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#support abuse victims!!💖
koreanbibliophilegirl · 2 months
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I suppose I should talk about possible/confirmed plan changes to my WIPs?
(Fair warning: I've mostly calmed down, but I don't want to work myself up again, so I'm gonna be writing in a normal tone. I promise I'm not ignoring or trying to make light of the whole thing! I just don't wanna talk too deeply about it. All the love and support to Shelby Shubble & all victims of abuse!!!💖)
First off, I believe characters are separate from their creators- anyone who continues to create content about c!Wilbur has my support and respect!
(I will most probably continue to consume content related to c!Wilbur as well, though I will tag him as "c!Wilbur" now, rather than "Wilbur Soot"- I've been tagging all dsmp characters only as their corresponding CC's names, mostly out of laziness. For instance, c!Tommy wasn't tagged as "c!Tommy", he was tagged as "TommyInnit". I don't want to change my whole tagging system, but c!Wilbur at least will be tagged as "c!Wilbur" from now on!)
None of my writing was RPF in the first place, it was all about the characters- but I'm not sure if I myself am ready to freely write c!Wilbur or fanfiction!Wilbur stuff yet. Maybe I never will be; idk.
So here are the changes I'll be making!
DSMP Superpower AU: c!Wilbur will stay. I was planning to include all the DSMP characters(The 'mains', at least, I'm not sure about secondary characters yet), and the notion of leaving c!Wilbur out doesn't really appeal to me. So c!Wilbur will still appear here!
Temporal Transcendence: Honestly, at first I thought TT!Wilbur would be irreplaceable, but after some thought, I was surprised to find it might just work! Karl and Niki would play bigger roles than I expected, but it could definitely work. Heck, it might even be better than the original plan! So I think Wilbur will likely be cut from TT.
Oshi No Ko but Happier AU: I'm on the fence about this one. Wilbur's character isn't CRUCIAL crucial, but he's still pretty important. The outline of the plot will look much different if he does indeed end up getting cut out. So I'm gonna mark this WIP as a solid "idk" and just work it out as I go.
Rarepair Royalty AU: I've never talked about this AU. This one is a bit funny, cuz cutting Wilbur's character out actually solves some of the problems I had with the outline! The plot will actually work out better if Secondborn Prince Wilbur didn't exist- so he's definitely cut from this one! I just need to find someone new to pair with Karl. (Probably Seapeekay; I have the currently ongoing MCYT crackship brackets to thank for the ship!)
Lucky Star: Another fic that's never been talked about- this one is my newest WIP! :D I wasn't even sure where I was going to fit Wilbur in- a character called Wilbur never even existed here. Well, he did, but I'd deleted him for plot reasons a while ago and was in the middle of trying to find another slot. (Cyberknife is Techno's dead twin in this WIP btw- he's not a replacement character for Wilbur, the twin was always going to be Cyberknife.)
Tome AU: SBI literally only serves as Tommy's rich and powerful family here- at least, up to where I've fleshed out. Wilbur's only moment in the spotlight is when he argues with Tommy over dinner, bc he doesn't like how Tommy "got stuck" raising baby Shroud with Purpled(who found Shroud in a trash can), & is caught glaring at Purpled. I'll edit him out maybe. Or leave him, he's not a major character after all. idk.
Others(Mostly Bedrock Bros-centric): Honestly, I never could figure out how to write Wilbur's character that well. So 'Wilbur' isn't too big a character in most of these. Will likely cut.
Tom and Bunnypig(Bee and Puppycat AU): You know what, I think I'm going to make this half-baked idea into a proper WIP. Wilbur never existed here either, so yeah.
CONCLUSION: The whole thing is a mess, and I'm sad and mad, as we all are, but I'm gonna stop thinking about how horrible Wilbur Soot is & focus on how brave Shelby Shubble is!
I'm intrigued at what removing a single character did to my plot outlines, and hopefully, this will open a lot of new opportunities in my writing. I'm certainly looking forward to how my writing skills will develop after this.
To everyone who's actually read through this; thank you for reading this whole thing, I know it's kinda long.😅 Have a cookie and a hug, we all need itđŸȘđŸ«‚ Remember to drink water & eat something! All my love💖💖
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cregan-starks · 11 months
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Flames of Deceit
Summary: Aemond and Visenya reunite amidst the Dance of the Dragons.
Words: 13,005
Pairings: Aemond Targaryen x OC, Cregan Stark x OC, Alyn Velaryon x OC
Warnings: canon-typical incest (Aemond and Visenya are cousins, as well as uncle and niece), book and show spoilers, Westerosi geopolitics, mentions of imperialism and slavery, canon-typical violence, war, blood and gore, fire and burning, mass death, mention of amputation, mentions of torture and captivity, mentions and threats of execution and physical harm, mentions of poverty and starvation, parental neglect, food and eating, alcohol and drinking, sexism, victim blaming, slut-shaming, ableist language, explicit language, nudity, smut (vaginal sex in flashbacks), unresolved sexual tension, grief/mourning, trauma, angst, hurt/comfort, survivor guilt, mutual pining, emotional/psychological abuse, verbal abuse, mentions of pregnancy, childbirth, miscarriage, and death in childbirth, mentions of child/infant death, mentions of infidelity. If I missed any warnings, please let me know! Under no circumstances can you copy, plagiarize, steal my work, or post it somewhere else!
Notes: This totally didn’t take me almost 7 months to write. Cregan Stark is the protagonist of Fire & Blood. Rise, Cregan nation. My OC Visenya is Rhaenyra’s and Daemon’s daughter, and Jace’s older twin. Superfecundation, baby. Visenya and Jace are born in 111 AC, not 114 AC. The Battle in the Gullet still occurs in 130 AC, soon after the events of this one-shot. Reblogs and comments are encouraged and immensely appreciated. If this does well, I’ll post a reader version.
Credits: Huge thank you to my betas @maharani-radha-writes 💛 @aereth 💖 and @revolution-starter đŸ©¶, and to @haystack-boy @lavendertales @buttercup--bee @agirllovespancakes and @oloreaa for their constant patience and support. It means a lot, and I’m immensely grateful. Apart from my OC Visenya, all characters belong to George R.R. Martin. Gif by @aemondtargaryensource (x)
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EARLY 130 AC
HARRENHAL, THE RIVERLANDS
          The sheer immensity of Harrenhal had provoked dizziness in Visenya. She had heard the story innumerable times. For four decades, King Harren Hoare had built greedily and obsessively, sacrificing thousands of slaves, and beggaring the riverlands and the Iron Islands. The indestructible construction had been no match for Balerion, whose fire had consumed the tyrant and his sons inside it, ending their line. Most Westerosi believed that the phantoms of the Hoares wandered the castle halls. The fortress is costly to maintain, and it devours its possessors. Qoherys, Harroway, Towers
 All extinct. Whether cursed or not, Harrenhal remained a strategic location – the largest castle in the Seven Kingdoms.
          The current castellan – and Larys Clubfoot’s great-uncle – Ser Simon Strong had recently surrendered Harrenhal to Daemon Targaryen. The presence of Caraxes might have contributed to his hasty decision. Following the victory at the Burning Mill and the subsequent submission of Stone Hedge – terminating Green strength in the riverlands – Queen Rhaenyra’s allies had commenced their gathering at Harrenhal, in accordance with the Prince Consort’s stratagem.
          Visenya had departed Dragonstone on the same night that Daemon had summoned her, having been granted safe passage by the Velaryon ships patrolling the Gullet. At the outbreak of the war, the Sea Snake’s fleet had closed off Blackwater Bay, choking trade to and from the capital.
          As soon as she had dismounted her dragon in the castle yard, she had sensed the eerie ambience that had haunted Harrenhal’s colossal curtain walls and fissured, melted towers. Formidable and dreadful. Harren’s monument and tomb. Blackwing had responded to Caraxes’ fervent shriek with her own, flapping her wings at him. Happy to be reunited.
          Her father had offered her a warm welcome and a tight embrace, had even insisted that she sit on his war council, wherein she had befriended Alysanne Blackwood, whom she had grown quite fond of.
          At last, Visenya had thought, on the morning that Daemon had sent for her. Though she loved him dearly, her father hadn’t invited her there because he had missed his daughter. Visenya had met with Daemon alone, in the Hall of the Hundred Hearths – she had counted thirty-five – grander than the throne room in King’s Landing, the discolored ceiling looming loftily above them. Her father had donned his chain mail over his crimson tunic.
          Does he sleep in that? Or am I the threat?
          ‘Ser Crispin and the Kinslayer are marching on Harrenhal,’ Daemon had informed her, instead of “good morrow”, pressing a rolled parchment into her palm, ‘They mean to join forces with the Lannisters’, at Stoney Sept.’
          Her heart had jolted at the mere mention of his title. Aemond
 At the Usurper’s farce of a coronation that the Hightowers had compelled her to attend – dressed in green – Visenya had kissed him farewell, forsaking any glimmer of hope for a future with him. I have demonstrated where my loyalties lie. I have chosen my family.
          Her lilac eyes had skimmed over the scrawled message on the sheepskin, the wax sigil foreign to her. The White Worm?
          ‘You are strangely poised,’ Visenya had observed, suspicious, studying her father’s amused expression.
          ‘I’ve been waiting for this,’ he had confirmed, smirking wickedly, curling his hand around the hilt of sheathed Dark Sister. Another one of his traps
 and he’s pulling me into it. Daemon had gently cradled her cheek, purring, ‘I have a mission for you, sweetling.’
EARLY 130 AC
STONEY SEPT, THE RIVERLANDS
          Her host had encamped half a day’s ride from the town, with sufficient provisions for a fortnight. The arduous advance and the muddy soil had wearied men and horses alike, so Visenya had relied on the Greens’ tardiness to provide the respite that they had needed.
          Her dragon had brazenly exploited that ploy – napping during the day and hunting at night, increasing the risk of being discovered. Surpassed by Vhagar in age and size, Blackwing had never been ridden before a seven-year-old Visenya had claimed her. They shared a temper, a wildness, and a fierce devotion to each other. My twin in dragon flesh, Jace would jest.
          ‘You have become too spoiled,’ she had reproved, affectionately, tapping Blackwing’s dark scales, heated to the touch.
          The beast had objected, idly, releasing a guttural noise, smoke rising from its nostrils.
          For five days, her scouts had reported nothing of enemy activity. Her anxieties had continued to fester and to gnaw at her. What if I fail? What if I die? I would condemn my people in vain. And Aemond
 What am I to do about him?
          On the sixth day, they had burst into her tent, blurting that the Greens had arrived at Stoney Sept. The maester had quickly dispatched a raven to Prince Daemon, at Harrenhal.
          ‘We attack at dawn,’ Visenya had declared, resolute.
          I’ll do my best, father.
          The fray had been gruesome, stretching for hours upon hours. A thick mist had settled over the Blackwater Rush, impairing visibility. Visenya had been the surprise element, concealing herself to deceive her foes, and striking unexpectedly, in the midst of battle. She had flown on her daunting Blackwing, laying waste to men and reserves indiscriminately, amongst the sounds of steel clashing with steel, shields splintering, arrows whistling, and soldiers screaming as they fought, suffered wounds, and perished. Hundreds of Greens had been engulfed in her dragon’s flames.
          Aemond had been slow to deter the princess. Afraid to face me? Visenya and Blackwing had used the fog to their advantage, climbing higher and higher into the sky – the Kinslayer chasing after them on hoary Vhagar.
          ‘Dracarys!’, she had ordered, and Blackwing had descended on Vhagar, unleashing a cloud of fire that had only incensed the latter.
          The dragons had spun, locked in a vicious struggle of claws and fangs, wings thrashing, until Aemond had suddenly swiveled Vhagar, slamming her into Blackwing. Their deafening roars had pierced the air. The collision had knocked Visenya from her saddle – the searing flames licking at her arm – and had sent her plummeting towards the Blackwater below. Having crashed into the Rush, she had surfaced seconds later, her hefty armor and the river’s currents hindering her endeavors to stay afloat. Visenya had looked up, able to distinguish a faint form lunging at another – the beasts’ screeches reverberating far above.
          Blackwing will not be coming to my rescue.
          Her tribulations hadn’t stopped there. A glimpse at the golden dragon banner of the Pretender, and she had realised that the currents had pushed her in the wrong direction
 too late. She had already been spotted by the scouts on the shore, who had alerted their captain. They had aimed their crossbows at her, waiting for the Blackwater to present her to them on a silver platter. I think not.
          Visenya had bitten into the hand of the man who had dragged her out of the water, then she had tossed him into the Rush.
          ‘Cunt!’, the next attacker had bellowed, charging at her.
          Slowed down by her injuries, her movements had been clumsy. Visenya had ducked under his first blow, stumbling to retain her balance. She had unsheathed her sword to parry his second blow, and had driven her blade through his breastplate. She had slashed a guard’s belly, his entrails spilling out. A soldier’s glove had caught her weapon, yanking it from her grasp. Disoriented by a swift welt to the side of her head, Visenya had been tackled to the ground – the impact rendering her breathless. Two fists had savagely pummeled her face, again and again and again – a massive weight crushing her. She had desperately fumbled for her scabbard, had withdrawn her dagger, and had slit her aggressor’s throat. Hot blood had spurted out, blinding her. She had been hoisted to her feet, her dirk wrenched away. Howling with rage and frustration, Visenya had scratched at the man’s eyes with her nails, had kneed another in the groin, and had torn off an archer’s ear with her teeth.
          Alas, she had been one enfeebled person against all of the odds
 and a dozen Greens. Her apprehension had been inevitable.
          The capture of the commander had prompted the capitulation of her army. Visenya had been delivered to Ser Crispin in chains, covered in blood, dirt, and grass, braids disheveled, dragonscale armor soaked, body aching, left arm throbbing. I will not quail. Those traitors will receive no such satisfaction from me.
          Attired in the white garments of the Kingsguard, Ser Crispin had been the living depiction of virtue and chivalry. Lickspittle. He had immediately discarded courtesy, referring to her as a “bitch in dragon’s clothing.” In retaliation, Visenya had dubbed him a “sheep in sheep’s clothing”, earning herself a cuff across the face from his steeled gauntlet. Blood had flooded her mouth, her cheek stinging sharply.
          Ser Crispin had further commented that her men had been rather committed to her, alluding that she had fucked them to obtain their service. Every woman is an image of the Mother, to be spoken of with reverence.
          ‘It’s not as high of an honor as warming the Dowager Queen’s bed,’ Visenya had admitted, slyly, and had spat on his boots, ‘Hand of the Usurper. Does he wipe his ass with you?’
          Crispin would have hit her again, had the Prince Regent not intervened. Wary, she had surveyed her surroundings for Vhagar – not in evidence. I might wind up her supper.
          ‘Enough, Cole,’ Aemond had interrupted, solemn, causing Visenya to tense, drawing their attention to where he had been standing, imposing, smeared with ashes and smoke, ‘She may be our prisoner, but she is still a princess, and shall be treated as befits her station.’
          Any shred of scorn had abandoned her, ousted by fear and uncertainty. Her father had foreseen this. If you bend, you will break. Remember who you are. She had inhaled deeply, striving to even her respiration. I am the blood of the dragon, daughter of Queen Rhaenyra and Prince Daemon, and heir to the Iron Throne. I will not cringe for them.
          Aemond had instructed the maids to prepare her a bath and a warm meal, and to fetch her dry clothes. Visenya had grinned, baring her bloody teeth at Ser Crispin, as the guards had led her away. She had been escorted along the smoldering ruins of houses, inns, and brothels, trampling charred corpses – mindful of her step. Carrion crows had circled above, the timid sun peeking from grey clouds. The foul, stifling stench had twisted her stomach, tears needling her eyes. Mine and Aemond’s handiwork. Only the sept, the square, and the trout-shaped fountain had remained intact. When dragons flew to war, everything burned, her mother had warned at the Black Council. What have the people of Stoney Sept done to merit this devastation? What power do they have over their lives? We play our grisly game of thrones, and the commonfolk bear the immeasurable cost.
          The encampment had spread interminably – miles of pavilions, armories, forges, stables, latrines, wagons, and baggage trains – crawling with Greens cussing, mocking, and shouting at captives, pages distributing letters, squires polishing armor, honing weapons, feeding, watering, and combing horses, patrols walking to their posts, smiths hammering boisterously, cooks chopping vegetables, skinning rabbits, disemboweling deer, and roasting boars, giggling washerwomen hurrying by, and maesters ministering to the wounded. The turmoil had imbued Visenya’s senses. Mesmerised, she had watched a wailing, writhing man have his leg amputated, until one of her assigned guardians had shoved her forward.
          She had assumed that Blackwing had flown away
 but, having escaped the battle unscathed, and always loyal to a fault, her dragon had landed in the enemy’s camp, razing barracks and roaring ferociously, seeking its rider. After it had mauled the Greens who had attempted to approach it and shackle it, Aemond had begrudgingly permitted Visenya to comfort her feral companion. Blackwing had nuzzled its snout against her, coiling its tail around her, protectively, while Visenya had murmured “lykirī”, caressing its scales – her taut restraints impeding the action. Her chest had constricted agonisingly when the traitors had forcibly separated them. I will return for you, I promise.
          She had been ushered into a vacated chamber, where the maids had obediently unchained her wrists, had removed her armor, had unbraided her hair, and had helped her undress for her bath, evading her glare and her nakedness – scarcely addressing her. What grim tales have they been told about me? Under the ewerers’ supervision, Visenya had washed herself – her uninjured arm vigorously scrubbing her skin with a bar of soap – and had dried off on her own, using cloths and rags. They have taken away my gear. Her indignation dwindling, she had slipped on the plain shirt, brown breeches, pelts, and a pair of flat shoes that they had brought her – tucking her salvaged brooch in her pocket. Is this meant to humble me?
          She had sluggishly eaten her bland yet nourishing food, on a bench, by a candle, goggled at by blushing serving lads.
          Aemond had summoned her to his tent, along with the maesters, who had cleansed her burns, had applied a poultice that had reeked of lavender and vinegar, had bandaged her arm, and had rubbed balms on her cuts, bruises, and split lip. Visenya had endured their ministrations in utter silence, grinding her teeth and clenching her fists. She and Aemond hadn’t exchanged a single word.
          The pavilion had been modest for the Prince Regent, consisting of a firepit, an oaken war table – stripped of its tomes, maps, scrolls, ink, and wax – chairs, rugs, and a featherbed, with books scattered atop it. The colors red and black dominated the tent of a proud and eminent Green, who carried the golden banner of the Pretender. Aemond cannot deny his Targaryen heritage. Had Otto Hightower dyed his locks silver-white and ridden a dragon, he could have sat his ass on the Iron Throne and ruled in his own name. Instead, he urged the King to make my mother his heir, coerced his daughter to seduce him, and installed his grandson on the throne. Puppets upon puppets, plots within plots.
          With the maesters dismissed, Visenya finally had the opportunity to regard Aemond. He hadn’t changed much since she had last seen him, at his brother’s false coronation. In the fire’s light, he had been a sight to behold; the flames illuminating his attractive, distinctive features, his mouth seemingly lodged in a permanent smirk, his eyepatch obscuring his missing eye, his tresses cascading down his back. Aemond had cleaned himself up, shedding his armor – now resting on a rack – for his usual black leather tunic, fastened with a belt that had his sheathed dagger attached to it, and a lengthy coat sewn with fur around the neck. He cast a tall shadow in the pavilion, his posture impeccable. Half dragon, half feline.
          ‘There’s a lack of dresses,’ informs Aemond, obdurately calm, retrieving a flagon of wine and two cups from the servant at the tent’s entrance, ‘And we had to find clothes that would suit you.’
          ‘I gather that there’s some poor stable boy currently running around naked,’ quips Visenya, tugging the pelts around herself.
          Aemond huffs through his nose, amused, and sets one of the goblets on the table, proceeding to fill it with Arbor Red for her. The war evidently hasn’t affected the Usurper’s notorious love of drinking. Lord Redwyne smelled profit, and pledged his support to the Greens, to ensure that their wine supply never dries. An onerous task. The Pretender has ample ambition in that respect.
          ‘Don’t fret,’ assures Aemond, upon heeding Visenya’s skeptical, arched eyebrow, ‘It’s not poisoned.’
          ‘Surely someone spat in it,’ she guesses, convivial, swirling the liquid in her cup.
          Aemond smiles, drinking his wine. Visenya tentatively lifts her goblet to her lips, and sips. Delectable flavors invade her mouth, soothing her nerves – albeit a little. She mulls over her next words
 half carefully.
          ‘I reckoned that you and Ser Crispin would share a pavilion,’ she confides, lewdly, crossing one leg over the other, ‘Though your prides would not fit together.’
          Aemond’s gaze darkens, his mouth subtly pressing into a thin line. His disposition could make Mushroom miserable... and it has.
          ‘You could lose your tongue for such insolence,’ he cautions, sternly.
          ‘What’s new?’, suspires an indifferent Visenya, ‘I can write this down as well.’ She pauses to take a swig, then demands, bluntly, ‘Where is Blackwing? And my men?’
          ‘The dragonkeepers are tending her,’ explains Aemond, irritation in his tone, leaving his empty cup on the table, ‘Your men are being questioned.’
          Good fortune. They know nothing. The laughter and singing outside contradict Aemond’s claim. Drunk on victory. A weakness that she could later exploit. If I could reach Blackwing
 lest they harm her.
          ‘Blackwing was your companion prior to Vhagar,’ she mentions, heatedly, flexing and unflexing her hand, ‘If you touch her–’
          ‘You are in no position to launch threats, Visenya,’ chastises Aemond, coldly, prodding at the logs with a poker, the wood crackling in the fire, ‘Your treatment depends on my good will. As does your fate. You have my word that Blackwing will not be harmed.’
          ‘The word of a kinslayer,’ spits Visenya, venomously, eyes darting to him, ‘If you are under the impression that minor acts of benevolence shall convince me to talk, you are gravely mistaken. You overestimate my family’s trust in me.’
          ‘They trusted you enough to put you in command of an army four thousand strong,’ reminds an earnest Aemond, ‘And you expect me to believe that you have no knowledge of your twin’s whereabouts?’
          I wouldn’t trade Jace for the Iron Throne. ‘We shared a womb, not a brain,’ she corrects, tracing the rim of her goblet with her digits, contemplating refilling it. I need my wits about me. ‘You are wasting your time, nuncle. Mine, too. Fetch your torturers, and be done with all this bother.’
          ‘I will do no such thing,’ he rebuffs, inclining his head.
          ‘You will torture me yourself?’, asks Visenya, feigning innocence, brushing her loose silver-white hair over her shoulders.
          ‘You are being difficult, Visenya,’ he accuses, exasperated.
          ‘What do you intend to do with me?’, she interjects, involuntarily fiddling with her absent rings, ‘Executing me would be unwise. I presume that you will have my dragon killed, and me delivered to King’s Landing, where your usurper of a brother awaits, warming my mother’s rightful seat
 or is he still broken and bedridden, lost in poppy dreams?’
          ‘Mind your tongue, Visenya,’ warns Aemond, louring at her, melting some of her resolve.
          ‘The Clubfoot will probably throw me in a cell and dispatch his floggers to visit me,’ she concludes, scratching her thigh. Stable boy must have had fleas.
          ‘I’m not sending you to King’s Landing,’ announces Aemond, with apparent mirth towards her gesture.
          ‘You will ransom me to my father?’, taunts Visenya, smirking wickedly, ‘He’s the poorest man in the Seven Kingdoms.’ Aemond’s demeanor refutes her insinuation. She continues, all semblance of jest vanishing, ‘You cannot justify keeping me here. Once the Pretender learns about my capture, he will order you to send me to King’s Landing.’
          ‘Aegon does not concern me,’ he grumbles, clasping his hands behind his back.
          ‘Pār ivestragī nyke jikagon,’ she advises, coyly. Aemond hums, musing, a glimmer in his eye that doesn’t indicate outright negation. ‘We are at war, and you allow your feelings to cloud your judgment?’ (Then let me go.)
          ‘Iksi daor rÈł vÄ«lÄ«bāzma,’ argues a mild Aemond. (We are not at war.)
          So, you did not slaughter Luke? That’s a consolation. ‘Iksis bona skoro syt emā daor ossēntan nyke?’, inquires Visenya, masking her anger. (Is that why you have not killed me?)
          ‘Killing you would be as imprudent as freeing you,’ he reasons, purposely oblivious, ‘You are worth more alive than you are dead. You lost a fair battle, you surrendered, and now you are my prisoner.’
          ‘I’ve heard stories about how you and Ser Crispin treat your prisoners,’ she disputes, mordant, ‘And I never yielded. You ride the largest dragon in the world. That’s hardly a fair match.’
          Cole and the Usurper’s forces had sacked the port town of Duskendale, putting the ships at the harbor to the torch, hundreds of men, women, and children to the sword, and beheading Lord Gunthor Darklyn for supporting her mother’s cause. Hundreds more had been massacred at Rook’s Rest, where Lord Staunton, too, had been relieved of his head. Besieged by the Greens, he had barricaded himself inside his castle walls, and had requested assistance from the Blacks. With Prince Daemon at Harrenhal, and Queen Rhaenyra griefsick in the aftermath of her son’s murder, command of the Black Council had passed to the Velaryons. Rhaenyra had forbidden her children from answering their ally’s plea, so Princess Rhaenys had flown to Rook’s Rest instead. She and Meleys had fallen in battle against the Pretender, the Kinslayer, and their dragons. Sunfyre had been rendered flightless, the Usurper had suffered severe burns, and Aemond had assumed the title of Prince Regent – to rule in lieu of his older brother.
          Visenya’s side hadn’t fared any greater. A wroth Sea Snake had blamed Rhaenyra for his wife’s demise. Jace had named him Hand of the Queen, to appease him – a measure that Visenya had commended. Better than Ser Crispin.
          ‘You ambushed us,’ reiterates Aemond, incredulous, ‘We would have presented you with terms, to avoid bloodshed.’
          Oh, please. You don’t believe that. ‘Fuck your terms,’ curses Visenya, waving dismissively, ‘I suppose that being twice a kinslayer would have marred the carcass of your reputation.’
          ‘I spared your life,’ he chides, vaguely baleful.
          ‘A clemency that you did not extend to my brother,’ she sneers, bilious, her nails digging into the table’s surface.
          ‘Half-brother,’ deadpans Aemond, promptly.
          ‘If you had to slay your own kin, personally, I would have picked your dear brother, the Pretender,’ proffers Visenya, honeyed.
          ‘Perhaps you should have killed him,’ he retorts, untroubled, ‘You had your chance.’
          Her family had gone to King’s Landing for the Driftmark petition, where her father had created a ghastly spectacle – publicly beheading Vaemond Velaryon for defaming her mother and her brothers. The Targaryen method of solving quarrels. Viserys himself had sat the throne, and had favored Luke as the heir to Driftmark – adhering to the Sea Snake’s wishes.
          Due to his declining health, the King had been the first to retire during the subsequent supper that they had all attended. Visenya hadn’t been surprised by his condition; she had frequented the capital, unlike her parents and her siblings. The gathering had soon turned disastrous. Jace had invited Helaena to dance with him – offending Aegon and Aemond. She is so sweet. Alicent had been evil to marry her off to that cunting demon. None of them deserve her. Visenya herself had danced with Daeron, grinning the entire time. We had once been engaged... I could have loved him. He would have been a dutiful Prince Consort and a doting father to our children. Aemond had toasted to her Velaryon brothers, referring to them as “strong.” Fighting had erupted betwixt her siblings and her uncles, and her father had intervened to break them apart.
          That evening, her family had sailed for Dragonstone, but Aemond had insisted that she stay in King’s Landing with him. Against her better judgment, Visenya had accepted. She ponders whether it had been a ploy of the Greens to take her hostage, and Aemond had simply played his part. Her grandsire had tragically expired overnight – poisoned by the Hightowers, according to her father. Visenya isn’t so certain. He hadn’t required meddling. He had been rotting for decades.
          On the morrow, the Greens had locked her in her chambers. Visenya had refused to swear obeisance to Aegon – had even spat in his face – and to bow at his false coronation. Blackwing and the Princess Rhaenys had come to her rescue – emerging from underneath the Dragonpit on Meleys. Visenya had mounted her dragon, and had addressed the crowd, her voice clear and fierce, laced with fury.
          “People of King’s Landing! The Hand and the Dowager Queen deceive you. King Viserys named my mother the Princess Rhaenyra heir to the throne. For twenty-four years, the succession remained indisputable and unchanged. Rhaenyra is the rightful and lawful Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. By crowning Aegon, the Hightowers have committed the highest of treasons and have usurped the Iron Throne, violating the King’s will. Aegon shall show you neither kindness nor wisdom. Remember today. Remember that you lived by the mercy of Rhaenys the Queen Who Should Have Been and myself. If the Hightowers do not cease in their treachery and do not bend the knee, I vow to return with fire and blood!”
          Blackwing had roared so intensely that the Conqueror’s crown had been hurled from the Pretender’s head.
          Aemond has the right of it. We could have bathed Aegon in flame, quelled their rebellion then and there.
         On Dragonstone, the news of Viserys’ death and the Hightowers’ betrayal had driven her mother into an early labor. Her father had descended into madness, determined to levy war. Their losses had continuously piled
 and the Seven Kingdoms would bear the cost.
          ‘I am no kinslayer,’ snarls Visenya, slighted by the idea, tearing her gaze away from Aemond.
          ‘I made you a generous offer that would have foiled the war,’ he broaches, the grievous memory still raw for him.
          Oh, how could I have displayed such ingratitude? She wouldn’t describe his proposal to marry him and rule together as “generous.” It had been an odious humiliation. Aegon – who had not wanted the throne, declaring himself “unsuited” – would have embarked upon a ship and departed Westeros permanently. The Iron Throne is not his to relinquish. Visenya knows that Aemond has no love for his father, but asking her to usurp her mother’s throne? An audacious affront. She had vehemently spurned him, and they had traded sour words – their prides injured.
          ‘Our families would have started a war to kill us for it,’ drones Visenya, flatly, ‘And what of my parents? They would have never abided by your
 solution.’
          ‘They have no consideration for your happiness and welfare, yet you still toil in their service,’ observes Aemond, provocatively.
          ‘And you have?!’, she opposes, her fist slamming on the table, ‘You conspired to usurp the throne and slaughtered my brother, the Princess Rhaenys, and their dragons. You are in no position to launch accusations.’
          ‘Even now, you feel compelled to defend them,’ he comments, dejected.
          ‘Lucerys was my blood!’, snaps Visenya, wrathful, standing from her seat and storming up towards him – stopping a couple of feet in front of him.
          ‘As am I!’, booms Aemond, towering over her, ‘And you have never defended me half as much as you did him! He took my eye when I was but ten, and to even that the imp felt entitled, while you gladly dismissed it as an accident and moved on!’
          Outside, Blackwing and Vhagar grow agitated, shrieking and flitting their wings, stirring the wind. It seemed to Visenya that Aemond had often been harsher on her than he had been on Lucerys. He loves me
 or he used to.
          ‘It was an accident,’ she maintains, tamer, ‘We were children. Our parents mishandled everything. I’ve told you numerous times that I profoundly regret what happened to you. It’s the truth. I cannot undo Luke’s actions.’
          It’s been ten years since then, and forgetting the incident has been impossible. Aemond wears the consequences of it on his face, in his daily life. Our unease at the sight of his gash is a small price to pay.
          He had delivered several blows – and had broken Luke’s nose – afore he had been overwhelmed by all five of her siblings, and Lucerys had slashed one of his eyes. Visenya’s absence from the fight had spared her from the interrogation, wherein Rhaenyra had suggested that Aemond be “sharply questioned”, Alicent Hightower had demanded Luke’s eye to compensate for Aemond’s, and Viserys had been eager to abandon his conciliatory obligation. The discord had exposed the personal feud between Rhaenyra and Alicent – their rhetoric diverting from “vile insults were levied against my sons” and “my son has lost an eye” to “duty and sacrifice are trampled under your pretty foot” and “you have been hiding beneath the cloak of your own righteousness.” The Queen had gone so far as to attack the Princess – slitting her arm with the King’s dagger.
          Visenya hadn’t spoken at all – displeasing Aemond and her siblings. To her, matters hadn’t been so absolute. Although Aemond had claimed Vhagar too soon – disrespecting Laena Velaryon’s memory – his assault and maiming had been unwarranted. I love Rhaena dearly, but Vhagar was not stolen. The dragon never belonged to her. Aemond and Vhagar chose each other. Visenya had later communicated her opinions to him, and she had reassured her sister that she would have a dragon.
          The next morning, the Targaryens and the Hightowers had exchanged false courtesies and falser apologies. Her family’s exile to Dragonstone hadn’t prevented Visenya from writing letters to Aemond, Helaena, and Daeron, or from flying on Blackwing to visit them in King’s Landing.
          Alas, the bloody seeds of strife had been sown.
          ‘No, you cannot,’ concurs Aemond, glancing at her lips, ‘No one can. That is why I sought justice for myself.’
          ‘Justice?’, echoes Visenya, disdainful, her glare piercing, ‘Had you had your other eye, you would still be as blind as you are now.’
          Aemond growls, lashing out and grabbing her roughly, their lower bodies pressing together. Visenya glowers at him defiantly, placing her hands on his breast, to preserve some distance betwixt their upper bodies. The effort shoots a jolt of pain along her arm.
          If he meant to scare her, he failed. Aemond would not harm me.
          ‘Hold your tongue, Visenya,’ he exhorts, through gritted teeth.
          ‘Or what?’, she challenges, her face inching closer to his, ‘You will have it removed? You will butcher me as you did my brother?’
          ‘You are brazen, to speak of your half-brother, of my wrongdoings and my crimes,’ berates Aemond, his jaw clenching, ‘What of your family? What of my nephew Jaehaerys?... Iā tresy syt iā tresy. Nyke gÄ«migon Ä«les aƍha kepa.’ (A son for a son. I know it was your father.)
          Aware of what Aemond alluded to, Visenya hesitates, her response withering on her tongue.
          After the tragedy at Storm’s End, a raven from her father had arrived at Dragonstone. An eye for an eye, a son for a son. Lucerys shall be avenged. She had deduced that Daemon had hired the assassins who had executed Prince Jaehaerys – the Usurper’s six-year-old heir – with Alicent, Helaena, and the latter’s other children as witnesses. Visenya had confronted him about his heinous deed at Harrenhal. Undaunted, her father had firmly admonished that the “pious one-eyed flea of a traitor who slobbers over you” had slain her brother.
          In retaliation for Jaehaerys, the Pretender had sent Ser Arryk Cargyll to Dragonstone, to assassinate Jace and Joffrey. The knight had entered the castle in his Kingsguard attire, disguised as his twin Ser Erryk – Queen Rhaenyra’s loyalist – whom he had encountered on his way to the royal apartments. By the conclusion of their duel, the two had mortally wounded one another.
          I owe the Hightowers nothing, least of all my sympathy. Children should not be the target of our ire. How do we differ from the Greens if we perpetrate and perpetuate the same crimes that they do?
          ‘Nyke ēdan daorun naejot gaomagon rĆ«sÄ«r bona,’ clarifies Visenya, sincerely, albeit faintly. (I had nothing to do with that.)
          ‘No, you are merely the spectator,’ scoffs Aemond, haughty, ‘Proudly passing judgment while others bloody their hands. You are passive. Passive in your beliefs, your guilt, your love.’
          Visenya blinks against the tears that prick her eyes, her breath hitched. His cruel and bitter words cut deeply, rooted in years of grievances, enmities, neglect, and abuse. Aemond had once been a sweet, innocent boy – her closest friend, her betrothed. He’s the product of his conditions, his upbringing, and his parents’ influence
 as am I. Both confined in a prison of our parents’ sins. Perhaps we inevitably inherit the burdens of our forebears.
          Though Visenya may not be the sole reason for his resentment, she is present. Aemond hadn’t blamed her for her family’s actions. He condemned her for not loving him enough. That is unfair. I’m not culpable of that.
          A consuming poison has been dribbling inside of her, on the verge of gushing. Visenya has strayed too near to the edge – now wavering, uncertain whether she wishes to tread the line and unravel the truth. That is not why I am here...
          ... but her decision has already been established.
          The truth is important to me.
          Summoning her courage, Visenya reaches behind Aemond’s head to peel off his eyepatch, lifting the veil between them. I need to see him, so that he cannot deceive me. She tosses the item aside, neither shrinking nor averting her gaze. She caresses his face, drinking him in – his scar, the sapphire in his eye socket, the flesh that had healed crookedly. Aemond tenses, watching her intently, his respiration ragged. His grip on her slackens.
          ‘Gƍntan ao ossēnagon zirÈłla kesrio syt hen issa?’, murmurs Visenya, circling his wrists, impeding his retreat. (Did you kill him because of me?)
          At the Black Council, Jace and Luke had offered to act as their mother’s messengers, to acquire support for her claim. The twins had been tasked with the difficult mission – negotiating with the Eyrie, the Three Sisters, White Harbor, and Winterfell. Lady Jeyne Arryn would declare for Rhaenyra if dragonriders defended the Vale. Jace and Visenya had met with Lords Borrell and Sunderland at Sisterton, and at White Harbor, they had arranged for Joffrey to marry Lord Desmond Manderly’s youngest daughter.
          The news of Luke’s death had accosted them in the Vale. Visenya had collapsed in Jace’s arms, wailing as her twin had embraced her tightly. She had agonised over her brother’s demise every night, plagued by what she could have done to save him, weeping into a tumultuous sleep. Visenya had never listened to the rumors and the gossip. Lucerys had been her family, her brother, her blood. I fed him, bathed him, read to him, sparred with him, played with him
 yet I could not protect him from Aemond.
          She possesses little knowledge of what had occurred betwixt Luke and Aemond at Storm’s End. The weather had been atrocious, her brother’s dragon too small to withstand it. In the following days, bits of Arrax’s carcass had washed up on the shore of Shipbreaker’s Bay. Luke had never been recovered. He may have died a dragonrider’s death, but he had died alone and afraid. Had his demise been slow and painful, or swift and painless? Her brother had sworn on the Seven-Pointed Star that he would not fight – merely deliver the Queen’s message. Aemond had taken no such oath. Had Visenya known, she would have held on to Luke and besought him not to go.
          If I had flown to Storm’s End in his stead, Aemond could have slain me, and my brother would still be alive.
          ‘Daor,’ whispers Aemond, at last. (No.)
          Visenya stifles a sob, tears escaping her eyes, dampening his thumbs. She foolishly believed that her grief would wane. His confession barely scrapes the surface. Visenya feels no relief, no closure. Has she been on an erroneous campaign to absolve herself of any responsibility, to alleviate her own conscience, and to forgive Aemond – chasing these ends to the detriment of Luke’s memory? If I wanted to bring justice to my brother, I would have slit his killer’s throat and let him bleed out on the ground.
          When Aemond succumbs and pulls her into him, Visenya doesn’t resist. The buckles of his tunic are cold and rough against her cheek, contrasting the warmth that he radiates. She releases the exhale that she has been withholding. Her greatest flaw rears its hideous head – a flaw that has sown division amongst her family and has rendered her an outcast. Visenya had suffered for her refusal to forsake her friendship with Aemond, enduring disapproving scowls from her parents, mean jests and malicious accusations from her siblings, and a lack of compassion – all serving to remind her of her tenuous position.
          Her proximity to Aemond had even prompted her mother to spurn her as her heir – arguing that he would undermine her as Queen. I cannot have both Aemond and the Iron Throne. I am the eldest child. By all rights, the throne should pass to me.
          Shoving those thoughts away, Visenya clutches his sides, sobs wracking her body. Aemond timidly buries his mouth in her locks, breathing in her scent.
          ‘Daor,’ he repeats, definitively, cradling the back of her head. (No.)
          The remainder of her defenses crumble. Visenya loathes that she errs, that she seeks and welcomes comfort from the man who is the source of her sorrow. With the realm plunged into war after Lucerys’ death, there has been no time to mourn – not for her grandsire Viserys, nor her sister Aemma, nor her brother Luke.
          An unavoidable war. We are Valyrian, and prone to violence. A testament to power corruption. Prior to the blood magic, the dragons, and the conquests, Valyrians had been a peaceful community of shepherds. They had become increasingly tyrannical and ambitious as their power had soared. The peak of our Freehold
 and its ruin. Forewarned about the Doom by Daenys Targaryen’s prophetic dream, her forebears had fled to Dragonstone – a venture that the other, unsuspecting dragonlords had considered cowardice and had ridiculed. We had the last laugh.
          Targaryens have always been stubborn, passionate, fierce. Visenya is no exception. Despite their families’ hopes and despite his crimes, her love for Aemond hasn’t dwindled. Their bond is too strong, their souls and fates entwined. I am the blood of the dragon. Nobody dictates whom I love.
          And love is seldom simple.
          Aemond brushes his lips over her temple, causing her skin to tingle. Visenya lifts her eyes to meet his, and recognises the same ache and longing that lay dormant inside her. Affection blooms in her chest. She could stop this from flourishing, spare them both the misery. As children, they had found solace in each other’s company whenever their families had been the reason for their anguish, so they had promised to never hurt one another.
          A part of Visenya still yearns to love Aemond freely. Must her logic always be at odds with her emotions? The only man that I have ever desired, and I have been deprived of him my entire life. I have never been in control. The forbidden aspect merely furthers the appeal of the dalliance. She wants to surrender to the temptation, repercussions be damned.
          Visenya traces his mouth with her fingertips, reverently, and strokes his face – recommitting it to memory. Aemond leans into her touch, reveling in the gesture, his respiration shallow. The tips of their noses graze against each other. He wipes her tears before his digits fall on the sides of her neck, feeling her quickening pulse under the pads of his fingers. Aemond’s eye gleams with lust, igniting the same blaze within her. She peers at him from underneath her lashes, drowning in the depths of his blue eye. A shiver runs down her spine. Her lips tremble in suspense, the proximity making her dizzy.
          Aemond dips his head to capture her mouth in a tentative kiss. Visenya surges upwards to reciprocate, inhaling sharply through her nose, eyes slipping shut. Their lips mold together, their flame rekindled. His large, calloused hands grip her jaw, to guide her. She splays her hands over his chest, fisting the lapels of his coat, desperate to draw him closer. Visenya parts her lips, granting him entrance, tasting the lingering flavor of the wine that they had shared earlier. A familiar ardor seeps into her belly, immersing her body. Her fire has burned quietly for too long. Now, it has stirred again, emboldened to emerge.
          Aemond sinks his teeth into her bottom lip, splitting it and sucking the blood, famished. Visenya groans, her breath blowing the loose strands of hair that cover his forehead. Her knees weaken, and she grasps his shoulders for support, grateful that he wraps his arm around her middle. Her pelts land on the floor. Aemond steps forward, backing her into the table, and hoists her on it impetuously.
          Aemond kindly adjusts his belt, to remove the dagger betwixt them. The irony isn’t lost on Visenya. She spreads her legs, inviting, allowing him to settle between them. He sprawls over her, caging her in, his heavy weight almost crushing her against the table’s rigid, uncomfortable surface. His silky hair cascades around her head, framing his face, conferring a strange sense of privacy. Visenya peppers delicate pecks over his chin, continuing along his jaw, her digits prodding at his smooth neck.
          She fervidly awaits a kiss that never comes. Aemond hums affably, his arrogant smile shooting to her core. Their breaths mingle, his hands traveling up and down her sides with modest curiosity. Visenya huffs in exasperation, and shifts, ticklish, the heels of her feet digging into his ass. Her thumb catches his lower lip, pressing into it. Aemond holds her gaze, parting his lips enough to engulf her thumb. He swirls his tongue over it afore sucking on it gently. She watches him, captivated, her mouth slightly agape.
          The knot in her belly snaps, her patience having thinned, ousted by resolve. She pushes him off, so she can sit up, impelling him to stand. Aemond obliges without objection. Visenya hooks her fingers in his belt, to bring him nearer, and deftly unbuttons his tunic, revealing his bare chest – inch by inch. She drinks in the sight, caressing his glistening skin. The intolerable heat induces sweat to drip betwixt her breasts and to trickle down her spine.
          She leans in, only for Aemond to jerk his head away and deny her another kiss – the tip of her nose bumping against his cheek. He smirks, conceited, despite his ruddy complexion. Visenya gnashes her teeth, intent on retribution. Straightening her body, and looping her uninjured arm around Aemond, she licks his earlobe and bites it softly, eliciting a growl from him. He squeezes her hips in silent warning, and sneaks a hand under her shirt, to fondle her breast and pinch her nipple until it stiffens. Visenya moans, hushed, her head lolling back into her shoulders.
          Aemond rests his free hand on the base of her throat, his digits winding around it, lips latching onto her exposed neck. Visenya suppresses her whine, the air deserting her lungs. He incessantly strokes her bosom, his teeth abusing the sensitive skin of her neck. She drops her arms – mindful of her wounds – one hand surrounding his wrist, her other fumbling, blindly cupping his hardened member through his breeches. A salacious grunt rolls out of Aemond’s mouth, filling the tent.
          His fingers release her throat to tangle in her tresses, and yank, his hips grinding against hers, creating friction. He withdraws his lips from her, and tugs her hand away, his other hand raking down her abdomen. Her chuckle turns into a gasp as Aemond languidly rubs the wet area between her legs, his breath fanning her face. Visenya relishes in the waves of pleasure enveloping her body, her spine arching, though her soaking cunt clenches around nothing. She heaves her thighs higher, hugging his waist – lest he dare pull away from her.
          A metal item pokes at her thigh.
          My brooch.
          Visenya peels her eyes away from him, scrambling to salvage her composure. Aemond ceases his ministrations. He raises her chin with his thumb and forefinger, coaxing her to look at him. Her heart stutters, her vision bleary beneath his suffocating leer. The clouds in his eye have cleared
 or he conceals them well. Their lips crash in a frantic kiss – her veins aflame, scalding. He swallows her wanton moan, kneading the flesh of her ass. Aemond cannot fool me. A constant tempest festers within him, ravenous for blood and revenge. Visenya would never be able to tame it. Nothing would.
          Numbing remorse smothers her fire. She had forgotten herself and her loyalties. She breaks the kiss, tasting ashes on her tongue. His mouth chases hers, his hand curling around the nape of her neck, to reunite their lips. Aemond bends her back, cradling her against him – the pressure on her shoulder tearing a whimper from her. He lays a tender, apologetic kiss there. Her digits slide into his locks, thwarting him. Visenya stares at the shadows dancing across the ceiling of the pavilion – Aemond’s head pillowed on her breasts.
          What am I doing? Where am I going? With him? Distant limbs envelop her, lips ghosting over her skin. He licks a stripe up the column of her throat and nips at it, nuzzling his nose against her neck. I would never betray my family. I cannot have both Aemond and the Iron Throne. The dream is over. Bury it, and crawl out of this bottomless pit of vipers.
          He has been stretching seconds into minutes, delaying the inevitable, but he cannot stop it. The die has been cast.
          ‘Aemond, wait,’ pants Visenya, her own voice foreign to her, her nails clawing at his back, ‘We cannot. I am–’
          ‘Betrothed?’, deadpans Aemond, cocking his head to peek at her, crimson lips swollen, hair and clothes disheveled, ‘I’m aware. Your half-brother told me, at Storm’s End.’
          Her heart leaps into her throat, yet Visenya falters, preferring to disregard his comment and its implications. If Aemond and Lucerys had exchanged insults – and her brother had mentioned her betrothment – it might have incited the former to attack the latter. A door best left shut.
          ‘Lord Stark is a good man–’
          ‘Have you sunk so low?’, criticises Aemond, reproach etched on his features, ‘You are a Targaryen princess, the blood of Old Valyria. Dragons do not mate with other beasts, and we do not consort with lesser men.’
          Visenya blinks in incredulity, scanning his face for any indication of pretense. He has been collecting dangerous beliefs. Undoubtedly the result of Ser Crispin’s and Alicent Hightower’s influence. King Viserys had been too neglectful to bear any blame in that respect. He’s overly culpable in innumerable other matters.
          ‘If I have sunk low, I do not wish to imagine what hell you wander in,’ she retorts, dour, shoving him away, her lower back pressing against the edge of the table, ‘I do not require lessons on our heritage. Valyria is gone. I do not adhere to the Doctrine of Exceptionalism, nor do I delude myself about our superiority. According to this logic, your Westerosi mother is lesser. Everybody has their history and their pride. The Starks are the blood of the First Men, descendants of Bran the Builder. Cregan is my equal, and I will not bring him dishonor. You once said something similar to me, when we were younger.’
          Visenya purposely omitted that Cregan would have taken additional offence if Aemond – a usurper and a kinslayer – had been her choice of paramour. Following the annulment of her betrothment to Aemond, she had snuck into his bedchamber, and had urged him to claim her maidenhood. It would have compelled our parents to marry us to each other. He had adamantly refused, reiterating that he would dishonor her by doing so. Visenya wonders whether his consent would have changed the tide, whether he rues his decision now
 were he capable of it.
          ‘I remember,’ mutters Aemond, cupping her cheeks, brushing his nose against hers, ‘Yn Ä«lon issi daor riñar dombo.’ (But we are not children anymore.)
          ‘No, we are not,’ she assents, doleful, undeterred by his lingering lips on her forehead, ‘I am a woman grown, my mother’s daughter, and I vowed to marry Cregan. My word is not fickle. A foreign concept to you and your family.’
          She had suggested the match herself, on Dragonstone, prior to hers and her brothers’ departure. Supposing that the Queen’s appeal failed to persuade Lord Stark to pledge the North to their cause, Visenya would offer her hand in marriage.
          The memory of beholding Cregan for the first time still exhilarates her. She had been climbing down from Blackwing while Jace had approached Lord Stark, to greet him. Cloaked in furs, he had been an imperious presence – tall, brawny, handsome, graced with grey eyes, dark, wavy locks that cascaded to his shoulders, and a dense beard. His gaze had frequently drifted towards her. Jace had suavely introduced her, and Cregan had curtsied, addressing her as “princess.” Visenya had answered with “my lord” – her smile timid, her eyes wicked.
          The harsh weather hadn’t spoiled the northern capital’s beauty, magnificent structures, and rich culture. The twins had received a warm welcome at Winterfell, amidst the winter preparations, and Lord Stark had been a most hospitable host, entertaining his guests with drinking, sparring, and hunting trips in the wolfswood. Visenya had mingled with the commonfolk, conversing with them, helping them with their errands, and teaching their children how to read and write. Cregan had often watched her, fondly, from afar. Some servants had been intimidated by her appearance and her station, stammering through their responses. She had instructed them to simply call her “Visenya.”
          Whenever his duties had permitted, Cregan had accompanied her on walks around the castle, to the library, the ancient godswood and its hot springs, and the disturbing crypt that had contained the tombs of the deceased members of House Stark. His direwolf Splinter had ambled after them everywhere. They had discussed history, politics, trade, and their families, and had comforted one another in their grief, as Cregan’s wife had recently perished in childbirth. He had even confessed that Jace had reminded him of the brother that he had lost more than a decade ago. She had met his sweet babe Rickon, whom she had doted on. Cregan had bestowed upon Blackwing the highest distinction, deeming her a “formidable beast” – with his habitual morose disposition. Visenya had become besotted with him, regarding him as virtuous, conscientious, tenacious, and reputable.
          By the end of the twins’ stay in Winterfell, the Pact of Ice and Fire had been formed, whereby Visenya would wed Lord Stark, and the North would side with Queen Rhaenyra. He had forged a direwolf brooch for her, and she had gifted him one of her rings, to wear it as a necklace. Cregan and Jace had sworn an oath of brotherhood, sealed in blood.
          ‘You sold yourself to a wolf pup so that you may rally his army to your mother’s cause, and you boast about honor,’ accuses Aemond, scornful, satisfied that he discerns her imagined act, ‘Twas a different kind of sword that you required.’
          Sold myself? Visenya’s mouth twists downwards, her latent, crude contempt quivering. Blackwing rattles her shackles, screeching viscerally. He views me as property. I paid my price in kindness and youthful promises, so I am constrained into being his property. I have no freedom, no intuition, no capacity for judgment. I am a frail puppet dancing on my family’s strings, dependent on Aemond to rescue me. He would rather I were a fly in his web. What sort of person expects me to fulfil the vows that I uttered as a child?
          ‘Cregan would have honored his late father’s word,’ she contends, smoothing her garments, heedless of Aemond’s eye roaming over her body, ‘Lord Rickon Stark swore an oath in the throne hall, and acknowledged my mother as King Viserys’ heir. All of the Westerosi lords did, great and small.’
          Upon his lord father’s death, Cregan had inherited Winterfell at the age of thirteen, so his uncle Bennard had ruled as regent until his nephew had reached manhood. Bennard’s reluctance to relinquish power had spurred Cregan to imprison him and his three sons. Akin to Queen Rhaenyra’s plight, his kinsman had attempted to supplant him. Lady Jeyne Arryn – Queen Aemma’s cousin – had thrice endured uprisings that had contested her inheritance of the Eyrie.
          A hereditary curse. A woman’s curse. In this world of men, we women must band together.
          ‘Over twenty years have passed since then,’ specifies Aemond, shrugging blithely, ‘Most of those lords are dead, including the wolf pup’s father. Bones are all that is left of them and their vows.’
          Pup. A peculiar term to use for Cregan – a man older than they are. Aemond’s vanity confirms that, to the Greens, King Viserys’ succession amounts to nothing. Their cause is false – founded on quicksand, conspiracy, and murder – and they bury themselves deeper and deeper into an abyss of lies and treachery.
          ‘They represented their Houses and spoke on their behalf,’ corrects Visenya, her shoulders slumping from the sheer absurdity of having to explain this, ‘Enlighten me, nuncle. How does your situation differ from mine? Are you not betrothed to one of Borros Baratheon’s daughters for her father’s troops? Or is it all four daughters? I have heard varied accounts.’
          The illiterate Lord of Storm’s End – another traitor responsible for Luke’s demise. Her brother Joffrey had sworn a terrible oath of vengeance against him and the Kinslayer. The Velaryons had prevented Joff from instantly mounting his dragon Tyraxes to exact revenge. Would I have done the same? He is merely a boy, too young to know such hatred and grief. He and Rhaena are in the Vale, out of harm’s way. Willful Baela remains on Dragonstone, to fight by Jace’s side. Aegon and Viserys, the youngest, are with them. We must ensure their safety, else the war will strip them of their innocence
 and their lives.
          Dragonstone, Harrenhal, Winterfell, the Vale, King’s Landing, Stoney Sept
 My family is divided. If only I could protect them all

          ‘I did what was asked of me,’ defends Aemond, forlorn, resting their foreheads together, ‘I never intended to wed her.’ He adds, his words scattered among hasty, consecutive kisses, ‘We have always agreed that we would marry one another. I have neither forgotten, nor forsaken that. I want you.’
          ‘I thought that we were not children anymore,’ she echoes, shrewd, bending to retrieve her discarded pelts, ‘Our parents annulled our betrothment years ago. You would have us marry without your mother’s blessing? I value my well-being, even if you do not.’
          ‘You are mistaken,’ coos Aemond, holding her hand to his mouth, kissing her knuckles, her palm, her inner wrist, ‘It’s not too late. There’s still a chance for us.’
          Visenya had once shared that sentiment. He lives in the past, clinging to it, misconstruing it. Matters betwixt them would never be the same – a truth that he hasn’t accepted. I would have waited for him... Aemond had usurped the throne and had slain her brother. Now, he hopes to abuse her clemency. What stops him from mistreating her, from hurting her? Why must I always be patient and compassionate? Why must I always forgive and forget? What will I gain from it? Aemond? It’s not enough. His redemption is a prolonged, tedious endeavor that she will not partake in.
          I’m severing my noose.
          ‘A chance?’, snarls Visenya, in conjunction with Blackwing’s shrieks, ‘Is that what you offered my brother when you unleashed Vhagar on him?’ She folds her arms over her chest, her furs caught between them. ‘You have already spilled my blood. I will not present you with a chance to do it again. Aye, I once wanted to marry you. A summer dream of summer children. Winter is coming.’
          Ripping the cord that binds her to Aemond will be excruciating, like slashing a part of herself. He is the thorn lodged in her side, her twin flame, his scent and touch imprinted on her, haunting her asleep and haunting her awake. The only power I wield over him is denying him myself.
          ‘You have returned to threats,’ chides Aemond, buttoning his tunic, visibly irritated by her usage of the House Stark words, ‘Parroting words that are not your own, chirruping tales that others have stuffed your head with, like a little bird.’
          ‘‘Tis not a threat, beloved,’ purrs Visenya, woven with venom, savoring his indignation, ‘It is a fact. The maesters of the Citadel will release the white ravens soon, to announce its arrival.’
          She had witnessed the foreboding signs with her own eyes, at Winterfell – the resplendent snow, the howling winds, the bitter cold. Winter is upon us
 and we are vying for the throne.
          ‘‘Tis also a fact that your wolf pup has a wolf pup of his own,’ jeers Aemond, donning his eyepatch, ‘A son whom he fathered on another wench. A son who will inherit Winterfell and all of its attendant lands, titles, and incomes. A vile indignity, a humiliation, to you and your brood. You would submit to a puny northern savage, as his second wife?’
          Puny northern savage? Innovative.
          “Our children will sit the Iron Throne,” Visenya had told Cregan in the godswood, with the snow floating around them, piling in thick layers on the ground, the trees, and the castle walls. I kissed the snowflakes on his lashes, and they melted on my lips. Her heart flutters at the memory. My sullen wolf. She longs for him more than she can express.
          Would that appease Aemond? Nothing would. He has become spiteful. “Wench.” Lady Arra of House Norrey had been Cregan’s late wife and cherished childhood companion. She had dismally died birthing Rickon. I will not debate Cregan’s family with Aemond, a jealous craven threatened by suckling babes.
          ‘Rickon is an innocent babe,’ reasons Visenya, hugging herself, suddenly feeling naked without her armor, ‘Aye, he is the heir to Winterfell, and no threat to me. I will not set my children against their brother, nor will I encourage them to steal his birthright. I am not your mother.’
          And, oh, how you despise that

          ‘I suppose that you will be no threat to him, either, should you die in childbirth,’ ventures Aemond, elated at the notion, his eye shimmering in the light of the flames, ‘And your wolf pup would be twice widowed.’
          Visenya lashes out, striking him so viciously across the face that his head whips to the side. Blackwing’s mighty roars rumble outside. Aemond doesn’t even blench.
          She had never hit him before. If he is startled or enraged by the assault, he masks it – devoid of any emotion. Visenya quashes the temptation to shout at him, to call him a dog, a pig, a rat. He is beneath these creatures. He has no conscience, and his cruelty is boundless. Her grandmother Queen Aemma and her aunt Laena had both expired in childbed. Her sister had been stillborn. What does Aemond know about the perils and throes of women? Nothing.
          I could flee, go anywhere but here... Her flesh crawls. I’m his captive in so many ways. Briny tears well in her eyes.
          Tears cannot quench dragonfire.
          ‘Do you love the wolf pup?’, challenges Aemond, his demeanor impassable, though she distinguishes a crack in his frigid tone.
          And if I do? You would flay him alive, and force me to watch. The question of Visenya’s suitors continues to be intricate and contentious. The Disputed Lands of Westeros. She had been engaged to Aegon, to Aemond, and to Daeron, and had been courted by Westerosi Houses, Essosi princes, triarchs, archons, nobles, magisters, merchants, and generals. The Red Kraken would have made me his salt wife. Visenya had rejected all of them. Adulterers and drunkards old enough to be my grandsires and fat enough to crush me beneath them.
          Rhaenyra had been sympathetic to her daughter’s predicament; she herself had initially opposed marriage. My mother had been younger than I am when she had birthed me and Jace. Visenya shudders at the thought. Her father hadn’t been concerned, confiding that she could wed out of duty and fuck whomever she pleased. Men always do so. Why shouldn’t I? Her twin had convinced her that she would find a suitable pair, to her liking. Jace had the right of it. I chose Cregan, and he chose me. She touches her brooch through her trousers. I’m assuming control of my life and my future.
          ‘I will,’ declares Visenya, seething, jutting her chin, ‘He is neither a usurper, nor a kinslayer. Cregan is worth a thousand of you, and more.’
          ‘Yet you delay marrying him, and the wolf pup delays assembling his banners and marching,’ admonishes Aemond, his reddened cheek beginning to swell, ‘Perhaps you are not as devoted to each other as you think you are.’
          A surrounded animal, slinging its final, pitiful blows. Her wolf’s motives for not marching had been warranted. He awaits the collection of the harvest, so that he can feed his subjects throughout the winter. The Southrons seal themselves in their castles with their bountiful harvests, whereas the Northerners bear the brunt of the burden – snow, frost, famine, death. Cregan’s obligations lie with his people and his lands.
          As for herself, Visenya prefers to marry him during peace and stability. He could mourn his wife properly, and he would not be widowed again, if I were to
 to

          ‘His Winter Wolves are at the Twins,’ she states, noting Aemond’s mouth twitching, ‘They have joined their forces with the Freys’, and will resume their advance south. They are merely a fraction of the North’s strength. I assure you. Cregan will honor his vow.’
          She had wept upon reading Lord Roderick Dustin’s words to Lady Sabitha Frey. We have come to die for the dragon queen. Cregan had taught Visenya about the Winter Wolves – elderly men who leave their homes in order to conserve supplies for their kin. Grisly custom. Those warriors hope to die for glory and plunder. They will never reunite with their families. Wretched conditions, wretched measures.
          Aemond must have observed a spark in her eyes, heard something amiss in her voice that aroused his suspicion.
          ‘What have you done, Visenya?’, he demands, narrowing his eye, fixing her with a hawkish glare.
          I fucked the wolf pup. And Alyn Velaryon
 Not both at the same time. She had befriended Alyn and his older brother Addam shortly after hers and Jace’s return from Winterfell. Her twin had summoned Targaryen bastards – “dragonseeds” – for the riderless dragons, promising wealth, lands, and knighthood for those triumphant. Addam’s feat of claiming Seasmoke had emboldened the Sea Snake to petition Queen Rhaenyra to legitimise the Hull boys. Conveniently, their mother Marilda had revealed that they had been sired by Ser Laenor Velaryon. And Mushroom is seven feet tall. My stepfather had no interest in women. Lord Corlys had proceeded to name Addam his heir.
          Alyn, however, had been less fortunate. Sheepstealer had bathed his cloak in flames. His brother had doused the fire, saving his life. At least Grey Ghost had vanished. Those had been wild dragons. Alyn is lucky to be alive. Grand Maester Gerardys had tended his burns, and Visenya had changed his bandages thrice a day – delighting in his insolence. The habit had blossomed into clumsy intimacy. She had seldom stayed the night – a decision that hadn’t troubled Alyn. He never judged me. Visenya misses him; his jests, his smile, his company.
          A furious Jace had reprimanded his twin for her recklessness and temerity, arguing that Cregan was a good man, a second chance – everything that she had ever dreamed of. Her involvement with Alyn could compromise their indispensable alliance with the North. Visenya had listened to his warning, remorse slithering around her throat.
          I have been remiss
 but Alyn is only a matter of brevity. I have to tread prudently.
          ‘I do as I please,’ she asserts, the ghost of a smirk tugging at her lips, ‘Do not fret, cousin. Cregan treated me well and was most gentle with me
 the first time.’
          Her admission slices him to the bone. Aemond’s expression sinks, desolation flooding his eye. A child looks at her, into her, agony engraved on his features. Have I been too austere? Spoken too harshly? He had betrayed her trust, had usurped the throne, and had murdered her brother. My sins pale in comparison.
          Aemond recoils, turning away from her, his head lowered. His fists clench at his sides. The table behind her shakes at Vhagar’s menacing growl. Visenya maintains her composure, sheathing herself in steel. I will not cow. I am the blood of the dragon.
          And I will not regret Cregan.
          While she hadn’t lacked for suitors, those men had sought to marry her out of pride and ambition. My Targaryen heritage brings their House closer to the Iron Throne, and my dragon is power.
          She had proposed to Cregan that she would willingly surrender her maidenhood to him, as a token of her intention to wed him. Fighting a war a maiden seems particularly dreadful. Should anything befall her, Cregan wouldn’t feel cheated or insulted – he would have claimed her gift of innocence.
          I lost my innocence long ago.
          Visenya hadn’t abused her station to compel him to lie with her. She wouldn’t have been offended if he hadn’t desired her.
          “I would be,” her wolf had responded, earning a chuckle from her.
          Two nights – and numerous fiery kisses – later, he had accepted her offer. A timorous ardor had washed over Visenya, her heart hammering against her rib cage. Cregan had led her out of the godswood, past the hot springs, the main iron gate with its walls, across the inner yards, into the castle, and up the winding stairs – retreating to his solar, where they had shared half a flagon of wine. He had kindly asked her if she had been nervous.
          No. I am a Targaryen princess, a dragonrider
 and the wine soothed my nerves.
          Their intimate moments had been sweet, passionate, exhilarating. Visenya remembers them so vividly. His large hands cupping her face, disrobing her with deft precision, caressing and fondling every inch of her. His darkened eyes reveling in her figure. Cregan lifting her into his arms as though she weighed nothing, laying her down on the bed. His tongue licking her stiffened nipples, his mouth sucking on her plump breasts. Her fist stroking his leaking cock, guiding him into her heat slowly. Cregan swallowing her soft whine when entering her, the stretch burning deliciously. The overwhelming need to hold him nearer. Wrapping her limbs around him as he vigorously thrust into her, the featherbed engulfing her. The chambers brimming with their moans, gasps, and the lascivious sounds of sweaty skin slapping against sweaty skin. Cregan intertwining their fingers, Cregan driving her to the heights of pleasure, Cregan spilling his seed inside her, blending with her maiden’s blood.
          Slick pools between her legs, and Visenya squeezes her thighs shut, salivating at the memory.
          He had collapsed on top of her, and – at her insistence – had lied there, panting, his face buried in her neck, his beard tickling her. An equally breathless Visenya had threaded her digits through his damp hair, pecking his cheek and his temple. Cregan had rolled off of her, grunting at the effort, and had pulled her into him, allowing her to rest her head on his chest, and to hook her leg over his. Her wolf had attentively inquired whether he had hurt her.
          “Not at all,” she had murmured, demure, draping her arm over him, their combined fluids trickling on her groin, “You have been so good to me.”
          Visenya had drifted off to sleep in his safe embrace, lulled by his heartbeat and his snores. His body had been a hearth underneath the pelts. I am the blood of the dragon, allured by warmth and fire.
          She and Cregan had spent most evenings together – to the dismay of his bed. Days had been dedicated to duties, negotiations, and furtive glances, nights for themselves and for each other; for raw lust, hushed laughter, and the solace that they had been starved of; for their satiation and contentment. Her loins had often ached by the next morning. A good ache.
          Cregan had even taken her in the godswood, under a starry sky, before the heart tree, following their sword sparring. Afterwards, he had suggested that they retire to his solar.
          ‘To sleep?’, questioned Visenya, coyly, tangling their feet together.
          ‘If that is what the princess wants,’ granted her wolf, amiably.
          ‘The princess wants you,’ she mumbled, nestling against him, their clothes and furs providing scant shelter from the cold.
          ‘She has me,’ vouched Cregan, carding his fingers through her locks, ‘All of me.’
          Oh, yes. He has had me in the sight of the old gods, and I have bled for him. Targaryens have always had a grievously deep connection to blood. It’s one of our House’s words. Our forebears used blood magic to bind the winged beasts to them. We cut ourselves and drink each other’s blood in the marriage ceremony. We practice incest to ensure the purity of our bloodline. The blood of Old Valyria, the blood of the dragon. Blood unites, and blood divides.
          Their stealthy meetings might not have been shrouded in such secrecy. Jace had dared to tease Visenya about the marks that he had glimpsed on her throat. She had thrown a snowball at him, hitting him in the nose.
          ‘Locking myself in a castle is more appealing than waging war against my own kin,’ admitted Visenya, in an instance of fragility, atop one of Winterfell’s towers.
          ‘You’re not destined to hide in a castle,’ proponed Cregan, petting Splinter, basking in the sun – reminiscent of their early mornings abed. I would trace the lines of his back, the scars on his chest, admire his naked form as he opened the shutters
 ‘Your hair is akin to the snow around us, your eyes the color of the sunset sky. Why would nature make you so lovely, if not to behold you and to reflect on you? The sun must see you to shine, the moon to glow.’
          Visenya tore her gaze away from him, misty-eyed.
          Her Valyrian appearance had protected her from japes about being a Strong bastard. Is that term so preposterous? My parents hadn’t been married at my birth. I had borne the name Velaryon for a decade. People had viewed her as a Myrish carpet – to be gaped at – and had treated her like a stud-mare, to be bought, owned, and mounted to produce sons – her beauty a mere instrument to that end. Devious motives behind hollow adulation.
          ‘You are gracious, my lord,’ rasped Visenya, flustered, the gossip of the commonfolk below muffling her answer slightly, ‘I am flattered.’
          ‘I have spoken the truth,’ affirmed Cregan, tipping her chin up, coaxing her to peer at him, ‘You are meant to be kissed.’
          ‘By you,’ she assented, his gloved digits wiping her tears, delicately.
          On the day of the dragon twins’ departure from Winterfell, Vermax and Blackwing had been impatient to leave the North and its freezing temperatures. Visenya hadn’t shared their zeal. I’m not a little girl anymore. The winds of winter are rising. There is a war to be fought and won.
          “Come back to me,” her wolf whispered to her, their joined hands concealed in their cloaks and pelts.
          I will.
          Aemond’s subtle movements wrest her to the present.
          We’re at war with the Greens. I’m a prisoner at Stoney Sept, in the Pretender’s camp. My Cregan is leagues away.
          I must not forget my mission.
          Aemond’s insidious posture betrays him, his shoulders on the brink of crumbling under the burden of his pride and envy.
          ‘A dragon rendered a broodmare by a wolf pup,’ he chastises, repulsed, his features drawn into solemn lines, ‘Have you spread your legs for his army, too? I wouldn’t be surprised, given your taste for depravity.’
          Visenya refrains from guffawing, albeit with great difficulty. Oh, may the Crone’s lantern light my path to wisdom, and may the Father judge me justly, and may the Mother show me mercy, for I am a filthy wanton, and Lord Stark does possess a generous
 host.
          ‘I would rather be his broodmare than be your wife,’ she spits, defiant, baring her teeth, ‘The wolf pup is Lord of Winterfell and Warden of the North.’ And you are insufferably obtuse. ‘He and his bannermen will liberate me, should the Winter Wolves and the river lords fail to do so, and should you yourself refuse to release me. Are you so mad that you would oppose the might and wrath of the entire North?
          ‘I have heard enough about your wolf pup,’ announces Aemond, his nostrils flaring, ‘He has dishonored you. Perhaps I ought to march on his bleak castle, after I seize Harrenhal.’
          You ought to dress up in motley. Visenya shifts her weight from one foot to the other, her brow creased. The Hightowers must have abandoned their wits putting him in charge. Aemond is utterly inept. Their Lannister friends will find trouble at the Red Fork, and he will never take Harrenhal from my father.
          ‘Your men are unlikely to survive the muds of the riverlands, whose lords have unanimously declared for my mother,’ argues Visenya, twirling a lock of her hair around her forefinger, ‘I doubt that they will endure the dire conditions of the North
 also pledged to Queen Rhaenyra.’
          ‘I have Vhagar,’ reminds Aemond, his arrogance oozing like pus.
          ‘And what of it?’, she hisses, squinting her eyes, ‘You would torch the North, from the Neck to the Wall, on hoary, old Vhagar? Tens of thousands would perish.’
          Despite rivaling the combined size of the other kingdoms, the North is scarcely populated. Their lives, lands, history, and culture matter all the same.
          ‘Your wolf pup amongst them, if the gods are good,’ drones Aemond, looping his digits through his belt.
          ‘Cregan will die of old age, in my arms,’ corrects Visenya, keeping her furled fists at her sides, lest she strike him again, ‘You cannot vanquish the North. It is too vast and too wild. The Neck is impenetrable, filled with swamps and bogs. Moat Cailin is a choke point, and it has shielded the North from southron invasions for millennia. This is folly, Aemond. It will be your doom.’
          Then why am I trying to dissuade him?
          ‘Or on the contrary, the glory will be mine,’ boasts Aemond, his permanent smirk bolstering his confidence, ‘Those savages might dare to resist me, but in the end, they will pose a minor obstacle. Aegon the Conqueror brought the North to its knees.’
          ‘Because King Torrhen Stark bent the knee after the Field of Fire, to avoid bloodshed,’ objects Visenya, scowling, ‘Do not attempt to revise history. Ours will not redeem you. The kinslayer is accursed in the eyes of gods and men. The lickspittles that buzz around you will never be sincere, so I will bestow the truth upon you. You are cruel, despicable, and you nurse a grievance like a suckling babe. You are not Aegon the Conqueror. You are a prideful fool playing at war.’ You’re not good at it, either. ‘And winter is coming. That is the truth.’
          ‘The truth?’, repeats Aemond, creeping up on her, his eye boring into hers – a predator scenting its prey, ‘What do you know of the truth, Visenya? You lie and deceive and plot with every breath that you draw. You are a traitor to the realm, daughter of traitors, sister of traitors. You chose the Iron Throne over me.’
          You chose for me.
          ‘My mother is the rightful Queen of the Seven Kingdoms,’ she pronounces, her smile ominous, ‘The only traitor here is you, nuncle. You cower from the truth, and you retain it from everyone.’ Visenya tiptoes, and their lips almost touch. ‘You are looking with the wrong eye. Perhaps you will have to close the other to finally see.’
          Aemond cups her face roughly, pressing her against the table.
          ‘Your mother will never sit the Iron Throne,’ he sneers, ‘And neither will you. She still spurns you as her heir, but I vow to pay you the homage that you so desperately crave, and to lavish you with precious gifts – the heads of your family, your betrothed, and your stepson. They shall decorate the spikes of the Red Keep–’
          Visenya swiftly yanks his dagger from his belt. Aemond seizes her wrist too late. The tip of the blade digs at the underside of his chin.
          ‘Enough, Aemond!’, bellows Visenya, and for a moment, she is her ferocious Blackwing incarnate, ‘Are you deaf, as well as blind? You have usurped the throne, murdered my brother, and butchered hundreds of innocents. Your actions have consequences. Heed my words, for the love that you claim to bear me.’ She drags the point of the dirk down to the base of his throat, nicking him. ‘You will not make me an orphan and a widow. You are surrounded by enemies in every direction, and more are gathering as we speak. We have the armies, the fleet, the dragons, and most importantly, the legitimacy. An advantage that you will never have. So, either kill me or let me go, and flee to Essos, because you cannot – you will not – survive what’s coming for you. The choice is yours.’
          Aemond’s malicious eye studies her, a forlorn wall of blue ice.
          The boy I grew up with is gone. Hasn’t Visenya sensed it all along? We are not children anymore. The time has come to accept it.
          When has it all gone so awry, become so twisted? She mourns the boy that she had once shared everything with – a childhood, hopes, dreams. Those died with Lucerys.
          Dreams didn’t make us kings. Dragons did
 and tears cannot quench dragonfire.
          It ends as it had begun, with fire and blood.
          Bloodlines will burn.
          Visenya licks the blood off of the tip of the dagger, spins the weapon, and presents it to Aemond, hilt first.
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cowardz · 1 year
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Can I get some headcanons you have of yandere victim? What he does when stalking his bully, any lovey dovey delusional things he does? He seems really cute! Pls and thank you!! 💖
Thank you so much for your support ^^ I'm glad you like my pathetic little guy.
I think his stalking starts off almost investigative. After he's come to the conclusion that your being held against your will his number one goal becomes freeing you. He starts by following you around school and micro analyzing any interaction between you and your friends. If one nudges you with their elbow then your being physically abused, if someone speaks to you in anything other than a kind voice your being intimidated. He'll take any little thing he can find as evidence of your innocence and their guilt.
Eventually he gets frustrated with what little he can learn during school hours. So he follows you home. He has a thick notebook he carries around full of any information he finds useful to his purpose. Your entire schedule is plotted: the exact moments you meet up with friends to walk to school, when you return home for the night, even your bathroom breaks during class. Every single second you spend away from the other bullies is noted as a potential time to approach you. Not that he would have the confidence to do that for a long while, no.. his rescue plan has to be perfect before he can take any risks. That's why he keeps this notebook, to construct his plan to save you. See, he has good intentions! Even if he occasionally doodles you in the margins, hes been working so hard to keep you safe doesn't he deserve to selfishly bask in your angelic presence...
Speaking off, he worships you almost as if you were a deity. Everything about you is just so angelic and pure in his mind he can't help but want to cling to your legs and repent. In his eyes your the only kind soul on this entire planet, so perfect compared to the scum that surround the both of you. His opinion of you is contradictory in itself, your his god yet your also a lamb in need of of protecting. He'd give you anything you asked for, as long as it didn't challenge his delusions.
In the beginning all he thinks about is getting you away from danger, but as he spends more time watching you he starts to think of what he wants after your saved. Where should he take you on your first date? What kind of clothes do you prefer on a man? Should you have a summer or fall wedding- lets just say he's got a second notebook filled with all sorts of things. Before you even know his last name he's already planned out your entire future together. He just wants to make his soulmate happy that's all :)
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Thank you for directly retorting against all the anti A!A stan stuff. I can only do it vaguely or in a neutral stand point so I don't get hate and dog piled. I just want you to know someone supports you and is on your side. Im a SA and DA victim along with Emotional, Verbal and mental abuse. For 20+ years of my life (I am in my 20s it started sadly at birth) I ascend astarion because it makes me feel good about my trauma it is theraputic to me. I get tired of "Abuse victims" being an arguement against A!A all my friends are victims most of them of the me too movement. and THEY ascend Astarion because it also makes THEM feel good. It feels insulting and invalidating. People are cutting down and hurting OTHER ABUSE VICTIMS over some moral fantasy of how much better S!A. Its hurting a lot of my friends and they are avoiding social media because of it because the hate has gotten so toxic some of them are getting death threats for ascending him or anonymous asks telling them to "get r*ped"
hi anon thank you so much for sending this in, i really appricate your thoughts and i am so sorry thay people have been mistreating you and people you care about over this
its discouraging, and i wish people would get a grip and realize how damaging it is to *real* people to make these sorts of statements over a pretend vampire
anyway, ascended!astarion loves and supports every single survivor of sexual assault, and he always will 💖
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chumpovodir · 4 months
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You got into an argument with a Lenore simp on Reddit who is 100% convinced that she was a perfect angel who loved him from the get-go
My post on Twitter about how Hector should have shown more resentment and Lenore more guilt attracted the attention of three Lenector shippers who started to converse under my thread about how much Lenore "deserved" better (I didn't even attempt to follow their conversation, both because Twitter sucks as a confrontation platform and because where do I even begin)
I guess this week is Lenector Week. Can't say I'm thrilled.
Anyway I love when Hector in the games ran away from his mad Lord who was forcing him into a life he didn't want and then found love in a woman who came to genuinely like him as a person and human being 💖 I love when a victim of abuse finds their hard-earned freedom away from their abuser and they can heal properly 💖 I love when abusers pay for what they've done and are shown as being terrible people 💖 and most importantly, I love the them 💖
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(to be fair, the dudes on my thread were being very civil when they disagreed with each other about some stuff, and sometimes they even said things I agreed with, such as "Isaac didn't deserve that big happy ending after all the shit he did in S3". Always nice to see I'm not the only one who thinks Isaac was too much of a darling babyboy of the narrative. Too mad it always came from the perspective of "if everyone got a sappy happy ending, then Hector and Lenore deserved one too, it's not fair", which I'd say is a childish way to see a story 🙄 and i'm being generous and not calling them out for ignoring lenore's actions. at least one of those people admitted they wanted to see them addressed properly before they could move on. baby steps.)
i wish that person's argument was just that Lenore was a perfect angel who twuwy wuvs Hector. i don't really take issue with people seeing Lenore as more compassionate than how she's presented, there's some stuff in the show that supports that view but i had to draw the line with the way they were very insistently downplaying or even justifying that it's okay Hector was essentially raped because he got a better bargain in the end. the wording "it was for his own good" is especially vile
the sticking point for me is that while, yes, she did manage to secure a better position for him, it still stands the way she went about it was downright heinous - she did not have to do any of that. especially when it was already established that she's supposed to be this master manipulator diplomat who holds all the cards, while Hector is easily manipulated to begin with, and has since the end of S2 been suffering indignity after indignity that no doubt already wore down his spirit. the situation was already so stacked in favor of Hector complying out of his own self-interest, i dont even know why the enslavement ring has to exist, and has to specifically be activated by the wearer declaring their loyalty except as a really roundabout way to justify that sex scene happening. it could've still been a magical ring that binds the wearer to a master, which she then could've tricked Hector into wearing by way of something innocuous like trying to show him they're all equals or something. the point is, the whole situation was set up in a way where she's clearly taking advantage of him, and because they just had to introduce a sexual element to it, people should just call a spade a spade and say she raped him because that's what happened. even if she didn't she was taking advantage of him for her own gain and that should be recognized as being y'know. a bad thing that outweighs any good she got out of it for Hector.
i know that person was probably viewing it super positively as a kink thing they enjoy, but the whole basis of kink is mutual consent which obviously none of that was and was just. so frustrating and lowkey kind of worrying to see someone just. not able to see a horrible, toxic relationship for what it is, just because it wasn't outright abusive.
also ahhhhh Hectaly my beloveds <3 their story is much simpler but do you really need more than that?
sounds like you got the better end of the deal lmao. it seems to me like Lenector shippers are at least willing to acknowledge all the parts of their (hypothetical) relationship, and it would actually be interesting to see how that would develop from such a rocky place. it felt like there should have been an entire extra season between S3-S4 to explore not just this, but the rest of the plotlines properly, and also build up to those happy endings
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lazerinth · 2 months
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#ShubbleSupportSquad
I hate how Wilbur Soot is living rent free in my mind right now. He’s such a manipulative piece of garbage, and the worst part is he KNOWS IT. I’ve been keeping up the with situation (in case it ever died down, bc you know how the internet likes to hop from one thing to the next) ever since Shelby has been brave enough to publicly speak about it.
I’ve been feeling this sense of rage and betrayal. And I genuinely hate myself for ever supporting him and just simply thinking ‘that’s
 weird’ to his visibly, uncomfortably inappropriate behaviours.
My heart goes out to anyone directly affected by Wilbur Soot and his actions, and my heart also goes out to the (former) fans such as myself who feel betrayed.
Having experienced abusers throughout the years and finding out I’ve been accidentally supporting an abuser’s career since 2020 has been, well
 as I’ve already stated, it’s been filling me with unbelievable amounts of betrayal, rage, and guilt.
Ahh, I’m rambling now, damn! Anyway, the biggest take away from this is; Fuck Wilbur Soot! Support Shelby, and support any and all victims of abuse in general!💖💖💖💖!!!
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roamwithahungryheart · 2 years
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I am utterly disgusted at AH supporters who try to say that she couldn't have really abused him because she is a woman and she is younger than him. That shit triggers me to no end, because I am a man and I was abused for over 5 years by a woman who was younger and physically smaller than me. These people do not understand how us, men, feel when a girl attacks us. My ex would punch me, kick me, scratch me, throw heavy things at me, and I would just sit there stunned, because I knew if I hit her back, then I'd been seen as the monster. But I couldn't stop her, cause she would get rabid when she was angry, so I just had to take it. She would beat me up and then laugh about my bruises a few hours later after she'd calm down, saying "Wow, I didn't even knew I could do that much damage!" as if she was proud or impressed of herself. I stayed because I loved her and because she made me believe it wasn't that bad and it was my fault for pissing her off. My entire family knew and treated it as a joke, no one ever encouraged me to leave. They just helped normalise it. It took her putting a knife to my throat and actually making me fear for my life to make me get out of that relationship.
Men who are abused by women are mocked, our abuse is diminished and never taken seriously, and we are manipulated to believe it's not even happening, cause 'she is just a small girl, what can she do to you'. Women can be strong, women can be vicious and women can be abusers. And men don't have some sort of inbuilt shild that makes us unable to feel pain when we are beaten and attacked. I can't believe people still don't understand this!
Justice for Johnny is justice for all of us. I pray to God he wins.
Oh Anon, I'm so glad you managed to get out of that relationship. Reading this actually made me a little emotional as it made me think of the long, difficult journey my family & I had to go on to get my brother out of his relationship.
It truly baffles me that people are so reluctant to even entertain the idea that men can be abused by women. That women have the physical strength and the determination to do that to a man. I'll go to my grave holding a grudge against the woman that abused my brother. That's why it's so important to acknowledge that it does happen, it does carry just as much weight as the case of a female victim. Abuse has no gender, and all victims deserve justice.
If I could give you a hug, I would. Thank you for being brave enough to share this 💖 x
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alrightsnaps · 2 years
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This is probably weird to say but I am so thankful for your blog. As a bisexual woman with anger issues (which I’m getting help for!) it’s been tough going on social media recently because I can so easily imagine myself in a similar situation to Amber and this whole thing is like a massive reminder that if I ever came forward this is how they’d react because I’m not a “good victim”. The real slap in the face was seeing Amber’s bisexuality weaponised against when she allegedly had a threesome with Cara Delevingne and Elon Musk, as if that isn’t the oldest bi stereotype in the book, and people believed it. So to see a blog like yours, consistently defending her and providing sources no matter how horrible the depp stans get, makes me feel a little less lonely, and that if I came forward there might be someone who’d believe me. So yeah, sorry for dumping this on you but you should know the impact you have for people like me <3
So happy to have a bisexual woman in my inbox! sending the warmest wishes your way anon! 💖
This trial has been so tough to watch for so many women (especially DV victims). The public response and unhinged vitriol towards Amber Heard, the insane... I'm still trying to process the fact that this is really happening not 5 years after MeToo. My heart just goes to abused women every time I read all the comments demonizing a woman for using violence against her abuser, because the reactions to this trial have really shed a light on how little support victims will receive from their environment and ultimately encourage them to stay silent. I cannot stress this enough and idgaf about that asshole's stans flooding my inbox: abused women using reactive violence does NOT make them abusers nor does it make their abuser a victim. That's DARVO and it's straight out of an abuser's textbook. The fact that so many women are running with it and trying to turn Depp into some poster child of men abused by women is just disturbing. It makes me feel hopeless for the future because this trial will set a precedent both legally (Marilyn Manson has already filed a defamation lawsuit against Evan Rachel Wood so watch the public rip her to shreds as well in a while) and on a social level.
It solidifies the gaslighting abused women everywhere already suffer. The only good victim is the dead victim. And even then, their abuser will find a way to smear their name.
And the whole thing definitely hits harder if you're a bisexual woman given our demographic's increased risk of intimate partner abuse. The homophobic abuse Amber suffered by Depp during their relationship is sickening enough, seeing so many comments specifically targeting her because of her bisexuality (I've seen some similar comments about Evan Rachel Wood too) and trying to paint her as the abuser of the uwu pure powerful white man who talked about raping and burning her corpse? It makes me sick to my stomach.
I've legitimately never seen people treat actual Hollywood pedos and rapists with half the amount of demented hatred they're directing at Amber and that's a message to women everywhere. MRAs must be having the time of their lives.
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revehae · 2 months
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Hi revehae!
I'm still kind of new to writing, and I'm a little bit confused between "noncon" and "dubcon", and what type of writing falls into which category.
From my understanding noncon is like nonconsensual, and dubcon is like halfish consent ig? Sorry I don't have any better words to explain 😭
So isn't “My Perfect Victim” considered to be dubcon more than noncon? 😭 In the sense that the reader was participating, and actively engaging, but acted otherwise?
Please correct me if I’m wrong, I’m just genuinely trying to figure out which type of writing and scenarios fall into which categories đŸ˜­đŸ™đŸŒ
I genuinely really hope this doesn’t come off as rude or offensive đŸ˜­đŸ™đŸŒ I’m fr really just trying to figure out the differences đŸ˜­đŸ«¶đŸ»
Thank you!! đŸ˜­đŸ«¶đŸ»
ALSO I HOPE YOU HAVE THE GREATEST DAY TODAY!! HUGSS đŸ«‚ AND I LOVE, LOVE YOUR WORK BAE đŸ˜­â­ïžđŸ€žđŸ»â€â™€ïž PLEASE DON’T EVER STOP WRITING, I WOULDN’T BE THE SAME WITHOUT YOU AND YOUR STORIES. đŸ™đŸŒđŸ§ŽđŸ»â€â™€ïžđŸ˜Ș BUT MAKE SURE HEALTH IS ALSO UR #1 PRIORITY DOE!! AND NEVER HESITATE TO TAKE BREAKS đŸ˜­đŸ™đŸŒâ­ïžđŸ«‚đŸ€žđŸ»â€â™€ïž
OKIE BYES đŸ˜­đŸ™đŸŒ
hiiii, the way i see it dubcon is when the consent is more “debatable” or “unclear.” it’s also a term that i think noncon naturally encompasses but they’re used with a bit of nuance nonetheless because of assumptional distinctions. that said, i do think you’re right about TPV being dubcon but i kinda wanted to argue that’s it both
 mainly because if it was from haechan’s point of view, you wouldn’t have the context of the mc’s thought process (which is what makes it dubcon)
i think it’s important to mention that noncon and dubcon aren’t Real things, like in the real world we just call it rape. i tend to think of things realistically so that’s why i labeled it noncon at first but in degenerate fanfic brainrot terms yeah it’s dubcon.
i hope that makes sense! that thin line between noncon and dubcon (two entirely made-up concepts, btw) is dependent upon the circumstances and either way i think most if not all dubcon can really fall under noncon too. but examples of things that are labeled as dubcon through purely fictional context is pressuring someone into having sex aka the “reluctant yes.” it tends to be either that, someone abusing a status of power/authority, or a noncon to dubcon pipeline (but that’s just what immediately comes to mind)
you didn’t come off rude at btw!!!!! please don’t be afraid to ask questions and thank you for the support!!!!! đŸ’–đŸ’–đŸ’–đŸ’–đŸ«¶đŸœđŸ«¶đŸœ
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babyjakes · 1 year
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@starksbabie tagged me in a lil get to know you ask game so here i go!! thanks for the tag my friend 💖💕
get to know eun!
1. are you named after anyone? i don’t know! eun (은) means grace 💖
2. when was the last time you cried? oh i cry all the time lmao. probably last night when i was scrolling tiktok and someone used the kexp version of waiting room as the sound for their sad slideshow 🌝
3. do you have kids? nope! not yet 😌
4. do you use sarcasm a lot? no haha, tbh as someone who struggles to understand when others use sarcasm, i also probably struggle to use it myself correctly so 🌝 i am usually being so serious lol
5. what’s the first thing you notice about people? probably their smile đŸ«¶ or the way their voice sounds
6. what’s your eye color? dark brown, with hints of gold in sunlight
7. scary movies or happy endings? i’m a sucker for happy endings. though gifted is the saddest movie in the world, the happy ending is what really makes me cry the hardest about it.
8. any special talents? idk if they’re special, but i’m very musically inclined (i have been since birth, my accelerated musical abilities were the very first signs of my neurodivergence lol) so i can pick up instruments quickly, i have perfect pitch, etc. i would also like to consider my people skills a talent, one which i’ve worked so hard to develop and that means the world to me
9. where were you born? seoul, south korea đŸ‡°đŸ‡·
10. what are your hobbies? so many! writing obviously, also many forms of art (painting, drawing, collage and scrap book) and music (singing, piano, composition), video games (the sims 4, animal crossing, sometimes a few others), and i love to bake when i can!
11. do you have any pets? yes! a sweet little ginger cat, she’s my whole world đŸ«¶ and a fish!
12. what sports do you play/have you played? i’ve played many sports! my favorites/the ones i did the longest were competitive figure skating and dance 💖 i recently got back into skating!
13. how tall are you? 5’3” 🌝
14. favorite subject in school? music, art, psychology, children’s studies, and english đŸ«¶
15. dream job? i’ve always wanted to be a kindergarten teacher, ever since i was a little girl đŸ„ș but due to it paying an unlivable salary in the us, having horrendous work conditions and support, and also in fear of the widespread gun violence (especially in schools) across the country, i have decided to open myself to other job options. i might become a mental health worker, i would like to do therapy with children potentially, specifically i think it could be rewarding to work with victims of childhood abuse and trauma (which i relate greatly to.) my dream job is to be a musician, but unfortunately i just don’t think it’s an obtainable goal 😔
tagging some buddies to play along if you’d like, no pressure as always đŸ«¶ @nony-bear @upallnite2getbucky @worksby-d @onsunnyside @junipermuses @lilacevans @hansensgirl @sweetlilbambi
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koreanbibliophilegirl · 2 months
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Hey everyone! With everything that's been happening recently, I made a short playlist to sort out my feelings, in a way.
I don't know if this will help others like it did for me, but I wanted to share anyway.
(The songs get louder as the playlist progresses, so be careful please!)
I don't feel up to talking about it in depth, so I probably won't- but yeah.
Support abuse victims always💖
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geneseedraws · 2 years
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My OC Maurice Rogers, before he became a serial killer, 1968💖 And him throughout the years! Each one is from about September of that year (except for 1973 which I specified). His birthday is October 26 so that explains his age I listed at any given time lol
Okay now to delve into Maurice's backstory a bit! Unlike Kenneth, Maurice did NOT have loving parents. They were fairly wealthy, as his father was the assistant director for the local General Motors factory. But his mother was abusive throughout Maurice's childhood, leading up to her throwing him into a glass table when he was 13, giving him his scars. Only a few months later, did both his parents pass away (as to how, it'll be revealed in my novel!). He moved in with his Aunt and Uncle, and they were much more supportive of him. They held onto Maurice's inheritance, and when he graduated high school, he was able to move back into his childhood home, alone.
In 1968 when he was 19, he had his first "serious" girlfriend, Julia. However their relationship only lasted about a month, ending abruptly with Maurice feeling uncomfortable sleeping with a woman. He wouldn't FULLY realize until later, it was because he's gay. Also, he kept his mop-top hairstyle like this all the way up until late 1972 when he decided to grow it out.
In 1971 he killed his first victim. He formed a plan, and more were soon to follow. Then in 1974, his entire life changed when he met the man of his dreams, Kenneth. 💕
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feralgodmothers · 1 year
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I posted 5,207 times in 2022
That's 726 more posts than 2021!
Tagged by: @emmanelson thank you! 💞
Tagging: @stellaluna33, @crystallinee-waters, @hiraeth-doux, @dead--poets, @kronoswheel, @trekkitkat, @a-little-counter-esperanto (I’ve been gone for a few days, so idk who’s already done this. đŸ˜¶ Just ignore it if you’ve already done it/don’t want to do it. And to anyone else who might like to - I tag you too! 💖)
351 posts created (7%)
4,856 posts reblogged (93%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@catherinebronte
@madeline-kahn
@fourorfivemovements
@opheliadae
@victoriapedrcttis
I tagged 5,202 of my posts in 2022
#txt - 1,956 posts
#movies - 583 posts
#quotes - 456 posts
#art - 435 posts
#stuff - 337 posts
#photos - 300 posts
#animals - 287 posts
#video - 236 posts
#anti amber heard - 221 posts
#johnny depp - 201 posts
Longest Tag: 139 characters
#i think fandom discussions start fires + fan the flames so that when people rewatch a show through that new lens they’re watching with bias
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
Okay so I just finished Wednesday. Long story short - I loved it.  (spoilers below)
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Did anyone else get major grooming vibes from the whole Hyde dynamic?  Also, what happens to Tyler now that his master is dead? (I feel very protective of him and I want him to have a happy ending â˜č)
192 notes - Posted November 24, 2022
#4
It’s funny how AH keeps going on about how much “power” Johnny has, and how no one believes her because of his “influence”, when the #MeToo movement took down several public figures who were arguably in a much stronger position. (Weinstein, Spacey, Cosby, etc.)  It took a 6-week televised trial for people to see his side and believe him. And for the majority of that trial, he wasn’t even the one doing the talking!  Lawyers and witnesses were.  It took the long and painstaking process of exposing his whole life to the public/revealing actual evidence to finally get Johnny (the real abuse victim) his support.
But sure, keep banging on about how the whole world is misogynistic and will always side with a man. 
The only “power” Johnny had, was the power of truth, and thankfully - justice prevailed.  
208 notes - Posted June 2, 2022
#3
One more Tyler x Wednesday thought for the day (again, spoilers):
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I think it’s noteworthy how quickly Wednesday jumped to torture when she suspected Tyler.  Before, when she suspected Xavier - she chose the distant route. She snuck around, snooped behind his back, and observed him for a while, trying to build up her case with evidence.  But with Tyler - one vision and it’s torture time. It was impulsive, emotional, and intimate.  If that doesn’t scream ‘best ship for Wednesday’, I don’t know what does.
391 notes - Posted November 25, 2022
#2
“She would have to be the dumbest person in the world to say ‘I’m going to create an abuse hoax the night before going on national television’”
FINALLY, SOMETHING WE CAN AGREE ON
704 notes - Posted May 27, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
Can we talk about when filmmakers make the creative choice to cast the same actor to play a character’s dad as well as the villain?  
Jonathan Hyde in Jumamji 
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and Jason Isaacs in Peter Pan (2003)
See the full post
5,667 notes - Posted April 5, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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bacchicly · 2 years
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below the cut is a bit of info about the things I am considering /researching as part of my writing process for a garvez angry sex scene for those interested. Please see tw in the tags.
Annnnnd now I am googling "safe angry sex" and "good angry sex" and "tips for sex when angry" đŸ˜łđŸ™„đŸ€ŁđŸ’–
Because while I have lots of experience with anger and loud fierce over-dramatic arguments and have been actively been working on improving my anger response and being more aware of when my or someone else's brain is "flooding" (which is usually what leads to giant anger explosions in my life)... So I have done a fair amount of research on anger and anger calming techniques, but...
...I have no experience with angry sex personally (except in my head or as an audience of fictionalized scenes) and as I was writing this next scene where Luke is furious and Penelope is in a rage and they are alone in a hotel room and definately going to choose to have sex and that the anger is going to be fueling not only the passion but shaping their impulses and desires... I realised I had better find out:
a) what the experts say/advise for couples /individuals who are not accustomed to angry sex and/or creative sex play.
b) whether the kink / bdsm communities have any rules or guidelines that guide their members around separating real anger from "play anger" (we've all heard about safe words and such...but I figured the folks in those communities have done some really clear thinking about the topic and likely have some good advice for how to ensure there is consent and how to avoid unwanted pain and hurting).
C) what are the current lines for "forgivable actions"
That last one is something I struggle with and, as folks who have read my stories about Luke and Penelope know, I have written - particularly for Luke - scenes where he is struggling with how to ride out / control his anger and regret over certain actions (for example he wakes up from a nightmare and accidentally hits her and another night he is on the breaking point and is terribly afraid that if he stays near Penelope he might do or say something harmful).
In real life (and remember I am 40 and my mother is on her 60s and my grandparents are dead), my grand parents (with whom I had a very good relationship) definitely behaved towards my mother in ways that would now be classified as abuse, and my mother (with whom I have a very good relationship and who, most of the time, was and is an incredible supporting loving amazing parent) regularly fell into "mindless rages" while I was growing up which included both verbal and physical violence which she regretted and apologized for almost immediately at the time and still feels great shame over, and I as a partner and mom, while I have never ever hit my child (thank god) - I have had the impulse when in a rage and have certainly shouted and cried and said things I didn't mean and had to apologize for to both my husband and my kid.
I remember in highschool talking to a group of friends and somehow we started talking about how most of the group had never been hit by their parents and they were appalled when two of us spoke about what it was like to be hit regularly-ish and why despite this, I at least, did not consider myself abused. Now this was 25 years ago... and remember I was an undiagnosed ADHD kid... an excuse no... a contributing factor for why my mom and I sometimes exploded into crazy dramatic arguments where both of us were flooding? Yes. 100%. Would we have had better access to resources if we were the same people doing the same things now - instead of then? I can almost guarantee it.
This in not to say anyone should put up with violence or abuse - but what I am saying is that I am personally skeptical of the benefit of enforcing zero tolerance policies. I think...at least within current contexts it actually puts victims more at risk. Why?
Well...just based on my own experience as both someone who was hit / screamed but, in my opinion, was not abused and as someone who has struggled with flooding anger...
I have been and still am extremely reticent to talk about these experiences (not only publicly, but privately - including in therapy). I am afraid of getting both myself and my loved ones in trouble or that more emphasis than I feel comfortable with put on these events that frankly I can barely remember? But how does that help improve the problem? How does that help me or others stop these cycles in a long term and meaningful way?
These are some of the things I want to explore responsibly with my writing... I don't think I always achieve it... But I think trying in itself is important.
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thegarveys · 2 years
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Addie I’m genuinely curious as to why you seem to be so clearly in “team amber”? I honestly want to say that I really am in favour of supporting women, but watching the trial makes it so clear she is lying. I know Johnny has also been terrible but amber honestly seems insanely manipulative and abusive. I hope this ask doesn’t come across as rude or anything, that is not my intention at all. 💕💖
dw not coming across as rude at all, i'm gonna link you to some stuff about the case that i feel like explains it better than i could but the gist of it is that when i look at this i see a man who was twenty years older than his wife and incredibly famous and had a history of violence AND she has photo evidence of abuse. all of the supposed evidence proving amber is lying is literally just. the same bullshit that abusers ALWAYS put forward when they're trying to convince people they didn't do it, it's jsut that this case is being publicized and picked over by tiktok sleuths who have never actually been close to an abusive situation and d*pp stans are jumping through hoops to be like "actually the younger woman with bruises, who the man wrote to his friend (FUCK paul bettany he can die) that he wanted to rape and kill, is LYING, SHE was the mastermind" behind it is just. so ugly and awful to me. like there it is 100% proven that d*pp was physically abusive to amber and for the general attitude towards this woman who was absolutely a victim of abuse to be "what a lying evil bitch" is just. so disgusting and upsetting. and i can't really stomach the pseudoscientific analyses of amber's body language as proof that she's lying or using photos of her fucking smiling at her lawyers to prove that she's not traumatized, it's such textbook not believing victims that has been used a million times.
anyway, this is long winded and got a little off track but here are a bunch of facts about the case that make me believe her:
depp's history of sexual violence
depp lying under oath
more history of abuse
and more
also. even if it came out that everything amber said was a lie, which it's not, the absolutely gleeful reaction of people on twitter to believe that a young woman was lying about being abused is so grotesque and so indicative of how much people actually care about abuse victims.
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roamwithahungryheart · 2 years
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I'm terrified
If Johnny Depp loses this with years of evidence and recordings and majority public support and a televised trial with an abuser who literally gets caught perjuring herself every 3.5 minutes on the stand
What chance do I have, with no evidence but my word? What if I finally do something and it doesn't matter because the woman who abused me is pretty and thin and blonde and white, and I am not?
I'm a stranger to you and I don't mean to burden you with this but you're the only person I've seen who seems to understand the core fears that have me and others like me watching this trial.
I understand completely.
This is why no matter the verdict, we must continue to fight for male victims to have a voice. To expand the narrative so that when we say 'believe all victims', we mean all victims.
The burden you carry is one that deserves to be unloaded. If this trial has shown us anything, it's that abuse comes in many forms, as do abusers and their victims. It's planted this thought in the public consciousness, so I have hope that more support will be available. Take heart in the fact that there are people who believe you. There are people who know the truth and are more than willing to help you fight this battle. You're not alone.
Sending love & strength to you, Anon 💖 x
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