excavated from the Avellaner cave in Catalonia, northeastern Spain included a specimen carrying haplogroup U5.
Haplogroup U5 and its subclades U5a and U5b today form the highest population concentrations in the far north, among Sami, Finns, and Estonians. However, it is spread widely at lower levels throughout Europe. This distribution, and the age of the haplogroup, indicate individuals belonging to this clade were part of the initial expansion tracking the retreat of ice sheets from Europe around 10,000 years ago.
U5 was the main haplogroup of mesolithic European hunter gatherers. U haplogroups were present at 83% in European hunter gatherers before influx of Middle Eastern farmer and steppe Indo-European ancestry decreased its frequency to less than 21%.
Today, haplogroup G is found at its highest frequency in indigenous populations of the lands surrounding the Sea of Okhotsk. It is an East Asian haplogroup. Haplogroup G is one of the most common mtDNA haplogroups among modern Ainu, Siberian, Mongol, Tibetan and Central and North Asian Turkic peoples people (as well as among people of the prehistoric Jōmon culture in Hokkaidō). It is also found at a lower frequency among many other populations of East Asia, Central Asia, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, and Nepal. However, unlike other mitochondrial DNA haplogroups typical of populations of northeastern Asia, such as haplogroup A, haplogroup C, and haplogroup D, haplogroup G has not been found among indigenous peoples of the Americas."
-taken from Wikipedia
#sogdiana#indo european#ancient china#ancient history#antiquities#history#art#museums#sculpture#statue#ancient#turkic#eurasian#finnish#estonian#finno ugric#genetics
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(long ass post just me rambling about a new lawlu fic idea. t/w for discussion of addiction and sui attempt. feel free to keep on scrolling.)
Writing a new modern au about Law becoming an addict after Shachi, Penguin, and Bepo died in an accident coming to pick him up. It's inevitably going to be a healing LuLaw story, Luffy finding him in his apartment by sheer luck after he decided to end his life on the one-year anniversary of their deaths. Luffy is in his hospital room when he wakes up, a cute stranger who he discovers is his neighbor and also a firefighter. Luffy declares that he's going to be his friend which makes no sense to Law, why would a guy like him with such a good life want to be friends with a pathetic junkie freak who just tried to off himself? What he doesn't know is that Luffy knows what it's like to lose the most important people to you, to feel so alone and not know how you're going to go on. Only Luffy did go on. He built a new family for himself, a home, and a life where he could be happy and he wants Law to do the same.
The first chapter was one of the darker, more emotional things I've written, detailing Law's relationship with death and how he is convinced everyone he ever cares for will die because they all have died. He falls into despair and tries to die once but can't go through with it. He turns to alcohol, finding that it numbed the voices in his head that screamed at him every waking moment. So the decline begins, Law becoming a street rat alcoholic who goes to grimy bars, going home with any guy whose willing to fuck him until it hurts, the pain overwhelming everything in his head. Alcohol turns to club drugs which turn to opiates and he's just a shell of a human at this point.
I think there's beauty in the rise from your lowest low to your highest high (not a drug high, just happiness). Law needs a reason to stay. Luffy becomes that reason, someone who understands him, who he almost hates in a way because he was able to pull himself out of the trenches when Law couldn't. Law decides to get clean once he wakes up in the hospital, deciding to give life one last try before he calls it quits for good. Luffy declares he's going to be there for him every step of the way and after some thought, Law lets him only because he knows can't be alone anymore. He'll use Luffy as a crutch he clearly needs until he's fulfilled his purpose, and then he'll just dispose of him.
He's shocked to find that Luffy is just a good person, unlike anyone he's ever encountered. Sure, he's pretty brutally honest, almost chastising Law for not even trying to move on but he's totally right, Law never did try, he just gave up. He has this way of somehow just knowing how Law is feeling even without him saying a word. He brings him gifts in few days he's in the hospital, cleans his apartment that had fallen into an absolute shit hole while Law was an addict, and when Law comes home he basically just moves in even though he only lives down the hall. He doesn't want Law to be alone, to fall back into his addiction. He introduces him to his friends and is active in his treatment even going to his first NA meeting with him so he doesn't have to go by himself.
He's exactly Law's type and he's maddeningly charming, openly affectionate and flirtatious right off the bat which just confuses Law. He convinces himself that it's just the kind of person Luffy is, some people are just like that but there's no way he's actually attracted to him... right? He's still down horrendous for him from the very start though, and Luffy doesn't make this any better, sending him shirtless pictures of him and little flirty messages like 'wish you were here ;)'. (Law's a degen and Luffy is totally aware of what he's doing but he just likes Law and wants him to know it).
Their strange friendship grows and evolves while Law deals with the harsh reality of what it means for him to be sober. One day Luffy kisses him, things get intense and Law is fucking TERRIFIED. He can't care about someone again, can't watch them die like everyone else and know it's all his fault. He pushes Luffy away but he won't go. He loves Law and he's going to do anything it takes to make sure Law accepts that fucking love. He does, of course. He's wanted this from the beginning but he was just too scared of what it would mean to love someone for the first time, to admit it aloud. Law overcomes his addiction, begins to process his losses, and Luffy becomes his Reason to Stay.
(If you don't care about my personal shit feel free to stop here and enjoy this random summary headcanon thing I unintentionally wrote. This is just this week's episode of me oversharing but maybe it'll help someone who has been in similar situations idk.) I decided to write this story for purely personal reasons. About 7 years ago the person I was dating was an addict and although I did everything I could to try and get them the help they desperately needed after I saved them from overdosing the first time, but it wasn't enough and they ended up dying a few months later. I was also doing various drugs at the time, though only recreationally, and was thankfully able to stop after seeing what it did to the people around me. However, this death fucked me up and I blamed myself to the point it drove me to become an alcoholic just to help cope with the pain. Things are much better now and it took many years but I've finally been able to process everything. Writing is therapeutic for me and I always wanted to write a story about addiction and loss but I wasn't sure how it would do it. I guess I found it now?
At the end of the day, I wasn't enough of a reason for that person to stay but what if there was a world where someone was? I wanted to explore that concept with my favorite ship and somehow this beast was created in my fucked up little head. I'm looking forward to the very fulfilling and heart-warming journey of Law healing and falling in love with our favorite loyal puppy dog Luffy :)
#before you say ANOTHER story? yes. another story. i have problems.#it's staying in the drafts for awhile though#needs time to marinate#was just frothing at the mouth to talk about it#lawlu#lulaw#lawlu fanfiction#yo to the like 2 people who read this#honestly this post is just for me to remember wtf my plans are with this story
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Sui: Leon I have something to tell you...
Jin: 👀
Yves: 👀
Licht: ....👀
Leon: what?
Sui: I think you are in love with me
Leon: in love...no? Oh. I AM in love with you!
Yves: FINALLY!!! 😭
w h a t
me asf: 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️
that would be so embarrassing i would run away and in front of everyone else? nononono imma head out 😭💀
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favourites: index
A
Aelis
Alethea
Alexander McQueen
Alexis Mabille
Anna Sui
ASHI
The Atelier Couture
Azzedine Alaïa
B
Bibian Blue
birds embroidery
The Blonds
C
Cartier
Chanel
Chotronette
Christian Lacroix
Christian Siriano
D
Dilek Hanif
Dior
Dolce & Gabbana
E
Elie Saab
F
Fiori Couture
Franck Sorbier
G
Georges Hobeika
Giambattista Valli
Guo Pei
H
handmade embroidery
Hermione de Paula
I
Ines Di Santo
Inga Ezergale
Irina Atroscenko
J
Jean Paul Gaultier
L
Luisa Beccaria
M
Mak Tumang
Marchesa
Mary Katrantzou
Metropolitan Museum of Art - The Costume Institute
Mischka Aoki
Monica Ivena
MYOO Couture
N
Naeem Khan
O
officialhambly
on aura tout vu
Oscar de la Renta
P
Paolo Sebastian
R
Rahul Mishra
Ralph & Russo
Rami Al Ali
Rami Kadi
S
Sherbon
Sophie Couture
Sottero and Midgley
Stella Lunardy
Sylvie Facon
T
Tamara Ralph
Tarun Tahiliani
Teuta Matoshi
Tony Ward
Tony Yaacoub
V
Valentier Atelier
Valentino
Viktor & Rolf
vintage
W
Wulgaria
Z
Zari Embroideries
Ziad Nakad
Zuhair Murad
#tags#tag cloud#favorite designers#fashion designers#designer labels#designers i like#embroidery obsession favorites
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Answering Asks about Isekai Maid! Pt.2
Asks are down below under the cut, and there are a bunch! Some of these are a bit old, sorry I couldn’t get to them in time. ( T w T )
Warning, I’m going to talk about topics like stalking, sui//cide, slavery, and domestic abuse. There’s also some swearing in the asks as well.
Someone else does it, I have no presence on TVtropes. :P
Thank you! Yes, I really enjoyed making Phantom in the Mirror, it actually helped me a lot and without it I wouldn’t have a lot of the building blocks to make Isekai Maid.
I liked Melissa a lot, Yona and Yuri. Wish Yuri/Melissa were endgame, honestly, but I do like Nine too!
As for dislikes, I feel like Nine’s brother was a bit underdeveloped and I wanted them to really dive deep into his character and why he is the way he is. We get some of it in the side stories, but I really feel like there is something missing about him to make him whole...!
I want an anime dang it!
I think it’s a matter of framing. So much of Otome Isekai in general is about reframing certain scenarios and looking at other character’s points of view. I’m sure that if we were following these characters in a comic/novel, we would be conditioned to accept whatever they do, even if it seems cruel because in this genre many protagonists believe that the ends justify the means as long as they have the excuse of “I need to survive at any cost.”
So Otome Isekai protagonists can justify having servants/commoners dragged away and executed/punished because they “didn’t know their place.” They can excuse things like slavery because “oh well, it’s the world I live in can’t stop it!,” and freely indulge in buying people. And there will be readers who don’t look past the in universe justifications and accept it at face value.
Yes, Phoebe wanted to make sure that Clara didn’t have any allies. Interestingly enough, the original book that Phoebe and Clara were isekai’d into, “Flowers Thrive in Autumn,” was poorly received by audiences because of the tragedy elements and the ultimate fate of the original Phoebe (dying from domestic abuse) and Clara was one of the most hated characters in the book.
Helen, the reincarnator, was one of the readers who couldn’t stand her and thought that Clara didn’t deserve to have a happy ending because she felt it was at the expense of Phoebe. She was also a fan of the prince character, who was a minor character and she wanted to use him for protection. Phoebe reasoned that if Clara had any help or allies whatsoever that it would cause a butterfly effect and the story would make Phoebe die once again.
One week. I work a lot of hours, it’s difficult to keep track because it can vary a lot.
I do 15 hours to do sketching, resketching based on the 3D model where I draw over the rendered image and lineart/flats.
6 hours to render the backgrounds in Blender (I have a specific process where I keep the model and size reference and lineart separated and have to save 3 files at a time).
Roughly it takes about 9 hours to add shadows, textures, and effects (5 hours if I book it!).
2-3 hours for writing dialogue, and about an hour and a half before launching the comic online to check for spelling errors. And that doesn’t count when I have to reupload chapters after the fact when I notice errors, which can extend my schedule by one day or so.
Sometimes it’s more, since my schedule slips up and I don’t pull all nighters anymore (too tiring!).
Yes, Phoebe is aware that Joshua’s death is an accident. But she felt that Phoebe took most of the brunt of the blame and thinks that Clara should take most of it.
I think that there are so many things in the world that are normal, like demons being such a real threat where they have to alter funeral practices to keep them from spreading, to magic schools and teleportation, that the idea of reincarnation isn’t too far fetched.
Thanks! Unfortunately, I have had the displeasure of watching that film for a film class. It wouldn’t surprise me if readers who justify slavery in stories like Death is the Only Ending for the Villainess, would look at Scarlett O’Hara and think of her as an inspiration.
We already have a lot of slavery isekai (which, honestly...why.), and while it breaks my heart that people justify and gush over slaveowners like Penelope and Scarlett O’Hara, it’s nothing new and is a sign that these kinds of stories are doing harm in how we depict human suffering in slavery.
Even back when the movie was released, people thought of Scarlett as a role model, even when she was the face of the exploitation and gleefully participated in the cruelest forms of human trafficking and suffering. As long as it convenient for the protagonist to do so, people will just about justify anything they do.
Thank you! I find most of my designs from Dover Books, such as “Victorian Fashions: A Pictorial Archive, 965 Illustrations (Dover Pictorial Archive)“ and “Victorian and Edwardian Fashions from "La Mode Illustrée" (Dover Fashion and Costumes)“ You can find them on Amazon or online
Erica did regret it, and she did try to call it off, but it was too late. Erica at one point, truly did love Clara and thought of her as the daughter she never had, but she was also very subconsciously jealous of her older half sister, Misty (Clara’s mom) and took it out on Clara.
Erica and Misty were half sisters on their mother’s side. Their mother had slept with one of her Limpetta butlers, a man named Calvin, when she was an unmarried woman, and gave birth to Misty, who she adored. But her father forced her to give up Misty to Calvin and had them hidden away.
Her mother was then made to marry a much older man who was very wealthy. She gave birth to Erica, and while she showed her love but it was always underwhelming. When her husband died from old age, her mother wasted no time in finding Clavin again and marrying him, forgoing any inheritance she may have gotten as his wife and instead giving it to Erica.
Erica felt forgotten and familyless, but tried to maintain a relationship with Misty and be friendly with her. They were close, but there was always a lingering estrangement because Erica could tell that her mother loved Misty more than her.
When Misty got married and had Clara, Erica was given the chance to name her. Erica was touched and remained close to Clara. But the resentment still remained, and came again to the surface after she lost her son. She felt that Clara belonged to her more than Misty, and was the last remnant of her son but hated that she was alive while her son was dead.
I’ve watched both! ( T 7 T ) Sorry, but I always watch Otome Isekai when it gets an anime adaptation.
Callisto...🤢🤮 Can’t stand slaveowner characters....I’ll take your word for it, I didn’t like him honestly!
Yep! She survived the Three Week Riot, her name is Tabitha Nguyen.
Sorry this answer came so late, but as soon I saw this message (back when the episode was posted) I updated the content warning!
Pretty much. Clara said in passing to Phoebe that she had other lives, but never elaborated much. Phoebe kind of just assumed that she was also a reader who coincidentally read the same book.
Prince Dimitri’s reason (or justification by the original author) for acting the way he is is due to his mother’s death. As a child, he lived the first eight years of his life as a commoner with his mother, a noblewoman. He was the king of Kolt’s son, and his mother wanted to raise him away from the palace life.
He asked where is dad was, and why he wasn’t with them. While searching for his dad, he accidentally revealed to someone in his village information about his noble mother’s whereabouts and they told the king. This lead to the king tracking them down and forcibly making his mother come back to the palace with him.
In most scenarios like this is Otome Isekai stories, the mother is able to repair her relationship with the king as he will be a good father to his son and she doesn’t have a choice either way (so, yeah, kidnapping and gaslighting). But this story took a deadly turn, as the king threatened to execute her for hiding an heir from him (he thought he was infertile and never took a wife).
He applied so much pressure on her that she broke psychologically. She took her own life. Dimitri felt immense guilt and felt that his want for a father lead to his mother’s death.
As a result of his own guilt, the king allowed him to get away with practically anything, even killing people. But Dimitri later kills his father, and there is a coup within the aristocracy that tries to execute the prince, which is how he is almost killed by assassins and meets Clara, or Phoebe depending on the timeline.
The thing is, Phoebe did have feelings for Dimitri, but she wasn’t sure his feelings for her were real, or that he was even a real person. Even years into the marriage she felt like this. Phoebe doesn’t think that the people around her as as real as her, think as deeply as her, or have true autonomy. She thinks that she lives in a world fully of puppets.
To her, all she did was be in the same place as Clara and say the same things as her. On one hand, it could mean that Prince Dimitri is his own person who chooses to be with someone different this timeline. But on the other hand, because she did what Clara did, it also means that he could swayed not by the individual actions person who saves him, but falls in love due to someone fulfilling a role and might as well just be a piece of code going through the motions.
To Phoebe, Prince Dimtri, unlike her father, was faithful and that was good enough for her. She wanted an attack dog that could protect her from her bad ending.
Nope, she’s a different character.
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[ooc post]
wahoooo intro post time
edit: I DO NOT GET NOTIFS FOR ASKS OR MENTIONS!! if you send or answer an ask to/from this blog, please LIKE one of the posts so I get a notif and am prompted to check this blog because I have too many.
i saw people making rp blogs + didn't want to be a total clone + like angst. so this happened.
im @2-kakimiko-1 i run @junior-high-ena-official @riho-hasegawa-official and @jail-x-break-official too
the mod is autistic and a minor and uses he/it and a handful of neopronouns listed here :3 you don't need to overuse tone tags or anything but I struggle to tell tone sometimes so I'd appreciate it if you used them !! my timezone is est if it matters
i'd prefer if you used he/it/they for the character! Ngl I used to say no shippy interaction but I genuinely do not remember why I felt that way so. its allowed now yippee
for all intents and purposes this blog is set around the end of Rui's 3rd year of junior high/the summer of his 3rd year of junior high. :3
ummm headcanon time because I'll be playing by those. he's pan, aceflux, transmasc and he just figured that out, and autistic and bpd. he knows the former not the latter. bad at taking care of himself but that's a given. yeah 👍
this blog has and will continue to cover heavy topics, mostly bullying and occasionally sh and sui related things. they will all be tagged and if I forget please tell me! you are also always welcome to ask me to tag anything, I'll tag common triggers if I remember but if theres something I miss or something you need tagged again T E L L M E P L E A S E
ummm dni. basic dni criteria racist MAP or w/e homophobic transphobic ableist etc um I think that's it tbh uhh dni if youre weird (/neg) about rui and think hes a violent cannibal yandere whatever the hell. since I did mention he has bpd I think this needs to be picked out even though it falls under ableism get the actual fuck off my blog if you can't be normal about cluster b disorders.
uhhh be nice to rui hes sensitive be nice to the mod i am also sensitive/hj
edit: my rp style!! I feel like I should clarify it!!
ooc is the double slash! → // like this
unformatted text indicates speech! → like this
italics indicate actions! → like this
italics with brackets indicate internal thoughts! → [like this]
tags:
#ooc post - ooc post
#rooftop whispers - everything in-character
#rooftop mewls - funny other in-character tag for when he gets turned into a cat by anons. this will likely become a regular occurrence.
#tw ____ - trigger tags
picrew used for cat icon
--
arc tags and respective warnings:
#kamishiro family angst - series of events catalysed by several rui clones experiencing negative things at once, mrs kamishiro collapsing under the stress of taking care of that all, and as one thing leads to another, other kamishiro family members end up injured and hospitalized. warnings for: hospital related things, overworking, fainting, car accidents, mentions of brainwashing and torture (on exthief rui), descriptions of injury ranging from minor to more graphic to gory.
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what a horrible day.. he saved me though, my one and only friend (soulmate) i was so close i almost died, it was so scary and nauseating . my parents hate me but atleast i have him hes all i have (with my dog) best friend ever . im so lucky to have him.. i took alot of pills too so rn im calmer but i feel dizzy and sick,, today feels so bad.. my neck hurts too . i couldve died.i wish i did but also its very scary when its tightened and u cant breathe and ur standing on the stool , because soon youll be swinging around,, choking.. thats so… i just feel so sick and pressur e on my neck.. so close to dying for good. but maybe it wasnt my time because i am here .. feeling awful but here.. and actually , he saved me as he talked to me as i was about to .. saying nice words. because he does care . no one else does. i dont know whatwill happen from here .. i feel so dizzy ,, i was about to be dead forever .
#tw#sui t/w#just wanna run off and chill with him i dont know anymore#im drawing now and fading out a bit and idk i feel so ill#its so painful
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le mal n'est pas entendu
.
Un premier combat entre les consonnes et les cloches qui sonnent... Mes pensées dans un dédale insondable… Il ne faut pas parler quand je suis à table… Il ne faut surtout pas agir quand je suis capable…
Le simple acte de dire à ma ténébreuse '' j'ai mal au ventre" se transforme en un examen à subir, une rue sombre à parcourir... Les mots se perdent comme les têtes de mes poupées brûlées et effrayées… Je me surprends incapable de former une fausse phrase ou un mot mal prononcé… Alors je me dresse devant elle et toute ma présence est remise en cause, la main levée vers ma tête, l'autre dessinant un cercle sur mon ventre, comme une danse pathétique ou un rituel pour invoquer le hasard...
Un deuxième combat entre mes veines serrées rouges qui m’émeuvent et l'impératif de rester tout le temps calme, même quand on s'acharne sur moi avec une ceinture sélectionnée rien que pour mon cas…
Mes signaux sont des échos en difficultés visuelles... ''Il a encore faim !'' dit-elle... Tout le sac de glace s'effondre entre ses pieds... ''Je dois le tuer.'' pense-t-elle... Derrière le voile, tout son regard s'effondre sur ses lèvres... ''où puis-je l'enterrer ? " confie-t-elle… L’amour s’effondre en larmes dans les tréfonds de sa robe…
La voix de la sorcière résonne dans la cuisine… Aiguë je pense et hystérique comme la conscience… Le mariage de la peste et le déluge s’annonce…
La porte se referme et les claquements d'aiguilles deviennent des tentacules qui me déshabillent… Dans son atelier de couture, les rires s’installent, elle tisse des fils dans le saint noir, des sortilèges à concevoir, des berceuses pour ce soir, pour que je ne dorme pas et que le rêve corrompe l’innocent cauchemar…
Un troisième combat entre la compréhension et la soupe aux choux froide... Suis-je un témoin ou un accusé fatigué qui se tue pour avoir moins ?... Alors je reste dans la flaque cassée à regarder longtemps les spirales de mes doigts tracés... Alors la solution c'est le désespoir… Alors je dois apprendre tout seul à ouvrir les étoiles de ma mâchoire...
Khalid EL Morabethi
w i p
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T//W: Depressive Thoughts, Sui***al ideation
Depression is truly a bitch that doesn't know how to leave me alone.
Messing with me & making me think that all my friends and family actually hate me & wouldn't care if I were d3ad. Or that I'm some huge burden on their lives, so I'd be better off d3ad anyway.
Fuck. I hate the feeling of... Feeling useless & like you want to d1e. All the time.
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Yk, there’s a lot wrong with the world for me.
A. Day light savings. Some places, such as India and Arizona do not have this. I specifically mention Arizona, because the rest of the US of A, does do this, although Texas has plans to get rid of it. Daylight savings now, in my time/location, is useless. It uses the same amount of electricity and it gets dark way too quickly now. I prefer it when the morning is dark, and the night is lighter. A dark morning means I can sleep on the bus, and a light evening means I can actually cox my girls.
B. A guy keeps asking me if I Am French. JE NE SUIS PAS FRANÇAISE!!!!! That should answer the question! I am 100% not French. I do not have a French complexion or accent, I just speak the language. Granted, most in my area speak Spanish and English, and I don’t speak any Spanish. I really should learn Spanish. Anyways, I’m not French I just know certain bits of the language, although it is way more formal than need be.
C. The Owl House needs to come out sooner, and I want more of it! We could’ve had an episodic season, with a friggin beach episode! Although the opening scene to Season 3 Episode 1 is very cute and Lumity comix did an amazing job! But please, give us more TOH! I know Disney canceled it, but I have a suggestion for more TOH content! Beach episode manga, or just the main cast figuring out the art of humanity. I also would’ve liked to see them adjust to like school or whatever, and I find it hard to believe that Camilla wouldn’t have sent our cast to school! I mean come on! Anyways, we just need more TOH.
D. The alphabet. The word alphabetical should be alphabetical. Aaabcehillpt. That’s how it should be pronounced!! And A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, Z
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Hiver 1906, Glacier de Fharhond, Canada (17/20)
Tagak a contacté les sémaphores alentours grâce à notre système de télégraphie sans fil, afin de me faire amener un médecin. Nous avons déjà reçu une réponse et nous savons qu’un médecin est en route, mais en cette saison, la mer est gelée ; la circulation de navires est donc arrêtée et il est probable qu’on ne le verra avant l’été, quand mes blessures auront déjà guéri. Pour le moment, je suis donc alité de force - la seule activité autorisée par mon impitoyable gardien est de mon déplacer du lit à ma chaise et vice-versa pour que je lise le journal, que j’ai lu tant de fois au demeurant que je le connais par cœur… Pour l’heure, nous attendons des nouvelles d’Amundsen. Nous n’en avons aucune pour le moment, mais nous surveillons le télégraphe avec attention.
[Transcription]
Tagak Angottitauruq : Un signal TSF est en train d’arriver. Je me demande si ce sont des nouvelles du médecin…
Tagak Angottitauruq : « G. J. O. A. STOP S. E. E. N. STOP O. F. F. C. O. A. S. T. STOP K. G. W. I. L. L. I. A. M. STOP A. L. L. 6 STOP M. E. N. STOP S. A. F. E. STOP S. A. I. L. I. N. G. STOP W. E. S. T. STOP S. T. I. L. L. STOP S. T. R. U. G. G. L. I. N. G. STOP W. I. T. H. STOP I. C. E. C. A. P STOP »
Tagak Angottitauruq : Amundsen a quitté son hivernage !
#ts3#simblr#legacy challenge#history challenge#decades challenge#lebris#lebrisgen3ter#Jules Le Bris#Tagak Angottitauruq
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Losing my 5 precious darling embryos, don;t tell me that they are not children, the embryo is the seed from which the might Oak Tree thus grows, suck on that you ignorant callous cunts
The unimaginable pain of losing 5 embryos and don’t tell me they are not children they are the seeds from which all life grows
It’s too painful
I cannot do this
Fuck off I say
Oh the pain I feel when I see little girls
Well I have a sperm donor now Nathan, tall, buff, slim, big long slender dick, beautiful hands, plays bass, teaches French blue grey eyes, cool hair, good family
Am I in love, don’t care he came in me an hour ago
I am 49 well miracles do happen, not to me, but maybe
Keep trying until I drop down dead hey
I can’t take it
The pain
The loss
The sheer humiliation
It’s excruciating
I don’t want to live anymore
I want my girls
Well I got my donor egg, she is Polish, intelligent as fuck, with a nice ass and legs and blond hair and blue eyes and a degree in Bio Chemistry at Oxford
Uber menschen in the making
I will have my Cyan Tree
Scarlet River
Storm Cloud
Hurricane
Golden Tsunami Thread
Purple paradise glitter heaven
Yes my little ones are in heaven with their grand father Rafique
And I will make three babies one Afro, one red head and one blond
And my life will be complete
Sans mes enfants ma vie est rien
Je suis dans le mer sans mes enfants
Ma vie est rien sans leur
Mes mes enfants
Oh my god
The pain pierces me over and over again like a dagger on fire
I cannot take it
Men rape me and break me and ejaculate in me like a fucking rag doll
I am just a hope to be penetrated and abused over and over again
My daddy taught me how to suck cock real good
Donobad
Tomi balo manush
Go fuck yourself you piece of shit cunt
And my husband is a narc, predator psychopath
And my kids little cunt runts who should be burnt and tortured
They play guitar and piano and speak mandarin and do so many extra curricula activities
If I meet another doting dad I am gonna fuckng puck my guts out
69 men and risking
Sexually abused from the age of 1-3
66 albums
16 films
100 exhibitions
11 books
Suck on that
Got into Oxford to study History at Somerville College or St? Hilda’s
Can’t remember
Does it even fucking matter
Tracey Emin can’t draw for shit
Nor Damien Hirst
I am better than everyone Francis Bacon, Vincent, Rothko, Schiele, Kandisky
De Kooning, Richter, Schiel, Klimt
Nietszche what the fuck did he know he never had kids
Kate Moss is a travesty
Worst fucking model
Kendal Jenner insipid
Justin Bieber pathetic
Billy whinging miserable cow
Taylor Swift knows nothing about life
Kate Moss’s sprog is ugly and short as fuck
Harry Styles is a fucking prick
I am better than all of you
I am gonna win the Nobel Peace Prize
Gonna be a global leader
I believe that everyone should get 30 grand from birth
Have their own house and garden
Preferably built themselves
Lego towns
No plastic
Recycling
Electric cars
Not teslas
Elon Musk is another psychopath power crazed mania
Who can’t keep his dick in his pants like Mick fucking Jagger
His kids are losers
Eddie Redmayne can’t act for fuck and married a bitch
Kate Middleton just is good at breeding and wearing clothes and has no hips and never eats
And her kids are brats
Harry is a prick
Megan is a bitch
Piers Morgan is a moon faced cunt
Alistair Campbell wrote the fake dossier and is a murderer
He should be curt alive playing his wretched bag pipes
Shada Haramsada
Guido is an Italian prick
Robin is a psychopathic narc
Yinka is a shit artist USP up your fucking arse
Kusama sold out
Can’t paint for shit
Her mirrored rooms flawed
I am going to Bangladesh, and Singapore
Erecting my neon mental health signs
Mental Health for All
Benign Anarchists
Trauma Triggers
Naked Trauma Triggers
Tommy
Nathan
Nicolas Rodolphe Roberts Colemonts
Robin
Adam
David
Rowan
Kash
Patrick my first love, he was deaf, we listened to Fluffy Little Clouds and made love and got high and felt the beat through the speakers
I was happy then
I was happiest when I was a virgin
Didn’t wash
Wore clothes that were too big for me
Wanted to be clever
Was sexually abused in the library when studying Hamlet and preparing for Oxford
Art school was shit
Has to walk past St Martins every day it was hell
Will study at the Royal academy – Drawing, will make Tracey stick her pencil up her arse
If Saatchi and Saatchi come sniffing they can go fuck themselves
Margaret Thatcher eat my turds for breakfast with Kellogg corn flakes
I want my babies
I will have my daughters
They will have the life I never had
And I will protect them
And no one is goin got mess with them
No one is going to fuck with my precious cargo
This is a war
This is a revolution
Whose side are you on?
Are you are a benign anarchist
Join the fucking party now
Have a wank and die
Suck on that
You giant sloppy cunt face poisson magasin
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Guffaw guffaw
Swipe
Chouette
C’est finis
Bonne nuit
Mais non
Mai oui
En faite
Donc
Donc
Donc
Ding dong
Putki
Picana coup gorom
Peshup
Putki
Nu Nu
The END
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The Hit-Idol - Chapter 1
Summary: Your shining star, your diamond in the rough, Hoshimachi Suisei, has a secret side-gig.
Word Count: 2.523
-
There’s a lot involved in being an idol. Lots of ways you’re expected to act, lots of roles you’re expected to fill, lots of duties you’re expected to do. Lots of songs to sing, lots of steps to dance, lots of events to attend. It’s a rollercoaster, one Suisei willingly strapped herself into, that propelled her from stage to stage, concert to concert, venue to venue. This venue in particular, on top of the regular handshake events, boasts a special raffle for every concert that allows special backstage tours and handshake events only for a lucky few.
Now, Suisei’s with her last fan of the night - a woman in her mid-thirties, decked from top to bottom in Sui-chan merch, who’s been struggling to keep it together since minute one. It’s touching, really, but she won’t lie and say that all the blubbering doesn’t make the tour a little awkward.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay. You can do it, you’re good. Just breathe, honey,” she’ll coo, every two minutes or so.
The woman will offer a shaky nod and a trembling smile, breathes deep and keep the tears from flowing, until the next detail sends her into another sobbing fit.
Every good thing must come to an end, and the show must end on a high note. So it’s only natural for the tour to end in the idol’s personal dressing room, and highlighted by the handshake itself. Suisei understands the weight of the moment for a fan, so she waits with a patient smile as the woman heaves heavy breaths after another, clutching her hand close to her chest. Preparing her heart.
Then, it’s time. Standing a comfortable distance from another, Suisei takes the initiative. She holds a hand out, open and inviting, and waits. The woman, slowly, raises her hand, extends it out, pauses for another breath, and finally takes Suisei’s hand in hers. Suisei imagines the handshake must last both an eternity and a split second for the woman, but really, it’s around a minute and a half. The woman withdraws her hand, with a look that says she’s never going to wash that hand ever again for the rest of her life. In a way, she isn’t wrong.
“Being able to shake your hand… oh my god, it’s a dream come true,” the woman whispers, barely audible. Then, as if it suddenly hits her, louder. “This… this is real, right?! This is just- this feels too good to be true!”
Suisei slips a practiced giggle with a perfect smiling mask. “Honey, it’s the realest thing that’ll ever happen to you.”
Suisei ignores the woman’s swooning sigh, and shoots a small nod at the pair of security personnel at the corner of the room, stationed there to make sure of no funny business. They understand her signal, and the pair quickly, quietly, slips out of the dressing room, leaving Suisei alone with her devoted fan.
Time for work.
“You know what? Since you’re our last VIP of the day, I’ll treat you to something special.” Suisei turns her smile devious, conspiratorial, like it’s a secret that can never leave this room.
The woman makes a striking impression of a deer in the headlights. “S-something special?” She makes a noise, and Suisei’s pretty sure the woman just creamed her pants. “O-oh, wow, oh, um. W-what is it?”
“It’s a surprise.” Suisei links her hands behind her and tilts her head to one side. She’s been told that tends to melt people’s hearts. “Close your eyes and turn around for me, okay?”
If the woman didn’t cream her pants before. But she does do as she’s told, spinning on her heels and clamping her sweaty palms over her eyes. Suisei closes in to put her hands on the woman’s shoulders - the woman goes frigid under her fingers - and moves her just a tad to the left, so she’s standing right at the center of the carpet.
“Perfect. Just stay right there.”
Suisei backs away. Slips on the gloves she left on the makeup table. Reaches for the axe hidden behind the vanity mirror. Laments the regrettable waste of her own merch. Breathes.
Swings.
Wrenches the axe free from her bounty’s back. Watches her flop onto the carpet like a wet fish. A dying fish, who never even knew she swam into a barrel.
The bounty sputters. Coughs up spittle mixed with blood. Tries to crawl away. Cute.
“Oh, Chris,” Suisei coos, circling the bounty. “Chris, Chris, Chris.”
“S-S-Sui-chan…?”
Suisei squats down next to the target. Tilts her chin up with the blunt edge of her axe, so they’re seeing eye to eye. “Thought you made a clean getaway, didn’t you? Thought you gave Fuu-tan the slip?” Even on the brink, the name still sparks recognition in her eyes. Sparks fear, realization of what’s happening, and why it’s happening. “Yeah, sorry. Her grip goes a lot deeper than you think. Points for trying, though. ”
Suisei stands up. She’d twirl her axe, play with it if it wouldn’t scatter red droplets all over the room. The carpet is there for a reason.
“Still. A handshake event of your favorite idol. Out of everything, that’s what gets you out of your little rabbit hole.” She giggles, this time unpracticed, a little ugly, real. “It’s a real shame your oshi and the top hitman of the clan head you fucked over just happens to be the same person. Wild coincidence, right?”
The target’s got nothing to say to that. Or maybe she can’t. She is losing a lot of blood. Suisei sighs. Every good thing must come to an end, and the show must end on a high note.
“This is the part where I say this isn’t personal. That I don’t enjoy this, not one bit,” she says, to any part of the target that can still listen. For a moment, the mask slips off, and the world gets to see the grins and giggles underneath. “But mama and papa didn’t raise a liar.”
The target loses strength in her neck, drops her head to the carpet. Like she’s presenting it to Suisei. Suisei shrugs, and raises the axe above her head. Don’t mind if she does.
Red splatters everywhere. Gets on a little bit of everything in the room. The mirror, the desk, her dress - nothing is spared. Suisei winces. So maybe that was a little too much strength than was strictly necessary. Kinda cringe for someone of her caliber.
She decides to leave the axe right where it is, half-lodged in the target’s brain. She sheds away her idol dress completely, sheds anything stained with red, wipes away any splatter that clung to her skin, and slips into a more comfortable everyday ensemble. She dumps the dress on top of the body, dumps the wipes she used, the hairpin, the gloves, the socks, anything that’s got red on it. Figured that might’ve been a wet dream of hers, or something like that.
When Suisei leaves the room, the pair of security personnel are there, waiting for her. She gives them a nod, and they understand, filing past her into the room. The door closes, locks, and now the mess is out of her hands. Time for Fuyu’s girls to do the rest.
Another show by Sui-chan. Another hit by The Comet. With a mask strapped over her face and a scarf curled around her neck, she leaves the venue and slips into the night, into another life as Hoshimachi Suisei.
-
Train’s due in about twenty minutes, the walk to the station should take about five. That should leave her enough time to swing by the corner store, pick up some apple juice for the ride home. Maybe get some frosted donuts while she’s at it, show off how she’s such a good sister. With a little bit of luck, Suisei might even be able to guilt trip a shoulder massage out of her.
Suisei’s first mistake of the night is dragging her feet to watch a camping gear ad a split second too long. The crosswalk light blinks red moments before Suisei can cross, leaving her tapping her foot impatiently, eyes on the neon countdown on display. Cars whizz by, someone honks, someone shouts swears at someone else. A rusted trash bin tips over in an alley close by, spilling out rats and rotting garbage. Something rumbles in the distance - either rain clouds or construction work. Just another fine night out in Hollow City.
“U-um… excuse me?”
Suisei’s second mistake of the night is turning to look.
“Sorry, but are you… Sui-chan?”
Suisei has a protocol when running into fans out in the wild. She’ll try to ignore them, feign ignorance, drive them away if she has to, then leave the scene as soon as possible. No sense in risking her carefully crafted image with a chance, uncontrolled encounter. But damn her heart for skipping a beat. Damn her for instantly getting lost in those curious, questioning, deep blue eyes. Damn her for finding that cute, innocent, pretty face, framed by bangs of white locks, utterly irresistible. She’s going to need a new protocol when the fan in question is an angel like her.
It’s figurative, most times, but the star-shaped halo gently tinkling above her head might make this an exception.
Maybe it’s because of her reaction, maybe it’s thanks to some secret sense mortals aren’t allowed to have, because even with Suisei’s face half-covered, the angel can still exclaim, “Oh gosh… you- you really are Sui-chan!”
Sense hits Suisei like a brick too late. Thankfully, the angel seems to be the rare kind of fan who understands discretion. “Oh, oops, sorry,” she sheepishly whispers through a cringe, and continues as quiet as she can manage. “Um, I’m Kanata! I’m a huge fan of yours!”
And that officially makes sorta crushing on this random girl at first sight her third mistake of the night.
“Thank you so much for continuing to support me. Fans like you are what makes all of my effort worth it,” comes the rehearsed line, followed by a much more candid, “I’m… flattered to hear that an angel likes my work.”
Even after the world turned upside down, beings like angels are still a rare sight. As far as Suisei is aware of, they’re not fond of getting involved with the City. They don’t really leave the Border unless they feel they truly must. She never imagined it’s possible for her music to reach all the way out there, and she’s not entirely sure how to feel about it, but a part of her feels proud at least.
“Yeah, it… really touched me.” The angel - Kanata - doesn’t quite meet her eyes, fingers playing with the hems of her oversized sleeves. “Cheered me up when I’m sad. Helped me get through some rough spots. It… means a lot to me.”
“I…” It’s not the first time this happened - a fan telling Suisei how much her music changed their life - but other times always go by in a flash. And this is coming from an angel, no less. Searching for a stock answer left her tongue-tied, so she, again, answers candidly, baring her heart just a bit more, “Hey, glad it helped. I don’t know what kind of help an angel would need, but I’m happy to hear my music can provide it.”
Kanata laughs, but beneath the rumbling thunder and roar of engines, Suisei barely catches a breathy, “You have no idea.”
Suisei faintly notices the light above her turning green, faintly remembers the train due to leave in fifteen, faintly realizes she should excuse herself now, but the angel still looks like she has something to say. After three mistakes, might as well go for a fourth.
The light is red again by the time Kanata gathered her courage. “This is… this is stepping out of line, I know, but…” She finally meets Suisei’s eyes head on. “Can I… can I shake your hand?”
Suisei held back from rolling her eyes. This is part of why she tries to avoid fans out in the wild. A handshake between an idol and her fan is special. That’s how she makes half her budget back. The rules say she should decline, politely, and point out other, better opportunities to ask for her hand.
But the rules don’t say what to do when the fan is a literal angel.
“Well.” Suisei keeps the coy act for a split second longer. “Just this once. Because you’re cute.”
How can anything bad come out of shaking an angel’s hand?
Kanata’s adorable, beaming face alone makes the decision worth it. She holds out her hand first, so eager she is. Behind her mask, Suisei curls her lips to a lopsided smile, and does the same. When was the last time she followed someone else’s lead? This encounter is just filled with novelties.
The distance closes. Kanata’s hand wraps around hers. And that magical moment stops the world, and erases everyone in it, save for her and the angel. This time, for the first time in a while, the moment is a little magical for Suisei too.
“Oh!” Kanata blinks, snapping back to reality. Their hands are still connected, though. Not that Suisei minds. “I have a friend who’s a huge fan of you too!” She blurts out, then shrinks slightly, tucking a strand of hair behind an ear, fidgeting from one foot to another. “She works nearby. If it’s not too much trouble… can I take you to meet her?”
That snaps Suisei back to the real world. She gives her a gentle look. “Ah, I’m sorry. Afraid I can’t. You’re very nice, but that’s just a bit too much.”
Suisei tries to pull back, but Kanata isn’t letting go, staring at her with those big doe eyes. She sighs. You give them an inch. But maybe it’s her own fault, getting her hopes up. Now she just wants to leave before the memory is completely ruined. “Kanata, you can let go now.”
But she doesn’t. Kanata steps closer, her other hand grabbing onto Suisei’s arm. Hard. “Just for a few minutes! It’s right around the corner!”
“Kan-”
Suisei’s threat dies at the back of her throat, as the angel suddenly squeezes. She can’t even scream, even with her mouth falling open, the pain nearly sending her to her knees. The strength of her grip is inhuman. A little more, and her hand is ruined.
“Please?” Kanata tilts her head, doe eyes sparkling, the pleading smile as innocent as ever. “She’ll kill to meet the Comet herself.”
Then it all clicks. The final piece of a puzzle she doesn’t realize she’s playing falls into place. This isn’t a chance, uncontrolled encounter with a cute, pretty, angel fan of hers. Of course not. The world won’t allow that for her. No. This is about her side-gig
Kanata’s hand loosens, no longer harming, but never lets go. Now it shows, behind that innocent face, a devil in disguise. Suisei straightens herself, glances down at their connected hands, and inhales. Her tone is polite and professional.
“Lead the way.”
-
I saw one fanart of Suisei in a Hitman suit and this idea’s been living rent free in my head ever since.
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