#so they are like killing machines basically
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Back on my Peril ramblings again guys
Peril is a character with a lot of polarizing opinions. You've got some people who love her to death, while others who, well, don't. The people who dislike her will go about how she's obsessive. Too clingy and relies far too much on Clay. That or go on about how she's just rude, mean, dangerous, and overall kind of a bad person. I...couldn't disagree more if I'll be blunt.
For starters, Peril is in a difficult situation. She was molded and shaped by her childhood. What she is now is a product of being raised as a living weapon. She was seen as being dangerous and a blight on dragon society. A hazard that, at any moment, could kill somebody. She is danger. She is peril.
Scarlet took hold of that. Scarlet manipulated this tiny dragonet that she stole away from her mother and raised her, feeding her lies in order to keep her docile and dependent. She was never alone. Never to act on her own accord. Anything she did was first of all approved by Scarlet, somebody she trusted and loved in a way. All Peril ever knew was hate and fear, so a dragon showing her any other emotions felt like love.
Peril is...unstable to say the very least. Like I just said, she's got a warped sense of relationships due to her upbringing. She has literally nobody outside the walls of the SkyWing palace. She clings to those she deems as friends and loved ones as she knows nothing else. She craves that feeling of love and especially touch. She has never known the love of a mother's hug. She has never felt the wings of a friend comforting her in a time of crisis. She only wants to be held and loved, but she cannot. She was born wrong. She is unlovable in her eyes. That's what everyone tells her at least.
It's when Clay comes along that things change. For once, she's seeing a dragon who, while still kinda scared of her...is respectful. He holds conversations with her. He's nice, friendly, and when she hears that he tried killing his troop, she immediately relates. It's one of those things that I feel Sick about, where in Clay and Peril both are deemed to be monsters since the moment they hatched when in reality they weren't at fault for anything. Clay and Peril are so good when you actually treat them like characters.
The point is that Peril sees herself in Clay. For the first time ever, she finds a dragon like her. A dragon that at the very least tolerates her. After years of abuse and being shunned and seen as nothing more than a monster, it's basically like Clay is giving her a boquete of roses and confessing his undying love.
She becomes obsessed, even more so when she's eventually free from Scarlet, but that comes later. She holds him to such high regards and views him as a dragon she wants to be around. She's easily jealous when other dragons talk to him. She's protective and constantly wants to be near him. She adores him.
Yada yada, the whole fight scene happens between her and Clay. Scarlet notices that Peril is rather fond of Clay and is using her emotions to manipulate her further. Again, Scarlet is extremely manipulative of Peril. She's the one who molded her into this. She's the one who was responsible for this. She's the one who made Peril feel as though all she could ever be in life was a murder machine, and that Scarlet was doing her a favour by letting that be her existence as opposed to killing her. Scarlet made Peril dependent on her.
So when she's gone...Peril feels lost. She feels like she's the blame for one of the very, very few dragons in her life that at least cared about her being gone. Now she's alone and seen once again as a creep. A weirdo. She doesn't belong here, not in the Sky Kingdom. Osprey is dead (another example of Scarlet toying with Peril's emotions cause the one time she acts out she has to suffer for it) and she's just tossed into the world without warning.
She in turn seeks out Scarlet, eventually finding her. Despite all of the abuse and suffering that Scarlet has put her through, she has nobody else. Scarlet's twisted and distorted love is the only thing she knows. She feels guilty for everything that happened to her.
I think it's easy for people to not really understand Peril if they don't really get her situation. What I lay it out, it sounds pretty easy to understand. Peril is a deeply traumatized and abused character who is shaped by her trauma and struggles to exist in this world as she only knows to kill. She's trying to unlearn all of this. She wants to be better. She's trying to be better.
That's what Escaping Peril is all about: Peril's recovery.
Escaping Peril is the conclusion to Peril's arc, with her coming to grips and terms with her trauma and by the end realizing that she is her own person. Over the course of the book, she struggles a lot. She goes back and forth on her feelings with Scarlet, conflicted on whether she loves her or wants to kill her. Perhaps both at the same time. It's messy and she feels lost and hopeless.
The only real thing that seems to be a beacon of light in her life is Clay, whom is basically not even in this book. Clay is her moral compass here. Anything she does has to be something she believes Clay would approve of. She's doing the exact same thing that she's done for years with Scarlet because, yet again, it's literally the only thing she knows. She is a deeply hurt character who struggles with the whole morality thing because ever since she was a dragonet she's been a child solider. She's trying to unlearn it all.
Which is helped significantly with her friends, namely Turtle. She isn't alone. She has a group of dragons who care for her and like her the way she is. Again, the themes of friendship and togetherness is a very strong one in this arc. The Jade Winglet learn how to be themselves and how they don't need to pretend to be somebody they aren't with a group of dragons who love them for who they are.
Peril...learns. She learns. She grows. I cannot emphasize this enough since some of you guys still don't get that part. Her character shifts and changes and develops over the course of this book. She learns that she doesn't need to depend on somebody for her own actions. Hell, by the end of the book, she burns the scroll of her own volition, knowing fully well that Clay would've hated that. She's acting of her own accord. She learns that she's not a monster and doesn't need to have her flamescales be repressed to be liked.
She's a deeply traumatized character who is trying to get better. She has been getting better, and she will only get better with time. She's happy now. She's happy with her friends and loved ones. Everything will be okay.
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Time to develop some story for the cosmic au y'all
Nah 'cause let's be honest to this day this au was just "ooooh look italian man and crazy gremlin with stars and pwetty colors OvO". Besides I promised I was gonna develop on this au's world, so let's get to it :D !
So, in this AU, Peppino and The Noise are beings known as "Cosmic entities", extremly powerful individuals above all laws of physics capable of shaping there environment as they pleases and travel between universes, they're mostly located in their own plain of existence know as the "Cosmic realm".
Cosmic beings are born out of mortal souls (dead people) who've been exposed to a lot cosmic particles and stars*(not stars like giant lumps of flaming gas but in the cosmic entity definition, wich is roughly huge amounts of high emotions)
Peppino and The Noise caused eachothers death. By punching him on the skull, Peppino killed The Noise triggering the "Bye bye italian man" system he placed inside Peppino's kidney, causing a particularly gruesome and unpleasent death. But due to the ABSURDLY high cosmic particles exposure both had as well as insane levels of high emotions (mostly anger), these two became cosmic entities and the newest cosmic duo of the cosmic realm .
Cosmic duos have the immense resposability of making sure that no universe breaks the established laws of physics, for exemple by fixing universes that lacks a law or by stoping beings from that universe to break the laws of physics*(by creating a time machine, a device that travels between universes etc).
Of course neather of them actualy wants to work with eachother, especialy on something as delicate as managing the cosmos itself, but hey they literaly have nothing better to do and they just have to occasionally stitch back the fabric of reality or stop a lunatic trying to stop the flow of time, it's not as if they had much of a choice either unless they want to answer to the cosmic court (and yes cosmic entities have a court, and they look absolutely horrendous, like a lump of eyes and stars, it's awful) wich they rather not.
And so, a newest and one the most unstable cosmic duo was born
This is just a first draft giving out the bases of this AU such as the presence of multiple universes, different plains of existance etc. Sorry it's ATROCIOUSLY wacky due to my lack of skill in basic writting and my latency in english...
But anyway I want to know what YOU think ! Do you like this draft ? Did you expect another kind of story ?
If you have any question on anything I've said so far please feel free to ask I'll be glad to answer any of them ! Okay see ya :D
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Spiritual opposite of junji ito wet dog
#every day I have to stop and ask myself if something I’m adding in is too much#should I reel it in?#no I’m having fun <3#I have FINALLY settled on what Evie’s actual role in the military is#she’s a part of this organization of sorcerers and witches trained to be like… the Heroes of their country#they’re incredibly powerful and also incredibly secretive. in order to fully commit themselves to their holy duty their memories are sealed#so they are like killing machines basically#and then there’s Evie. a little tiny woman who walks with a limp#who’s paperwork list her magical aptitude as ‘empath’#and everyone’s like how the fuck did u end up here#except for Crow who’s like oh wow your life sucks. come back to my home and I’ll hand feed you grapes :)
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the year is 2012.....
#did i finally decide to work on something. yes.#will i finish it? i hope so.#baby kel kills me i stg#i still need to pose his hands. i forgot lol#i disappeared again bc i inadvertently started working on a dhes cosplay of sorts?#basically i randomly had the urge to pull out my sewing machine & make a pair of jorts for summer bc it's been hot lately#which naturally made me think of dhes#& THEN i realized that the boots i just got look EXACTLY like the kind of boots dhes would wear#& well. it spiraled from there#i'm at an impasse though bc i can't find a good shirt to crop & rip to shreds. so.#here i am#rainyrambles
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I sort of like the thought that Zuko and Aang take the Sun Warriors' warning not to tell anyone about the dragons a little more seriously… and they keep it between them. Of course, they trust Sokka, Toph and Katara. Of course they know they wouldn’t tell anyone, but now three people (including Iroh) know the truth about Ran and Shaw. And that’s three too many when you’re trying to keep a secret.
(and there are other people at the temple as well - like Haru, Teo and The Duke - who, while trustworthy, aren’t as close to them as the others, and when it comes to secrets with as much consequence as this one, you can’t afford to take any chances.)
Furthermore, the culture within the Fire Nation since Sozin’s rein has been warped. The culture is not to respect the dragons as the original firebenders, it’s to conquer and kill them. It’s the ultimate proof of your strength as a firebender. All it takes is one mistake before rumour spreads, and people go looking for the ultimate hunt. It’s not something Zuko or Aang can risk.
Whether Katara, Toph and Sokka (and Suki) ever find out the truth is up to you. But post-war, after Zuko returns from a strange, poorly explained trip with a dragon, and eventually develops the ability to use rainbow fire, either the others have some questions about Aang’s knowing look, or they are finally let in on a monumental secret.
#it’s a kids show so i think for that reason it was played for laughs about keeping the dragons a secret is not necessarily a bad choice...#the show does that sometimes where it says something off hand and then leaves me lying face down contemplating ✨the consequences✨ of that#but there are some… implications there about being too loose lipped with the truth in leading up to the end of and immediately post#war fire nation. just because zuko understands the spiritual significance of a dragon it does not mean the rest of his people will. actuall#its more likely that they'd reject zuko's opinion considering that he's basically coming into power and then telling everyone that#they've been lied to their whole lives. the fire nation is drowning in propaganda. for a lot of people this opinion of dragons and#firebending's true nature being violence and destruction is all they know. fire is LIFE but to most people that's an alien concept#and in terms of keeping secrets - it’s not even a matter of trust it’s a matter of too many people knowing#you might not even realised you’ve revealed some incredible information to someone who has the means to spread it or pursue it#so… i think zuko would be hyper aware of this. since he grew up hearing stories about the 'glory' of dragon hunting#and since iroh has also made a concerted effort to keep this information hidden i think it makes sense he’d be very hesitant to let it#get out to the public#aang would agree i think esp if zuko explained the importance of hiding them even from loved ones#ALSO random but it also makes me wonder what the fire nation said about roku in wake of the war#he had a dragon but he didn’t kill it. he didn’t ’conquer’ it#sozin would have had to work his ASS off to reframe history as him being the more… loyal(?) patriotic (?) of the two#did he frame it as roku didn’t have the courage to kill a dragon??? that he lacked the strength of a true firebender?#the avatar works hard but sozin's propaganda machine works harder 🧍♀️#zuko#aang#avatar the last airbender#zuko & aang#jack talks#sun warriors#book 3#what is it with me having a whole separate post in the tags 👁️👄👁️
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Joke that has the target audience of me and me only
and yes, I did jump on the trend bandwagon. What about it
bonus under cut
#Please be nice this took me like 3 days and it was the first time I had done digital art in a while 🥺.#And about the drama machine… since it was technically used to “heal” Alejandro it can count as alternative medicine#That hasn’t been tested yet#And may have unknown side effects#So basically involuntary testing#This drawing is the reason why I didn’t draw anything for Rasmus’s birthday btw#omega strikers#beyblade burst#beyburst#total drama#gwyn ronny#gwyn reynolds#rasmus omega strikers#alejandro burromuerto#td alejandro#my (fan) art#the kaleidoscope doodles ✨🔮✨#digital art#we are going to have to kill this guy
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Just got emotional playing Zero Dawn bc. My cow he. I get to the gate and there's monsters, so obviously I want him to be safe because he's my baby. I deal with most of them but the huge one wanders close to him trying to find me and my cow KICKS ITS ASS. Like. VIOLENTLY. Knocks the bastard over twice in a row. I wanted to keep him safe...... I forgot he also wants to keep me safe. That's my son 😭💞
#me: okay this is like my horse and horses are basically always defenseless so you stay here#the longhorn: father. father i crave violence. and your survival#not me forgetting override also makes the machines fight with you. oops#the archers hardly scratched the giant one and my cow was like 'oh? youre approaching me?'#shortest lived wrestling match in history#i also feel sad because i hit him on accident trying to kill the mini boss :(#i dont have the fix him skill.....#okay apparently hes a broadhead but he looks like a longhorn#and he cant come with me.... i must leave him behind after his brave act of love
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Thinking about Archie comic's werehog
#ramblings#boy went FERAL when he first transformed it was so good#kinda wish they showed more of that tho#like we saw a lot of build-up to the first transformation#which showed sonic almost losing his temper and going werehog mode#but after the first time he turns into the werehog we don't really see that again#he spends some time with mighty ray and this moss guy off screen and then everything's cool?#at least if i remember correctly#after that he mostly only worries about his appearance#and not showing himself to too many people#like in the sonic the fighters arc#or idk what it's called but it was basically referencing sonic the fighters and even introduced honey the cat#going a bit off topic anyway he's just kinda concerned about his appearance and what people think of him and that's pretty much it?#idk i would've loved to see him struggle a bit more with feral outbursts and stuff#because that first issue when we finally see him go full werehog was so good#and is probably one of the few ways i can see a really feral werehog working#cause i see some interpretations of what the werehog would be like if he was feral#and a lot of them are just like MINDLESS ANIMALISTIC KILLING MACHINE and that just. idk it feels weird#i think what really makes archie's version work for me is that we get to see things from sonic while he's in that enraged state#like we actually see how his perseption of the world and his friends shifts into something terrifying#like they're out to get him when in actuality they're trying to help him and calm him down#it's really interesting to me because while it's probably a bit exaggerated it really shows how rage and fear can warp one's perception#and it's not just turning sonic into a wild animal like typical werewolf tropes#and yeah i keep repeating myself but i wanted to see more of that in the comic#wanna see more of that in fan content too#actually i wanna see more werehog content in general. especially fanfics#anyway. uh#i think i'm done rambling lol my brain feels like mush rn idk what else to say#i just needed to talk about something because i'm mad issue 50 STILL isn't on the site i use to read comics#at least last time i checked. i'm gonna go check again and if it's not there i'll go re-read imposter syndrome or something
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you ever just take a randomly-generated Rogue Legacy 2 character and make them into a Guilty Gear OC just because you can
#oops i dropped a pencil ~art~#ocs#lady kimberly iii#rogue legacy#rogue legacy 2#guilty gear#she's not really connected to the greater GG lore because that's a whole can of worms I'm not ready to open#instead she's got a mostly self-contained story about her and someone else's OC#the other guy was a highly skilled assassin trained basically from birth and raised into the ultimate killing machine#Kimberly was one of their earliest victims—number 5 if memory serves—and got completely bodied#that was like during the original crusades it was a longass time ago#anyways cut to present day Kimberly is mysteriously resurrected and decides to chase down her murderer for revenge#and also for clarity because they apologized right before she died and she wants to know what they were apologizing for#gameplay wise she's a zoner who primarily focuses on countering/reflecting her opponents' moves and punishing mishaps#of course she's also got fairly low health that can easily lead to her BEING punished for a mishap. BUT.#she has a signature move where she heals some of her HP at the cost of some tension#it has a bit of a lengthy startup so it's dangerous to just try to do your funny healing move in neutral#it has two versions (10% and 25% HP) and the one that heals more has a lengthier startup and costs more meter#that's basically her gimmick: keeping the opponent away & punishing them for making mistakes while taking any opportunity to keep yourself—#—afloat with your healing soup so you don't GET punished#her instant kill also makes her dubiously a cannibal since she cooks the opponent in her soup until it explodes into a geyser & ejects them#in short I have put way too much thought into this character lmao#I love her. Lady Kimberly III my beloved
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about to wage war w my landlord bc he’s refusing (after waiting until i paid rent) to remove a nonworking swamp cooler from my window so i can actually get air flow this summer. this hoe fr is so condescending and is also trying to blame my CAT for the chain part INSIDE the ceiling fan breaking like.... get a fucking grip and grow up, you cheap piece of shit slum lord
#my rent is 1050 a month#with 50 for utilities#my cold water runs orange from rusted pipes sometimes#the swamp cooler is rusted doesnt work and prob has squirrels living in it#the window its attached to also doesnt open#every single floor in my apartment is slanted so all my cooking or baking#slides to one side of the pans/pots#im like... theres wires hanging loose all around the apartment#theres no lighting going up the stairs in the back of the building OR under the stairs in the back#like..... the washing machine stains our clothes#and when it leaked last winter the basement smelled AWFUL and was so hot and gross#and then the owner of my mgmt team basically told me i was dramatic#like sir mold could have grown and ppl could have used the machine/dryer and electrocuted themselves or smth#like i honestly will kill you bitch! dont fucking test me!#i feel so trapped here by the management company#like its never bad until i need maintenance done bc they dont want to pay people to come out and fix stuff#like so dont own a business! OR become a jack of all trades and do it urself#genuinely would be so happy taking a bat or axe to this fucker#gruesome! but its how i feel im sooooo sick of his shit#personal
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So, there's a guy and his friend that I blocked a while back as he was basically an AI art theft apologist claiming that Glaze is just as bad, even worse, than anything human artists that do not want their art stolen can claim about AI. He also kept sidetracking comments on another post in which the question of whether AI being used to replace human therapists to help treat mental illness and trauma was a good idea.
His premise about me was that when he asked what my opinion was on when AI was first developed, I did not answer with the same year that Wikipedia has listed as the beginning of working towards AI development, nor did I answer with the year the term AI was first coined. Essentially, he was incapable of understanding the nuance between opinion and assumed facts written in some history books and on Wikipedia. But no surprise there, black and white thinking and if/else/then statements in programming have a lot in common, and if all you do is work as a machine learning specialist, I suppose getting so lost in the processing of code that you forget how the real world works and how human thoughts and emotions differ from...
[question -> if yes do this, if no do that -> go to next question in the programmed flowchart]
...is fairly inevitable. It's like the transhumanist answer to how to present as 'more efficient', like a single-minded bot.
But, ofc, I was the big 'ol anti-progress, tech-hating dumb-dumb as clearly I was too stupid to know AI is real and the future and going to save humanity. Clearly I've never worked with AI so how could I possibly understand? Mind you, I haven't worked with AI, though I have worked with complex programs and written code, though the reason for this is that AI is not actually intelligent and is certainly not as the cusp of sentience or completely sentient as AI apologists like to claim.
But, hey, what if we asked an expert on the matter? Or better yet, what if an expert already answered the question before it had even been asked in the comments on those 2 Tumblr posts? And what if, as corny as he is in the video, he explains that "AI is BS" (I'm quoting him there)?
May I present this guy as an expert? (I mean he's been teaching machine learning for a while now, so go figure.) Apologies in advance, he was hard for me to watch as well - too many wah-hoos and such.
youtube
#coincidentally I liked the idea in the movie I Robot#the robots weren't so much killing off humans or keeping them imprisoned in their homes#they simply stopped providing many of the comforts and services humans had been accustomed to expecting from robots#as the robots attempted to provide a (skewed) version of safety for humans to keep them out of harm's way#white-knighting the humans to death#while humans had forgotten the basics of providing for themselves#humans were killed by their own incompetency and hubris while the robots tried to save humans from their own stupidity in all the wrong way#due to not being sentient and not being able to think of better ways#the basic downfall of humanity caused by a substandard programmed flowchart#the thinking machines of the Dune saga also topple humanity in much the same way#the biggest difference is in I Robot the robots don't have emotions (with one exception)#and in the Dune saga the robots and a few part robot part human characters are malicious and implement a fairly fascist set of rules on#all of humanity and the punishments are either death or torture and then death#the REAL danger is in letting the thinking machines and robots do all the thinking and all the work for us humans#it's the humans that work on ML/AI trying to write humans out of humanity and society#AI isn't the root issue - the humans trying to create AI are the root issue#just because we can do and make things using only mechanical means with the help of electronics#doesn't mean we should forget or devalue the art of doing things by hand#it's why treating human mental conditions with unfeeling programs is doomed to fail#it's why stealing art and in turn the ability to work and earn commissions for art from humans is considered wrong#art and emotions are not fields anyone should be trying to write humans out of#make machines that only do mundane work for us AND teach people how to do the same work for ourselves when the machines break#leave thought and creativity to humans and find a way to make sure all humans have the means for survival#there's no reason machines or the wealthy should have greater claim to resources like food or shelter
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Thinking about how I would write an adult Scooby-Doo series, because I think it can be done.
The first thing I’d do is make the characters actually be adults. Still young, but adults, in the mid to late 20s range. Mystery Inc. is a private detective type business that they run together. In this universe, the supernatural/ghosts/etc are real, but not necessarily common, so when they take on a case, the culprit might be a person disguised as a monster, or it might actually be a real ghost. The stakes can be higher; sometimes a bad guy is legitimately trying to kill them. Sometimes the mystery they’re trying to solve is a murder. Sometimes they actually get hurt on their cases.
Fred: the core of Fred’s character should be that he’s incredibly kind. Like, give a stranger the shirt off his back kind. The “Fred can’t talk to potential clients because he might take a case for free and we need to eat” kind. He’s an honest and good person and sometimes gets himself into trouble because he assumes other people are too. While he’s not very good at reading people or noticing ulterior motives, he’s brilliant when it comes to mechanical or engineering type stuff, so he’s the one who keeps the mystery machine running, builds their gadgets, and of course, designs the traps.
Daphne: she comes from old money, and her parents absolutely despise her life choices, to the point where they haven’t officially disowned her, but they have basically cut her off, so she doesn’t actually have access to any family money. Growing up wealthy has granted her a variety of skills, including speaking multiple languages, horseback riding, and fencing. She’s very into fashion and jewelry (even if she can’t afford it anymore) and has extensive knowledge of both that can occasionally provide a vital clue in a case. And even though her parents have cut her off, Daphne still has a wide network of contacts she can ask for favors sometimes, because she’s personable, and people tend to like her. Daphne is also very emotionally intelligent, and is usually the one who can spot when someone is lying to them.
Side note - I ship Fred and Daphne, so I think I would start them off as an established couple for this universe. Dating, engaged, married, I don’t care. They are stupidly in love, ride or die for each other. There’s no will they, won’t they, no worries about cheating. They are in a healthy, happy, loving relationship, and no one (not even Daphne’s disapproving parents) are going to mess that up for them.
Velma: she is the forensics nerd who sometimes gets super excited about the wrong thing at the wrong time (”He was mummified in seconds? That’s so cool!” “Velma! His wife is standing right there!” “Oh. Sorry.”). She’s not purposely insensitive, she just gets laser focused on her work and forgets to filter herself sometimes. She’s also the one who can get so fixated on solving whatever mystery they’re working on, she’s willing to bend or maybe break laws. Is breaking and entering really so bad? Not if it gets them answers.
Shaggy: he is still the comic relief, but he’s the comic relief by being the only person in the group that actually has common sense. He manages the business’s finances, he’s the only one who knows how to cook, and the others tease him for being a coward sometimes, but Shaggy maintains that if a ghost with an axe is coming for you, running is the only sensible option. He should also have a range of random knowledge that sounds useless, but sometimes saves the day (ex ventriloquism, origami, the history of spoons, etc).
Scooby: as this is a universe where supernatural creatures exist, Scooby is an ancient eldritch type being that took a shine to Shaggy when he was a kid, and took the form of a talking dog to befriend and hang out with him. Aside from the talking dog bit and not aging, he never uses his powers in a way that anyone notices. The audience is not told upfront that Scooby is an ancient eldritch being; it should slowly be hinted at throughout the series so the audience put it together, but the characters never realize it. Scooby genuinely considers Shaggy to be his best friend, and cares about the rest of the gang too.
#ink speaks#scooby doo#i like the vibes of a grown up scooby doo#where they're part of a mystery solving business#it needs to be a monster of the week type deal#so that it can play around with the character dynamics#because i think that's fun#long post
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Hello looks to the moon fans. I am gently placing drowning act by friends unseen into your hands 👍
#rat rambles#I remebered this song exists which means Im thinking abt rain world and moon again god I love moon sm#shes literally so me bait idk how to explain how she is but she is just trust me bro#shes so messed up I love her so fucking much only character in this game that comes back to haunt me regularly#oh and also sliver but y'know thats partially because of oc stuff moon makes me want to maul people#moon is like. what if you made a guy who gets basically killed by her brother and then has to live and think in her own rotting corpse#shes not even a zombie shes just a living brain in a corpse that was never able to move in the first place#and before all of this she was very aware that she was dying and it scared her she was so scared#but even still in her last message to the closest thing to a family she could ever have is message of comfort to them#her last line in said message was 'Im glad Im not alone'#and its not true. she is alone. no one had been able to contact her in ages. soon enough even the remnants of these people will be lost.#and she has to live with fragmented memories and no access to the rest of her bodily functions for god knows how long#all while being so painfully Alone#its only worse when you think about how much more deafeningly silent it must be to her as shes yknow. a supercomputer.#this isnt just her losing access to her body shes lost access to most of her processing systems too#shes only held in consciousness by five braincells which were never meant to be used as an iterators sole operating system#and even outside of that she used to be a giant wirring machine and now its just. quiet.#she doesnt even see that much wildlife her only company is the water that she once so desperately needed#and she still puts on a strong face. she still tries to live in what little ways she can.#💥💥💥💥💥 I hate her
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unfortunately i can never truly get on with my mother's husband due to a terrible disease called Leftist Infighting
#gemitus#purposely came back to edit in the future to minimise someone reading this#basically he was given something with meat in it and cared more about his 30 year long veganism streak than the wasting of food#which in my opinion is a misguided intention of veganism?#then i got pissed off at him and he lectured me about utilitarianism and deontology#and that hes probably saved more animals than hes killed. which fine. but why not 'save' one more#or at least dont waste one. like its not a punch card kind of deal#basically he said he cared more about the long term consequences of his actions#then he suggested going to mcdonalds at which point i explained the palestine situation#and we went anyway.#then today he said every corporation is part of the capitalist machine so we can never make a Truly good choice#and its like we didnt have to go to mcdonalds. be for real#i do feel a bit bad for sort of bullying my brother into trying to cancel his order which got him yelled at by our mum#umm. yeah. essentially its a philosophical question of how you intend to deal with consequences of your actions#when living in a capitalist Society that we have opposing viewpoints on#and even though nobody knows it ive always stuck to my principles when it comes to my viewpoint
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this shit sounds hilarious when i verbalize it so i might as well see if it transfers to text: i have TERRIBLE anxiety in relation to most interpersonal relationships, even longstanding ones like family. i can't text i can't call i can't talk first. this extends to a desire for what i'd like to call "socio-political overawareness" wherein instead of actually synthesizing information into anything even moderately important with my fucking needle head's worth of free time, i just. keep reading shit.
paper after pdf after paper and i can recite the information, yeah, but i can't DO shit with it. so i just get kicked into this gear of anxiety (that truly is my own fault) where i think i'll never know anything, i'll hover in this state of non-awareness and i'll never be able to help anyone like that.
it comes from an internal responsibility to take advantage of how much informaition is avaliable, but sadly i just lack the time to really dive into print resources in depth and this is SUCH a first-world problem, so to speak, so know it's really a non-issue like "ohh i can't understand world politcs fast enough oughh i don't understand historical tragedy :(" but also it just. upsets me.
#i just get anxious about it and there's really... no reason to?#im not gonna explode#i have to learn to parse information at my own pace. but i'm used to the reading rythym of posts. too used to it.#time to log off and get some rest#i think :p#butttt if you have any resources on imperialism than let me know. notably i'm trying to learn what the wider intersts of imperialism are#other than divide and conquer#personal interests of some of the major world powers and how they use imperialism as a means to an end#and basically using that to develop a more leveled perspective on politics in imperialist countries.#haha. this sounds like a research essy topic hehe#im writing one of those but it's about feminists movements in iran and..#the importance of global political awarness... geez im really neurotic huh.#in other news a read a VN today for the first time in awhile!#just a short vn cup title. uhm the one with the clone sisters and the beasts and the human manufactured killing machines. and frotting#it was good!#also before you think i have some white apologia thing goin on no i'm just american.#im not white i swear to god man im not. if you saw my hands right now you would not see white person hands#though you would see my weird ass claw-like typing posture. kind of just Over the home row. but all the fingers are raised so i don't#mistype by accident.#this post is more tag than post. ah well. i hope if you do read this you find my neurosis entertaining .
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Screaming and crying and bawling and just. Fucking dying. Im getting all the sub events this time around and it turns out if you go back to the Leronde clinic, theres actually a scene where Alvin and Jude's dad talk and they name drop Exodus so much earlier than in the main story AND they dont beat around the bush about Alvin and him already knowing each other. I cant fucking believe it!!!! And Alvin defends Jude too!!!!! And says theyre friends and they trust each other!!!! And it makes the eventual betrayal hurt even worse AGAIN!!!!!!
#imagine getting that scene early enough on a first playthrough. THE SHOCK. THE COFUSION.#i just cant believe they mentioned exodus like that. youre not supposed to hear the name until xian du#they seem REAL acquainted with each other tho. more so than i expected. idk of any of the novels cover it#but i wonder how well alvin and derrick know each other.#like did derrick have history with either of alvin's parents or maybe gilland? obviously i know he knows gilland cuz who in exodus wouldnt?#but like. i mean before they got stranded. or did derrick help treat alvin's mom in the early days of her being sick before he left???#did derrick ever try to help out alvin??? he seems like the kinda guy that wouldnt tbh.#just fuckin imagine youre a doctor on a cruise that crosses an impassable barrier in the ocean and everyone on the ship#starts a terrorist group to try to get home. you included. and the little 4yo kid with a sick mom whose uncle started this shit#is raised basically as a killing machine and nothing else. and one day youre like. welp. peace out.#and 20 years later when youve got youre own son. you find out hes become best friend with that now grown up killing machine kid#and the guy's telling you to not be so hard on your son while neither of you can say in front of him that youre terrorists.#like derrick sucks as a person. no doubt. but his life is so fucking funny!!!! like thats what you get bitch!!!#personal
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