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millimononym · 2 years

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season 3 is inherently flawed(and a rewrite/how i would fix it)

warning:this post is LONG. like...really REALLY long. it took me so long to write that i think i genuinely lost my mind and patience half way through because of how angry i got so i kept writing more. you have been warned!also feel free to criticize and disagree.i'm not a writer,and i don't know if i articulate my thoughts in the best way,but i tried.

so most of us agree that s3 is def the worst season of Galactik Football, right? The art and animation got worse, the editing was weird, and because the original writers of the series werent involved, the entire season was written like absolute shit: everything goes way too fast or way to slow, the characters are all assasinated or just act like braindead robots who do things for no apparent reason(aka because the plot is incapable of being organic so it needs to FORCE its characters into doing things they would never do if they had 2 braincells...) etc etc. But something i often find brought up as a positive is the concept of the season(NOT the execution) but honestly....im not sure i agree.

the concept of the season is that because of this new tournament, players with any kind of flux are allowed to play in any team! Now this sounds cool on paper...but in execution? not really. and thats not just because s3 is incompetent.

I think this concept doesnt work because it has nothing to do with the snow kids. Theyre the main characters, they should get the focus. Every SK already has the breath of akillian and they care about each other very much,they also work very well together because of this, so they dont have a reason to recruit new people, especially ones with different kinds of flux. Now, theres a solution to this: the dreaded moment where a character(or multiple characters) decide to leave the team to make way for the new character. But theres also a problem with that: people dont like it when you replace beloved characters with new ones(especially ones as bland and uninteresting as Lun-zia). SO the solution to THAT would be to show what that last character was up to after they left,just like before,in the previous seasons. but then that doesnt fix anything AT ALL actually,because the problem of sharing screentime is still there. You see the problem? for every problem solved at least 3 more show up. You cant fix something that wasnt broken,aka the SK team.

the characters that leave the SK are Mei(shadows), Yuki(electras(a team that we never heard of before so theres also that)), and Djok(who joins Paradisia,the most basic,boring rivals and villains this series has ever had. they are actually so bland that the writers made them part robot to justify just how 1 dimensional all their decisions are). The 1 who joins the SK is Lun-zia, a basic,bland character with no personality who only serves as a way for the writers to introduce the 500th boring ass love drama that goes nowhere. wonderful. You would think that after they set up that idea earlier,and with how bland Lun-zia is,that they would at least do something interesting with the concept,right? WRONG. They do absolutely nothing interesting with the mix flux idea in every team. It might as well not have been there.

[The reason why mix flux teams arent allowed in the cup is very simple, everything makes sense because the world pre s3 made sense. A person can join any team they like,as long as they switch to the flux of the team they are joining because they will be representing THAT PLANET. Its also the reason why the pirates dont use flux even though they probably have it: they represent Shiloe, a place with no flux of it own. If they were to use the flux,they would be using a flux that another team already has and is using to represent THEIR planet. (OH and yet another thing about s3 that doesnt make sense , if the pirates can use the flux now, WHY DONT THEY?? jfc every time u think u hit rock bottom this season suprises u with how horribly thought out it is)]

this all isnt even MENTIONING the fact that the tournament was USELESS. actual time wasting for almost the entire season. Because later on, after Paradisia gets fucked, Harris(the ACTUAL villain that HAD setup unlike the generic,out of nowhere, dumbass, out of place oc that is “Lord Phoenix/Magnus Blade”(god thats such a stupid fucking name)) forces the flux society to hold the GFC 3 years early(cuz the cup takes place every 4 years and s3 is set a year after s2) AND THEY DO. so....WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THE TOURNAMENT????!!!

I am actually going insane.this season is so bad. never have i seen such misuse of plot,worldbuilding,characters and setting. You have no idea how long this post is taking to write because as i keep writing i keep finding worse and worse things to say and keep coming to even more horrifying conclusions. its like a never ending pit, full of plot holes and ruined characters.Someone was paid to ruin this series.Let that sink in. But i think i will just give you a rewrite now. A basic fix that whatever lobotomite who wrote s3 couldnt be bothered with. Its very barebones so feel free to add on or tell me if its shit

HOW I WOULD FIX IT:

just drop the mix flux idea entirely. The cup would never allow it and in my universe the tournament wouldnt exist because it had no prior buildup and was completely useless. Instead of wasting time on that,empty romance subplots and annoying unfunny jokes, i would focus on the aspect of people leaving the team to join another that was never fleshed out. Also build up(in s3 Djok and Mei had their arguments basically off screen and the decision to leave was robotic and would absolutely never happen that fast, Also Yukis decision made no sense too and had no build up.)

The season would start with the GFC taking place 3 years early, everyone is confused and frustrated and unprepared. It would be a mystery until its revealed Harris blackmailed the flux society like he did in s3. Under the pressure, Djok would be an asshole which would then cause Mei to leave to join the shadows,albeit more slowly.Perhaps have her be manipulated/persuaded by Sinedd,he did always hang around people at their lowest points (Djok,Rocket).Plus i think Mei would be a lot more comfortable joining the shadows since she got used to coach Artegor in s2 which would help pursuade her. I always felt that the shadows should have gotten more focus for being the main rival team, and now we have a chance for that now that both Mei and Sinedd are there. Have the team interact! Show how Mei is adapting to the team/enviorment/flux. Also Mei and Sinedd dont need to date each other. Mei can be single,dammit.

Mei leaving because of Djok(and also dumping him) would be devestating to Djok as he can never admit to his wrongs. Yuki takes her place, but ultimately decides to leave because of the pressure and stress Djok is putting her in as well(in s2,he was being an asshole to her just for replacing Ahito while he was unwell,can you imagine how he would be if she were replacing his ex girlfirend instead?). Mark ends up taking the defense position and everyone, especially Micro Ice chew out Djok for one last time,telling him to stop being a selfish prick and that hes pushing everyone away(SERIOUSLY WE DONT NEED HIM TO LEARN THAT FOR THE FIFTH TIME). Rocket is the captain again because hes responsible.

We would focus a lot more on Yuki and Mei,as well as everyone dealing with the fact they will have to compete against their friends. Mei would be trying really hard to intergrate with the shadows even though she knows the smog is harmful to someone as emotional as her(maybe have her mom put pressure on her again because shes the defender in a new team which is bad for popularity,as well as Sinedd because hes just Like That.(yes,Mei is staying a defender in this.she has been established to be the best in defense and im not having Fulmugus pushed out of attacker position,hes still an attacker and captain)). Combine the stress of leaving her friends,breaking up with her bf,her mom putting pressure on her and joining a new team, and Mei is an emotional mess which isnt good because of the smog. Eventually she gives up and tells Sinedd (who she has formed a friendship with)as well s the rest of the team that she just cant deal with the smog and that she knows its bad for her,and that shes going back. Sinedd doesnt take this well because of his abandonment issues(i mean cmon...hes been abandoned by p much everyone except the shadows at this point) and basically starts a fight with her in the middle of traning. Sinedd blows up at her,calling her a coward and a quitter(because in his mind,the side effects dont matter,the most important thing is the tournament and he thinks shes using it as an excuse to abandon him) and Mei yells back at him that hes pushed everyone away just like Djok(OOO PARALLELS) which pisses Sinedd off more to the point where both of them are either on the verge of tears,or on the verge of fighting each other. The only thing holding them back is the other shadow players who have basically just been watching them like :0 this entire time. Thats when Artegor asks Mei if she wants to leave and go back to the SK. She says yes but doesnt know how to. Artegor gives her advice based on his own experiences(OOO PARALLELS EXCEPT WITH AARCH AND ARTEGOR THIS TIME). Mei would come back,but Djok is still cold towards her,except he regularly gets chewed out by the other SK for this which makes Mei feel better.

That entire yelling fit that happened with Sinedd would kick off his arc. That plot point in s2 where Artegor is being responsible with the smog and is worried for Sinedds health wouldnt be wasted. S2 didnt have time to show Artegor being a better coach and person to his team but I DO. Have Sinedd confused with how much better he treats them(kind of like in the fanfic “consequences” on ao3) and also kind of upset because he doesnt know how being cared for feels like!! he just thinks artegor has gotten soft and weak because he actually cares about sinedds health now. The shadows are confused too but mostly just concerned with Sinedd instead. Like...”yeah its normal for coaches to look out for ur health...we didnt tell u because we thought you knew and were just cool with Artegors harsh teaching methods”. So OOPS!! Sinedd finds out what having a family feels like and he doesnt know if he likes it !! feeling vulnerable and having people and parental figures care about you? disgusting...hes crying now and it kicked off his personality redemption arc

As for Yuki, i dont know what team she would join,or even if she would join a team at all. She doesnt do well under pressure. I would focus on her feeling like her only role in the team was being a replacement, first for Ahito,then Tia, then Mei. Those kinds of thoughts are a BITCH to deal with alone, so i would have someone in the SK(perhaps Mark,since he knows how it feels) seek her out and reassure her that the team still cares about her even if she left.

MORE THINGS HAPPEN IDK HOW TO CONTINUE

now u might be wondering how im ending this...im genuinely sorry but i have no idea. i havent finished watching s3 yet so i have nothing to work with or compare things to...again im sorry but im not a writer. The entire point of this post is to show i think s3 sucks so hard its actually mind numbing. I spent what feels like hours writing this post and my fingers hurt. Feel free to add on because im so tired i have no more steam left. Just so u know,i could GO ON about why s3 is horrible,i could fill one of those 3 hour youtube essays just with that,but as stated i am SO TIRED. s3 ruined a good show...its characters,worldbuilding,setting, EVERYTHING. And why? because instead of giving this last season to the og writers and ending it deserved, they got some fucking rando who writes worse scripts than i did in kindergarden. They ruined it. There probably should have been a clearer conclusion to this post but WHAT IS THE POINT. We all know s3 sucks ! it just sucks so hard that none of us can quite articulate all of it without our fingers falling off. Again,sorry for not ending this properly but i have lost what feels like all of my patience with s3 inhabiting any space in my mind...and also my fingers hurt

#long post #galactik football #ranting about gf season 3 #i have a feeling i will be using that tag more in the future.

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elytrafemme · 1 year

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actually im going 2 rephrase. im not against self diagnosis & im happy if my experiences can help other ppl figure things out & im sure im a hypocrite bc even my BPD thing is like... well u werent given a questionnaire and diagnosed professionally so none of the other stuff that went into this realization both on my and my therapists end matters. so its like im sure ppl think that im faking this too and by God i am scared that IM faking this lol.

but what i just get. upset by ig is like... i think bc im in the same shoes but like. sometimes u read info abt mental health disorders & the info is online and meant 2 distill the experience down to be easily understood and ppl are like ok! This Applies To Me bc ultimately every disorder at its basis relates to some kind of human experience it just gets amplified thats all the controversy with the dsm5 etc etc

and i know bc i did that! when i was trying to figure out what was wrong w me (and repressing any part of me that thought it was BPD) i looked into disorders and went Oh Shit Thats Me bc i wasnt looking at testimonials or actual diagnostic info or studies yet i was like. well this summarized version (still from a reputable source or primary source. thats important these arent like random ass websites right) makes sense to Me. i did this with bipolar because i knew i had depressive episodes and i kenw i had periodic hypomanic (which i think at this point is below hypomanic but still some sort of psychological manic response, its complicated i can explain if anyone cares etc) so i was like this is probably it! but when i actually figured out ok how does bipolar affect ppls lives how does it manifest across a WIDE sample i was like oh, no. this doesn’t really make sense at all.

and when u further deconstruct disorders as like... theres so much overlap and sometimes the traits that could be explained by X disorder are better explained by Y disorder bc to an extent these labels are ‘arbitrary’ (not the right word but u get it), you realize like ok. what im worried about IS valid but these arent the explanations.

this is all to say that i get it and im not upset at ppl for being in different stages of realizing that.

i think what upsets me is when i try to articulate 2 people like. here’s my experience w/ this right and its like, already so so hard to articulate bc how do i capture this in a way that doesnt raise alarm but is inherently alarming but without that element of risk it just sounds too abstract? it sounds very much non maladaptive when i try to take out the parts that are really really bad so even trying to explain why i act the way i act is extremely vulnerable. and then bc i cant explain it ppl are like “oh omg i do that too” or they do the far less favored “girl that’s normal” which ppl, actually do say to me.

and i dont like this idea of ‘trauma olympics’ or comparison or whatever but i do think to an extent its important to emphasize that like... a lot of symptoms are really intense versions of what a person may everyday experience heres a BPD related example right. everyone has had times where they are irrationally hating a close friend of theirs. ESPEC if that relationship is already complicated . so whenever i talk about splitting ppl are like no no thats normal or Oh yeah i get it.

but splitting isnt “i have a complex dynamic w a person i have heavy emotional investment with therefore sometimes i really hate them” and splitting isnt “me and my friend have this underlying tension and now i kind of want them dead”. splitting for me is like... i would throw away my entire future for someone bc there is no no way that anything they want could be morally wrong. and then in the next moment i am CONVINCED i have to kill them because they are immoral and deserve to be hunted down because they are manipulative and vile and abusive. and its the same person and this could be an ENTIRE fucking stranger, ive done this with ppl ive known for like. a total of an hour.

so its not like im trying to tell people like no you dont have BPD no you dont split etc. but its hard to say like. you dont get it. bc that makes people want to duouble down right!

but sometimes ppl dont get it. and it sucks bc i feel like im at a place where i HAVE to explain whats going on with me (tho ive resisted telling some ppl thank God) but whenever i do i regret it bc they very clearly do not get it and they’re trying but they like. make jokes about me being “actually a horrible person” or talk about how i need medication and its like. if you listened you would remember why i cant do that but at this point i dont think u listened i think the words went to your ears and you forgot what they all meant at all.

#nightmare.personal #DO NOT RB #long post

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bladekindeyewear · 3 years

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HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-12-25

I’m not going to spend time BLOGGING an upd8 on Christmas morning!

...yes I am who the fuck am I kidding. (Bonus stuff and Hiveswap are still well on hold though.)

So are we gonna follow up on the main ship? Probably not, right, with that perfect Karkat point to cut away, right? We’re just going to leave Roxy’s question hanging, as well as makeouts etiquette, and leave while having seen a COUPLE FRAMES of non-possessed canon Jade with only whatever fun fanart was inspired across the internet by the moment to tide us over????

Yeah, probably.

Ugh, more Dirk. I guess it’s overdue. :(

> CHAPTER 16. Welcome to my Secret Lair

Oh huh, I guess not? So... Jane’s, or Rose and Kanaya’s?

Karkat stays for longer than John thought he would. They talk a bit, but mostly they are quiet. Eventually, Karkat gets called away on yet more important war business, leaving John with one final touch on the shoulder. John leans into it in response, though he’s a bit ashamed of chasing down a sliver of physical affection so soon after obliterating Karkat’s evening like he had.

Pretty much, yeah. Can’t blame either of them.

When Karkat is finally gone, John still doesn’t move. It isn’t as though he has nowhere else to go, since there are quite a few places he might attempt to make himself useful, for better or for worse.

You’re still abandoning the task that was explicitly yours to protect your literal kid and his friends, but, oh well. Low-point. Dave dead, house dead, broke news, I get it.

He just doesn’t feel ready for that yet. The remnants of his house are still smoldering, and he can’t stop staring at them. It would make sense, he thinks, to want to root around through the rubble for anything that’s still intact; some half-charred keepsake to claim as the last thing left that’s still his. But he doesn’t want to do it, and he doesn’t want to think about it. And he still can’t move.

Can’t move. No Breath huh? What’s going to get him to, then?

> (==>)

Oh boy, that might help. XD She’s pretty good at that.

> (==>)

Still with the waistline gap. And was his phone always yellow like his God-Tier shoes?

ROXY: hey john can u do me a quick solid ROXY: actly idk how quick itll be but its definitely solid ROXY: harry anderson says i just missed u being here but could u skip back on over?

Nice, huh! No judgment, just a hey-any-chance-you-could-swing-back. He sort of needs to be needed right now, in a simple, almost everyday non-judgmental way I guess. (That’s what he NEEDED anyway-- whether he deserved it though is up for debate.)

ROXY: i need help w/smth and yr darling boy is holed up in his room working on some fuckin craft project or other and cant be bothered

YES SEW JOHN A BETTER FITTING FUCKING OUTFIT

ROXY: and now that me and u are freshly on speakin terms again i might as well take advantage of that olive branch and put u to work ROXY: assumin you havent died in an air raid, that is ROXY: which id also be interested in knowin about so if u wld be so kind as to reply instead of leavin me hangin

Heheheh. Gosh Roxy is always the best.

JOHN: yea yea sorry im here. JOHN: i just had a hard time getting my phone out of these fucking tiny pants.

Hah.

JOHN: and also my house is bombed out so i'm kinda grappling with that. JOHN: but i honestly am not sure how much longer i need to sit around staring at it. trying to align my memories of my youth with whatever is happening right now so JOHN: short version is no i’m not dead, and yeah i can come back over there and help you out. ROXY: oh sweet yr alive and down to do manual labor its a win/win JOHN: see you soon.

Yep! Pulled away from all the metaphorical, ultra-meaningful bullshit, back to some brass tacks with some easy humor. Definitely something Roxy can do well.~

> (==>)

EXCUSE ME. What is that outfit and pose. Did you--

ROXY: sup ROXY: follow me ROXY: well were just going to my room so i guess technically u know the way JOHN: haha ok.

Did you invite him over for the manual labor of banging you while your son is sewing in the other room

Or maybe the labor is making him a new sibling. JFC

Is this plan part of why we got the sudden content warning that was mocked or was that mainly for Hiveswap

John follows, trying to shake the ominous feeling he got from what she’d just said. He’d been in and out of this house a lot in the past few days. Why should this be any different?

I DUNNO JOHN DOES THIS SEEM DIFFERENT TO YOU

> (==>)

Yea this seems like a fucc room.

JOHN: it’s not like i could forget! ROXY: ya i guess u only really saw the living room when you were here the other day but i have changed some stuff up ROXY: done a lil redecoratin here n there

So it’s MORE of a fucc room than previously >__>”

ROXY: may have to do a smidge more if my old bff decides im next on the list for bombing out ROXY: but so far so good

Ah geez.

ROXY: just a coupla exploded cars in the yard from some shenanigans our dear son and his friends were in but u kno it is what it is!!!

Well, that’ll buff out easy.

ROXY: can i get u anything? ROXY: just made some coffee JOHN: no, uh, i’m good.

Of course she has a fancy handled winecoffeeglass (and the handle does look ridiculous but it’d be too hot to hold otherwise)

Roxy shrugs and swirls her own coffee around in her novelty mug. John looks around. A lot about the room is the same. The family photos, the rug. There’s a lot more cat stuff in there now, though. The bed is new. John feels like he’s about to take a test he hasn’t studied for. He makes himself focus on what she’s saying.

That would be the feeling.

> (==>)

MY GOD. Roxy is so fucking good at this holy shit

She KNOWS she’s making him squirm and she loves it

JOHN: so uh anyway. JOHN: what was this favor? ROXY: yo why dont u just come rest yr tush for a bit ROXY: take a lil relax next 2 me here JOHN: haha uh. JOHN: roxy i uh. JOHN: im flattered, but i don’t know if that’s really the right step right now. JOHN: don’t get me wrong, everything seems so fucked up right now that when i try to think about what might actually BE the right step, it feels like a huge cartoon question mark might physically manifest over my head. JOHN: but I’m not sure if um rekindling our physical relationship is really the best--

So is Roxy trolling him, about to reveal she wasn’t thinking of sex and was just making things seem sultry? Or just had “lol jk” as an option-select, maybe.

> (==>)

ROXY: r u kiddin me rn egbert JOHN: i’m not? unless you were, in which case yeah lets say i was also kidding. JOHN: oh my god, i’m sorry, i don’t know why this making me freak out.

OH NOOO NOT THE DISDAAAAIN - CRITICAL HIT D:

ROXY: i remember our past boot knockin with fondness but that is a situation im not interested in revisiting

boot knockin XD

ROXY: look john ROXY: i was trying to be polite about it ROXY: offering u sustenance n rest n all ROXY: but you look like shit ROXY: i just wanted to catch up on the whole heinous war situation were in and maybe check in on e/o before leaping strait to the real n actual nonsexual manual labor favor i have in mind for u JOHN: oh.

Hey, she can’t help looking sexy she’s too good at it.

Is the manual labor moving the crashed cars? Can’t Roxy pull that off on her own, or... banish the cars to the void or something? (Oh, but WOULD she want to do it on her own when she can rope in John and bring him down to earth by giving him a useful task? And admittedly his strength and wallet would make things easier.)

John feels his shoulders unbunch. Of course. Yeah. He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced?

Probably some gender stuff mixed up in there too, June.

He doesn’t know, but he believes Roxy that he must look pretty haggard. He probably feels haggard? Maybe sitting down will feel better.

Just put your feet up yeah

> (==>)

WHAT A CUTE IMAGE

JOHN: sorry. like i said, my "how to react to stuff" meter is completely fucked right now. ROXY: thats fair bud

she’s used to being patient with you don’t worry otherwise you never would’ve gotten this far

ROXY: real fast i do need to do a quick takeback of all that shit i said last time we talked about janey not being literally the most evil person we knew or whatever ROXY: i guess i was hopped up on arguin or somethin since that was before we hit our conversational vibe bc of course u were right and i shoulda listened

Ouch. Yeah, we saw just lately just how far off the deep end she was. (Where was that funny upd8 reaction art summarizing the bit where Kanaya was holding Tavros hostage and Jane was transparently debating “hmm do I let my son die?” and Kanaya and Tavros were just looking at each-other flat-mouthed nervous? I REALLY wanted to share that but I don’t usually want to reblog or put most stuff HS^2 not under a read-more, for spoiler purposes, usually.)

ROXY: im just glad ur ok ROXY: or like alive JOHN: yeah, jury's still out on "ok" but, you know. ROXY: ya ROXY: u said ur house is gone?? JOHN: yep. JOHN: completely. ROXY: jeez ROXY: i would ask how ur feelin but like the answer 2 that has got 2b "prtty bad"

Talk it ouuuut~~ get those feels out there and articulated john

JOHN: yeah. JOHN: i mean. JOHN: no? JOHN: it’s weird. JOHN: it feels like it should be a bigger deal, I guess? JOHN: like it’s my HOUSE. JOHN: but mostly it always felt like my dad’s house? JOHN: and when i started living there after i moved out of here, it was like i crammed myself back into whatever was left of my kid self? JOHN: and it didn’t feel good, but it at least was familiar, you know? JOHN: like living there let me feel closer to my dad, trying to be like the way i remember him, or like how i remember him wanting me to be, or something? JOHN: and i didn’t realize how much i hated doing that until i saw it all go up in flames. JOHN: so i guess i could have used my powers to stop the fire and save whatever was left of the place, but i couldn’t bring myself to do it. JOHN: like some fucked up part of me was glad i got there too late? JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison. JOHN: and even now i keep trying to explain it away, as though it’s because of how fucked up everything else is that it made me feel good. JOHN: but that’s just bullshit. JOHN: it DID feel good. JOHN: i DO feel free. JOHN: sorry.

I was kind of saying some Breath/Blood stuff at the time of him losing his last tie to his stubborn sticking-to-his-kid-self bit? Except now we’re mixing it in with June Egbert and his gender-identity questions too.

ROXY: no need 2 apologize ROXY: we just delved in2 my whole gender thing last time so it seems fine for u to have a turn JOHN: i didn’t say it was a gender thing.

Oh shit

ROXY: well no i just meant like i did some sharing ROXY: like referrin 2 the topic i brought up when we chatted last ROXY: but like now that u mention it ROXY: *meaningful pause* JOHN: … JOHN: i JOHN: ROXY: lol well we can move on 2 the favor part if youd rather ROXY: stick a lil pin in that topic n come back 2 it when u have had sleep

Are you just INCREDIBLY incisive Roxy or have you and John talked about this before?

ROXY: like i said the other day its not like this shits figureoutable in 1 sitting anyways JOHN: yeah... ROXY: sooooooo ROXY: movin on

It’s just fine for Roxy to slow-roll this yeah, if she’s going to pry open that door a little

ROXY: dont be mad but theres a part of the house u didnt know abt the whole time u lived here JOHN: what? ROXY: yea ROXY: i got a secret lair ROXY: for my sciences

OH FUCK YES SCIENCE LAB, of COURSE Roxy would want a cool science lab basement because she always wants a cool science lab basement

ROXY: and i get to it via a transportalizer underneath our bed ROXY: which is 2 heavy 2 move by my lonesome so i just needed to borrow some o your aforementioned powers of wind

Okay no. Wait. What the fuck?

First of all, as funny and MSPaintAdventures-y as furniture being in the way of things is, why would you block it with a bed too heavy to move, but,

Second of all, more importantly, how is a GOD-TIER ROXY not strong enough to lift a heavy bed?!?!?!? Either she’s lying to get John involved in things or this is a gendered cop-out because these characters are superheroes at the TOP of their echeladders, given obnoxiously powerful video-game strength and athletics only to then have ascended into DEITIES. God-Tier Roxy could probably have lifted a bed like that when she was SEVENTEEN! And now she’s an ADULT, out-of-shape or otherwise! If this were a whole CAR I might be willing to handwave it, but just a heavy BED?!? And none of the GUYS are going to have this much trouble lifting a bed like this, are they?? This just feels like following classic cartoony gender tropes in the complete absence of these characters’ super powers, what the fuck, and also Roxy if you didn’t make it Transportalizer-only access you could have given it an entrance you could phase through with your fancy powers to get to. FUCK.

This feels stupid.

ROXY: so if u dont mind woosh away JOHN: uh ok, well... JOHN: a secret science lair, sure, i can deal with that. JOHN: why not! JOHN: it doesn’t work out great when i do the windy thing indoors, though. ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.

You’re already THIS sensitive about gendertalk?

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push ROXY: we both got sick muscles ROXY: no other adjectives necessary JOHN: yeah ok. ROXY: on 3?

Please, please reinforce the idea that they both have sick strength, because they fucking do and the idea that Roxy actually a hundred percent NEEDED John to do this is BS.

> (==>)

JOHN: holy shit? ROXY: sorry to lop yet another huge scoop onto ur lil brains ice cream revelation sundae JOHN: so wait, if this thing's always been under the bed, how’d you get down here before without me? ROXY: well thats neither here nor there john JOHN: i mean it is kinda. Here. ROXY: fine ok checkmate ROXY: i dont ACTUALLY need ur nerdgrit for this escapade ROXY: like im sorry but i said it ROXY: i mostly just wanted to see you and show u wats down here

THANK FUCKING CHRIST.

If that wasn’t actually just a lie to get him involved I was going to stay SO mad. Of COURSE Roxy can move a fucking BED no matter how heavy it is. OF COURSE.

ROXY: and also uve been ~sent for~ JOHN: ok but like ROXY: john i am inviting u 2 my inner sanctum ROXY: i am literally bringing out the word "sanctum" in case u werent already clued in 2 how cool this is ROXY: so do u wanna go into my secret lair or wat JOHN: yeah!? JOHN: yes? i guess? ROXY: aight good

Yes John of course you want to stop fighting it

ROXY: then as they told me in the hospital before lil h a was born ROXY: just push

eyeroll, but yeah, of course

> (==>)

Oh cool, sprite form version of her loungewear.

> (==>)

Sorry for my compulsion to post every full-frame image of Roxy in this awesome outfi-WERE YOU KEEPING CALLIOPE UNDER YOUR BED THIS WHOLE TIME?!?????

That’s like... almost a fucking metaphor isn’t it???? For the relationship you preferred in the other timeline and possibly THIS one TOO or

ROXY: hey callieee i got him ROXY: o damn john sorry i shoulda also told u callies here weve been hangin out again ROXY: 1 more freak for ur bean

Oh huh, so this isn’t an always thing. And these two can get close in more than one timeline where it would’ve worked out nicely. :)

JOHN: oh it's ok, my bean feels pretty well adjusted to freakage at this point so keep them coming if you like! ROXY: k cool i will JOHN: do i get to know what that big thing under the sheet is? ROXY: hmmmmmm no JOHN: oh ok. JOHN: are you sure? i mean, it seems like a pretty prominent feature of the room. JOHN: space. JOHN: wherever we are. ROXY: and a totally mysterious n COMPLETELY inconspicuous feature it will have to remain for now ROXY: we r kinda in a hurry here fyi ROXY: and by that i mean ROXY: we are in precisely the amount of hurry that means im excused from having to a that specific q rn JOHN: right, sorry. JOHN: i will pay no attention to the object behind the curtain. ROXY: u catch on fast egbert ROXY: anyway theres more cool info coming so just follow me

I don’t have any big theories. Is it just the Hiveswap device or something? If Calliope helped with it it’d help explain the Cherubic theme.

> (==>)

JOHN: so... this is all downstairs? JOHN: it seems like you had a lot of work done. ROXY: well no not x actly ROXY: were in the old meteor JOHN: under the house??? ROXY: ok so ROXY: in hindsight it may have been a bit misleading 2 say like ROXY: "downstairs" ROXY: in reference to a place which is hells of buried underground and may not actually be literally under the house ROXY: but there is no time to explain all that rn john so instead im going to refer u to my adorable little green friend here CALLIOPE: #U_U# ROXY: (hehe) CALLIOPE: *AHEM* CALLIOPE: hi john! CALLIOPE: long time no see. ^u^

Cherubs just really like dark cavelike places full of weird tech don’t they.

> (==>)

THEY’RE SO CUTE

JOHN: oh, uh. hey callie! JOHN: it sure has been a while huh. JOHN: now that i think about it, the last time the three of us hung out like this... CALLIOPE: was when i was aggressively third wheeling yoUr prenUptial coUrtship? CALLIOPE: if yoU dont mind, john, i'd rather not rehash that period of oUr lives. CALLIOPE: it was more than a little painfUl for me. JOHN: oh. JOHN: god, jeez, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to-- CALLIOPE: hee hee john i am only pUlling yoUr leg, don't worry. CALLIOPE: if anything i was personally a little thrilled with how things shook oUt in that respect. CALLIOPE: imagine, if yoU will, a yoUng cherUb raised in solitUde, whose only solace was the convolUted and tUmUltUoUs romantic schemata she projected onto her only friends from another Universe. CALLIOPE: and then fUrther imagine that this yoUng cherUb, throUgh varioUs even *more* convolUted contrivances, ended Up in the company of those selfsafe friends as an eqUal participant in their sphere of social discoUrse! CALLIOPE: it is a joy the like of which yoU possibly cannot fathom. u_u

Reinforcing that things turning out this way was in fact the FANTASY that Calliope was writing over in the Canon timeline. Just, heavily, HEAVILY implied that the Candy timeline is -- or at least originated as -- Calliope’s fanfiction as a Muse of Space, and its competition for audience interest with canon is the essential conflict between alt!Calliope and Dirk (or Dirk and Andrew Hussie).

CALLIOPE: so to pUt it simply, getting to experience sUch emotional drama myself was an impossibly enriching experience. CALLIOPE: possibly a first for my species! CALLIOPE: it's actUally qUite interesting, if yoU ROXY: *nudge* CALLIOPE: oh, right. yes. i'm getting a little carried away, haha. CALLIOPE: argh, i'm sorry, this is not how i planned to begin this vital conversation.

Vital conversation? What sorta truth-bombs are coming?

CALLIOPE: but to sUmmarise, what i was trying to say is: CALLIOPE: don't beat yourself Up aboUt it john. CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr. CALLIOPE: so i consider Us aboUt even at this point. JOHN: hahaha!!! JOHN: okay, well that's good to know! CALLIOPE: ^u^

Holy SHIT that was savage! And we’ll NEVER know whether or not she really intended it so savagely, either.~

JOHN: so um... JOHN: i hear that there's this big secret thing you wanna tell me about? CALLIOPE: oh right, yes of course! CALLIOPE: let me jUst say first of all how thrilled i am that yoU're on board. CALLIOPE: i wasn't sUre if yoUr natUral inclinations woUld have preclUded yoUr coming to such a place as this, and yet here yoU are. CALLIOPE: this whole endeavoUr will be *so* mUch easier with yoUr help.

Uh oh.

Hopefully babies aren’t involved.

JOHN: oh! well, shucks. JOHN: not really sure what that means but i'm just glad to be of use somewhere, haha. JOHN: which, speaking of somewhere, CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are. CALLIOPE: how much do yoU know aboUt black holes? JOHN: um... like, the big space things? CALLIOPE: they aren't always big actUally, and in fact their relative smallness is practically their defining qUality. JOHN: oh. CALLIOPE: bUt okay i think we are on the same page. CALLIOPE: so, what if i told yoU that we are inside of a black hole right now.

Oh dear, we’re getting into the canon/noncanon divide?

JOHN: um... JOHN: like, HERE? JOHN: we just transportalized into a black hole? CALLIOPE: no, i mean, what if oUr whole WORLD was inside a black hole. JOHN: ok.

Yeah, that’s gonna be John’s reaction. “ok.” Pretty much inevitable.

CALLIOPE: earth c, or at least oUr version of it, has, from the moment we crossed the victory threshold, been inside a black hole. JOHN: ok. CALLIOPE: and not just any black hole, bUt the very black hole in which the green sUn Ultimately met its demise, allowing oUr victory in the first instance! JOHN: huh! ROXY: ("huh!") ROXY: (rofl my fucking ao egbert) JOHN: (shhhh!)

And Roxy enjoys his non-reaction reactions as much as we do, hehe.

CALLIOPE: bUt, paradoxically, the critical moment which determined its capture within the black hole happened *after* that point. CALLIOPE: i refer of coUrse to yoUr decision not to retUrn to the mediUm and fight my brother. JOHN: wait, wait. JOHN: you mean, the meat and candy thing? JOHN: oh my god. JOHN: you mean i actually DID make a mistake that day. CALLIOPE: well, that's not exactly what that-- JOHN: ugh, i fucking KNEW it! JOHN: i'm so sorry. JOHN: i'm so sorry that i put the earth inside a black hole everyone. ): ROXY: john ROXY: listen ROXY: u have got to get out of this mindset i am begging you JOHN: ):

Yeah shake him out of this shit.

ROXY: your choice literally didnt matter ROXY: the whole thing was symbolic in the first place ROXY: literally symbolic in the case of the picnic i mean come on ROXY: it was just some steak and a plate of candy suckers JOHN: oh. CALLIOPE: i mean, i wouldn't go so far as to say that the meal we shared was unimportant, given the sacred significance of the two options i presented. CALLIOPE: but yes, yoUr choice of snack was infinitely less important than the choice which it presaged. CALLIOPE: and even then, calling it a choice woUld be sorely misleading. CALLIOPE: think of it like a coin flip. CALLIOPE: the series of events that led to Us being trapped beyond the event horizon of an Ubermassive black hole could be considered "tails", while the events which would have occUrred otherwise could be considered "heads". CALLIOPE: since both were possible, and paradox space is the way it is, they actUally both happened. and we jUst "happened" (hee hee) to get tails instead of heads. JOHN: you mean we ended up with the bad possibility. CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another's existence, it really doesn't make sense to call them "right" or "wrong". they both just "are". JOHN: o...kay... CALLIOPE: u_u

Yeah, it’s going to take a bit more than that to convince him he didn’t make the “wrong decision”.

CALLIOPE: i realise that this may be a lot to process. CALLIOPE: it's easy to forget that this wasn't obvioUs to everyone from the beginning. CALLIOPE: anyway, the reason i went on this tangent in the first place was to explain that the space we are standing in right now has a special significance, in that it is the location which corresponds to the black hole's singUlarity. JOHN: oh, wow. JOHN: um. JOHN: ok so, sorry if this is a dumb question to ask suddenly, but what does being inside of a black hole actually... mean for us? JOHN: is that bad? JOHN: is it like in movie, um, JOHN: shoot. JOHN: roxy what was that matthew mcconaughey movie from your earth that we watched? ROXY: u mean interstellar JOHN: RIGHT. JOHN: the one with the organ. JOHN: man. i cried at that movie so much. ROXY: lol u can say that again ROXY: iirc at least part of y u got so weepy was the fact that u couldnt believe a version of earth existed where ppl got 2 watch more mcconaughey films than you JOHN: listen. JOHN: i simply don't think you all appreciated the gift you were given. CALLIOPE: i don't believe i'm familiar with this particular film ^u^;; ROXY: oh dont worry cal you didnt miss much JOHN: (gasp)

This is all gold

ROXY: but the important point is that no its not really an interstellar type situation here egbert ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love JOHN: aw.

Dammit, now we have to be on the lookout for that possibility. Or it did sort of already happen more than once to John. ...Whatever.

CALLIOPE: to go back to your original question, john. CALLIOPE: it's not strictly speaking "bad" for Us to be inside of a black hole, mUch thoUgh that contradicts most of what anyone knows about them. CALLIOPE: of coUrse, if we had fallen into it, that woUld be a whole other kettle of fish. CALLIOPE: the tidal forces woUld have stretched Us all into spaghetti and then ripped us apart! CALLIOPE: bUt the natUre of oUr arrival was more akin to simply "being" here, sUddenly. one moment we were not, and the next moment we were, and somehow always had been. CALLIOPE: in everyday, practical terms, being inside of a black hole has very little bearing on Us. CALLIOPE: i mean, the natUre of space and time is a little finicky in here, bUt for the most part it doesn't seem to be anything too oUt of the ordinary. CALLIOPE: bUt beyond that, it means that we are sealed away from the rest of existence. CALLIOPE: oUr sphere of inflUence is limited to the sphere of the black hole's bounding horizon. CALLIOPE: as far as everyone else is concerned, we might as well not even exist! JOHN: is there no way we could let anyone know that we're in here...? CALLIOPE: almost certainly not!

No? So this doesn’t have to do with the divide?

CALLIOPE: there are very few ways for anything to escape the kind of predicament that we are in right now. one of them is to be an all-powerfUl being with control over the very fabric of space, with the energy of two Universes at yoUr disposal. CALLIOPE: in which case, escape woUld become rather trivial, if a little Unscientific. JOHN: ok. i am going to assume that we can't just do that. CALLIOPE: yoU've hit the nail on the head, UnfortUnately. U_U CALLIOPE: the method i described was the one employed by my alternate self, who yoU may recall crashed through the event horizon in the body that once belonged to jade harley. CALLIOPE: she departed through a pUnctUre she created in the black hole's surface shortly after consUming my brother, a deed which provided her with the necessary "oomph", and which was frankly rather breathtaking to watch. =u= CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

What the heck? Calliope SAW all this? Is this her Muse powers at work, letting her observe these things, or was she there? And John certainly did NOT see ANY of what Calliope just said happen.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

So we’re going to find that out if we haven’t already. Maybe something to do with the way Vrissy just conks out narcoleptically?

JOHN: ...right. JOHN: so... let me just get this straight. JOHN: knowing that we're inside of a black hole... does that actually change anything? JOHN: like, can't we just go on living like normal? CALLIOPE: oh absolUtely not. CALLIOPE: i don't know if yoU've noticed john bUt this world is on the brink of a total cataclysm. JOHN: oh.

Um, what?

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval. CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality. CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u JOHN: that's... certainly one way to put it, yeah...

No plot-armor for your entire timeline, I guess, yep. Outside of canon, we can imagine and write about ANYTHING happening to the characters, or just drop their existence entirely, much like a doomed offshoot timeline. It’s a plot stability that depended heavily on the threat of Lord English and being trapped in a story, and without it things are bound to see a BIT chaotic (or “degrading” if you view it as subjected to the whims of fanfic writers, certainly).

CALLIOPE: at first, i believed that this was simply necessary. Us playing tails to oUr coUnterparts' heads, the black to their white, and so forth. CALLIOPE: bUt over the years i have come to the conclUsion that this is simply not kosher. ROXY: its total bs is what it is CALLIOPE: right, yes. CALLIOPE: a steaming pile of bUllshite. CALLIOPE: and so we have decided that something needs to be done aboUt it.

Ah fuck. You’re going to regulate non-canon? “Canonize” it? Is the fact that you eventually succeed at whatever it is you’re trying to do part of why we have the story presented to us in this bifurcated structure?

ROXY: this is finally where u come in jegbert ROXY: we gots quests for yous CALLIOPE: hee hee, yes. CALLIOPE: or *a* quest, to be specific. JOHN: oh boy! ROXY: (this fkin nerd i s2g)

Roxy and Calliope setting him on this quest as a Rogue of Void and a Muse of Space feels fitting.

JOHN: i'm not sure how i can go about freeing us from a hellish space prison, but i'm up for giving it a try i guess? JOHN: i have... literally nothing better to be doing at this point. except for maybe hanging out with harry anderson. ROXY: nice save lol

YEAH WE’RE STILL GLOSSING OVER HOW YOU LEFT HIM UNPROTECTED, JERK

ROXY: but u dont need to worry abt busting us outta space jail tbh ROXY: thats not ur problem to fix JOHN: oh. JOHN: i'm... not sure i follow, then. ROXY: i mean yeah ur gonna obvs facilitate it in a sense ROXY: but only by going and busting the person who can actually help us outta normal earth jail CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity. ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan. CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more. CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it. CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak. CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself? CALLIOPE: ... CALLIOPE: phew. okay, i'm finished. CALLIOPE: CALLIOPE: sorry, that took longer than i expected to go throUgh.

..............................

OOooooh, kay.

Whatever this is, it’s going to be really weird and PROBABLY infuriating and/or shippy, and I’m probably not going to like it. Plus it seems like it’s some sort of inverse belated canonization of some other black-hole-rescue theories I went on about at some point. Although, related to that link, “aspect of freedom” if anyone wasn’t paying attention! That’s a (sorta-)canon mention of the purpose of it!

They’re going to attention-wh-- attention-hog themselves out of the black hole so that they’re “considered canon” too, or close enough. Huh.

ROXY: what r u talking about cals that was great ROXY: i could listen 2 u plotsplain for years CALLIOPE: oh you >u< ROXY: fyi this was why i wanted u to get a move on eggbread ROXY: so callie could have more time 2 infodump ROXY: thats love bitchhhhhh JOHN: hahaha. JOHN: ok, well, i think i understood all that?

Love with who? Callie, John, both?

In reality, John isn’t sure what most of this means. But on balance, it feels okay? He’s gone back and forth about a hundred times in the last week about where his place in everything is, so he might as well ride this out. Plus, the last time a Lalonde kind of told him to do something, he thinks that he chose not to, and look where that got him. And it’s not like he has other plans. He may as well do this! It’s at least going to get him involved in things again, if nothing else. He turns to go, and then hears a sound. It’s the sound of feet and knocking on doors, echoed through stone and digital static.

Oh shit. Is Andrew trapped behind some fourth walls behind the curtains.

> (==>)

Oh RIGHT also that DEVICE is where they want to bring Vriska. Are they going to overturn part of canon itself with a super-retcon thus making this timeline unbelievably relevant or--? Maybe make all the PESTERQUESTS canon or something?! I don’t know. Maybe they’re INTENTIONALLY starting the game like Vriska wanted to??????

Guh, this is something so big that I don’t WANT to theorize about it, do I.

JOHN: did you hear that? ROXY: wha ROXY: oh yeah uh ROXY: i may have messaged rose and kan and jade to check on them too ROXY: so its prob onea them showin up ROXY: they don’t need to know bout all this tho ROXY: we got time to chat with them b4 u go get vriska

No, even if it’s a knock at the somehow-top-level-house-even-under-buried-- oh, right, maybe it’s covering in part a monitoring system that looks up there. But still, part of that sound was DOUBTLESS these two hiding something, all standing in front of the curtain like that.

JOHN: i’ll go stall em. ROXY: thx babe ROXY: oh is it 2 soon for that joke or JOHN: no, weirdly enough, that one’s fine. ROXY: oh good ok see u up there soon!

How is calling your significant other “babe” not cool REGARDLESS of gender?! Like wasn’t that always cool? --Oh wait is it because they’re not together or... but... guh, I don’t know.

Anyway, see y’all after the holidays at least.

#Homestuck #hs2 #Homestuck Liveblog #upd8 #Homestuck^2 #spoiler #spoilers #Roxy Lalonde #John Egbert #Calliope

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yyxgin · 3 years

Note

as quick as love alarm was progressing compared to other dramas i’ve seen (usually wait ten eps for the first kiss and that’s it) it still seemed,, idk important for the story? n e way.

meteor garden is insanely messy like in the final episode daoming si just mentions everything dong shancai did that makes her so amazing and i honestly forgot they even did some of their things 😳 at one point they went to london and filmed in china town and i was just like ‘oh. i know that place’ and didn’t clock after that 😭

I GOT PEN ON THE BACK OF IT IM SO MAD AT MYSELF ✋✋✋✋✋ but come find me anyway lmao i got a changbin & minho film strip 🤪 can’t have anything nice around here and i learned my lesson the hard way.

i went through a phase when whenever i watched english tv i was like ‘why does this make sense without subs..’ and would be like squinting at the screen until it occurred to me that it was in english.

oh bruh i remember making a bank account the second summer bc my employer was like why tf do you not have a bank account ,, yeesh people had been paying by card for meals and stuff and not cash like the year before. so i made one and then she paid me in cash bc people started paying w cash 😐😑😐😑 i waitress so even though i get anxious about other things, i’m comfortable about waitressing so i am super nice to everyone. i am the designated person who orders for everyone (as long as you point at what you want in case i can’t remember everything i will say it). i know how important it is to be articulated to your server bc if they f up you get mad and they get mad bc ur mad and the chef gets mad bc the server f-ed up and the chef has to cook again and it’s a never ending circle of wishing you’d just gone somewhere else and i hate that. i also get mad at my fam when we go out bc the last time we went out (literally like two years ago now bc covid) there was a guy serving at this place we’re fairly frequent at and i was like maybe he’s training don’t be so mad at him for forgetting things just gently remind him! don’t cuss him out behind his back! there’s so much pressure about not pissing off your colleagues bc there’s a groove they’ve got and you’re just there not wanting to ruin it whilst also meeting customers needs!!

ive been waiting to pass my drivers test for over a year now bc covid has pushed it back and back and back again 😐 i finally get my next test date and i have to ask a different instructor for their car bc my instructor is on annual leave when my test is scheduled. i’m holding it together so i can ask an instructor, buy a car and yeet. the bus is okay but i need my own space sometimes.

i am good w my money im the jungkook of the working class. if there are pots and pans on the go i will take them. free food? count me in. i do have that broke b*tch mindset. although i don’t buy $300 white tshirts i will spend $200 on a day out 😃 and sis,, buy whichever one you like bc of the concept!! it’s always fun seeing the posters (personally i don’t put them up bc how am i gonna have sir johnny suh STARING at me while i get changed,, no THANK YOU) i’ll cry if i ever pull a yuta card bc he looks ✨spicy✨ in all of them.

i think i get what you’re saying about gg’s! boy groups have a wider range. eg, haechan hits those high notes and jeno/mark rap/sing quite low but girl groups can’t. unfortunately i feel like they rely on visuals heavier bc they don’t have the same range bg’s do. itzy are good!! i personally haven’t listen to a lot/watched a lot of their mv’s. i’m more into red velvet for their mv’s. im terrible at watching content so i am slowly working through bts’ content, monsta x’s content and ocassionally nct’s content. im gonna work on mamamoo next 🤞fake fans unite 😔✊✨

it’s so easy to feel invisible here. don’t worry. i’m here to brighten your day! much like a sunflower ~ 🌻

I cant really speak about the importance of the kiss in love alarm since i didnt watch more than the first ep, but i will trust you if you really say so ?? 😳 I WANNA WATCH METEOR GARDEN JUST FOR THE DRAMA DHSNSK

dude dont fucking test me i WILL find your address and i WILL visit you in your sleep and steal all your kpop stuff. MINHO FILM STRIP ??????? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

i still watch english things w eng subtitles sometimes bc my first language isn't english so just in case i dont hear something i can always read it you know djsksk

this is my first job so i didnt have to have bank account before but now that i have it i feel very adult😩✋i am so old. i dont like it.

oh no i hate people that arent polite to waitresses like they are just doing their job and its so hard and stressful and i dont want to make their life harder so im just really anxious abt everything in my life ever.

i'm rooting for you on your driving test !! lets hope you make it after such a long time <3

JUNGKOOK OF THE WORKING CLASS NO- thats actually me. also free samples. give me all of them. also i think its completely justified to spend so much on a night out since its for the memories !! #yolo am i right

I AM SO TEMPTED TO ORDER THE ALBUM NOW 😭💔😭 i actually have my posters on my closet and i change inside the actual closet at all times bc me and my brother share a room, so no one's looking at me thankfully haha. well, i do have bts pics on the warderobe next to my bed as well so they watch me sleep every night but we dont talk about that. YUTA CARD i would cry. he for sure does look spicy half the time of his life.

i dont know that many rv songs (the audacity, i know) but seulgi... ah. i watched the sm new years concert and when she appeared i couldnt keep my eyes off her. i should really listen to more of their songs so if u have any recs i am all ears

thank you for brightening up my day sunflower ily mwah😔❤

#lowkey wanted to apologise for replying late again but like that would be annoying #💌ask #🌻 anon

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bepoets · 4 years

Text

Review for Trish’s Dream Fic

Trish ( @couragedontdesertme ) said she’d write an epilogue of the elsarik dream Fic if I made a Formal Review of the elsarik dream fic. So here we are.

Please note review should be taken VERY LIGHTLY this is more or less me re-reading the Fic and loudly yelling about things with too many exclamation points. Enjoy Trish.

Ch1

First of all imagine my fucking surprise I didn’t even know you had gotten work done on the dream fic???? Here I was thinking the link you sent me was the next chapter of city of ice and then I click on it and it saYS DREAM FIC???? E X C U S E M E oh my goodness

The first section is just so entirely domestic and beautiful and you can tell how lived in and content they are in their life as roommates. ALARIK (listen my phone autocorrects ALARIK to be in all caps and I’m too lazy to fix it so y’all are gonna have to deal with reading ALARIK’s name as if I’m yelling it every time I type it) anyway ALARIK just bringing her the chocolate croissants she loves so dearly and Elsa curling up with a book and him fretting and worrying over her being there alone all day and later... it’s just SO DOMESTIC. it’s such a small short moment but it’s so domestic and a perfect opposite of the PAIN THAT HAPPENS AFTER!!! And we al know I LOVE READING PAIN

The fact that ALARIK was only home late because he was doing tutoring to earn more money to by Elsa A PRESENT????? Shut up no one speak to me that’s true love but also PAINFUL the guilt he must feel oh my god

Elsa...stops struggling... because she doesn’t want ,,,, ALARIK ,,,, to get hurt. Because she cares for his safety more than her own because he has protected her and he is her friend and she loves him I am going to SCREAM

The fact that you use the phrase ~marching her out of the warmth of the room~ when she just used her magic to like cover the walls in frost makes my Heart burst cause idk if it was intentional or not but I just love the thought that this room has become Home to her it’s become safe and beautiful and lovely and WARM because it is full of love and friendship and companionship rather than the cold loneliness of say her ice palace of her locked room as a child. I like to think Elsa could have covered the room entirely in ice and snow and frost and it would still feel warm to her because of the love that’s developed there thank you for coming to my tedtalk

Ugh fuck hans

I have literally no words other than fuck hans for any section with hans in it I DONT even want to RECOGNIZE THAT HE EXISTS !!! Making Elsa feel like she’s nothing I am going to punch him in the eye

~ALARIK weeps over smushed chocolate croissant. End scene~

I know that it’s such a heartbreaking sad ending for that first chapter but also I really can’t stop laughing about him crying over a stepped on croissant since I know that your like planning note for that last scene was literally just some variant of ALARIK cried over a smushed croissant and that’s just such a funny IMAGE TO ME EVEN THOUGH ITS SAD

I just like to imagine ALARIK cradling the chocolate croissant in his arms like a bébé as he sobs

Ch2

I’m fucking S A D

ALARIK having like NO MONEY and just thinking about that the money he has was going to go to a gift for Elsa and the guard LAUGHING AT HIM LIKE THATS IT THATS ALL YOU HAVE?? Like shut UP HES TRYING TO SAVE HIS BELOVED

P e t t y c h a n g e HE IS TRYING MR GUARD I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW HE WORKED EXTRA TO GET THAT MONEY

ALARIK is so fucking DEVOTED I’m going to run through a goddamn wall I cannot cope. Willing to sell the clothes off his back have you ever seen an idiot more iN LOVE

ALARIK just going willingly cause he has no fight left in him and he just wants to see Elsa even if it means he gets imprisoned too oh my GOD

THE SCENE ITS THE SCENE!!!!!!!!!

STRAIGHT FROM TRISH’S SUBCONSCIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT STARTED IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!

ALARIK wanting to hold her hands when her hands are what are chained up and seen as dangerous and what ~make her a witch~ the absolute love and power that holds.

LET ALARIK AND ELSA HOLD HANDS

“I promised to keep you safe” the pain I feel oh mY GOD

“They’ll KILL you” they’re really out here trying to protect each other at all costs oh my god nothing matters more to the other than keeping the other safe and for that I want to cry and love them and also I want to ram their heads into the wall because wHY WONT THEY JUST PROTECT ESCH OTHER TOGETHER

The PARALLEL OH MY FUCKING GOD

the P A R A L L E L of ALARIK stilling and no longer struggling when the guards threaten Elsa’s death in the same way that Elsa stilled and stopped struggling when they threatened ALARIK’s death oh my god that broke me right there

U g h hans fuck that guy

A N N A !!!!!!!!

When I first read this,,, I DONT know why??? But for some reason??? I didn’t think Anna would be in it???? Which like thinking back on that it makes no sense of COURSE Anna would be in the FIC why would I ever think otherwise. But anyway I was so surprised when she showed up I literally gasped and went ANNA??? Out loud because I was so shocked

ALFAFA GERANIUM

ALARIK really is just so bad under pressure who thought this was a good idea

AG FOR SHORT wink wink nudge nudge cough cough

I’ll be thinking about ALARIK shouting alfafa geranium on my death bed let us never forget

“No harm, no foul” is literally the most fucking Anna line I’ve ever heard. She absolutely would say that to someone who was being question for a crime she’d be like “it’s not biggy”

Why is it that when hans says “BUT ANNA!!!” I hear it like he’s wining like a petulant child I read it like “bUT annNNAAAAA” ugh I hate him

“Don’t scream” *ALARIK’s inner monologue* “this ,, is the story of how I died”

ILL HELP YOU HELP HER ESCAPE!!!!! HELL YEA YOU WILL ANNA HELL YEA YOU WILL

Ch3

My dumbass really went “why are none of the children named neta” before remembering that is the child of Anna and Kristoff and these...are the children of Anna ,,, and .... ugh please don’t make me say his name

I would die for these kids though I love them and I want to protect them at all costs

Johannes at 5 (and a half!!!!) being a fine soldier GOOD FOR HIM

Isak owns my entire heart from the moment he started fake crying for his mother what a star performer a true Actor he’s too good

Arendellian Royal Guards, are they guards? Or are they simply baby sitters? The world may never know

JOAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! One of the babies being named JOAN!!! Hang in there Joan!!!!!!!!! That made me cry oh my god J O A N

Bébé Isak lookout supreme with his big eyeballs and smile and goofy lil salute I love him

The fact that Elsa says she felt stupid for being lured into a false sense of security means she felt secure and safe for literally the first time since she was a child when she was with ALARIK and I cannot properly articulate how much that made me cry I love that so much that has to mean sO MUCH TO HER oh my god

“You have to get out!! Do the magic!!” NO ONE SPEAK TO ME ABOUT ANYTHING EXCEPT THIS LINE FOR THE NEXT SEVERAL MONTHS I LITERALLY WEPT

the use of DO THE MAGIC oh my god AND ELSAS HEART LIKE BREAKING BECAUSE SHE FEELS LIKE SHE CANT

DO ! THE ! MAGIC !

Brave little boy with his mother’s determination saying “be brave. That’s what mama said to tell you” oh my GOD THESE CHILDREN HAVE MY WHOLE HEART OH MY GOD

A rooster crow for the signal COUKD they be more obvious I love these kids they’re ridiculous they are truly the children of Anna

Elsa!!! Chose!! To be!!! Brave!!!

IF SHE TRIED TO SAY GOODBYE TO ELSA!!! SHE MAY NEVER LET GO!!!

SHE HAD NO WHERE TO GO!!! BUT SHE DOES BEVAUSE THERES ALARIK WAITING FOR HER BECAUSE GUESS WHAT

ALARIK IS HER HOME !!!!! HE IS HER HOME !!!! SHE CAN GO TO HIM!!!!

Queue another one of my shocked and delightfully surprised screams as I shouted KRISTOFF????? Because blonde dude driving a reindeer cart

Let’s get you somewhere safe I’m going to cry THEYRE finally together again and they can keep each other safe together as. They. Should.

They are cuddling and my heart is exploding oh my god ALARIK seems so surprised like you big dumb idiot you’re both in love with each other it’s a mutual thing get with the program

SLEEP ELSA! ITS GOING TO BE OKAY! AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN PROBABLY FOREVER! IT WILL BE!

Ch4

*queue another gasp* there’s only one bed?????

Yea I saw it coming yea I was just as shocked even so yea I got very excited about it wHAT DID YOU EXPECT

They’re cUDDLING and he went to move away and she DOESNT WANT HIM TO they could’ve been sharing a bed THIS WHOLE TIME AND I JUST WANT TO SCREAM BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY

ALARIK laying all the credit on kristoff and the kids when he’s kind of the one that steamrolled the whole plan into happening because he’s the one who showed up ALARIK please give yourself more credit

“You came back” “of course I came back... I couldnt ...” “why?” And then ALARIK refusing to meet her eyes has me absolutely weeping this is the kind of shit I THRIVE ON this is truly a gift to us all everyone say thank you Trish for these three bits of dialogue I will be thinking about them for all my days

ELSA KISSED HIM!!!!!!!!!

Yeah I do lose my shit anytime Elsa is the one to make the first move you go girl you go

THE SPICE VENDOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bringing in all my favorites I am going to cry thank you Trish I love Darius

I SUPPOSE YOU TWO HAVE FINALLY GOTTEN MARRIED

listen I SCREAMED WHEN HE SAID THAT I SQUAWKED!!!! MARRIED!!!!!!

I had been observing you two and just assumed!!!!! You would assume right mr spice vendor sir if they WERENT so stupid for so long it’s okay we understand

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE ??? And Elsa says MARRY US? And ALARIK is going to PASS THE FUCK OUT

He literally got to finally kiss the woman he’s in love with for the first time last night and now they’re getting married poor boy is going to get WHIPLASH from how fast things are progressing but it’s okay im sure he is happy

Elsa’s little vows of just needing each other and keeping each other safe and keeping company and not needing gold or silver ugh TRUE LOVE

And ALARIK hopelessly devoted to her being like I PROMISE

“just you being there no matter what is enough” peak romance true love the devotion the dedication I’m a wreck

LE SMOOCH! LE MARRIAGE! INCREDIBLE I LOVE THEM

~end review~

Okay where is my epilogue please and thank you

#shards of shards #couragedontdesertme #Trish’s fics #shards #shardsverse #elsarik

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birdhug · 4 years

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oh shit i didnt know u could still do these lol i do not pay attention to any of the features on this site that i dont use regularly

its just weird how this whole era of no one being able to hang out w their friends & just all of us being disconnected is coinciding with me Realizing The Reason (in a broad sense) why i lost touch with my friends & why its really hard to make new ones.

like i was watching this russell barkley lecture on adhd and how it affects interpersonal relationships. and i always felt like my friends were “abandoning me” but i took for granted the fact that, on the outside, it probably looked like i was “abandoning” them.

like i just... i wish it was different. unless i had been diagnosed earlier theres nothing i couldve done. i couldnt just go back and Be a Better Friend. that time in my life was so fucked inside my head that i literally had JUST enough energy to get by day to day. and that left zero energy for extracurricular shit, social groups, even hanging out with one (1) friend. i feel like im a terrible person saying i didnt have energy for friends. (especially when i say “mental energy” because most people dont get what that means :| i feel like people think "im low on mental energy” means “nah id rather not, i dont feel like it” . but like i literally cannot function without enough mental energy. )

once when i was like ~11 a friend came over and we had gone to the movies & when we came back, i was super fucking drained. i didnt know why. i was sitting on the patio feeling like i could barely muster the energy to do anything at all, and the whole time shes like “do you wanna do this instead? can we play this? i bet if we get into a game youll start to feel better” and i just didnt know what to say because i knew that id only feel better if she left. but how do you SAY that? anyway like a week later i called her house asking if she could come over, and her mother and her sister took turns berating me over the phone bc apparently she came home in tears over what had happened. i had completely forgotten this whole event because i just assumed i was tired and she was slightly annoyed with me that i didnt want to get up & do something. but thinking about it now i realize she probably was upset bc she thought i was mad at her, or i didn’t like her, or i was unhappy with her in some way, bc i couldnt articulate why i was feeling this way. so how else is she supposed to interpret that yknow? i feel bad

ive just been having a lot of thoughts lately about the friends ive let drift away, the ones in the process of drifting away, and people ive met who i want to be friends with but i literally have no fucking idea how. every way of reconnecting with people feels weird and unnatural, the past few months ive been taking risks and i messaged a couple ppl i havent talked to in ages and it just felt like....what am i doing...........i have zero clue if people like me and even if i take a risk and “put myself out there”, im still having those constant thoughts of like “yea i shouldnt be doing this they dont wanna talk to me” and that is REALLY!! hard!!! to shake. ESPECIALLY now, cuz the world is fucky for everyone and i find myself thinking “no they probably have a lot going on in their lives right now they dont want me around”.

its hard bc like. i have caused people pain, and me apologizing or excusing myself cant fix that. i just really hope i can be a better friend in the future. i still dont know how, it feels impossible, i cant remember what its like to not have such intense social anxiety. im gonna work on it. i hope medication helps. im gonna call my doctor on monday because i think this ^ plus the fact that i dont 10000% trust myself behind the wheel (aha ha .... o_o). i mean its worth trying. ive been fucked around by so many drugs that it makes me angry to think about having to start something new but i just gotta do it. i have to

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kuladia-a · 4 years

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this is really long and heavy um tw for a lot of things mainly mental illness and disability and related stuff and honestly its not necessary at all to read im just mostly saying it to make sense of things for my personal benefit

the important take away is that im going to be archiving this blog and i wanted to say thank you to everyone who’s written with me here even though i havent written or posted very much here ksdjlf

for months i have just been getting more and more frustrated with myself and my writing, it feels like the things i write don’t make sense and i’m always unsatisfied i can never manage to live up to my own expectations?? i used to write kinda good i think at least i wasnt always so unhappy with what i produced but every time i log on here and try to draft or respond to something it’s jsut so frustrating and embarrassing because it is so Bad

and tbh its been following a self dissatisfaction ive been having for months, in general i suck at articulating and talking and being clear. i dont really know how to start interactions on this blog or irl and i am so awkward and make a fool out of myself every time i try to reach out to people, and so much stuff has been going on in my personal life that has been really stressing me out and making everything worse

and it’s a bit dumb of me to unload here but i don’t have anyone really i think i can talk to about stuff like this and i wont be coming back on here so idk. fuck it i guess. it’s weird bc the rpc is where ive made a lot of friends despite how hard it is for me to make friends. and i’ve made a lot of good ones and i love them all so much and im super grateful for those moments where i feel successful like im actually doing things right and accepted and welcomed by other ppl. but i also have a lot of setbacks and rn ive just sort of hit that point where i dont think its even worth trying anymore.

i dont get anything i dont get starting conversations or continuing them or making friends or understanding when someone is your friend or just being polite or how much to say about something before it gets annoying nd its useless to think abt but i really hate being autistic i just wish that i was normal. ive tried a lot of stuff recently like dumb stuff like herbal supplements and shit just cuz i rly rly wanna change and i kinda was like let me at least exhaust all my options but . well like obviously those dont work and like. i guess it is what it is thats what this disorder does it ruins your ability to connect with other people. i cant really change my not understanding social cues or. all the annoying stuff i do and dont even realize til people point it out

talking to people and sharing things i think and things i’ve done and putting myself out there feels so paralyzing. and i have been trying to act like everything is fine bc i thought maybe if i did things would work themselves out and be fine but that isn’t happening. living itself just kinda feels like its crushing me at this point like it’s kind of a lot of constant pain and i just. need one less source of humiliation i think.

so like yeah long story short im not going to be on this blog anymore. i might log on every now and again jsut bc i like reading my mutuals writing i love all the stuff you come up with and to see it you are all incredible writers and storytellers. but im not posting or roleplaying anymore. if u have my discord we can still talk if u want but im not gonna be doing anything here

#negative tw #ooc

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roseamongroses · 5 years

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Antithesis: “what do you have? “ I have a kNIFE” “NO”

[Specific-Summary]: They should expect growing pains. For not everything to feel right or make sense. That doesn't mean it'll always hurt, nor does it mean they can't have fun along the way. It's senior year. Everything may be different. It won't be senior year for long. Everything will be okay.

[General Warnings]: Implied Emotional Abuse, Implied Physical Abuse, Bad Parents are Bad Parents, Mild Sexual Content/jokes,Mentioned Homophobia, Mentions of underage drinking (backround), Some Catcalling,Cursing , Self Hate,implied pregnancy talk/inability to become pregnant, adults arguing where the “kid” can hear it, adults drinking,

[Tags/mood:] highschool au, fluff and angst but its all good, chat fic, teen stress, its flordia no snow we die like men [Pairing:] Roceit (Roman Sanders/ Deceit Sanders), hinted future/possible logince/roloceit/loceit [Characters]Roman Sanders/Deceit (Dmitri) Sanders, Virgil Sanders, Logan Sanders, Patton Sanders, Remy (Sleep) Sanders, Nate Sanders, Dragon Witch (Diana) Remus “The Duke” Sanders (minor/brief)

(Ao3) (Previously)

(8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14) (15)

(16) (17) (18)

L: I May Have Lost Roman

V: nice

P: not nice :)

V: i feel vaguely threatened

Rem:@L how the fuck did you manage that Rem: nvm i know how just give me details

L:I don’t know ? One second we were at check out L: Next minute he was Gone and Nieve is looking suspicious

L:Hold on lemme ask Dmitri

V: why is he there

L: I mean he’s actually pretty chill L: But he dropped Roman off and Nieve got attached L:I’m...not sure if she’s planning on letting him go?

V:logan, my friend, my buddy, V:the only person in this chat with basic reading comprehension

Rem: that’s pretty fair

P: it really is tbh

V: Send. Pictures.

L: Okay L: Slight Issue

V: you lost the snake too

L: I lost Dmitri too and Nieve is not spilling

Rem: oh they’re defeinately fucking

L:...Where? The bathroom?

Rem: Don’t knock it till you try it ;)

V: not to be that guy but im vetoing this discussion V: cause thats a Yikes even for you Remy

L: Alright time to find them

Rem: check ;))) the;))) bathrooms ;;))))

L: Remy.

Rem: alrighlright too far ill stop

L: Thank you.

V: keep me updated V: i only have silence and physics homework as company

L:Huh L:Found them

L: Roman….found a katanna…

V: im sorry WHAT V: Why The Fuck Does He Have A Sword

Rem: drop the location of that store man

L: 1) It’s a Katanna L: 2)I will certainly Not. L: 3) He’s trying to convince Dmitri why he should have it

L…..and Dmitri looks more amused then concerned

V: if I can't have a tarantula he sure as hell cant have a sword

L:I told him it was probably fake/ poorly made and that he should take the time to invest the proper skill in money in a real one

V: goddamit logan you cant logic roman.

L: It worked. He put it back. L: So I say I can do what I want with roman

Rem: some spicy takes from the chats only brain cell ;)

---

“So you’re turning eighteen, in a few months. ” His aunt said, dabbing her cheeks with a napkin. She still managed to hold an air of prestige despite getting utterly shitfaced the night before. Her appointments have been going well.

Dmitri looked up, masking his surprise and holding his tongue.

Dr. Montag looked over, quieting the running water and placing the dish was he was cleaning down, “Really?” he said, brushing his hands, “You got any plans?” he asked, Dmitri.

“Oh we usually do something small,” His aunt interjected, “But seeing as he’s my father’s favorite grandchild,” Only grandchild, “He’s is flying from Paris to join us. And he was never a man of modesty so I’ve been thinking about doing something special for the occasion.”

Oh.

Dmitri fought the smile creeping on his face, ducking his head. He shouldn’t be surprised that she remembered after all if his grandfather was visiting. It’s how he got his phone, laptop, his car.

It’s probably why she puts up with him, to begin with. Cause it wasn’t guilt.

“--We should get your hair cut,” She continued, and Dmitri snapped out of his thoughts, “Maybe invite Diana--he’d like her,” she murmured.

“Diana and I a-” He closed his mouth, and his aunt’s eyes shot over.

“You broke up?” She narrowed her eyes, examining her nails, “Huh, makes sense seeing as...” she gestured at him vaguely, “So who have you been sneaking around with?”

“I’m not sneaking around with anyone,” Dmitri said, meeting her gaze. And technically he was right, it’s not sneaking if she just hasn’t been asking. And he’s given up on telling.

Dr. Montag’s eyebrows knitted together confused,” Well that isn’t true,”

Dmitri’s eyes went wide, stomach sinking.

His Aunt’s grin spread, “Oh really?”

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck--

“He’s been helping me out, hon,” Dr. Montag set down a glass of water and pills beside her plate, “You’ve been so stressed lately,” he looked guilty and produced some tickets, “I thought I’d surprise you.”

Her face softened and like that the tension left the room. Those two got to linger in whatever lovey-dovey spell had taken hold of them in the last few months, but Dmitri was still on edge.

She still kept him on edge, but he could get her back. Even the playing field. Anytime he could leave this—Anytime he could flip this switch and put her on edge and make her—

He stopped eating, setting his plate aside.

He felt sick.

---

R:helllloooo R:anyone up R: sigh R: allll by mySELLLLF

L: Roman?

R: the one and lonely yes hello human contact???

L: Are you alright? It’s 3 am why are you still awake?

R: why are YOU up mm????

L: My parents have newborn twins. What’s your excuse?

R: well fuck got me there

R: i was texting dee but he was rlly tired and i stILL can’t sleep

L: Any particular reason?

R: u m

L: Private chat?

R: please

- [TheTruthAboutTheMoon]

TheWalkingMouth: Okay shoot

Cowboy:it's stupid

TheWalkingMouth: I’ll tell you if it's stupid or not just say it

Cowboy: i just….like Cowboy: it's all kinda….hitting me a ll at once and i Really don’t like thinking about it but i cant bottle shit up either like you bastards so i feel like the human equivelent og a washing machine with too much laundry in it

TheWalkingMouth: Then don’t? TheWalkingMouth: Even if it's too ‘stupid’ for me I’m sure Dmitri wouldn’t mind

Cowboy: yeah but i feel like im going to say something shitty to him i Cowboy: like we should talk about it Cowboy: and i will Cowboy: but not now--later when it's not too stressful for either of us

TheWalkingMouth: Why would you say something shitty?

Cowboy: idk id jst get frustrated trying to explain it Cowboy: like hes smart as hell and probbaly get it without me saying anything but like Cowboy: I have neither the patience nor articulation right now to explain like a civil person and he doesnt need me being shitty about it

Cowboy:like,,,,,for example,,,,, if he fucks up in school, he’ll get recommended a tutor and teachers would assume hes doing his best and hes such a sweet and quiet boy

Cowboy: like he is sweet!!but hes a little shit too!! And gets away with it!!! Half those pranks he pulled on virgil, as Iconic as they were he never got in trouble for them!!!

Cowboy: when i fuck up i

Cowboy: god it's stupid

TheWalkingMouth: Might not get a second chance? Yeah I get it.

TheWalkingMouth:Remember when I first transferred here? None of the teachers would take me seriously bc of my accent and if they did, they were afraid of me. I could repeat something another kid said word for word and still be told I had an attitude.

Cowboy: god i remembered that Cowboy: you answered his yes or no questions in a fuckin montone, quiet ass voice and he legit called in the office cause he got scared of a goddamn freshman

Cowboy: But ye when i fuck up Cowboy: im suddenly the lazy ass brown kid who should spend less time corrupting youth with my feminine hips and curls Cowboy: like it's not like a lot of them say it outright but it feels like if im not perfect im fufilling all the stereotypes

TheWalkingMouth: Ah okay, rant away

Cowboy: OK like like like im not like virgil right?? in a lot of ways and it fuckin shows

Cowboy: he’s been planning on going into engineering since sixth grade meanwhile i only got my shit together in highschool

Cowboy: and like now that im here/???what now??? My mother expects me to have my shit together meanwhile im over here freaking the fuck out over whether not it's worth it to even try Cowboy: like yes mother i want to go to an art/or librel arts school that may or may not accept me that we may or may not afford to find a career in who the hell knows because if i have to sit in a healthcare class or a applied mathmatics class like you did i miight actually shank the professor????

Cowboy: that i dread the thought of not trying to explore my options outside of this fucking state but i dread the thought of going bc i cant stand the thought of being away from home but i cant fucking find a reason to stay cause everyone i love is leaving or planning their own life anyway???

Cowboy: like remys gunna fuck off to who knows where regardless of whether or not he has a plans or money, pattons gunna take care of his grandmother whereever the fuck a canada ,moms moving in with tia, virgils already mentally flipping me off ready to fuck nasa , and i only fucking hope dmitri even getss the chance to choose where he goes but hes g o n e and i die from yearning behind a screen like the gay victorian i am , and you….i actually dont know

TheWalkingMouth: Teaching for either biology or physics

Cowboy: huh it fits but what about chemistry??

TheWalkingMouth: Fuck chemistry.

Cowboy: oh thank god we’re on the same page

TheWalkingMouth: Anyway, I assume you’re more worried about whether you should apply rather then if you could get in?

Cowboy: i think so

TheWalkingMouth: Well if my opinion means anything to you

Cowboy: more than you’re assuming but yeah continue

TheWalkinMouth: Wait

Cowboy: nothing nothing continue

TheWalkingMouth: Okay-- I think you should go for it but you don’t need to dive head first into it and commit to everything 100% like virgil did.

TheWalkingMouth: You’re allowed to keep your options open, to have backup plans for back up plans

TheWalkingMouth: It doesn’t mean you’re not passionate about your art. Doesn’t mean you’re inevitably going to get a office job and abandon all your dreams. It means you’re being smart and not backing yourself into a corner

TheWalkingMouth:It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay not to have it all figured out

TheWalkingMouth: Nobody does.

TheWalkingMouth: Even if no one else gives you a second chance at least give yourself a second chance.

TheWalkingMouth: It’s perfectly normal to be afraid to fuck up and get fucked over TheWalkingMouth: That doesn’t mean you will everytime TheWalkingMouth: And it certainly doesn’t mean it's the end

Cowboy:

[...Cowboy is typing…]

---

@daflangstlairde

@ace-anx

@cataclysm-al

#Roman sanders #Deceit Sanders #Roceit #ts sides #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #ts virgil #ts logan #ts remy #Antithesis

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brokenhayatim · 4 years

Text

exhale

idk how long this is gonna be but it goes a little something like this. you ever been so afraid of failing that you just procrastinate and avoid for so long? each day you tell yourself you’ll finally suck it up and push through but the fear and anxiety are almost so paralyzing you don’t even wanna go near the task.

i’s just been months..like maybe even five at this rate. i tell myself to start the clock the day i graduated but i know the truth. the last year-ish was my idkwhatimdoingwithmylifeohmygod era and i just thought i passed it with a bit more advice and options. but it’s like it was all almost pretty bubbles and they just popped so long ago that i’m lost and confused and afraid and nervous and all of that is so ridiculous, it embarrasses me. i’m not really that lazy but i say it to try and explain alot, i think. or i say that i’m just relaxing or something, when i know everyday my thoughts are always on this same thing and never being good enough to get through the rut. it wasnt till i was on a walk, voice memo-ing a friend and the anxiety just peeked through a bit and i was hearing my own thoughts aloud like ....thats true? and i’m told to not be afraid and to just let whatever happens happen if it’s best for me and i know that but i also dont?

everyday i constantly think about deleting every single social media app i’m on bc i feel this heavy weight of uselessness and incompetence. why couldn’t i have learned things like this person or been more out there like that person?what’s wrong with me? and i begin to rationalize it with my childhood and how i was raised and it never is fulfilling. it’s constantly not enough, nothing about me is. i’m not creative at all and what i can do, so many can do better and so why would anyone actually pick me? even the things and issues i’m passionate about, what do i really know? even my knowledge seems so below average and it’s confusing and stressful. i feel like if someone asked me a question about anything right now that i’ve just forgotten everything important and couldn’t even articulate a proper response. and i wanted to be an activist??? since i have to interview for jobs online now bc the pandemic it’s made me so nervous. i feel most in my element during in person interviews and i say that as someone that’s also awkward and nervous in the room. but i’m more anxious of the constant string of rejections i know i’m gonna receive now bc i can barely speak english and there’s nothing special about me at all. at least in person, i can smile and make it less weird. and i connect so much better that way, which loosens me up .000009% more. it’s really babyish i guess bc everyone is adjusting and i’m just not. and i thought i was with everything but i guess i really wasnt. and coming home everytime makes me fall back into this person i dont like ad i get so sluggish (my sister says its the trauma) and i dont know bc one day she’s waking up in florida and being a good semi productive human and the next she’s back in new york and its many low days and nerves. honestly the way this house sucks the life out of me, i dont even think i’d be good at any remote job. it’s kinda the reason half my brain is pushing the dead part bc i want to leave. be more self-sufficient and alone again. but where and how, you know? obvs im gonna need a job for that. it’s just this domino effect and i’m scared to push the first one and it’s annoying and i hate it goddaammit. the moment i came home, i just have always felt unworthy and other to my family. like they don;t care, like they’re not proud, like i’ve done nothing these past years and that’s my fault for not being an open book like the rest.

i’m gonna have to edit this bc i will not remember 87 months worth of pandemic thoughts into this post right now but. i tell myself i came home and decided to take a break for a bit, or focused on my health and appointments, but really..i dont know. i think i say it to justify all these hollow days of disappointment, which it never does. i’m afraid to ask for help or even a nice job recommendation from my last employer bc all i can think about is that it’s been months and what have i been doing this whole time? and i think they’ll ask that or think ??? now ??? and i get in my head. i know its not illogical and the worst anyone can say is no and yada yada but ugh this is why i hate my mind and just overthinking ... or not thinking?? who knows. i’m constantly letting myself down but .., i dont want anyone to know that. does that make sense. maybe i have this need to be superficial and make my life seem so nice and good and right bc i never see myself as that and i worry of people’s opinions and crave affirmations.

the first appt i had coming home was my neurosurgeon one and my dad and him sort of just had this rushed timeline in their heads of how i would go into the ER one day soon and bam its done. i didnt wanna think about that so i tried to focus on my job stuff .. then got stressed so i just started scheduling the appointments i needed. then stopped and did more work stuff. then the secretary called me like ???? u havent done these exams yet and i was like yeah uhhh. bc when i do them it’s one step closer to doing the surgery and i know i want the surgery i’m just getting in my head again and don’t want it to be now. my sister told me to make sure i let her know when i choose a date and i was like mhm i wanna finish the job stuff and get my life sorted first and she was just ???? what ?? this is clearly more important. but here’s the kicker. i went on a walk the other day and just cried coming to terms with it all bc honestly i still dream of not making it out alive and a part of me thinks, at least if i did this one thing right and found a job and all that, that it would okay what happens next. like at least i was successful in that one thing. i think about how unworthy and unproud i am of myself and for months now, just felt like this would be a beautifully cowardice way out. and i think about the after, and cant even imagine strong devastation and sorrow. is that strange? like i expect everyone to just go on. bc i’m a simple buffer with no real purpose left. i walk and think about dreams and hopes and what i would miss and just one thing that make me call this entire fantasy completely insane and i just draw blank. so i cry because, of course. this fantasy isn’t new either, since last year i’ve been speaking to my therapist and writing about it. we would speak of suicide and i always respond like that’s a huge no bc of my religion but i say, i think about if something went wrong and that was it, how i want it to be like that. take the pressure, take the blame, take it all off me in a way. and some days i’m scared that i’ll wake up in the hospital bed after and be in pain and coddled and annoyed by the attention i’m only getting bc of that pain. and i dont want you to be here just because of the pain but i feel like you’re here only because of that. that you came, that you’re seeing me, that you care only because of it. so what am i without it? just back to nothing? the headaches were lonely but i feel less lonely with this diagnosis, like i have something good about me, worthy about me. something that makes me important to someone, even if it’s the neurologist that wants my money. to be real, i dont even think i care about the pain leaving as much as the fact that i can’t label myself as this person with chronic pain. like even if i was cured and oo lala all better, a part of me would still want to have this neuro condition. like ?? i was thinking: imagine beating cancer and feeling better but wanting to say .. and then realized the key difference. with that you survive, you are survivor. even if it’s gone that who you are. when this leaves me, i’m nothing and i’ll just go back to being nothing. no one says u survived brain surgery or survived a brain condition. it’s just done and forgotten. there’s nothing exciting about my life other than my mri visits i swear. i decided to do the surgery bc it would be stupid of me not to, and i’m still holding back, still unsure of even a set month. i just know i didnt want to follow covid rules of 1 visitor bc i know it would be one of my parents and i would jump out the window myself. but covid isnt rlly going away so is that the best excuse i have? i havent thought past these appointments and its almost like im doing it all for the wrong reasons, like enjoying it rather than wanting it to help me. i dont know.

unrelated but a song that always makes me cry and is actually the song i was listening to when i had that panic attack on the plane: finally by james arthur around 2:30. always brings out the hollowness in me hm.

**** i’m coming back to this but i got all my plaguing thoughts outish so

#asiya's thoughts

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snickiebear · 3 years

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OHMYGOD SNICKIE I—

so i just finished going through your index and OH MY GOD??? i wish i’d done that earlier *facepalms*

thanks for the tip, i kinda see now who the shadows were referring to… 😉😉😉 (but not all because im slightly stupid)

BUT ALSO akdjbshdj im so glad ur open to the prequel idea and if it does happen i’ll be in the front row seat with hearts in my eyes 😍 what’s even crazier was that i was reading the war chapter in the index and i had to take maybe seven pauses because my imagination was considering the many possibilities!!! and i know i said prequel but oh my god this whole world you’ve built can be like whole series on its own — and im not yet even thinking about what’s going to happen post-OL&W!!! it’s just me thinking about the characters’ stories during the violent era, the first guild war, and the second guild war!!! i-

i seriously can’t even—

i’m gonna try to articulate my thoughts but if you can imagine smoke bombs exploding into vague plot lines, that’s what’s happening in my head right now so apologies in advance for the mess (also im going backwards lol):

Second guild war — hypothetically,,,, if there were an itasakushi era sometime in the history of men falling on their feet for sakura, i believe the itasakushi would have developed in the course of this war, although they may have been acquainted with each other earlier. common enemy: danzo, and what better way to wreak havoc and violence than to have him die by the hands of this (im calling it) legendary trio (but that’s also because im quite invested in them). the five-year captivity is also a huge plus because i imagine shisui and itachi running around like headless chickens looking for the apple of their cursed uchiha eyes

quick question (if it’s not a spoiler) - which naruto characters would fall under thundersins? ibiki is the guildmaster, so does that mean his guild is composed of t&i people? im not quite sure who (in the naruto-verse) can get fooled by danzo into waging this war…

First guild war — can u tell us who was the mage who killed a witch? who was the witch? what were they fighting about??? was it a serious badass battle? were they secretly friends?? lovers??? did danzo have anything to do with this??? or maybe hanzo??? HOLY SHIT WOULD THE AME CHARACTERS BE INVOLVED HERE??? AKATSUKI??? but it’s ok if it’s still a secret… we can go detective on this one

speaking of ame and the other nations in the canonverse — will they also be part of this au? i mean we’ve already seen suna folks in OL&W but maybe like chojuro from kiri and other notable characters from the other hidden villages?

And to the violent era — using canonverse as basis, this would most likely be the counterpart of the hashirama-madara founding a village arc and/or the period before that, since they were also just fighting to death and using child soldiers. but actually im more curious about the guild wars than this era unless something dramatic happened lol other than the self-indulging satisfaction of blood thirst 🤣🤣🤣 im just really more invested when sakura is around. i would say tho, the lore is still interesting because im quite curious as to why the beginning is violent? was it because the gods had a fallout and all they really knew was to be violent about it? if it’s something similar, i’m getting a little bit of mythology-percy jackson vibes (which i LOVE) so Y A Y

ok so that’s basically me vomitting my smoke bomb thoughts *deep breaths* P H E W thank you AGAIN for the brain workout 🥰 it feels nice to lose myself in this world hahaha! you don’t really have to answer my questions; i literally just typed what’s on my mind 😂 INDEX WAS AWESOME! it’s like super clues to the mystery that lead to MORE mystery so yeahp you have just seen the effects on my mind

so sorry to hear about how your day was faring! i’m grateful my ask came to you at the right time. 🥰 i was actually worried about not sliding in your inbox earlier because i already saw that there was a new chapter but it was only then that i had time to check it out. i’m glad i was able to uplift your spirits even just for a little while 💕💕💕

i hope you have a better rest of the week ahead! ❤️❤️❤️

P.S. i cant believe u think my joke was top tier, im seriously bad at cracking jokes irl so thank you for believing in my limited-to-no-successful-experience in joke making

🐱

🐱🐱🐱🐱!!!!!!

LMFAOOOO don’t worry if you don’t figure it out now :) it’ll all be revealed in due time!! Honestly?? Since you brought up the prequel thing i have been thinking not-fucking-stop about how else the world coud be explored. Like?? There is SO MUCH GOING ON!!!

we have the whole Inuzuka tribe, the different temples, so many different characters... there is so many rocks to turn over!!!

OKAY SECOND GUILD WAR ITASAKUSHI YES. we are on the same wavelength 🐱, bc i was thinking the same thing. They would probably meet during GW2 and hit it off pretty well. 1) because Shisui is one charming motherfucker, and 2) Itachi would def draw Sakura in with his smooth humor. Plus, as reclusive as Sakura is in this, she does enjoy being friends with them.

“shisui and itachi running around like headless chickens looking for the apple of their cursed uchiha eyes” this imagery fucking killed me. Oh my god. THATS SO FUNNY WTF

(okay so in the OG draft of OM&G it starts with saku not knowing any of the boys and meeting them for the first time. she knew sakumo [who was dead in this one] and itachi + shisui [they were close friends].

and sasuke was being a total asshole [as usual] and sakura shuts him up with telling him that she's slept with both itachi and shisui. and then all three of them together. to which sasuke has an ANEURYSM LMFAO

but in this one, ItaSakuShi DEF goes on missions together after GW2 and totally fuck and get drunk and hang out. its verified, it has happened, i am comfirming this.)

Ok so!!!! Thundersins would consist mainly of non clan people in Nart. So, Lee, Tenten, Gai, Anko, Genma, ect. Though, we won’t be seeing Gai, Genma, or Anko until much, much later :) Though, Shisui is a part of the Thundersins guild, because he’s just more suited for assassinations rather than wizarding.

so basically, i'm just kind of putting people wherever i think they'd be suited best!

Danzo himself is a tricky bastard and at the time of GW2, Thundersins is still a relatively “new” guild, and they’re mainly human at this point, meaning that they were the weakest guild. It mostly comes down to the fact that Danzo, the manipulative asshole, was able to get their aid. He kept the entire kidnapping a secret for years (i’m estimating at least fifty or so) because the war and then it came to light by some spies or sum

As for the first guild war LMFAO i have absolutely no idea at all which mage killed what witch, i didn’t really think about it tbh! Maybe it was one of sakura’s bullies,,, LMAO honestly? I’ll leave all of that lore to you!!! I like keeping some details vague just so readers can take it and RUN AHAHAHHA. So yeah! Maybe they were lovers! And the entire killing was an accident! Who knows!

OKAY SO! This is going to make sound TERRIBLE. But i hadn’t even thought of Mist or Ame or any of the other villages until you said something LMAOOO

Well… the akatsuki plays a HUGE role in the next two fics,, so i can’t really say much about them hehe…

I do love chojuro and mei and haku and just LKSMDANFKSLD yeah. Going to be honest: they totally slipped my mind which is awful. Head in hands frfr. But i can tell you this:

Mei would be a mage, Chojuro would be either an assassin or a mage… one of the two… haku and zabuza are assassins. Ao would probably be a wizard too.

As for the other Jinchūrikis,,,, you’ll have to wait for the next two (if i have...write them… haha..)!

THE VIOLENT ERA! And yes! So, this is basically the time where the Living are the most… animalistic? Especially since the gods’ “fallout” as you call it! Thepheria served as a balance to both Peace and War, she is Balance in the very sense of the word so… if something happens to her, the entire world goes into cause and it can take a long time for it to find equilibrium!

Nothing huge happened here, this was like the “stone age” of this world and very self indulgent with the whole savagery of it, but also highlighting that deep, deep down these Living (and humans) are angry and violent at their cores. Its their roots and no matter how they progress, it will always come back to war and bloodshed.

AND OMG!! A FELLOW CAMP HALF BLOOD CAMPER HELLO!!!! I love pjo so much!!!! My first series that got me loving fiction and the worlds we can build!!!

I’m so glad you liked the index!!! Its both for you and me because half the time i can’t keep track of what information i want to use/verified so… it keeps me consistent (because i am horrible at it LMAO)

Please don’t ever worry about sliding in here “late”!!! Life is busy and the chapters are a little long, plus time will always keep marching on (omg that rhymed)! And! Please don’t feel obligated to come scream with me! Just knowing that you’re enjoying my work is enough to fuel me!!! :))))))

I feel you on the jokes 🐱, i am not funny irl at all HAHAAHA but your joke was hilarious, im crackin up just thinking about it LMFAOOO

Have a great week 🐱!!!!!! <33333333

#silly things from silly friends #🐱 has my creative cogs turning aaaaaa

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