Alliums and Dahlias: An Aspec Selfshippers Zine ready to download!

Download Alliums and Dahlias here!

The Zine is here and it is free to download! The process should be very simple and we are using that website because it shows the number of downloads, which is an interesting thing to know about after some time. If anyone has any problem downloading it though, don't hesitate to write to me for help. I hope everyone can enjoy this as much as we did creating it!

cover artists:

@eras-nonstop-brainrot @lost-in-azalea-forest @wyndfordspouse @nerdstreak @sentimentalstarlight @emberchii @little-shiny-sharpies @canarycurse

So I had been writing this thing the other day for the DPxDC Zine (btw the interest check just came out today, if it's something you'd like to see), and it made me think about what I enjoy the most about certain ships I tend to write.

I am a multi-shipper at heart, I like to believe that there are so many facets of characters you could lean into or explore that leads to different character and relationship dynamics. But I think of all the stories I've read and written, I tend to enjoy Tim/Danny the most.

I enjoy how similar their family dynamics are even if they didn't come from the same socioeconomical classes. Even if you believe that Danny and Tim's parents genuinely love them, you can tell in so many ways how much their absence and presence alike has carved their personalities.

Tim might not have died like Jason or Cass or Damian or Kon or Bart or Clark or--you get the idea. He might not have died like so many other heroes have but he can understand Danny in ways they can't either.

These two are some of the few heroes I've seen with negligent parents. Tim's parents might not have gone as far as accidentally kill him through malpractice but it was enough that Bruce had deemed the Drakes suspicious and looked into their activities.

Characters like Jason and Stephanie, both of whom had abusive fathers and drug-addict mothers, would totally look at Tim and Danny and their home lives and never think past the surface level. After all, they have good families and a roof over their heads and a warm bed to sleep in and consistent access to food.

And that's the most insidious part about child neglect. Hardly anyone will ever think it's bad enough.

And then you look at their hero careers. I've said this before but out of all the other Robins, Tim had the most to lose and he lost it all. When these two started out, it had not been at rock bottom like so many other heroes.

Instead, they had chosen the hero life even when they could have stayed in the sidelines, away from most of the danger. It wasn't until a month after his accident, after Danny defeated the Lunch Lady, that he decided to become a hero. He could have kept his head down and hidden his ghost half, made Phantom a one-off incident, but he wanted to help people. He saw what good his powers could do and he didn't want to waste it.

Similarly, Tim could have stayed as a bystander who just so happened to know more than the average citizen. Yet when he saw Bruce's self-destructive behavior in the wake of Jason's death, he wanted to do more and save the hero that protected the city. Tim knew the stakes from the start and that could have scared him off, but he wanted to help people most of all.

Their stories mirror each other in such impactful ways, yet their personalities are different enough that you can see their characters shine through in their relationship.

I am still a multi-shipper, always will be, but these two prove how much meaning even a seemingly crackish crossover couple could have and that's just so wonderful to me.

I'm in a fandom with a lot of virulent antis (surprise surprise, it's heavily dark source material and I don't know why they're here at all) and a lot of the pairings that aren't the main badwrong ship on ao3 now have DNI tags on them for shippers of the badwrong ship. I guess not enough to break the TOS (no direct threats?), but still full of stuff like "x shippers DNI", "get help you freaks", "You're disgusting" etc etc.

Its just... so frustrating. Like that's a pretty red flag for me that a fic probably is going to be in an immature writing style so I probably won't read it anyway, but every time I see it I just.... heave a big sigh. Why these people are in this fandom or on Ao3 at all I'll never know. Its not even helpful - the tags are there to help describe the fic, if I didn't want to see that kind of content I could just... avoid content that's tagged that way. Why even add that to a fic that's not even about those characters at all?

Honestly, my real question is.... Olderthannetfic, how do you do it?

I feel like I do it "right", in fandom, or at least I try. I always just block and move on. I don't follow the discourse where I can help it and block a lot of the relevant tags. I keep to a small circle of folks that have the same fun brainrot I do and have fun, generally. But this kind of stuff still slips through the cracks in a way that's unavoidable if you're ever online at all. To be honest, it still hurts a lot to see each time, and be reminded that some people seem to literally want me dead over reading a story. And I can't help the doubt and the self-flagellation that creeps in. Despite my best efforts, and all my research, and living to the ripe rip van winkle tumblr fandom spinster age of 27... I sometimes have a moment where I think, maybe I really am a freak or a degenerate, or an evil predator waiting to bloom.

Do you ever experience this? Does this feeling ever go away, or at least dull to a more bearable exasperated eye roll? Do you ever see these anti idiots grow up or grow out of this mindset? Is it just a matter of time, age or experience? Is there a point at which you felt like it affected you less, or perhaps it didn't affect you like that at all? Is there a secret to navigating it calmly and with confidence? Do you have any advice to give in the, er, art of not giving a fuck?

--

Why would I quail at a stupid child on the internet after coming out as queer when I was 14 in the 90s?

I grew up with very open-minded, supportive family aside from my mother's conviction that BDSM was something people were into because they'd been abused. Even then, I remember privately snickering because I was super kinky, and wouldn't that upset her given this silly world view?

I had it easy compared to most in the 90s, but I still saw a lot of nonsense, like good old Mom on the topic of kink or murders in the media. But I also spent a lot of time reading educational sexuality books that debunked myths about fantasies and kinkiness.

Maybe a firmer grounding in sexuality stuff would help you? Nancy Friday's work on women's fantasies is a common starting point. I'm partial to The Topping Book, which is full of "it's great to be a top, actually" and not "you only do it for the sub".

Getting older does usually help though. Most 20-somethings are insecure in their sense of self. Middle age is when people's fucks generally run out, and that only continues to grow. Watch a stupid child go after some 60-something zine writer lady. She's going to laugh in their faces. Some people remain insecure forever, I suppose, but not anybody who had to woman up to be in fandom in the first place.

It's not just that these little idiots are wrong about us being predators: it's that they are the morally degenerate ones for spreading the psychological equivalent of "vaccines cause autism" or "Jews want to steal your Christian babies".

This idea that The Bad People are infiltrating our minds with their propaganda overlaps heavily with anti-semitic conspiracy theory right wing fundie nutjob ideas, and yet these young fools claim to be pro-queer and pro-civil rights. They're an embarrassment to any progressive movement and it disgusts me.

When someone goes "You're not a Christian, so you're going to hell", do you have a moment when you wonder?

Because that's the level of absurdity here.

Even if they don't bully, even if they don't include threats in their DNIs, the fact that they're spreading myths about sexuality that have been thoroughly debunked many times means they're doing something unethical, anti-intellectual, and anti-science.

I'm not afraid or guilty. I'm embarrassed for them.

--

Do antis grow out of it? Yes, frequently.

They are—either literally or functionally—victims of right wing Christian cults. They have the same trajectory of realizing they've been had and slowly trying to work through the raging guilt and religious trauma.

I have limited patience but some sympathy. Like other victims who were indoctrinated to hurt people, escaping the cult is hard. It means not only giving up your false sense of safety and all of your friends but facing what you've done.

Beep boop hello to you! Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💚

I adore whoever made this ask game. Thank you for sending me one, Lexx! This was so hard to choose, so these aren't in any particular order.

The Moment It Breaks

Description: After months of lies and secrets, it finally happens. His identity is revealed in the worst of ways—in the middle of a ghost fight. Now everyone knows that Tucker Foley is the Tech Hunter

Reason: I made this AU for the Danny Phantom au zine, Reality Trip, and I have had so much fun playing with it. It started as a throwaway wondering "what if Vlad approached Tucker instead of Valerie?" and grew into something huge. I've always adored no one knows aus, and this one takes it a step further. I'll be posting the fic to Ao3 soon, and I've got big plans for the rest of this AU.

The Haunting of Danny Fenton

Description: Valerie knows Danny Fenton, everybody does. Youngest of the family, son and heir, future owner of Fenton Works. Notable for all those reasons and infamous for none of them. Where Maddie and Jack are the local quirks, Danny is the tragedy. And, for the next week, he's the Red Huntress' newest client.

Reason: I adore writing Valerie's point of view. She's my favourite character, so it's a bit criminal that I don't have more fics focused on her. I've also used some different narrative techniques in this fic playing with perspective, which has been a lot of fun.

The Punishment Fits the Crime

Description: Ghosts are naturally drawn to death. Danny, however, finds himself drawn to those who have wrongfully died. He always said he would never hurt someone who doesn't deserve it. It's not his fault that he keeps finding people who do. Or: Danny is a vengeful spirit.

Reason: My darkest fic, tonally. I got the idea to turn Danny into a vengeful spirit and immediately decided to push it as far as I could. There's only a couple of chapters up right now, but the tags tell you all you need to know about the direction this fic is going.

The In-Laws

Description: Harriet and her son, Kwan, meet each other's boyfriends through a family dinner. Hopefully, Vlad Masters and Danny Fenton can get along for one meal.

Reason: Because it's fun! This is a very light-hearted, humorous fic, and I had a great time with it. I like to write all kinds of pairings, and this was a great way to explore two I hadn't yet: Vlad and Harriet, and Danny and Kwan. Bad News shippers come get your juice.

Blossoms On Her Tongue

Description: Years after Undergrowth’s attack, Sam’s ghost powers from that day are slowly returning. Sam is excited at first, both at the chance to grow closer with Danny, and the opportunity to use her own powers for good. But things aren’t as great as they seem. After all, plants don't mix well with the cold.

Reason: I can't actually say because that would be a spoiler! But there's a specific dynamic I wanted to explore for the trio and this fic was what came out of it. I've got three parts planned for this series, each one focused on a different member of the trio.

Honourable mentions that I almost picked for this:

The Survivalists (of course)

Prince Before King. Genius Before Fool.

Not Your Danny

Deep Wounds

Dead Man Walking

Until Death Do We Part

🎃 OCTOBER UNDERTALE/DELTARUNE EVENTS 🎃

🕸️ Fanzines / Anthologies 🕸️ Addizine - Clearance Sale (25% off) Ghost Cousins Zine - Digitally Released Secret Entries: XTale Zine - Orders Open 桜色ハーモニー - On sale ドギコヒドギ　プチアンソロジー企画 - Preorder Form Open

🍂 Character Days, Fanweeks, & Fan Months 🍂 Torisans Day (Soriel): October 3 Cross Sans' Birthday: October 10 Underfell Anniversary: October 17 Deltarune Anniversary: October 31 Self-Shipper Approved Trick or Ship? Event: October 31

🖋️ Inktober Challenges 🖋️ Inktobertale/Inktale Challenge: Oct. 1-31 Sans OCtober Challenge: Oct. 1-31 Sanstober 23: Oct. 1-31 Spamtober: Oct 1-31

💀 Other Events 💀 UT/DR Pumpkin Contest: Seeking Mods and/or Pumpkin Photos キミと金色の約束 - Sign-Ups until Oct 22/Event on Oct 29

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For more event info, visit our spreadsheet at the link in our bio! ✨

If you know of other Undertale/Deltarune fandom events, feel free to send us a DM on Twitter or an ask on Tumblr!

Happy October! 👻

Hello!

Hope it's going well. I'm taking part in Broken Pencil's online zine festival Canzine from April 13-21, 2024, where you will be able purchase zines from a large number of vendors and have them shipped together from the organizers. The organizers are based in Canada, but since this event is online, there's a lot of international people that can participate as well.

I have number of self-published zines/doujinshi that feature Tadashi x Ainosuke at the event. I recently completed a new 28 page comic that will be available, and will come with a bonus postcard as a thank you gift. Please note that all the prices are in CAD.

Canzine Online Zine Festival, April 13-21, 2024

Full vendor list

Event homepage

My storefront page

Catalog:

NEW Midnight amaretto Tadashi Kikuchi x Ainosuke Shindo (TadaAi) 32p, 28p black & white comic

Tadaai logs 28p, full-color Contains art from 2021-early 2023 Le bien qui fait mal :: R18 Tadaai logs | B-side 28p black & white fanzine Illustrations, 7p comic

Habanera 8p, color cover Tadashi Kikuchi x Ainosuke Shindo fanzine

Tadashi x Ainosuke: A Man & His Dog, A Shipper’s Manifesto 16p, black & white Zine written in the style of a ship manifesto meta essay.

+ various downloads that were previously published on itch.io.

Citrus Con, August 23-25, 2024

I will also be at Citrus Con later this year. You can register for Citrus Con for free, as it is a free online BL/queer media con. I will open my online shop at that time. I attended and did a panel last year, and it was fun!

Batman Beyond episode idea: fun with fan fiction.

if they just go directly back to high school shenanigans - Batman RPF. Self-shippers. Fangirls and fanboys. The writing club slipped that one of the prompts was "batman" and it just ran wild. I know Batman isn't considered "good" by society but teenagers are like that. Getting attached to "bad role models" and such.

I'm talking full gamut of "batman saved y/n" and "batman is my bf/gf" AUs, and NSFW/Smut.

(teens are allowed to have sexy thoughts. It doesn't mean they're evil or secretly suddenly mature adults. they gotta grow into it. It's natural.)

This almost ends Terry's career as Neo Batman.

With all of this school chatter there's renewed interest in OG Batman and Neo Batman among the teenagers. Compiling sightings, known fights, and personality traits. It comes out that Batman does hang around the teenage spots - Terry and Max will point out about the school counselor AND a coach being Rogues but no one will listen.

Bruce and Terry are worried someone is going to put together the pieces. But the days go on and it's less "who is Batman (under the cowl as a real life person)" and more "Who is Batman (that I can assign a personality to and play around with as a character)"

Terry is immediately singled out for being "un-schway" with talking about either of them. He just - gets flustered, stumbles over his words, never wants to talk about the Caped Crusaders at all.

The idea throws him off. It puts him in position to try and imagine what Neo Batman (and even Bruce!) is like off the clock based on the actions in the cowl. And he just can't, it's not computing for him.

Terry can't separate himself from the Batman persona - at least in personality - and it's just - why are they writing him like that? He'd never kidnap anyone out of misguided love? He'd never have a three way with Dee Dee! stop writing Jokerz romances for slag's sake!

Bruce attempts to help him by trying to imagine the OG Batman instead of himself. He just identifies OG Batman as Old Man Bruce and that's somewhat better. But not much.

He brings it up with his mother and Mary goes to her old records and pulls out a bunch of Zines, some disks/USBs of Batman fanfiction. "Well, if your friends like it so much, you could share." Terry just buries his head in his hands. "Thanks ma." There's even a section for Robin and Nightwing focused stories. Matt almost grabs them but Terry and Mary both have to sort through the right ones for the little kid.

It's all fun and games until teenagers start to get into trouble to meet Neo Batman. Baiting Jokerz. Calling in fake 911 calls made Commissioner Barbara Gordon reach out to the school.

The school attempts to do a crackdown. The writing club basically goes "Not Safe for Work" rules. Anything that you'd get a higher rating than PG-13 just don't bring it. Keep it in your house. Don't ruin it for the rest of us. The school gets even stricter on texting. The writers in class have to resort to pen and paper notebooks that get passed around in lunch/in the halls. Terry interrupts a "dead drop", flips through the book and drops it like he was burned.

It takes some soul searching, but eventually Terry does accept that Batman has to have a separate persona than him. Even if it doesn't feel like it from the inside. So. Terry plays up the "horny teenager" aspect in his response. (thank you billionaire playboy Brucie!).

"Yeah I've been weird about it. We've met face to face so he could stop me from taking revenge or some stupid slag like that. Look, Neo Batsy busted up the illegal weapons project that got my Dad killed. If we ever met again. Fancy dinner at least. I'd kiss him on the mouth if I could find him. A thanks if he doesn't want any of that."

The school paper armchair analyzes and comes back with. "Yeah he was a criminal, maybe his flirting could be considered going after a partner that has a strong moral compass and can fight him if needed."

People start writing "reformed bad boy x Neo Batman" fanfic based on that sound bite alone. "Be Bi, did crime" is another fun meme. Terry as Robin was probably the worst, especially the implications with the OG Batman and the OG Robins.

Like all fads, it dies down after another month. Sure, there's some diehard fans, but they keep to themselves.

(Max keeps a file of her favorites anyway.)

i think it would be fun to make a self-shipper digital zine featuring people's art and writing about their self-ships

Aspec Selfshippers Zine: Soon to be released!

Hello! If you had been waiting for news about the zine, I've got what you needed: the digital Aspec Selfshippers Zine will be published and free to download next week!

And that is not the only announcement in this post: we also have a title decided for it and you can see it in this little wip of the cover:

Our title will be Alliums and Dahlias!

I hope you are looking forward this collective piece of artwork that has been created thanks to selfshippers in our community ☆

[reblogs are appreciated!]

the discourse

With season two upon us, I’ve seen a lot of discussion cropping up again on the subject of “why is fandom sleeping on Geralt/Yennefer in favor of Geralt/Jaskier,” with undeniably valid points about how Yennefer’s reception in fandom would be very different if she were a man -- and with the stated or implied conclusion that it’s the racism and/or sexism why the majority of fic writers prefer Jaskier.

And I’m not going to clown on anybody else’s post, but I think it’s worth pointing out that the transformative side of fandom does not represent the majority of fandom -- it’s where us queers go to get the queer content that canon is never going to provide.

Transformative fandom is a very queer space. It has been ever since its inception, with ye olde star trek zines. So while I’m not going to pretend like fandom doesn’t have problems with racism and sexism (spoiler: it does), it is somewhat misleading to come into the house where all the queers live and then demand to know why nobody’s writing about the het pairing.

Yes, Yennefer is a fantastically complex character and fandom should not be sidelining her or diminishing her importance -- but Yenralt is the canon pairing. It’s right there, they’ve already written it for you, you can watch it onscreen, so it really shouldn’t be any kind of surprise that fewer Yenralt shippers are driven to write their own version of the story.

And yes, it’s undeniable that if Yennefer were a man, and Yenralt a queer pairing, then there would be more queer people in fandom interested in exploring it -- but also because if she were a man, then Yenralt wouldn’t have been canon either. And it’s when canon doesn’t satisfy that fic writers step in to pick up the slack.

Again, this isn’t to diminish fandom’s problems with sexism and racism, but Yenralt vs Geraskier is an apples-and-oranges comparison -- straight vs queer, canon vs not. (A fairer comparison would be asking why fandom sidelines f/f ships like Yen with Triss/Fringilla/Tissaia.)

Moreover, it isn’t fair to come into a self-selected queer space and then call out the lack of people writing straight stories, when straight stories are what you get everywhere else.

I find this discussion on queerbaiting really interesting to read! I'd been hearing about it so long that I'd slipped into that "oh it for sure exists, people keep talking about how it does" stance without even thinking, but your posts have really gotten me thinking about it.

In my head, I can't help but compare it to fujobaiting in anime/manga/etc. I feel like that unequivocally exists, right? Maybe not for slightly older media (like... Are those old sports shonen titles baiting, or are they just Like That? I dunno!), but certainly now in the current landscape. In my current fandom (the mobile game Mahoutsukai no Yakusoku), there was a bit of a to-do a year ago when a document from the company's IPO came out that straight up said "this game is aimed at fujoshi." Fans (both Japanese and others) weren't pleased, given the history of the term as a pejorative, and the company had to put out an official apology, but... That's proof of fujobaiting if I've ever seen it, lol. Somewhat interestingly, they weren't just, like, saying that for the sake of saying it--in the context of the documents, they were comparing the intended audience of their two games, one targeted at fujoshi and the other targeted at yumejoshi (self-shippers). Basically a "don't worry, our various anime prettyboy games aren't actually competing with each other, we know our subcultures" deal.

I found the whole thing funny, because I saw "this game is for shippers" and thought, yes? And? What else would you be here for?? I'll refrain from gushing about it, but the whole structure of the game is made to facilitate shipping. Like, they weren't lying when they said the game is targeted at fujoshi.

But that raises the question: given that the stereotype of fujoshi in Japan is that they're bisexual, does this make fujobaiting a type of queerbaiting? Lol.

--

LOL, okay, provocative ending there!

I too have seen some things that I think are obvious fanservice for fujoshi in manga and such. Perhaps in another 10 years, we'll see more I think is unequivocally that from the West.

The big difference is so simple: In some countries, m/m targeted at women is a known market niche.

Does a country make BL dramas, or is the only BL-ish media self published novels? Even a low-budget tv series is mainstream and costly in the way that some random webcomic is usually not. Are BL comics from major publishers in a mighty comics industry like Japan's, or are we talking some kind of hand-stapled queer punk zine situation?

A flourishing US BL industry probably wouldn't look like BL dramas on CBS, but it might look like a bunch of Netflix and Amazon originals. We don't have that. Our bigger budget m/m media isn't targeted at women (at least not overtly), and it doesn't tend to feel BL-y (subjective, I know, but...). So I'd make a different prediction about what a rando in many US media industries has heard of and would think to squeeze for $$ vs. whose ¥ some shounen mangaka is trying to attract.

🔥 AUGUST UNDERTALE / DELTARUNE EVENTS 🔥

📚 Fanzines / Anthologies 📚 Addizine - Leftover Sales Live, Laugh, Bone - Preorders Open August 9 Secret Entries: XTale Zine - Orders Open 桜色ハーモニー / WELCOME TO … (Grillby Anthology) - On sale

🌊 Character/Ship Days🌊 Papysans Day: August 3 Horror Sans' Birthday: August 4 Geno Sans' Birthday: August 6 Flowey Day: August 7 Farmhorror Day: August 8 Let Sans Rest Day: August 9 Papby Day: August 9

🏖️ Character Fanweeks 🏖️ Papyrus Month: August 1 - 31 Soriel Week: August 13 - 19 Self-Shipper Approved Rareship Week: August 15 - 22

✍️ Writing/Reading Events ✍️ UT Reading Summer Camp: Ongoing Sansgust Writing Event: Starts August 1

⛈️ Japanese Convention/Circle Events ⛈️ AUプチオンリー２ / 「きみの選択。2023夏」: Sign-Ups until August 13 キミと金色の約束: Sign-Ups Open until October 22, 2023 『ｸﾛｰﾒでも支払えない[[愛]]を君に！3』: Sign-Ups Open until October 31, 2023

🌻 Other Events 🌻 BONECATION August 18 - 27

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For more event info, visit our spreadsheet at the link in our bio! ✨

If you know of other Undertale/Deltarune fandom events, feel free to send us a DM on Twitter or an ask on Tumblr!

Happy August! 🏫

Who do you think katarina will end up with?

Anonymous asked: Who do you ship katarina the most with ?

I got these two questions consecutively, I'm assuming they are coming from the same person so I'll combine them to a single reply, if that's okay.

People who have been following me since the first season can probably tell that I really like Geordo x Katarina (GeoKata) the most out of all ships. At first it was mostly just because I have an unintentional biases towards characters with blonde hair, which is why favorites were GeoKata and MariaKata, but then when I slowly got into the series more, my biases permanently shifted to the G-boy.

I'm not really a fan of laying out why I like certain ships through test to be honest. I usually get super frustrated when zine mods ask contributors to explain why they like a character or ship for contributor spotlight graphics because I can never really say everything I feel correctly hgdsjsdgfj, which is a good thing someone had already asked me a similar question before so I'll just copy paste my response here if that's okay :DD

TLDR; I ship Katarina with Geordo (Maria, Sora and Cezar behind him), and I think Katarina will end up with Geordo :))

You didn't really ask why but I'll give it anyways :)) -> major light novel spoilers, by the way <-

I'm not really the most deep person, if a ship has the bare minimum of something that I like (a trope or a hair color combination) then I stan it hard. That's why I used to be so equally adoring to both Maria and Geordo, because hurrdurr blonde hair hurrdurr. But the more I read the books and got into the community, I eventually liked him more than Maria. I didn't understand how or why at first, since Geordo and Maria are undergoing a very similar character arc: both characters wants to become better people in order to become worthy of Katarina (Geordo emotionally, and Maria physically? magically? in terms of her position/social status? I can't think of a right word but you get it). Again, Maria and Geordo's struggles are similarly written but one of them is more compelling to me. I feel like Maria's problems are easier to solve (her inability to rely on people, her attention seeking and her desire to be more magically powerful) imo, since she's already a well-liked figure in the Ministry and she's already a high-level magic user. Geordo's though; the series doesn't put too much attention on it, but despite the fact that Katarina gave his life color, he still somewhat sees the world in a desaturated light even post-childhood according to the novels and his lack of empathy still prevents him from completely absorbing all the colors. He's still learning how to see and he is happy that Katarina is always there to help him learn how.

I just love the irony that Katarina sees Geordo as a Perfect Prince and feels that she is inferior and unworthy of him, but then Geordo also seems himself as flawed, inferior and unworthy of Katarina and sees her as someone perfect. Geordo constantly wants to be better for Katarina (and for the people around him), and in time, maybe he could become a motivation for Katarina to be better too (on Katarina's side though, because on Geordo's she doesn't have to because she's already perfect the way she is). Geordo, while being self-centered and aggressive in his pursuits, isn't always selfish and thinks about what Katarina wants too. He'd fight tooth and nail for her and will do whatever he can so that Katarina will love him in the same way, but that doesn't mean he wont respect her decision if she falls in love with someone else, he just wont lose without a fight that's all (and fight, he'll give that's for sure).

Geordo is crazy in love with her; wants to protect her happiness, keep her safe whenever he can, and is even willing to both fight to become king and throw away the life he currently knows if it means he can live a life where he and Katarina can be together wherever she is most content and happy. He wouldn't lock her up in the castle like a caged bird like what Keith and some fans of the series thinks, whenever he does have thoughts like that like in Volume 6, its his internal response to the lack time they can have together alone, rather than being indicative of how he wants to treat her (like in his desire in Book of Desires, he conjured up a literal honeymoon because a honeymoon is the only time where he can spend it with her alone without someone butting in! It's weird and exaggerated, but his desire is simply to just be able to spend a day with her and be able to pursue her romantically without the threat of people like Keith and Mary).

Katarina sees him for himself, and she extends her hand of friendship to him despite all her fears of her bad ends involving him. She knows he's a "sadistic prince" but doesn't always tie him to that title. Out of everyone, Katarina has just as bad, if not worse, initial impression of Geordo compared to almost everyone around him (Others sees him as a Perfect Prince while she sees him as a Sadistic Prince and Future Murderer), and yet she accepts him and wants to learn more about him. She supports him and wants him to find happiness in love with Maria, even if it means she'll get exiled to another country or to a far off farm! (i'll edit this with citations later)

I can't help but want that for him, someone who there for you through thick and thin, who supports him despite everything she knows about her future involving him. Katarina is everything he would ever want in a partner: someone who isn't disturbed by his past, can see through his fake smiles, constantly cares for him, sees him beyond his princely façade, is one of his first friends who has helped him create friendships with other as well that prevented him to wallow in isolation and hate of the version of himself that society created for him, is genuinely interested in him as a person, is endlessly fun to be around and unpredictable, and is overall beautiful inside and out.

Again, a lot of Maria and Geordo's struggles are very similar to each other, but I'm more interested in Geordo's side. I find it more compelling. Geordo's scenes always almost provides something new, we get to see him angry, flustered & embarrassed, scheming/conniving, possessive, grateful, sad & frustrated and so much more. Maria has that too (we get to see her sad and thankful), but this might be my own perspective of reading the novels, but Maria's scenes kinda feel the same to me. It almost always starts with Katarina helping her and her realizing time and time again how much she loves her and become more motivated to be a better version of herself. I mean its unfair to say that they are all the same but that might just be me. (Maria: wow I'm so grateful for everything Katarina has given me, I want to be with her forever (rinse and repeat for the next 5 books))

Yes I know it's beautiful to see Maria falling deeper and deeper in love with Maria, but I'd rather see moments of someone who is trying to advance on those feelings rather than someone who is still trying to understand what they feel. Declarations and descriptions of love are beautiful in literary works and it always gets my heart fluttering, but I can read fanfics if I want to see that be written in 8 or more ways. Give me some action, some internal conflict!

It also doesn't help that it makes me really really happy for Geordo that he's made a dent in Katarina's baka shield? Katarina's heart skipped and fluttered for a second when Geordo was patting her head, and it makes me want to root for him even more! (Yes, go break the bubble! You can do it!!)

It's not even the same doki-doki as when she gets charmed at how pretty Maria is, to me its different in a way that my small vocabulary can't explain.

And besides, it really is just a battle between the protagonist that almost ruined her life (Maria) and the love interest that almost ruined her life (Geordo). Keith is part of that equation too, but he was never a threat after they became close (narratively, its seriously just Maria vs Geordo vs Keith, ignoring the changes to that narrative by FL2). It's always about Geordo (and Maria), everything she's doing in the Fortune Lover 1 Arc is because of Geordo (and arguably, Maria & Keith too) and the consequences of where he decides her future to would lead to.

It has to be Geordo, in my opinion, to show her that things aren't the same as the game (and he already kinda has, just a dent though) (If not Geordo, it should be Maria). He, who she feared and yet cared for so much

(I know Fortune Lover 2 basically removes that importance of Geordo and Maria specifically to Katarina's narrative by making her an active problem in all routes, finally becoming loyal to the title "All Routes Lead to Doom", but its not like the story is digging into Katarina's brain that she's sword training for the purpose of fighting back against all the boys, its still just Geordo, so idk I still count that in my shipper brain)

It also also helps that Geordo is basically the poor bullied animal in the hamefura community's eyes, regardless of how far he is into the battle (like in the reddit discord lmao). Yeah he has the best chances which is why many people both in and out of the series find it so fun to drag him under because of his unfair advantage, which is fair, but just like how you feel when you see a small wounded animal, you can't help but want to help someone who has the whole world against him (there's literally a canon manga page with that joke lmao), which is how I eventually felt over time. He's so misunderstood and bullied by people despite the authors dedication to flesh him out more beyond being a possessive prince fiancé of Katarina because of the anime's adaption, so I'd rather give my biases to someone who needs (and deserves it) rather than other contenders who are already overflowing with love and support. Also who doesn't love a perfect guy who breaks when his beloved is harm/who opens up to the person he cares about most?

I know people will read this and find it unfair that Katarina is giving so much to Geordo, but he isn't really giving anything to her. One thing I'll agree that Maria has over Geordo is that Maria makes Katarina want to try and work hard. Seeing Maria improve her magic wants Katarina to do the same, and whether or not it's from motivation or fear of getting left out depends on the reader. So far we don't really have anything like that for Katarina with Geordo because most things involving Geordo intimidates her, compared to Maria who is surrounded by mysteries and adventure (though arguably it's Katarina and not her lmao, but Kat doesn't know that).

Katarina is already the most well-adjusted character in the story even as a child so the only thing to really explore from her is mostly just her relationships and skewed sense of reality. That's why I hope that Geordo will not only help her realize that she can be loved by her peers romantically despite her self-perceived position/role, but also be one of the persons to make her completely realize that she isn't living inside a game. I mean like I said a few paragraphs ago, he's already kinda doing it by constantly confessing his feelings to her, reminding her that he is a person with his own feelings and not a character programmed to fall for a heroine.

So yeah, I ship Katarina with Geordo for those reasons and believe they should end up together for those reasons.

If you ask me who I think would she end up with objectively, I'd still say Geordo. The author's focus jumps between Geordo and Maria so that really depends on who you're asking. It also doesn't help that Geordo is always in the marketing with Katarina in the books and games, which pretty much cements his Male Lead status to Katarina's Female Lead status lmao

Thank you for the ask lmao, I'll be updating this with more thoughts and possibly citations later :))

change da world. my final message

I believe it’s been about two months since the discourse surrounding Freemance vs. Freehoun started, though I don’t exactly have a great grasp on the passage of time right now. I’ve spoken on this a few times already. Many of my posts on this topic have been born out of deep frustration, and I even left Tumblr entirely for about a week to calm down and gather my thoughts. I’m going to try to lay out a coherent statement on the Freemance discourse and why it has completely changed how I interact with HL content.

I also know that at least one vocal anti-Freemance blog has me blocked, and there are probably many more (which I honestly don’t care about because I blocked many users myself today), which means this post will most likely fall on deaf ears. That’s fine. I just need to speak. EDIT: This also seems like a good opportunity to plug the Freemance charity zine that might be happening?

I was first exposed to Half-Life in late 2018, played the games for the first time in March 2019. So I’m certainly not an original member of the fandom, but I’m not “new” either, per se--at least, not relative to many of the people who have flooded in from the popularity of Half-Life But The AI Is Self-Aware. 

It used to be so quiet around here. There was a new post in the tag maybe once every two or three days. When Half-Life: Alyx came out I had hoped it would revive older members of the fandom and maybe bring in some new ones, and it did--but was quickly overshadowed by the odd success of HLVRAI. I really can’t shy away anymore from the fact that I vehemently dislike most of the people in the HLVRAI fandom. I think a lot of these people are the ones who are starting and continuing unnecessary discourse because they’re young and don’t have anything better to do, or don’t know better (even though they should). 

It is canon that Alyx was around four years old at the time of the Resonance Cascade. It is canon that Gordon was 27. It is canon that Alyx is 24 in Half-Life 2, and, get this, it is canon that Gordon is 27. During the gap between HL1 and HL2, Gordon was in a place that is outside of the normal flow of time, and, therefore, didn’t age at all during that time. This is supported by eli_greeting.ogg: “... My God, you haven't changed one iota! How do you do it?”

Because Alyx was a child while Gordon was working at Black Mesa, I commonly see anti-Freemance people using the idea that Gordon interacted with a young Alyx as a reason the ship is not viable. While this is definitely a valid headcanon to have, it’s just that, a headcanon. In al_imalyx.ogg, Alyx says, “... My father worked with you, back in Black Mesa. I'm sure you don't remember me though.” This would imply that Alyx was such a minor presence (if a presence at all) in Gordon’s life, he wouldn’t even have a reason to remember Eli having a daughter. It could even go as far as to imply that he barely knew Eli. 

There is also a scene at the end of Half-Life: Alyx where Alyx sees the G-man and immediately mistakes him for Gordon. If she had met Gordon as a child, the fact that she can’t even remember what he looks or sounds like indicates it did not have any large impact on her. In fact, there are many instances in HL:A where Alyx speaks of Gordon like a complete stranger.

And, if you’ve played HL2 and the Episodes, you certainly remember many scenes with the Vances where Eli hints at the idea he would like to see Alyx and Gordon as a couple; several times throughout these games, Alyx also shows some degree of romantic interest in Gordon. I personally find this a strange and uncomfortable artifact of mid-2000s era heteronormativity, that’s something I’ll absolutely admit even as someone who ships Freemance. However, it’s something I think is worth pointing out.

So. Gordon isn’t a pedophile if he is characterized as being attracted to Alyx, because she’s a grown ass adult. Gordon isn’t preying on Alyx, because there’s no actual, canon basis for the idea that he was any more than vaguely aware of her existence before she was an adult.

It’s well within your right to dislike Freemance--I’ve met people before this who just had a distaste for it, it wasn’t their thing, and that’s okay. What I don’t appreciate is this campaign to get rid of all Freemance content because… you personally think it’s gross? Because you personally have decided based on fanon and not canon that it should not exist?

The thing I think that’s really bugged me more than the specific problem of Freemance is the wider implications of this discourse, one of which being the worrying amount of infantilization of Alyx. People have denied doing this, but will defend their anti-Freemance statements by saying they’re “protecting her,” when she’s a grown adult. She’s 24 and very clearly capable of taking care of herself--for Christ’s sake, she literally kills fascists. She spat in the fact of a dictator. 

I also see a lot of people who hate Freemance turning around to ship Freehoun. Disclaimer: I love Freehoun. It’s up there equal with Freemance for me, I seriously adore the ship. The fact that it’s Freehoun isn’t what bothers me--it’s that people seem to look at a M/M ship of two white guys and go “this is progressive of me to ship,” but yet the M/F (notice how I don’t say “straight” because M/F couples aren’t inherently straight!) interracial ship is somehow gross, or heteronormative, or whatever other word has been thrown out there. Another thing I see is people casting Alyx entirely to the wayside in favor of Freehoun, or even going as far as to dislike her. That’s awfully familiar, isn’t it? The phenomenon of shippers hating a female character for “getting in the way” of their gay ship?

(Side note: I also am heavily bothered by the fact that I think a lot of new Freehoun shippers are coming over from shipping Benry/Gordon, and also the fact that a lot of people seem to think Barney and Benry are somehow the same, when they’re not, but I digress on that.)

The ongoing discourse has made being in the Half-Life fandom completely unbearable for me. I am tired. I can’t draw or write for it anymore. This was my favorite thing in the entire world, one of the only things keeping me going through quarantine, and now it’s just hardly worth bothering with. So this is most likely my final statement on this matter unless something drastic happens.

Freemance-critical and HLVRAI blogs will be blocked upon following me. I don’t care about being courteous anymore, I’m sick of interacting with you and gifting you my patience.

When do you usually do most of your writing?

Pet peeves?

What is on your wishlist?

When do you usually do most of your writing?

I wake up very late because I have no self control and a really messed up sleeping schedule, so I do the writing from 1 pm onward, generally speaking. Then again, I have spent more than one day doing nothing but typing away on my keyboard for this account, so... Yeah. I'd like to say I do most of it during the daytime, but it depends: if a thread I like gets a reply at 2 am (which happens a lot because everyone seems to be living in the Americas?) you can bet I'll be typing a reply as soon as I get the notification (though I almost never post them right away, since I'm anxious about spelling, syntax and so on). It might be that I'm new to the scene and that I'm a situation in which I have little else to do, but I get really excited whenever I get a reply or an ask and will jump at the chance to start interacting with new people- which is sadly kind of hard because of how unpopular GX seems to be among the RPC. People have still been very nice to me and have been very open to testing out interactions, which I'm deeply grateful for. I am wagging my nonexistent tail of all of you, constantly. On a separate note, I do the fic writing after midnight. Always. And I hate it.

Pet peeves?

... Oof. Ok. I'll take my chance to say a bunch of things? Don't hate me for it, I don't mind any of these that much.

1) I kind of dislike writing in present tense, mostly because I find it unnatural, but I will when the other person does. I'm the opposite of picky- and it isn't necessarily a good thing.

2) Fancy formatting. It's one thing to use small text, that I don't mind one bit. But when fonts and random highlighted words are involved I get very confused? I know I use italics for emphasis and for things that are meant to be internal monologue that isn't narrated, but rather delivered by the muse himself- maybe that's annoying or distracting to someone? I bet someone out there has looked at a reply of mine and wanted to delete the post in my stead at some point.

3) Heavily edited icons. Again, icons or not, it technically doesn't make much of a difference. I personally have taken a liking to keeping my Manjoume icon folder open on my second screen- plus I'm Italian. Come on. Half my communication skills are non verbal I'm lying I suck at communicating in general. The edited icons, yes- a frame and coloured filter make icons look personal and I appreciate the work put into them, but when I can barely make out the expression I have to wonder what the point is. Aesthetics, I suppose, which is fine, of course.

4) Tumblr themes. Some themes don't allow for reblogs when you open posts on the op's blog. WHY. It's sort of annoying to have to fish for the post in order to reply to it.

5) Endless threads. Very few do this, but I think you should consider that people who are not involved in a given thread will have to scroll through it on their dashes before you reblog a thread without cropping it. That's all. I didn't know how to do it initially, but I asked and I was lucky enough to get an answer from a very kind person.

6) ... Grammar. Typos are fine and dandy. Sometimes they happen and you can't notice them because some words exist and thus are not highlighted by the spellchecker (which is on everyone's chrome, by the way). An example is 'fir' and 'for'. I can assure you there is no red squiggle under 'fir'. It's a tree, apparently. I had no clue. But yes, I am not from an English speaking country, so don't take this as like... a British dude coming up to you and bullying you because your English is bad. No. A misplaced comma is ok, I don't care. It becomes a problem when the sentences are hard to understand. That's it. (Note- if I write something that you think is an incomprehensible mess, tell me and I'll try my best to fix it.)

... I'm done. I am not angry at anyone who does any of these, believe me. Pet peeve number seven is a request. DM me for literally anything. If I do something wrong, tell me. I write a lot of extra tags to convey how I feel about what has been written and maybe it's unnecessary, but I do it so you can always know that I'm actively invested in the interaction. If I don't add tags it's solely because there is nothing to add. But if it's annoying, tell me and I'll stop immediately. That is all.

What is on your wishlist?

... This.

How very unexpected, I know.

A bunch of other things, too: I have some Jojo prints in my cart on Etsy and I know I'll never get them (sad) and a bunch of videogames on Steam and the Nintendo e-shop (which I'll never buy or play- they look neat though). On Amazon I have the last few volumes of the DM manga and the GX series (Light and Darkness Dragon, my beloved). Also also any charm that has to do with Manjoume. I haven't found any I could buy, but I want 'em all. Literally break into my house if you find one. Ah! And the matching figures of Komaeda and Hinata from Danganronpa 2! (Big Danganronpa fan, bigger Komahina shipper- I've made a fucking animatic and I can't post it because the music is copyrighted ;) ) I also have a bunch of zines I'm waiting for- some I've bought and are about to be sent out and others have only posted interest checks. 2021 was the year in which I discovered that yes, I can commission people and buy zines and it doesn't need to a big event (except I'm not rich and need to be mindful with spending of course). ... I also really want the new Pokemon games. Like right now.

... If it turns out the question wasn't actually about like... material things, but rather what I want to do with my blog and muse in the future... Well, first of all pretend I said nothing. Second, I want to find an art style I can comfortably use to make more frequent illustrations for threads and asks. I was a big fan of ask blogs as a kid (I saw them through crust screenshots and reposts only, I didn't have a tumblr lol) and I always wanted to be that cool artist that makes cool art for a given cool character. Manjoume is the coolest of characters to me, so yeah.