#so long as they're actually acknowledged as bad / it's being done ~on purpose~
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Making Izuku Worse, But BETTER
*walks in*
*drops post*
*explains nothing*
*leaves*
So, a while ago, I made a post talking about how, among (many, many) other things wrong with how Izuku was developed over the story, that his fundamental character was just... slowly and systematically chipped away by Hori, until his unique personality was gone, and all that was left is a shell of a shonen protagonist.
Well. I'm here today to tell you that... fuck. I can do that shit better than Hori did.
Here's my revolutionary idea: lean into it. See, while he's growing in a bad direction, while as a person he's getting worse in a lot of ways, that isn't bad, as, like, character development, or as part of a story.
So. The thing is, while Izuku changes, it's never really... acknowledged in the story. (This is, of course, a different part of his problem, that while he changes throughout the story, by and by large his improvement, how far he's come, and what he's done, is never acknowledged; in fact, he's actively criticized for not doing everything perfectly, because of course.) Because Izuku is, over all, improving, that means he never gets validation for his work... but, flipping it, with this? He never gets it pointed out that he's doing worse.
And it doesn't even need to be a person, is the thing; you can have it never directly told to Izuku, but shown to us, the viewers, in story, and that's fine, as long as it's acknowledged.
So, the first thing I'd do, to make this whole idea work right is... actually spend more time on Izuku's quirks as a character. He's smart, curious, enthusiastic, mildly obsessed with Quirks, and look! Here he has a Quirk. There's no possible way to work with that, right?
Start there. Show, at the very least, one panel scenes of Izuku... geeking out. Experimenting. Being Izuku, basiclly, and scatter them every once and awhile in the story. Maybe have him suggest something to someone else, show that person's improvement under his guidance (and, you know, have Izuku interact with other human beings... as a human being. Yet another problem Hori has with Izuku; as far as we can tell from what we are shown, he is strangers with his entire damn class, even though the story has tried to push the vibe that he is, in fact, friends with all of them. And don't get me started on his mother, who barely even exists...).
It doesn't have to be big, is the thing, or elaborate, it just has to be there, to help firmly establish these characteristics in our minds as readers. And that's important, because that means it'll be noticeable when it stops.
Ideally, I'd think it'd be best to do this post-Kamino, because it's such a big thing that Izuku having a radical change in response makes sense. All Might's gone, the mantle is his now... no pressure, right? And, in the same way the foundational aspects were set up, it can start small: those few scattered panels? They're gone.
*ratchet sound effect*
It's not something pointed out or anything, they're just... gone. Maybe replace them with more training, maybe not, but we don't see Izuku spending his free time being Izuku anymore, and that's it. It stays at that new normal for awhile.
Then the stress kicks up a gear; conveniently, after Kamino we have... *sigh*. I can't believe I'm saying this, but conveniently, we have Sir Nighteye. And the thing is? Sir Nighteye is an asshole; he's perfect for just.... bringing the stress up just an extra notch. And here's where more work has to be put in to sell this idea, not just showing less happy Izuku, but showing more upset Izuku, showing how things are getting to him, not just in the moment, but consistently, even when nothing is actually happening to him at that exact point in time. A scene of Izuku... head in his hands, maybe. Training, and pushing farther than he should, and maybe there's something bleeding. Not a lot, not yet, but the cracks should be showing at this point.
*ratchet sound effect*
For the purposes of this, we'll assume that by and by large the story is happening as usual, so Mirio loses his Quirk, and there's that guilt, hitting Izuku like a truck.
*ratchet sound effect*
Show those stress scenes just a little more now, work in some conversations with Mirio where he acts happy, but the second he walks away everything crashes down on him; you don't even need to have anyone saying anything, just the visual of his smile vanishing in an instant will carry it.
Because if I'm writing this I'd want her to be a character, show Izuku's mom slowly growing worried as they meet (with her actually being more of a character at all before hand; show her growing happier and less burdened as Izuku improves before all of this, only now they see each other less and less, and every time he seems less happy than he was before, grimmer).
After that, just let things bake for awhile; nothing really changes, Izuku is just more miserable, and people are slowly starting to notice that he's acting different now, even if they don't really understand why...
And then Joint Training. Fun fact: canonly, the Vestiges, as introduced to us? Are assholes; which, honestly, isn't that surprising, because just about everyone is an asshole to Izuku! Stress Factor 5975 that is never really acknowledged in story: some asshole yelling at Izuku for instantly failing at his Quirk because he had no idea how to even use it, much less that it was even there, much less that it would happen in the middle of a fucking training exercise.
*ratchet noise*
And then, important moment here, have someone.... All Might, Ochako, whoever, notice that Izuku is getting a new Quirk (...or developing a new facet of his Quirk, or however that was explained to everyone), but he isn't enthusiastic about it. There's no brainstorming, no experimenting... this thing that should have been a source of joy is just.... there. At worst, it is actively causing him stress. And it this obvious difference that is ringing some warning bells in people's minds.
*ratchet noise*
So, all this time, along with all the story points that are supposed to be happening, from Kamino on I've been slowly weaving together a new one: Izuku increasingly barely holding his shit together in the face of his clusterfuck of a life. Then the War Arc kicks in, and that's where the pay off for all this slow build, because here's where everything goes to shit.
War Arc hits Izuku like a train, and leaves him wrecked in the aftermath, absolutely destroyed... which, organically, leads into the Dark Deku arc, only here, we actually do it better.
Here, him going 'rogue', is an organic evolution of various things that have been going on for probably years now, Izuku slowly depriving himself of all things that gave him joy, in favor of training for his Mission, TM, this Grand Purpose that was thrust upon him.
Here, his classmates going to save him makes more sense because we've seen them interact, we've seen their growing concern over how he's been changing.
All of these things happen, and come together for this moment where the story finally admits what it's been dancing around all this time: Izuku is not OK. And at last, finally, starts to actually resolve it.
#bnha critical#mha critical#izuku deserves better#i could do this shit better#what if?#fuck sir nighteye#ideally i'm going to give someone ratchet noise based PTSD by the time this is done
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👀
Been meaning to do another of these for a few days and finally got around to it! Another 👀 ask, another AU!
Let's see... Today I'm gonna go with ~
Prince and his Guard AU
For lack of a better name, because I'm awful at names pfft. Royal aus are done a lot, I know, but this ones mine! Actually based on another AU I did for a different fandom ages ago, but then reworked for different characters pfft
I hope you're ready for more Ethubs nonsense from me, because that's what this is. (There's Rendoc crumbs too, though it's only mentioned briefly here.)
Anyway! Bdubs is a prince of a small kingdom somewhere. He's not the heir to the throne or anything like that, but he's still pretty important. For the most part though he's not too fussed about royal duties. He'd much rather be caring for the horses at the stables or tending to or sketching the beautiful plants in the palace gardens.
Etho works for the royal guard and has done for quite some time. He's a skilled swordsman and well respected amongst his peers. One day, he's given a new assignment and is placed as Bdubs' personal guard. His job is to accompany Bdubs when he's out and about, and of course to keep him safe should anything happen. Not that he's in any immediete danger, but he is a prince so it's needed!
Bdubs has had personal guards before, some he's liked, others he hasn't. With Etho he's- not sure what he thinks at first. Etho is quiet and hiding half his face behind a mask. He's polite though, just- different. Bdubs tries to befriend him from early on, but that's easier said than done when the guy doesn't talk much.
Gradually though, as they become more familiar with each other they do start to become friends. They find that they have things in common (a love for horses and riding being one of them) and they get along well. It's not long before they're starting to like each other more than they probably should. But neither of them really acknowledge it yet.
Bdubs realises he's got a crush first. Etho is always hiding his face, but Bdubs still thinks he's beautiful. He's kind and nice to talk to as well, Bdubs likes being around him.
Etho comes to terms with it much slower, and refuses to accept it when he does have that realisation. He can't have a crush on the prince are you insane!! Beef, who works in the palace kitchens and is friends with Etho, tells him that falling for the prince is a bad idea. Etho says that yes, he knows, he didn't do it on purpose!
For a while they just sort of admire each other from a distance. A romance between them is not allowed. Their relationship must remain platonic. They would both get in so much trouble if they tried anything more.
Bdubs, however, decides one day that he doesn't care. Screw it! He really likes Etho! So he's gonna flirt with him! Subtly, of course, just in case. Etho doesn't notice it straight away, and when he does he tries to ignore it. But he's blushing at how sweet Bdubs is being. He should tell him to stop but he can't. And eventually he does recupricate. It can be their little secret ~
And that is preciesly what it is. What it must be. A secret. No one can know. It stays in the privacy of Bdubs' quarters. But they love each other. They're happy with their secret forbidden romance ~
Until things change, anyway. Bdubs is told that he has been betrothed to the prince of another kingdom. A man he's only met like, once, very briefly, years ago. Bdubs isn't happy. Mostly because he's in love with Etho but also just because he doesn't want to get married! Unfortunatly, though, there's not much he can do, and soon plans for him to meet his new fiance properly are made.
The new fiance is Doc, who doesn't particularly want to get married to some guy he barely knows either. Still, when he meets Bdubs he's polite and they chat. They get along fine, and are both able to admit to each other that getting married isn't exactly something they want to do. But their families are the ones in control here, so all they can do is make the most of it.
Etho, meanwhile, meets Ren, who is one of Doc's guards. And they talk idly between themselves whilst their respective princes meander through the gardens in conversation. Ren susses out Etho's affections for Bdubs pretty much straight away. Etho denies it, but as far as Ren is concerned it's very obvious.
With the engagement quickly becoming public knowledge and Bdubs' life suddenly becoming much busier, Etho pulls back from Bdubs a bit. He's still doing his work of course, but keeps outside interactions to a minimum. Bdubs is getting married. So that means that their romance needs to stop. At least, that's how Etho sees it. Bdubs notices, of course he does, and he hates the sadness in Etho's eyes, but he isn't sure how to address it.
The wedding is extravegant and beautiful. Bdubs looks stunning all dressed up. Etho wishes he was the one marrying Bdubs, but he knows it's not possible. Bdubs still doesn't really want to get married, he likes Doc just fine, they get along and have become friends, but there's no romance there, neither of them are interested in the other like that. He misses Etho. But he thinks he knows why Etho has pulled away, and he understands, he hates it, but he understands.
Bdubs and Doc basically spend their honeymoon hanging out as friends, but that suits them fine and they enjoy it. Ren and Etho are often close by. And one evening Ren admits that he knows it sucks, seeing the guy you like getting married to someone else. He's kinda in the same boat, he likes Doc a lot too, but you just kinda have to accept it. You know? Etho knows that Ren is right, but he wishes he wasn't.
It's only so long before Etho and Bdubs come together again. They both know it's stupid, reckless, could get them in so much trouble. But they love each other so much that they can't quite help themselves. It's their secret. But it won't stay secret. People will find out, it'll become the gossip of the palace staff and the royal family alike. Both Etho and Bdubs will be faced with accusations that they hate and that aren't even true. Doc doesn't know what he thinks of it all, but despite everything, when he learns the truth he stands by Bdubs' side throughout.
Everything does work out in the end, but there's some tricky times ahead before any of that can happen..
Oh, you wanted to know exactly how that all goes down? Sorry. I'm trying to limit myself to about 1000 words per au (because otherwise I will unintentionally write thousands and thousands of words) and it seems I've hit that limit here!
I'm a sucker for royalty aus, I don't know why. This one is very fun and another I would like to write some day. We'll have to wait and see though!
There's still a few more of these asks in my inbox, so I'll probably be typing up another one of these posts very soon. In the mean time, if you want to ask questions about my aus please do! Give me even more reason to talk about them pfft
But yeah, thank you for the excuse to ramble! I really want to draw some boys for this au now lol
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Can i have a crush hcs with Klarkstella and Pikero please. Love your writing btw :D
Klarkstella
It’s a very well known fact that Klarkstella doesn’t really like a lot of people, and for a long time he was quite adamant that the only people he needed in his life were his brother, Lala, and Kiki.
Until you came around, and then everything changed, suddenly his hands started racing whenever he was near you, or his hands started sweating.
And at first, he brushed those little hints aside, saying that it was because you annoyed him to no end that he was getting physically ill from it (which he knew deep down inside was a lie)
He was heavily in denial about his feelings for you, often times pushing you away or snapping at you for no good reason.
But the reality is, you carved a hole inside his heart and he doesn’t know how to handle it, he doesn’t know how to be honest with himself, and often times always says the exact opposite of what he actually feels and means.
It wasn’t until he had a heart to heart conversation with Louterstella, that he realized he was falling for you. And even then, he couldn’t muster the courage to confess to you, too afraid of the possibility of being hurt or being rejected by you.
It was different when it came to Kiki, Lala, and Louterstella, those are people who he knows for certain would never hurt him, the same certainty can’t be said for you.
However, after coming to the realization that he likes you, he no longer pushed you away or was harsh to you. He wasn’t by any means Prince Charming, but he was becoming more softer and gentle with you, in his own unique way.
He started letting you in more, he wanted to be near you at all times, and this time he actually indulged in those wants.
Little by little, he realized that maybe letting someone else inside his heart, wasn’t a bad thing at all.
Pikero
Pikero is not the type to catch feelings for someone so easily and that is done with a purpose. People are too messy, too emotional, and as entertaining as it is to see their crazed antics, he always makes sure to have his guard up, never letting anyone ever get too close.
It's why he prefers to study the life of animals and plants over humans, animals are simple, they don't dwell on emotion and reasoning, preferring to act on instinct instead. They're nothing like the over emotional and complicated humans at all, and for a good while, that was enough for him.
Yet like a moth to a flame, he couldn't help but be drawn to you, at first he brushed off his feelings for you as simple curiosity, you were a pretty new thing, who he never met before and was clearly out of your element, you were fascinating to him, like a fun little lab experiment.
But the more he spends time with you, he realized that his attachment and infatuation for you, goes beyond the simple curiosity of an experiment.
Even after acknowledging and realizing his feelings for you, he would still play mind games on you, studying your every move, and analyzing your every tick and feeling, till he has you all figured out.
He loves to play push and pull with you, on some days he’ll shower you with affection and attention, on other days, he’ll completely shut you out and ignore you for days.
This isn’t because he’s insecure or that he fears rejection, quite the opposite actually. Pikero is confident that you’ll return his feelings, that’s not what he’s worried about, what he worries about is the emotional and vulnerable aspect of opening up and confessing to a crush, to him that’s a recipe for weakness, and if there’s one thing Pikero isn’t is weak.
So if there’s a way to exploit your vulnerabilities and your naivety, while not being open about his own, and still being able to be with you once and for all, then he’s going to do just that.
He wants to have his cake and eat it too, and it won’t be until you two get into a serious relationship, when the cracks finally start to show, but until then, he’s more than happy to keep the charade up.
#🍓: memoria#sanrio#klarkstella#pikero#fragmem#fragaria memories#fragaria memories headcanon#fragaria memories imagines
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For character ask game—I feel like I always ask you about either rodimus or tarantulas so I’m going in a completely different direction. Tell me about Optimus Prime
we will continue the streak and do IDW Optimus!
one aspect about them i love: I like the way Barber handles Optimus as someone who finds out there is no way to idealize yourself, that is, to make yourself into an ideal, and then go back to being a just a person. There's something really compelling about the way that Optimus post-war tries first to abdicate the legacy he helped create to win the war and then tries to make it into something else that can exist during peacetime and just... fails. He made himself too remote and now he has no way back. He made himself too central and now if he leaves things collapse in his wake because nature abhors a vaccum. It's really interesting.
one aspect i wish more people understood about them: this is kind of in a metatextual sense, but. People who in IDW have mostly read MTMTE/LL often assume that in phase two, Optimus is shown in this uniformly positive light by the narrative. And he's just not by Barber! When he makes very bad decisions in those comics, you are supposed to see the downward spiral. There's an arc called 'All Hail Optimus', it's not even subtle.
one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character: This is a completely baseless one that I don't even know why I believe so strongly: Optimus guessed- had a suspicion deep down that he tried not to look at- that Prowl, not the Decepticons, bombed Carpessa. Optimus understood how Megatron conducted himself and his army well enough to recognise that doing it would have been an uncharacteristically stupid decision at that point in the war (demoralizing to people on the fence about which side to join, strategically not useful, likely to be useful to the Autobots for propaganda purposes) but. He really needed Prowl not to have gone behind his back and have done it; he needed to not lose a key member of his command at a delicate point in the war. So he persuaded himself he was being ridiculous, and that set off a chain reaction of sunk cost fallacy reasoning which is a part of why Prowl avoided suspicion of wrongdoing outside his remit for so long. Because acknowledging anything else meant admitting that he had always been willing to overlook an obvious, truly egregious crime for the sake of keeping a useful resource he didn't want to give up.
one character i love seeing them interact with: I really, really love all the stuff with him and Shockwave. I still find it amazing how Shadowplay sells me on that relationship so quickly and in so little time, so that everything which comes after is convincingly tragic. And it is! God, it's so tragic. And yet also really. Fucked up? Hey remember when Senator Shockwave had someone perform unknowing surgery on Optimus so he could be a candidate to carry the matrix. WILD. There's this weird power dynamic at play there I find SO fascinating.
one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more: I wish we'd seen more one-on-one stuff between him and Arcee. She's a character uniquely suited to see through the Prime bullshit as someone from a time before all of that becoming entrenched in their society, and also able to bring a perspective to the ways that Cybertronian society's problems well pre-date his experience. And he's someone trying to work out how to stop the cycle they're all stuck in repeating yet again during peacetime, which mirrors Arcee's personal arc. Also she can mock him for acting like he's sooo old or whatever like. You Are A Baby To Me. I think she would puncture him in a way that he would actually appreciate. She's one of the only people in a position to see him as not much more than just a guy in charge.
one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character: I don't think Optimus likes Rodimus. And I think a lot of that is that he recognizes he fucked up with Rodimus, at Nyon, in a way he has no real way to... do anything about, or even acknowledge now it's been so long. So he can't even truly get pissed when Rodimus fucks something up, because a little part of him is like. Hm. Well. He is, on the whole, partly my fault, isn't he. Which is frustrating, because he can't fix it, and he can't lash out about it without that niggling thought, and in the meantime Rodimus is just constantly there being kind of weird about him and causing problems. And so all that's left is to translate that situation into a kind of diffuse discomfort he grits his teeth and bears. Also, Rodimus is one of the only people willing to call him out on his weird Megatron hangups, which is infuriating because Optimus tries really hard to ignore that he has any.
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I see this held up as major proof of Dean's badness, but couldn't it also be proof of Cas having faith Dean can get past anything without Cas having to change his behavior? The way it's structured the onus is on DEAN to work through it, not others to change or make amends. ---- CASTIEL: You know, Dean, he – he feels things more acutely than any human I've ever known. So it's possible he could work through this. One day, he may explode and let it all out and breathe deeply and move on.
I see what you mean in a general sense, and it's extremely possible that Cas is thinking about his own past fights with Dean and Dean forgiving him, and from the perspective of the critique you have in mind that you're refuting, I agree. But of course deancrit casgirls will forever insist that Cas has never in his life done anything harmful to Dean either accidentally or on purpose, so any time Dean might dare try to hold him accountable for anything, he's actually just making shit up and being toxic and controlling, so here Cas is just apologizing for his own abusive relationship. You can only get their take by being deliberately obtuse/disingenuous.
That said, the context of that line (from 15.13 "Destinty's Child") is Cas answering soulless Jack's question about whether Dean will eventually forgive him for murdering Mary.
CASTIEL: Hey, Jack.
JACK: Cas, you know what's good about being dead?
CASTIEL: Uh, as I recall, very little.
JACK: Well, when you come back, you – you really get into all that life is. Hot, cold, sweet, spicy, funny, scary.
CASTIEL: And are you? "Into it"?
JACK: I want to be. But I don't... feel things the way I used to. Before I lost my...
CASTIEL: Your soul.
JACK: I used to feel things. In my bones. It was glorious, and sometimes unbearable. But I felt them. Now, I understand joy or sadness, but... I know those things aren't in me. I understand why Sam and Dean were angered by what happened to Mary...
CASTIEL: By what you did to Mary.
JACK: Yes. I see that I've caused them pain. And it's clear that things have changed. Especially with – with Dean. Will he ever forgive me?
CASTIEL: You know, Dean, he – he feels things more acutely than any human I've ever known. So it's possible he could work through this. One day, he may explode and let it all out and breathe deeply and move on.
JACK: How long will that take?
CASTIEL: I don't know.
And yeah—I have seen people refer to Cas's little speech here as "condoning child abuse" and other bullshit. Because how DARE Dean not forgive soulless Jack for murdering his mother (something soulless Jack is unable to actually really acknowledge he did). I mean clearly any time someone murders your mom because she made them mad and threatened their sense of security by asking if they're okay and saying their concerning actions can’t stay a secret… That’s just natural understandable stuff! You need to forgive the person who murdered her instantly and if you don’t idk you’re kinda overreacting don’t you think? :/ I mean your mom probably deserved it kind of anyway for reading the room so wrong and talking about getting a person help. And I mean if you don't forgive the person who killed your mom or do anything trying to stop them from hurting more people you're really a child abuser... toward an adult... who murdered your mother in cold blood and is unable to even understand why it was wrong in any sense other than an intellectual one like he read it from a book... preferring to refer to it as "What happened to Mary" instead of acknowledge it as something he himself did because he was mad and felt threatened—which is what he circled back to in "Jack In The Box" too. It's only when Jack gets his soul back that he's able to actually feel true empathy, acknowledge his real actions and the gravity of them, and give an actual sincere apology. Because his soul is actually important—something this fandom refuses, by and large, to notice.
Anyway, this fandom's take on Mary's murder and soulless Jack vs. regular Jack is overwhelmingly a bag of wet third grader vomit and feces so what can one expect?
#mail#soulless jack killing mary is popularly regarded as an accident... but it's pretty transparent that it wasn't?#or rather it was on purpose but he regretted it the second after it happened. but that is still. Something he chose to do. Not an accident.#He saw her as a threat to his relationship with Sam and Dean and he acted.#This is indicated right before he kills her. He admits it outright also right before calling it an accident which unravels that whole idea.#It wasn’t pre-meditated but in that moment he wanted her to die. She was going to tell everyone there was something wrong with him.#And he did not want that.#It wasn't an accident and he can't handle his own culpability because it threatens his belief that he can make things be the way they were#before it happened. Which is why he killed her to begin with! He didn't want anyone to know/think anything was wrong with him!#And just like soulless Jack just wants everyone to forget about it and act like nothing happened and he's fine...#Many fans want Dean to forget about it. They want Dean to believe and say and feel and think that Mary did not matter.#And that being upset at her literal murder (even if it was an accident—which it was not) is bad and evil.#And Sam's great capacity for numbness (which we already saw in season 13) strengthen's their own lack of empathy for Dean#in a situation that in real life they would understand unless they're actual psychopaths.#It's only because Dean is a character in a narrative representing the need/capacity to be loved and accepted at all#that these demands that his thoughts and feelings bend to everyone else's emotional needs become so disturbingly intrusive#dont feed the stans after midnight#and cas is my best friend#hot girl cas
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What's your opinion on each of the members of the bats? Do you think that they're becoming too saturated and that the new additions serve no purpose in furthering the plotline?
Also, do you think DC should have ended Robin altogether with Jason's death?
to start with the last question first: it's a difficult one, because in a way, you are asking if dc should have ended batman with jason's death. robin is such an inseparable part of the title. barr once said: "i'm convinced robin is a major reason why the batman strip has had such longevity” and he was right. it's impossible to imagine the series to keep going without robin long-term, which is what makes the reasoning behind killing off jason (which was originally supposed to remove robin from the narrative altogether) so imprudent.
on the other hand, i do hate how the re-introduction of the mantle was handled. there definitely should be a longer gap in-between jason and whoever was to be the 3rd robin. it might seem contrary to what i just said about robin’s presence being crucial, but it could work, because there's a sort of presence in absence, a whole set of hauntings that occur anyway, the memory of jason so tangible that it pervaded the continuation even with new characters occupying this space in the narrative. and i have learned to appreciate the shift in mood brought by jason's death (even if i'm still a firm believer he should have simply never been killed off), so it could be interesting to push this notion of gotham becoming darker and bruce never quite recovering even further.
i actually have a duke-centric wip about that-- tldr: bruce does not take tim as a robin, too consumed grief and not willing to take responsibility for another child; steph briefly tries to take the mantle, but bruce fires her even earlier; however, robin remains a symbol of hope, and we are robin still happens. since batman stopped investigating in the daylight and reverted to a status of an urban legend, duke becomes a self-made daylight protector of gotham.
but, as you can notice in that scenario, i presume that without robin bruce would get... sidelined in his own story, in a way. which i don't think would be necessarily a bad move, because i'd love it if dc let such huge changes to happen. but i do acknowledge that it's just not realistic for this medium/franchise. batman has to remain teh centre, and robin has to be there; i'm not sure a mere spectre would be enough in the end.
so hm. my answer is: no, robin should not end with jason's death, but there should be much more struggle with the mantle and its place in the narrative later on...
re: your first question(s), this is not a precise answer either, but i mostly agree. i reckon rn there are two main issues with the bats: 1. there are simply too many of them 2. and whenever dc actually makes an effort to acknowledge them all, they do it by putting them into a nuclear family like dynamics. additionally, they all get flattened down and there’s no exploration of individual relationships between them whatsoever; everyone needs a quip, a niche, which is the opposite of what they should be as a group; their skillset is intended to be strikingly similar.
moreover, i am (embarrassingly) very conservative when it comes to general themes of batman, and i feel like most of the contemporary batfam characters are way too removed from them, hence offering very little contribution to the mythos. because of that it also seems like dc (and fans) are playing with dolls rather than engaging with storytelling or the kind of social/political commentary that used to be much more prominent decades ago... which also, in consequence, means that (as you said), there's no progress in the plot; and i do not even expect anything radical, because this type of storytelling will probably always rely on preserving a certain status quo... but i'm a firm believer so much could be done at least in the domain of jurisprudence, for example- and it will not happen because it's hard to conduct long-term narrative changes when there's a whole crowd you have to accommodate.
also, each of these characters means there’s less narrative space for civilians and (non-villainous) opposition to bruce.
i will not get into detail about each of bats because it would take me forever and i'm not sure how broad your question is (do you mean only characters who work closer with bruce or every character associated with the symbol?) but if you're curious about particular ones, feel free to ask:)
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Hello lovely!!
How do you think modern Aeons see Ada? I feel like they don't really know her. They're not paying attention to what she's saying or doing. They base their opinion of her on how she acts towards Leon and they will always justify her actions instead of wondering WHY she's acting that way.
She's 'nice' to Leon: omg yes true love uwu she saved his life see she's not a villain!!!
She's 'mean' to Leon: lmaooo you go girlboss point a gun at him yes end his life!!!
BUT if someone suggests Leon doesn't want her because of the latter, they act like crybabies.
She's like a doll to them, a vessel for them to pour their projections on. They don't wonder about her aspirations or fears. It's all so superficial to them. I don't see this happening to any other character (well a lot of ppl baby Leon but most acknowledge his rights and wrongs, and ppl call the other characters out on their bullshit, but with Ada it's just... you can't say a bad thing abt her or you will be crucified, but they cant even form a proper argument against someone who dislikes her, its always stfu hater r#acist and jealous). Like I like Ada but sometimes she pisses me off lol. All of the characters do. Why is it such a taboo for Aeons to admit Ada fucks up too?
I think most, if not all, Ada Wong 'fans' are Aeon shippers first and foremost. That's why they're refusing to acknowledge that Campom is getting rid of the romantic aspect of Aeon in the remake: if Ada isn't with Leon or Leon isnt chasing after her, she loses her charm and they have to acknowledge the 'ugly' parts of her character, bc they NEVER hold her accountable for anything. She's done some questionable stuff but they're always like "omg yes mother slay queen go be a criminal babygirl do your thing". Like they never stop to analyze her. It's so dehumanizing that her own 'fans' do not care to analyze her outside of her being the sexy aloof spy who is the Love Interest and acts mysterious and looks sexy. They are the ones perpetuating the stereotype about her. Bc they don't care to know her. They know everything they want to know: that Leon wants her, and thats enough for them.
Sorry for the long message, you're one of the few ppl on here who actually offers a different, realistic, HUMAN analysis on Ada.
i don't know about the modern aeons a lot. i only know one decent enough, and they seem to respect ada but of course aeon is their main thing. the ones that i do know less of but their reputation is very high and mighty. yeah. unfortunately, they don't really seem the... biggest fans of her. i can respect the motivation for her. especially with those who baby leon.
i mean, imagining shipping aeon and suddenly you get people shitting on ada because she manipulate him. blah, blah, that sort of thing.
those are the one who definitely just defend her for the #girlpower which once again. can't argue against that. ada is allowed to use leon, but they definitely rank up her mean heart. i think it's double down the comments against ada or they just really like that specific dynamic.
but that's when you mention the other thing, the ada needs leon to 'really' manner to the story.
that's another sad yeah to some fans and i feel like it's accidentally. like, i certainly hope none of these fans actually do it on purpose. or disliking characters. like, i have seen people who hate leon and people who hate ada (y'know disliking her character not disliking her for race or jealousy), and i follow both to get an understanding on why people hate them. i dislike and like living in an echo chamber, but how will you get the understanding of the characters?
i feel i am rambling now so, i'll try to hurry up. aeons want a validation of the past self of the ship. imagine wasting years of your life, begging for ship to become canon and re6 comes along and destroys it again. like, i follow an aeon shipper and a couple aeons get angry at the idea of shipping a different person with leon or even an oc.
like, i don't hundred percent think that they project themselves in ada. they want to understand her as well, but they are bias of believing ada needs leon. when... she never did. in re6, helena is telling leon to go with ada and leon rejects it. even he never needed her.
helena is like an aggressive aeon shipper, she thinks she understands their story, but who knows it better than them two. and that's where the flaw of the writing comes to place and the fans have to write it in to fill in the holes. making theories that leon is an alcoholic for missing ada or that he is happier in death island because he got the 'pussy'. (comments in aeon videos)
like this is messy, it's unfortunate that ada doesn't get many thoughts of fans. like jacksepticeye said, "they'll make cute babies." or the pieces of writing of ada repeat that ada protects leon with the bias of the OG games while speaking about the remakes.
i try in this blog to avoid leon (sometimes i fail and that's fine.) so ada can shine as a bad and good character. i don't worship the ground that ada walks over. i think she is hot. i think she is good but the writing/fans think that kindness is only meant for leon. i just hope fans adore their female characters as much they claim. the ugly and the pretty.
i hope aeon shippers think the same. i hope they aren't always horrible and try to understand half the ship they love
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if you'd want to share your expansion of the declinsky fic idea I'd eat it up!!!
OKAY IF YOU INSIST
continuation of this idea which was already quite long on its own lmao (tw again for abuse aldfkjg)
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so we left off with Ronan having stormed the underground boxing ring to find out what the fuck is going on with his brother and Kavinsky, Declan having a whole-ass meltdown, and Ronan coming to the conclusion that his brother is being victimized and needs help.
which would be all well and good, if Declan had actually come to that conclusion and wanted help. alas, this is Declan Lynch we're talking about. he's still clinging to the idea that he has some amount of power in this situation. and he is not big on that whole "admitting weakness or showing vulnerability where other people can see it" thing. nothing more humiliating. he needs to regain some of his fucking dignity.
thusly, in the morning, Ronan finds that Declan's changed his tune. he downplays it all. he had a bad night. but, obviously, he's fine. it's not that bad.
convincing someone to leave an abusive relationship isn't always a linear process, and it's certainly not an easy one. he's acknowledged that it's toxic as fuck, and he's not walking that back, but it's certainly not anything he needs his little brother to rescue him from. he can handle his own relationship.
Ronan gets whiplash 😂 feels like he's going crazy. after all that shit last night? the crying and panicking?? everything he said???
"oh, now you take my word as gospel? what happened to Declan Is A Liar"?
"what, you're saying you lied about Kavinsky abusing you?"
"i never said he was"
Declan has gone way past his quota for sharing his emotions in the last 12 hours, he is DONE with letting people in or being honest with them (or himself). walls have gone up. and he's real good at being a condescending shitbag when he wants to be. he laughs at the idea of Ronan being qualified to give him relationship advice, as if Ronan's ever gotten anyone to like him enough to get any experience in that area.
and on some level, Ronan knows what he's doing and that he's doing it on purpose. lord knows he does the same thing when he's feeling defensive. but that doesn't make him any less reactive to the button-pushing.
he yells back that if Declan really wants to let K slap him around, then fine, don't come crying to him about it again.
Declan does go back to Kavinsky. he's got a match. and when he does, K is.....not nice. he could never pull off nice, and Declan would never expect it of him. but he's better. he lets Declan snap at him and doesn't snap back. he kisses Declan more gently than he usually does. he even talks bad about Ronan for once. (last he saw, Ronan was attacking and blaming Declan, which is exactly what he was hoping for. to sow chaos, drive a wedge between them, make things fun and interesting.)
his version of lovebombing is basically just not being a shithead, and it works because the bar is set so so low 🙃 it's not like Declan thinks they're in love or anything. he knows that's not what this is or will ever be. he knows he should be walking away, mutual toxicity or abuse, but it's easy to let himself be talked into forgetting that when Kavinsky says and does all the right things to make him feel like what he'd said to Ronan was true:
it's really not that bad. he doesn't know what he was freaking out over.
Ronan, for his part, is fucking pissed at Declan. but he also can't forget everything. no matter what Declan claims, he was fucking scared last night. Ronan can't forget what he said about being lonely and desperate and putting up with shit treatment because he didn't have anyone else. even if Declan is an asshole, that shit's fucked up and not okay.
the only reason Ronan wasn't going straight out to beat Kavinsky's ass into the ground was because Declan asked him not to, but now he's mad at Declan, so fuck it!!!
he's all riled up and pissed off and needs to do something, and kicking the shit out of Kavinsky is a pretty appealing option. problem is, K runs with a crew and is rarely alone. so Ronan alone doesn't pose all that much of a threat, no matter how good a fighter he is, and all Kavinsky does is laugh through a mouthful of blood and taunt him about how much Declan is gagging for his dick.
"you wanna hear about how he begs for me to fuck him? he's real fucking pretty when he begs. i bet i can get him to call me daddy soon."
so that confrontation goes. badly.
Ronan has to cut his losses when Kavinsky's buddies jump in to fight too, and it didn't actually accomplish anything besides giving Ronan some very distressing mental images. he falls back to lick his wounds, but not before declaring that he's not gonna race with Kavinsky anymore. with what K is doing to his brother, he's fucking done.
he's made that claim before and it's never come to anything, but this is different. this time he means it. he doesn't fuck around when it comes to family. he's not coming back.
Kavinsky is not happy about that. and who is he gonna take his frustrations out on? Declan just haaaad to go run his fucking mouth, didn't he.
it's one of those encounters that makes it reeeaaally hard for Declan to rationalize how this is not outright abuse. like most unpleasant escalations in their relationship, it's probably at least sex-adjacent. Declan's a trained and experienced fighter, he really could kick Kavinsky's ass in an outright fight, but dub-con edging into non-con is a very different thing to handle. Kavinsky putting his mouth to better use, one might say 🙃 not that much rougher, necessarily, than what they usually do, but with far more anger behind it. it feels very, very different.
but it's not abuse. and, therefore, if Kavinsky is not abusing him, then he must have done something to earn this. only he didn't do it this time.
Declan told him not to step up to K. Ronan did it anyway, and look what happens.
when Ronan comes around to his place because he won't answer his fucking phone, Declan's got fingerprint bruises on his neck and a spectacular black eye and he tells Ronan in no uncertain terms that this is his fault. that if he had just left well enough alone, like Declan fucking told him to, everything would've been FINE.
slams the door in his face.
locks it.
doesn't show up to mass that week.
Ronan's at a complete loss. how are you supposed to help someone who doesn't want to be helped? and how, when going after the person hurting him only makes things worse? what is he supposed to do??
Matthew is getting worried by now too. Declan's bruises aren't the kind that can be hidden or explained anyway by walking into door jambs anymore, and he's been acting weird enough for even Matthew to pick up on the fact that he's being lied to. Matthew calls Ronan, like "is Declan......okay? 😥"
which, obviously, he is not. but Ronan isn't sure he wants to tell Matthew that. doesn't wanna lie to him, doesn't wanna burden him. but in the end, they're all brothers, and Matthew has as much right to know that Declan isn't okay as he does.
and, he thinks, maybe Matthew can get through to Declan where he's failed to! weaponize those big sad concerned puppy dog eyes! problem is, Declan knows immediately that Ronan put him up to it, and now he's lashing out at Matthew too, which he's never done before.
Kavinsky's operation is getting more attention. that means more and better competitors. higher odds, higher profits.
Declan has never lost a match.
but he's been fighting so much for so long, he's exhausted and he never has a chance to recover from any of his injuries. not to mention, ya know, Kavinsky, who never feels the need to retreat once he's pushed (or crossed) a boundary. plus the general emotional strain of trying to convince himself that he's okay and handling this.
exhausted, always in pain, pissed at Ronan, guilty for having yelled at Matthew, teachers getting concerned because his grades are slipping.
Declan doesn't lose a match.
but he gets close.
Kavinsky is.............displeased. and suddenly Declan's position as his favorite prize fighter is in jeopardy, and Kavinsky makes it very clear that he will drop Declan the second he disappoints him.
this is, unfortunately, when Ronan shows up at the ring again.
every other attempt to contact Declan has failed. he won't answer his fucking phone, he's stopped coming to mass, he's evaded all of Ronan's attempts to find him at school, he'll barely even talk to Matthew, and he hasn't been home when Ronan's gone looking there, so this is the only thing he's got left to try.
at this point, he just wants to see Declan. is it too much to ask to fucking see him and make sure he's fucking ALIVE and in one piece?? he can't get the image of Declan with fingerprint bruises on his throat out of his mind. he knows better than anyone how fucking volatile Kavinsky can be. if the only way to check on Declan is to go back into the metaphorical belly of the beast, then so be it.
only Declan won't look at him, and K won't let him get close to try and talk. "big brother's got his game face on, can't have any distractions." clearly relishing Ronan's concern and frustration. that he's got something to hold over Ronan's head. "all that power," he croons, "and i get to take him. all because you didn't wanna play."
it's impulsive, Ronan saying that maybe he wants to play now. but it catches Kavinsky off guard which is not easy to do.
"you've been trying to get me to fight for you for ages. what, you don't want me anymore?"
"oh, i want you. baby, i always want you."
leering in a way that would've squicked Ronan out even before, now that Ronan knows what Kavinsky has done to his brother?? makes his fucking skin crawl. but needs must.
Declan, on the other hand, is furious. everything else aside, this, the fights, the ring -- it's his. this is where he has value, where he's the best. he's carved out a place for himself where it feels like he matters for once. he is not ABOUT to let Ronan show him up, here of all places, absolutely the fuck not. especially not with the warning from Kavinsky so fresh.
how much of his life has he spent playing second fiddle to Ronan? how quickly will Kavinsky drop him if he stops being the best? (what will happen to him when Kavinsky gets tired of him?)
if Ronan wants to fight, and Kavinsky wants to let him, then fuck it. Declan's gonna win this fight if it kills him.
by the time they get in the ring, Ronan is very much doubting his life choices here, but he's in too deep to back out and maybe he can get some words in edgewise during the match. it's not like he's never boxed with Declan before. they grew up doing this! this should be old hat.
but it's not like any of those matches. this is Declan pacing like a caged tiger, covered in a patchwork of fresh and half-healed bruises, looking like he's ready to rip Ronan's throat out. he doesn't fucking hesitate when the bell sounds. he definitely doesn't like Ronan get a word in. his technique is sloppy (the exhaustion is really catching up to him, and he's letting his anger drive him more than is wise), but he's out for blood. and there's a reason that Declan is undefeated.
Ronan, fresh and uninjured, is pretty sure he could win this match if he really wanted to.........but that's not the point. he didn't come here to win, he came for his brother's sake, and with the way Kavinsky is watching them, the way Declan is fighting like his life depends on it, the way he looks for Kavinsky's approval in every break......
Ronan throws the fight.
it doesn't take much, they're pretty evenly matched on a good day, all he has to do is pull back a tiny bit and Declan lays him out flat.
undefeated.
the crowd goes wild, everyone is cheering, Declan's got a gloved hand raised in triumph. K goes to him, like he always does at the end of a match, taking him by the shoulders, crowing.
usually, that's it. Kavinsky isn't much about propriety, tbh, but he's been pretty okay with keeping their fooling around to themselves, as is certainly Declan's preference. there are other algionby students in the crowd. there are potential future business associates. people Declan doesn't necessarily want to come out to and definitely doesn't want to wave his dirty laundry under the nose of.
but Ronan is watching.
so Kavinsky kisses Declan, right there in the ring, in front of the roaring crowd. because what Declan wants doesn't really matter when stacked up against the opportunity to stake his claim with Ronan there to witness it.
Ronan finds Declan in the warehouse's makeshift locker room after and tries talking to him again. tries to explain that he didn't actually come here to fight. he still wants to help him get out of this.
"don't come crying to me" definitely gets brought up, but Declan is also still insistent (maybe even more so now, sunk cost fallacy and whatnot) that he doesn't need help anyway, and where does Ronan get off pulling a stunt like this anyway?? fuck him.
"that kiss, then, in front of everyone. you're saying you wanted that? that wasn't a problem?"
"i'm saying it's none of your fucking business who i kiss, when, or where."
Kavinsky finds them. riled up from the fight, the victory, the successful shit-stirring and the goddamn DRAMA of it all. his hands on Declan's hips, kissing his neck. making eye contact with Ronan over his shoulder the whole time. "you staying for the rest of the show?"
Declan tries to push him off, to get him to stop, but resisting never does him much good when K's in this mood anyway, and he's not gonna make a fucking scene about it in front of Ronan. he's not gonna risk pissing K off and making it worse.
every instinct Ronan has is screaming at him to attack, but he remembers the bruises on Declan's throat, the door closing in his face, "this is your fault".
he looks away and keeps his mouth shut.
Kavinsky doesn't push it too far, just far enough to make his point, to feel like he's got both Lynches under his control. he leaves them alone again, promises Declan he'll be back in a few minutes so leave the motor running.
all Ronan says is "you deserve better than this."
Declan feels like punching him again. the night has been one humiliation after another. winning felt good, for a minute, like it always does, but it's ever-diminishing returns. Ronan's concern, his pity, reminds Declan of just how much it's not enough. he's tired, and angry, and ashamed. Kavinsky just pushed another one of his boundaries (a big one), and he's gonna come back wanting sex, which Declan is not in the mood for, and basically everything is fucking terrible.
he tells Kavinsky no.
he lets Ronan leave without comment, and he tries to make himself give Kavinsky what he wants, but he's so worked up and angry that all of it comes out in K's direction. all his suppressed anxiety and the conflicted feelings Ronan brought up in him vented into an argument about that public kiss.
Kavinsky was in such a good mood, but not anymore. he's really real tired of Declan's fucking attitude, thinking he can run his mouth off like this when K has been gracious enough to provide him with all this money and acclaim. where's his goddamn gratitude?
clearly, he needs to be reminded of his place. Kavinsky is not gentle about making his point, even if it'll knock Declan out of the ring for a while. and when he's finished, Declan, for the first time in a long time, calls Ronan.
he says the magic words.
"i need help."
Ronan may be pissed, but he picks up, and he turns the car around. Declan's right where he left him, only significantly bloodier.
Declan bitter and ashamed, letting Ronan half-carry him to the car: "finally got what you wanted, huh?"
Ronan, really wishing they were not back in this position, right where they were weeks ago, only worse: "Deklo, this is not what i wanted."
but it may be the breaking point that's needed for Declan to really and truly accept the position he's in. denial can hold up to a lot, especially for someone as proud and stubborn as a Lynch, but everyone has a limit. Ronan, at least, sure fucking hopes this is that limit.
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.......aaaand that's installment 2 😂😂😂 i continue to muse on it and let it play out in my brain like a very self-indulgent movie. how to get Declan out from under Kavinsky's thumb when Kavinsky has no real conscience and is a dreamer to whom the law is really more of a gentle suggestion than a real threat?? idk, i'll figure it out sometime lmao, i'm just here for the hurt/comfort
hope you enjoy it lmao
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Caught up on today's episode.
It's much more bearable to watch without the stupid blue tone thoughts and repeated shots of that car rolling. Haha. And no terrible single dramatic music beats.
I do like Caleb and Nicky being included in the Faith stuff. I still don't really understand how he and Cain got on such good terms but I prefer it that way. I like Cain having a relationship with him.
It was nice to see Gabby actually get to acknowledge that she was friends with Liv. Too bad Jacob's stuck in next week's block sleeping with Victoria and couldn't acknowledge his friendship with her too. Haha. Sigh.
I really don't understand what they're trying to do with Amit long term. Like is he going to stick around and be a real presence in the village. Because he didn't actually kill Rishi so I don't feel like he's all of a sudden going to go down the serial killer route or something. I feel like the village could use a good longer term low key villain. Maybe someone who actually could give Kim a run for her money business wise. Maybe he can buy the HOP from Gabby and turn it into something better so that his son isn't working for a 21 year old anymore. And if his wife is dead, maybe Kim can cheat on Will with him. Haha. Sorry, I just really hate Will and Kim together.
The Lydia stuff was fine. I liked Rhona's scenes with her. I still just hate that they're doing yet another rape story. Just...nothing about this feels new or interesting. It feels like they're just going through the motions. It just feels like bits and pieces of all of the other stories stuck together. So even if the scenes are decent, it just feels stale, which this type of story shouldn't feel like. And yet...here we are. Because they've done too many of them over the years.
As for Aaron...well. Haha. Did they always have that couch in the portacabin? Because I don't remember seeing it before. Robert slept on the floor the last time he slept there. I was reading through twitter comments and ds board comments and there's just sooo much hatred for Aaron's attitude and his return in general and like...I didn't really want him to come back either but I haven't really minded his attitude that much. I do kind of enjoy him being terrible to Chas. And stealing money from the pub. I mean he was honest that he was taking it and they did take 30 grand from him so...you know. Kind of fair. As for the Paddy stuff, I mean you can see him calculating how to get rid of him and so he goes for the jugular. I was glad they at least mentioned Aaron's own suicide attempt and didn't ignore that. And I mean Paddy did lock him up too and threw the whole beating him up thing back in his face in front of Liv so...not that he deserved what Aaron said but I do still hold that grudge a bit.
Mostly, I just don't know where they go with him from here. Because it seemed like he was going to be like this for a while from the return interview stuff but you can already see him cracking and it only took a few words from Vinny to make him stay so like...how long is this realistically going to last? And once he does crack and properly grieve and do his inevitable apology tour, then what?
I just need them to give him a life again. So much of his character group has been stripped away, they need to replenish it. He needs a friend or friends. He needs some kind of relationship with his family. He needs a job, preferably one that we see. And he needs a purpose. I don't know, I just don't know that this rehash of everything that happened during the 50th anniversary is really going to cut it for long. So...
This is why Ryan needs to come back. Aaron needs his other half, he needs his story generator. Haha.
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The thing about plans is: they necessitate optimism. You have to assume the world will keep turning for long enough to get to the plans in... The Future.
Three months ago, I went, "We should see the Pool Kids"... in Ohio! Somehow it made sense to fly 1200 miles to see them on a Thursday versus the normal hoops I have to jump through to see any band here in Texas (Austin and Denton are a Tuesday and a Wednesday. Any time I see a show in Texas, due to the fact that I live nowhere anyone would ever want to come on purpose, there is always extra time off to be requested for drive time -- 3ish hours for Denton, 4 hrs one way for Austin).
"Good Girls Go to Heaven, Bad Girls Go on Tour" also represents the Pool Kids' first foray out on the world as... headliners (starry eyes.)
I didn't write about the Pool Kids back in March. I should have. It would be a lot easier now to describe what they mean to me if I had.
The Pool Kids are a delightful anomaly in my own history. I discovered them 100% on my own. No outside influence what so ever. Doug and I simply lamented one night in late 2018/early 2019 that we really needed to find something closer by to do. Maybe something is happening close by and we don't even know it! Something that won't require... taking off time from WORK?! So I got on Spotify and searched for bands touring nearby -- within a 100 mile radius (Dallas is 186 miles). I looked at the results: someone called the Pool Kids. In San Angelo. 91 miles!!
They were the *only* band not wearing cowboy hats in their profile picture.
They're new (at the time) album was called "Music to Practice Safe Sex To." Ok. I put it on for a listen. Girl singer. Ugh. Not my thing. But anything to block out the random bullshit background noise in my office. I play it through. Eh. Doesn't Grab me.
Oh well, it was worth a try.
But time passes... brain says, "lizzz.... lizzz listen to that album again... lizzzz" Yes, brain, I do as you command.
And it grabs me.
It grabs me hard.
And I *love* it. I don't know why. I'm big on understandable lyrics. And I can't say I understand half of what is being said. But the melodies are gorgeous. I get goosebumps. Whatever she's talking about it, it's sad... and contemplative. And angry ("I should rip your throat out for what you've done to me...") Her voice is low for the most part. Something I've only learned about myself recently is I tend toward listening to voices that sound closer to my own and I'm a contralto.
When I look in to the band, I'm told it's "math rock." I have no fucking clue what that means (musicians have explained it to me: Complex time signatures. Key changes. Sounds like a new definition of "prog" to me. Close, the musicians tell me, but not quite.) Whatever. Don't make me label a thing. And for sure if you tell me it's "math rock" and then assume I will like other kinds of "math rock" I will refuse on principle. I pride myself on being harder to define in my tastes than that.
The reality? My finger is placed squarely on it later. "oooOOOOooo I see!" Hayley Williams from Paramore acknowledges and gives them props at some point... *that's* it. They remind me of the Paramore appreciation I gleaned from my time as a too-old-to-admit-it-Twihard. Simple.
We absolutely go to the San Angelo gig. Doug and I are easily the oldest people there -- old enough to be these kids' parents easily. The "De Nada" is a artsy thrift store during the day. At night, they push the clothing racks and other offerings against the wall and become a venue.
There are somewhere in the neighborhood of three to five bands. They all sort of run together. The only one I remember is a band from New Orleans. The lead singer is wearing a ruffly shirt and I'm pretty sure he wants to be the Vampire LeStat when he grows up. He does weird acrobatics. Somersaults? Paints his face with red lipstick.
The Pool Kids wail.
I am floored. They are actually kids (something you must know about me is I've been approximately 200 years old since I was in high school... I would have acknowledged their youth even if they had been OLDER than me at that point.) But the amount of rock they bring is amazing, jaw dropping. Lead singer Christine, SHREADS, does that "up-on-the-neck tapping" guitar thing I only saw as a kid stealing glances at MTV when Mom wasn't around (baby cousin posted look out at the door... promptly and cheerfully narc'd on me for doing something I wasn't supposed to).
I have a couple videos from that night on YouTube. One example being:
youtube
We talk to them after. Doug wants to know about their influences. In the accidentally condescending way my brain works, since I’ve been 200 years old this whole time… I am interested to hear what they say. How do you cultivate that amount of raw power and instrument mastery at that age? The only thing I remember being mentioned was Pink Floyd.
Nice.
I come prepared. I cashed out my Christmas money before coming. Pretending to be a baller, I fan out the cash and buy as much of their merch as possible. It was $100, but the way all their eyes lit up, I felt important. And I loved it. I think Christine hugged me. I don’t really remember. I hope that got them lots of van gas and hot meals as they continued on their way… bringing the good news of rock to other points of the compass.
I was now flush with copies of their album. I sent one to Salim and one to Sue Harshe – a friend we made on a pilgrimage to see Scrawl (godmothers of riot grrl — look them up!) in Knoxville in 2015.
Fast forward…
Life changing time with Salim on the road Feb 2020… two last shows: Caroline’s Spine in Tulsa… And the Pool Kids in Houston. March 2020. On an impressive bill with the Wonder Years. Bigger! Poised for up up up bigger and better things.
Then the world ended.
But it got better….
(didn’t it?)
We saw them in Dallas this March at Amplified Live.
And I cried.
Not just a quiet trickle from the corner of my eye.
I cried hard. There they were. Rocking. Bigger and better. Christine working the crowd like a young Bono at Red Rocks. Coming in to herself. Coming into themselves as young rock gods. Master of the stage. Master of all they survey. I was just so in love with what I was seeing and hearing. So proud of them. So happy that we as humans were back. Able to watch a show like this and just be together again. Maybe everything would be ok after all.
I talked to Nicolette (complete bass domination — Doug commented much later that she seems to have the most fun performing on stage of anyone he’s ever seen… and his history as a fine appreciator of rock is ten years longer than mine) at the merch table later. Tried to get myself under control. Still had an embarrassing hitch in my throat. I have seen a LOT of good performances before, but none that have gotten that kind of response before.
She remembers me. I know not a huge amount of time has passed, but in their history and progression as a band and our progression as a now traumatized people… millennia has passed.
I am touched.
So now we are back up to current. They are headlining. Of course they are. They deserve every bit of this. Again I swell with pride though… I’ve backed a winning horse. This is rare. Usually when I love you, you break up (RIP People in Planes).
The deciding factor that made us pick Ohio though was two fold: first date of the tour and where it was: ACE OF CUPS. Ace of Cups was owned by the other half of Scrawl, Marcy Mays (what I didn’t know at the time was that Marcy no longer owns it as of the end of 2022.)
I Facebook squeal. Sue, I tag, can I take ANY sort of credit for this? She agrees that I can, but without elaboration. I don’t know if the credit comes in the fact that I just love them THAT much and have therefore done that “manifesting” thing I keep hearing about. I have WISHED this in to existence. In my happy mind movie though, back in 2019, Sue passes the album on to Marcy. Marcy agrees that they wail. Mentions as ownership of Ace of Cups passes from her, that the Pool Kids are really amazing and if they come by, you should totally get them. Pool Kids acquired.
Perhaps best to just enjoy my happy mind movies and not require further elaboration.
Back to present-present.
Flying always seems like such a doable thing until you (I) are there. I forgot my calm-down pills. The little white bits of magic that make the anxiety grey out for a few hours. There’s also that lull where you watch your airport gate fill up. Maybe *this* time the flight won’t be full.
It’s always full.
Leg one is to Atlanta. Short layover.
Text from Salim, “Can you talk at some point today?”
Literally, right now. This is the most available I will be all day.
So he calls. He’s had a health set back (read his Facebook… I never know what I’m allowed to talk about when it comes to other people.) Our trip that was on the books for the 07/21-07/27 with Rhett {Miller} is off. Off 100% sure? I am just trying to clarify for the purpose of undoing plans. But the voice that lives in my head and constantly tells me I’m an asshole pipes up. Way to make it about you. Jerk. He’s poorly and you are asking if the trip really, truly is off. That’s not what I meant. It’s never what I mean.
I am able to cancel all the hotels and get credit for the plane fare before we even line queue up for next boarding.
I have always had a sense for when something is meant to happen. I didn’t feel like this trip was a good idea. Salim is a big proponent for listening to the universe when it tells you something. I try to be too. We were all meant to stay here for now. I hate that he had to have something health related happen, but in the end… I think we will all realize we were supposed to stay home. Whether I get sick, or Doug, or one of the cats. Something will happen to make me go, “Oh. Here it is. I hear you, universe.” For Salim, I think his prescription is stillness. He is the most go-go-go person I know. He never stops swimming. Something wants him to stop swimming for right now.
This is ok. Seriously. I don’t mind and the only thing I am worried about is my friend.
So we board for hop to. Columbus. Our destination.
The flight is not bad. I feel optimistic. Maybe soon I will master my fear. Fly all the time like it’s not a big deal… maybe make an international jaunt before too long — an idea I’ve never entertained before.
We land at two-ish. Haven’t eaten. There’s a Bob Evans in our hotel’s parking lot. I’ve never been to a Bob Evans. It feels sort of like a Dennified Cracker Barrel. I don’t eat much. I drink even less (there’s that foreshadowing thing again).
We go back to our room and sleep. It’s good sleep. The bed is soft, but not too soft. We wake up at 6:30. Venue is a mile away. Doors at 7.
I primp a bit. No makeup this time. Though it’s easily 25 degrees cooler here than home and there are perceptible dark clouds that might mean a bit of rain if we behave ourselves. I could have worn makeup, but it doesn’t matter.
The venue… there’s that twinge in my chest again. It’s worse this time. But I am delighted. The stage is dark and light chevrons, the backdrop: red curtains. There’s a recognizable symbol on the wall (the thing that looks like an ant’s head with antennae on either side). This is what BLM would have looked like. We HAD the red curtains purchased — they are in our dining room now. The chevron design is a rug … that’s still rolled up in a corner and hasn’t been touched for a year now. Someone else is like me. They know. Again I don’t know if that was Marcy or the new owners and it doesn’t matter if I ask. It still exists. If I managed to walk any further back past the stage… there probably would’ve been owls. Schrodinger’s venue. By not exploring further, it contains all possibilities.
The first band is Chase Petra (the second is Sydney Sprague per the tour poster.) I didn’t look either up ahead of time. I have never given much credence to the idea that I could be influenced to love just by proximity to the band I came to see… but I instantly recognize this idea as false: I got Salim from being an opener. I got Jesse and Landon from Salim… sight unseen.
And I love them both.
Chase Petra is amazing. They are young and saucy. They have attitude. In keeping with the name of the tour, emphasis on “girls.” Chase Petra are 3/4 girl. And all power. The vibe is similar to the Pool Kids. A strong, young, shredding female vocalist, but the show stopper was the other guitarist. She was an eighties hair metal rock god reincarnate. All flying fingers and whipping hair.
It’s so FUCKING LOUD. The hair on my arms vibrates, my heart doesn’t know when to beat, my stomach vibrates.
I love them. The audience loves them too and shouts along with most of their songs.
Band two: Sydney Sprague. They are older. The bass player wears a neckerchief like Fred from Scooby Doo and commands a Moog in between bass slinging duties. The singer is all in black and reminds me of me. Same dark hair style and cut I kept in high school. She’s got a sweet voice, higher than the other girls on the bill. Their performance is a little more low key, but no less powerful. They are a fantastic, cohesive unit in total control of their art.
Someone further to my left up front has brought huge bunches of roses. One for each band. Chase Petra’s bunch lives on stage by their set list, Sydney receives hers like a beauty queen. All blushing and sweet thanks. “Fred” leans over and buries his nose in the bouquet for a moment.
Finally, the moment draws close. I am keenly aware that I am running out of time. I have spent energy enjoying the first two bands. I will pay for this. My spine continues to grind itself to sand, as I assume it will for the rest of my life. I have already remarked that it’s “hot in here.” Liz, it’s not, Doug says. Not good. I’ve had a total of maybe 4 ounces to drink today. All in the name of easier travel.
I’ve taken small moments in between each band to sit on the edge of the stage. I know I will eventually hinder something to do with the bands and their myriad cables and plugs, or the imposing young doorman with the impressive afro will come along and tell me to get up.
Neither.
It’s Nicolette the lovely bass player again. “Excuse me, I have to get in here,” I was sitting on a blank plate that ended up covering electrical sockets. I touch her shoulder. She looks at me. Ah, there’s the recognition. She’s glad to see me.
She puts out the setlist. I’m excited. But filled with dread. I have to last this long. I have to fight my own body for 12 songs and I’m already flagging… but it’s starting and I can’t think about it now.
Their entrance music is… “Sandstorm” and I’m dying. I’m ready to rave. But the music stops abruptly. Starts again. But the moment is gone. Oh well. They tried.
Christine is wearing white platform go go boots, short skirt, fishnets, midi top. Nicolette has an equally short skirt, neckerchief too, but there’s nothing Scooby Doo about hers. I don’t know where to look. I don’t know what I’m supposed to think. They look amazing. Someone on TikTok later declares, “Their fits!!!” Fits… ‘fits… outfits? That has to be it. Woman have been weaponizing their sexuality since woman were admitted to the boys club that is rock music. Courtney Love’s ripped baby doll dresses and bruised innocence, L7 and… throwing… stuff… on stage, performing in bikinis, performing in too little, too much. Anything open for interpretation and therefore derision or scorn. But sexualizing is not cool anymore. I don’t know what kind of commentary I am allowed on this subject, but I am left echoing the same cry, “their fits!!” Their oufits, they are “fit”, they are there and raw and breathtakingly sexual and powerful. You don’t stare at the sun either, but you’ve done it. You’ve dared.
I also have a revelation. Role models. These people are amazing, iconic. I take a moment to bless the proliferation of media I’ve cursed in past. If I had access to these kinds of strong female role models as a teen, my life would have been completely different. I wouldn’t have let my mother’s flat declaration, “You aren’t good at music. PICK SOMETHING ELSE.” Turn me from my fated course.
It makes me happy that social media is exposing young people to bands like the ones on this bill. There’s hope for the future.
They open with “Swallow,” one of the songs on my revised Ketamine playlist. There’s a bit of treated vocal that is the absolutely definition of why music is good. Music should give you that thrill like sticking your head out of the window of a moving car. That drop in your stomach. Momentary breathlessness.
Can’t put my finger on it
Don’t know what makes it so appealing
I’m not begging for your affection
I’m just addicted to the feeling…
Two songs in. Time for the third. How many people here were around for our first album – Music to Practice Safe Sex to? ME!! MEEEEeeeeeEEEE…. I scream. You can hear it on the video. I should be embarrassed. I’m too old to be reacting like this. But I got such a late start…
The music doesn’t know the social constructs of age or sex… it just knows what feels good.
The “Safe Sex” portion of the show is two songs long. This makes me sad. You never forget the album you came in on. It’s a much more forlorn sounding album though. I know from Salim that the forlorn ones don’t get people dancing. But “Patterns,” ah… I would have lost my mind for “Patterns.”
And I spent one too many nights banging my head against the wall to hear another voice telling me that I’m doing something wrong
So excommunicate me
You’re no better than the fucked up doctrine that sent me running to your doorstep in the first place
Fucked up doctrine. My youth is fucked up doctrine. My memories are tainted by it. I still wonder how they can wield so much word power at such a young age, but then again these struggles are as old as the generations. As long as their have been the elder and the younger, the subjugator and the subjugated, rulers, oppressed, one group will chafe against the other. It hurts the heart, grinds down the soul… but it makes the music amazing.
We make art, music, poetry, to feel hope.
I make it almost to the end… almost… Talk Too Much: Christine does the young Bono thing and goes out in to the crowd. Several times a mini mosh pit has broken out right where she is. At some point, someone flicks beer on us… at least I hope it was beer. Ugh. I am done. The anesthetized feeling starts in my finger tips.
I am going to pass out.
I mouth to Doug, “I have to go. NOW.” I head for the stool previously occupied by the imposing young doorman. I lay my head on the counter for a second. I wait to be booted off. I’ve been doing this for years. I’ve passed out, tried to pass out, and all stages in between for years, in myriad venues in cities all across the US. I like to be in the front. My constitution takes issue with this. But I do it anyway.
I try to gesture to Doug: thumb at my lips, fingers curved around an invisible cup. Drink. Please I need water. But there are too many people.
Next best thing: air. I lurch out the door and land on the pavement beside the door. The Kids are launching in to an encore. I can’t heard what it is. Doug is on his phone summoning the Uber. Imposing Young Doorman Man appears… with a cup of ice water in his hand. THANK YOU, DEAR BLESSING, SIR! You have no idea how many people normally just go, ‘YOU — you can’t sit there!’ (Hi, La Zona Rosa in Austin… the scuzzy incarnation not the gentrified one) even though I’m pretty sure if you kick me out of your establishment while swooning and I faceplant on the cement, I could sue you. Or something.
People aren’t normally friendly about it because they assume I drank too much… when it’s the opposite: I didn’t drink at all.
The Uber appears and we are whiskered away. I still couldn’t hear what the encore was. But I’m not sad. I got most of it and it was AMAZING. Nicolette saw me so I exist. Mission accomplished.
We are back in the hotel. Doug orders Denny’s Doordash. The thing about prolonged exposure to sonic assault is: nausea. Nothing sounds good. Until Doug says… macaroni and cheese. And I know EXACLTY what kind Denny’s has because I’ve noticed it on the menu before. It doesn’t lie. It doesn’t pretend to be something else. It is real: really Kraft boxed mac… and at that moment it sounds like the AMBROSIA of the GODS.
Which is exactly what it tastes like.
I am replenished. The gods of rock are appeased for another night …
#singer#songwriter#guitarist#shred#christine goodwyne#caden clinton#nicolette alvarez#andy anaya#headliner#on tour#good girls go to heaven#bad girls go on tour#sydney sprague#chase petra#math rock#depression#swallow#talk too much#patterns#music to practice safe sex to#columbus#ohio#ace of cups#wail#pool kids band#denny's#bob evans#kraft#mac and cheese#ambrosia
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i'm just going to elaborate on this real quick
eric bittle stumbles into a bdsm club. maybe he walks in by accident. maybe he's out club hopping with friends and ends up following some new people they met and doesn't notice until they're in. maybe he sees the sign and some truly repressed part of him that didn't get to even contemplate sex, let alone less conventional forms of sex, until he was in college -- maybe that part pushes him to go in. not that he knows what he's in for, because he definitely does not.
everyone is half-dressed, some completely naked, some kneeling on the cold floor without a stitch of clothing covering their skin, and bitty's first thought is: goodness, it's winter in new england, someone ought to bundle them up. he wonders if they're cold. his hands twitch like he could magically conjure a sweater -- he can't, but it's instinct. bitty can't not take care of people.
and then, while looking for the bar (and very carefully not looking too long at anyone too naked, or too preoccupied, or -- lord, some people are really going at it, and bitty feels his face flushing because knowing that there's some crazy porn out there and seeing kink in real life is mighty different --): there, in the corner, there's jack.
jack isn't actually sure what he's doing there. it's not his first time in the club, but he's never done anything more than fade into the shadows. he never participates. he never talks to anyone. he doesn't even always watch -- sometimes just being there is too much. sometimes just admitting to himself that he wants something is too much.
it took jack a long time to put a name to that thing he looks for in sex. sex, in general, is complicated for him. not only because he's a queer professional nhl player, but also because he's bad at noticing when he wants something, and even worse at asking for it once he does. therapy helps. having to verbalize his thoughts about sex and feelings is terrible, and he hates it, but it helps. and that was just it -- his therapist told him that the first necessary step is to acknowledge that he has needs, and whatever those needs are it's okay, and jack has never been anything less than a 100%, never done anything halfway, so here he is. it's not like he's ashamed of his sexuality, it's just that he doesn't really understand parts of it. at least the club is discreet. he couldn't risk having his photograph taking someplace like this. george would probably kill him.
so there jack is. and bitty spots him immediately -- not that he stands out, standing in dark clothes in some dark corner, but something about him does stand out. the rest of the club -- they look like being here is freeing. this boy looks uncomfortable, his face pinched, his body slouching against the wall, and bitty finds himself drifting closer.
so bitty asks him if he's okay. the guy looks at him with these pale eyes, but he doesn't say a thing, and the more he doesn't answer the more concerned bitty gets. what if he's drunk? what if he's sick? what if he's hurt? what if someone brought him here against his will and left him there, or --? "honey, you just gotta tell me you're okay, because i'm getting real worried. do you need anything? are you cold? gosh, it's so cold, i don't get how y'all can go around showing all this skin. did you drink too much? do you need a glass of water? y'know what, imma get you a glass of water. stay right here, okay? i'll be right back with ya."
jack doesn't know what it is, yet, but he does know one thing: he wouldn't be able to move an inch even if god himself told him to.
when bitty comes back he makes jack sit down and drink a glass of water. he talks a hundred miles per hour, and jack doesn't say a single word until bitty asks him for his name, his big eyes wide and worried, and only then does jack look up from the glass he's slowing sipping and realizes that he hasn't said anything back. it wasn't on purpose -- sometimes jack's too anxious to talk, and sometimes he has nothing to say, and sometimes he doesn't feel any desire to talk to people, especially not strangers -- but this wasn't any of that. he was -- comfortable. he didn't mind allowing this man (bitty, he introduced himself as), to sit him down and order him to drink and chatter at him one-sidedly. it wasn't annoying. it was actually kind of nice, being able to sit there without being expected to be or do anything else. the man had a nice voice, and nice hands, and he used them a lot when he was talking.
nothing else happens that night. bitty mentions that he stumbled in, never imagined finding himself at a place like this -- and jack finally tells him his name, and shakes his head when bitty asks if he needs anything, even though the words need anything make something squirm in his stomach.
jack doesn't know what this is, and doesn't know what he's feeling, and everything feels like too much, so he pushes himself off the barstool and says he needs to go. he knows he sounds rude, disinterested. he'd apologize, but -- he doesn't know bitty. it'd be weird to apologize to a stranger he never intended to talk to to begin with.
so they part ways. but it's not the last time they meet there.
maybe jack goes back the next weekend because it's something he does sometimes, but maybe when he leaves the house he thinks of the blonde man and the sharp focus in his eyes when he watched jack drink, made sure he finished the whole glass. maybe bitty goes out with holster and ransom on friday night and on his way home he can't stop thinking about the club, and his sorta tipsy ass guides him there. maybe he does it as a dare to himself. either way: they meet again.
it's slow going. it's confusing, and consuming, and new. for a long while it's nothing -- just the two of them skirting around something, meeting in dark, red-lit spaces in some underground club in boston. jack knows what he wants, but he doesn't know how to ask for it, doesn't know what to call it. he watches the club regulars and that just confuses him more, because he knows that the things he imagines when he gets off aren't normal people's sex stuff, but he knows it isn't exactly this, either. he doesn't want pain. he doesn't want to feel subordinate to anyone. he just wants --. he just wants.
bitty doesn't know what he wants, except that it might be jack. but he has no idea how to go about it, because -- it's jack, and also because he met jack somewhere like this. and bitty keeps coming back, and he had a few boyfriends, and he knows he can get a little bossy in bed sometimes, but nothing like this. he doesn't want to ever hurt anyone. he feared physical pain for so long in his life, and can't imagine ever viewing it as something sexual. surely he won't have anything to offer jack that jack might want, if jack is looking for something like that.
but some things do happen. non-sexual things. little things. bitty pushes jack around the club with a hand on his lower back because he wants jack to sit down and rest his legs after he had back-to-back games, and jack goes easily. jack goes to the bathroom one time, asks bitty to order him a drink while he's gone, and somehow bitty starts ordering for him all the time. they exchange numbers, at some point, and when jack tells bitty about his meal plan bitty throws a whole fit and assembles him a completely new one because you can't go around neglecting your body like that, jack, i won't allow it, you better follow the email i sent you or so help me god, i will come feed you myself, and jack does, doesn't even think twice about it, except the fleeting thought that he wouldn't mind if bitty really would come to feed him himself.
the closer they get, more things start to happen. things that are small, but seem larger and larger every day. bitty notices how tightly jack fists his hands when he's tense, how deep the marks his fingernails leave in his palms are, and starts pinning his wrists down on the table while they're talking. at first he doesn't notice he's doing it -- instinct, just instinct, nothing more -- and when he does he startles, but jack's whole body sags like all the tension leaked out of him, so bitty keeps doing it.
everything comes to a head one night when bitty watches jack on tv, skating off the ice after a really nasty fight. he doesn't even think about it before grabbing his car keys. jack opens his apartment's door with a black eye and blood crusting in one nostril, pooled at the corner of his mouth, staining his undershirt, and bitty doesn't think, just pushes him towards the bathroom.
he washes jack's face and shoulders for him. they're not nothing, at that point, but not anything concrete either. bitty can't help it, though -- he just wants to take care of jack, and his stomach is all tied up in knots of worry and he has to do something. that something just happens to be gripping jack's chin, forcing his head back to scrub his throat clean of blood while muttering about jack being foolish and needing to know better. it happens to be taking care of jack the only way he knows how. he'll get jack clean, and then he'll sit him down on the couch, and he'll make sure to feed him. make sure he sleeps.
jack is completely shaking by the time bitty turns the water off. it doesn't serve to do anything but make bitty more concerned, brushing jack's damp hair back and asking him to talk to me, sweetpea, what can I do, tell me what you need me to do, but jack is completely nonverbal. he doesn't know how to explain that he's fine, he's completely fine, except the weight of disappointing bitty sits heavily on his shoulders and he needs bitty to tell him how to be good. that his dick is hard and his hands are shaking because he wants to be good in a very sexual way.
#omgcheckplease#omgcp#zimbits#not a single day goes by where i don't think about the soft dom bitty verse#i'm about 75% sure these kind of posts don't show up in the tags but if any of you stumbles upon it anyway - let's talk about soft dom bitt#because i am OBSESSED with it#also this entire post is basically me copy pasting ramblings off my chat with lau#i'm so sorry bud#i am incapable of shutting up about this#text#prompts#pavfics#soft dom bitty verse
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Kaeya Alberich - Yandere Profile
YES I love my eyepatch boy!! I really like him as a yandere, because he's definitely got several traits and behaviors that would make him a very unconventional/different yet absolutely terrifying one to have. Him or Diluc as your yandere is basically like playing a game on maximum difficulty. He's so arrogant dammit why does he have to make it hot
More importantly, someone take the ability to write n/sfw away from me I s2g... I go from trying to make serious content to nasty weird kinks and completely feral in .002 seconds the moment I add that readmore
tws: gaslighting, manipulation, yandere, mentions of mutilation
tws (below cut): noncon, a good deal of sadism, mentions of an*l
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What are they generally like? Lucid, aware? Obsessive? How do they behave?
He's actually one of the worst yanderes you could have in almost every regard, for two very simple reasons: his crippling psychological issues, and his intense selfishness. The first manifests as severe abandonment issues. It's the origin of his unhealthy feelings, most likely. Kaeya doesn't like the instability of people - based on his backstory, people always leave, or die, and even if they don't intend to, somehow it feels like abandonment, and he resents it. People leave him all alone and afraid and uncertain. That's generally all he knows, and despite the smug exterior, he's actually pushed people away quite a bit, keeps everyone at arm's length to ensure they can't become someone too important for him to accept their sudden absence. He can't care about someone, because that someone is fated to inevitably leave him, no matter who it may be.
That's why, once you manage to worm your way into his feelings and heart despite his best efforts, once he finally caves to acknowledging the feeling, he's aware. Painfully aware, because be can't stop worrying every waking moment about you, your well-being, your location. It reaches a point where he can't go about his job because he's simply too consumed with his worry.
The solution that kept him safest in the past was to avoid developing emotional attachments, but when he does, he's terrified of both your safety AND you intentionally abandoning him. Really, the latter would hurt worse, since he can't fault you for dying, but to abandon him? It would break him.
And, to some extent, he's developed a lot of prideful anger about it, deep, deep down. He feels that he doesn't deserve to be abandoned, doesn't deserve to just be left behind under the guise of some greater purpose, and he'll be damned if he just lets you toss him aside like he feels others did. Even if you reject him, he won't accept it. You don't get to reject him. He won't allow that. What has he ever done to deserve everything that's happened to him? Nothing. You're the one person who has stayed with him, and you're going to continue to be with him. Forever.
That being said, he's still somewhat confident because he's got that arrogance about him. He doesn't perceive rejection, because he's always gotten a lot of attention for his looks, even if he's never actually followed through on anyone else's attention out of those same fears. He'll write off any perceived rejection as being for some other reason, something besides an actual rejection, and he'll seek to eliminate whatever he feels is keeping you from just accepting him.
Honestly, one of the most likely to have a full blown, classic-yandere-style psychotic breakdown. He can be driven to a snapping point, if there's enough stress or obstacles, and in case of that, he'll be a lot more willing to kill, and a lot more willing to hurt you, but it's a point that would still take a lot to reach.
But what's really terrifying about Kaeya is his delusions, primarily his ability to mentally justify everything he does without hesitation. Even most delusional yanderes struggle - they feel like it's wrong, they know it is deep down, and they take time to convince themselves of their delusions, tell themselves it's ok over and over, beg for reassurance, and get defensive when called out because they know they're in the wrong. The same isn't true for Kaeya. He automatically justifies his actions by default, and has absolutely zero doubt or hesitation to do so. He doesn't even need a complex reason for justification - it's a simple one. He deserves what he wants. Anything necessary to achieve that is fair.
How likely are they to kidnap their darling? How quickly will they do so?
Highly likely and very quickly, right up there with Diluc and Razor. And he's absolutely remorseless about it. It ties back into his delusional state and ability to justify anything he does - this is what's best for you. If you don't get that, that's your problem, not his.
He's another one to not want to pull some barbaric move like knocking you out, rather, he'd rather just trick you into walking right into your new home. He gets that you'll be upset about it, but to him, that's just part of the process. Not that he'll tolerate it for too long. 12, maybe 24 hours is enough time for you to reasonably be upset, but if you're still trying to fight him on this after that, he's going to get snappy about it, thinking you should already be over that by now.
How difficult is it to escape from them? How do they keep you restrained? How do they deal with attempted escape?
You're not leaving.
It's not worth trying, really. How he manages to do it is a mystery to you, but he'll manage to keep you locked in right there at the headquarters with him. How Jean and Lisa haven't found out about you being there, how he convinced all of his guards to be on his side of things, you have no idea. Realistically, if you get out, he's likely to make you out to be some kind of criminal that needs to be found -- just not to hurt you in any way, so goes the order, and the knights know better than to question why.
He has eyes and ears everywhere, it won't take them anytime at all to find you. He's so confident in that, and combined with his pride, he doesn't feel the need to go get you himself. No, it's a lot more satisfying to sit back and watch as they drag you through the doors of the headquarters, slowly pull you to the end of the room and drop you down at his feet, where he can look down on you with that closed-eyed, artificially wide smile that tells you that you have seriously fucked up.
Escape attempts aren't going to be met with a single shred of mercy, really. The thing about Kaeya is he's ultimately a selfish, selfish bastard with a lot of deep-seeded, highly repressed emotional issues, and he has absolutely no problem with keeping you bound hand and foot, or maybe even make some permanent modifications to your body if that's what it takes to keep you. It's not a wise idea to even try unless you're absolutely certain to succeed, otherwise you may find yourself never getting the opportunity again. You don't really need those Achilles tendons intact, you know. And your ankle bones are just so fragile, they'll snap with just a little twist. Actually, that wouldn't be too bad, giving you more reasons to be grateful when he's doing everything for you.
He's not one to just let it go, either. No, escape attempts are the one unforgivable thing for him, the one thing that will make him totally and completely snap. You don't get to do that. You're the one thing that doesn't get to just disappear out of his life in a flash. Half the reason he sends the knights to get you rather than going himself is to give him some time to let the rage settle down, otherwise he knows he might not be able to control himself and might end up hurting you even worse than he intends to. He's not going to buy any excuses and won't go any lighter on you if you beg and grovel or anything. But you will apologize -- you get to choose how hard it is. You can apologize the easy way, or, if you don't want to, there are many ways to force it out. But by the end, he'll get an apology, and a promise to never try again, out of you, no matter what that takes. It's by far the worst state you'll ever see him in, and really, once is enough to dissuade you from trying again.
How easy are they to trick, deceive, or manipulate?
You'd have to try pretty hard. He doesn't have the sheer amount of years of life experience like Venti or Zhongli, but he's not the captain for no reason - he's perceptive, and highly intelligent.
Rather than simply mastering reading human voice and facial expressions for telltale signs of deceit, he's good at learning individuals in particular - memorizing the patterns of thought and action of a particular individual, and predicting how they will act. He can do it with everyone else with ease, how much more, then, with the object of an obsession? If you're trying to formulate some plan to trick him, he'll already predict what you'll do, if you lie, he already knows. It's creepier than the others, really, because it's not just that he can tell when you're lying, but rather he already knows you're going to lie or try some scheme before you do it. It feels so tailored and personalized to your thought patterns, it almost feels like an invasion of the privacy of your mind, which, really, is the one privacy you thought you had left.
He's great at gaslighting himself, too. He's a very good liar, and can make you believe anything he wants. He'll target your fears and paranoias, make you believe you're going crazy, and he'll do it all so perfectly you'll never suspect a thing. You'll end up coming to him for protection and guidance, exactly as planned.
How lenient are they? What privileges can you have, and what will you be denied?
Pretty strict. He doesn't let you have any outside contact, and you're limited on what you can do when he's gone. He'll bring you some books, maybe something to draw on -- no sharp writing utensils, though. In his mind, that should be enough to occupy you.
You won't get outside walks or visits. It's just too risky for him, and he really doesn't like seeing other people look at you. If you really, really beg, and you've been on amazing behavior, and you're well into your relationship, maybe a few months or so, there's a chance he'll take you out at nighttime, or sunrise, but at the slightest sign of intentions he doesn't like, you'll be dragged back, and you won't see the sun for a long time.
You'll have a very limited wardrobe, he doesn't see why you even need to wear anything, but if you're going to be stubborn, he can get you something simple, like an old shirt and some underwear, but that's about all you can have. Any requests for actual clothing are going to be denied. It's ridiculous for him to spend money on something you don't need, and besides, he prefers it this way, y'know?
What kind of rules do they have? What kind of punishment would they use?
Generally, it's a simple one: obey. You do what he tells you to do, and you don't do something if he tells you not to. This stems to similar rules that develop: be submissive, don't be argumentative, don't be defiant. Follow those, and you can both be happy, and that's what you want, isn't it? It had better be - he's not very lenient, and will harshly punish even small offenses. As for that punishment... most of it isn't going to be sfw. That's just how he is.
What he will do is emotionally manipulate you, and he's rather good at it. You wanted to escape? Ok. He'll let you have your way, let you be alone. All alone. All by yourself, in a little room, with no one at all, which is exactly how you would have left him, had you succeeded. He knows very well how that kind of loneliness bites. He's not totally cruel, though, and he won't withhold affection from you by the time he returns -- he doesn't need to, you'll already be crying and apologizing, which is exactly what he hoped for. Not that he won't briefly mock you for it.
"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're crying like that because you actually missed me. Oh, you did? Being all alone isn't particularly fun, now is it? I'm sure you understand that now."
How do they deal with rivals, or perceived rivals? Will they get rid of them? Will they kill them themselves, or find another way?
Kaeya's an insanely jealous person. It doesn't show on his face, but it eats at him internally. It doesn't matter if it's a love interest, a platonic friend, even a family member. It's all the same -- people who want to take your attention away from him, people who you smile at that aren't him, people you love that aren't him. He's not one to delude himself into thinking everyone secretly loves you romantically, rather, it doesn't matter. Romantic interests are the worst threat, sure, but friends and family aren't much better.
He sees himself as above killing, though. He has people to do that for him, and he likes knowing that he has that much power. He's not going to dirty his hands with it, and frankly, they're not even worthy of his time and effort to kill them. Knights and other connections can take care of it just as well.
How easy is it to make them mad? What does their anger look like?
As somewhat previously discussed, the primary form of making him mad is attempting an escape. That's on a whole new level of anger because it strikes at a very deep, wounding insecurity. On a normal day, though, he's more easily exasperated than angry. He gets frustrated somewhat easily, especially if you're trying exceptionally hard to be a brat. He has very clear warning signs. His signature little smirk drops, he gets quiet, he balls his hands into fists and digs his fingernails into his palms. At that stage, he's irritable and might snap at you, but won't get too angry until you ignore those signs and push it.
If you do push him, though, he gets genuinely mad, which is a very quiet anger at first -- he doesn't talk much when he's mad. He acts. You'll know he's snapped when he puts down whatever he's doing, and just silently stomps over to you, face completely empty and flat, looking down at you with a cold expression. It's enough to put fear in you, but at that point, even if you apologize, you're not getting out of whatever he's planned.
So they see you as above them, beneath them, or equal to them?
Strongly in the "below" camp, a rather unusual stance for a yandere. Like many things with him, there's an inexplicable duality going on there. You would think that if you loved someone so strongly you'd kidnap them, kill for them, and potentially suffer consequences just to have them, that you would really think highly of them. On the flip side, you would think that if you really saw someone as lowly, you wouldn't care for them, you'd see them as disposable.
But neither is true for Kaeya, no, he balances both obsessive love and complete narcissism regarding you. You're not disposable, no, he can't live without you, he needs you. But at the same time, you're not gonna be on any kind of pedestal. No, if anything, he sees himself on one, more like a throne, and you on the floor before him, how things should be.
He has a similar mindset to Zhongli or Albedo - you're fragile, you're dumb, you're incapable, and you need someone to care for you, protect you, guide you, someone who knows what's best for you, since you clearly don't. However, he's lacking in the attitude those other two have -- there's no seeing you as an angel here. There's no viewing himself as being absolutely honored to take care of you, or viewing protecting and caring for you as some kind of privilege that they're blessed to do, the way those two do.
No, as much as he loves those things, he'll never admit it, not even to himself really. Rather, his mentality is that you should be grateful. Here he is, a very highly respected, accomplished, capable person, and you...? You have what to offer, exactly? That's right, nothing, really, only cuteness and obedience, the latter of which you refuse to give him even though you really ought to. He's taking on the burden of making sure you don't get yourself killed, and how do you repay him? By getting mad about it, throwing a fit like some little kid? He puts up with your tantrums, which are really undeserved, by the way. He puts up with your disobedience and repeated rule violations, your sheer determination to defy him when he's going out of his way to do what's best for you.
One day, he thinks, you'll mature a little bit and understand why he does what he does, and when you do, you'll come groveling and sniffling about how sorry you are, how you'll never defy him again, how you'll be good and obedient from now on, and he'll love every second of it. He looks forward to that day quite a bit.
"Sigh... you know, you're pretty lucky I love you so much. You could stand to show me a little thanks, don't you think?"
How determined are they for you to love them? How hard will they try to make it happen? Or are they content just having you?
He's strongly determined, and yet... doesn't do much to try. It goes back to his mindset that really, you're the one who should be grateful for him, and eventually, you will love him. He's not gonna grovel to you or try different ways of making you love him, no, he's far too proud for that. But he's a smart man. He knows the effects that complete and total isolation other than one other person can have on someone. He's just going to sit back and wait for that effect to kick in, and slowly watch your fragile little mind deteriorate until you're desperate for affection. At which point, well, he can use it against you.
"You were so mean to me before, weren't you? You fought me every step of the way, and now you're just going to turn around and act like that didn't happen...? Well, if you're really sorry, I'll forgive you. But how am I supposed to believe you really are...? Maybe you can think of a way to prove it, hm?"
Bonus: Is there anything that makes them unique, in comparison to other yanderes?
Probably the severity of his degradation. As aforementioned, most yanderes, even the more confident or cocky individuals, either worship the ground their beloved walks on and sees themselves as beneath them, OR sees their darling as some sort of fragile, angelic being, and they are simply a protector or caretaker to that being.
It's a bit different with him, ever the narcissist. It's a strange duality born out of a rare mix of neediness, obsession, and pride. You're more like a toy, or a pet - an invaluable pet that he could never part with, but a pet nonetheless. He certainly looks down on you more than the average yandere - he mentally associates you as naive, fragile, even dumb like a lot of the aforementioned protector/caretaker types, but without the reverence to make up for it.
It's a bizarre duality that not even he fully understands - don't think for a moment that that means he'll ever tire of you, or view you as disposable. No, he's actually one of the most obsessive ones, yet very demanding of attention and praise, rather than giving it.
He frequently tests you - things like leaving the door unlocked, waiting outside just to see if you'll try it. Seeing you open that door, watching your face go from ecstatic excitement and drop to wide-eyed terror, it's priceless.
"My, my, you didn't waste any time at all, did you? Why do you look so surprised...? You should know I wouldn't slip up that badly."
Pet names, but in the most infuriatingly condescending way, and uses them more often when he's mad and trying to warn you that you're pushing his limits. Particularly fond of "sweetheart," especially with a low warning tone and clenched teeth.
General perverseness: how sexual of a person are they? What’s their drive like? How touchy do they get? Do they have any reservations about sexuality?
Horny fucker, all the way. The man has a lot of stress and frustration in his life already, that much more if you're... less than compliant with your new lifestyle. Sex, especially rough and hard, is a fantastic stress reliever.
Very little reservation. He's not crude about it, but he tends to make subtle innuendos very frequently, and laughs at your embarrassed reactions. Definitely the type to pull the whole shtick in which he says something with a blatant sexual undertone, then elaborates in a way to make it sound like having meant something else, follows with that smirk and says, "Why? What did you think I meant?" It's something he really enjoys doing, and loves to get embarrassed reactions out of people, particularly yourself.
"Touchy" doesn't begin to describe it. Pretty much from the moment you meet him, he's got his hands somewhere on your person. He grabs your shoulders when he stands behind you, he wraps an arm around you from the side when he walks up to you, he's always pressing his hands on your back and sides whenever you're navigating the streets, walking through doorways, wraps an arm around your waist when sitting next to you. It's highly uncomfortable, but really, he's just got something very subtly, but very strongly intimidating about him. You almost don't want to confront him on it. If you do, he'll laugh it off, and stop -- for maybe 48 hours or so, and then he'll be right back at it.
To the surprise of, well, everyone who's ever met him, he doesn't actually live up to the rumors of having been around the block, so to speak. His experience is actually little to none - that kinda happens when you push everyone around you away. Not that he'd ever let you know that, of course, and will probably lie if asked, but you can gleam a little bit of truth from slightly awkward movements and a bit of noticeable shakiness.
How forceful are they? Do they care about your willingness?
Kind of like Razor, the issue is that he loves you, and what better way is there of expressing love? He's not much for gift-giving or words of affirmation - no, he's a lot better with words of degradation, it comes more naturally to him. And he's certainly not one to enjoy acts of service -- well, not doing them, he'll gladly take them as a sign of your love, though. No, he expresses love through touch. It's like how, when you hug someone you really love, someone you missed, you squeeze them extra tight - the love manifests as a physical urge for some strong expression. Humans are physical about their emotions -- we punch walls when we're mad, we jump up and down when we're happy, and when you love someone, sometimes you just really, really want to pound them into a mattress as hard as physically possible. That's normal. That, and really, he's got his vices. He's actually fairly weak when it comes to resisting temptations, and prone to give in to urges for physical sensations like drunkenness and sex.
Is another one to be convinced that, with time, you'll come around. And is absolutely the top candidate to be one for using your own body against you - if you get wet, if you whimper, if you cum, that's just proof that you really do want this, that you're just being difficult because you enjoy being a brat, and he'll be sure to tell you that.
What sort of kinks or fetishes do they have, or would they fill?
This is nearly indistinguishable from punishment, sadistic bastard
D/S dynamics
Arrogant fucker wants to be served and worshipped, you could see it coming from a mile away. Anything that puts you beneath him is going to make him happy - anything where you're where you're supposed to be. There's a lot of options, but it doesn't really matter, as long as he feels like he's in control and ownership of you in some way, and as long as you act accordingly.
He wants it to be something that’s not just for sex, but rather, he’ll end up carrying it over into normal life, whether you like it or not. If you just went along with it in hopes of getting it over with once he cums, you’re going to be in for a treat when it starts to carry over. He gets a little too used to being worshipped, and decides he likes that submissive attitude on you enough to want to see it all the time.
Petplay/Collaring
It really helps that he sees you as something of a pet already, but really, the collar is the selling point. Even if you never go outside, there's something unbearably hot about the possessiveness of it all - really, it's there to remind you of your status as property. He wants to own you, and for you to be forced to acknowledge that he owns you, and there's really no better way to do that than something with his name on it. It's even better with a leash, one he can pull on when he's fucking you to pull you back onto him over, and over, and over, hearing it choke you the more he shortens it.
But really, having you crawl towards him on all fours and obey little commands so simple they're humiliating is pretty nice, too.
Impact pain/painplay
There's really nothing quite so powerful feeling as watching you cry and squirm from it, y'know? He's another one that just likes the marks his hands, belts, or anything else can leave all over the skin of your ass and the back of your legs. The thing with him, though, is it's not even always a punishment, he just does it for fun, and that makes it unpredictable. Will definitely make you count, it's a sadistic torture for your mind and body.
Throatfucking
May be used as a punishment measure, may just be because he's craving it, either way, even if you have a gag reflex, you won't for very long. He'll train it out of you gradually, grabbing the back of your head and just slamming all the way down into your throat, holding you there, making you choke - it's a beautiful sound, really, listening to you gag, all while your throat spasms around him, it's the best feeling, really, and will definitely be used as a threat if you need incentives to behave.
Choking
Ties into the dynamics, but really, there’s not much to say on this one. He likes the power trip from having his hands wrapped around your throat, seeing you struggle, watching your face go red, hearing those little choking noises. It puts power over you into his hands, and if you get pleasure from it against your own will, that’s even better.
How do they feel about pregnancy or babies? Do they want them?
Absolutely one of the ones to use it as a tool. If you have a baby, you'll be so much more bound to him. You'll need him more, you'll want him around more, you'll be much less likely to leave, and in a way it feels a little bit like a sign of ownership over you.
That being said, he's also acutely aware of his jealous tendencies, and realizes he would also be very likely to become jealous if he felt like you loved a baby more than him, or gave it more attention and affection than you do him. He doesn't like the thought.
So ultimately, the latter side prevents him from willingly trying, but if you really, really have defiance issues even after he's tried everything he can to break you help you adjust, he might consider it.
What kind of (nsfw) punishments would they use?
If it's mild enough, he can just take the route of extremely rough fucking - it gets rid of the frustration, he likes hearing you whimper and squeal, and he can leave lots of little bruises as reminders of what not to do in the future.
But, again, he already gets off to putting you in pain - it'll be that much worse when you've done something to deserve it. Harder hits, no mercy whatsoever, and he just loves all your little cries, wiping away your tears and smiling at you, right before bringing down whatever instrument of pain he's chosen again. If you really, really make him mad, and he really wants to make you cry, he's not above fucking your ass, either, watching you cry and beg, but you'll learn with time that begging doesn't ever get you out of anything.
What body parts of their darling do they like the most?
Definitely an ass man. Likes fucking you in doggy, seeing the ripple every time you bounce back off of him, pulling your hair or arms to add some force. He likes seeing all the little red marks that his hands and belts and anything else will leave on the skin, views it like marks of possession. Grabbing, beating, fucking, it's all good.
#Jesus take the wheel im too nasty for this#yandere x reader#yandere genshin impact#yandere kaeya#tw: dark content#tw: noncon#tw: non/con
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i wanted to ask you if dean ever finds them in that fic idea (where they're living/getting therapy elsewhere) and just imagining that, like the kind of morbid horror of even the concept of him hunting them down high key reminded me of the feel of reading early chapters of with understanding (i hope this isn't upsetting i just mean you've created a setup that fills me with so much dread) because dean would be like i have to find cas, i have to SAVE cas and that would be cas' worst nightmare
(referring to this)
oh don't worry, i had with understanding in mind when formulating the trapped, claustrophobic feeling of the original. part of the purpose of "i fold in half so easily" is to explain the ways in which canon and with understanding are the same story.
okay so this is an interesting question. i'm not really sure what dean is doing after cas leaves here - cas literally sneaks out in the middle of the night, no note or anything, so it's plausible that dean could feel abandoned and slighted, in which case i don't think he would look for cas, he would just seethe and wait for cas to return. it's also plausible that he's worried for cas' safety, in which case he would look for cas, he'd be tearing up the united states.
the question of whether or not sam stays is also relevant. one of the basic premises of "i fold in half so easily" is that sam is on the sort of perpetual cusp of moving out, so sam feels more empowered to defy dean, and at the same time, dean feels capable of letting go of sam because he feels that he has cas absolutely, in every way imaginable. if sam has already actually left when cas leaves, dean would go insane and he probably would chase down cas after a month or two of sulking. but if sam was still there dean would just like. lock him down. no leaving for him.
but there is a crucial element of that hypothetical sequel, which is: jack actually wants to reconcile with the winchesters. no matter what they (and especially dean) have done, they were still an integral part of his childhood, and he at least wants to see them. cas having to navigate that is very fun for me. because the thing is that cas isn't exactly afraid of dean, not now that he's no longer part of dean's household. he understands that if dean presents a physical threat to himself or jack he could handle that. he's afraid of being confronted with dean and all of the guilt and shame tied up in his relationship to dean. he feels like if he is forced to acknowledge dean's physical existence he will fall apart into shards of glass. and he is also deeply, deeply ashamed of how much he misses the good parts of his relationship with dean: approval, affection, sex, an authority figure who he could devote himself to, the fundamental simplicity of living for dean. he's afraid that he'll end up doing whatever dean says, because even though he's chosen jack now, he is still an angel divided, and he fears he will be torn in two. so i think it's much more interesting to have cas agree to this proposition, because he is taking jack's lead.
i also think that's interesting in terms of control because cas spends the whole of "i fold in half so easily" relinquishing control entirely because he can't handle it, and i think that part of the beginning of his rebuilding his relationship with jack would involve like. cas rebuilding his ability to make choices and trust his own judgement. but i think if jack was really insistent about seeing the winchesters again i don't know if cas would be able to really say no to that because he's still so inclined to distrust himself and reticent to exercise agency.
i think that this meeting would take place like. long before cas is emotionally ready, because cas is bad at saying no and worse at monitoring his own feelings, and would certainly retraumatize him. i also love imagining cas nervously approaching a payphone and dialing dean's number and dean being all excited on the other end and cas feeling all warm and fuzzy for a moment because he missed me. and then suddenly feeling very afraid and slamming the phone down.
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hello,, kinda struggling n could use some advice ! we suspect we are a median monoconscious system. i have questioned this many times n i've chalked our experiences up to delusions, genderfluidity, adhd, etc. but we're questioning again,, n it's really freaking me out ! i don't know if they're real or if i'm actually a system or if i'm imagining it,,,, whenever we ask for advice people are like "well obviously you are/aren't, you experience [x]" n i just. don't know (1/3)
Heya anon! That sounds pretty frustrating, and I'm sorry this is causing you so much distress /gen
As for advice, I'd like to preface we also have ADHD, delusions and are genderfluid! We were stuck on our own plurality for a hot minute because of that too, so let me assure you first that you are not alone in this.
First off, anyone that tells you you are/aren’t something leaves a bad taste in our mouth. It’s probably in good faith, but they don’t know everything about you, and therefore can’t say for sure. I would highly suggest not staying around people that act that way, while trying to help they can ultimately do more harm if they tell you something wrong.
Another thing to assure you is that you don't need to have an innerworld, amnesia, or need to be super distinct to be plural! There are many plurals we've met who don't have experience any of those, and some plurals/multiples who'd rather not call themselves a system/seperate people. These are all valid ways to be multiple!
And for your switches, switches aren't always clean and short! Sometimes they're very long and messy, and that's ok. It doesn't make you any less plural. (As a monocon system, I want to let you know our system is the same way with switches, and I’ve heard it‘s quite common in other monocons. Unless someone comes barreling to front, there’s a large period of blurriness to switch to someone else. -♟)
What I will ultimately say to you is that "plural" and "system" are self-identifiers. I& can't just tell you you're plural, that's for you to decide. If you want to take up that label, go ahead! We can offer you some supportive and welcoming communities for you to engage in if you'd like! If you later find out you don't like that label, that's also ok! Identity is fluid, and ultimately up to you to figure out. Making a mistake or growing out of a label is completely normal and ok.
We hope you're able to find some solace and comfort soon, anon. Your experiences are valid and you are not alone in them. /gen
-🌩
Hello love! we'd like you to know that first of all, you will always know yourself better than others. You have the right to self identify with whatever may bring you the most comfort. Plurality is a messy experience and it can be very hard to pin down the 'right' way to be plural, because there isn't one.
We also have adhd, rather intense dissociation, and we tend to be on the blurrier side of things plenty of the time. Something that's helped us is acknowledging when we're feeling that way, and tracking it, however way we see fit at the time. There's no harm in extending a method of communication to potential headmates, it might even help create a more welcoming space for them, should they be having trouble communicating. We also have lots of trouble distinguishing amongst ourselves because lots of us were only formed for very specific tasks or purposes, or we're fragments of other headmates.
I wish we had a solid answer for you, but the truth is that it's a very long journey and we're not even near done with it ourselves. Something that can help is being sure to surround yourself with people who will accept however you choose to label yourself. The kindest thing you can do is allow yourself to not have all the answers, and the kindest thing others can do is trust you to know yourself.
That's partially why we don't id with the word system, actually :'] it's not something we're comfortable with because we've found certain aspects of how plurality is 'supposed' to work, very limiting. And that's okay! Plurality is something you define on your own terms.
We hope this made sense! Apologies for the word salad pft /lh /gen
-🌉
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I'm. The new covers, op. The new covers. Gosh. Both of them hold so much symbolism. And technically they both are canon, they are both original ideas that could perfectly be valid. Horikoshi simply found something better. But anyways, I'm going to go ahead and ramble about it because Im- Op, prepare for a long ask! Hope you like it!
So!
On the one where Katsuki's the one in the picture, he's not on his knees like he is in the other two covers. Instead, he has his face down, body forward, one hand on one leg, the other one holding out for something...He's bowing. Bowing in Japanese culture is a pretty big deal. Hes not just tilting his head a bit, his head and body are on full on commitment.
Such a tilted bow means a LOT, specially from THIS guy, Mr dont let anyone walk in front of me. Even more when hes not just bowing, but accepting such an open display of given help, Mr shonen anime lone wolf. Accepting something he always has trouble admitting to. Accepting the past, accepting the wrongs. Accepting Izukus help means so much, and that's what these three covers have in common.
His hand is sctretching out. He's ready to say yes to that hand out in the air.
(Ps. I wonder if he's watching his own reflection on the water in this panel, as well?)
Hes in middle of the picture with those childhood friend at the back, which means audience. It means letting people see what hes done, what he's sorry for. He is being open and exposed and vulnerable. That's no fighting stance.
Remember guys, in case you haven't noticed before, Horikoshi puts lots of metaphorical value in his manga and on his covers. Sometimes you've got to dig in deep and think to get the bigger picture. And in this case, the bigger picture screams regret and wanting to make things right from the start.
This cover occurs in the past, at the moment where everything started, and Katsuki fully remembers this. Katwuki has thought of this, is thinking about this. He's had eye bags for gods sake, he's clearly troubled by all of what it means.
These three covers are the visual explanation of what's going on inside Katsuki's head, because this is clearly focused on him and his perspective.
(Ps. Rivers symbolise the massage of time. If that doesnt add to everything else, I dont know what to tell you.)
So! Next!
Wow, if this isnt one of my favourite things ever. Okay. Christ.
I have two options here. Scratch that, three options. Scream into the void, scream into this post, or actually make a good presentation of my inner turmoil. I'll have to go by the third option. (Haha. Just like horikoshi did. Dont # me, I'm funny in my head.)
This cover melted my insides, froze them all over, and hit me with them like a hammer.
I know they're kids, but let me get this straight-so kids seriously look at their friends with these looks in their eyes and think "ah, yes. This is my very good friend. This gentle smile and kind look I'm giving him as if he was my whole world? Well, hes just a very good friend."
I looked at my childhood crush this way, I dont know what to tell you.
Anyway, let's actually jump to the information at hand.
This panel seems like it's making a reference to what Katsuki wishes could have been. And if that's not absolutely soul-crushing...this cover is Katsuki's feelings, guys. These are probably his very thoughts. This scene has gone through Katsuki's head at some point.
We've got Izuku in his stuck up pose all over again, in just an awkward angle. It's like katsuki isnt looking AT this katsuki right now, but at the spot where the actual past Katsuki, at some point, was. As if this Isuku is frozen in time. Dont believe too much in this paragraph, I still have my doubts about that, but I feel it's a possibility. Izukus eyes seem to be focused on the water, while Katsuki is just the tiniest bit back, reaching for Izukus hand. And gosh.
I dont think I've ever seen older NOR child Katsuki have this look plasted into his face before. He's...sheepish. Kindly, awkwardly sheepish. No hate, no anger, no shame, no nothing. His face is clear and sweet and has this "Whoops. You got me. But thanks." kind of expression on.
The hand behind his head, just the tiniest but embarassed? That little smile? It's all so soft.
Rambling about softness though- I really liked the hand scene in this particular panel. If you close up your view, you realise that theres no effort to pull anyone out of nowhere. In this panel, they are simply holding hands in frozen time for no purpose at all.
Katsuki has his hand around Izuku...simply holding there.
Again, because the angle is awkward, it's kind of messy, but you get the point.
It's all simply beautiful. Horikoshi clean likes give me life.
And lastly. The actual cover.
I screeched so hard when I saw this. My first instinct when seeing this for the first time was to straight up go trigger happy fingers and write about it to my friends. Christ.
Everything is so...SOft. horikoshi made a good decision by mixing both previous drawings in one. We have parts of the two covers in one, which is amazing. In this one, Katsuki isnt alone, as Izuku's there too. But we dont have the audience either. Probably because the main focus on this panel is no one else except them two.
Again, Katsuki looks like he's bowing, but instead of looking all the way down, he's in the middle. Not looking at Izuku nor looking at the ground, like it shows in the previous covers. Instead, Horikoshi found a middle ground. He's looking at his hand. At the gesture.
Hes not holding hands quite yet, but his hand is there. At arms reach. Not close enough but there. Wanting.
Theres so much regret and again, softness.
Again, like you Op said a bit bad, the angle is off here. This is present Katsuki remembering his past. The angle is off because this Izuku isnt holding out for our Katsuki. This is a memory. A wish. Katsuki's wish.
(Ps. Izukus trousers drenched in the rivers water. This detail was so nice. It's a subtle action that describes Izukus characterization so much. Izuku went in the river with Katsuki in mind, not caring if he got his clothes soaked in the process too. For Izuku, only Katsuki was there. And for Katsuki, only Izuku is.
As a plus, I can't believe the cover of this is literally called Bakugou Katsuki rising. They named the entire thing after that one chapter. Actually, I very much, totally believe it. It's the moment so many people have been waiting for, after all. The moment so many scenes have been amounting for, little by little.
*dreamy sigh*
Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this little thing, I had to get it out of my system and dont want to bother my dear friends anymore than needed.
Have a good day, OP! I'll stay updated!
You kinda just...took my heart and curb stomped it, not gonna lie. Your observations are so beautiful and so accurate. The sketch with little Bakugou taking Izuku’s hand is so...raw, and yeah, that expression is definitely one of love. Those eyes, the way he is HOLDING Izuku’s hand, not TAKING it. He isn’t taking it to stand up, he is literally just...holding it.
That isn’t the way you take someone’s hand when you’re trying to pull yourself up. It’s an awkward angle and just...wouldn’t work right. No, he is literally just holding his hand, and that’s exactly what Bakugou wishes he did all that time ago. He wishes that he not only took Deku’s hand, but held onto it. Held it as if it were something precious, something to be cared for and protected.
These are Bakugou’s true feelings expressed in these drawings, and I think Horikoshi released them on purpose, to show us more of what he wanted Bakugou to be feelings through all of this. Since after all, we know that Bakugou expresses himself in action, not so much words. And because Horikoshi is an absolute genius, he thought to give us these other glimpses in how he feels through these actions.
And the other sketch with him bowing his body to Izuku, and the way the log looks like it’s on his back with his ‘friends’ on top of it.
The pressure of needing to be the coolest, the strongest, the best. Those kids put that kind of pressure on him, even if they never realized it. They encouraged his behavior and fed his ego, and it never allowed him to see how he was wrong. But now he is realizing it, and he is bowing himself in light of that acknowledgement. He is lowering his head and putting his pride away, so he can get back what he lost all those years ago; the opportunity to take Izuku’s hand.
To take the hand of the only one of those kids that ever loved him unconditionally. Who never pressured him or expected him to be invincible. Who saw all of his flaws and was completely prepared to support him despite all of it. The only one.
I’m just a mess over all of this, and I am so incredibly thankful to Horikoshi for creating this beautiful relationship. AND IN A SHOUNEN MANGA, NONETHELESS!!
Thank you friend, for your beautiful thoughts. I think they’re spot on, and I am so emotional all over again because of this.
#bnha spoilers#bnha#mha#bkbk#bakudeku#midoriya izuku#bakugou katsuki#kacchan#deku#bnha meta#bnha analysis#blackiee-is-heree#asks#basketball idiot#basketball idiot replies
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Grumpinati Grumpus ocs anyone? Here we have Foxling Foulwater, and Aedhoehraiae (Adora) Pobblebottom. More info under cut
Starting with Foxling, he grew up in an incredibly strict household as the only son and the oldest. Being that he was quite a nerd he frequently got bullied in school getting in physical altercations and the likes, then getting picked on and beat by his own father for things out of his own control. When the bullies broke his nose that's when his demeanor of tolerating the abuse changed and he became far more sinister and dangerous using those dimwits to have power over someone else as a result of his father's abuse, when he became bored with them he made sure they'd never tell. They were never seen again. This is where some of his behaviour comes from today, tolerating grumpus until given a reason not to see them as worth that respect. Into his young adult years his father broke his tusk, he had the root covered and made the tusk guards to protect them and moved away from his home town, after his father had went missing on a fishing trip. Roughly about 32 in the bugsnax timeline, by now he's decently high up in the Grumpinati science devision due to his intelligence computer skills and disposal skills, but mostly the first two hes in charge of running simulations on bugsnax evolution, the rate of the island movement and activity and run experiments on bugsnax to see if he can cause mutation and evolution into different forms. He's gained a degree in parasites through working there so he knows what he's doing and he despises the disgusting parasites, fascinated by their strategy and evolution of course what a way to get rid of a body but disgusted nonetheless. He works hard and keeps to himself he's no risk of blabbing to anyone. His nose has a metal strip in from when it was broken which he has magnetise to his glasses to prevent them falling off. He also has an egg pouch, one of the things his father didn't approve of seeing as no other males from his father's side had ever had that before and despite being out of Foxlings control due to biological genetic reasons his father Mr Foulaby saw it as his fault. Mr Foulaby also despised Foxling claws for not being retractable unlike his own. Foxling never got much protection from his mother and he does despise her for that but he knows she was likely protecting herself her egg and her other grumpling, sacrificing one for the many. He's secretly a very lonely grumpus, but he doesn't like to dwell on that feeling or risk letting anyone close he avoids talking to coworkers so they don't have anything over him and so they can't spread anything personal he might share with one of them. He has made low ranked grumpus who dared mess with him disappear, there was an incident with salted googley eyed coffee that saw 3 low ranks vanish within days of each other and a coffee machine put into his private office, higher ups turned a blind eye to the joke gone sour, if it was him he'd done a good job leaving no trace. The others know not to cross him as they found he was scary when angry and stronger than they anticipated.
Next we have Adora Pobblebottom! And no I'm not spelling her full name again, it's lots of silent letters her mother was being unique. She's was a middle child to a large growing family but was a runt egg when her mom laid two, from a young age she was incredibly coddled for being so tiny and vulnerable and as she got older it never stopped. Quickly she learned that she could get away with anything, it couldn't have been her she's too little and fragile and a nasty spot quickly grew inside her. She was incredibly spoilt but would act as innocent and sweet as can be thankful and grateful for all the things she got while waiting knowing there would always be more for darling little Adora. She's still kinda small and very soft her fur is incredibly fluffy and naturally curly she makes sure to curl and fluff it each day for maximum curly volume and cuteness. She's quite a low rank actually in the Grumpinati, she helps scout out new members finding vulnerable people who look like they need something more in life need a calling and goes about recruiting them, lovebombing them showering them in attention, tricking them into the cult smiling so sweetly holding their paw telling them its all gonna be okay and she'll look after them. She knows they'll either grow and get in better positions or die, that's life and she's getting paid good for this, it's her or them and she'd rather stay alive. She outgrew her family in a way it was good but they smothered her too much and didn't have the money for the things she wanted, she was smart making sure not to ruin that relationship simply saying she needed to forge her own path and now here she is working to recruit people into a cult. She's also a very good mole, noone suspects the small fluffy curls of being eyes and ears on people trying to gain intel on the grumpinati, they don't notice her when she sits nearby listening in they don't view her as a threat or acknowledge her as anything more than a sweet runt. Its a perfect for getting the information she needs to report back to have them shut down. Of course it has its draw backs her own coworkers who know of her job think she's a mole, which is just annoying the people she's working with outright not trusting her enough to talk around her when she knows noone really trusts anyone there so why single her out? She misses the good gossip. Despite being low rank she usually is able to bluff blink and blag her way into higher access points despite no security card, she'll blink her eyes all big and shuffle her feet and say she just thought she'd fetch coffee for everyone as they work so hard she's so sorry she didn't know it was high access only she was just able to walk in. And bingo, the coffee usually gets them, and she gets their coffee she's not an idiot she knows they need it they associate her with coffee they let her in they're happy she gets away with breaking rules. Plus she makes a good drink. Of course Foxling would be more reluctant and closely watch her using his monitor if she made a coffee in his lab, arguing when called Foxly by her ever so sweetly "it's pronounced Fauxling", but she doesn't disrespect him so he remains neutral, ignoring the fact her coffee is pretty good actually.... Adora is about 27 so she's still kind of young and it makes Foxling worry if shes around him too long he doesn't want to be seen as a creep even if Adora is initiating all the social interactions (its only a 5 year gap he's just not used to grumpus). Adora was born without a pouch due to her genetics, feeling in her fur there's a slight different where the top of the pouch should be but it never fully developed, she finds it slightly annoying as it means no storage she can't hide weapons on her person but has to deal. Likely attends Grumpinati training for self defence purposes in case a mission goes bad and can use a weapon if necessary, shes partial to concealed blades that are unsuspecting until revealed much like her.
#my art#my oc#bugsnax#grumpus oc#my ocs#Foxling Foulwater#Adora Pobblebottom#Grumpinati ocs#Grumpinati grumps#Grumpinati#She likes to bother him and slowly he'll secretly like being bothered#Evol Floofty and evol Egg vibes XD#Damn evil doppelgangers at it again#Oh yea our evil Floofty has stripes fake that Liz and our evil egg has plush curly fur what you got#Liz pulling out the egg: I have my WIFE#*take that lmao can't spell#Physically incapable of drawing both eyes#Also ;3 face#Crazy glasses too for funsies
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