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thechekhov · 3 years

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Critical Role Deadblog time.

Yes, it’s true. I’ve done it. I’ve watched all of Critical Role’s first campaign. All 115 episodes, and then some. As a tribute, I may as well dump my thoughts here, for anyone who’s interested in reading them. Spoilers ahead, obviously.

It’s called a deadblog because initially I was going to do a liveblog, but as soon as I announced how excited I was to give it a go, I got about 30 people barging into my askbox going “NOOO, DON’T WATCH CR, WATCH/LISTEN TO THIS OTHER TTRPG REAL PLAY PODCAST INSTEAD, IT’S SO MUCH BETTEEERRRRRR”

Which. Immediately put me in a bad mood, because I did NOT ask for suggestions on what to watch, and out of spite and spite alone I decided to watch CR anyway.

(Yes, it’s petty. I know.)

To make it clear, I am fully aware that Critical Role, despite its popularity, has tons of issues. I noticed them myself, I winced in multiple places, and I’m in general agreement that it’s by no means perfect.

Nevertheless, it was a thoroughly entertaining affair, and I think it stands on its own, and I still really enjoyed watching it.

Instead of doing a complete writeup of the story, I think I’ll do a writeup of the characters - because after all, with a cast full of actors and voice actors, they are an integral part of this experience.

[Description: Image of Keyleth from CR with her short hair whipping behind her, clutching her staff and looking worriedly straight ahead.]

Kind of shocked by the amount of vitriol I’ve seen in the YouTube comments about this character, and all of it just made me like her more. She was definitely the least gritty of the group, but overall, I loved her storyarc. I think Marisha nailed it when she mentioned that overall, Keyleth’s growth has been the most gradual of them all. It was actually really neat, because by the end of the Vecna arc she was making good decisions while still having her bumbling moments which, in my opinion, is a lot more interesting to watch than just ‘perfect, flawless, strategic gameplay’.

I am also really side-eyeing all the people praising Travis for ADHD rep while ignoring the fact that Marisha, who is also clearly a bit distracted with taking notes/discussing stuff with Taliesin gets the short end of the stick when she isn’t paying perfect attention. All of them do it at various points throughout the series, but it all kind of falls on her.

[Description: Image of Percival from CR resting a gun on his shoulder, with clouds of smoke billowing past him as he stares straight ahead.]

He’s definitely a fun one, and I found it hilarious that Taliesin always spoke of Percy more poorly than he played him. Despite always painting Percy as the silent asshole with anger issues, outwardly he was always just a hurt child who was shouldering shit-tons of trauma and poor decisions and doing his best to pretend he wasn’t shaking under the strain. The anime protag here is, obviously, off the charts, and I also appreciated the fact that Taliesin managed to tie in the fact that his invention was always a dark part of his life and something he created out of pain, not ingenuity. The metaphor of the fact that his creations had a tendency to backfire and literally explode in his face was a nice touch.

[Description: Image of Scanlan from CR, smiling but with tears in his eyes, a whirl of magic between his two hands as he looks onward.]

Scanlan, Scanlan, Scanlan... I waited with baited breath for the day that everyone told me would surely come... the day when you would be less annoying.... alas, it never came. I think I’m probably alone in this, but Scanlan’s grating sexual harassment, as much as it faded after his arc, was nevertheless replaced with other grating qualities, such as disregarding the emotional needs of others while making dramatics when it came to his own. Scenes like the penultimate discovery of Kaylee’s body were touching, but tasted burnt when he insisted on continuing his gag of ‘who cares about Vex and Vax’s sister who’s dead, casualties of war, etc’.

I think Sam’s brilliant improv acting drove Scanlan to be far more likable than he would be in anyone else’s hands. The wit and brilliance of his abilities in battle soothed what would be an otherwise grating personality that only Vox Machina could love. Then again, perhaps that’s the point...

[Description: Image of Pike from CR, her hands clasped together and her eyes shut. Two white wings unfurl behind her.]

Shocked how little we saw of her, and genuinely disappointed that we couldn’t have more. I loved Pike’s adorable sunniness contrasted by her more genuine “Aren’t You Tired of Being Nice, Don’t You Just Want to Go Apeshit” streak that sometimes shone through the cracks. I think the arc with her and her family was absolutely brilliant, and she is way more than just a nice ball of heals for the party. I wish we could have had more of her in the games, because I anticipate that her chaotic nature would have brought tons of nuance to the table, and would perhaps even counterbalance Scanlan being an asshat a fair bit.

[Description: Image of Vex from CR in her white dragon hide armor, looking straight ahead as the light shines down on her.]

Ended up loving Vex way more than I anticipated. I think initially I expected her to be simple, vixen-like and shallow, and that’s on me. She was actually quite a complex character, and her constant bickering with her brother helped endear her to me. Not to mention the fact that she managed to tie in her obsession with gold into her and Vax’s struggle to be accepted into elven society. I think her dragging Trinket about is double hilarious, although I admit I kind of shared Scanlan’s frustration with how useless he ended up being. That’s not his fault though.

[Description: Image of Vax from CR, heavily in shade except from the light coming from below, looking grimly ahead.]

Ahhh, the beautiful emo boy.... I honestly didn’t like Vax until later in the series, when he stops moping around and finds a purpose. I think Liam nailed it when he said that, had Vax been accepted by the elves, he would have just become a common foot soldier without much drive to do anything. Vax strikes me as one of those people who need a direction, a leader, or something, which is why I think it’s endearing that he planned to essentially retire to be Keyleth’s guard dog, until fate knocked on their door.

Also, dumbass bisexual, 10/10, absolutely relate to him walking into the bedroom of Lord and Lady Briarwood and immediately falling back on hitting on both of them at the same time in an attempt to cover up for poor decision making.

(In general, I’m of the opinion that Team Half-Elf has maybe half a braincell between them, tops, and Vex has it 90% of the time. Percy has the other half of the braincell. Pike has confiscated both Scanlan and Grog’s only braincells for safekeeping.)

[Description: Image of Grog from CR, grinning and pulling a card from the Deck of Many Things while a dark void opens behind him.]

I’m probably with many people on this train, but Grog is genuinely a delight. I do like how he’s not a good person 50% of the time, and Travis never gives in to the thousands of simps and incel wannabes trying to get him to “admit” that he’s the smartest player. I actually think Travis is genuinely a smart guy, but he never lords it over the others, never takes advantage, and I really appreciated that. The entirety of Grog’s interactions with The Deck is also absolutely bloody brilliant, right down to the last episode. I don’t think there was a better way that could have ended.

And here we are, at the end, and you will perhaps notice that I never gave an answer to perhaps the most obvious question - who was my favorite character?

The answer is... Matthew Mercer.

It’s not a cop-out. I think the guy is an inspirational, story-driven and genuinely kind person I’ve seen in entertainment media for a while. He plays all of his NPCs, even the most hilariously voiced ones with empathy and depth that one would not expect out of most Player Characters. I think I can see how the Mathew Mercer effect took off, and it’s a pity he’s gotten the blunt of the hurt for it. He is clearly invested in the game, in the narrative, and in making his players all feel special and assuring they all have fun while keeping the stakes high.

I also dearly, dearly love Allura, Kima and Gilmore. Here’s some Kima and Allura doodles I did after I heard they got married.

I know the show isn’t The Best Thing Out There... but I enjoyed watching it. It’s given me about half a year of solid entertainment, has given me lots of ideas, and has inspired me into new projects.

I’ll be doing Campaign 2 eventually, once I get through all the one-shots, so keep your spoilers out of my askbox or else. :)

#critical role #critrole #cr1 #critical role 1 #vox machina #critical role vm #chekhov draws cr #chekhov draws critical role #chekhov draws vox machina #doodles

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cankarmawrite · 3 years

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Hey dude, just wanted to say that your writing is amazing and I really enjoyed how you wrote Keyleth in a recent Vexleth prompt. I was hoping you could write something similar with Keyleth getting triggered and/or overstimulated and Vex is the only one who realizes what’s happening. Maybe she gets protective and snaps at the rest of VM to back off and then calms Keyleth down?

Percy had promised Keyleth they would only be staying in the tavern for a short time. Judging by the inebriated state of Grog, they’d been there at least three hours, if not longer.

“Just long enough to get some information from the locals and do some people watching.” He’d said, but Keyleth knew the white-haired man well enough to know when he was lying. Though he was one of her closest friends, Percy was still greedy when it came to things he wanted, even if it meant putting the other party members in tough situations.

If it was any other night, Keyleth might have even enjoyed herself at the tavern, letting the cacophonous sounds of merriment drown out the loudness of her own thoughts and senses. This was not the case tonight, as Keyleth was drained from their fight earlier. She’d been hit by a particularly nasty Chain Lightning spell by the mage they were tracking. The combination of the lingering ache from that and the exhaustion she felt after spending most of her spells during the fight meant she was quickly overwhelmed by the environment of the tavern.

Currently, Keyleth had her hands wrapped tightly around a half-full tankard of ale and her eyes fixed firmly at the bottom of the cup. Looking around the room was out of the question, as there was some music act going on that used flashing lights and bright colors. A particularly loud yell went around the room as the patrons cheered over something she couldn’t see, and Keyleth’s hands immediately clapped over her pointed ears to save herself from the auditory onslaught. None of the other members of Vox Machina seemed to notice how poorly she was doing, a fairly normal occurrence, but that didn’t mean her friends didn’t care.

The druid began to struggle out of the booth she was tucked into when her skin prickled as it had just before being struck with lightning. The task was made more difficult given the stupid dress she’d decided to wear today. It was new, and she’d wanted to wear it out because it swished around her knees so nicely and the silk felt like cool water running over her skin. In her hurry to escape from the oppressive heat, sound, and sights of the tavern Keyleth managed to knock into one of the various tavern patrons with a boney elbow. This of course sent the cup they held and its contents flying for a brief moment before spilling down the front of her dress.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in.

All of her calming and coping techniques went out the window when the well-meaning patron reached out to try and dab some of the ale off of Keyleth’s dress with a handkerchief. Their touch on her already buzzing skin and the shrill sound of their voice was too much to handle. Keyleth knocked their hand away from where it was touching her shoulder, feeling uncontrolled defensive magic sparking at her fingers as she did so.

The only thing that kept her from releasing the spell was a gentle and familiar voice right by her ear.

“Keyleth, darling? Will you take a walk with me?”

Oh, Vex.

Keyleth nodded frantically and squeezed her eyes shut as Vex placed a single hand on the small of her back to guide her through the rowdy crowd and out into the cool night air. The relief of being outside lasted for two seconds before she heard her name being shouted by Vax and Percy.

“Keyleth! Where are you going? We were about to -”

The grounding touch of Vex disappeared for a brief moment as the ranger behind her spun around to berate the two men for being blind to the obvious distressed Keyleth.

“We are going for a walk, alone.” Her eyes narrowed as Percy continued to approach, hands reaching for Keyleth before Vex stepped in between the gunslinger and the girl she loved.

“Did that mage knock all of the sense out of your brain, De Rolo? You told Keyleth we’d only be here a short time, and after the day she’s had…” Vex shook her head and pointed to her twin as well. “And you! Vax did you even notice that you kept knocking into Keyleth at the table? You two should feel like shit because you’ve ignored your friends obvious signs of discomfort the entire night.”

Vex watched her brother and Percy open their mouths multiple times to say something before thinking better of it and dropping their head in shame. She nodded, satisfied with their responses. “Now apologize.”

“Sorry Kiki…” Percy murmured, cheeks turning a brilliant shade of tomato in response to the verbal berating he’d just received. “Um, we’ll meet up with you later?”

“Sorry Kiki…” Vax echoed, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment before tugging at Percy’s arm to drag him back into the chaos of the tavern.

The druid didn’t offer a response to Percy, mainly because Vex had wrapped an arm around her waist and was leading her towards the lush forest at the edge of the small town. For the first few seconds, she enjoyed the weight of Vex’s arm against her body, but as soon as they broke the treeline she was squirming away from the half-elf and pulling frustratedly at the dress that wetly clung to her skin and assailed her with unpleasant sensations.

When she couldn’t seem to work her hands well enough to get the dress off she turned to Vex and just threw herself at the woman, tears flowing freely now as she struggled to breathe through the panic rising in her chest. The motion sent both her and Vex tumbling ungracefully to the ground, but the ranger accepted it and maneuvered their connected bodies so she could clutch Keyleth tightly to her chest.

The steady thud of Vex’s heart beneath her breastbone cut through the electricity sparking in Keyleth’s brain and across her skin. She never pushed Keyleth away, not even when the woman dug her nails just a little too hard into the soft flesh of her bicep.

“Breathe my love. Can you do that for me?”

Keyleth nodded slowly against Vex’s shirt, her shoulders rising and falling in sync with the rhythm of Vex’s breathing over the next few minutes until her shaking had stopped and her body had lost some of its tenseness.

“Good girl. I was really worried for a moment.”

The druid whimpered at that and turned her face up to look at Vex, eyes wide and seeking comfort in the familiar sight of Vex’s deep green eyes that often reminded her of winter evergreens and mossy forest floors.

The gentle brush of Vex’s hand across her back paused momentarily as the ranger fell deep into Keyleth’s trusting eyes and deeper in love with her. The woman on her chest clenched the fabric of her shirt tightly in one fist before surging forward to bury her face in the warm crook of Vex’s neck. She laid there for a few moments, just relishing in the scents of peppery Queen Anne’s Lace and sweet Honeysuckle that followed Vex wherever she went. Keyleth had never fully settled on whether or not it was a perfume, soap, or just Vex’s natural scent, but either way, it was something she rarely allowed herself to appreciate this closely.

The silence stretched on for a few more minutes, the two women just basking in the sounds of the nighttime forest around them before Keyleth stirred and pulled her head back so she could look the dark-haired beauty in the face again.

“Vex?” Keyleth’s voice was still hoarse from all the tears she’d cried, but at least she was able to speak again.

“Yes darling?” She watched the druid held in her arms as she chewed nervously at her bottom lip before wetting those perfect lips and-

“Thank you…”

Vex tried not to let her expression fall when Keyleth thanked her. She’d honestly been hoping Keyleth would kiss her, but that was stupid. Keyleth didn’t like her like that. Didn’t feel the sparks Vex felt every time they touched.

A soft pair of lips brushing across her cheeks pulled the ranger from her miserable thoughts with a start, her hands gripping Keyleth slightly harder as the woman pulled back with a shy expression settling on her beautiful freckled face.

“Can I-”

“Will you-”

The two laughed nervously before their gazes met again and time melted away until all that remained were the stars above and the thundering of two hearts as their lips met tentatively in the most saccharine of first kisses.

Keyleth felt lightning across her skin again, everywhere Vex was touching, but this time she welcomed it.

#critical role writing #critical role #vexleth #first kiss #writing prompt #critical karma #karma writes things #vex'ahlia #keyleth #nd keyleth

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mollymauk-teafleak · 5 years

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Black Coffee (final part)

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

And just like that, it’s over...

I’m genuinely quite sad. I’ve enjoyed writing this so much and I’ve enjoyed hearing what you guys think and I’ve really appreciated all the love and support, particularly from my beta readers @minky-for-short and @spiky-lesbian

If you’ve enjoyed this fic, please let me know! Leave a comment on Ao3, reblog this post or even donate to my ko-fi if you can!

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When the twins were much younger and their world hadn’t yet grown beyond the garden of their mother’s tiny house, they had a ploy whenever they got sick. If one of them were struck down by a cold or a stomach ache or a sore throat- usually the smaller, skinnier, sicklier Vax- the other would insist they were sick too. They would crawl into the bed of the other, scooting up under the blankets to hug their sibling close, and swear blind that they’d caught the germs and had to stay home from school as well.

Their mother would never fall for this, they realised later, she was much too wise to their antics. She just never had the heart to split them up, to come between the love that compelled them to stay home only to hug and comfort and protect their other half. She would just smile and nod and tuck them in tighter, promising to bring her two little elflings water and soup.

Once the door was closed, stories would be whispered under the blankets with shadows up the wall accompanying their words, building fantastical worlds where germs didn’t exist and things didn’t hurt. They’d play games, pretending to be badgers in a den or baby owls in a nest, thinking about the animals they’d see in the forests around their little village. One would read to the other, whatever story book was their favourite. And if things were just too much, they would hold each other and just know that they weren’t alone.

And then that world was taken away from them, picked up in unfamiliar hands that looked a lot like their own and shaken until they were tossed out into somewhere cold and scary. And while around them everything grew, their circle of people they could trust and depend on shrank to just two.

What got them through that time were those times when one of them wouldn’t be able to find the strength to face the day, Vax as he lost sight of who he was and had his own body turn on him or Vex as she felt the walls grow tighter and tighter around her until there was barely room to breathe, and the other would crawl under their blankets and wrap their arms around them. Suddenly, it would all be gone, Syldor, Syngorn, everything.

And they would be small again, staying home from school on a rainy, sniffly day, knowing everything was okay because they had each other.

Just for a moment.

Vex had been at work when Vax had come home in tears but she’d heard it from behind his bedroom door as soon as she walked into the apartment.

Trinket was sat in front of his door, whining and worried, looking at her pleadingly like she could fix this. And Vex realised immediately that she couldn’t.

She’d really wanted it to work out for him. Of course she’d worried, she worried about her brother all the time, but the way he and Percy had looked at each other… she’d hoped.

Anger made her hands shake as she dropped her rucksack on the floor and hurried to the door that was muffling her brother’s sobs. She’d trusted Percy with her brother’s heart. She easily could have pinned him to the wall the multiple, equally awkward times she’d woken up to find him sat drinking coffee on their sofa in one of her brother’s t-shirts and his boxers, she could have got in his face and snarled that if he ever hurt her brother in any way, she’d feather him like a duck.

But she hadn’t, because he’d looked at Vax like he’d hung the moon in the sky and that was exactly what Vax deserved. She’d wanted to believe life was finally going to give him a break.

If she ever saw de Rolo again, she’d break those fusty little glasses under the heel of her boot. And maybe his teeth, depending on how much remorse he showed. There was, after all, every chance that Vax had his own part to play in this all going up in flames.

But for now, her brother needed her. And, come hell or high water, she was always on his team.

The door wasn’t locked, if it had been she would have given him more time. But she took the unbroken click of the handle under her grip as a cry for help and fully intended to answer it.

The curtains were drawn tight, choking off any light in the room at all. It took her a moment of adjustment to make out any movement, to finally see the tremulous shuddering of her brother’s shoulders as he cried into his pillow.

Vex didn’t try and say anything. She just picked her way through the haphazard obstacle course that was her brother’s bedroom floor in the dark, ears picked up high to avoid breaking anything or falling flat on her face. Fortunately, she made it to the bed and, not even hesitating, she crawled under the tangled blankets, bakery uniform, clunky kitchen boots and all.

Vax only seemed to cry harder when he realised what she was doing but he flung himself into her arms, clinging on bitterly. Vex returned the embrace with equal strength, closing her eyes and burying her nose in her brother’s dark hair.

“He…” Vax rasped after a while, “He just…”

“Shh,” Vex murmured, unable to hear her brother struggle for the words and contextualise how he felt, like listening to someone try and walk across broken glass, “It’s okay, don’t worry about it right now. I’m here.”

Vax sounded relieved, dissolving back into soft little hitching breaths, the only things he had at his disposal to explain the storm inside him. Vex racked her brain for stories, songs, anything from when they were kids.

But she got the sense that could wait. The best thing she could be right now was a pair of arms, a stiff polo shirt to cry into and a beating heart against his ear.

The best thing she could be right now was a sister.

Vax’ildan? Percy thought immediately when he heard his phone ring.

Desperate, he snatched it up, heart hammering out a tattoo that was hopeful and terrified in equal measures.

But no, the title that came up was Antler Girl. Trying so hard not to be disappointed that his best friend was calling him, telling himself he needed to hear another person’s voice, Percy accepted the call and held the phone to his ear.

“Perce, what on earth are you doing?”

“Pardon?” Percy asked, his voice very obviously rusty. He hadn’t spoken aloud since Vax had left yesterday afternoon but he’d been doing a lot of crying and it had left him sounding like he’d gargled nails.

“In the nicest way possible, have you lost your mind?”

Percy frowned, eyes burning too much and chest aching too much to puzzle this out, “Keyleth, what…”

“Vax’ildan, Percy. What happened?”

His chest gave a painful twist, “How do you know about that?”

“Vex’ahlia messaged me. Percy, he’s heartbroken, what happened between you two? I thought you were going to tell him?”

“Do you...do you talk to Vex often?”

“Is that really the best you can do to change the topic?”

Percy scowled, “Keyleth, I can’t do this right now, not over the phone.”

“Oh, good. I’m outside your door. Let me in, please?”

Now feeling he was fully justified in being annoyed, Percy staggered out of bed and through the living room that was, after nearly a solid week of neglect, now starting to gather some real dirt and decay, food cartons left to fester on the coffee table and the kitchen counters, dirty clothes thrown over ever piece of furniture.

And a case of the cheapest, nastiest beer he could think of, bought in a moment of weakness but left unopened in the epicentre of his filthy kitchen. He tried to let his eyes slide off that, tried to pretend it wasn’t there.

He unlocked the door, the door that had stayed barred to everyone except the food delivery people. Keyleth was dressed like the kindest, most helpful kind of school librarian, as she always was, with her startlingly red hair piled up on top of her head where it could get snagged in her antlers and face set in a worried frown that Percy suspected she kept on the shelf exclusively for him.

“How can I help you?” he asked in an exasperated exhale.

“Percy, just tell me what happened. We can fix this.”

“Look, we broke up. Is that what you wanted? You wanted to hear me say it? Whatever we were, it’s done now. It’s shit but it happens.”

Keyleth’s frown deepened, moving past Percy into the apartment without an invitation. Not that they were at a point in their friendship where they needed invitations but still, Percy glowered. It was just a day for glowering.

He was glad to have her back to him when she saw the place, so he didn’t have to see the disappointment cross her face, the pity, the panic. But he did get to see her shoulders tense at the sight of the beer, saw her head snap to the recycling bin to scan for empty bottles. She didn’t relax when there was none to be found, it wasn’t like Percy hadn’t gotten good at hiding them from her. He had years of experience in that.

Percy looked down. How many times had they acted out this scene before after he lost his family? How many times had Kiki come to pick him up off the lowest depths of rock bottom?

How many times would she do it before she got sick of him letting her down again and again?

Almost immediately, she moved to the sunken section of his living room and busied herself picking up trash and tossing clothes into just one pile rather than twenty, her magic dissipating a fog of pine scent to chase out the cloying stink of general unwashedness.

“Oh, Keyleth, don’t…” Percy groaned, wondering if it was possible to feel so much guilt that it would actually crush him, “You don’t have to.”

“Then help me,” she shrugged, going into the kitchen to find some trash bags.

Percy stood there awkwardly for a moment, just in a pair of too big sweatpants and nothing else, before sighing and moving to help her.

Neither of them said anything as they slowly but surely got the place into something slightly more habitable, the sofas and counters at least clear of garbage and the curtains open to let some thin light in.

“There,” Kiki eventually declared, dusting her hands off and taking a seat on the leather she’d just magicked to be much less dusty.

Percy came and sank down beside her, having to admit he did feel a little more human now. He’d even found a t-shirt that didn’t reek to cover his top half. “There,” he echoed listlessly.

“Seriously, Perce,” her voice softened and he could feel her eyes on him even though he couldn’t answer her gaze, “What happened? You seemed so excited to tell him…”

“He… he canceled on me,” Percy eventually admitted, getting the strong sense that he wasn’t going to get through this conversation without crying, “He had a date, just like that, clearly it didn’t even cross his mind to think about me. Keyleth, I don’t know what I’d done to blind myself but he’s just… he’s not into me. He’s never going to feel that way about me. And I can’t keep doing the pretending thing knowing that.”

Kiki crossed her legs neatly under herself, tilting her head knowingly, “And I’m guessing you talked about this with him openly and calmly like adults?”

Percy reddened and he sank further down into the expensively plush sofa, “No. I said something stupid. We shouted at each other.”

“I thought so.”

He felt his throat close, “Look, I was always going to fuck this up. It was always going to happen... “

“Percival, do not do this,” her reply was sharper than he’d expected and he jumped a little, “Life is not closing doors on you, you are.”

“Keyleth, it’s pretty fucking loud and clear…”

“Did it ever occur to you in your infinite genius and complete lack of common sense, that maybe Vax went on a date because he has no clue that you are in love with him? And if he was aware, he’d have been going on a date with you? And that you can’t be angry at him for not knowing things that you didn’t tell him?”

“I know that!” Percy’s voice cracked at just the wrong moment as his volume surged and he winced, “Why do you think I’ve been lying in bed hating myself for the past week?”

“Then quit doing that, you know it doesn’t solve anything!” Keyleth threw her hands up, “Go fix your problem! Go talk to Vax!”

“Fine!” Percy yelled, “I’ll do that!”

He suddenly blinked, realising what he’d just agreed to do.

Keyleth smiled sweetly, expectantly, “Want me to help you pick out an outfit?”

“Kiki, I don’t like you.”

“And you love me.”

“Yes, that too.”

It took most of the day but Vex finally coaxed Vax into the shower and was making him a cup of coffee when she heard the knock at the door. Trinket sat up and gave a warning rumble which she always found funny, given that he was the biggest wuss she’d ever had the pleasure of knowing and would never hurt a fly.

Dusting sugar from her fingers, she went and opened the door, a smile lighting up her face when she saw the beautiful, red haired lady who had been occupying a lot of her thoughts and texts since Vax had introduced them. She’d messaged her to tell her about the disaster their mutual brothers had created but she hadn’t expected her to come over. Not until their date next Saturday at least.

“Keyleth! What a lovely surprise-”

That was when she saw Percy awkwardly shuffling his feet next to her. And her face dropped into something resembling a storm cloud.

“Fuck you, de Rolo,” she said flatly.

To his credit, Percy nodded and bit his lip, “Yeah, I deserve that.”

“You sure as hell do,” Vex scanned him up and down, calculating a way to knock him to the floor and take his glasses, “Glad we agree.”

“Vex’ahlia,” Keyleth stepped smartly between them, clearly sensing the thoughts behind her dark eyes, “Do you think the boys could have a conversation? Maybe sort this out?”

Vex shifted, trying not to let how bright the druid’s eyes were and how those freckles dusted her nose so perfectly distract her from her righteous sibling anger, “I don’t know if that’s what Vax wants right now…”

“Could you ask him? Please? I promise, if he says no, we’ll leave.”

Percy has to leave, Vex thought to herself, you can stay as long as you want, my dear.

Was she fraternising with the enemy here? She couldn’t decide. Damn, this was confusing.

Trinket chose that moment to somehow turn to liquid and slide around his mama’s legs, bounding up to Percy and whining happily. To Vex’s surprise, Percy found a smile and hugged her dog earnestly, cooing to him and ruffling his ears in just the right way, suddenly so different from his usual, stiff, formal self.

Vex hesitated, her anger suddenly having nowhere to go, it’s clear, connected path from her fist to Percy’s face swept away in an instant. Keyleth caught her eyes for a second, reading her expression in an instant and smiling softly. A smile that said there was still hope.

And, as angry as she’d been, Vex still wanted to believe the chance for her brother to be happy was still there.

“I’ll ask him,” she murmured eventually, disappearing back into the apartment.

Vax was sitting at the kitchen table, holding his mug of coffee in both hands, looking small and young in an oversized dark t-shirt and shorts, his hair wet and straggly.

“He’s here isn’t he?” he asked quietly, not looking up from his mug.

“Just say the word, Scrawny, and I’ll throw him out,” Vex murmured, moving to stand behind him, putting her hands on his shoulders.

Vax exhaled softly, “Is it insane that I want to see him? I mean… half of me does.”

“It’s not insane,” Vex bent and kissed the top of his head, “It sounds about right for what you’re going through.”

Vax exhaled for a very long time, still not raising his eyes. He always took his coffee without milk, black as night, bitter enough to scorch the taste buds of anyone normal. She’d always found that funny, in much the same way Trinket trying to growl like a guard dog was. Vax always seemed so harsh and bitter on the outside, an affect he’d cultivated carefully, turning it into armour over the course of his life. But inside, all he’d ever wanted was to be loved, to be liked, to just be able to be himself.

And, fuck, he deserved that.

“I’ll talk to him,” he eventually said, “What have I got to lose, right?”

Vex smiled gently, “Lots. But you’re just that brave.”

“Thanks, Stubby,” that dredged a smile from him.

“I won’t be far,” she promised, “Keyleth and I will be just outside the building and I’ll have my phone on me the whole time.”

Vax tilted his head back then, looking up at her with something like his old spark, “You’re totally into Kiki, aren’t you?”

“Gods, above,” Vex rolled her eyes, though she couldn’t help the relieved smile that flickered to life on her face, “Don’t make me regret all this being nice to you.”

“Can’t have us getting along too much, it feels weird,” Vax shrugged, motioning her towards the door, like he needed her to go before he lost his nerve.

Vex took the hint, squeezing his shoulder one last time before she moved away.

The next person to come through the door was Percy.

Vax was put in mind of the first time he’d ever set eyes on Percy. When he’d walked in looking so poised and calm, tired and lost but taking pains to hide it behind a neat haircut and prim accent, with his red carnation and polished glasses. Vax remembered the first thoughts that had entered his head along with the chiming bell of the cafe door. How he’d thought him a little stiff, a little strange, someone he could grow a fondness for in time.

Now, nearly a full year later, he was openly showing his hurts. He wore them on his face, in the dark circles under his eyes, in the way his hands anxiously, unconsciously wrung each other. There was no more hiding, not after everything they'd been through. Vax took some comfort from that.

And he wondered what Percy was thinking about him.

There was a very long pause, neither of them sure what to say, just looking at each other helplessly like they each wanted the other to save them.

In the same instant, Vax awkwardly began with “Hey…” and Percy blurted out, “I’m so sorry.”

Then suddenly they were smiling, hesitant and shy, but smiling.

“Try again?” Vax hummed.

Percy nodded gratefully, repeating it again with as much sincerity as he could muster, “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry, Vax’ildan.”

Vax swallowed, nudging the chair across from him back with one foot, an invitation to sit. Percy did, sinking down into it.

“You really hurt me, Percy,” Vax rasped, pressing against the wound inside him by thinking about it, “The things you said…they’re not true, I was never using you… ”

Percy’s face crumpled, “I know. I know that, Vax, I swear. I was just… I was angry at myself. I was jealous. I was bitter. None of that is an excuse, I know, it’s all my problem. But I will never forgive myself for lashing out at you, that was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.”

Vax bit his lip, “You were jealous?”

Percy looked down at his hands, “It’s so stupid… I acted like a child. But yes, I… I was jealous. And instead of talking to you about it, I just made things worse. But I’m not just coming here with an apology, I’m coming to you with a promise never to do it again.”

“You were...jealous? That I went on a date?”

Percy seemed caught off guard, “Uh...yeah?”

“Shit,” Vax croaked, “Shaun was right.”

“I’m sorry?”

Vax summoned up all of his courage, everything that had made him brave enough to still want to be happy, and leaned forward, “Percy, do you love me?”

Percy’s eyes brimmed until they shone and in that moment, they looked so fucking beautiful, “Yes. I have for a while and...honestly, it scared me. I didn’t know what to do with it at first. I didn’t see myself as someone who deserved to feel like that, I guess, I just felt like such an idiot…”

“I think I know what you mean,” Vax whispered, starting to smile, “But I love you too. And I trust you. And I want to try this. So what does that make me?”

The tears that had been lingering there finally spilled over and Percy’s eyes became miniature seas, churning and rolling with their own waves, “It makes you the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And I’m never going to stop being amazed that I’m allowed to have you in my life.”

They came together like the movement of the Earth itself, inevitable and with a sense of everything returning to how it was meant to be. They had spent months kissing, holding each other, exploring every part of their bodies together but now, as they did nothing more than slide their arms around each other, it felt so precious and new and exhilarating. It felt like a first time.

All Vax had been looking for was someone who would be nice to him. All Percy had been looking for was a friend.

What they’d found was a future together.

Two years later…

The Blooming Grove was always busy on rainy days. Something about the sweet, honey coloured warmth it’s windows spilled out into the street just beckoned people in, making it seem like the most perfect shelter from any kind of bad weather.

But almost as if fate- or, more likely, Caduceus Clay- had intended it, their table was free. The black, wrought iron table with the delicate glass mosaic pressed into the top, sat right in the window so they could look out and see the sheets of rain coming down and making the grey world even greyer and feel even warmer from the fact that they weren’t out in it.

Percy took a deep breath and straightened the two mugs, one in front of him, one in front of the empty chair across from him, both of them full of coffee that was so thick and black, it looked like ink. Vax’s favourite. Feeling the same, utterly identical stab of panic he’d felt a hundred times since he’d left the house, his hand shot into his pocket.

Yes, it was still there, just as it had been since he placed it there. The circlet of niello engraved silver, a small but perfect diamond held within a set of tiny, intricately engraved wings. He’d made it himself.

It wasn’t a throwing knife. But he hoped it would do the job.

Percy’s eyes snapped to the clock. Vax was late getting back from rehearsal but then, he’d expected that. This was the company’s first production since he’d earned the role of principal dancer and he was giving it everything, working all hours, humming the songs under his breath even in the shower.

And he really had earned it. Percy might have set up the production company but Vax had refused to just be handed the top spot. Finally given the space to do so, he’d simply worked hard and shone. Just as Percy knew he would.

So he’d accounted for lateness. He’d accounted for everything in fact. He wanted this to be perfect.

It had to be perfect…

The sound of the wind and rain suddenly grew stronger as the door opened, just for a moment before it was firmly shut. Percy looked up to see his half elf walking in, shaking rain from his dark hair, brushing it from his jacket.

Vax looked different these days but in very small ways. He stood taller, he smiled wider. He had little creases at the corners of his eyes from smiling so much.

Percy hoped the same changes, the little signs of a life well lived, could be seen on his own face. But he doubted they looked as beautiful as they did on Vax’ildan.

He kept the ring in his grip as he smiled and waved and watched the man he loved light up upon seeing him there.

And Percy realised it didn’t have to be perfect. They had never needed perfect.

They’d only needed each other.

#percildan #perc'ildan #Percy de rolo #vax'ildan #critical role #sugar daddy au #critical role fic #vexleth #cr: percy #cr: vax #cr: trinket #trinket the dog

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araminia16 · 4 years

Text

Slow Growth (C11)

Chapter 10

Their next trip from Zephrah to Whitestone had much more pomp and circumstance since Vex’s home had been completed a week before. She was in the process of decorating as well as monitoring the construction of a workshop for Percy in her home. Smaller, but functional for Tary to use as well. The two of them had a master bedroom with a bath off the side which Keyleth made use of while the siblings caught up and Vex brought him along on a scouting venture with her Grey Hunt.

She spent some time with Percy and they talked more shop about how they would use these warning systems. The orbs he was in the process of crafting to improve communications and how they would market such items to places like Emon and Vasselhiem. Keyleth thought she might be able to do it. She had been getting better at speaking in an official capacity in short bursts when she needed to. After that though she might as well not even function in normal company but she and Percy enjoyed their time until evening. Vax still hadn’t returned and though she wasn’t worried, per say, she was concerned at the late hour and wondered if maybe the two of them went off drinking again without letting her know.

The bath had warm water and was of a modest size. Certainly big enough for two grown people to relax in it with room to spare and she soaked in the space for as long as she thought she should after dinner. From the offshoot room to hers she didn’t bother wearing a towel and instead warmed her skin with a flame to dry. The dressers revealed clothing Keyleth would not normally choose for bed. Things of lace and frills with very little comfort in mind. Mostly in black. Things she might wear if she were trying to impress Vax. She did slip one that looked the most functional on and surprisingly it fit her perfectly but it was best not to dwell on exactly why Vex had stocked the room with these. Keyleth slipped the underwear off and put it back while she searched for a different pair. At the very bottom she found something more akin to what she might wear normally and slipped out a night gown she thought looked nice. With both items in hand she turned and found Vax at the door, dirty and tired looking but his attention seemed rapt on her.

“Hi.” Keyleth waved with her underwear in hand before she realized that she was naked and whirled around to face away from him.

Vax had been staring. He wasn’t sure for how long but he had been unabashedly taking in every inch of flesh he could see from the side of her. She was usually better at spotting him anymore but she must have been distracted. Bright hair wonderfully curled along her shoulders and lithe frame hidden with secrets he wanted to uncover. When she turned from him he took his eyes off of her and glanced over to the side. “Hey. Sorry. I just wanted to let you know I was back. I’m going to go get cleaned up. I didn’t mean to stare. Pretty rude of me.” He hadn’t but he was only mortal with such divine fruit so close by he couldn’t help but gaze after it.

Keyleth stuttered a little while she clutched her clothing close to her, “No. It’s fine. How did it go? You guys were out for a while? Catch anything?”

“Uh. Yeah. Some wolves along the border but I can see you were getting ready for bed. You’ll wait for me?”

She sighed and thumbed the clothing in her hand. This was ridiculous. She had already seen him naked and he had touched her body through her clothing. It was hardly fair. But she was scared of what he might truly think of her when her curves...or lack of them were displayed. If he might decide she wasn’t what he thought and leave her. For a brief moment her heart froze and she couldn’t breathe with the thought. No. That was stupid. He wouldn’t do that. Before she let her mind wander to think about the pros and cons of turning around she did. “Vax.”

He turned back and found her facing him. The clothes in her hands floated to the ground and she stood sort of hunched over as a blush colored along her cheeks. Her teeth began to worry at her lip and she shifted uncomfortably while she watched him watching her but kept her arms down at her sides.

“You can look if you want.” She whispered to him with an uncertain smile.

“Uhhhh.” He blinked once, twice, three times at her while she shifted from foot to foot.

She stepped...shuffled forward closer to him and the light in the room was more than enough to see every feature in bright detail. Not like Vesrah and candlelight. She felt his eyes on her body while her hands twitched as she fought the urge to cover up.

Vax’s expression softened and he walked forward with his gaze not quite on her to pick her nightgown and shook the fabric out before he started to roll it up to fold over her head.

“Wait.” He paused with his hands raised and she couldn’t help the burst of bright warmth that flooded her chest. “I told you to look.”

“No. You said I can look if I want. I do not want to if it makes you uncomfortable. I know how shy you are. It does not bother me.”

“You don’t want to look at me?” Even though she wanted to cover back up there was a voice now that echoed much of her doubts stronger now. He didn’t want to look at her.

“I did not say that. I said that I do not want to look if you are uncomfortable.”

“But. I. I. I’ll be fine. It’s just a lot. We’ve already taken a bath together. It just seems silly to--.” She trailed off and he sighed.

“There is no rush. None at all. I’ve never had the same views on nakedness you have. Your upbringing and mine were different. Are different. Vex and I are not shy people at least not when it comes to the physical. You are and I think that’s adorable and perfect. You don’t need to make yourself comfortable with doing the same thing I have.”

“But I want you to look. I’m not as curvy as Vex or as pretty as a lot of other women we’ve met. I’m tall and lanky and freckled and my breasts are smaller than hers and my feet are weird but--.”

“Your feet are lovely and I can’t get enough of your freckles. There is no comparison so you don’t need to say such things about the woman I love. You are perfect. Not because or in spite of your physical attributes. I love your kindness, and your freedom of spirit, your bravery, your compassion, the way you see the world very differently from us, the way you light up a room whenever you step inside it, the way you are learning how to be you and lead your people, your cleverness, and the way that you love me so fully and completely it takes my breath away whenever I think about it. I do not need to see your body to know these things. I very much appreciated the view I had when I walked in. Make no mistake about that but we don’t need to rush. These things will come when they will and to force them would do neither of us any good, alright?”

Keyleth let him pull the dress over her head as she lifted each arm to follow it. The short night dress fell to just above her knee and billowed a little before it settled. The thin straps did nothing to cover her shoulders or collarbone as normal for her sleeping clothes. Vax leaned in and kissed her soundly and with all the warmth she knew he had for her. “You liked what you saw?” Another whisper and sheepish hopeful look full of uncertainty accompanied by an awkward eyebrow raise.

“Yes.” A chuckle leapt from him at her poor attempt at an eyebrow wiggle. “I liked what I saw. Now I need to get a bath of my own before I really make a mess of my sister’s floor. I won’t be long. Keep the bed warm for me, honey.” She leaned in to kiss him again before he broke off and closed the door to the washroom behind him.

She sighed and rubbed the softer nightgown between her fingers. It was stupid. She picked her underwear off the floor and slipped it over lean legs before she climbed into bed and ducked under the covers.

Vax appeared fresh and clean, gleaming from the bathroom in a fog of steam as he rubbed the towel through his long dark hair and shot Keyleth a disarming smile before he threw the towel back in the bathroom.

“Can I brush your hair?”

“Yeah. Always.”

She sat up and he grabbed the brush to hand it to her before he sat down on the bed and let her groom him with gentle hands and tender touch. The braid neater this time than before as she handed him the brush over his shoulder and he tossed it onto a dresser before he pulled her forward by the wrist. He pressed her palm to his lips then her wrist and over to the back of her hand. “Thank you. I’m sorry I wasn’t back in time to eat with you.”

“It’s fine. Percy and Cassandra were good company. I didn’t mind too much. I missed you though.”

“Me too. And you know, don’t you? You have ever been beautiful to me. Not just in form but in spirit and you would not show me anything I would not already know to be true.”

Keyleth remained silent as she sighed out a breath through her nose. “I know.”

“I’ll also have years to look at you naked.” He grinned and kissed her palm again. “No rush.”

“I liked seeing you naked.” Her cheeky whisper came out in a stutter.

Vax turned then and his grin darkened in a way Keyleth would describe as sexy as she leaned away from him but he rolled his back and pinned her down with a smooth motion onto the bed. “Good.” He claimed her lips in a deep embrace as he sank down to press her into the soft mattress. It was chaste but full of devotion and she stroked down his bare back. Her thighs spread apart and his hips fit into the open cradle they created. It felt right to have him there above her and she wanted to keep him pressed to her body for as long as she breathed. “It would be okay if I fell asleep like this, right?”

“I might need to pee in the night and I don’t want to make a mess out of this really nice bed.”

“True.” He sighed and dragged his body over to the head of the bed and she followed into his open embrace.

“Vasselheim tomorrow, right?”

“Right.” He kissed the top of her head as he told her more about his day with his sister and she with Percy and they drifted off to sleep with hands entwined and her leg thrown over his thigh to press as much of her body as she could along the firm line of his body.

Chapter 12

#Vaxleth #vax'ildan #vax/keyleth #Keyleth #Fanfiction #Critical Role #Vox Machina #rated m #slow burn #Slow Growth

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pagerunner-j · 5 years

Text

So: writing.

I haven’t written any fic in ages. I’ve had ideas bouncing around for a while, but long story short, morale was low. A project came up, though, that sounded like a good excuse to bust one of those concepts out of the closet, and I started tinkering around with it this week to see if it might work. Of course, I promptly realized it’ll be WAY too long, sooooo...yeah, I’ll have to go back to one of the other ideas instead.

Still, I’ll probably have to finish this one eventually, too, because now I’m invested. Dammit. ;)

For now: have the first draft of the first section as a preview. Future!Keyleth goes back to Whitestone to inspect something very interesting up for auction...

The placard in the display case read, Lot 19: Automaton clock, 830-835 PD, Whitestone Society of Artists and Artisans.

The label was understated, but the tabletop timepiece was anything but. It resembled a classical building, surrounded by miniature figures. A small bird perched on the rooftop, viewing everyone below. Most curiously, at least unless you knew Whitestone’s history, a bear had pride of place before the front door. It was rearing up on its hind legs, standing taller than the townspeople. None of them seemed afraid of him. One even seemed to be offering something, although she, and everything else, was suspended in motion. The delicate handle on the back of the clock suggested its potential. The stern guard standing nearby also suggested its value.

The woman who’d walked up to see it did her best to ignore the guard—a tall order, considering he was a very tall half-orc—and bent closer to the case.

Her reflection in the glass was faint, but it still showed the vivid red of her hair and the intent flicker of her eyes. She’d dressed in muted, formal clothes like everyone else, but she moved like they fit uncomfortably. Her short hair was brushed down far enough to cover her pointed ears, but her sun-bronzed complexion and freckled nose still stood out in this town, as far north as it was and as close to the edge of winter. She could have disguised those features better, but doing so hadn’t felt right. Even the name she’d registered under — “K. Ashe” — wasn’t exactly a lie. She could only hope that no one would think she was more interesting than the extraordinary artifacts in this room. So far, she’d been proven exactly right.

After all, the Frederickstein-Graves collection, built up over the years by cousins and companions of Whitestone’s ruling family, ran toward the esoteric. It also kept an eye to local history. Ms. Ashe had surveyed the catalog already, which included an elaborate game set dating back to the re-opening of continental trade routes (lot 9) and an unusual harp by a 10th-century artificer famous for her impossible-to-mimic performances (lot 12). But the prize items claimed connection to Whitestone’s greatest villains and heroes. Ms. Ashe had already overheard an enthusiastic discussion about a set of onyx jewelry that once passed through the hands of Lady Briarwood. It came complete with legends about a curse. From the sounds of it, that was somehow adding to the lot’s appeal. She hadn’t even wanted to ask.

But then there was this clock.

Whitestone’s renowned artisans’ society was founded by Percival Frederickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III, said the catalog on page 32, where she’d left a slender bookmark. De Rolo was Whitestone’s original Sophist of Native Ingenuity and member of the legendary group Vox Machina. This automaton clock, styled in the manner of his clock tower installation, dates from the period of his involvement with the guild and was gifted directly to the Frederickstein family. He has been credited in family documents as the maker of this timepiece.

Ms. Ashe, who had some familiarity with de Rolo handiwork, reached back into distant memories for a comparison. It took more effort than she was expecting. Suppressing a wince, she tilted her head to see the clock at a better angle.

“Magnificent craftsmanship, isn’t it?” said someone behind her. When she glanced up at the glass, she saw a young woman in a tailored suit, with her dark hair bound in a tidy braid. Her smile was just as tight, just as precise. “It’s truly something to see it up close.”

“It really is,” the redhead agreed. She straightened and turned around. “Jewel of the collection, everyone’s saying.”

“For once, the wisdom of the masses is entirely correct.” The woman’s smile had gone a touch condescending. “I traveled all the way from Rexxentrum to see it. It’s good to know the journey wasn’t wasted.”

“Did you now.”

“Indeed.” She proffered a hand. “Celia Corrigan-Whitburn. And I suppose you’ll be one of my rivals at auction, Miss…?”

“Ashe,” she answered, and then, somewhat awkwardly, “Kiki, specifically. To my friends. And the occasional rival.”

“Kiki. Really. Well, that’s charming.” Celia smiled again, mostly to the guard. “I don’t suppose I could persuade you to show us the clock in motion?”

“That’s a question for one of the specialists, ma’am.”

“Of course. Could you call one over, please?”

His expression didn’t change, but he touched his earpiece and murmured something Kiki couldn’t hear. She reflexively reached up to her own ear, touching the jewel that still hung there, but as ever, it remained perfectly silent.

Celia, who was speaking again, didn’t seem to notice.

“I was sent to inspect this at the behest of my employers,” she said. “We specialize in far more complex devices, but we still appreciate the classics. Especially when their makers are so interesting. Ah, there we are.”

The auction specialist, a tall human woman with an aquiline nose, nodded a greeting. “I understand you’re interested in the de Rolo clock.”

“Are you saying that’s its official provenance, then?”

“We can’t say it with 100% certainty, but all the hallmarks we’re aware of are there. I can show you one or two of them. Just a moment.”

While the guard hovered close by, she produced a small key and unlocked one side of the display case. Then she reached in with one gloved hand and pointed.

“That right there, of course, is the famous trained bear that belonged to the reigning de Rolos,” she said. “Trinket, by name. You’ll see him in motifs across Whitestone even today.”

“Trinket,” Celia repeated wryly. “Whatever inspired that name for a bear?”

“We don’t actually know,” the specialist admitted. “Much of Vex’ahlia’s history before becoming Baroness remains vague. But the popular theory is that since her husband was so clever in crafting trinkets, the bear was nicknamed thus to prove he was one of her own.”

Ms. Ashe, who knew that that wasn’t the story at all, twisted her lips but kept her mouth shut.

“The building is a stylized representation of a de Rolo property,” the specialist went on, indicating architectural details and commenting over a few. “Back in the 9th century, it was a shop. Part of the economic renaissance of Whitestone after being reclaimed from the Briarwoods.”

“It was a bakery,” Ms. Ashe added, unable to help herself this time. “The Slayer’s Cake. You can see part of the logo on the sign.”

The specialist’s eyes lit up. “Good eyes. Yes, that’s the name we have on record.”

“Again with the strange titles,” Celia remarked. “Slaying cakes?”

Kiki felt like she had to reply. “It was a tongue-in-cheek reference to another guild. The Slayer’s Take. Still exists, but under a different name and very different regulations. They hunted a few things too close to extinction, so now they claim to be about responsible wildlife management and environmental stewardship.” She quirked an eyebrow. “I understand a druid or two nudged them in that direction.”

Celia sniffed. “The Green Coalition at work again. We’ve had debates with them about our mining operations.”

“I imagine you have,” Kiki said under her breath.

“So what was the connection between the Slayer’s Take and a bakery?” Celia asked.

“The bakery founders used to be members,” said the specialist. “It was something of a retirement venture, after they were done with the adventuring life.”

“Actually, they opened it slightly before they fought…” Kiki began, then shook her head and waved a hand. “But close enough.”

The specialist turned to her. “So you’re also a student of local history.”

“Something like. Just…long experience.” Kiki shrugged one shoulder and changed the topic. “But this clock. Anyone could make a clock themed around the city. Is there a maker’s mark to identify it?”

Celia nodded as if she also wanted to know. The specialist gently tilted the clock back to show the symbol on the base. “The mark is for the artisans’ society,” she said. “We have a chart of different iterations of this logo. This is the earliest, the one Lord de Rolo personally designed. It didn’t acquire the double border until the 850s.”

“Hmm,” Kiki said, studying the little symbol.

“Also, the way the figures move is very typical of his work. Let me show you.” She set it back down and delicately wound the clock.

Celia bent closer this time. Kiki, her attention caught, didn’t move. She just held her breath and waited as the gears turned and the hands realigned, and the figures began gradually to stir.

“Look here,” said the auction specialist, indicating the townspeople in motion. “The articulation is particularly clever. My favorite is the woman offering a pastry to the bear.”

Kiki whispered something that might have been a name, but no one else heard it. The clockwork bear, though, lifted his head and seemingly looked straight out through the glass at her.

“The scene’s all very prosaic, isn’t it,” Celia said. “You’re right, though; the craftsmanship is terribly clever. There’s familiar techniques here, actually. I’ve seen clockwork like this before. Might lend credence to a few theories.”

The bear took a polite sniff of the pastry. Kiki’s side glance was less friendly. “What sort of theories do you mean?”

“That there really were ideas exchanged between Mr. de Rolo and our company founder. Maybe even outright collaboration.” She paused. “Well. Our honorary founder, I should say. The original inventor of the rifles that we licensed and continued developing. Did I mention I work in weapons manufacturing?”

“You might have left that out,” Kiki said thinly. “Are you speaking of…”

Celia’s tone turned conspiratorial. “Dr. Anna Ripley,” she answered with a smile. “She may still be a controversial figure, but I’ve always found her fascinating. And I’ve studied both her works and those of her competitors for a very long time.”

The clock chimed, and the bird on the rooftop opened its beak in a warning caw. Kiki, struck dumb, distantly felt that it might have been laying on the dramatic irony a bit thick.

The specialist, who’d missed that exchange while listening to something over her earpiece, closed and locked the case before nodding to them both. “If you’ll excuse me, it seems I have another auction-goer to speak to. But it’s good to see your interest. If you have other questions, come find me. I’ll be here until the end of the afternoon.”

“Of course,” Celia said, smiling brightly. “Thank you.”

The specialist walked off. Celia, too, readied to go. She faced Kiki again, though, and gave her one more little smile. It was taking on distinct shades of a smirk. “I hope you understand my interest in this item now, at least.”

“I do,” Kiki said, her voice low.

“And if I might ask—because now I’m curious—what brought you here to bid on this?”

She thought about it. “History,” she said at last. “Legacy. And a certain personal interest.”

“Care to share what kind?”

Kiki met her gaze levelly. “No.”

Celia’s eyebrows lifted. Then she started to laugh. “Well. You’ll make for an interesting competitor after all. But I’ll warn you, the Whitburn Company coffers run deep.” She winked. “I’ll see you at the auction, Miss Ashe.”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Kiki said, and watched Celia go. The woman’s heels clicked rhythmically on the stone floor, almost mechanical in their precision, and only slowly grew quieter until they were lost in the sound of the crowd.

Kiki let out a long, long breath when she was gone. She looked briefly at the guard, who didn’t react, then slowly returned to the case. He didn’t seem bothered when she pressed one hand to the glass for support, at least. And if he was listening when she murmured one last thing aloud, she found she didn’t care.

“Oh, buddy,” Keyleth said to the little clockwork bear. “This just got a lot more complicated.”

Trinket roared his agreement before slowly, slowly winding down, going silent and still once more.

#critical role #fic #keyleth

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theoreticalli · 6 years

Text

Make Amends

Day 3 of Critical Role Relationships Week: Keyleth & Shaun Gilmore (Read on AO3)

Spoilers for the final arc, for fairly obvious reasons. Unbeta'd and mostly unedited because I'm still trying to write the rest of the week (yikes).

The last vestiges of sunset were fading from the sky, leaving it a deep violet tinged with blue, when Keyleth dropped her hood back and stepped into the warmth of the familiar store. She inhaled slowly, taking in the comfortingly heavy scent of incense and a sharp smell that couldn’t be described as anything but the presence of magic. Overhead, the ceiling was obscured by swathes of fabric in dazzling shades of red, purple, blue, and pink, and little lanterns of magical light were suspended in the space between the hangings and the tops of the dark wood shelves. Keyleth’s lips spread into a smile as she walked towards the counter, looking up at the animated statue of a miniature unicorn that walked back and forth across the shelves and tossed its iridescent mane. “I see you’ve expanded a lot.”

The man behind the counter stood up from where he was organizing potions in a glass display case. For a second he looked startled and afraid, a thin trail of purple light forming around his fingers— but the second he saw the redheaded half-elf, his whole body relaxed. “Keyleth. Darling, I’m so glad you could stop by.”

[Read More]

He hurried around the counter and pulled Keyleth into a dramatic embrace that she gladly returned. When he pulled away to study her face, she returned the look and found, to her dismay, a handful of white hairs accenting his dark hair and goatee. Lines were etched lightly into his face and she guiltily realized that she couldn’t be entirely sure they were from laughs and not frowns. He’d aged dramatically, for such a relatively short time. “Gilmore,” she said fondly. “I’ve missed you. I’m so sorry it took this long to make it back.”

“I’ll just have to open a branch in Zephrah, then,” he said, waving her off and circling back to the case. “I hope you don’t mind if I continue to run inventory, my dear, Sherry took the day off to spend with her family and it’s taking an eternity by myself. I’d worry what I’d do without her, but I think she’ll be running this place long after I’m finished with it.”

Keyleth hovered behind him, feeling a bit of her old awkwardness falling back into place. “Can I help with anything?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t dare impose on a guest in that manner,” he tutted. Before she could decide if it was appropriate to protest, he hesitated and amended, “But an old friend, one might be willing to foist some duties onto. If you could make sure that count from the day’s sales is accurate to the number of remaining items, I’d be much obliged.”

She picked up the parchment full of neat handwriting he was pointing at and went to work checking off the counts. After a few minutes of peaceful cohabitation, Gilmore sat back on his heels and sighed. “I don’t think we can avoid this conversation any longer, Keyleth. It’s a disservice to both of us— and to him, I suppose, if he’s in a position to care anymore.”

Keyleth set the list down, watching her hand carefully to make sure it wasn’t shaking. Of course, she’d known this was coming. It was some large part of why she’d come here. “Yes, I think that would be… wise.”

Gilmore settled rather gracelessly on the floor next to her, and she leaned back against the display case. “So. You know he’s… not coming back.”

“Yes.”

She waited for his usual elaboration, slightly rambling as always, but he was rubbing the bridge of his nose absently. Away from the shop’s lights, he looked more tired, older, more haunted.

“Okay. Did anyone tell you what happened?”

She already knew the answer. He shook his head, loose hair settling over his eyes. “All I know is that he was alive when I was… kidnapped, but he seemed somewhat different. Vex told me he’d died earlier than that when she came by a few weeks ago, but she didn’t tell me how that was, exactly.”

Keyleth nodded. She didn’t want to impose on him, but she desperately wanted him to put up some of his usual front, his charisma. Ever since she’d seen his blank stare in Thar Amphala, even since they’d found him after the fall of Emon, she hadn’t been able to reconcile his wisdom and his charm with this… broken, hurt man. And part of it is my fault. “He was killed by Vecna. Disintegrated. We had no way to get him back, we just didn’t have time. I thought he… I thought he was gone. For good. But then he just came strolling back in, completely buck-naked, and I could have killed him myself, I could have.”

For whatever reason she started giggling, immediately clasping her hand over her mouth, but Gilmore was laughing too. “That sounds like our Vax’ildan, taking the most dramatic entrance possible.”

“Yes, well. He had a chance, and he took it,” Keyleth said, taking a deep breath and leaning back again. “Turned out he’d made a pact with the Raven Queen that he could come back to help us until Vecna was defeated. And that would be… that would be it. Nothing we could do. I guess.”

Gilmore exhaled slowly, staring at the complicated parquet floor. “Well. That’s also just like him, isn’t it?”

“I guess so. We beat Vecna, had a day of festivities, and then she took him away.”

She could feel tears gathering in the corners of her eyes, threatening to break the floodgates. She’d been okay for a few days, it was about time for a deluge. Gilmore was tracing symbols onto the floor that she was pretty sure would cause some powerful protection spells if he were putting any focus into them.

“And so he leaves us both alone.”

“Vex, too,” Keyleth said quickly, rubbing her eyes quickly. “She was devastated.”

“I can imagine,” Gilmore murmured.

Finally, Keyleth shifted on her knees to look him in the eyes. “Look, Gilmore, I came to say I’m sorry. We should have told you what was going to happen when we… found you. We should have given you time to say goodbye. He should have. And it’s too late now, and all I’m doing is… dealing with his fallout. You deserved better. You still do. But you also deserved him. And I—” Her voice cracked and she dropped her gaze to her hands where they rested in her lap. “I took him from you.”

Gilmore was silent for a long, long moment, to the point where Keyleth started glancing over at him to make sure he was okay (enough). His brow was furrowed deeply, accentuating the lines around his eyes.

“Thank you, my dear. I appreciate that you could see the difficulty I was having with Vax’ildan’s… method of departure, both from my life and from his. But I never want you to think that any of this is your fault. You have always done the best you could, and I know you would never hurt me intentionally. This was a choice he made, and the conflict was between he and I alone.” He looked up at her, and she could see the pain in his gaze even as he smiled. “I would not want to ruin the relationship we still have with each other, connected as we are through your group… and through him.”

Keyleth bit her lip, trying to think through her response. She didn’t know what she expected— that he would hate her, that things would be complicated and difficult— but this was so much better. Tears beginning to leave hot streaks down her cheeks, she leaned closer to him and then paused. “Can I hug you? You’re not injured right now, are you?”

He laughed softly. “No, no, I’m doing much better. A hug would be much appreciated, in fact.”

Keyleth wrapped her arms around his shoulders, crying in earnest now. He rubbed her back gently and she patted him a bit awkwardly, feeling his breathing start to shudder too. “I’m very glad we’re friends, Gilmore. I’m sorry we made you— I’m sorry you had to go through everything.”

“That’s right,” he said, voice thick. “It was my choice, Keyleth. I had to defend my city, our people. I knew what I was getting into. Vox Machina aren’t the only heroes on Tal’Dorei, you know.”

“I know, I do,” Keyleth replied, sitting back again and giving him a tearful smile.

They sat for a second before Keyleth snapped her fingers. “Oh, I know what I meant to get!”

“What?”

She grinned. “I need a potion for Vex. She said you’d know what she meant.”

Gilmore’s eyes sparkled. “Oh, I do. Give me just a moment and I’ll have it ready for her.”

He vanished into the back room and Keyleth looked up fondly at the familiar trappings of the store. Even as Gilmore expanded and created new stores with slight variations to fit their locations, they all felt so strongly like him. She was in Whitestone, where he was still spending time until his Emon store and house were fully rebuilt, so Vex could have come herself— but she knew Vex wanted her to check in with Gilmore herself.

Gilmore came back in holding a small purple bottle. Keyleth stood to greet him, smoothing out her cloak. “She should know how to use it by now, but remind her— five drops on the tongue… as needed.”

“I will. And Gilmore—” He looked at her patiently, eyebrows raised. “Thank you so much. I’ll come around as often as I can, when I’m in Whitestone. We have some arrangements to make, so I’ll be around for a little while.”

He nodded. “Wonderful. And thank you, Keyleth. I wish you all the best.”

She turned to leave, but suddenly his hand was on her arm, spinning her back around. She had to grab onto him to keep from falling. “Wait. I don’t— I just wanted to say. I don’t regret loving him. Not one bit. He made me feel warm and sexy and loved and… happy. All the pain? I kept coming back because it felt worth it.”

Keyleth didn’t know what he wanted from her, but she could see some kind of desperation in his dark shining eyes, like he was asking for… permission. Suddenly she understood.

“I know, Gil. I loved him so much and I always will. But I think… I don’t think we should stay stuck on him. I don’t think he’d want that. We’ve got plenty of time left. We don’t have to come back anymore.”

He gave her a small but genuine smile, then looked down at the floor of his beautiful shop, nodding absently. She squeezed his shoulder and walked out of the store, into the rainy night. The warmth in her chest didn’t seem to fade.

#critrole rsweek #keyleth & shaun gilmore #critical role #keyleth #shaun gilmore #okay now that that's out of the way #I don't know what I'm going to do for tomorrow lmao #that one might have to be late #which is unfortunate given that it's my only campaign 2 one #oh welllllllllll

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darrilshrugs-blog · 6 years

Text

Stick around a while

Summary: The de Rolo’s aren’t aging like regular people. Maybe all the magic and horror of their lives is catching up to them?

Writer’s note: This is a something I’ve worked on for a bit, and just wanted to get out of my head to clear space for other dumb things.

It isn’t until years after they have stopped adventuring that they notice anything is amiss with Percy and Cassandra. There is an accident during construction of what will one day be the new indoor marketplace while Percy and Vex are away from Whitestone. Luckily, no one is gravely injured, but there are some broken bones.

When they return, Percy checks in with the acting foreman. The regular foreman, Desmond, has had his leg broken by falling timber. Percy speaks with the man for quite some time before realizing that he knew him as a child - the man of late-middle age, grizzled and weathered, had been the son of the stablemaster at the castle.

Reassured from their discussion that the accident was a pure incident of materials failing under a heavy load, and not a flaw in his design, Percy tells Vex about the man, as they walk hand-in-hand to the castle.

Vex takes a brief look over her shoulder and remarks, “It’s nice that you remember him so fondly. Was he friendly with your older brother?”

“Julius? No, he was close to Ludwig and Cassandra, seeing as they were around the same age.”

Vex takes another glance back, and pats him on the forearm with the hand that isn’t currently holding his. “Darling, than you must be misremembering. That man looks to be ten years older than you, not some years younger. Perhaps you have the wrong man altogether, or he’s an older brother of the boy your recall?”

He walks silently with her for a few steps, letting her lead the way as he tries to remember more of his life before the Briarwoods. Some things have returned to him with total clarity that had been shrouded bits before, but others still hurt too much to examine too closely, or are still hazy with memories of blood, chains and unnatural smoke.

This is not one of them, he hadn’t thought. As he spoke with the man, he saw him clearly as a boy in his mind’s eye, sword-fighting with sticks in the courtyard with Cassandra, while Ludwig, playing the princeling in need of rescue, cheered her on.

But Vex must be right. The man just now had been beginning to stoop with age, his hairline had receded far back on his forehead, and his beard was laced with gray. His memory must be playing tricks on him.

Vex doesn’t think anything odd about the encounter with the acting foreman. She isn’t troubled by gaps in Percy’s memory from before. She’s grown used to some inconsistencies and some things that he just can’t recall at all. She knows as well that some memories and feelings hurt too much to dredge up or face head-on. Her thoughts run to the surprise flood of grief she feels every now and then, when she catches a sidelong glance at her reflection in a window and thinks it’s him, only to have everything flow back into her all at once, before she can steel herself against it.

That is, until she mentions it casually to Cassandra some days later. They watch from the walkway atop the interior wall as Percy and the children play in the snow. The younger ones have asked their father to help try to build a snow-bear, while the older ones, closing in on their teenage years, are attempting to bombard each other with high, arcing snowballs from opposite sides of the courtyard.

Cassandra gets the same far-away look in her eyes that Percival gets when searching his memory of his childhood. Vex is pleased to see the accompanying smile, hopefully as she remembers her victories over her playmate in their youthful sparring matches.

Cassandra, so much less guarded with her now, shares more detailed recollections of the man as a boy, and doesn’t seem overly concerned at Vex’ disbelief that a man who should be Cass’ age looks so much older.

“Life in Whitestone may be as good as it has ever been, but it is still hard, and takes a toll on those less fortunate than we.” As Vex nods, Cassandra adds,” Besides, Percival and I were white-haired before hitting our twenties,” She smiles with a mock-conceit that Vex, recognizes as one of the mannerisms that led her to fall madly in love with Percy, “and we de Rolo’s have always managed to age rather gracefully.”

More time passes. Percival and Cassandra enter their fifth decade of life. Brother and sister show the signs of human aging - a slowing metabolism adds a bit of weight to both, and their complexion gains some color from all the time in the Northern sun and cold. Friends use the more accurate descriptors of “healthy”, “no longer see-through”, “less, you know, ghostly?” or “not looking like they could be knocked over with a lil’ flick of me finger”.

Despite these signs, however, none can ignore that the de Rolo siblings are barely aging. Percy still has the reflexes and vitality that he possessed when he adventured across the world and the planes of existence. Cassandra is just as dedicated and sharp a guardian of her city as she was when forced into responsibility in her teens.

Vex’ahlia certainly appreciates every moment of her husband’s life, and begrudges none of his professional, or personal, vigor. She rarely flashes to the horror scenes of her memory - Percival, bloodied and stilled on the ground of Glintshore, or eviscerated at the feet of a slain green dragon. Cass in black armor, with Vex’s own arrow though her chest - but she will never forget them. She just prays that this is not another horror to be visited upon this poor family, her poor family.

The siblings and their family, friends and advisors cannot and do not ignore the situation. In private conversations with the few they trust, the de Rolo’s express their worries that some of the darkness they have battled in their lives has made them unnatural. Percy and Cassandra mull their encounters with the Briarwoods and their dark god-ling, and Percy frets anew on the possibility that he still carries some taint of the shadow-demon on his soul. Over months, visits from clerics, arcanists, scholars and priests give no indication of evil lingering on the siblings, putting most minds at ease.

The subjects of all this poking and prodding, however, are still de Rolo’s, and as such, they continue to carry this weight of worry with them. At the next Winter’s Crest, celebrated together this year in Westrun, mostly in the home Pike has inherited from her great-grandfather, Percy asks a favor of his diminutive friend.

They are sitting together, all but the children, in a familiar, magically-appropriately sized dining room on the last night of the trip when he asks. “Pike? Could you ask the Everlight if Cassandra and I could have an audience, if Keyleth were to agree to try to bring us to her?” He no longer hides his worries from his family, from any of them.

Unlike much of the family, Pike isn’t as taken aback by the suggestion as he expects her to be. He sometimes forgets how long he has known her, and how well she knows the way his thoughts can run. “I can ask, Percy, and I don’t mind trying. But we know there isn’t anything wrong with you two, if that’s what you want to ask her.”

“I know that’s what all the magic and holy prayers have said, but it isn’t normal, not that abnormal hasn’t been part of my life since ...” he doesn’t mention all the things that Pike knows he is thinking of saying.

Pike sits up somewhat from where she had been reclining by the fireplace. “Percy, I’m going to ask you and Cass a question. I have some experience with the Everlight and I have an idea of what she might ask you if we were to see her. Is that alright?”

“Of course.”

“Are you happy?”

“Very much so.” His answer is immediate, without mulling it over or choosing his words carefully. That shows, more than the words themselves, how very far this Percy has come from the scared, secretive young man he was when they all first met; he has grown confident, trusting, open. His hand, on Vex’s shoulder as she rests against him in the armchair they share, pulls her closer.

“And is Cassandra happy?”

As focus turns to where Cassandra sits, Grog, who is sitting on the floor, brings his hand next to his mouth in an attempt to cover his lips. It is maneuver that is impossibly obvious, even for him. He whispers far too loudly to be considered whispering “Scanlan, is it even possible for that priss to ever be happy?”

The words barely leave his mouth before he reacts to a sharp elbow in his side. He bends to in fake pain and surprise over Cassandra, who has been leaning her back against his flank. Grog promptly receives a face-full of ale as the Lady of Whitestone’s other arm arcs up to toss the liquid in her cup over her shoulder at him.

“Apologies. I appear to have spilled my drink.” She says flatly as Grog sputters and the rest of the assembled group laughs.

The laughs die down a little, and Grog wipes his face, Percy returns his look to Pike and answers her “Yes, Pike, I believe my sister is happy.” Cassandra is nodding as she receives a refill.

Pike gather herself for a short speech, which is still not her usual style “I’m so happy for you both. You deserve to be happy. And after all that you two have been through, and all that we have seen and done together, do we need to particularly know why we will have you with us for longer than we initially thought?

“If it’s due to the number of times we revived the two of you, or some weird result of being near the ziggurat, or blessing from the Dawnfather, or the Everlight or the Raven Queen” She breaks from looking at Percy to scan the faces of the rest of them “Does it matter, that you’ll have more happy years with our family?”

This time, Percy does pause a few moments to consider. Not too long though, as he pulls Vex closer again against him, holds his cup out for a refill, and cracks a smile. “No it does not. You have always been the wisest of us. Thank you Pike.”

“My pleasure, Percy”

#critical role #critfic #percival de rolo #Percival Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski De Rolo III #perc'ahlia #percahlia #cassandra de rolo #pike trickfoot #vex'ahlia #grog strongjaw

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hellcatchvalley · 7 years

Text

before we lost our fairy tales

day 1: non-romantic pairing: kashaw vesh & vex’ahlia de rolo words: 3.5k+ summary: what starts off as small talk turns into something more and vex and kash realize they’re not so different from each other. notes: i had this random urge to write something awhile ago and then it aligned with @critrolerarepair week AND the first prompt!! so i gave a whack at it and hope u enjoy it <3

[ao3]

When Zahra had asked Kashaw to go to Whitestone with her, he almost told her to 'fuck off.' Almost.

"No offense, Zee, but it's not like that place holds a lot of good memories for me," he'd said on the way to the sky port. Zahra had rolled her eyes and patted his shoulder.

"Then it's a good thing we're not going for you then, isn't it darling?" She'd hummed, smiling innocently at his glare. "If it helps, you can just stare at me and avoid contact with everything else like you normally do."

He'd scoffed, and looked away, a small smirk on his face. "Business as usual then."

"Business as usual indeed," she'd replied.

So they'd flown over to the godforsaken cold country (courtesy of a few connections since the city's functioning sky port was still under construction) and within minutes of touching down Kash insisted on renting his room at an inn.

("I'm sure Vex'ahlia would allow us a guest room in the castle," Zahra had tried but he shook his head.

"Nope, a man needs his own place, Zee."

She'd shrugged a shoulder and headed for the castle herself. "Suit yourself, Mr. Man. Oh, and don't let the bedbugs bite your ass, dear."

"I'll give them your regards.")

Her words had made him paranoid, and in the end he rented a small house not too far from the city's beloved Sun Tree. He had no idea how long Zahra was planning to stay, but he wasn't about to be uncomfortable for that amount of time either.

For about three days, Kashaw hadn't seen even a glimpse of Zahra. He was sticking to his guns about not wanting to see any more members of Vox Machina, but after exploring the local market and now having a burlap sack's worth of souvenirs and fresh food, he knew he was getting bored.

Just as he's packing away some of the things he'd want to take back to Vasselheim into a burlap sack on his bed, he hears a knock on his door. There's only one room in the entire place for the kitchen, wooden dining table and a bed up against the wall, so he calls out, "Who is it?"

The sing-song voice that responds makes his eye twitch. "Housekeeping!"

Before he can tell her to go away, the door swings open to reveal the city's Lady and consistent thorn in his side called Vex'ahlia. Kash takes a deep breath before turning halfway around to look at his intruder. Despite her lavish quarters and series of titles, she's wearing hunting gear today, a bit of sweat on her brow and pieces of hair sticking out of her braid. There's a big smile on her face as she leans casually against the door frame and he stares at her.

"No, please, come in," He deadpans, turning back to what he was doing. She clicks her tongue and strolls in, and he doesn't bother teasing the idea that her boots aren't tracking dirt into his humble temporary home.

"Cashew, if I didn't know any better I'd say you were avoiding us," she says, her voice coming up close behind him. "Zahra's been studying for days and we've still not seen a sign of you."

"You lose your eyesight in the weeks we've been gone? Because I'm pretty sure you're looking right at me," he says, still keeping his back facing her.

"Oh, my apologies, I didn't realize how hairy you'd gotten after all this time! Such a shame, your eyes were such a pretty color."

Kash rolls the aforementioned eyes, and finally gives her his full attention, crossing his arms.

Vex mock gasps in surprise, "It's a miracle! You've changed back!"

As his frown gets deeper her smile only grows. She always was his least favorite twin. "How much would I have to pay to get you to change into your brother?" He asks, and she snorts, propping herself up onto the counter.

Vex leans back on her hands, crossing her feet at the ankles as if the place is hers (hell, it probably is. Vox Machina doesn't go ruining people's days for free, and Kash is still convinced the white haired guy gave her a city block already.)

"If that's something within your power, you go first," she snaps back in easy banter.

He ignores the comment. "To what do I owe this... Luxurious company? Did Zee send you?"

Vex's smile finally dims and she raises an eyebrow. "You can't really dislike us so much, Kashaw."

Kash nods in mock understanding. "You're right, I'm sorry-- I forgot the big heroes aren't used to that sentiment anymore."

Vex chuckles and he smirks when he hears a bit of impatience in it. "You're such a dick."

He shrugs. "It's in my job description, baby."

"Never call me that again."

"Then stop calling me Cashew."

"There isn't enough gold in the world."

"Wow, that’s a first."

He dodges the bread roll she throws at his forehead and turns around to continue his packing.

"Not for nothing, but you look like you fought an owlbear and won," he continues, for -gasp- lack of conversation. Zahra would be so proud.

"Just got back from one of my hunts," Vex explains, the wood of the table creaking as she swings her legs. "I'm the protector of this city, remember?"

"I try to block anything involving any of you out of my daily life, if that's alright with you," he mutters. and the bread roll hits its mark this time. "Stop wasting my bread - so what, you decide to visit me on the way back from your errands?"

"Yup," she says. "Because I'm just that nice."

He pauses to stare at the ceiling for a moment, begging for some god to give him strength and her giggles behind him don't help.

"Toss me the bread roll back, would you?" She asks, and he lunges it back without a glance, sucking his teeth when he hears her catch it perfectly. "Cheers, Cashew."

The only sound in the room for awhile is the rustle of fabric as Kash continues to stuff things into his burlap sack, but for once in his life the silence isn't awkward. The small talk is unfamiliar, but he's almost okay with it. Despite only knowing her a short time, Kash felt that Vex was one of the few people in his life that knew when to shut up (most of the time anyway), and knew when silence would be better than the taste of foot in your mouth. Not that those who didn't know were so bad. They were just appreciated a little less. Sometimes.

He quashes the warm feeling spreading in his chest by clearing his throat, causing his guest to sit up straight and cross her arms. He pretends to ignore the way she's boring holes into the back of his shirt until he hears her inhale to speak.

"Cashew--"

He grumbles under his breath, "That's not my name--"

"Do you... Ever hear her sometimes?"

The protest dies on his lips and his shoulders tense. Oh great, a subject he's obviously not gonna wanna talk about. Now, this, this is familiar.

He wonders how long she's been sitting on that question and pauses his packing. Unconsciously, he twists to his left to look at her through the corner of his eye. Or, well, Her eye. The glance is brief and he grunts and turns back to the bag, shrugging one shoulder.

He tries to play it off. "Who, Keyleth? All the time, she never shuts up-"

"Cut the bullshit, Kashaw," Vex snaps, holding her crossed arms closer to herself and her gaze away from him. The sudden tone shift makes him drop any attempt at deflecting he was going to pull out. She continues in a quieter voice, so much that he's glad for the silence outside otherwise he'd have to ask her to repeat it, "You know who I mean."

Kash exhales sharply through his nose. He likes her idea of no eye contact and stares at the sack instead, gripping it tight in his hands. "I know exactly who you mean. I'm just wondering where the hell that question came from."

She doesn't answer him for awhile, and he starts to really see the resemblance with her brother until-

"Did you... Have a choice? With her," Vex asks, the words leaving her lips kicking and screaming if her hesitation is anything to go by. "Did she give you one?"

Kash finally decides to man up and face her, grumbling all the way until he's perched on the bedside, mimicking her posture and crossing his arms.

"You're gonna have to be more specific than that," He says, rubbing one palm against his forehead to ease the space between his eyebrows. Zahra said he'd look eighty by the time he turned half that if he didn't stop frowning. He'd flipped her off then but with the oncoming headache he was getting he was starting to see her point.

Vex rolls her eyes, already impatient with the pace of the conversation she started.

"Your wife," she spits out, and he appreciates the contempt, "that creepy bitch that lives in your eye or some other weird godly shit. Do you ever hear her? In your head, I mean."

Kash puts his hand down and looks at her. She's biting the inside of her cheek, and her fingers pinch the edge of her sleeves, seemingly feeling the texture but he's been this fidgety before and knows that her hands have gone numb.

"What's this about, Vex?" He asks with an exasperated exhale, tone just as low as hers. He isn't good with emotions, but Vox Machina travel together too much not to pick up each other's habits. When they want to discuss something serious, they all start talking like rabbits who've lived for a thousand years -- solemn and small but get too close and you could spook them away from the entire conversation. He can relate to the feeling.

Vex lets out a soft laugh, lifting and dropping her shoulders in a helpless shrug. "I don't know," she says, shaking her head and waving a hand. "You know what? Forget I ever said anything--"

"I do," Kash says before thinking. She goes still and turns her head to finally look at him, eyes wider and almost shimmering. He straightens his shoulders out and holds her gaze. "Hear her. When you've only got one follower, I guess you like to remind him you're there."

She purses her lips and looks down at his feet, taking a deep breath. She nods and starts to twist her unkempt braid. "You remember when we went to the Feywild, right?"

"When you all went to the Feywild, you mean?" He rubs at his forearm with an unsettled frown. "Yeah, I was still getting blood out of my hair and had to sleep in the library."

She has the decency to wince. "Sorry about that."

"Yeah, whatever."

"Anyway," she continues, "when I got my bow, we had to fight this Feywarden, and he... He could see in my head."

Kash raises an eyebrow. "And... how did he-

"I don't know how!" She explains, waving her hands and letting them land on her thighs. Bringing them back up to to rub at her face, she sighs and it reaches her bones. "Old magic or some other mythical shit - Fact is, he just. He knew things about me that I didn't want anyone to know. Things that I would've rather had been buried forever if I could help it."

The hands come down and she moves back towards the wall the table was up against behind her to lean against it herself. "And the things that he'd said to me..." She trails off and looks more tired than he's ever seen her - and he's seen her dead. The line of her shoulders slump and he thinks that she'd lie on the floor if her pride allowed it.

Still, he has to ask. Shifting his weight on the bed, he says, "Not that I try to understand anything any of you do, ever, but why are you telling me this?"

The corner of Vex's mouth twitches up in a half hearted smile and she shrugs. "Maybe you just have one of those faces, Cashew."

"I have a lot of faces and they all scream, 'don't talk to me,'" he says, and her smile breaks wide for only a moment before leaving just as soon. "Try again."

Vex looks like she's debating something in her mind and she says, "Keyleth told me what happened to you."

Kash frowns and kicks a little at the ground. "You mean she told you what I told her, anyway."

"Of course," Vex says quickly, sitting up a little straighter. She tilts her head, fixing her cunning half-elven gaze on his own and he has to look away. "I just thought that since you had lived with this... Darkness for so long, that you'd... I don't know, have some idea of how to get it to shut the fuck up."

Now he really has to snort. "If I knew how to get rid of voices I didn't want to hear," he says, "we wouldn't be having this conversation, trust me."

"I'll drink to that," Vex agrees, patting the counter around for an invisible mug.

He sighs again, and he wonders if there's a being out there that counts the amount of times he gets tired of talking in an hour. He hopes they're busy.

He really doesn't want to talk about Her. He never has, and never will, and the room has felt ten times smaller ever since the pointy eared menace in front of him began talking, and the welts and scars on his arm burn under his skin and there's a migraine in his left eye and every hour he's ever spent training feels like nothing because he can barely hold himself up at even the thought of his betrothed and--

"Kashaw?"

Vex's voice cuts through the monologue in his head and he opens his eyes, blinking frantically and scowling.

"What, what, what do you want from me?" He snaps back because it's the only way he knows how, rubbing his temples. His hands are sweaty but his breath is dangerously calm, almost as if he hadn't bothered using it in the past couple minutes. Kash swallows the lump in his throat and only gets more irritated. Even after all this time he still can't shake the fear of her.

Vex, still quiet in wake of all this, doesn't say anything and hops off the counter, wiping her hands on pants.

"I shouldn't have bothered you with this, I'm sorry-"

"Shut up and sit down, Vex, I'm getting there, okay?" Kash interjects, pushing the heel of his palms into his eyes. He doesn't need to see her to feel the cold stare fixated on him from his words but he hasn't cared about people's looks before and he sure won't now - not when she came to him.

"Vesh isn't a voice in my head," he starts, crossing his arms yet again. He's a man of few gestures. He's not avoiding Vex's eyes but chooses to look out the window instead anyway. "She's my wife. She gave me my scars, I gave me my scars, and now I'm stuck with her till I get the pleasure of dying and hopefully sealing her evil ass to a dimension even Bird Boy's lady can't reach."

"She's not just a voice, she's everywhere, and part of her is me," he says as plain fact. "Sure, she's all locked away now, but..." He shakes his head and squeezes his left forearm riddled in his wedding vows.

"She doesn't always need to whisper in my head. There's shit she's done to me that I won't ever get back, things that were worse than-- And I wish-" His words break off and it takes him a minute to fight the urge to stop talking altogether, to swallow the bile building his throat, to quell the burn in his stomach that makes every inch of him sick. He bites the inside of his cheek nearly hard enough to draw blood and glares at the floor. "Part of me wishes she'd only killed my family, because, you know, that's what she gives me to wish for."

The room is so silent he thinks his guest has left and he tears his eyes away from the floor. At this point Vex is across the table from him, and there's a recognition in her eyes that makes him pause. Her hands subtly clutch at her sides and it's there, that fight-or-flight Vox Machina guarantee. Her shoulders are raised, she has a foot stepped back and he can tell she's holding her breath from the way her eyes stare not at him but past him, a little further than the surface.

Kash takes a deep breath and stands up to his full height, closing his eyes. He tries to calm his nerves, which he's never been good at but has never failed to try, and rubs the back of his neck. When he opens them again, her hands are tucked to her chest, and she's looking at the ground again.

"Something tells me... You already know about something like that," he says, so low and quiet that he isn't sure she heard. Vex shifts a little and moves her head slightly enough to recognize as a nod and he sighs.

"This world fucking sucks," he mutters for good measure, and there's a little exhale from Vex's nose that sounds enough like she agrees. They stand without saying anything, each reevaluating whoever they see across from them.

Vex opens her mouth to speak first, "I--"

"Look," Kash interrupts, holding a hand up, "I know you came to me for... Some kind of help, and I'm not going to lie - that was pretty dumb because, like I keep telling you people, I don't know what the hell I'm doing either but..." There's a small smile on her face again and Kash figures he's doing something right so far. He takes a step towards her and uncrosses his arms.

"There are memories in my head that I don't even know who's are whose, or which ones actually happened, but I do know one thing about the bastards that won't leave us alone." He leans forward, and as he does, he lifts his hand and lets it hover, ignoring the way his fingers tense and tremble. Vex chews her bottom lip and, hands still close to her heart, squeezes her fingers twice before exhaling a shaky breath and reaching out to take his hand. Kash lets both of them rest on the table between them, and moves his head until he's sure that they're eye to eye.

"The voice in my head, and the voice that stays in yours? They lost a long damn time ago, because their first mistake was sticking around," he says, and Vex's are eyes strong and forward. "Life, remember? The dead don't grow. We do."

Vex looks away from his face down at their hands and he pretends not to notice how quickly she wipes at her eyes. She shakes her head solemnly and there's a small smile on her face.

"You know, I'm starting to understand where Keyleth was coming from," she says softly.

"Gross," he says at full volume, and she breaks into a laugh so infectious he can't help but join her. When they finally calm down she lets go of his hand and moves some of her hair out of her face, standing up tall and just as confident as she walked in. He does the same and they have a brief battle of the eyebrow raise before he breaks.

"Well," he starts, exhaling and feeling like he's run a mile. "You get everything you wanted?"

Vex clears her throat and pats his cheek, very reminiscent of their tiefling friend.

"I did! A very nice talk we had here, Kashaw," she hums, taking a step back. There's still some dirt on her face and Kash stares at it before grabbing the top of her head with one hand and rubbing the other on her cheek. She protests at the rough treatment but he eventually gets it off and lets her go, leaving her huffing with one cheek redder than the other.

"What the hell was that?!" She complained, holding the side of her face. He only offers her a shrug in response and she rolls her eyes, stomping to the front door.

"Gods, I'm never letting you hang out with my brother ever again," she mumbles, opening the door and looking back at him.

He stares at her in question and she gestures for him with her head.

"You're coming with me," she says, her tone not accepting any refusals.

"Says who?" He scoffs.

"The Lady of this motherfucking city, that's who," she declares, puffing out her chest and holding an arm out for him. She even sticks her nose in the air and he thinks she's having way too much fun. "Now get the hell out of this property and join us for dinner."

Kash groans and huffs and grumbles all the way out the door, protesting when she kicks him in the butt for good measure, but the laugh she lets out when he reaches for her makes him feel a little less reluctant. Definitely his least favorite twin.

#kashaw vesh #vex'ahlia #vex'ahlia de rolo #critical role #kashaw #fic #critrolerarepair

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agnesgoesadventuring-blog · 7 years

Text

Faith (Vaxleth canon divergent/AU fix it fic)

Last week on Talks Machina there was a question about whether Vax was starting to rethink which woman he’d placed his faith in (Keyleth and the Raven Queen) when he died after the trammel that was made from what the RQ gave him broke and Keyleth was the one to seal Vecna away. I don’t necessarily think that’s a fair or even accurate question, but it did make me think about how things would be different if he hadn’t accepted the Raven Queen’s offer, if he had waited for Keyleth to bring him back.

And then this idea got into my head and it just wouldn’t go away. I’m still writing Restoration, but this was taking up so much space in my head that I couldn’t write anything else until I got this written down. It’s not the best written thing and it’s probably pretty messy, but like I said, I needed to get it out so I could continue writing what I was already working on. Maybe once I finish Restoration I’ll come back to this and polish it up.

Vax'ildan considers the deal his queen has offered him, to return to his family with gifts to help him defeat Vecna, and to then come back to her once the task is finished. It's a difficult decision to make, having received an offer that would guarantee at least a bit more time with his family. Even knowing he would have to leave them soon, having that guarantee is very attractive.

He wants so badly to be back with his family, to defeat Vecna, and a part of him desperately wants to say yes, to grasp on to whatever chance he has to return to Keyleth, to his sister, to the rest of Vox Machina. There's something in him that screaming at him to take the deal, to accept whatever he can get.

But he can't get over the fact that once Vecna is finished he'll have to leave again, this time forever. He can't bear the thought of leaving his sister like that, and he'd made a promise to Keyleth that he'd return to Zephra with her. It was a promise he intended to keep.

And he knows the spells that Keyleth has learned over the past year. He knows what she is capable of, that she has the ability to bring him back even if his body was turned to dust. She's the most powerful person he knows, and he's sure that she can do this, that she will do it. He has more faith in her than anyone.

"I'm sorry, my queen. I can't," he says, his voice quiet and shaking, a tremor of fear running through him at the thought of what her reaction him be.

She stands before him in silence for several long moments. Vax dips his head down, looking at the floor, unable to look into her face. Her presence looms around him, the darkness of her form almost surrounding him, her eyes, hidden behind the pale mask of her face, studying him.

"You're turning down my offer?" she asks, her voice stoic and calm as always.

"Yes."

"Do you understand what you're doing? What you're refusing?" Her tone is becoming a bit more heated now, her voice growing tense even as it remains quiet.

"I do," he replies. "I just... I can't accept anything that would take me away from my family so soon. Not when I know there's another way to return to them."

"Another way? You think that someone can give you a better offer than the one I have given you?"

"I know what Keyleth can do. I know how powerful she is. I know that she has a spell to bring me back. I know she can do it. I have faith in her." His words are stronger now as he speaks with conviction. One thing he's never doubted is Keyleth's strength and power, and even now, standing in front of a god, being offered another brief chance at life, Vax feels how true his words are, how much he believes them.

The Raven Queen goes silent again as she stares at him, but now Vax watches her back, no longer scared after reminding himself of how strong Keyleth is and what she can do.

"Very well," his queen eventually says. "But understand, if your faith is misplaced, if your Keyleth is unable or unwilling to complete this task, there will be no second chance. You will remain here with me. Forever."

"I understand," he responds. "But I have faith in her. I know she can do this. I know she will do this."

"Then I suppose that, for now, the only thing you can do is wait," she says, and then she fades away, leaving him alone in the dark, waiting for Keyleth to do what he knows she can.

His eyes drift open slowly, vision blurred. The light is low, shadows floating above him as his eyes adjust. As his vision clears, he takes in the trees that are surrounding him. He recognizes these trees. He's in the forest outside of Whitestone.

The crunching sound of leaves draws his attention, and he turns his head toward the sound. Out of the trees and shadows come Galdric, walking toward him.

"Hey, old friend," Vax says, reaching out. The animal bumps his head into the offered hand, an acknowledgement of their connection. "You wouldn't happen to know how long I was gone, would you?"

Galdric just stares at him, moving back to sit down. Vax pushes himself up off the ground, groaning at his stiff muscles. "Yeah, didn't think so." His eyes sweep over the dog, noting how much stronger and healthier he looks than when they had originally sent him out on his task. "You do a good job protecting Whitestone, don't you?"

The dog responds by nudging at Vax's arm with his snout. "Thank you," Vax says as he scratches Galdric behind the ears. "Thank you so much." He sits there for a few more moments, before standing. "I have to go now."

At his words, Galdric stalks off back into the forest. Vax takes a deep breath, relishing the air in his lungs and his heart beating in his chest. Looking down, he sees that he's completely naked. "Well, this happens more often than I'd really like it to." And he sets off to find his way out of the woods, toward Whitestone.

He's not sure how long it takes him to reach the edge of the forest, but when he does he can make out several figures, far away. As he comes closer he sees his friend sitting in a spot a bit away from the castle. Vex'ahlia is leaning into Percy, her hands clenched together tightly, and Keyleth is pacing, back and forth, over and over, biting her thumbnail as she does.

She's the first one to spot him, and he can hear the joyful sob that escapes her as she runs toward him, throwing her arms around his neck when she reaches him, holding on tight. "It worked," she whispers. "It worked."

Vax responds by tightening his arms around her, holding her close and sliding his hand up to tangle in her hair. After a moment he pulls back to look into Keyleth's eyes. They're tired and swollen, filled with tears. But there's joy there, and the tears that streak down her cheeks are happy tears.

"You're amazing," he says to her, his voice low and intimate. "I knew you could do it. I never stopped believing in you."

She smiles at him as more tears escape her eyes. "I can't believe it worked," she whispers again. Vax doesn't know how to respond. He can only pull her into a kiss, putting all of the love and gratitude he feels into it.

They separate as Vex bounds toward them, her arms encircling him. "Thank the gods," she says quietly.

"Not the gods," Vax responds. "This was all Kiki."

"I know," she says, pulling back and turning toward the druid. "Keyleth, you're incredible." She wraps the other woman up in a hug. "Thank you so much."

Keyleth returns the hug, her eyes meeting Vax's over his sister's shoulder. She smiles, a warm, loving, happy smile that makes his heart flutter. He loves her so much, and he knew he was right to place his faith in her. He will never stop believing in her and what she can do.

Keyleth steps back, away from the crowd, her speech to the residents of Vasselheim finished. Vax takes her face in his hands and gives her a light kiss. "I am so proud of you."

"It was just a speech," she said, rolling her eyes in her embarrassment.

"It was a great speech," he replies.

"That really was an amazing speech, Keyleth," Vex says, patting her on the shoulder.

They all stand in silence for awhile, unsure of what to do next. Vax pulls Keyleth into his arms, letting her curl into him. He can't imagine letting this go, and he reminds himself of how right he was to put his faith and trust in Keyleth. He hasn't told his family about the deal the Raven Queen offered him, but he's spent so much of the time he's had since he was brought back trying to express how much he loves and appreciates all of them, silent thanks for what they did for him, bringing him back, giving him a chance to have the future he dreamed of.

"What now?" Pike eventually asks.

"I really don't know," Percy says, looking around, seeming to be a bit lost without some kind of task to complete.

"We have to go back to Zephra soon," Keyleth says to the group, but mostly to Vax. "We were only supposed to be away for a short vacation."

Scanlan lets out a laugh, "Like there would ever be such a thing as a 'short vacation' with us."

Vax presses a kiss to Keyleth's forehead. "Maybe there will be now."

They go to a tavern and drink for awhile before leaving to return home to Whitestone, with the promise to come back to Vasselheim soon to help rebuild.

When they step out of the Sun Tree and into Dawnfather Square, Percy immediately heads toward the castle to check on his sister, Vex at his side. Scanlan follows closely behind, eager to see his daughter and make sure she's okay. Grog and Pike trail behind him, chatting drunkenly.

"What do you want to do now?" Vax asks Keyleth, taking her hand in his.

"Can we just go to bed?" she asks. "All I want to do is climb into bed and have you hold me while we sleep."

A smile stretches across his face as his heart flutters once again. "That sounds perfect. There's nothing I'd rather do."

When they get to their room and close the door behind them, Vax notices how slow Keyleth is moving, how tired she looks. The fight was hard on all of them, but the magic she uses in battle so often leaves her drained and exhausted. He helps her remove her armor and then he pulls back the blankets for her, watching as she slides into the bed before he starts to take off his own armor.

"I can't believe we won," Keyleth says, her voice quiet and tired. "We won and none of us died." She's silent for a moment, a sort of heavy silence, before saying, "Well... nobody died... in this battle."

Vax knows that even though she succeeded in bringing him back that Keyleth will never forget what it felt like to see his body turned to dust. It still haunts her, and Vax worries that it always will.

"For once we planned very well," he says as he removes the last of his armor and gets into bed. She moves into his arms, placing her head in the curve where his neck and shoulder meet, her arm stretching across his chest so that her palm can rest over his heartbeat, strong and even. "You were amazing, Keyleth," he whispers into her hair. "You defeated a god."

"We all defeated a god."

"But you're the one who sealed him away."

She doesn't respond for a moment, as though she's turning the words over in her head. "Scanlan was the one who cast the spell to bring out the text and make it readable. All I did was recite it."

He doesn't press it, knowing how difficult Keyleth finds it to take credit for things she's done. Instead, he drops a kiss on her forehead, lingering there as he absorbs the moment, the simplicity of it all, and how happy he is.

Keyleth tilts her head up, bringing her lips to his. It's a slow, deep kiss, and Vax savors ever second of it, aware of how close he came to not having this.

Their eyes meet as they separate, and as tired as they both are, their expressions are filled with happiness, affection, and contentment. "I love you so much," he whispers, bringing his hand up to stroke his thumb over her cheekbone.

Her breath catches in her chest and the emotion overtakes her face. "I love you," she echoes. "I... I don't know what I would have done... if I lost you... if I hadn't been able to bring you back."

"You never have to worry about that," he says. "You did bring me back. You're so powerful and strong and I knew you could do it. I never doubted my faith in you."

She smiles at him, and they continue to gaze into each other's eyes as Vax strokes his hand through her hair and Keyleth keeps her palm firmly over his beating heart. Eventually, her eyes start to droop, and she returns her head to his shoulder, nuzzling her face into his neck. "I love you," she says again, her voice barely more than a whisper.

"I love you, too," he says as they both drift off to sleep.

They've been back in Zephra for a few months, continuing to build the future they were making for themselves before they had to fight Vecna. They settle back into the home they share, creating a warm, lived in place where they can be together, just the two of them.

Every day Vax breathes in the air of the village, closing his eyes as he feels the light breeze on his skin and hears the voices of the people in Zephra, the people who have slowly become their neighbors and friends. He remembers how close he came to losing it, and each day he reminds himself how right he was to trust in Keyleth and her power, to always have faith in her. He holds her close every morning, kissing her with everything he has in him, an expression of his love and all the gratitude he feels for her, for bringing him back.

Zephra is home now, and Vax spends every second of his life he cherishes the fact that he's here with Keyleth, that they're actually getting to have that future he had dreamed of.

He walks through the village, searching for Keyleth. She's been anxious, nervous about what she has to do. A few of the children in Zephra have come down with what's developed into a very serious illness. The healers have used all the spells they have to cure them, but nothing has worked, so they've now asked the Voice of the Tempest to try.

The request had made her nervous and scared, and she'd taken off to think hours ago, and now Vax was getting worried.

He finds her sitting beneath a tree, several feet away from the edge of a cliff, gazing out into the distance.

"Hey," he says, his voice quiet as he carefully sits beside Keyleth, not wanting to startle her.

"Hey," she responds weakly.

"What's going on, Kiki?" he asks bluntly. They had always been so good at being honest with each other about how they felt, at talking to each other openly instead of pushing anything down they needed to say, so he doesn't try to skirt around the question, instead clearly asking what he needs to know.

She takes a deep, shakey breath. "I don't know if I can do this."

"Of course you can," Vax says, taking her hand and pressing a kiss to her knuckles. "You're the Voice of the Tempest. You're so strong and powerful."

"That the problem," she says, finally turning to look at him, and he says the fear in her glassy eyes. "I'm supposed to be this powerful leader. Everyone expects me to be able to do this incredible things. But what if I can't? It's not like spells I've cast haven't failed before. What will they think of me if I let them down? I'm supposed to be their leader, but what happens if I can't do this? If I fail?"

He watches her as she talks, his heart breaking at how much she struggles with having faith in herself. She's done so many amazing things, so many powerful things, but she can't bring herself to believe in herself as much as he believes in her.

"I've never told you," he starts as he moves closer to Keyleth, pressing his forehead to hers and stroking over her cheek with his fingertips. "What happened when I died. After that first fight with Vecna.

She freezes, and he can feel the sharp breath she takes in as she's hit with the pain of the memory of his death. "What do you mean?"

"Before you brought me back... the Raven Queen came to me. She offered me a deal. She would send me back to you, to our friends, with gifts to help us defeat Vecna, but once Vecna was defeated I would die again. For good. I would have had to return to her."

Keyleth's brow furrows as she listens to him. "I don't understand. What... what are you saying?"

"She offered me this deal," he continues. "It would have guaranteed that I would return to you, that I'd get more time with you. I almost took it. But I couldn't accept something that would make our time together so short. Not when I knew that you could bring me back."

"Vax..." she says, bringing her hand up to his chest, her fingers clenching in his shirt.

"I knew that you could do. I knew that you would do it. Because you are so strong, and so powerful. I had so much faith in you, and I never doubted that faith. l have so much faith in you. I turned down a guarantee from a god because I believed in you and... I just knew."

Tears fall down her cheeks as Vax finishes, and he presses kisses all over her face, following the trails of her tears. She moves forward, burying her face in his neck as he wraps his arms around her, holding her close. "We have a future because of you. What we have right now is all thanks to you. You're incredible." He feels her breathing slow, the silent sobs evening out into more steady breaths.

He runs his finger soothingly through her hair for several minutes before pulling back to look at her, looking into her eyes and saying, "And if you ever doubt yourself, if you ever have trouble having faith in yourself, remember that. Remember what you did for me. For us. Remember how much faith I have in you. I have more than enough for the both of us."

Keyleth looks into her eyes, her face softening with affection. "You're right." She nods. "I can do this."

"I know you can."

She watches him for a few more minutes. "Thank you. For having faith in me. For believing I could bring you back. If you had taken that deal, if I'd had to say goodbye to you after we sealed Vecna away... I don't know what..." Her fingers clench tighter as she takes in a deep, calming breath. "Thank you so much for not taking it, for having faith that I could bring you home to me. For believing in me instead of taking something that was guaranteed. I can't tell you what it means to me."

Vax presses her lips to hers, a promise that he'll always believe in her, that he'll always have faith in her. She hold onto him, accepting his promise, his love, and his faith in her.

She stands up, brushing of her skirts, pulling her mantle around her shoulders and grabbing her staff. "I can do this," she says to herself before turning to look at Vax. "I love you so much."

His heart beats hard against his ribs, as it always does when she looks at him with so much open affection and love. "And I love you," he replies. "I'm the luckiest man in the world."

"And I'm the luckiest woman." They smile at each other for a long moment before she turns to walk away toward the quarantined tents, her head held high and her hair blowing in the breeze. She looks every inch like the force of nature she is, and Vax's breath catches in his chest at how beautiful she is, and how lucky he is that she loves him, that she chose him, and that she brought him back. He will love her until the day he dies, and beyond. And because of her, that day is a long way off.

#critical role #critfic #my fic #vaxleth

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dancerwrites · 7 years

Text

A Deep Breath and Steady Hands - Chapter 4

Summary: When his family is killed by visitors to Whitestone and Julius is the only one to escape their clutches, he loses his faith and seeks justice on his own power. But fate seems to have a different idea, when he ends up in the path of a certain group of mercenaries and he finds something he’s been missing. Rating: Teen and up Words to date: 11109

[read from the beginning on AO3] {read from the beginning on tumblr}

So this took me a very long time for two reasons: 1) It kind of wouldn't end? It just kept going, and I just kept wanting to add things, and then it needed to close up somehow, so here we are with almost 4k words in one chapter xD 2) I've got two weeks left of school (including finals) and I'm seriously so exhausted. Physics sucks, and while my other classes are good, I'm also applying to graduate school this summer and working on getting a job and still practicing for performances coming up ^_^. That being said, thank you all for sticking with me and coming back for another chapter!

Re: school, there probably won't be a chapter next week b/c of school stresses and everything. I know where the story is going, but I need some time to get the words on paper and free time is not something I have over the next two weeks :/ I might write some smaller things here on my tumblr, and I'll post when I'm planning on updating again, when I start figuring out my life! ;)

Less than three, and I hope you enjoy this chapter - I liked exploring Julius' thoughts about everyone, and we'll get to see more of that in the coming chapters!

Chapter Summary: Julius meets the rest of the gang, and gets acquainted with some of the... stranger aspects of the SHITs."Lately, I've been, I've been losing sleep/Dreaming about the things that we could be/.../Old, but I'm not that old/Young, but I'm not that bold/And I don't think the world is sold/On just doing what we're told..." -"Counting Stars", OneRepublic

Chapter 4: Not Quite Sold

After several long hours of making their way through the forest south of Jorenn Village, Vax’s sister found them a clearing they could use to make camp. It was pitch black, and cloudy enough overhead that only a couple stars shone down on them – not nearly enough to provide light to see by – but Tiberius conjured several orbs of light that hung in midair, illuminating the surrounding area.

The rest of the group seemed to have a system, and Julius watched from the edge of the clearing as the goliath dug them a fire pit and the dragonborn cleared away small rocks and twigs with a repeated flick of his wrist. The rest of them were unpacking their bags, laying out their bedrolls in a comfortable enough silence that it was clear they had followed the routine many times before.

Julius hung back, not wanting to place his things where they wouldn’t be appreciated by the others. He noted that the twins laid their knapsacks next to each other, and that the gnomes seemed to be sticking together as well, and wondered how he fit in their strange little group.

Looking around the rest of the clearing, by the light of one of the orbs, Julius saw something in the woods to his right. A large form moved through the trees, not conspicuous, but not hidden either.

Julius approached the tree line slowly, trying to see what was watching them. It didn’t seem malevolent, but one couldn’t be too careful, especially when they were still close to the Umbra Hills.

He froze in place when he realized it was the form of a bear snuffling around the ground, seemingly unperturbed by so many humans close by. While Julius wasn’t sure why the bear hadn’t taken notice of them, he didn’t want to take the risk of it charging.

Cautiously edging closer, Julius noted that it wasn’t too large a bear, certainly not as large as some that roamed the Alabaster Sierras – perhaps if he ran at it, sword out, he might scare it away. Perhaps their goliath companion would be a better choice – certainly larger and hardier – but glancing over his shoulder, he saw that the goliath was starting their fire, strangely intent on striking the rock on flint.

Making a, probably stupid, decision, Julius started to draw his sword. Unfortunately, the bear seemed to hear, his head rising up, his large eyes gleaming as they caught the reflection of Tiberius’ magical lights.

Julius froze, his sword halfway out of its sheath, staring down a predator that he was suddenly very sure wouldn’t be scared away by him and his sword.

His idea had indeed, in retrospect, been quite stupid.

“Trinket, did you find something?” came a female voice from behind Julius, who nearly jumped out of his skin at the surprise.

Vax’s sister strode past Julius, and he felt a rising horror in his chest as the slight woman approached the bear, oblivious to the potential danger.

“I really don’t think you should-“ Julius managed to get out, his voice sounding like Percival’s before his growth spurt, before the bear burst through the tree line toward them and he backed away, drawing his sword the rest of the way and holding it before him.

He then watched in fascination as the bear, which held a brace of foxes in its jaws, dropped the animals at the half-elf’s feet and butted its head against her chest, not unlike an oversized dog.

“Oh, good boy!” she exclaimed, rubbing his head and scratching behind his ears.

Julius still stood there, his sword arm falling to the side, limp, as he watched their interaction. He had obviously vastly misjudged the situation.

Feeling dazed, Julius continued to watch as the half-elf planted kisses on the furry face of the creature, who had actually slumped to the ground, tongue out and eyes closed in what couldn’t be anything but pure bliss.

“I don’t get it either.”

Julius started for the second time in as many minutes, spinning to see the purple-clad gnome standing beside him, twirling a stray lock of hair around his finger. “I mean, it’s a bear, and she treats it like a kitten.”

“This is… normal?”

“Yep. That’s Vex, and that’s her bear, Trinket,” the gnome said with a roll of his eyes. It was apparent that the creature was not the gnome’s favorite member of their group.

“But isn’t her brother-“

“Vax’ildan and Vex’ahlia,” the gnome said, gesturing to each as he said their name, “Vax and Vex for short, practically identical twins. It’s not confusing at all, of course.”

“I… can imagine.”

“Just say one or the other – the right one will probably answer, and even if it’s the wrong one at least you tried,” the gnome said, shrugging.

Julius simply stared at him for a moment, confused, then realized that his sword was still hanging at his side.

He sheathed it as quietly as he could, glancing around to see if anyone had noticed, but everyone was still busy with their own tasks. Vex’ahlia, Vex, had picked up the limp bodies of the foxes and was bringing them over to the fire. The other gnome, Keyleth, and Vax came out of the woods on the other side of the clearing, mostly with more fuel and kindling for the fire, but also with various mushrooms and plants that would apparently be added to some sort of stew that Tiberius was already stirring, babbling to the others as he did so.

“I’m Scanlan, by the way,” the gnome beside him said, also watching the others. “Scanlan Shorthalt, Bard Extraordinaire, previous member of Dr. Dranzel’s infamous travelling troupe, and current leader of the SHITs.”

“That’s nice,” Julius said blithely, before realizing what Scanlan had said. “Hold on, leader- leader of the shits?”

“That’s us,” Vax confirmed from right behind Julius, making him jump for the third time that night. (He obviously needed to brush up on his awareness. This was getting ridiculous.) “The Super High Intensity Team. Don’t ask me why that’s the name we settled on, but that’s us.”

He gestured to the rest of their campsite, to the goliath, the other gnome, Vex, Keyleth, and Tiberius. A ragtag group of mercenaries named “the SHITs”.

Julius couldn’t help but think of how he would have reacted to them two years prior. Entitled Julius Gatremaine von Musel Klossowski de Rolo the First, heir to Whitestone, eldest of his family, would have scoffed at these vagabonds, wondering why they didn’t just find some place to settle down and make something of themselves. Now, Julius knew only too well the life of a peasant instead of a lord, and while mercenaries still weren’t his favored company, he better understood their place in the world. And they had rescued him from whatever awaited him at Stonefell’s (or the Briarwoods’) hands. That counted for something.

“It’s a good name!” Scanlan protested, crossing his arms over his chest. “And we came up with it together.”

“You and Pike and Keyleth came up with it while drunk and it stuck.”

“Same difference.”

“Oh, go help Tiberius with the cooking,” Vax scoffed. “He could always use an inspiring song to make a better stew.”

“But I’m getting to know our new companion, Julius,” Scanlan said, sweeping an arm toward Julius. “We’re becoming the best of friends!”

“I got the impression I was getting to know you, not the other way around,” Julius said wryly, pursing his lips.

“It’s a give-and-take deal here,” Scanlan said pointedly, shaking his head like Julius was an amusing child. “First I give, and then I receive.”

“Mmm,” Julius hummed, warily eyeing the man, not sure what he was planning on asking. Julius looked up to where Vax had been standing, hoping for some support, but the man had already disappeared into the shadows of the night without a trace.

“So, how are you liking this “life on the road” thing so far?” Scanlan asked.

“I’ve travelled on my own before now – it’s not too bad,” Julius said, grateful for the innocuous question.

“Ah, a young man who can hold his own, then. But even against a pet bear?”

Julius felt his cheeks flush slightly, but he was proud of his cool response. “I’m hardly a novice to hard living. I could have handled him.”

It was a half-truth – while he’d certainly spent his share of days sleeping under the stars and keeping himself safe from beasts, he’d spent most of his life in Whitestone. He’d then stayed for a couple years in a town near the outskirts of Kymal, practicing his skills with sword and magic, hoping to one day return to Whitestone and bring justice to the Briarwoods for their crimes.

“Ah yes, one ferocious bear is no problem for the likes of you,” Scanlan said sagely, nodding with an air of all seriousness. “But have you ever run for your life through the woods? Dodged away from the authorities and only getting away by the skin of your teeth?”

Julius felt his chest tighten and sucked in a deep breath. “You’d be surprised.”

“Really?” Scanlan asked, nodding almost as if he were proud. “Color me impressed. But what would a pretty boy like you be running from, with those rugged good looks?”

Julius lifted his hand to the beard that had grown around his mouth in the past fortnight, trying to let on to the frantic beating of his heart beneath his chest. He wasn’t sure if Scanlan was being rhetorical or if he desired an answer, but Julius felt his breath grow short as memories flooded him.

He heard the crunch of fresh snow beneath his boots, remembered Oliver teasing him, harmlessly, about being the “pretty boy” of the family (with the indignance and scorn that could only come from a younger brother).

He saw crimson splotches on the ground, heard the baying of wolfhounds from behind him.

He remembered a low snarl in his ear, his wrists held behind his back – Sylas Briarwood asking his wife if they could “keep the pretty one”.

Cassandra’s arm was linked with his own as she tried to match his longer strides. She stumbled, fell-

He heard Whitney’s voice in his head. Was it boys or girls who were meant to be pretty? Why couldn’t both be “pretty”? Julius hadn’t been able to answer.

Then he saw the river behind the castle, rushing thick and fast with melting snow, rising up to meet him as his heart shot up into his throat and dark smoke swirled through his lungs-

“Julius?”

Julius sucked in a deep breath, coming back to the present. He flinched as something touched his arm, and pulled away, trying to regulate his breathing.

There was a tense silence between them as Julius tried to stay silent and still, forcing away the prickling at the backs of his eyelids with frustration. He’d studied with Teilo for a year or so, been on his own for at least two, and here he was, close to breaking down in front of someone he’d known for less than a day.

He needed sleep, and for people to stop asking him questions.

The two of them stood for a moment, the chatter from the rest of the group carrying across the clearing, laughter punctuating their words.

He turned back to Scanlan, who looked mildly concerned.

“As I said,” Julius murmured, doing his best to let his shoulders relax while keeping his face impassive. “You’d be surprised.”

Scanlan’s expression changed quickly, nearly giving Julius whiplash as the raised eyebrow and slight frown morphed into a jovial smile.

“A man with secrets – excellent!” he proclaimed.

Julius stared at him for a moment, nonplussed. “Because you wish to discover them, or because it gives you a reason not to trust me?”

“On the contrary, my good Julius – none of our group is without a secret, as it is with most of the world. But a man with secrets is a man with layers. It means there’s more to you than meets the eye.”

Scanlan winked and tapped his temple with a finger. “You might discover some of them if you stick around a while.”

A whistle from near the fire caught his attention, then, and he perked up.

“But not right now!” Scanlan said, waving toward the goliath, who was holding up a bowl and grinning. “It’s time for food!”

And Scanlan disappeared in a shimmer of purple light, reappearing on the goliath’s shoulders and snatching the bowl away. The larger man roared briefly in jest, but Scanlan just danced around his shoulders, not spilling a drop of the stew, as he whistled a happy tune. The others laughed and Keyleth, a small smile pulling at her lips, filled another, much bigger, bowl for the goliath’s dinner.

“He likes showing off, he does.”

Julius was proud not to jump when the half-elf’s voice came from behind him again. Instead he turned slowly, locking eyes with the man, but Vax only smiled, flipping one of his daggers between his fingers.

Julius rolled his eyes. It was exactly something Oliver or Whitney would have done – sneaking up from behind while their quarry was otherwise occupied. Once upon a time he’d been used to checking his surroundings for eavesdropping younger siblings, but now…

He wondered how much Vax had heard – if he would ask about what Scanlan hadn’t – but Vax simply twirled the dagger around his finger one last time and slid it back into a place on his belt.

“You know, Grog can eat like a horse if he wants to. You should probably get some food while there’s still some left.”

Julius raised an eyebrow. “Grog?”

“The goliath.”

“Named after an alcoholic beverage?”

“Ale is one of his passions,” Vax said with a smirk and a shrug.

Julius glanced over to where the goliath sat, scooping up stew with his fingers and talking through large bites.

“Mmmhmm,” he hummed.

His stomach grumbled slightly, wanting sustenance after hours of tramping through a forest, but Julius still felt wary about approaching the circle. The rest of them were talking together, eating together, and though it was not in a large hall with a good table and silverware, it evoked a strange sense of nostalgia that Julius hadn’t expected.

“No one’s gonna question you tonight – we’re all dead tired,” Vax said knowingly, actually grabbing Julius’ arm and leading him toward the rest of the SHITs. “Get some food and get to bed – you look half-starved and dead tired.”

Julius stumbled forward as the shorter man pulled him along, then tugged his arm away from Vax under the pretense of smoothing his shirt, pretending as though the grip on his arm hadn’t brought back that heightened sense of worry and anxiety. Vax didn’t seem to notice, but it could have been because the half elf had already forged ahead and gotten a bowl of stew from his sister, sitting on the ground with her to eat it.

“Here you go, Julius!” Keyleth said as he came over, holding a bowl out to him, a smile on her face. “It’s not a lot, but we’ve got some bread to go with it, and the fox meat is quite good, a little tough, but…”

She then showed him just how good it was by using her fork to take out a piece and stick it in her mouth, humming as she did so.

Julius couldn’t help but grin at the sight of her nodding profusely as she chewed, still smiling around the bite.

Keyleth gestured to his bowl and raised an eyebrow as she swallowed, so Julius took his fork and speared one of the small pieces of the meat, bringing it to his own mouth.

It was certainly more than “a little” tough, but luckily Tiberius, or Grog – whoever had been cooking – hadn’t overcooked the meat, and it was perfectly edible. The mix of flavors was not one he was entirely familiar with, especially as his general fare since setting out on his own was rather bland, but it was certainly better than anything he’d had in a while; the rich, earthy scent of the mushrooms and the thickness of the potatoes added in brought a nice fullness to the dish.

He finished the bite and swallowed, giving a nod to Keyleth and turning to the others, who he realized had fallen silent, watching him.

“It’s very good, thank you,” he said, straightening up as he felt the accent of his childhood push through more than he had intended it to.

“You are most welcome,” Tiberius said, smiling and raising his own bowl in a sort-of toast. “And please, if you want more, simply ask.”

Julius nodded his thanks and, sitting beside Keyleth, continued eating as conversation slowly resumed.

The sound of metal sliding against metal came from his left and Julius turned to see the armored gnome approaching him, holding out the end of a loaf. So close for the first time, he noted that while he had thought her hair to be a solid dark brown or black color, it was actually interspersed with purple streaks. To have achieved such a bright color was an interesting feat, especially with the, apparently, darker color of her natural hair, and Julius had a strange, curious desire to ask her how she had done it.

“Here’s some bread,” she said, her voice lighter and gentler than he had expected, her smile wide. Julius thanked her, nodding as he took it, and kept his mouth shut. It wasn’t polite to pry, especially when they had only just met.

“I’m Pike, by the way,” she added, stretching out her hand again. “Pike Trickfoot.”

“Julius.”

He shook her hand, and noted the pendant she wore around her neck – a familiar enough sight back home, especially at the temple.

“Are you religious?” he asked, trying to keep his voice neutral. It wasn’t that he disdained those who worshipped the gods – if they took comfort in the supposed providence of deities, then good for them. But there was little doubt in Julius’ mind that while the gods might have smiled on the de Rolos and Whitestone at one point, they were no longer involved.

“Oh, yes!” Pike exclaimed, pulling the pendant fully out from behind her armor. “I’m a cleric of Sarenrae.”

With what was unmistakably a holy symbol now revealed, Julius noted the iconic wings stretching up from the back of the small figure, and the halo around the effigy of the goddess. Sarenrae had never held a presence or temple in Whitestone, but all the de Rolo children had studied the various deities of the land, and the Everlight had been included in those lessons.

“Well met,” Julius acknowledged. While a cleric seemed an odd choice of occupation for someone who was, at the very least, a part-time mercenary, he wondered if Pike was preaching Sarenrae’s light across Exandria, using “the SHITs” as a mechanism for her ministry. “Sarenrae is the goddess of redemption, yes?”

“Of healing and second chances, yeah,” Pike said, rubbing the holy symbol between her fingers. “She’s not very well known, but her following is growing. She gave me a second chance, and now I use most of what I’ve from her to keep these idiots from dying all the time.”

There was some varied protests from around the fire, including several “Come on, now”s and an “Oh, that’s not fair” from Keyleth, but everyone was grinning.

“You’re the best of us, Pike my darling,” Scanlan threw out with a wink and a blown kiss. “How could we ever match your splendor?”

“You couldn’t,” Pike said, rolling her eyes with a grin. “But if you all didn’t get injured so often, it would make my job ten times easier, and less stressful.”

“You’re so powerful though, Pike,” interjected Grog, the goliath. “That’s what makes you special – you can fight, but you can also do the magic thing and heal us up. I mean, Scanlan and Keyleth can heal us a bit, but I wouldn’t give you up for anything.”

“Thank you, Grog,” Pike said, a shy smile pulling at her lips as her cheeks flushed pink. “But it’s nothing, really.”

There was a slew of protests once again, and the conversation continued in that vein for a while as Julius returned to his stew and bread, content to simply watch the rest of them interact. The nostalgia was growing strong once again, though it was tainted with a deep-set pain that he couldn’t quite shake.

Soon enough, the group had fallen silent and a wordless, unanimous decision was made among them to turn in for the night as they handed their bowls over to Tiberius to be cleaned with magic.

Vax and Vex readied themselves for the first watch, taking up positions by the fire, and Julius was about to offer to take the second – it was the least he could do when they had saved him – but before he could, Pike had come up to his side, standing tall despite her shorter stature.

“We’ve got watches covered for tonight,” she said, patting his uninjured side. “I noticed you favoring your leg, though – is there anything I can do to help?”

Julius frowned and shifted his weight back and forth, testing the pressure put on the limb. There was a slight twinge of pain, but nothing serious – certainly nothing in need of magical healing.

“I’m fine for the time being,” he said, the corner of his lip quirking as he watched one of her eyebrows rise high on her forehead, obviously dubious of his assurance.

“Honestly,” Julius said with a chuckle, bending his knee and straightening it again. “I do believe it’s alright. It’s sore, but most of me is after our jaunt through the woods. I think tomorrow I’ll be feeling much better.”

Pike examined his face for a long moment. “If you say so,” she said, though she still wore that disbelieving expression that told him she’d be keeping an eye on him.

“If it’s anything more than a mild ache tomorrow I’ll let you take a look at it,” Julius said, which seemed to mollify the smaller woman.

She wished him a good night’s sleep and wandered back over to Grog, leaving Julius to lay out his bedroll. Tiberius extinguished the magical lights, revealing the presence of faint stars in the sky, and the rest of them fell silent after a few moments. Julius laid down in the place he had claimed on the edge of their bivouac and stared up at the stars for a long while, trying to find the pictures made from them that he’d learned oh so long ago. It was hard, especially as he had never been one for the study of the heavens, not like Ludwig, or even Cassandra, who had asked their mother when she would be able to stay up late and actually see all the constellations she’d only ever read about in books.

Julius remembered Johanna saying that she had to wait until she was thirteen.

The Briarwoods had come two months before her birthday.

Julius shuddered and turned on his bedroll to watch the flickering fire and the twins, who were having a hushed conversation. He had a strange urge to stay up, to keep an eye on the, frankly, questionable company he’d found for himself, but after only a couple minutes he felt his eyelids drooping and his breathing slowing.

Shifting his arm so a bump on the ground wasn’t digging into him, Julius readjusted his bag which was doubling as pillow. And, after only a minute or two more, he drifted off to the sound of wind in the trees, the distant hooting of an owl, and the faint crackling of the fire.

#this got SO LONG #critfic #critical role #julius de rolo #jdr au #adbash #A Deep Breath and Steady Hands #writing #my writing #long post #more notes are over on AO3 if y'all want to check them out #otherwise send me an ask and I'd be happy to answer any questions you have!#critrole

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ruthdemoofins · 7 years

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Near Loss - Perc’ahlia ficlet - SPOILERS FOR EP. 80

Percy has a panic attack after the battle with Raishan. Spoilers for ep. 80. I’ve always appreciated that Taliesin plays Percy realistically to the point of having panic attacks and though I’m not sure he would’ve chosen for Percy to have one after nearly losing Vex, I wanted to write it out because d a m n I love angst.

Read on AO3: (X)

Gone.

Gone again.

Percy’s nightmares entailed of this; of Vex’ahlia, dead before Thordak, dead before Raishan, dead before the Briarwoods, dead before a multitude of creatures that have haunted him over the years.

For a moment, he finds himself baffled that each time this has happened to any of their party, things seemed to truly slow down.

This time, she’d collapsed and every fiber of his being screamed for him to go to her.

Her body rippled in his view from the pure intensity of the room’s heat. She was listless, looking like a discarded doll, in the same way she’d looked before.

Before.

Thatwasyourfaultthatwasyourfaultthatwasyourfaultthatwasyourfault.

He’d had a plan before this, intended upon shooting Raishan’s eggs to disrupt whatever purpose they had but now, now…

He knew that if Orthax still resided within him, the smoke would have engulfed him long ago. Perhaps it would’ve coalesced into a dragon of his own, perhaps, if he had kept Orthax, this would have never happened.

His body gave a short jerk, his heart ached and with little control (he was not one to act upon passion; he acted upon methodical impulse) and much aggression, he roared as he shot for Raishan.

You bitch. You won’t take her from me.

I’ve lost her once already.

He recalls that precious breath of life she’d taken the last time, the dazzling smile upon her lips, so much different than the previous, pale grimace.

I’ve lost myself, mind-

He recalls the press of hand around his, imploring for him to remove his mask. He recalls how clear it was after the smoke was gone, how clear it was that he fiercely loved her.

-and body.

He remembers death, remembers that his final thoughts had been something along the lines of: “Not now.”

Flashes of their kiss amid the snow-capped forest, of her body, her touch, the feeling of being one the previous night flooded his mind in a rapid succession, and for a brief moment, he couldn’t breathe.

But still, he held fast, knowing she would do the same for him.

Vex rose, and Scanlan fell.

In fact, nearly all of them fell, save for him (he wondered if someday, they would all laugh at how they toppled like blocks).

Raishan was gone, and so was Thordak’s body along with two of the eggs they hadn’t managed to destroy.

They emerged from the hole in the ground much like duergar, squinting at the sky, ashen-faced.

Percival stood back as he watched the others, watched Grog hug Pike and Scanlan to him in either arm in a viciously loving squeeze, watched Vax console Keyleth as she spoke rapidly with a guilt-ridden expression, watched Kima glare towards the sky while Gilmore smoothed back his hair.

“Oh, buddy, I’m so sorry!”

He turned his gaze to Vex at her sudden, thick-voiced declaration. She held Trinket around the neck with a grip that he doubted Raishan could break, her hands clenched into his fur.

Trinket looked to him and for a moment, he knew that the bear understood that she needed that hug more than he needed the hug from her.

For a moment, Percy wondered if this time, it was different for her, if perhaps, this time, she felt less triumphant and more afraid.

She’d died.

The reminder seeped up into the back of his throat in the form of bile and suddenly, the heat of Thordak’s outer lair seemed to be drowning him alive.

He could hardly hear any of the voices around him, couldn’t think past anything but Vex, dead, and his inability to breathe. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose with a grimy finger and briskly walked away.

Faintly, he heard Vex call for him, but he kept walking. He needed away.

As he walked, self-loathing swarmed.

He was a complete child, stamping off from their friends because of a fit of panic.

Never had he seen something like this happen to Grog, to Vax.

He was weak.

He should be comforting Vex, not requiring comfort.

The image of Vex’s body lifted into his mind once more and he stopped in his tracks, reaching up with a trembling hand to touch his temple, to will the thoughts to end.

She’saliveshe’saliveshe’salive-

Shediedshediedshediedshe-

“Percival.”

Vex'ahlia’s voice cut through his booming thoughts and immediately, they dissipated.

He glanced up in time to see the faint, hesitant smile on her lips disappear.

He was only hurting her. He was selfish. Horrible. Deplorab-

“You’re crying,” Vex softly breathed, her brow suddenly knitting in confusion.

Her confusion was enough for him to willingly allow a tear to slide down his dirty face. She wasn’t used to people beyond her brother caring so deeply, just like him. Even after the first time she died, after the tears shed from Keyleth, Pike, Vax…she still didn’t understand her value.

He opened and shut his mouth a few times, his body feeling horribly cold, despite the heat.

“Please, say something,” Vex pleaded, worriment replacing the reverent incredulity in her eyes.

Percy shifted his shaking hand to the one of the temples of his spectacles, failing miserably at gripping onto the thin wire to try to remove his spectacles.

“Here,” her voice soothed over his confused, mostly hurt emotions like a balm, her warm, warm hand pressing lightly against his for a moment to shift it away so she could remove his spectacles with either hand gripping them by the frame.

She carefully folded them and tucked them in a pocket of his jacket before she looked to him. “Everything is fucked up in the long run, but for now…things are fine,” she insisted, squaring her shoulders a bit, trying to appear confident. He didn’t miss the glimmer of hesitation in her eyes, though. “Percival, do you really think after our previous talks, our kisses, our…everything…that I’d let anyone take me from you again or take you from me?”

And all at once, he broke. His body jolted with soft, compressed sobs, his knees buckling beneath him. His family. His siblings. His parents. He’d only just learned, from his own death, to let her in, to stop feeling worried that he’d bring ruin by loving her only for this to happen.

“T-T-That’s the very thing,” he quickly stammered out, unable to fully inhale, unable to even understand what he was feeling right now. “I did lose you again, Vex’ahlia,” full of self-loathing, he swiped his arm across his damp face taking a shallow, shaking breath as he struggled to cease the emotion.

Vex stood still for a moment, swallowing hard before she sank to her knees in front of him and roughly grabbed his shoulders, all but slamming him against her as she held him tightly, so tightly.

“Gods be fucking damned, Percy, I’m not going anywhere, ever. Nor are you,” she fiercely grit out, her breath tickling his ear. “We’ve come too far and we’ll face the fucking sun if we must, but I’m not letting either of us die,” she drew back, disappointment bubbling in his chest as she slid her arms from him, but vanishing once they cupped his face, “Do you hear me, Percival? Fuck death.”

Her hands are warm as they hold his face and slowly, he takes a steady, calm breath. “Fuck death,” he somberly agrees, eyes lolling shut as she strokes a hand through his sweat-drenched hair.

Percy feels completely and horribly guilty, grinding his teeth for a moment before he’s standing, glaring down at the ground. “I’m sorry. I-I’m horribly selfish to have reacted like that.”

Vex, being Vex, rolled her eyes, standing with a wince. With little hesitation, she punched him in the gut. Percy gave a grunt in response, staggering back a step before looking to her with incredulous eyes.

“If you apologize one more time I’ll aim lower,” she warned, eyes flaring.

For the first time in what felt like decades, Percy managed a smile, “Yes ma’am,” he says with a slight bow.

A cheshire grin worked its way upon Vex’s lips as she reaches out to grip the lapels of his jacket, drawing him in for a kiss.

It’s a kiss that completely fills his lungs with peace, one that starts off soft, but turns into something desperate, scared, needy.

“Jesus, we could’ve died and you’re doing…this?”

Percy drew back, cheeks tinged pink beneath the grime as he spotted Kashaw stepping over some nearby rubble, Zahra in tow with a grin and a chipped horn.

There is no witty comeback from Vex as she all but throws herself at Zahra, babbling on about how grateful she was for her arrow (despite the failed use of the other).

Slowly, Percy pulled his glasses from his pocket and pushed them on, looking around at the disarray with clarity and taking a slow breath.

He glanced over his shoulder at the others in the distance before returning his gaze to Vex, who’s enveloped in a tight squeeze from Zahra.

Percival jolted as he felt a hard nudge to his hip, nearly toppling over.

He glanced behind him, and then down, to find Trinket, sitting with an expectant look in his eyes.

“Do you expect me to hug you as well?” Percy slowly questioned, to which Trinket wuffed.

“That would be horribly undignified of me,” he countered, but slowly, he sat beside Trinket in the rubble, resting a hand upon his side as both watched Vex, animatedly catching Kashaw and Zahra up on their current situation.

“Fuck death,” Percy said, his shoulders relaxing as he watched her, so energetic, so alive.

Trinket boofed in agreement before resting his head atop Percival’s.

#perc'ahlia #vex'ahlia #percy de rolo #critical role #percival fredrickstein von musel klossowski de rolo iii #critical role spoilers #that episode was fucking strESSFUL

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oschonsballs · 6 years

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may 2017: rose-fingered moon, vex/keyleth at the hot springs with feathers from a prompt about vex teasing keyleth. 2,594 words. (ao3)

"You know," Vex says softly, with a playful edge to her voice as it echoes in the space around them, "most people would just go into the water if they had a hot spring at their disposition."

It pulls Keyleth out of her reverie, far from the heavy spiral of anxiety and rage and helplessness she's been sinking into, the pull getting heavier with every passing day. She's always had her head in the clouds—Vex says it's in the trees, looking at the leaves and the bark and the way the light slips through their branches, that she's just not looking down at the ground and that her clumsiness comes from tripping on roots she's not focused on. These days, though, she's only looking at the roots, and there's something inside her that makes them twist and writhe until they start reaching for her ankles just to make her fall.

But Vex tugs her back with just a few words, and she's not in any forest at all. She's here, right now, in the sub-basement of Scanlan's mansion they didn't even know existed, and Vex is giving her one of those wry smiles of hers that she was never quite able to look away from. When Keyleth found the spring, she wanted to get Pike and Vex here and no one else; just the girls, and, well, she did have good intentions when she instead alerted everyone through the earring. Pike may not be here (and it never feels quite as whole and "just the girls" when she isn't), but at least there's Vex, and being alone with her is always different. Safe. Tense, but in a good way, like big magic sparking in her fingers.

Vex reaches out, close enough to Keyleth to touch her, and tugs at her ankle playfully. The water only goes up to a few inches below her knees from where she's sitting on a rock, below the flowing tunic she wears, and above that it's all pale skin and gooseflesh that Vex finds herself staring at for just a few seconds too long.

"Come get warm, darling. It'll clear whatever cloud you've got up in there."

"Is it that obvious?"

"I think you're a worry and a half away from making it rain," Vex smiles. She gives her big toe another little tug and a shake, but doesn't press the issue further when Keyleth makes no motion to join her in the water.

A moment passes, during which Vex lets the water come up to her chin so that she can blow bubbles into it, keeping her gaze on Keyleth as she gets lost again.

"Keyleth," she finally says, her voice a faint sing-song drawl; soft so as not to make her jump, but with that teasing, mischievous edge.

No. Seductive.

"Vex?" Keyleth says, trying to mimic her, but falling so short she sounds more confused than anything.

Moving closer, Vex straightens up through the water, and Keyleth's eye catches on the rivulets that run down her skin from the drenched tip of her braid, down, down, around the curve of her nipple. Keyleth was so distracted she hadn't even noticed Vex was naked until now, and it's not like it should come as a surprise—she knows her well enough to expect this—but it still catches so much of her attention to see her like this. Pressing her lips together hard, Keyleth uses up all the self-discipline she has and fixes her eyes on Vex's face. The curve of her mouth in that smile, the fullness of her lips, the—no. Higher. Eyes.

Vex has beautiful eyes, too.

She rests her arms on the rock next to Keyleth, looking up at her. "I don't like to see you distraught, you know, so I've got two suggestions."

"Yeah?" Keyleth asks. When she speaks, her voice is half of a raw whisper, and she clears her throat. Clearer now. "What's that?"

"Either you just say everything you've got on your mind, and I listen, no judgement," Vex says, grave in her honesty. "Or, if you just don't have the energy for all that—I can distract you. Keep your mind occupied."

There's a world of implications weaved into the spaces between her words, the notes her voice sings. She meets Keyleth's eye and, for once, Keyleth reads between the lines. Or maybe it's just that she hears what she wants to hear—and it just so happens that Vex is telling her exactly that.

"I'd like that," she says, and this time she doesn't mind how husky her voice sounds, because it sounds closer to the voice Vex uses when she's trying to sweep someone off their feet. "Not talking, I mean."

Warmth spreads below her ribcage as slowly as Vex's smile across her face. Anticipation builds within her like a fire slowly growing, watching the beads of water that roll down Vex's body as she moves, fleetingly taking Keyleth's hand to press a kiss to the pad of her index finger before letting go so that she can face her.

"Anything you don't like," she says gently, her voice devoid of any acting, any practiced charm, "tell me immediately."

Keyleth nods, and the moments passes, shifting back into the burning hot light of Vex's grin, of her gaze as she holds it, staring right into her eyes with her fingers light on Keyleth's ankles under the water. She breaks eye contact to bow her head and kiss a ticklish spot just above her knee, her smile stretching when she feels Keyleth's muscles move underneath her fingers, light and teasing on their way up. She's going deliberately slow, intent on drawing every breath out of Keyleth until she's lost entirely in the present, with her fleeting little kisses on her lower thighs, as her hands rise to join her mouth.

For every inch of Keyleth's skin that's not in the water, Vex's hands are hot, her wet hands leaving warm trickles of water down her legs, and the hot springs are onky part of the reasons Keyleth's whole body is flushing. She feels her cheeks burn from the shyness that she ignores and from the excitement, the slow tingling that spreads over her body, and when she hears something outside this is when she starts and remembers how not alone they really are.

It takes a few seconds to draw the magic up to her fingers, especially now that Vex is kissing the inside of her thigh, but she manages to druidcraft a mess of vines tangling around the latch on the door. At least, if any of the boys decide to come for a soak, they'll have to struggle against it and give Vex enough time to break away and look normal. Keyleth hopes with every fibre of her being that that won't be necessary, because there's a sense of needy bliss rushing over her now that she doesn't want to lose until she's done exploring it.

Exploring. It's what she feels Vex is doing with her body, discovering her as she is discovering herself, moving a little closer now between her knees.

Keyleth's heart is racing and, gods, she can feel the curve of Vex's breast against the side of her thigh.

"Good thinking, darling," she says of the makeshift locked she's placed on the door, looking at her with a different kind of fire in her eyes than she usually sees. Her cheeks are redder than usual, too, redder than they were a few minutes ago from just the water. It makes Keyleth feel a surge, down between her thighs, that she's having any effect on Vex at all.

"Can I?" Vex asks, still with her gaze on hers as she gives the laces around her waist a little tug. It's all that is holding her tunic closed, nothing below it, but it's only fair that Keyleth gets on the same level, so she nods, her mind racing at the idea of Vex getting so much more of her skin bared to her touch. She undoes the knot slowly, carefully, trailing two fingers down the front of her torso to make the sides of the tunic part.

But she doesn't open it any more than it does naturally. Not yet; Keyleth can tell that it's deliberate, and it makes her smile, how torturously Vex is going about it.

Smiling back, Vex seems to get an idea. She pulls one of her feathers from her hair and twirls it a bit, rolling the stem between her finger before bringing it up to caress the line of Keyleth's jaw.

"Are you ticklish?"

"I could tell you," Keyleth says, surprising even herself with a bloom of confidence—like she's just a slightly different version of herself, if a little breathless, "or you could just find out."

Vex seems to appreciate the appearance of Sexy Keyleth as much as Keyleth does. She runs the feather over Keyleth's parted lips, down her chin to her throat, across a shoulder that the tunic has slipped from, uncovering a bit more skin as it falls. She doesn't say that this is everywhere she has been wanting to kiss for—long, too long to remember when it started. They haven't reached that point yet, and she doesn't want to rush Keyleth, not when what she needs is to slow down and unwind.

So she keeps going. She hasn't noticed that her bangs have fallen in her face after she took out the feather, but she does when Keyleth tenderly tucks it back behind her ear, glad to have something to do with her hands other than hold herself up. Vex pauses with the feather to catch her in the gesture, tilting her head to the side so that she can kiss the inside of her wrist, and then she returns to not-touching all the other places she wants to kiss.

She trails over her collarbone, to the hollow below her throat, then down over her chest. The feather moves Keyleth's tunic to the side so that Vex can run it along the curve of her breast, circling her nipple like the ghost of a touch, and this is when Keyleth's breath hitches. It's a lovely, wonderful sound that makes Vex smile, so she keeps the feather on her breast, teasing, listening to the way her growing lust makes Keyleth breathe harder, trying her best to keep it steady as Vex moves on to her other.

Every touch of the feather leaves behind a tingling in its wake, the same pleasant sort of feeling that comes with healing spell, but wilder, without the sting of a wound that comes with it. It's a kiss and a good itch, her skin growing more and more sensitive. Keyleth barely has the presence to feel self-conscious, now, and welcomes the feeling of the feather opening her tunic further down her ribcage and over the flat of her belly. Her heart is pounding in her ears as Vex runs the feather around her navel, then down, her muscles jumping with anticipation, but Vex doesn't go further down.

Her eye catches bright, golden red between Keyleth's thighs and she has to bite her lip, not wanting to stare but wishing she didn't have to tear her eyes away, and she brings the feather up over the curve of Keyleth's hip to her arm. Keyleth even lets out a needy, shaky little sigh, and it's not just breath: a soft burst of voice escapes her throat. It's all Vex can do not to break and kiss her between her thighs, and it's not self-restraint that keeps her from it.

It's that she's too afraid to ask.

"Patient, darling," she says instead. It's probably not sanitary or nice for the rest of the party to be getting as wet as she is in the spring, but she couldn't give fewer fucks. It's just magic, anyway.

"That's asking a lot," Keyleth breathes out in a flustered little chuckle. Vex loves hearing her voice like this, loves knowing this is the effect she can have on her. She runs a hand over Keyketh's bare thigh with her free hand, thumb slipping on the inner side of it on its way up—but not too high, no matter how much the heat draws her in—and keeps it there. The anchor of her palm against Keyleth's skin feels safe in its intimacy, for the both of them.

As she moves to tickle her back, Keyleth sweeps her hair up over her shoulder, cascading down her front, and Vex moves it just a bit, gently, so that it doesn't obscure her breast. The feather travels over her shoulders and up and down her spine, following the shiver that runs along the column it, jumping across every vertebra. Keyleth's hand finds Vex's on her thigh, reaching to be closer to her, and she laces their fingers together tighter than Vex might have expected. Her breaths are coming in shudders now, energy moving her body and crackling like a silent static.

Vex almost has pity on the both of them, but there's such a grace in the way Keyleth shivers with lust that she doesn't want to stop, not just yet. Her own heart is pounding in her ears now and probably has been longer than she noticed, as she brings the feather across her back, down her side—this is where Keyleth flinches with a giggle that turns into a sharp exhale when Vex tracks the feather over the crease of her hip.

"Found the ticklish spot," Vex says, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Next time," Keyleth breathes without thinking, and Vex almost stops dead in her tracks, reeling at the thought that she wants there to be a next time, "I'll be finding your ticklish spot."

"You know I love a challenge," Vex says with a lopsided grin.

She lets go of Keyleth's hand with a squeeze of her fingers and trails it down her thigh to make way for the feather, drawing a long, lazy line in a wave all the way across. She starts from her other knee—another tickle—back up to the line where her leg and hip meet, letting the feather's path come to its end. It's actually Keyleth who decides, putting her hand over here and gently taking the feather to tuck it into her own hair, behind her ear.

"I'll give it back, promise."

"It looks lovely on you, darling," Vex says, mesmerised by the contrast of the steely owlbear blue against Keyleth's fiery red.

Keyleth lets go, and Vex almost moves back in the water, but then she realises that Keyleth is only getting her arms out of the sleeves of her tunic so she can push herself off the rock and into the water—into Vex's arms. She takes Vex's face in her hands and kisses full on the lips and the heat, the need almost burns Vex as she kisses back, her hands tangling in the wet ends of her hair at her shoulders. Having stood still for what has been feeling like hours, watching, watching Vex, she feels desperate to be touching her now, so much that she forgets about propriety and inexperience and feeling utterly shy and out of her depth, her fingers tracing down her shoulders, down the curve of her back, and up again.

Vex is kissing down her neck when Keyleth cups her breasts and draws a sigh from her. She tilts her head, her mouth against Vex's ear, and she whispers, just for her: "All I can think about is you."

#nsfw:fic #nsfw:critical role #nsfw:f/f

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dancerwrites · 7 years

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inhalation (catch your breath)

I’ve had a lot of feelings about the most recent episode and just in general the past week. Have a rough sketch of some of them, from a certain rogue’s point of view. (written mostly at 3am and briefly edited/revised)

He knows some things after the battle is over, the fight finished, if not necessarily won:

His goddess’ presence weighs heavy on the city

It’s stronger than he’s felt before

He has an urge to honor the dead, to find a resting place for each body that fell

She tells him without words that he doesn’t need to worry about it

(there are bigger concerns; your place is with your family)

His vengeance for his mother, for his sister, for his family of blood is quenched

His vengeance for his family of choice still burns

Raishan is still out there with:

two eggs

Thordak’s body

He feels like he has failed

He dragged them all down into this mess

He started it

He failed to finish it

He wishes he was stronger

He knows now that he has to be

He notices several things after it all calms down:

Keyleth cries for their loss of victory and for his near loss of life

He comforts her

He sits and listens to her

She feels the same way he does

He’s not sure what that means for their next step

Percy clings to Vex’s side and his fingers don’t leave hers

He wishes they were his fingers

(he remembers their childhood in Syngorn, walking proudly down the street hand in hand, the two of them against the rest of the world)

He had seen it coming from a mile off

That doesn’t make it hurt any less

Everyone is subdued, withdrawn

Scanlan tries to joke but it falls flat

J’mon Sa Ord is quiet as they find a room in their human form

Vex is silent

She holds on to Percy’s hand

She gives him a smile when he asks her about it

(he knows her smiles – he can tell when they don’t quite reach her eyes)

Something is wrong

Pike’s hair is shorter on one side that the other

He wonders if it’s from the fire, the lava, or from something else.

(when he gives her a hug he realizes it’s clearly shorn, as if with a blade)

(he decides there has to be a reason)

(he decides it’s not for him to know)

He holds her as they both cry for the loss around them, for the war not yet won

He discovers a couple things when they retire for the night (when they have no other choice):

Keyleth’s face calmer in rest than in waking

He watches her for a long while, wondering about his vengeance and her vengeance, trying to parse out where they overlap

His night is not yet over

He feels a pull, a call, a caw of sorts, and follows it to the kitchen where his sister is sitting with a bottle

He makes his footsteps known

(she doesn’t hear him approach – she doesn’t turn, doesn’t remark)

He sits beside her and says her name like a question, because he doesn’t know where she is

(she looks up at him, teary-eyed, and shifts closer, curling into his side, taking his hand in hers, clenching it tightly)

He asks why she’s not with Percy

(she doesn’t answer, not for a long time, and when she does it’s not an answer)

“Percy died,” she says, after an extended pause. “Not today, but before.”

“He did,” he replies, waiting for her to continue

(she takes another drink)

“I died,” she says

“I remember,” he replies

(he remembers all too well)

There is another long silence

(she takes another drink, and he takes the bottle from her, stealing several sips for himself)

“Do you know what it’s like to die?” she asks, and while he’s searching for an answer she continues: “Has she shown you what it’s like?”

(he remembers a pool of blood, the feeling of drowning, of stillness, of the black void in which he met with her… he chooses his words carefully)

“She’s shown me her domain, the moment between life and death,” he says, “but no farther than that.”

(he feels her fingers squeeze his hand, and he looks down to see her knuckles white on the neck of the bottle and her eyes open wide, staring)

“Do you think there’s something after death?” she asks, quickly followed by: “Do you think Mother is in some sort of afterlife? Do you think she’s watching us? That she’s proud?”

(he squeezes her hand back)

“I’ve already told you that you’re the coolest person I know,” he says. “Nothing is going to change that, and I have a feeling Mother would say the same thing if she were here right now.”

“But is it a good place? Is it better than here?” she asks simply, without much inflection or emphasis

(he turns to face her and he sees the tears on her cheeks and the vacancy in her eyes and he gently removes the bottle from her hand, replacing it with his fingers as her gaze lands on him)

“What brought this on, Stubby?” he asks

She is quiet again

(her eyes search his face, some clarity coming back to them, though they are wide and almost sadder than he’s ever seen them

“I died again,” she says, “Today.”

(his heart stops; he’s sure of it)

It’s him who is silent this time

“I was up and down in the battle, but then I was out and I was drifting, and you say there’s a place with just her, an in-between, and I swear I saw her – I didn’t remember before, but this time- it was so quick this time, but I’m sure it was her, based on the descriptions I read-“

“Hey, shhhhh,” he says, “You’re back. Pike brought you back.”

(he pulls her into a hug, though they both know it’s just as much for his sake as hers, to disguise the shaking of his hands and the creaking of his voice)

“It wasn’t your time,” he says, “She wouldn’t have let you come back if it wasn’t your time.”

(his voice has enough conviction that, for a moment, he imagines himself with the unwavering faith he’s seen Pike have in her own goddess)

“No, of course not,” she agrees

They fall into silence once again

(he remembers shouting “Take me instead, you Raven Bitch!” into the cold emptiness of the sunken tomb, and he wonders if he will ever be able to pull through on the promise he made himself that day)

(she has died twice, seen his goddess face-to-face more than he himself has)

They say nothing for a long time

Until she pulls away with a sad sort of smile on her face and says:

“I love you. Please keep not dying.”

(he wants to say the same to her, but he can’t, so he stares for a moment)

“I love you, too,” he says, finally, “and please, try not to die again. I’m not sure my poor little heart can handle it.”

(they both know he’s half joking)

He realizes some things after they go to their own rooms:

Keyleth has never communed with the Raven Queen

(out of all of Vox Machina, she is the only one who has never met with her face-to-face, remembered or not)

He would like to keep it that way

(her face is peaceful in sleep)

(her light when she’s awake shines so brightly he fears what darkness it would leave behind)

The two of them are the only ones who have not been pulled from the mortal realm by her fingers

(he wonders if this is how Keyleth feels when she remembers her long life compared to the rest of them – the finality, the short nature of common lives)

(he imagines the two of them standing against death)

Were Keyleth at his side at the communion pool it would have been easier for him to face

(he can’t wish the experience of drowning in blood upon her)

(he remembers the warmth of her presence, of Pike’s presence, after he left the pool)

(he knows she will wait for him)

(he appreciates it)

He dreams when he falls asleep:

Ravens

(dark, mysterious, ominous)

Feathers

(soft, caressing, delicate)

Fire

(bright, warm, gentle)

(not like the fire of a dragon)

(not the heat of lava)

(vivid red hair catching the sunlight)

(cleansing, radiant, joyous)

#vax'ildan #critical role #critfic #vaxleth #critical role fanfiction #cr fanfiction #this took a different turn than it did when i first wrote it #but i can't complain #there's a lot of things that vax needs to deal with after that battle #that we all need to deal with #this obviously doesn't get at everything #but at least some of the things #perc'ahlia #background #i gave myself feels #poetry fic #wanted to get this up before the episode tonight #my writing

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