#so i wish i could give better advice 4 figuring it out in english but 4 me a lot of english is just intuitive...i know what tense 2 use bc | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

smallfrenchstudyblr · 3 years

Note

hey! you seem like you're a really good TA (? idk if that's the right term but you seem to have some prof/teacher tasks?) and i was wondering how you got the confidence to do that? i'm basically on your level of education but i wouldn't think i was smart/capable enough to judge other students' writing and stuff, i feel like one of them more than one of the teachers if you get what i mean. do you have any advice?

Hello !

That is such a thoughtful question - and I am sure all postgrads who suddendly have to start teaching feel the same at the beginning. In my opinion, it is a fairly healthy mindset to have, as long as it does not inhibit your own teaching and remain just some healthy awareness that, hey, you are still learning many things yourself.

I am very touched you think I am a good TA - I hope I manage to be a helpful one at least.d I definitely still often wonder "am I qualified to teach this ? To... grade this ? Who am I to say whether this is good work or not?" But here are a few thingsm coming both from my experience so far and my discussions with other TA, which could maybe be of help to you (each developed under the cut)

1. You know more than your students, and that will be enough to help them.

2. Teaching is a two way street : you are not lecturing to them, you are working with them.

2bis : Give constant verbal feedback to your students !

3. Your own experience of being an Undergrad may not be the best point of reference

4. Talk to other TAs ! You all face the same issues !

5. Try out things, and if they do not work, it's fine.

6. Organize your session alternating moments where you take the lead, and moments where students take the lead.

7. Help, My students are not talking !

8. Grading is tough, but we can make it easier.

I hope they will be of help, but no worries, it takes practice, trial and errors, and time will help you figure it out. Do not hesitate to come back here if you have any question or something you want to discuss ! (And tell me how your teaching went, I would love to hear it!)

1. You know more than your students, and that will be enough to help them.

It means you do not have to be an expert in the topic you teach. You may even just be familiar with it. But by virtue of being a postgrad student, you know how to do the reading effectively, you will get very quickly what is important, what to retain from this or that reading. And you just need to know more than your students. Which you absolutely will.

I think being passionate, showing that you are excited about what you are teaching, giving them this energy, this interest, is much much more important than being a full-blown expert in your area.

2. Teaching is a two way street : you are not lecturing to them, you are working with them.

And that is not me being vaguely pseudo-inspiration ; it is something I have learnt and truly realized when I took a course on teaching. There is much literature on this, but the take-away is that especially as a TA, it is helpful if you see your job as working with students. Engage with them, offer them different options to choose from during the session, explain that you are here to support their learning, and give them some space to have some agency over what happens ! Trust them to at least try their best - many are!- and they will trust you in return, and will be more likely to give you some feedback.

2bis : Give constant verbal feedback to your students !

This does not come easy to me, but students NEED to be told when they said something good ! Because if you do not tell them explicitely, how would they know that, hey, this was a pretty cool comment !

But also, be clear when answer or a point raised is not relevant or wrong, because it also guides their understand of the topic. "Ok, I can see why you would say that, but it's actually abit trickier...". "Ah, yes, it is very interesting that you raise it, it is a common misunderstanding and I am glad you are pointing it out, because it is an interesting discussion to have!"

3. Your own experience of being an Undergrad may not be the best point of reference

When I started teaching, I made the mistake of thinking "ok, what sort of TA/tutorial do I wish I had, in Undergrad?", and went with what I know I would have enjoyed. Except I am a passionate nerdy introvert who hated talking to my peers and doing group works, and wanted a TA who was no-bullshit, clear, professional. Most of your students are probably not, and may indeed enjoy group work, or the opportunity to connect with their peers during your tutorial. Most of your students will appreciate a TA who is more forthcoming, friendly, and may crack a joke or two. And it is a weird role to have, it may clash with your personality (it definitely clashes with mine), but it's ok if it takes time to find the right zone for you ! It is absolutely part of the process !

4. Talk to other TAs ! You all face the same issues !

Pooling experience with other TAs is fantastic. Because no matter what issue you are facing, one of them faced it already. How do you teach in the shitty Room 605 where the computer does not work ? How do they deal with students who do not do the readings ? How to they handle lack of motivation from students ? What sort of group work do they organize ? Who sort of online tools do they rely on ? How do they deal with all the emails they get ? And on that note...

5. Try out things, and if they do not work, it's fine.

Do not be afraid to try things. I tend to stay away from "complex" activities which can confuse students, or rely too much on technology. But group work ? There are so many types of group work ! Why stick to just the "think of this question in group of 3 for 5 minutes", when you could do a syndicate, snowballing, 2-minutes essay, fishbowl, think-pair-share, buzz groups...

And sometimes, it will not work. Just... a bad session. And you feel that it's on you, that you did not manage to do your work, that you are a bad teacher... And refer to Point 2. Then, calmly, talk about it with another TA. Explain what you did, and try to get their opinion on it, reflect on it. But it is never all on you.

6. Organize your session alternating moments where you take the lead, and moments where students take the lead.

Teaching is exhausting, learning is exhausting, genuinely, so balance out moments where you do the heavy work, and moments where they do. I like to have a rough session plan with all the activities I have planned, and indicate for each if it is "ME", "STUDENTS", "ALL". And also ensure that your students are given the opportunity to really take an active role, which is way better for learning !

7. Help, my students are not talking :

This will happen. You will ask a question, no one will answer. Big, awkward, heavy silence. You reformulated the question, but clearly it is not working. Here are a few ways I have reacted to it :

- Show of hands 1 : for a quick diagnosis. "Can you raise your hand if you have done the reading for this question ? Just so I know if this is maybe the problem". Encourage the ones who have done the readings to explain it to the others.

- Show of hands 2 : "Ok, there are two ways to answer this question X and Y. Can you raise you hand if you think Y, and lower it if you think X?". Encourage some who picked Y to explain why, then same with X.

- Show of hands 3 : "Ok, let's lower the pressure. Who thinks they kind of have an answer, but is not sure about how to word it, or properly argument it?". Ask whoever raise their hand to start, and pick up yourself from there.

- Switch to think-pair-share : "Ok, how about we think a bit about this on our own for a few minutes, and then you can compare your own answers with your neigbour"

- Collapse the classroom : "Ok, I can see that this is not working. It's ok, can you tell me if it is because the topic is not super interesting, or the reading ? Are the questions not what you expected?"

- End of the session clear-up : [once everything is over] "Ok, so now that the session is over, can I ask you guys why it was difficult for you to talk today ? Just so I can make sure I can come up with questions that are useful to you, next time. If some of you want to stay a few minutes to talk about what you would like to change for the next tutorials, we can talk about it now ; you don't have to, of course"

8. Grading is tough, but we can make it easier.

Especially if you are grading things like essays, we can often feel uneasy, unsure how to grade them, how legitimate we are to grade them, especially with the sheer impact grades can have on students. Ideally, you want to have a list of things that are PLUS POINTS, and perhaps some that are MINUS POINTS, and have those strictly guide your grading, to be fair to all students and assess them similarly. I also found that it is helpful to grade the paper, only the paper. When there is a really, really bad essay where clearly the student barely tried, it's easy to get frustrated, because you did your best, and clearly the student did not care ? But you never actually know what happened. Real examples of students submitting absolutely terrible work include : a student who was grieving her mother, a student who had been in hospital and did not know she could ask for a delay, an adult student whose child had gotten sick the days before, a foreign student with a poor grasp on English... When you are grading the 78th essay of the week, it is easy to forget that each of them is from an individual, and we get to judge the work they do, but not why they did it. Even in your comments and feedback, always be compassionate.

#life as a TA #teaching #University #phdblr #gradblr

64 notes · View notes

omg-im-such-a-masochist · 3 years

Text

A WISE ADVICE

Prompt: When Finn flirts with Sasha Banks on Monday Night Raw,his return home to his girlfriend Y/N ends up with him meeting a side to her he didn’t knew existed,a broken bed and a nosy demon king!

Word count: I write most of my stuff in my phone so I don’t know,but long-ish

Pairing: Finn x Reader x Bálor

Warnings:+18 smut,cursing,wax play,bondage(limbs restriction),slight female degradation,jealousy and some broken furniture!Hahahaha

Notes: Ok,so this is my first Finn Bálor fanfic(be nice please?And give me some feedback if you’d like)as I always say,english isn’t my first language,so sorry for misspellings,you can always find my latest story as a fixed post on my page and you can find all of my stories typing “masochist writes” on the search bar on my page and last but certainly not least the only excuse I have for writing this is that I love the man and I love kinky shit,so enjoy 😏

My grandfather was a wise man.I loved the funny stories he used to tell me and my brother when we were younger.Stories about his old loverboy days,and how he would always get in trouble for flirting with the girls of his neighborhood! And one thing my grandpa always used to say to my brother was: “Son,the thing you must fear the most in your life it’s the fury of a woman!Don’t fear the thief,don’t fear death,but do fear the fury of a raging woman!Even more if you were the one who incited such rage!”And he laughed while he finished his cigar.

I never understood why he said that to my brother..until now!

I was sitting on my bed,just trying to process what my eyes had witnessed.My mind was racing,my blood boiling and I knew that if looks could kill he would be dead already (even through the damn TV).

I had not just seen MY boyfriend,just SHAMELESSLY flirt with Sasha Banks! And don’t even try to say “oh please,don’t be so dramatic! It’s scripted you know?!” ‘Cuz I ain’t buying that shit! We’ve been together for 4 years now and trust me honey,if anyone knows THAT look that someone is me.You know why?Because he gives me the SAME ONE FOR PRECISELY 4 YEARS NOW!

The fucker had the audacity! I’m so furious I could just strangle him to death with my bare hands,and yes,through the damn TV. But if he thinks I’m gonna let this slip through he has another thing coming...And when he receive his punishment for being such a naughty little boy,he’s gonna wish somebody would have warned him about the deadly fury of a woman.

As soon as I finished hiding my last item,I heard the front door open *let the games begin* I devilishly thought to myself.

“Y/N? Love are ya upstairs?” That voice,the voice of the traitor,just served to make me even more angry!But if I wanted this to work out as I planned I had to play it cool.So I just pushed the anger down my throat and put it a beautiful sheepishly smile upon my lips and answered “Yes love,I’m in the bedroom.” *this is going to be fun* I thought to myself.

A few seconds later I heard the bedroom door open “Oh there ya are! I thought ya were going to be downstairs,waiting for me like ya always do” He said. I slowly turned to face him and said as innocently as I could “Yeah I was but, I thought you would have another thing in mind so I figured it would be better if I just waited here for you instead.” As I proceeded to bat my lashes and strip my clothes off in front of him.

“Oh love”He licked his lips slowly “Ya have no idea what you’ve had just started!”

“Oh Sir,I think I do..the real question is” I closed the distance between us and slowly pushed him down onto the bed “Are YOU ready for what YOU had started?” As soon as his body collided with the mattress I quickly handcuffed both of his wrists to the headboard.

“What the fuck? Y/N,what is this?”

I silently went to the foot of the bed and begin to take off his Vans and socks.

“Babe,what are ya doing?Y/N? Talk to me damn it!”

I just looked at him chuckling while I grabbed a rope so I could tie his ankles to the bed as well.

“Love,you’re starting to scare me here...please talk to me,what’s going on?” He pleaded

I kneeled between his legs to undo his belt while I whistle a little tune.

“For fuck sake Y/N! Ya look like a fucking psycho right now,just say something please!” He begged and I stopped right when I was about to push his pants down.

“Do you think that I look like a psycho?Funny tho,how earlier you didn’t thought that...actually,you thought that you could take me for granted right?You thought that I would wait for you at the door like a good girl should,you thought that you could flirt with your female co-worker on national TV and I would just wait for you here...” I grabbed a handful of his semi-hard bulge and squeezed just enough so he could feel the slight pain. “Like a little well trained pet.” I proceeded to squeeze harder until he gasped.

“Y/N” my name was a faint whisper leaving his lips. “Please baby,you’re hurting me.”

“I’m hurting you?” I huffed as I slowly let the deadly grip on his bulge fade “What about you hurting me huh?What about my feelings Finn?What about the fact that you made me embarrassed on national TV! How can I get out on the street now with people knowing that we date and still you were deliberately flirting with another woman?” I slightly pinched his bulge just to make my point clear.

“Ouch,fuck! I’m sorry babe! I really didn’t meant it! I just got carried away with the plot that’s it! You know I love you dearly,and the only woman who gets me heads over heels for it’s you. I even bought you some roses and chocolates as a white flag sign,since I realized I fucked up..” I looked into his beautiful blue eyes and saw nothing more than love and regret. “Where are they?”

“They?”

“Yeah,the roses and the chocolates?”

“They’re on the dinner table”

I got up from the bed and made my way towards the bedroom door. “I’ll be right back.”

I went down the stairs,entered the dining room and I saw the most beautiful bouquet of red roses I’ve ever seen,and the little heart shaped chocolates,my favorite ones! I ran to the kitchen to get a vase with water to put the roses in it.When I placed the beautiful bouquet inside of it I saw the little card attached on the outside,beautifully hand written “My lovely lass,I know I got a little carried away with my character tonight,but I tell you with all my heart it meant nothing! You’re the only woman I’ll EVER need in my life!You’re my EVERYTHING! Love ya... yours always and forever.Finn”

“Argh Y/N what did you do?! Well I can still make this pleasurable for him,somehow..” I whispered to myself and ran back upstairs.

“Oh thank God! I thought ya were gonna leave me tied up here the whole night!” He giggled “Did ya find it?”

“Yes I did..”

“I meant it what I said in the card ya know...”

“Yeah I know Finn..”

After a few minutes passed by and when I didn’t move to set him free,he asked

“So?”

“So what?”

A briefly confused look passed by his face when he said

“Aren’t ya gonna let me go?”

“Why would I?” I kinda chuckled

“Well,because ya kno-“ I cut him of by saying

“Don’t you think you still need a little reminder to not do that anymore?”

“What do ya mean?”

I slowly crawled on the bed to assume the position I was on minutes ago.

“Oh you know” I said as I lightly tapped his hips so I could remove his pants and boxer briefs “I think you need that little warning slap on the hand,so you don’t be a naughty boy and don’t do that shit ever again”

I smiled as I grabbed the pair of scissors from under my pillow and cut off his shirt so I could leave him in his naked glory,and at my mercy.

“Oh my,aren’t you a beautiful sight?!”

I straddle his hips and leaned down to kiss him,as soon as our tongues met I traveled my hands down his neck,arms,chest and abs in an agonizing slow pace.

“Y/N baby”

“Yeah?”

“I need to touch ya,please open the cuffs so I can touch ya”

“Oh Finny,don’t make me laugh love! Naughty boys don’t get to touch anything!” I chuckled lightly

“No,please” he whined “Baby please,don’t do this to me!Just let me touch ya,I need ya...I want to touch your pussy baby,please?Let me make it up to ya?Let me make ya feel good”He pleaded

“You know what?You’re talking too much! What do you say about we keep that pretty little mouth busy huh?”

Without letting him answer I let one of my breasts hover upon his lips and he eagerly

took it on his mouth,sucking and licking my nipple to the point he had me whining.

“Oh Finn,fuck baby” His gaze was glued to my face “You’re so good,so fucking good,such a good boy” as soon as those words left my mouth he smirked at me,with my nipple still on his mouth,and I could swear I had just came with that vision alone.

He moved to the other nipple to give the same attention he gave the other one,and I just needed some sort of friction!So I took advantage of his now full on hard dick pressed against his stomach and the wetness that was leaking down my thighs and I slided down his abs just slightly so I could meet his cock and when I did,I released my nipple from his mouth and started to slide his erection through my folds.

“Oh fuck woman,you’re going to be the death of me!” He moaned closing his eyes tightly.

I took the opportunity to reach for the candle that was lit on the nightstand and spilt some of the hot wax onto his chest while I was still sliding on him.

“Oh fuck you!” He angrily said through gritted teeth

“Oh I’m about to sweetheart” and with that I lift my hips so I could angle him with my entrance and asked “Who does this cock belongs to baby?”

“You,you,it belongs to ya!Now just fucking ride me would ya??!!” He said desperately

“Ah,no no no!” I said as I dripped more hot wax,but this time on his nipples “Politely please!”

His eyes were so dark with lust and his voice so deep that I could swear that I had awoken some sort of demon within him.

“This cock is yours and yours only lass. It’s yours for you to suck,fuck,ride anytime or anyplace you’d like. It belongs inside your mouth,inside your ass,inside you pussy or wherever you want. It’s yours for you to do with it whatever you please!” With that I sheepishly smiled,and sunked my hips with his at the same time I dripped a few more drops of hot wax onto his pubic bone.

“Oh my fucking God!” He rolled his eyes to the back of his head and let out a growl that sounded almost inhuman.

I was giving myself sometime to focus,just so that I wouldn’t cum. When I heard a very deep voice come out of Finn’s lips and say

“You better start to fucking ride my cock right now princess and you better make sure you ride it hard and deep,or else I’m gonna break this fucking cuffs off and you will regret this little act of yours”

“Bálor” I whispered

He just smirked and whispered back “You’ve got three seconds to start riding me. One,two...” With his lead I started to ride him like a mad woman.

“Yes...my beautiful,sweet princess.Harder!” I moved faster

“I said harder!” I moved even faster

“Are ya fucking deaf? I told ya to ride.me.HARDER!” He gritted

“Bálor, I- I can’t,this is the fastest I can go” I said with my legs already becoming sore from the pace I was trying to keep.

“Oh my sweet princess” He started to laugh uncontrollably

“What’s so funny?”

“You are!” He said through deep laughs “You try so hard to be a brat,but you’ve got zero capacity for it! Look at ya! Look how pitiful you are! Can’t even fucking ride a cock properly! He started to laugh harder “Now I know why Finn loves ya...ya are so amusingly funny!” He concludes his sentence with a laugh,and I had know idea where the anger that took control of me came from but I started to hatefully ride his cock and drip the hot wax all over his body:his neck,chest,forearm,biceps,nipples,abs,v line,close to his belly button.

“Argh” He roared “That’s what I’m talking about! Yes,just like that,so fucking good. So insanely good.”

His eyes were glued on me and I couldn’t help but drip some of the hot wax onto my own body. And the sight made him growl.

“Yes kitten!Oh fuck,you’re gonna make me cum,you’re gonna make me cum so fucking hard” his eyes grew even darker “I knew I could pull that little brat out,she just needed the right words,right love?!” He chuckled and I could feel my walls tightening and my orgasm buildup like a volcano

“Bálor, I’m gonna- I need...”

“Go on kitten,let it go” And with that I came as hard as I’ve ever had,just to feel Bálor starting to cum as well,cursing in Gaelic.

As he continued to cum, I saw his eyes slowly changing back to the beautiful ocean blue I loved, and my Finn returning to the surface with a long moan as the final spasms of his orgasm hit him.

“What the fuck just happened?” He asked,out of breath and mesmerized

“I think we just broke the bed”. I said

“What?” He chuckled

“No Finn, I’m serious!”

He stopped laughing,staring at the view of our mattress on the floor and his limbs freed from the cuffs and ropes.

“Well,that’s gotta be a good sign,don’t ya think?” He started laughing hard when the only thing I could do was bluntly stare at him.

That couldn’t be a bad sign,could it?

#finn balor #finn balor fanfiction #finn balor one shot #finn balor x reader #finn balor imagine #fergal devitt #prince devitt #masochist writes

108 notes · View notes

blueteehood · 5 years

Text

about the whole “just write” advice

Maybe I’m not the best person around to go rant over it since I still have a long way to go, but I’m already so far from where I started, so I guess I can share with you this little piece of advice, after 11 years writing fanfic (in my language and in English) and trying to write my own original stuff.

You will see a lot of people telling you that the best tip to write is writing, and they are mostly right. Writing, like any other skill, must be polished, trained, and you will only get better if you try to write as much as you can. But I also realize that this is not a really useful advice if you are just starting, or if you are insecure about your writing (spoiler alert: all writers are insecure, so don’t let it get you down). Let me try to break down the whole “just write” advice for you.

1) Start small, and don’t let that frustrate you. Of course you want to write a full multichapter fic with 100k words that will get you hundreds of kudos and comments - we all want to. But if you are struggling with writing, the best advice I can give you is start small. Do you have an idea for a very specific scene you would like to write, but you don’t have the time/patience/emotional investment to write the whole plot that leads to that? No worries, write just that one part and be happy with the result. Get started by getting used to writing the things you are imagining.

2) Don’t let your wips haunt you. You wrote that one specific scene you had in mind but you just don’t feel like writing more about it? It’s ok. Believe me, every successful author has his own wip folder full of discarded ideas. The point here is getting used to writing, to find your own style that makes you comfortable. Your wips are here to help you, not to haunt you at night.

3) Read. A lot. Like, a lot. Reading will help you to acquire vocabulary, and once again, your own style. I’m not telling you to copy other people’s works, but if you find something that makes you think “Man, I wish I could write just like this” you will have a better notion about what kind of writing you want to archive.

4) Do some research. This is especially useful if you are trying to write in another language - probably English, considering that most of the fandoms are more active in that language. Search for things like “corporal language” or “how to describe sitting positions.” Really. You are not going to magically improve if you just keep writing exactly the same thing, in the same way, forever. Try new things, new genres, explore your possibilities.

5) Get involved with the fandom. I know this is particularly scary for you if you’re shy or introvert or if your fandom is in the middle of a shipping war or something ridiculous like that. But I promise you, there’s probably a lot of good people willing to help you to improve if you ask for some input or advice. Don’t be shy about it, everyone has to start somewhere and wanting to learn shouldn’t embarrass you. It’s difficult to go alone sometimes, so take a friend with you.

6) Don’t let the numbers get you down. Don’t measure your talent by the number of kudos or comments. I know this is a piece of very trick advice, because motivation and validation go hand in hand, but honestly, sometimes we just have to be positive. You need to question yourself: are you happy with what you wrote? If the answer is yes, then congratulations, you are already improving. Don’t forget that people sometimes are just lazy and they don’t leave kudos and comments because they just don’t, even if they liked it. 7) Don’t measure yourself by other authors. Maybe there’s this one author who you admire, that only have one fic that is a piece of art and has thousands of kudos and comments, and you ask yourself how can they do it? Well, you don’t know, and I also don’t know. Maybe they are just unnaturally good and wrote that on a whim and things turned out great. Or maybe they just put A LOT of effort into it, effort that you can’t even imagine. You don’t know about that person’s wips, or how many old, abandoned accounts with their first fics they have. You don’t know about their writing process, so don’t get hung up on that.

8) Try to go back to your wips. Yes, I know I told you it’s ok to abandon an idea if you don’t feel like writing it anymore. But, if you are already comfortably popping out ideas, then the next step is working on them. Try to write about what lead to that scene, or it’s consequences. Try to write that scene from another character’s point of view. Just try to add something else. It’s not a race, you can take your time thinking about it and maybe more ideas will come to you.

9) Make a plan for your plot points. You don’t need to have the whole fic figured out, but if you know at least how you want it to end, start imagining what should happen to your characters go from point A to point B. And if you change your mind later and decided that you have a better idea for the final, that’s great. That means you know your characters and your universe better than when you started.

10) Write. But it’s hard...! Yes, it’s. That’s why you did your research, why you read, why you talked to other people about it: to make it less hard. Now you need to find what works for you: is it listening to music? doing sprints with bots on discord? writing one line at the time between your gameplays? It doesn't matter. What works for you, works for you, but the best advice I can give you now is: try to write a bit every day. Punch your fears and your writing block on the face, lose your fear of writing and don’t give up.

11) Don’t get attached. What? Yep, and there are two instances for this one. First, if you finished your fic, and you’re proud of it, now let it go. Post it. Don’t keep re writing and changing it until you don’t even know what you are doing anymore. Done is better than perfect for you right now. Post it, and when you receive some criticism, let go again and learn how to deal with it. If it’s just a troll that doesn’t like your ship - because those people exist, don’t let them intimidate you - then you can just ignore them. But if you get some constructive review, considered it, and don’t freak out. Maybe you don’t agree with what they are saying and that’s fine, at the end of the day you are the person who knows your story the most. But if someone is truly trying to help you to improve, let them help you.

Finally, my personal experience: I wrote in Portuguese for ten years, I got a lot better, and then I gave up for a number of reasons. I took a break and that was good, but I couldn’t simply give up, so I came back and now I’m improving my English and writing skills a lot. If you really want to write, put some effort into it. Maybe you will surprise yourself. I know I did.

I hope this is useful for someone. Thanks for reading my enormous ramble and my inbox is open if you want to talk about writing, the Life, the Universe and Everything.

#ao3 #fanfiction #writing #tips

839 notes · View notes

qqueenofhades · 4 years

Note

Hi there. I've been scrolling through your "school stuff" tag but thought I'd ask directly - how did you find the transition to actually moving outside of the U.S. for your PhD? I'm looking at something similar and I'm wondering about your experience with the logistics (finding somewhere to live, visa, etc!). Thanks in advance, and congrats on being a doctor!

Oh lord. Why would you do that to yourself? I feel like that tag is mostly just intense kvetching, bogglingly obscure nitpicking complaints, and existential despair, and/or yelling at various institutions and/or people who could not do their god damn jobs. If you have read that and still actually want my advice, I salute you. I’m presuming you’re asking in regard to the UK, since it’s the only experience I can speak on, so hopefully that’s applicable?

In my case, I studied in the UK for a year as an undergraduate, at Oxford, so I was already familiar with the process (at least somewhat) when it came time to do it again for the PhD. Upfront, we must acknowledge the ugly deformed rabid elephant in the room that is Brexit, and the idiotic reform of UK immigration policy currently ongoing. Long story short, they seem to think they can function without low-skilled migration, that the domestic UK workforce will just happily lark off to do the jobs that working-class EU migrants have been doing, that this won’t totally bomb-crater the NHS, that they can run a country by basically only allowing in PhDs in STEM making over £30,000 a year, etc… so yes, this is a complete joke of an immigration policy and it’s what happens when you elect floppy haired xenophobic douchewads and their nightmare party as prime minister! ANYWAY, they’re introducing a points-based system from 2021, which may not affect you for an application under Tier 4, but UK immigration policy is going to have a lot of very stupid reforms and you’ll want to keep on top of those. If you have an offer in hand from a UK university, it is made somewhat easier, but you’ll still need to budget for processing costs, an NHS subsidy paid in for every year you will be there (something like $300/year), and a trip to a UK visa office to have your fingerprints and biometric information taken. If you don’t live near one, that will be travel expenses and so forth. You then have a temporary visa issued for first entry into the country, and a Biometric Residence Permit which you pick up at your university.

That, at least, was the process the last time I applied for a student visa, and it may all have changed by the time you do it. As noted, there are a lot of upfront visa costs, so you’ll want to be aware of those. You need a number of supporting documents, including offer of study, proof of income or ability to financially support yourself (since most Tier 4 visas either don’t let you work or only work a limited number of hours), proof of English proficiency (as a native English speaker/person from an English-speaking country, you won’t need this), and so on. You can’t start the process before you have the offer, but you’ll want to start it as soon as possible afterward, because it can take several months, and obviously needs to be done before you can travel. You will also want to open a UK bank account as soon as you arrive, which can be done once you have your residential address and a certificate from the student services office at your university verifying that you are in fact a student there. It’s pretty difficult to pay out of non-UK accounts, at least for monthly/recurring transactions, and there are international fees. You will also want a UK phone. I still have my UK phone/phone number despite my current hiatus in America, since most carriers offer free or low-cost roaming in Europe (though subject to change with EU trade negotiations), which is nice. I pay only a little extra to have Global Roaming in North America, so I can still use my phone as if I’m in the UK. If you’re planning to be traveling, this is a nice perk to have.

As far as finding programs goes, I’m sure I don’t need to give you advice on what you’re interested in and where you’re looking. Obviously, universities in the UK are grouped as “Oxford and Cambridge” and “everyone else,” though there are also rankings within those. I have been at both of these; Oxford as an undergrad, and then I did my PhD at a large public university in the North that ranks within the top 10 in the UK. The North will be much lower, living-cost wise (actually, if you can swing it, just… don’t do it in London, the cost of living in London is out of control. Of course, if the program you really have your heart set on is in London, then go for it, but just be aware of what you’re getting into). It’s also a rule of thumb that you don’t go anywhere for a PhD unless they’re paying you. Don’t self-fund a PhD, it’s just too expensive, and any decent university will give you some kind of financial stipend. I had a scholarship that covered three years of full tuition at international rate, which was good, though I had to take out some living-cost loans. So if you’re trying to decide between two programs that have both accepted you, a situation I was also lucky enough to be in, it sounds crass, but: take the money. One university had already offered me the tuition/scholarship, while the other had accepted me but wasn’t sure about funding. So I took the one that paid the scholarship. You need every penny you can get. You will be comically, absurdly, unbelievably broke as a graduate student. I was looking back on it like “wow I really lived for four years on BUTTFUCK NOTHING.” It is not for the faint of heart; you will have financial stress along with academic pressure, and while I was lucky enough to have generous friends and family contributing to my living costs, I still barely scraped through. It is something you should be aware of.

I don’t know if you’ve studied in the UK system before (I’m assuming not), but the structure for a PhD is much less determined than in the American system. It will also vary from university to university, so it’s worth establishing contact with a potential faculty supervisor to ask questions and refine your project proposal. I made contact with my eventual supervisor at my PhD university before I actually applied there; I gave him my (much too broad and pretty unrefined) project proposal and what I was interested in, and he helped me tailor it into something that could be done in a feasible time frame and which would make use of his expertise and contribute to the field. Whatever you’re thinking about pitching as a thesis topic, you probably need to make it more specific. I don’t know what field you’re in; I’m a humanities/history person, obviously, so the rule always seems to be WRITE MORE, INFIDEL. But the point is, the UK system has much less structured time, and basically relies on you to have the self-motivation to go out and conduct the research and write it up, and if you’re someone more used to rigid requirements and classes and so forth, you might find it a little hands-off. If you’re like me and can just be set loose in your field of interest and do your own thing, you’ll like it. I feel like anyone who is serious enough about their subject to want to do a PhD has to be primarily self-motivating, but some people function better with clear guidelines, and those are not always forthcoming. I can’t count the number of times I wished my supervisors would just TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK TO DO, but they usually highlighted something and had me work to figure out how exactly to fix it. They weren’t negligent or uncaring or unsupportive, and the project became much better as a result, but yes, it’s on you to do, and it can again be frustrating.

As far as living, I didn’t try to rent a flat from afar, sight unseen, in my first year. I just registered for postgraduate campus housing, and lived with four predictably horribly messy roommates (why???!) before I managed to escape and rent a private flat for the next three years. You will need a guarantor with a UK address (i.e. not your parents in America) to sign on the lease agreement, especially if you fall below a certain income threshold, and go through the usual background checking and approval. If you want to have the place to yourself, it will be, as noted, much cheaper to find something you can afford in the North and not-London in general, though southern England and the London commuter belt will all be expensive. If you’re okay living with roommates, or you make friends during your program, it might work to room together and share costs, but I am a pathological introvert and don’t like people, so I lived by myself.

Anyway. Right now, I am in the second round of applications for a Big Deal UK postdoctoral award, which would be for three years starting this fall if I got it, at another high-ranking large public university in the south of England. (So yes, everything that I just said about how much it costs to live in London/London suburbs is me playing myself). I would be applying for a Tier 2 visa (i.e. the permanent/settlement track/full-time work visa) if I got this, which would be another barrel of laughs and different requirements from a Tier 4. That is definitely unhatched chickens which we can’t count yet, as this is a highly competitive/prestigious award and there is absolutely no guarantee that I would get it, but it would mean that I would go through the international moving/visa application process for a third time, so I would once again become too unfortunately familiar with whatever bullshittery is happening now. Le sigh.

I don’t know if any of that is helpful; hopefully so. Let me know if you have more questions, and good luck.

#school stuff #anonymous #ask

14 notes · View notes

dontmindthefangirling · 5 years

Text

Catfish {t.h.}

part 3!

part 2 | series masterlist

Summary: What happens when you start falling in love with a boy online, completely unaware that it’s Tom Holland behind the computer screen?

Warnings: Some swearing

“Dude, have you seen the amount of fan accounts people have made about you?” Harry said as he scrolled through Instagram. Tom leaned over his brother’s shoulder, looking down at the countless fan accounts dedicated solely to him. It was still so surreal.

“That’s insane,” Tom said.

“Look! This one has over 20 thousand followers!” Harry exclaimed. Tom chuckled and shook his head. It never ceased to amaze him how dedicated his fans were.

Tom walked over to the coffee table and picked up his own phone, being met by many messages that flooded his screen. A while back, Harry and Harrison proposed, as a joke, that Tom make a fake fan account to see what really goes on behind the scenes with his fans.

When Tom actually went through with it, he was exposed to more than he was expecting. His fans were incredibly talented, whether it was fan-art, stories, or edits made about him, he was shocked at the sheer dedication to him they had. Plus, it allowed him to talk to a few of them without anyone knowing his true identity.

But then he started talking to you.

It began when he came across your Tumblr, and he was particularly intrigued with your sense of humor and a few of the drawings you had posted. He found himself mindlessly scrolling through your page when he saw the link to your Twitter. He took a liking to how you addressed your followers, always with kindness and enthusiasm, and he figured he’d finally talk to you.

When you responded, he found that he was the dumbstruck one. He never expected you to even see his message, seeing as you had plenty of your own followers.

He had always wanted to get to know his fans better, and he wished he could talk to each one personally and thank them for their support, but the reality was that that just wasn’t possible.

But when he started talking to you, he found himself hooked. He wanted to learn more about you, what you were like, and why you put up with your insane ex-boyfriend.

Tom didn’t even know you that well, but he hated guys who treated other girls terribly. He and his brothers were always brought up to treat women with the utmost respect, and when he heard stories like the ones you were telling him, it made his blood boil.

Talking to you also gave Tom a sense of familiarity. It was so easy to talk to someone when they didn’t know who he really was, and it was humbling to be able to say what he wants without the media being all over it.

Tom opened his phone and signed into his fake account, seeing a message pop up from you.

-Hey! Haven’t heard from you today, but I hope you’re doing well :)

The message brought a smile to Tom’s face. Not many people asked him how he was doing on a daily basis, considering everything was so fast paced. He was about to think of a response when Harry brought him out of his thoughts.

“Tom? Are you listening?” Harry asked. Tom’s head shot up from his screen and he met his brother’s gaze.

“What? Sorry, yeah.”

“What did I just say?”

Tom blinked. “Uh...”

Harry rolled his eyes. “You have a meeting in thirty minutes.”

“Oh shit, I forgot,” Tom sighed. He shut his phone’s screen and put it in his pocket before grabbing his jacket and following Harry towards the door.

You were sitting in the library looking over some of your history notes, but you couldn’t focus. You kept checking your phone for messages from Peter, but he had yet to respond. You found yourself worrying about him. Was he alright?

You thought it was silly, caring this much about someone you didn’t even know in person, but something came so easily talking to Peter. Online or not, you enjoyed his company.

But it was almost one o’clock in the afternoon and you hadn’t heard from him all day.

You sighed after checking once more and put your phone down, trying to focus on your notes about Irish immigration to the United States.

You were finally beginning to take diligent notes and tune out the rest of the world around you when someone slid into the chair across from you. You looked up wearily and felt your heart drop to the pit of your stomach at the sight of your ex.

“Go away,” you spat, turning up your music in your headphones and keeping your eyes locked on your notes.

You hoped the longer your ignored his presence, the sooner he would leave, but instead he grabbed your notebook and flipped it shut.

“Hey!”

“Let’s get back together,” he said suddenly, as soon as he had your attention. You wanted to laugh. He couldn’t be serious.

“Get out of my face,” you snarled, snatching your notebook back.

“(Y/N), I’m serious. I miss you,” he pleaded. You rolled your eyes. You truly couldn’t care less about the sob story he had culminated just to get you back into his trap.

“And I don’t care,” you said, rummaging through your notebook to find where you had left off before you were rudely interrupted.

“I know I messed up, but I’ve changed. I’ll be better,” he continued. You looked up and met his dark eyes. A part of you thought about the good times that you had together, but a much larger part of you remembered all the bad that seriously outweighed the good.

“Let me make something very clear for you,” you began, keeping your voice calm and low. “We are never, ever, getting back together. I want absolutely nothing to do with you in any capacity, and frankly just your presence makes me want to slap you across the face, but I won’t give you the satisfaction of getting under my skin. And as for you changing, people can’t change that much. You’ve got a lot of work to do, pal.”

You ex stared at you as you stood and gathered your things. You quickly shoved them into your backpack and slung it over your shoulder. You heard your ex call your name as you walked away, and you smiled when he got yelled at for being loud by one of the librarians.

However, as soon as you were out of the library, you made a beeline to the nearest bathroom. Being around your ex made you think of every horrible thing he had ever done. Once you were alone, you keeled over the sink and splashed some water on your face.

There was only one person you wanted to talk to, so you pulled out your phone and quickly scribbled a message to Peter.

-Please help distract me.

Peter hadn’t responded to your last message, and you didn’t know if he would respond to this one either, but if he did, you really hoped he would offer some sort of advice. You put your phone in your pocket and looked at yourself in the mirror. You were proud of yourself for sticking up to him like you did, and you knew you were stronger because of it.

You just focused on getting your breathing back to normal.

“I’m exhausted,” Tom sighed as he collapsed into the back seat of the black SUV to take him, Harry, and Harrison back to his house. It was dark now, and clouds began to blanket the London sky, and all Tom could think about was Tessa and his bed.

“That meeting went way longer than it was supposed to,” Harrison groaned, rubbing his eyes. “You got any food at your flat?”

“Yes, but don’t go eating it all,” Tom scolded. Harrison chuckled and leaned back in his seat.

The ride back was quiet, as Harrison snored loudly next to Tom, and Harry was scrolling through his phone. Tom decided to pull his own phone out and he noticed a notification on his fake Twitter since he never signed out. He saw the message was from you and he furrowed his eyebrows.

-Is everything alright?

Only a minute or two passed before you responded.

-I just need something to get my mind off of everything here.

Tom thought for a moment.

-Want to hear a funny story?

-Yes please.

Tom proceeded to tell you about the time he was doing a back flip to impress his friends when he landed on his face and broke his nose. He tweaked a few facts about the story, like the fact that he was doing the flip on set for Chaos Walking, but the rest was the same.

-That’s not funny! That sounds painful!

-Don’t worry, darling, it was much funnier than it was painful.

Back in your room, you felt heat rise to your cheeks at the word darling. You knew he was English and it was possible that he called everyone that, but you couldn’t stop your heart from beating much louder than it normally should.

You continued to talk to Peter for almost an hour until your mom called you down for dinner. You were currently listening to another story about how Peter and his friend almost got lost trying to get out of a hotel while the fire alarm went off.

You couldn’t help but smile as you conversed. You had asked Peter to get your mind off of everything that was bothering you here, and he had certainly delivered. You appreciated him not asking about what it was that was making you upset, but you figured he may have had an idea.

Regardless, he managed to make you laugh and smile for quite some time before you had to leave for dinner.

Before you left your room, you typed out the question you had been itching to ask since you took such a liking to talking to Peter.

-Can I see what you look like?

part 4

taglist: @slythxr // @greenarrowhead // @your-daily-dose-of-fangirl // @loxbbg // @didanyonesaybuckybarnes // @strang-ersclub // @roaringgoodshow // @skeletalwolfcat // @peterbrokenparker //

#tom holland #tom hollander #tom holland imagine #tom holland x you #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #spider-man

408 notes · View notes

lostinshawnsmemory · 5 years

Text

Figure You Out: Chapter 2 - Shawn x African OC

A/N: First of all I wanted to say a massive thank you to everyone who liked the first chapter. I got so many nice comments and great feedback, it made me emotional. I love these characters and I’m happy that you do too. Thank you to @vnv21 and @rulerofnocountry for reading my drafts

PS: There isn’t a specific song attached to this chapter but I’ve created a playlist that I’ll link at the bottom of each chapter, rather than linking each song.

Word Count: 4.0k

Warnings: None

MASTERLIST

Series Masterlist

Fic Playlist

SHAWN’S POV

Did he stalk her Instagram? Yes, yes he did. ‘Everyone does it though’ he thought to himself as he picked up his phone for the umpteenth time.

He wanted to know more about her, but her Instagram didn’t give much away. From what he could tell, she loved photography, music, food, and travel and her friends claimed she was hilarious, but there was nothing there to tell you what kind of person she was. As ridiculous as it sounded, he wanted to get to know her. ‘You’re never going to get to know her if you don’t talk to her.’

He met new people all the time and could tell when there was more to them than meets the eye and this was definitely one of those cases. They hadn’t spoken for long but there was something about her. She had a lot more going on below the surface.

He tapped the arrow icon in the top right corner of his screen, then tapped on the new message icon and searched for her name. Before he could lose his courage he typed out a simple message.

*Hi T. I hope you got home safe.*

Then he deleted it before he pressed send. Something about messaging her like that felt off. ‘She’d think it’s weird considering we just met.’

It had to be something worth starting a conversation over. He ran his hands through his hair. ‘You’re overthinking it, Shawn. Just let it occur naturally.’ With that, he locked his phone and put it on the table.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As she was getting ready the next day Tolani recalled what happened the night before. She was lucky she didn’t have a hangover when she woke up considering the fact she drank a lot more than she meant to. ‘You need to be more careful’ she scolded herself. Her thoughts soon turned to Shawn Mendes. Her friends had grilled her to no end on the ride back to their dorm. “I can't believe you were flirting with Shawn Mendes!” Nicole screamed. Tolani looked in the rear view mirror and gave the driver an apologetic smile, which he returned.

“I wasn't flirting with him.”

“Yeah right” Desire scoffed with an eye roll. “The two of you were deep in conversation and giggling for at least 45 minutes. Definitely looked like flirting from where I was standing.”

“Did you at least get his phone number?” Nicole was almost vibrating with excitement. “This is literally like something out of a fanfic!” She placed her hands in her heart and squealed.

“Sorry to burst your bubble, but this isn’t fanfiction and no, I didn't get his phone number.” She conveniently left out the part where she had given him her Instagram. ‘It’s not like it's going to go anywhere.’ She thought.

“How could you do this to me?” Nicole wailed. “You're supposed to be my friend.”

“No seriously. You fumbled the bag on this one cause he was seriously into you, I could tell.” Desire added.

Tolani gave a non-committal grunt and spent the rest of the car ride with her head leaning on the window, deep in thought. ‘So what that he has my Instagram? Nothing is going to happen.’

The sound of her phone brought her back to the present. It was a reminder that she was taking a tour of the campus and registering for classes today. She also had a text from her mum wishing her good luck and asking her to call when she had time. ‘I’ve got to remember to do that.’

It was only then she noticed the notifications and stared at her phone in shock. Shawn Mendes had followed her on Instagram. What she didn’t expect were the hundreds of comments on her photos asking who she was and why Shawn followed her. ‘I did not see that coming. Even though I probably should’ve.’ No messages from him though. For a split second Tolani felt a stab of disappointment. She had gotten her hopes up based on what everyone around her was saying. ‘Tolani you need to get over it. Nothing is going to happen.’ She looked down at her phone again, the sheer amount of messages and comments made her uneasy. ‘I can’t deal with this right now.’ She stuffed her phone in her pocket, picked up her bag and walked out of the door.

The campus tour was exactly what she needed to get her mind off things. York University was huge, much bigger than she thought and it was going to take weeks to get her bearings. It also didn’t help that all her classes were on the other side of campus. ‘Guaranteed I’m going to get lost more than once.’ she thought.

Meeting her personal tutor while registering for classes wasn’t as nerve-wracking as she thought. He was an older man who asked her questions about how she was adjusting to living in Canada and gave her advice about starting university and living in a new environment. After their conversation, she felt a lot more at ease about this new chapter in her life.

On her way back to her dorm she couldn’t help but take a photo of the library and put it on her Instagram story captioning it ‘Home for the next 4 years.’ With a smile, she has put in her earphones and walked back to her dorm.

While she was walking, Tolani felt a tap on her shoulder. She flinched and whirled round in surprise to see Kyle standing in front of her with a lopsided grin. “I’m sorry I scared you.” He said with an apologetic look on his face. “It’s just that I called you a few times and you didn’t answer.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t hear you.” She pointed to her earphones that were still in her ears.

“What are you up to?”

“Oh, just taking a campus tour, need to make sure I can find my way around.” She gestured around her.

“I can give you a tour if you don’t mind?”

“Yeah. That would be nice.” She smiled politely. “Thanks.”

The two set off as Kyle showed her even more of the campus than she would have been to explore on her own. He told her that his older brother had studied at York and he spent a lot of time here visiting him. After a few minutes of somewhat awkward silence, we turned to her.

“Desire told me that you weren’t happy about the lion comment last night.”

“Yeah. It wasn’t funny. Comments like that are ignorant and offensive and I don’t appreciate them.” Her lips twisting in disapproval.

“I’m sorry. I made you feel that way. Can we start over?”

“Sure.” She replied. The two continued their tour, then walked back to their dorm.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back in the safety of her room Tolani let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. She was exhausted from all the walking and wanted nothing more than to lay in bed and listen to music. First, she needed to call her mum.

“Tolani!”

“Hi mum.” She smiled at mum through the camera. ‘Thank God for FaceTime.’

“Ba wo ni?” (How are you?)

“Mo wa dada” (I’m fine) she replied slipping seamlessly into Yoruba.

“How was registration?”

“Good. I’m all ready for classes to start next week. It’s exciting but also incredibly nerve-wracking.”

“You have nothing to be worried about.” Her mum replied.

Even though they hadn’t been on the phone for long, it felt good to talk to her mum. Being away from home was never easy and adding the fact that she was almost 10,000 miles away and in a completely different time zone didn’t help.

“Tolani I want you to enjoy your time there but I also want you to focus on your work. Okay?”

“Yes Mum.” She replied in English. Her parents were very much work oriented. Everything else was a potential distraction. Tolani understood that it came from a place of love but it was sometimes difficult to open up to them.

When the phone call ended, she was about to toss her phone on her bed she noticed another Instagram notification. It was hard to see in the midst of the comments still flooding her Instagram, but it was undeniable.

*Shawn Mendes replied to your story.*

Shawn: Pulling a Hermione I see?

‘A Harry Potter joke. Wooow’ she thought as liked the message and typed out a reply

Tolani: Harry Potter jokes. Is that what we’re doing?

She put her phone down and waited. Two minutes later he responded.

Shawn: They are the best type of jokes.😁

Tolani: Are they though… because I can think of at least 10 other jokes that are better than that one 🙄

Shawn: Maybe I could hear them one day.

That message stopped her dead in her tracks. Was that attempt to ask her out or was she reading into the message too much? She was confident that they weren’t flirting at the club but upon reflection maybe they were.

Tolani: Was that an attempt to ask me out?🤨

Shawn: Yes and No. More of me seeing if you were open to the idea of me asking you out, rather than me actually doing it.

Tolani: So I’m taking that as a yes. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Even though it wasn’t in person, the conversation flowed easily. Tolani wouldn’t have said that she was bad at talking to strangers but she was definitely on the introverted side of the scale.

Shawn: I guess you could say that.

She didn’t know how to respond to that. He wasn’t asking her out but letting her know that he wanted to. ‘Would I say yes if he asked me out? I don’t know.’ She flinched as her phone vibrated in her lap. Her heart leapt into her chest as she opened the message from him.

Shawn: Would you like to go out for coffee sometime? That was me asking you out btw 😉

Tolani: Like a date? 🤨

Shawn: Ideally yes, but it doesn't have to be if you don’t want it to be. We could go as friends 😊

Tolani: Are we friends?

Shawn: Let’s not label it right now.

He was definitely flirting with her and she wasn’t sure how to react to that. She could picture his smile and the way his eyes seemed to sparkle. He was definitely attractive so that wasn’t the issue. ‘There’s no harm in getting coffee as friends right?’

Tolani: I’d love to get coffee.

Shawn: Is it a date?

Tolani: Let’s not label it right now.

Shawn: Using my own words against me. Why do I feel like I’m going to regret that?

Tolani: I can guarantee it 😉

Shawn: Are you free tomorrow? There’s a really cool coffee shop we can go to called Early Bird on Queen street.

Tolani: I am. How about 11 o'clock?

Shawn: Perfect. Meet you there?

Tolani: It’s a date.

Shawn: What happened to no labels? 🤨

Tolani: I’m blocking you now. 😂🤦🏾‍♀️

Shawn: Haha! See you tomorrow T.

She stared at her phone in shock. She had a coffee date with a famous pop star. One that she knew nothing about. ‘A google search won’t hurt right?’

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tolani was running late. She’d gotten on the wrong bus and was headed in the wrong direction before she realised what was going on. Luckily she was able to find her way to the coffee shop but was fifteen minutes late.

The coffee shop didn’t take long to find. It felt warm and inviting as she walked in. With white-brick walls, marble countertops and the addition of greenery, it was the perfect minimalist café.

He was seated towards the back on his phone, completely engrossed in what he was looking at, so much so that he didn’t notice her till she spoke.

“A pop star sitting all alone.”She said with a smirk “Aren't you scared you’ll get mobbed?”

He turned to face her and she was struck with how good looking he was. Photos and terrible club lighting really didn’t do him justice. She couldn’t tell what colour his eyes were that night, but she could see now that they were a golden-brown and much like that night they were sparkling. He had an angular face with a strong jaw but also rosy cheeks and a soft demeanour. His hair was curly and pushed back from his face save for an ‘S’ shaped curl on his forehead. ‘How ironic.’

“I like to live dangerously.” He quipped.

“I’m sorry I’m late.” She apologised. “I’m still getting used to public transport here. Ended up in on the wrong bus going in the wrong direction.”

“It’s okay T.” He flashed a smile. “Although I did start to think you stood me up.”

“Not gonna lie I considered it.”

“I don’t think my ego would ever recover.” He chuckled. “I didn’t order yet because I wanted to wait for you, but I have been getting weird looks so there’s that.”

The pair went up to the counter and ordered their coffee. Shawn ordered an Americano and Tolani ordered a latte.

“So…Harry Potter jokes…” Tolani gave him an inquisitive look as she took the seat opposite him dropping her handbag by her foot. “Of all the conversations starters, why that one?”

“Well, you posted a photo of a library, York University right? I could tell from the location tag.” After she nodded he continued. “And that was the first thing that popped into my head.”

“So you're a Harry Potter nerd.”

“If by nerd you mean I absolutely love it, then yes.” He nodded. “You?”

“Meh.” She shrugged. “It wasn't a part of my life growing up so I have no real attachment to it.”

“What?!”

“I mean I’ve seen the movies and they’re good, don’t get me wrong. I can see why people like it but it’s not for me.”

“Could’ve sworn everyone loved Harry Potter.” he said absentmindedly.

‘Not in my African household’ Tolani thought.

“Indulge my ego for a little bit,” Shawn said after a few minutes. “Did you seriously not know who I was the other night?”

“You looked familiar but I couldn’t place your face till my friend told me your name and mentioned Stitches.”

“Really?” he looked genuinely surprised.

“I guess your music isn’t super popular back home” she shrugged as she took a sip of her drink, flinching at the heat.

“Where is home?”

“I’m from Lagos in Nigeria”

“The only Lagos I’m familiar with is in Portugal.” He looked at her apologetically.

“I’m not surprised.” Of all the things she expected from Shawn Mendes, Nigerian geography was not one. “If you didn’t know the Lagos in Portugal I’d be disappointed seeing as you’re Portuguese.”

“How did you know that?” He looked at her quizzically.

She shrugged casually “You’d be surprised what you can find on google.”

“You googled me?” Shawn exclaimed. She expected him to look surprised but he looked somewhat excited.

“I had to! Stranger danger and all that.”

“And what did google tell you?” He leaned forward a curious look on his face.

“Everything. I know your address, bank account details and social security number.”

The look of surprise quickly morphed into one of amusement, as he started laughing. His laugh was contagious and sure enough, Tolani was laughing as well.

“Might as well go home since you know everything there is to know.”

When their laughter subsided, they both looked at it each other, the awkward silence felt like another person was sitting at the table until Shawn spoke

“What’s Lagos like?”

Tolani thought about her hometown and got a small twinge of homesickness. “Lagos has… the most incredible vibe, it’s one of the most vibrant and chaotic places but you learn to thrive on that chaos. And I may be biased but it has some of the best food and nightlife ever.”

She reached into her bag and pulled out her phone and showed him a photo that she took.

“That’s Lagos. Well, one photo of it I took in a moving car”

“As far moving car photos go, that’s pretty good” Shawn said taking a sip of his coffee. “How does it compare to living in Toronto?”

“I haven’t been here very long but I’m loving it so far. Lagos and Toronto are really different, it’s really hard to describe but the energy is different here. And I like that, getting to experience new places.”

“That’s one of the things I love about what I get to do. Seeing new places and meeting new people.”

“Tell me about that.”

Shawn told her about touring. He’d just finished touring in Europe and was home for 3 weeks before starting the North American leg of his tour. He told her about the energy in each city, and what made each one different.

One thing stood out to her as he was speaking and that was the way he spoke about performing. She could tell just from his description that he loved what he did more than anything. He was gesticulating wildly while telling a funny story about how his best friend Brian got hurt.

She took it all in, cataloguing his mannerisms and the excited way he talked about the most minute details.

“I’m so sorry! I’ve monopolised the entire conversation.” He pressed his lips together clearly displeased.

“Trust me I don’t mind.” Tolani started tapping absentmindedly on the rim of her coffee cup. “Listening to you talk about touring is way more interesting than me going on about my life.”

“I’m going to have to disagree. I asked you on this date to find out more about you. So let’s hear it.”

“What happened to no labels?” She said with a wry smile and a raised eyebrow.

He narrowed his eyes like he could tell that she was deflecting. “I only said that to make feel more comfortable about this.” He gestured between them.

“Who said I was uncomfortable?” She crossed her arms across her chest.

“I’m sorry… I just, I-“ he stuttered.

“Shawn, I’m kidding” she placed her hand on his.

She could see the slightly skeptical look in his eye so she steered the conversation towards a more comfortable territory, music.

“SO apart from Stitches, I’m not that familiar with your music. What songs would you recommend I listen to?”

“How about all of them?” He wiggled his eyebrows. “I think they’re pretty good.”

“I don’t know why people think you’re humble cause to me it’s the opposite.” she said playfully rolling her eyes.

“People think I’m humble?”

“I told you. Google… and Twitter. People LOVE you on Twitter.”

“We never actually talked about what you found during your Google search.”

Tolani narrowed your eyes. “You really want to know?”

“Trust me I really do.” he nodded.

“There may or may not have been something about Grammy nominations, 3 number 1 albums and performing for the Queen of England. I have to say, it's insane that you’ve achieved so much. “ she gave an approving nod.

His face lit up. ‘He must really care about my opinion.’

“Okay, to answer your question, it’s a harder question than you think.” He strummed his hands on the table deep in thought. “While I think you should listen to everything, you should definitely listen to Lost in Japan, Where Were You in The Morning, In my Blood, Memories, Why and Bad Reputation.”

“Are those your favourites?”

“Yeah. I feel like those songs encompass who I am as an artist.”

“I’ll listen to them and critique them later.”

“What about you? All I know is that you like Kanye and that your best album opinion is wrong.”

Tolani rolled her eyes. “I'm not getting into this argument with you.”

“Only cause you know you’ll lose.” Shawn feigned a cough.

“I’m not falling for it.” She said adamantly shaking her head.

“Okay,” Shawn replied holding his hands up in mock surrender. “Apart from Kanye, what else do you listen to?”

“Honestly. I’ll listen to anything, but afrobeat has my heart.”

“Afrobeat?”

‘Of course, he doesn’t know what it is Tolani.’ she mentally smacked herself. “Afrobeat is one of the most fascinating genres because it’s made of other genres specific to the African continent like Fuji music and highlife, while combining it with more western genres like funk and jazz. It’s something that transcends music, it’s way more than that.”

“How so?”

“It’s directly linked to history, culture and to a way of life. It sounds ridiculous but you don’t just listen to it, you feel it, you live it, you experience it. It’s hard to explain.”

She looked up to see him looking at her. “Hey. You’re looking at one person who understands what that means. I hope you could play it for me at some point.”

“I haven’t decided if I like you enough yet.” She replied. “Sharing Music is a big deal. You can’t rush these things.”

“Wow, you’ve really hurt my feelings.” He held his heart pretending to be heartbroken. “What am I supposed to do now?”

”You’re not funny.”

Shawn pouted and at that moment Tolani started giggling uncontrollably and didn’t stop even though she was gathering looks from the people around her.

“Your giggles say otherwise.”

“And there is the aforementioned ego.”

Before he could say more, his phone rang. He gave her an apologetic look before answering the call and talking to someone named Andrew. Tolani took that moment to check her own phone and answer a few messages. She was surprised by how much time has passed. It was already 12:45. ‘We’ve really just spent the last hour and a half just talking. Wow’

She could hear Shawn wrapping up his conversation. Telling the other person that he would call as soon as he could.

He ended the call and turned to her. “I’m really sorry but I have to go. I have a very minor crisis I have to deal with.”

“It’s fine don’t worry about it. I’ve got to head back soon anyway.” She gave him a small smile and reached for her bag.

“Do you want me to give you a lift? My car is not far from here.”

“It’s okay. Gotta get used to public transport remember?”

“Before you go, can I have your phone number? I didn’t get it the other night.”

“I clearly remember you asking for my Instagram, but seeing as you’re being extra specific this time. You can.”

The two exchanged numbers and only then did it dawn on her that she had just given her phone number to one of the most recognisable people in pop music right now.

“I guess this is goodbye.” Tolnai said as the two stood outside the coffee shop.

“For now. I’ll definitely ask you out again.”

“How do you know I’ll say yes?”

“I don’t, but it’ll be interesting to see.”

“Bye Shawn!” she rolled her eyes playfully and started walking away.

“Bye T!”

She was glad she was walking in the opposite direction so he couldn't see her smile.

SHAWN’S POV

As he got into his car, Shawn couldn’t stop thinking about his date. He mentally cursed Andrew for interrupting but the potential scheduling conflict was something that needed to be dealt with before it caused a bigger problem.

Seeing her today made her even more endearing, but he knew he had a long way to go before he could say that he knew her. ‘There’s definitely more to her than meets the eye.’ She was introspective but had an incredible sense of humour, something he was sure a lot of people didn’t get to see.

He could tell from the way her eyes glazed over when she talked about her hometown and her love of afrobeat, that both were incredibly important to her and he hoped she’d open up to him about it one day.

His phone rang, the sound echoing in the car. He pressed the call button on his steering wheel and the sound of his manager’s voice filled the car.

“Hey Andrew.”

“Hey Shawn, again sorry about the interruption.”

“It’s alright.” He sighed. “This has to be sorted out.”

“You sound frustrated. You okay?” He heard the concern in the older man’s voice.

“Let’s just say the phone call came at a bad time.” He let out a humourless laugh.

“Something I should know about?”

“Not right now.”

“Okay back to the matter at hand. You’re in LA for 4 days and GQ is requesting an interview for the new single, but it’s on your day off. Are you good to do it in the morning or would you prefer over the phone?”

Shawn drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. “Morning sounds better. That way it’s done and dusted.”

“Sounds good. I’ll keep you posted if anything changes.”

“Thanks Andrew.” Shawn ended the call and his mind immediately went back to Tolani. There was something about her but he couldn’t figure it out. ‘I guess we’ll see where it goes.’ he thought as he drove home back to his apartment.

Taglist

@bugheadfanatic @eve134340 @sean-mendezzzzz @rulerofnocountry @thotmendes @shawnssnack @shawnase @momenraul @justbeingoceana @tisvanessa @petit-funsize @shawnsvalentine @song-bird-shawn

#shawn mendes #shawn peter raul mendes #shawn mendes fan fic #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes x poc #My writing #shawn mendes x woc

94 notes · View notes

fmdjoosungarchive · 4 years

Text

fmdmeme002, but all at once so i don’t spam y’all

1) what is your goal for this year/next year?

reading the sticky note, sung’s first thought was that he’d like to do many things. but, that wasn’t specific enough for a fan to feel satisfied. releasing more music with element was important to him, but so was having the time and creativity to write more music for others, and spend more time with friends and family. in the end, it only took a glance up at the fan to figure out what he wanted to write. “to meet more fans around the world!!!!”

2) what song would you want to sing to or play for someone you like?

a giggle left his lips when the girl in front of him asked her question. “are you looking to hire me for someone special?” it was natural, to play around with fans like they were his friends. to sung, they were. “i’d play something romantic. maybe one of @fmdxsuji’s songs.”

3) what’s your favorite scent?

sung knew this question had to come from a fan who knew him well. with the amount of candles in his side of the dorm, there were many to choose from. on camera, he tended to name more ‘manly’ scents, but in the space of fans, he was honest. “soft scents,” he wrote, “strawberry lemon ice a lot lately.”

4) if you spent one day with a fan, where would you go and what would you do?

sung’s hand readied to write that they should go to a theme park, but stopped short. there was a chance he might not be feeling very high energy that day, and the fans deserved better of him. he could say the library, too, but that might be too low energy for many fans. he settled with a basic compromise of, “what you like best!!!!”

5) what new concept do you want to try showing fans?

“a cute concept! wouldn’t we be so cute? especially yujinnie.” the fan responded that they thought he’d be cute too, which, he laughed and thanked them for. he hoped as much, anyway.

6) which girl group do you like the most recently?

he glanced up through his eyelashes with a smile. “this won’t be any surprise to you,” he said, and looked back down. “wish!!!” and on either side of the word he drew ‘hang loose’ symbol hands to symbolize the key point dance from signal. if he had more time, he might have taken a picture to send to @fmdluna.

7) which boy group do you like the most recently?

with ride on the wind’s promotions, sung held onto his songs of the summer for longer than he might have normally. though he knew he wasn’t going to stray away from his usual answers, picking which one was difficult. so, he had to go with which song was on his mind the most. “nine critical beauties!!! ㅋㅋ”

8) what soloist do you like the most recently?

it was inevitable that he’d receive a question like this during his solo debut. though they might expect a playful narcissistic answer, sung felt too grateful to the people that supported him and showed up for him to do anything less than sincere. “my friend @fmdjoohwan!!!” as he handed back the album and note, he said, “isn’t he so sexy these days?” to which the fan agreed.

9) what song have you been listening to a lot that you would recommend to fans?

“knight @fmdtaeyong‘s help,” he wrote, with a slight hesitation. the fans were still only getting to know him, and how willing he was to share things he felt was important. and this, was important. the fan read back his message, and asked why, and he took a breath before he said, “it’s okay to admit we all need help sometimes.”

10) what is your most used app?

sung never thought anyone would be interested in something like what app he uses most. if he had the time to pull out his phone and check, he could probably tell them definitively, but as it was, he had to make his best guess. “kkt, i think...” he paused to think, and continued, “or twitter!”

11) what should someone do to win your heart?

there was no way sung could tell them the truth. his heart would never belong to another person, and he knew that. @fmddaisuke knew that. the world didn’t, and might not ever. the thought was... upsetting, to say the least. but, he didn’t dwell on it, as he flashed a smile, and wrote, “give me lots of love!” and surrounded it with drawings of hearts.

12) what do you want for your next birthday?

he’d learned well enough by now that these questions tended to be sneaky ways to find out what they would next gift him, especially if the person was a fansite. which, this girl was. she was very kind whenever he’d met her, and frankly, he was always happy for any korean who supported them as dearly as she did, but, he wasn’t one to seek material things anymore. he wrote down something he thought might be more helpful, “every aether to be happier than the year before.”

13) what is do you consider to be your most charming feature/trait?

sung didn’t like thinking about his physical self as attractive. the only person he cared to be attractive for was his boyfriend, and even then, he’d rather have his personality shine through his looks. it may have been a simple answer, but he wrote, “kindness,” and slid the album back to the fan. aloud, he told them, “to me, being kind is one of the most admirable traits there is.”

14) what is your favorite flavor of ice cream?

there were so many to choose from. sung never liked sticking to one kind for too long, not when a new wild flavor would be coming out every month. the classics were great, the ones he couldn’t even fathom what they might taste like were great. but, he went for middle of the road, “rocky road!!!,” and drew a mountain underneath for the words to follow.

15) how should i ask out the person i like?

“trust yourself,” he wrote, but didn’t feel like that was adequate. he held up a hand, and the fan took it, interlocking their fingers. “show them how much you care, and be straightforward. and, if they don’t feel the same way, it’s their own loss. you can only accept their affections if it’s as strong as yours.”

16) what’s the secret behind your good looks?

plastic surgery. that wasn’t a good answer. that was, more accurately, a terrible answer. sung thought he looked nice before his procedures, but, not good enough, he guessed. “a healthy skincare regime!”

17) what do you think of fans of the same gender as you?

element seemed to have a greater mix of genders in their fans. like with most idol groups, the majority leaned towards women, but sung particularly liked when men came up. it was... exhilarating. like a shot of adrenaline. this man seemed quite confident in meeting him, which sent a pang to his heart that they were still shy enough to write their question on a sticky note. “the more i meet, the happier sungie is!”

18) what is the most recent thing that made you happy?

right after their official debut, it probably was the most obvious that that would be the happiest moment. nothing else compared, in his eyes. but, most recently? “a delicious breakfast!” he wrote, and drew a small drawing of himself eating from a bowl.

19) what is your happiness level these days on a scale from 0 to 100?

if he really thought about it, it might not be that high. the thought wasn’t a great one to have. he’d just had his solo debut, with an entire mini album, mostly created by himself. but it was hard, different, the things expected of him were different. he made a compromise, writing “90!!!” and drew a little face in the zero.

20) can you give some inspiring words for someone going through a hard time?

whenever sung received this question, he worried that the fan was the one going through a difficult time. with his hand on the fan’s, he could tell them his own truth. “let yourself feel what you feel. and when you have, breathe it back out. let it off of your shoulders, so that you can remember a new day will come.”

21) what words of advice would you give to someone studying for their college exam?

“don’t listen to decipher sunbaenim’s ring ding dong!!!” the joke he wrote down was silly enough. he knew from personal experience how terribly that song could get stuck in someone’s head while studying. but, he added a second note below that, something that mattered more, in his opinion. “and accept that you’re still smart and amazing no matter how you do.”

22) give yourself a percent ranking from 0 to 100 in the following categories: cute, cool, and sexy.

some recess in sung hoped he could be 100 in all of the categories presented to him. if there was one that stuck out above the rest, though, it was cuteness. he wrote down an 80, for that. it was a decent score, not high enough too many people would disagree, hopefully. next was sexy, at 70. as much as he didn’t care for the image, gold star did like to present him as a sexy type, and sung couldn’t deny it. and, coming up in last, was cool, at 40. sung had never considered himself the traditionally cool type, but he was alright with that.

23) what place do you want to travel to the most?

sung didn’t think much about vacations, or anything of that nature. the first thing that came to mind was to travel back home. the second, to japan with @fmddaisuke, to see his family, because he knew how much his boyfriend ached for them. but, in the end, he wrote down, “wherever our aether are!”

24) what language would you like to learn?

language was a tricky subject for sung. he felt like he was pretty good at korean, all things considered. he was well-read, and expanded his vocabulary often enough. when it came to other languages, he had trouble making sentences himself. he’d been told he had great accents, and he could understand someone when they were speaking in english or japanese, for the most part, but responding back... was a gamble. he felt like he was already trying hard enough with english and japanese, so he went for the language he heard often that he didn’t mostly understand, “spanish!!!”

25) what is the first thing you think of when someone mentions your fans?

the relationship sung had with his fans wasn’t as complicated as it seemed it was for many of his friends. sure, there were people that didn’t follow element’s career the way he would, but sung didn’t consider those people to be much of fans. the fans were the ones who supported them fully, from a distance, and enjoyed them for what they were. they were the ones who brought sung joy. “happiness”

26) what is your favorite movie/book you’ve seen/read recently?

in the space of these close fan interactions, sung could be more honest than he might have otherwise. chances were, only interns at the company and aethers would see his response. he read often, watched movies on a regular basis as well, though not as often as he read, so choosing one was difficult. but, the one that had stuck out the most to him recently was, “call me by your name!!”

27) what are your recent wishes?

“element and aether’s happiness”. writing the words down wasn’t a difficult decision. sung knew in his heart those were two of his wishes. he supposed part of him wished for element’s success too. even if he was happy with where they were at, he knew his members weren’t. and they deserved the world.

28) what are the requirements for your ideal type?

it was a common question. part of the fantasy of being an idol meant the expectation that fans would want to date him. but unlike some of his other members, sung enjoyed it. playing along was fun, when the fan knew the limits of their relationship. when it came to sung, there weren’t many restrictions. he wanted to know their fans in as close of a capacity as he could, because he felt like they deserved that. like most other times that question had come up, it was written on a sticky note, that he could playfully hide as he wrote, “to be as sweet as you!” before giving it back, and seeing the happy blush on the fan’s face.

29) what job would you want if you weren’t an idol?

before being in element, sung never considered that question. what he might want was very different from what he might have ended up doing. he knew that if he never made it into debut, he’d have stayed in his family’s business, and likely been miserable. but over the years, he had the opportunity to actually think on that question. most of the time, he threw out one of the many jobs he thought might have been cool, but this time, like many other instances, he went with what felt the most fitting for him, “a teacher,” to which he drew an apple beside it.

30) what is a hobby you’d like to pick up?

the fan was pretty young, for their usual demographic. positively adorable, but also confident enough to ask their question to his face, rather than write it down. his answer came quickly, “cooking!” though he had many hobbies he admired, wanting to become a better cook had been a dream for quite a long time, which he continued to share with the fan. they expressed the sentiment of wanting to help teach him, and he agreed they’d need to sort that out, before the fan was ushered over to @fmdyujin.

#fmdmeme002 #ask meme #tried tagging specific ppl mentions but i may have missed sum #i unno #like i've done before there are screenshots of the asks so yall dont think im cheating

2 notes · View notes

sourmendes · 5 years

Text

The girl in the painting

When Shawn gets given a painting for his birthday he thinks nothing of it, but look closely and nothing is as what it seems.

Creepy, is the first word that comes to Shawn’s mind when he looks at the painting, who in their right mind would ever give him a painting as creepy as this?

Oh right, his mother, who assumed that he should have something a little more ‘antique’

“But mum, I already have antique things, what makes you think I need anything else that’s twice as old?” Shawn argues pushing the painting back into his mothers arms

“Because having your grandmother’s photos of her as a girl doesn’t count as antique, you need something more grand and besides it’s your birthday, you deserve something beautiful in your dull condo” Karen replies, shoving the painting into Shawn’s arms “Your father will come over later to put the painting up” And with that Shawn was left with a painting in his arms

Sure enough, a few hours later and in came Manny with a screw and some holders

“Dad?” Shawn asks, taking a sip of his tea

“What is it son?” Manny replies concentrating on getting the painting up

“What is your honest opinion on the painting”

“Well I think it’s very nice of your mother to get you something like this” Manny mumbles

“If you like it so much why don’t you have it” Shawn says

“Because it’s your birthday gift”

Week one

Shawn was successful in ignoring the painting, I mean he was a busy man, constantly in and out of recording his new album, he never had time to make second glances or stop for a few minutes, he was on his toes 24/7 and quite frankly it was exhausting him.

It was only when he was eating leftovers that his mother would bring him throughout the day that he finally had a look at the painting.

“Creepy” Shawn shivers, quick to look away from the painting and continue stuffing his mouth with the sausage, mashed potato and peas.

Week 2

Only twice in that week did Shawn ever look at the painting, he still didn’t understand why his mother would get him something as creepy as this. When he called his mother she simply said it stood out to her.

“Not helpful” He said after hanging up

Week 3

Shawn was having some mates over to watch the hockey match, it didn’t take them long to notice the painting

“Nice painting man, you jack off to it sometimes?” Brian jokes

“Ew gross” Shawn’s face shrivels up in disgust

“I think it’s kinda cool” Connor comments

“Course you would” Ian rolls his eyes

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” Connor exclaims, snapping his eyes to Ian

“Of course you’d like a painting as old as this” Ian replies

“Your just jealous that you can’t appreciate the small things in life” Connor say turning his attention to the screen

“Oh I’ll show you-”

“Guys!” Shawn eventually says snapping them out of their small argument “Let’s just watch the game”

The boys mumble something incoherent and continue watching the match

“I think it’s a very interesting painting, you should find out more about it’s backstory” Teddy says

“Not you as well!” Shawn groans, turning the TV off

“Hey! I was watching that” Brian complains

“I was too but everyone seems to be more interested in the painting so go on, what is so good about this creepy ass ugly painting” Shawn grunts.

The room was silent, apart from the indistinct chatter from next door

“So, no one else is going to comment on the painting?” They all nod and he lets out a deep breath “Good”

Week 4

Shawn listened to Teddy’s advice, it’d been nagging him for a while so he typed the artist name in his computer and what came up was very interesting

He first found that the artist although had a male name was actually female, she would paint portraits for Royalty and was pretty famous due to being acquaintance with Queen Victoria.

She was only of the few painters that painted her with her ladies and Shawn was astounded, one of the ladies catching his eye

It was her, the girl in the painting.

How could he have not noticed how gorgeous she was, the way she posed seemed improper for the 1800s but definitely made her stand out, the way her perfectly curled hair framed her face, her expression showed seriousness and importance.

In his eyes, she became insatiable, every free second he had was filled with him looking at the painting with adoration.

Week 5

Shawn knew that the connection he had with the painting was affecting his normal life and that at some point he’d have to move on.

But he just couldn’t, no matter how much research he did, he just couldn’t find out who she was.

That was, until a website popped up

Queen Victoria’s Ladies from her Coronation’s names released

Shawn was over the moon, now he could finally figure out the name of the girl who clouded his mind and being

Week 6

After a lot of digging he found out her name was Y/n L/N, and that she was 14 at the time of the painting, and the youngest.

An English Lady and very popular with the Royal Family, whom she dined with on many occasions.

He wanted to figure out more, but only found out that she was 20 in the painting he had on his wall.

In 1843, she went missing, presumed dead, they held a funeral service and moved on with their life.

Shawn was distraught that the young woman passed away at such a young age.

He spent hours looking at the painting, wishing to figure something, anything out.

But nothing, he seemed to have research everything about her.

Week 7

Something had been happening with the painting, Shawn couldn’t put his finger on what it was exactly, but knew that something was different.

On the first night, he heard banging coming from the hallway and when he went to check, there was nobody there.

Maybe his mind is playing tricks on him.

The second night, the same thing happened, except, when he went to check the painting was on the floor, confused he picked it up and carefully placed it back on the hooks

Night three had to be the creepiest, the first two nights repeated and also added a woman calling his name. Shawn was too scared to look, but nevertheless, did, the painting was on the floor, the sounds stopped instantly at his footsteps

Week 8

Shawn didn’t know what to do with the painting, he knew that everything that was happening must’ve had a reason behind it.

The sounds from the painting only continued throughout the day and night and it was starting to worry Shawn.

Week 9

This was when everything changed, for better or for worse.

Shawn woke up as per usual, the night was quiet and he thought that everything was normal, but when he walked through the hallway, he noticed the girl was not in the painting

“What the-” Shawn mutters, doing a double take

“You good sir” Shawn snapped his head in the direction of the sound, his mouth drying and his heartbeat increasing “Where am I?” You ask, your nightgown not giving you the warmth you desire and your hair perfectly curled and flowing down your back

“Y-your in my house” Shawn exclaimed, to scared to blink in case it was a dream

“Would you stop looking at me like that?” You hiss “You look like you’ve seen a ghost”

Part Two?

#shawn mendes #painting

30 notes · View notes

nyrator · 4 years

Text

mannnn

time for more nyrants and life updates with ny, focusing on mental healths and family and where to live and art stuffsss feat. very personal introspection about arttt

Trying to be in a better mindset when writing these compared to how I usually am, let’s seeee

Admittedly struggling with depression a lot lately. Like, to the point I just can’t get out of bed anymore. Tuesday I had the day off, and spent a total of about 16+ hours in bed. I think if not for Kresna, I’d probably spent the entire day in bed. Ate breakfast at like 4:30PM and ate dinner at around 11PM and felt sick from it. But it’s extremely, extremely hard to escape my bed. When I do, I just want to go back to bed, it’s a cruel temptation.

There’s a friend who reads these who always gives kind words and advice and just a heads up, you’re awesome friend. He’s suggested something to me to help and I’ve been really debating it for a while but I think I’m still too scared at the moment, and aaa I wish I was better at communicating directly with people but such is the life of a Ny (but really dude you are a good dude)

I should really see a therapist, I think, but it’s very difficult going anywhere without money or a car, so hm.

In terms of family life, my sister got of jail, was back in jail for three days, back out, basically living at the apartment, and got sent back to jail today for three months (allegedly she had the choice between eight months house arrest versus three months jail, she allegedly picked the latter- though my mother’s friend who keeps me up to date on information about my sister told me that she thinks her urine test was hot, so hmm). My sister being around was not good for my mind at all, I think, but hopefully she really is in jail for three months.

Work is still work, very slow, back to normal hours and keeping my usual $8/hr pay, which admittedly is a bit sad. But as much as they keep telling me they want to get rid of my coworker, my managers just don’t have the heart (something will blow up eventually, probably, but who knows when).

I think in terms of where I should go in life- Ideally wherever Kresna is, but you have no idea how hard immigration, especially on minimum wage. I’ve basically decided internally that, either the asian dude I like becomes president and I stay here (he’s still the only candidate to give me some kind of hope, as silly as politics in general is), otherwise I move wherever Kresna is. But man, it’s so hard, and I’m scared of how hard it will be to support each other honestly (he’s very supportive but I’m very much a leech)

In other news, I’ve also started keeping a dream diary finally. For January, I have about four-five dreams so far. None of them I’m sure are real dreams, or just my imagination running wild in the mornings after waking up but before getting out of bed. I think I mentioned before having a type of reoccurring humiliation dream, and ended up having two of them this month (one came dangerously close to being really bad before I woke myself up).

Now, in terms of creativity (aka one of the main reasons I wanted to type today)

Art

is hard

Rotten Nyan is a strange project, as I’ve mentioned a few times before. I think I want to distance myself from it- like, project these characters as a separate entity from myself. But they’re basically a caricature of my life, so it’s weird. Doing the latest update made me feel really satisfied with myself, doing five pages in such a quick and effortless amount of time.

And then I posted them, and it was like daggers into my chest afterwards. Like, feelings of self conscious, guilt, self hate, all riled up at the realization I keep making these things public, and just really blending me up inside. It’s such a weird thing- really loving these characters and drawing them, but feeling sick thinking of any ideas or sharing anything about them when I do. And the guilt of association- these characters are technically me, but I’d rather people not see them as me, I think, and I try to think of them as separate entities- but it’s obvious they’re me.

Ideas are very hard for me to come by for that reason- the pain, and not wanting to think back on my life anymore. I think I use art to socialize, in a way- give people something interesting, something they can like and admire, and when someone interacts with it in some way- it’s like a wave of euphoria, or something. And it’s funny, because it’s still a similar reaction from me- I get so happy and flustered that I become so anxious with it and want to hurt myself. It’s a good feeling (and trust me I’ve moved on from hurting myself long ago), but anxiety is weird I guess.

I mention it a lot, but I just love the idea of other people feeding me ideas- I feel like I want to make things for other people, but the things I want to make are just my own ideas, not necessarily what they want, you know? And I’d like to join more communities and try to just get that social aspect more. Been trying to be more active on twitter, but boy do feelings of self consciousness hurt.

In terms of what I want to make, it’s also very tricky. I don’t have many original ideas lately. I browse pinterest, read manga when I can, but it’s tough. I decided to catch up on that Suicide Boy manhwa (stopped when they skipped like four chapters but figured ehh what the heck I’ll read the newer ones anyway), and mannn, my body can’t stand it. That movie theater chapter especially stood out, it’s like a frozen sledgehammer into my gut and ribcage, that kind of suffering. It feels like it hurts more than usual, and I’m both excited and scared for when Kabi’s new manga comes out into English. I don’t know how my current self can handle it.

I’ve been thinking of biting the bullet and going to the darker parts of the internet for my art. It’s tricky to talk about, y’know? But seeing most people I know fragrantly post what they like, it’s like, is there really any big deal if I do? But it’s weird. It’s like I have a mental image that I don’t want to be associated with. Explicit and highly sexualized things- those things still make me uncomfortable as a person and I still have no interest in them at all, but other things, hm. I don’t think I’d be able to handle gore, for example- I’m surprisingly squeamish, and have become moreso as time goes on, despite the edgy stylized subject matter I like.

In terms of my own personal dark interests, it’s also weird. I’d consider myself a very chaste person, but the one interest I do have is also a form of self harm, in a way, and it’s something I know most people want or like to see. It’s also something I think about far too often and pay attention far too closely in things I see- something about the way that specific pain resonates with me, it’s something that gives me the deepest chills and feelings of disgust. Such a weird mix of emotional pleasure and pain, I guess. It’s something I want to make works about, but I worry about which part I’m writing for- the pleasure, or the pain. And I forgot (or blocked out) how much it affected my mind as a kid, the painful part anyway, before it got warped into something else in high school.

Anyway, I don’t know if I’d ever be able to draw things like that comfortably. I think I just want a sense of community, or something, but those kinds of communities seem dangerous. And it’s weird, I think of friends’ interests and hidden art I’ve stumbled upon, hidden identities but with a trademark style, and how I just think good for them, keep it up, make what you want. Yet when it comes to myself, I don’t think I could just do that- make a different identity and post what amounts to fetish art. One, because I love my OCs and don’t like degrading them to just being fetish characters (and can’t imagine drawing many other characters or just designing designated fetish characters without other purpose), and two, because I simply just don’t feel comfortable with myself about it, I guess

I think, ultimately, I’m just scared of being judged, but still just want to make this weird content, but want to make it for a broad audience, if that makes sense. Either way, I don’t think I’ll ever be comfortable with it, and I’ll probably make a chapter of RN focus on what it at least means to me one day to at least get things off my chest. I just worry how hard my psyche will be damaged after submitting it to the public, if just sharing a tiny bit in RN has caused me so much turmoil already.

but yeah, in short: I want to draw Nyans, my mind keeps remembering the majority of things that happened to middle lave were very disgusting and so I feel uncomfortable drawing them, but those are the only things I can think of drawing half the time when thinking of ideas for them and feeling “wow, that’s really bad, I could and should do better”

and nowwww to get ready for work

#text stuffs #nyrants

1 note · View note

lizziethereader · 5 years

Text

11 questions tag (x3 - so 33 questions tag, I guess?)

I’ve been super busy but I still appreciate having been tagged by @bibliophilecats, @books-are-portals, and @thelivebookproject, thank you!

I’ll answer all your questions in one post because I doubt I’d be able to come up with new questions for all three of the tags, haha But since this will be super long, you’ll find it under the cut!

First up, @bibliophilecats‘ questions:

1. What is your favourite movie and/or TV show based on a book? I’m not sure I have one, there’s nothing that immediately comes to mind at least. So I’ll just tell you about the first one I ever saw (when I was a kiddo still): Emil und die Dedektive! (based on the novel by Erich Kästner) 2. When you just can’t get into a book, do you quit or do you finish every book you start, no matter what? As embarrassing as it is to admit, I’m part of the latter category. 3. Which is your favourite bookstore? I absolutely love Daunt books in London because not only is it pretty, it also offers a very wide selection of books. 4. Do you keep all the books you read? Do you keep none? I keep all of them. One day I want to have one of those homes that are just full of books and plants! 4. What is the rarest color on your bookshelf? Difficult to say, but maybe gray? 5. Is there a book that permanently changed you (opinions, style, fandom) when you read it? Lots of nonfiction does that! One example is Caitlin Doughty’s Smoke gets in your eyes but also psychology-related books like Kahneman’s Thinking, Fast and Slow. 6. How do you unwind after a stressful day at work/school? Step one is my commute home, during which I read. And then it’s usually tumblr and youtube (or catching up with series). 7. Which fictional friendship/relationship is your goal? I haven’t figured that out yet but anything that’s supportive is always lovely to see. 8. What is the one skill you wish you could master? Better social skills, for sure! 9. You’re famous somehow and a University awards you one of those giveaway PhDs as a publicity stunt. What would you be a Doctor of? no idea, but I’d love the chance to get an actual PhD in linguistics or philosophy! 10. If nobody else is around and it’s cranked up loud, which song will you always dance to? Ooooh, there’s many! Tonight, Tonight by Hot Chelle Rae for example

Okay, now @books-are-portals‘ questions:

What book would you have liked better had you read it when you were younger? A wrinkle in time, probably.

Do you listen to podcasts? Any recs? I rarely find the time but when I do I love the Green brothers’ Dear Hank and John and, what is almost a classic of podcasts, Welcome to Night Vale

Favourite edition of your favourite book? ‘favourite’ is a big word and I don’t think I can answer to that but I do love my signed special edition of The Name of the Wind that has a goat scribble in it

Favourite book (fiction or non-fiction) you had to read during your studies (uni or otherwise)? That’s so difficult to choose! Let me give you a top 3: Hamlet, Code Name Verity and Tess of the D’Urbervilles (oh but I do have so many more favorites! what a tough question!)

What movie would make a great book? cool question! Frankly, I’d probably read most of the Marvel movies as books. The comic world is too intimidating for me but if the movies were books I think I’d really enjoy all the banter and stuff...

Tea or coffee? Coffee - I like the idea of tea but I can’t get into it.

A random fact you’re proud to know? I’m hardly ever proud of anything so that’s a tough question.... I can’t really think of anything, so I’ll pass

Favourite tree? Weeping willows!

Dream house/flat? I’d love to actually own a small house. Ideally with lots of light, plants, and bookshelves. + a garden!

Least favourite comic (series)? Why? I’m not invested enough to have one.

You have an unlimited budget to buy one (1) book. What book would you buy? I’d probably have something bound gorgeously just for me - maybe a collection of my favorite books or fanfics or something. There’d be gorgeous lettering, a leather cover and lots of lovely hand-crafted details.

And last but not least, @thelivebookproject‘s questions!

How many books have you read this year so far? currently reading my 50th!

Do you have a Goodreads account? (Mine is this) yes, over here!

How many languages do you speak? Well, I speak English and German. I learned a bit of French in school but I can’t really speak it. I’ve been learning Norwegian on Duolingo for more than two years now but I've never actually had a conversation in Norwegian, so...

How do you choose your books? I just read whatever looks interesting at the time.

Have you ever travelled abroad? Yeah, too many times to count (because I’m too lazy to count now). But with the exception of one trip to the states it’s always been within Europe.

Tell me something about yourself. I have a tough time deciding who I am.

Recommend a book? This is going to hurt by Adam Kay.

What are you currently reading? I’m currently reading Dear Evan Hansen because I love the musical!

Why did you create your blog? Just to see and share book stuff, really.

What do you like most about bookblr? That (despite people saying otherwise) it’s always there and from my personal experience seems so much more positive than other communities.

Blank gap -tell me anything you want: books you love, how do you feel about my blog, anything at all! So this is gonna be a question for the audience (I need advice). I have this book stamp (”from the library of....”) that I stamp all my books with after I read them and before I put them on their new spot on my shelves. Now I’ve just finished reading The Hunchback of Notre Dame and it’s an old book that I got secondhand (it even has an inscription!). I feel sort of strange about stamping it, I’m not sure if I should do it (Almost all of my other books are new books so I had no trouble stamping them). Thoughts?

Right, you didn’t think we’d get there, but we did! It’s time for my questions! Not all of them are bookish because it’s really tough coming up with new stuff after thinking of weekly bookish questions for years [also I might self-plagiarize and use some of those as wbqs in the future]....

I’m tagging @nevertobecaught, @maddie-mux, @lettersfromthelighthouse, and @trinareadsbooks to answer these questions:

1. What’s the best combination, a book + ..... (can be food, a drink, a place, a feeling, etc.) 2. What’s your stance on classics? 3. If you could add one feature to tumblr or booklr specifically, what would it be? 4. What was the loveliest reading experience you had lately? 5. Do you enjoy musicals? If so, what are some of your favorites? 6. When it comes to vacations, do you prefer city trips or lots of beach time? (or neither/something else?) 7. Are you a candle person? 8. What’s something you admire other people for? 9. Have you discovered any new songs you love lately? 10. If you’re currently reading something, which page are you on? And are you enjoying it so far? 11. Which birthday gift would absolutely delight you?

#11 questions tag #tag thingy #a long one I'm sorry #but it's easier to pack them all into one post :D

6 notes · View notes

sometipsygnostalgic · 6 years

Text

xenoblade chronicles 2 rapidfire review

π after i started writing up a 5000 word review and was still on the “character” section ive decided to make a rapidfire version to get to the fucking point.

Story - at the end of the day, it’s a tale about how to deal with all the pain and insecurity that life throws at you. how to dig down deep and find a way to continue in what you may interpret as a dreadful world. it also has some of the most satisfying mysteries and plot resolutions i’ve ever seen in a videogame. utterly touching themes. unfortunately gets a bit too shonen at points especially with the protagonist. also quite possibly a lowkey harem anime.

Story rating - 8 out of 10.

Characters - mostly all amazing in the english version.

Rex - a top lad. your best mate. however, becomes a total flawless gary stu pretty quickly. better than many protagonists out there. i like the way he gets people to open up by acting so casually friendly around them. 7 out of 10.

Pyra - unfortunately the weakest character in the main cast. has 3 forms that are treated as different characters for some reason, and no emotions beyond “sad” and “in love with rex”. her mythra form is a slightly better character who will talk to other cast members and sass down people. however mythra also comes across as weak and overly emotionally fragile at times, considering she is supposed to be the Master Blade. i suspect she exists for rex to have 4 3 girlfriends at once.

Azurda - dragon grandpa. subversive in that when he dies for the hero to move on from the homeland, he immediately resurrects himself as a cute furry thing that sleeps in rex’s helmet. best videogame decision ever. gives top advice.

Nia - welsh. double furry. how old is she? 6? most useful NPC. swears a hell of a lot. hilarious sassmaster with an intriguing story and well-rounded motivations. consistently interesting relationships with other cast members up to the end of the game. even remains the same after receiving her compulsory magical girl transformation. has the most awesome magical girl transformation. gives the main villain super cancer, causing him to blow up like harry potter’s aunt. probably the best character. lightly orbits the black hole of the rex harem, struggling to maintain geostational stability against the powers of fanservice.

Dromarch - a good dad cat. there is not a lot else to say about dromarch, except that you can ride him, which is badass. he and azurda are the old dad types babysitting the kids.

Tora - meh meh. actually likable mechanic child. why is this furry cat thing a key member of my party. despite rarely ever upgrading his blade he has made me basically immortal many times. nopon mask is underrated. masterpon is same at start of game as at end of game. that is to say he is an ambitious child, and a bit of a pervert. however, has terrible taste in upgrades. has many IRL blades pointed at him.

Poppi - poppi artificial blade who speak like masterpon. poppi α has cool design. poppi α adorable and cool. due to being newborn blade, poppi have refreshing and truthful view on world. poppi have tragic artificial sister who almost die terribly after evil nopon brainwash! poppi have most sad heartbreaking scene at end of game. however, poppi QT and poppi QT π designs can die in big fire. poppi good at throwing shade. it endearing and special trait.

Morag - technically the group normie. however, very weird. when you first see morag she reeks of pure chilled badassery. logical and with a strong sense of justice and compassion, morag starts off as an intimidating antivillain but becomes a staple member of the party. even though rex and the gang are fugitives in her city, she lets them leave because she senses they weren’t crooked ruffians and they had a purpose of their own. but she comes back to kick their ass when she thinks they’re causing more trouble, and is actually quite pissed off about rex and pyra holding back on her. has a sweet relationship with the emporer, her distant cousin/adoptive kid brother. morag learns on her adventure the value of the optimistic views the kids around her have of the world, and says multiple times if more people thought like they did, maybe there wouldn’t be so much political nonsense stopping people from living together peacefully. morag has a lot of pride and cannot deal with being oneupped. i love her.

Brighid - Morag’s wife blade who is one of many that struggles with the thought of losing her identity after regenning. has a diary of her past lives. uses it to taunt mythra about that one time she kicked her ass. pretends to be a little distant but low key super emotionally invested in the cast’s development. literally asked a main villain if she was like her past self that he knew, causing him to reconsider his entire philosophy on blades becoming completely different people when they’re reborn. bitchslaps rex that one time. Owns everybody at some point. such a beautiful character design that i never even noticed her chest is basically bare.

shellhead Zeke - the prince... of NOTHING. wishes he was still a student. that one time he nearly died, he was probably impaled by a falling twig. enjoyed playing Team Rocket. surprisingly wise for a teenlike NEET. does not look after his precious turtle. potentially does have a thunder powered eye. however, definitely requires second contact lens. unfortunately not comparable to rex in combat especially as his Luck stat means using a legendary crystal on him is like throwing it away.

Pandoria - i often forget pandoria is a blade because she is zeke’s girlfriend, also i never use her in battle due to his redundentness. well reknowned for also not looking after turtles properly. also well reknowned for slam dunking the prince over his nonsense while being equally silly.

BAD GUYS

Jin - apparently has special people-drawing trait that makes all the good cast who know him shocked he is ordering such evil bastard things to happen. not entirely sure what that trait is. emo about much bad stuff that happen to him and his driver. wishes to never forget his life with his driver. dirty child killer.very aniime. why is he the only flesh eater whose core turns red? okay character with decent enough motivation. was confused as to why Malos was following him until the very end.

Malos - evil bastard. cheesy villain. you can kick his ass many times and he will get back up 3 minutes later and laugh at you while swallowing back the bile of a bitter defeat. is actually a little tragic by the end of the game. dies for no reason. makes morag jealous because he found his purpose in life, though im not sure what that is.

Akhos - N3RD. probably the most likable member of Torna. had a silly Blade companion who he was really upset died. i like how he was sentimental about his ‘sister’ blade.

Patroka - most forgettable Torna member. a little bit tsundere.

Mikhail - grew on me significantly at the end though like Akhos and Patroka his backstory was unceremoniously dumped on your lap at the last second. must be a great fan of Prince Zeke as he’s heard of the term Blade Eater. also why has Mikhail got awesome blade powers and immortality when Zeke hasnt? maybe Mikhail is “possessing” the blade per se.

Amalthus - emo bitch. stared God in the face and raised his middle finger. hypocritically creates flesh eaters then sends witch hunts out for them. i like that he reminded himself every day about how bad humanity was by doing his best to help people. so despite the praetor being this “benevolent” figure he had somehow manifested a being of pure hatred.

Theres a lot of other people I cant be assed talking about right now.

Character rating - 9 out of 10. Even though some important characters arent as impactful as they should be, everybody is memorable and I can remember all of their damn names and backstories.

Gameplay - not particularly amazing. battles are alright, RPG-wise, with orb breaking combos and cancelling being fun to use. but they’re highly limited by the fact you can only control 1 character at a time and there is no Co-op feature. they also take an incredibly long time, even for just one enemy encounter, and there can be unfair Spike damage moves that oneshot you. my most satisfying moment battling ever was when i was fighting Aeon, the final boss, and got a Full break for the first time... I decimated the fucker when he was at 60% health.

Of course, those are just the battle mechanics.

The game is full of complex mechanics that do nothing but add tedium. Every single quest in the game forces you to farm for certain “collectibles”, plants that grow in specific unlisted locations that respawn when you fast travel. Many character “affinity” upgrades, which can lock out certain areas of the map, special skills, or unique interactions, also require you to do this shit. A guide is NECESSARY for this. There’s also the Merc Missions. Little did you know, you will need to complete Merc Missions to reach the end of many blade quests!!!you know what’s FUN? Waiting for a timer to pass after 25 fucking minutes!!!! this game has NO RESPECT FOR YOUR TIME WHATSOEVER.

the biggest bullshit of all is when you’re locked out of the main story because a specific character on your team hasn’t unlocked level 3 of a specific skill, because there’s no way that you’d be able to unlock that by naturally playing the game as you have to go out of your way to fill the criteria and grind something or other for 20 minutes.

This makes sidequests absolutely worthless.

The saving grace for the gameplay is probably the customizability of the blades themselves. Not so much the skills you can attach to each blade, but that you can unlock a number of fun characters to use, and they will have their own unique dialogue. The drivers and blades talking during battle also makes a 20 minute fight feel a lot quicker.

Battle gameplay mechanics: 6 out of 10. Fun but could be better. Sidequests, crafting, and field skill mechanics : 1 out of 10. Worthless trash that should never have been greenlit.

Considering that you will be spending so much time on the gameplay, why even bother playing the game at all?

It’s very much the story that pushes the player to move onwards. If this game didn’t have such a fun cast and meaningful plot then I’d probably not have gotten past the first act.

Music and Environments - Xenoblade Chronicles 2 is filled with vast, beautiful and diverse environments. Unfortunately, there’s not a lot of interactivity with them other than killing monsters or foraging those bloody collectibles, but they’re beautiful enough with a diverse range of monster inhabitants that give them life. The MUSIC is godlike. My favourite track in the game would be the song used for the city in Tantal. Very ominous and beautiful hymn, sung in English.

Music and environment rating - 8 out of 10.

Localisation - While many sneer at the localisation choices for this game I thought it brought it to life. Granted I have great bias as being a Welsh girl who is familiar with the differences in UK regional dialect, but it felt like the dialogue the characters were saying also had a heavy makeover to fit the new voices... I really don’t believe that Rex’s Japanese voice actor also sounded like a Top Lad, or that Nia’s japanese voice actor sounded as much like she was ready for a valleys bar fight. However there are some clear obstacles as well - the characters seemed to have no idea of the context of their lines. This is obvious when they shout something for a long time. Rex’s “HIYAAAAAAAAH” and Nia’s “NOOOO MOOOOORE” sound comically off-tone when they are supposed to be epic. It’s the works of someone who read those lines off a script without knowing what was going on. Tora’s actor saying “meh meh” sounds like it was meant to be a COMPLETELY different noise. Morag and Zeke never go off-course, however. I think either they had an advantage with more visuals being completed by the time they were cast, or they just don’t have diverse enough dialogue in the game for it to have been an issue.

Localisation - 7.8/10 too much Meh.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Xenoblade chronicles 2 is a highly addictive game that pulls you to the finish line with an interesting plot and a cast you just can’t let go of. While Pyra is certainly the weakest link of the characters, and the game has some extremely goofy shonen scenes that it’s hard to take seriously, and oh dear me that’s an awful lot of boob shots, I had a lot of fun powering through it. I’m going to have a tough time letting go of this story and these characters.

Unfortunately the gameplay itself is not similarly addictive, and becomes more of a chore for you to get to the next cutscene or funny interaction.

Final rating - 6.5 out of 10. While a worthwhile experience, the greatest story in the world cannot save this game from piss-standard design choices. It is probably better to spend your time on a game that doesn’t have anti-fun mechanics. But I’d be hard pressed if any had a cast that touched your hearts quite like that of Xenoblade Chronicles 2.

4 notes · View notes

mas-lina · 6 years

Text

ASK GAME

65 Questions You Aren't Used To

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? - sometimes i wonder if the people i like from afar are just a figment of my imagination since i have never met them in real life.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? - i’d say about 2 since i’m only scared occasionally if i have watched something creepy and my mind is running wild.

3. The person you would never want to meet? - does hitler count? aside from him and all the dictators that have ruined the world i’d say all the people i knew in high school and about everyone in my old town.

4. What is your favorite word? - i used to say it’s “bitch” just for the laughs of it but it’s actually “patootie” because it sounds cute and idiotic at the same time and i remember reading it in a shakespeare poem once and laughing like crazy.

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? - i guess i’d be a baobab tree because it’s sturdy and it sounds like my nickname “baba”.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? - “seriously why are the bags under my eyes so dark and big?”

7. What shirt are you wearing? - a simple black shirt.

8. What do you label yourself as? - if it’s in regards to sexuality i’m a bisexual and if it’s everything else i’m a curious idiot.

9. Bright room or dark room? - dark room.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? - sitting on my laptop watching “100 days my prince”.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? - i don’t think i’ve reached my favourite age yet but if i have to pick one i’d say about 19 because i went to live with my best friend and started a new life away from everyone else so in a way i became independent.

12. Who told you they loved you last? - i guess my mom although i don’t remember when.

13. Your worst enemy? - my laziness and lack of will.

14. What is your current desktop picture? - monsta x’s minhyuk <3

15. Do you like someone? - in real life i have no romantic interest.

16. The last song you listened to? - dreamcatcher - wonderland

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? - myself so i can see how it feels.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? - sometimes my family members drive me up the wall to a point where i’d think about punching them in the face.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? - bill gates and he’d have to buy me whatever i want.

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) - if i have to pick something it would be my eyes because they’re the most distinctive feature i have.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? - i’d be a huge buff macho man just to see how it feels and i’d probably just ogle myself in the mirror and walk around to see how people react to me.

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? - i can make my fingers look like claws and move them in a weird snappish way.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? - bacteria.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. - butter on french toast.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? - on monsta x merchandise and food ^^

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? - seoul, south korea.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? - bailey’s is the only alcoholic drink i actually enjoy and would buy myself.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? - everyone is created equal so there shall be no discrimination regarding race, religion, gender or sexuality.

29. What is your favorite expletive? - motherfucker.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? - my stuffed animals.......

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? - watching my pet getting sick knowing she’d eventually die and being unable to help.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! - kanazawa, japan.

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? - my grandfather.

34. What was your last dream about? - falling down a flight of stairs.

35. Are you a good dancer? - i’d say decent but i could be better with practice.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? - thankfully no.

37. Have you ever built a snowman? - many times but never in the design i wanted to.

38. What is the color of your socks? - orange.

39. What type of music do you like? - i like all music but usually i would always gravitate towards rhythm and blues, jazz or classical.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? -sunsets.

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? - i don’t drink milkshakes but i’d probably enjoy strawberry ones.

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) - liverpool football club and i’m suffering every day for it.

43. Do you have any scars? - a big one on my knee from when i fell as a child and nearly busted my kneecap.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? - a boss....kidding :D a writer or researcher.

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? - the way i look and my attitude towards people demeaning and disrespecting me.

46. Are you reliable? - i really wish i could say i was but i’d have to say no.

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? - do we still live with the mentality of a 15 year-old or have we grown?

48. Do you hold grudges? - most of the time no but on special occasions i can grow to be vengeful towards someone i dislike.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? - a penguin with a bird so it will be able to fly.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? - every conversation i have with my grandmother and all the “advice” she gives me.

51. Are you a good liar? - yes.

52. How long could you go without talking? - i think i’d be able to go about a week if i really put myself to it but i enjoy talking to myself so it might be more difficult than anticipated.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? - a waffle one where they burnt my hair from the roots just so i could look like a member of a 90s girl group.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? - the only time i have baked a cake was when my best friend got sick and i wanted to give her something special to cheer her up.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? - i’m pretty good at an american and a british one. i could even do a bit of scottish and irish if i prictice.

56. What do you like on your toast? - butter.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? - the sun and it looked like a puddle with some rays coming out of it.

58. What would be you dream car? - a smart or a mini cooper.

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. - i do sing in the shower and sometimes i start contemplating my life.

60. Do you believe in aliens? - i believe we can’t be alone in the whole universe but i don’t believe in the made up ufo sightings nor the green little men.

61. Do you often read your horoscope? - i don’t believe in the horoscope nor the zodiac except when i’m looking for a laugh.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? - my own letter which in english would be B.

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? - dragons are the coolest <3

64. What do you think about babies? - i love and adore babies <3 they are perfect little stupid angels and should be protected at all costs.

65. Who's your favourite classical composer? - beethoven and mozart are untouchable and immortal but if i have to give a less cliche answer besides them i would say claude debussy, rachmaninoff, chopin and johann strauss II. i could go on but i will get boring.

66. A bonus question from me because I'm curious - If you could teleport to one place on this planet right at this moment which would it be and why? - northern canada so i can see the aurora borealis which is at its peak during october, november and december.

1 note · View note

proserpine-in-phases · 6 years

Text

@nachttour tagged me in a writing question thing!

1) is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?

uh yeah there’s like, several. some of them are better developed than other but a lot of the reason I’ve been holding off on writing them just comes down to feeling inadequate due to my own limited experience with relationships and feelings of complete inadequacy. it’s hard to write an epic romancu when I’m aromantic as fuck and have a hard time conceptualizing what those feelings might be like to experience, for example, or like, I want the story to be funny but I feel like I’m not actually a very funny person?

also I always feel like I need to do more research. I get stuck on the research phase about 85% of the time haha

2) what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?

man I am embarrassed by MYSELF existing, so idk probably all of it when you get right down to it

3) what order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

it seems to vary a bit. sometimes I just power through start to finish, but sometimes I need to write the ending first to remind myself of what I’m shooting for. sometimes I just gotta write some random scenes in the middle before I forget what they are and have to figure out where they’ll go later.

considering the longest thing I’ve managed to finish comes in at about 12 k I don’t know if I have enough data to really come up with a firm answer for this one though. from what I can tell, it really does seem like I start at the beginning and go for a bit, write the end, and try to connect the two with occasional random middle bits getting written out of order and a general feeling of “I’ll fix it in post” carrying me through

4) favorite character you’ve written

probably Samantha Traynor. she’s such a fucking nerd and I love her. it was surprisingly easy to write for her once I got started. at least I THINK I did a good job writing her, I have no actual idea haha

5) character you were most surprised to end up writing

I’ve written TWO mass effect fics featuring Samara as a main character and I have no idea how this happened or why because she’s about in the middle when it comes to my most to least favorite mass effect characters list

6) something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change now

there’s a couple of fics I wrote for fic exchanges that I kinda wish I could take back and turn into something else because I love the concept but feel guilty about idk, using as a springboard because the original is a gift, or something. it feels ehhhhhhhhh disingenuous to continue them when the gift is supposed to be a singular and self contained unit

for example, oh man I would love to take that vrisrezi space pirates au someplace, but I don’t know if I should because the fic itself is a gift, complete, and so forth.

plus I hate the way I run out of steam about 4 chapters into everything. I would like to not run out of motivation please

7) when asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

considering my output is so low I barely consider myself a writer at all tbh.

but yes, embarrassed. I hope to god the three people I know irl who follow me just like. never see those posts haha

8) favorite genre to write

space adventure! and lately? mysteries even though I have no FUCKING idea why or even how to write them, which is why I have at least three projects stalled out on me haha

9) what, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

I read a lot, mostly. sometimes I stare at a wall. or play minesweeper.

also when I’m doing something fairly mindless sometimes my mind wanders and I hit something.

oh and music. music is great

10) write in silence or with background noise? with people or alone?

I usually need music, mood music preferable, instrumental so the lyrics don’t distract me. generally I prefer to not be around people when I write, though a public setting is also fun to write in. I’m too distractable to actually get any done though, so I usually end up just looking like a tool with their notebook out if I try to write in a coffee shop or whatever tho, haha

11) what aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?

I think writing fanfic has really helped me figure out what it means to write in character. also I think I’m starting to get better at balancing dialogue versus narration? at least a little bit

12) your weaknesses as an author

the inability to actually finish shit.

unwillingness to approach emotions that make me feel uncomfortable.

the fact that I often approach writing a character with the thought of what I would do in a situation rather than what the character would do (which is why writing fanfiction is helping me with that haha)

coming up with plots that lend themselves well to longer stuff

13) your strengths as an author

pretty good at dialogue

when it comes to my own shit, pretty good at coming up with interesting fantasy worlds (I think they’re interesting at least)

I’ve got a pretty firm grasp overall just the nuts and bolts of writing: I mean I tutored English in college for fuck’s sake I know how to write a grammatically correct run on sentence when I want to

14) do you make playlists for your current wips?

not really

15) why did you start writing?

I wanted to know what happened next

16) are there any characters who haunt you?

not really? I mean, there are specific character TYPES that’ll get me every time, though, like the happy go lucky person who has to learn what pain is but still come out the other side a LOT worse for wear but not completely broken (think Tasslehoff Burrfoot, or perhaps less obscure Vash the Stampede) but I wouldn’t say they haunt me, per say

17) if you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be?

don’t be afraid to be self indulgent. you’ll enjoy it more and who the fuck cares, anyway? people who’ll make fun of you for doing what you love are ass holes

18) were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? what were they?

If I’m honest I can’t really say what influences my writing style, if I even have one. Mostly all I can do is list off my favorite authors because I’m pretty sure they all have something to do with it.

so let’s just do that I guess. when I was a teenager I tended to find a single author and just read through all their works before moving on, and these are the big ones that stand out:

Connie Willis, Anne McCaffrey, Steven Brust and Ursula K. Le Guin. Connie Willis for the humor she includes in almost all her writing, Anne McCaffrey because I STILL spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about Pern. She had a real skill for coming up with both great characters and great settings, even if what she did with them, and also her inability to keep continuity were less good. Steven Brust introduced me to the idea of relating to morally reprehensible characters at an alarmingly young age. Ursula K. Le Guin, I just love her. No idea if it’s actually done anything GOOD to my writing but she gives me something to aspire to.

I read just. a ridiculous amount of fantasy and science fiction as a kid, the genres as a whole without a doubt influence the type of shit I end up writing. also in seventh grade I mainlined dragonlance, just the whole damn thing

later in college I got really into Margaret Atwood. her focus on female characters and narrative just is really great.

then I went through a depressive phase in my late 20s and just exclusively read Julia Quinn, Joanna Lindsey, Sabrina Jeffreys and Eloisa James, and that was IT. so I’m pretty sure my foray into the romance genre is what makes me honestly prefer povs limited to two or three characters hey, reading romance novels also lead me to the realization that I’m aromantic so \o/ I guess

19) when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?

I outline and then give up lol

20) do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?

little spurts until something grabs me and makes me marathon. usually that’s a deadline, but sometimes it’s also inspiration

21) what do you think when you read over your older work?

mostly just holy shit I can’t believe I wrote this! sometimes that’s bad, sometimes it’s good. I can’t really tell if I’m good at divorcing myself from my writing enough to give me perspective on it, to tell the truth, because for a good lot of it, I still think it’s pretty good so ???

22) are there any subjects that make you uncomfortable to write?

it’s hard for me to let a character be embarrassed by the dumb shit they do. I don’t want them to do dumb shit because of it, which makes it hard for the character to have shit to grow and learn from.

23) any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing?

I’m pretty sure my own issues with having and experiencing some emotions makes its way into the stuff I choose to write about, especially when it comes to the original stuff (I have. at LEAST three different plot outlines that involve characters literally losing the ability to experience emotions and having to find a way to heal or gain it back haha)

also the fic I wrote about the box ghost is literally just about what it’s like to work in a factory haha

24) have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story?

listen.

yes.

I fucking. LOVE. research.

honestly this is the stage where I most often get lost in the weeds, distracted by my own need to know more

25) copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of

“He was not the knight Casey taught him to be, but he was close enough for government work“ remains the single best pun I’ve ever written

tagging: @anthropwashere @inktail @manicpixiesdreamdragon if you guys are up for it!

#meme #writing meme #questions about writing

2 notes · View notes

rainberrydrops · 6 years

Text

Tag Game: 100 Questions

Thanks for tagging me @theperksofbeingadreamer ♥

Wow answering these questions felt like I am answering a slambook! I was in 6th grade when I last answered a slambook and that was years ago XD (okay, I sound like an old woman XD)

1. What is your nickname? Ries

2. How old are you? 19

3. What is your birth month? May

4. What is your zodiac sign? Taurus

5. What is your favorite color? Blue (all shades of blue!) and black

6. What’s your lucky number? none

7. Do you have any pets? Yes, two male dogs (Choconut and Chocolate, they are not brothers, btw) and two female kittens (Mallows and Butterscotch)

8. Where are you from? ✧ Philippines ✧

9. How tall are you? 4"11

10. What shoe size are you? 5 in US size (I'm Cinderella~ lmao)

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? 6

12. Are you random? I'm not really sure what do you mean by this...

13. Last person you texted? I can't remember XD I hardly texted anyone because I prefer chatting them :3

14. Are you psychic in any way? No

15. Last TV show watched? evening news

16. Favourite movie? Until today, I still love The Sorcerer's Apprentice~

17. Favourite show from your childhood? Hmm... Powerpuff Girls, I think? XD

18. Do you want children? Yes! (but please not now okay, I am still too young for it XD lmao)

19. Do you want a church wedding? I don't think so (okay, what's with these questions hahahaha)

20. What is your religion? Christian

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Yes, I was confined when I was 11 because I nearly got pneumonia but I am glad I was treated before it got worse

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? No

23. How is life? Same as always, still trying my best to figure out what the heck I will do after I graduate in college because I am still very indecisive about it :<

24. Baths or showers? Showers

25. What color socks are you wearing? I’m not wearing any socks right now

26. Have you ever been famous? No

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? No! I am afraid of getting too much attention so definitely not!

28. What type of music do you like? I like pop, pop rock, rock, Jrock, Jpop, OPM and instrumental music. I also listen to classical sometimes

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? No and I don't know what the hell is that

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two

31. What position do you usually sleep in? I sleep in on my side

32. How big is your house? small

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? I like eating spaghetti for breakfast or 2 slices of bread. If I'm in the mood to fry something then I'll eat whatever I can fry + rice (I really like rice!)

34. Have you ever left the country? Nope but I wish I would sooner :D

35. Have you ever tried archery? Nope but I want to! I really like sports that doesn't require me to move too much

36. Do you like anyone? Romantically? Nope. But if it's just plain "like" as in "admiration" then yes I like my favorite Japanese actors and my friends :D

37. Favourite swear word(s)? wth, sht, wtf and damn (seriously, these questions keep getting weirder...) 38. When do you fall asleep? around 00:00 to 2:00 am ⇀‸↼‶ it depends on how active my mind is 39. Do you have any scars? Yes

40. Sexual orientation? Straight

41. Are you a good liar? it depends...

42. What languages would you like to learn? I want to be fluent in Japanese and Spanish ^^ and after that I want to learn Dutch (even though I always get tongue-tied XD)

43. Top 10 songs? Ninelie - Aimer ft. Chelly Want You Back - 5sos Young Blood - 5SOS In my Blood - Shawn Mendes Euterpe - Egoist No Namae no Kaibutsu - Egoist Dreaming Alone - Against the Current ft. Taka Jet Black Heart - 5SOS Disconnected - 5SOS Castaway - 5SOS

44. Do you like your country? Nature-wise, my country is very beautiful and that's one of the things I like. But government system-wise, economy-wise I am not happy (wow, surprise Ries cares about politics and government and stuff like that XD)

45. Do you have friends from the web? Yes!

@theperksofbeingadreamer

@amia-springs

@suzunofuusuke

@yuuki-clyde

@reizenforlife

@fayemichaels

@just-otome

46. What is your personality type? INFJ-T

47. Hogwarts House? Gryffindor ♥

48. Can you curl your tongue? Yasss!

49. Pick one fictional character you can relate to? Airis Riedel (MC of Lost Alice)

50. Left or right handed? Right

51. Are you scared of spiders? Nope

52. Favourite food? pizza and cookies and cream ice cream (that's not real food, Ries!)

53. Favorite foreign food? PIZZA! and I also love Mochi and takoyaki ^^

54. Are you a clean or messy person? Clean

55. If you could switch your gender for a day, what would you do? What I usually do. It doesn't matter if I'm a girl or guy :D

56. What color underwear? Red (seriously, whoever made these questions there's something wrong with you XD lol just saying)

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? it depends on my mood

58. Do you have much of an ego? No

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? Both (wait, why does it matter? =_=)

60. Do you talk to yourself? All the time (okay, I think I am crazy? XD) no seriously, for a writer it's a usual thing specially if you are trying to find your character's voice. It's really weird but yeah

61. Do you sing to yourself? YEAH! ESPECIALLY WHEN I AM AT HOME AND IN THE SHOWER!

62. Are you a good singer? I don't know. I'll ask my sister, she's the one who always hear me singing

63. Biggest Fears? Being unsuccessful and failure (same with @theperksofbeingadreamer)

64. Are you a gossip? No and why would I be one? ⇀‸↼‶

65. Are you a grammar nazi? YES. VERY. MUCH.

66. Do you have long or short hair? medium length

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? NO

68. Favorite school subject? Hmm I think Journalism because that's my forte (I am in college so we have specialized subjects now and not the usual English, Science, etc.)

69. Extrovert or Introvert? Introvert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? No and I won't ever because I don't know how to swim T_T

71. What makes you nervous? it depends...

72. Are you scared of the dark? No

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? Sometimes, but it's more like I give them advice rather than correct them because I prefer if they do the correcting part themselves for that will make them even better people

74. Are you ticklish? No, not at all

75. Have you ever started a rumor? No

76. Have you ever been out of your home country? No

77. Have you ever drank underage? No. I don't like the smell of any liquor so I haven't dared drinking any kind of liquor even until today

78. Have you ever done drugs? No and why would I?

79. What do you fantasize about? it depends. It's tough being a writer, there's too much going on in my head (but I'm not crazy, don't worry XD)

80. How many piercings do you have? Two (earrings)

81. Can you roll your R’s? I think... nope?

82. How fast can you type? fast 83. How fast can you run? I am a fast runner :D

84. What color is your hair? Jet black

85. What color are your eyes? deepest shade of brown (at first glance it looks like black but if you look closer its actually brown)

86. What are you allergic to? Nothing

87. Do you keep a journal? Yes but it is just a notebook I use for keeping track of everything I have to do and I must do and a notebook where I write my poems

88. Are you depressed about anything? No

89. Do you like your age? Yes because I am almost an adult now and I am allowed to go anywhere I want by myself and go home late :D

90. What makes you angry? -annoying people -hypocrites -people who do not know the term "mind your own business" -people who do not bother contributing in groupworks -and many more! 91. Do you like your own name? I like my nickname Ries but my real name (Caries Ann Mae) nah, it's so lengthy and people always mispronounce "Caries" as "keh-riz" which means tooth decay rather than its actual pronunciation "kah-rees". And the meaning of my name is really lame so if I could choose, I'd rather want to be named "Ries Ann" :3 remove the "Ca and the Mae" XD

92. Did you ever get a foreign object up your nose? what the hell do you mean by this question?

93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? BOTH

94. What talents do you have? I guess writing

95. Sun or moon? BOTH. WE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO SURVIVE IN THIS PLANET IF ONE OF THEM DISAPPEARED.

96. How did you get your name? My father's idea

97. Are you religious? No but I believe in God and I always pray and read the bible but I don't have any faith in any religion

98. Have you ever been to a therapist? No

99. Color of your bedspread? purple

100. Tumblr Bestie? @theperksofbeingadreamer ♥ she’s my sister from another parents~

I’m not sure if you want to do this because this is so lengthy and some questions are really weird but I’ll tag you anyways @amia-springs @reizenforlife @otome-doll @suzunofuusuke @yuuki-clyde @just-otome @fayemichaels

6 notes · View notes

mdconfessions · 6 years

Note

I told my boyfriend that I have madd and he doesn't believe me at all. I have had them since I can remember and they never had a name for it back when I was younger, just called it a vivid imagination but now I know about it and it all makes sense..I tried to open up to him about it, he thinks its just my depression. Anyone I try to tell that I have this just thinks I'm crazy or as my boyfriend said I need to grow up. I don't know if talking about it is a good idea with anyone. Any advice?

Hi, anon! I’m so sorry to hear about the difficulty you’ve had with opening up about your MD/MaDD. I can completely relate and I’m sure other MDers can too. It took me a long time to work up the courage to tell someone, and when I finally did, I was sort of brushed off. It was very disappointing, especially since I told someone I thought I could really trust.

I’m going to list a few tips that I hope might help you with this situation and help others with similar difficulties when it comes to sharing MD. I am, by no means, an expert so all this advice is just from my own experience.

1. Get some evidence. I think that part of the reason so many people have a hard time wrapping their head around MD is because they really don’t know or understand what it is. Try grabbing some articles from the internet to show them. This might help them gain a better understanding of MD if they read an article on it. @madd-information has a lot of great articles on their page and if you search up ‘maladaptive daydreaming disorder’ you can find a lot of great resources on the web too.

2. Explain the difference. A huge misconception about MD is that it is a “made up disorder”. Daydreaming is a completely normal thing for people to do and, because of this, a lot of people will argue that MD isn’t really a disorder at all. However, most non-MDers don’t understand just how different MD is from regular daydreaming. Try to explain to whoever you are opening up to how MD differs from regular daydreaming. Maybe talk about how addictive MD is, how emotionally attached you are to your paras, etc. Help them understand what sets MD apart from regular daydreaming.

3. Get it down on paper. When I first opened up about my MD it was through a personal memoir essay I had to write for my grade 12 English class. I decided to write my memoir about my paras and daydreams and how MD affected my life. Because I had the time to organize my thoughts in an understandable essay, everything I wanted to say came out in a much neater way. I didn’t have to worry about getting interrupted in a conversation or jumbling up my words. Rather, I had all my thoughts displayed in written format. If you are trying to open up about your MD, chances are there is a lot you want to say. Take some time and write it all out. You can do it like a letter if you want. Organize it so that it makes sense and let the person read it before you have a conversation with them. This way, they have some time to think it over, digest, and understand it better before they jump to conclusions or shoot you down.

Also, when it comes to the writing process, don’t rush yourself! I took over 2 months to write the letter I plan to give to my parents and I still don’t think it’s good enough. There might be a lot you want to tell whoever you are sharing your MD with and it’s ok if it takes you awhile to figure out how to say it all. Give yourself time and be gentle with yourself if it doesn’t come out how you want at first.

4. Tell them about your journey. Most people’s MD started out when they were very young. If this is you, then you’ve most likely been able to pick out how MD has affected your childhood now that you are older and have a better understanding of it. Try telling the person about the ways MD has affected your life all the way up to where you are now. If the person you are opening up to has known you for a long time, this might even offer them an explanation for certain behaviour they’ve received from you that they never understood before. For example, they might finally understand why you spend a lot of time alone in your room or why you have a difficult time focusing, etc.

5. Tell someone else first. Take this example: If I told my mom that I saw a purple frog, she probably wouldn’t believe me. However, if me and all my friends told my mom that we saw a purple frog then it might make my story more convincing and believable. In the same way, if you have the support and understanding from someone else you trust then it might help you explain your MD to the person you originally intended to tell in the first place. Having someone to back you up can be super helpful and also boosts your confidence when sharing it with someone really important.

Sooo… those are my tips! I really REALLY hope that at least one of them will help you. Sharing your MD with someone can be a really difficult thing to do and personally, there are a lot of people I wish I could share it with but probably never will. Now, this isn’t to say you shouldn’t try. I think it is very important to talk about your MD with people you love and trust, especially people you are in a close relationship with (such as a boyfriend). But until MD is recognized under the DSM, I think it is going to be a struggle for MDers to share their disorder with other people for fear of being shot down or brushed off. Just remember, even though this might happen, there will always be supportive communities online for you!

#actuallymadd #maladaptive daydreaming #daydreaming disorder #mdconfessions

54 notes · View notes