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#sorry anyways im gonna try to sleep again
noroalia · 19 days
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is it the covid or the period or the stress or the overwhelming anxiety abt the future or the economy or the autism or th
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moeblob · 1 month
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You know, when I kept getting asked "so you didn't ever have severe pains before now?" in the hospital and I kept replying "I have a high pain tolerance" I meant it. However, there is only so much pain my tiny 4'9" body can hold... (aka I am sweating and in agony bc I'm getting told to use LESS severe pain meds so I don't rely on them too much and it is AWFUL)
#moe talks a lot#i was shaking earlier and despite the fact i sound like im gonna cry#and the fact that my mom can pick out im about to cry from pain bc im trying to take less pain meds#LIKE MY MOM IS INSTRUCTING ME TO DO#shes like well why arent you taking any pain meds#BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO AVAILABLE OPTIONS AND ON A SIX HOUR TIMER#i cant take both at once or else what happens to me if i hurt before the six hours is up#i have to manage them in a way that allows me to benefit from both and being told im doing it wrong#after being told well its your fault it got so bad because you never complained about pain before#YEAH NO JOKE? REALLY? I NEVER DID? because everyone acts like im too young to feel that kinda pain#oh youre hurting? just wait until youre older#and its currently agony to breathe again but that i guess is also my fault bc im trying to use pain meds#holy moly i just want to not get dizzy standing up cause wow dang#sure would be nice if the multiple incisions in my stomach didnt THROB every time i sneezed or coughed or cleared my throat#but since i didnt use much pain meds before because i would be mocked for being too much of a baby its like#welp damn now i could really use some and im being called out for being too reliant#anyway time to sleep more because that means im not noticing my pain#im literally smaller than most children and so i do understand my body size makes people worried about the medication intake#but can i please just go a day without being asked how much im taking or when i last took it or if im gonna cry#anyway sorry for the excessive rant today never really had surgery or anything so this is brand spankin new suffering
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girl who eats toothpaste
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The desperate yet guilty anxiety that comes from having to essentially beg for accommodations from my college professors is an emotion I wish I was less familiar with
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intertexts · 3 months
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hm.
#how do i tell my sister that while i appreciate the thought it is in fact not nicer if she takes the couch occasionally and lets me have my#room sometimes. first of all i HATE disruptions like this it's kind of even more distressing 2 be able 2 sleep in#my own room for one night and then i can't again!!! that sucks net zero!!! second of all She Has My Quilt.... trying very hard 2 be normal#and chill about this and not like it's one of the few things i really really really hate other people using & causes me distress etc.#also like i explicitly said 'hey haha don't do this please' & then she did anyway. which she does!!! i forgot about that!!!#also like man i dont fucking want to sleep on someone's used sheets & blankets that's gross. so im arguably less cosy than i would be. gggh#this all seems like.... very minor and stupid im sure however man im like constantly in a state of middling to severe distress over this#shit. because i in fact also hate people going through my shit or being in my room and also having no privacy however#im very good with suppressing and or masking how much i hate it usually!!!!! but dude she fucking hung her laundry & underclothes#to dry or air on top of my fucking books on my shelves. like. ghghhh hate it hate it cant SAY i hate it because of the everything!!!#ok. sorry. minor pressure cooker escape valve complaining over now im gonna go sleep awkwardly on top of the blankets on my own bed with#some throw blankets. leaving my door open for the beafts if she closes it in the morning bc she thinks she knows what i want ill scream.#txt#neg#this is like private kvetching btw ok i love her dearly it's just unbelievably frustrating.
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newervegas · 3 months
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okok sleep deprived BUUT i think i have the j//jk verse figured out so far!!!!!!
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three clowns atm!! shiori (g*ojo), minako (t*oji + ch*oso) and kanna (n*anami) !!!!!!! 🌸💕
minako is g/ojos older sister (by a few years she graduated college and was in her first year as a teacher in ye olde flashback era of when g*ojo and besties were in school) she was married and thus and still into today she uses her late spouses surname mizuhara.
shiori is either n//aoyas twin but they weren’t really close as kids and aren’t close now so there isn’t much to that?? (or maybe they were but now its strained due to yk succession who gets to be heir i am not quite sure about that yet!! oo it would give s//uccesiion but make it j//jk OO!!!!!) ORR she’s the older sib of m*ai and m*aki?? and still candidate of heir (?) in that as well?)
BUT ANYWAY..!!!! she was an old classmate of g/ojo and the besties (was maybe in either his year or n/anami and kannas year?) AND BESTEST BUDS. its giving childhood sweethearts to lovers yk? CUUTE.
fast forward t*oji passes….ish. right she and him after they grad they raise her nephew together (he even has a room at her apartment they’ve been SUUPER married but never got together what gives yk?? ILL EXPLAIN 💀) so her career skyrocketed (as an actress?? model? both????) and so things got busy BUUT like they’ve baaasically been living together and raising two youngins (minako and t*oji have a daughter aya <3) they hang out like ALL THE TIME……. and yet not married 💀
(but i mean thats not to say they’ll never yk *giggles* shes taking a year off of to help out and support m*egumi at his first year with goj 🥀🤧 SUPER MARRIED PARENTS!!) theyve alsoo been very invested the last decade or so with getting two of their besties together ever since n*anami said he was interested in her since like forever and never told them about it but swore to never tell her about it so theyve been trying to subtly *wheeze* set them up 🥀🤡
WHICH LEADS ME TO KANNAAA so she’s the granddaughter to the principal of the k*yoto campus and she transferred to tokyo so not to have the rep as “principals kid” (she still did alas 💀✨🤧) and possibly get special treatment bc shes related to one of the administrators. her curse technique she uses (its like c*assia in r*ogue trader-ish seeing emotions, curses and resonances as colors and swipes of paint and swipes of a paintbrush !!) and its helpful as she is a psychotherapist these days for sorcerers !!!!!!! 🌸 very much on the outside cool and collected “has her stuff together.” meanwhile that mask hides behind a hot mess teehee <3 also parties a lot chronic partner drags shiori to all of her after parties and galas and suggests kanna “tags along” so she can party 🥀���� the girls are thriving!!!!!!!!
she didn’t think anything of nan and in fact likely didn’t even know he existed let alone has had a childhood harbored crush on her 🥀💀 ……. and then they reunite when they’re set up together in ep9 TEEHEE (everyone (g*ojo and shiori) cheers they’re brains for suggesting she aid them HUUUGE) she had planned only to be there for the exchange event and then go back to things buuuut teehee n*anami like kanna fell HARD (everyone’s thrilled especially g*ojo and shiori ndjxxh) and thus decided to take a transfer to be in t*okyo HEHE.
SO GOLDFISH BRAIN their curses!! minako (dream walking/weaving), shiori (pied piper if i make her an actress she doesn’t do musicals or play instruments UNLESS there’s curses in her midst bc she can control them and people in the vicinity with her ability (like meat puppets 🥀🤧 BUUT if i made her a model people already would expect her not to sing so i mean it would be convenient??) and kanna was listed earlier!!
(also when g*ojo and shiori finally DO get together everyone was like ????? we thought you both already were?? and they were like 🥀🧍‍♀️🧍👁️✨😶🫨)
BONUS TRACK VERSION: so nan and kan begin as more of a fwb but it doesn’t last im thinking bc teehee <3 BUUT not before shiori stopped by kans place for something and noticed…… something of nanamis there 🥀💀 (like a tie or jacket of his or something yk?) BUT THE WAY SHIO BOLTSSSS TO DELIVER THE NEWS very had to be ✨ so normal ✨ around them lest ye aforementioned parties are made aware that they know 🌸💕🫨🥴
#leg.txt#t: personal musings#i am so sorry if this makes no sense dkxjxhgc i haven’t gone to sleep and it’s 7 am 💀) ANYWAY i hope y’all are well!!!!!! 🌸💕#*its 8 am now *wheeze* leg go to sleep challenge (impossible) the saga continues 🥀🤡#veery trying to keep it vague xkxhhxh since i think im a bit over halfway thru s1#and like yk this all could SUUPER change yk?? (alsoo i can’t wait to dev minako and c*hoso once i meet him they’re gonna be the cutest AHH)#alsoo jess i may beeline to the ye olde messages bc i have hyperfixation bad rn 🥀🤧😌✨☺️ binge watching it and feeling normal rn!! <3#ill go into a lore thingy on minakos new lore later !!!!!! leg need nap *wheeze* 🥀🤧🥴✨#but like in short toj they meet she went on a date to tell him she’s married its dropped#SUBSEQUENTLY he’s given an assignment interestingly to zero her man and the immediate family#(she had to grade an assignment that night where her students wrote their own plays!!)#i mean in his mind even with his profession he’s the tiniest wee bit grateful she wasn’t attending that night 🌸💕☺️😵‍💫#something something in love with the mark trope I LOVE SYMBOLISM!!!!!!!#and like her and goj were SUUPER close until he passed then she never really wanted to see him or speak to him again#leg returning to their v//tm era while also needing to write that w//itcher fic and other things 🥀🥴 but!! we are creating though yay!!!!!!!#that is a BOTCHED summary of things for minakotoj if i ever saw one kdjxhxhx 🥀🤧
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sk3l3t0n444 · 6 months
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i have a headache :(
#i wanna go on a walk but my anxiety is through the roof and my head fucking hurts and i just want to sleep#im so fucking tired#i really want to go out but my fucking head hurts#my fucking head hurts and im so pissed off at everything rn#i need alone timeeeeeeee#i really need alone time#and some quiet#and a shot of tequila tbh#anyways#im gonna try and not lose my fucking mind while i lay in my bed and try and ignore the sound of the electricity#im so fucking done with everything tbh#everything is falling apart atound meeeeeeee#i just fucking hate my body ngl#like to the point where i feel like people would like me more if i was a pile of gore on the ground#idfk#im sorry#im a fucking mess rn...i just want to turn back time or fucking sleep until everything is ok#i would like to be put in a fucking coma please#yk just wake me up after this hell is ove#wake me up when im ok again...wake me up when the world finally gets its shit together so i can get my shit together#i wish life was nicer to me...#im prolly just gonna take a nap and then go on a walk...or ill just rot away in my bed all day...#idfk i just wanna go home...but i am home...i know when i want to go home i usually am longing for comfort and shit you associate with home#but like i just want to go home...home to my brother home to my loving family home to my dogs#yk? like i am home right now but i want the feeling of home back...the feeling of love in a place that is just our own...this place seems...#idfk...almost feels empty...like im in an abandoned house and watching all the memories in this place replay over and over...#i feel like im laying in the rubble of everything...#idfk...im just sad for some reason and i dont fucking know why...#it feels like im a ghost in someones memories of this house...
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paperlignes · 1 year
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Been floating around all day thinking about nandermo kissing. Drove for 6 hours didn’t remember anything just day dreamed about nandermo kissing. The idea of them kissing, it does things to me.
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tytopls · 11 months
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Context: me and Esther (@mixed-kester) were discussing about our yanderes from Ansy's Pen Pal event on @throwaway-yandere (gonna fix the tag with it soon oops)
Anyways I think Esther doesn't want to be with Dorian but I am perfectly fine with not having Wanderer yet hahahaha God help me if he finds out—
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antipl3asure · 2 years
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thidjs literally what jeanne d’arc looked like
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toastsnaffler · 1 year
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listening to my flatmate while she talks abt hair removal mentally repeating to myself that its not my business what ppl decide to do with their body hair so I need to keep neutral abt the fact that she said it wouldnt get rid of lighter fluffier hair instead of jumping around the kitchen in joy + relief anyway I love body hair
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samuraisharkie · 1 year
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girl help I’m experiencing that common yet elusive late night motivation to get my life together knowing it will fall apart in the morning </3 girl fucking help me
#I hate ittt#I’m always like ‘I’m gonna start doing this’ or ‘I’m gonna finally try and get myself in a place where I can maybe take college classes’#and ‘I’m really gonna try and fix my sleep schedule and stop getting distracted instead of getting something accomplished’#and then in the morning evil me is back and they hate me and everything else#and would sell the world to hell for five more minutes of sleep#and my executive dysfunction has its claws in me again#man it sucks being so behind. I don’t want to like complain and make it sound like I’m worthless bc I’m not but man it’s hard#it’s hard watching ppl younger than you achieve your dreams of learning and getting better and breaking through that mental fog#they’re not always much younger either just like. two years is enough to make me wonder what would have happened if I was there#I know it’s not all in my control why I’m here either— there’s a lot of factors at play#but one of them IS that growing up I couldn’t never beat that executive dysfunction plus mental fog and procrastination#and then I shot myself in the foot by saying I waited to long and shouldn’t even try#and now I’m realizing I could but the years I spent fighting with myself weigh me down now and then#I can’t let it get to me because if I let myself get weighed down by it all I pull others down with me#but sometimes it does make me sad. and frustrated. when I feel this motivation when im lying in bed tired at some ungodly hour#suddenly struck with wanting to change my life and not having the daylight nor the physical/mental ability to get it done right then#not to mention the privacy. if I chose to get up at the buttcheeks of midnight and morning I would be not only destroying my own schedule#but disturbing a bunch of others too#anyway this wasn’t supposed to turn into a rant sorry#I haven’t talked a lot lately so it’s all bubbling inside I guess
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transgaysex · 2 years
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gay tbh
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bubmyg · 2 years
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the ability to lucid dream is so strange i dozed off just now and was having a super weird dream n was like no take me back to my bed and i teleported to whatever the bed was considered in the dream n i vividly was like no my Actual bed. now im here
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maggot-baggage · 1 month
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Going through my drafts and i realize i never posted that update about this date i had with this guy last august
#it was a SO FUN but also a complete disaster#i feel bad bc like the first two dates went really well and i was feelin him but i was still like. really not doing good#bc of my job and still getting used the grief at the time so i eas exhausted and trying so hard to mask#anyway that third date we had i was tired i was hurting everywherte for no reason i eas grouchy and yes he still put up with me#which was moreso his anxiety ramping up at my avoidance but we laughed about it later#we were supposed to see a movie but the outdoor theatre he took me to was 4 hours away from my apartment. i didnt bring my phone charger#bc i thought it was the one 30 minutes away so my shit died in the middle of the drive back home. his did too. we were officially lost 4 hrs#away from the city bc we were using google maps up til then. so we were talking otw to the nearest gas station (it was 1am atp)#and i was like Dude im so sorry but i dont think this is gonna work and he was so relieved bc he didnt either#plus he planned to move like a few months later n i wanted sumn a lil longer so we ended up just beim friends afterwards#which was cool bc he was a genuinely neat dude! but we were still lost btw and it was almost 2 so we like#had to share a charger in his minivan charging port and wait til our phones had enough juice to run google again#it was like 5am by the time i got back home i had work later that night and i barely got any sleep#*** if youre out there i hope youre doing ok#i say this like i dont have his snap actually i should hit him up sometime#anyway#mag.txt
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