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#she by dodie
laun-sina · 3 months
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FRAN IN C.C.'S POV || SHE - Dodie Am I allowed to look at her like that? ⤷ FRAN X C.C. there is Something about the way c.c. looks at fran over the course of the show that screams GAY YEARNING so i made a video about it and hurt myself in the process...unrequited francc...ah yes, why do i do this to myself? disclaimer: i do not own any of the clips or audio used in the video. the video is made for entertainment purposes only, no copyright infringement is intended. all rights belong to the nanny and dodie. :>
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moonstoast · 2 years
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—sapphic yearning
the madness vase by andrea gibson // ioanda batallé prats // hans makart // she by dodie // portrait of a lady on fire (2019) // carol (2015) // sappho // david hettinger // we’ll never have sex by leith ross
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freckled-bunny · 1 year
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cant believe I saw her live ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡
love u forever dodie <33
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a-wondering-thought · 3 months
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I just wonder...am i allowed to look at her like that?...
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aotgylbk · 7 months
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no one has ever described taylor swift as good as dodie did in a chorus of "she"
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milliewilloarts · 2 years
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Dodie <3
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mauveliza · 1 year
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And I’ll be okay
Admiring from afar
‘Cause even when she’s next to me
We could not be more far apart
And she tastes like birthday cake and storytime and fall
But to her
I taste of nothing at all
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xiowo · 10 months
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Dodie 🪼🎀
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alma-artts · 1 year
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AND SHE
TASTES LIKE BIRTHDAY CAKE
AND STORY TIME
AND FALL.
BUT. TO. HER.
I. TASTE. OF. NOTHING !!!!! AT !!!!! ALL !!!!
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flynns-words · 1 year
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she
doesn't smell like lemongrass and sleep,
but she smells like memories and peace.
i don't know if you'd find her in a polaroid picture,
but you'd find her in the drawings on my lockscreen.
and she
does mean everything to me..
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daacstaarz · 2 years
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i almost tripped over a railing and fell off a balcony yesterday but then i realised if thats how i went out, with She by dodie blasting in my ears and engrossed in one of the best fics ive ever read that wouldnt be so bad
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yourlocalbrawler · 2 years
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She, by dodie || Teagan and Patricia
Timing: Current Parties: @teaganmyrick @yourlocalbrawler Contains: Emotional Abuse allusions Summary: At Patricia's house, her and Teagan have a "friend" date, during which they dance, bake, and fall to pieces.
The drive to Patricia’s house wasn’t a familiar one, but not a path Teagan hadn’t traversed before. The two were mere strangers the last time she had been over. Paying for time in the private gym just to faint after getting to know the wolf a little. A very real and beautiful relationship blossomed from the seeds planted of that day, and the nix was grateful for that. She wasn’t sure what Fate had in store for the two, but she was looking forward to it so much that she wasn’t trying to plan anything. All her focus was on the experience as a whole.
Knocking on the door, she announced her arrival, shifting her weight from her heels to her toes several times in excitement. Teagan held the container of Welsh cakes she had prepared, hoping Patricia enjoyed the childhood treat she adored. There were two whole batches left over from when she made them for Sloane, and she had already eaten one of them. Somehow, she had managed to save the other for that very night. And really, that was easy considering she knew she’d get to partake in them with her friend.
The majority of the day so far had been spent preparing everything for Teagan’s arrival. Things were different now that Patricia had time to prepare for guests. The locks on the mysterious hallway closet were double checked, Daisy was calmed down with a long run outside, and a bouquet had been carefully placed in a vase, waiting to be gifted. The knock from the door pulled Patricia from her thoughts, drawing in her attention. She was glad that it was a knock and not the doorbell signifying Teagan’s arrival, otherwise Daisy would have charged the door with her raw speed and weight.
Patricia wasn’t quite sure what her and Teagan were, or what they’d be, but that didn’t matter right now. All she knew was that she liked being friends with her, and she wanted that feeling to go both ways. She quickly moved to the door and opened it, gesturing for Teagan to come inside. “Welcome to my humble home, again. This time, it’s temporarily free of dog hair.” Slowly, Patricia backed up, leading her guest towards the kitchen, where the vase laid. Contrary to those she slept with and never spoke to again, she had a tendency to go a bit far when it came to giving gifts to those she called friends. “I got you these, since we’re at the flower stage of our… unlabeled anomalous thing.” She joked, leaning her elbow atop the kitchen counter. “I did some research, and all of these flowers are good for lakes and their ecosystems or whatever. It’s got blueflag iris, some swamp milkweed, some cardinal flowers, and some other little ones that the person at the flower shop would also be good for lakes.”
As the lock clicked and the door opened, Teagan’s excitement grew. But it reached its true peak at the sight of the most precious sight she’d ever seen. She squealed, rushing past Patricia to get to Daisy quickly. “I forgot you had a dog! Holy moly, they’re huge! What’s their name?!” The container of Welsh cakes was forgotten, having been put to the side as she practically slid into her. How she loved dogs, and it was even better that she was a behemoth. Her hands rushed through the mound of fur, searching for the spot, but Patricia quickly took her attention away at the mention of lakes.
“Hm?” Teagan’s smile washed away, an expression of pure awe and adoration painting on her face instead. She was taken aback by the gesture, by the fact that a non-nix would put so much effort into such a gift. Warmth spread over her skin, and she leaned into it, letting her scales flush over her. “They’re for…my lake?” She had seen fauna similar in her beautiful lake, helping with the ecosystem and with its prosperity. It was the kind of gift that had layers to it. The ones of which she wasn’t sure she was ready to peel away. Diving was easy for Teagan, but she didn’t think she was ready for those waters just yet. Or if she ever would be. “I’m sure the water and everyone there will love them.” Standing up, she picked up the cakes and placed them next to the vase. “I brought you these. Memories from back home. Made the butter and jam too. I hope you like them.”
Patricia watched as Daisy almost tackled Teagan. She was glad the two were getting along, and that Teagan hadn’t gotten toppled over. When she walked away towards the flower vase, Daisy curled up into a ball on the floor, panting heavily with excitement. “Her name’s Daisy, and yes she’s absolutely massive. Aren’t ya girl?” She crouched down for a moment, vigorously scratching behind the large dog’s ears and getting a very positive response in return, before looking over her shoulder at her guest. She was extremely happy to hear that Teagan liked the gift, in a way she too did not yet want to decipher, but for now she was content to let that feeling simply exist. “Yeah, for the lake and all of its inhabitants.” At the sight of cakes, Patricia quickly approached to grab one, giving it a try without hesitation. “Holy shit this is fantastic. You have to teach me how to make these.”
It wasn’t long before the small Welsh cake that Patricia had decided to try was completely gone, with not a single crumb left in its place. “You spoil me too much, Teags… never stop.” She joked, playfully nudging Teagan with her elbow. It was nice to have people in her life that she could have fun with, people who she didn’t have to show as much restraint around, and Teagan had proved herself to be one of those people. “I was thinking we could bake a white chocolate cake, unless you have a different recipe in mind?” She briefly left the kitchen to put a record on her record player, to serve as background music for the time being. Upon returning, she began retrieving dishes from cabinets, lining them up from smallest to largest next to her sink. It was clear that she was both very experienced and very excited, though it was mostly just a guilty pleasure hobby.
Teagan wriggled her fingers together anxiously as she waited for feedback on her cakes. She knew they were good, of course they were. Her mother had honed the recipe she had written on the weathered card she held closely to her heart. The handwriting and scribbles long worn and faded, but still legible enough for Teagan to decipher. By now she had the recipe memorized, but it wasn’t something she’d get rid of. Like the cakes themself, the memories were too precious to part from. “I’d love to teach you. It’s an old recipe from my mum. I’ll write it down for you.” Etch it onto something similar, passing on a piece of her mother as she had done so all those years ago. “Nonsense. I only give what I can.” She nudged back, following closely behind to watch as Patricia gathered everything they needed for the delicious cake. Everything her friend had made had been absolutely delicious, and she couldn’t wait to see what the outcome would be from baking together, knowing both their skills were above average.
“So, what’s first, chef? I’m quite good at frosting. If you have vanilla, powdered sugar, milk, and some butter, I can make us a proper buttercream frosting. Gonna overwhelm your tastebuds off with how good it is.” Teagan couldn’t help but giggle and bounce excitedly at the prospect of all the sugar she was going to consume. Finding herself behind Patricia, she wrapped her arms around her waist and gave her a good squeeze before searching for a few items for her own side of the baking process. “Maybe as it cools, we can have our own little fun, eh?” It was mostly a tease, but she wouldn’t be surprised or upset if they did get intimate. Having a friend to do so with was fun. Even better that she felt as comfortable and safe as she did with Marina and now even her friend Scarlett. Something was a little different, she had gathered that much, but she didn’t think it was anything to delve into. Not when she was having fun and wanted to live as fully as possible.
“If you’re good at it, who am I to stop you from making some killer frosting.” Patricia was caught off guard by the sudden hold, a surprise that lingered for a bit after Teagan had already passed along to gather what she needed. She leaned over and pressed a few buttons on the oven to get it preheated, before starting to combine the dry ingredients. “It’s like you can read my mind. That’s a fucking fantastic idea.” She chuckled warmly, a light smirk painting her face as she flicked a bit of flour over at Teagan. The company was pleasant, extremely so, and she had fully expected more than just baking between the two, but it was still nice to know they shared a similar mindset.
Patricia eventually started melting some white chocolate for the batter, pouring it into the large bowl where all ingredients were being mixed into one another. For a moment, she glanced over at Teagan, watching as she made a great buttercream frosting, but she wasn’t paying any attention to the quality whatsoever. Her attention was stolen by the way she was moving, and the expression of focus and happiness being worn. Seconds later, upon returning her attention to what she was doing, Patricia noticed that she’d dropped the spatula into the batter, prompting a few whispered abscinities. “Uh… how’s it going over there?” She called out behind her, hoping to keep Teagan from taking notice of her mistake. She was more than a little embarrassed as she tried to carefully take the spatula over to the sink to wash it off, before she was stopped in her tracks.
“It’s great! Think this is ready to be stowed away ‘til we need it.” Teagan placed it in the fridge to set and headed to Patricia. Brows furrowed upon hearing her distress, and she quickly set to work to alleviate what tension lay in her shoulders. Fingers smoothed Patricia’s shir, and it took being on the tips of her toes to do so. When it looked like something in her settled, Teagan maneuvered herself around to find the source of her friend’s vexation. “Oh I hate when that happens.” Without missing a beat, she carefully grabbed the spatula and removed what batter she could back into the bowl. It was quick work to get most of it off, only leaving a smidge on her fingers.
“All better.” At each word, Teagan booped Patricia’s nose and lips, leaving residual batter on her face. Her smile grew, satisfied with her work. “And that’s for that flour earlier.” She couldn’t help but giggle at the gesture, smoothly taking to moving Patricia’s hand back over the spatula, and helping her stir for a few beats. When it looked like she was back into her groove, Teagan stepped away and leaned onto the kitchen counter. She was eager to get the cake into the oven, but she was content just existing there. The music was perfect enough to dance to, Daisy panted as she watched from afar, and Patricia looked radiant in her element. She soaked it all in and sighed contentedly. “You really know how to set the mood. Is this how you swoon all the ladies?”
A small huff escaped Patricia’s scrunched nose at the sensation of batter on her face, which she swiftly wiped off with the help of a nearby paper towel. “Fair enough, I can’t even be upset at that one.” She was glad that Teagan had helped, otherwise she’d waste good batter in the sink during her panicked rinsing. Once everything was back in order, just the way she liked it, Patricia got back to work. She carefully mixed the batter, being careful not to over-mix or make another mistake. It wasn’t long before the batter was slowly poured into two cake tins and slid into the oven as if both were done in a single fluid motion. “Well, you certainly aren’t most ladies-” It was clear that the mind and the mouth were very much disconnected right now, and thus, a swift backpedal ensued. “-Sorry, that came out wrong. I mean most are just one night stands, but you’re one of my friends, so you aren’t like ‘most ladies’, you know?”
With a gentle smile and an exit from the kitchen, Patricia hoped that another good distraction would help. After gently pressing a kiss to Teagan’s cheek, she whistled loudly, prompting Daisy to make her way over to try to stand up, resting two paws on Teagan’s shoulders to stay standing. At this height, the dog was almost as tall as her, but not quite. “Damn, she stole my move.” Patricia joked with a quiet, amused chuckle while watching her most treasured pet cover Teagan’s face with dog slobber. “She’ll get down if you scratch her behind the ears. That’s her favorite spot.”
It took some effort, but Teagan managed to keep her scales from cascading over her face. She liked how it sounded—being different from the many women Patricia had fun with. For what reason, she couldn’t decipher, but a new distraction soon filled her mind. Daisy was giant and nearly toppled the nix over with her little stunt. She didn’t mind, even letting herself be taken to the ground in that bundle of fur. It was all in good fun and the pup’s excitement bled into her own, prompting a bellyful laugh. “Big dog with a big personality. I love it.” Every word bounced between bits of laughter, growing stifled when the canine planted her wet kisses to Teagan’s face. More laughter ensued, and before she could be covered in saliva, she smoothed her fingers behind Daisy’s ear. That quickly incapacitated the slobber beast and had her kicking her leg in satisfaction.
“Ah, there we are. Much calmer, aren’t we?” She cooed, eyes softening and legs crossing to get into a comfortable position as Daisy panted happily. Teagan was happy herself, that feeling growing with each day. Grew with each instant she spent with people she held dear to her heart. For many days after she returned, it was difficult to not reprimand herself for not being so free sooner. To grant herself the grace to fulfill every need she constantly withheld from herself as punishment. But that, along with her death, was long behind her. And the path she was permitted could not be polluted with the poison of shame if she were to properly water the seeds of her new chance. Root them and allow them to prosper into a giant, powerful oak.
“What shall we do now while we wait? I can show you a dance or two. This music is just slow enough for a duet combination.”
Daisy relented immediately, almost plopping onto the ground as the back of her ear was scratched, sending her into a happy, docile state. Patricia couldn’t help but grin at the sight, glad that her most cherished canine companion was getting along well
with Teagan. She herself heartily laughed as she watched the dog’s tail wag quickly, almost knocking over a nearby wooden chair. “A dance? What a lady you are.” With a playful wink Patricia crossed the room to her record player, flipping the record over and starting it again on the other side, so they wouldn’t be interrupted by a skipping needle. Though she had great footwork when knocking the wind out of people in The Ring, she couldn’t actually dance to save her life. “I have two left feet, so you’ll have to lead, darling.”
Patricia’s hand reached out towards Teagan, palm facing towards the floor as she waited for Teagan to take it and show her how it was done. She planned to one day repay the offer by taking her to a fight at The Ring or teaching her how to fight. Part of her felt worried that the vulnerable gesture would blow up in her face somehow, that she’d make a fool out of herself or hurt Teagan, but those fears dissolved quickly at the sensation of Teagan’s hand grasping her own, letting her know the gesture wasn’t for nothing. "Lead the way, gorgeous."
“Two…left feet?” Teagan recalled the times she’d seen Patricia’s body and never once saw an abnormality. Then it hit her. “Oh! I suppose you mean that facetiously. A…common phrase about your supposed inability to dance?” Her brows wriggled together with worry that she didn’t understand. Words were much more literal for her, the human phrases too lax in context and too close to being lies. “If I were to say that, I would be sick on your floor almost immediately, I’m afraid.” Nervously, she chuckled and parted from Daisy to take the offered hand. Her warmth settled Teagan’s nerves and she smiled a little more genuinely as she looked up at Patricia.
The difference in height wasn’t so bad, but really, it helped when you weren’t the one being towered if you were the lead. Teagan assessed and guided one hand to her waist, and the other into her own. She navigated everything so Patricia could look like she was leading, but she’d be the one pulling the strings. “All right,” She began, slipping her hand to the small of Patricia’s back. “Hear that beat? It’s slow, so we’ll be going slow. Just follow my nudges,” Pressing her hand against her friend’s back, she pulled the two closer together, starting them off with a small sway. “You’re already doing great. Step along with me and just feel my movements. Imagine I’m one of your opponents in the ring. Only, you don’t want to hurt me.”
“Yeah, I’ve always sucked at dancing, so when I dance it’s like I have 2 left feet.” With a warm chuckle, Patricia followed her lead, following the beat as best she could. At the start, her movements were calculated, almost mechanical, as she took the time to follow and watch what Teagan was doing. It wasn’t like she could take her eyes off of her anyways, the hard part was mostly staying moving and paying attention. “I think I’m getting it, it’s like circling an opponent, but much more… flowy.” Over time, it became slightly easier to just move with the music, allowing her movements to become more fluid with practice. The swaying became easier and easier, Patricia pulling Teagan closer once she got the handle of the simple pattern of movement.
There was a glow in Patricia’s eyes as smiled down at Teagan, falling into the rhythm with her. It wasn’t much, but it felt good to apply what she knew to something that wasn’t violent. Violence was great and all, but she was in the process of discovering the things that were better than the constant fighting. “You’re a brilliant teacher, Teags.” There it was again, that weird feeling that rose to her chest, like it was trying to explode out. It felt oddly pleasant, but it didn’t warrant investigation. Patricia wasn’t willing to risk the fun she was having. “So, what got you into dancing? How’d you know it was something you wanted to do?” She asked softly as they continued to dance, not yet noticing that Daisy had been trotting around them so she could feel included.
“Yes, much flowier. Fighting is a dance on its own.” The music motivated both of their feet, brought them closer together, and filled the room with a soft energy. It made the nix’s heart swell the way Patricia moved so in sync and took to the dancing so easily. “And looky there. No two left feet in sight. You’re doing great.” Teagan noticed the way the wolf was enjoying herself, the delight on her face for doing something so pleasant and tender. She hoped Patricia could do more stuff like that the way she deserved. They could keep having those moments, she had no qualms about that, but she really wanted her to experience it outside of her too. She was special, and special people were supposed to find others just like them. Until then, Teagan was happy to be that. A placeholder.
“I’m not such a great teacher. You’re already self-aware and have experience with a tango. Ya just needed someone to show you another way to apply those skills.” At the question, Teagan laid her head on Patricia’s chest and listened closely to the notes while she pondered, coming up with her muse. “Truth is, I don’t remember what got me into it. I’ve been doing it for so long. Since I was a wee one. Mum liked dancing.” She sighed, tears welling in her eyes as she squeezed Patricia closer. “I think I just wanted to keep it all going. Do something for mum while doing something for me, but I felt so guilty leaving my family for university…” She trailed off for a few beats, catching Daisy trotting around along with them. A much needed reprieve before going back to her thought. “No one’s ever seen a performance. Couldn’t bring myself to force them to sit among humans. It was so…lonely. Doesn’t feel that way so much now.”
“Exactly, and you taught me to apply them. You should take the compliment, you deserve it after all.” Patricia felt a pleasant tightness in her chest as Teagan’s head laid against it. She didn’t know what to do or how to react, so she just remained silent as her dancing partner pondered an answer. “I think your mom would’ve loved to see you dance. You’re great at it.” As she was squeezed tighter, she held Teagan tighter in return, looking down at her while they gently swayed. “You shouldn’t need to feel guilty, you’re allowed to do your own stuff. I mean… you’re an animator, a dancer, and you’re still managing to protect your lake. You’ve got a lot of plates spinning and it all looks so… effortless. I think they’d be proud to see you now, Teags.”
Teagan looked so sad and guilty, and Patricia could understand, but in a way she also envied her. She’d been able to do what Patricia never had the heart to do, to leave and make her own path for herself. Then, an idea came to mind, as hairbrained and somewhat unrealistic as it was. “What if you did a private performance? Just your family there, and maybe some friends and your favorite friend with benefits,” She playfully winked, hoping to lighten the mood a bit with a warm grin. “-and her dog. But yeah, you could do a small performance privately, I can cater for it with snacks, and then you could show them your awesome lake and your house that’s also a boat and show them how cool you are.” Sure, she was living somewhat vicariously, but in her mind she saw absolutely no flaws in her plan.
For so long, the world felt like a punishment. A barrage of attacks that were nearly impossible to be deflected. After dying though, Teagan discovered it was more of a responsibility. Not one to be taken lightly and not one easily managed. Every person had the task of applying their one chance at life on making their mark, but what happens when you get a second? Teagan had been wondering that as of late, and as she danced with Patricia, it seemed so simple. She saw the connection between the dots and sharpened the blur slowly into focus, and saw it all. With her first chance, she curled like a question mark, debating on actions too far in the future, not taking the time to settle for the present.
No longer though. She wasn’t staying still like a statue; she was dancing. Making music with her feet and bringing another into the melody. Dismissing apathy and rejecting the anxiety of the future; Teagan was living for herself and for the moment. In doing so, she was finally doing her loved ones a service by giving the life they gave her in return. Which is what made Patricia’s words strike her heart so powerfully.
“You’re too kind, Patty.” She teased with a smile, pulling her head from Patricia’s chest and looking up at her. “I’ll have to think about it. Getting us nixies in one place would be hell for you. We’re all mischievous and silly. There are 9 of us too. So, good luck with that.” Teagan locked eyes with her friend’s, and she felt her stomach sink, prompting her eyes to flicker to Patricia’s lips. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! The kitchen timer went off and the nix jumped, swallowing thickly. “Ah—I suppose that’s our cue.”
“I’m not worried about 9 nixies in one place, especially if they’re all at least a little bit like you. You’re not that hard to deal with.” Patricia couldn’t understand why, but she wanted to help Teagan with this important thing, if it were to happen. She was also excited to be able to bake for more people that wouldn’t know about her reputation in town. It’d be like a small fresh start with Teagan’s family.
As the two shared a moment that was beginning to melt into another, Patricia opened her mouth to speak. “I-” She was suddenly cut off by the sound of the timer blaring in the kitchen nearby. She reluctantly stepped away, quickly rushing to slip an oven mitt on before removing the cake tins from the oven. With a gently metal clink they were placed on the stovetop, the scent of white chocolate filling the home almost immediately. “There we go, now all we need to do is let it cool. I wonder what we’ll do in the meantime…” She leaned against the counter, shooting a suggestive glance towards her friend. Maybe an intimate distraction would make the butterflies go away.
Then, suddenly, Patricia’s phone began ringing, pulling her from her thoughts and back into the moment. She visibly paused upon seeing who was calling, answering the call after a moment of pause. “Hey, dad. I’m kinda busy right now. Can you call back tomorrow?” A gruff voice spoke on the other end, though it was very hard to make out from across the room. Patricia was clearly frustrated, and hiding something. “No, you can’t come by to watch my fight this week, I’m very busy and don’t have time for any. I’m with a friend right now, so I’ll call you back tomorrow. If I don’t you can just drop by unannounced like you always do. Talk to you later, bye.” She hung up the phone, sliding it back into her pocket, more eager than ever for a distraction of some kind. “Sorry about that, Teags. My dad called. Now, where were we?”
Teagan waited patiently as Patricia spoke to her father, head tilting as she listened on and off. Her mind wandered, thinking of what that was like; to be speaking to a parent on the phone. To hear the love on the other end of the phone and how the soul spoke with simple taps to the phone. Connecting phone lines like the strings that made up a heart. That very thing sank in Teagan’s chest, knowing she wouldn’t ever hear that ring or receive that text. For the most part, she was fine with that, had grown used to that void. But as she stood there in the vulnerability she hadn’t realized was growing, that sorrow sank in.
When her and Patricia’s eyes met, it was like they both knew they needed something else to think about. The past was the past, and she had the present to live for. It was a gift she was given, and she wasn’t going to waste her second chance.
Teagan nodded, closing the distance a little too eagerly and rushing to meet Patricia’s lips with hers. “We were right here.” She muttered in between breaths, feeling herself be lifted and her legs wrapped around her friend. “Let’s just do this for a while.”
“You don’t have to tell me twice.” Patricia remained standing, wrapping her arms around Teagan while they shared a passionate, eager kiss. She slowly made her way upstairs to her bedroom, before tossing the light nix onto the bed and closing the door hastily behind her.
After a couple of hours had passed, the two laid next to one another, enjoying one another’s company in the nice, cool room, under Patricia’s soft comforter. That might’ve been the final blow, the straw that broke the camel’s back, leaving an elephant lingering in the room between them. She looked over at Teagan, an almost observant expression on her face as she tried to read what her friend was thinking. This wasn’t their first intimate moment, but this time definitely felt different than the others. “That was… nice. Yeah?” A silent breeze passed through, sharp and pointed, drawing attention to the awkwardness that lingered over them like a heavy smog.
Humming happily, Teagan traced patterns on Patricia’s skin, fluttering her eyes up as she registered the weight of her friend’s eyes. “Hm?” It took a moment, but the nix managed to refocus.  “That was nice. Always is.” She whispered against skin, enjoying her newfound high and tangling their legs together to bask in the warmth. Her mind was abuzz, too enraptured in the feeling to delve further into what Patricia’s voice really evoked. A part of Teagan could see there was more to be said, but decoding those messages meant decoding a number of other things she wasn’t ready to. And maybe she never would be. What they had going was strong and delightful. There was no sense in ruining it, she thought. “That cake must be cool by now, eh?” She mused aloud, pausing for a moment as she kissed Patricia’s chest. “Think it can wait until later? I like it right here…if that’s okay.”
Patricia’s hand rose to run her fingers slowly through Teagan’s hair, a warm grin resting on her lips. “Right, as it always is.” She scooched closer, relinquishing her concerns to sink into the moment. Whatever was going on could wait until another day. For now, she’d enjoy the rest of the night with her friend. “Of course that’s okay… I was actually going to ask if you wanted to stay the night, maybe?” She continued playing with her hair, her lidded eyes gazing down at her, hoping her offer would be accepted. If it was, the cake would certainly have to wait, because there was no way in hell that Patricia was getting up. “If not it’s completely fine, I don’t want you to feel like you have to just because I asked.”
“My dear,” A pleasant smile traced over her lips, and she kissed Patricia softly, giving herself a brief moment. “You tuckered me out enough to sleep for a few days.” Letting out a breathy chuckle, Teagan wrapped her arms a little tighter around her…friend. She was nothing more than that. That’s what she told herself, at least. There was no way Patricia could ever see her such a way anyway. There was no way she was meant to stay with any singular person. She was a breath of life, not a stationary weight to bring people down. Because that’s what she believed she would do.
For as much as she finally decided to live, she still lived in fear of being the exact wrong thing for others. To avoid such a situation, Teagan opted to keep herself moving, never letting the connections' tethers tangle and tighten uncomfortably.  She would keep what they were doing together strictly carnal so that she could never disappoint Patricia’s heart. “It’s been a lovely evening,” A bittersweet sigh escaped her, her body sinking further despite her senses stinging. She couldn’t help it while Patricia raked through her hair. “We can just fall asleep here.”
The moment was soft, but there was a lingering pain that the nix didn’t want to acknowledge. Doing so would accept loneliness she still managed to feel. But she was determined to put a wall between herself and that damning admission. She wouldn’t let it seep into her skin like the water she dipped into everyday. Teagan didn’t think she was alone anymore anyway. She connected with so many people physically and emotionally that she could never be alone again. Desperately, she held onto that tight enough to relax herself. “I suppose this is goodnight?” Her voice drifted off, almost unable to keep herself awake, but she was determined to continue, not wanting to miss a thing.
In their safe, warm cocoon, Patricia closed her eyes, leaning fully into Teagan’s contact. It would be difficult to fall asleep with how hard her heart was still pounding in her chest. It felt like fear, or something close to it, locked behind a heavy door that she didn’t dare peer behind. She knew that once she did, Pandora's box would be open, and she’d have to deal with whatever sprang forth. If there was one thing she always avoided, it was dealing with her problems. “I’m tuckered out too, guess we did a number on each other.” She joked quietly, a small grin resting on her lips.
Patricia’s life always had a purpose that wasn’t her own. To fight, to flirt, to survive, all of them were necessities placed upon her, and some fit her better than others. Very rarely did she encounter something she hadn’t been trained for. Teagan was slowly becoming that something, but Patricia knew that she didn’t deserve to be the victim of her trial and error. She was certain, with every cell in her being, that the girl in her arms deserved better than herself, as flawed and imperfect as she was.. Things would be better now if the box remained shut, if only for a while longer, before it would splinter apart. “Agreed, very lovely.”
For only a brief moment, Patricia opened her eyes to look down at the tired nix, her unfettered grin widening for a moment, until she closed her eyes and tried to force herself to sleep. The smile faded as her thoughts faded back into view, reminding her of what couldn’t be, of the contents hiding within Pandora's box. With a knot forming in her throat, she cleared her throat to try and rid herself of the obstruction, before speaking a whisper into Teagan’s ear. “Goodnight, Teags. Sleep well.” And so, the two eventually fell asleep, one after the other, resting in a peaceful silence, despite the torrential thoughts that had plagued them in their previous state of consciousness.
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theitgirls · 2 years
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She
by dodie
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sundayruby · 2 years
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letter for the song thingy: s !! :’)
hi! thank you!
s is such a hard letter because there are so many, SO many good song. but if i have to choose:
shake it out by florence + the machine
she's a rainbow by the rolling stones
saturn by sleeping at last
seperate by pvris
small hands by keaton henson
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weewilliewinkie · 2 years
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i really miss my ‘she’ - dodie era
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omgfucksakes · 6 months
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Truly dodie Clark is able to capture so many experiences that just seem so abstract and isolating.
Like truly I will never be 16 again
Feeling so out of balance in the present
Is this what I waited smiling for
It really does feel like I'm choking on my own smoke
I'm not bitter I'm just tired, no use getting angry at the way that you're wired. Like yeah it truly does feel like that talking to some loves ones who don't get it.
And so many more
Since 'she' and 'adored by him' and still now I have found her music and lyrics so enchanted, even if it's just a listen every now and then these days.
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