#scrub is an awesome dude!!!
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this is soooo embarrassing. I can’t believe I’m even typing it out. But dude, I’ve been a gaymer for as long as I remember. I’m 30 pounds too heavy. I’m 27 and living. With too many roommates in the suburbs. And well. I’ve been watching Glee lately. And I just got to the season around college and I was hoping I could rent some tapes. See, I’ve got this major crush on Darren’s character Blaine and itd be awesome to always be singing and dancing and having fun. I was never a theatre kid myself. Any chance you can help?
Almost like a miracle, right when you considered ordering a tape from Be Kind Rewind, one of your roommates got a VCR. You suppose. You’re not sure which one of them actually got it, but it’s right there, plugged into the TV in your living room, so someone must have. The only thing is, you’ve had to wait until everyone was out to use it. You double check that the door is locked and everybody is out for the evening. You’re embarrassed to be seen watching the show, but you’re embarrassed for another reason tonight, too. Because renting this tape feels like a special occasion, you’ve decided to cosplay as Blaine a little bit. Your hair is neatly slicked back and you’ve donned a cardigan and bow tie to match his put-together preppy look.
When you’re certain the coast is clear, you open the (thankfully discretely marked) package and a die rolls out into your hand. Oh yeah. The die thing. Weird. You toss it onto the coffee table and it lands on 4.
When the VCR whirs to life, you hear those a cappella credit trills that indicate whatever episode that was playing has already ended, so you jab the rewind button, humming the music quietly to yourself. You scratch your stomach and realize the fabric of your cardigan is much looser than it should be. You lift it up and see that your stomach has shrunk, flattening against your torso, which seems firmer and more lithe in general.
Stunned, you gaze at yourself in the nearest mirror, noticing how the new outfit looks even more Blaine-like after your bizarre transformation. In fact, everything is looking more Blaine-like. Your eyebrows thicken and darken, your slicked-back hair darkening along with them. As your lips plump up and your skin tans slightly, you realize you look like a total Blaine doppelganger. Your dick hardens in the thrift store pants you bought to match the overall preppy look. You look just like your crush! You’re not even questioning it, you just figure you must be dreaming or something. But even if you’re only dreaming, why let the opportunity pass you by to admire yourself more… privately?
In a daze, you wander into the bathroom. Instead of the pigsty it normally is, living with so many roommates, it looks neat and tidy. Tubs of hair gel neatly line the sides of the sink, and the mirror is decorated with playbills, a photo of Blaine and Kurt, and a bumper sticker for a local Lima, Ohio radio station. Not only do you look exactly like Blaine, you’re now in what seems to be his bathroom! You admire yourself in the mirror.
A thrill of excitement thrums through you and you unzip your pants, rubbing yourself at the thought of looking just like your crush.
As you pleasure yourself, you think about the various Glee characters you have the biggest crushes on. Could you use this VHS service to become them all? The thought makes you even more aroused. However, when Blaine returns to your mind, your dick deflates. Suddenly it feels wrong to be thinking about him. You try to cycle back through the other characters in your mind, but suddenly only the female ones come to mind. Brittany, Quinn, even Rachel. Your dick springs back to full hardness and you panic at the sudden shift in your sex drive. You shove your erection back into your pants but not before cum explodes into the sink. You hurriedly wipe it up with some toilet paper.
What the hell is going on? As you scrub, you don’t notice that the gel is slowly easing out of your hair, which curls and falls over your face in a more lackadaisical, unkempt fashion. Stubble sprouts from your cheeks, chin, and upper lip, slowly growing into a short beard. Your clothes morph from your preppy ensemble into more of a rocker vibe, your shredded T-shirt dipping into a V-neck that exposes the dark, matted chest hair that has been busy unfurling across your newly taut torso.
Right when you flush the balled-up wad of TP, a voice interrupts your panic.
“What the hell are you doing in my bathroom?”
You turn to the doorway and see Blaine Anderson standing there. Wait, that can’t be. Weren’t you just him? You turn to look at yourself in the mirror and see a much more rugged, sloppy individual than the person you were just a moment before. You look like Blaine, but… different. Older, somehow. And more unkempt, definitely.
This intruder, on the other hand, looks exactly like Blaine. He also looks annoyed. He taps his toe and runs a hand across his impeccably coiffed hair. “This is why I asked Mom for my own bathroom, so I wouldn’t have to wait for you all the time. How is it that I use 12 hair products a day and you still take longer than I do for everything?”
You’re too shocked to say anything. You’re unsure whether you’re more shocked by the words he’s saying or the fact that Blaine is standing just feet away and you feel nothing about it whatsoever. As your brain sputters, your body kicks into autopilot and you shrug.
“The gays haven’t cornered the market on looking good just yet, little bro,” you chuckle, punching his arm as you head back out into the hallway, which now looks like one that belongs in a pristine suburban home.
As you head back into your room, you notice that it looks entirely different. No game consoles in sight, just laundry strewn everywhere and a mini basketball hoop on the back of the doorway. You absent-mindedly toss a NERF basketball toward the hoop and it hits the rim, flying back in your direction and smacking you in the face, knocking you back onto the unkempt mattress that’s on the floor without a bed frame.
You groggily open your eyes and look around. Where the hell are you? Who the hell are you? You rack your brains. Oh yeah. David Anderson. Eldest son of one of the lamest families on the planet, smack dab in the middle of Buttfuck, Ohio. You scratch your hairy chest underneath your T-shirt and check the time.
You remember you have plans to grab some brews with the boys this evening before seeing the latest movie starring that hot actress you like, so you’d better head out quick so you can hit up the gym beforehand. You throw on your gym clothes, grab your water bottle, and rush out the door.
As you pass by your little bro’s room, you see him singing along to a Mariah Carey tune and practicing his dance moves. You roll your eyes good-naturedly. Singing and dancing aren’t for you, but you appreciate how into it he is. You figure that, for him, singing and dancing brings him the same joy that going to the gym and playing ball with your bros does for you. You leap up to smack the top of the door frame as you head outside, barely giving Blaine another thought as you walk down the street, anticipating the awesome evening ahead of you.
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update uhh they scrubbed the super awesome pro lgbt wink wink nudge nudge social media accounts for Kum & Go because all Kum & Go’s are being replaced by Mavericks. theyre Utah based and very concerned about the sexual connotations of the name “Kum & Go” so by next year be prepared to say goodbye to beautiful Kum & Go. the purity panic is murdering an actual absolute legend. All of my hard work i spent growing the Kum & Go tiktok account from 0 to almost 200k like no trace of it. i have no car and have had to quit my irl job because of it & was considering doing remote work through social media marketing again and i would only be able to cite my experience with Kum & Go but they silently wiped all my videos off the account. im so like. even if not to work a job it would be cool to have all that work still up. Like fuck idk dude. that was kind of my hope for 2024. i cant rlly work without a car so i was like if i get mentally better i can go back to doing that and it would be a lot easier than having go figure out something else. which like we cant all have our ideal worlds but the bus doesnt come anywhere near where i live so it just sucks. i know how this website feels about corporate accounts but fuck. Kum & Go was. It was fucking awesome lmfao i was genuinely proud to be a corporate account if the corporation was Kum & Go. they were so focused on being in on the joke of their name and did so much help to the community in recent years like hiring associates who just came out of prison. people with records. People with weird hair colors and visible tattoos and piercings. associates had amazing benefits. & like our social media department worked with a gay man who streamed on twitch to sell a shirt that said Kum & Gay rights like in the purity panic i thoroughly do believe like it was impactful and meaningful. did lots of fundraising for LGBT organizations like locally Iowa Safe Schools and their annual GSA event for lgbt iowa teenagers in GSAs. now the company is being killed! and ik its a corporation a company & intrinsically flawed because of that, i had my own personal gripes with this aspect. But like fuck. I remembering being on tumblr sneakily as a 12 year old and seeing the tumblr heritage posts of ppl discovering kum & go… like i knew i wanted to do a Denny’s tumblr-esque thing around this tjme too so when i had to opportunity to work on their tiktok account and build it up from scratch it felt like the universe handed me the opportunity on a silver platter. im just like fuck this fucking sucks. heres the article idk if i can get a link without a paywall though :/ anyway. RIP to a legend. go find the nearest one and buy the epic kum merch while you still can this year guys :/
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warning signs
cross posted on my ao3. can be read as platonic or romantic. enjoy :3
For as long as Jay had known Alex (which was an awfully long time, mind you; since Elementary school, since they both had long hair, since people still used OCD to mean washing your hands a lot), Alex had been a bit of a germaphobe.
He didn’t like getting dirty. He didn’t like his living space to be dirty. He was the tidiest teenager Jay had known in high school, his floor always devoid of crumbs and trash, and bed always made. Unlike Jay, who had lived in what Alex described as “complete filth, what the hell is wrong with you?”.
Alex would scrub his hands for multiple minutes if they felt sticky, and would scold Jay for just dumping his stuff on the floor whenever he came over. Jay didn’t always understand it, but he respected Alex’s need to keep things nice and clean. He thought it was admirable how, even when they were both moved out and Alex had three random guys as his roommates, that his kitchen counters were shiny and his floor was swept. Sure, it was annoying when Alex complained about Jay’s own messy house, but that usually ended with him taking matters into his own hands and dedicating an afternoon to ‘fixing it’ for Jay. Which was awesome. Multiple comments were made about getting Alex a little feather duster and apron, how he could dress up as Cinderella whenever he did this.
This behavior started to decline around when the filming of Marble Hornets picked up. Jay didn’t think much of it at first. Alex left his obsessively organized director’s binder spread out on the floor, copies of scripts and critiques from professors circling it, pens and pencils and highlighters a jumbled maze leading from his door to his bed. Jay didn’t notice when Alex started to leave his backpack and jacket and shoes in a pile by the front door, nor did he notice when his socks picked up dust and dirt as he walked across the kitchen floor.
Jay paid no attention to when he had to navigate across piles of dirty clothes in order to get to Alex’s desk. He didn’t notice when Alex retreated to a messy nest of blankets and sheets on his bed, absentmindedly making Jay brush some crumbs off in order to sit.
Alex’s cleanliness was such an ingrained part of him, that honestly, Jay just stopped noticing the behavior after a while. And so, he just… didn’t pick up on the change.
Not until July.
“Alex?”
The front door was unlocked. None of Alex’s roommates' cars were in the driveway, only Alex’s. Parked on the curb, haphazard, a few feet away from being lined up.
Jay walked inside, listening for the sound of Alex from anywhere inside the house. It was dark, and warm, like the A/C wasn’t running. The couch was gone from the living room, and boxes were spread around the halls.
“Alex? You in here?” He flicked the lightswitch, and the entryway illuminated. Clothes were piled up in the corner, dirty and damp looking, like they had been used to clean something up. Jay could see one of them was the Deftones t-shirt Jay had given Alex for his 19th birthday.
“Your car was out front.. Uhm. You missed filming today. The guys are all kind of pissed..”
He began to walk upstairs, a little unsure. Was Alex even here?
The carpeted stairs were dirty and stained. Dog hair covered them.
“Dude, where are you?” He reached the top of the stairs, about to turn on another light switch, when his wrist was suddenly grabbed. “AH!” Yelped Jay, gasping when Alex stepped out of the dark bathroom, hand cold and tight around Jay’s wrist.
“What are you doing here?” Alex asked, a stormy look on his face.
“I-I just told you! We were supposed to shoot today, and you weren’t there! I texted and called you, like, a million times! What’s going on??”
Alex finally let go of his arm, and turned away, heading towards his bedroom. Jay followed, incessant.
“Alex?”
“I was busy.”
Jay stepped over what looked like a broken pile of wood from a dresser drawer. He could see the knob on it. There were wood shavings around it, splinters and scratches on the floor.
“Well, you could have, you know, communicated that?”
Alex turned on the light in his room, and Jay followed him in. It was a complete disaster. His desk was stacked on top of his dresser, blocking the window. His dresser was missing two drawers. Clothes covered the floor like a second carpet, papers and food wrappers and water bottles piled up with no order to them. The sheet had peeled off one corner of Alex’s bed, the mattress showing underneath. A pillow was on the floor, and the blankets were squished up to the foot of the bed. The room smelled stale and sweaty.
It was safe to say, Jay noticed now.
“Jesus Christ, Alex. What happened in here?”
Alex shook his head, walking to his bedside table and picking up a video camera. Jay could see the red light blinking.
“Wha- why are you recording? Alex, seriously. What’s going on?”
“Stop asking questions, you’re giving me a headache,” grumbled Alex. Aiming the camera at Jay. He sat down on the edge of his bed, dropping his head into his hands, rubbing his forehead. Alex was wearing shorts, two different socks, and a black t-shirt with a drooping neckline. Jay didn’t even know what shirt that was. It looked like it might be inside out.
“Alex… are.. are you okay?” Jay asked in a softer, gentler voice. Face all creased up and worried. He stepped around the disaster on the floor, coming to Alex’s side, and sitting down beside him. Alex’s camera lens followed his movement, his hand angling it to focus on Jay like he wasn’t even thinking about it. Jay felt unnerved, and uncomfortable being filmed like this.
“What would you say if I wasn’t.” Alex’s words were flat, lifeless. Not even a question, just… resigned. Like he thought Jay would ignore the horrifying implications of what he’d just said.
“I wo-would say that, uh, that I’m worried? That I’m here for you, and want to help. That I will help, as soon as you tell me what’s going on?” Jay’s heart was steadily picking up speed. This was feeling an awful lot like sophomore year of high school, when they both learned what being transgender was and then what intersex looked like, when Alex stopped getting out of bed and looked moments from death for months until he was allowed to cut his hair.
Alex scoffed. “Alright, Jay. Sure.”
Jay frowned. “I mean it. Something is clearly wrong, and I’m your best friend. I want to help.”
“Did Brian put you up to this?”
Brian? Jay’s eyebrows creased.
“No..? What does Brian have to do with this?”
“He came by yesterday, with Tim. Made a big show of how worried he was, how he wanted me to talk. How he’d noticed how bad I was getting. Fucking liar.” Alex’s voice was dark and angry. Jay shivered. Alex used to talk about Brian like he was the sun in the sky. Why was he so mad that Brian had come by?
“Well… no, he didn’t ‘put me up to this’. I didn’t know he visited. Neither of them said anything when we met to film today.”
Tentatively, Jay put a hand on Alex’s back. It bowed underneath his touch, but Alex didn’t shove him away. Jay relaxed, letting his palm rest there. Rubbing a little. He could feel Alex’s spine. Had Alex lost weight? They had gotten lunch together not that long ago, he thought. Or… no, the last time was in June. Was Alex eating poorly? Alex had a job still, didn’t he? The last time he’d lost his job and couldn’t afford food, he had kept it a secret for ages… what if that was happening again.
“Why are you here.” Jay could feel Alex swallow.
“I wanted to check on you. You’re my best friend.”
“Am I?”
Jay’s entire body stiffened. His hands felt cold.
“Yes. Yes you are. What’s going on, Alex? Please talk to me.”
Alex looked up through his shaggy hair. His haircut had grown out a lot. His glasses had slid low on his nose.
“I wish I could,” he said softly. Staring up at Jay. “I don’t even know what to say.”
Jay started back. Heart sinking.
“You don’t have to say anything… I… uhm.” He puffed out air. “Want me to clean your room for you?”
Alex blinked. His face twitched a little. God, he looked exhausted. Eyes all bloodshot and veiny, deep dark circles beneath them. Face a little waxy and hollow. “What?” He asked, like he hadn’t heard Jay.
“Do- uh, do you want me to clean your room? I can run a load of laundry for you, uhm. I can vacuum? Help you change your sheets and stuff?”
Alex stared at Jay. Seemingly in disbelief. “Uh. I- I guess- are you sure?”
Jay nodded quickly. “I’m positive. I’ll do it right now. You don’t have to do any of it, I can do it.”
Alex sat up a little more. The camera lowered from how focused it was on Jay.
“Uhm.. okay. Okay, I guess. If you really want to-”
“I do, I really want to.”
Alex swallowed, staring at Jay like he wasn’t convinced Jay was real. “Okay, then. Uhm. Go ahead.”
Jay smiled, a little nervous, a little relieved. Progress was progress. Whatever was going on with Alex, Jay would get to the bottom of it. He would never give up on Alex.
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Some general headcanons about Eric Cartman because he’s my favourite little shit disturber
This is my first post and first time writing stuff like this so be nice 🙏 I am tagging @h-harleybaby because she asked me to when I finally decided to post. Please check her page out, she’s awesome 💕
Also note that Eric is 18+ here, so yea, let’s get it!
Creds to the artist who drew this picture below. I don’t know who drew it though :((
Eric Cartman: Basic Headcanons
Now, I totally get why some people say he would be gross af, but I mean, this boy has suuuuch a massive ego that he would WANT to look and smell his best. Because he’s the best looking and he wants everyone to know, right?
Dude probably has a whole skincare routine. Washes his face regularly, uses moisturizer, facial scrubs, hell he even uses face masks. What a diva 🙄
He literally has perfect skin despite his eating habits and it pisses Kyle off beyond belief.
He’s usually clean shaven. As he gets older he grows out his facial hair somewhat but it doesn’t get very long, just some stubble. Anything longer than that annoys him. He would hate getting food or crumbs in a beard so usually, he stays clean shaven
Showers every other day, or everyday if he can. His hair is usually very fluffy and soft to the touch
Probably smells like cheap cologne and Mountain Dew. That man drinks Mountain Dew like it’s water soooo
He’s not overly tall, he’s about 5’6 or 5’7, maybe 5’8 at the most. Despite being one of the shortest guys, he would rip on someone who’s even an INCH shorter than he is
Still wears his usual red jacket with a t-shirt underneath, but likes to switch it up more as he gets older. You may catch him in hoodies more often because they’re comfy. Wears jeans more often too
Even though he was overweight as a child, he grows into his weight more as he gets older. He’s still not skinny by no means though. He’s got quite the belly on him but he’s not dangerously overweight. He’s chunky. If he’s a wrestler or a boxer, he’s got more muscle in his arms for sure. All in all, still a thicc boy
His relationship with his mom is neither here nor there but it has improved. He still likes to push his limits but he does respect her more. Super protective of her as well, and won’t hesitate to punch you in the mouth if you say anything bad about her. It’s giving momma’s boy fr
Now the big question is: Does his personality change much? The answer is yes AND no
He has calmed down somewhat in terms of his “scheming”, but not a whole lot. Most of his “schemes” consist of trolling tf out of people and finding ways to get a reaction out of people for his own amusement. He still likes to use blackmail against people though, and wants to feel like he has power over people, so what better way to get the upper hand than to piss people off and watch them fall apart and get angry? Or to hold their deepest, darkest secrets over their head? Knowing he can get any kind of reaction out of someone makes him feel superior. Despite calming down A LITTLE BIT, mans is still chaotic af. He loves getting under peoples skin anyway he can, whether it be by saying something completely out of pocket, or by using blackmail
At the end of the day, he’s still Eric Cartman, he’s not the nicest person
Still holds some of the same bigoted views as seen in the show. However, he may warm up to someone of a different race if he likes their company enough. It may not happen right away, but eventually, he’ll come around and try to learn
Honestly, he’s mostly just a general, bitter asshole with anger issues. It’s so funny to him when he makes someone else angry, but if HE gets angry he’ll make it everyone’s problem
Which btw. Drama. Queen. If someone even lightly shoved him, he’ll throw himself on the floor and exaggerate how hard he was pushed. Also gossips a lot, whether it be about his own friends or some rando he doesn’t even know. Attention whore for real 🙄
So there ya go. That’s what I think Eric would be like as he gets older. Still the same chaotic, obnoxious, foul-mouthed asshole we know him to be, but not into killing people on the regular anymore. I might make a part 2 or something because I could go on forever about this dude
#eric cartman#eric cartman headcanons#kyle broflovski#stan marsh#kenny mccormick#south park#lol what am I getting myself into
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*Phone Rings. The Mandalorian theme.*
Hey D. How you doing, bud?... What? Whoa, slow down. You're rambling… You high? Okay. I think you'd better get over here… Just get here and then we can talk through it…
Get an Uber. You drive here and I'mma fustigate you. Okay. Yes, I have whiskey. And vodka. Yes and the strawberry sparkle face mask… and the peach shampoo. No, I don't have any tabs. No. Dude! Just get your ass over here! Okay. See you soon.
*Dieter finally arrives after three. Fucking. Hours.*
D! Where've you been? I was worried. God, you look like shit. Been on an epic bender, hmm? Looks like you need a good detox and a pamper sesh, my dude. Sound good?
Yeah… thought so. So let's get started, shall we?
Today, Dieter and I are going to give you some hints and tips for a good self-pampering session. This is all about indulging in YOU. Making yourself feel good on the outside, will contribute to how you feel on the inside. Especially if you've had a shitty day - or a string of them lately. We'll also put some fun links at the bottom of this post that you might like. Because we're just that awesome.
You're welcome. 🖤
They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and we're not here to give you a full make-over, babe. Nah, you're stunning as you are. Trust me.
Aren't they gorgeous, Dieter?
See? Told you.
But there are some little things you can do to feel more polished and shiny when you're feeling down in the dumps. When you make time to indulge in some self-pampering, it makes you feel good. It can instantly change and lift your mood when you're nice and clean and smelling like zingy lemons, isn't that right D?
Yeeeah… let's get you in the tub, buddy.
Yes, I have those scented candles you like. I know, I'm so good to you… Scooch forward. I'll wash your hair.
Cleanliness is next to Godliness.
You might have been festering in your own filth for a few days if you've been feeling really down. And that's perfectly okay. Sometimes you just gotta ride with it and wallow in your own crapulence for a bit. But now Dieter and I are here to kick your pert butt out of bed, to take off those gross pj's and to get you in the tub.
Dieter will even scrub your back, and anywhere else you, uh, need it.
Relaxing in a hot bubble bath feels fucking a-mah-zing, doesn't it? Oof. Hot water eases physical tension that you're holding onto, and also helps to relieve pain. Not only that, the steam opens up your pores so you can give your skin a good, deep cleanse. Add as many bath bombs as you like to the water, or hang some fresh eucalyptus bunches in your shower to get that spa-like effect. Even if you don't have that stuff, it's cool. Hot water alone will make you feel like a million bucks, dahlins.
Scrub, scrub, scrub.
Exfoliate. Scrub your body and your face to rid yourself of those dead skin cells. Then slather on some body butter or your favourite moisturiser. If you have a facial routine, now is a good time to do that too. Take your time and enjoy it, the sensations and scents... Dieter loves a good face mask. Strawberry scented with sparkles. You can't make this shit up.
Treat yourself the next time you have some spare cash to a good moisturiser. You don't have to spend loads of money on skincare products, but a decent moisturiser will see you right. It will also hydrate your skin, and if you've not been taking good care of yourself lately, your skin will be grateful for that moisture injection.
Hydrate. Eat. Relaaaax.
Speaking of wet - ahem - drink that water. All of it! Drinking water will also make you feel full, so you're less inclined to overeat and pick at those snacks you reach for when depressed. If you're anything like me, snacking, when you don't feel your best, is a vice. Drinking water will help to curb those cravings.
And it's also really amazing for your skin and body. Aim to drink at least 16 cups or 3.7 litres of water a day. Thank me later when your skin looks all dewy, you goddess you!
No, that's not water, Dieter. Sigh…
Eat something that you love. Now, I know I just mentioning snacking being a vice, but we're having a pamper night so you're allowed to indulge-
No, D. Not like that.
Give me those…
Treat yourself to some ice-cream, or your favourite dessert or savoury snack. And don't feel guilty about it either. Enjoy it. Lick the spoon. Have seconds. Plonk your face into it if you really want to. S'all good.
Engage in a hobby you like. Now is a good time to settle in and watch your favourite Pedro movie. Prospect, anyone?
What? Oh, sorry. Yes. I meant The Bubble… sorry D. 😬 Great. Now he's ranting about Ezra... Jealous much?
D, there is nothing going on between Ezra and I. I, uh, pinky swear. Yeah. 😬
Draw. Paint. Sew. Cook. Decoupage. Whatever it is you're into, do that for a bit. Sit and read a book you've been enjoying, or read some smutty fics (I've a whole list of them here for you to pick from if you want). Speaking of smutty…
Have a little wink, wink, nudge, nudge time.
If you have a partner, now might be a good time to jump their bones and-
Wha- D! What are you- Okay, wait… Oh. Ohhooh! That feels good actually. Yeah. Right there. Keep going.
Hang on guys, we'll be right back-
Okay… phew. 🥵 Sorry about that. Urm, where were we?
Ah yes. If you're single, you can still indulge in some schmexy times. Sex and masturbation are some of the most perfectly normal things in the world, and with them comes orgasms. And the best way to de-stress? Yep. You've guessed it. An orgasm. Deep. Fluttery. Tingly. Quick. Shuddery. Slippery. Leg twitching. However you like it, when you orgasm, your body releases the hormone oxytocin into the bloodstream. Oxytocin, typically known as the 'love' or 'cuddle' hormone, can decrease stress.
Masturbation causes dopamine; a chemical associated with pleasure, to be released into your body. Simply put, dopamine makes you feel oh so good, and puts you in a better mood. On top of that, the hormone oxytocin, which is released during orgasm, lowers cortisol levels. Cortisol is the main stress hormone, and is usually present in high levels in stressed out people. Touching yourself and climaxing can boost these chemicals and, in result, help you feel more at peace. So, babes. Go fuck yourself, in the nicest possible way. 😉
Sorry, we got a bit nerdy there, didn't we?
Oh, Dieter. The specs suit you. Maybe keep them on next time we… you know? 😏
Though, if you're anything like Dieter, then you don't really need to hear the science to use it as an excuse to hump, right?
Don't look at me like that, bud. You keep whipping that thing out it's going to fall off with the whiplash… I know, you just made me orgasm. I'm not knocking it, dude. Chill your gnarly crocs.
My point is, touch yourself peeps. Whip out those vibes, clit suckers and dildos and go to Pleasure Town. And if you don't already own any toys? Invest, baby. Trust me, a good vibrator will be your best friend when you're feeling blue.
Sleep is not the enemy.
Get a good night's sleep. Spray your pillow with some lavender oil, it's great for helping you drift off. Practise some meditation techniques before bed, about half an hour before you climb in the sheets to get you in that relaxed state. Deep meditative breathing will also relax you ready for sleep. Drinking some Camomile tea about an hour before might be nice too. But make sure it's caffeine-free otherwise you'll be counting dancing Dieters on the ceiling…
Ditch the guilt.
And finally, accept that it's okay to have days where you feel out of step. It's okay if you've neglected yourself a bit lately. You don't need to feel guilty; we all deal with things differently. Some of us punch it out at the gym, others hide under the bed for a week, eventually emerging like something out of a Japanese horror movie...
It's okay, D. We won't watch The Ring again, I promise... 🙄
But try to find your way back on the path to you. And spending some time on yourself can really help guide you there. There will always be those days that take their toll on you mentally and physically; whether that be from work, college, family and home life, or your own anxiety coming out to fuck with you for a while for shits n' giggles. Go at your own pace, and do what YOU need to do to keep moving forward, even if it feels slower than everyone else. Be a turtle, not a hare. Turtles are way cooler anyway.
You're a human being who was built to feel. These feelings will come, and they will go too. Remember that you're stronger than you think you are. Deep breaths. You've got this. 🖤
So D, how are you feeling now that we've pampered the fuck out of you today?
Wow! Look at you! Slaaaay girlfriend! See. I always know what makes you feel good, hmm?
Now, where did you put those specs, Mister? 😏
I hope that you enjoyed a good pampering session today with Dieter and I. Remember, self-care is important to your mental wellbeing. Do it as often as you need it. Do not feel guilty for having some YOU time. YOU come first. 🖤
👇🏻Here be the linkage:
More Self Care With Dieter & Jett
Pedro Pascal Feel Good Clip - Because Pedro ALWAYS makes you feel good, right?
100 Ways To De-stress - Some great ideas in here.
DIY Face Massage - Really great facial massage you can do at home.
Fancy A New Toy? - Don't click if you're offended by sex toys or underage.
As always, these wonderful Dieter GIFS were created by @a7estrellas @miguelo-hara & @uuuhshiny I have saved loads to my phone, so naturally I've now forgotten who else has made them, if any. 🤦🏻♀️ If you did, let me know so I can tag you. Also found through Pintrest/Google. Except for my shitty spec edit. That's all me, ha!
🖤
YOU. ARE. STRONGER. THAN. YOU. THINK.
Do you. Then Do Dieter.
More Dieter & Jett here
🖤
ℹ️ Dieter and I always strive to bring you unbiased, fact-checked advice. We're not licensed therapists, so we do a lot of research to ensure we can provide helpful and informative posts. Well, I do. Dieter mostly sits around eating KitKats.
#self care with dieter & jett#dieter bravo#pedro pascal characters#pedro pascal#dieter bravo the bubble#self care#self love#jett has spoken#ezra prospect#do you#then do dieter#you are stronger than you think you are#dieter ezra & jett
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A New Life - Daryl Dixon x reader
summary: you discover you might be pregnant and you’re worried about how Daryl might react. set sometime around 11x10 at the Commonwealth.
warning: talk of pregnancy, nausea/sickness, crying
Life at the Commonwealth was a huge adjustment. Part of you wished you had opted to stay at Alexandria during the repairs, but you knew this was the best place for Judith and RJ. It didn’t mean you and Daryl weren’t skeptical, though.
Your shift at Elodie’s Treats had just ended, so you were heading back to the low-income housing where you had been assigned to live with Daryl, Judith and RJ.
Taking a deep breath, you entered your tiny apartment with your little family. A smile was immediately brought to your face as you watched Daryl help RJ with his homework as Judith read one of your books with her head laying on Dog.
“Hey, Auntie (y/n)! How was work today?” Judith piped up.
“Work? Oh, work was alright! How was school?” you responded, suddenly feeling nauseous. You weren’t sure if it was the damp smell in the room, the thrums of music coming through the walls or just the exhaustion from working for eight hours straight. It was probably all of the above.
“It was awesome! Uncle Daryl picked us up and then we got food for dinner,” she said, smiling then going back to her book.
Noticing a few dirty dishes left in the sink, you made your way over to wash them by hand. As you scrubbed, you tried to ignore the moldy smell of the room that felt like it was assaulting your nostrils.
“Hey.”
You hadn’t even noticed Daryl sneaking up behind you.
“How was training?” you asked, almost scrubbing the paint off the pots at this point.
“Sucked. Same ‘ol. Still not any closer ‘t gettin’ a new place,” he sighed, then swept your hair behind your neck and placed a gentle kiss on your cheek.
“Don’t worry, we’ll make do. The kids seem like they’re enjoying themselves,” you responded.
Daryl nodded, and you set the last of the dishes on the table to dry. You both exchanged the same worn-out, weathered glance you’d exchanged amidst hundreds of battles in your old life. But now, things were different. Your priority was the health and safety of Rick and Michonne’s kiddos.
—
The next day was back to business as usual. Daryl had training early in the morning and you had the day off from the bakery, so you dropped the kids off at school then went to Nabila and Jerry’s apartment.
You knocked at the door and took a deep breath, as you noticed your hands were shaking. You almost didn’t want to find out if you really were pregnant— that would make it feel too real.
“Hey, (y/n), it’s good to see ya! What’s up, my dude?” Jerry exclaimed as he threw the door open.
“Hey, Jerry! I was just wondering if Nabila was around?”
“Yeah, she’s putting Mariam down for a nap. You can come in, if you want?” Jerry offered.
You entered their cozy, two-bedroom apartment and headed towards the kids’ room, calling your friend’s name softly.
“(y/n), hello!” Nabila whispered.
“Hey, Nabila. Wow, she’s grown so quickly,” you whispered, marveling at the small baby asleep in her crib.
“She’s been wearing me out lately. They weren’t lying when they called it the terrible twos. So, is there something I can help you with?” she asked as you both walked out of the bedroom, Nabila quietly closing the door behind her. You knew Jerry was subtly eavesdropping as he whistled and made lunch in the kitchen.
“Uhm, well I-I think I might be pregnant and I was wondering if you still had any tests left. I just don’t trust these freaks enough to go to the doctor unless I have to.”
“That’s understandable. I have a couple left from the last time I saw the doc. C’mere,” Nabila said.
She handed you two tests, which involved dropping a bit of pee onto a tray and letting it sit for a few minutes. Old-fashioned, but more accurate than most tests that had been produced over twelve years ago.
“I’ll stand outside,” Nabila said as she handed you a cup.
“Wait,” you sniffled, “could you please stay?”
She nodded softly and stood facing the wall to give you some privacy. You pulled down your pants and waited for the cup to fill up.
After that, you shakily followed the instructions and left the test to develop for two minutes.
“Whatever happens, you’ll be okay. I promise, things are better than you think they are,” Nabila said, attempting to comfort you.
“Two lines. Both of them have two lines. That m-means—oh my god, how am I supposed to tell Daryl?” you panicked, tears streaming down your face.
“(y/n), (y/n), relax! It’s going to be okay, we can help you—“ Nabila soothed as you took quick, deep breaths in and out.
“Ladies, you alright in there?” Jerry asked through the door, no doubt in response to hearing you hyperventilating that.
You threw the door open where Jerry stood, stunned, and you hurled yourself into Jerry’s arms.
“I can’t be a mother! How am I supposed to take care of another living, breathing child?” you wailed as Jerry gently stroked your back. He slowly guided you to the couch, where you sat between Jerry and Nabila.
“Ever since you and Daryl took in Judith and RJ, you guys have seemed so happy. Daryl loves those kids, I know he’ll be overjoyed to have one of your own,” Jerry offered, Nabila nodding in agreement.
“Plus, boss owes me ten bucks now. I'll save it for the baby shower,” he laughed.
“Wait, you and Ezekiel bet on us?” you smirked, wiping the remaining tears from your cheeks.
“I bet that you’d get pregnant within three months of getting to the Commonwealth, and boss didn’t agree.”
“This was totally unplanned, but not unwelcome. At least, not for me. I’m just worried about how Daryl will react.”
—
It was the next day, and the perfect time to break the news to your boyfriend. You were walking back from dropping the kids off at school and neither of you had to be at work yet.
“Daryl, I have something I need to tell you,” you began. Dog walked between the two of you and you grasped Daryl’s hand gently.
“Yeah? 'N what's that?”
“I’m pregnant,” you blurted, staring down at the ground in nervousness.
“Are ya sure?”
“I took two test yesterday at Nabila and Jerry’s place.”
“Alright,” he said, nodding as if he was processing your words.
“Is—is that it? Just… alright?”
“Yeah. We’ll figure’t out. Ain’t nothin’ we can’t do, 'specially after takin’ care a Jude 'n RJ."
“So you aren’t pissed at me?”
“Nah, I ain’t mad. Takin’ care of 'em made me realize I could do better than ma dad. And I’ve always known ya’d make ‘n amazin’ mom,” Daryl confessed, both of you tentatively looking up to meet each other’s gaze.
“I love you, Daryl Dixon. I can’t wait to figure this out with you,” you smiled, as Daryl pulled you closer to him. Dog let out a bark as he moved beside you.
“Ah love ya too, (y/n),” he said, resting his chin on the top of your head as you leaned into his chest. It was an action even more intimate than a kiss.
“Did you know Jerry and Ezekiel had a bet going about when we’d have a kid?” you laughed.
"Nah, I didn’t,” he said, and you could feel his smile as he kissed your forehead.
#daryl dixon x reader#daryl dixion imagine#daryl dixon#the walking dead x reader#the walking dead imagine#twd x reader#twd daryl x reader#daryl x y/n#daryl fanfiction#daryl dixon x y/n#daryl dixon fluff
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WELCOME BACK!!! That’s right fellow humans, it’s the second episode of
Bedtime Stories With PCE
And man did I enjoy writing this one, my sweet boys, Stan with the broken ribs and struggling with being hurt for the first time since running dry, his super awesome sponsor, Kyle w the solutions, Moose being the best lil cat ever, just!!!!! And this one is really important to me, because it is SMACK DAB in the middle of Broken Bottles From Apartment 2 after our beloved vet tech Stan gets kicked by a scared horse at work, setting the ball rolling for the rest of that story. Essentially I wanted to address more of his mentality following that incident, and to have y’all meet his AA sponsor! Iconic. Here’s
•coconut yogurt•
“Jesus, dude, that looks bad.”
“I’m-“ Stan cut off with a sharp *schh* as Kyle helped him the rest of the way out of his scrub shirt. “Fuck, I’m okay.”
Breathing fucking hurt. More than that, he was seriously bummed that not only was he on bed rest for two weeks (something that his partner would no doubt enforce with an iron fist), but he was gonna be stuck to paperwork once he could finally go back to work. And it wasn’t like he could quell the boredom by slipping away to the clinic for a few hours while Kyle was at his own job, because Wendy ran the front office and would not hesitate to rat him out.
“Baby, they’re only a little cracked.”
Kyle rolled his eyes and carefully helped him ease to a more comfortable laying position on the couch, gently resting one of the big ice packs they always kept on hand over his side. “Where’s your discharge shit?”
“Front pocket,” he muttered.
Kyle grabbed the papers and scanned them quickly. “Hairline fractures… bone bruising, sweetheart, how on earth are you breathing?”
“Carefully?” His partner didn’t seem to like that response. “Ky, I’m okay. You know how much worse it could’ve been?”
“YES! Yes, I do, Stan! Don’t fucking-“ his face softened. “Don’t smile like that about broken ribs, dude.”
“I’m not smiling about that; I’m smiling about you.”
“You’re hopeless,” Kyle laughed. “The hell am I supposed to do with your hopeless romantic ass when you say sappy bullshit?”
Stan might’ve been a little foggy from the pain. Maybe. “Aww, babe, C’mere,” he struggled to open his arms, which was annoying, yeah, but he wanted to hold Kyle.
“Dude, I am SO not laying on you.”
“Just a little?”
“No.”
Kyle went to read the paperwork again, fully ignoring Stan’s efforts to get cuddled. “Babe…”
“Your prescription should be ready, dude.” Kyle knelt down to kiss him. “Gonna be good if I’m gone for a few?”
Stan pouted, knowing damn well he was being dramatic, but not caring. “I don’t want it.”
“We went over this, sweetheart. You had a problem with alcohol, not pills. Is it just because you don’t like taking stuff anyway?”
“…yeah.”
“Okay.” Kyle kissed him again. “You’re sure?”
Honestly, he wasn’t. There were a lot of feelings coming up right now. Kyle noticed, because of course he did. “Stan, I know that face.”
Against his will, tears started trailing from the corners of his eyes.
“Oh, dude, I know.” Kyle took Stan’s face in his hands. “Look, I really don’t want you to hurt, okay? I know you’re emotional right now. I’ll give you your meds when you need them, and you don’t need to think about it. I can ask the pharmacy about the info too. Hon, we’re gonna know exactly what you’re taking, and you’ll be just fine.”
“I- I always heal fast.”
“You do,” Kyle assured him. “And there’s nothing wrong with needing a little help, okay?”
“Uh huh.” Yeah, he would call his sponsor. He needed to talk this out, with someone who got it. Kyle understood for the most part; he literally had a degree in psychology and had been firsthand through an eating disorder, which was its own form of addiction, but, well, specifics. “I’m- *hic*- gonna text Mark, maybe zoom into tonight’s meeting.”
“Sounds like a plan.” Kyle rose and ran his hand through Stan’s hair. “Ten minutes, hopefully.” He glanced at the corner and laughed. “Oh, poor thing doesn’t know what to do! It’s okay, Moose, c’mere, keep your dad company.”
Their cat slowly crept up to the couch, perching on the arm like a sentinel and making a cute little “mrrmm”.
“Good boy.” Kyle spun his keys once around his finger, and put on a serious face, staring down at Stan with one eyebrow raised. “Now, don’t you move.”
“Just stay where I can see you douse the lights.”
Kyle laughed. “You’re incredibly lame. I’ll be right back.”
That laughter seriously helped so much. “Okay, dude, you know where to find me.”
Moose had started purring, asleep next to him by the time Stan worked up the motivation to get his phone and send Mark a “yo I got the fuck kicked out of me by a horse I won’t be there tonight”. The old man immediately called him.
“Hey,” Stan answered, trying not to laugh at how fast that call was, because he knew that would feel awful.
“The hell do you mean, “hey”, Superman? How’d you get kicked by a damn horse?”
“Oh, you know.” Just hearing his sponsor’s voice helped. Some of the older crowd at AA had taken to calling him “Superman” too, which was objectively funny, and also comforting to hear, especially right now, when he was feeling vulnerable. “Went to give him an antibiotic shot, he got scared and bucked around, broke my ribs.”
“Christ.” He could practically hear Mark rolling his eyes through the phone. “Leave it to you. How ya doin’ with all of that? Gonna be able to come chair tomorrow?”
Judging by how much he was hurting, definitely not, even if Kyle would let him leave the apartment. “I was thinking I’d Zoom in. Will you, uh, do you think that’d work?”
Mark chuckled. “Well, I don’t know much about the video callin’ you young folks do, but I’ll figure it out. Might need ta get Laura to help me. She’s good with technology.”
Laura was a woman even older than Mark, who was not good with technology. Oh yeah, this was gonna be fun.
“Seriously though, kid, are you okay?”
Stan sighed. “It’s- I’m nervous,” he admitted. “About the feelings this is gonna bring up. We’ve talked about my coping mechanisms before, like how I like to move, when I start feeling down, instead of drinking? But I…”
“You can’t go for a hike or work out with busted ribs,” Mark finished. “I know being injured, havin’ to stay put, that’s a trigger for you. Like the bender you told me about in high school, after you broke your arm.”
“Yeah…” Not even Kyle knew how bad he had spiraled that time. He knew it had been bad, but not to the extent that it had gotten to. Getting hurt because of something he loved, combined with the timing and completely changing his career path senior year, all of that had led to a full depressive episode, complete with binge drinking and attempting to cut his cast off with bolt cutters. “I still could’ve been scouted in the spring,” he muttered dejectedly.
“But you chose to quit football,” Mark reminded him. “You’ve said you don’t regret that. You remember why you don’t regret it?”
Reaching up to pet his cat, the little creature who had been the driving force to him actually applying his degree, Stan was reminded that he really did like how his life was turning out.
“Yeah. I’m where I’m supposed to be, right?”
“Not for me to say, Superman,” Mark said. “You’re a damn good vet, and gettin’ hurt because of your job happens.” The smile was clear in his voice. “You’re more worried about the horse, ain’t ya?”
Stan once again had to force himself not to laugh. “Dude, he was scared. I was literally coming at him with a needle.”
“And what would you do if you were in his horseshoes?”
“Mark, dude, please don’t make jokes, laughing hurts like a bitch.” He checked the time. Kyle would be back home any minute. “Same thing, though. Ky’s gonna be on my ass about painkillers. That’s… uh, kinda why I needed to talk.”
“Hmm. I gotcha. You’re worried about the addiction potential? Combined with being home alone until you go back to work?”
Hit the nail on the head. Stan nodded, then remembered that Mark couldn’t see him. “Pretty much. I’m just… I haven’t been hurt this bad, since running dry. I’m not sure what to do to distract myself, honestly.”
“Alright.” Mark could be pretty straightforward, when it came to a course of action, a lot like Kyle. “You like them video games, right? And reading your fantasy books? Bet you got one downloaded on your phone right now.”
As a matter of fact, he did. “Uh, yeah, Atherton, I think”
“I don’t know what the hell that is, but you catch my drift?”
Moose had moved down to drape over him like a scarf, warm and little and soft. Sweet little guy; he always took care of his dads. And Stan had a support system. He’d be okay. “I’m picking up what you’re putting down, dude,” he said into the phone. “Distractions that aren’t physical, but keep me engaged, right?”
“And bingo was his name-o,” Mark confirmed. “Good to think of some that you can do when you’re my age, anyway. You ain’t gonna be Superman forever, right?”
“Dude-“ Stan heard the security door open, finally. Kyle.
Mark interrupted. “I know you got that whole thing about age, kid, sorry. I know you’re strugglin’ so how’s about we just focus on today. That boyfriend of yours taking care of ya?”
“Mhm. I’m pretty sure he just got home.” Yeah, definitely, because Stan could hear the voice of Sheila Broflovski through the door, and Kyle probably didn’t even have her on speaker. “Yeah, he’s home, and on the phone with his mom.”
“Uh oh,” Mark laughed. He had heard many a tale. “She’s gonna give you an earful. I’ll let ya go, then. You can call me anytime, okay? It works if you work it.”
“It works if you work it,” Stan repeated. “Thanks, dude. I’ll probably skip tonight, but I’ll call into the meeting tomorrow, okay?”
“Gotcha. Tell Kyle and y’all’s critter I say hi.”
“Will do.”
Right as he ended the call, Kyle burst in, arms full of Walgreens bags and his phone sandwiched between his ear and shoulder, looking hilariously frazzled. “Oh my GOD, Ma, look okay, he is literally right here just- OKAY, Jesus, yes I’m putting him on-“ he gave Stan an expression that clearly was asking if he was up for this. Stan nodded and grabbed the phone so Kyle could get everything set down.
“I’m here.”
“STANLEY!!! Are you okay?! Oh my GOODNESS I can absolutely drive up- do you need anything?! Have you told Sharon?”
Kyle mouthed “don’t blame me”. Stan shifted a little. He’d been talking a lot for the past half hour and he was actually starting to have trouble catching his breath. “No ma’am, I- wait, how did you find out?”
“Your friend Bebe’s gossip list! She posted to Facebook and said “a certain vet got kicked by a horse” and I just KNEW IT WAS YOU! Kyle said he was picking up your medication?”
“Fuckin-“ Kyle took the phone back. “Ma, okay, I’ve got him. I’m going to take care of him and- Ma. I’m not putting Stan back on the phone. It hurts him to talk. Yes, I’ll tell his mom. No, he’s on bed rest. Do you seriously think I’m letting him out of my- okay, okay, sorry, no- oh my God, I’m not making chicken noodle soup, he’s been vegetarian for twenty years, Ma. Alright. We love you too. Christ, yes, I’m eating. Please don’t start right now. Alright. Yes. We got it. Okay. I’ll keep you updated. Yeah, love you. Bye.”
Kyle slumped over the kitchen island, groaning. “If you say anything about me being exactly like my mother, I’m gonna be super annoying and not run interference next time she calls.”
“Pretty sure you’re not beating the Sheila allegations, baby.”
“Ughhhhh.”
Stan reached his hand backwards, eyes closed, waiting for his partner to take it. “Talked to Mark.”
Kyle took his hand, kneeling by the couch and kissing his forehead. “Good, sweetheart. Do you think you’re okay to get some medicine in you? I know it hurts.”
He was always so thoughtful, so gentle with him, and not in a condescending way, either. No wonder Kyle was so good at his job. He could handle a grown ass man emotional over broken bones; angsty preteens were probably a cakewalk to him.
Stan bypassed the cat across his chest, lifting the ice pack from his lower torso. “How’s it looking?”
“Oh, honey.” Kyle sounded genuinely distressed, and Stan opened his eyes to see his partner actually genuinely distressed. “Stan, I can see the hoof print!”
“…damn.”
“Jesus, dude, you poor thing. ” He stood back up and grabbed the prescription bag from the counter, along with a snack sized yogurt from one of the bags. “Solution time.”
“I’m listening.” He’d take just about any idea. It hurt.
“Here’s what I’m thinking. I got a few things of that coconut yogurt you like. I checked with the pharmacist and she said we can crush up your painkillers into it if you want, if you’re not feeling the swallowing pills. I can keep up with your dosage schedule so you don’t need to think about it.” He tilted Stan’s face up to make sure they were seeing eye to eye. “But if you want to take them less often and stick to ice and over the counters, that’s okay. I’ll handle the thinking about shit, and you handle the taking it easy.”
Stan eyed the bottle. “Are they gonna make me sleepy?” The thought scared him.
“Oh, dude.” Kyle could strategize incredibly, though. “We can start with half, okay? It isn’t likely that they’ll knock you out, sweetheart. You’re not a small guy, and I asked. Dosage isn’t high. And you say the word; we work something else out. First priority is keeping you comfortable so you can heal, okay? Does that help?”
“I’m gonna be okay.”
“Yeah, you are,” Kyle assured him. “I’m right here, you know how to deal with this, and you’ll be better before you know it. Now, some meds and I’ll help you upstairs? We can take a nap? I’ll be right there, dude. Keep you from moving around too much.”
He knew damn well Kyle wouldn’t be sleeping a wink. But he nodded. “You’re for real gonna feed me my painkillers in yogurt like I’m a puppy?”
Kyle grinned. “Whatever works.” He reached over to pet Moose. “Whatcha think, young nastyman? Do I have good plans or what?”
Stan slowly sat up, an arm around his midsection and definitely not comfortable, but that was alright. Pretty soon he’d be able to breathe a little better. “What would I do without you, Ky?”
#them#south park#style#Bedtime Stories With PCE#my shit#OrangeJuiceVerse#BBFA2#fanfiction on tumblr#idk how to tag this#injury#broken ribs#whump#idk#fanfiction#snippet
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Saw you in a old thread w a reblog from like 2020 talking abt finger braces for arthritis and I KNOW the tone of the rest of the thread was to the tune of "ableds stfu" bit oh my GOD arthritis finger braces sound SO cool. I didn't realize they made like Things for arthritis I thought it was just "you end up with arthritis and then you're Fucked" (< was told I'd have it in my knee by like 35)
I'm so psyched for you dude thats so cool that there's. Things To Use. Finger braces. So cool. Oh my god.
Omg I forgot I made a post about that! Funnily enough I stopped using them bc they were too small and mom didn’t want me spending her money on more 😂 But now that you’ve reminded me and I’ve got adult money, I can…actually look into this things now which is awesome!
Like good lord I need some finger braces really bad for work. I’ve damn near dislocated a couple scrubbing the floor 😭
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i didn’t rly sleep last night yap sesh below the cut
missed mayday festivities because i am debilitatingly socially anxious but then went camping for a friends bday and felt refreshed by being able to see soooo many stars and be outside…(and go on the most extreme hike of my life dude omfg)
while we were camping my digi cam fell out of my pocket when i laid on the ground to look at the sky and stars and it stormed that night and my camera got destroyed. hoping the sd card is salvageable..
creepy had hella ticks on him (including one thats head got stuck in his uhh..wiener lol) went to the vet got em removed in total there were 8 (!!) that we found. he has so much fur man idk there could be some more on him but at least they’d be dead atp because i ALSO finally got a flea tick preventative that he can take monthly. it’s been impossible to get a vet appointment anywhere, especially at the clinic i’ve been taking him to since he was a bb. praying he didn’t contract anything from the ticks…we’ll get a blood test sometime in september-december
bestie soup told me u could see the northern lights in the city last night + they sent me some pics but i pulled a leg muscle skating n it hurt too bad to waddle over to the overpass (plus there’s been several shootings in my neighborhood the past couple weeks outside my building so i don’t rly like going out at night rn anyway)
yesterday oomf texted the gc n said a friend of a friend asked him where to listen to my music online bc they loved my set :’)) the last time i played a show was the beginning of march!!!! that made me feel rly good so now i have more incentive to finally upload things to soundcloud again. might work on that later today…like. might,…finally post something
he said he sent them a link to my old bandcamp and i forgot i never deleted my music there i only scrubbed my sc so i went over n listened to what i posted. it was kinda cute. in 2020 i started using ableton for the first time consistently and actually tried to figure out how to make stuff w it so everything f from that time is like. ahh. i’d do that so different now!! but at the time i was so proud of myself and that makes me feel kinda fuzzy (in a good way) like noticeable artistic growth yanno? n also knowing that version of myself who was constantly suffering and seeking an End still felt excited abt what i was making. it’s cute. my old self is someone ive made peace w and hold close to my heart in the ‘it’s different now and it’s Awesome’ way like fuck yea lil buddy you got clean and made it out alive. that’s sick
some of my old music goes hard asf too tho. a lot of unreleased stuff on my google drive i dug thru after listening to my bandcamp i don’t even rly remember making but i was like :0 !!
i was up until 5:30am working on a flyer !! i wanna make more flyers!! i miss making flyers. i’m outta practice and using procreate bc i don’t have photoshop anymore so still a newbie on the program front but i think. i did a good job and it looks cool so that’s nice
i rly wanna skate but my leg hurts i feel like that spongebob guy
#my leg!!#sleepless brain foggy screwed up my med schedule this week ramblings#to the void#thx for listening
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Essential Avengers: Avengers #288: HEAVY METAL!
February, 1988
"When Wakes THE SENTRY SINISTER!”
The Avengers are dealing with a lot of old robots lately.
Super-Adaptoid, the Awesome Android, and now the Kree Sentry-459.
Almost like its a theme, of some sort.
Or maybe the Super-Adaptoid is just lonely and is trying to make friends with other robots.
Maybe if he had better role models, he’d be a good guy?
So of what happened previously: during the Masters of Evil attack on Avengers Mansion, Super-Adaptoid got out of capsule captivity and changed places with the Fixer.
In guise of the Fixer, he got captured and sent to jail but broke out because the Fixer’s gear had a failsafe that mind-controlled some poor schmuck named Todd Martin.
The Fixer-Adaptoid tried to retrieve the Awesome Android but took off when the Avengers showed up. The Avengers fought the Android and She-Hulk defeated him by punching him in the armpit.
Next, the Fixer-Adaptoid went to meet with the Fixer’s old pal, Mentallo, and tortured him to lure the Avengers out. The Avengers survived the boobytrapped villain lair and rescued Mentallo but by that point the Fixer-Adaptoid was meeting with Machine Man.
Which brings us to now. Maybe Machine Man will be a good influence on the Adaptoid?
Or maybe the Adaptoid will be a bad influence on Machine Man.
Aaron “Machine Man” Stack doesn’t need a lot of prodding to be an asshole, let’s be honest.
So Fixermentallo-Adaptoid (yes, that red and goatee is because he absorbed Mentallo’s powers too) and Machine Man arrive at a BIG TOURIST ATTRACTION! in the Texas Panhandle.
Where people can SEE THE AMAZING GIANT ROBOT from OUTER SPACE!
There’s some skepticism from some of the tourists.
Not that amazing giant robots from outer space exist. I mean, geez, this is the Marvel universe. Amazing giant robots from outer space are plausible. One of the tourists is prettyyyyy sure that the military has a bunch of aliens in Nevada.
But this? Total scam. Yeah, no way
this thing is a real amazing giant robot from outer space!
Hi, Kree Sentry-459!
You’ve had a long and eventful life to wind up as just a tourist attraction.
There’s actually something charming about that. You’d think that the military or Avengers would haul the sentry off out of the public eye but everyone just left it where it was and some enterprising local made a business out of it being on his property.
Good times.
Well, they were good times.
Because, Machine Man and the Fixermentallo-Adaptoid show up.
They start repairing the Sentry, thanks to the amazing fixing powers of the Fixer and the mental powers of Mentallo.
The stereotypical old Texan man with a gun, beard, and suspenders running this tourist trap tells them to stop fucking with the attraction.
This guy is a treat.
Delightful.
After the two don’t listen to him tellin’ them to amscray, he immediately unloads his gun into the Adaptoid, claiming no jury would convict.
And when the Adaptoid is unscathed this guy is just... baffled. He’s like wait why am I seeing things I’m not drunk, people die when they are killed.
The Adaptoid and Machine Man Aaron just ignore this dude’s comedy stylings entirely.
I feel in a more 90s-ier comic, this dude would be as dead as Farmer With A Shotgun from Dragon Ball but it’s actually funnier that they just give him no attention.
Anyway, they get the gol-durn thing working and the three go traipsing away, on a route the Adaptoid calculated to face the least resistance.
And the dude who ran the amazing giant robot from out of space attraction just loses his mind.
Old Texan Man: “Hey, dadburnit! Get back heah! Ah can’t make no livin’ just ranchin’ this dust pile! Ah got bills tuh pay! What am ah gonna show folks when they come around heah... the spot yuh used’ta be in?! What am ah gonna tell ‘em? The man from Mars plum got up an’ walked hisself away?! Git back heah, yuh ungrateful pile ‘a scrap! Ain’t ah always been good tuh yuh? Ain’t ah always washed an’ scrubbed yuh Saturday night an’ polished yuh up proud fer Sunday visitin’? Answer me, durn yuh! Answer me, yuh big bag ‘a bolts! COME HEAH!”
Supervillains are so insensitive to the plight of the small businessman.
Later, at Hydrobase....
What the fuck.
I...
Okay so I knew a few things about Hydrobase.
But I don’t think I knew that the Avengers moved THE ENTIRE MANSION TO THE ISLAND!
Geez, they’re really going all in on Hydrobase being their new base of operation.
And, hey, this is a way for the new to be tempered with the old. Maybe I’d be more receptive to the Clearly The Last Dungeon In An RPG Avengers Tower if it had the Mansion plopped on top, like how Xanatos Gargoyles did with a castle.
Why the hell does Avengers Tower look like a doom fortress anyway?
Anyway.
Dr Druid comments on what a momentous occasion this is and says that its a shame that nobody is videotaping the moment.
Captain Marvel clearly takes this as a passive aggressive jab.
Captain Marvel: “As leader of the Avengers, doctor, you know I’ve had a great many things on my mind -- the least of which was filming this occasion. Please stop questioning my every move.”
Here here. Hear hear? Whichever.
Dr Druid says he meant no offense. But he would say that, wouldn’t he? -squints suspiciously-
But Black Knight arrives on his Atomic Steed with news! Literal news! A literal news clipping from an actual newspaper!
My god!
So, this is how superheroes get their leads.
I joke but I like the worldbuilding detail of the Avengers having an off-panel support staff of people paid to read every newspaper for stuff that the Avengers might need to deal with.
Wonder if I could get that job. I can read. I can cut paper with scissors.
I also like that when Dane says he has news, the first thing Captain Marvel wants to know is whether its about Captain America. Good to see that she’s still on that plot thread.
Anyway, a small Texas newspaper printed a story with a picture of Machine Man, the Super-Adaptoid, and the Kree Sentry.
It’s the lead on the Super-Adaptoid that the Avengers have been waiting for!
And I remain shocked that news media is the Avengers’ best leads on supervillain activity. I know that the government cut them off but... Uh. I don’t know how I was going to finish this sentence. I guess I don’t really think about how superheroes get their leads. Spider-Man just swings around, I guess. The Avengers watch the news and have people clipping articles. Hmmm... that makes the X-Men the most fantastical in terms of superhero teams because at least they use a psychic helmet to get leads...
Captain Marvel draws a line between the data points and notices that the Super-Adaptoid is recruiting other robots. And its enough of a lead to investigate.
Black Knight says that they should just track down the Adaptoid, find out that way. Captain Marvel expects that the Adaptoid will probably lead a cold trail so it might not be worth chasing their tails until they have a better idea of what he’s up to. Dr Druid suggests that since the Adaptoid went after Mentallo, maybe the robot pattern isn’t a pattern at all.
And Black Knight re-suggests that Captain Marvel should go to Texas to check out the trail since she can get there at literally the speed of light.
While she’s gone, she orders Dr Druid and Black Knight to pull up all the files the Avengers have on super-robots and androids. Get started on that lead.
And then she nyooms away.
As she flies, she ponders how frustrated she is about this Super-Adaptoid situation. How he escaped in a truck while the Avengers were busy with the Awesome Android.
Meanwhile, Machine Man, the Super-Adaptoid, and the Kree Sentry walk along the Grand Canyon.
Machine Man suggests that maybe they should hijack an airplane. Because the Sentry is really slowing them down by being unable to fly.
The Adaptoid doesn’t really answer his concern. Just says that they’ve got an additional stop before New York.
Machine Man reminds himself that he’s doing this for Jocasta and wonders if humans would find it weird that a robot can love.
And then he gets philosophical.
Machine Man: “Adaptoid, are you familiar with how baffling the concept of robotic life is to most of humanity... yet, how pervasive the idea of the machine is in aspects of many cultures? I’ve read extensively -- It’s startling how humans see themselves so often in machine-like terms. In 1662, the philosopher Descartes, published DeHomine, a theory of man and animals as machines. He even made a theoretical model of a mechanical man -- like me. By the beginning of the 20th century, every major model for the explanation of human behavior was mechanical. Darwin even used the machine model for evolution. Newton saw the universe in mechanistic terms -- like an unwinding clockwork. The humans refer to their most advanced societies as the most mechanized. It’s fascinating.”
Super-Adaptoid: “Have your vast readings on the subject led you to any practical conclusions?”
Machine Man: “Practical? I read only to learn -- to discover what it is I am. Knowledge is its own reward.”
Super-Adaptoid: “Then, in truth, your time was ill-spent, for your knowledge has brought you nothing.”
Wow.
He just listened to Aaron’s entire speech and then told him he was an idiot for not focusing on more practical things.
Super-Adaptoid is pretty incurious about the arts, I guess.
Anyway, Captain Monica Marvel returns to Hydrobase and oh wow!
Look at this new Situation Room for the Avengers!
Its huge! Possibly unnecessarily huge!
Rooms in Avengers Mansion tended to shift between appearances. But meeting rooms, communication rooms, computer rooms... they tended be cramped more than cavernous. Having to fit everything under a mansion that wasn’t originally intended to be a superhero base will do that.
I guess Hydrobase gives them more room to work.
Captain Marvel reports that the trail in Texas had run cold, as she feared. And she wouldn’t know the Super-Adaptoid if she ran into him since he can change his appearance.
But at least while she was gone, Dr Druid and Black Knight have been busy pulling up information on all the robots and androids in the Avengers’ files.
Lotta robots.
Aww... poor Jocasta.
Captain Marvel asks if its necessary to bring up information on destroyed robots but Dr Druid says its better safe than sorry.
AND Y’KNOW. MONICA. The Adaptoid reactivated the Kree Sentry. So maybe don’t discount the possibility that he’d fix a robot considered destroyed?
Black Knight tells her that the most likely suspects are Ultron, TESS-One, Machine Man (womp womp), and the Sentinels.
So she calls an Avengers meeting to go over what they know with the Avengers who haven’t been on research duty.
New meeting room!
My god. Everyone has elbow room. But there’s no icons on the chairs. Kind of a mixed bag in terms of an improvement.
Chair icons are top tier as a superhero base design element. So goofy, yet so charming.
Anyway, Captain Marvel splits the Avengers between the various deactivated robots/possible targets of the Adaptoid.
Dr Druid and Black Knight will investigate TESS-One. I’m reading on marvelpedia that Tess-One was a prototype super-soldier hunting robot greenlit by FDR out of fear that an army of super-soldiers might return home from the war and take over the country.
Wow, they really didn’t trust their boys in blue, white, red, and cowl.
But when Professor Erskine was killed after making only one super-soldier (Captain America, duh), FDR decided ‘why the hell am I funding this?’
Anyway, the scientist creating TESS-One decided to take the project home and finish it on his own terms and also program it to kill Captain America. As ya do.
Anyway.
Namor and She-Hulk will look into the Sentinels in Washington DC.
And since the West Coast Avengers (specifically Wonder Man) destroyed Ultron most recently, Captain Marvel has asked them to take care of that.
Marinna is on Operation: Stay at Hydrobase because she’s not an Avenger and Monica isn’t about to be responsible for her safety.
Namor gets mad and says that only he decides whether his wife has to stay out of danger or not!
This time Marrina tells him that its fine, they should listen to the team leader.
And She-Hulk, being She-Hulk, thinks ‘oh sweet, alone time with Namor.’
God dammit, Jen.
While everyone is doing what she told them to be doing, Captain Marvel will investigate the robots marked destroyed.
If anyone sees that Adaptoid, contact Hydrobase.
As everyone leaves to their tasks, Captain Monica has some private doubts.
Captain Marvel: Yeah. Good luck. Sure wish Captain America would come back to us. I don’t know if I’m cutting it with these folks. I seem to be going through the motions of leadership. I’m not sure I believe it any more than I think they do.
Hmm.
I should talk a little about this.
So in the upcoming future, Captain Marvel’s tenure as chairwoman of the Avengers is gonna end so that Captain America can be leader again. This was an editorial mandate from Mark Gruenwald, who did quite like Captain America.
Writer Stern agreed to make this change but drew the line at Gruenwald’s insistence that Monica be shown as incompetent as chairwoman, to justify Cap(tain America) taking over.
This is likely why last issue was the end of Stern’s run.
Yes. Right in the middle of a story. Ralph Macchio and Mark Gruenwald handle the rest of the story. And then Walt Simonson’s run starts.
(Spoilers: Which does indeed end Monica’s leadership and her superhero career for a time. And leads to the Avengers breaking up. Fucks sake, Simonson or Gruenwald.)
So all this recent stuff about Monica feeling like she isn’t suited to lead the Avengers or other characters thinking badly of her... I have to wonder whether it was intended to be part of whatever is going on with Dr Druid. Or editorial pressure to undermine Monica as a character.
Quite a bad look for Gruenwald.
So if this is the beginning of the end, I will say that Monica has done a good job so far as a competent if believably green team leader.
ANYWAY.
Black Knight and Dr Druid, who is here for some reason, arrive at an air force base in the Midwest.
They don’t have the special priority clearance, since the government is still mad about Vision trying to take over the world, so in order to get clearance to land, they faked engine trouble.
Then, in order to get the soldiers to let them see TESS-One, Dr Druid uses his vast MENTAL POWERS to Jedi mind trick the soldiers.
Under the influence of his MENTAL POWERS, the soldiers load TESS-One onto the Quinjet and then the Avengers take off with the deactivated anti-super-soldier robot.
Black Knight is worried that the soldiers will snap out of it and try to shoot them down but Dr Druid reassures him.
Dr Druid: “You see, the military mind is quite used to receiving orders, therefore, they are sometimes more susceptible to commands than the undisciplined mind.”
Black Knight: “You don’t say.”
Black Knight also points out that Captain Marvel wanted them to watch TESS-One where it was, not bring it back to Hydrobase.
Dr Druid: “Hmmph, she lacked foresight in this matter. What were we to do -- stay on the Air Force base until the Super-Adaptoid attacked? She will see that we did right.”
Then they lose control of the Quinjet and Black Knight is forced into an emergency landing.
Black Knight tells Dr Druid to send a message to Captain Marvel that they may be under attack by the Adaptoid but Druid refuses.
Dr Druid: “Uhh -- Perhaps the ship has malfunctioned naturally. We mustn’t turn in a false report. We need evidence.”
Then the Kree Sentry tears open the Quinjet.
HOW DOES BEING WRONG TASTE, DOCTOR?
The Kree Sentry pulls Black Knight out of the Quinjet but he uses his extremely cursed sword to lop off its hand.
Unfortunately, its still holding on tight, forcing him to very awkwardly cut himself free finger by finger since if the sword draws any blood, the curse will overwhelm him.
Its such an awkward position which requires so much focus, that Black Knight can’t keep his cape from leaking into his thought bubble.
I’m sorry colorist Max Scheele. You don’t deserve me mocking coloring errors thirty-six years later. And yet.
Dr Druid tries to levitate away from the Super-Adaptoid but can’t outpace the robot’s jetpack.
So he changes tactics and uses his MENTAL POWERS to summon illusions of Thor and Namor.
Which has no effect on the Super-Adaptoid.
Super-Adaptoid: “Hah! Such parlor tricks, doctor! An all-encompassing intellect such as mine -- cannot possibly be fooled by these phantasms! I see through them -- beyond them -- as no other brain on Earth could!”
That having failed too, Dr Druid concedes that he needs to send a message to Captain Marvel but he can’t do it if he isn’t given room to concentrate.
Over with Black Knight, he’s finished cutting himself free of the Sentry’s hand. Only for Machine Man to show up with snark.
Machine Man: “Well, I’d give you a big hand for that performance -- but it seems as if you’ve gotten one already!”
Womp womp!
Seeing that Machine Man is on the Adaptoid’s side, Black Knight doesn’t waste any time. He immediately swings his sword to decapitate Machine Man.
Unfortunately, Machine Man can just decapitate himself to avoid the blow and then pummels Black Knight with his detachable fist.
Huh. I thought Machine Man had stretchy telescoping limbs... not ones that popped off.
Anyway, Black Knight has a bad time.
He has a bad time and then he gets smooshed by the Kree Sentry.
Meanwhile, Dr Druid gets chocked out by the Super-Adaptoid. Insult to injury, the Adaptoid also copies his MENTAL POWERS, adding them to his repertoire alongside Mentallo’s.
Since the Fixermentallo-Adaptoid already had a beard, is he going to get Druid’s mustache? Or his bald head? I demand that he change shape for every power he absorbs.
Dr Druid manages, with his last bit of consciousness, to send a psychic distress signal toward Hydrobase. According to the narration. Except it really goes to a cave in Northern Florida where Captain Marvel is.
Make up your mind, Druid.
Anyway.
Where Captain Marvel is is in a small cave melting the Doomsday Man.
He was already destroyed but can’t hurt to melt him into a puddle.
Fix that, Fixer-Adaptoid!
But as she turns to light and nyooms away, Dr Druid’s psychic distress call arrives a micro-second too late and hits the slag.
This raises a lot of questions about how psychic powers work!
Like... I pictured it more like brains are senders and receivers. So a psychic signal wouldn’t go to a geographic location, it’d go to a brain.
The psychic signal does follow after Captain Marvel so maybe it is homing in on her brain. But the signal missing her and hitting where she was threw me into a confusion.
When Monica arrives at the Avengers Situation Room, she hears a faint voice but dismisses it as her imagination.
Womp womp.
Back at where Dr Druid is being choked out by the Super-Adaptoid, the Super-Adaptoid finishes choking him out. Although, the robot actually claims he used the combined Druid-Mentallo psychic powers to besiege his mind.
Feels unnecessary if you were already choking him out but I guess he wanted to flex on Druid. Completely understandable.
With Dr Druid and Black Knight out of commission, the Super-Adaptoid tells Machine Man to get rid of them.
Machine Man flies off with them.
Later, Captain Marvel, Namor, and She-Hulk meet in the Situation Room. The government actually cooperated with the two Avengers, telling them all the Sentinels were accounted for and promising to alert them if anything happens to their Sentinel storage area.
Since Dr Druid and Black Knight didn’t report in, Captain Marvel flies off to go check on them.
Nyoom.
Just missing their torn-open Quinjet arriving on Hydrobase.
The Super-Adaptoid, Machine Man, Kree Sentry, and TESS-One used it to get to Hydrobase without setting off the artificial island’s defenses.
Super-Adaptoid: “But the time for stealth is past. We are here to conquer, not skulk! This island is ours! I, the Adaptoid, claim it in the name of HEAVY METAL!”
Aw, that’s cute. He gave his new friend group a name.
Follow @essential-avengers if you like heavy metal or any genre of music. Like and reblog if you have neutral to positive feelings about music. Or about this post!
#essential avengers#avengers#Super Adaptoid#Machine Man#Kree Sentry 451#TESS One#Heavy Metal#Captain Marvel#Monica Rambeau#Dr Druid#who is here for some reasons#Black Knight#She Hulk#namor mckenzie#Marrina#THEY MOVED THE ENTIRE MANSION#but left the bodies? i dunno#new base looks cool#i'm a little worried its going to get immediately trashed#essential marvel liveblogging
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Hey. I know I usually have a bit of silly banter to lead up to each episode, but I'm gonna be honest, I'm... feeling a little bittersweet. We've spent almost whole year with these lunatics in the town of Oniga, and yet it feels like we met them just yesterday. I personally have been given a lot to think about.
The beautiful lies of the moon, the difference between ravenously attempting to take your own desires by force and the beauty in the mindset of wabi-sabi, the joy we find in things we create ourselves, the sheer depths of cruelty we're willing to sink to for love, the importance of having those you can rely on... I might have a lot to think about once it's all over.
-The Donbrothers! Have reached their complete state! Nobody can get in our way!
-Good work, Taro!
-Seems like Sonoshigoroku are clearly incapable of getting real.
-Batsu da!
-Man...
-I only found about this last night, but Morisaki Win? Turns out the dude's from Myanmar. Funny that, huh? Would've been something really cool to know by like... the second episode, but oh well, live and learn.
-"Count off, my companions! Of course, I'll be the one to start us off."
-You might have to do a lot more exercise than you're used to when Tarou's leading the session.
-Jirou's not quite so eagerly participating. Figured he'd be three times as enthusiastic as everyone else.
-Goddang it Haruka, you're too cute for this.
-One of those five fingers is a hell of a lot lighter now...
-Tsubasa's definitely dodging the six shooters of those cops.
-This event is certainly something Sonoi's looking forward to.
-Aw, Sononi. Your romance game ate shit these past couple episodes, but now you're our beloved failgirl.
-...Sonoza, do you know a good play on number nine?
-The roster's all here!
-Let's train.
-"You're the disruptive one, Boss."
-Oh?
-Ooooooh, good work Haruka!
-"Later nerds! We're in serialization!"
-Oh, okay! That's three down.
-And then there were three.
-Spending time with your big brother and your boyfriend.
-Sonoshigoroku!
-Gettin' real serious!
-"I'm gonna power-up too! ...or, perhaps not..."
-I see Tiger Jirou's definitely there in spirit.
-SONOI NO
-OH OKAY NEVERMIND THIS IS AWESOME
-Get moron'd.
-"Momotani Jirou. Welcome to the Donbrothers."
-:)
-"I've... got a lot to think about..."
-Chief...
-Kijino's loved after all. ...in his weird way.
-Speaking of which, hello Tsubasa!
-Natsumi-san!
-"You seem... normalish, now. That's frightening."
-Jirou...
-Oh..
-You're breakin' my heart over here, man.
-Terasaki-style.
-Woken up and smelled the roses.
-Tarou...
-Guess he's feeling the ending blues too.
-Man...
-"Go back... to the nice dude you used to be."
-"Kind man you are, Tsubasa-san."
-OOOOOOH
-Y'know, I don't blame Natsumi at all, but goddamn, that hurts
-"I'll uh... I'll just go..."
-The plot thickens.
-Sononi says ACAB
-"This place... it smells too much of cranes."
-Ooooooh
-She knew.
-N
-Natsumi!?
-See the boss has taken an interest in the manga?
-Minoru-san!
-Poor Ma
-"This is the one~!"
-Honse
-The Ultimate Hitotsu-ki!
-OHHHHHH THEY'RE OVERLOADING HIM
-Noooo, Minoru-san!
-"Oh goddammit boy, not again!"
-Ouja-Ki!
-"Kneel before me, peasants! I shall become king and king alone!"
-Yeah, that backfired on you scrubs, huh?
-Yeah you better run!
-Oden-based bribery.
-"You kidding me? I can't have you randos pay for my lunch."
-"But we're enemies! That's gotta count for something!"
-...WAIT. Tarou just said "total strangers" and Tsubasa fixated on that. That's important.
-"So like, you guys need our help?"
-I mean to be fair, you did make him break his promise to his mom and tried ordering him around. I'd probably wanna kill you assholes too.
-Of course! That's how all kings eat oden!
-...or at least, that's how the King of Town probably would.
-Time to fight!
-NOOOO POPS
-"Noi-chan? :o?"
-Thems the King-Ohger colors!
-Mantis, Stag Beetle, Butterfly, Dragonfly, and Bee!
-Him being ourple implies to me that Papillon Ohger's the one in charge.
-Hahahaha~! Matsuri da!
-Oh, there they are.
-The final bosses.
-"Man, Sonoshi sucks, huh? Oh well, who cares?"
-Oh now Tarou cares about the strong.
-We ain't done yet, no doubt.
-Decrowned.
-Oh. That's all then. Seems like Minoru's had enough.
-Happy birthday~!
-National Momoi Tarou Day.
-"I lied, bitches."
-"Happy Not-Birthday, Momoi-san! I can be your wife for today, if you want!"
-Oh...
-Way to remind me that literally Tarou's entire apartment complex hated him.
-Oh well, their loss! Momo Pillow!
-Momo Oden Sticks!
-"I'm the grumpiest motherfucker on the planet around you assholes!" Fucking Dies.
-"He's dead... WE DID IT!"
-YEEEAAH
-...no, I agree Haruka, what have our lives become
-Sonona and... Sonoya. Our final bosses.
-Of fucking course Kouhei Murakami would be here at the very end.
-The final festival. The final battle.
-Our bond is true now, everyone.
-Mmmmm oden.
-Well... hard to believe we're done with these guys next week. Man...
#avataro sentai donbrothers#donbrothers spoilers#donbrothers#super sentai#don! don! it's a full force peachy festival!
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Anniversary Present - Pt. 2
Read Part 1 here to see how our couple Levi and Jace ended up looking like these 2006 dudes:
Jace expertly shook the hair out of his eyes with a flick of his neck and rushed up the stairs to Levi’s room. He figured the best thing would be a shock to the system, so he kicked open the door and shouted, “Levi, we’re married.”
Levi lifted his hat and scrubbed a hand through his sweaty locks. “Jace, leave me alo-“ His eyes widened. “Jace?” He rushed over to his husband. “What happened? Why are we acting this way?”
Jace furrowed his brow. “What do you remember?”
“Well… We were high school sweethearts, we got married. It was… our anniversary! I got you that watch! We twisted the dial back, and that’s all I remember. And now I feel… crude. Like I love my life, but now that I remember, I feel like I didn’t used to be this way? Like the old me would have judged my taste, which is shitty because I have fucking awesome taste. Old me didn’t fucking know what he was missing, like Fight Club fucking rocks. And… I remember you! Your hair didn’t used to be like that. You didn’t mope around all the time like this. Well… You kinda did. You were pretty uptight about… like, everything. Sorry, dude, I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. I guess I don’t really have a filter anymore.”
Jace scowled. “Uptight? Just because I asked you to wash a dish once in a while? And shave more than once a week? You know what, nevermind, that’s not important right now. I have a question to ask you. When were you born?”
“Easy. 1981.”
“OK, it’s not just me. I remember being someone different, and I feel like it wasn’t… now. But I can’t remember anything after this. It’s like I have the memories I did before, but they’re all transposed. Like I remember graduating high school in 1999 and blasting Jimmy Eat World in the car with you on the way to college.”
“Well then maybe we just ate some bad mushrooms.”
“Levi, I don’t think you should be coming up with any ideas like… this. I’m pretty sure what happened is this watch, somehow, some way, translated us? Back in time? I’m certain we’re from the future, I just… don’t remember how far. And the watch just kind of… picked personalities and roles for us based on the most popular trends of the time. Like you definitely weren’t so mainstream. I was though. I was a fucking poser.” He flipped the hair out his his eyes with a huff. “But I also think we need to get back to the way we were. Even if we’re able to shake off the false memories of the new us pretty quickly, it seems like we also gain the personality traits and instincts of whoever we’re inhabiting. And there’s no way I’m living out my life married to… this.”
“The fuck is wrong with my outfit? I look fly!”
“…Nothing, dear. Let’s just try to get back to normal.”
“Well, DEAR, how can we do that if we don’t remember what year IS normal?”
“Let’s just twist the forward dial a LITTLE bit and see if it feels right?” Jace grabbed a pen and paper and scribbled the words “Trial 1: Starting point - 2006.” He noticed Levi staring at him, a puzzled look on his face. “So we can remember what year we started in.”
“Good idea, dude.”
Jace twisted the forward dial slowly, and the digital readout clicked forward. 20:08. 20:10. 20:15. The dial snapped off in his hands. He tried to reinsert it, but it was just a nub. Clearly something vital had snapped off this time. He sighed. “Well…. I guess let’s hope we went far enough forward.”
FLASH
Instantly, Jace saw his hair slithering upward past his eyes, fading back to a dirty blonde as it did so, the jet black tips being the last to go. He felt a weight on the back of his head and realized that his hair hadn’t actually gotten shorter, it was just tied into a messy bun with a loop of twine. A lock got dislodged and dangled in front of his face and he expertly swept it back into the mass.
His arms itched. They didn’t change, remaining skinny toothpicks, but they became dotted with coarse brown hairs. He could feel his chest prickling too as sparse hairs sprouted in the shallow valley between his nipples. His chin tingled as more coarse brown hair sprouted, this time less sparse. He felt like he was being tickled and teased as more and more hair began to sprout, extending into a short, thick beard. A mustache unfurled across his lips as he ran his fingers through his beard, sending an electric thrill through his entire body. He suddenly felt naked in just his T-shirt and grabbed some of his favorite accessories off the stand in the hall, which was piled high. Yes, this jacket was perfect. And the hat would do. He was just missing something… Ah, yes a scarf! Now everything felt right as rain…
Meanwhile, Levi had been experiencing nothing short of a religious experience. He’d always known he could use more muscle, but had been too lazy to actually go to the gym, but now his body was pumping up. He felt himself up under his shirt as his pecs inflated in his hands, the nipples popping out so they would always show if he was wearing anything thin enough. His fingers started to scrape against roughness on his skin that eventually softened as a mat of dark black hair sprouted and curled over his pecs, extending in a broad trail down his abs, which rose from his skin like a loaf of bread in the oven. His arms began to widen like somebody was pumping him with air, thick black hair racing across his newly broadening forearms to create a masculine thatch.
Suddenly, he felt a choking sensation around his neck. He reached up to feel two necklaces had wrapped themselves around him. He toyed with one of them, noticing his fingers rubbing up against even more hair as a dark, black beard sprouted from his chin. A flash of black caused him to look down, and his hair fell in his face when he did so, elongating until the wavy strands reached his chin. He swept them back behind his head with a casual flourish.
Memories began to bubble up of sitting in front of his webcam all day, creating content for his liberal opinion vlog on YouTube. What seemed like a million page dossier on the upcoming election unfurled in his brain all at once and he felt a fire ignite deep in his soul. He had to TELL people what he thought about the latest bill passed in Congress, but first… Levi took a deep breath and let his automatic memories settle. Yes. He was here. Jace was here. But was it his Jace? He still remembered a formerly uptight husband that didn’t seem to match the intentionally scruffy person standing before him.
He nervously played with one of his necklaces, revealing chipped polish on the nails of his right hand.
“Well babe, does this look right?”
Jace looked at him annoyed. “Of course it looks right, babe. It’s VINTAGE. The watch is MEANT to clash with everything else.” He rolled his eyes and kissed Levi on the cheek. “I’m off to work my shift at the coffee den.”
Jace continued, “Text me if you need anything. Have fun burning down the establishment!”
With that, he hopped on his motorbike and rode off. Levi shrugged. “Don’t mind if I do.” He returned to his office and flicked on his key light, ready to break down the day’s events for his millions of followers.
Continue to Part 3
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I love when dream talks about George’s showering habits. He’s working his way up to invite him for a bubble drath and he’ll get him all squeaky clean with his citrus scrubs 😭😭😭😭💚💙
Dude your brain is so awesome gensrs im on board with dnf bubble bath now
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Lair Games
i thought i would not liveblog on this account but HERE WE ARE!!!
man his face looks so happy here. new profile pic? maybe
Mikey is rocking back and forth like i was just earlier and i am considering the possibility that i am adhd (iiiiignoring the fact that i once wrote a character and shared it online and they were immediately diagnosed adhd by someone WITH adhd and i was like nahhhh i was just writing what i would have done if i had unlimited access to art supplies cause i know i’d switch from project to project i’m not adhd, i don’t think i can write a character as canonically neurodivergent haha wdym- aficionadonn. no. no that may have been three years ago but dude i didn’t even consider-)
yeah sailing the seven seas baby, i cannot pause but I SHOULD WEAR GLOVES TO READ BECAUSE PANDEMIC but also Donatello? he. played in the sewer sludge in his i-am-not-a-productive-member-of-society-booty-shorts how is that different i dont understand I DO UNDERSTAND THAT IT MUST HAVE A REASON BUT I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS is it to prevent the deterioration of the comics’ quality? is raph misunderstanding? idk dude
DONNIE I’M ROOTING FOR YOU
SCREW IT IM INCLUDING THE VIDEO PLAY LINE THINGY (wait whats that called again i need to know i need to search it up one moment)
IM INCLUDING THE VIDEO SCRUB BAR
also i always search up words before i use them in casual conversation is that just me
sometimes (always) i think about how much fun his voice actor has voicing donatello (having a beautiful voice that can be expressed in such a way) (is there a hormonal drug that can make my voice at least sound more like a guy) (my voice gender is unacceptable) (i need androgyny) (give me an androgynous voice) (if i had shapeshifting abilities i would use them to sing impossibly low tunes and alter my range)
donnie-a-tell-o.
does your ankle truly need an iv bag. is your ankle dehydrating you.
also, man, way to make a dramatic entrance - pushing away airborne gases
huh, i don’t think i knew he could do that
Oof, Mikey didn’t do too well.
new profile picture, perchance?
I KNEW THEY HAD A RULEBOOK
so proud of himself. too proud of himself. why does he take every single chance to shave his arms. is he attempting to remind himself of the glory he once had as a human if so then this is not the way-
also he has a vast amount of lou jitsu paraphernalia this is abnormal and i think he can be awesome the way he is but he just focuses on the wrong things a lot idk
Fibonacci is a pretty fun word to say when you say it like Donatello does. On the other hand, Donatello is also very fun to say.
god i want to animate like this
wait shit
shit noooooooooo donnie-
this smug motherfucker
#not reblog#aficionadonn#long post#rottmnt#liveblog#aficionadonn liveblog#beware there's gonna be a WHOLE LOT MORE OF THESE#oh wait donnie soundproofed the solid metal turtle tank#and the garage#if he did that with splinter's room (which he's never in)#...then...
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Homestuck, page 3,024
Jade: Answer Dave.
Author commentary:
I guess I was wrong a few pages ago. When Jade fired her gun and woke up sleeping Dave, that wasn't what prompted him to message her. He waited until he became a future version of himself, the one standing in the snow, before finally contacting her. I should have remembered this, because it's a pretty Dave way of handling the Situation, like "oh jade randomly appeared and fired a gun waking me up? thats cool ill just wait many hours and do a bunch of time traveling before getting around to messaging her about it." Then Jade gets kind of carried away about how awesome it is Dave can time travel, when he uses the ability to log off for an hour, go back in time, and pick up the conversation without missing a beat. Except it's not that cool, since she's already had a bunch of similar conversations with the trolls, who've been doing the same thing by hopping around the Trollian timeline. She's probably only wilding out about it because at this point in the story, she's still a shameless Davejade shipper. Karkat should take a few pointers from Dave here. Instead of dragging multiple versions of himself into the conversation and screaming at them in front of Jade about how they have a crush on her, he should try Dave's strategy, which apparently involves being such a stupid lousy cool dude that that he doesn't even bother messaging her when she randomly appears during his nap and wakes him up with gunfire.
Dave makes a joke about Jade being from Guam or wherever, but the exact coordinates are (-0.955766 -174.759521), or per the Homestuck wiki, 150 miles southeast of Baker Island and 50 miles north of Winslow Reef. This is actually a long way from Guam. About the span of the U.S., from one point in the Pacific to another. I probably made this joke because I used to live in Guam. Which sounds like a joke, but it isn't. I doubt anybody knows this fact about me. Most people don't know things about my life, because my life makes no sense whatsoever. It's hard to track, because I've moved well over fifty times, and there's a lot of disinformation that has accumulated throughout the known lore. The time I lived in Guam isn't disinformation though. It's undisinformation. Sometimes you need to mix a striking piece of truth in with an array of bland falsehoods to keep people wondering. One more thing about Jade's island location: I originally chose those coordinates because I saw something very mysterious there on Google Maps back in 2009. But on looking again, I don't see it anymore. Was it scrubbed from the system?! Nice try, government. Looks like you forgot who you were dealing with for a second.
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Beautiful Spouse’s Rewatch Thoughts SPN 04x18
The Monster at the End of this Book
“Hey it’s chuck. We meet him now? Fuck the Chuck”
“with a rabid fanbase”
“Does it have Fabio on the cover?? FUCK YEAH IT DOES”
“I’m only laughing because you made me look at porno mags and horny book covers at the used book store”
“this is kinda funny.”
“I don’t know if I like the plot of the writer thing”
He’s full frontal in there, dude
Laughing at samgirls and dean girls
“What the fuck??? I never realized that they made fun of themselves”
Explaining that wincesties are the slash fans
“I love how they made fun of the wincesties on their own show”
“tits”
“tits”
“TIIIIIITTTTSSSS”
“tits”
“Do a lot of people have that tattoo IRL?”
“what a scrub”
“ram ranch”
“that’s funny”
“Is he just playing them for fools?”
“I don’t know Vonnegut really well”
“Those aren’t his darks. Those are towels”
“They’re really obsessed with rack and focus this episode”
🎶acting like a prophet…kinda🎶
🎶Lilith wants to do butt stuff with Sam🎶
“When I drink, my headache gets worse”
“sounds familiar”
“They’re going out of their way to order differently than the book”
“The diner is Kripke Hollow Dinner. It’s his diner, see?”
“How much male frustration can we fit in one scene?”
“What the fuck is wrong with you? Tofu burgers are gross. I mean bacon cheeseburgers are pretty amazing”
“What the hell was that look for, Dean? It’s like he was thinking about watching porn but his sibling is there so it’s gross”
“Lecturing one of your own characters, huh?”
“Look at this fkn pink ass cushion on that chair. These motels are awesome. How do I get to stay at cool places like this?”
“dean need more testosterone” said in a gruff man voice
“Pink flower bandaid”
“They weren’t even covering up a cut”
“The bat mobile…with wings!”
“Well hello”
“oh shit”
“Wow. Cas just looked at Dean’s ass. That was intense. I can feel the sexual tension from here. LOOK AT THAT CHISELED BUM”
“I’m only pointing it out because I’m making fun of you”
oh fuck you spouse
“Oh I forgot about the Winchester Gospel”
“Sounds pretty preposterous if you think about it”
“Fuck I forgot about all of this”
“Who is he praying to?”
“bokeh boy”
“His lips look really dry”
Cas is rebelling <3 <3 <3
“I guess I was paying too much attention to Misha’s eyes to realize what was happening”
“Kinda creepy if you think about it. Since she used to be a little girl and he’s a gross man and now she’s a pretty lady”
“This was a good one”
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