#she's made me realize that i dont have to think like that
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I have so much to offer, specifically through who I am as person. Not what I can be potentially, but who I authentically am now.
She makes me understand just how true that statement is 💕
#todays been a wild ride of emotions#and a lot of processing. understanding just how much i settled in the past. how much i just allowed or thought was the best id get#she's made me realize that i dont have to think like that#my loud obnoxious boisterous yet charming passionate kind-to-a-fault authetic self is all good and all likeable#oh vampling... 💕#bite me#self love
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people dont talk enough about how heartbreaking the marlon betrayal mustve been for clem too,,
this dude saves the life of her and her kid. takes them in has them patched up gives them their first hot meal in who knows how long. gives them a safe place to stay. possibly permanently. confides in her that hes trying to be a good leader but feels like and fears that hes failing. asks her to help him take care of the rest of the group. helps her get over her fear of dogs by asking her to trust him. and things go well. she feels safe. like this place could really finally be the home shes been looking for
but as soon as she finds out what happened to the twins. that marlon planned on giving up her and aj too. she immediately becomes a liability to him and he attempts to kill her for it. locks her in the basement to die by walker. then tries to turn the group against her so he can shoot her instead when the first method fails. and he nearly succeeds
then a majority of the group turn against clem the minute aj kills marlon. ignoring marlons mistakes but condemning aj for his. like clem wasnt betrayed by marlon in the exact same way he betrayed the twins. like she literally wasnt almost killed twice? and how long had he been considering giving her up? was it always some contingency he planned? did he truly want to keep them around and things only changed when he feared the raiders had returned? she'll never know
#i think about this a lot... the betrayal... clems deep trust issues... then they all want to kick her out (except vi aasim and tenn 💕)#when she was just as impacted if not more so than the rest of them. since she was the only one with her Life on the line#thats why violet fighting so hard for them to stay is so important imo and would MEAN SO MUCH to clem too#vi and aasim are the only ones who can see past the bullshit and realize that theyre safer with clem around#while the rest would rather kick her out so they dont have to acknowledge their confused feelings about marlon#like first marlon betrays her then the rest of the group tell her to get fucked and die. dont come back. we never want to see you again#but she does. and she saves them#personally i do think marlon had 'good' intentions but he was a scared and fucked up kid who made bad decisions#and continued to make bad decisions to cover for his previous fuck ups#but that just makes him interesting :)#and i like teaching aj the difference between people like marlon and people like lilly#all of clems 'wow i feel so safe here :) and these guys seem smart :)' personal dialogue around ericsons makes me 😭#she was so happy to be at ericsons. and they turn against her so fast when she was more of a victim than any of them#aj is a literal baby. do not treat him like an adult who can make fully rationalized decisions. hes a baby and he only knows survival#at least they slowly get over it after clem comes back (some take longer than others...)#but the lack of compassion in voting to kick them out is heartbreaking. she was heartbroken#and thats not acknowledged as much as it should be#posting this old drafted post now cuz it expands my feelings on clems broken heartedness about the marlon situation#it speaks#twdg
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as a little treat i am sharing with you little Aya doodles I've done over the last few days to unwind ww just little expressions based on lines in-game because those are always fun to draw. nothing too special just biscuit
it's Aya because upon doing bizarrely throughout playthroughs of the game for still unspecified project purposes I've gained a soft spot for her she's my daughter now my mental tier list on my favorite characters is so confusing right now
#re:kinder#fanart#aya re:kinder#aya hibino#i state shes my daughter NOW because before i didnt pay too big of a mind to her#but honestly in each different playthrough of this game i gain new appreciation for each character#because fun fact ryou was my favorite character at first just because he seemed nice and was a healer and was nice#second playthrough brought in rei and shunsuke in my mind because they ate it up wirh their roles in the story#meanwhile as time passed yuuichi started to grow on me as i realized he was a little too relatable BASICALLY THINGS LIKE THAT#and spoilers for the unspecified project mentioned in the text just because i feel like it#i also did this because having a transcript of every line just spurred me on becquse of how easy it made things#its much more fun to start doing these kind of line based doodles when you dont have to manually go througj hours of gameplay to find stuff#so just being ablr to ctrl f through a document made me very glad HEUEHEHEBEHR#im still working on it it needs proofreading and polishing on some sides but overall it should be here soon i hope#if anyones interested in it do let me know HUEHEHEBRB i will post it regardless but it would be nice to know if anyone is interested#ANYWAY#as to why Aya seems to have a purse when her sprite doesnt its because her equipment mentions her carrying a yellow pouch#its meant to be that!!!#she looks very goofy with it on made me giggle ngl#(as in. amusement)#it adds more interest to her visual design so its nice to have it there im glad its there#OH YEAH SOME COMMENTARY ON ONE OF HER LINES HERE THAT REALLY PIQUED MY INTEREST#if sayaka dies and shes there to see it (thus. you chose to bring her with you) she has this line#where it implies that shes afraid of dying which makes things sad when she's suicidal#she already states i think her desire is more to disappear than to die exactly but even then it's quite sad#like even if she wants to disappear with how gloomy she's feeling and all the things going around with her parents#shes just a little girl who doesn't want to die😭😭#it really adds a sense of realism to how depression is tackled in game at least for me#that when one is depressed and suicidal a lot of the time it's the wish for this state of suffering to end rather than to actually die#SUCH A GOOD CHARACTER ITS ONE OF THE THINGS THAT UPPED MY APPRECIATION FOR HER
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no offence to people who genuinely enjoyed james somerton and feel cheated but you could kind of tell he didnt give a shit about anything he ever said. there was no passion or personable anecdotes in anything he ever made, and the fact he was constantly posting videos was crazy. like if you watch your more popular video essayists theyre always coming from a point of 1) education in a field 2) passion in a subject and 3) being open about themselves
like , this man hopped on the video essay train because of the popularity of his peers and just tokened himself into "the gay video essayist" as if so many other people werent already doing that? and the lack of care for intersectionality was obvious. i stopped ever watching him after he took it personally that some marvel show was about black exploitation in america and not about two men kissing each other, cuz it became abundantly clear that was the only experience he gave a shit about (his own)
#idk im GENUINELY not trying to be rude im just saying be sus of people who dont put themselves in their work#like i remember lindsay ellis and dan olsen talking about their film school experience and then you look at their work and its like oh yeah#i see how this is their work because they know what theyre talking about and they enjoy it#and you can look at like quinton reviews or jenny nicholson deep diving into media for hours and its like theyre taking you on a journey#and you feel like youre watching them go crazy but steering the ship in a way only they can#or theres people like princess weekes who bring up their own experiences watching queer media and where they were at the time#she once was like “yeah i made i kissed a girl amv disney crossovers” LEADING ME TO REALIZE ID SEEN SAID VIDEOS 15 YRS AGO............#cuz i was subbed to her and she introduced me to all the things she said and we have a mutual queer experience from that kinda source lmao#anyway you can tell these people put themselves in their work!#and when it came to james that was just never there because nothing he ever said WAS his own experience#it was always money to him not passion or experience or community#idk this might be a nothing post but ive been thinking about it since watching the hbomb video
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:D (I ramble in my tags about this)
#shuichi iguchi#shigaraki tomura#mha spinner#bnha spinner#spinaraki#spinneraki#ok now that the tags are out of the way LETS TALK#i was reading a webtoon when female lead did that whole laugh and cover it with your hand thing and i do it sometimes too#and i got to thinking about WHY and why its usually girls depicted as such and i know some people dont like their teeth/smile#and im like well shut the fuck up! im thinking fem spinner!!! like being self conscious about how she looks and developing it on accident#and shigaraki never really noticing until one day she DOES and wow spinner looks really pretty when she laughs and why does she hide it#like damn!!! i have a lot of thoughts about what spinner but female and the changes that would have on the character and why and agdjfkflg#ANYWAYS someone stop me from regressing to the old way i used to do hair bc its too damn time intensive but its so easy to zone out during#fem shigaraki#fem spinner#was going to properly do the background but i got done after forgetting the texture for spinner for the 4th time + went eeeh good enough#also!!!!!! the last “”panel“” made me realize how weird that angle is to draw spinner with his major proportions and also keep the soft 1/2#2/2 smile reading as a smile and agdhfkfl am i adding “looks like a resting bitch face” to my spinner headcanons? maybe.#but imagine spinner trying so hard to look approachable and give a little smile but his face just????? doesnt do that very well (at least#not as easily as more human looking humans) and how that might play into his ostracization and then him leaning into that#as a defense mechanism (like if they think im an ass then I'll look like an ass on purpose) ahdndn he was so grumpy in the bar in the bg#mha jbee
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I think you should tell me about your ocs
ooouuu okay okay i put my ocs in a random generator and the oc it picked was General Emily Mentie (so that i dont talk abt the same ones over and over XD)
shes quite an uptight sort of lady. i mean being the general of a military will do that ta you. obsessed with order and having everything be just so. she wasnt always like that though! a long long time ago she had someone in her life that reminded her ta let loose every once in awhile. someone who brought her so much joy day in and day out. someone who she thinks about daily now even though they've been gone for years.
she's been in a state of "hope" for years now. constantly chasing clues, coming up empty but never faltering never wavering. everyone around her keeps telling her ta, "move on" and "be more in the present" but she is in the present. and in the present she isnt here. things wont be complete until she is. someone like her could not have gone silently into the night like a whisper. she was too radiant. too bright ta be stamped out so young.
and yet she doesnt even know the half of it. she's chasing the ghosts of people who don't even exist anymore, and leaving the people who are still here in her wake.
#spacie splains#two talk#time for spacie ta be Vague On Purpose!!#thanks for making me realize emily needs more development! her story is interesting#well all my ocs are interesting ta me sjfsdfksd#THANK YOU FOR ASKING GOO MWAH MWAH#oc stuff#LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE#oc: emily mentie#her story is quite sad#the decisions she made b/c of this person are not so awesome#and i think that she'll realize at the very end she could have had normalcy if only she hadn't been so stubborn#i keep thinking of endgame of two#i dont know howta end it truly!#all these characters....not all of them will be given a satisfying end#there wont be much redemption#she hasnt been the WORST but she sure as hell isnt innocent#but asks like these....give me a better idea on how i want this ta go. its like brainstorming!!#getting my thoughts out has helped a lot w/my process!!
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I will likely never get to do anything with her
#my art#the band ghost#nameless ghoul oc#i mostly wanted practice making a character sheet ish thingy#and by god i got that#had to work hard for her colors which is not usually a problem for me#and the silhouette flip like if your character doesnt have a tail then bam its done and no one will notice the small problems#but it doesnt work with a tail if you want perspective i had to redraw/move her tail around to make it look right so. learned that very much#i like the layout concept though thats nice#i have a whole backstory for her. she was part of a group summon and it all went fine except that one person was missing and they ended up#with a statue. she was too terrified to talk to anyone so she got left there and after it sounded empty she reverted and found some place to#hide in the gardens. so she lives there now. and ruins a lot of socks. and helps with the plants not that anyone knows that. and panics and#turns to stone if anyone walks by. so everyone does realize theres a moving shifting statue in the abbey but no one is sure what to do about#that. doesnt speak much if at all. doesnt steal a new shirt bc people notice if those go missing unlike socks. has anxiety bitch face also#yeah. and like. i dont know what a fandom is and i certainly dont know what a music is and thats why ill likely not do anything with her#which kinda sucks. but i still made her a character sheet cause she wont leave me alone. and for the practice#cause if i think about doing a sheet for story ocs i get all perfectionist and it doesnt happen#the luck thing is that she kinda thinks being summoned was a curse#im gonna shut up now
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#🌻#thinking of how tear gets assigned 'the one braincell haver'#and how this is often a fandom thing but. while compiling her dialogue yesterday i realized.#there's SO MUCH explanation and stuff that tear shouldn't do that she does anyway#like. there are other people in the party equipped to explain fonons to luke or jump in to say 'dont do that it's dangerous'#but it's always her! well sometimes it's guy but 90% of the time it's her.#and it made me really sad! this girl is BRIMMING with silly but suppressing it#but while it's something that the game itself applies to her without fandom perception#i feel like the game does a better job of recognizing the tragedy of it better than we do sometimes#specifically via natalia. there's a lot of dialogue with natalia telling tear not to think as a soldier#but as a person with desires and fears.#tear i love you i love you one day you will never have to fight and you'll have your lovely place that you'll decorate with very cute items#and you'll have pet cheagles that love being brushed by you and you will put ribbons on their sweet little heads#and you'll have a drawer full of different ribbons of all sorts of colors and designs#and you'll color coordinate with your pets because you too will have all sorts of cute outfits!#i love you tear so much!!#THIS WAS A JOKE POST HOW DID THIS GET AWAY FROM ME
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what kind of cratures do you think the trigun gang would be?
CREATURES IN GENERAL OR SEA CREATURES. BECAUSE MY FRIEND MONTY N I WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT TRIGUN FURSONAS THE OTHER DAY. but i am the sea creature guy at heart so im gonns give u those i hope that is ok 😌 there are many benefits to being a marine biologist.
Vash: he is... so very shark coded to me. everyone looks at him and sees a dangerous killing machine. frequently covered in scars. do u see the connection here. he is specifically a thresher shark to me because of the whole sharpshooter thing and also the sad sad puppydog eyes 💙
Wolfwood: i am torn between two different types of eels for him. giant morays are more aesthetically pleasing but personally i have to go with a wolf eel both for the name and because ive worked with these guys before and theyre sooooo cool so im biased
Meryl: not technically a sea creature because she is just so bird coded to me. White-Tailed Tropicbird
Milly: is it cheating to have two cephalopods on this list. because i think i really want to say giant pacific octopus for milly. either that or a whale shark 💙 yes those are two completely different animals no i will not be taking criticism at this time
bonus Knives because i love him and i feel the most strongly about this one:
BOBTAIL SQUID.
... and also a bristle worm . for what i hope are obvious reasons
#NORMALLY THOUGH meryl is an egyptian plover#shes sooooo so very much an egyptian plover. hold on i made a post about that the other day ill reblog it again for u :] hehe#i worked at an aquarium last year and every time we would pull a bristleworm out of one of our tanks id be like ohhh my god its knives.....#i love every opportunity to push my sea creature knives agenda. hes so sea creature to me. hes so marine biologist to me.#OH MY GOD ALSO LIVIO. LIVIO IS A GOLIATH GROUPER TO ME . <3#side note also . have you ever seen that picture of a hermit crab using a human skull as a shell#(<< the image is fake its photoshopped BUT)#thats legato. to me. except with a blueleg hermit crab. he is a blue leg hermit crab with a human skull for a shell#which is bullshit because i dont think legato deserves something that cool but alas it is unfortunately perfect for him#(<< this is /j i think legato is a cool and interesting character#i just think he has a punchable face and like 2 pretend i hate his guts cause its funny)#HI !!!! THANK U FOR GIVI G ME AN EXCUSE TO TALK ABT SEA CREATURES ILY <3333#asks#madnessmadness#sorry if u meant like... actual land creatures. unfortunately i am the fish guy forever <3#YES I REALIZE VASH AND KNIVES ARE TWO TOTALLY DIFFERENT CREATURES AND THAT MAKES NO SENSE BC THEYRE TWINS#BUT LIKE. I FEEL SO STRONGLY ABOUT BOTH OF THOSE THINGS#i could be persuaded to make knives a shark if needed bc there are so many cool shark species i could assign to him#but like. hes just soooo bobtail squid coded to me ive been saying that since i first saw his fuckin. snuggie in tristamp
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.
#this is such a niche gripe i guess idk its why it's in the tags#but i really get so annoyed by how a lot of this fandom acts like they know everything about her especially like where she goes#and what she does in her free time because they think they KNOW about everything but#all you know is what she chooses to show you like specifically paps like...... she calls them. all celebs do. 99.999999% of the time#these days it's how that industry works which i KNOW for a fact but like don't take my word for it if you don't believe me fine#but it's how it is and i can tell you that from professional experience but also like#the amount of friends and people i know who've seen her places all over the city for YEARS now#and there are no pap photos of her in those places nor did anyone know she went to that building/restaurant/bar/event#there are a feeeeeew places in the city which are celeb hotspots and the paps might skulk around there but that's cuz#they are known spots for that and waiters and staff tip them off for profit shares#like i know someone who saw her literally last night at a restaurant#there are no photos of her there and no paps outside#like if you think she doesn't leave the house or go somewhere without you knowing cuz you think she's papped everywhere...#thats just simply not true lol couldn't be FURTHER from true#she goes so many places and does so many things that you just don't know about. it's VERY easy to live a private life in the city#EVEN THIS WEEK she's gone more places than you've seen her getting papped at cuz i know people who've seen her!#i can't tell you the amount of famous people i've come across in these situations and the press and social media were none the wiser#people i've sat next to at a crowded brunch counter or people walking their dog or taking their kid for a bike ride like.... ALL THE TIME#famous people love new york cuz new yorkers don't bother them and they can live in relative obscurity#idk what i'm getting at i guess this weirdness like I AM GONNA SHUT DOWN ANYTHING THAT I DONT HAVE PROOF OF#is so deranged to me because...... you only have ~proof~ of like 10% of her life#so the other 90% of it didn't happen cuz.... you a blogger on the internet don't have photographic evidence of it????#IS THAT NOT THE MOST INSANE THING TO SAY????#idk really weird that people just think they know her and shut down any one who poses something that doesn't fit into their#frankensteined version of her that they made out of a bunch of paparazzi photos and flight trackers and deuxmoi posts taped together#as if THATS somehow MORE sane and a more realized person#idk if i'm making sense i'm annoyed whatever whatEVERRRRR
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I was talking to my sister the other day about love languages and how for me, I rank low on Acts of Service and I was thinking how that like... portrays me as a selfish person. At least that's how I perceive it.
From a young age, I was taught that a good person does things for others. That a good person is self-sacrificing and always willing to help. However, while I was supposed to treat other people like that, I was never treated like that in return. Growing up, I remember having to do everything myself. Though my siblings were given help, that was a luxury never given to me. If I want something, I have to fight for it. I have to do it all myself. I'm not allowed help.
Being raised like that made me despise the idea of acts of service. To do things on your own is to grow as a person. You learn, you adapt, you improve. The more you help and baby someone, the more you hinder them. But it's also made me way more stingy with my time. I'm spending all of my time doing everything on my own that I don't have the time to work in the service of others. I want to spend my free time for me. I've done so much work already. Let me be lazy. Let me be selfish. I deserve it, don't I?
The worst part about people that rank high in acts of service is that they're so transactional about it. They act with the expectation that you'll act in return. They set themselves up for failure. They cannot comprehend that other people don't rank highly in it, so they'll use their acts of service to hold people hostage through guilt tripping, etc. "I did this for you, so why aren't you doing it for me?" It's a disgusting mindset that I absolutely hate. I hate it when people use this thinking against me to force me to act in a specific way.
Okay I got distracted with that last paragraph, but the fact that I don't rank high in acts of service often makes me feel guilty from time to time. I don't want to do things for others, even in my family. I don't want to. I'm selfish. I don't want to give up my time for them. I don't see the point in doing things for them out of my goodwill. I should be that way. I should be better. But I'm not. And I don't want to be.
#rambles#once i got in an argument with my mom about why she wont let my sister get a job somewhere#i was like 'why wont you let her do it? i did it. i figured it out on my own. i did just fine'#and she was like#'YOU'RE DIFFERENT'#'you always did whatever you wanted to. even when i didnt want you to do it.'#'youre not like your siblings. you never needed help.'#and it made me so mad#why was i held accountable for being different? why did that make me undeserving of help?#how do you not realize that you are the one that made me this way?#i dont get it#the order of my love languages are:#words of affirmation > quality time > gift giving > acts of service > physical touch#i have to say my love for people because it really does not show much through action i think#how sad is that#it's just not fair#acts of service is basically the concept of showing love through action and not words#if i dont show it much through action does that mean my love isnt as strong?#but i do love and i love very strongly#you just need to look
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planning courses for the next semester is not for the weak
#WHY IS EVERY SINGLE CLASS GOING ON AT THE SAME TIME.#WHY DO WE ALL START AT 9AM AND NOT GO PAST 11AM. PLEASE#please just strart at 1pmplease plase palseasee#i dont wanna take only 3 classes next semester but like erm.#mostly because im a little picky abt my professors. less so for electives but classes im worried about (SPEECH)#ive been pushing speech off for the longest time because i have crippling social anxiety 99% of the time. so i made sure i got a good prof#uhgghg#theres this one prof who does a lot of erm i think sociology classes yeah#she is so chill and nice and uses my prefurred name and pronouns (i really need to get my name chaged in the system uhghgh) but she did uh#the reverse grading and i hated it. everyone did. she was so nice and understanding..#one time i went 2 talk to her about my missing work (chronic pain and fatigue had me bed bound for days on end) and she literally just said#erm u have an A so u dont have to do it.#>@>>@>/1/1/?!?!?#live saver. i had a breakdwon in her office i was literally sobbing telling her about my health issues. it was really hard because i never-#-really talk about it. i didnt realize how hard it would be when i finally did#anywasy what was i saying. yeah i love her so much but not her grading and teaching system. but idk maybe ill try it again she has a gender#-and sexuality class i kinda wanna take because im a professional faggot
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Mental illness is insane I'm just having dinner w my father eating this a little too spicy pasta enjoying the Yeowch on my throat and the silence and suddenly I'm like yeah I'd kill myself.
#luly talks#i mean it came from out of nowhere grieving but it's so bizarre#like i just got hit by this very heavy rock in my skull this overwhelming and genuine urge for a second that yeah that'd be ok#that's the correct path to take and there's no physical changes i just kept on chewing on my all too spicy bc he used the wrong condiments#pasta. like sure i was a little zoned out maybe if you paid close attention you'd have seen my eye getting lazy or something but like. thats#it. and i always in zoning out#like this wasn't even an intrusive thought those come out of nowhere and just are echoing chambers of fear and shame#this was a calm resolution like yeah. that's the way to go alright.#y'know kind of unrelated but i always wish i had someone to talk about some mental health things i cant w my therapist#more on the speculative diagnosis thing. if you dont know what i mean shame on you for not keeping up with the Luly lore /silly#it's really hard being neurodivergent and im not talking about autism rn that i can manage but gestures vaguely its hard when it's#a group project. it's hard when everything is so fuzzy#because sometimes i tell myself i only think of this bc im all day alone and thinking but like#what. am i supposed to be getting non stop stimuli 24/7 least i realize i hsve something in my skull going on?#i blame my mother for that one she always made me ashamed of being sick or whatever acting like it was my fault#like me noticing symptoms was equivalent to me making them real#as if that wasn't just absurd like. the symptoms are here you twat. I'm not placebo effecting myself w shit#even the ppl who do like. the symptoms are real.#aaahhh siiiiigh yet another common L#brain stuff
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bad news gamers. I think the lesbian at work has a crush on me
#she's a weeaboo lolita aesthetic lesbian alright she is not my type at all. i dont even like her as a friend#like we Do not get along#i keep thinking maybe she's just bad at making friends and doesn't realize she's flirting but its getting hard to ignore lmao#the good news is that i am certain that if i continue acting apathetic abt it she will stop#(bc even if she is just being friendly i do not want to be her friend. her personality is like a cheese grater)#but like. she emailed three of my coworkers yesterday asking if she can take their shifts so that she can work with me#........ dog. i have made it quite clear i don't really like you lmao#anyway the emailing people thing really gave me the ick and gave me 2012 internet creep flashbacks#so i hope that isn't the case#please leave me alone lmao this is making me tense on the days she's in the office#i spent 2k on my car and then my cat had surgery and then my dog died. i do not need this lol#she jokingly suggested we get a mortgage together and then showed me her bank information#please stop! i am a stranger to you#ugh
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that being said....self titled was just such a moment tho like when i say that was a formative album for me i mean that shit
#at the cusp of teenage girlhood lol 15/16 abt to graduate high school really kearning abt feminism/social justice for the first time#growing up in nigeria never really had to think abt that stuff cos no one around me cared much#i watched one of chim*manda's ted talks on feminism and it was like i activated like yesss finally a way to describe the injustice I'd been#seeing all around me. yes we had social studies/civic education in schools but who tf was teaching feminism in a patriarchal ass society#like nigeria. we didnt even have history as a subject lmao that country....God help us is the only thing i can say atp#anyway i need you to understand how hypeee teenage me was when i heard flawless like WOAHHH it was like beyoncé was inside my head...#then XO? WOW#grown woman???? i watched that video every morning and night it was my religion for a couple of months#BLUE? Oh i criedddd#7/11 made me look forward to getting drunk with my girlies lol#yoncé made me bi or at least realize i was#yeah I've always wanted to **** that lady thats why i cant even talk when she's dragged cos yall are so right to! but she's also sexy af 😔#it's almost 2am here pls dont take any shit i say/type seriously thankssss
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Yet another beautiful day to have the Maxwel tag blocked (can't see half of the posts in the Wendy tags)
#rat rambles#starve posting#maxwell posters have lost any semblance of tolerance from me ages ago Ive yet to meet a maxwell fan who's just like a normal person#and to clarify I actually do like maxwel as I am the number one just some asshole whos in too deep enjoyer#but dear god are ppl just absolutely incapable of being normal abt this man and everyone around him#and even beyond that ppl just do not get this man like please he is indeed interesting but not because of some 'retconed redemption'#like pls we can live in a world where he is not an irridemable monster and is in fact just some guy while also still being a flawed person#like the fact that he is so deeply flawed in ways that he never actually properly adressed and challenged is the interesting thing to me#like look at me. he went through horrible shit he didnt deserve. that didnt inherently make him a better or worse person#it just made him a more miserable person#and he didnt escape because of some change of heart or character development#and afterwards he teamed up with wilson because of necessity#I do think on some level he genuinely cares abt the other survivors and he does have genuine regret for how things turned out#but again those things dont inherently mean he moved past the flaws that got him here it just means he has the ability to recognize that#shit sucks and that he wish none of it happened#its why encore is one of my favorite animations from a character perspective because it shows some juicy charlie and maxwell stuff#mainly it shows both that charlie has not forgiven his ass and is manipulating him and that maxwell is still susceptible to it#which isnt a sigh of them rolling back development it's just a sign that maxwell is easy to manipulate with the right cards#which adds up considering his past and his present very well in my opinion#this is a man whos historically always ran away from his problems and is always on the hunt for a sense of control#and charlie tapped into both that and his ever present guilt#its in fact very unsurprising and not out of place for him to fall for that sort of manipulation#and it also makes for a great set up for the inevitable betrayal from charlie as maxwell is hit by the harsh reality of his situation#and that whole situation would lead to some yummy tasty parallels when charlie inevitably gets betrayed herself (I hope)#the ways charlie and maxwel are so similar yet so different facinates me deeply I love how much charlie doesnt realize shes kinda fucked#I want her to be betrayed so hard and left in the dust with no ground to stand on I want the rug pulled out from under her feet#her composition comes from her confidence in the necessity of her actions and the moral superiority she feels over maxwell#so having her sense of superiority be revoked would make for a super fascinating dynamic as she tries to justify the situation in her head#I wanna see her siral and then maybe change her pronouns idk
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