#she planned it for god knows how long
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i've seen ppl talking about Meryl & how little we know about her family, but the geo-plant arc of trigun chapters 10-12 gives us some really useful pieces of info, i think
first, we see her thinking of herself as Cold Blooded, just like the dude that wanted Badwick to kill his own parents
[ID: Meryl stands with her gun drawn and a troubled expression on her face as she thinks to herself, "Exactly as you described him... the cold-blooded type..." In the next panel, she closes her eyes and wonders, "Am I really... any different?" End ID]
at the start of this arc, Milly wrote one of her massive letters to her family, while Meryl mentioned not knowing what she would write to hers. then we see Milly get PISSED at Badwick after she learns he threatened his parents at gunpoint, which leads to this page:
[ID: Meryl, held back by Milly, tells her, "Milly... I envy you... My father would have wanted me to get justifiably angry at a person who points a gun at his parents. That is an important thing." She flashes back to the moment in the chapter before where Milly is attempting to punch the son, Badwick. Milly calls in concern, "Ma'am?" Meryl continues, "But I... I just stood there and took it all in without even budging. I am such a cold person. I chose this path of blood and tears without thinking about the rest of my life. All I can see is what is right in front of me." The page shows the face of the father, dressed in basic battle gear, who is watching silently. Now in tears, Meryl laments, "Why could I not see... that when I closed myself off to him, something was wrong? I..." In the last panel, Milly stares down at Meryl in surprise as Meryl slaps her own cheeks and exclaims, "No... Nevermind!" End ID]
this entire situation is obviously striking something in Meryl's heart. some kind of insecurity she has about her distant relationship with her own parents. she shakes herself out of it, determined to not fall into a funk, and then jumps into defense of the land.
after the battle's over & the father's fallen to his ass, we see these pages:
[ID: In the first page, the father, off screen, tells Meryl and Milly, "There are no words to express how thankful I am for your help." Meryl replies with a smile, "Ah. There's no need." The father goes on to tell her, "Ms. Meryl... I know it was rude of me, but I overheard your conversation earlier. Having raised that rebellious son, I don't know if I have the right thing to say, but... All people are different, but the bonds between parents and children are inseparable. It is a great burden, but also the most precious thing in the world..."
In the second page, the father concludes, "... Choose your own path, and walk it with confidence. All of life... is connected. You must live your own life, and your parents will love through you." As he speaks, we see Meryl listening to him with a surprised expression. End ID]
this entire arc feels like a metaphor for Meryl's own situation. after these pages, we see Badwick turning in the deed, then finding out that his parents were entrusting the property to him after all. he's the problem son, someone who separated himself from his parents due to his disagreements with them (likely stemming from his dead younger brother). yet at the end of the day, his parents still love him and entrusted their life's work to him.
Meryl sees all this go down, hears these words, and it touches something in her heart. so we see her go from talking about writing to her family like this in chapter 10:
[ID: A single panel of Meryl with her eyes closed and a peaceful expression on her face. She tells Milly, "That would be the normal thing to do... especially when I've been away from home for so long. But I don't know what to write beyond 'it's dry'..." End ID]
to this bit at the end of chapter 12:
[ID: Meryl approaches a mailbox with luggage in hand. She slips a letter inside, then sighs with a smile. Milly yells, "Maa'aam! What are you doing?! We're already late!" To which Meryl replies, "Ok! Ok! Ok! I'm coming!" End ID]
the experience was enough for her to accept that she might not be the closest with her parents (or just father? considering she only ever mentions a father in this all), but it's still worth reaching out even if she doesn't have much to say.
this arc is the most we see about Meryl's backstory in the manga, but I think we can draw a few things from it. we have a definite mention of a father, but no others. no mention of siblings or any other family members. she's distant from her father, too busy following her heart & goals, but she doesn't have a bad relationship with him. just Distant. she feels disconnected from him, even Cold, for her focus on her work & the practicalities in front of her. but even with that disconnect, she still cares enough about him to feel guilty when she realizes she's been doing this.
and then considering later, when we see the flashback of a man giving her the gun... i'd assumed that was possibly a senior at her work (probably tristamp giving me that perception, from Roberto), but keeping all the rest of this in mind... it really could have been her father.
i went looking to try to find that part. did not find that one exactly, but i DID find this one from trimax chapter 34:
[ID: A nearly bald man with a kind face and what appear to be shooting ear muffs around his neck tells Meryl, "Consider guns delicate. Women, most of all, should make use of them. One shot will level the playing field between you and a big, strong man." End ID]
if this is indeed her father, it would explain why she knows how to shoot like she does. perhaps her father taught her as she was growing up out of the wish to help her protect herself. maybe they weren't incredibly close, but he still clearly cared about her & wanted what was best for her and her safety. the kind of father that's content to let her do whatever her heart wishes, since her happiness is his happiness.
and then chapter 12 ends with this page:
[ID: A black framed page with a single panel at the center. The panel shows Meryl from behind, running with her luggage in hand. The text boxes to the sides state, "All of life is connected by a river... And the beginning of the river... is now." End ID]
she continues on her own path, not looking back, but she is still connected to the ones in her heart... including her father.
(Manga panels referenced from @trigun-manga-overhaul !)
#speculation nation#trigun#meryl stryfe#fanny's trigun analysis#fanny reads trigun#oh god this got longer than i was planning on it being#also writing IDs is a little hard lol. tried my best tho#but YEAH we really know so little about meryl and her home life. but this really does give us some great context for it#im picking at fucking crumbs here lmfao but they're still pretty solid crumbs#this. is probably what i'm gonna be running under for my own ideas of meryl's backstory#single child raised by a single father. a gunman who taught her how to shoot so she could protect herself#a slightly distant relationship. but not a negative one.#someone she still loves and knows will be there for her should she ever decide to return#someone who wouldnt ever even dream of trying to stifle her. he wants her to follow her dreams.#it's... actually kinda really sweet lol.#meryl#<- for my own tagging purposes lol#long post/
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Odypen definitely and equivalently adore each other BUT I weirdly can't see them as the type to actually say "I Love you".
They still definitely vocalize their love for each other but it's more so in "My Joy", and "Extraordinary Woman", "Strange Woman/Man", etc. And very cheesy lines (both say some cheesy shit in the Odyssey, and he definitely does in the Iliad as well. "Joy like a drowning sailor seeing land" bit???)
I could see "I adore you" but even then, that's probably during very specific moments but the actual "I love you"??? I just typed it just now for fic shit and... It weirdly just didn't feel right and I don't know why. 😅
Idk maybe it's kind of because I see them as over the top in ways, they love wordplay and riddles and I think they'd almost think "...That's not good enough >:( " about it??? I don't know???😂
#I wrote this last night. I'll do the asks I got later. don't worry! :D#I am the cheese god remember?😅#I think these two would try to “out-cheese” each other and whoever is left speechless first loses#“I would forget my own name before I would ever forget you” bullshit. CHEESY#And yes. “I sleep in our nest with you or outside on the dirt” stupidity >:D#I plan for Odysseus as a beggar to ask why she waits so long. As he's been gone a longer amount of time than the time they had together#(Simply asking as reassurance. He knows his answer. Calypso asked him. but what about Penelope?) but she gets mad at the#“Beggar” and pities him as he must be telling the truth about having a miserable life if he never got the chance to know such devotion#How what they have could never be sullied by#something as trivial as distance and years. How the years with him were the best in her life. Only made better by their son.#'My dear Joy made songs and poems about love a reality as that was simply the life we shared. Even separated our 'song' will always echo#no matter how long it's been. I'LL make sure it always does. And I know he's doing the same... That strange man used to say that#even if he died his corpse would drag itself back to us before he'd ever give up.'#...I'm not one for 'odyssey zombie au' but when I first heard it yeah. :'D Came up with this back then#“His eyes as hard as flint or horn-” Bullshit! The sad lil fuck is hiding sobs with coughs and telling her to keep away for fear of her#catching whatever “illness” he has. The nice thing about being disguised as old means sickly old man works.#...#I'm noticing that Odysseus has a lot of silly oneliners while I write Penelope with a shit ton of set up :'D#They are so silly and I love them so much#...I wrote a lot :'D#Mad rambles#shot by odysseus#my headcanons#odypen#yahoo!!!#sometimes I wonder if I should tag this with more things but I don't want to taint the regular tags with my bullshit :'D I KNOW I'm insane
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if you don't think they can still work, that honestly sounds like a you problem
#fionna and cake#adventure time#simon petrikov#betty grof#petrigrof#finn mertens#marceline abadeer#//honestly i just wanted to doodle golbetty who kills my eyes#and then whoops she has hair now.#alongside;;; other design changes#maybe she's like this bc of some kinda wish#like lets just pretend wishes worked mkay? mkay#or maybe this is basically like a mini copy to keep around simon who knows at this point#i did not plan that far ahead#anyway monster wife lets go#also mans deadass comes home after being missing for gods knows how long#everyone is worried sick about him and he just rolls up like nothing happened with his wife and absolutely nothing is wrong nope sirree#everything is fine and normal and cool :)#ALSO the absolute urge to do a funnie animatic/pmv thing with simon is growing (the pigeon song by cavetown will NOT leave me alone)#anywho hi hello yes im done rambling now goodbye!
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Gonna be honest, I don't think any Sam ship will ever hit as hard as Sam/Ruby.
#decided to attempt to finally finish supernatural#watching 10x02 right now but i still can't help thinking how much better this all would be if ruby was still around lmao#i get she betrayed them but crowley got to stay on for sooo long#and meg sort of got a redemption arc#i feel like ruby could have been given a pretty good story if they'd tried#the demons have a pretty shit deal - especially the ones who were unjustly damned to hell#iirc meg seemed to see lucifer as a sort of savior figure for the demons - somebody who would free them from the eternal torture of hell#which ruby probably believed and didn't seem to know what the real plan was#maybe she wouldn't be on board with lucy riding sam's body into a doomed fight with michael that was preordained by an uncaring god#and with 10 more seasons of development should could have been a proper member of team free will#given the climate of the fandom in 09 i completely understand why this never happened - but imagine???#spn#ruby spn#sam x ruby#sam winchester
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Hornet my beloved,,,
#hollow knight#doodles#hk hornet#hk ghost#hk herrah#god i’ve been having her thoughts lately#do you ever think about how much she must regret? how long she must’ve been internally thinking - about how she had to fix this?#that she didn’t spend nearly as much as she wished she could’ve with herrah. not knowing she would’ve lost her so quickly. how could she-#-as a child could’ve known? now she can’t#how much does she resent her father? for her circumstances? for the flawed plan that left her with a dead kingdom that a sense of duty and-#-loyalty compels her to protect. do you ever think that she wishes she could go back in time? to change things?#how touch starved is she? how much does she wish to be vulnerable. to have a family that she can let her guard down around. how much she-#-repels it. because vulnerability gets you hurt#getting hurt gets in the way of your duties. how many times was she alone. injured. with only her thoughts as company#i care her so much#the fandom does her dirty. you know what i’m talking about. she’s so much more interesting than just being ‘the main female character’#she deserves that absolute world. and yet all she got was pain and trauma….
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i have so much love in my heart it’s unreal
#thank GOD i’m going to visit my family in a couple days - i need a BREAK it’s getting overwhelming#but also i love my coworker so much#in a platonic way - she’s like a little sister to me#she’s so motivated and she has SO much potential and i am so proud of her and excited to see her learn and grow#and i want to help in any way i can#i hype her up to my boss and our other coworkers and upper management whenever possible#because she deserves it and nobody else is gonna do it#my boss is nice enough - but she doesn’t talk us up much which is a shame#so it’s up to me to make sure my coworker is being appreciated properly#because she is doing a TON of good work and i need to make sure she knows how incredible that is#she is too hard on herself and needs to take more time for herself to rest because she doesn’t get nearly enough#me and our other coworker have made it our personal mission to ensure that she takes care of herself#and she’s actually doing meaningfully better since we took an interest and - again - i am SO proud of her#i’m currently trying to convince her not to take too much on this summer and i *THINK* it’s going well#ultimately she’s going to be limited by reality regardless#but it would be better for her to plan less rather than try to do everything and get burnt out#i think she thrives on intense pressure just like i do - but that’s also wildly unhealthy to endure for long stretches#so i’m gonna keep working at it
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"She can't be stopped, she can't be reasoned with, and she will not rest until Humanity crumbles at her feet."
oh. she knows (and is being incredibly pessimistic about salem's chances at defeating the gods LMAO).
#salem told raven about ozma's mission and a goal#and how the gods will never see humanity “”redeemed“”#as long as salem lives—#“guess who's immortal btw :)))”—#so if oz uses the relics to summon the gods#goodbye humanity!#salem's been through it before she knows what it's like#but salem has her own plan against the gods aaaaand#this is the point raven nopes out#all she hears is “the gods will wipe out humanity no matter what”#(have a little hope)
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some guy commented on my narrator + toriel fic saying "well the narrator's done some questionable stuff once or twice but he's not the one who let SIX children DIE just to SPITE her ex-husband" lmaoooo bro did you even play undertale? you can just say you have no reading comprehension it's okay
#like. of all the toriel slander i've seen this is by far the most ridiculous bc like#even on the most basic of levels it is so clearly wrong. toriel did not let the children go WITH THE INTENTION OF THEM DYING lmao#like her entire thing is not wanting kids to die and being overprotective because of it. that is a basic tenet of her character#and most toriel slander i've seen at least. knows this basic fact#they say shit like 'she's controlling and domineering' or 'she should've gone with them'#but this guy? no. they seem to believe that she. wanted them to die. to 'spite asgore'? how exactly would this spite him?#if i recall correctly (sarcasm. of course i recall correctly)#asgore was the one who WANTED the fallen humans to die.#or he didn't really want them to die deep down inside#but still he saw to it that they did. they would not be dead if it were not for him#and the anti-human laws he put in place#and his attempt to raise the kingdom's spirits by declaring war on humans.#i try to be as neutral as possible on any given character but you can't deny that that's an objective fact.#if toriel let them die she would be helping asgore's purposes.#her entire goal by living in the ruins is to take in fallen humans and protect them#so asgore DOESN'T kill them. so she can thwart his plans THAT way.#also i love the wording of 'the narrator's done some questionable stuff'#he exploded stanley. he erased all of stanley's friends and coworkers. he has made stanley's existence a living hell for god knows how long#i mean yeah yeah it's not really him who's in control they're both slaves to the narrative and all that#but he holds a lot of power over stanley and he uses it. and abuses it.#to act like wilful sadistic murder is on the same level as a distraught bereaved mother#trying to save other children from the fate her own suffered and becoming overprotective in the process#is just ridiculous. lol#anyways i deleted the comment :] no toriel slander under toriel-sympathetic fics pleeeaaase
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i mean nona gave us a lot in the way of easily-missed offhand trivia but i think ob/gyn mercymorn was maybe the most everything of all of it. of course she was. children as fists. infants as gestures. yuck. pfaugh.
#like i'm going insane about her. ''i will not tolerate a plan that incorporates reproductive injustice'' good lord.#gesturing frantically at dios apate major and making incoherent noises. a myriad is a very long time.#rhi talks#the locked tomb#mercymorn the first#books#and like i mean of course she was. of course that was where god's anatomist saint came from. of course.#you can assemble a horde of surgeons and every one of them will know a few square feet of the body like the back of their hand#but if you want to know how kidneys split and skulls calcify and dorsal nerves unfurl from the spinal column then where are you gonna go#but an ob/gyn.#*tearily* mercymorn... marlene... maria.. whatever the fuck your name was. i love you
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At this point, I honestly do think that Angel and Angelus are the same person (I'll probably make a more detailed post about all this later).
Like, the whole Angel/Angelus debacle--and us fans asking whether they're the same person or not--is because the show first tells us that a vampire is not the human person left behind with a demon in them: instead, the demon takes over the human's body--almost possesses them, if you will--and may have the memories and even the personality of the person they inhabited, but really isn't that human and has nothing to do with them at all.
But later on, things in the show (like how Spike was handled) make fans begin to question this.
So fans then usually come up with the idea that the Watcher's Council was wrong in telling us this first thing that we heard. Or moreover, that that's probably what they want their Slayers to believe, for obvious reasons. But really, vampires are the person they once were, they just have a demon in them now and no soul/conscience.
Like I said: I might get into all of that in another post. But like a lot of fans have come up with, I do now think that Angel/Angelus are the same person, and that Angelus sort of developed split personalities.
And fanfic writers usually give the following reason for this, if they also buy into this idea.
That when Angelus' soul was restored to him--and all the Catholic teachings he believed in and adhered to as a human--he couldn't deal with it, so came up with the idea that it wasn't really him (and in some ways, it wasn't. Because with a soul/conscience and without the demon, he never would have done that stuff). It was the demon. And thus the Angelus and Angel split was born.
I think another idea similar to that (I don't know if I've seen it in fanfiction, though maybe I have) is that when Angelus' conscience is returned to him, he can't handle all of the horrible things that he did--the mind can only deal with so much, after all--and so in order to protect itself, it comes up with the idea it wasn't truly him--and the Angelus and Angel split is born.
But one thing I feel like I've never seen anyone mention (that I was having a discussion about with a friend once)... is the possibility is that the Romani curse itself could have been responsible for the split. Or at least partly responsible for it. Because there's the loophole in the curse, that after Angel gets his soul back, he'll lose it again if he ever knows a moment of true happiness. But doesn't this make it so there will always be a monstrous version of himself that he can turn back into? It almost makes it sound like to me that the conditions of the curse make it so that "Angelus" can never be rehabilitated, even if he got a chip or whatever like Spike did, so there would always be evil for Angel to turn back into, if he had his moment of true happiness, all so the Romani could have their revenge that way. Does that make sense to anyone else, or am I just crazy? ^_^'
#buffy the vampire slayer#long post#angel#angelus#angel(us)#also. i think the real reason for the inconsistent soul writing is (a)the writers didn't have it all figured out from the get-go and made#it up as they went along. and thus there are plotholes#and/or (b) they sometimes didn't care about the soul rules if better character writing could come out of it. so they just did whatever#and i'm not condoning them for that. at the end of the day i'd better have good character writing over consistent lore#like i said. i might make a bigger post about all of this someday#but they def didn't have all of this planned out at first. they didn't even know angel WAS a vampire at first. they thought he'd be a legit#angel. lol#but like... at this point. i just see too many similarities between angel and angelus to see them as different characters#and i think even in s2 we were supposed to see them as the same character (i think writing in later seasons changed this though like as4)#but notice how in bs2 that even when angel has turned evil the scooby gang still calls him angel#i think the tie-in novels (though if you want to see them as canon or not is up to you) has a somewhat similar belief#and in s3 buffy saying things like 'i know everything that you did because you did it to me. god i wish that i wish you did. but i don't#i can't' makes me think this is right. note that she doesn't say 'i know everything that ANGELUS did. because he did it to me' or anything#like that. it's 'you'#i know this might be an unpopular opinion among my fellow bangels though. and i can get why#but to me. this is what i think canon was trying to say. but if you don't agree that's totally totally fine#and i still think you can't really pin angelus' sins onto angel. and i get why buffy thinks that too#but also get why angel thinks he needs to make amends for them#but once again. the lore IS inconsistent. so there may be no real answer here. or we may get different answers. or more than one
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finally managed to convince my mom to get me re-evaluated for adhd
#delete later#dont know When but she was apparently talking to my adhd sister and well. i am perhaps getting my hopes up#course its only now that its actually causing some fuckin Issues but. hopefully it wont be too long now#god i actually feel so relieved tho. like i dont think she fully grasped how much of a pain in the ass this is til recently#weirdest part is she HAS already believed i've had it for a while she just didnt think a diagnosis was worth it bc No Problems.........lol#rn the plan is to set me up w/ an appointment with my sister's psychiatrist and if it goes well i might even get MEDS#and i may get to unlock full function of my BRAIN !!!!!!!#head in hands this is a sad thing to get so hesitantly excited about but man. man
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that bitch ass took the callie doll may you burn in hell silas
#the way i was watching the set tour like yesterday and they brought up the dolls#callie’s gonna notice the doll is missing fr fr#how long is callie staying like I JUST NEED FUCKING ANSWERS MAN 😭😭😭😭#i’m so impatient but i should also not be because it’s gonna be ending so soon#like soooooo soon#:((((#can jamie crash at the coterie too i miss him!!#he’s shunned to the communal lounge couch actually jshdjdjs#just the fact that callie travels thousands of miles to support mariana is so 😖😖😖😖😖#even if she’s there for a weeeee bit and the wedding gets brought up or like we know what’s up with that#because that needs to be planned before they arrive for that#or it’s just a spontaneous thing#I NEED WEDDING PLANNING SCENES WITH JALLIE OH MY GOD#good trouble#gt lb
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not rascal's deadbeat owner coming around when im not home and telling my roommate she's taking him for a week (our break is 4 weeks or so, implying he's gonna be back here even though That's Her Cat Not Ours) and then just picking up the new toys i bought for him and taking them with her without even asking. hey. hi. those are mine
#like yes i want rascal to use them so he can be happy and fulfilled but also i dont fucking trust you#she didnt even ask. i wasnt even AROUND and she just yoinked them#she also took the new litter box my roomie got for him bc the old one was so caked in shit that 20 mins in a powerful sink didnt even#change it. like bedrock-hard cat shit. who fucking knows how old that was bc they never clean or empty it. fucks sake#and obv he needs a litter box and my roomie threw the old one away bc again it was Unsalvageably And Hazardously Filthy#like we could get sick he could get sick. get a grip#but like i dont wanna be feeding her replacements for her stuff she doesn't take care of over and over#just burning money trying to make rascal's life a Little better bc again our control over his situation is limited bc hes literally her cat#it's so frustrating. like i waited a full month to get him new toys bc i didn't know how long this situation was gonna last and i dont have#cats and cant have them for a while (not that this is stopping me oops) so it's not like the toys'll be used w me#like if she decided to up and drop him at a shelter like she'd planned less than a couple months ago I'd be sittjng in a pile of cat stuff#but he needs more stuff yknow. theyre not providing for him and i have the means to atm. and just when i bite the bullet and surprise him#with a bunch of new things he was SO excited about she swoops in without warning and takes him#god. my roommate told me he just froze up when his owner came in..and he looked so pissed about it#having to go back and leave us and leave all his fun new stuff to go back to the room where they cant even bother to feed him regularly#much less play with him or take care of him#it's heartbreaking. it's such a delicate situation im trying to move carefully so we don't lose him completely but it's so frustrating going#slow. ughhghhgh AND THEYRE ALWAYS LIKE man he's so much nicer to y'all. MAYBE IT'S BC WE TREAT HIM WELL. CRAZY THOUGHT I KNOW#fucking. i love that little man this sucks for him so bad. trying to get him back for a couple days while im here but no response yet#and my roommate's staying on campus over break so she's gonna show up as soon as that week's over like I'm Here For Rascal. Your Time Is Up.#rauguhhhhh sorry if these rascal vent posts are a downer guys. it's just. god dude. fucking hell#i know this is a stupid situation i have gotten myself into i know it's stupid to try and finagle someone's pet from them BUT SHES ABUSIVE#AND SUPER LIKE. INDIFFERENT?? AND APATHETIC ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT THE PPL SHE DUMPS HIM ON CARE FOR HIM WELL OR NOT. AGH#sighhhh. whatever. gotta focus on tmr's exam and then i can complain about rascal some more.#i get she prolly thinks it's a team effort but the only reason we take her stuff is bc we didn't have a cat and werent planning on it#ggggghhzgzzjzjkkzkzkkzkk. grinding my teeth
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Eloise rushed through the halls, frantically looking for Lycanna, but also desperately trying to avoid open areas, trying to keep out of sight, he did not want Heath finding him again.
A hand grabbed his arm, which made the werecat yelp out a surprised meow, but the familiar voice that reached his ears soothed him.
“You okay?”
Lycanna asked, Clawdeen visible behind them, watching the best friends.
Eloise opened his mouth to answer, but his lip wobbled and tears sprung to his eyes. Lycanna hissed and smoothed a hand quickly down one of Eloise’s ginger furred ears. “Hey, hey, hey,” Lycanna mumbled. “it’s okay, it’s okay.”
Eloise opened his arms and Lycanna immediately wrapped the smaller were up in their arms, letting Eloise get his emotions back under control, giving him a squeeze before letting him go.
“Heath catch up to ya’?”
Clawdeen asked, poking her head forward. “Lycanna told me.” the werewolf said when Eloise blinked bright blue eyes up at her.
Eloise nodded, before his ears slumped back.
“Forgot about me...” Elosie mumbled, his tail lightly tapping at his heels. “Went out with Toralei instead...”
Clawdeen rolled her eyes. “How can a monster be so damn forgetful?” Clawdeen said out into the air, putting a claw to Eloise’s lips when he made to answer. “Nah, listen to me, kitty.” Clawdeen started, looking to Lycanna for permission, smiling at her partner when they nodded. “Yeah, the jerk forgot about it, but are you gonna let that ruin your weekend? march right up to that boy and make him pick! if he wants to spend with Toralei, of all monsters, then let him! but you can’t live in limbo like this of not knowing where in the dang world you stand to him.”
Clawdeen tilted her hip, her ears pinprick straight. “You gotta do something, you don’t gotta be alone, of course not,” Clawdeen pointed at Lycanna and herself to Eloise, winking at him when he turned back at her. “But you gotta do it, or you’ll be miserable, and that ain’t acceptable.”
Eloise blinked for a moment, before sighing and nodding. “You’re right, really.” the werecat said, before steeling himself. “I can’t just ignore him, and it’s just going to hurt not knowing just what was going through his head.” Eloise sucked in a breath, shaking his head. “Yeah! I’m gonna go find him!” Eloise took a step, before he stopped and looked back at the other weremonsters. “Come with me?” he asked, making Lycanna smile gently, and causing Clawdeen to laugh.
“Of course! what else are friends for!” Clawdeen said, giving Eloise a pat on the back.
Phoenica belongs to @berrisweet-panda
Kitabelle belongs to @abyssnighthawk
Lycanna belongs to @shinynymphia
#oh geez we doing this#I fully did not realize how long it's been since I drew one of these I thought it had only been a few months#but then I looked and oh my god it was almost a year?? I don't know what happened I just got distracted I guess?#anyone remember that arc (?) I was doing of toralei taking heath from eloise because she's mad at him?#this is a continuation of that! we're almost done! I promise this time! I want to finish this so bad#I only have one more picture planned if it turns into more then it'll be because I couldn't wrap it up with just that#but other than that it's just one left#I wanted it to look like lycanna clawdeen and eloise were hiding in a corner while the world went along outside of that#thus the extras but I know I didn't really make the hallway big enough vrs the corner to give that effect oops#phoenica is on the phone with cleo they be a dating~ and kitabelle and spectra hold hands because girlfriends~#monster high#fan characters#phoenica sunset#cleo de nile#kitabelle jingles#spectra vondergeist#lycanna bloodbite#eloise sunbeam#clawdeen wolf
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i like uh. literally cannot believe what is happening is still happening btw.pain and suffering (update omg i hit tag limit CRINGE but i think i was done anyway lol)
#purrs#ive felt sort of beholden to keeping it quiet on here bc i felt bad since it was still kinda a secret irl. but i think the word is#traveling fast irl so im giving myself permission to talk about it with my dearest belovedest mutuals some of whom are irl friends i have#ghosted for the last week and a half despite initially trying to set something up bc i have been so miserable over it that i can’t function#and for that i apologize and i swear to god i will get it together eventually. but ok. the thing that happened is that. lol i am crying#typing it bc how do i even say it. my supervisor who is also my mentor who is also dare i say my friend who is also my close colleague who i#is also the reason i even got to the place im in to begin with in so many ways… got a new job. and didn’t tell us she did and dropped it on#us last week. literally a week after i started my new job and i was so so so looking forward to getting to work closely with her in this new#way at last and um. that is not happening anymore. and it could be so much worse like thank GOD she didn’t *** or whatever which is#something i worry about literally constantly. but this hurts. it’s devastating and i feel betrayed even though im so happy for her and she d#deserves it so much. and im so fucking sad and do fucking scared bc there’s literally 3 of us now and we have to NOT PANIC and act like we#are processing this totally fine or else we will face Consequences which are the same reasons she’s leaving probably. lol. idk. it’s very#cringe to post about it and not vague and i know it’s like weird to be close to work and to your colleagues and whatever but it has never#been just work and it’s like. how can this person come into my life and utterly transform it and we go on this journey together and we JUST#reached this beautiful glorious pinnacle but then you leave?? and who knows how long she was planning to do this. lol. and despite how s#much i care abt her im the least close to her personally out of everyone on the team so i am suffering and withering and exploding and#sobbing and howling and barking and i want to talk to her so bad and tell her how much she means to me and that it is physically painful to#think about doing this without her bc she was supposed to like. help me and stuff bc she went thru baiscally the same path im on lol and we#have a lot in common in terms of identity / life situation and i was like ummmmm hi can you teach me how to be a fuller version of myself.#and this ks like such a wake up call that no *i* need to teach me that and no one can. but i don’t want that to mean losing her and im so#scared that she won’t be in my life anymore and i am going to miss her so much. im going to miss every little thing and it’s killing me and#i can’t stop crying about it and it feels like a fucked up nightmare and everything is different now and im temporarily secon in command who#which is like wtf no that’s YOU. come back. how could you leave. but she needed to i guess and i just didn’t know how bad. but it hurts ummm#lol. and if she knew how hard ive been losing my shit i think she would be angry and sad and like surprised bc i think she thinks im#normaler than i am now but it’s like god. there was so much to look forward to and i was already feeling weird about the future and now it’s#like the little parts of it i at least knew i could count on are totally gone because she’s leaving us for fucking ****** of all places LMAO#delete later#i know it’s like weird to vent abt irl stuff / ppl so candidly i know what it suggests about me but this is like my best possible coping#mechanism rn i guess or at least it feels the best bc ppl like the posts and you don’t even have to say anything it just lets me know that#like. im not insane for it iwguess. even though iwreally feel like it. idk. i just am going to miss her so much. i wish i could stop crying
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#Once more I've found myself (likely) overthinking writing things#Current project has had So Many Beginnings#Because I can't settle on an idea and keep hopping around#And it's getting very frustrating because I want SO BADLY to write the story because I love this character and her story so much#I've the basic idea down but it's the details that keep tripping me up#I was all excited because I got 38 pages written in a single weekend#...And then I got sick and now it's a month later and my momentum's gone (very annoyed about that)#I keep telling myself that God has a plan and maybe I'm not meant to write just yet for whatever reason#Maybe there's something else I've yet to discover - but it's so hard when I just want to write#And I'm really frustrated with magic systems atm too#I LOVE reading about magic...but I hate designing it because I know I overthink and nitpick and I can literally feel my brain rebelling#And I'd really like a sort of historical-fantasy fantasy world with monsters and no/not much magic#But...magic is sort of how my MC gets the story started#She frees monsters that were thought to be a myth...and how can she free them (and put them back) if not with magic?#And I'm not sure how to get to what I want vs what's...actually possible? in the scope of the story#*long sigh*#I love writing but sometimes it's so frustrating#redpanda rambles
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