#scare her away from being my friend
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#rambling#made a friend at camp who is#literally exactly my favorite type of person#(she went on a rant to me about sonnet 116 at least 3 separate times)#also shes ace. and is also vaguely in love with her friend. and loves community and musicals#and listened intently to my rant abt grantaire and enjolras despite giving zero fucks about les mis#and i did not get her fucking phone number#i fucking#gave her mine#in a bus note#that could so easily completely#scare her away from being my friend#and its both of our#last year as campers so the chances of me seeing her again#slimmmmmm#god im literally so pathetic#why do i get so attached to people so quickly#literally ended my note begging her to keep in contact
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people who hate on nemona because she's "too yandere" and "doesn't take a no for an answer" make me wonder if they actually payed attention to her dialogues or only read those joke comics about her being obsessed with the player and always craving violence and said "yeah this is her personality now". or just hate women.
#''she's too yandere!'' you don't know what yandere means then#''she doesn't accept a no for an answer!'' she repeatedly accepts you refusing to battle her through the whole game#she just gets insistent when you say you don't passed the league test#(because she truly believed you were so strong you would pass easily)#and when you tell her you don't want to be rivals (she though you liked battling her and wanted a friend to share her passion with)#''she's so weird!'' my brother in arceus this is pokémon EVERYBODY is weird as fuck#''she only talks about battling!'' and arven almost always talk about food and kieran always talked about ogerpon in kitakami#but i've seen nobody complaining about these two#wonder why#and nemona talks about other thinks beside battling!#she has Lore (TM) too#she has health issues despite her trying to shrug them off#she lived in a very rigid upper-class family where she's implied to have felt repressed#her own family pays more attention to her sister because she's going to be the heir of their corporation leaving nemona neglected#she doesn't have friends because her passion to pokémon battles alineates her from her classmates#if she defeats you in your first battle she gets depressed and says sorry because she believes she scared you away from being her friend#she's such a complex character but her background is more subtle than with arven or penny (and locked behind the postgame)#it saddens me that she's flanderized by literally everyone (even gamefreak/tpc in sv's epilogue)#pokemon#ramblings
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Anyway they can change between being tiny and human sized. And when they're tinier they can only be seen by the other fae or their selected humans. So if you just passed Noll on the street while Shavuli was perched on his shoulder chatting away you wouldn't see or hear her.
#my characters#a lot of the fae who are trying to get noll to pick a human take turns joining him as he wanders if he opts to be human sized#if he opts to be small and fly around none of them can actually find him to follow bc he does it precisely to be alone#and makes careful to avoid all of them when he dips#which furthers their friendly obsession with him being their void like where is he we lost him we gotta go bring him back from the abyss!#and hes just off on his own being crippled by anxiety at being a disappointment bc what if he isnt fun enough#absolutely unaware that all his friends are like we gotta go find him hes too good at this#hes going to win the game we have clearly set up to involve humans before he even recruits a human#cause he is TOO GOOD at slipping away ITS NOT FAIR we love him what a weird fae thats our lil guy!#noll really is just out there impressing all of his friends and not knowing hes impressing them bc hes too scared of being abandoned#and i was telling rae but when he does find the human he wants as his for the game#hes like ok so im gonna be honest here i turn into a big sword and you are definitely not going to be strong enough to carry me#and the human just like ok then pick someone else?#and hes like no no i cant you dont get it youre resourceful and im resourceful THEREFORE! i have an idea! just for us!#and then proceeds to shatter himself into shards basically#so that the human can have many smaller easy to control swords rather than one too big sword#and when all of the other fae see it they are absolutely delighted bc they didnt know he could do that! thats so cool! wow! they love him s#and he doesnt tell them that it actually really flippin hurts and being broken is agonizing but he wants to win so badly#anyway hello appreciate the void fae noll and his lil buddy shavuli who can turn into a spear C:#in her human form though she loves to wear hoodies instead of just like .... a skin tight suit with draping fabrics#she does wear biker shorts bc leggy.... she likes to have legs free#but she likes hoodies a lot
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there is this one VERY pretty very emo girl who sits two tables away from me in my health class and she has the prettiest hair that i want to touch and gorgeous makeup and always is listening to music and doesnt give two shits about me. im in love. i dont even know her name
#i should have a gayposting tag but I don’t even care#I need to talk to her. but we’re like halfway through the semester and I sit in the back with my obnoxious friend Owen From Band#pretty girls scare me like. what if im annoying her by talking??? does it sound douchey to ask what she’s listening to????#proud to report we have had two interactions: once when I complimented her outfit and she said thanks and I gave her an awkward thumbs up#and then ran away to get to class because I was late#and second when I complimented her hair. and she said thanks#thats it. uhhhh yeah#ok im done being gay on main now. carry on
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not me popping back on here with a post after months of semi-inactivity (uni is being a bitch) just to reiterate how much i love writing the pahkitew island cast.
aside from sammy and amy (obviously), literally everyone else can be shipped with one another and it'd make sense to some degree, like it takes skill to create a group of people so inherently shippable (platonically and/or romantically) and ofc the writers didn't know it they just shoved a bunch of random ppl together and dusted their hands off on it but fr tho 😭
(yeah im planning out my leonave 'stranger things inspired' au, and the gears are turning, and i forgot just how much i love writing for this dumbass group)
(i swear im working on the next chapter of a guide to surviving the apocalypse too)
#no but i've way too many ideas lmaoo#i forgot ive a whole longass post in my drafts dedicated to ramblings abt this longfic and i came across it today ahaha#like amy leading a manhunt for leonard bc shes got everyone to think he killed her sister (who she didn't even like much smh)#and topher's one of the ppl involved and when shawn hears he's like “topher? yeah i can handle him dw” (possible tophawn minor pairing??)#and leonard's abt to get the equivalent of being burnt at the stake literally#when guess who shows up in a fucking mercedes of all cars#fucking dave#and he helps leonard escape narrowly by driving fast af and leonard's so confused bc like “i thought you'd be with those guys”#and get this: dave doesnt believe leonard killed sammy bc of his vehement belief that leonard doesn't know magic LMAOOO#and leonard doesnt know whether to be affronted or grudgingly thankful bc if it wasn't for dave's desire for everything to be normal#leonard would have been part of the witch trials 2.0#and idk who's watched st but the plot is somewhat inspired by it#like shawn goes missing first and dave as his best friend is panicking abt it (in this one axel is shawns cousin???)#and then when they find him at last the weird deaths start leading to leonard finding sammy dead and this whole situation#and theres a whole different world underneath them and its up to leonard dave ella and sky to team up and prevent certain destruction#and theres slowburn leonave (with pining leonard and oblivious dave)#and leonard lives with his uncle whos understanding of his passions (unlike his dad who basically gave him away for the same reason)#and leonard's life is total opppsite from dave's#and they both know it#and omgggg this au has been a brainrot for so goddamn long#but idk why i just got a slew of ideas for it today#and like dave stays over at leonards at one point and leonard gives him his bed (like a gentleman)#and the next morning shawn barges in like “wheres my best friend” bc ever since he was taken he's been v paranoid abt losing the ppl he lov#and he hugs dave and daves like “how dirty are you rn” and shawns like “nothing yet i waited so that i can hug you when i see your dumb ass#and everyones like abt dave to leonard “idk if he's the right one for you”#but then later on dave saves his life by going a little bit unhinged classic dave-style#and ends up scaring a nurse and receptionist into retiring early#total drama#td leonard#td dave
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#boris was attacked by my neighbor's dog and i've been crying so much. i'm so scared#it's 9pm so my sister is driving him to a vet 1 hour away cause the vets near close at 7pm#idk why bad things keep happening to him i'm so heartbroken idk what i'll do if he dies#my neighbor is a cruel bitch cause this happened around 1 pm and she didn't tell us. she hid him in a room#she was gonna let him die like that#my sister was supposed to take me somewhere tomorrow so she came home one day earlier#i'd been crying all afternoon and i told her to please ask around and then they (w mom and brother) went to my neighbor's house#they brought him back and he looked very weak and with blood all over#my sister called a friend of hers who's a vet and she came to see him and adviced to take him to a vet clinic#cause he was bloated and there was air(?) and her face was worried when she said that cause.. where does air come from#plus he was breathing weird#i had the worst panic attack the whole time since they brought him from the neighbor's house until they left with him#i couldn't even speak cause i couldn't stop crying#now i'm calm but i'm so worried#if my sister hadn't come home today boris would be still hurt and locked in my bitch neighbor's house#cause my mom thought i was being paranoid :( she wasn't going to ask around#cause she thought boris would come back since he's been missing before#also my sister's the only one who can drive#:(#i'm so angry cause that bitch next door heard me calling boris name all afternoon and didn't say shit#i hate her. not only bc of this but she's suck a snake in general. she's always gossiping shit about everyone#she didn't do anything and locked him in a room for like 7 hours. maybe those hours were crucial#idk. if boris dies i'm gonna do some crazy shit to this bitch so she'll have a reason to call me crazy
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@beegswaz genuinely i think my favorite tags on any of my work ever. i fucking love when people talk abt my characters like this
#its like blorbo from my show but with fucking minecraft and i love it deeply#for the record both Groda and White Eyes get socialized in the modern world like feral cats#both by the main players but it does happen at different times bc they all encountered Groda first when she held Rana hostage for bait#she'd kinda gone crazy after all those years of isolation lol#did that bc she thought Herobrine was the knight who betrayed her during the time period where people were wanting to overthrow her#(the knight worked for the royal family and was one of Groda's childhood friends. that did not last needless to say)#thankfully at the end of the day all 4 of the main players managed to get out alive though not unharmed with Groda in tow#when there's something trying to kill you every other day in this universe though they honestly cant be too mad about it#it doesnt help that Groda is just Really Stupid sometimes (all the time)#she's literally Peridot from SU in that she seems really intimidating but in hindsight is a massive dork#and also the fact that is the voice i imagine her having its so good#once her ability to use magic is taken away she's literally just like a scared feral street cat. does not know what the FUCK is going on#also rendering her communication with 3/4ths of the players useless since she only knows Galactic and no one alive knows that but Herobrine#(not helping the coincidental similarities to the knight but thats not him) she'll learn commonspeak later tho#ironically later down the line when Groda is spotted by the cult getting her magic back will be a key part in taking down White Eyes#she really does want to change for the better but she needed a LOT of shit kicked into her in order to start actually making the change#that being said when White Eyes eventually gets integrated it IS On Sight#she has had to been quite literally pried of Groda AT LEAST once by the others in order to keep from killing her#but other than that she'll be okay :) she picks up painting eventually#her open wounds are finally able to heal over once released from the influence of the Wither but she's still scarred unfortunately#mentally and physically!#but its only up from here... right?#actually since I talked abt the players first encounter with Groda im gonna reblog that aftermath comic again it still fucks#minecraft au mastertag
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Thinking about Khan and how he doesn't wake up from nightmares the way people might expect. He doesn't explode from them, swinging and breathing flame in defense. He doesn't wake up screaming.
He wakes up silent. And it's only if you're paying attention that you'll know he's awake. His eyes might open - but with his poor vision, it's not like he can truly see where he's at - and he might draw in a sudden breath. But it's the fact that he stops breathing that's the Sign. It's the way he suddenly goes quiet. Not that he snores or sleeps loudly anyway, but there is one less person making noise in the night.
Ingo isn't often awake when this happens. Very rarely, in fact, because Khan has nightmares almost every night. It's nothing new. Most of the time he will breathe, eventually, and take in the scents of his surroundings. He will realize where he is and use it to ground himself. And if he can't, then he will get up and find something to do until he can pass out from exhaustion and wake up better.
But it happens a handful of times. Ingo is awake when Khan comes to. And sometimes he doesn't realize it, doesn't realize Khan is awake until Ingo himself is returning to bed and looks down as he passes Khan's cot to see his green eyes open and staring at nothing.
But this time he realizes. He's awake, for no real reason, just sitting and listening to the world around him. Akari is snoring after a long day of survey work, Khan is sprawled out on his cot, the nocturnal pokemon are calling to each other in the distance… It's peaceful. Ingo rests with his head on one hand, eyes shut and enjoying it while he can.
And then one sound disappears.
He doesn't realize it's Khan at first, spends a moment trying to figure out what's missing. Akari is still snoring. The pokemon are still calling. Khan sleeps quietly enough that Ingo has, on occasion, put his hand under his nose or over his mouth to ensure he's still breathing. And it's that, knowing how quietly Khan sleeps, that makes ingo realize that Khan's breathing is what missing. That Khan is making no noise at all.
Ingo gets up and goes over to check, because Khan may be a prickly bastard but by now he's Ingo's prickly bastard like Akari is Ingo's daughter, he's part of the family. And sure enough Khan is awake. Eyes open wide. Staring at nothing. Ingo is ready to return to his seat when he realizes Khan is- not breathing. There's a tension to him that is abnormal, despite his nightmares.
So Ingo stays, sits down by Khan's side, and gently touches his hand. Too much touch too fast will wind up with fists flying towards him, so he takes it slow. Khan's hand is a fist. Ingo asks if he's alright, but there's no response. Khan's chest hitches, his breath sporadic for a moment, before a sound like a whine makes its way out of his throat.
And that- is so out of the norm that Ingo is now concerned. He puts a hand on Khan's arm, on his neck, as he leans over to look in the other man's face. Maybe it's the light of the night, but Khan's eyes seem… Shiny.
And this is a bad one. It doesn't take a genius to know that this is far from average. That whatever Khan has just dreamt of has truly, deeply affected him. Ingo pulls him up, pulls him into a seated position, and directs Khan's face to his own neck. Scent is Khan's strong suit, after all, and the best way to help him realize where he's at. Ingo ignores how his shirt gets a little damp- tells himself, for Khan's sake, that Khan is just drooling.
And Khan does what he never does and wraps his arms around Ingo. There's a desperation there, something terrified, and Ingo knows that this isn't something he can do on his own.
"Do you want me to wake Akari up?" He asks, because it never hurts to offer a choice.
"She's asleep." Khan says, which isn't an answer. His voice is hoarse and shakey. Ingo makes the decision for him, then, and extracates himself from Khan. Khan's hands follow him, reaching out, and Ingo is grateful for the first time his home is so small because he can hold onto Khan's one hand while he uses the other to shake his daughter awake.
Akari's snores vanish and she opens one eye halfway, confused. "Dad?" She asks. Her voice is low and thick with sleep. "Whassups?"
"Khan needs our presence. Would you mind joining us?" He says. And it's not the whole truth, but Akari wakes up more. Khan does not, ever, need anything from them. He's like a stray animal, coming to them when he chooses, but fully able and willing to survive on his own. And maybe now he still doesn't need them. If Ingo hadn't been awake, Khan would have laid there until he decided what to do. But Khan isn't making choices for himself, and Ingo knows he needs grounding.
Akari stands and Ingo helps guide her over to where Khan is still sitting. He's turned now, his legs thrown over the side of the cot as he hunches over and stares at the ground. One hand is still in Ingo's.
Akari reaches out, touches his shoulder, and that whine breaks from Khan's throat again. He leans towards Akari, rests his head against her, and then drags her onto his lap. She wraps her arms around his neck because he is gripping her so, so tightly, holding her like she's his saving grace, like if he lets her go the world will end. His shoulders shudder.
Ingo sits next to them, sliding Akari's legs over his own, and leans into Khan's side. He wraps one arm around Khan and is surprised when Khan returns the gesture, releasing Akari with one arm to pull Ingo into his reach. He is not just holding them but clinging. Ingo wonders, but doesn't ask, what he had dreamed about to make him so desperate. Ingo turns into Khan, places his legs over the man's but under his daughter's, and leans into the hold. After a moment, Khan turns his head to shove his nose into Ingo's neck once more. Akari is pressed between them, still holding onto Khan as if her hug will fix him, and Ingo knows they will both stay here as long as Khan needs them, wants them, to.
#Khan a.#Not going to individually tag ingo and Akari for my OC ramblings lol...#Ingo takes care of his family even if part of that family hates to admit he IS part of it#Sometimes your giant hybrid buddy wakes up from a bad nightmare and needs family snuggles#It happens#Khan absolutely loves and adores Akari. He is the Ultimate Big Brother. But he is also so so scared of hurting her.#He is so terrified of losing a sibling AGAIN.#He genuinely worries he'll kill her one day. He tries to avoid her & ingo sometimes#But he also can't stay away because as much as he's been through and as much as he isolates himself#Khan has NEVER been built for anything other than being part of a family#He is not someone who can be comfortably isolated for long periods of time. Not that he had much choice when he was younger#But he prefers (vastly prefers) the presence of people he considers friends & family. He wants to be surrounded.#He will never bring this moment where Ingo and Akari snuggled him up again bc that's admitting weakness#That would be admitting he needed help#But it's also an interaction he will (privately) cherish because...#They care about him. Not because of old history or warped emotions and memories.#They know him. They know he's an asshole with issues. And they still care for him.#It touches his dead little heart 💚
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husband just said "my street name is EZ Cracker" 🤣☠️
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#alright these tags are super embarrassing but i needed to rant publicly so uh. you can read this but please don't perceive me too much#it is so fucking exhausting having nobody to share my life with#i have literally zero friends at this point bc ever since my grandpa died i've pretty much stopped trying to keep in touch with my hometown#friends and i cut off my 'friend' group that were racist assholes who treated me like a doormat back in october and haven't really made any#close friends at college since. and i just fucking hate that this is the same way i've felt for so many fucking years like you'd think it#would be bearable at this point and i'd be used to being alone and for a while i honestly was but it just hit me tonight how fucking lonely#i am and how tomorrow i have to keep on just doing the shit i have to do in life without anyone to talk to and share it with#other than my mom who's been pissing me off lately so i've been pushing her away too!#it's so tiring to have to go out and do things and have responsibilities everyday and not being able to share that with anyone idk it makes#it feel almost like i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders which is SO dramatic i know#like today i wanted to talk about the stupid false alarm gas leak thing with my sort of friends in this club i'm in but i didn't get to talk#to anyone at the meeting bc everyone was just talking amongst themselves in their little groups of best friends and it just reminded me that#i don't have that and i've never fucking had that i've only ever pretended i had that#it's like all these years i've been pretending to be a person that has friends and knows how to live life normally but i never have#more than anything i just miss my friends from home bc they're the closest i've ever felt to having friends that are like family but. i#don't know how to talk to them anymore. i didn't tell any of them when my grandpa died and i think they just assumed that i've moved on so#they've probably moved on and i already know that they have their own lives and friends at their schools that are a lot more full than mine#wanna know the worst part about all of this? i just had therapy and basically told her everything's fine#and i won't meet with her again until 3 weeks from now so literally the only person i can talk to about this right now is my mom#which i am absolutely not gonna do bc she's gonna get so scared and worried for me and i can't have that rn#anyways yeah. this isn't even that big of a deal like i haven't had friends for at least the past 6 months it's not like anything's changed#i just feel extra sad about it right now. i need a distraction stat gonna go watch watch some tv goodnight#shut up hanna
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I loved their short-lived "I hate this fucking family" scenes
#they switched back to default 'nice' mode afterwards obviously#but still#both were allowed to be upset and yell about it imo#gar's always trying to help everyone but always ends up being the one hurt#not only that but when he's the one needing help the titans couldn't care any less and just give him a lame hug or shoulder pat#then never talk to him again about what's bothering him#they didn't even care when he disappeared#it was just *shrugs* 'well at least he's not dead he'll show up sometime i guess'#then jon's the only one in true danger and his family does not seem to understand he's being hunted down by jon-el#i'd be scared and pissed off too if my dad who's superman just let the guy who's deadset on kidnapping and merging with me go#the only reason jon-el even took lana was to get clark away from jon he doesn't care about her or anything else really#he just wants jon and will do anything to get him#so yeah i'd be scared as SHIT that he's on the loose and now even more that he stole my dad's friend to purposely lure him away#(also once jon said where jon-el was clark REALLY should have switched into his suit since he knew he'd be public#and probably would have had to use his powers to catch jon-el)#(lara or not clark shouldn't have been using his powers in front of a crowded diner anyway)#the titans didn't care because it was gar who was missing#and the kents didn't care because it was jon who was in danger#dick would've been ripping apart the multiverse once he could if someone else was missing#and if jordan was in danger clois would have hid him at the fortress with some x-k to protect himself just in case#titans#superman and lois#gar logan#jonathan kent
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#tag talk#anytime my friends point out that something I say is good advice or express that they see me as aspirational I'm always just like....#wtf how am I am example to look up to I'm just an idiot bumbling his way through life trying to avoid hitting her head on cabinet corners#honestly it's mostly just seeing mistakes others have made and going “I will not make those mistakes. I will make weirder mistakes than that#like. it feels a little like the “I'm eighty years old I'm done with putting up with everyone's bullshit” except it's#it's “I didn't kill myself so I'm not gonna put up with bullshit anymore”#like. I chose life. I'm not about to half-ass that decision. I'm not gonna walk back that decision. I'm not going to flinch away from it.#that fuckin... “what do we have to fear but fear itself” quote or whatever. like.. I died. you think anything else is gonna scare me?#if I'm going to be stuck here on this planet you bet your ass I'm gonna make the most of it. I'm not gonna be embarrassed. no shame.#we're all living here until we die and the things that matter are your own life and then the people around you.#I'm not going to miss out on a chance to find community and connection just because I'm afraid. I'm done being afraid.#though... I have been feeling shrimp emotions for the past two weeks and my stomach has tied itself up in knots over it.#I'm so detached because I'm afraid of feeling my emotions too strongly. so letting go and experiencing emotions is a lot for me.#and agghfffgghh I'm going to make it through this I'm going to make it through this but damn it's really rough#allowing yourself to get close to someone again after solidifying your position as unassailable is so hard.#especially because I've gotten so used to shielding the emotions of other people. hard to be honest when your honesty will hurt them#it's wild being around someone who's not wildly insecure because I can be genuine and honest and not worry about what I say hurting her.#I could say “I'm leaving in a year do you still want to date?” and trust that she would actually think it through and give a reliable answer#like. I can handle just my emotions because she's able to handle hers.#being in mental health spaces for so long I'm not used to interacting with emotionally stable people lmaooo#do you think I'm emotionally stable? I don't think I am. but then I meet other people who are wildly more unstable than I am and hmmm#like. sui wasn't an emotional choice it was a cost benefit analysis. I get emotionally unstable sure. but I contain myself until it's over.#I know enough to not be impulsive because I recognize impulsive behavior in others and thus in myself as well.#so like. I'm unstable but I'm not externally unstable. I know how to isolate when I'm in a wounded lashing out state.#anyway I've been processing so many emotions this past week because I'm wildly out of practice with allowing myself emotional honesty#instead of just bricking myself up behind my defensive apathy. I want to hold onto this. I want to continue to channel these emotions.#I want to be unafraid to tell people when I love them#though with her it's more of a Nerevarine situation. you are not someone I love but rather someone who might become that.#like. I haven't known her long enough to really say I love. but I very much think if things continue how they are I will be confident in it#and not even romantic love per se. I have some old friends who I genuinely love. several siblings who I love. most people I know I do not.
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Hey if you're a grown ass man putting your hands on your daughter because you're mad at her I'm going to need you to smash your own fucking head through a wall please and thank you. Fuck you.
#about to get in my rear wheel drive and book it across town in a foot of snow to get my friend away from her psycho father#I hate him so much it's actually unreal#kali over shares#kali rambles#I hate being scared for her all the time
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flatmate has a girl over i am suddenly extremely uncomfortable
#sorry i only ever come here to rant its bc im losing all my interests / passions and always need someone to talk to but have no friends 🤪#negative cw#thats a lie partially in that i am emotionally incapable of talking ab it i just. i have no people i have no outlet#but tumblr hasnt been doing it for me lately. im not sure if jts#its the mental illness or if its just being full time employed leaves me so burned out that i can barely function#so hobbies just become non existent#doesnt really matter either way tho bc i can barely pay my bills on full time wages theres nothing i can do to fix things#time off or less hours isnt an option and i sont have the money to get anything diagnosed#i think i need. a lot of support ive been kinda rawdogging life for 26 years but ill be honest gang its starting to really impact everything#i do not. feel like i am a fully functioning human. i am not capable of being a functional adult in society#but its also like. i have to be#my parents dont really believe in mental health stuff or autism or anything and certainly wouldnt believe if i tried to say i was disabled#its just like. no one ever believes me ab that kinda stuff and i dont have the money to get it diagnosed#and without a diagnosis theres not much that can be done but also even with a diagnosis theres nothing#government disability allowance is $78 a week maximum and only covers specifically medical costs for that disability#like i genuinely feel on the verge of a breakdown so bad that i would need a care person#but alas. thats just literally never a possibility for me#i dont have money and i dont come from money and i will be forced to work full time through breakdowns until i die#there is nothing that can be done to help me or fix me#and that just. it sucks#anyway#hope this girl is nice bc my cat refuses to be in my room and its giving me anxiety bc what if hes scared of her and runs away#2 much going on in my head but i can not stop it so here we are#sorry y'all r my rant place#i have been thinking ab trying to step away from the internet a bit but its also.#not really a thing i can do bc everything costs money these days#social clubs r barely existent and the ones there are cost a shittone#I'd just. I'd like to be in a better place. I just don't know how to get there
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Vent: ?
In 5th grade I had the assumption that it would be just as nice as elementary school had been. No one ever told me otherwise. No one ever told me about most of the differences.
I knew that I would be bullied already. No one had to tell me that. My parents had already warned me of bullies and what to do. I hadn't had too many experiences yet, but I knew they were coming. I still felt pretty prepared.
But of course when 6th grade came, just by the first day I was disappointed. I didn't expect something big and great, but I didn't think I would be thrown into it like this.
I didn't know I met both of my bullies here.
NBB really hadn't bullied me before this garde. Only ever persuaded me into things. Not always bad things. But I would always do them. I like making people happy.
But because my expectations were ruined so bad, I decided to no longer have expectations at all.
It doesn't sound necessarily like a bad idea. But it turned out to be that way.
I couldn't find a way to balance it.
It wasn't really just that I was let down. But it was that everything that everything was became worse. And everything worse became terrible. So that was the mindset I was in.
But doing this has made it to where I don't get excited for things anymore. Unless I'm really certain.
Which makes things like governor school have a bad cloud over them in the beginning.
Things that are bad I don't prepare for well. Because I don't have my expectations there.
I wish that I could just take it off now or something. But I don't think so.
I really enjoyed governor school. I liked it. So wish that I could've let myself be excited instead of assuming it would be another disaster.
Bad things did happen there. But bad things happen everywhere. And I liked being able to be around people who didn't bully me and were supportive.
I liked it there.
I miss how it was there.
On the day before the last I felt like I had finally acclimated to it. But then I had to go.
#cheeseburgerboy#id like to be somewhere like that again.#im going to be doing something simar to it. but only for one week rather then two#it seems to be futher away from home.#id like to get excited for it. but im just so scared.#the disappointment is so crushing. and it hurts so bad being ripped away from something you hoped to enjoy#i don't want to be excited for my birthday. i still assume disaster and pain. so i have been trying to not expect much from it#im sure it will be good. but im still scared#especially since the people i bring there will be staying overnight probably.#im still to scared to call any of them my friends#because of what NBB did to me probably.#haven't had much luck with that.#very confused on her stance.#seems fine but she say something and it gets weird.#kittykiddy#cookiebearcat#whatevs#acclimated.#NBB ex is weird and i don't like him#privacy invader.
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no one else was making content for this series so fuck it, i get to decide canon now
#'why is wolf island in bigger text than the others' would you believe me if i said i wrote classic british tv show wolfblood on accident#friends please look away from my silly werewolf blorbo#demonata#grubbs grady#the demonata#GREAT OK SO I HAVE A LOT TO SAY#i reread the beginning of lord loss semi recently and it gave me feelings as well as a deeper understanding of the circumstances tm#like?i knew WHY they died. but i didnt realise that gret was aware of it.#seeing her being genuinely terrified of it??? wow ouch my feelings#also grubbs being scared enough about losing his family to not even entertain the idea#i also seemed to have misremembered? like i thought grubbs just came home from school to see It but instead they sent him to a relatives in#order to try and keep him safe as possible#i think in timeline 2 electric boogaloo that grubbs doesnt smoke because even though there isnt That going on. it still reminds him of it#speaking of timeline 2! i have feelings about it. namely shit like imagine finding out that your younger brother is actually immortal and#all powerful and this is his second time experiencing life and also#hes a werewolf#tbh the werewolf part is probably the least shocking#anyway also grubbs is trans and since there isnt a fandom for this no one can disagree with me#i hate that hes canonically tall as fuck and buff but its ok we persevere#wyrm draws
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