#so far it’s getting really good reviews
Note
I'm Inlove with your ocs — How would the yandere react to a dense darling with no knowledge of gambling or any games who goes to the casino every now and then, who still manage to win without cheating? Like the others are pissed off by them and yet here they are asking what the rules are because they're forgetful -
IM BLUSHING SO MUCH RN IM SO GLAD U LIKE THEM ALSO THANKS FOR BEING SO NICE AND REBLOGGING MY STUFF AND FOR BEING MY FIRST MUTUAL!!!!!!
Ahem. Yes. The prompt. I only did Amias and Edge for this one, since Jackpot, DD, and Gambit aren't really in on the gambling side of things and it probably wouldn't change much.
Yandere!OCs x GN Reader
The casino has plenty of nice reviews. It's clean, and the drinks are good. As far as you're concerned, it's just like any other bar you've ever been to. When your friend dragged you along to play a game, you didn't think twice.
Um... but you've only ever played Go-Fish before...
Amias
Upon first meeting you, Amias is really, REALLY frustrated. Somehow, he's losing money to you. It barely puts a dent in his funds, but wow. You ask what a Royal Flush is EVERY time, and every time you end up having one. There's no way it's Edge cheating, because even when he does, Amias ALWAYS wins.
You have the most insane, frustrating, INFURIATING beginners luck he has ever seen. It's driving him literally crazy. He's in his room tearing up playing cards and hanging up pictures of you and trying to figure out what you're trying to achieve. He wants to shake you so hard your brain falls out and you die. He's chewing his nails off and tearing his hair out.
WHAT IS YOUR SECRET?
Sometime after all that. when he's gathering pictures of you, he realizes that... Well, there's absolutely no reason he needs those. Why would he need those? He should get rid of them.
But the second he reaches for one of them to tear off his wall, he has a full-on panic attack and ends up sobbing on the floor.
He almost hurt you! Granted, it was just a picture of you, but it's YOU! You, who he has spent months watching and taking care of and--
Shit. Damnit. God, fuck. He's in love with you.
Edge
Edge has never, in his entire career, had to explain to someone what "all in" means THIS many times.
IT MEANS YOU PUT ALL OF YOUR CHIPS IN.
Ahem, but he calmly reexplains with a smile. He deals your cards, and...
You won. Again.
You look gleeful, and later when he's laying alone in his dark bedroom, he can't get that look of joy out of his head. Not that he'd ever admit that.
He decides he's going to teach you the terms and the rules and everything you need to know.
And so the private tutoring begins. It's frustrating, but he manages to teach you all the things you need to know... While simultaneously memorizing all your quirks and habits. He knows you like the back of his hand now, and he wants more. He wants to take that information and use it to absolutely shatter you.
It's like a game. Should be fun, no?
BONUS!!!!
Double Down
DD could not care less how much you know about gambling. He's going to bite you. You will have rabies. And die.
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Episode 7 (The Very Long Stairway)! I didn't put it in my last review, but I had a strong feeling we were going to get a flashback to the start of Edwin and Charles' relationship in this one. I had wondered if it would start with it, Good Omens style, so when it didn't happen immediately I thought maybe I was wrong. I was vindicated, however! And I love the use of the Night Nurse's already established powers as a framing device for it. I got so into what was happening, though, that I forgot that was how it started and was surprised when the camera panned to her watching everything.
So, oh my god, Edwin sat and talked with Charles as he died!!!! Edwin is so incredibly kind to him and it's heartbreaking that he knew this boy was going to die in front of him, and decided to make sure he had the most calming death possible. And Charles instantly decided to stay with him. I think it's very telling that he latches onto Edwin so quickly. Charles is someone who values kindness and helping people - he literally just died because he saved another boy from being bullied - so when he understands what Edwin did for him, he knows this is a person to hang onto.
I had wondered for a while if Charles had been the one to rescue Edwin from hell, given that they met 30 years ago, the same time he got out of hell. Turns out that no, Edwin had already just got out of hell by himself, but this was still a really satisfying flashback. Speaking of their relationship, we also finally got the love confession. I really didn't want Edwin to say anything, but it went about as well as it possibly could have. Still, gah, reeling from the secondhand embarrassment and the fact that this is not the time, Edwin! I was about to be so annoyed if the thing 'worse than a demon' had caught them because they spent so long dawdling on the staircase.
The scenes in hell themselves were really effective. Loved the page ripping punishment, very Sisyphean, and in fact the entire scene that followed with Simon was so touching I had to watch the whole thing again immediately. He was a stupid boy who didn't know what he was doing, and their reconciliation reminded me a bit of Pat forgiving the boy who shot him in Ghosts. Anyway, it seems that everyone has a crush on Edwin apart from the one boy he wants. Still, Edwin and Simon reconciling and Edwin telling him that 'if you punish yourself enough, everywhere becomes hell' but that being queer doesn't have to be a punishment, was incredibly moving. Again, Edwin has empathy for him and shows him kindness.
Relatedly, I also loved the scene with Despair. The moment she came on screen, even with her face obscured, I realised who she was. She barely features in Sandman, far less than Death anyway, but I recognised her instantly. Obviously I'm intrigued about the whole 'I'll call you if ever I need you' thing, but for the purposes of this episode I really love how that scene solidified the importance of Edwin having compassion. Edwin can be very bitchy (which I love him for), and he had every right to be mean to the boy who sent him to hell, but he chose kindness instead.
Conversely, Crystal got to choose violence and I love that for her. It was very satisfying seeing her literally get to bury David. It's fitting, as well, that David once overpowered her mind and now she's using her mind to overpower him. It is, of course, 'bad for the tree' if he stays there long, so I wonder if we'll see repercussions from that further down the line.
What else? Oh, the opening scene! The Cat King is such an interesting figure. He's creepy in the way he pursues Edwin, but it feels like they're on slightly more level ground now. He's a wild card character who's not exactly a villain, but will always act in his own interests. I'll be interested to see where his character goes from here, especially now it's been established that he's less powerful than Esther. His line about how strong and great Edwin is and who does Esther think she is trying to beat him, while obviously a problem in terms of giving her ideas, was also interesting in its own right. He clearly knows a fair bit about Edwin and genuinely thinks highly of him. Until this point we've only really seen him interacting with Edwin, where he taunts him the whole time, so this has made me all the more intrigued and invested in him.
Small things:
Edwin explaining to Charles that he doesn't fall through the floor because of the vague and weird ghost rules once again gave me strong Ghosts vibes.
I continue to love Mick, so really hoping he'll be okay after his confrontation with Esther.
Maxine in hell was interesting! I thought we'd learn more about her after her death, but it was a very fleeting appearance.
I thought Jenny might actually learn about ghosts and demons and psychics (oh my), but it seems not, alas.
Simon got a blue light after Edwin left, so does that mean Death came to him? Can people in hell get closure from unfinished business and move on? Or is it something Edwin specifically is good at doing for people?
Monty's still around and doing Esther's bidding! Someone turn him back into a human, please! Maybe Crystal?
I loved Niko getting to save the day (for now) through the power of reading comprehension!
#dead boy detectives#the case of the very long stairway#final episode next!#dbd#mine#dbd mine#reactions
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Read ~60 chapters of Chainsaw Man today, WHEWWWWW-
#dee p thoughts#overall review so far: pretty good. author's style is very distinct and potentially offputting/unhinged so I 1000% get someone not liking#this for that reason. theres a lot of food for thought to chew on among it so I enjoy it tho. but I do think the plot in terms of arcs and#how they tie into character development/progression can be very...fast and sudden? couldve used more time to make the progressions more#gradual and natural feeling imo which is where I think the anime expanding on scenes enhances this. ex: aki's care for power and denji is#very sweet but it also feels a bit sudden in terms of...well how to word this? like it ultimately MAKES SENSE but the turning point makes i#feel like his care stems from them almost dying reminding him of himeno as opposed to. caring about them afdadljbkndlkj- yes its establishe#that aki views denji kind of as a little brother but they couldve had the trio cook a little longer imo like at that point I dont really#feel aki has had much connection to power either tbh but...I get it I get why lol-#THO I WILL GIVE THAT THE SUDDENNESS FEELING MAY STEM FROM ME READING ~60 CHAPTERS YEAH. just like? denji's relationship with makima has mor#gradual progression than the trio's imo which makes sense but we should strengthen the trio bond for extra impacttt-#thinking deeper I do think aki has individual moments with denji and power has individual moments with denji so its probably the lack of ak#interacting with power that makes me feel the trio isnt fully baked lol. kind of just shown annoyance and then happiness at her not throwin#vegetables and now you dont want her to die I guess thats what makes me feel something is missinggg#which makes sense at the end of the day I guess? whats important is their relationship with denji not each other? but eh still I guess we'l#jot this down as a personal preference of mine
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ok. Ok. So I really like the Wednesday show, despite having quite a few criticisms for it
specifically really only two big ones that are
a. I think the anti-colonialism feels sanitized, especially compared to Addams Family Values. It wasn’t bad and there were a few lines that got my native dad laughing hysterically so clearly something is working, but I think mixing in the othereds with the message was a bad idea. Please don’t make fantasy creatures into an allegory for native people, especially when Wednesday is already indigenous like it wasn’t necessary! These two themes can be separate! Also I think the werewolf conversation therapy line was weird. Bad line, didn’t really ruin the episode or scene imo but did make me cringe.
b. I think some of the characterization and writing is very off, especially with Gomez and Morticia. Not as off as people are making it seem, for the most part it’s fine, but there Areee some scenes where I’m like. they would not fuckimg say that. (Ex. Morticia being upset over killing the stalker?? NOT MEANING TO KILL HIM???? Ur joking like she would’ve gutted that fucker ages ago and never been caught…) Just some stuff where I’m like well no but actually you see they would love to be convinced of murder. Wednesday for the most part is pretty accurate and is a treat to watch though :)
HOWVERR. aha. Um. The amount of people complaining about specifically Gomez is gross. I have seen multiple people unironically say “oh bring back the old Gomez this one looks like a construction worker” ….. oh yeah.? Yeah what about him. Specifically. Is it that he’s fat and stout (you know, like he was always supposed to be?) or is it maybe that he’s a darker skinned brown man. Is it both? Either way it’s a shitty bigoted thing to say.
So many of the complaints about the show I’ve seen are baseless, or indicate that you haven’t watched the show and just read other people posting about it. it’s definitely got it’s flaws, I mean I just detailed them above, but damn it sorta just seems like you guys are flocking to hate anything that’s popular??
#Wednesday#it’s good it’s campy . It’s not on the same level of great as Addams family values imo but it’s still really fun#I also love the murder mystery aspect#I think it also takes a few episodes to pick up? At least for me. It starts getting good and finding its footing at like ep4#Idk maybe I’m just a little brown autistic goth nut who loves seeing a fellow brown autistic goth nut navigate high school#Especially when it’s a character I’m connected to like Wednesday#Enid is also adorable#I gotta watch the full show before I can write a full review but so far I’m really enjoying it#wednesday spoilers
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new girl crush update : we saw each other today w the friend i know her from and it’s official guys im in love
#we get along so well you’d think we’ve been friends for years when this is only the 5th time we ever saw each other 😭😭😭#also i told her abt crush guy and she was not a fan 😭 she said his sense of humor is weird and maybe he’s weird also HDHSJJS#also she said he’s not even cute … little does she know that’s exactly my type 😔#i need to have one conversation w him and see if he’s really funny bc this all started on assumptions that he is#and so far i did not get good reviews#FREE ME FROM THE CHACKLES PLEASE !!!!!!!!!!
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physically holding back my rage when i go get my weekly uchuujin no kakushigoto update and see people bitchin and moaning about it. I WANT TO HURT YOU AND IM NOT FUCKING AROUND. YOU SHOULD HAVE BEAR MACE SPRAYED IN YOUR EYES SINCE YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE NO FUCKING APPRECIATION FOR GOOD LITERATURE. S2G SHUT YOUR DUMBASS UP BEFORE I GO AHEAD AND SLICE OFF ALL YOUR FINGER TIPS TOO AND PUT YOUR TONGUE IN A BAG CORPSE PARTY STYLE CUZ YOUR OPINIONS ARE ACTIVELY MAKING SOCIETY WORSE.
#i will make a review for uchuujin no kakushigoto later... bc rn i want to see more how the story plays out to see if it gets even better or#if it falls from grace#rn tho im so hooked like every week i need my update its what i look forward to ngl#the manga is soooo good i adore it from the artstyle to the characters to the romance to the message#i love the pyschological aspects so far and think its been interweved nicely if not a little too in your face but its being done p well#i cant wait to see how the author handles the main theme rn of exploring the selfishness in helping people#so many people keep saying its 'so weird' and 'keeps getting more fucked up with each chapter'#AND I DONT GET IT#ITS NOT WEIRD IMO ITS NOT A BIZARRE STORY#ITS A GOOD STORY AND I THINK EVERYTHING MAKES PERFECT SENSE LIKE TBH#IM SURPRISED WE HAVENT SEEN AN ALIEN ROMANCE STORY LIKE THIS YET#THIS IS AN UNTAPPED MARKET THATS LIKE UH DUHH!! WHY DIDNT I THINK OF DOINF THAT FIRST?!?#IDK LIKE I DONT THINK ITS WEIRD I THINK THE AUTHOR IS MAKING VERY NORMAL DECISIONS TO PROGRESS THE STORY#you wanna read weird go read fuckin#KAMI NO KODOMO#I HAD TO FIGHT FOR MY LIFE ON BAKAMANGA TO FIND THIS AGAIN#i should write a review for it. its interesting#not really a fan cuz it just doesnt hit for me but its interesting and unique
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got around to reading nona the ninth and I think I finally have to concede that I'm just not picking up what these books are putting down. there's some cool concepts but it feels like the author is actively avoiding them most of the time. also finding the constant quips and references annoying, and not really sold on the central relationship of the series, which leaves very little for me to be happy about. I'll read alecto because I'd like to know what happens next, but I can't help but feel I'll also be relieved when it's over
#me bitching#idk I'm happy for all the folks who love these books but I'm just not seeing it#world is super cool but again the author seems to be actively avoiding showing us much about it#which like#this is not to say I prefer those books and (especially) games that have to tell you EVERYTHING those are painful#but the world is far and away the primary draw for me and the author just is not willing to immerse me in it#also okay the one genuinely mean thing I'm going to say about this series is that the mysteries suck#maybe I'm just dumb but like#part of a good mystery is looking back and seeing all the points where you totally could have figured it out#tlt just withholds vital information from you and when you get to the end you're like 'ah so that's why nothing made any fucking sense'#it's not satisfying#I'm so cranky I really wanted to like these books#this isn't a case of me not extending a book the goodwill to meet it where it is#I was more than willing to do that#but they just aren't speaking to me#but at the same time I read some reviews on goodreads and while some were negative none of them had the same problems I do#I don't want to get into drama or discourse or even really a friendly argument about the merits of these books#but I'm considering writing up something about them if only for my own benefit
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Morrowind has me fucked up enough after tonight that I need the fucking Skyrim Tavern Music
#Marlinisms#Ayem if you read this thank you for letting me ramble to you (I will still do that dw :])#I care about you and you're really fun I am just fucking Nutso Berserk right now and also want to give you privacy and rest#I spent most of the day killing slavers (YAYYY!!!!!!) and robbing their stuff so I have really good armor and weapons now#And then when I got back to Balmora after doing the Skooma rounds with Ra'virr and selling him all my shit#And MY BEST FRIEND IN BALMORA LLANDRAS BELAAL TURNS OUT TO BE A SLEEPER#AND BALMORA IS FUCKING *INFESTED WITH SLEEPERS*#SLEEPERS ARE SERVENTS OF DAGOTH UR WHO IS A COSMIC FASCIST FOR THE UNINITATED#I literally have my fucking real world journal in front of me because I write while I play ro temember my opinions#And headcanons and thoughts and that kind of thing#I feel like an actual fucking Altmer who just got back to Skyrim from Morrowind#reviewing the most insane notes he's ever taken in his life#I'm so fucked up after tonight ohhh. My god#BALMORA IS FULL OF AGENTS OF DAGOTH UR AND THERE'S BLIGHTED MONSTERS ALL OVER THE PLACE#My entire BODY IS WARM I'm so fucking like fun stressed about thi#I am literally a scholar by candlelight staying up far past when I should just to get the revelation of my god damn life#Andi t's from videog game#bbooooooogggg. booogggge uuuuuuuuhhhhhhh ahhhhhhh
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Happy because favourite book series is getting TV series adaptation.
Terrified beyond repair because favourite book series is getting TV series adaptation.
#tv shows#tv adaptations#lockwood and co.#lockwood and co#i made my tumblr because of lockwood and co#i was desperate to find lockwood and co content anywhere and tumblr was the only place with even a marginal fanbase#even then it was really small but i got to share reading the last book with them#got to review and ramble and theorize a little beforehand#it was nice being in a small but dedicated fandom nice finally being able to see others talk about this relatively obscure series#and now it's getting a tv show and i love the books so much i just live in fear that they will ruin everything#and i feel rather gatekeep-y and book snobby in this tumblr tonight as i worry new fans who don't care about the books will crop up#and mess with that cozy little fandom feel#or will like it if it's horrible or i don't really know#i want the show to be good but no adaptation of anything has really been good has it#except the asoue tv show that did the books a lot of justice even in its changes#so here's hoping for an adaptation following its example#and not the example of countless movies that shall not be named#and not the example of the stupid alex r*der show i hate it i hate it it was so boring i hate it and people love it and i hate that more#the casting for lucy and lockwood looks decent so far so i'm cautiously optimistic while still being twisted with unease#like it's all about the vibe will they get the vibe will they get the humour will they get the horror#and will they stick with the novel's plotline and twists? fear fear fear#I hope it’s good
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my father brought us all nice lunch but unfortunately I got to The Part in a book that I forgot had really rather sickening necromancy in it and now I am feeling much less joyed by my chicken katsu
#ramblings#the captain's library#still reading elemental masters - now I remember what else got me quite so scared reading unnatural issue the first time#this IS definitely one of the better books in the series for sheer Ominous Dread Of Incoming History though#there is the looming shadow of the first world war all through the first two thirds but there's other stuff to be worried about so it Creep#and then suddenly there's this delightful ratcheting Oh Shit Oh Fuck Oh Shit Oh Fuck Something Is About To Happen#and then it HAPPENS. and also simultaneously you get the most uncomfy bit of necromancy in All of the books in the series#it's a combination of the purposelessness and the carelessness and the - well I can only call it inhumanity#the people involved could have done the same work just as well had they been allowed to remain living humans but the necromancer simply#does not Care about the fact that they're People. and he kills them and leaves them to rot upright (still working!) just because he can#and he's not even living there for them to be working For him!#well yeah back on track I still think peter almsley would never marry a woman but otherwise the book is pretty good as these go#I really must get around to doing some kind of rating of my own opinions on all of the elemental masters books I've read so far#reserved for the cat was not so interesting that I bothered with a review and steadfast retreads the same ideas much better#and the progression of What The Author Thinks About Women's Role In Things from serpent's shadow to jolene is Quite interesting
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episode review i am never going to recover from this
#meaghan talks#tlou hbo#tlou hbo spoilers#full review i still don't really care about kathleen like i get what they were trying to do and i think she's very sabinacore#but ultimately i didn't care all that much about her story or her brother because i just did not have enough time with her#on one hand i love her bc like. look at her. but also i don't actually care all that much#i joke about the silver fox but idc about him either#i don't even know his name#i liked seeing the ish stuff underground but i do kind of wish we had gotten expanded lore on that bc i thought his whole deal was cool#ONTO THE GOOD PARTS#ellie and sam. full stop i loved their interactions and bonding over the comics they had read#and playing soccer. and sam laughing and henry saying he hadn't heard that in a while. literally heartbreaking#the acting was incredible and there were so many moments where i had to face that in a lot of ways henry isn't all that old#in so many ways he's also just a kid forced to pick up a burden that was far too heavy for him and either sink or swim#and i think joel sees that in a lot of their interactions but he doesn't really know what to do with it#and god. ellie trying to cure sam. trying to stay awake with him through the night. but inevitably falling asleep.#that ellie and joel took precious time and energy and properly buried them.#and ellie wrote i'm sorry on sam's notepad. that's when the tears actually started and i just had to sit there like!!! cool!! awesome!!#AND WE GET TOMMY NEXT EPISODE!!!!!
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So I felt like making fanart for THE CAMERA from YIIK I.V cuz why not.
I dunno I just really liked their design. Love me humanoid object head characters. ^^
#sgigart#fanart#yiik: a postmodern rpg#YIIK I.V fanart#but really tho. i genuinely am pretty hype for this update to YIIK.#I've had this game on my mind for a bit and was excited initially. but given how the game was reviewed it was a little disappointing.#but to think this game is getting a revamp is amazing! especially with the amount of criticism and unnecessary hate that it got.#sinply put. I might play the game when the update releases as it looks pretty good from what's been shown so far!^^
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spent my birthday money on replacing my loops cause somehow i lost them and this world is too loud
#i only just figured out i lost them yesterday and i wanted to wait a bit to see if i could find them#and then today every noise made me ANGERY#so I was like damn guess I need my loops#but I signed up for the one time student discount and got quiets and engage plus#and the ones I have from before are experience plus so even if I find them they’re technically different#one review of the engages said it’s better than the experiences cause it doesn’t make your chewing echo the way the experiences do and I’m#🙏🙏🙏really hoping that’s true cause by far that was my biggest complaint#like when you’re wearing both experience plus loops you want no noise no nothing and then you have to take ‘em out cause holy fuck it’s#making me own chewing echo in my head? those are the bad days lmao#but the engage plus doesn’t actually dampen as MUCH sound since it’s supposed to work better for being *engaged* so idk. could be good or#bad I’m not sure. we’ll find out#but that’s why I wanted to get the quiets too. Just in case#and hopefully my experiences will turn up and then I’ll just have ALL the earplugs#life of a boomerang#oh I just realized no where in this post did I use the word earplugs#if you’ve somehow made it this far and are still wondering what tf im talking about. loops are an earplug brand and my neurodiverse ass (and#many others. I’m not unique) swears by it
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I fucking love doing homework on time I love doing math puzzles that all synergize with each other I love completing objectives and feeling accomplished
#Taking elementary chem and physics at the same time as calc was a great idea because all of these are the same#And while chem and physics is a lot of review (so it's good 2 get out of the way)#they both synergize really well with calc III (not review)#So it's still interesting#Only class I don't like so far is comp and I don't as much dislike it as I feel the drag of Having To Write#Probably will feel similarly about chem lab reports#But I remember physics lab reports from HS so we can probably do smth similar#I just have to kin chatGPT for those
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...
#today has been a day. as in time did pass. the earth rotated. and i accomplished very little#bc im just feeling paralyzed and not so good. and i guess thats understandable#like i understand y its happening but its not any less frustrating. mostly its just knowing that i have to make life altering decisions in#the next few weeks. and the pressure of: if i dont decide to go for this one project then they dont get a student and they dont get funding#that makes me pretty nauseous. and knowing i have an interview Thursday that im not ready for and i dont really wanna do#and its a product of not talking to people like a human being. like i just dont interact with people much. when im in the lab i mostly#stand around looking unapproachable or go in when i kno there's no one there and i just dont have close friends so i dont really talk to or#text anyone. i just work and fail to get things done. so then when im in a situation where i have to talk to ppl its all anxious shrapnel#or me dominating the conversation bc i cant stand the pauses and i have so much obsessivly rotatinf in my head. and i hate it. im so sick#of hearinf my own voice but no one talk in the way i want them to. i get so bored. and i want to ask pressing and uncomfortable things but#i kno i shouldnt. but i also dont really have a filter so ill just say fucking whatever. which is what i did Saturday when a triggering#topic of conversation arose. so now my lab mate officially knows too much. but whatever wtf is he gonna do abt it. i just get so annoyed#bc now its in my head. thr fact it set me off and that i overshared and that now its in my head. annoying.#and it doesn't help with the writing things i need to finish. bc i dont like feeling like ive done something wrong and one of the reviewers#has good points. which also probably means ill have to redo my 8 days of measurements so far#but i also might b able to shorten the timeline so idk. just a lot is happening rn and i feel the pressure and by brain doesn't like#pressure. and not doing things rn is not good. things need to be done#so idk i dont feel good but it makes sense. by the end of February hopefully things will b figured out#and i should sleep and hope for a better tomorrow#unrelated
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been playing death stranding since it came out in 2019 and i finally finished it for the first time aaaaaaa
#i have a really bad habit of like#getting really far in a game and dropping off and when i pick it back up i start from the beginning#i very very very rarely finish games ngl#oughghg#i said i would finish it before the end of the year and i did and i have so many feelings right now#my review; good game#fun lots of weird bits and exactly the right amount of wet man ass and men in tactical armor#playing on hard mode is actually addictive its so much fun n so challenging#i hope DS2 has even more wet man ass and men in tactical armor and weird bits#and ziplines#personal stuff
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