#sooo i think it's around 10
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I don't exactly know when I started sketching and drawing in various sketchbooks at the same time but it's the most dissatisfying habit I've gotten into
#I want the satisfaction of finishing a sketchbook back!!!!!!!!! 😭#currently i have a regular moleskine going an aquarell one one in A4 format i barely use an old one that was only partially finished#i mainly use for face studies and sometimes anatomy#one in a square format that's at this point the closest to being finished but too heavy to carry around and great for markers or mixed media#so I don't want to continue wasting it for mindless doodles#two in a small format i hardly ever take anywhere because the paper is very thin and i hate drawing that small#AND last but not least the sketch pad I've been using for my gesture drawing#this doesn't cover other pads i will occasionally use#and also oops i forgot one because it mainly sits in my drawer#sooo i think it's around 10#and some have different purposes - like the aquarell one will take some time#i do use it for the intended purpose and i want it to be a mini artbook lol#but it's just .... so annoying to be so over the place i#with it#for a while I'd start and finish moleskine 14x21 ones in 3-5 months or so#this one i started at the end of november/beginning of December and i haven't even hit the halfway point
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pls i need to provide updates
#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year#and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire#and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f#friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl#acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what#are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after#everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to#invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me#i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother#and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids#so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo#any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd#and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk#THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date#w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a#few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay#scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK#like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl#like is that even doable#but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much#.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us#god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x#but it would be soooo funny#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed#popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x#i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like#its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe
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the progression of events in this arc is so so good and great and i love how you can just clearly see where and how each characters thoughts begin and progress throughout each chapter as it goes on. while steven was probably set in stone about his view on how to handle the situation i earnestly believe zed and zapp set out to disobey steven's request. and then they make it very easy to understand leo's point of view and why hes doing what he is - its why they show us that flashback and don't tell anyone else, and why he speaks very little after zapp threatens him - and then immediately cuts to klaus, who knows absolutely nothing about the situation currently but he can figure it out just by looking at whats in front of him. and because klaus is so unflinching when it comes to upholding what he believes is morally right he does so without anyone needing to tell him whats going on. he sees this percieved 'monster' protecting someone else and immediately goes to protect it, too. and even though a lot of them disagreed with each other at the beginning there is still the scene afterwards where they all come together to try and catch each other when they begin falling. i think nightow should pay me for what its done to my mental health
#.text#kekkai sensen#sorry this arc made me normal.#i love that panel with zed even if i cant stop laughing. hes a skater boy. SOOO funny#ddo you get it#not about skater boy zed about the other more dire thing happening in this post. FORGET about skater boy zed#im being miserable again. oh my god. kekkai sensen#i know nightow just loves to leave things as is like after it ends it ends but i wished i couldve seen the aftermath#like. what steven was thinking. what zapp and zed were thinking. klaus also he was like in prison for most of that#SOOO funny that he like. gets arrested at random unfairly. everything is pretty much fine. and then when he gets out#the city is on fire two of his coworkers are in the hospital chain is nowhere to be seen the prison has exploded#there are vampires on the loose femt is there for some reason and there is a 10 million dollar bounty on leo's head#klaus leaves for FIVE MINUTES and THIS happens#dude doesnt even like stop to think about it he immediately turns around and go. hummer. throw me as far as you can.#and then they did.#amazing. this is the best manga ever.#wow ive gotten off topic sorry. anyway#i added that giant paragraph of text after all of these tags sorry guys i know im annoying and saying things that were probably#said 5 years ago but um. im late to the party. and i dont know how to shut up. so you have to deal with it#also i included the panel with neji and riel because i think it says so much. that theyre the ones saying this.#neji doesnt even remember leo almost getting his head bashed in just in the off chance that it could save his life and still he Knows#like they know more than anyone probably how leo sacrifices everything he has for the people around him#and i like that nightow included them in something so important and so defining of his character.#they appear once. twice. so little. but theyre integral to how hes percieved by others and by us.#anyway. kkss is good.#this post happened because i'm trying to draw and needed references but my kkss folder is 900+ images#and i got distracted by these pages in there#because i couldnt resist rereading them#if i could add more than 10 images id also add the like 3 pages of them falling and trying to catch each other at the end#but. alas. woah i ran out of tags bye everyone. thanks or sorry if you read all of this
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Gonna be honest, I don't think any Sam ship will ever hit as hard as Sam/Ruby.
#decided to attempt to finally finish supernatural#watching 10x02 right now but i still can't help thinking how much better this all would be if ruby was still around lmao#i get she betrayed them but crowley got to stay on for sooo long#and meg sort of got a redemption arc#i feel like ruby could have been given a pretty good story if they'd tried#the demons have a pretty shit deal - especially the ones who were unjustly damned to hell#iirc meg seemed to see lucifer as a sort of savior figure for the demons - somebody who would free them from the eternal torture of hell#which ruby probably believed and didn't seem to know what the real plan was#maybe she wouldn't be on board with lucy riding sam's body into a doomed fight with michael that was preordained by an uncaring god#and with 10 more seasons of development should could have been a proper member of team free will#given the climate of the fandom in 09 i completely understand why this never happened - but imagine???#spn#ruby spn#sam x ruby#sam winchester
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I hope it's midnight and you never see this but crack ship take here I go:
Telemachus x Neoptolemus.
Reasons in the tags.
#greek mythology#crack ship#ive said worse trust me#leave Hermione aloneeeeeee#and also keep thinking of Telemachus whose father came back home#while Neptolemus had to be taken from his home to fight in a war when he was young.#How one became ruthless at young age while the other expirienced ruthlessness (from the suitors) at a young age.#how one had the chance to meet and go back to his father#and the other had to finish off what his father had died trying#how both of them grew up with their mother.#also its just sounds neat to think of Neoptolemus relling stories of the last moments of the war to Telemachus#btw they also have the same age I think?#If Im getting this right Telemachus was just an infant when Oddyseus left. The fight with Troy lasted for 10 years and Neo#came right in the late ninth or tenth year when he was 12. Telemachus would be around 10 since in the Odyssey#he appears to be 20—#and counting the ten years then Neoptolemus would be 22 by then.#sooo....#i mean its likely better than any if the other relationships these two have.#telemachus#neoptolemus
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i loveeee ignoring my problems and saying thats for a later me and ik everybody does this but its funny when its me bc afternoon connor is fr a different person than bedtime connor or work connor so when im like laundry... thats a problem for afternoon connor ^_^ it truly is not my problem and its quite awesome.
#left myself a note last night like hey gorgeousss your laundry is in the dryer Just dump it on the bed and afternoon connor will deal with#it... ok allyyy ty. sry 2 afternoon connor tho sucks 2 be him LOL. 2nd class citizen in connor world#but also he gets to fuck around like 4ever and ever sooo hell be fine. been thinking abt watching lotr... i turned the books back into the.#library bc they were due and i had barely started th first one 😭😭 i rly liked the hobbit idk why my brain wouldnt let me read actual lotr#i mightve just been reading too much bc ive had trouble getting motivation to read at all. so maybe ill try again in a few months but i#think m.gonna watch rhe movies first i hope thats not blasphemous...#but anyways ya i think thats why i get so Evil shadows skull on the eay to and from work bc its like. changeover. morning connor clocking#out of his shift as connor for me to clock in and then me clocking out for afternoon connor yk.#and then we get the weird 7-10 pm phantom zone where afternoon connor and bedtime connor wage bloody war against eachother
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im researching gaming pcs and i keep having to remind myself that im the most mid level gamer out there. “this pc isn’t great for intensive high-end multitasking” oh no i probably shouldn’t get that then <- has never and will never stream in their life
#ais.log#i feel like such an idiot cause i know sooo little about pcs#im like oh ok i should get…alienware? lenovo?#and then im like oh shit im being owned by Big PC i should definitely just build it all from scratch#<- couldn’t tell u what a motherboard is#like. this year was the first time i played a game the year it came out (bg3). if you add up all the games ive ever played#its probably around 10#i think i’ll be fine
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tavros my tavBro
#he makes gross jokes and shit but i think if some was like Hey that actually makes people uncomfortable when you say that#hed be like oh shoot!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry#its not his fault hes weird he doesnt know when 2 say shit or whats acceptable Hes like me when i was like 10 or 11#nobody ever showed him😢😢😢😢almost everyones sooo mean 2 him even when theyre being nice theure mean about it#legs sawed off in his sleep without any prior warning Thats fucked up!!!!!#u know that thing where you are pathetic and lame on your own but when youre around someone else equally so you can suddenly Do the thing#like your entire personality changes and you are suddenly confident and able to ask questions n shit that would normally scare you too much#if i was around tavros id get god powers or something Hes like the most potent example#i said suddenly Twice wuld u looka that
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it was kinda.....easier than i expected??
#i forgot to revise commonly used medications and their uses#but thankfully there were literally only 2 questions on it#out of like 150 so#¯\_(ツ)_/¯#but you need 70% to pass so just hoping i got somewhere there#passed the practice exam last night though so idkwe will see at around my birthday time#mine#ALSO OH MY GODDDD#the lights were SOOOO fucking bright in the facility#and i already have light sensory issues i presume related to my ptsd#and then i had the MASSIVEST migraine that came on like 10 minutes after i sat down and started the exam#i think because of my withdrawals??#it was sooo fucked up#i literally found it so hard to focus. the inattention was through the roof
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"what do you know about drinking" "what do you know about smoking" "what do you know about weed" "what do you know about drugs" you do not know me or my life!!!!!!
#hes always like “what do you know” and then theres a chance hell call me the r slur#and like. i was a smoker for 4 years. i was an alcoholic for 6.#i did speed in muddle school#i smoked pot and had edibles. i had edibles woth my fucking parents.#amd then he complains that i have a vape (bought with my own money!!) and that my parents give me alcohol now (they gave my sisters alcohol#at 13!!)#like he smoked and drank around my suster with cigarettes and drinks my parents bought her#but the moment ma buys me a vaoe with ny own money or i have any experience drinking its awful#i guess its because shes sooo mature and hard working and ik just a disrespectful kid#even tho im a fucking adult now and he never had any right to treat me half the way he did/does#“i treat her like i treat my 10 year old brother” srsly. srsly?? am i 10 now? am i your 10 yr old baby brother now? no. im 18 fucking years#old and i had a totally different life experience than your brother when i was 10 too. we are not related. that is NOT what they meant when#they said to treat me like your younger sister. fuck you. fuck off.#also. im SORRY to your brother if this is how you treat him. but it fucking isnt. your kind to him. you play with him. u fckng LOVE him#while ur an absolute abusive POS towards me#u literally talk shit about me! too my friends!! what? u think my bestie since 6th grade and my cousin ive known all my life are gonna agree#with you? how fucking stupid can u be?#also. u r not the expert on disability just becuz u lost half ur foot and have adhd. ur extremely fucking ableist actually#“i could play sports and so cpukd this guy with a pacemaker i knew so no disability is ever an excuse you can do anything and also im gonna#call you (an autistic person) a retard and say the n word constantly and call children n word lettes!!!! becuz i am a totally normal and wel#well adjusted individual!!!“#i hope someone hears you say half the shit you say and fucking jumps your ass#and i hope those fuckings pigs u love so much dont do shit for you#you ableist racist transphobic homophobic intersexist bigoted piece of fucking shit#like. if a form of bigotry exjsts he fucking loves it.#god. fuck you. fuck you fuck you.#i hope you fucking kill yourself
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y'all ever get a nightmare that reminds you of some crazy real life shit u still can't believe you actually put yourself thru lol
#like ive only ever msde 1 adult friend that i soent significant time with and went places often and alone with#and he was like. huge & strong. LOUDLY incel. VERY bad temper. staying in a mental facility for being violent against his mom#also like 10 years older than me#he used to embarrass me on purpose bc he later told me he likes watching people squirm#and i was the only friend he had so i guess i had to do all the squirming#it was so wild bc he was SOOO misogynistic but also was a completely genuine trans ally#not only did he never misgender me but he actively and rudely corrected everyone around me#which i guess stuff like that and like him pulling me aside for mental health check ins and giving me big 6'3 hugs is why#we kept hsnging out. i was like if he never gets any friends hell never hsve a reason to work thru his shit right?#lol.#well it ended badly bc he pulled some skeevy gross shit on me (surprise) eight around the time i quit my job so i ghosted him#but i still get these occasional nightmares that are like. oh yeah pussy boy?#you spent how many hours alone with a much stronger sexually frustrated openly violent man?#which idk. i dont think he would have ever laid a hand on me but still lol. after what he DID do i was like hm.#maybe i need to work on my self preservation skills a little bit
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SO refreshing 2 talk abt weird interests <3
#my cousin is an author and is veryyyy into weird horror and we spent abt an hour talking abt annihilation#and he gave me abt 10 more books i wanna read#3 of which are jeff vandermeer..... ough#AND hes rhe one that recommended midnight mass to me around easter time#and this is the first ive seen him since then so we talked abt that for a while too...#he said he would send me one of his unpublished short stories to read bc he based it on subnautica and he thinks i would like it#he was describing it like 'oh astronaut crash lands on an ocean on an alien planet' and i went. gasp... just like subnautica#and he was like YEAH EXACTLY. THATS WHAT I WAS INSPIRED BY I LOVE THAT GAME#and we also talked abt minecraft....... like. yeah#yeah! thatwas so cool.... i love 2 be weird#and when we started talkimg abt annihilation my mom jumped in like ugh i thought that movie was so stupid#AND IT WAS SO FUCKING NICE TO HAVE SOMEONE HAVE MY BACK WHEN I SAY ITS ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD .#AND HE DEFENDED THE ENDING TOO . LIKE. YEAH. YEAH IM NOT WEIRD FOR LIKING THIS#laying on thr floor. im sleepy now but that was sooo cool#nobody sent me asks abt genloss >:| i rlly wanted to debate with fans of it#like bestie come here i just want to talk (<< hiding my insane opiniond about horror and aesthetics and design behind my back)#blahblahblah
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you know I usually suck at stylized faces for whatever reason but you have to admit I went off on these
#just thinking thoughts...#also suletta's hair has sooo much going on but somehow it all works LOL#like I remember I complained a lot about natsuki's hair from ddlc because that also had so much going on but. it didn't work.#I really like suletta's hair though...#EXCEPT FOR THE PARTS I DON'T LIKE.#I hate that I have to be staring directly at a reference to draw her#nodding.#anyways I hubristically went 'surely 5 pages in this document will be enough'#5 pages I said. let me imagine the rest of this comic in my brain#okay it is at least like. 8. more likely around 9#10 even. jesus christ#I HAVE to get this out before the next episode comes out LOL#christttt#why am I doing this to myself#(soh voice: But think about it!! 10 pages means 2.5 months' worth of speedpaints!! ! ! !)
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NO WAY YOU'RE A GAIA USER TOO I was so obsessed 😭😭😭
HELP NO YEAH I AM LERKJGA it keeps calling me back....... i think im over it but still.....
#snap chats#like i'd just go months without it thinking i moved on but not it'd eventually interest me again and again and again and#my eldest sister made my account for me when i was too young to responsibly have one LMAOO i think i was like 10#noooo i had it so bad i'd literally stay up for days just playing zOMG#AND MY COPUTER RAN LIKE UTTER SHIT TOO LIKE I WAS PLAYING A SLIDESHOW MOST NIGHTS#i remember my dad grounded me once because he caught me staying up all night playing so he told me to stay in my room ☠️#that was mostly in the sawmill tbf.. it ran fine during the shallow sea and that devil one#hold on i have to look it up proper i have to put respect on it#DEADMANS SHADOW#what the hell was that update they did to it they added like a whole ass. OTHER dungeon i never got to do cause im p sure you needed money#UGGGGHH IT WAS SOOO FUN AND I LOVED DOING THE RALLIES AND GOING TO HOLLYWOOD#literally the saddest thing ever to watch its downfall esp after flash kicked the bucket#i still go on it just to mess around with the dress-up-doll aspect of it#inflation went stupid so they just casually hand out half a mil every day which can get you like. idk a pair of pants LMAO#wild....... but yeah..... gaia's forever my funny lil baby ig
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i need to not go to sleep in the literal morning today bc that’s what i’ve done the past two days and i have things to doooo AND my brother nephew and sil are here now so we’re seeing him wednesday and i CANT be sleeping thru that. like i should be sleeping now but i’m not tireddddd. someone shoot me or smth idk
#my bros train got here around 10 so#there’s a chance i’ll see him tomorrow but my dad told me he thinks wednesday when i was talking to him yesterday about it#AUGHHHHH IM SO EXCITED TO SEE THEM 😭😭😭😭#like actually vibrating i miss my brother so much#and i hope seeing him might have him be more willing to relair the bond…#repair#cause he didnt talk to me for 4 years but last year he emailed me but he said hes not ready to actually make a relationship w me again bc#the thought of me brings up too many traumatic memories of our *** from childhood#which i cant blame him 😢😢#but i still miss him so bad…#he was like my best friend#RAAAA i hope i get to spend a while with them all….#im gonna take sooo many pics of my nephew….
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guys i'm gonna be honest. about two things. 1. playing super mario bros on the switch pisses me off 2. i have literally no idea how i'll write 10 pages on moral development by jan 2
#i played mario SOOO much on the ds and the 3ds and i CAN'T DO THIS ONE? killing myself#and‚ i have time‚ i'm not doing anything until january except for meeting up with friends a few times#but it's like. tomorrow is the family get-together‚ the day after in the other family get-together#i won't feel like writing when i know i'm gonna hand out with friends and i'll definitely do jack shit around new year's eve.#so that leaves a few days! lol#i am very scared. very scared#*HANG out. whatever . . correct it with your minds#as i was saying i'm super scared. am i even capable of staying coherent for 10 pages??#i'll fail this course :(( and then the others where you have to do research and write papers :( and then they'll kick me out#and everyone will know i was a fucking moron all along......... i could've avoided this by not applying to uni in the first place#but i didn't think that far ahead. and now i live in agony and i'm fucked#so yeah! if anyone knows how to write decent research essays hit me up. i'm not doing so well.#kata.txt
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