SUNGHOON — BITE ME ONE TAKE STAGE @ INKIGAYO (230528)

This is a Steddie confession scene I wrote and then changed the one-shot I was writing it for so much that it doesn’t fit anymore. Rather than scrap it entirely, I thought I’d post it here. Enjoy!

“No,” Steve says. “I just… I had a realization tonight that didn’t help the other situation, I don’t think.” Eddie slowly nods, leaning more towards Steve, but only slightly. “What kind of realization?” Steve feels a pit open up in the bottom of his stomach, and he wishes it would get big enough to swallow him from the inside out. “That maybe I don’t mind getting hit on by guys. That maybe I like it.” He intends to stop there, but apparently Steve’s mouth has other plans, and suddenly he’s spilling out words he so desperately wants to keep under wraps. “That maybe I want to take them out, see their bands play at shitty gigs, listen to them talk about Lord of the Rings and D&D, watch them hang out with the kids and be the good cop to my bad cop.” Steve puts his head on the steering wheel again. “Maybe I want that, Eds, and maybe that scares the shit out of me.” The car goes silent once again and Steve wishes for nothing more than for Eddie to just get out of the car so Steve can drive away and forget this all happened. He can feel the all-too-familiar feeling of hurt and rejection in his chest. It feels like heartburn, and his chest feels tight. “Steve.” Eddie says finally. Steve doesn’t move. He can’t move.

“Stevie, look at me.”

Steve can’t avoid this forever. He lifts his head up slightly and turns to look at Eddie. He just wants this to be over with. Maybe he’ll just let him down gently and then they’ll never see each other again. That thought alone, though, causes another kind of hurt to soar through Steve’s chest. He shouldn’t have said anything, he doesn’t want to lose Eddie. Eddie, surprisingly however, cups Steve’s face in his hands and forces him into a proper sitting position once again. “I’m gonna need more than a maybe, Steve.”

Steve furrows his eyebrows. “What do you mean?” Eddie’s face stays serious. “Do you maybe want this? Or do you actually want this? I need more than a maybe.” Steve’s eyes widen a little as he takes everything in and processes it. Eddie’s cupping his face, he doesn’t seem upset about the fact that Steve basically confessed his feelings for him. If anything, Eddie looks maybe… hopeful? Steve stares into Eddie’s eyes for a moment and he thinks. He really thinks. Is this something he wants with Eddie? Does he want to keep Eddie by his side? Does he want to get out of Hawkins with Eddie someday, start a life somewhere else? Does he want to still have him when everyone else has left? Does he really, really want to kiss him right now? The answer comes easy. “I want this, Eddie. I want… you.”

SOMEONE GET THAT BITCH AUGEFORT BACK IN THE PRESENT!!!!!! EVANGELICAL COLONEL SANDERS IS TRYING TO KICK APPLEBEES OUT OF SCHOOL

charlie kelly - season 16

#006 -- this man was very fun i am slowly learning to shade

Fan art of mottie.. mothie.... Them💕

I'm bad with names, N E WAYS

they're pretty so obviously they have to get fanart

Mothie belongs to... @mothiepixie

maybe im just a super salty person bc its 5am and im Still not sleepingn and Still thinking about it but i cant help but feel that qtubbo fans are some of the most hypocritial people ive ever seen. this is like. full of generalizations and just observations ive made as a crow and im. typically defensive and salty so im gonna try to be objective but at the very least im not trying to neg on the characters or the ccs, since im directing this towards the fans. its also like a solid two months of build up .so. oops?

but uh. how to start explaining this. well for one im taking this as a recent fan who is a phil watcher pretty much only. but i tend to chronically read posts about other characters since when im into things i like to be informed on all cases (idk constant instinct i have lol). like i said im gonna focus on qtubbo here, if i go into qphil stuff its purely as a comparison point. i cant speak much on interactions with other fanbases since i simply am Not informed enough but yknow.

for one, i think both tubbo and phil ahve similar things when remembering lore that is Not their own. not a neg on either one, since i dont expect them to remember it, but both have forgotten major stuff recently, ie. fred's kidnapping (phil) and the birdhouse (tubbo). both things happened before purgatoryand the subsequent forgetting happened after so even in character it makes sense (they had more to worry about), but i also think reactions in character tends to fuck with audience perception. ie, tubbos very visceral reaction to the ill timed fred joke phil had made (and it was ill timed, and thats all that i feel was criminal about it. tubbo and phils friendship is very much based on banter and friendly barbs, lots of teasing from either side. phil simply shot back on a smilar level as tubbo had originally, making his joke about "phil and who?". other people have spoken on that so im not gonna rehash about whos comment was worse, since imo they were both just shy of being insensitive, had tubbo not been dealing with freds presumed death at the time. im not gonna talk about the funeral, becasue if i do i'll get mad.). likewise, when tubbo forgot birdhouse phils reaction was much less outwards. he just said a birdhouse wouldnt be slaying- given the imprisionment he had, it makes sense that phil would associate it negatively, especially since it catalzyed all of his future derealization episodes. both of these are simply ooc things imo, from their original standpoint. i dont think either is in the wrong for forgetting. but what annoys me is the fandom perception.

this is a problem im going to link back heavily to purgatory. im not sure if it was present beforehand, as i only really got into qsmp the last two-three weeks in october (bad timing) and had only really been watching vods in order to catch up. that being said, i think the bolas and soulfire rivalry had widened the gap between the fans, which in turn affects negative perception. later weeks in november had full bad faith interpretations of phil because he was critical of tubbos choices or simply didnt understand sunnys character perfectly. and there were. a lot of those. purgatory had happened just a few weeks prior, so i liken it to that. maybe it is just my expierence, but the phrasing of a lot of character crit and analysis between the two has wildly different interpretations of a character (to wildly different results)

you can get qphil fans explaining against a bad faith interpretaiton, and people will (and have) called them excuses to defend against character analysis. i have noticed, however, when qtubbo fans do the same thing (and they have) it seems to be more of a matter of adding context to the conversation. thats.... exactly what qphil fans are doing however? when talking critically about qtubbo not communicating with other parents and friends both his and sunny insecurities, its all that hes younger and in a bad mental state. but you have something about phil not understanding sunnys character perfectly, and hes a cruel stepmother and such; and when an explanation is added to why hes not a bad father nor a good father, just an imperfect one trying his best, its simply a "mindless defense against a crit of his character". are these not the same things? providing context to a percieved bad faith interpretation? idk. i cant tell if its the age or the percieved roles theyre supposed to take, but why is tubbo allowed to be imperfect and doused in outward angst, especially when interacting with other characters (ramon had to take the initiative to communicate with tubbo. and yet. age age age.) phils just as complex and imperfect and unwell. all of qsmp is unwell. it is an explanation, not an excuse.

anyway. i think i was thinking about this because of the flightless bird/ostrich dna joke. ill timed, just like the fred one. but phils reaction speaks volumes doesnt it? if its an age one maybe he'll overdramaticize, but he laughs it off mostly. theres a lot he laughs off. he doesnt. "if your kid wasnt here id kill you". tubbo doesnt know about phils failed flight. he probably wont for a while (i cant help but think qphil is embarassed. he was knocked unconcious from hitting the water too hard. and he knows how to fly? fuck, man). i think its wild, however, that one fred joke gets the entire fanbase ready to deface and mischaracterize the whole character. but one wing joke gets maybe shocked laughter and about two posts complaining? idk. maybe im just complaining about nothing, im tired as fuck.

tldr is that tubbo fans are so wildly hypocritical that they cant see when theyre doing the same thing as everyone else. im sure im being hypocritical in this post, its human. but its annoying as fuck when its everywhere, and i think purgatory made it worse.

being baffled out of crying is certainly one of the emotions of all time

Leaks are... Hmm.

Spoilers ahead. Probably a hot take/unpopular opinion. Im putting it under a read more fuck off if you're gonna start discourse I'm just. Lol. Wow

Good on Nana for taking responsibility both for her son and her grandson, Shigaraki stands as most sympathized with villain by the cast unsurprisingly.

In other news, award for most fucked up dysfunctional victim blamey bnha family goes to the Todorokis. Wow hori you handled that shit terribly. So you ARE capable of sympathizing with victims. Just not when it's Touya, huh?

(also fuck off with discourse i wont respond)

this was supposed to be longer but i got tired (and realized maybe this wasn't such a good idea) so i kinda bs'd this to just finish it up. sorry it doesn't look all that good lol

transcript of my shitty handwriting + more rambling under cut

panel 1:

len: rin, just leave him—

rin: NO! i'm not going to give up now—

len: i know you're upset, but all you're doing is—

rin: HE'S NOT GONE YET!

panel 2:

rin: i know he still remembers, he has to...

panel 3:

rin: kaito-san, it's me; rin. you tried singing one of len and i's songs the other day. you got the melody right, remember? meiko-san's birthday is soon. remember her? a few weeks ago you said you needed to buy her a present. what were you going to get her? do you remember? tell me.

---

aight yea so this is what yall get for picking that ❄️📺❔🕚💾🪦 option on the poll (which btw was related to this drawing)

i'll just keep it simple: basically kaito gets dementia (or i guess the robot equivalent of it??). yeah.

not sure if this takes place on the cusp of v3 happening and just this specific kaito v1 module was unable to be updated for some reason? or if they're all still stuck in v2 and v3 hasn't happened yet/will not happen for a while... but i do know its def before v4 happened, so people like fukase and una don't exist yet

anyways though as you might expect, it pretty much sucks all around for everyone involved. not just the other 5 cryptonloids watching their close friend so previously full of life deteriorate into a husk of his former self, but for kaito himself too. he suddenly can't remember things like where he is or who the people around him are, and its incredibly frustrating b/c he knows he did have the memories at some point, its just as if they got misplaced... there's random bits of recollections that do come sometimes but as much as he tries to hold onto them they flicker and fade away just as quick as they appeared. left sinking back into a feeling of hopelessness that then becomes pure emptiness, as you can feel how you're losing yourself but there's quite literally nothing you can do

visually the static is used to represent a lot of that "foggy" feeling as things become more and more unclear, and given the robot/android nature it makes sense i guess? it's not really seen here but just as an actual machine might be when breaking down, his visual + audio processors begin to malfunction, causing a literal static overlay on his vision with faces/objects he can't recognize occasionally glitching out as well as constant white noise in his hearing and the sound of people talking to him becoming garbled and unintelligible. as time goes on he also loses his own ability to synthesize speech so aside from becoming withdrawn and quiet out of fear he'll say something that makes no sense, he then literally just becomes incapable of responding at all

again (as you might expect), the other cryptons aren't doing very well as this is happening. rin and len see kaito almost like a father, so watching one of your parental figures slowly march towards death is... not great. rin (as seen here) is still trying to hold on, because she swears kaito has had a few good days where he does recall more, where he seems much more like his old self, and maybe, just maybe if they wait a bit more he'll get better [tbh she's speedrunning the 7 stages of grief but goes between being stuck in some of the earlier stages its... not good]. len's grief on the other hand is manifesting itself in a way more similar to meiko's: he's not as distant as her, but he has already recognized that there's pretty much nothing that can be done and just wants to minimize kaito's suffering. len's just as shattered as rin though, but he's not showing it openly, figuring he has to accept it, as fighting against the grief like his sister won't help anything.

i just mentioned meiko so speaking of her: this is also probably extremely difficult on her, as, yknow, the counterpart v1 to kaito. she's withdrawn herself away from kaito, as she doesn't want to cause him pain in case he happens to recognize her, remember something about their relationship, but not comprehend what it means and just become confused/distressed. at least, that's what she says; it's more or so she can't bear to see him in this state, as he slowly loses more parts of himself, so she isolates herself in hopes the pain will be somewhat less when its all over, for having seen him less and not having false hopes of his recovery. that being said though she has definitely still been around him and tried to keep her composure... from kaito's pov, in moments of recollection, its disheartening seeing your wife close friend suddenly ignoring you, almost like she's mad or sad about something, but you can't remember why. did you forget to do the laundry? is it something unrelated? you want to ask her but she won't tell you; why? did she already and you just forgot? why...

miku's usual cheeriness has also crumbled, as even with rin's attempts, she can't find anything to be optimistic about in this scenario. she just feels this immense guilt, that she should've done something about this; she has influence as the most popular of the entire group, surely she could do something to make it all better. but aside from the arguments and indecisiveness regarding ethics and not wanting to do something without everyone's collective decision, she does know deep down its not her fault. maybe someone like one of the technicians or programmers would be more at fault, but she doesn't want to blindly throw accusations either, because surely they hadn't foreseen this happening either; nobody would intentionally throw in such a cruel fate for someone, it was an unfortunate system glitch that they were working to fix, but even if they did come up with a patch for it, it would be far too late for kaito at that point. she doesn't want to dwell too much on the logistics of it, miku just wants to be there for everyone else, because she knows how deep in despair the others are—she is too—and doesn't want their whole group to fall apart after such a devastating event.

as for luka: i would assume we're kind of actually seeing everything from her perspective, so as an audience lens she'd be more objective about presenting everything as it is without putting too much of her own bias/thoughts into it. but she's not completely unfeeling either. she tries interacting with kaito quite often, despite some of the others warning her about doing that too much. she tries talking to him about random things, not necessarily aiming to get him to remember anything in specific, though if any of his memories do surface in conversation she'll def address them and ask if he recalls anything more (and if not that's alright too). on some occasions she's been accused of being insensitive, but she doesn't want his death to be this huge tragedy, she would want him to be somewhat happy in his last moments. after everything that's happened, he deserves to leave in peace, in her opinion.

i've mentioned death a few times and there's a literal gravestone in the original emoji combo so safe to say, yeah, he dies. unfortunately the damage to his hardware is beyond repair from the critical/fatal errors and glitches, and it's decided that it'd be best to ultimately just deactivate him and delete all his files to not prolong any pain he might've been in for any longer. not exactly sure what would happen afterwards (aside from an obvious aftermath of the grief): if this is before/on the verge of v3 happening, there's the situation i thought about of them receiving a new replacement v3 kaito module, which has its own angst w/ it: its almost like seeing a fucking ghost, but it's not the same one they all remember, nor does it have all those memories. and this v3 kaito himself experiencing conflicted feelings as someone who was brought in to try and give back happiness to this group, only to seem to cause more despair for being so similar to someone long gone that he'll never truly replace. again though i'm not sure if i'd actually have that happen for the sake of everyone involved's sanity but it is something interesting to think about

i've been typing this for like 3 fcking hours now and i have no idea if this makes any goddamn sense lolol uhhh. like all my things it sounds way better in my head than when i actually put it on paper 😭 but congrats if you actually went thru the effort of reading all this. i might do more explanations like this of my things if anyone's interested, like of the other poll options, but we'll see

good news for all my haters: im not coming back. not properly. i think social media and being around ppl in general is destroying me so im gonna just focus my energy on other stuff

ill probably still be a little bit active occassionally but for now i think il just stick to posting art etc. im moving to sheezy.art (which is down for maintenance rn but opens for registration again on fridays!) bc the energy there is much nicer for me.. but ill still post on here and insta. im also gonna be working on building my own website again!! so bookmark it and maybe some day itll have cool stuff on it.... :]

Attept 2 [the first is not seeing the light of day] I need to make her a proper pallet. This will take a lot of colour picking bc lighting effects but it will save time. The old one is badddd and idk what each set of colours are for... anyway her<3

had a thought when i was in the shower, and the thought was 'maglor dual-wields bc he and maedhros learned to use a sword left-handed at the same time' and it started turning the wheels in my head

the thing is. it was, as his brother's regent and someone who lost three family members (three kings) to morgoth in quick succession (the last time bc morgoth is a sore winner and couldnt resist sending an army to a meet up), the best choice to make with the resources and information they had. leaving him, i mean. they didnt even know for sure he was alive until he was hung from the mountain, and the noldor literally could not have survived losing a fourth leader that soon (not to mention this would have put celegorm in charge, and..... well. well.................)

but

you cant tell me he didnt want to. you cant tell me that didnt eat at him to leave his only older brother, his king, hanging there while he lead their followers as best he could. but after everything............ really, how do you apologize to someone for failing to save them while proof it could have been done was dangling in front of your face?

and when i was thinking about all that i got this image. that when maedhros limps his way to the practice grounds for the first time, maglor is there. he stares at him across the field, and draws his sword with his off-hand.

"it's fair," he says, and nothing else

it's the only apology he knows how to make

just turned off anon bc that's too much for me lol.

btw i know a lot of my followers come via fics, and if u enjoy my writing but find my personality irritating that's fine. you can just unfollow me. i did not make this blog to be a brand or a known entity at all, and i am not going to change how i blog. ao3 has a subscribe button and im way less personal/opinionated on there.

on todays writing shenanigans: yeeting my opening 500 words of a fic to superhell

some of my friends happy abt rwby hype and im just :|