#so sorry abt that I am Not a good blogger at all
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Honey, I had a thot™
Mutual baby trapping bc you and Jing Yuan are mutually obsessed with each other but doesn't realize that the other is like that
*shuffles papers*
Imagine both you and Jing Yuan are being sneaky behind the other's back, both of you sabotaging contraceptives and whatnot, giving you fertility meds to increase odds of conception, etc
You know if you get pregnant then there's no way Jing Yuan will leave you, plus a baby would be the ultimate symbol of your love. Jing Yuan knows if he gets you pregnant that you'll have to stay to save face, he'll get to keep you by his side plus he gets another kid
You both pretend to act surprised when you do end up pregnant, he's so reassuring that it'll be ok, he doesn't mind having another kid plus Yanqing needs a sibling (or two)
But I raise the saucier idea:
Jing Yuan's highly aware of you tryna baby trap him and Jesus Christ he's never been so horny in his life, here he thought he was going to have to do all the work himself but you're making it so easy, literally finding plenty of excuses to take you.
There's something so hot to him about you being this possessive of him that you would do this, it's not like he's better because he wants to corrupt you in a way no one else will be able to do.
The logical part of his brain is like red flags but good thing he's elected to not care because the obsessive and possessive part of him is much louder.
I'm suffering from a migraine but I was struck by the horny, I had to share
-✨ anon
I do think this idea is pretty saucy! Pretty original too, I don’t think I’ve seen a plot before where they’re mutually trying to baby trap the other person. Honestly the plot would make a good smutty fic mixed with a humor fic as well as you’re reading these two trying to be so sneaky about achieving the same end goal heehee.
I do like the idea of jing yuan realizing what’s going on before you do, that’s very like him. Also very like him to simply go along with it and get his jollies off in the meanwhile LOL because of course. Yeah he knows the condoms got holes in it and he won’t say a thing sweetheart!
#I’m like 95% sure you sent in this idea before and I never got around to posting it LMAO#so sorry abt that I am Not a good blogger at all#jing yuan#jing yuan x reader#honkai star rail#jing yuan smut#honeyed gifts#tw dubcon#tw babytrapping
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i just wanted to bring something to your attention bc you're the only blog that i think people acc trust
i think u know @trynafindbarbiee
sorry if this doesn't link but she blocked me so lol
basically she used to be a good void blogger but you can go look at her page yourself and now it's all just an ad for some random Instagram manifesting coaching account that she claims isn't hers (apparently it's someone who helped her manifest before she entered the void state but she never mentioned this before) but for some reason, keeps on advertising for and lowk gaslighting people into joining bc she says stuff like "do you not want your dream life? why don't you just pay already?"
her exact quote: “She’s open for coaching guys What are fucking waiting for? Don't u want your dream life? Are u not tired? Are u not fed up with all this? ARE YOU NOT?”
This is so disgusting to me to gaslight desperate people like this
Also, I was there when she first posted about that account. She said the insta account only charges $11.99 and then she changed it to $23.98.
Also all the success stories seem so fake. I'm not one to doubt success stories but the first few all seem like they're the same Indian girl and then the last 2 sound like random fictional novels. The second to last is a woman who was hospitalized and over 400 people visited her, like even presidents or celebrities don't get that many people and apparently she had money problems but none of the 400 people could give her any money or like the most recent one. the reason i even decided to call her out was because she made up a ridiculous story of a woman who got pregnant because she was taking antidepressants. i am majoring in healthcare and am very passionate abt this topic because some uneducated people believe this "that antidepressants can cancel out birth control" so they use that as a reason to not take them even though this is completely false and there is no evidence of antidepressants cancelling out birth control❗️
i am pretty sure trynafindbarbie is spiritual soya, it doesn't rlly make sense why she would be advertising her like this and ive noticed certain things like them both saying "peoples"but yeah i hope you can atleast just share this with your followers so they don't get scammed
i looked into this and you're absolutely right, it's a bit disappointing and i just get upset when i see people trying to gaslight and scam this community because the majority of this community are just young girls trying to get their dream life. i hope you guys know that you are so powerful and you can get your dream life on your own!
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I love the entire concept of Cookie... the look, the fashion, the gender... Would you mind telling us a little more about him? I'm also intrigued about why she's named Cooking with Gorgeous!
HI i would LOVE to talk about george thank you so much. also this makes me realize i've never actually sat down and just made a post unabashedly infodumping at length abt an oc before and it seems silly that i haven't. i ask only for all dear readers to please temper their expectations for this post with the knowledge that i just smoked half a joint before sitting down to answer it. a small one. but still. anyway
FIRST OF ALL FOR THE UNACQUAINTED THIS IS COOKING WITH GORGEOUS, aka cookie or george for short. he uses he/him and she/her pronouns interchangeably!
hi sorry that's not cookie that's a horse in a bridal veil that i. found in my stuff while trying to scroll and find my cookie art. i just got distracted and had to show you. okay no for real here's cookie
he's the character i'm playing in a playtest campaign of the absolutely mesmerizing sapphicworld, an in-development ttrpg!!! and if i'm going to be talking about cookie i feel like i HAVE to say i think a huge amount of her charm and dazzle and charisma comes directly from the charm and dazzle and charisma of the setting i created her for. i know i am laying it on really thick right now but that is on purpose. i want, desperately and unashamedly, for this game to get really popular bc 1. it's genuinely that good. and it's not even DONE yet and 2. i want everyone to get into it so that everyone will make sapphicworld characters and then i'll get to see everyone's sapphicworld characters.
EDIT i'm scrolling back up here and adding a readmore bc this is already getting so long lol. you asked for "a little more" and apparently i have graciously decided this means "literally every fact about cookie that exists in my brain"
SO a lot of the info/tidbits i haven't shared about cookie are i guess gameplay-specific stuff... his title (which is like a class/playbook) is "The Noble Sweetheart," though in sapphicworld "nobility" no longer has anything to do with wealth or class, and is instead entirely about amassing a court purely via devotion/popularity; her subculture (which is like, Who You Hang Out With; drifters, goths, poets, debauchers, cowpokes, etc) is Babe; and her kind (which is like ancestries but in sapphicworld is really just like, a physical form, which u can change more or less at will) is Lunarthrope, which is basically a werewolf!! or more broadly a furry, since u always look like whatever were-animal you are 24/7. just MORE at night, tho i suppose i don't represent that aspect much in my cookie art... ANYWAY i am restraining myself from just sitting here and like. transcribing her entire character sheet. but basically what all this means is that cookie's role in the world (at least at the beginning of the campaign) is "Professionally — no, VOCATIONALLY Hot Person who everyone loves so so so so so so much." cookie really enjoys this role.
he's named cooking with gorgeous because he's an avid cook, and he wants to share that with you, and he's gorgeous!! though honestly the cooking hasn't ended up as important to his character as it was when i first came up with him, lol — but my initial concept was kind of like, what's the equivalent of a bouncy normie recipe blogger/lifestyle influencer but in the context of the lush horny trans deathless psychedelic universe of sapphicworld. and it's cooking with gorgeous, a doggirl dyke with big blue boobs (six of them!!) who is so devastatingly cute and darling that a bunch of people just kind of pledge their fealty to him for no real reason other than he feeds them. and is cute
also her name is def influenced by the fantastic names of many canon sapphicworld npcs! like, quick example list of some npc names off the top of my head: the booty commie, death cybernetic, princess eureka!, the culinary goof (whom cookie dislikes. btw.), pizza friday (whom cookie loves!!!)
cookie is very very determined, and she's ALMOST always very confident. even when she isn't feeling confident, she's still very good at forcing herself to keep putting one foot in front of the other — maybe just while screaming or crying or uncontrollably barking or at least very ardently complaining. he has a tendency to be spoiled and, like, tactless-via-obliviousness, so sometimes he can be grating to interact with, and he has a petty/vindictive streak; but in general he's an AGGRESSIVELY kind person and usually aims all his shrill, cheerful stubbornness directly toward the goal of refusing to accept anything but the best for everyone.
at the beginning of our campaign cookie has JUST received a brand new castle!!!! (chateau gorgeous.) which he doesn't actually "own" bc, remember, no wealth or class in sapphicworld, but he's the ENTHUSIASTIC new caretaker and is chomping at the bit to renovate it so ppl can live there and he can throw a bunch of magnificent parties and basically continue living exactly as he has been, But Even More Fabulous. obviously this is exactly when the main plot threat of the campaign shows up and spoils everything and compels cookie to go on his First Ever Adventure!!!!!! she HAS to save the world otherwise NOBODY will be able to go to the first big party at chateau gorgeous :((((
at this point to prevent myself from just like, giving you guys a play by play of the entire campaign so far i am going to just start listing every cookie fact i can think of as bullet points
🎀 he owns a magical sword in the shape of a giant microplane. it's called The Microplane. he pronounces this "mee-crow-plah-nay"
🎀 george desperately wants to resurrect The Dog-Lich, an entity that once ruled over all beasts from its palace on the moon but was murdered and torn to pieces in a cosmic war far in the past. her attitude towards this desire is 50% devoted lunar cultist, 50% parasocially obsessive twitter stan
🎀 this isn't really a cookie fact but going back to how his title is The Noble Sweetheart — just for a glimpse at party composition, his fellow party members' titles are The Intimate Scholar, The Tentacle Advocate, and The Tw*nk Controversial (the * is the canon spelling).
^ aforementioned tw*nk. its name is Mwah ("pronounced like the kiss you blow at someone you just fucked over"). mwah is played by @/squiddelyfather on twitter!
🎀 mwah and cookie used to be very, very tight, BEFORE mwah became the tw*nk controversial. now that it's so.... you know.... controversial, well. they're still very close, but it has gotten a little stilted and weird (and watching them slowly un-weird it together as the campaign goes on has been one of my fav roleplay experiences ever honestly)
🎀 cookie's other adventuremates, skarligge and delaryn, are both very indulgent towards him. delaryn acts the most grumpy/dismissive about it but is honestly sometimes the worst about spoiling cookie out of anyone in the party (skarligge's player is twt@/clown_dream and delaryn's is twt@/glaiveguisarme and hey while im at it our fantastic gm is the sapphicworld dev, twt@/ddemoneclipse. hi guys i hope u don't mind me chattering abt ur ocs here lol it's just hard to talk abt the best of cookie w/o bringing up everyone else's characters and roleplay also!!!)
🎀 cookie is very VERY sensitive and will burst into tears at the drop of a hat. the precursor to this is her eyes getting So So So Big And Wet And Round. one of my favorite bits to menace the other party members with is when something is not going cookie's way i will lean into my mic and say "cookie's eyes are getting so so so big. they're getting so big and wet and round and shiny. they're so so round and fucking big her eyes are like big wet black glass marbles" and this is like kryptonite to them. this is like getting hit with deadly radiation
🎀 oh speaking of fashion!!!! one of cookie's perks from being a Babe is that she can always change her look whenever she wants. she will ALWAYS have whatever outfit she needs and can quickchange instantly. wait this reminds me i have a bunch of seasonal holiday outfits sketched out and i don't think i've ever posted them here but it'll only let me put one more image in this post. well here have this one
🎀 okay well suddenly i have forgotten all other george facts so that's all for now!!! from now on i will try to just dump oc facts like this more often tho this is really fun. ty for getting me going lol!!!
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uhhh neville did talk abt the void state as the I am state. the void state is just the nickname to it. check @zen-shu s post to it. don't assume we don't even know what it is & ur experience does not change that ur pure consciousness aka the I am state is the sane pure consciousness as the void
ok, here we go then...
I got many people asking me why I said that I AM State is different from Void, I never really made a post about it since I did not wanted people to overthink by thinking they can enter 'I AM State' by "accident" while wanting to tap into the void, which is not possible, since the difference is in the intention, not in the affirmation "I AM..." that can be used to tap in both experiences.
♡ I know other bloggers don't agree with me in this topic, yet a experience is a experience. I don't feel 'upset' with it, I still appreciate them so much and it is okay if you don't agree with me.
I AM x VOID
"the I am state is the sane pure consciousness as the void"
This is obvious, since there's not 2 consciousness. "Imagination is God, and there is no other God! His name is "I AM" forever and forever." I AM is the name of God, I AM is, actually, not a state. Nor is the void.
A state is what you identify as being or having. States are temporary, I AM is forever. States are not permanent, but I AM is. "A state is simply an attitude of mind, a body of belief, a phase of experience." “There are an infinite number of states. The state of health, the state of being unknown, all are only states and everyone is always in a state.” We are at many and many states right now. But we are ALWAYS I AM. And the void is always, nothingless. That's why I don't really like to call those experiences 'states'.
☯︎ I like to see I AM and VOID as yin yang. Creation is made by opposition. Hot and cold, good and evil, WHOLENESS AND NOTHINGLESS. Consciousness can experiment both.
+ "ur experience does not change that ur pure consciousness" I never said that.
Before reading about the void, I had read At Your Command by Neville. So I tried to do it, and it was exactly as most of experiences people had 3, 4 years ago, before 'void' being a 'method' to ''get desires instantly''. Neville Goddard students had experienced the same I did.
I closed my eyes and started repeating "I am.. I am" and I got numb, then I felt like I was everything, saw my city from the sky (it was not a astral travel), then I felt like I was the trees, the world, other people, I saw the Gold Melting and then I saw myself in the body of my sp, we had fighted some weeks before, and I felt he was sorry and saw him apologizing, I understood "everyone is you pushed out" that day. Then I really entered the state of being forgiven, as Neville said, it's simple to enter a state when you know you are all the states. When I left, I got a text from my sp, saying he was sorry and missed me.
I had others I AM experiences where I felt like being every part of creation, feeling myself being them and all of that. The last was last year, I shared one with Vesora. (ignore the grammar)
A lot of people said to me "this is just what you experienced, it's some random thing." well but it was not only me, here I linked lot's of I AM experiences from NevilleGoddard/reddit. Most of them were posted way before of void being know as this 'magical method'. They did what Neville Goddard said, this was the "I AM" meditation. Am I saying the void did not existed back then? No! The void always existed, but it was not knew as a "manifesting tool" as it now is. And it was not knew this way (we now know) by the old Law of Assumption community. They believed they could change their states using 'I am technique', but they thought they would have to wait a "bridge of incidents", and that the desire would not be manifested instantly. Then here we found the difference.
+Golden Melting experiences commented by Neville (you can skip if you want):
"A bolt of lightning splits man in two from the top of his skull to the base of his spine. He is cleft as though he were a tree that had been struck by lightening. at the base of his severed body he sees “the blood of Jesus”, a pool of molten gold; he knows it is himself; then fusing with “the blood of Jesus” he ascends his severed spine in a serpentine motion into his skull. This is to fulfil the Scripture; “This Son of Man must be lifted up as the serpent was lifted up by Moses in the wilderness” (John 3:14)." - Neville Goddard (from He breaks the Shell)
"I was sitting in the Silence, not thinking of anything in particular, just simply contemplating this interior structure of the brain as it were. If you turn your eyes, mentally turn them inward and just let them rest upon the interior of your skull, in a little while all these dark convolutions of the brain grow luminous and they fascinate you. The whole thing becomes liquid and golden liquid light. So while watching this wonderful golden liquid light, suddenly out of the nowhere came a stone, a rock. There’s nothing more sterile, nothing more opaque, nothing more contracted as far as imagery is concerned than a rock. So here was a rock, this quartz. As I looked at it, just simply looking at it, not wondering why it’s before me, but there it is before me, and suddenly it became fragmented, broken into unnumbered pieces. Then all these little pieces were gathered together, but not re-formed into the rock (the original form) but into a human shape. And here it takes human form. Here, I am seeing a man seated in the lotus posture. I became intrigued. As I looked closer, I’m looking at myself. I am the being that I’m contemplating. Here he is seated in the lotus posture and just the very image of the being I knew myself to be. As I looked at him, he began to glow and he increased in luminosity until he reached the limit of intensity, and then he exploded. Then I returned to this level with only the memory of what I had experienced." - Neville (He Is Meditating Me)
"your whole body is split from top to bottom, revealing blood…but the blood is living, golden, liquid light. As you look at it, you not only know it is yourself, but you know it is the Creator and Redeemer…and yet you know it is yourself (Blake, Jer., Plt.96)." - Neville (Everyone Has the Plan in Him)
"you see the golden liquid light that is truly life itself" - Neville (What Must We Do? Believe!)
"At the base of the spine is a pool of golden living liquid light, and as I looked at it I knew it was myself. Here I am a pool of living liquid light" - Neville (Imagination’s Power)
"When you go into the Silence and you see this golden liquid light that moves and moves and moves all through the brain." - Neville (Remembrance of Things Future)
Another topic, most important one for me, is that I AM was knew as this experience where you discover/FEEL you are God, that the world is within you, that everyone is you pushed out. Not as only a tool to "change the world", but as a way to understand YOU are the world and the world comes from you. Then you stop desiring, since you know there's nothing to create, but to accept. Accept that creation is finished, and it is all coming from us. So we don't have to change the world, but change SELF with the knowing we ARE GOD.
The void obsession comes when you think that in order to have what you want, you think you need to access something outside of you, "God power", you have to do something, you have to do a method, you need to tap into the void, etc. But you forget, you ALREADY are God. You focus in 3d and you think "I have to change it". But you don't have to change nothing in the outside, you have to change SELF. And repeating/feeling I AM, which first was a beautiful way Neville taught of understanding you are God, a way to free yourself, "be still and know I am God", turned into a 'hype', a 'escape', a obsession, something that people think they need to somehow enter so that they can change their world, they forget that there's no way to change the world since all you can change is SELF, and that Self, is GOD.
So, at least for me, those are the meaning of the names we are used to think are synonym of "void", based in what they meant in the past:
ps: yes, I know void, God and I AM WORDS have the same meaning of "Conciousness, awareness, mind". But the meaning the community gave to each of them in terms of the name of the different experiences, mean different things.
God State:
"The god state is when you know that you are creating, you know that everything that you desire is coming to you [is already yours!!]. It’s a state where you have full trust that you are manifesting your life.
Being in the god state feels effortless, you know that everything is responding to your thoughts and assumptions."
I AM (as a meditation/experience):
A experience where you feel yourself to be all. Wholeness, everything, everyone. Gold melting. The nature, the animals, you get visions, you almost feel overwhelmed by the knowing nothing exists without being part of you.
VOID:
"When he attains the state of void, all thoughts cease for then pure Thought thinks itself alone."
Stillness, emptiness, blackness, nothingless. You don't feel nor see nothing. Know as method to manifest instantly or shift.
+ Can I accidentaly experience one of those?
No. If you want to enter THE VOID, you have the intention, you are naturally expecting to 'enter' the void, so you will enter the void.
Again, you don't have to agree with me. But I guess I had included great evidence that sustain my arguments, so that's the post, my views on it.
✩ I see I AM and VOID as WORDS to represent what it is to be/feel God aware of the whole creation, and be/feel God aware of the nothingless the creation was made of.
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[This ask is about a situation related to antisemitism and since I saw it's passover definitely skip or put off answering this if you need to. I'm not Jewish so I don't really know the significance of the holiday but I can't imagine it's pleasant to read abt this sort of thing then. This is not urgent.]
I'm anxious sending an ask off anon but I need advice and you have good well-educated takes and are one of my favourite Jewish bloggers, so you were the person I thought of to ask this.
I'm a gentile raised nonreligious but culturally Christian and I have a close friend who is a very devout Christian. About an hour ago I found out they believe a conspiracy theory that sounds incredibly antisemitic, I'm not sure if it is and looking it up returns nonsense but 100% sounds like a dogwhistle. It made me so upset I had a panic attack at the airport bc they're a very good friend of mine from my country's equivalent to high school and I'm worried about the path they're taking and how to stop them. Right now I have my Discord notifications off because I have a flight soon and I can't deal with this stress.
They believe Hollywood has an anti-Christian agenda and is trying to push Satanic imagery in the form of subliminal messages because "nobody in Hollywood talks about God but they love talking about the devil" and this is supposed to turn people against Christianity or something? I told them this was ridiculous, Christian and culturally Christian people dominate America and have most of the political and social power there (we don't live in America but we are both half-American and also we live in Europe so we have a similar issue although more with culturally Christian atheists like me), and we have a responsibility as the dominant group to not play the victim and act like we are being persecuted and oppressed. They said this was actually untrue because the problem Christians are "not real Christians" because "there is only one type of Christian which you would know if you read the Bible" and even that such people are actively and deliberately lying about being Christian and all this other really upsetting and scary stuff that absolves themselves of any systemic privilege that would make this as dangerous as I was saying.
I am not part of any religion, and I have few friends, let alone friends that are religious minorities specifically. I want to help support Jewish people and call out antisemitism but I actually have no idea how to do it when the person I'm talking to doesn't even believe they have the systemic privilege to do that harm. How do I, who have only an outsider's knowledge, explain Jewish people's oppression, which is notoriously poorly explained to goyim like me, to someone who won't even acknowledge Christian hegemony? Is it even okay for me to try, would it even be helpful? As someone who wants to be an ally, should I cut ties with my friend over this, should I try to educate them, should I just make sure they don't fall further? I think this is only in the early stages where they have no idea of the implications of this kind of mindset, idek if it is an antisemitism thing but it feels so obviously like a dogwhistle that my friend just isn't Hearing yet, and they've found an excuse that works for them so they can keep believing anything so I'm scared it's gonna get worse. It feels so awful to know someone I appreciate so much is plugging their ears and burying their head in the sand about something this important. They're a trans poc but they can't even find it in them to learn about the oppression Jews face? It just. it sucks.
Thank you if you're reading this, even if you don't respond. Have a nice passover. Sorry if I was rude or got anything wrong, I'm very clumsy with this sort of thing.
You weren’t at all rude, and I’m glad you took notice.
So I think you’re right that this is an early-stage dogwhistle your friend isn’t hearing yet. This seems like a weird cross between 1980s satanic panic, and the “the Jews control Hollywood” stereotype.
I’m having a very soggy-brain week, so I’m punting this to @athingofvikings and @aliciabenissa. I don’t know that your friend is unreachable, but you seem to feel you don’t have the tools to do it, and if you don’t it’s definitely better to borrow from someone else’s toolbox than to go in empty-handed.
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https://www.tumblr.com/adambja/734270213964562432/whos-complaining-abt-you-using-the-void-success
sorry for upsetting you, i just didn't know who u were talking abt and was curious if it was moonlightbaby or someone else
Hmmm
I am not upset lmao I WAS JUST SAYING IT
That's the point I won't say who am I talking about because they don't deserve any attention lmao!
Also if you think I have anything to say about any blogger I don't I just feel indifferent about them all they are such a disappointment for every single person who didn't get results from all their BLA BLA BLA AND THE 3D AND THE 4D and at the end even the people who were rude to me literally came to me and apologized for everything and needed my help and asked for my tapes it happened 5 times now tell me
Who is the godmother of the loa/nondualism/subconscious mind reprogramming communities?
You say it!
Useless bloggers should literally deactivate their accs and fk off forever because of how stupid their sh is! Also yes let them keep wishing for a better life instead of obsessing over me and my tapes and talking about how good it is in private with others and how they don't need it 💀💀 and then people sending me screenshots of convos so yes if you are asking if I am mad or if I was mad!
I wasn't and I am not mad I will never be mad
I feel like indifferent about the situation and I am not sorry some of them got betrayed and to every blogger don't be scared I won't share anything
But if anyone shares anything it's non of my business I am completely excluded from these narratives and these very dramatic situations I am here to help people as a paid service even offering free tapes NON PERSONALIZED AND THAT WORKS FOR EVERYONE!
So yeah
It's all just ugly AF here so dramatic and I don't like it it's not my vibe at all not before not even now
Yes I used the drama for more people to reach me but there was a huge reason behind it which is helping them that's all
But this is so unfair to me as a person I literally deserved every cent I got and every cent I will get from everyone here and that's it
Also if anyone has any bs to say to me say it to my face!
Byeee....
#law of assumption#loa#neville goddard#self concept#loassumption#loa success#success stories loa#self development#self esteem#void success
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I’m so genuinely intrigued and curious abt that post you made abt reaching out to the authors when you find a paper you want to read bc.. how are you finding these papers in the first place?? Do they show up on your tiktok fyp?? Do you just search up whatever topic you wanna read about on google scholar? I think that that’s really cool that you do that and I also would like to read about research that like actually interests me and not just papers assigned in class but I dunno where I would start looking for them. Sorry this ask is probably so random but do you have any tips?? lmao 😭
WHAT a fun question!!! of course i have tips!!!
first of all....free urself from the tiktok fyp i am begging u <3 like. ok i am sure there are people on there who are sharing academic articles and such but....more often with tiktok at least in my experience u just end up getting stuck in an endless scroll rather than actually following up on any interesting reading/research suggestions. also i think it is just like. a valuable and enriching skill to be able to think of things on ur own that u want to learn about and then go and find resources urself! like. approach tiktok w caution perhaps it could be helpful for some but i worry a bit that we are all becoming a little too reliant on algorithms to feed us Content, y'know?
anyway! as for how i find papers 2 read that interest me! most often it is a matter of finding something that sparks my interest + then going down a rabbit hole. and there are soooooo many ways to do this!! the internet is an amazing resource!!!! here is a list of some ways that i find interesting articles:
tumblr <3 lol i follow various blogs that post interesting stuff abt theory + academia every so often, and if i see a quote that interests me i'll go and try to find the article it came from! (you could also use tiktok this way if you've found some good people to follow! my main hesitation w tiktok is just that. it's an endless scroll + an algorithm which are both 2 things that i find distracting, and why i prefer tumblr)
substack - same kinda deal as tumblr; i subscribe to bloggers who write about topics that interest me and if they cite research in their posts i'll go try to find that research to read it myself
news articles/blog posts/essays that i come across online - again, if there's some interesting research cited, i'll go and try to find it
search by writer - if you keep hearing about an academic or someone suggests "oh read some so-and-so," go and look up so-and-so and see what they've written + what u can find online for free! most really famous/influential academics will have some free pdfs of their more influential work floating around online, and for smaller/niche academics--email them!
along the same lines - if u find an article or essay or speech by an academic and u like it, go find their biography page on the website of whatever school they teach at! schools will usually list professors' work, or at least a few examples, and you can find more stuff to read from that same person whose article you enjoyed. this is especially helpful if ur researching something kinda niche
wikipedia! people shit on wikipedia all the time as if it's not a "real source" but that's simply false! wikipedia is a great jumping-off point if you're interested in a broad topic but don't know where to start. go scroll through the wikipedia article about said topic and see what's cited there to get an idea of where you might be able to find some interesting articles/research to narrow ur focus!
look through the bibliography/citations on other research! if ur reading a book or article on an interesting topic + want to learn more, actually take a minute to scan through the citations and see if any titles catch ur eye!
ask people for recommendations! if u have an old/current professor or a friend or something who u know is interested in the same topic as u, ask if they have any reading recommendations!
if ur a university student--take advantage of that shit!!! look thru the papers on ur syllabus and scan the citations of the most interesting ones for further reading or go look up the writers u like best from the course to find more stuff they've written! look at the class listings for classes u aren't taking and if ur interested, ask those professors if they'd be willing to share their reading lists with you! keep an eye out for free lectures or events on new topics that interest you as a jumping-off point for finding new things to learn about! ask ur friends in other majors what they're learning about and go look it up if it interests you!
go to the library and look through the nonfiction section for topics ur interested in; check out books with cool titles! if they're boring, u can just return them
go to thrift stores or used bookstores and do the same thing! look for nonfiction books with interesting titles! i loooooooooove love love love looking through gender studies sections of bookstores for nonfiction--and then if i find a book i like, guess what that book's gonna cite?? more articles + books!!!!!! there is so much research + knowledge in the world just waiting to be shared!!!!
anyway. these are just some ways that i have found interesting new things to learn about! it sounds like u are currently a student--and like, trust me, i get that when ur constantly being assigned readings for classes it can just become a drag. but college is an AMAZING resource; i still go back and reference old notes from school to find research that i'm interested in, and some of my classes introduced me to articles that i still return to + cite today. research can be so so so fun + rewarding when ur just doing it for the joy of learning; the key really is to treat it like a little spiderweb. maybe most of ur assignments are boring, but this one article for class was really interesting and u actually find urself wanting to learn more--look at the research that article cited! google the names of the writers to see what else they've written! ask ur prof if they have any more suggestions similar to that article! the possibilities are endless!!
+ if ur a student, ur institution probably has access to a whole bunch of research databases where u can find articles + books for free, which is amaaaaaaaazing take advantage of that shit. but i am not currently a student, so my process for finding articles usually goes:
google + see if a free pdf magically pops up (happens more often than you'd think honestly)
failing that -- if it's a book, i check the online collection at my library + also on openlibrary and project gutenberg and zlibrary; for articles i usually check library genesis (sometimes i look for books here too) or sci-hub (usually works best if you search by doi)
failing that -- if it's an article, i go hunt down the email address of whoever wrote it and email them to ask for access! for books, if you really really want to read it you can usually put in a request at your local library for them to get it, but sometimes i do just have to give up if i can't find a book for free online anywhere :(
hopefully some of this was helpful !! and if ur looking for nonfiction book recs i have a post here with some stuff i've read over the past year or two and i also have a post here with like...some suggestions for intro gender studies/queer theory reading (mostly articles)!
#ask#this got really long sorry lmao#i just. love researching! and looking things up! and reading about them!#learning can be sooooooooo fun guys i know school kinda sucks the joy out of it a lot of the time but. it's soooooo fun trust me#and i also personally just. really feel a sense of accomplishment when i'm seeking something out + reading + thinking about it myself#as opposed to just like. only ever letting other people summarize stuff for me#which i think kinda happens if ur only engaging with theory through like....social media + not ever actually reading it urself#summarizing is good and helpful sometimes!! it's just not enough on its own if u wanna learn abt a topic in-depth
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SORRY I DISAPPEARED
Hello there! It has been way too long since i updated you guys on how i've been doing, and i've probably only got myself to blame on this one. But i have FANtastic news to share! (get it? Cus i'm fan? Genious, i know.) I finally managed to get a job! And a decent one this time, no more cleaning mediocre school halls for me! (Horrayyy!)
So this entire hiatus hasnt been for nothing, i've been very hard at work finally being able to persue the thing i love the most, writting! Now i can officially call myself a journalist instead of an amature blogger. The self-improvement sure is real, love to see it. Sadly, I am constantly restricted from putting my heart and soul onto the paper in favor of transmitting what could be classified as useless information to whoever is bored enough to watch the news. And that constant restrain has made me miss the days of the good ol' Fan blog, so i guess you could say that's the reason i'm here. I've missed writting whatever i want to without the need to always double or triple check my work, its fun to not worry if every single word i type fits into my current streams of thought and stuff like that. But you don't wanna hear about all of that do you? You wanna hear about the funny stories! The authentic work experience i have gained! Atleast i hope so, because if not then youre probably in the wrong blog. But if that IS what you came here for, bluckle up bukaroo because im about to tell all about the working woes and friendly foes!
First off the job aplication process was VERY off-putting, my 2 future bosses took care of the interview and they asked... odd questions. They were also always a little too...rude. But thats ok! Nothing that i havent already handled. On the job i have met some interesting personalities such as suitcase! (I was given permission to state her name, duh) suitcase is very kind and funny, but she also has social anxiety, which is weird considering she is one of the few reporters we have, the type that usually goes out, interviews others and deals with harsh weather conditions for some reason. Suitcase is always busy going from one place to another so she can grab the needed fotage, and since im normally the one who writtes her scripts, i get to go with her sometimes! The news channel utilises this totally not ominous and cramped mini-van to cary all of the needed equipment and people. Surprisingly enough, my supervisor is the one who drives the van! She's quite chill, her voice is so smooth that i have to stop myself from yawning when i'm around her. Dont get on her bad side though, i once saw her almost yell at our make-up artist. Speaking of that, they both have some weird relationship going on, i genuinely have no idea if they are friends or enemies and at this point i am too scared to ask suitcase about it.
Working there is pretty chill, i tecnically dont need to phisically be there but hey, a bit more of social interaction wouldnt hurt. Besides, i wouldnt have met suitcase if i only sent my scripts via e-mail! So its a win-win! What else do i have to say abt work? Hmmm.... oh yea! I have a funny story to share!
On my first few days, suitcase told me that the make-up artist was an extreme chatter-box that preferably likes to "spill the tea" on everyone. But if you've been following this blog for a while now, you'd know that im not really good with understanding these types of frases, so for the longest time i thought that this guy actually spilled tea on people on porpose. (he looks really refined, so i just assumed he would be the kind of guy to like tea) So i, being extremelly cautious to not get tea on my lovely red paper, avoided him for like 5 days straight! He eventually caught on and complained to suitcase about it, she then told me so, and i explained my conundrum to her. After she explained what the frase actually meant, we couldnt stop laughting! I never actually apologised to the guy, i sure hope he doesnt hold grudges!
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**I** would like to hear about ur steph curry librarian au 👀👀👀👀
i'm in love with u, thank u. also thank u to @kitebird-hockey for asking too, you're the best
important background: real life steph curry has a real life bookclub. it is a literati bookclub called "underrated" and unfortunately i am part of it and i am very satisfied to tell you that his picks are usually pretty good. love an erudite man with a bachelor of arts.
anyway my au is thus: steph curry is a librarian at a midsize library in [unspecified city in the bay area]. the library is, as most libraries are, underfunded, understaffed, overcommitted, and deeply unappreciated by city council. steph does programs! he does outreach! he is doing his best. he does storytime very well and all the little kids are like "mr. steph can you read the pete the cat book about white shoes again 🥺?" and he is like of course my babies, it is important to know the names of colors so you can make good sartorial choices. (does steph himself make good sartorial choices despite knowing his colors? unclear but all the little old ladies call him "that charming mr. curry" so he's doing fine, whatever.)
THE REAL STORY BEGINS WITH KLAY THOMPSON, THE STONER PATRON WHO BRINGS HIS DOG TO THE LIBRARY ALL THE TIME. klay worked in tech, sold his start up to google for millions, and immediately quit his job so he could spend his days doing two things: 1. sit on his boat in the ocean; 2. get high and befriend the cute librarian at his local library. klay is NOT ALLOWED to bring his dog into the library, even tho rocco is very polite and good-mannered. but steph goes outside and pets him as stress relief when he has to throw out too many loud drunk patrons in a row. klay and rocco very happy about that.
anyway one day steph is running his "read to guide dog puppies" program for elementary students and NONE OF THE GUIDE DOG PUPPIES SHOW UP OH NO. and steph's like, oh my god, what do i do, these three second graders are going to be so disappointed that they can't read to a guide dog puppy. and klay walks in with rocco and steph is like MR. THOMPSON YOU CANNOT BRING YOUR DOG INTO THE LIBRARY--actually wait hold on how good is rocco with kids. and klay is like, oh he loves to be read to (klay does not read.) so rocco saves the day! him and klay spend three hours listening to magic treehouse books. rocco and klay are transfixed. (in my head klay is not a literary man, he is a man of the sea, he reads the waves and the stars idk.)
steph is like, so grateful. he's like, i have no money to give you but this lady gave us tomatoes today, would you like some tomatoes? and klay is like steph what the fuck would i do with a tomato??? come drink beer on my boat with me. and steph does and it's very romantic and they get together idk i didn't think this part through super clearly bc i always get distracted thinking abt steph making this face while he's watching klay and rocco get read to by a second grader who is still struggling with long words. and klay and rocco are so gentle and nonjudgmental.
(note to any aspiring librarians reading thing: don't date a patron. don't do it. this is fiction DO NOT DATE A PATRON.)
MY OTHER IMPORTANT IMAGINE IN THIS AU: buster posey is the library director. (buster is here bc i read tim kawakami's article abt buster and steph and it changed me on a molecular level. but this is a klay/steph au, not a buster/steph au.) anyway city council is breathing down his neck abt election year programming and he is So Done. he just wants to run his library in peace and instead he's gotta deal with politicking for money to help his unhoused patrons jfc. he's like steph i'm so sorry but do you have any ideas of election programming to get these fuckers off my back. and steph is like, well. it has always been my dream to book local news blogger draymond green and local news podcaster steve kerr for a panel discussion. buster's like, but they hate each other? and steph's like, yes exactly. buster's like, love the way you think, go for it. pls make sure they talk shit about city council.
so steph books steve kerr and dray and they both say yes because they have always wanted to debate each other in a public forum. and it's a wildly popular program attended by politics nerds and high schoolers. steve and dray spend like the entire time arguing in that way where they basically agree but they're hung up on nuances. but they're also very funny abt it and it goes viral bc a high schooler films them making acab jokes and puts it on tiktok and buster and steph get in so much trouble, but it's worth it.
also klay asks them a question about funding local governance and he's like high as shit and also a millionaire so he dgaf about the way he words it so it's incredibly incendiary phrasing. steve and dray go off on like anarcho-communism and spend 15 minutes arguing about that and buster and steph get in trouble for that too, but it's still worth it.
(dray and steve ARE paid for their services. klay gets some zucchini for being a bro.)
that is my steph curry librarian au. thank you for asking i love you. if you have any further questions feel free to ask. the other warriors are there i just haven't put as much thought into it bc i always think abt steph being kind to little old ladies who can barely carry all the michael connolly books they checked out and they're like in love with him. mood
#i wrote this all out last night and tumblr ate my answer i was so mad lmao#brandon belt is klay's boating partner who gets high with him and talks at length to steph about deep sea fishing#and steph is like so bored but bbelt is important to klay so steph makes an effort to care about deep sea fishing#he checks out a book on deep sea fishing and it's much more interesting than how brandon talks about it#but belt is like permastoned when he's not on his boat so that's to be expected#cage replies#anon#unfortunate birdcage fanfictions#drug mention //#noted librarian steph curry
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i understand why you changed the name of ur fic, it’s ultimately abt whatever makes U comfortable as a person & a creator. but i also don’t think anyone thought that u were endorsing/in some way furthering the psychic & physical pain brought on by the murders committed by the manson family by quoting a beatles song for the titles of your fanfiction? & if they did, i really don’t think that’s like, a particularly logically sound way of seeing individual responsibility. i hope this doesn’t come off as mean or nosy, i think u should just, do what u want: & if the name change came unprompted, good on u! but the way u phrased the announcement, ig to me, it made it seem like perhaps, someone made u feel like that was on u to feel guilty on like, this larger, cosmic level as a blogger with an extremely niche following via your story? & i just thot - id pop in & say that like. well. in my opinion, as someone who has experienced a lot of useless guilt online, most people don’t actually think that way, nor are they meant to. i apologize if i’m overstepping. just something to think on i suppose.
this is a really interesting message to have received mostly because it seems to be acting on an instinct to protect me rather than the ppl of marginalized identities to whom the title raised the question of whether or not i am an ally to them.
it wasn’t guilt that made me change the title, but rather a sense of duty to ensure i wasn’t in any way, purposeful or not, alluding to horrible, white-supremacist rhetoric. i do hope that the text itself and the references to the song in scenes of the story made it clear i wasn’t alluding to manson, but that doesn’t change the fact that the phrase i was using as the title is inextricably tied to the manson family, and therefore invokes manson’s beliefs. i feel that changing the title was a way to take responsibility for the safety of readers/anyone who may come across the fic. it’s one thing to say my accounts are a safe space, but another thing entirely to take initiative and ensure they really truly are.
i promise i’m not the one that needs defending here. and if my apology seemed prompted, then i’m DOUBLY sorry, because i did not AT ALL mean to sound like i only changed the title to assuage people’s concerns. i only referenced being informed of the manson connection by others in order to give credit to those who did inform me, because i can imagine based upon seeing other creator’s reactions to being called out that it wasn’t an unnervewracking experience. i hoped that noting the info was brought to my attention would make it so anyone would feel comfortable correcting me if there is anything else in my writing that may be derived from unconscious bias or which might make them uncomfortable. the guilt i felt for making readers uncomfortable wasn’t useless to me anyhow as i am able to use it to continue this conversation. my marginalized friends/followers are of far more importance than any discomfort i might feel in having to confront a lack of my own knowledge.
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hey i’m the anon that sort of came out to you lol,, but you saying you’re proud of me reallt hit home😭. it means so much to me that you’ve felt a similar thing when watching LOK and how you felt abt Lin and Kya, bc it seems even when i subtly brought up liking women to a couple of my friends i get dry responses and ik they don’t mean bad but it truly has felt like i couldn’t talk to anyone abt this so thank you for that💛. idk if i’ll ever come out to all my friends or even my parents since theres a huge change my mom won’t be accepting, so wanting a girlfriend is going to be hard but i don’t want these things to stop me either😭🤚🏼. though i’m happy your friends and family have been accepting&loving when you told them since it is a huge step to come out, on itself. but seriously thank you, this helped me more than i thought wow :(
I am proud. Extremely proud of you!! Like I said even though we most likely don’t know each other. Maybe the value isn’t there because it’s from a stranger. But, it shouldn’t stop me from telling you or anyone else that I have nothing but love and support for them.
I totally understand on the importance of having someone to be proud of you. For example, Lin has been working her entire life to hear those words.
So if it takes me to have to tell you that I’m proud. I would happily tell you.
I didn’t bring up my friends, but I can talk about it if it helps you in any way.
I have two different friend groups. My catholic friends and my non-catholic friends.
I’ve only told 3 of my catholic friends about my sexuality and so far they are accepting. They want me already married and having kids. LMAO
I’m looking but no dice.
where was I? Oh right um.. my non-catholic friends have been really accepting. They come from different religions and beliefs so that’s amazing.
-/-
That sucks that you don’t feel comfortable to talk to your irl friends about something that interest and you identify with. The only advice I could give is to find better friends or maybe this is the opportunity to cross that bridge.
BUT EVERYTHING AT YOUR PACE. DO NOT FEEL PRESSURED TO DO ANYTHING YOU’RE NOT READY TO TAKE. ONLY YOU KNOW YOUR PACE.
Also, Coming out is not a prerequisite for you to be part of the LGBTQ+ community. Something I’ve always told my siblings is heterosexual people never come out as straight, so why must I have to make an announcement?
You don’t have to come out. If you’re not ready, then don’t. There is no timeline or a deadline for you to do it. Like I mentioned above everything is done at your own pace. Our sexuality doesn’t need to be announced, we should be able to date with whoever our heart calls for without the world caring. Unfortunately we don’t live like that. *sigh*
“since theres a huge change my mom won’t be accepting”
ugh this is how I felt with my dad......thankfully he was the most accepting one *cries*
if you want a girlfriend, get you a girlfriend. Don’t let anyone stop you on the quest of love hun. It’s your life and it’s your love. Go get em! ;)
I’m really glad this helped you. Hopefully you find more people who will love you and accept you wholeheartedly and unconditionally. As always, I am here as your friendly blogger(?)
Honestly I have no clue what I am lol
I just know I’m human.... I think.... Am I? LMAO
-/-
Feel free to leave more messages or idk if any of this was useful advice. I tend to ramble, but
tl:dr I love you. I’m proud of you. Make good choices. If you decide to not make good choices, invite me ;) jk...unless... LOL
Just take it one day at a time. There’s no need to rush. :)
Much Love
F.P. <3
I’m sorry this was long!
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hi! i wanted to request toko fukawa for the ask game you reblogged! i hope that's okay. hoping you are having a lovely day! p.s. your recent toko (and byakuya art with 'i am fashion blogger is so so wonderful! i love toko's argyle vest especially.)
hi ! first of all thank u for the questioon^___^ love u
and thank u for the compliments 😭♥️ (love her vest too)
for the ask game ive decided to kinda .... ignore syos existence so sorry about that
and yeah ...
favorite thing about them
hm.,,,,, its too hard i just love everything abt her !!!!!!!! but the thing i love the most … her personality i think? i really relate to her and i feel like … its kind of cool to see a person who has the same thoughts as u? and voices the out loud? i think thats cool i love toko for voicing her thoughts out loud . also abt …. relating to her . its just i. kind of know how it feels to think like her? idk how to say it but i just . really relate to her . also we kind of have the same fears so hehe … so i think this might be my favorite thing about her ? that i know how she feels and she . voices it out loud so i kind also admire her for that …. god this got kinda personal didnt it...
and other than that i just …. lvoe her so much . also i think i fell in love with her while watching ultra despair girls walkthrough (didn't even finish thh at that time) and one of the reasons i did that was . her reaction to the word 'friends '
least favorite thing about them
oh well.,... the whole thing with byakuya… their relationship during and post the killing game… we all know how it looks like right… so yeah .
favorite line
maybe this i think … so inspiring
brOTP
togafuka !! hehe . i think . their friendship… itd cool wouldnt it . but like … theyd need to work on it … also theres this hc ….. but ill explain it more in the random headcanon section
OTP
tokomaru ofc .. i think that . they kinda … both helped each other grow during their adventure in towa city? and they …. ikdk just love them u know
nOTP
oh not sure about this one… i guess i .. toko and junko ? cant really feel it u know...
random headcanon
well i guess i have to explain what i mean by "there's this hc".... so ill just explain it and post 2 … one togafuka (bc I wanted to explain it ) and one … happy? one bc todays been quite sad .
so basically … i hc them as good friends pre killing game. like they didn't really know each other before entering hopes peak but they met at hopes peak and became good friends there bc of their similarities like lonely life etc (there's also part kinda related to dr togami but its more abt byakuya so won't really talk much abt it) but yeah … they've became friends and kinda started changing for the better but then the killing game happened and u know what's next right
ok enough about them right . so abt toko and toko only. i think she kind of … likes when other do her hair? like braid her hair, style it etc also she loves shopping ? but she always ends up trying something on, maybe takes a pic and sends it to komaru/ class 78 girls … but she mostly ends up not buying anything (not bc of lack of money bc she gets lots from royalties ofc it's not like togami level rich but) bc of her low self esteem… but she actually did buy a few things for herself and she was really happy while buying them
unpopular opinion
oh im not sure if i have any … sorry
song i associate with them
ohhh i actually do have a playlist with some of them hehe some of the songs are … not really abt her ? like they don't really fit her lyrically but I think they do fit her … musically wise? dont know….
but overall ... i think ugly by 2ne1
favorite picture of them
lately it's been this picture of the actress playing her on dr the stage
it's just so happy hehee ^^^ but
i think this one ... wonderful
thank u for the ask^^ it was fun
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Hey are you okay? Youve made a couple concerning posts abt death & not feeling good enough & like I hope you know that even if it doesnt feel like the ppl immediately around care there are so so many who care here on the internet, youre one of my favorite bloggers on this website & youre a wonderful, valuable, & uniquely amazing person & I really hope that you can hang on until things are okay again, because as someone with HELLA depression & suicidal thoughts, I can promise that they will be
I don’t. Know. Tbh. I honestly haven’t been okay for a very, very long time. I have really bad, occasionally crippling OCD that I am trying to parse through and cope with now that I know I have it (and that it’s bad--you should have seen the look on the therapist’s face during that one and only appointment, it took her like three seconds), which feeds into my anxiety, which feeds into depression. The only reason I’m not suicidal is, somewhat hilariously, my anxiety, because even though I am utterly convinced that everyone around me would be happier if I was gone and/or wouldn’t miss me (esp since I now know both my sisters, but especially my youngest sister, resent the shit out of me for a variety of reasons, but jealousy and my absence for my studies and “being smart”/my academic accomplishments apparently being three of them, as relayed to me by outside sources and they themselves), my crippling fear of death stops me from actually doing anything about it.
Putting the rest under a cut b/c this got long.
I just. Feel like I’m constantly reaching out for help and trying to extend olive branches and they are being violently rejected or ignored. And that isn’t in my head, either. I was told by my dad that I’m “trying too hard” to fix the relationship between my sisters and I (it’s two against one, and I am the one) while they aren’t trying at all and it sucks. I feel incredibly alone and like whatever I do is never good enough or is bad, and I’m tired of constantly being rejected by people around me. I lost my oldest friend of 20+ years because she was mad that I didn’t grovel at her feet for something I didn’t do. I was chased out of something I loved because someone resented the fact that I was popular for the first and only time in my life and spread rumours and lies that resulted in someone trying to kill themselves, and everyone (including the person who tried to commit suicide) blame me, and then when I didn’t immediately accept their half-hearted apology (which wasn’t so much an apology for what they did so much as it was an “I’m sorry you’re upset about it”). I used to write all the time an dinteract with people but I burned out so bad after my thesis that I had to take a hiatus and since them I’ve basically gotten no response to anything no matter how hard to try to engage people.
I feel like all I do is hang on, and in some ways things have gotten better (at the very least I am in charge of my body now, and am physically fit and am no longer in constant, agonizing physical pain due to obesity--I can control my body and that’s something), but I just. The common denominator here is me. What’s so bad about me that literally my existence just causes people to hate the shit out of me? And that isn’t even in my head, either--I have a long track record of people I don’t even know, and who I’ve never even really interacted with, hating the shit out of me to the point where they’ve done everything they could to try and drag me down. And even my family resents my successes.
I want to succeed to make them proud and to make myself proud, not to make them hate me. I’m proud of their successes and talents and I support my sisters in everything they do. My youngest sister is a phenomenal dancer, way better than I could ever be, and I go to everything I can and support her. I support them both. But they just resent my successes. My youngest sister can dance better than me, but she hates me because I can sing bettter. She wants to be a nurse, but she hates me because I’m in law school. She’s tired of hearing about my successes, but my parents have always praised our successes equally because they understand that we all have different stengths--I’ve certainly heard for years about how smart they are. My other sister is charismatic and beautiful and makes friends far quicker than I. Everyone loves her and I am an awkward social potato (my dad describes me to other people who haven’t met me as “so smart she’s weird”, so I’m basically a sitcom character at this point).
And this isn’t in my head. It was told to me quite bluntly by multiple people over Christmas who observed how my sisters were actively shutting me out and how upset I was about it. So the fact that they’re actively excluding me and ganging up on me isn’t even in my head. I wish it was.
And this all sounds really stupid and whingy now that I’ve typed it out so I’m going to stop but I just. I feel alone and stupid and like. Obviously if so many people resent me then the common denominator is me. I must fuckinng suck as a person, and that’s why I’m alone and will forever be alone, because the only people who can stand to be around me are my parents. No wonder my favourite HP character and the only character I’ve ever related to on a personal level is Percy fucking Weasley.
But like I really appreciate you sending this anon b/c I just. No one. Really talks to me. I’m constantly the odd one out in every situation. I still haven’t made any friends in law school because everyone else paired up and I was left alone, despite my best efforts to join some groups. I know I intimidate people because I have been told so many times that I do, and I know I’m a very intense person, but I don’t try to be and I don’t know how to fix that, and I also refuse to dumb myself down just to appease other people’s egos. It just really, really sucks, and I’m an introvert, don’t get me wrong, but the loneliness is really, really starting to get to me and it’s harder and harder to combat it when I’m rebuffed at every turn ;;;; Or at least that’s how it feels. And then when I redouble my efforts, I get pushed back even more because now I’m “trying too hard.” So it’s like. Fuck me if I try, fuck me if I don’t try.
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tumblr crushes challenge!
in which you post your own favorite blogs to spread positivity and get your amazing blogger-friends some more followers!
tagged by @kizunah (im lov u) n @hazelnatcoffee (ive not stopped sobbing since i saw u tag me aksdjf thank u sm <3) !! ✨✨✨
aksdjf normally i dont even do these but im takin th opportunity to scream abt how much i lov mariam so !! :D enjoy
ive tagged @kizunah, @hazelnatcoffee, @hinamie, @sftae, @geminest, @belovedsheith, @phoapostrophes, @gansaey, @hcseokie, @dotingdamen, @kattenprinsen and non-mutual but very admired @d-a-z-a-i and @novocaine-sea!! (also the ultimate tumblr crush otasucc whomst im not tagging bc im scared)
i will yell abt these ppl and how much i lov them under cut so as to avoid a 50 page long post :’D 💕
mariam @kizunah: iv no idea how u managed to go from ‘vaguely intimidating incredibly talented writer i look up to’ to ‘incredibly talented writer i look up to tht sends me memes at 3am and has made me fall in lov w two (2) soft pining bois’ so fast but.....u did tht......now our chat is th first thing i check when i wake up in th morning it’s the Start To My Day i hope u r happy..... follow mariam for solid pastel aesthetic and hauntingly beautiful writing tht will give u heartbreak by proxy !! 💕
grayson @hazelnatcoffee: i am tagging u Right Back bc,,,solid tumblr crush material,,,,on one hand i am rly honored u follow this mess, on the other hand im just !! u are such a talented writer !! and such a talented artist ??? ur ability to communicate sof sheith feels in both mediums to such devastating effect slays me 10/10 a Must Follow 💕
hina @hinamie: u kno how kurapika was like. ‘when im in this mode im a master of every single nen category’ ?? thts u. except thts u all th time. killer sense of humor and an incredible (understatement...) artist and so pretty i cld die and flawless taste in memes and th capacity to create OCs tht snatch my heart n soul n wig all in one (very basardous) move?? thts u!! how do u do that!! thank u sm for not judging me for thirsting after clowns n also ,,, a must-follow 4 anyone who likes quality 💕
pauline @sftae: i know you’re on hiatus now and thus unlikely to see this anytime soon,,,,,, but it wld feel Wrong to make any kind of crushes post without mentioning u, resident itachi lover, whomse made me laugh sm and gave me some of the probably Best conversations ive had on this site....im so sorry for stealing ur husband (it was Deserved) and i hope u are doing good out there off this hellsite (note how i didnt even mention the fact tht u are a creator yet bc i was too busy crying abt how much i lov talking to u but !! holy shit u also make Quality Content and im both crying and intimidated how is every mutual i have so talented at making things) 💕
nastya @geminest: bi russian solidarity & prettiest pinkest pastel blog in the universe?? a whole music Genius whomse is fluent in multiple languages?? im going 2 stop typing now bc i Know i wont b able to stop after just one paragraph so im sorry tht this is going to b so short but,,,,,,,,th most quality Soft Kpop blog n distinguished iu stan, thts u 💕
mei @belovedsheith: the sweetest most positive talented writer in th vld fandom?? u!! your blog is an oasis in the sea of drama and discourse that is tumblr generally, and i really admire the compassion you show everyone and your dedication to only giving love back even when people are undeservedly rude or condescending. it takes a lot of strength to do that and i just *clenches fist* rly adore your personality and humility (esp given how you’re scarily good with words and also ur theme....god tier) 💕
pho @phoapostrophes: aksdjf it’s really .... been a while .,,.. since we talked on a personal lvl, but!! anytime i see you on my dash i get rly excited because you always reblog the best things, the best memes and the best literary things and the funniest comics...,, your sense of humor is on point and i dont know where you manage to curate such Quality Content from but im rly living for it !! 💕
nicki @gansaey: thank u sm,,,,4 watering my crops,,,,feeding me tht good good trc food,,,,no lie i follow like maybe two (2) trc blogs n life is a whole struggle, and also!! i adore your aesthetic, and how it’s perfectly coherent from your theme to your posts...n also i love your avatar and your creations !! :’’D u have a rly rly strong sense of The Ae and tht glows in everything u put out 💕
mia @hcseokie: hello cowboy basard whats up it’s me n i ,,,, lov u,,,,,possibly th hottest prettiest person on this hellsite w an incredible personality 2 match,,,,you have a killer sense of humour and are a really sweet person to talk to, and i really really wish you all the best and brightest things in the universe!! a tumblr crushes post isnt complete without u :’’) 💕
eve @dotingdamen: we only talked like once which is an whole federal crime in my opinion askdjf but !! most treasured most quality yoi/captive prince/astrology mutual,,,, mostly i am very intimidated bc you look ethereal and also your writing like. im not even in those fandoms anymore but am i going to go and reread everything th moment i finish typing up this monster of a post?? u bet!! 💕
taavi @kattenprinsen: father i am very sorry for disappointing u w frightening regularity,,,,i still rmbr when u first followed me and i screamed bc tht was like the ultimate Senpai Noticed Me moment??? honestly tht senpai-noticed-me feeling never rly faded and tht makes u the perfect candidate for a tumblr crushes post :’’’) you could probably create an entire universe w words alone--and do--n ur Powerfully Aesthetic Aesthetic makes my kokoro go doki doki,, i hope i become more like u someday!! 💕
chris @d-a-z-a-i: kasjf the Very First blog i found after i one-shotted the entire bsd anime and was left crying over dazai,,, pretty much 90% of the best anime content i see on my dash is either reblogged from u or reblogged by u so thank u fr the food!! :’’D 💕
aja @novocaine-sea: u once left a comment on my shitty jjbek crackfic and thts probably the most accomplished ive ever felt in my life ever,,, like it might sound cheesy but it’s one of those little moments ill carry w me forever on my writing journey? being complimented by someone as talented as you really stuck w me;; tht said, im going to go binge read your entire hq/free! tag at soonest opportunity :’’’) the things you write are 1000% up my alley nd im so ready!! 💕
lia otasucc: an inspiring person on all levels; someone ive been following since the early (yoi) days and who has not once since then been anything less than the brightest light in the fandom. i dont even go here, but im very glad you exist and motivate everyone around you to be better people as well :’D words r hard and the way you flawlessly wield yours, be it in spicy memes or cutting sarcasm, is both terrifying and moving,,, we are all lucky to have u!! 💕
#god this took me so long my wrist actually hurts#i have so many. feelings#q.txt#this post is longer than half of the fics ive ever written rip
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Hey beautiful, congratulations!! ♡ Give daddy the good stuff ☼ ☆
omg daddy where do i start w u
can we start off with not only your current url but ALL your urls??? the perfection is only matched by the rest of your blog and the blogger itself ;) i crack up every time i see that your title is “daddy” but with a “;” so its aesthetic asiodaj and i just love everything abt your blog
blog rate:
icon: cute | adorable | beautiful | aesthetic af | lily evans
theme: default | nice | pretty | i wanna steal it | feyre archeron
url: not my cuppa tea | lovely | h o w | who did you kill?? | tessa gray
content: not my fandoms | sweet | im l o v e | obSESSED | annabeth chase
following: no sorry!! | i am now | yes | literally how could i not
want one? join my celebration! no more please!
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Okay so after you shared that one Ben/Kip fic the other day I went into the tag to see if there was anything else and I found your story that same day, but having no clue that it was yours (okay maybe a slight feeling that it was yours). I have to say though, I do really enjoy it, it’s lengthy and it does have jumps at times but it’s really, really enjoyable to read. Your characterization and take on Kip is the most unique I’ve seen and that’s honestly what makes the story great for me.
oh my god this is so nice lmao…i’m gonna have to finally put in the exhausting work of copy/pasting the next segment to post lol (╯﹏╰）
im glad i accidentally self advertised, that’s pretty funny…and yeah i feel like it’s not as though anyone would be like “this one blogger i dont know about definitely wrote this, the only person,” and yet its not like there’s an infinite list of suspects or fics and it’s pretty clearly like…my signature moves there, in content and gay agenda and going on way too long and what am i talking about anymore…i wondered if it might be at least sort of suspiciously me-esque. that’s funny too. and yeah from the uncertain start all the way to like last week i was like “am i gonna have kip and ben kiss hmmm” and leaving it open ended for myself but now the answer is Oh Absolutely and my resolve strengthens with every day. spoilers. only not at all spoilers. its about the journey here, not abt the mystery of the destination
umn idk anyways this is this first feedback i’ve heard from anyone else reading any of this content, and its really great to hear you actually like reading it and its not just, like, a punishment to try to force your way through, especially since what i’ve put up so far is like, mostly the oldest stuff where im like oh god i hope its at least readable…i know it kind of crashes around as i try to touch on a lot of areas all at once, since i’d supposed i’d have the whole thing wrapped up in like 100k at the most. Ha. haha…ha……..aah…if i’d known i’d now be at this point where i’m just gonna get done when i get done i’d’ve used the evergreen Kip Is Trans hc. smh
uhhhhhHh anyways yeah seriously. i’m all delicate b/c i havent shared writing in years and im painfully aware of how inconsistent i am when writing beyond like 500 words, but also hey, it could be worse. i dont even know how to look at my own interpretation of kip or describe it b/c i’m taking full advantage of the fact i can draw so heavily from my own thorough understanding of trauma and anxiodepression and etc and using it to color in these like thoughts and emotions that i don’t often try to draw b/c it’s like. tricky to draw stuff like “just excuse me while i sit here and have a silent crisis for the next few hours.” i’m going on too long as always, the point is, i also did put a nonzero amount of heart into trying to lend some earnestness to what i’m writing abt. not to be, like, a diary, but since this is indulging my dream abt kip living in peace and being kissed ninety times a day, and yet i also appreciate how negative feelings can be part of your life regardless of lack of external conflict or presence of good shit, so. i’m very much like. trying to totally embrace all the negative feelings that i wanna include, and not having this mean it excludes having security and comfort and love and shit. i’d thought about it sometimes since i have often been megadepressed while working on this lol…like veering away entirely from my intended direction…but i refuse. it’s going where it’s obviously going and has already partly gone even in the bits i’ve posted so far. like i said i’m able to make something here out of my familiarity w totally miserable feelings
nobody can say anything to me without getting an overly long meandering response lmao sorry…but thank you for this message, it’s great to get a response lol and im Heartened. i’m really glad you think its good lol…i know it’s not like it’s that bad but i still had no idea if any other person ever would wanna read it. hearing you actually enjoyed it is like beyond any of my expectations, and so is getting any feedback at all…thanks a lot and thanks for this ben/kip solidarity lol…im giving the people what they need. and what i want. 😚✨
#everything i put in there that seems even vaguely gay? my intent = Oh It’s Definitely Gay#and then there truly is that incentive of the volume of content about fucking or getting off#all this abt using directly relatable experiences but theres also shit i’m trying to Make Up coz im Not familiar w it
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