oh yeah another terrible thing ive done re:my crush today

the other day i noticed her phone background which was a drawing of her own. today i asked if she posts it anywhere and she said instagram and i dont use it so i said "haha yeah i dont fuck with social media really i still only use tumblr"

and she ended up taking it under advisement that maybe she should start posting her art here

which like yeah cool her art is awesome and weird and i think it would fit in here, but id have to follow her at that point and then shed know im a freak

so I’ve seen some posting about oil fire going around and as one of the people sitting in the eye of that particular hurricane i have a couple thoughts. keep in mind that I obviously can’t speak for every single Poster etc etc, obviously this is just my view on things. in particular don’t quote Twitter at me because the only time I was ever active on there was back when “have a visible professional social media account” was considered important for the job hunt. I know nothing of Touhou Twitter or Touhou Reddit and I am content in my ignorance

Anyway there’s three major points of criticism I’ve seen, and one of them as basically “it’s just a nothingburger that came out of nowhere” and even ignoring the history of that in Touhou in general, I’m going to set it aside because I don’t think it needs a more specific rebuttal than the length of this post. so on to the two more substantial complaints I’ve seen:

“it’s just a sex ship”: look, I won’t deny that there’s been a lot of sexposting. i’ve probably posted more about cock in the last 48 hours than in the last five years combined. almost certainly more than i will in the next five too. but there’s a subtext to it that often gets missed (not just by critics but also by a lot of sexposters).

these are two characters who have had... a bit of a history with being sexualised by the fandom. i shouldn’t need to recite all the “slut sanae” memes, those who know know and honestly they were never funny, but they existed. tsukasa meanwhile was stuck with “sex fox” pretty much from the beginning due to some kuda-gitsune legends specifically involving their rapid reproduction.

obviously this is going to go more into the personal view and i reiterate that i’m not speaking for Everyone’s posts, but I’m asexual. the whole emphasis people put on sex as a cultural thing, not just in terms of Posting about it but also in terms of Not Posting about it is funny to me. people dance around it like they’re waltzing with the demon core but also are baffled when i say i’m just not into it.

the oil fire sexposting isn’t about “lol they’re fucking”. there was already plenty of that. the joke is that it’s not a big deal that they’re fucking - it’s not dramatic or cathartic or even erotic. they’re bad at it, they get distracted, they’re not really thinking things through; fail sex with her cringe wife. it’s sexual in the way that a Tom and Jerry sketch is violent - stepping back from the artifice around it to say “you know, whatever else this is, it’s pretty goofy”. to me at least, that’s more of a repudiation of horny character exaggeration than simply ignoring it is.

(there’s also a false equivalence to me in the general notion of “it’s just hornyposting”, between hornyposting by straight men and that of queer women and/or the gender blender, when the characters involved are both women - especially in light of the reasonably consistent depiction of one or both as transgender in oil fire posting. there’s better people than me and my none gender with leftist beef to effortpost on that side of things.)

“tsukasa is manipulating sanae” I’d add a single phrase here - she’s trying to. The big thing with a lot of how I look at Sanae and this is no exception is that while she can be naive, she’s not stupid. There’s a difference between being trusting and being easily deceived. She’s not a master manipulator, but she lives with Kanako, she knows a bit of how the game is played.

I think this kind of echoes the last bit of the last segment, in that how the characters are portrayed in the context matters a lot. Oil Fire Sanae is, at least within the spheres I see here, heavily coded as if not explicitly autistic. A lot of the content is being written by autistic people, myself included.

Autistic adults are, in my anecdotal experience, pretty conscious of being manipulative or manipulated, because we have to learn deliberately where that line is drawn and how to act around it.

To get into explicitly personal experiences, I often think of myself as being “manipulative” because I have to deliberately strategise a lot of social cues and how I present myself and information I know, and still haven’t really shook that perspective internally despite the intellectual knowledge of several therapists and psychiatrists that no, that’s just an autism thing, most people do all that stuff without thinking about it.

Now obviously simply Being Autistic is not an unassailable fortress against manipulation, nor does it prevent you from being actually manipulative in your own right, but it does tilt the pinball table a bit, again especially in terms of awareness. And that awareness helps control a response - again, even if you’re not always quite sure how to respond.

Sanae’s way of cutting that Gordian knot is what a friend of mine calls the Bishop Myriel Method: how can someone steal what is freely given? She has her lines, but the stuff Tsukasa is leaning on her to get - protection, shelter, and an in-group - are all things Sanae doesn’t see an issue with giving to her. Tsukasa for her part doesn’t really understand this, being more used to dealing with power-broker types where everything has a quid-pro-quo, and from a position of pretty notable inferiority (just look at how any of the stronger youkai talk to her in UDoALG) at that - so she looks at all the leverage that Sanae now has over her (leverage which Sanae doesn’t really understand she has), and doubles down on trying to be manipulative because she doesn’t understand that she doesn’t have to.

in conclusion obviously I’m not thinking about all this wall of text every time I post something, for the same reason that I’m not thinking about how my house’s foundations are designed every time I go up or down the stairs - the general idea is there in the background and actually needing to go check it out usually means that I won’t be doing whatever I was going up the stairs for in the first place. but these are The Thoughts, upon which the lower effort thoughts stand as they heckle each other. there are many like them but these are mine

Riza Hawkeye as a child/young teen but she's just this Annie Oakley ass prodigal sharp shooter little shit who cuts her hair off with kitchen scissors and runs absolutely buckwild in the woods on her father's estate terrorizing small animals (humanely hunting I'm just being dramatic)

Roy boy is just this awkward nerdy little cornball who wants to get along, but they also kinda have that dynamic from the Swan Princess when Derek and Odette were kids ya feel me? Just watch the childhood montage from that movie you'll understand- ☠️

They have like nothing in common at the time (so they assume) and yet they end up thick as thieves cause Riza hasn't had many friends that she can see outside of her education and had an extremely isolated upbringing, so this goofy sweet baby faced dork just got her like that, even if he sometimes drives her nuts a little bit.

Riza would get upset fairly often bc her neglected social and emotional upbringing would get to her (bc realistically,,,,we know that was the case), and Roy got extremely good at knowing when she's upset and would often be the one to listen to her air her thoughts out (callback to the phone call scene after her encounter with pride, this lends background to how he knows her so well and reads her stress levels like a book even over the phone)

Mundane headcanons:

Roy would transmute little clay/dirt doves and targets for Riza bc he was worried about her shooting glass bottles and other assorted not necessarily safe objects.

Roy is trans, I can't untrans him that's just who he is to me. Riza is a self declared tomboy who I hc as nonbinary/demigirl. They're also bi4bi it's canon Arakawa told me.

Riza didn't really know good birthdays, and when Roy realized this it broke his heart bc Chris always tried to remember stuff like that for him and she's not even his own biological mother. So, he made an annual routine of gifting her something (often transmuted and unique).

Riza loved being out in nature back then and knew the wooded areas around the estate like the back of her own hand, when she and Roy had warmed up more to one another she made a routine of showing him all the neat little spots she'd found in the area for one reason or another, just for the sake of sharing that with someone. These remain some of their fondest memories.

Riza would be more likely to go out to shoot targets when she was angry or upset, if she was having a good day and had the time she would be more likely to go hunting because she enjoyed the hiking and tracking but couldn't focus on it when internally upset. Roy eventually figured this out as well.

Riza climbed so many trees, rocks, outcroppings, etc- and was always scraped up from something she probably shouldn't have climbed getting the better of her.

Riza used to have a nanny birddog named Otto, but he passed away before Roy came around, so making a new friend in him after that loss was a big comfort to her. She was hesitant to have other dogs until Hayate.

They're both autistic.

Relatedly, Riza would go nonverbal and lock herself in her room sometimes. Roy, concerned, would approach this by slipping little notes under the door offering company if needed, while not pushing her to talk.

Riza would sing/hum while doing chores or out and about exploring and on every occasion Roy overheard this he'd turn red from ear to ear- if she caught it and realized he'd heard she'd be twice as embarrassed.

Riza would take Roy foraging and showed him some useful/edible plants, and safe berries and mushrooms that she knew in the region. He was honestly always pretty impressed, especially considering some mushrooms that are safe have toxic siblings that look identical.

Both of them are varying levels of nerd. Riza is the type who's full of trivia, especially weird facts about her special interests (animal behavior, guns, bushcraft, navigation and tracking stuff, etc), Roy started out neutral to this but over time infosharing kinda became their love language, and he'd start to infodump right back. They'd spend hours like that some days.

Riza knows constellations really well for navigational reasons, and there were times that she showed Roy a way to get onto the roof from the attic and they'd stargaze. She would teach folk names of constellations, regional lore behind them, navigational uses for them etc; Roy would tell her basic facts about space and astronomy that come with understanding of alchemy.

Riza typically stuck to small prey (rabbits, fowl, easy to retrieve misc.), but Roy had an awakening when Riza first killed a whole ass deer (albeit a young one) and came back with it thrown over both shoulders with the determined energy of a small lionness.

Riza is REALLY good at cooking and baking because she had a bit too much free time to fuck around in the kitchen. She also learned how to cure and smoke meats bc of her hunting. It certainly helped them stay well fed.

Roy developed a habit of cooking for the household pretty regularly in a swapped routine with Riza after only a while of being around because he saw how much she had to be self sufficient in almost every way and honestly just wanted to relieve her of the constant responsibility and self parentification. He'd also help with chores constantly.

Roy had major internal conflict even early on because he respected his teacher greatly for his intelligence and brilliance, but also kned that Riza wasn't being raised well, and that no matter what he does, Berthold can only decline mentally. This is the root of his protective and caretaking behavior with her, ultimately.

Roy doodled and sketched a lot back in the day and had a little booklet that he guarded with his life bc it started out random assorted things, but eventually devolved into a book full of cute little doodles of mostly Riza jammed into the last half of the book (She can never know-). He still has it stored away.

Riza could easily pick him up even then, this never changed. She got to show this once when he sprained his ankle on a hike with her and she held half his weight as a crutch with no strain to herself. He never quite recovered from that (but boy did it make his crush worse).

Roy would notice rarely he'd have a shirt go missing and never could figure out why til he'd find Riza wearing an identical shirt. (She told herself it's just cause they're cozy of course- she just likes boys clothes too! They look nice under overalls and are comfortable to sleep in! nothing more /s) They never said a word about it even though it was right in front of them, they couldn't dare.

Roy had a bike, and she'd ride behind him down some of the rural roads and paths that could support it for fun sometimes.

During winter the home would get pretty chilly because of its size and not enough stoves/fireplaces to fully warm the declining estate, so when snowed in on miserably cold winter days they'd usually end up reclined in the study by the space heater or in the loungeroom by the fireplace reading separately, but still occasionally talking back and forth.

Riza stopped hunting post-Ishval. She couldn't bring herself to derive that same innocent pride and appreciation for the circle of life she once had, and felt she no longer deserved to have that respectful exchange with the cycle of life and death after what her skills had been used for. She never stops going to shooting ranges, but it's either for standard upkeep of practice or to vent.

Ranking the 5 animes I’ve recently watched

Long story short, I’ve been taking a break and watching anime, something that I’ve only really experienced in small doses before, though in general I don’t really watch a lot of stuff nowadays (to my memory, the only anime I’ve watched in full is Danganronpa 3, so I’ll go ahead and say it gave me an aversion to it all). As the title says, I’ve gone through 5 so far, so I’ve decided to just type up my personal rankings and thoughts. If I had to say anything important before starting, it’s that 1. everything I list here is a very enjoyable and worthwhile watch, and I would definitely recommend giving any of them a try, and 2. this is just a personal ranking, and so it’s very biased. I might, for example, think whatever is number 5 is technically better than whatever is number 4, but still prefer number 4 for any number of reasons. I’m at least going to try to point out when that’s the case, but it’s still something to keep in mind. I’ll also be including information like number of episodes, what streaming platforms they’re on, which I’ll admit mostly comes down to Netflix, Hulu, and Crunchyroll, and whether or not English dubs are available, or only subtitles. Other than that, let the rankings begin. 5. Little Witch Academia

Number of episodes: 25. Language options: dub and subs available. Streaming availability: Netflix. Little Witch Academia originated as a short film released in 2013 as part of a training program for animators. It was only about half an hour long, but the fun cast and beautiful animation gave it a lot of charm, and enough popularity to spawn a second short film in 2015, the Enchanted Parade, which lasted for closer to an hour. Then, in 2017, it got a full series on Netflix, produced by Studio Trigger, which did away with any continuity from the short films, but kept the general concept. Little Witch Academia follows Atsuko “Akko” Kagari, who, after witnessing a magical show hosted by the witch known as Shiny Chariot, dedicated her life to becoming a witch, despite not coming from a family with magic in its bloodline. Despite managing to enroll in the academy of Luna Nova, dedicated to training witches, Akko finds the reality of it isn’t anywhere near what she expected; Chariot is ostracized by most of the magical community for portraying magic in a flashy, illusionist manner considered embarrassing, Luna Nova’s education is much more focused on tedious, small scale magic than what Akko had come to expect, the world at large considers Luna Nova and its magic to be weak relics of the past, something even its staff can’t argue well against, and worst of all, Akko is incompetent at magic to a downright abnormal degree, even for her normal origins, incapable of so much as riding a broom. Despite the constant demoralization, Akko receives help from one of the academy’s professors, Ursula, who puts Akko on the path to unlock the secrets of the Shiny Rod, Chariot’s personal wand, found by Akko on her way to Luna Nova. This isn’t exactly the most original series out there, and if you’ve watched pretty much anything involving non evil witches and magic schools, you’re not going to be too surprised. The main strength, writing wise, is the fun cast. Akko herself is a pretty entertaining main character, being very excitable and passionate, enough to keep likeable even with her many, many missteps throughout the series, but the rest of the cast is pretty good too. Characters like Sucy, Akko’s roommate obsessed with poison, mushrooms, and picking on Akko, the delinquent Amanda O’Neil, the mute technological genius Constanze, and Akko’s alleged rival, Diana Cavendish, who, though very haughty, has a lot more depth to her than you might expect, help hold the series together very well. Most of the series is pretty goofy and lighthearted, which helps keep it from feeling too cliche. Starting with the second half of the series, though, it gets much more story based, which might be a bit jarring for some people, but still manages some surprisingly sad moments. This is all helped by the great animation, as Trigger can always be counted on to provide, and the dub is good overall, with Erica Mendez especially perfectly capturing Akko. Overall, this is a fun watch, but it’s really not much special, so I can’t really put it anywhere other than dead last. If you want a fun, lighthearted romp that isn’t stuck to only 13 episodes, this is a good one to try. 4. The Pet Girl of Sakurasou/Sakura Hall

Number of episodes: 24. Language options: subs only. Streaming availability: Crunchyroll, Hidive. Firstly, don’t let the very questionable title give too many bad impressions. Sakura Hall, as I’ll be calling it, was originally a series of light novels by Hajime Kamoshida, with 10 main novels being released. The anime, produced by JC Staff, actually only adapts the first 6, though it ends rather conclusively regardless. This is also probably the most obscure anime on this list. Sorata Kanda is a rather unremarkable high school student attending the Suimei University of the Arts High School, forced to live in the very abnormal mixed gender dorm of Sakura Hall. Sakura Hall’s other residents consist of Misaki Kamiigusa, an extremely talented, and extremely weird and energetic, animator capable of creating anime almost entirely on her own, Jin Mitaka, the scriptwriter and childhood friend of Misaki, who is cool, mature, and has an almost chronic playboy streak, Ryunosuke Akasaka, the extremely reclusive, but talented computer programmer who mostly communicates through texts, and Chihiro Sengouka, Sakura Hall’s extremely irresponsible supervisor who prefers to leave the students to fend for themselves, outside of the occasional words of advice. Sorata is only stuck in Sakura Hall due to his refusal to abandon a stray cat he rescued, and intends on escaping Sakura Hall however he can to escape his roommates and return to normalcy, a plan that’s certainly not impacted by him picking up 6 more stray cats along the way. One day, a new resident moves into Sakura Hall: Mashiro Shiina, a relative of Chihiro and extremely talented artist, on a level only Misaki and Ryunosuke can match, who is also very unemotive and almost completely incapable of caring for herself, not helped by some rather odd thought processes (she’s almost certainly autistic, but they never actually clarify that). Sorata and some of the other Sakura Hall residents thusly become Mashiro’s caretakers, and are soon additionally joined by Sorata’s friend, the workaholic aspiring voice actress Nanami Aoyama. Sorata’s previously tedious life becomes defined by his struggles to find a direction to his life, his attempts at caring for and understanding Mashiro, and the various problems of the rest of the Sakura Hall residents. The main writing strength, is, again, the cast of characters. The characters are all very enjoyable, even the designated average guy, Sorata, and they all have their share of struggles, hidden depths, and development. The first half of the series is, for the most part, plain wacky, and while it does delve into serious moments more than a few times, it’s also prone to plain breaking the mood, either by starting them suddenly, or just as suddenly interrupting them with a gag. It’s enjoyable on its own, but it can be a bit hard to get into. The second half of the series is a big change of pace, becoming much, much more focused and serious, and for the better. Bitter topics like resentment against those who can outperform others simply through natural talent, and the risks of overworking, and the slippery slope mentality against accepting help that it can generate, are frequently brought up, and it does not shy away from how brutal reality can be. It’s never dark to the point of creating apathy, though, and it overall captures a very bittersweet portrayal of nearing the end of one’s teenage years, and preparing to become an adult. The animation is pretty good, and the voice actors all give memorable performances. Overall, this was probably the hardest series for me to get into at first, but sticking with it is very worthwhile. I can’t really say much about it, if only because I don’t want to risk getting into spoilers, but it genuinely is great. I was even considering placing it higher than number 4, but the next three things were stiff competition. 3. Gurren Lagann/Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann

Number of episodes: 27. Language options: dub and subs available. Streaming availability: Netflix, Crunchyroll, Hulu, Funimation. Here’s what I would bet is the second most popular anime on this list, and was more or less one of the grand finales to the golden age of Studio Gainax, directed by one of the co-founders of Studio Trigger, and is perhaps most memorably one of the series where Gainax didn’t completely mess up the budget by the end. Simon (pronunced see-moan) and his self appointed big brother Kamina live in an underground village, with Simon living a monotonous life digging tunnels so the village can expand, in hopes of finding artifacts and being awarded better dinners, while Kamina constantly causes trouble in his attempts to breach the underground and reach the surface. Simon is insecure and self deprecating, thinking he’s only capable of the job he already has while Kamina is extremely boisterous, charismatic, and capable of seeing the potential within Simon. The way to the surface is finally opened for the pair by the appearance of a giant mecha called a Gunmen, which are piloted by the beastmen, who control the surface and are out to exterminate any humans they come across. Simon and Kamina are saved by the appearance of Yoko, a human who lives on the surface, and a miniature Gunmen discovered by Simon, which Kamina dubs Lagann. Making their way to the surface and capturing an enemy Gunmen Kamina names Gurren, Kamina decides to take the fight to the beastmen themselves, and drags Simon and Yoko with him, starting what can only really be described as a rollcoaster ride of giant mechas, drills, and general insanity. The series honestly starts only about average, but starting about episode 7, the scale just starts going up and up, and doesn’t tend to slow down. It goes for bigger and bigger heights, making for some amazing action scenes, and doesn’t get desensitizing like some things would. The cast of characters is great, between characters like Kamina, being lovably boisterous and encouraging, Simon, who gets some fantastic character development, Yoko, the sniper who despite seeming just like designated fanservice has some great development herself, Viral, the recurring beastman commander who just can’t keep up, and Lordgenome, the absurdly manly leader of the beastmen, and that’s just listing a few. The animation is great, the soundtrack is very memorable, the dub is one of the best out there, especially with Kyle Herbert as Kamina, and the writing, despite just seeming like big fun robot show, makes a surprisingly great story. I unfortunately can’t go much more indepth without definitely wading into spoilers, but it doesn’t take too long to start paying off. Overall, if I had to try to rank without bias, this would actually be number 2 on this list. It’s a great ride, and one I can recommend pretty much without question. 2. Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood

Number of episodes: 64. Language options: dub and subs available: Streaming availability: Netflix, Crunchyroll, Hulu, Funimation. Here’s what’s certainly the most popular anime on this list, and what would be my number 1 without bias. There’s actually two Fullmetal Alchemist animes, with the original 2003 one going very off track from the manga and becoming its own thing, while Brotherhood, made in 2009, stays faithful to the manga. Fullmetal Alchemist follows the Elric brothers, Edward and Alphonse, in a world where the art of alchemy allows its users to transmute materials for purposes such as reshaping them into new forms, and operates on a principle of equivalent exchange, with every transmutation made relying on something being taken away. After being abandoned by their father, Van Hohenheim, and losing their mother to a plague, Ed and Al attempted the forbidden practice of human transmutation in an attempt to bring her back to life, only to fail, with Ed losing his left leg and right arm, and Al losing his entire body, forcing Ed to affix Al’s soul to a suit of armor. His missing limbs replaced with automail, a type of prosthetic, Ed becomes a government employed alchemist for the nation of Amestris, ruled over by Fuhrer Bradley, in hopes that he and Al can find a Philosopher’s Stone, an artifact said to be capable of eliminating the equivalent exchange requirement of alchemy, in hopes they can reacquire their natural bodies. Since things can’t ever go so smoothly, they end up involved in a massive conspiracy led by one known as Father, who commands Homunculi, artificial humans, who are themed after the seven deadly sins. By far the longest anime on this list, it’s also easily one of the richest. Almost every episode does something to move the plot along, and introduces a lot of important plot points fairly quickly, which helps keep the story interesting. There are many storylines going on, but all of them are both interesting and relevant, helped by the downright amazing cast Fullmetal Alchemist has to offer. From colonel Roy Mustang, out to become Furher to help atone for Amestris’ crimes, to Ling Yao and May Chang from the country of Xing searching for the secret of immortality, to the Ishvalan named Scar, out to avenge his people, who were the victims of a war of extermination waged by Amestris. As for characters closer to the main plot, Ed and Al are both great protagonists, with plenty of development between the two, and their interactions with Winry Rockbell, their childhood friend and mechanic, make for some great scenes. The antagonists are also great, with quite a few defying how one note themed villain groups like them can be, like the shadowy abomination Pride, the sadistic rat that is Envy, the independent Greed, and especially the extremely intimidating Wrath. The animation by Studio Bones is great, as is the soundtrack, and the dub is fantastic, helped by almost all of the cast from the 2003 anime reprising their roles. Voices like Travis Willingham as Roy Mustang, Christopher Sabat as Alex Louis Armstrong, Chris Patton as Greed, and Ed Blaylock as Fuhrer Bradley especially are fantastic. Overall, this is one of the best shows I’ve watched, period. I recommend it very highly, and almost wish I could confidently declare it number 1. 1. Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai

Number of episodes: 13. Language options: subs only. Streaming availability: Crunchyroll, Hulu, Funimation. Firstly, again, this is not something to judge based on the name. Secondly, yes, this is where all the bias on this list comes from. This is anime is actually only about a year old, so it’s surprisingly recent, and is also by far the shortest of all the series I’ve listed here. Rascal is based off a series of light novels by the same author as Sakura Hall, Hajime Kamoshida, and was produced by CloverWorks. Like Sakura Hall, the anime doesn’t completely adapt, only going through 5 of the 9 novels currently released, with a movie, of all things, adapting the 6th. You may or may not have heard of this anime while it was airing, but regardless, I’m here to spread the word of it, cause it’s a special place for me. One day, while browsing a library, high school student Sakuta Azusagawa notices a girl wearing a bunny suit walking around, not being acknowledged by anyone other than himself. The girl turns out to be Mai Sakurajima, an actress on hiatus that attends his high school, who has found she’s recently become invisible to an unknown number of people outside of their school. Sakuta identifies it as “Adolescence Syndrome”, a mysterious phenomenon that occurs due to the unstable psyches of adolescences, which causes physical effects on the world based on their biggest causes of stress. Sakuta has seen the effects of Adolescence Syndrome himself, with it causing physical harm to his sister, Kaede, and causing her to become a recluse, and somehow causing Sakuta to be scarred as well. Hoping to learn more about the phenomenon, as well as just hoping to spare Mai from a similar fate, Sakuta decides to solve the mystery of her syndrome, as well as those of other girls in each story arc after. The premise is pretty unique by itself, and it uses its potential very well, thanks to the grounded writing and great cast of characters. Sakuta is not your typical protagonist: he’s blunt, blatantly perverted, and more than willing to verbally pick on people with little to no provocation. He’s not even close to a bad person, though; he treats the friends he already has at the start of the series, and everyone else he proceeds to grow closer to, much more respectfully, and when the chips come down, he’ll do crazy things for other people with no hesitation. He’s one of the most refreshing protagonists I’ve seen in a long time, and has most of the best lines in the series. The rest of the cast is also great, especially Mai, the other main lead. In fact, the main focus of the series besides the Adolescence Syndrome cases is Sakuta and Mai’s relationship, which is very well written, to the point of being my favorite part of the series. It avoids so many stumbles a lot of other series can run into: the relationship is started up early, nobody manages to threaten their feelings, and any misunderstandings, current or even just potential, they take steps to work though. Even when she’s willing to jab at and mess with Sakuta, Mai is always affectionate and transparent with her feelings, and becomes progressively even more so as it goes on. It’s also just, a refreshing change of pace compared to most relationships in anime. The other main focus, the Adolescence Syndrome cases, are just as well written. Despite exaggerated situations like becoming invisible to people, or even causing a time loop, there are few times they’re played for laughs. The series takes it all very seriously, mostly because of the kind of factors that lead to the syndrome appearing. Things like an oppressive school atmosphere, where standing out causes scrutiny, and most decide to just follow the leader to avoid consequences, or the fear of your only friendships being damaged over minor reasons. While more positive than Sakura Hall, it takes the same care to show just how damaging issues like this can be. Even Sakuta isn’t above it: he’s rumored to have send some of his classmates to the hospital once, and despite being completely false, it’s ostracized him to the point that he considers himself lucky to have 2 whole friends, and he’s just accepted the mindset that fighting against such an atmosphere is pointless. There a lot of emotional moments throughout the series, especially the last three episodes, and it earns them all. It even shies away from fanservice most of the time, even despite the very title of the show (the bunny girl part was actually only the title of the first light novel, but the series just kept it for the whole thing) The animation isn’t too wacky due to the tone and grounded writing, but it has an appealing artstyle, and the voice actors do a great job as well. Overall, this is an anime that’s genuinely very good by itself. Even so, what is it that makes me so biased towards it? For one thing, it just hits some emotional soft spots a lot of other stuff doesn’t personally manage, through stuff like, once again, Sakuta and Mai’s relationship. The very interesting premise and general grounded nature also wins it a lot of points. But, ultimately, it’s not something I can really put into words. Might be because I watched it on a very weird day. Regardless, this is one I would definitely want everyone to give a chance, and here’s hoping the movie gets a DVD release soon. And with that, there’s to end to my rambling. Again, I would recommend everything I’ve put here to most people, but especially the top 2. I’m planning on watching some more anime, so I may make another ranking like this soon. Otherwise, till next time. -Scout

For the fanfic asks: 15/19?

15. Post the last line you wrote without context.

(I actually had to cheat a bit bc the last thing I worked on was NSFW so - this is the last line on one of the things I’ve been working on, I could probably answer this one several times over now that I’ve exposed what my WIPs looks like)

“Loving you isn’t impossible,” Eva says. And then she laughs, even when she sounds like crying. “I used to wear these big, goofy gloves. They went all the way up to my arms. I used to think I should hide them. But what is there to be afraid of, loving many people?”  

19. What’s your favorite character headcanon?

I have like a million of these but certainly, up there, is that Daniil Dankovsky is autistic. I wind up writing him as autistic every single time that I write him and most of the time I’m not actively trying to.

fanfic asks!

Hey, could you elaborate on your autistic Jon headcanon at all? I really like it, but, not being autistic myself, it makes it hard to write (which I'd like to do). I do have adhd, which ig can overlap, so I very much relate to some parts, lmao. No pressure if you don't want to, I just think it's a pretty cool headcanon

sure thing !  i’ve actually made a couple of posts mentioning it earlier on, but they were more meta-focused and less explicit about the headcanon itself. for general information about writing an autistic character i’m actually gonna direct you over to scriptautistic’s giant masterpost directory on that very subject, since any advice or guidelines i could give you will probably be covered by that content and then some.

i can, however, talk about jon specifically, and why i see/relate to some of his traits and experiences as those of an autistic person. i hope this is coherent enough to follow, since i’m obvs not trying to make a Case here, just pointing out what i see.  

to start with, i talked about it in a past post, but jon makes a lot of very dry jokes that most people don’t catch (save basira); there’s an obvious disconnect, very likely to do with his tone. he also doesn’t acknowledge or much favor, for example, tim’s sense of humor. tim (at first :/ ) favors practical jokes (see his “april fools” prank mentioned in mag 26) that it’s easy to imagine jon doesn’t appreciate from a sensory perspective, and as for the goofy wisecracks, well, they’re annoying because tim clearly knows they’re not clever, so he must be attempting to waste everyone’s time. 

jon also has trouble sussing out what people expect of him, and he focuses so hard on details that he often misses the big picture. it makes sense that he feels suited to an organizational job in the archives, even if he isn’t technically qualified; putting things in order is viscerally satisfying. and it’s easy to interpret his frequent overnight stays at the archives as a significant difficulty with task-switching; simpler to just pass out on the storage room cot than go through all of the steps of heading home and coming straight back again.here’s a bit from episode 83 that i like to point to: 

georgie: “i know that you get obsessive about stuff… and this right here- i’m guessing someone dragged you into something weird, you got hooked in and then it all went wrong.” 

jon: “i mean that is almost exactly what happened.” 

what georgie’s describing, jon getting “hooked in” on a subject, sounds to me a lot like the development of a special interest or hyperfixation, which she’s apparently seen him go through several times before. jon also tends to get so strongly absorbed in a task or concept that he loses sight of virtually all else; see his fixation with exploring the tunnels under the institute, for example, which he pursued to his own physical detriment. i think this exchange also indicates that jon is historically easy to manipulate, since that seems to be one of the biggest things georgie is concerned about until he tells her what’s going on. that would definitely contribute to making it very hard to trust people. 

that’s also how i read “fine, fine, i’ll be more lovely,” from season 1. people, on average, don’t like jon- he doesn’t bother to try and be likable. he is often tactless and dismissive, deeply self-absorbed, argumentative or downright spiteful. but none of this is because he has some predisposition towards putting anyone off. jon actually cares about people very strongly, even strangers, and even people who have been unfair to him. his refusal to connect with people throughout the first three seasons of the show more than anything seems to come from a powerful certainty that it won’t work, that it’s not worth the effort. no one understands where he’s coming from most of the time, and he’s bitter about it, and instead of admitting he struggles with communication and knowing how to operate around people, it’s better they just think he’s being a prick on purpose. in a way he is. it reads the exact same way as playing the derisive skeptic in order to cover up how genuinely disturbed he is by everything uncovered in the statements. 

that’s most of the general interpretation that i have? i’ll certainly get to centering it in one of my fics one of these days, it makes me very happy to have aspects of one of my favorite characters that are highly relatable, and i want to express that artistically! and thank you for appreciating my thoughts and letting me know you want to hear more, anon, that warms my heart as well. 

Redefining Romance with The Shape of Water and On Body and Soul

By the time Katharine and I met in November of 2015 I didn’t care about romance. This word that had consumed me since I was a child no longer made any sense. My celibate adolescence was spent scribbling love poems and consuming movies like (500) Days of Summer, Beginners, and Annie Hall. But I’d since realized my poetry sucked and that Woody Allen’s body of work was nothing to admire. I was casually sleeping with a close friend and grappling with the absence of a core part of my identity. Ever since I was four and told my sister’s best friend I had a crush on her, liking girls and turning that like into a personal narrative was part of me. It was my way of being close to women and how I’d come to terms with what kind of man I could be. I wasn’t effeminate, I was sensitive. I wasn’t girly, I was romantic. 

And yet after years of crafting yarns from ordinary, or even non-existent, experiences, I was about to have my first truly cinematic meet-cute. Katharine and I met at Sleep No More during her very first performance. A friend of mine who worked there had been trying to get me to go for nearly a year and finally this night, for some reason, I caved. During the show I had four one-on-ones, immersive show lingo for private moments with performers, and I was more than satisfied with my experience. The show was just about over when I saw her, sitting on a suitcase at the end of an empty hall. Unsure if she was a performer or a tired audience member I slowly crept toward her. She stood up, took my hand, and we had a one-on-one. Later at the bar, my friend introduced us and we spent the rest of the night talking. A week later we were on a train together headed upstate.

This story is romantic in every way I could’ve hoped for as a teenager. And yet what I remember most from these weeks is the joy I felt getting to know Katharine. I was honestly a bit embarrassed having met her at Sleep No More since that place thrives off of people’s sometimes toxic fantasies. Especially because none of it felt that grand. I didn’t even think our first conversation could possibly be romantic until my friend asked me why I didn’t get her number. Our first date was upstate because she mentioned wanting to get out of the city before it got too cold and it seemed like a good idea. I didn’t know that she was the one. It was a date. I’d been on many first dates and planned to go on more. And while I did like her, I wasn’t obsessive. I liked her more on our second date than our first, and on our third date than our second, and today I’m more obsessed with her than I’ve ever been before.

There is a really simple explanation for this. Something about maturity and real, adult relationships. But this alone assumes that what I’d grown out of was romance, when in fact what I was really grappling with was male, heteronormative romance. I’d confronted the behaviors I’d copied for so long and realized they didn’t fit with who I was. But now what? A year and a half after Katharine and I met I came out to her and began transitioning.

***

It’s been a relief coming out, like I was holding my breath my entire life and can finally inhale and exhale like everyone else. So much of my life makes sense now in a way that it never did and I never thought it would. And one of the most rewarding aspects of my personal transition has been transitioning Katharine and I’s relationship as well, going from a seemingly heterosexual relationship to an openly lesbian one. There’s both liberation and emptiness in a relationship that is free from the vast majority of messaging received. Everything from fairy tales to Cosmo to the oeuvre of a known child molester has a lot less power when none of that stuff was ever meant to represent you. But there’s a reason why people enjoy that stuff. It feels good to be seen and it’s a relief to sink into fantasy. And while I’ve embraced the general umbrella by binge watching The L Word with Katharine and finally understanding my deep connection to Fun Home, Carol, and The Watermelon Woman, there’s still a searching for a love story like ours. A love story that feels outside of normalcy, that feels confusing and difficult and complicated yet ultimately just as fantastical and lovely. And it can’t just be solved by, say, a trans love story. I’d certainly welcome more of those (for now shout out to Sense8 and Her Story), but it’s deeper than that.

***

Guillermo Del Toro’s The Shape of Water is a ridiculous movie. That it’s currently the Oscar frontrunner is honestly astounding. Yes, it’s impeccably shot, designed, scored, written, and acted, but it’s also a movie that I’m at a loss to defend. On his podcast Keep It wonderful culture writer Ira Madison III was making fun of the movie and impersonated Octavia Spencer’s character with a simple “You fucking that fish?” I burst out laughing. Because it’s hilarious and because the scene in the movie isn’t actually that far off! 

For anyone who hasn’t seen it, the film is about a mute woman named Eliza (the always great Sally Hawkins) who works as a cleaner at a government facility during the Cold War. The US attains a creature simply called “Amphibian Man” and Eliza falls in love with him (them?). So it’s sort of like Beauty and the Beast if Beast never really spoke, there was explicit sex, and Belle had a black best friend and a gay neighbor. There’s also a subplot with some Russians. And a musical number.

It’s goofy as hell and yet I spent a large portion of the movie in tears. It reached its scaly arm down my throat and grabbed my heart. Any moment where the Amphibian Man was on screen I had a voice in my head that just kept repeating, “That’s me. That’s me.” Now I don’t know what it says about where I’m at in my transition that I have an easier time relating to a fish man than Jamie Clayton’s awesome trans hacker on Sense8, but alas it’s the truth. Because if I’m being honest, I usually don’t feel like I’m being perceived as a woman, I rarely even feel like I’m being perceived as trans, but I do feel like I’m being perceived as a creature.

Watching Eliza not only fall in love with Amphibian Man but be the instigator of the relationship felt revolutionary and comforting in equal measure. Returning to Beauty and the Beast (also King Kong, also everything like this), it’s usually the creature that kidnaps or captures the virginal lady and has to convince her to love him. This always feels a little gross and undercuts the message of acceptance. But here Eliza is a sexual woman. From the beginning it’s shown that masturbation is a part of her daily routine. She doesn’t fall for the Amphibian Man because of a repressed desire. She falls for the creature because she feels a connection. She wants to help them live a life of freedom alongside her. She wants to teach the Amphibian Man how to live in her world because it would bring her happiness. 

Katharine didn’t rescue me from a lab. But she has helped me escape… something. She has helped introduce me to a confusing world of feminine expectations and desires that feel comfortable and natural and also confusing and impossible. And above all else she has done this because she loves me. She isn’t still dating me because she’s a good person (no matter what other cis-es like to suggest). She’s still dating me because she sees me for who I am and loves me. I’m insecure about a lot of things, but I know this to be true and it means everything to me.

***

Ildikó Enyedi’s On Body and Soul, another Oscar nominee (a longshot in the Foreign Film category) has faced a similar reaction to Del Toro’s film. It won the Golden Bear at the Berlin Film Festival, yet almost every review even when positive points out the film’s silly weirdness. Also a love story, this time between two humans, Enyedi’s first film in 18 years is about a pair of employees at a slaughterhouse who realize that they’re somehow having the exact same dream about two deer. The people are Endre, the emotionally detached manager with a disabled left arm, and Mária, the new quality control inspector who is autistic and quickly becomes the butt of her coworkers’ jokes.

Again, I understand the reaction. The very concept of a love story at a slaughterhouse (featuring graphic scenes of slaughter) is already a stretch. Add the hokiness of nocturnal destiny, a subplot involving stolen bull Viagra, some deeply unpleasant narrative turns, and a formal approach as reserved as its leads, it’s unsurprising that many don’t know how to receive this film. It’s too open-hearted for the arthouse yet it’s not exactly fine-tuned for Nicholas Sparks. But for me, this film lived up to its title and infiltrated my body and soul, I connected deeply, and wept softly. And I’ve been unable to shake it, that initial feeling only growing since the first viewing.

There is an obvious contrast between the dream sequences with Endre and Mária as deer and the real life sequences of animals in cages having their guts torn out. It’s easy to read this simply as a statement between the purity of their love and the harshness of the rest of the world. But this ignores the unreality of the deer scenes and the specificity of animal imagery. Because a main thread through the film is that Mária and Endre don’t know how to be animals. Or in other words: Endre does not know how to be a man and Mária does not know how to be a woman.

The two male foils to Endre are his best friend, Jenö, and a new hire, Sanyi. Jenö is married and despite proselytizing the merits of keeping women in their place he does whatever his wife wants. Endre watches with the remove of a scientist as Jenö carries out a charade where he is able to assert his supposed masculinity while filling his more passive role. Sanyi, on the other hand, is naturally alpha, flirting with every female co-worker and ignoring his male superiors. Endre seems to pity Jenö and resent Sanyi, but it quickly becomes clear that who he has the most disgust for is himself. He grows wildly defensive when he is caught ogling a woman, insisting that he simply looked like all men would. The woman didn’t even seem to notice and doesn’t seem to care. He then declares multiple times later in the film that he would prefer to remove love and sex from his life rather than deal with the impossibility of filling the role of “man” in these encounters. He’s given up on it all until he meets Mária.

Mária also has two foils, Klára, a voluptuous psychologist who interviews everyone after the bull Viagra incident, and Zsóka, the oldest employee at the slaughterhouse. Klára is everything Mária is not. She’s comfortable in her body and comfortable around men. She expresses her feelings, sometimes even to the point of aggression. When Mária retells Endre’s dream, she is unable to push back against Klára’s anger or defend herself. Zsóka, who is even more comfortable with her sexuality than Klára, is much kinder to Mária. Instead of judging, she attempts to coach her in the ways of womanhood. This, of course, means posture, how to walk and talk, and, most importantly, what clothes to wear. Mária attempts to master these skills, like she does later with sex, with an obsessive precision.

Mária’s experience of gender is intrinsically tied to her autism. Her lack of awareness in how to act as a woman is similar to her struggle to generally fit in as a person. I’m hesitant to find symbolism in her character or draw parallels between our lives since her experience is so different from my own. But in my unqualified opinion the film treats Mária with a respect and fullness that leaves her as open to analysis and connection as any other character. It’s not autism that becomes ingrained in the semiotics of the film but rather the world around this one autistic character, the world around Mária. And I couldn’t help but feel parallels both to Endre’s attempts at manhood and Mária’s learning of womanhood. I couldn’t help but watch this relationship unfolding in a harsh world and think of my own. Mária and Endre’s budding romance faces plenty of conflict throughout the film but there’s an overwhelming feeling of destiny between them. The conflicts are not a result of their incongruity but rather the difficulties and pressures of their surroundings. Any conflicts within themselves are related to their individual difficulties with the world at large.

The dream sequences aren’t just beautiful and serene. They are otherworldly. Literally. The plane on which Mária and Endre connect is outside of real life. Their connection is dependent on both of them finding it within themselves to detach from their discomfort with society. In their dreams it is easy, but in life that’s really hard. Because it’s not healthy to completely detach (as fun as rainy days cuddling can be). The necessity is being able to carry on normal life with your partner and face a mutual unbelonging from our world. From our ableist world. From our gendered world. From our heteronormative world. From our transphobic world.

My connection to this film is reliant both on its silly romanticism and its severe honesty. Because that’s how I feel. Being with Katharine feels like it’s on another plane of being, in how I feel about her, in how happy it makes me to be near her, and yet real life can be really hard. This film shows the beauty in getting through that hardship with another person, the pressures it can place on a relationship, and the ultimate reward of working through it all together.

***

The Shape of Water and On Body and Soul have allowed me to articulate something about myself and my relationship that I’d previously failed to do. They taught me that romance, not just love but gooey-eyed, goofy capital R Romance, can be for all of us. That romantic doesn’t have to mean arrogant poems or chasing after girls in the rain. It can mean connecting with somebody when you feel less than human, it can mean facing a society that doesn’t want you with the help of another. And, most importantly, that this can all be silly and over-the-top in a way that will make half the audience laugh and half the audience cry. These films destroyed a line between romance and mature relationship that I’d taken as fact even though my own relationship is such an obvious combination of the two. They allowed me to see myself in a new way, to see Katharine in a new way, and to appreciate our relationship even more than I already did. 

So I’ll say it here. On social media, like an adolescent that will someday regret such an embarrassing overshare. I’m deeply, madly, overwhelmingly in love.

Happy Valentine’s Day, y’all.

Pathetic, Clinging Poetry - Chapter 24 (of 25)

Previous Chapter // Next Chapter 

Every now and then, I'll lose my balance. I'll slip on the ice, I'll bruise my knee, And the people around us will stare, Stifling their chuckles.

But as surely as the trees Will bloom again in March, I'll have a chapped hand to pull me up, A kiss to heal my blackened flesh, And a laugh so contagious That my tears will warm my cheeks. 

* 

Whitney brushed the sleep from her eyes, tightening the strings on her robe as she made her way down the stairs. The sun shone in through the curtains, and she heard the distant rumbling of the mail truck just outside; as she peered out the window, she could see that the mail truck had already passed her house. Whitney slipped into her silky slippers and headed out the door, hurrying ever-so-slightly to her mailbox; she didn't want to be outside in such unladylike attire for too long.

Once she'd fetched her mail from the mailbox and headed back inside, she placed it on the kitchen counter and began to start her coffee; she never wanted to start her day looking at a bunch of bills and junk mail. But as she filled her coffee pot and turned the heat on, she felt a slight twinge of anxiety in her chest... Whitney turned her gaze back towards the stack of envelopes, noticing that the one on top had a hand-written address. With a sigh, she approached the counter again and picked it up, her heart sinking as she saw some very familiar handwriting, and an even more familiar name.

Whitney drew in a long, deep breath. If only it had been another piece of junk mail. With one hand over her chest, she did a quick and quiet prayer.

Once she was finished, a few more moments passed before she finally mustered up the courage to open her eyes. Taking one more deep breath, she headed towards the living room, seated herself on the couch, and opened the letter.

Mom,

I've finally gone home. I know you're not happy with the home I've chosen, and I understand why... But your disapproval is something Peony and I have come to accept, and one day, you might also come to accept the paths we've chosen to take. Whether that happens, though, will be entirely up to you.

Remember when I was a kid, and you'd always tell me, "one day, you'll understand"? You've probably said that more times than I could count... and most of the time, you were right! Like when you told me that, no, I couldn't have ice cream before dinner, or that I couldn't stay up until four in the morning watching cartoons. And other times... When you told me that I had to fit into a certain mold, or that my love for women was a sin... I understand, too, why you said those things to me. But don't think for a second that I believe you were right; I've just come to realize why you thought the way you did. And now, I'm going to tell you the same exact thing; one day, you'll understand, too, that there is nothing wrong with me. I am not possessed by demons; I am a lesbian, and I am autistic, and I am not feminine, and I am not the woman you wanted me to be, and likely never will be, because that is how I was created.

I forgive you, mom. You might not be sorry, but I still forgive everything you've done to hurt me, and I love you more than I can put into words. But I'm not coming back; I've made a new life for myself over here in Beach City, and I'm happier than I've ever been. I won't speak for Peony, but I think it's safe to assume she's much happier where she's staying, too.

Maybe one day we'll come visit you. If you want, you could even meet my girlfriend! She's truly wonderful, and I think that you could come to love her one day... But that day won't be anytime soon; it'll be in the distant future, and only after I have reason to believe you've grown. I certainly still have some growing to do, myself, anyway.

Take care, Mom. Focus on your own growth -- not just for mine or Peony's sake, but for yours. God bless.

-Pearl

Whitney slowly folded the letter back up and brushed tears away from her face. She set the paper aside, turning her gaze towards the cross above the fireplace as she rose to her feet. Whitney knelt down on the floor, clasped her hands together, and once again, began to pray. 

* 

Pearl let out a sigh of relief; now that she'd gotten everything straightened up, she could relax until it was time for the guests to arrive. Pushing the vacuum back into the closet, she flopped down onto the couch and allowed herself to stretch for a moment -- but that relaxation was short-lived, as she spotted Amethyst making her way into the living room with a handful of crackers.

"Careful not to get any crumbs on the floor! I just vacuumed." she warned.

"Yeah yeah." Amethyst shoved the handful of crackers into her mouth, dropping a few crumbs on the carpet. The moment she spotted Pearl's piercing glare, she immediately picked them up and popped them into her mouth.

Pearl shuddered. "I almost wish you'd left it on the floor." she said.

"Hey, a little floor lint never hurt anyone. It's probably good for the immune system, anyway." she said, flopping down onto the couch beside Pearl. "So, when're the girls coming?"

"In approximately... Half an hour!" Pearl said.

"Wow, and you're already done cleaning up the house? You sure don't waste any time." Amethyst teased.

"I didn't want to be rushing around at the very last minute." Pearl shrugged, putting an arm around Amethyst's shoulders and pulling her close.

"That's smart of you. Maybe one day I'll learn not to procrastinate so much, heh. If I had known you were starting so early, I woulda helped out..." Amethyst said, leaning her head against Pearl's shoulder.

"Ah, I guess I hadn't considered that... Next time we have guests, you'll have vacuum duty!" Pearl said.

"Bleh, I just wanted to be polite. I didn't think you'd give me, like, obligations." Amethyst snickered, giving Pearl a playful nudge to reassure her she wasn't completely serious.

"You little rascal." Pearl nudged her right back. "Once I start up work, you're going to be so bored with the house all to yourself... You'll be begging for obligations!"

"Eh, that's true. Might as well get used to being a housewife." Amethyst said, turning her gaze up towards Pearl. "But not right now. Right now, I'm gonna enjoy being lazy while I still can."

"I wouldn't say lazy... You just need a little motivation." Pearl winked, and leaned in for a kiss.

"Mm... Guess that's true. And you are good at motivating me." Their lips met, and Amethyst's eyes fell shut. With a whimper just barely audible, she reached up and ran her fingers through Pearl's hair. The latter reached back and gently raked her nails across Amethyst's back, causing her to shudder. "Shit, now you're getting me all riled up... Let's cancel this movie night. Say we both caught a cold or something. I'm sure Jasper could be a good host."

Pearl chuckled, her face still mere inches away from Amethyst's. "I don't doubt that, but I am certainly not flaking -- is that the word? -- on my friends so we can fool around in your room." she teased, giving Amethyst one more kiss. "The goofy business can wait for tonight." she added with a wink.

"Oh, so you wanna fool around? Just not right now?" Amethyst purred.

"Maybe. I could always change my mind, though..." Pearl whispered back, pecking Amethyst on the cheek. "And even if we do, just a little bit."

"Sounds good to me. Never wanna pressure my pretty girl into anything she's not ready for..." Amethyst nuzzled her shoulder, letting out a sigh of content. "Love ya, Pierogi..."

"I love you too, angel." Pearl rested her head on top of Amethyst's, running her fingers through her silky hair. For a moment, her eyes began to fall shut... And then she heard the sound of a car door shutting.

"Ah, someone's here!" Pearl gently nudged Amethyst away and jumped to her feet.

"Good timing, because the muffins are done." Jasper called from the kitchen. She pulled a tray of muffins out of the oven, turning off the stove.

"Would you mind starting the popcorn, dear?" Pearl asked.

"On it!" Amethyst was still recollecting herself; for a moment, Pearl felt bad for cutting off their affection so suddenly... But Amethyst gave her one last cheek kiss before making her way to the kitchen, reassuring Pearl that all was well.

As Pearl opened the front door, her expression lit up at the sight of Peony, Rose, and Spinel on the porch. "Hey there!" she greeted cheerfully, giving all three of them a hug.

"Hey, Pearlie Pearl!" Spinel said, lifting one foot up in the air. "Lookit my slippers! They've got duckies on them!"

"Oh, um, very cute!" Pearl smiled shyly.

"You should listen to the sound they make when she walks." Peony giggled.

Before Pearl could even ask, Spinel jumped from one foot to another, and her slippers made a quack sound with each step.

Rose burst into laughter. "I gave them to her for Christmas years ago. It's a miracle -- and a curse -- that she's held onto them all this time."

Pearl chuckled. "Well, I think they're cute."

"You won't be saying that ten minutes from now." Peony snickered.

"Let the girl speak for herself! If she likes them, then she's clearly got good taste!" Spinel teased, giving Peony a noogie. "Now let's go inside, it's hot out here! You guys have AC?"

"We certainly do! Come on in." Pearl said, stepping aside so they could come through, Spinel's slippers quacking with each step. Once they were all inside and seated in the living room, Pearl shut the door behind herself.

"By the way, it's gonna be a bit of a crowd tonight... So some of us might have to sit on the floor." Pearl said cautiously. "But I don't mind being one of those people!"

"Or you could sit on someone's lap!" Amethyst called from the kitchen.

"N-no, that's certainly not happening!" Pearl called back, blushing as the three girls on the couch burst into laughter. "I can make myself comfortable on the floor. We have plenty of pillows and blankets to sit on."

"Aww, fine." Amethyst pouted as she brushed past Pearl, placing the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table. "Then I'm sitting on the floor, too. Don't want my pretty girl sitting all alone."

"Is anyone else coming?" Rose asked.

"Just Peridot and Garnet." Amethyst said.

And just like that, they heard another knock at the door.

"I'll get it!" Amethyst said, giving Pearl a little nudge. "You've worked hard, girlie, go get yourself comfy."

"Ah, alright, if you insist!" Pearl smiled shyly. She headed over to the couch, seating herself on the nest of pillows and blankets in front of it. She briefly glanced around the room; with the couch occupied, the only remaining seat was the recliner... That would make four of them sitting on the floor. 'Hopefully nobody will mind...' she thought.

Jasper made her way into the living room with a plate full of blueberry muffins, still steaming hot.

"Do I smell muffins?" Peridot screeched from the doorway, and she scampered into the living room, snatching one from the plate and stuffing it into her mouth. "Agh, fuck! Hot!"

"Yeah, they just came out of the oven, dipsh- uh, ya goofball." Jasper said, deciding to mock Peridot in a slightly nicer way at the last second.

"So, what are watching?" Rose asked, giving Peridot a sympathetic look as she tried to cool off the bite of muffin still in her mouth.

"We haven't decided yet." Jasper said.

"We were going to have everyone vote, and now that we're all here, we can do that!" Pearl explained, pulling out couple DVDs. "I was thinking... either Howl's Moving Castle, or Ponyo... Unless anyone wants to suggest something else? We have more to choose from! I'm just in sort of a Ghibli mood, but I won't mind if someone wants something else..."

"I choose Howl's Moving Castle!" Peony exclaimed, and Rose nodded in agreement.

"I haven't seen either of these movies, so I'm going to copy what my girlfriend votes for!" Spinel said.

"Sounds good. Anyone else?" Amethyst asked.

Peridot shrugged, getting herself comfy on the floor beside the recliner and hugging her knees up to her chest. "I don't care either way."

"I'll have to go with Howl's Moving Castle as well." Garnet said, sitting down beside Peridot and crossing her legs.

"Same here." Jasper said.

"Then it's decided!" Pearl said.

As Jasper seated herself on the recliner, Amethyst went and popped the disc into the DVD player. Then, she went and seated herself on the floor beside Pearl, resting her head against her shoulders as the movie began to play. Jasper reached over to the lamp and turned off the lights, turning up the volume a few notches on the remote.

As the movie started, Pearl found her hand slowly inching towards Amethyst's. She wrapped her fingers around hers and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. As Pearl began to settle in and relax, she felt a flutter of excitement in her chest. Part of her couldn't wait to be alone with Amethyst later on in the night, feeling eager for what she'd promised her a few minutes prior; but for the time being, she couldn't be happier.

QUICK GIVE ME YOUR MOST SELF-INDULGENT ROSCOE DILLON + LISCOE HEADCANONS. IT'S FOR SCIENCE.

Oh gee :3  I've had these for years but never written them down, so thanks for the exercise :)

I HC that Roscoe desperately wanted a dog when he was a kid, and his parents wouldn't let him.  Not very self-indulgent, but that one just won't go away.  He was obviously an unhappy and stressed-out kid.  He would have been a better person if he had gotten a pet/companion, and would have developed a better sense of empathy.

Canonically he's only been shown expressing attraction for women, but not many women, and he's not known to have engaged in the Rogues' hookers n' boozing culture (that doesn't mean he didn't participate, though, just that we haven't seen any indication of it).  We also know he's snarked about the other Rogues' obsession with sex and women.  So I've always headcanoned that he's straight but not nearly as sex-obsessed nor as inclined to feel attraction to a lot of women as the other Rogues.  He's not ace, because it's definitely canon that he and Lisa had a very sexual relationship.  So maybe he's demisexual?  Or maybe he just keeps that sort of thing to himself, which is also very possible.

Relating to the last point, I HC that Roscoe and Lisa are very into kink.  I might have been slowly writing ficlets about that over the past year and a half.  Dunno if they'll ever be posted.

Both Roscoe and Lisa are forceful and dominant people who are very naturally bossy, and I think they'd compromise by taking turns domming and subbing.  But to their surprise, both found that they didn't mind subbing at all.

It was canon that Lisa didn't commit any crimes while he was alive, at least until Johns (Johns' first issue showed a flashback of them robbing a bank together, so that's either an art error or a retcon).  I HC that he always gave her a cut of his take after every successful job.  She's known for her love of jewels and shiny things, and I don't think he really cares that much about it.  He probably spent most of his take on her, his technical equipment, and hoarded the rest like a dragon.

It's canon that they had ridiculous cutesy pet names for each other, and the cutesy schmoop very likely extended into the rest of their lives as well.  They probably took dorky photos together and did weird goofy stuff that people would never otherwise guess he'd do.  He was a very different person around Lisa and with everyone else, even in the days when he was friendly and sociable with the Rogues.

I think he probably had manners drummed into him to an almost abusive extent by his excel-at-all-costs-to-make-us-look-good parents.  He's almost always genteel and polite even when acting like a murderous asshole, and has never been shown to swear in canon even as the other Rogues get all their foul language asterisked out.  

I HC that he still has a grudge against violins because they were pushed on him as a child.

We know he went into crime out of anger and frustration at his parents and the expectations they put on him, so I HC that he'd like a lot of fast-paced angry music to burn out the rage sometimes.

He hates being dead, and misses his original body. (He's never indicated how he feels about it in canon.)

He must be a workaholic, because I don't know he'd get everything done otherwise.  In the Bronze Age, he was committing crimes (and going to prison), developing more of his inventions, in a relationship with Lisa, coaching Lisa, and travelling with her when her ice show was on the road.  How did he do all this??

He is an asshole in the modern era, but some of the stuff that the Rogues think he's an asshole about are really just neuroatypical misunderstandings.  Okay, this is more of a personal theory I can support than a HC, but still.

He's one of the younger Silver Age Rogues.  I say this because for some reason the fandom thinks he's one of the older ones and it's a personal pet peeve.  He was literally just a kid when he started in supervillainy, and was one of the last Silver Age Rogues to debut.  I'm not sure why everyone thinks he's older.

I HC that he's an only child.  I mention this because he hints at having a brother in that shitty Waid story, but I think it's just a figure of speech and also that story is garbage.  His backstory makes more sense if he's an only child.  Regarding that same story, I believe that he was born and raised in Central City, and has never lived in Brooklyn.  Have I mentioned yet how terrible and out of character that story is?  

We saw him smoking in his debut issue, but I believe he would become a bit of a health nut soon after becoming a supervillain...he's something of an elite athlete, after all.  He might give up red meat (and only red meat, he's not vegetarian) for health reasons but not ethical ones.  

I HC that he has a fear or at least extreme distrust of doctors due to his truly awful history in the prison and mental health system.  He probably self-medicates a lot.

I've always had the HC that he was atheist, only to die and find out God and everything was all real (he did go to Hell, after all).

And of course I strongly believe he is autistic and written as autistic, even if the writers didn't necessarily know what those symptoms/behaviours meant (particularly in his debut issue, which just screams it).  I HC he has a fair number of sensory issues, and spinning himself and tops almost certainly brings him comfort.  Plus I HC that he has a comfort object that's even apart from his tops...maybe a plush toy of some kind.

I guess a lot of these aren't very exciting, but I tend to not go far into the realm of HC if IMO it divulges far from canon....canon is really important to me.  But hopefully these are somewhat interesting!

A semi-old fart and her fandom pet peeves...

1) Over-tagging. Say, for example, your post concerns one character and/or the actor who plays him/her/them. It makes sense to tag the character (if the post is about the character). It makes sense to tag the actor (if the post is about another project that the actor is involved in that is not the character they are most known for). It makes sense to tag the project associated with the post. If the post is about one specific character and/or one specific actor from a show, there is no need to tag every single actor and character from the show.

For example, if you are making a post about Chris Colfer meeting your little nephew who comes to one of his book signings dressed up as Kurt Hummel, it makes sense to tag Chris's name, the title of Chris's book, and Kurt Hummel (because the little kid is dressed like Kurt). You don't need to tag Lea Michele, Darren Criss, Naya Rivera, etc. unless they are in the picture as well. It's not going to get you more notes on tumblr, it's going to get your post blocked because people are sick of seeing unrelated posts in the tags for their favorites. People who have certain characters/actors blacklisted through Tumblr Savior or XKit might also miss out on your perfectly innocent post because you tagged that actor even though they aren’t in the picture. For example, say there is someone who is a big fan of Chris and Kurt, but they have Naya’s name blacklisted because she’s most famous for playing Santana, and the fan found Santana’s treatment of Kurt objectionable and gets sad whenever they see her face. If you tag the whole cast, that person is not going to see your precious nephew meeting Chris because your post got lost in their blacklist. The same thing goes for characters who are played by multiple people. Davey Jacobs is my favorite character in Newsies. If you're making a gifset of all the actors who played him, it makes sense to tag "Davey Jacobs" and the names of all the actors who played him in the various iterations of the movie/show. If your gifset or post exclusively features/discusses Ben Fankhauser and/or his particular portrayal of Davey, you do not need to tag Jeremy (Greenbaum), Jacob or Stephen in the post.

2) Tagging multiple characters/actors/ships in a controversial post just to get a rise out of people. There is a bit of an overlap with the overtagging here as the offenders tend to be the same. My examples here are the "Marvin discourse" in Falsettos and the identity discourse in Newsies. Marvin is written as gay and is referred to by other characters in the show as "homosexual." He divorces his wife because he wants to be with a man (who, technically, he was already with if Trina's account in "I'm Breaking Down" is correct). However, the character description on a few different character breakdown sites claims he is bisexual. These sites are not "gospel" and are generally not written by the creators of the projects themselves. While sexuality can certainly be fluid, Marvin's marriage to a woman and successful conception of a child seems to be a result of closeted behavior rather than bisexuality. The majority of the Falsettos fandom seems to accept that Marvin is gay, but occasionally there will be someone who INSISTS he's bi (not that there's anything wrong with being bisexual) and fills EVERY SINGLE FALSETTOS-RELATED TAG with it for attention.

With Newsies, there's a strong contingent of people who headcanon the less-developed background newsies (and sometimes the lead newsies and their friends and siblings) as LGBT. I haven't seen the movie in probably 20 years (I thought it was boring which is why I had no intention of seeing it live until one of my dearest friends booked the tour) so the characters in the movie-verse might have done something that was very clearly gay that I missed when I was in sixth grade, but I didn't catch anything particularly "gay" in the stage version although if the writers had gone the Jack/Crutchie route I could sort of understand it based on their interactions. That being said, unless someone is blatantly making stuff up or ripping Katherine or Sarah apart for the tiniest little flaw to blow a hole in Jack/Katherine or Jack/Sarah to justify why they ship Jack/Davey or Jack/Crutchie or Jack/Race or whatever, headcanoning characters as gay really isn't hurting anyone. If some gay kid in the middle of nowhere sees a lot of himself in Crutchie and wants to imagine a world where Crutchie is EXACTLY like him (well, apart from being born in a different century), it's not a bad thing.

I'm younger than most film-Newsies fans but I'm a lot older than most stage-Newsies fans. I was well into my twenties before I joined ANY fandom, and while there are characters I share some similarities with, I can enjoy them and identify with them without needing them to be exactly like me and filling holes in their descriptions with my personal identity traits or with traits I know the actor behind them has but that haven't been specified for their character. That being said, I know that there are other people who do feel more connected to a character they like if they see the character's canon struggles through the lens of a not-necessarily-canon identity (in the case of gender/sexuality/ethnicity) or diagnosis (in terms of a mental illness or developmental disorder). Like, OK, yeah, MOST of the newsboys in 1899 New York were probably cishet neurotypical males and a lot of them were white-passing if not outright white. The thing is, people KNOW that. Posting that and then tagging every single character and actor in the show, even if it's historically accurate, is just going to make you look like a dick (because these are literally just FICTIONAL CHARACTERS and you're screaming "MINE, NOT YOURS!" in people's faces), whereas the people who have headcanons of Jack as mixed race or Davey as autistic or Spot as transgender aren't posting their headcanons to be dicks. That being said, I don't know how many people (I'd wager most, but not all) of the people who headcanon characters with not-explicitly-canon identities actually belong to the identity communities themselves. I don't think it's wrong for a gay autistic trans kid to see Spot Conlon and go "ooh, what if he was gay and autistic and trans like me?" but if it's a straight neurotypical person (and by a straight person, I mean, an actual straight person, not someone who is questioning or closeted gay/lesbian/bi/pan) going "ALL YOUR FAVES ARE GAY! AND TRANS! AND AUTISTIC!" and tagging every single fandom they are in, it reads as a little fetishistic but that's just me.

3) "Rares" blogs posting pictures that aren't rares. If an actor posts an in-costume selfie with his castmates to his instagram during the process of creating a show or after the show is finished, it's not a "rare," even if the first time YOU'VE particularly seen it is two years after the show goes off the air and five years after he posted it. The same goes for someone who is involved in the project from a production aspect (like, for example, Joaquin or Kalen from Glee). A rare would be something that a friend-of-a-celebrity or a fan posted on a public social media account (like Twitter or Instagram) of the celebrity at a party or involved in something they did before their "big break." For example, I think if someone were to be like "hey, oh crap, I just remembered I went to see NLT years ago and I have a selfie with Kevin McHale when he was a teenager that I've never posted," THAT would be a rare. If someone posted a picture of Darren from his study abroad in Italy, that would be a rare. Posting a picture from the Glee set that's been tweeted or Instagrammed (sometimes multiple times) by the actors themselves is not "posting a rare."

4) This sort of could be combined with number 1, but it's more about Instagram/Twitter than Tumblr. It's one thing to make a cool edit of a character or an actor and tag them in it. Like, for example, Stephanie Styles and Drew Gehling were just in a stage production of Roman Holiday. Photoshopping their faces onto the film actors' bodies on the movie poster is a cool edit and I'm sure they would love to be tagged in something like that. Maybe you drew a picture of Brittana from Glee having a picnic and giving each other flowers; there's nothing wrong with tagging Heather and Naya in that. Maybe you identify a lot with Evan Hansen and make an "Evan Hansen aesthetic post" and want Ben Platt to see. Whatever, that's fine. What is overkill is when people literally just post screenshots from a TV show/movie/Broadway bootleg or steal pictures from actors' Instagrams or OTHER PEOPLE'S EDITS and have a completely unrelated caption like "uggggggggh I have so much math homework" or "my stepdad is being a dick and says I can't go see (insert movie here)" and tag the actors just because they happen to be in the picture. Sometimes people look in the actor tags on Instagram for news on their fave that might not be announced yet (for example, someone else from a project an actor is working on tagging them in a BTS picture) but it gets swamped under the same screenshot of the Newsies seizing the day or Klaine kissing or Andrew Rannells standing over Christian Borle with what appears to be a boner or Ben Cook doing the splits while Josh Burrage makes a goofy face in the background OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. Sometimes a fan is having a hard time and all they want is to be noticed by their favorite cast member of a show, but their friends' post petitioning the actor to wish them a happy birthday is swamped under 900 notifications of the same unedited screenshot. I have a friend who will sometimes post an old Newsies photo and go on an unrelated rant underneath, but she doesn't tag the actors or the show, so it's fine. If you didn't make the edit, don't post the edit (like, even if you credit whoever made it, someone else might steal it from you and they won't). If you HAVE to post a picture from a show with an unrelated caption, don't tag the actors. It's annoying as hell, and I suspect it contributes a lot to why a lot of them pull away from Instagram.

5) Roleplay blogs clogging up the tags, and then people creating blogs specifically to ADVERTISE their roleplay blogs when they know the actual blogs themselves are getting blocked. Also, FACEBOOK ROLEPLAYS. Facebook won't even let a lot of trans people change their name without a shit load of documentation, but it seems fine with people pretending to be fictional characters and celebrities and changing their FB handles to (insert first name) (insert embarrassing RPF ship portmanteau). Facebook is for real people and businesses, and I can SORT of see making a FB profile for a baby or a pet to have a place where only certain people can access photos and information (since most people have FB but not everyone has Instagram). Also, some of the roleplay scenarios people have are seriously fucked up and racist/ableist/both. YIKES.