In discussions about mental health, I am so tired of the only voices mattering being other people or other people who do not deal with a condition/disorder or a specific situation.

"Here's how I deal with loved ones with [x] condition!"

"If you do [y] because of [x mental health reason], you're selfish and everybody who loves you is having their lives made harder by you!"

"If your symptoms are [z], you're gross, and you deserve no sympathy for struggling"

I understand to an extent why people do this, but holy hell, as somebody who struggles and struggles often, the last thing any of us need to be told is that we're a burden that others have to carry. And it's terrible how everybody else's feelings but ours matter - even if we are the ones most affected by our condition or situation.

If you are dealing with issues surrounding your mental health and well-being, know that everything above isn't true; you are worthy of patience, understanding, kindness, and love. You are worthy of being listened to without judgment. You don't have to apologize or "make up" for who you are or what you struggle with.

Intro to my infodump on Alphecca but also I’m getting more and more shameless about it so I’ll probably dump a lot of other shit too later but back to the point: I never tend to stop mutating characters in my head but for all intents and purposes Alphecca is at a point where I’m satisfied with how fleshed out she is in my mind, so I figured I’d write it down. 

SO basically a rundown:

Alphecca’s main purpose is to be the “Season 1” villain, in which her part in the story can be expanded but mostly wraps up in a self-contained plotline, and has relatively low stakes so that there’s room for the narrative to escalate. That doesn’t mean that she doesn’t pose a threat as an antagonist- because she absolutely does- but simply that her behaviour of terrorising people and raising bodies is already the status quo, and she has no grand design or plan of action. Cassandra steps in to change that status quo for the better, but her failing to do so won’t leave anyone any worse off than they already are. Yet with that being said, Alphecca is also built to be Cassandra’s antagonist specifically, so of course there has to be a resolution there.

Alphecca as Cassandra’s antagonist

Alphecca exists to be a foil to Cassandra, so that when you put them together their differences shine brighter. Where Ilione is a foil to Cass in that she’s largely her polar opposite: extraverted, very emotionally sensitive, inexperienced etc, Alphecca is a foil to Cass by being very similar to her but for a few glaring differences. It’s worth noting that while their personalities are pretty different, they share a same jaded perspective on life and struggles with mental health that stem from an ugly ZT origin story. 

Both women were approached by Zhan Tiri during a time they felt powerless, and sided with her over loved ones in an attempt to regain control over their life. They were encouraged to embrace malice and sadism, had their faith in their loved ones undermined and had those insecurities stoked, and all this instability created the perfect storm for them to be easily manipulated and betrayed. Zhan Tiri operates as a cult leader does, seeking out vulnerable people and cutting them off from their remaining support networks until they have nowhere left to run, even if they want to. 

It’s not to say Cassandra wasn’t making her own choices, but this kind of gaslighting shouldn’t be dismissed either. Some people will forever lack sympathy for her, but that’s exactly the point of Zhan Tiri’s manipulation- if nobody’s willing to help you out of the hole you’ve dug for yourself you’re going to be stuck there to rot, so you may as well keep digging in the hope that you might hit gold eventually. 

Alphecca and Cassandra are both victims to Zhan Tiri’s super fun form of control, but the major difference between them was that Rapunzel remained willing to help Cassandra out of that hole. Alphecca didn’t have a Rapunzel, or a Varian, or a Eugene, and instead over time she became twisted and warped into a menace who doesn’t need Zhan Tiri’s encouragement to do terrible things anymore. And that’s what makes these two foils to each other; Alphecca is the monster Cassandra never was but could have easily become if she was never shown compassion. 

Thus the only person who can stop Alphecca is someone who can empathise with her, at least to some degree. In fighting terms, Alphecca has a bottomless bag of tricks up her sleeve and the nature of her undeath makes her essentially immortal. She cannot be conquered, only slowed down, and the more pissed off she gets with you the more volatile and dangerous she becomes. 

Cassandra initially sees Alphecca as a chance to prove herself, both as a force for good and as someone who can rid the world of Zhan Tiri’s legacy. However,  it quickly becomes apparent that Alphecca cannot be defeated through conventional means, because otherwise warriors like Adira (who has encountered Alphecca before) would have been able to deal with the problem. Considering that Alphecca herself has sought out her phylactery to destroy it- with an extra thousand years of hunting up her sleeve- but failed to do so, makes it apparent that she can only be stopped by being reasoned with. But for a lich who hardly remembers the human experience, that’s pretty difficult. 

It ultimately means the only person who can stop her is Cassandra, because the only person who can reason with her is someone who can empathise with her from a place of camaraderie rather than condescension, and recognises that the cycle of violence needs to be broken by compassion and not just violence but harder.  

The Storyline

Basic plotline goes like this:

Early on into her journey Cassandra learns about the bone witch that roams the wilderness and terrorises innocent villagers, desecrates the dead, is probably a cryptid because legends have existed about her for generations, et cetera and so on. When evidence appears that this witch is real Cassandra and decides to investigate, because this is a pretty straightforward “good guy stops the bad guy” situation for her to jump into. (By this point Ilione is also tagging along). 

Their first encounter with Alphecca is pretty tame. They intercept her at a mausoleum, she does a fancy music number/generally has a good time fucking around with them, but ultimately skulks back into the shadows at the end. It’s sort of all in good spirits and Alphecca isn’t ‘defeated’ by any means but still bows out as a show of good sportsmanship. 

Their future encounters are a lot less nice. 

The more Cassandra continues to pursue her, the more pissed off Alphecca gets, and when Alphecca gets pissed off she begins to embrace her sadism and her outbursts become more violent and cause more collateral damage. She lowers herself to underhanded tactics like throwing Cass into a nightmare reality a la Tromus and becomes increasingly sinister. The ‘tentpole’ of this plotline probably marks the shift from Alphecca as a trickster figure into a more dangerous one as Cass and Lio learn that she was also a disciple of Zhan Tiri. 

The situation ultimately comes to a head by the finale, by which point Alphecca is very much unhinged and out for blood. She becomes fixated on Cassandra and does her best to hit below the belt, sniffing out her insecurities about her past with the moonstone and bludgeoning them with a metaphorical sledgehammer, and basically tries to goad her into a complete spiral. 

This is the emotional climax, and the underpinning of Cassandra’s character development in becoming emotionally sound enough to shake it off. It’s at this point she understands what Alphecca is doing; Alphecca is caught in her own eternal maelstrom of emotional torture and latches onto anyone she can drag down with her for the small amount of pleasure it brings. She’s able to recognise those feelings because she can empathise with them and knows exactly what she needs to hear in that moment. 

There’s probably some extended backstory revealed by this point too, going into a little more detail about the way in which Alphecca was caught in Zhan Tiri’s web down to becoming a lich, but of course what’s more important is the resolution. 

With Cassandra getting through to her, Alphecca is able to pull herself together long enough to ease the situation back down again and have a more honest conversation about hope and humanity and compassion and all those good things. Cassandra admits that she can’t do much to ‘fix’ her, but starts by continuing Rapunzel’s legacy and showing forgiveness and compassion to someone who doesn’t think they deserve it. (Alphecca isn’t entirely regretful of all her actions, but does acknowledge that she ought not project her pain onto others anymore.) 

Alphecca Post-S1

Alphecca doesn’t really get a ‘redemption arc’ because honestly I don’t want her to be redeemed. It’s not really a moral stance so much as I believe she’s genuinely disinterested in being a better person, she just has the selfish desire to be able to live happily again. And that’s kind of all she needs. She doesn’t care much about other people, but she’s working on herself and that means squashing the sadism. 

I think it also continues to make a good parallel to Cass: Cassandra is trying to do better not only for herself but by others because she sees it as her own social responsibility, whereas Alphecca just wants to do better for herself and if other people benefit from that, that’s just a bonus. 

Alphecca doesn’t join Cassandra on her travels either, although she does make appearances as a reoccurring character. Cassandra is upfront about the fact that while she wants to help Alphecca, she needs to help herself first, and the damage Al inflicted on her is slow to heal. They’re both in danger of dragging each other down in their own spirals so it’s best that they give each other space, but it’s also very important that they’re able to share their experiences.  It’s a minor struggle between Cassandra and Ilione that Lio doesn’t really understand a lot of Cass’ struggles, although she does try to be sensitive about it. Alphecca provides that alternate perspective: Lio can provide support but little empathy, while Alphecca can provide empathy but little support. 

I’ve also got more Alphecca stuff living in my brain regarding her origins, her own foray with Death and her association with lesser and greater deities, her relationships to other ZT cultists, et cetera et cetera but I’ll probably stop here to keep it succinct. 

But basically over the course of this plotline Alphecca goes from wacky evil villain to really tragic but still evil villain to not really evil villain but still kind of a jerk neighbour that shows up at your house asking for your wifi password acquaintance. 

Radical Compassion

Find peace through self-acceptance. This mindful vinyasa practice, inspired by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., will help you embody Ahimsa (nonviolence) and love—for yourself and others.

Chelsea Jackson Roberts, PhD

I was 16 years into my practice when I found myself crying profusely in Savasana (Corpse Pose). Lying in this vulnerable posture during my beloved teacher Tracee Stanley’s yoga nidra immersion, I realized I had been treating myself as an enemy. Something happened during this specific Corpse Pose—one of hundreds I’d practiced by this point—that offered a glimpse of surrender, peace, and acceptance. Enveloped in stillness and silence, I noticed that for once, I was not trying to control, critique, or compare myself, and I became acutely aware that I had been missing self-love and compassion: that I did not know how to love myself fully. It was the depth and nurturing that I encountered through yoga nidra that gave me the strength to face the truth and acknowledge the parts of myself that I had been denying, such as my needs for rest and to be taken care of and held.

As I lay there, Tracee’s words moved into every fiber of my body: “We cannot teach what we do not practice,” she said. This statement prompted me to ask myself hard questions: How can I teach my yoga students how to practice compassion with their bodies if I am not accepting all of the parts that make up mine? How can I expect my yoga students to trust me if I dismiss, and lack trust for, the parts of myself that want to be seen?

See also Chelsea Jackson on Diversity + Embracing Who You Are

Because I truly felt held by the yoga and the guidance of my teacher, I felt liberated from self-judgment around these questions. Normally, I would have wiped away my tears and the associated emotions before anyone noticed. I was breaking free from concern for how anyone would see me or interpret this release. With my breath, I let go of the self-talk that would have said I was taking up too much space with my sobbing.

I am convinced that I showed up differently for myself during this particular Savasana simply because it was time to accept my suffering and open up to a practice of radical compassion for myself. Now, each time I step onto my mat, my body remembers that moment of not being controlled, critiqued, or compared. It remembers that the road to freedom from suffering can exist only when compassion is present.

Chelsea Jackson Roberts, PhD

Self-Love in Action 

I remember being a little girl, learning about the work of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and hearing the word “compassion” for the first time. To me, it always seemed like something that could only be shown to someone else. After all, Dr. King spoke specifically about it in regard to social injustice and inequality: He talked about compassion, or a lack thereof, when describing the social conditions African American people had to experience based on systems of marginalization and oppression. He spoke of it while demanding that the government respond to individuals and communities that were suffering because of inequality, and he wanted everyone to know how marginalization and oppression impact us all, not just those denied their basic human rights. He asked for curiosity and empathy: “Here is the true meaning and value of compassion and nonviolence, when it helps us to see the enemy’s point of view, to hear his questions, to know his assessment of ourselves. For from his view we may indeed see the basic weaknesses of our own condition, and if we are mature, we may learn and grow and profit from the wisdom of the brothers who are called the opposition.”

See also Why Every Yoga Teacher & Practitioner Needs Inclusivity Training

Dr. King advocated—and gave his life—for the eradication of suffering based on something as arbitrary (yet real) as race. He sacrificed his life sharing the teachings that remind us that social change, liberation, and connection can be achieved only through radical compassion and nonviolence.

He taught me that it is violent for me to suppress my experiences with suffering and dismiss the consequences of that. Because when I do, not only am I not honoring the practice of ahimsa, which also means nonviolence, I am not practicing yoga. By definition, yoga means to unite, or to join. Whenever I deny myself the acknowledgement and acceptance of who I am, I am in direct opposition to myself. So when I reflect on that “aha” moment in Savasana, and the profound experience of recognizing that I was treating myself as my own enemy, I can fully come to terms with Dr. King’s words. I made space to get quiet enough to listen to the ways in which I was afraid of my own questions, the experiences this body had encountered that carried suffering, and every urge that came up in me to pretend that part of me didn’t exist. From this place, I am able to confront the points of view and narratives that I regurgitate from society—the ones that tell me I am not worthy of rest, to be held, and to be loved fully.

I have learned, and continue to learn, that the moments that call for copious amounts of compassion—for myself and others—are also the moments I tend to avoid, escape, or try to “make better” through impulsive words and actions. I am still working on sitting with the feelings that accompany an unintentional lack of awareness around my words with someone, especially if I offend or hurt them. It is a challenge. It is so much easier for me to rush and defend my mistakes in order to not feel the depths of my actions or to become overly apologetic in an effort to move beyond the discomfort.

Watch Chelsea Jackson Roberts Shares Her Personal Yoga Story

It was during my emotional release in Savasana that I realized I was avoiding compassion in my own yoga practice, too. I was depriving myself of the opportunity to slow down, or practice Savasana, because it meant being still and quiet enough to hear my own suffering crying out for release. Because of this profound moment I experienced, I can see that radical compassion, even if initially uncomfortable, leads to liberation, freedom, and love.

Now, for me, compassion exists in the silence before words or action. It can be found in the moments I choose to stay present and not escape. Compassion allows me to see the points of view of those whom I am not in agreement with in order to learn something about myself and the ways I respond to—and at times lack compassion for—myself. It looks like being still, allowing myself to be held, and allowing the tears to flow. I cried in Savasana because it was the first time I'd been grounded in the reality of who I am and how much I truly owed myself. Each time I step onto my mat, I am recommitting myself to a practice of radical self-compassion so that I can practice that same empathy and love with my students and every single living being I encounter in this lifetime.

Try Chelsea Jackson Roberts' Self-Compassion Sequence to Find Serenity.

About the author

Chelsea Jackson Roberts, PhD is an internationally celebrated yoga educator and the founder of Yoga, Literature, and Art Camp for teen girls at Spelman College Museum of Fine Art. Chelsea is a Lululemon global yoga ambassador who travels the world sharing some of the ways yoga can be used as a tool for social change. As an Off the Mat, Into the World faculty member, Chelsea enjoys writing and speaking about her research and how yoga can be used to understand cultural, social, and racial differences. Chelsea is the cofounder of Red Clay Yoga, a non-profit in Atlanta that provides access to yoga within marginalized communities. Learn more at chelsealovesyoga.com.

Find peace through self-acceptance. This mindful vinyasa practice, inspired by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., will help you embody Ahimsa (nonviolence) and love—for yourself and others.

Chelsea Jackson Roberts, PhD

I was 16 years into my practice when I found myself crying profusely in Savasana (Corpse Pose). Lying in this vulnerable posture during my beloved teacher Tracee Stanley’s yoga nidra immersion, I realized I had been treating myself as an enemy. Something happened during this specific Corpse Pose—one of hundreds I’d practiced by this point—that offered a glimpse of surrender, peace, and acceptance. Enveloped in stillness and silence, I noticed that for once, I was not trying to control, critique, or compare myself, and I became acutely aware that I had been missing self-love and compassion: that I did not know how to love myself fully. It was the depth and nurturing that I encountered through yoga nidra that gave me the strength to face the truth and acknowledge the parts of myself that I had been denying, such as my needs for rest and to be taken care of and held.

As I lay there, Tracee’s words moved into every fiber of my body: “We cannot teach what we do not practice,” she said. This statement prompted me to ask myself hard questions: How can I teach my yoga students how to practice compassion with their bodies if I am not accepting all of the parts that make up mine? How can I expect my yoga students to trust me if I dismiss, and lack trust for, the parts of myself that want to be seen?

See also Chelsea Jackson on Diversity + Embracing Who You Are

Because I truly felt held by the yoga and the guidance of my teacher, I felt liberated from self-judgment around these questions. Normally, I would have wiped away my tears and the associated emotions before anyone noticed. I was breaking free from concern for how anyone would see me or interpret this release. With my breath, I let go of the self-talk that would have said I was taking up too much space with my sobbing.

I am convinced that I showed up differently for myself during this particular Savasana simply because it was time to accept my suffering and open up to a practice of radical compassion for myself. Now, each time I step onto my mat, my body remembers that moment of not being controlled, critiqued, or compared. It remembers that the road to freedom from suffering can exist only when compassion is present.

Chelsea Jackson Roberts, PhD

Self-Love in Action 

I remember being a little girl, learning about the work of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and hearing the word “compassion” for the first time. To me, it always seemed like something that could only be shown to someone else. After all, Dr. King spoke specifically about it in regard to social injustice and inequality: He talked about compassion, or a lack thereof, when describing the social conditions African American people had to experience based on systems of marginalization and oppression. He spoke of it while demanding that the government respond to individuals and communities that were suffering because of inequality, and he wanted everyone to know how marginalization and oppression impact us all, not just those denied their basic human rights. He asked for curiosity and empathy: “Here is the true meaning and value of compassion and nonviolence, when it helps us to see the enemy’s point of view, to hear his questions, to know his assessment of ourselves. For from his view we may indeed see the basic weaknesses of our own condition, and if we are mature, we may learn and grow and profit from the wisdom of the brothers who are called the opposition.”

See also Why Every Yoga Teacher & Practitioner Needs Inclusivity Training

Dr. King advocated—and gave his life—for the eradication of suffering based on something as arbitrary (yet real) as race. He sacrificed his life sharing the teachings that remind us that social change, liberation, and connection can be achieved only through radical compassion and nonviolence.

He taught me that it is violent for me to suppress my experiences with suffering and dismiss the consequences of that. Because when I do, not only am I not honoring the practice of ahimsa, which also means nonviolence, I am not practicing yoga. By definition, yoga means to unite, or to join. Whenever I deny myself the acknowledgement and acceptance of who I am, I am in direct opposition to myself. So when I reflect on that “aha” moment in Savasana, and the profound experience of recognizing that I was treating myself as my own enemy, I can fully come to terms with Dr. King’s words. I made space to get quiet enough to listen to the ways in which I was afraid of my own questions, the experiences this body had encountered that carried suffering, and every urge that came up in me to pretend that part of me didn’t exist. From this place, I am able to confront the points of view and narratives that I regurgitate from society—the ones that tell me I am not worthy of rest, to be held, and to be loved fully.

I have learned, and continue to learn, that the moments that call for copious amounts of compassion—for myself and others—are also the moments I tend to avoid, escape, or try to “make better” through impulsive words and actions. I am still working on sitting with the feelings that accompany an unintentional lack of awareness around my words with someone, especially if I offend or hurt them. It is a challenge. It is so much easier for me to rush and defend my mistakes in order to not feel the depths of my actions or to become overly apologetic in an effort to move beyond the discomfort.

Watch Chelsea Jackson Roberts Shares Her Personal Yoga Story

It was during my emotional release in Savasana that I realized I was avoiding compassion in my own yoga practice, too. I was depriving myself of the opportunity to slow down, or practice Savasana, because it meant being still and quiet enough to hear my own suffering crying out for release. Because of this profound moment I experienced, I can see that radical compassion, even if initially uncomfortable, leads to liberation, freedom, and love.

Now, for me, compassion exists in the silence before words or action. It can be found in the moments I choose to stay present and not escape. Compassion allows me to see the points of view of those whom I am not in agreement with in order to learn something about myself and the ways I respond to—and at times lack compassion for—myself. It looks like being still, allowing myself to be held, and allowing the tears to flow. I cried in Savasana because it was the first time I'd been grounded in the reality of who I am and how much I truly owed myself. Each time I step onto my mat, I am recommitting myself to a practice of radical self-compassion so that I can practice that same empathy and love with my students and every single living being I encounter in this lifetime.

Try Chelsea Jackson Roberts' Self-Compassion Sequence to Find Serenity.

About the author

Chelsea Jackson Roberts, PhD is an internationally celebrated yoga educator and the founder of Yoga, Literature, and Art Camp for teen girls at Spelman College Museum of Fine Art. Chelsea is a Lululemon global yoga ambassador who travels the world sharing some of the ways yoga can be used as a tool for social change. As an Off the Mat, Into the World faculty member, Chelsea enjoys writing and speaking about her research and how yoga can be used to understand cultural, social, and racial differences. Chelsea is the cofounder of Red Clay Yoga, a non-profit in Atlanta that provides access to yoga within marginalized communities. Learn more at chelsealovesyoga.com.

Find peace through self-acceptance. This mindful vinyasa practice, inspired by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., will help you embody Ahimsa (nonviolence) and love—for yourself and others.

Chelsea Jackson Roberts, PhD

I was 16 years into my practice when I found myself crying profusely in Savasana (Corpse Pose). Lying in this vulnerable posture during my beloved teacher Tracee Stanley’s yoga nidra immersion, I realized I had been treating myself as an enemy. Something happened during this specific Corpse Pose—one of hundreds I’d practiced by this point—that offered a glimpse of surrender, peace, and acceptance. Enveloped in stillness and silence, I noticed that for once, I was not trying to control, critique, or compare myself, and I became acutely aware that I had been missing self-love and compassion: that I did not know how to love myself fully. It was the depth and nurturing that I encountered through yoga nidra that gave me the strength to face the truth and acknowledge the parts of myself that I had been denying, such as my needs for rest and to be taken care of and held.

As I lay there, Tracee’s words moved into every fiber of my body: “We cannot teach what we do not practice,” she said. This statement prompted me to ask myself hard questions: How can I teach my yoga students how to practice compassion with their bodies if I am not accepting all of the parts that make up mine? How can I expect my yoga students to trust me if I dismiss, and lack trust for, the parts of myself that want to be seen?

See also Chelsea Jackson on Diversity + Embracing Who You Are

Because I truly felt held by the yoga and the guidance of my teacher, I felt liberated from self-judgment around these questions. Normally, I would have wiped away my tears and the associated emotions before anyone noticed. I was breaking free from concern for how anyone would see me or interpret this release. With my breath, I let go of the self-talk that would have said I was taking up too much space with my sobbing.

I am convinced that I showed up differently for myself during this particular Savasana simply because it was time to accept my suffering and open up to a practice of radical compassion for myself. Now, each time I step onto my mat, my body remembers that moment of not being controlled, critiqued, or compared. It remembers that the road to freedom from suffering can exist only when compassion is present.

Chelsea Jackson Roberts, PhD

Self-Love in Action 

I remember being a little girl, learning about the work of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and hearing the word “compassion” for the first time. To me, it always seemed like something that could only be shown to someone else. After all, Dr. King spoke specifically about it in regard to social injustice and inequality: He talked about compassion, or a lack thereof, when describing the social conditions African American people had to experience based on systems of marginalization and oppression. He spoke of it while demanding that the government respond to individuals and communities that were suffering because of inequality, and he wanted everyone to know how marginalization and oppression impact us all, not just those denied their basic human rights. He asked for curiosity and empathy: “Here is the true meaning and value of compassion and nonviolence, when it helps us to see the enemy’s point of view, to hear his questions, to know his assessment of ourselves. For from his view we may indeed see the basic weaknesses of our own condition, and if we are mature, we may learn and grow and profit from the wisdom of the brothers who are called the opposition.”

See also Why Every Yoga Teacher & Practitioner Needs Inclusivity Training

Dr. King advocated—and gave his life—for the eradication of suffering based on something as arbitrary (yet real) as race. He sacrificed his life sharing the teachings that remind us that social change, liberation, and connection can be achieved only through radical compassion and nonviolence.

He taught me that it is violent for me to suppress my experiences with suffering and dismiss the consequences of that. Because when I do, not only am I not honoring the practice of ahimsa, which also means nonviolence, I am not practicing yoga. By definition, yoga means to unite, or to join. Whenever I deny myself the acknowledgement and acceptance of who I am, I am in direct opposition to myself. So when I reflect on that “aha” moment in Savasana, and the profound experience of recognizing that I was treating myself as my own enemy, I can fully come to terms with Dr. King’s words. I made space to get quiet enough to listen to the ways in which I was afraid of my own questions, the experiences this body had encountered that carried suffering, and every urge that came up in me to pretend that part of me didn’t exist. From this place, I am able to confront the points of view and narratives that I regurgitate from society—the ones that tell me I am not worthy of rest, to be held, and to be loved fully.

I have learned, and continue to learn, that the moments that call for copious amounts of compassion—for myself and others—are also the moments I tend to avoid, escape, or try to “make better” through impulsive words and actions. I am still working on sitting with the feelings that accompany an unintentional lack of awareness around my words with someone, especially if I offend or hurt them. It is a challenge. It is so much easier for me to rush and defend my mistakes in order to not feel the depths of my actions or to become overly apologetic in an effort to move beyond the discomfort.

Watch Chelsea Jackson Roberts Shares Her Personal Yoga Story

It was during my emotional release in Savasana that I realized I was avoiding compassion in my own yoga practice, too. I was depriving myself of the opportunity to slow down, or practice Savasana, because it meant being still and quiet enough to hear my own suffering crying out for release. Because of this profound moment I experienced, I can see that radical compassion, even if initially uncomfortable, leads to liberation, freedom, and love.

Now, for me, compassion exists in the silence before words or action. It can be found in the moments I choose to stay present and not escape. Compassion allows me to see the points of view of those whom I am not in agreement with in order to learn something about myself and the ways I respond to—and at times lack compassion for—myself. It looks like being still, allowing myself to be held, and allowing the tears to flow. I cried in Savasana because it was the first time I'd been grounded in the reality of who I am and how much I truly owed myself. Each time I step onto my mat, I am recommitting myself to a practice of radical self-compassion so that I can practice that same empathy and love with my students and every single living being I encounter in this lifetime.

Try Chelsea Jackson Roberts' Self-Compassion Sequence to Find Serenity.

About the author

Chelsea Jackson Roberts, PhD is an internationally celebrated yoga educator and the founder of Yoga, Literature, and Art Camp for teen girls at Spelman College Museum of Fine Art. Chelsea is a Lululemon global yoga ambassador who travels the world sharing some of the ways yoga can be used as a tool for social change. As an Off the Mat, Into the World faculty member, Chelsea enjoys writing and speaking about her research and how yoga can be used to understand cultural, social, and racial differences. Chelsea is the cofounder of Red Clay Yoga, a non-profit in Atlanta that provides access to yoga within marginalized communities. Learn more at chelsealovesyoga.com.

Listening internally:

Mothers naturally nurture from a place of love. Father’s can love (to provide) but typically provide from a place of (sweat equity) responsibility (due to the sin of Adam). Adam was first given a garden to tend to.

Eve was taken from a place close to his heart which is why he should have loved her and not put her to risk when God was asking about both their transgressions (Genesis 3:12) in which Adam’s reply to God is void of praise (the miracle that you formed out of my rib).

Adam’s sentence was also judged by that statement of distain for God’s obvious oversight in the eyes of Adam. This is why Adam blames God for the wife’s infraction (Eve having convinced Adam to taste the fruit) in the hopes of making himself blameless.

Although today, more men are reluctantly responsible from a place of shame, largely due to their disconnect from understanding that their fruits (children) aren’t privy to their experiences (which is what story time is for). Their chosen wives having first not been privy to their experience and thereby risk becoming abused (physical or emotional) by the husbands for not understanding his often self understood emotions (unless he totally share them with her).

Most wives are shameless (no longer afraid) of what secrets they will discover in the things which they have kept in their bodies from men or women for her husband (her purity having been discovered by few or many men/women, she has little or nothing to be discovered with her husband) but more of what to do when his provision or compassion runs out (having married him only when provision was lacking or age crept upon her or what drives him to stay burning in the ear with a vengeance filled man friend of his-the blind with vengeance leading the blind with vengeance-at times in some due to parental demise or searching for manhood approval).

Why did the women choose them in the first is a topic for both chemical estrogen in the physical and the shame and fear of loneliness in the spirit. Most ignore their purpose, so by this many find themselves mismatched in choosing a mate, which is no excuse for abandonment or divorce (love language issues).

Most men and women want to avoid shame, which makes choosing to discharge of the fruit is not uncommon (to want to distance themselves from or to destroy the fruits of that which isn’t disposable by vow or death. Namely through divorce, chemical dependency/on birth control, abortion or destruction/cheating). As well to keep themselves detached from their first/previous detached mates.

Parents whom have lived in shame, typically teach their children from a place of fear (the parents fear). This (Col 3:21) causes rebellion in the child (because they have no experience basis for shame and only understand fear which makes them vulnerable to becoming bullied). As society takes over the children’s free time society teaches the child shame (through bullying).

Women suffer the most in this due to their primal sensitivity to fear (because they are natural nurturers) Eph 5:25, Col 3:19. In today’s society women take to refusing men except those that boost their wives pride or covers their shame. It still doesn’t account for their lack of their husbands experience and therefore they remain at risk when he feels ashamed or threatened (as did Adam with God).

Societal ideology has chosen, with rebellion, to place their shame on the backs of those whom have cause them fear (life leadership of core wholesome value) to the point that a sense of retribution for their internal shames might give way to feeling less fearful. Hoping to use a good intentioned (vulnerable people) for a battlewark against someone who is spewing an understanding (trying to shame them into their own understanding), yet not willing or able to listen to their brokenness. The biggest battle in this world society being between the heterosexual and the LGBTI community whom the Creator still love’s Act 10:28 and 1 Thes 4:7.

When leaders of all types and postures in one’s life preaches or teaches from a heart of shame, they will most often use a tool of fear to instill their perspective of understanding, not to glorify the message or the author of the message but to hope to instill their own understanding in the ears by way of creating a harmony of perspective. Basically, to speak in such a fashion first to defend themselves and then to align their audience with their own understanding. Typically an audience when they have no mastery over. (1 Timothy 3:5), Rom 9:26.

A parent who does this is missing a crucial piece of evidence, when they use abuse to instill what they call love. That missing piece of evidence is the understanding that the listener does not share their personal experience and therefore cannot harmoniously understand the burden of proof that was shared until they have their own experiences of the same.

Husbands who abuse their wives to this as well. They take their own shame and cause fear in their wives that their own shame is not brought to the housetop. In this, they make sure to break her down just enough not to show any bruises, but enough to make her fearful of shaming him in return. Occasional their are women who do this to their husbands or husbands to be out of vengeance.

The one thing I have been getting at is a scripture which states ‘I have not given you a spirit of fear, but of a sound mind’. This is a two part thought in that as a child we are vulnerable to fear because we don’t have the experience of our leadership and thereby we feel safe when thinking outside of the oppressors understanding even though we don’t understand the leaders fears or concerns (a place of virgin faith). The second being that we have a sound mind, to say get the available Word on the matter for yourself. (When experience comes so will enlightenment).

So, yes it is the husbands sweat equity encouragement to provide for his responsibilities, as is the wife’s opportunity to partake in helping him meet the condition.

The point being that if you kill off the institution of faith out of fear, by using shame to illicit empathy from sympathetic judgement, due to your own inadequacy, one must be careful when one chooses to judge any matter that they be not the blame of breaking down pruning into punishment.

I can look at a woman and tell her the story by which she can experience if she would but be submissive to hearing the husband’s story, if he is willing to tell it, and be careful to filter his evil (vengeance) from it. (Says my heart).

It is not common for a woman to allow herself to be subject to listening to his filtered story when she doesn’t believe that he loves her (or because she feels unlovable) or when she knows that he doesn’t love her but instead lusts after her.

A woman can there learn to produce manipulation when she herself has experienced vengeance and seek retribution for the same.

In these cases avoidance isn’t the key as is forgiveness from both to whomever has done such vengeance against them. It is at this point that a wife can begin showing her own husband love, even the love that she can show her children (when she isn’t angry with the child’s father).

Counselors Couldn’t Keep Up With Our Growing Mental Health Crisis, So Peers Stepped Up

It’s 7:30 a.m. on a Monday morning. I welcome students into the building with an optimistic smile on my face while teachers give an endless supply of high fives, and students yawn and find a corner to sit with their friends. The bell rings and I head to make my coffee, eager to hunker down and prioritize my tasks for the week. Before I make it to the coffee pot, I hear my name over the walkie talkie and off I go—without caffeine. A student needs me, and so it begins. By the time I return, two students are waiting outside my office and I’ve got two notes on my door. Before I know it, it’s Thursday afternoon and I’ve done little more than triage.

As an assistant principal with a social work background, my experience is similar to that of many school counselors and mental health professionals today. Between the influence of social media, the tragically extreme pressure to succeed and our fast-paced world, our kids need us more than ever—and yet, as we are stretched thinner and thinner, there is less support to go around. How do we address the mental health and social-emotional needs of our students with a severe lack of professionals available? At Westgate Community School, a K-12 school in Thornton, Colo., we responded to this dilemma by leveraging and training our student leaders to offer mentorship and mediation for their peers.

I became assistant principal in 2018, but served as dean of culture at Westgate for three years prior. I was originally hired in 2015, to support the only counselor at our school, which served 500 students at the time. Even when I came on and there were two of us counseling, it wasn’t enough to support that many students. When you have a 6-year-old coming to school hungry who doesn’t understand why he can’t eat dinner every night, a 12-year-old feeling isolated by her peers and wondering what life would be like if she had never been born and a 17-year-old trying to navigate FASFA so she can attend college, every student is a priority. But let’s be real, we could only do so much.

We had a capacity issue: too many kids needed support, but there weren’t enough adults or hours in the day to provide it.

We spent our days working with as many students in crisis as we could manage. Naturally, we prioritized students based on the extent of their needs, the level of risk they were facing and the degree of crisis they appeared to be experiencing. What we noticed, however, was that the students who were not in crisis initially, eventually entered a state of crisis because no one was there to support their needs in a timely fashion. This is where the trouble began for us and it turned into a vicious cycle.

We knew we had to get creative about how we offer resources to students. We needed to acknowledge the steep, and growing, demand for counseling services, and we had to create time and space for every student reaching out to receive support. Every student is fighting a unique battle, and every student is a priority.

Leveraging Students as Peer Mentors

Peer mentoring and peer mediation are not new concepts. In fact, I was a peer mediator when I was in high school, though truth be told, I became a mediator so that I could opt out of health class. I remember sitting in rows of desks with other mediators, practicing a script that was written for conflict resolution. We set norms and ground rules, we gave each person involved a fair opportunity to speak and we followed that darn script. That is not how we approach peer mentoring at Westgate.

So, what makes our peer mentor program so different? We intentionally select and educate young adults, we give them time and space to observe mental health professionals in action and ask questions and then we set them free to work with their peers in an authentic, unscripted way.

Over time, we’ve seen this approach prove effective. Take Jessica for example, whose eighth grade year was an emotional rollercoaster. Depression and anxiety consumed her, and frequent suicidal ideation left her constantly questioning her self-worth and her place in society. Jessica and I checked in often, almost daily. Sometimes she needed to practice basic coping or social skills, and sometimes, she just needed to take a break in a quiet place because a situation had caused stress. But other times, our meetings were less formal—she just wanted to talk about her dog or share her writing.

After our most casual meetings, Jessica seemed a little bit lighter, a little bit stronger and better equipped to take on the rest of her day. It occurred to me that creating a safe space for her to share what was happening in her life was perhaps the most important thing I could do for her—and it didn’t need to be me.

Many schools operate within rigid structures often driven by strict academic standards and tight schedules packed with instructional time focused on math and literacy, which simply leaves less time for authentic human interaction. Across the country, we have lost time in school to just talk to each other. We have become increasingly disconnected, and what Jessica needed on most days was authentic connection and relationship-building.

In December 2015, Jessica’s eighth grade year, we launched our peer mentoring program after five months of planning. We launched the mentoring program as a strand of our existing service learning course at our high school. It was a way for students to provide an additional service to our community and mentors would receive service learning credit toward graduation requirements. Service learning occurred as a scheduled class on Fridays, which allowed for consistent and reliable time and space for mentoring. Through an intensive application and interview process, we selected a handful of high school students who lived out values of compassion and integrity. They were strong listeners who cared deeply for their peers in the school.

We embarked on a journey that was quite vulnerable for me. Instead of giving these students a script, I resolutely believed that this group of mentors had the ability to lead the way. We wrote our own training program focused on developing listening skills, empathy, affirmation and mentee-led goal setting practices. We talked about the importance of self-care and discussed how to tell when it’s time to gently stop a session and report to a counselor. We explored issues related to confidentiality and setting boundaries, we watched and read Dr. Brene Brown—esteemed author, researcher, and expert in vulnerability and shame—and we role played for days. Mentors even sat in on counseling sessions to observe our counselor and I during sessions. As February finally approached and we were ready to start sessions, we spoke to the parents of all of our mentors to share about the work and get consent for students to begin mentoring their peers.

In the beginning, we intentionally selected mentees based on their need to speak with the counselor. The students that had sought us out for weeks, but had not gotten the chance to see us because of obvious limitations, were the first mentees to meet with a peer. We also selected students who we believed would benefit from weekly check-ins alongside some more formal work with professional mental health providers. Jessica was one of these students.

We paired her with an incredibly passionate junior named Katie. Katie and Jessica began meeting weekly and their relationship developed quickly. As we fell into the routine of mentoring, Jessica was leaving class less during the week to seek a counselor. Her school work improved, and she was more courageous in social situations. Like Jessica, many mentees started counting on Friday meetings and stopped running to the office throughout the week.

Our Program Expands to Serve More Students

Three years into our program, we now have 18 trained high school mentors, two senior interns leading the program and about 65 impacted students, 50 of which are meeting mentors on a weekly basis.

As our program has expanded, the process for identifying mentees has become more robust. As we demonstrated success, we began partnering with our special education department to enhance mental health services. Today, many of our mentees have peer mentoring written into their Individualized Education Plans (IEPs) and 504 plans as a social-emotional accommodation or service, along with other mental health minutes in some cases. Additionally, peer mentoring has become our most effective Tier 2 intervention for behavioral Multi-Tiered Systems of Support (MTSS), a national framework which identifies students who would benefit from targeted interventions, so some mentees are referred by our MTSS team. Others are recommended by parents or teachers based on their needs.

Today, Jessica is a sophomore, and she is a second year peer mentor. When she applied to be a mentor her freshman year, she shared how her experience meeting with Katie changed her middle school experience—she also shared that it may have saved her life. She didn’t have a consistent positive relationship prior to meeting Katie. She now considers herself an expert in middle school conflict and mentoring, and she spends her Friday afternoons talking with students that are on a very similar path to the one she once walked.

Jessica can relate to these middle schoolers in a way that I simply cannot. Peer mentoring has without a doubt shifted our school culture. We too often underestimate the power of peer interaction, and it is time we raise up our most powerful force to address mental health in our schools—our students.

Counselors Couldn’t Keep Up With Our Growing Mental Health Crisis, So Peers Stepped Up published first on https://medium.com/@GetNewDLBusiness

A note about friendships

Today I am reflecting quite a bit on friendships and how hard it can be to recognize that endings of friendships aren’t always your fault. 

In 2009, I found a support group that I needed at the time. I found people who were helpful and I made some seemingly strong friendships. I was a part of something that not only made me feel better, but also a place where I could help other people. I felt like I had found my place in the world and I felt that I was surrounded by like-minded people. 

In 2010, as life would have it, I found someone who I was romantically interested in, as so many frequently do that were in my position. Life was great, I was surrounded by mutual friends, I thought I was being supported by this support group, and that the friends I was making would be lifelong friends. 

In 2012, that relationship ended. Sadly, that relationship was with a Sociopath. For anyone who isn’t aware of what a Sociopath is, here are some bullet points for you: 

Glibness and Superficial Charm

Manipulative and Conning They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.

Grandiose Sense of Self Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."

Pathological Lying Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.

Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.

Shallow Emotions When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.

Incapacity for Love

Need for Stimulation Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.

Callousness/Lack of Empathy Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.

Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.

Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.

Irresponsibility/Unreliability Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.

Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.

Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.

Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.

This person believed it was ok to continue a sexual relationship with someone behind my back because “they had been friends since high school.” They would consistently lie and say that they weren’t with this friend, but then I would find out that yes, this person was there alone with this friend. “I swear, we didn’t do anything, I don’t know why you’re so worried.” I believed this person, that nothing was going on. After all, it isn’t right to ask your partner to leave a life-long friendship right? In this support group, honesty was a huge part of the culture, so I was naive enough to believe that this person was being honest...because we all HAVE to be honest right? LOL

When asked to at least meet this friend, I was met with aggression. When I finally did meet this friend, this friend was very rude, stand off-ish, territorial and pretty intolerant of me being in their house. I was ignored while there with them, and the two of them continued on their day as if I didn’t exist. I got the impression that I wasn’t wanted there, but my partner told me I was crazy for thinking this way. In fact, my partner continuously told me I was crazy and I believed them. 

I would speak of my concerns and express my uncomfortable feelings. I was then met with a barrage of inappropriate comments such as, “Why are you so self-conscious? It’s not my job to fix your self-esteem.” This was then followed by the grabbing of my stomach fat, telling me I needed to lose weight, making fun of my acne and calling for their best friend to “come look at how gross this is.” 

This person also knew what buttons to push. At the time, I had wanted a partnership with someone. I would have liked to do things together without this person’s best friend, but that never happened. In fact, I actually believe this person treated their best friend as a girlfriend, which was later confirmed in writing after we broke up for the last time. This person would brag about how thin their best friend was, how beautiful she was, how I wasn’t as great and that I should be more like her. At one point they had matching sweatshirts. I know this sounds lame, but considering I wanted a partnership, I was upset. I felt like this person would purposely do things like that to upset me, and then have ammo to say, “See she is crazy. She’s upset about a sweater.” No, actually I was upset that I didn’t have a partner and the partner I did have was basically dating their best friend. <--Best friend had no idea, so not to blame here. 

It was a bunch of justification for poor behavior, but because we were surrounded by mutual friends and the same support group, I stayed. I stayed because I followed direction from people I trusted, I felt that maybe I was crazy and this person was right. Maybe I did have low self-esteem and needed to fix it; as if that would be the key to happiness. I didn’t leave. I believed what they said and followed their lead. 

What was really happening behind my back was normal Sociopath behavior. My “loving partner” was exploiting me, sharing things with mutual friends that were one-sided; they would only say half truths, and not what happened to provoke the story in the first place. I was made out as a bad guy. I HAD NO IDEA! This person had no problem living with me, using me to provide food/shelter while they “looked for a job” and was doing terrible things behind my back. 

When the decision was made to break-up, I was courageous enough to do it. We broke up...for a week. My partner came back, crying and apologizing for everything. They would change, I believed it. It only took a few months to realize that this wasn’t working. Continuous damage to my character was done, as this person used the break-up as an opportunity to exploit me. Even my dog was afraid of my partner, and every time my partner’s hand went up, Riley thought he was going to be hit. That was the last straw. Riley is my son, and if he’s acting this way, something is wrong. Riley isn’t afraid of anyone, and this was very telling considering my partner was basically a stay-at-home parent for my dog. 

Once we broke up, I continued going to the support group. Sadly, everyone chose sides and it wasn’t mine. I didn’t understand why people believed my partner. I get it that my partner was charming, always had a smile on, and was “cool” <-- by cool, I mean this person wore new clothes, had a Neff hat and a fun pair of Ray-Bans. My friends decided that “cool” was better. They wouldn’t even check on me and I thought we were friends. 

My former friends wouldn’t even look me in the eye anymore. If I was  around, they would leave. I would hear them say nasty things about me within ear shot and laugh. I was isolated, and all I did was protect myself and my dog in the only way I knew how. I felt rejected, and the place I went to for support was no longer safe. I would talk to other members about it, and no one believed me because I was the crazy one right? I felt like I couldn’t say anything to them, or I would look even crazier. That’s the way Sociopaths work. 

The worst experience is when a friend Shane came up to me and informed me that he had been at a fundraising event with my former friends. He told me that they were all standing in a circle, and out of nowhere, my former partner made fun of a very vulnerable situation I shared privately. It was something that was completely inappropriate to share. If I had wanted that information shared, I would have shared it right? Instead, my private matter was a joke to my former partner and my former friends. Luckily, Shane was a solid guy and told me. He wanted me to know that these people were terrible behind my back. I didn’t need the info, I already knew. 

I left the support group and found another one. Over the years, I have watched this former partner of mine go through relationship after relationship doing the same things they did to me. This is the cycle: 

-Ex became bored in the relationship, and hits up anyone for sexual attention. I know, because the day I got engaged, guess who hit me up. THAT’S RIGHT PEOPLE, THIS PERSON CAME CRAWLING BACK. Never thought that would happen right?! Well I knew it was coming because I know this person’s tricks. I GOT THE RECEIPTS FOR YOU DOUBTERS. 

-Ex’s current partner has no idea, so they are oblivious to the BS. I debated on telling the current partner and sending screenshots, but as we all know, this wouldn’t help anyone. I left it alone, because I knew she’d be a victim soon enough. 

-Ex breaks up with current partner for whomever they have hit up for sexual attention. There is usually overlap there that no one talks about. It’s not always overlap by physical touch, but definitely by text/email/social media as evidence has shown. 

-Ex and new partner move in together, get 2 dogs and 1-2 cats. I SWEAR TO GOD, THIS IS THE EXACT THING THEY DO IN EVERY RELATIONSHIP. For me, it was Riley, Brooklyn and George Castanza (cat), The next person got a golden, a german, and 2 Russian Blues. In the current relationship there are 2 dogs and 2 cats. Side note: When I was out of town for work, my partner left George Castanza in the alley because they “didn’t want to clean the litter box.” This cat was 6 months old. 

-This person also likes to buy every partner the same jewelry. It’s usually a silver heart necklace. Same design, change length, everything. It’s like a signature of a serial killer or something. We all get the same scars AND the same jewelry; how thoughtful.

-Ex is also obsessed with attention, so they flaunt ALL of this on social media. This is a strategy to show the world “how great their life is” and to show the previous partners “how much better off they are” until the cycle starts again by hitting up the previous ex or high school partner. 

-This person also likes to do at least one photographable activity a few months after the break-up to show the world, “See, it’s all good. We’re friends now.” Mine was K-ROQ Weenie Roast, the next one’s was a trip to Chicago with a “pal.”

I have watched this happen for years. I have also watched close friendships of theirs dissolve as the charade only lasts so long. 

At the end of the day, this is what I have learned: 

-There are circles to friendships. First ring is a tight-knit group of 2-3 people, second ring are fun friendships but not intimate, third ring are associates, fourth ring is everyone else. 

-Don’t believe everything you hear. If someone is talking trash about another person, straight up ask what their part is. What was the actual story from start to finish? Call people out on their BS. If you’re only hearing how terrible someone is, you’re only listening to half the story. 

-There are 3 sides to every story: your side, my side and the truth. 

-Sometimes you just have to be ok with cutting ties with people who hurt you, even if you rely on those people for support. 

-Forgiveness exists, but if you’ve done me wrong you will never be inner circle again. Trust is not easily given back, especially with poor behavior done on half truths. 

-Follow your heart, not your head. Intuition is key. 

Being a registered nurse in Philippines: Scope & Prospects

Nursing as a profession is versatile with endless scope of improvement and gaining knowledge. Making a career as a nurse includes much more than patient care as nurses make a very important pillar of healthcare without which the healthcare sector can be on the verge of collapsing. The decision of choosing a career as a nurse requires constantly competent performance, adherence to code of ethics, and above all, the sense of empathy towards patients, their families and co-workers.  It is always said that healthcare workers never stop learning and the deeper they delve into the field, the better they get at the art of multitasking. Managing personal life along with your professional commitments can be a big concern as a nurse but if the priorities and goals are set straight, then pulling all of it together shouldn’t be a botheration. In order to be a successful nurse one needs to qualify multiple levels of education and attain sufficient practical exposure before treating intense cases.

Before proceeding further, ask yourself the most oft stated question “Who is a nurse”? Once you have your thoughts channelized about it, you might want to look at the video below which details the concept of nursing in regards to the experiences offered by the practical learning.

VIDEO: What It Means To Be A Nurse

The video above is an original concept of Stanford Health Care and it highlights the different views of multi-cultural nurses at the hospital and what according to them constitutes to be a part of nursing as a concept.

Without a doubt, nursing is the most trusted profession as it’s the basic element of trust on which the patient care thrives and with establishing faith, one can transform healthcare. There can be many ways of building a trustful relationship with your patient. It can begin with a simple communication, the ability to be a good listener and lastly by the way you exercise your medical powers in patient’s best interest. Mostly, patients and family members when enter the healthcare system, get in touch with their nurses, they are vulnerable and seeking hidden answers, so winning their unshakable faith is a victory above all others.

Compassion and thoughtfulness are certainly two more parameters on which your career as a nurse can be evaluated. Persuading the patients to take care of their eating habits, withdrawing their attention subtly from a botheration, and convincing them to make the right call for their health are a few things which go unnoticed but often play the most essential role in maintaining a positive patient-nurse relationship.

HOW TO BE A REGISTERED NURSE IN PHILIPPINES 

Being a nurse brings loads of responsibility, irrespective of the country you’re working in. However, the demographic structure does affect the working style and living conditions which eventually leaves an impact on your professional space too. If you’re planning to be a registered nurse in Philippines, then you must know a few prerequisites about being a nurse in Philippines.

1. In order to be a registered nurse in Philippines, you must graduate in a credible nursing program like Bachelors of Science in Nursing.

2. Usually, the courses are 3-4 years long and provide you with the much required and detailed knowledge about nursing skills, health promotion, disease prevention, risk reduction, patient care and much more that you need to know in order to be practically treating a patient.

3. Once you have graduated a nursing program and passed the examination conducted by the country board, you are entitled to be a Registered Nurse (RN) in Philippines.

4. After being a registered nurse, you can explore a variety of employment opportunities around you. One can also apply for global nursing programs as studying courses with international recognition further helps to broaden the scope of getting better job opportunities.

5.  A registered nurse is eligible to apply for jobs in public and private hospitals, nursing institutions, and one can also be an independent nurse practitioner and open up a clinic of their own.

However, as important as it gets to know about the criteria of being an RN, it is equally important to know the repercussions which come along if any candidate or a student violates the law and carries out nursing as a profession without confirming to be a registered nurse in the country.

The General Practice Board of Nursing states that a fine of minimum ten thousand pesos (P10, 000.00) and a maximum of forty thousand pesos (P40, 000.00) can be levied on any defaulter who:

• Uses an expired certificate of registration to practice nursing

• Uses his/her certificate of registration for any third party

• Uses a forged certificate of being registered as a nurse and

• Takes multiple classes for domestic and foreign programs at the same time without a permit.

*Source: Professional regulation commission Philippines

Also, in some of the cases, there is a clear possibility of being imprisoned for 1-6 years for violating the provisions of the professional regulation commission.

CAREER PROSPECTS FOR REGISTERED NURSES

Being a nurse in Philippines can open a gateway of opportunities both on domestic and global front. Once you get an examination clearance and practice license from the board, you can explore end number of job opportunities in your choice of specialization. However, the fact remains intact that on a domestic front, approximately 2, 00,000 registered Filipino nurses are struggling to find jobs due to the saturating markets in the country. The international standards set by the developed nations have massively impacted the job opportunities and scope of growth in countries like Philippines and India.

On a comparative note, a registered nurse in Philippines is entitled to receive an annual sum of PHP 170,723 while the annual salary of an RN in a developed nation like Canada amounts to $58,832. Mentioned below are a few payrolls from different nations having a high demand for nurses. The differences in payrolls are impactful and convincing enough to make nurses migrate to the developed nations in search of better employment opportunities.

Source: Payscale.com

Apart from the fixed salaries stated above, there is a potential chance of making additional money on your busy months where you tend to report for extra hours than your routine shifts. Nurses are often asked to work in extra shifts due to the unavailability of sufficient trained nurses.

Well, apart from the financial prospects being thoroughly considered, it is important to understand that a nurse can help in improving the patient care only if he/she is satisfied with their job roles and the status being provided to them. In certain developing nations, many a times, nurses are seen facing a tough time in order to attain the much deserved recognition and respect from patients and co-workers. This can be one of the prime reasons for nurses to look opportunities abroad. There comes a point of stagnation where every field of specialization faces a situation of disparity between the demand and supply of nurses. Usually, excessive demand creates a shortage of nurses and when the supply shoots up to fill the gap, it overpowers the demand in consideration.

INTERNATIONAL OPPORTUNITIES

Moving on to the international employment scope for Filipino nurses, it is extremely important to know that till date Philippines is one of the leading supplier of nurses to the developed nations. Pick the data reports of Australia, USA, Canada, New Zealand or any other developed nation for that matter and you will find a bunch of Filipinos making a majority of the nursing population. Majorly, nurses from Philippines consider moving to Canada for better opportunities and an improved quality of lifestyle. There can be different routes towards reaching the end goal but one of the most though of and simple way is to study specialized nursing programs in Canada and learn the importance of different nursing techniques and their requirement in the country. Once you study the practices of patient care being followed in a country, you become well-equipped and trained to treat the patients in the best of their interests.

However, one thing which remains intact is the need to have a fluency in speaking, writing and understanding English language so that the barriers of communication between the nurse and patient don’t affect the treatment process.

Apart from the language proficiency there are also a few things which affect the eligibility of a nurse from Philippines to study nursing programs in Canada. It is important to be a university graduate from a recognized university board/college of your country and also one must clear the RN exam from Philippines in order to be able to move to Canada and practice nursing. The reason why Canada is the most preferred location to relocate for Filipino nurses is because this year Canada will accept 250,000 applications, along with a special consideration for those making an addition to the healthcare sector.

Apart from Canada, UK too has emerged to be a preferred choice for nurses planning to migrate from Philippines. The country has been falling short of nurses and healthcare personnel which has widened the scope of employment for nurses coming from India, Philippines and South Africa.  The fact that the population of old people with multiple long term illnesses has increased in the country is a major contributing factor to the high demand of nurses in UK. However, the exact details about working as a nurse in UK can be made clear once a person actually experiences it themselves but for now, here we have a quick video of three Filipino nurses who share their working experience straight from Surrey and Sussex Healthcare NHS Trust. The video explains about the difference in wages, working environment, sense of respect for the profession and a lot many things which one needs to keep in mind before making a move.

VIDEO: Nursing Recruitment in the Philippines 2015

If a decision of migrating to a foreign land in search of opportunities is made with all the just and fair points being considered then it can be highly fulfilling and inch you closer to the vision of being a global nurse. In terms of financial benefits for nurses in their native country and those in foreign lands, it is an openly accepted fact that nurses in Philippines are underpaid as per the efforts and services they put in their job. In spite of the challenging studies and curricular, there is no guaranteed employment opportunities in their homeland which justifies their calling to move abroad. Licensed healthcare professionals in developed nations are given a much needed recognition for their services and also the compensations granted are more than satisfactory.

MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE

In situations related to choosing a career path for yourself, there is no clearly ”right” or “wrong” path to be chosen as each one of these paths come with their own set of limitations and advantages. What matters is that how you prioritize the different aspects of growth and development which could help you in the long run. So here’s a quick piece of advice about making the right decision.

Just think about what you want to do and then put a little more stress on “WHY” you want to do it and you shall find the weightage of your opinions lying right there. So, in terms of considering the gateway of opportunities one can open by being a registered nurse in Philippines, it is important to make the right choices ahead of you as it’s with these choices of yours that your identity as a nurse will shape up. In the field of nursing, the more you grow the critical are the cases you have to deal with. So, make a strong mind an uninterrupted focus and continue to work towards finding the ideal opportunities for yourself. Whether it is your native land or it is an array of opportunities in a foreign land, analyze all the prospects it has to offer and make the right choice.

I have run across enough therapists, supervisors, Psy. D.’s, Ph. D.’s to know some things, many don’t have access to. Despite some controversy, the consensus remains absolute: They are also human and there is nothing you can do about that fact. We are parents, lovers, activists, liars, cowards, divorced, broke, unapologetic ass holes, not good at managing money, heroes, insecure, manipulative beautiful people. Am I painting a picture with wide enough brush strokes? I believe you get my point.

We are HUMAN

Is that a lot you would want to share your troubles with and pay them for their services?

I say if you can and are smart, then the resounding answer is YES!

Why point out the behind the scenes crap and put it all out there?

As consumers, you except these professionals to represent you, your best interests and to help you steer a course that enhances your life. I get that. You also have to maintain, an internal locus of control, my mom taught me that when I was five when I had to go to the emergency room. She reminded me that no matter what or who tells you to do something, if it doesn’t ‘feel’ right to you, them don’t do it. I never forgot that.

While it is imperative to remain professional, if you can tell me that there have been days when you have hit the snooze, rolled out of bed with some resentment that it is Monday and you still have to go to work, then you understand. This is a special part of the site to look at how prevalent and impacted so many of us are by the Opidoid Epidemic. World renowned psychiatrists, therapists, medical doctors, registered nurses, addiction counselors have at one time or another have experienced something called ‘the impostor syndrome,’ unless they are so narcissistic they can’t release their deep seated issues long enough to address and work on them. So I mean everyone has had those human moments.

As a coach, I have noticed that word of mouth means something, because I see folks I would not have expected, and might have even put them on a pedestal myself. The downside to that ‘persona’, is that their reputations are built on certain givens, and the inevitable, they will have their own problems arises, but they have no one to tell. The smart ones have a therapist, or a coach, but the rest are out there dealing with things alone, when they don’t have to.

Under the auspices of misinformation, they think that they can’t ever make mistakes,  or more accurately tell, ask for help, or vent, because if word got out… “I would be ruined!” I am convinced that this is the primary cause for burn out, and it one of the most important ways to prioritize under the umbrella of self care.

We all need to be seen, heard, and valued.

Shira w/her son Rashi

Even the counselors, coaches, and leaders, maybe especially so. The amount of you given to so many people so freely, has to take it’s toll eventually. Like the fable of the girl with the long hair, you don’t realize the meta impact until it’s too late, and you end up the lead role in ‘The Bald and the Beautiful.’  No one wants to see that.

You don’t obtain some piece of paper and viola, not only YOU, but everyone in your life is on board and will all behave, forever. You will not have any more problems.

We all can relate and I hear people who are brilliant thought leaders, feel as dumb or as much of a loser as a kid in high school. When anyone gets slighted, or turned down, or their book deal falls through it is tough. Add the complexities of who you are, as in “Do you know who I am? that external validation while nice, becomes the driving force you end up hitting a brick wall. Over time, exhaustion becomes a strange bedfellow, and you turn into a good-fellow, and lose your cool, or see things in overwhelming terms. That route serves as a cautionary tail, but I have seen what that looks like up close and personal, and it is a loss for their futures, and all the people that they would have continued to inspire and help. Isn’t that the reason we got into this crazy business of helping others in the first place?

Physician, heal thyself.

Remember you might be the best but you are still not infallible, when you are, I will let you know.

Take accountability for your actions.

Everything you say to a client is based on compassion, empathy, to provide a safe space for them to sorts things out. I have a strong suspicion, that would work for you too. Why would you think you are weak for needing the same thing? Mistakes are learning opportunities, stop, take a look at what happened, so some of that doesn’t happen again. Take accountability for your actions. You will not grow if you can’t do that. We need to be mindful while we rebuild. Our resiliency and grit shine and we put things where they go, in a proper and healthier perspective. I have a LOT of both resilience and grit, out of necessity.

I don’t appreciate that fact all the time, but I am always open to it, because those times help me remember I am human. What else could I be? For many of us, we have transitioned, like the Phoenix, we rose out of the ashes… Not my story. I keep advocating, fighting, getting frustrated, keep being presented with at times the same learning opportunities, or ‘improv-ables’ until I get it right. One great thing life offers is another chance it is up to you if you take it and how many chances it will take.  That is strength, working through something instead of trying to get around it. Been there, done that. Guess what? It didn’t work, so I tried something that did.

Perfection is Passe~

Who the hell is trying to be perfect. (Nice judgement call ‘Judgy McJugester!’)

The more advantageous strategy by far is to be open to grow and authentic in your process. That is a more effective use of your time. Guess what, the jig is up, people already know you aren’t.

People get scared, make choices they regret, no matter who it says on their office door. I am humbled by that fact. Those that feel trapped by their success in one area often resort to run to their go to’s,  drinking, binging/purging, internalize it so that they can implode at a most inopportune money, like at Costco on a Saturday.

Is is not like they signed this magical contract and will never get on your last nerve, they will continue. It’s not like you will never want to or engage in unfruitful activities again, you will.

It’s more like you will on occasion get frustrated and see arguing a point when you know your wrong, the most viable option. Calling you son an asshole under your breath in a heated moment will happen. These ‘reality checks’ allow you to just be. And I’ll bet that you were astute in the observation of your son. I am also sure that he was too.

Finding the balance of self care, acknowledging that you are not infallible and are willing to work on your own issues is the best litmus test I can think of that you are where you should be while being an individual  and enjoying your worldwide tours, APA groupies, book signings and capital ventures. The best activists, thought leaders, policy agitators, (my faves) get the wind knocked out of their sails from time to time. It is how they recover and persevere is how they stay that way.

With such professionals there is a feeling that we cannot ever have problems, or G-d forbid tell anyone is a set up for failure, and the sad reality that the pressures of the the professional life can and personal can get intertwined if left untreated.

If your kid’s are perfect, then never mind. As for the rest of us, living in fear and questioning our sanity, or delivery of a presentation, showing up in your authenticity goes a lot farther than anything else and is a reminder to you that we are all in this together, and whatever you are going through so is someone else and both survived. Your one cousin, or sister, or __________,  who can never seem to get it together will still call asking for money, your friend from college has yet another million dollar investment you should get in at the ground level, your neighbor will still let her dog shit in front of your house, despite how unhappy this makes you, or because of. Whatever issues you have will happen until there is resolve and resolution, whether you have a degree or not.

Those that are recognized as the ‘best,’ in their respected fields, have uncontrollable entitled kids, or the one failure to launch and cannot figure out how to help facilitate that process. What we know is we can’t control their lives, we can barely figure out our own, or stay afloat. Some will have kid’s, who are still in their journeys, needing money, or drinking every night and don’t give your position in the community or the opening of your new rehab much thought. If you are panic stricken over such concerns then I suggest making the effort to work that out, before you end up losing it anyway through burning out.

Clinically speaking, I say, “Put the shit out there,” with trusted family and friends, get a therapist if you don’t already have one, and do your own work! Through my own experiences I have found that vulnerability, my truth, and self disclosure are the holy trinity. Once you realize that, set up to failure has reemerged as a plan.

We cannot ask more of a client to than we have been able to do for ourselves. See that living in truth and happiness is a viable option, and can help everyone around you that you influence to take heed and to also heal and grow.

Shira

Therapists are Parents Too I have run across enough therapists, supervisors, Psy. D.'s, Ph. D.'s to know some things, many don't have access to.

We use cookies to provide you with a better onsite experience. By continuing to browse the site you are agreeing to our use of cookies in accordance with our Cookie Policy. SKIP TO MAIN CONTENT Menu Scientific American SUBSCRIBE English Español العربية Other Editions Close MIND How Wealth Reduces Compassion As riches grow, empathy for others seems to decline By Daisy Grewal on April 10, 2012 Credit: iStock / pagadesign ADVERTISEMENT Who is more likely to lie, cheat, and steal—the poor person or the rich one? It’s temping to think that the wealthier you are, the more likely you are to act fairly. After all, if you already have enough for yourself, it’s easier to think about what others may need. But research suggests the opposite is true: as people climb the social ladder, their compassionate feelings towards other people decline. Berkeley psychologists Paul Piff and Dacher Keltner ran several studies looking at whether social class (as measured by wealth, occupational prestige, and education) influences how much we care about the feelings of others. In one study, Piff and his colleagues discreetly observed the behavior of drivers at a busy four-way intersection. They found that luxury car drivers were more likely to cut off other motorists instead of waiting for their turn at the intersection. This was true for both men and women upper-class drivers, regardless of the time of day or the amount of traffic at the intersection. In a different study they found that luxury car drivers were also more likely to speed past a pedestrian trying to use a crosswalk, even after making eye contact with the pedestrian. In order to figure out whether selfishness leads to wealth (rather than vice versa), Piff and his colleagues ran a study where they manipulated people’s class feelings. The researchers asked participants to spend a few minutes comparing themselves either to people better off or worse off than themselves financially. Afterwards, participants were shown a jar of candy and told that they could take home as much as they wanted. They were also told that the leftover candy would be given to children in a nearby laboratory. Those participants who had spent time thinking about how much better off they were compared to others ended up taking significantly more candy for themselves--leaving less behind for the children. A related set of studies published by Keltner and his colleagues last year looked at how social class influences feelings of compassion towards people who are suffering. In one study, they found that less affluent individuals are more likely to report feeling compassion towards others on a regular basis. For example, they are more likely to agree with statements such as, “I often notice people who need help,” and “It’s important to take care of people who are vulnerable.” This was true even after controlling for other factors that we know affect compassionate feelings, such as gender, ethnicity, and spiritual beliefs. In a second study, participants were asked to watch two videos while having their heart rate monitored. One video showed somebody explaining how to build a patio. The other showed children who were suffering from cancer. After watching the videos, participants indicated how much compassion they felt while watching either video. Social class was measured by asking participants questions about their family’s level of income and education. The results of the study showed that participants on the lower end of the spectrum, with less income and education, were more likely to report feeling compassion while watching the video of the cancer patients. In addition, their heart rates slowed down while watching the cancer video—a response that is associated with paying greater attention to the feelings and motivations of others. These findings build upon previous research showing how upper class individuals are worse at recognizing the emotions of others and less likely to pay attention to people they are interacting with (e.g. by checking their cell phones or doodling). But why would wealth and status decrease our feelings of compassion for others? After all, it seems more likely that having few resources would lead to selfishness. Piff and his colleagues suspect that the answer may have something to do with how wealth and abundance give us a sense of freedom and independence from others. The less we have to rely on others, the less we may care about their feelings. This leads us towards being more self-focused. Another reason has to do with our attitudes towards greed. Like Gordon Gekko, upper-class people may be more likely to endorse the idea that “greed is good.” Piff and his colleagues found that wealthier people are more likely to agree with statements that greed is justified, beneficial, and morally defensible. These attitudes ended up predicting participants’ likelihood of engaging in unethical behavior. Given the growing income inequality in the United States, the relationship between wealth and compassion has important implications. Those who hold most of the power in this country, political and otherwise, tend to come from privileged backgrounds. If social class influences how much we care about others, then the most powerful among us may be the least likely to make decisions that help the needy and the poor. They may also be the most likely to engage in unethical behavior. Keltner and Piff recently speculated in the New York Times about how their research helps explain why Goldman Sachs and other high-powered financial corporations are breeding grounds for greedy behavior. Although greed is a universal human emotion, it may have the strongest pull over those of who already have the most. Are you a scientist who specializes in neuroscience, cognitive science, or psychology? And have you read a recent peer-reviewed paper that you would like to write about? Please send suggestions to Mind Matters editor Gareth Cook, a Pulitzer prize-winning journalist at the Boston Globe. He can be reached at garethideas AT gmail.com or Twitter @garethideas. Rights & Permissions ADVERTISEMENT ABOUT THE AUTHOR(S) Daisy Grewal received her PhD in social psychology from Yale University. She is a researcher at the Stanford School of Medicine. 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How to Truly Be Happy for Others When They Get What You Want

There is a long custom of Western intellectuals telling us we should not be envious. Socrates, as an example, claimed, 'Envy is the ulcer of the heart.' Theodore Roosevelt is often connected with the assertion that 'comparison is the thief of delight.' Also The Holy bible cautions against wanting our next-door neighbors' ownerships. If approach is proof, there is a deeply-rooted conviction that envy and also envy irrevocably change us, and those of us that experience it are joyless sinners afflicted with invisible sores.

Everywhere we look, jealousy is a villain, yet our very own envious sensations persist. Socrates, it ends up, can't save us from ourselves. For every one of our collective knowledge, we have not removed jealousy. Instead, we have actually covered it in layer of embarassment. Therapists Merle Fossum, A.C.S.W., as well as Marilyn Manson, Ph.D., who study the characteristics of shame in their book Facing Shame: Families in Recovery, outlined the concept that shame is 'an inner feeling of being completely lessened or inadequate as a person. It is the self evaluating the self ... A pervasive sense of embarassment is the continuous facility that a person is fundamentally bad, insufficient, faulty, unworthy, or not fully valid as a human.' Jealousy and envy typically aren't the offenders that decrease our self-respect, instead, it's the follow-up belief that we are inherently flawed that does the damage. This is what we require to scrutinize.

In Buddhist philosophy, we stumble upon The Brahma Viharas, a training that Iays out the 4 virtues-loving-kindness (' metta'), compassion (' karuna'), considerate pleasure (' mudita'), and also equanimity (' upekkha')- to be cultivated by a practitioner. Much of us that have basic expertise of Buddhist mentors could have come across empathy as well as loving-kindness, but we may not have heard of the virtue called mudita, or supportive pleasure. It is, basically, the antidote to envy.

Many Buddhists concur that understanding delight, the state of sharing in the joy and also joy of one more, is one of the most hard virtues to cultivate. Just as compassion is a state of vulnerability (sharing in the discomfort of one more without pity or judgment), supportive joy promotes the softening of the heart-it is a require us to cooperate the happiness as well as joy of an additional without judgment. It is a call for us to stand in the joy of others without qualifiers.

In a collection of essays published by the San Francisco Zen facility called Teachings from Meditation in Recuperation: The Four Brahma Viharas, the writer sets out why supportive happiness is such a challenge. 'It appears instead challenging to in fact feel non-attached joy for the purpose of others. This is not so unusual really. If you stand in one location and transform 350 levels, it will certainly come to be promptly apparent that you are the facility of the globe. Thinking otherwise as well as, much more hard, experiencing the globe otherwise really takes a great deal of work and creative imagination, and also certainly, the intention to do so to begin with.' The idea that mudita is a state that does not come normally to us shows that those people who fall victim to envy typically aren't covered in heart lesions as Socrates theorizes. No, we're merely people making every effort in every moment.

Buddhist reflection educator, Sharon Salzberg, provides us methods to plant thoughtful pleasure. In an O Magazine post she informs the story of a pal who, was really feeling envious towards a woman who she felt 'had all of it.' Salzberg creates, 'Her envy harmed so a lot that she chose to have a go at a technique of concern to get to thoughtful happiness. She remembered the difficulties in this various other woman's life: Her brother was an alcoholic, her daddy had Alzheimer's, and she was worried about money. Seeing the larger picture not only enabled my good friend to view the other woman in a new means, it enabled her to value the joy in her own life. As her viewpoint opened, she released old assumptions regarding exactly how denied she was. Now this female no more appeared so unusual, and my friend could really feel a burgeoning and genuine link to her. The bindings of envy loosened, and she really felt happiness for herself and happiness that the various other lady had good ideas in her life. As opposed to seeing somebody else's happiness as a threat to her own, it actually became her very own.' When we could take a go back and realize that one individual's happiness doesn't need to diminish our very own, we can organically move beyond our sensations of envy.'

Wisdom practices and spiritual teachers aren't the only individuals who could assist us find brand-new methods to engage with our very own hoping. As a matter of fact, previous Saturday Night Live star, Amy Poehler discuss this idea when she authors candidly regarding why honor programs do not actually mater (and how, undoubtedly, they arrange of do). In her memoir, Yes Please, she remembers the issue of being nominated for an award, and afterwards slowly beginning to want it. This kind of desire, intending to finest the various other women in her group, was an excellent opportunity for jealousy to crop up. Nevertheless, Poehler would solidify the feeling of wanting exactly what she calls, 'the dessert,' by presenting bits with various other nominees at honors shows. At the 2011 Emmy's she called all of the other nominees for Impressive Lead Actress in a Funny Collection and also intended to stage a charm pageant when their category was provided. As each actresses name was called, they would come up on stage, as well as hold hands as if they were being all competing for the title of Miss The U.S.A.. In the end, Amy Poehler really did not win, but the energy she could've spent hoping and longing for exactly what she wanted, was toughened up by the excitement of preparing and also arranging. When discussing that minute, Poehler states, 'When Melissa won, all of us genuinely howled with pleasure. Basing on stage being amusing with those women was a lot better than winning. I can only presume. I didn't win. Melissa did. No matter.' Certainly, when we transform our power towards cooperation, it begins to matter much less that really 'victories.' When we work together, jealousy comes to be much less relevant. Envy becomes rooting versus yourself.

Poehler blogs about yearning for the dessert, however really-she is instructing us concerning thoughtful joy.

In my life, when I locate myself growing envious of my good friends (or really feeling guilty over the idea that they could be jealous of me) I do 2 points. The very first, I try to keep in mind that I take a trip in the hearts of my liked ones, and they take a trip in my heart. When they stroll down the aisle or to some various other major milestone, I walk with them as a living testimony to the tough work they have actually done. Broken hearts are best absorbed among close friends, simply as victories are most ideal celebrated with our liked ones. What a benefit to witness bones and also bruises they've healed to exist in this minute. Certain, I'm jealous, but there's so a lot more past that feeling. I can cooperate their happiness. I could reach beyond my own yearning, to see the happiness they want to show me.

The second thing that I do is I claim it aloud (either to the individual or a non-judgmental friend). I am honored to have close adequate buddies and also family members that, when I really feel envious, I can inform them without concern. A lot of frequently, we laugh concerning it, and the pity I felt at being envious become satisfaction that our relationship is strong enough to hold all feelings (also the much less favorable ones). Jealousy as well as envy are wall surfaces that block much deeper emotions. When we could translucent the cracks because wall surface we permit for deeper more profound connections to come forth.

In the end, when we separation ourselves from our Western narratives and also base on our very own, we come to find that jealousy happens as well as the world doesn't finish. You could work to move right into a state of sympathetic happiness or you could ruminate. You can try to work together with those who have exactly what you want or you could hang their images on a wall and throw darts. Life moves regardless of our individual successes or failings. What's more, every one of our feelings bare knowledge, and also frequently our rush to alter our sensations undermines our chance to expand. Will you be endure sufficient to bypass the distractions of guilt and pity, and also look your yearning in the face? Will certainly you be thoughtful sufficient with on your own to rest next to your sensations and just enable them to be?

Only then could you reach the much more productive sensations of sympathetic happiness and also personal contentment. May your hopings guide you back to the fact: that we have is this moment, and in this moment, as you read these words, you are to life, supported, as well as thriving.