#she's my favorite person to ever live
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one of the few moments between them where they threaten to break the act down.
he knows the answer to the first question; do you believe that? have you ever believed that? all she can do is stare at the floor, almost like she’s been caught. because she doesn’t. and he knows she doesn’t.
her role in this thing that they do is to not believe in aliens. she answered him on that first day, does she believe in the existence of extraterrestrials? she had to say no.
she can’t answer him this time, though. she stares at the floor. but he knows.
he knows the answer to the second question too, though. what do you think happened to her?
scully can stand in front of him and tell him that he’s just being emotional all she wants. tell him that it’s manipulation, that it’s impossible.
but her role in this thing is that she is the rational one, and he knows what the rational thing to think about 8 year old girls who disappear from their homes and don’t come back is.
even if it’s not this killer, even if it’s not this man, the rational thing to think is that it’s another.
so after four years of seeking and chasing and following after as he walks into the same room every day, as he wants to believe, what does she believe? what is she really saying when she says no, she doesn’t believe in the existence of extraterrestrials?
and can they keep the act up, when this is what it means?
#paper hearts#my forever favorite episode#the deepest of the series in my opinion#but god this scene is so palpable#goddd it’s the way he’s CHALLENGING her#normally her role is to say it IS a murderer#that whatever crime has been committed WAS just a man#she’s been saying that every case for years#it wasn’t aliens. it wasn’t XYZ. it’s a serial killer.#until he says ‘maybe it wasn’t aliens. maybe it was a serial killer.’#and she FREEZES#it’s almost like he’s throwing their entire dynamic and their entire lives in her face in this moment#and he’s not doing it to be cruel he’s just like…so what now then? isn’t this what YOU believe?#but if she doesn’t ever think it’s aliens and she always thinks it’s a murderer then WHAT DOES THAT SAY about samantha!!!#what is that REALLY saying every day for years to the person who HAS to believe it’s always aliens/etc and not people#talking in circles but it makes me crazy bc they live so comfortably in their roles but you can tell he thinks about this#and he’s just like. okay then. so come out and say it.#and she can’t because she needs him to believe it’s aliens#because it’ll fucking break him if it’s not#it’ll break him if she’s right#so she won’t even say it out loud and she prays to be wrong
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Some highlights from Stefania's "state of the field re: Weimar cinema" trip in 1927:
Stays with the aunt who hosted her for awhile in high school to save money on a hotel, but remembers she's afraid of her aunt and panics about lodgings
Convinced her trip is cursed because her tram was #7 and it's an inauspicious numerological omen
Goes to stay with her cousin in Potsdam and commutes from Potsdam to Berlin every day rather than pay for a hotel or spend time around her scary aunt
Summarizes the state of Weimar cinema, dismissively, as "Businsss"
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I wish strong feelings and emotions had a better way to feel like they translate to physical space. For me, personally, I get that shit cranked to 11 and if I can't get that shit out there and verbalized or shown it ends up making me cry. Fear about loss and change and thinking 30 years into the future? Cry. Have so much love in your body at once and can't let enough of it get shown to those who matter to you? Cry a whole lot. I used to put it towards art and especially personal poems or made up song lyrics or something but idk. I can't be staying up sobbing at 4 am due to random thoughts. Its always when I feel like I'm doing my best that this happens, idk if its just processing everything.
I know my emotional regulation skills aren't the best and I often go from a thousand yard stare to crying or a laughing fit or something. I don't want to be like this really, and often times this does happen when I think about loved ones a lot when I'm alone and I just end up wishing I was around someone I can feel loved by and love so much. Maybe I just want to be anywhere besides this 'home' where I know I'm actively seen as a nuisance and treated as a lesser person.
#This is one of those beating away awful thoughts about myself#They take a toll on me#But I do my best to not get self deprecating because I know its bad and CHRIST I'm just tired of it#I'm the happiest I've been in my (admittedly bad) memory! I have two amazing gfs#one of which is living around me now and I can hold and kiss and show I love her#Which helps so so so much#And amazing friends both online and in person#But its still so lonely at the end of the night. Or when I get back to my house. Its so lonely.#And especially with how bedridden I've been for months and months now...#All throughout the worst time of year for me#It didn't leave me without some damage I guess#I just wanna wake up next to my wife and know I'm loved for being me.#She's so good at that ;w;#I wanna be in her arms so much its inconvenient#I just get scared of being too dependant#She's the best person I've ever met and she loves the way I love her ;w;#I want us to be able to lean on each other and feel at home and feel loved and feel. Idk#I want to do all that without my brain remembering how I tend to get 'too attached' and remembering just#All the times I've been called annoying for wanting to spend time with my favorite people.#Runa diary#This is a vent post sorry mutuals and followers <333#Fixing my first tag: This is one of those beating away awful thoughts kinda nights'#If you're reading this ily and if you ever want someone to talk to I kinda desperately need friends to game and talk with ;^;
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Some of those doctors make hating oat milk their entire personality. I hate them. Cannot pretend to find them funny or like i give a shit. Fucking pretentious assholes
#also my colleague (the girl i had my shift with) is the exact opposite of me in all aspects. asked me if I'd ever worked in customer service#because i couldn't care less about being fake friendly to assholes and don't care if they like the service or not#like bitch those people don't have any other choice but drink our fucking coffee it's not like I'm competing with anyone#or like they pay us in any way. i get paid for doing the dumb work i have to do not for stroking some dumb ass doctors' egos#they come out of their rooms once an hour to get coffee and we have the cups on the table and i wouldn't even Think of#HANDING them the cups and smiling sweetly at them and asking 'coffee? tea?? :))'#I'll just assume these grown adults will get their stupid coffee or tea when they want some. it's not like they don't know where it is#(and i AM friendly and smile when someone is coming in our direction but why the fuck do you need to get so disgustingly friendly with them#if someone held up a cup asking if i.want some coffee I'd leave immediately even if i came just for coffee. it's creepy)#anyway. she's nice. I'm not.#there's normal people who will get their coffee and maybe ask if the milk in the little jug is cow milk to which I'll happily reply 'yes#:)'. then there's the other people who see the oat milk and make it clear they are the most insufferable people on the planet#(and i pity their patients so much. not much to choose from i guess but if i had that as a doctor I'd happily just die)#like everyone who took oatmilk could do it without making a fuss about the cow milk on the table. the cow milk lovers could never#'the oat milk is in front of the actual milk. this is unacceptable. i hate such healthy bullshit' lol okay#'OAT milk?? I'll leave this to the horses! THANK GOD you have actual milk!'#my favorite was the one who really took personal offense with its sheer presence. as if it had killed half of his patients lmao#'we had 50 patients with xyz problem. ALL of them drink oat milk. they cannot see the connection. it's really unhealthy'#at this point i just said i didn't care and stopped paying attention and he started complaining to his doctor colleague about how#oat milk is advertised to be healthy and how it's actually the opposite and i just find that very funny compared to the first comment#from that one guy who doesn't like such healthy bullshit. you guys need to find a consensus on the oatmilk issue i think. no one takes you#seriously if you contradict yourself like this. also i couldn't care less about the healthiness of the milk alternative of my choice. bitch.#next week I'll end up killing someone. i hope they all die from their cow milk. (but not the ones who took cow milk and didn't say anything#about the oat milk. they can continue living as they didn't annoy me)#void screams#some of these doctors were actually quite nice (most of them even). one even brought an applicant to us telling her to get some coffee#(which we are not allowed to give to applicants. but i don't care. I'd rather they get something than some of the asshole jury members#who hate oat milk (which is not the issue. the issue is them making it everybody else's issue that they don't like oat milk))
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I just heard someone say that getting married is the hardest thing they've ever done.
I'm sorry but if getting married is the hardest thing you've ever had to do, I don't think I can talk to you. That's fine, that's totally okay if that's hard for you. I just need a long moment of silence for my misjudgment of the average amount of suffering that any given human experiences.
#and obviously theres shit like forced marriage and things#however#if you are choosing who to marry of your own volition. that shit should be easy#i cant even count with all of my fingers and toes the number of things that have been harder for me than getting married#for one. the reason im not yet legally married which is that im disabled and im in a very intenese match of Do I Deserve Rights#with the government#after that weve got recovering from an ed. not sure how im managing that. plus i couldve easily died#you know from malnutrition. not only from me starving myself but also due to severe malnutrition in my entire childhood#due to neglect and abuse. its tge reason i never grew properly. i have a hole in my jaw. its also why my jaw is underdeveloped#ive got severe insomnia and anxiety to the point that i wont sleep for days without strong meds#and cant really leave my house alone#i lived through untreated hypothermia and likely heat stroke as well and those were both MUCH harder than getting married#i experienced child labor and escaped what was probably a cult given that i had to run away to an undisclosed location#cut off contact with everyone i knew from it and remain anonymous#i ran away from home because of the abuse and when the cops were called on me i had to sit thete#with a straight face and listen to social workers and authorities tell me that what i was calling abuse was ok and that i had to go back#i had to fight for an education that i never really got. same for medical care including emergency medical care#anyway point being i will be very relieved to spend the rest of my life with my favorite person after all of that#there are no regrets or uncertainties about that. my life is the best its ever been and she only makes it better
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Yet another beautiful day to have the Maxwel tag blocked (can't see half of the posts in the Wendy tags)
#rat rambles#starve posting#maxwell posters have lost any semblance of tolerance from me ages ago Ive yet to meet a maxwell fan who's just like a normal person#and to clarify I actually do like maxwel as I am the number one just some asshole whos in too deep enjoyer#but dear god are ppl just absolutely incapable of being normal abt this man and everyone around him#and even beyond that ppl just do not get this man like please he is indeed interesting but not because of some 'retconed redemption'#like pls we can live in a world where he is not an irridemable monster and is in fact just some guy while also still being a flawed person#like the fact that he is so deeply flawed in ways that he never actually properly adressed and challenged is the interesting thing to me#like look at me. he went through horrible shit he didnt deserve. that didnt inherently make him a better or worse person#it just made him a more miserable person#and he didnt escape because of some change of heart or character development#and afterwards he teamed up with wilson because of necessity#I do think on some level he genuinely cares abt the other survivors and he does have genuine regret for how things turned out#but again those things dont inherently mean he moved past the flaws that got him here it just means he has the ability to recognize that#shit sucks and that he wish none of it happened#its why encore is one of my favorite animations from a character perspective because it shows some juicy charlie and maxwell stuff#mainly it shows both that charlie has not forgiven his ass and is manipulating him and that maxwell is still susceptible to it#which isnt a sigh of them rolling back development it's just a sign that maxwell is easy to manipulate with the right cards#which adds up considering his past and his present very well in my opinion#this is a man whos historically always ran away from his problems and is always on the hunt for a sense of control#and charlie tapped into both that and his ever present guilt#its in fact very unsurprising and not out of place for him to fall for that sort of manipulation#and it also makes for a great set up for the inevitable betrayal from charlie as maxwell is hit by the harsh reality of his situation#and that whole situation would lead to some yummy tasty parallels when charlie inevitably gets betrayed herself (I hope)#the ways charlie and maxwel are so similar yet so different facinates me deeply I love how much charlie doesnt realize shes kinda fucked#I want her to be betrayed so hard and left in the dust with no ground to stand on I want the rug pulled out from under her feet#her composition comes from her confidence in the necessity of her actions and the moral superiority she feels over maxwell#so having her sense of superiority be revoked would make for a super fascinating dynamic as she tries to justify the situation in her head#I wanna see her siral and then maybe change her pronouns idk
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I put on attack of the clones last night for background noise but I ended up actually just watching probably 80% of it and the funniest shit in the world possibly the best moment in the entire prequel trilogy is when they first get to Naboo and check in with the queen + council and they're just talking abt the republic and keeping her safe whatever the fuck and then one of them finally acknowledges Anakin like "Master Jedi what do you suggest?" and Padmé INSTANTLY says "Oh Anakin isn't a JEDI he's just a padawan learner. So basically I was thinking--" and Anakin. Reasonably. Is like "Hold on a second" and she cuts him off AGAIN like "EXCUSE ME. Anyway, I was thinking..." and makes him fight for his life to actually get w word out. Literally WHY does she do that to him its so fucking funny.
#The first and only movie in which she actually has a personality 😭#But actually some of my favorite Padmé moments are when she kind of snaps at him or puts him down or just#seems kind of annoyed or exhausted with him not to conspiracy theorized but I am so in love with the idea that she never actually#likes him all that much. Like. Fundamentally she likes that he is in love with HER and the doors that that opens in terms#of playing the little game that their relationship is. But I feel like his actual personality she could take or leave at best#largely due to him being Actually insane#And perpetually immature I guess. Which is why I actually kind of enjoy their weird age gap#My philosophy these days is like. If it makes very little sense on any level that she would love him back especially after#such a short time its because she doesn't. She just decided to add that reciprocation to her rotating mask collection because#playing Barbie's Dream House with him is the first time she has ever felt like an actual living human woman with a tangible Self#END POST#sw
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they’re only 15 days old and they don’t know how to high five
....but their fashion sense absolutely slaps
frankie quotes from this promotional video that i personally enjoy:
“i’m made from a collection of dead people’s body parts!”
“hello, fellow students. i also have a phone.”
and my personal absolute favorite quote:
frankie: “did you know that you moisten your lips every 32 to 34 seconds?”
draculaura: what?
frankie: “my brain just remembers everything... (with big grin on face) including everything that everyone does. ever.”
yeah can you not tell i enjoy them
#for the record i love their personality in the live action movie#at least from what i've seen#also frankie was my first MH doll back when g1 was still a thing#and she has/they have just been a favorite of mine ever since#monster high#monster high 2022#frankie stein#also this art is based off of the leaked doll design despite me mentioning the live action movie
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i have so much nostalgia for femme fatale era because that was probably the first time i realized i was a britney FAN whether i wanted to be one or not. it came out when i was 12, around the time i was first able to make my own music-listening choices off of whatever was marketed to solely a preteen demographic. i had only heard of britney spears as someone immensely popular yet embarrassing to like, even though i knew a ton of her biggest hits from her whole career since i was a baby and pretty much liked-to-love all of them. so when i would hear brand new songs like hold it against me and i wanna go on the radio i was like oh shit, i'm old enough to listen to big kid music on my own now, and these are amazing?
and i couldn't help but follow the rest of the singles as they came out, and go back and listen to all of her older songs (the ones i knew and the ones i didn't) on my own and be like HOLY goddamn. like my mind just exploded. it's one thing to hear all her songs in passing because they're megapopular and you are alive, but it's another thing to binge her discography for the first time and really put together that she put out dozens and dozens of the great pop songs you've ever heard, one after another, constantly, for (at that point) over a decade, my entire life! just being shocked and in awe at the evolution of such a pop goddess. i was just so fascinated and in awe. i was like no one on this earth can ever touch the career and accomplishments of the legendary miss britney spears. no one ever will.
also, criminal. such an underrated song, it wasn't even that popular at the time. i still remember the first time i heard it when the lyric video dropped and i decided from that instant on that i was going to be a terrible person.
#so few words have changed my life like MAMA IM IN LOVE WITH A CRIMINAL!!!!!!#i remember i was there the first time i heard that. earth-shattering.#text post#tales from diana#rant#britney#britney spears#femme fatale#this is a personal story and im not making it for notes but im tagging it anyway just in case it interests anyone#i love knowing how people got into their favorite artists#but yeah ive been listening to so much britney again lately and whenever i do. i just feel so good#she really REALLY really is one of the most influential artists on me of all time#like i love a loooooot of pop divas. i love a lot of women in music generally!#i love a lot of iconic sex symbols and pretty faces from pop culture throughout the last century#if not a little longer... lord knows im obsessed with beautiful women no matter when they lived#there is ONLY one britney spears and there will only ever be the one and im so grateful for her#she. is. unparalleled.#her work... no one can ever match it#you cant even try
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petsmart had a cute cat w only one eye but it seemed like it was infected? i thought usually they would do something to close the socket so that doesn't happen?
#no senior cats in my area at all apparently#i know people are all abt kittens but i would like a cat who's like 7+#my sweet old gal and i lived at the perfect pace together#my dad's cat is a gremlin in the fountain of her youth. she randomly bites his arm if it hangs over the edge of his chair#(she's a sweetheart though. he is her favorite person in the entire world and the rest of us are less than dirt to her)#my lily would lay in bed with me the entire day like yesss this is perfect this is exactly what i had in mind my human is so smart#no other cat will ever compare to her. but i think i can love another kitty in a new way#btw my petsmart doesn't like. sell cats. they coordinate w this local rescue group
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✨ Random Question Time! ✨ Have you ever seen Taylor live?
Hi!!
This will be a quick answer, I have not! I would absolutely love to see her live someday, but I don't see that happening anytime soon. Getting tickets to one of her concerts sounds unbelievably stressful (and expensive), and I don't live near any big cities, so there would be the added cost and hassle of traveling to take into consideration. Also I don't have any Swiftie friends and I'm not sure I'd want to go all by myself :( But never say never!
#currently the closest i've ever gotten to seeing taylor swift in person was when i had a dream that she showed up at my work#and asked me very urgently to give her favorite teddy bear a bath and haircut#have YOU ever seen her live??#random question time
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Taking a break to tab through Stefania's letters again and it is the striking little details that leap out this time around. E.g., in Biarritz she booked the honeymoon suite at Hôtel de la Plage for Just Herself
#stefania tag#she's my favorite person who ever lived#she is also one of the very very very few people i would armchair diagnose#based on her letters and what i know of her life and medical history
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jjk remains Unmatched for this one tbh
#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jjk spoilers#for the anime onlys#idk this was soooooooo#the only thing maki could ever do to make her mother proud was to kill their whole clan. thats literally so heavy#maki being resented by her mother bc she refused to sit back silently and just accept being treated like shit bc she's a girl#like every girl born into their clan has had to do#bc she just couldnt live with herself if she did that#but doing so brought all of this trouble to her mothers life#and the only thing maki could do to make up for that trouble. to make her mother proud. was to destroy everything that oppressed them both#INCLUDING her mother#idk if this makes sense i am just saying things. this is my favorite part of the whole manga#i am a maki stan first and a person second
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Ouuugh fucking. The Dolls of New Albion. Hate trying to articulate how much i love things. Very powerful piece of media. Plus its a musical/opera whatever its got banging musical catered specifically to me. <3
#found it like a couple years ago and i recently remembered it and by god its so good#ouuugh recurring musical motifs that change meaning over the course of the media…..#oooouuuuuggghaaaaaauuug#its basically like. the story of this girl and her descendants#and like. she invented like living dolls that can replace ur dead loved ones#and like it follows her descendents as this invention like changes society#but it remains very personal and heartbreaking. lost loves and stuff. romantic and familial. ough.#also like some of my favorite music ever…#if you see me adding some songs to the hanzawa playlist. no you didnt. <3#to the void#sunnfish.jrnl#i feel like the way im talking about it is very normal. please understand i am very much not normal about this opera
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y’know for all my family’s (many) flaws and problems, i’m grateful that “wild, childish glee at very small delights” is fairly well ingrained in our dynamics
#like iowa is y'know overrun with deer#and still every time someone sees a deer#we whisper-shout/text everyone in the house 'COME LOOK ITS A DEER' and/or text pics in the group chat#my mom and i will join charles at the hallway door to just watch all the birds flocking at the feeder and thrill at the variety of species#when a turtle showed up at my sister's house she was beaming like a 5-year-old (and immediately named it#and the whole family got very invested in Theodore)#(unfortunately theodore sort of committed turtle suicide BUT he was a joy while he lived there)#personal#anyway i think this is a very good practice for my mental health and well-being#and also leads to utterly delightful situations like my friend remarking that i have ''so much joy for life''#which is like. possibly my favorite comment i've ever gotten#i've said this before but it's worth reminding myself sometimes lol
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thinking abt octopath 2 coming out this month and foaming at the mouth
#i need to set up a steam account and then Pray that my computer can handle the graphics#bc theres just. no way im watching a playthrough of this it feels too personalized. everyones is different#im picking Throné as my mc bc thieves <3 and she seems similar to Primrose w her story from the smal bits weve seen#and Prim has one of my favorite stories so im. fjxjbxbnnn i NEED this game. clawing and biting at it#AND THE FACT THAT THE TRAVELERS ARE GONNA HAVE ACTUAL INTERACTIONS. CRYING SOBBING ETC ETC ETC#forever saddened that octopath 1 wont ever have that level of canon interaction. but ao3 exists so i'll live#and they live in my brain forever now so whatever comes from that will fuel me also#octotag
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