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parvuls · 3 years

Text

i'm just going to elaborate on this real quick

eric bittle stumbles into a bdsm club. maybe he walks in by accident. maybe he's out club hopping with friends and ends up following some new people they met and doesn't notice until they're in. maybe he sees the sign and some truly repressed part of him that didn't get to even contemplate sex, let alone less conventional forms of sex, until he was in college -- maybe that part pushes him to go in. not that he knows what he's in for, because he definitely does not.

everyone is half-dressed, some completely naked, some kneeling on the cold floor without a stitch of clothing covering their skin, and bitty's first thought is: goodness, it's winter in new england, someone ought to bundle them up. he wonders if they're cold. his hands twitch like he could magically conjure a sweater -- he can't, but it's instinct. bitty can't not take care of people.

and then, while looking for the bar (and very carefully not looking too long at anyone too naked, or too preoccupied, or -- lord, some people are really going at it, and bitty feels his face flushing because knowing that there's some crazy porn out there and seeing kink in real life is mighty different --): there, in the corner, there's jack.

jack isn't actually sure what he's doing there. it's not his first time in the club, but he's never done anything more than fade into the shadows. he never participates. he never talks to anyone. he doesn't even always watch -- sometimes just being there is too much. sometimes just admitting to himself that he wants something is too much.

it took jack a long time to put a name to that thing he looks for in sex. sex, in general, is complicated for him. not only because he's a queer professional nhl player, but also because he's bad at noticing when he wants something, and even worse at asking for it once he does. therapy helps. having to verbalize his thoughts about sex and feelings is terrible, and he hates it, but it helps. and that was just it -- his therapist told him that the first necessary step is to acknowledge that he has needs, and whatever those needs are it's okay, and jack has never been anything less than a 100%, never done anything halfway, so here he is. it's not like he's ashamed of his sexuality, it's just that he doesn't really understand parts of it. at least the club is discreet. he couldn't risk having his photograph taking someplace like this. george would probably kill him.

so there jack is. and bitty spots him immediately -- not that he stands out, standing in dark clothes in some dark corner, but something about him does stand out. the rest of the club -- they look like being here is freeing. this boy looks uncomfortable, his face pinched, his body slouching against the wall, and bitty finds himself drifting closer.

so bitty asks him if he's okay. the guy looks at him with these pale eyes, but he doesn't say a thing, and the more he doesn't answer the more concerned bitty gets. what if he's drunk? what if he's sick? what if he's hurt? what if someone brought him here against his will and left him there, or --? "honey, you just gotta tell me you're okay, because i'm getting real worried. do you need anything? are you cold? gosh, it's so cold, i don't get how y'all can go around showing all this skin. did you drink too much? do you need a glass of water? y'know what, imma get you a glass of water. stay right here, okay? i'll be right back with ya."

jack doesn't know what it is, yet, but he does know one thing: he wouldn't be able to move an inch even if god himself told him to.

when bitty comes back he makes jack sit down and drink a glass of water. he talks a hundred miles per hour, and jack doesn't say a single word until bitty asks him for his name, his big eyes wide and worried, and only then does jack look up from the glass he's slowing sipping and realizes that he hasn't said anything back. it wasn't on purpose -- sometimes jack's too anxious to talk, and sometimes he has nothing to say, and sometimes he doesn't feel any desire to talk to people, especially not strangers -- but this wasn't any of that. he was -- comfortable. he didn't mind allowing this man (bitty, he introduced himself as), to sit him down and order him to drink and chatter at him one-sidedly. it wasn't annoying. it was actually kind of nice, being able to sit there without being expected to be or do anything else. the man had a nice voice, and nice hands, and he used them a lot when he was talking.

nothing else happens that night. bitty mentions that he stumbled in, never imagined finding himself at a place like this -- and jack finally tells him his name, and shakes his head when bitty asks if he needs anything, even though the words need anything make something squirm in his stomach.

jack doesn't know what this is, and doesn't know what he's feeling, and everything feels like too much, so he pushes himself off the barstool and says he needs to go. he knows he sounds rude, disinterested. he'd apologize, but -- he doesn't know bitty. it'd be weird to apologize to a stranger he never intended to talk to to begin with.

so they part ways. but it's not the last time they meet there.

maybe jack goes back the next weekend because it's something he does sometimes, but maybe when he leaves the house he thinks of the blonde man and the sharp focus in his eyes when he watched jack drink, made sure he finished the whole glass. maybe bitty goes out with holster and ransom on friday night and on his way home he can't stop thinking about the club, and his sorta tipsy ass guides him there. maybe he does it as a dare to himself. either way: they meet again.

it's slow going. it's confusing, and consuming, and new. for a long while it's nothing -- just the two of them skirting around something, meeting in dark, red-lit spaces in some underground club in boston. jack knows what he wants, but he doesn't know how to ask for it, doesn't know what to call it. he watches the club regulars and that just confuses him more, because he knows that the things he imagines when he gets off aren't normal people's sex stuff, but he knows it isn't exactly this, either. he doesn't want pain. he doesn't want to feel subordinate to anyone. he just wants --. he just wants.

bitty doesn't know what he wants, except that it might be jack. but he has no idea how to go about it, because -- it's jack, and also because he met jack somewhere like this. and bitty keeps coming back, and he had a few boyfriends, and he knows he can get a little bossy in bed sometimes, but nothing like this. he doesn't want to ever hurt anyone. he feared physical pain for so long in his life, and can't imagine ever viewing it as something sexual. surely he won't have anything to offer jack that jack might want, if jack is looking for something like that.

but some things do happen. non-sexual things. little things. bitty pushes jack around the club with a hand on his lower back because he wants jack to sit down and rest his legs after he had back-to-back games, and jack goes easily. jack goes to the bathroom one time, asks bitty to order him a drink while he's gone, and somehow bitty starts ordering for him all the time. they exchange numbers, at some point, and when jack tells bitty about his meal plan bitty throws a whole fit and assembles him a completely new one because you can't go around neglecting your body like that, jack, i won't allow it, you better follow the email i sent you or so help me god, i will come feed you myself, and jack does, doesn't even think twice about it, except the fleeting thought that he wouldn't mind if bitty really would come to feed him himself.

the closer they get, more things start to happen. things that are small, but seem larger and larger every day. bitty notices how tightly jack fists his hands when he's tense, how deep the marks his fingernails leave in his palms are, and starts pinning his wrists down on the table while they're talking. at first he doesn't notice he's doing it -- instinct, just instinct, nothing more -- and when he does he startles, but jack's whole body sags like all the tension leaked out of him, so bitty keeps doing it.

everything comes to a head one night when bitty watches jack on tv, skating off the ice after a really nasty fight. he doesn't even think about it before grabbing his car keys. jack opens his apartment's door with a black eye and blood crusting in one nostril, pooled at the corner of his mouth, staining his undershirt, and bitty doesn't think, just pushes him towards the bathroom.

he washes jack's face and shoulders for him. they're not nothing, at that point, but not anything concrete either. bitty can't help it, though -- he just wants to take care of jack, and his stomach is all tied up in knots of worry and he has to do something. that something just happens to be gripping jack's chin, forcing his head back to scrub his throat clean of blood while muttering about jack being foolish and needing to know better. it happens to be taking care of jack the only way he knows how. he'll get jack clean, and then he'll sit him down on the couch, and he'll make sure to feed him. make sure he sleeps.

jack is completely shaking by the time bitty turns the water off. it doesn't serve to do anything but make bitty more concerned, brushing jack's damp hair back and asking him to talk to me, sweetpea, what can I do, tell me what you need me to do, but jack is completely nonverbal. he doesn't know how to explain that he's fine, he's completely fine, except the weight of disappointing bitty sits heavily on his shoulders and he needs bitty to tell him how to be good. that his dick is hard and his hands are shaking because he wants to be good in a very sexual way.

#omgcheckplease #omgcp #zimbits #not a single day goes by where i don't think about the soft dom bitty verse #i'm about 75% sure these kind of posts don't show up in the tags but if any of you stumbles upon it anyway - let's talk about soft dom bitt #because i am OBSESSED with it #also this entire post is basically me copy pasting ramblings off my chat with lau #i'm so sorry bud #i am incapable of shutting up about this #text #prompts #pavfics #soft dom bitty verse

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