William is so insecure in the books and he doesn't even seem to realise. His inferiority complex relating to Henry and spreading through all areas of his life is like, his leading trait. Everything he does is just because of fear and the overwhelming need to proof something, even (or especially) to people who will never think more of him anyways. The way he flexes his skills in front of Charlie and her firends in the Silver Eyes, the need to show his tortured body as Springtrap in the Twisted Ones and his suffering and scientific prowess in The Fourth Closet. Jessica points that out blatantly and he dismisses her, event though she was on point. He wants to shock her so bad, he doesn't care for her pity, maybe, but he sure does want to see her and others be uncomfortable with the idea of him still being alive but in such agony. He is afraid of death but still so impossibly reckless with his body; he needs the attention so bad. Makes you think how he was acting around Henry; did Henry ever entertain his "faithful partner's" need for attention? He must have, seeing as William performed as Spring Bonnie. But he is also such a... wavy presence when it comes to Freddy's. How resentful he must have grown, spending long hours behind his small desk in his small office, filing papers while constantly thinking of Henry's inventions. How much better they were, what genius Henry was, all to waste. It must have been like watching a God using his power for puny magic tricks, while you remain a grey, unseen mass. How he must have reveled in being seen, in waking the most extreme of emotions. After all, he was even jealous of his last nearly-victim's fear; he wanted Jacob to fear him, not the animatronics, he was desperate for it. He was truly the biggest attention seeker of them all.

Out of every ship i have been invested in, which isn't a whole lot but still, I think that narumitsu is the most justified in being the most painfully slow burn to ever have burned. Like, it's obvious to literally everyone around them that there is something between them but it still takes twenty years to do anything about it. Not because they're stupid but they're both just specific types of fucked up that make getting into a relationship kind of impossible.

They're both seemingly very reluctant to get into any sort of romantic relationships in the first place, one due to general disinterest and a truly incredible amount of emotional constipation, and the other due to his last (and only known) relationship being so fucked up that he kind of gave up on the concept entirely. Them being excruciatingly in denial about being in love for decades is just so in character because they're just Like That.

Their history is also complicated enough to warrant waiting around for each other forever, there's so much baggage and trauma and hurt between them that it's just crazy. They've saved each other and they've hurt each other and they push each other away, they owe each other their lives and their jobs and their hopes. They would do anything for each other but are still pretty justified in being afraid to take the last step into making their relationship not just platonic.

idk it feels like a lot of other ships fall into the infuriatingly slow romance because the characters are too stupid to take a hint and it's just kind of painful after a while but these are the most hilariously repressed characters I have ever seen and while they might be stupid about their own feelings, it's usually stemming from trauma which is far more interesting for me personally lol.

This scene touched the depth of my soul ngl.

There's just something incredibly beautiful when you stand hand in hand looking at the tranquil night sky with your loved ones.

I got my anniversaries mixed up.

Fuck.

Not that it matters. The thing on June 21st was something I confessed to someone which started a series of things that made me end up in therapy. Still ironic.

My fandom anniversary is about a week later. Can't really remember when exactly anymore.

Again, it doesn't matter.

I survived my first ever therapy session, that's what matters.

Normally I wouldn't write about it, in fact I haven't really felt like talking about the details for the couple of days, not even to my friends. My family doesn't even know I went there.

The only reason why I want to publicly speak about it is because I know there are many people like me who are struggling and on the verge of breaking apart, but they're too afraid to start therapy, or procrastination and executive dysfunction are kicking their ass. I can only hope to inspire at least one person.

I'd rather not talk about how I even got to that point aside from the thing I mentioned earlier because this should stay private. But it was that and also years of other unfortunate events that shaped me into the miserable wreck I am today.

I've been considering starting therapy when things were still somewhat "not great not terrible", but since I was terrified of talking to anyone, I did everything I could to not find a specialist.

Then, when I actually seriously considered getting the appointment, I have already done things I was even more scared to talk about with a stranger because therapist or not, the last thing I needed was to have someone confirm that I did morally wrong and unforgivable things...

And of course living in a hell of a homophobic country doesn't help either.

Hundreds of mental breakdowns later, and buckets of tears I've cried, my irl friend told me that I should really look for someone to help me. My first reaction was of course, "no way I will do it," but then she told me that she's looking for a therapist herself too. And she told me about her ways to look for someone.

So eventually I spent some time on research, wrote down some names and then left it like that without making an appointment.

It was fine. I did the first step anyway and that was what mattered. A few days later I was getting out of another meltdown and then I just... I grabbed my ipad, went back to the list and made an appointment with the therapist that "seemed" to be the best for me.

And that was it.

I almost started crying while I was signing up because it felt like I was making a life changing decision. And idk... Maybe because I finally agreed with myself to get the professional help I've been avoiding so much in the past.

On the day of the appointment I was stressed AF but it hit the catalyst 15 minutes before. I thought I would pass out and I don't know if it was my nerves or the heatwave or both.

And then it happened. Again, I don't want to share any details. Some things got clearer right away and made me feel calm now, the rest is still confusing. I definitely need more sessions. I might attend them feeling less stressed though. Hopefully.

I don't want to draw any conclusions now. I don't want to examine myself in search of finding immediate changes in me and my POV... That's gonna take a while and just because I've been feeling slightly better for a few days and not s**c*d*l (as usual) doesn't mean I'm already fixed. I'm not. I'm still beyond broken and more than confused.

Tbh I know absolutely nothing about mental health. All the attempts at trying to understand what is happening to me or others were only making things worse. I used to think I can DIY my own therapy without stepping out of my comfort zone. I cannot.

Had I started therapy earlier, say 8 months earlier, maybe I would be in a very different situation right now. And the people that were affected by my mental fuck up would be as well. Maybe things would be so much better now. I will never know. Time can't go in reverse, what's done is done. The only thing I can do now is to trust a specialist and hope I chose the right one.

And wait.

For days, weeks, months, maybe years...

Until life is good again.

this is best friend’s dad!toji and reader

Today I remembered shells exist

I have to talk about Chester Arthur. His story makes me go crazy. A mediocre president from the 1880s who's completely forgotten today has one of the best redemption stories I've ever heard and I need to make people understand just how cool his story is.

So, like, he starts out as this idealist, okay? He's the son of an abolitionist minister and becomes famous as a New York lawyer who defends the North's version of Rosa Parks whose story desegregates New York City's trolley system.

Then he starts getting pulled into politics and becomes one of the grimiest pieces of the political machine. He wants money, power, prestige, and he gets it. He becomes the right-hand man of Roscoe Conkling, the most feared political boss in the nation, a guy who will throw his weight around and do the most ruthless things imaginable to keep his friends in power and destroy his enemies.

Because Arthur's this guy's top lackey, he gets to be Controller of the Port of New York--the best-paying political appointment in the country, because that port brings in, like, 70% of the federal government's funds in tariffs. He gets a huge salary plus a percentage of all the fines they levy on lawbreakers, and because he's not afraid to make up infractions to fine people over, he is absolutely raking in the dough. Making the rough equivalent of $1.3 million a year--absolutely insane amounts of money for a government position. He's spending ridiculous sums on clothes, buying huge amounts of alcohol and cigars to share with people as part of his job recruiting supporters to the party, going out nearly every night to wine and dine people as part of his work in the political machine. He's living the high life. Even when President Hayes pulls him from his position on suspicions of fraud, he's still living a great life of wealth, power, and prestige.

Then in 1880, his beloved wife dies. While he's out of town working for a political campaign. And he can't get back in time to say goodbye before she dies. Because he's a guy who has big emotions, it absolutely tears him up inside, especially because Nell resented how much his political work kept him away from home. He has huge regrets, but he just moves in with Roscoe Conkling and keeps working for the political machine.

And then he gets a chance to be vice president. The Republican Party has nominated James Garfield, a dark horse candidate who wants to reform the spoils system that has given Conking his power and gave Arthur his position as Port Controller. Conkling is pissed, and he controls New York, and since the party's not going to win the election without New York, they think that appointing Conkling's top lackey as vice-president will pacify him.

They're wrong--Conkling orders Arthur to refuse--but Arthur thinks this sounds like a great opportunity. The only political position he's ever held is Port Controller--a job he wasn't elected to and that he was pulled from in disgrace. Vice President is way more than he could ever have hoped for. It's a position with a lot of political pull and zero actual responsibilities. He'll get to spend four years living in up in Washington high society. It's the perfect job! Of course he accepts, and Conkling comes around when he figures out that he can use this to his advantage.

When Garfield becomes president, Arthur does everything he can to undermine him. He uses every dirty political trick he can think of to block everything that Garfield wants to do. He refuses to let the Senate elect a president pro tempore so he can stay there and influence every bill that comes through. He all but openly boasts of buying votes in the election. He's so much Conkling's lackey that he may as well be the henchman of a cartoon supervillain. On Conkling's orders, he drags one of Garfield's Cabinet members out of bed in the middle of the night--while the guy is ill--to drag him to Conkling's house so he can be forced to resign. He's just absolutely a thorn in the president's side, a henchman doing everything he can to maintain the corrupt spoils system.

Then in July 1881, when Arthur's in New York helping Conkling's campaign, the president gets shot. By a guy who shouts, "Now Arthur will be president!" just after he fires the gun. Arthur has just spent the past four months fighting the president tooth and nail. Everyone thinks he's behind the assassination. There are lynch mobs looking to take out him and Conkling. The papers are tearing him apart.

Arthur is absolutely distraught. He rushes to Washington to speak with the president and assure him of his innocence, but the doctors won't let him in the room. He gets choked up when talking to the First Lady. Reporters find him weeping in his house in Washington. Once again, death has torn his world apart and he's not getting a chance to make amends.

Arthur goes to New York while the president is getting medical treatment, and he refuses to come to Washington and take charge because he doesn't dare to give the impression that he's looking to take over. No one wants Arthur to be president and he doesn't want to be president, and the possibility that this corrupt political lackey is about to ascend to the highest office in the land is absolutely terrifying to everyone.

Then in August, when it's becoming clear that the president is unlikely to recover, he gets a letter. From a 31-year-old invalid from New York named Julia Sand. A woman from a very politically-minded family who has been following Arthur's career for years. And she writes him this astounding letter that takes him to task for his corrupt, conniving ways, and the obsession with worldly power and prestige that has brought him wealth and fame at the cost of his own soul--and she tells him that he can do better. In the midst of a nationwide press that's tearing him apart, this one woman writes to tell him that she believes he has the capacity to be a good president and a good man if he changes his ways.

And then he does. After Garfield dies, people come to Arthur's house and find servants who tell them that Arthur is in his room weeping like a child (I told you he had big emotions), but he takes the oath of office and ascends to the presidency. And he becomes a completely different man. His first speech as president mentions that one of his top priorities is reforming the spoils system so that people will be appointed based on merit rather than getting appointed as political favors with each change in the administration. Even though this system made him president. When Conkling comes to Arthur's office telling him to appoint his people to important government positions, Arthur calls his demands outrageous, throws him out, and keeps Garfield's appointees in the positions. "He's not Chet Arthur anymore," one of his former political friends laments. "He's the president."

He loses all his former political friends. He's never trusted by the other side. Yet he sticks to his guns and continues to support spoils system reform. He prosecutes a postal service corruption case that everyone thought he would drop. He's the one who signs into law the first civil service reform bill, even though presidents have been trying to do this for more than ten years, and he's the person who's gained all his power through the spoils system. He immediately takes action to enforce this bill when he could have just dropped it. He becomes a champion of this issue even though it's the last thing anyone would have expected of him.

He oversees naval reform. He oversees a renovation of the White House. He still prefers the social duties of the presidency, but he's respectable in a way that no one expected. Possibly because Julia Sand keeps sending him letters of encouragement and advice over the next two years. But also because he's dying.

Not long after ascending to the presidency, he learns he's suffering from a terminal kidney disease. And he tells no one. He keeps going about his daily life, fulfilling his duties as president, and keeps his health problems hidden. Once again, death is upending his life, and this time it's his own death. He's lived a life he's ashamed of, and he doesn't have much time left to change. He enters the presidency as an example of the absolute worst of the political system, and leaves it as a respectable man.

He makes a token effort to seek re-election, but because of his health problems, he doesn't mind at all when someone else gets the nomination. He dies a couple of years after leaving office. The day before his death, he orders most of his papers burned, because he's ashamed of his old life--but among the things that are saved are the letters from Julia Sand, the woman who encouraged him to change his ways.

This is an astounding story full of so many twists and turns and dramatic moments. A man who falls from idealism into the worst kind of corruption and then claws his way back up to decency because of a series of devastating personal losses and unexpected opportunities to do more than he could have ever hoped to do. I just go crazy thinking about it and I need you all to understand just how amazing this story is.

makoto just trying to look in the library for evidence

byakuya:

cast out of paradise

ryomina demons are winning

I just read the phrase phallic penis and I just.... yeah man. Phallic penis. Entrance-like door. Wallish wall. Butt that looked like an ass. Phallic penis.

the fact that ml has a built in mechanism for adrien to talk to the IDEA of emilie à la the steven universe episode “storm in the room” HAUNTS me. like if he got ahold of félix’s kwagatama he could have a full conversation with the version of his mom who renounced her miraculous (and who KNOWS when that was?? as early as when she got pregnant and then handed it off to the fathoms? she wouldn’t really have had a reason to use it again after that.) oh i can’t decide if he would find this cathartic or devastating or both. your mom is dead but she’s here and she can’t answer for any of her crimes because she’s hardly even committed them yet. the crime was you. she won’t believe you were a crime. your mom is dead but she’s here and she’s so young, she’s the age she was when she conceived you, when nothing bad has happened yet and she can’t stop marveling at your face and how it is so like hers. your mom is dead and she won’t believe you now when you tell her it was your fault. your mom is dead but she’s here and she loves you and you can’t touch her, she’s real and not real at the same time, just like she was when she was alive.

injury recovery…

*break an arm or two out there kids!*

Tommy Kinard is the kind of person who flies a friend to Vegas to watch a fight, imagine the things he'd do for someone he has a crush on, for someone he's dating.

He's vibrating at the idea of romancing and wooing Buck and I'm absolutely ready to see exactly that.

I don't care about the rest right now, I just need to see more of Buck and Tommy's dynamic.

the difference between comic and movie ambrosius is SO funny to me

comic ambrosius: where are u going u have to homoerotically FIGHT me bc im ur NEMESIS ™ thats how it WORKS >:(

movie ambrosius: lowers his weapon and lets the villains he’s been LEADING the search for get away in a stolen car bc bal turned around and gave him the puppy dog eyes

what do u mean you see him as a walking beautiful glowing bright light. what do u mean u go on holodeck adventures with him and ONLY him to engage in his hyperfixation. WHAT DO U MEAN HE BROKE U. what's with all the awkward shoulder pats and back rubs. why do u treat his cat like she's your child. why are u always in close proximity of him at all times. Why Do U Look At Him Like That. yet u just call him your best friend. geordi lafaggot :/