Hey can we like leave Fictionkin, Fictives or Irls of problematic media alone

It is not an excuse to harass fictives or irls or fictionkin from anything the creator is making or has made, they cannot control their source or media. Just because our media has problematic creator make doesn't make us a bad person. An author's actions towards others doesn't define who we are. Leave us the fuck alone. Stop sending us death threats. Stop forcing names onto us. Fuck the creator. We are our own people with our own lives and we are not defined by how they wrote our kintypes to be.

So. There's a few things I need to address. My documentation and study of bimbos began as a personal project. I only started a blog because I was putting a ridiculous amount of work and thought into this and figured it should be shared (and still, there's SO much I haven't shared yet...). And that's part of why this blog isn't so well managed, not consistent, and very informal. I write every post with the assumption whoever reading will have some familiarity with the fetish and that was kind of a mistake when dealing with subject matter as delicate as this and if I want to be able to attract literally any other audience. But the blog is here now so its kind of a moot point. I won't be rewriting posts. I want to kill myself every day, its astonishing I can write anything. Anyway, recently I discovered an adult performer named Celestina Blooms, in particular, this video:

We share a lot of the same thoughts. And her criticisms of BimboTok are a lot better articulated. Here are some of things she's said that stood out to me (paraphrased):

"As an actual political movement, the Gen Z bimbo isn't actually very helpful beyond being satire because there are contradictions."

"It makes no sense to be expected to have every single decision in your life, in every area of your life, be a form of activism."

"If you don't spend enough time watching all their videos to completely get the point it looks like they're satirizing the ideologies they're preaching."

"They're kind of taking this thing and being like 'Hey! This thing is leftist because I'm leftist and I said so!' when the thing is still something very tied to a lot of systems of oppression."

"I think there's an issue with saying that being feminine is feminist."

"Because there are so many minors on TikTok they'll come across this trend and see the cute aesthetic and cute clothes, and for good measure, the ideologies a lot of them agree with and be like 'Fuck yes! Sign me up!' and before you know it they're dressing like a bimbo, calling themselves a 'bimbo', and all this stuff while not even being aware of this whole other world of bimbofication as a fetish and unknowingly calling attention to themselves."

She also brings up Pink Bimbo Academy in this video (not by name, and if you somehow see this Celestina, sorry for blowing up your spot!). I bring this up because PBA actually reached out to me like two weeks ago. We had an extremely brief conversation. He lost all interest as soon as he realized my blog isn't primarily about real life bimbos and, like Celestina, I don't believe bimbos are really a real life thing. This is the reason for my last text post (now pinned).

Up until this point I didn't realize Pink Bimbo Academy was a guy, or extremely weird. He's one of those bimbo enthusiasts that genuinely believes every woman should be a bimbo, unless they're trans that is, because according to him a bimbo can't have a penis or possess any "masculine" qualities. He seems to view bimbofication less as a fetish and more of a means to an end. To him, bimbos are the peak of femininity and bimbofication only helps women to become more of who they're "biologically" meant to be. He has entire rants against feminism up on his website and aspires to create an actual real-life bimbo finishing school, like he's a super villain or some shit, like the antagonist of every school-set bimbofication story come to life. And unfortunately, he's basically the resource for bimbofication online. I have to assume not everyone that follows his guides reads all his posts and FAQ but its more than disappointing to have a transphobe be one of the main vanguards of this fetish today.

Anyway, I can't recommend Celestina's video enough. Its a bit long but all worth watching and has made the prospect of writing this book exciting again. I would suggest this video of hers too:

Post-script: After over an hour of writing all of this I realized I actually did something extremely stupid here. Celestina follows me on here, possibly one of the first people to follow me. I kept wondering why one of her icons looked so familiar and it took me until literally just now to figure it out. I hope she doesn't mind the plug, because you all should follow her too!

@celestinablooms Twitter Instagram

Devlog #5 - Recruiting

This devlog is a bit different. I haven't made much progress, because I decided to actually develop the prologue and make it playable, so that I will surely have a working demo for this jam. I do hope to add at least one route, but I'm afraid I won't be able to finish everything in time, so I took this decision. Which leads to the title of this post.

I realized I can't do everything alone and decided to look for volunteers (as much as I hate it, unfortunately I can't offer payment) for these two positions:

BG ARTIST: I'm not looking for anything super realistic. Simple and stylized backgrounds would work really well, I think, but what matters most is that they somehow fit with the sprites' style. Don't worry about it too much though, just leave your portfolio and I'll see for myself.

COMPOSER: the game is a slice-of-life romance VN, so I think something soft and relaxing would fit? Although it also deals with heavy subjects, like homophobia and bullying, so the atmosphere will turn heavy sometimes. Honestly, I'm not really sure. So if you know your way with music or can even help me choose from free tracks, I'll be really grateful. ​I managed to find some backgrounds, although not all of them are exactly what I need, but music is the biggest issue, since I don't exactly know what to look for.​ No longer looking for a composer!

​If you're interested in the project and can help, please get in touch with me on Discord (tenshiyoru) or by e-mail at [email protected]

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Other than that, I can show you a bit what the game looks like right now. Sprites aren't done yet but they will as soon as all the text has been implemented in the engine.

Yvonne, Hannah and Chikara talking during the first few minutes of the game.

Hannah alone in her room. I made a mock-up of her house on The Sims 4 and plan on using it as a base to make my own background but perspective is my worst enemy and I'm not sure I'll get anything good.

First choice in the game, with Hannah being her short-tempered self. Still wondering if I should make the text box disappear.

Work in progress of Hannah's chat screen. Group's name sounds cheesy but that's Yvonne for you lol

What do you think? Do you like how the game looks right now?

may i ask, you said you were gonna reread all your fav thiam fics so if you could id love a few recs? i feel like ive read all the classics already but im down to read or reread anything to just feel something after the cody not being in the movie confirmation. had a good kinda drunk cry earlier over everyones posts about how he must be feeling. so ill take legit any rec man (also i love your teenwolfincorrectquotes blog, shits so funny i love em so much and i very much appreciate the effort!!)

i cried a bit too so don't worry sdfghjkl and 💘💘💘 tysm!!!!! i really appreciate you saying that :) i actually have like a hundred fake texts, instagram posts and tweets (which seems to be most people's favorite kind of post) that i haven't posted yet, sooooo be ready for more content ;))

now get ready for a long ass fic rec

Riptide, by Captainmintyfresh (one-shot) (@captainmintyfresh or @thiamfresh)

Set during the war against the hunters. Liam needs an anchor to control his anger properly. Theo offers to be that anchor until everything's over, then Liam is free to find a real one (spoiler: he doesn't, turns out Theo is his real anchor).

Stones, by cherrysprite (one-shot) (@chcrrysprite)

Theo is learning how to be a normal 19 year old and collects rocks. It's so cute. He's so cute (Liam is so in love).

you make me mad, I'm fire again, by klli (multi-chapter) (@homosexualrodent)

They keep making out and Liam keeps saying "this won't happen again" (but it does) and they eventually fall in love.

Baby Elephant Syndrome, by TheOceanIsMyInkwell (one-shot) (@theoceanismyinkwell)

Inspired by this but developed into something much better!!!! Basically pining Thiam and Mason and Theo friendship.

a fire without a spark, by crownedcarl (one-shot) (@dickardgansey)

AU of 6.18/6.19. Exactly what the tags say: pining, miscommunication, light angst, self-esteem issues, getting together. It's not as angsty as it sounds, I promise.

Handle With Care, by Attempted Eloquence (multi-chapter, WIP) (@attempted--eloquence)

This one..... fuck. It's beautiful. This has to be one of my favorite thiam fics (even made a moodboard inspired by it). I won't reveal anything, just do yourself a favor and read this fic.

As I bleed, by Captainmintyfresh (two-shot)

Liam and Theo playing ''kiss where it hurts''. Platonic pecks that turn into romantic pecks.

(next time i see you you'll show me) a hundred different ways to say the same things, by cherrysprite (one-shot)

Thiam summer fic. Theo meets Liam's family and spends the summer with them in their small town. Mostly fluff!! Here's the summary: "“...You deserve good things,” Liam says eventually. Somehow he can already tell that Theo doesn’t believe him. Liam instantly makes that the goal of this summer - making Theo believe him".

no one's ever held me like this (am i allowed to look at you this way?), by frustrateddumbbar (one-shot) (@petitommo)

Human AU: Professional Cuddler Theo Raeken. Okay, hear me out. I know how it sounds but it's actually a really really good fic, I swear. All fluff (a bit of angst too), featuring a very confused Liam Dunbar.

Key to My Heart, by TheOceanIsMyInkwell (WIP)

BAND AU BAND AU BAND AU BAND AU. Only a chapter so far but I can't wait for more of this fic, I just love this concept.

I'm good right here, by dylsdunbar (one-shot) (@dylsdunbar)

I recently read this one and it made me so so so happy. It's so sweet!!!!! Some light angst but it's just fluff and Theo loving Liam so much it's ridiculous.

How to Ruin a Perfectly Adequate One Night Stand in Ten Easy Steps, by parttimehuman (one-shot) (@parttimehuman)

Human AU. Just smut and crack. Liam doesn't exactly enjoy his one night stand with Theo and now he's forced to spend the day after at Theo's place too.

darling i want you here in my arms (kiss the pain away, i know you can), by fallingforboys (one-shot) (@falling-for-boys)

This one is very dear to me because it was the first time someone wrote a fic inspired by something I posted here :))

Sweet talking, by Captainmintyfresh (multi-chapter)

5 times Theo gets jealous and chases people from Liam's house + 1 time Liam gets jealous and chases someone from his house. This one is full of fun and fluff and dumbassery!!

Double Take on Double Date Night, by TheOceanIsMyInkwell (one-shot)

Theo gets thrown out of the haunted house but when Liam gets on the phone to confront him, he finds out there's a real reason for Theo's freakout. Mostly hurt/comfort but also fluff and humor.

carve my name into your history, by honeyscape (one-shot) (@honeyscapes)

I'm sure everyone has already read Inglorious Roommates (which is amazing), but she has so many more great fics like this one! The plot is basically this.

moonlit winter clouds the color of the desperation of wolves, by klli (WIP)

The plot is so interesting and the idea is really original: "In a world tainted by division and conflict, Liam and Theo are integral to two very different factions. Upon meeting facelessly, they learn that being on opposing sides does not guarantee dissimilitude. Once a paper trail is established between the two, alluding to the novel association between members of hostile parties, the pair can not bring themselves to break off contact before their connection is found out". Only a chapter so far but I can't wait for more!!

Teen Wolves, by nothoughts_headempty (multi-chapter, WIP)

The puppy pack spin-off we deserve (and what I'm going to consider canon instead of the movie)!!!!! This is written in a script format, which makes it really easy to read.

you're my head, you're my heart [Or: The Shameless Thiam 'verse], by likelightninginabottle (series: 2 works) (@inabottlelikelightning)

Post canon, established relationship, domestic fluff, smut, humor, MARRIAGE PROPOSAL...... this has it all, please go read it.

Staying Alive, by TheOceanIsMyInkwell (series: 3 works)

These fics mean a lot to me, actually. Perfect balance between fluff and angst. Basically the best hurt/comfort I've ever read. Be careful tho, check the tags before reading in case something might trigger you.

What are they gonna do, fire me?, by songbvrd (multi-chapter, WIP) (@songbvrd)

I've never read an AU like this one and I'm in love with it, can't wait for it to be updated!!!!!! Summary: "Liam has amassed a significant tiktok following ranting about his place of work and the unfair salary. When CEO Theo Raeken finds out his employee is criticising his company, he tries to silence him. Instead, Liam challenges him to a very public dare: to live on Liam’s salary, with Liam’s rent and amenities, and do Liam’s job, for one whole month".

trying my best, nobody showed me which way to go (i didn’t know), by justt_ppeachy (multi-chapter, WIP) (@justt-ppeachy)

Theo learns that maybe he's a little fucked up and finds ways to accept it. Liam helps a lot. Also Brett and Theo are best friends.

SoulMate, by Skaboom (multi-chapter, WIP)

Another AU that I can't wait to read more of: "In an attempt to repair his sullied reputation, handsome, bad boy app developer Theo Raeken agrees to take on the lead of the reality dating show SoulMate. After Theo’s nastiness causes his handler to quit last minute, jaded cameraman Liam Dunbar finds himself saddled with making sure this jerk winds up finding love on national television. As 30 women vie for Theo’s attention (and a chance to promote themselves), Liam learns whether or not it is actually possible to find love on SoulMates".

Message Not Sent, by Vorsakh (multi-chapter, WIP)

Okay this is just porn lmao. Porn with feelings, tho. Theo is pining so hard and so is Liam. VERY explicit, comes with pictures. Thiam sexting fic that (according to the author) will have its final chapter soon.

and every day is like a battle (but every night with us is like a dream), by cherrysprite (multi-chapter, WIP)

THIS ONE!!! Fake dating actors AU. So far, it is mostly angst and humor (and fluff, but not too much), and I'm looking forward to them actually falling in love with each other.

wash away the blood and grime, by asexualclassicist (one-shot)

Liam and Theo taking care of each other after a fight against the hunters. They have a post-fight ritual to make sure they're okay, checking for injuries and kissing everywhere. Lots of skin on skin contact and intimacy (no smut!!).

Dumbassery, by Herlilacskies (one-shot)

Exactly what the title says: dumbassery. Theo got his GED, a job, and has moved out from Liam's house. He and Liam hang out almost as much as Liam and Mason, who Liam calls to "complain" about how hot and amazing is Theo. Only... it wasn't Mason's number he dialed.

Band-Aids, by cherrysprite (one-shot)

Human AU featuring nurse Theo, stupid Liam and a very tired of Liam's shit Mason. Expect a lot of dumbassery and flirting.

Hi, I know this gonna sound weird but I'm here thanks to A03, I read "It's A Terrible Love And I'm Walking With Spiders" again (idk why), Let me tell you something: It's fantastic. But I realized that you haven't update for four or five years, well I'm not gonna ask you to do it, that's in you, but I'd like to ask something, could you tell me what was the plan with tha fic, and how will it end, just a summary because I'm dying in my curiosity, well only few words left, so thanks and be careful

Omgggg thank you!!! It isn’t weird at all, I sometimes re-read old unfinished fics too because they stuck with me for some odd reason. I was at a bad mental space when I wrote this story and I feel like my issues manifested in the atmosphere of the story. Maybe readers can relate to some of it?

As to how the story was supposed to end. I didn’t remember and I actually had to look through my old notebook lol. I actually found the unfinished fifth chapter in my folders, so I’ll post it here.

Keep in mind that I wrote this in November 2016 and I never finished editing it. I didn’t post it because I was unsatisfied with the result. I’d rate it T/M.

Chapter 5

Miserable, Stiles focused on the silhouette of naked feet, his eyes never straying any higher. Luckily, the shower glass was milky, so even if he couldn’t have resisted satisfying his own curiosity, he wouldn’t actually have seen much.

After the Sheriff had left, Theo had asked to take a shower. Stiles had let him under the condition that the door would remain open and Theo under Stiles’ scrutiny. Under no circumstances would he have let the other boy roam around in his house without checking what he was up to. There were meds in the cupboard, something he wouldn’t risk leaving him alone with.

Unsurprisingly, Theo hadn’t objected. “Be my guest,” he’d said instead, an extra smarmy grin on his face.

That’s why Stiles was sitting against the wall, knees drawn to his chest while trying not to fall asleep. The sound of water spraying had become lulling white noise, making it hard to keep his eyes open. Maybe he should take some Adderall to shake off the drowsiness. It wasn’t like he would get any sleep tonight anyway. Not while knowing that Theo Raeken was under the same roof as him.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when the spray of water stopped, the shower door opened, and Theo stepped out without an ounce of hesitation. You’d think he’d at least pretend to be a little embarrassed about showing his naked body.

Not that Theo should be ashamed, Stiles realized. He had known before that the other boy was built, but the naked view of him - well, he couldn’t lie, it was a sight to behold. Perfect, unreal. The shoulders, the arms, the chest – everything about him was broad without being too bulky. His flawless skin only added to the look of a retouched Men’s Health cover shoot. Stiles felt entranced to follow his abs, down to the wonderfully defined V of his hips, before stopping himself. Yeah, he had just seen Theo’s dick, it had been kinda inevitable, but there was no reason to scrutinize it any further. None.

Quickly, he moved his gaze up to look at Theo’s face instead, the usual smirk somehow looking even more smarmy than usual.

“Like what you see?”

The question was so cliché, just like this whole goddamn scenario, that Stiles felt the desperate need to break the spell.

“I prefer chest hair.”

For the first time since Theo had arrived in Beacon Hills, he was dumbfounded. It left Stiles feeling satisfied, before his face froze, his heartbeat quickening. Did he just seriously tell Theo that he was interested in men? He resisted the urge to smack his palm against his face.

Theo did the unexpected and actually came up with an answer.

“I could let it grow, if you wanted me to.”

Stiles squinted. “What the hell would you do that for?”

Theo shrugged his broad shoulder, still unperturbed by his own nudity. “Just trying to win you over, that’s all.”

Stiles rolled his eyes, finally rising up and to look at Theo’s face and ignore everything that was going on below. “Well, your lack of chest hair wasn’t the deciding factor that kept me on the other side. Why don’t you put on a towel?”

“Don’t have one,” Theo answered with an innocent smile.

Stiles sighed and motioned for the other boy to follow as he walked to his room. When he opened the door, he felt uncomfortable letting a naked Theo into his personal space. Hurriedly, he drew the curtains and searched for a large towel in the cupboard. When he found one, he threw it over to Theo without sparing him another look.

“Can you borrow me some clothes?”

Stiles was inclined to say no, let Theo sleep in his uncomfortable jeans instead. There was something strange about giving Theo his clothes to wear. But he wasn’t sure when his father would return from the station. When the man arrived, he would go through the living room and see Theo who’d be sleeping on the coach.

He sighed and searched his closet for something that’d fit. Theo wasn’t taller, but much broader than him. (Un)fortunately, Stiles usually wore clothes that were a few sizes too big anyway. He found some sweats. He was painfully reminded that Theo wouldn’t be wearing underwear underneath. No way he’d be wearing those pants before washing them at least five times.

“Long or short sleeves?”

“Don’t need a shirt.”

Stiles frowned, pulling his too long sleeves even further down. “It’s freezing.”

Theo grinned. “I’m running hot. Want to see it for yourself?”

Stiles rolled his eyes and walked past him. “Whatever, I’ll be fixing you the coach.”

Theo followed him in an easy stride. He didn’t even seem a little uncomfortable to casually stroll through a stranger’s home without a shirt on. Completely relaxed, he sunk into the coach and watched Stiles as he spread clean sheets over the sofa.

“Do your parents know you’re staying over?” Stiles couldn’t even remember the Raekens’ faces anymore.

“Sent them a text.”

Stiles nodded, too tired to investigate any further.

.

Except he was unable to fall asleep. For about roughly an hour he had been tossing and turning, his anxiety back at it again although he had forewent his Adderall. Then, for a couple of minutes, he stayed still, not moving a muscle while waiting to hear any sounds come from downstairs.

But there was only silence.

About half an hour ago, his eyes started tearing up from exhaustion. It was annoying. He wasn’t really crying, but the stream of tears didn’t stop. Now his eyes were swollen and aching.

He was unable to come to rest. He took a deep breath. Maybe if he’d open the door and take a proper listen, he’d finally relax. Feeling ridiculous, left the warmth of his bed and softly padded towards his door. But he was only met with frustratingly familiar silence.

He sighed and returned to bed when- Wait, was that a sound? He froze and listened, eyes wide open as if waiting for an assault. Looking down, he noticed that he had stepped on a creaking floor board. The noise could have come from him. But what if it hadn’t?

He shook his head. He was being paranoid, utterly ridiculous… Yet, what if there had been something? He took a deep breath and held it, wanting his heart beat to slow. Okay, he’d go outside again, just this once, and take a look around house, and most importantly, check whether Theo was doing something sketchy.

He left his room, slowly descending the stairs. From here, Theo’s form was still, he seemed to be sleeping. Just to be sure, he told himself as he gradually closed the distance between them. He stopped just before the sofa and leaned down to inspect his face. His eyes were closed and his breathing was calm. Everything about him indicated to be asleep.

But the ugly voice of his paranoia ordered him to look more closely, check whether Theo wasn’t faking it.

Suddenly Theo’s eyes were wide open, an unnatural light shining in them. Stiles startled. He stumbled backwards, his feet hit agianst the coffee table, and he fell on his ass.

“Stiles?” Theo blinked, the strange light in his eyes gone. Had he imagined it? He must have, there was no other explanation for it. He was going crazy. “Why are you up? Did something happen?” His voice was groggy from asleep, but otherwise he seemed alert.

Stiles felt ridiculous. His thought process hadn’t made any sense to begin with, spoken out loud, they’d sound like he’d lost his mind. This paranoia, it wasn’t normal. He liked to tell himself that it was the Adderall, the ADHD, but when he was honest with himself, he knew it was him. He was fucking crazy. No wonder he didn’t have any friends, no wonder Erica had ditched him the first chance she got. He wouldn’t be his own friend either. There was nothing to gain from this cynical, insecure, anxious mess that he was.

His uneven breath catch in his throat, the last drop for his straying nerves. His mind collapsed in itself and he pathetically started to cry.

If Theo hadn’t been awake then, he probably was now. He stumbled out of the sheets and approached Stiles, putting both hands on his shoulders. His eyes were wide with concern. “Hey- hey, Stiles, come on. What happened? Did you hurt yourself?”

Stiles shook his head, his chest heaving with sobs. He was such a goddamn mess. The more he wanted to force himself to calm down, the more he worked himself up. The rational part of his mind told him that this wouldn’t pass until he calmed down. But he was too upset and Theo’s presence made everything worse. He wanted to crawl into a hole and wait till the panic was over.

But he knew that wasn’t possible. “I can’t sleep,” he managed to ground out between the ugly sniffing and sobbing.

“Did you have a nightmare?”

Stiles snorted, as if Theo’s suggestion had been completely ridiculous. Actually, it wasn’t that far off the truth though. He had nightmares, more often so recently. To some of them he woke up silently, heavily breathing, the panic constrained in his chest, but without a sound. Sometimes he screamed. But only his father knew that.

“No. I just – I can’t sleep with you here, not knowing what you’re doing.”

He expected Theo to be confused, demand an explanation, maybe even laugh. Instead he said, “I could go.”

“What?” He shook his head. “No.” How would he explain that to his father? He wouldn’t be able to stand another discussion with him about seeing a professional about his problems. Yes, he had problems, he knew that – but none some shrink could help him with. The only thing he had going for him was that he wasn’t labeled crazy by the public yet. “You’re staying,” he said with finality.

For a while, there was silence. Theo must be put off by Stiles acting like a freaking lunatic. Any normal person would’ve left by now. Hell, he would’ve ran out the house if the roles were reversed. Instead Theo asked, “Do you have any handcuffs?”

For a few seconds, Stiles didn’t say a word. But when he had finally gathered himself- “What the fuck?”

“Real ones,” the other boy recuperated nonchalantly.

“Why in the hell would you-“

“Because, obviously, I’m kinky, if you haven’t guessed it by now,” Theo answered rolling his eyes. Stiles wasn’t sure whether that had been a joke. “”You wanna sleep or what? Go get me some handcuffs.”

Normally, he wouldn’t have obeyed simply on principle, but he was curious where this would go. And as he rummaged through the drawer, where he knew his father kept a spare pair of handcuffs, he realized that the suffocating panic in his chest was gone.

“Now I’ll go outside and you hide the keys somewhere,” Theo ordered. Stiles wanted to question him, but before he could, Theo had already left the house, still shirtless in the cold night. Not knowing what else to do, Stiles went up to his room and hid the little key in his pill bottle.

When he opened the door for Theo to enter, he didn’t seem affected by the freezing weather. There weren’t even any goosebumps on his skin.

“All done?” Theo asked, the blue-green eyes open and honest. Stiles nodded.

Unceremoniously, Theo cuffed his own wrists together.

Stiles stared. “Okay… What is this about?”

The boy shook his wrist, the metal of the cuffs making clinking sounds. “See? I won’t be able to do much without you hearing. No need to worry about what I’m doing. So are we taking the bed or the couch?”

Stiles should be horrified, but frankly, the plan made sense. It could actually work. And really? It was some crazy shit that he would’ve come up with. The sort of solution that people would raise their brows at but that would actually work. “How do I know you won’t do anything to me while I sleep?”

Theo rolled his eyes. “Stiles, no offense, but if I wanted to harm you, I wouldn’t have to wait until you’re asleep. You’re not exactly what I’d call a physical challenge.”

Fair enough...

“There is no way we’d fit on the couch.”

.

Stiles had ordered Theo to lay on the side of the bed that faced the wall so that there would be no chance of leaving the bed without alerting Stiles. Theo was happy to lie on his side and watch the other boy’s peaceful face. For once, his breathing was even, but he was still twitching and moving in his sleep, restless, even in his most relaxed moments.

When they had first lain down, Theo had feigned sleep. He knew that Stiles wouldn’t have been able to calm down if Theo had openly watched him. Now though, he stare at him to his heart’s content. He’d watched Stiles without his knowledge before. There were some perfect angles from the outside from which you could see Stiles rummaging in the kitchen. Sometimes he forgot to draw the curtains and Theo could catch glimpses of his sleeping form.

But in never had been like this. Stiles, only an arm’s length away, the ever-present scent of anxiousness enveloping him.

He mumbled something in his sleep, tossed and turned and eventually scooted closer to Theo. It probably was due to Stiles’ weird sleeping positions and the unconscious urge to scoot towards warmth, but nonetheless, Thep was elated when the boy’s head almost touched his chest. He could feel his breath on his naked skin.

Theo wondered whether he could get away with stroking his hair, just running his fingers through the dark hair for once, but he refrained. He still was desperately trying to get Stiles to trust him.

At first glance, Stiles seemed like easy prey. He was isolated and defenseless. He should’ve soaked up all of Theo’s affections and begged for more. But Theo had underestimated him vastly. Stiles wasn’t playing hard to get, he simply was too smart to fall for something as simple as charm.

It only made Theo want him even more. Stiles would be the perfect person to stand by his side. Clever, loyal, and absolutely ruthless.

But he had to get Stiles to trust him first. The boy couldn’t see it yet, but once all circumstances molded to Theo’s wishes, Stiles would find himself in a much happier place. Theo just had to give him a nudge into the right direction and make him realize how much of a glorious team they could be under Theo’s rule.

His father was the only important person in Stile’s life. Eventually, Theo would insert himself as a part of his life. Stiles was his centre already, now he had to make himself Stiles’ centre.

.

This is were this document ended. I think I planned to end this chapter at this point. I hadn’t planned the future chapters in every detail, but here’s how I planned for the story to roughly go:

Stiles and Theo were supposed to get closer, Theo eventually gaining Stiles’ trust and helping him over his issues with anxiety. They’d slowly become friends, but their relationship would always have a sexual undertone because it’d always been clear that Theo wanted to be more than friends. The sexual tension would escalate and they’d hook up and become an official item.

They would share a toxic dynamic. While Theo is devoted to Stiles, he’s also extremely controlling and possessive. He would watch Stiles, trying to keep constant tabs on what he was doing, going through his phone, getting pissed when Stiles was acting friendly with anyone. They would have big fights over this in which Theo would tell Stiles that he cares too much for him to just let him be.

While Stiles would know that this is an extremely unhealthy relationship that can’t end well, some part of him (the part that had been ignored by the people around him for all his life and was starving for a semblance of affection) loved that he was this important to Theo. And while his relationship was anything but normal, he liked that he got to experience something as normal as having a boyfriend, something he’d never envisioned before.

So they’d have fights, Theo would apologize with some grand gesture, and Stiles wouldn’t be able to stay mad (because some part of him wasn’t actually mad at all). This pattern would repeat itself.

Meanwhile, Scott and his friends would try to make Stiles see reason. By now, they would’ve noticed Theo’s and Stiles’ dynamic because of how explosive Theo can get in public once his jealousy is triggered. Stiles, however, can’t stand Scott and his friends to begin with. He thinks that nobody but his father and Theo, in his own twisted way, cares about him and that they’re only trying to provoke Theo through Stiles.

I don’t think the whole Dread-Doctors thing had been all the way revealed when I was plotting this, so they wouldn’t have been included in this story. But eventually, some danger would befall Beacon Hills again. Amidst everything, everyone’s supernatural identity would be revealed to Stiles. He’d feel vindicated to have his suspicions finally confirmed. He and Theo would work together on overcoming whatever enemy they’d be facing off against. 

At some point during all of this, Theo’s behaviour would escalate and would cause something disastrous to happen. Someone would be killed. Stiles can finally no longer ignore Theo’s issues as he fights his desire to stay with Theo against his morals. He’d tell Theo that they needed a break.

Theo would beg him not to break it off, promise to change, and confess his love. Though Stiles would know that Theo wouldn’t really change because of the numerous times he’s promised before, he’d be too moved by Theo’s confession to resist. Eventually, he’d decide be selfish and put his own wants before the needs of others. He’d decide that he’d rather have his toxic, obsessive, passionate relationship with Theo, than to return to the bleak void that he was in before Theo entered his life.

Eventually, they’d graduate and move away to live in some big city like L.A. or NYC. 

The End.

Jac & Savannah

Jac: Are you warm enough? Jac: 🧣🤗🧤🤗🧥 Savannah: No but that's a total secret, okay? I can't cope with the others judging me for trying to look nice Jac: I'll never tell Jac: [subtly getting her a blanket or something though, obviously] Jac: no one can come for your look 😍 Savannah: [you know we're snuggling under this blanket together because shameless excuse to be close af] Savannah: oh I see, you're trying to warm me up by making me 😳 it's fine that can be our secret too Jac: [would be so 😳 forreal] Jac: you can blame the 🔥 Savannah: [putting her head on the bae's shoulder like we're not already close enough and doing a little happy sigh] Savannah: but your compliments deserve full credit, anything else would be unfair Jac: [patting her head under the guise of checking out the boujee hat] Jac: your outfit arguably deserves a higher class of event but I'm still glad you're here Savannah: [doing a hat swap because we do so love sharing clothes with the bae and it's amusing as well as a shameless excuse to check her out like hmm what do we think] Savannah: I'm glad I'm here too Jac: It would be weird if you weren't Jac: I'm as close to you as my siblings now Jac: in a different way, obviously but still Savannah: [swapping the hats back because the bae is serving a look and also then we have to fix her hair and make that a moment™ soz Amelia for this blatant flirting you are witnessing rn] Savannah: I feel so at home here, with you Jac: [when you think the bae is perfect so you can't even pretend to sort her hair, so you end up fussing with your own after her like ugh it's so unruly but we're 🥰 and seriously soz have a more or something] Jac: You are Jac: you're always welcome, even when we're celebrating weird non-holiday holidays Savannah: [just giving her all the compliments out loud because we see that fussy and also we don't care who hears us, again soz Amelia and snuggling again] Savannah: I'd make you the same offer in a heartbeat if I felt welcome at my house Jac: [snuggling her extra hard for a hot sec there] Jac: I know, baby Savannah: [likewise and just burying our face in the bae's shoulder fully because emotions and doing a little sad sigh this time] Jac: [doing something to make her happy, probably posting the picture of her for example] Savannah: [giving her all the compliments again because that is a good picture tbh gal you clearly have skills but then because I'm evil I'm gonna say your bf sees it and so you're texting him forever while he's with his friends doing whatever] Jac: [at least you have an excuse to get up, like your other guests lol] Savannah: [just gotta do something extra as she's getting up like take her hand and make her do a little spin or something cos you're a nerd and we know you care more about this than whatever your bf is saying] Jac: don't faint Savannah: catch me & it won't be an issue Jac: I don't need to tell you it's dangerous to play near or with 🔥 Savannah: [as close to a LOOK as we can get away with] Jac: 😈 Savannah: he wants to see me, like, right now Savannah: but I don't think he's offering a higher class of event Jac: 😏 and obviously, you have to make him sweat it out a bit Jac: right? Savannah: all night at least Jac: Poor Ty Savannah: Do you think I'm being too 😈? Jac: not enough, if anything Savannah: oh really, well I hate that Jac: I'm sure it'll do the job on Ty Jac: but I think you could do better Savannah: of course I could, especially if the alternative means disappointing you Savannah: I don't ever want to Jac: It's very unlikely that you could Savannah: It's impossible, I promise Jac: Don't worry, it wasn't a challenge Savannah: I'm not worried if it is, I'll rise to it for you Jac: 🌠🌠🌠 Jac: I am going to have to challenge my brother not to be that basic white boy who brings out an acoustic 'round the campfire, excuse me 🙄😅 Savannah: 😄 Savannah: as long as Isabelle doesn't decide to sing along, because it'll be a challenge for me to sit through that Jac: 😬 Jac: she ALWAYS gets the words wrong! Jac: I think she might be partially deaf Savannah: you would know Savannah: it's a shame she's HOPELESS at sign language Jac: honestly, she'd need to do some brain training first Jac: bless her Savannah: I'm still waiting for you to teach me, maybe I'll be worse than she is Jac: [gutted you can't say gay things 'cos most people here can understand but you can still come teach her] Savannah: [Amelia do be watching you and she definitely can] Savannah: [Jude would also just be chiming in telling Savannah what she's doing wrong like a blunt bitch so now we're mortified because we have to be good at everything] Jac: [just showing her how to tell Jude to fuck off or something like excuse you] Savannah: [literally never swears because she's that kind of trying to be classy so you've been spared gal but we're not forgetting that you made us look a fool] Jac: She literally couldn't tie her own shoes 'til like last year Jac: I wouldn't spend any energy on her Savannah: it's fine, I'd rather know my mistakes Jac: She knows it's as rude to listen in on a sign conversation as it is a normal one Jac: honestly, I don't know where her manners have gone half the time Savannah: I'll have to get better now so we can have a conversation worth listening in on Jac: I'll show you properly Jac: when we have some privacy Savannah: you can come home with me, we'll have plenty of privacy if we leave here late enough Jac: You're really gonna make him wait then Jac: 😘 Savannah: he'll be too drunk to be any use to me once his friends are done with him Savannah: & anyway, I want to be with you Jac: Good Jac: of course I'll come Savannah: I feel like I haven't even seen you since Ty & I reconciled, I've really missed you Jac: he had a lot he had to make up for Jac: so I've missed you more Savannah: [touching that necklace he gave us without realising we're doing it as we recall that horrible argument] Savannah: I'm all yours now Jac: Good Jac: because we're both going to need really long 🛀 to get the smoke smell out of our hair Savannah: ugh true! I'll wash yours if you wash mine Jac: 100% Jac: and would you ever trust a boy with your hair, no matter how sorry he is Savannah: No way! Savannah: plus he's too tall to fit in the 🛁 with me, even the huge one at my house Savannah: he'd just sulk the entire time Savannah: I'm so sorry I'm taller than the other girl you dated Jac: the basketball boys always go out with tiny girls Jac: it's like their thing Jac: so weird Savannah: right? 🙄 Savannah: it's a totally possessive thing, I'm glad you can't stand over me to feel powerful, excuse me Jac: honestly Jac: people always talk about short guy's complexes but tall lads think they're so superior just for having a few inches, okay we get what you're trying to put out and it ain't cute Savannah: exactly Savannah: & if picking me up & throwing me around is SUCH a turn on for you, work at it 💪🏾 I have to put in effort to look good too Jac: Not about it Savannah: Ty isn't either, he's the gentlest boy in the world Jac: Yeah he is Savannah: maybe too gentle sometimes, but I didn't say so Jac: I get it Jac: you don't have to think he's perfect just because you're going out with him Savannah: he definitely doesn't think I am Jac: he's got no complaints though Savannah: for now, I suppose Jac: he told me, you saw Jac: he thinks you're good, if not perfect Savannah: he doesn't want to lose me Jac: he's not stupid Savannah: ^^ he'll say anything, that's what boys do Jac: yeah Jac: how much they mean is a different story Savannah: my dad's never meant a single word he's said to us Jac: even if he meant it at the time Jac: he didn't stick to his word, and that's what counts Savannah: yes, it is Jac: Ty's dependable Savannah: I'm not though, I'm a wreck Jac: hey Jac: [looks at her and shakes her head like no] Jac: do you want to go inside for a bit? we can be getting more food and drinks or whatever Savannah: okay Jac: [casually run off hand in hand so you can go properly talk about this] Savannah: [soz not soz everyone] Jac: [also said your garden would not be that big so probably gonna need to go upstairs or down so everyone's not just 👀 lol] Savannah: [get in the basement for that parallel] Jac: [sounds creepy but yes lol, go forth for that privacy hens] Savannah: [yet again we're just telling the bae stuff that we haven't told anyone including our bf #bonding] Jac: [we know the fucking vibes, y'all gonna be ages and do not care remotely] Savannah: [gotta fix Savannah's makeup for her to because she'll have done a little cry so that's gay & intimate] Jac: [honestly how this kiss doesn't happen sooner hun] Savannah: [that's the scolding hot tea] Jac: [casual patience of a saint somehow] Savannah: [we both know you're scared to cross that line hens] Jac: [mhmm how you just don't though when the tension is this high and obvious but you know, sort yourselves out] Savannah: [for now though go back outside to find Amelia has left] Jac: how rude Savannah: Do you have any messages from her? Jac: she told them she was feeling sick Jac: but she's not said anything more than that in a message either Savannah: one of her migraines? Jac: probably Jac: smoke can be a trigger, I guess Jac: oh well, I'll message her in the group chat, make sure she's okay Savannah: I hope she got home okay Savannah: it was a bit rude of Is not to go with her & make sure Jac: ^^ I'm like, girl Jac: you've had THREE hot dogs Jac: you could've done without the last one to be a better friend but priorities, I suppose Savannah: ^^ she could've at least come & got us so we could do the right thing if she wasn't going to Jac: Seriously Jac: now I look lowkey bad like thanks 🙄 Savannah: No, it's my fault Savannah: I feel bad, poor Amelia Jac: Oh my God, no, it's so not your fault Savannah: it's okay, I know I'm beyond demanding Jac: You aren't Jac: She just has a headache Jac: you're actually going through it right now Jac: you deserve time to vent Savannah: 😔 Savannah: but I do understand if you're upset with me Jac: I'm not, at all Jac: just at Is a bit for not handling the whole situation properly Savannah: Would you like me to talk to her? Jac: That's fine, we don't need to get into their drama Jac: it's like, not a situation and not going to be one because Is either wants it to be or is literally too ditzy to check in on Amelia herself without being explicitly told Savannah: You're right Savannah: you deserve a good night even if it is a fake holiday Jac: I'm having a good night with you Savannah: Oh please, I can do better Savannah: I've been crying for most of it Savannah: [proves it by doing the most, throwing ourselves into all the activities and thus the bae as well] Savannah: [I like to imagine poor Isabelle trying to get involved & we're just subtly not having it] Jac: [montage time, honestly Is you would've been better to leave too, at least the fam is here so you aren't being totally ignored lol] Savannah: [soz that we're just falling in love here] Jac: [literally can't help it sorry they don't mean the harm they casually do] Savannah: now you're having a good night Jac: an even better one, yeah Savannah: I'll be your 🌠 Savannah: anything you want, all you have to do is whisper it to me & I'll make sure it comes true Jac: Tinkerbell's got nothing on you Savannah: your happiness is so important to me, with or without the 👏🏾 Jac: you know I'd do anything for you too Jac: I feel like I should do more Jac: be better Savannah: you do more for me than anyone else EVER has, if you did more you'd be putting your own mental health & wellbeing at risk for the sake of mine Savannah: I'm not trying to be a drain of you like Is, who literally needs her hand held through every little thing Jac: I know, you're just so good to me Jac: but you're good FOR me too Savannah: I'm not always this selfish, I swear Jac: you're literally the most selfless Jac: all you do is look after Sienna and you're the best friend to me and girlfriend to Ty Jac: it hurts my heart sometimes Jac: I just wanna take care of you and make your life so easy you can thrive and shine Savannah: You're going to make me cry again Savannah: [IRL 🥺 because the bae is so pure & genuinely takes such good care of us] Savannah: I'll survive this & you'll see what I'm actually like without all this drama surrounding me Savannah: I really will be the best friend to you forever Jac: [we're such emotional bitches atm and always tbh hennys] Jac: I know you will, you're already amazing Jac: you're going to be unstoppable Jac: and I'm gonna be right there with you Savannah: [it's the only emotion we can safely express rn because smooching is forbidden] Savannah: I'm totally fine with doing trust falls Savannah: you know I believe in you & our future together Jac: 🌍 sister connection Jac: [because we are all earth signs except Amelia soz gal] Savannah: ^^ yes! Savannah: [take your bae to dance because it's a party and that's the only excuse we need] Jac: [bye at how much of a moment that'd be] Savannah: [literally there's every chance it's the first time they have because her bf would always be there at parties and stuff so I'm deceased] Jac: [we know you'd have no qualms stealing her away but a party with loads of peers is different from how intimate this is, at best everyone has a few friends] Savannah: [exactly that, so glad you don't have to see this Amelia you really would have a headache] Jac: [yeah this would be 💔] Savannah: [thank god we've got Isabelle cockblocking rn because y'all are too in love tbh] Jac: [just joins in 'cos not in love with you and thus oblivious] Savannah: [they'd be so annoyed lol] Jac: [lmao oh isabelle] Savannah: [go get some drinks or something gals and whisper shade to each other about this poor third wheel because any excuse to keep that intimacy going] Jac: [it's a good thing you are lowkey oblivious or you'd be way more upset by it all too] Savannah: [god bless you Isabelle, so soz you get done so dirty] Jac: [in the end you live your best life, just not being friends with this squad lol] Savannah: [the best thing for you is getting new friends my love, but for now I like to imagine she's talking to them about some boy or other, remember those you massive gays] Jac: 😬 him Jac: seriously?!? Savannah: What is she thinking of? & more importantly, what part of her body is leading her in those thoughts Jac: 😷 I can't Jac: so many cold showers necessary for her and honestly just some 🧼 for him Savannah: He asked me out, knowing full well I'm not single or interested, it was horrific Jac: the definition of no shame Savannah: I didn't know what to do Jac: I bet you didn't Jac: the actual nerve Savannah: Not to sound like Amelia, but I genuinely have no understanding of what she approves of or thinks we'll approve of about most of the boys she talks about Jac: Availability? Jac: like, imagine that was all a boy had to say about you Savannah: that's so sad Jac: like if they weren't so gross themselves, I'd feel sorry for them Savannah: I've just decided, I'm going to find her a boyfriend we can all stand to be around, Ty'll know someone Savannah: it'll give you a much needed break from how clingy she is & my heart won't hurt anymore from hearing her talk like this about boys who aren't worthy Jac: Such a nice idea 👼🏾 Jac: does he know anyone that will deal with her though Jac: she's a lot Savannah: It may not be an overnight success but I'll work my 🔮✨ Jac: I believe in nothing harder than I believe in your magic Savannah: I'm your girl too, just like you told Ty, of course you have faith in me & because you do, I feel so capable of anything 🥰 Jac: It had to be said Jac: like we said, the possessive thing, not it Jac: you're you and you're so many things to so many people, and you're especially important to me Jac: if he wants you, he's gotta accept that Savannah: ^^^ Savannah: I love you & you're always going to be part of my life, I hope he is too, obviously but there's none of that uncertainty with you, you are & you will be Jac: Right, romantic relationships are arguably almost always the least secure, that's just realistic Jac: ask any girl who ditches ALL her friends and then gets dumped Savannah: oh god, I could NEVER Savannah: I need you Jac: The concession they must make in their lives, like, who do you talk to about the stuff he has no interest in, who gives you advice from a woman's perspective??? Jac: so toxic Savannah: He & I have very different styles of self care, I'm sorry I simply would not survive Jac: 🏋️ is part of the daily grind, NOT a way to unwind, sorry Ty Savannah: 😄 Savannah: Don't worry, I promise I won't wake you as early tomorrow for our workout Jac: I'm not, I nearly ALWAYS wake up before you Jac: but that's okay, you look adorable and very peaceful 😴😘 Savannah: well it takes me longer to fall asleep Savannah: you look even more adorable & peaceful then 👼🏻☁ Jac: okay, so we're even 😅 Savannah: the universe is keeping everything in balance for us Savannah: I love that Jac: I know, right? Jac: if we had a 👶🏾 or a job share we'd be KILLING it Savannah: 🥺 you're going to have the cutest babies ever! Jac: 🤞 the dad's DNA doesn't screw that up Savannah: No way, we'll find you someone perfect Jac: I have more hope for Uni Savannah: you don't trust my matchmaking skills? Jac: No, no Jac: just the boys you have to choose from here 😬😂 Savannah: 😄You're right, an LDR makes much more sense for you & I wouldn't have to share you as often Savannah: I'll find you a first year uni boy who goes to school with Ty's brother Jac: You think so? Savannah: definitely, he'll fit into your schedule without wanting to become your schedule Savannah: & you may actually be able to have & sustain a proper conversation, depending what he studies Jac: you really do have the best ideas Jac: Obviously down Savannah: [immediately starts sending her pics and profiles because we're extra] Savannah: Let me know who you like & I'll totally make it happen Jac: I'll look properly tonight at yours Jac: [like no, Isabelle, you may not have more than a peep so you're #curious] Savannah: there's no rush, whenever you're ready Jac: 😍😍 Savannah: [snuggling again with our IRL 😍 because we're in love bitch] Savannah: [Savannah is just that touchy feely hoe like soz gal she's gonna just be touching you ALL THE TIME] Jac: [at least you'd have to vaguely get used to it or literally die haha, we know the 😍 are and will be for you but we'll pretend to be into these lads so we can scheme it together] Savannah: [we've since the pics you had a touchy feely vibe with Amelia too, even if it was more like hugs and piggy backs lol you can do this] Jac: [mhmm, arguably you can't but you carry it on for a long time lol]

Can I asked what inspired you to build such a detailed world view and ramifications of the Soulmate trope in AATJS? I haven't read anything exactly like it and I just absolutely love it!

I’m gonna sound like a total jerk when I say this but…

A slow-burning sense of dissatisfaction is what created the worldbuilding of AATJS?

I’ve read a lot of soulmate AUs. I’m a hopeless romantic, I really am. I’m into True Love. And so I love soulmate AUs and those first meetings, but once you read enough of something, you (if you’re like me) might start to think too much about it. Most of the soulmate AUs I’d read did very little in the way of worldbuilding, and after a while, I thought too much about them.

And a lot of the common tropes are nonsensical in how they’d work in the real world, or at least not thought-through much in the narrative. First words soulmate AUs? That are tattooed on your body from birth? Leave pretty much zero room for free will, everything is all predestination, and also either no one would ever say “hello” or else half the population would have a standard greeting on their body and never realize who their soulmate is.

You can kind of get your head around that though, especially if you accept the ‘fate’ angle, meaning soulmates never meet with a ‘standard’ greeting (though I’ve read enough ‘ships in the night’ type soulmate AUs and they break my heart too and I have real love/hate for them). But then there are the soulmate AUs where it’s like “you don’t know who your soulmate is until they die” or something like that, and those kind of infuriate me because I stop and immediately go “why? what purpose could that serve from a spiritual or emotional or evolutionary function? how on earth did that come to be?”

Which - okay. Soulmate stories aren’t necessarily meant to conform to the bonds of logic. They’re speculative and romantic fiction. They exist through a story conceit that you either accept or don’t. It’s like Disney movies with talking animals. You either accept and enjoy, or you’re a killjoy who’s trying to apply real-world logic to something inherently meant to defy that logic.

But - I guess the issue for me was that a lot of soulmate stories I was reading at the time tried very hard to straddle both of those. They involved a “just go with it” and also a “haha but okay seriously imagine some of the mess that would happen with the First Words trope”. And those short, 2000 word attempts to explore a deeply complex worldbuilding element left me frustrated. They were never, ever taken far enough. 

They also tended to never explain why soulmates might be a thing in the first place, even if the characters were complaining in text about the existence of soulmates and struggling with the ramifications of free will until they found their perfect soulmate (at which point it was somehow always just All Good). The ones that dealt with Bonds of any sort tended to make the bond so subtle as to go almost unnoticed by the characters, or played with the idea of them not actually noticing it at first at all.

And all of that, taken together over the span of a couple years, just started to build up in my head. I’d be thinking about okay, how would this work? And uniquely identifying marks was the most logical route to me. Adding a Bond helped a) because I wanted to and there was a post going around the coldflash fandom at the time about an accidental bond, but also b) because then it makes it 100% clear and unmistakable that yes, these two are bonded.

Then there was the question of why that bond would exist. I hadn’t really seen this ever posed in fiction, but I was still curious. So I started thinking about what it would look like and what function it would serve. Obviously, bringing people closer, helping them when they’re in danger, pack-bonding type stuff, all of that made sense. The rest of the stuff, with the bond getting too strong and how it could mess up, came later. And the neurological explanation attempts were because I have a psych degree and love to try to figure out how anything remotely psychic would work on a neurological level in fiction.

As for the broader societal stuff - that actually came from a really distinct source. I read a Teen Wolf fic that wasn’t a soulmate AU, but still had a really fascinating worldbuilding conceit about how people feel it when you fantasize about them. The fic talked really briefly about some societal ramifications but I couldn’t help but go O.O at it, and kept turning it around in my head about how messed up a world like that would be. 

That got me thinking about how bonds, and thus how soulmate AUs, would impact society, and I really wanted to show large-scale changes in the arts (e.g., pop culture like bond songs, shakespearean dramas), language (colloquial terms), social connections (mate-makers), laws (designed to protect pairs), and history (e.g., religion, famous couples). What I really wanted to accomplish was enough worldbuilding to show the reader that anything they could think of that might change from having real-world acknowledged soulmates and psychic bonds, it probably was changed in this world, and that was either explicit in the text or they could extrapolate. And the reader wouldn’t have to guess, or think too hard about it, because there would be hints and explanations all through that would make this world seem complex and full and complete and yet still dynamic and evolving.

So - yeah. I wrote the world I’d desperately wanted to see someone else create, one that answered (to varying degrees of satisfaction) all the questions I’d had time and again while reading other peoples’ works. And this is NOT to knock other peoples’ works. Those stories inspired me and I freaking love them. But I think too much, and I wanted more. More than could be accomplished in 2000 to 20,000 words, and more than could be explained without some research and/or specialized knowledge, and more than could be dreamt up overnight. It took me ages of thinking about the worlds set forth in other stories and pulling in influences from other places for the world that is AATJS to develop itself. And until I actually started on the fic, that worldbuilding wasn’t intentional, it was just a game of question and answer that my brain went through when reading, but it definitely didn’t come from nowhere, and I definitely didn’t build it up from scratch when I started that first chapter.

(PS - in terms of the actual narrative, that was dissatisfaction too. I’d never really read a soulmate story where the conflict was created by the characters becoming soulmates. 9/10 times, them realizing they’re soulmates is the solution, if there is a real conflict and it’s not just a super short drabble. If there ever was conflict after the discovery, it was one of them hiding the fact that they were soulmates from the other, which couldn’t happen with the way I set up the bond, because honestly stories where one person deliberately conceals who they are or else their motives from their soulmate / lover are a serious squick to me. but either way, there was almost never any “but what happens after they find out they’re soulmates” in any of these and with coldflash, that to me was the most interesting piece) 

tl;dr - read way too many soulmate AUs and other stories with cool but under-discussed worldbuilding and wanted to combine those different settings and ideas, while also expanding on them to what I felt was their most logical conclusions. eventually AATJS happened

Omfg. Y'all.

Content warning for My Mom's An Ableist Bigot, Doesn't Support People of Color, Sia's 'Music' being an horrendous thing, and reference to the organization Autism Speaks and it's absolutely awful views on Autism.

Proceed at your own discretion.

I've been following the discussions surrounding Sia's movie Music (DON'T WATCH OR SUPPORT IT!) because it's something I take interest in and it's part of a societal issue I am passionate about. I've talked about it with my mother several times previously, just about how awful Sia's been and how harmful the movie itself is.

Today I mentioned that I'd learned that Sia worked with Autism Speaks to create the character Music, and how horrible that is when autism speaks is heavily despised by the autistic community.

And she was like "okay but what's wrong with autism speaks??" And I mentioned some of the stuff I knew about them that were awful, and eventually pulled up a video going through the timeline of events from its founding. She was on her laptop on their website the whole time being like "they removed the thing about curing autism from their mission statement in 2016" and just being like 'but their website doesn't say that now. And it came to a point where I was like "y'know even if we don't or can't see how or why or what is so wrong about them, the fact that most autistic people are against the organization is what really matters, because they're the ones directly affected."

And she goes "yeah, sure."

Like. I've been reminding myself that I really came expect much if anything from her at all on any topic, but like.

I've got ADHD. My oldest brother is on the spectrum. Literally two of her four children are ND.

But somehow the thoughts and opinions and voices of the autistic community shouldn't be the main focus??? Like. I know I can't expect much but I did think she was better than this.

It's just.

Like.

I can't. I don't have words to describe the thoughts and feelings this gives me.

I know she's an asshole, and an abuser, and tends to disregard things like the opinions and experiences of marginalized groups but.

I still believed she was at least enough of a decent human being to not react with that in this situation.

This isn't even mentioning her trying to defend the movie by being like 'but is she really trying to say that this is an okay way to treat autism and autistic people?' 'Are we sure she didn't intend well? Is she not just trying to show the harsh and painful realities of autistic life??'

Like. When it's that bad and that extreme, I don't give a fuck what the initial intentions were. Intentions mean jack shit to Impact.

I can call you an ugly fat asshole and not mean it to be upsetting or hurtful. But if it is, than that's on me.

Impact matters more than intention, and people have to take responsibility for the impact of an action or statement instead of arguing that it's the other person's fault for getting hurt by it.

Content warning: the text below may trigger some individuals, please take care of yourself and don't read if you might be triggered by:

Mentions of emotional and verbal abuse, disassociation

Also just cause I realize I haven't really mentioned this yet and I wanna update anyone who like cares:

My parents are hella abusive. I realize I have a lot of posts where I speak about my struggle to determine if their treatment was abusive or simply unintentionally insensitive. I did work up the courage to look for what qualifies as emotional/verbal abuse, and I was absolutely appalled by the sheer extent of the "criteria" their treatment of me meets. I actually was completely emotionally dissociated for the rest of the day after seeing just how much of what I've endured is abuse.

Unfortunately as I'm over the age of 18, and thus legally an adult, there's really nothing I can do as far as legal consequences. I'm also unable to move out or cut ties, as my health issues and disabilities prevent me from working. As far as the law goes, the most I could do is file a restraining order against them, which, again, I am incapable of living independently at this time. So, I'm hoping I can start picking up commission work on my Tarot Reading blog ( @chriswhitewolf ), and I'm working to improve my candle making abilities to start selling candles online. I own everything I need but I'm horribly inexperienced and the candles I've made this far are....lackluster and disappointing. Once I've got a decent skill set for it I'll start selling them and will update y'all on links to that. Thanks to everyone who follows me and shows their support in likes and comments and reblogs, it means a lot to me to know that people actually read the stuff I post and follow me.

Heavy In Your Arms

Location: 111 Arden, 6C Date: February 14th, 2017 Availability: @posthumanchaos

A transcript that should have been posted ages ago; here, have some Valentine’s fluff love in a bathtub.

Crowley hovered at the door to Magda's, fingers wrapped tightly around a bottle of Moët & Chandon Rosé Imperial. Running her tongue over her bottom lip, she inhaled quietly and lifted a hand to knock on her neighbor's door. The text conversation with the woman had left her wanting more but she wasn't quite sure how the evening was going to go. It was an understatement to say that Crowley didn't like to beat around the bush.

Magda had barely slept the night before, given Crowley the space she'd offered, but the running in circles her brain had done wouldn't be turned off, not even when she let loose clouds of smoke that should have gotten her high enough to eat stars. She wouldn't be surprised if Crowley had noticed the smell out the window well into the night, insomniac as she'd been. All that aside, she knew how to primp and preen, so that when Crowley knocked, Magda looked as amazing as if she'd bathed in the blood of virgins, a tentative smile on her face. "Hey," she said softly to allow her in, not sure what else to say just yet, fighting the urge to touch her but also tortured with not knowing if that was indecent.

Crowley was far past wolf whistling every time that she saw Magda - seeing her dance had taken all of that from her. Still, she was beautiful. More breathtaking than the scent of marijuana in the air. Her lips curved into a reproving grin, clicking her tongue in disapproval. "Lighting up without me? Simply rude." In comparison to her, Crowley was sporting the usual ripped jeans and loose white t-shirt. Still, she was oddly not intimidated by Magda's looks in comparison to hers. They were as different as the sun and moon, but perhaps that is what made it so intoxicating for Crowley?

Magda shook her head; "It was from last night," she amended as she ushered Crowley in and closed the door behind her. She didn't want the other girl to think she was high now—this was too—much—to be unclear about. Taking the champagne from Crowley, she hesitantly kissed her on the cheek before leading her to the master bath. To be fair, there was no non-master bath, only the one, what she gave up in kitchen she'd gained in tub space and that was fine by her. Putting the champagne in the sink filled with ice, next to it was a pop-up table with a massage bar and strawberries, a flute glass and a rocks glass, and Jack green label. The bath was run, it smelled of rose oil and had bubbled, and Magda dropped the silk robe she'd been wearing.

Crowley wandered after Magda, eyes dropping down to sway of the woman's hips. Pressing her tongue against the roof of her mouth, she followed her into the bathroom and couldn't help but gaze at the extravagance of her bathroom. Crowley wasn't one for baths, she preferred to stand as the water rained down on the scars and marks of her body. She found that baths couldn't get the knots out of her shoulders as well. Crowley eyed the Jack green label, itching to go to the bottle first but then Magda dropped her robe and Crowley's eyes were drawn to her body again. It wasn't anything she hadn't seen but life and warmth radiated from Magda. She followed suit in pulling off her clothes, dropping her white t-shirt on the ground and her jeans soon followed. Black lace in the form of her bra and under soon topped the pillow before Crowley pulled the hair tie from her hair, dark curls spilling over her shoulders.

Magda's hands instinctively went to Crowley's hips, drinking in the sight of her, the dark curls against the pale skin, a contrast that was almost uncomfortable but wound up beautiful, the kind of divine terror of beauty that things had who had lived. She liked that Crowley lived, was as dedicated to living—even after death—as Magda had been for so long. The sharpness of her torso drew Magda in, so she was kissing the lines of them and then actually had to physically step back. They had too many unanswered questions. Magda gave Crowley a view of her back as she popped the champagne and opened the bottle, pouring a portion for each. She offered Crowley a glass before settling into the porcelain tub, eyes vibrant and humming for last evening's thoughts.

Crowley wasn't ashamed of her body. She was all sharp angles instead of curves, the definition of heroin chic, with scars littered over her body. All proof that she had survived in a world like hers. Crowley didn't shy away from people and she was more comfortable naked than most but she couldn't help but tense when Magda kissed the lines of her torso, perfectly still in response to the redhead's gentle touches. Magda managed to steal the breath of someone already dead. As she drew back, Crowley moved to pick up the flute, the shadows of her winged tattoo almost shifting in the light.  She joined Magda in the tub but settled into the opposite side, green eyes fixed on amber ones.

After a swig of champagne and a shaky breath, she grasped the edge of the porcelain with her free hand to steady her nerves, and broke the silence that their chemistry created. "So... you had the night," she started, her eyes dropping from the intensity of their locked gaze, studying the bubbles instead, the patterns they made, to soothe herself. "What exactly makes you think you would put me in more, and not less, danger?"

Crowley lifted a hand from the water, dragging her finger tips across the surface to create ripples. One simple touch and the entire water was disturbed. She pressed her tongue against one of her canines before speaking. "You're the prophet, Mags. It's its own death sentence. Meanwhile, I run in circles with demons like Belial and Satan and you've been in contact with both. You don't think either will fuck with you more just to fuck with me?" She leaned back. "Yeah, I'm an unranking demon but for how long? It's the rapture, we all have opportunities."

Magda chortled in the bath tub, the sort of laugh that had the champagne bubbles buzzing through her nose. "Fuck with ME to fuck with YOU? Somehow, I think it's more likely the inverse." She moved her eyes to the ceiling, studying the tile, the cracks at the edges, thinking that nothing in this life is easy or perfect—or any other life for that matter. "It is its own death sentence." She continued to avoid Crowley's eyes. "I'm the one who predicted Revelation, so I know." That's something she hadn't told anyone outside the Nephilim. It had been her prophecy, but she'd been a woman—so, it belonged to John instead. "I like the Sinners. I don't mind demons. Belial's never touched me, I have severe issues with the one. And like you said—there are opportunities. If you rose in rank, you'd be equals—less able to be fucked with and..." she paused slowly, "better able to protect me, not worse off."

"How condescending you can be, Magda but you're not wrong. No doubt they'd fuck with me to fuck with you." Crowley commented, lifting the flute to her lips. She sipped the champagne and let Magda speak, waiting patiently for her to continue. In truth, it rankled her how Magda spoke to her at times but Crowley often ignored that feeling. It made sense that she had predicted Revelation and it also made sense how that could have weighed down on Magda. "Us demons are not the protect type that the angels are. Even Raziel and Shibah gotta look out for themselves sometimes. The others don't give a damn about hurting me or treasured ones. You think there's a reason I don't got a cat? God knows Satan would skin it alive." As for Abaddon...well... "The keyword is 'if'. If I rise, hell yeah, we can get a demon prince condo but if I failed, then what? I fail and I get punished. I can deal with physical pain. I can deal with it well." Her mind threatened to travel back but she forced it to the present. "Emotional pain doesn't heal as easily, which I'm sure you know."

Magda's brows furrowed and she frowned, eyes flicking to Crowley's and meeting again for the first time in this part of their conversation. "I don't mean to be condescending, I'm sorry. I'm—still trying to regain my footing. But you make me feel more like my old self than anything does. I don't know what to do with this hole I don't know how to fill. I haven't felt like that since I was a child, and I gave myself that back. I don't know how to give myself this." She waved her hand, dismissive of her vulnerability. "Doesn't matter now." Magda tilted her head, gaze intent. "'You demons'—as if you're all the same, when we both know that's not the case. Like angels, you are what you make yourselves—probably better at it, honestly." A pause. "Babylon has those she protects. I think you have a soft spot for some people, too. I think it could be in you, if you wanted it to be." If there was a reason enough—but was Mags that reason? "But anyway, this isn't about protection. I don't need that from you, I was just saying I don't think —us—puts us in any more danger. If you want an us." Her eyes burned brightly, wanting the short-stop reality Crowley gave, wanting the real feeling of her, not the facade but the unadulterated soul that she was, and she couldn't tear her eyes away. "It doesn't, but if the world is ending, I'd rather end it with you. I haven't—you're—" she looked away, finally, flustered. A poet at a loss for words. "It's worth it to me, if I'm worth it to you. But I can't halfass it. I can't live another part of my life like a shadowy half-life, not fully here, not fully gone. I don't know if—" if she could handle it? if she wanted to handle it? if she wanted anything like that? God, how did they get here, from just asking to spend Valentine's Day night. But Magda would rather know, would rather figure out just how many eggs to put in this basket.

It was Crowley's turn to look away, toward the entrance and away from the tragic figure sitting across from her in the bathtub. Don't count on me to fill that hole, Red. Magda had far too many expectations of Crowley but it didn't spook the demon, it only made her chest ache for when Magda realized how misplaced her faith was. She reached out from the bathtub and set the flute down on the pop-up table, shifting through the water - with great difficulty and no poise - to place both of her pale hands on Magda's cheeks, cupping the soft skin. Seriousness didn't suit Crowley but she wanted to be sure when it came to Magda. "I want you, Red. I'm not a coward and I'm no stranger to pain. Abaddon, Satan, Belial, I can handle them." She'd slit their throats with her grail if need be. If the situation called for it. "I will give you all you ask and all and you desire of me and want the same in turn but can you be with a demon, Magda? I'm not human anymore. I do bad things and continue to do bad things and I will not lie to you about them. I can't lie about who or what I am just like you can't lie about who or what you are. If you're okay with that, then I'm okay with anything else. I can deal with the demons and the angels. Lord knows your pitbull Russian angel won't let anything else happen to you." She paused but kept her gaze on Magda's. "Whatever Lucifer asks of me though, I need to see it through. If he asks anything at all." She doubted he would but she wouldn't let Magda go forward without knowing.

Magda didn't know what to expect, but she didn't expect the tenderness shown her, the crossing of the tub and the hands on her face, softened by the water but still vaguely rough and calloused from guitar and any number of things, the gesture comforting. The touches Magda had received had all been so rough recently—wanted and unwanted both. Tenderness seemed something they reserved for... something deeper, and Magda blinked slowly, letting the droplets of water make rivulets on her face, feeling their softness, and wondered if this was deeper. "I want you too, Crow," Magda said softly. "I don't want a different version of you. If you don't lie to me, don't betray me, and just love me—in time—that's all I can ask." She nodded, understanding—not fully, but enough—about Lucifer. When there was a God, she'd be beholden to him almost the same. At least half of her had free will. "And we'll—we'll just see? Nothing's stone, and stone can shatter. This isn't a back out, or a halfass. This is room to breathe. So I don't—" she bit her lip. "So I don't weigh you down too much. So heavy in your arms," she quoted, only half joking.

"You're light as air, Mags." Crowley murmured back, tone gentle as she leaned froward to place a soft kiss on her forehead. She knew Magda was trying to joke, to lighten the mood but Crowley was dead serious as she spoke. Being with Magda wasn't difficult for it, it didn't weigh her down or make her exstential, it soothed her. It both calmed the hurricane and fed her desire for chaos. "I won't lie or betray you. One thing I'm good at is being honest with who I am." She had never been so sure of herself. Becoming a demon had solidified her identity. "I'm more than okay with you being my girlfriend. Not a back out, or a half's but it's there if that's what you feel like being called. Or you can be called my superb lady friend, whatever you wanna call it." She teased.

Magda's eyes fluttered closed to fully feel the sensation of the kiss on her forehead, the light pressure warm against the cooling water, sending a little shiver down her spine as she smiled. When she opened her eyes again, she reached for Crowley, her hand grazing the side of the demon's face, touching where her cheekbone ran beneath her eye, tracing her jawline with affection and depth of seeing. She appreciated the sentence—the sentiment—but just hoped their hopes would be enough. Magda maintained it was worth trying before dying. She seemed to get on better with most divine than she did humans—what would come, would come. "I love that about you," Magda said, soft as a water ripple. Crowley was upfront, upshot—she loved the reality of her. At the end, Magda laughed: "What if I want to be your girlfriend, but also your superb lady friend?" Magda had remained perfectly still when Crowley had kissed her forehead so the demon returned the favor, staying relaxed and calm as Magda's touch trailed along the side of her face, her skin heating up wherever Magda dragged her fingertip. Still, she couldn't help the grin that split her face as Magda spoke, looking a little sheepish. "Yeah, well, I found out that it was easier to be real when I was human and it only carried over into hell." Of course, it wasn't to say that Crowley didn't keep a few things close to her chest but for the most part, she was what she appeared to be - a fun-loving, violence-seeking demon with a penchant for destruction and chaos. "I mean, they're not mutually exclusive, I'm down for you being both." "Of course," Magda replied with a laugh, thinking of the chain of events. "Naturally you would be chosen, given that outlook," the Prophet teased, in truth, knowing nothing of Lucifer's intentions nor selection process, but if it had been her, of course she would have chosen Crowley—but Magda was biased. It was hard to touch Crowley's face so gently and not touch more. "Both is always better," she said, and then, still lost in the softness and the restraint, quoted Winterson, "'To kiss well one must kiss solely. No groping hands or stammering hearts. The lips and the lips alone are the pleasure. Passion is sweeter split strand by strand.'" Then Magda's hand dropped, almost sheepishly, and she blushed. In truth, Crowley wasn't exatly sure why she was chosen. She'd never asked and he had never really explained. Out of all the people in the world, he had chosen a junkie who had walked into an early grave. She could understand his turning of Babylon. Look what she had become - Mother of Prostitutes and Abombinations. Then again, she had a few years on Crowley but still, she wondered on those rare nights she dared to become introspective. Presently, she peered at Magda, green gaze fixed on that entrancing face as Magda quoted someone that Crowley probably never would have heard of. Crowley caught Magda's dropped hand and gently placed it back on her face, nodding in approval. "If anyone's voice has to bring on the rapture, I'm glad it's yours."