#save me narinder bishop of death
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like. a weeks worth of cotl doodles. save me narinjdder….. save me…….
#art#my art#fanart#colt narinder#colt lamb#cult of the lamb narinder#cult of the lamb#the fixation hit hard with this one#save me narinder bishop of death
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A cruel and merciless god, who would kill everyone for his love.... and Narinder/hj
Yes they have a matching Bow with bell as Marriage rings
#narilamb save me narilamb#the death lover au#cotl au#colt narinder#bishop lamb#bishop narinder#cult of the lamb designs#cult of the lamb au#narilamb
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I call this one "found family but it goes horribly wrong in an irreparable way" :)
I've been doing a lot of cotl comics but I kinda lost my comic making endurance after not working on art since last september, so I made this to help me flex my art muscles. Apologies for the watermarks lmao they kinda kill the mood but I've already had people repost my art when I put it on reddit so...might as well get the credit if my stuff is gonna be reposted regardless. RAMBLE INCOMING!!
Thinking about how shamura was most likely the one to find + raise their adopted siblings and help them survive the mass deicide that happened thousands of years before....OUUGH. I have so many ideas for comics that take place when half the bishops were still lil kids. I have one in progress right now actually. But it just hurts when I remember how it all ends- they loved their family for so long and yet they credit their love as what caused it to fall apart!!! The lore of the bishops only sunk in when I was dealing with my own heavy sibling angst, and I was like wow....shamura supported the sibs so much they accidentally encouraged their brother into being a heretic, and couldn't close pandora's box in time to save him or the rest of the family. They blame themself for the past 1,000 years and seem to be totally okay with dying for what they did?? Like when they get sent to the shadow realm they tell you to "finish the job" instead of leaving them in purgatory. And despite being the bishop of war, they are the only bishop to not have a "desperate" phase where their attacks get more brutal. They're not desperate, they just want to get it over with. All their other siblings are dead by then anyway so it's not like they have anything to stick around for, even if they were healthy enough to win the battle. Plus I mean...narinder is the bishop of death so they probably just want to see him one last time. Owch
Don't get me wrong I love to hate narinder and his only role in my cult is the guy who cleans the outhouse, but I really like his dynamic with shamura vs. the other siblings. I kinda see him as the troubled kid that couldn't assimilate into the family and shamura took it upon themself to try and fix him. It's interesting thinking about how they're the only one he shows remorse for despite feeling the most betrayed by them. I don't think he 100% hates them, he's just been locked in gay baby jail for so long he's had nothing better to think about than "my sibling encouraged me to experiment with my godly duties, and then punished me for it!!". He's not wrong? But also is shamura that wrong either??? Idk it's complicated with no real answer and I like it a lot, I wish the game told us more about what the bishops were like before they got their shit rocked during the schism. I would've loved to see shamura before their brain was turned to mush by their tbi + 1,000 years of suffocating grief and crushing guilt :)
ANYWAY thanks for making it to the bottom of this rant, here is a sketch I did a while ago of shamura + baby leshy from a prequel au thing I don't have a name for yet:
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Narilamb fight each other while falling for each other?
i couldnt think about how to draw them fighting bc thinking about drawing a fight scene with my mouse gives me hives BUT....
did make me think abut how they fell in love w each other in my au so...
rambling as to why/some backstory for both under the cut!
for the lamb: in my au the lamb grew up with someone who worshipped narinder as the bishop of death in a very large way, and grew up hearing about him but not really being a believer.
they were on the run their entire life. and then they were sacrificed.
and then there he was: the deity that their only family worshipped had saved them, he was real, and gave them a reason to live, and gave them the thing they never had their whole existence: power. a way to fight back against the people who took everything from them
for narinder: narinder grew up as a wanderer in my au as well, but with his siblings. he was the fighter in the group, did as shamura said wholeheartedly, and helped devise the idea of taking the crowns from the (now previous) bishops.
he was a natural born warrior. instinctive. and he only got better.
he has never been bested. not in battle. (he was tricked, to be imprisoned) not in over 6,000 years. and certainly not like this. never by someone he's seen so any sides of that he hadn't realized until he wasn't as manic.
he has not been bested by someone so gentle, so kind, that loves to just talk and talk and talk to him and yet has an insatiable bloodlust for anything that stands in their way.
those tiny hands have held his face gently, and now they struggle not to wring the life from his now mortal form.
and also i fell in love with nari first sight too so. like. :)
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I was possessed by a thought
Modern-ish au but in a "thousands of years post-canon universe"
In which Lamb did not spare Narinder and when they saved the Bishops from Purgatory, actually put them to rest (aka sent them to the After) and oops, the Bishops + Narinder accidentally reincarnated while the Lamb wasn't watching
(Part 2 here)
In this life, the Bishops are still siblings and all were born with magic; Narinder became a priest, and though the other Bishops were raised in the temple alongside him they chose to pursue careers outside of the priesthood. Heket runs a restaurant (of course), Kallamar makes jewelry and sells crystals (he has healing magic so his crystals are literal healing crystals :) ), Leshy is a gardener and Shamura runs a bookshop (I'm sure you're noticing a theme here- their past lives are affecting their new ones). Their past lives' injuries have actually carried over, only instead of being injuries they're disabilities they were born with; Shamura their memory issues, Kallamar is deaf, Heket is mute, Leshy is blind, and Narinder has chronic pain (he WAS in chains for a thousand years, his muscles were ATROPHIED and his joints destROYED, and you cannot convince me otherwise). Not shown here; Narinder also uses a cane and on his really bad days a wheelchair.
Heket: Get a whole pumpkin
Narinder, who can't lift more than 20 pounds:
Why do Narinder (and the Bishops) look the same and have the same name? Well. The world may have forgotten them, but the universe hasn't.
Aym and Baal are immortals from their time in the After in this world, and though at first they were resistant to helping the Lamb, eventually they saw they needed Help™ and had no idea what they were doing, and having been witness and aid to Narinder's job for centuries they knew how to help. Over the millennia they fell into the old familiar role of being the guardians of Death (Forneus is also an immortal so don't worry they're not separated again) and are in a constant state of Done With Lamb's Shit (/affectionate).
... I actually really love how Lamb turned out here. It was fun drawing them Older. And quite a flip with making them look older than Narinder. The society that's been built up is still religious but no one recognizes Lamb because they've changed so much over the last two thousand years, and the fact they're a sheep doesn't raise any red flags as sheep have migrated to the Lands from other continents. They're rare but not unheard of.
The Crown fits in by disguising as various types of pets, though no matter its form it always has one eye. This time it's a bird, and it recognized Narinder from a mile away :) The mind forgets but the soul remembers....
#cult of the lamb#cotl au#justa arts#narinder#the lamb cotl#sketch#comic#you can see the original sketch underneath#I used a fraction of my background and perspective ability#but like hell I was about to draw the crowds lol#also don't mind me building up culture and religion im an anthro major i need worldbuilding#aym and baal are here but like they're kinda just existing#if you see any inconsistencies with that bird crown no you don't <- kept getting the missing eye's side mixed up
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Kallamar the Coward
Thinking about Kallamar in Cult of the Lamb, with how the lore and even his own siblings taunt him for being a coward and he even tries to bargain and sway you away from getting your revenge and killing him, even ready to throw Shamura under the bus to save himself, but then when you finally push him into a corner and he's forced to fight he not only busts out a bunch of weapons and starts quad-wielding them but he was once regarded by the fandom as being among the hardest bosses of the base game.
It got me thinking, was he always like this? Narinder certainly thinks so, but there's bias there. It's easy to just write him off as always being a mess like this...
But there's no denying he's the second in power after Shamura, Anchordeep is known for its beauty, he takes personal pride in the way he took care of his cult/area, and when in Purgatory out of all the bishops he's notably the most lucid/aware of where he is.
So I present this: After Narinder's sealing, Shamura was in no state to lead or give orders. The Bishops all had massive injuries that refused to heal. Who out of the 4 would immediately be assumed to be the one to take a leadership role? Who had comparatively more "manageable" injuries to take care of the other 3? And who would you assume is most likely to have medical experience to at least try to lessen the impact of all of their wounds?
Kallamar, Pestilence and Cure.
Early on after The One Who Waits was sealed away, Kallamar would have had to effectively take over the Old Faith while also caring for a broken beyond repair older sibling, who had always been the "Wise" one that the others blindly followed, yet was now barely even there at the best of times, and two younger siblings, one who was now permanently blind (and young/weak enough that they couldn't even muster a single Curse towards the Lamb before being crushed within days of their resurrection even years after the sealing, so just imagine how new to godhood they were back when this all started), and another who had had her throat torn out, all while downplaying his own wounds.
What if, then, at some point, he simply broke?
He resents Shamura, even potentially sincerely blames them for causing the entire thing (which Shamura confesses to), both leading them to turn on Narinder and also for leading everyone to killing the Lambs. He's still fond of Leshy, but from how quick to take charge Heket is, it's clear that after he proved unable to take the stress of it all, she was next in line as the "leader" of The Old Faith. There's gotta be some resentment there on both ends because of that, particularly with how quick he is to criticize how she took care of her territory.
And then compare how he is as a bishop to how he is as a follower. I think it's very very interesting that he goes from a dirty coward and absolute pathetic mess of anxiety and fear, to pleading directly to his own executioner for help, to being almost perfectly happy and content to simply be a Follower of the Lamb's cult. The others (minus Shamura, due to their condition) are resentful and quick to give sharp words to the Lamb, but Kallamar? It's like all his anxiety is gone with his godhood. He has nothing to fear anymore, and is almost ridiculously quick to be friendly to the Lamb and share his tastes in decor and pride in appearances with them. Not even in the "kissing up" way, he talks like they're equals. Is this what Kallamar was like, before everything? Is he actually HAPPIER as a Mortal now that all of the responsibility and fear of death is gone? Even secretly grateful?
There's no denying his cowardice. There's no denying it crossed a line when he was ready to betray Shamura when his nerves reached their limit. There's no denying that as much as he'd like to believe that he is absolved of guilt for The Old Faith's sins simply because he was just doing what Shamura told him to even if he claims he thought it was a bad idea.
But you also have to wonder what caused that cowardice to form, and what other feelings motivate his actions besides fear.
(tldr: sad squid was not ready to become the responsible one, especially not after going deaf and being traumatized. Has a mental breakdown halfway through raising the others due to not being able to actually deal with going deaf or being traumatized because it turns out being the god of physical health is different from mental health. Little sister ends up having to step up and be the mom now. Their relationship never recovered because of it, and he now blames the eldest for failing them and also for his own failures to cope. As a bonus developed an attachment to his own killer out of some weird warped perception of them "rescuing" him from his stress and then from death itself.)
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My Shamura Headcanons
Part 1
Hello! So I will warn it’s hard for me to explain things in text sometimes so I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense😭 but imma do my best. The “Look what you made me do” video explanation is at the bottom.
Also thank you so much @7moonbird for helping me write this💜💜🦐 a lot of this is her ideas too.
So right now I don't have anything set in stone, but Shamura is the deity of Knowledge and War. I imagined that Silk Cradle🕸️ used to be lands full of creatures both knowledgeable and powerful. However, when Shamura got their skull split, they started to loose their mind because of the brain damage. They were losing that domain of wisdom and with that soon all of silk cradle became nothing but war, all the creatures there just want to fight with no other thought in mind.
Also, when the siblings(bishops) went into purgatory they relived their deaths over and over again, Shamura is the last to be saved and stayed in that cycle the longest. 🐛🐸🦑🕷️
And despite Shamura caring for their siblings, they were strict and I imagine their belief in upholding the balance was so strong that in the end it hurt the siblings one way or another. So I feel like when it was time for Shamura to be saved, it had to be something all the bishops agreed upon. Narinder probably took the longest to convince which caused Shamura to be in there longer. So when the lamb comes around,
Shamura 1: had brain damage before going into purgatory that caused them to forget things quite often.
2: has been stuck in a loop fighting their death constantly to the point of insanity for heaven knows how long.
They are at a point where they don’t recognize anything.
The Look what you made me do Video Explanation
Here’s the video
The lamb and Narinder go to get Shamura out, Aym and Baal tag along too lol they are hungry for adventure.
But Shamura is at such a point of pain and insanity that when they get there Shamura is just fighting to fight, it's the only thing they can do. They don’t recognize the lamb or anyone else there, their vision is red. 🚩
The crown is having a few issues that I’ll explain in a different post hopefully, when I get a better idea of it. But the lamb starts having crown issues during the battle and everyone starts to realize that Shamura will be a difficult opponent that they need to plan more on how to fight them. Shamura ends up stabbing lambert the moment there’s an opening 🤷♀️🧍
#tartys rambles#moonbirds ideas#my headcanons#cult of the lamb shamura#cult of the lamb bishops#cult of the lamb#cotl#cotl shamura#bishop shamura#Shamura headcanons#cotl headcanons#my au#cotl au#cult of the lamb headcanons
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You know what? I'm in the mood for some angst.
How about a reader who's the twin sister to Narinder, making her the bishop of Life to his Death.
And while she wasn't sealed away like her brother was (she tried very, very hard to deescalate the situation.).....She was still gravely injured by Nari, and the rest of her siblings became extremely distrustful of her and in some cases verbally/mentally abusive (Heket).
So one day she just vanishes....no one knows where she went, not even her closet followers know, and when they search her personal chambers they find a note and.....her crown, the note reads that she couldn't take it anymore, that she's left the lands of the old faith, her position as a bishop and godhood, and that she's.... denounced everyone, even Nari as her family....
oh my heart
Warnings: Sad
The One who Gives (reader) meets the Lamb
The lamb looks to the large cave on the small island in the middle of the sea. He knows this is were she is, where she has been hiding out for almost a thousand years. He looks back to Plimbo, who gives him a thumbs up in encouragement. “This is were she’s got to be! Its got her sign on the entrance and everything! But I’m sure not going in there, not sir. Fighting that mad goddess would be like back talking my Mother-in-law!” He said laughing at his own joke. The lamb shakes his head and goes into the cave.
He hears… crying, sobbing actually. God tears are everywhere, like someone was stashing them in the walls of the cave. He had gathered various intel from her siblings (now followers) about her. She was the closest with Narinder; as the life to his death, the kind to his cruel, the only one of his siblings to refuse to chain him in her realm. It was what he took from her in his selfish rage that hurt her the most, taking half of her heart and switching it with his.
She apparently was ridiculed by her siblings for letting herself miss the One who Waits openly, Heket being the worst of all. The stories differ from sibling to sibling, but all expressed missing her soft and kind demeanor and love for bringing spring and summer so Narinder could bring fall and winter to the region. But how she will act now is the question, Narinder is her twin, so his thoughts weighted down on the lambs mind the most.
“Angry, she has half of my heart and soul in her. The part of her heart in my chest is the reason I feel some happiness and compassion now. I suppose she got my rage in return..” The former god of death said solemnly in private. “I just want her back, she was the sun to my moon, my only sibling would that opposed my imprisonment, and she is the only one I regret hurting in my rage.”
The lamb sees her, (Y/N), The One who Gives, the goddess of life and 'former' holder of the White crown. She has no crown, but still retains her height and magic aura like the others, as none of her followers or her siblings let anyone put it on. She wears a red robe with a white strip down the middle, as a morning robe. So, she is stuck in godly limbo, which one could say is worst that purgatory. The lamb stops as the crying comes to a sudden end, a cat-like growl coming from the dark corner she has resided in for a thousand years finally being disturbed.
“Who are you lamb? You wear my twins crown, but what do you want?” She snarled, coming out of the darkness. She was a fluffy white cat, having three eyes that glowed white with red pupils. She looked worse for wear, but still looked well enough for a fight. “I am here to take you home, your family are followers of me now. They all asked me to come and save you, one way or another.” The lamb said calmly as he circled with her around the cave, trying to stay parallel to her.
“To save me?! I don’t believe you, little lamb. I loved them all unconditionally, and what did I get? Distrust, words of accusation and malice and half of my heart taken and switched! I wish not to see any of them ever again, leave me to suffer alone for eternity.” She said coldly, sounding so different than her families description of her. She turns to walk away but stops dead in her tracks when the lamb simply states “No, you are coming with me! I am the god of death, One of two of the last bishops of the old faith. And as much as you don’t want to admit it, you still are a bishop. You left your duties, and I have come here to make you the follower you deserve to be.” You turn in shock, then the lamb noted your three eyes turning fully blood red. It was as if your eyes did the opposite of Narinder’s eyes, showing your connection on a deep level.
“Fine, If you want to fight O' new god of Death, then come fight me! I know all of the tricks of the red crown! And even without the White crown I can still beat you!” She seethes, floating with her face covered in eyes and rings of light and eyes circling around her quickly. This was going to be a long fight, the lamb thought as he took the first attack.
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Tell me about your onions.
here's an onion. i'm so funny.
ahem.
ok real talk though i've been doing a couple brief dives into the reincarnation aspect of buddhism/hinduism, which haven't been super applicable to COTL so far. which is a shame, bc it has such an interesting take on rebirth and resurrection within the nature of religion.
in COTL, death is seen as semi-permanent and a boon. lamb uses it to their advantage via the nature of game protagonists being able to restart from a save point when they died. the ritual of resurrection is groundbreaking for followers, and i headcanon that the ritual of rebirth is the main reason why TOWW got imprisoned. it is very much a loaded gun in the COTL world.
but buddhism treats rebirth as not only a nature of living, but something that needs to be escaped from. literally something that one must fight to be unshackled from, to break past samsara and reach ascension via nirvana. it's such an interesting viewpoint to consider and explore, especially bc my interpretation of lamb has them never being willing to become this resurrecting figure in the first place. as much as the red crown has been a boon for them, it's also acted as a bind. they will always have both their mortal and godly vices.
in both hinduism and buddhism there are multiple schools of thought that tackle the continuuity of resurrection, aka "what is carried over when one is reborn?"
now suppose narinder did not carry everything he had as TOWW to his mortal form. what is lost, and what is gained?
if i were to adapt samsara into my cotl fics i'd focus less on actual death and more on metaphorical ones. which, ok bear with me here, is a huge part of my personal philosophy.
humans are not static; we grow and develop, and in doing so we shed prior versions of ourselves like metamorphosis. a sort of ego death lite, if you will. when faced with a traumatic event, the person you once were is not the same as the person you are now. that is the kind of metaphorical death i'm talking about; the death of a former self.
but what exactly marks the new self and the old self? nothing, theoretically. we can make the boundary as low or as high as we want.
consider the ship of theseus: if a huge portion of my body is replaced every 7 years, can i definitely say i am who i was 7 years ago? what part of identity and self stays constant, when my personality's changed drastically? am i a stranger with the memories of someone else?
now narrow the boundary. if the self is physically static, then every time a cell dies, the self dies.
using that technical definition, technically i die and am reborn every single second. a metaphorical death and a metaphorical rebirth, and what gets carried over?
something something life and death are two sides of the coin of change.
that's why i kinda keep emphasizing lamb's impostor syndrome crisis about themselves dying in both soul and body during the execution. that's why i divide narinder's life into such stark epochs (mortal, bishop, imprisoned, mortal again). that's why i love treating their afterlife not as a continuity of their character development, but a second chance. ship of theseus, broken down and rebuilt anew.
it's not nirvana. but it's making the best out of your own personal samsara.
and just. there's something so poetic about narinder and lamb reincarnating as gods of death, because the only way to die repeatedly is to live again after each one. a taste of permanence in the impermanent, without ever reaching that finality that they embody as gods. they represent the very thing they are and aren't. it's a paradox that makes perfect sense the moment you remove the black-and-white boundary of life/death that dictates they must be opposites.
and this is what i love exploring. breaking down the barriers of identity and death in the metaphysical sense, in two characters who are defined by so much loss in their lives. (metaphorical) death, treated as redemption, treated as healing.
lamb, offering a hand up to a newly reborn narinder. i died, i got up, and i live.
#my asks#for the record i am very firmly an atheist#i just find studying religious beliefs very fun and very interesting as an expression of the human condition#and also ship of theseus is a tasty thought experiment when applied to human identity#am i a bit cuckoo? absolutely.#:)#long post#long ass fuckin post that i don't expect anybody to read. if you did congrats you get to hear one of my core motivations for narilamb
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Can I request you do a platonic yandere concept of the one who waits? I was thinking the reader can be lamb's sister?
I can try, sure! Kept it Gender Neutral for Darling though.
Yandere! Platonic! TOWW with Darling related to Lamb
Short Concept
Pairing: Platonic
Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Cults, Manipulation, Death, Religion, Kidnapping implied, Murder.
You and The Lamb are the last of your kind.
Two sacrifces to stop TOWW, siblings by birth.
A ritual that would backfire on the Bishops.
A poor attempt at fleeing fate.
TOWW only needed one vessel to remove the Bishops from their rule.
However, The Lamb was insistent to have you be revived with them.
TOWW complied, the more the merrier.
A cult needed members to survive.
The moment you both bow and the Red Crown is placed upon The Lamb's head... TOWW knows you two will prove useful.
The Lamb Twins become the symbol for the cult.
A cult made in honor of TOWW... their savior.
The Lamb hunts down the Bishops and crusades for the cult.
You give the followers faith in the power of the Red Crown.
TOWW did not expect to care much for you.
Your sibling is stronger, the only reason you taste life again is because The Lamb needed to comply.
Despite this... TOWW likes your loyalty.
While The Lamb is strong, their loyalty is questionable.
TOWW is convinced you'd trust him more as your sermons convince the followers with excellent charisma.
You and your sibling are two sides of the same coin and he needs you both... yet he likes you more.
TOWW isn't someone who's usually platonic.
You are an exception that TOWW cares for.
He keeps both you and The Lamb alive.
For the time being you still breathe like the living until the mission is over....
The more TOWW sees your dedication, he decides you will be rewarded.
The cult is gifted luck and you are watched over carefully by the chained one.
If you perish for any means before your mission is done, a crusade with your sibling gone wrong perhaps...
You will be brought back by his skeletal hands.
When you awake in the cloudy afterlife, TOWW watches you with a gaze as red as your blood.
His look softens towards you and a grin full of sharp teeth splits across his face.
"Dearest lamb... your life is still needed. Your sibling will not be able to work alone and I still need my most dedicated follower. I gift you life once again. Show them you mean business...."
You're then sent back to do what you are needed to do.
TOWW may not show it much but his rotten heart cherishes you.
While his intentions still hold malicious motives, his love for you is that of a god to his disciple.
Everyone else may die... yet he will make you prosper.
Once your mission is over and you draw your last breath... TOWW has a surprise.
He's saved you a spot as one of his loyal guardians.
When you die... you're confused.
You thought you would confront TOWW with your sibling?
Fate is not that nice and you sit in front of TOWW alone.
"... already you miss them, don't you?"
You feel a chill down your back as TOWW looks at you with a slight frown.
"Your sibling will betray us... out of the two your loyalty has been promising. You may not be my main vessel... yet you are the one I'm choosing to keep."
The god reaches a hand out to you.
"My siblings are dead. Your sibling plans to kill me like mine. I'm the one who's always saved you. For being loyal I allow you a spot by my side. I will care for you in the afterlife."
He grins a cheshire grin, beckoning you with a rotting claw.
"I only ask you join my side instead of them. I trust that your loyalty will lead you to the right path, my lamb."
This is the ultimate test.
A test of your loyalty... do you listen to the god who cares for you, or the sibling who fought beside you?
Narinder awaits your answer with a smug look.
You are a child to him... he is your guardian now and forever.
"Make your choice, loyal lamb."
#yandere cult of the lamb#yandere cotl#yandere cotl narinder#yandere cotl toww#yandere toww#yandere the one who waits#yandere narinder
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Hello! Big fan of your artstyle. In your No Devotion AU, if it is indeed the Lamb God that gave wee Narinder the Red Crown, or their own Red Crown instead, possibly saving him, isn't it a cosmic irony then, that a lamb themselves then took it back and killed Narinder, then possibly rescued him from Purgatory, if they wished to do it?
Also tell us more about the Lamb God please. Or is it Sheep God. Does Purged Narinder have a copy of Aym and Baal by his side to fight you like it the game, or is it just Purged Narinder alone that fights you? What dialogue would you give him, and where would you find him?
Have a great month, eat your fruits and vegetables daily.
Ratsghshsh thank you and I have so so many loose thoughts on purged Narinder and the lamb god, who I’ve been calling The Priestess.
With the comic where Narinder gets her crown, it’s vague but the implication is that Narinder’s mother died leading him in his little kid brain to wish to kill the god of death. The Priestess knows that the new bearer of her crown is on their way and purposefully allows him in. I was going for a time is a flat circle kinda motif with the crown being passed from a lamb to Narinder and back to another lamb. And yes, technically both The Lamb and The Priestess are adult sheep but it’s all about that sacrificial lamb type shit.
I wanna also add that there is significance to the fact that The Priestess has three eyes, before Narinder gets the crown he has two but after three, and The Lamb still has two eyes even after bearing the crown for 300 years and killing Narinder.
All the Purged Narinder and Not-Narinder stuff I wanna hold a bit close to my chest for now. I wanna wrap up the betrayal comic before getting into that storyline fully so I can give it the proper attention. I will say that I do have plans with Aym and Baal which strays from cannon. And saving Narinder is going to be long and it’s going to be gruelling. And even after Narinder is free of purgatory, he will not be okay.
I have been infinitely entertained by the tags of my post where Not-Narinder is gifted to The Lamb. It didn’t even occur to me that the changeling could be mistaken for amnesia and I’m cackling at the sidelines with new ideas.
Random tidbits about The Priestess.
She raised both Shamura and Kallamar until she died. I wanted to solidify Shamura’s role as an eldest sibling as I often find it’s easy to miss-characterize them as a parental figure. I hoped giving the bishops a parental figure would counteract that.
In her lifetime she committed similar sins to Narinder and The Lamb. Gonna tease it a bit but the red crown has a bit of a curse.
The Priestess is albino. I’m not sold completely on any particular breed of sheep for her as of now. Possibly a Hebridean sheep or Norfolk Horn, same as The Lamb.
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TOWW and the reason for his imprisonment...
A part of me really wants to believe TOWW wanted to try something different from the Old faith and Shamura and co didn't like that. Not that TOWW was secretly the good guy or actually had any humanitarian ideals. He just stopped being a religous zealot for the Old faith.
TOWW is the only bishop we see memorialized with tools. A scythe and a book. Quite different from his siblings, save kallamar. Even then he only wields weapons and symbols of office, he isn't immortalized with them.
This might seem far fetched but these items can be interpreted as symbols of mortal progress. A scythe may have gained a connection with death over time but it was originally a farming tool, first recorded to be used in some of the oldest human societies. The prevalence of its used marked humanity's move away from a nomadic, hunter gatherer lifestyle, to an agricultural one.
A book can represent many things. But in regards to humanity it represents our shift toward the easy access and dissemination of information.
If it is the same book then that adds an interesting perspective to TOWW's... everything.
For us the book is important for recording all we've learned and done. From our doctrines to the name of our cult. It's where all our followers' forms and blueprints go. Without it we'd probably struggle to access and catalog our actions and resources. Maybe TOWW being depicted with it implies a priority of learning and acquiring knowledge and information. He did like new things
The Bishops were acting based on what they thought gods should be, not could be. This might have been what TOWW meant by :
"Shamura was weak, not wise. Their vision was too small to contain the multitudes of one such as I.
Godhood in COTL is whatever you make of it. The only limits are the ones you place on yourself...
Conclusion
Were the Bishops aware of their fading relevance in the lands of the old faith? Did the become concerned that TOWW was still as powerful as they were before? Or maybe just Shamura.
Narinder's name means something along the lines of lord of man, king of mankind, etc. Whatever his gospel was, it might have been tied to the mortals of COTL. Maybe he was trying to teach then to overcome the tribulations his siblings inflicted on them. Not out of kindness. But change and to spite the bishops. They just seem like the kind of people who would abhor mortals becoming technologically advanced. Be it for religious reasons or for fear of mortals no longer wanting to worship them. They had been gods of their chosen concepts for eons, with TOWW's action they would be forced to adapt to this new world or die in irrelevance. And they chose the latter...
#my post#cult of the lamb#cult of the lamb theory#cotl narinder#cotl#cotl headcanons#cotl meta#thinky mood
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Imagine having a big kitty husband to cuddle😔😔
#i love them so muuuuuch#silly little guy#cult of the lamb designs#the cult of the lamb#cotl#the death lover au#narilamb save me narilamb#bishop narinder#colt narilamb
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Cult of the Lamb: Redemption Chapter #3
TW: Graphic depictions of injuries and wounds.
Patience - Lamb
Words hurt.
The Lamb knew this. They've seen the way words cut.
The way they stun people, leave them speechless, and then send the world crashing down on them in one swift, and lethal blow.
But they've never felt it themselves until now.
They never wanted things to turn out like this. They never asked for this... They just wanted to live. To be happy. To be free.
But now?
They have the weight of everything they've built on their shoulders. They want to keep their cult safe. Their followers, and friends- dare they say, family.
They want to keep them happy, and well.
So when The One Who- Narinder... When he demanded they...
After everything they've been through, with the scar on their neck proof of their first execution, he demanded that they go through it again? And Lamb so foolishly...
Perhaps they were naive from the start to have trusted him. To have thought that in comparison to the other gods of the land that had ordered the genocide of his kind... He was... Better.
Naive to think that Narinder was different. A good god, locked away by the evil ones, and that they were some kind of shining lamb knight, meant to free him, and restore peace... It was such a childish idea.
Narinder had been no better than the Bishops. Just desperate for power, no matter how much blood was spilled to get it.
They had thought that maybe in the end, if they had spared him, he would...
They feel so stupid.
Standing outside of Narinder's shelter, back against the wall, and hand over their slammed-shut eyes, trying to stop the tears.
The former god of death would never change. He is still just so angry.
~~~
"Be patient, Lamb. He's spent so long festering in his rage, and it is going to take a long time for him to learn how to live a life without it." Ratau pat their shoulder after a long game of knucklebones that they ultimately lost.
They have spent more than half of it complaining about the feline ex-god and the hell he had given them over simply eating.
"I'm trying, but it's me! He hates me! He's never going to understand why I did what I did or that I... That I actually do care about..." Him.
That they care about him.
He had been their savior. Giving them a second chance, and a third, and fourth, and fifth. Every time they died during a crusade, he was there. To greet them, and bring them back.
Sometimes they would talk. Narinder would listen to them, give advice, laugh at their jokes...
They thought he cared... They had certainly cared. They cared so, so much.
The One Who Waits was one of the only beings who truly understood what they were going through. He had been kind to them...
~~~
It was all a facade though. They see that now. Or, hell, perhaps they had just been delusional. Perhaps it was always just a one-sided illusion, them thinking the world of someone who truly hadn't cared at all.
Perhaps they shouldn't have spared him.
Saved them both the agony they're in now...
"I hate you. I will always hate you. No matter how desperately you try to prove yourself to me, I have nothing left in my heart but resentment, and anger when I see you. You, from this moment on, will be nothing but the bane of my fucking immortal existence."
Narinder's words repeat in their head like a mantra.
Hate. He hates them.
~~~
"Empathize with him." Noon remarked, turning the page of his lavender leather-covered book that Lamb had found in Silk Cradle for them.
"What?" Their head jolted to him, staring like the white rabbit had grown a second head.
"Empathize, Lamb. I know he's being difficult, Theyra and Una were talking earlier about how you snapped at him through the door, but he's... Adjusting. Just try thinking about things from his point of view. He's lost everything, and now you have it. I can't imagine that would be easy for anyone, no matter what kind of person they are, good or evil." He looks up at them, and they turn their gaze to the ground, mulling over the words.
"I can do that easily enough... How do I get him to see things my way though? How do I get him to..."
Forgive me...
"Patience. I know it's not your strong suit, but I have faith in you. I'd be a pretty shitty follower if I didn't."
~~~
Empathize. Just. Empathize.
He's angry. So be patient. He's in pain, and from what they can tell from his physical wounds, a lot of it, so emotionally? They can only guess.
Not to mention he still hasn't eaten in a while, so he's probably hangry too.
They take deep, steadying breaths, and let a cool breeze dry their eyes as they do. They still wipe their face as they walk back inside, and see Narinder sunken in on himself in the bed.
He looks so... Small like this. His former white and red robes were abandoned near the bottom of the bed on the floor. Dirty and unpleasant smelling, he had probably thrown them off when he first went to bed.
His wounds aren't bleeding. They can only guess that they had partially healed when he had been spared, and they had indoctrinated them, hence why they weren't obvious when he first arrived.
Then again, they were still too hazy and flooded with adrenaline and mixed emotions to even want to look at Narinder when they were showing him to his shelter.
A part of them wants to leave this whole ordeal for tomorrow after all the feline had dealt with it for this long...
But with how gruesome the injuries look, even with the way he's protectively hunched over trying to hide them, Lamb knows they have to treat them today. No matter how painfully Narinder's words had lashed him.
They're sure the cat has much harsher ones in store for the future, so they need to start growing thick skin now. Those ones had just...
"I have nothing left in my heart but resentment..."
Taken them by surprise.
Narinder is staring down at his wrists, and though his ears flick towards their footsteps, they don't look at them.
"That food was awful." He growls instead, but his voice has lost its venom.
And from the way his head falls back as Lamb sits, and moves to take his arm, it's apparent that the fight is gone from him for now. Now he just looks tired, and bitter.
As if the toxin on his tongue from earlier left a bad taste in even his own mouth.
Or perhaps he was just coming to terms with this whole situation. Whatever the case, they don't feel like speculating what's going on in their head right now. They just want to throw the bandages on and call it a day.
"I figured you didn't care for it. I'll see about finding something else for you once this is taken care of." They reply numbly.
They cradle his arm in their hand, looking over the damage. They'll start with his arms, and then worry about asking to fix up his chest and neck. They doubt he'll let them anywhere near his throat though.
"Something with less flavor. I haven't eaten in a long time, never needed to, and now everything tastes insultingly overwhelming." He adds as they grab a dry rag and lean down to dip it into the water.
"Well, I won't add any seasoning, just cook it, and we'll see if that'll help..." They dab the cloth on the worst of the wounds, his wrist.
They're slow and careful in their movements, rubbing away the dryer blood around the scabbed wound, trying not to agitate it.
But when they see traces of dirt within the scabs and deeper parts of the injury...
"This might hurt a bit, just hold still, okay?" They carefully soak the rag, wring out some of the water in the injury, trying to flush out the dirt first.
Anything that doesn't get out, they cringe as they have to dig deeper with the rag to clear it. They can feel Narinder's arm shaking in their hold, and try to tune out the small hisses as they work.
"What food do you prefer? Or well, what kind did you like before you were chained up?" They try to continue the conversation to distract him.
After a moment of silence, they're not sure that he's going to answer...
"Fish. I don't mind most meat, but fish was always my first choice." He sighs, right as they pull away, finished with his wrist.
They move up his arm, following the pattern left there by the chains. Their arms flinch and jerk every so often as they do. Still, as careful as they are, some of the harder-to-clean, deeper areas start bleeding again.
"I should have guessed, you are a cat, god or not. Many cat followers prefer meat, and love it when I return from a fishing trip with enough fish for a whole feast." That was the wrong thing to say.
"Do not compare me to one of your peasant followers." They feel that correcting him and reminding him that technically he is a follower now would just be petty.
...
"Technically-"
"Don't." As if sensing it from a mile away, the former death god shuts it down, and Lamb can't help but crack a smile.
They continue to wash, now having to go back every so often to wipe away the fresh blood as well.
"I'm almost done with your lower arm, can I move closer for your upper arm?" They're already slowly shuffling forward, but pause to await his approval.
Looking up at him, they notice he's closed his eyes, his head resting back against the wall behind him. They make a mental note to get him a proper headboard.
Maybe something wooden, with a nice carving on it.
His brows are still furrowed, and even though he looks far more relaxed than earlier, there is still anger... Like it's embedded itself in his face deeper than his wounds.
"Narinder?" Their voice is a whisper, and he peeks open his left eye, humming a soft acknowledgment.
"Can I move closer?" They repeat, suddenly frozen by his gaze.
As if he was still towering over them.
"Do what you must, just hurry up already. I'm still hungry." He closes his eyes again, and the lamb quickly shuffles closer and sets back to work.
The rest of the next fifteen or so minutes is spent in silence. Lamb finishes with their left arm and moves to grab one of the jars of salve.
"What is that?" Narinder perks up, ears and eyes darting to the sound of them unscrewing the jar.
"This? Just some medicinal salve, made from camellias and some other herbs that Miki says help stop any infection and speed up the healing process." It's a smooth, transparent green salve with flecks of red.
"Will it hurt?" His ears flatten as he leans forward, sniffing the air.
The lamb breathes in the scent as well, it smells like camellias and mint. Not unpleasant, but something about the mint part gives them the distinct feeling that it will either feel cooling and nice or sting like a bitch.
"I'm not sure... Maybe? I do know that infection will hurt a lot worse so, we're using it." If they were careful before, they're holding fragile glass now as they rub the salve on Narinder's wrist.
They relax to hear the relieved sigh he lets out and feel the way he slumps in their hold.
"Doesn't hurt?" They chuckle as they look up and see him with the smallest of smiles on his face.
It is hardly noticeable if it weren't for the fact that Lamb has spent far too much time staring at that face to miss it.
"No. It's fine..." In grumpy death cat language that translates to 'it's delightful'.
Or at least that's how they choose to hear it. They use it as an encouragement to be a bit firmer, making sure to get the salve in every part of the wounds. It doesn't take half as long to apply as it did to clean, and in no time, they're wrapping the arm with a large roll of bandages.
The next arm goes just as smoothly, and both are wrapped fully by the time Lamb decides to take a break.
"Right, well, I'll go grab you some food so you can eat, and freshwater before we move onto your chest?" They hesitate, looking at Narinder expectantly, waiting for the cat to lash out again.
"Just hurry up..." He mumbles, not even opening his eyes when they stand to leave.
It's so dim in the shelter, they nearly forgot that it is still late noon, bleeding into early evening. They flinch when they step out, the water basin in their arms, and they take a moment to let their eyes adjust before walking toward the kitchen.
It's a sunny spring day, with a cool breeze that helps them finally ease the tension in their shoulders they didn't even realize was there. The flowers growing along the pathway sway in the breeze, and they take a moment to watch them. Simple wildflowers.
Yellow, red, blue, pink, white...
They remember counting them on their way to Narinders shelter hours ago before all this started. They had been so afraid when they heard him coughing and barged in to see the state he was in...
They had frozen.
For the past few years as a leader, they've done nothing but make quick decisions in times of crisis, and plan for the worse. Yet right then, they froze.
They had to stop and do what they do best at this point, and dissociate. Run to get him water, pull away when he started to run short on air, and then-
"Please..." He looks at them, eyes watering to the point of tears, and a plea so desperately leaving his throat...
They had never seen him like that before, and Lamb knew that he had to be completely out of it from the pain.
With a deep sigh, they continue away from the shelter, their hooves clicking against the cobblestone path as they walk.
"Lamb. How is he?" Miki is the first of their flock that they run into, as she's walking out of the Healing Bay, one of the closest buildings to Narinders Shelter- which they wisely placed on the opposite side of the camp, away from the other shelters.
It was near their own home, and when asked by Ratau why they placed their former master that just tried to kill them, so near... They simply said they didn't realize it.
To be honest, they aren't sure why they did it, just that they wanted him near them.
For safety purposes. To keep an eye on him. Yeah. That's why.
A small desert sand-colored fennec fox with pale green eyes stands in front of them now, head tilted in curiosity. They know for a fact that they're short-statured, with most of their flock being at least an inch or so taller than him, but Miki?
She's a few inches smaller, but she packs a punch and is one hell of a medic.
"Oh! He's better than he was, I finished with his arms, I think I wrapped them pretty well, not too tight like you showed me. I'm not sure how to go about wrapping his chest and stuff though..." They continue walking, and Miki joins them.
They pass more buildings, the lumber yard, the stone mine, and the refinery. A few followers milled about, too busy chopping logs and breaking down larger stones to notice their leader passing by.
"I see. I can come and instruct you if you think he's amendable to me being in his shelter. If not, I'm sure I can find a willing volunteer to show you how." She folds her arms behind her, keeping her gaze straight ahead as her eyes glaze over in thought.
"Finding a volunteer and giving me a tutorial will be easier, I think. He's calmed down since earlier, but introducing a stranger might send him over the edge again." They chuckle nervously, thankful that Miki doesn't mention it.
"Of course. I'll ask around, I'll meet you back at the Healing Bay when you're ready." And she's rushing off, leaving Lamb standing there blinking at her quick departure.
They chose to shrug it off for now given how helpful she's been lately. They do duly note that they should maybe start commanding a bit more respect from some of the flock that don't fully seem to comprehend them as their leader.
By the time they make it to the kitchen, they're on autopilot. Dumping the dirty water into the empty sink and filling it up with fresh, clean water from the tap. Quickly they cook a simple fish bowl with no seasoning.
It takes a moment for them to balance the basin between their arm and side, with the food in their other arm before they start walking back to the Healing Bay.
When they get to the Bay they set the bowls aside and try hard to focus on everything that Miki tells them...
Still, nagging thoughts about Narinder continue to plague their mind. They've been thinking a lot about how he feels about everything.
Empathizing. Like Noon suggested.
Being patient. Like Ratau said.
But what about them? There's a whirlwind going on in their head that they don't think even the power of the Red Crown can slow down or stop.
They're angry at him. They know they are. During the fight, a part of them wanted so badly to just end him, and erase him from existence forever. Erase him from their mind. Their heart. Everything. As if he had never even existed in the first place.
But they knew they couldn't. Even if he helped them shove a dagger into his heart, they would tear their fleece to stop the bleeding and save him.
Weakness. A horrible crippling weakness it is. This swirling longing in their chest makes them sick to their stomach, and weak in the knees.
They're angry at themselves. For worrying about him so much. For seeing his wounds and wanting to cry, and go back in time and just fucking kneel, so that he could have kept his godhood and never have to suffer like he is now.
They're angry that they still care so much. They're angry that he cared so little. They're angry that he hates them so much, but they can't seem to hate him in return.
They want to hate him. But all they feel when they look at him is worry, concern, and this terrible lump in their throat that they can't seem to choke down without crying.
They want to hit him and yell at him, and kick him out of camp into Darkwood or Anura so they never have to see him again.
They also want to hug him, apologize, and continue to treat his wounds with all the care and patience they can muster, and spend every day talking to him like they used to do every time they died.
But they can never have what they want.
"Do you think you can do it by yourself?" Miki asks, looking back at them, blissfully unaware of her leader's internal struggle.
"Yeah. I think I can handle it. Thanks, Miki for showing me- and Jovi, for being such a great patient!" They plaster on a smile, bandstand from the chair they'd been sitting in while watching the Fennec fox work.
The grey stag just smiles and gives a thumbs up as they start to unravel himself from the temporary bandages Miki had tangled him in.
They take a moment longer of standing there, looking around the clean, well-organized entrance area of the Healing Bay, multiple beds in the background with curtain dividers, and cabinets of medicine, mostly camellia-based.
Though Miki likes to use other herbs, claiming they're just as medicinally valuable. Lamb doesn't argue, because, so long as they don't make anyone worse, what's the harm in letting her have control over this aspect of the camp?
They wave goodbye to the two, grabbing the still-warm food and water and retracing their steps back to Narinder's shelter.
There aren't a lot of people who could understand the position they're in or the things they feel right now, not even Ratau. But keeping it all inside...
Patience.
Just be patient. Maybe Narinder will be more amendable to talk about everything that's happened when they finally get him some food?
With a deep sigh, they find themselves pushing back the curtains to the ex-god's home with a slightly less foggy head. Hopefully, Narinder is still tired enough to accept their help less aggressively than usual.
"Didn't I say to hurry up? What did you get sidetracked cleaning up your follower's shit while I'm in here crippled and starving?" ...
Well, at least he's feeling better enough to be at his usual level of anger again...
"For your information, I was talking with Miki about how to wrap your chest best, because in case you haven't noticed I've never had to do this before. The Red Crown always takes care of my injuries, and Miki fixes up anyone in the flock who gets hurt." They explain, and Narinder just raises a brow as they move to set the water down and place the food in his lap.
"Am I supposed to know who the hell 'Miki' is?" He sighs and they return to their earlier spot next to him with a small laugh.
"No, I guess not. Then again, you probably won't know who anyone in the flock is, given that you haven't met them. Maybe when you're better I'll dedicate a proper sermon to introducing you!" They don't mean that, knowing full well that they'd have better luck dragging him into a river, but they can't resist the urge to tease.
And the cringe that distorts his face is very much worth it.
"I'd sooner drown myself in a lake." Damn. They were nearly spot on.
It makes them burst into laughter, leaning back as they realize just how horribly well they predicted the cat's response.
"Then I guess I'll leave introductions up to you. So, do your arms feel better enough to eat? Or do you need help with that too?" They notice him trying to lift his arms as they speak, but they are shaking still, and his face contorts in pain with every jerky, forceful movement he tries to get out of them.
In the end, he gives a defeated sigh, turning his frustrated glare to them.
"I'll take that as a yes. I just grilled the fish, with no seasoning or anything, so it should be pretty bland. Here." They lift a piece to him, far enough for him to lean forward and take it on his terms.
He does so rather aggressively, snapping forwards and snatching it out of their hand, making them jump back a bit in surprise as they growl while eating.
"Ooookay..." They chuckle, trying to ease the sudden spike of adrenaline now setting his nerves alight.
They let him eat and are relieved to see he doesn't choke this time, though he still sticks his tongue out in mock disgust.
"It's still powerful, but better than before." He comments before taking the next bit they offer.
They repeat the motion until the bowl is empty, and they set it aside, wiping their hands with one of the rags they haven't used. Thankful now that they had brought extra. Probably too many, but better safe than sorry.
"So, I'm thinking I'll have you sit on the side of the bed so I can get your back and chest, sound good? And how are your legs? Were they chained too?" They ask, moving some of the supplies off the bed, and onto the side table, which was starting to get cluttered.
They'll clean it later.
"Just my ankles." He shifts on the bed, already looking to be in a much better mood.
So they start there, with the smallest, most hesitant nod of approval from Narinder they move to the bottom of the bed. Lifting the blanket just past his ankles, they see that yes, much like his wrist there are similar embedded chain link-shaped wounds.
It takes less time to clean, rub salve, and wrap them than it did with his arms now that they've gotten the hang of it. Narinder seems to have gotten used to it too, hissing half as much with each dab of the cloth over the blunt lacerations.
"Can you-"
"No. Just help me." He snaps, clearly having his fair share of Lamb's questions for today.
So they just continue on in silence, wrapping their arm around his already-wrapped shoulders, and pulling him forward, using their other arm to move his legs over the side of the bed, toward the window.
They make mental note of how his fur sticks up wildly from where he is lying, and his stomach drops to see the sheets below him damp with splatters of blood, and the wall he had been leaning against for the last few hours looking no better. Some of the blood is already dried on the wall, but fresher drips are bleeding down.
It wasn't a lot, not enough to be worried about blood loss, but enough to let them know that the wounds have been bleeding for a while now- and looking at his back, the cans see why.
The chain marks along his shoulder blades were not just embedded but torn and layered as if from...
Struggling...
"Are you just going to stare? Or actually do something?" From his tone of voice, they know that he knows exactly what they are seeing.
Years of suffering. Struggling. Fighting against his binds.
There is water in their eyes as they follow the tangle of matted, bloody fur, much of it torn and un-growing around the worst of it... Around his waist, there is a violent mess of lacerations from the layers of chains that had been wrapped around there. Many of the deeper ones are still bleeding, some freshly opened and bloody again just from having moved him.
"Um, yeah, yeah, just give me a moment to... Assess..." Their voice shakes, and they have to turn away from the horrific sight to collect their thoughts.
They are no stranger to gore. To the gruesome tearing of flesh by a blade, or the brutal decapitation brought by a razor-sharp axe...
But chains are not sharp. They are blunt but strong. Unyielding. How tight must they have been to dig into flesh as easily as a dagger stabs into fruit? How hard does one have to pull against them for them to slice through skin and muscle like a knife through butter?
Looking back at the injuries now, it still renders them speechless.
How many bones did he break in his thrashing and pulling against them? How many days did he spend exhausted from the fight, his body healing itself over and over again each time? He's not a god anymore though, and simply laying here waiting for these injures to stitch themselves back together isn't going to work anymore.
"These... A lot of these are going to need stitches, Narinder, and I can't do that on my own... I can clean them, but I'm going to need to bring Miki in here to do the rest..." They try to be gentle about it, as they shake themselves out of their stunned silence.
"Stitches are going to hurt, aren't they?" He growls, but there is no real resistance in it, just a frustrated acceptance of the idea.
"Like a bitch, yeah. But it's probably the only way half of these will heal properly..." They force themselves back into motion, grabbing a fresh rag and repeating the actions that they've memorized at this point.
Clean the wounds, rub the salve, and wrap them. It's a little harder when they have to move around the bed and face Narinder directly though.
They're close. Way too close.
They can feel him staring at their every move as they kneel in front of him, wiping along his stomach, which is just as bad as his back. They're more sparse on his chest, but just as deep, crisscrossing along his fur.
Looking up at him now, they can't help but have flashbacks to standing feet below him, gazing up at his sharp-toothed grin as it shines maliciously even through the darkness of his veil.
Hearing his thunderous chuckle as they tell him of their crusades, feel his breath as he leans down to speak to them at eye level...
Meeting his gaze now, there is no fondness, looking down at them like a favored pet...
Just... Well, contemplation. As if he's debating something to say. They wait, pausing their movements, and he grabs their hand. They flinch at the sudden contact and take a sharp intake of breath.
He's still shaking, they note, and his grip is weak. They could easily pull away if they wanted to.
Do they want to?
"I... It's different. Not being as tall. You don't fit in my hand anymore." He speaks softly, his brows furrowed.
Even as he says it, confusion clouds his eyes, as if wondering what the hell he was even thinking, saying such a thought out loud. They don't know how to respond to that.
But they understand what he means. They liked when the first response to them dying and arriving before Narinder, was for him to lower his and for them to hop into it. To raise them to his eye level.
They always liked being at eye level with the giant god, and Narinder at the time seemed to prefer it too. They remember once having been drawn so close to him that they made the bold move of ducking underneath his veil and seeing those blood-red eyes directly.
Any sane mortal would be terrified of the black-slitted pupils looking down at them like a predator debating how to massacre its prey. But them? They were enchanted by the genuine surprise in them. The way he chuckled and purred at their actions, a rumble of rolling thunder in the white void of the in-between sounded like music to their ears.
"Yeah... I didn't mind it, being at eye level with you made me feel... Equal. Instead of just some-" Pawn.
They choke on the sentence as they realize where it is going. This feels like an opening to talk more about the elephant that's made itself comfortable in the room for the last several hours.
Narinder's ears flatten as they seem to put together the missing word in his own mind, turning their head away in anger maybe, shame? They don't know.
They bit their lip, mulling over their next words carefully.
So, about the whole usurping thing? - Haha, oops, didn't want it to go like that, but also, it was kind of your fault? - Nope.
I know things are tense right now, but I still have deeply conflicting emotions toward you that might be mildly romantic, which isn't relevant, but hey! While we're on the topic, did you care about me at all? - Absolutely not.
How do they just... Start a fucking conversation like this?
"Narinder, I... We should talk but I don't know... I don't know where to start." They sound so ridiculous they have to laugh.
To ease their nerves, to try and bid time, and because something about this whole situation is downright hilarious. Why are they so nervous around him? Like he still has the power to crush them with his thumb alone...
They beat him. They won that fight and claimed the Red Crown for themselves. Yet here they are, still kneeling before him, their eyes begging for him to respond. To offer them some sort of clarity...
"What is there to talk about, Lamb? How you turned heretic and betrayed me? Or how about how in the end you couldn't at least finish the job? Yes, let's talk about that. That's what I'm most curious about. Why did you spare me, Lamb? Why keep me alive? Just to suffer this pathetic mortal body, and the humiliation of needing to rely on you of all people!" He bursts, turning back to them, teeth bared and a fresh growl leaving his throat.
They flinch and lean back to offer Narinder immediate space to cool down.
"No! No, I didn't- I didn't even know that this would happen to you when you became mortal! I just- I didn't want you to die! I didn't want to kill you!" They try to find the words.
Stumbling haplessly through their thoughts trying to find something they can tell him that will make him see that they're sincere.
"Why not!? You've had no problem striking down all others who stood against you!" He leans forward, chasing after them as they lean away, trying to escape the very conversation they sparked.
They know the answer to that, they know it and they would rather lie and declare that the only reason they spared him was to mock him. Hold their victory over his head for centuries, force him to be a mere follower, and worship the ground they walked on.
But how? Looking into his furious, and confused glare, red eyes burning into them like hot coals, what option is there but the truth? They have no doubt that he'll be able to see past all else.
"Because I..." They can't turn away from him. They want to, to look away, but it's like he's got them pinned, and it's then that they realize that he's...
He's still holding their hand. Close to his chest, the rag having dropped to the floor, and despite the anger still radiating off of him, he is gentle. His grip is soft, cradling their fingers, and the logical part of their brain reminds them that it's just because he's weak, and in pain.
But their heart is screaming so loud in their chest that they think they're going to go deaf. And their stomach has started swirling so violently that they think they're going to be sick.
"Because I care..." And the words fall from their lips in a whispered plea, begging him to just... Know what they mean.
About you. I care about you, so fucking much and I don't want to. I want to hate you, I want to hate you for who you are and what you did, why can't I hate you? You tried to kill me, all for power. You were as hateful, and power-hungry as your siblings, and you tricked me, and I fell for it, like a love-struck idiot I fell for it because I thought you cared too, and you didn't.
You didn't care at all.
"And I wanted you to care so much, but you didn't." They stand, there are tears in their eyes and they realize, that as much as they were pushing to have this conversation with him...
Maybe they are the one that isn't ready for it.
But Narinder still has their hand, and looking at him, he looks like he's been slapped across the face. His grip on their hand tightens for the slightest moment, and it feels like he's squeezing their heart, and it hurts.
It hurts so damn bad.
And then he let's go.
"I-... How, Lamb?... How am I supposed to respond to that? How do you want me to respond to emotions I didn't know were there?" He's asking.
Looking up at them in a pure mix of confusion and what was formerly anger, now overridden by doubt... He looks so different. Nothing like the God of Death that they have come to know...
Lamb prides themselves on being able to read others, and Narinder is an open book if they've ever seen one. They could look in his mind. Read his thoughts.
But no. They know what they'll see. They know that it will just drive the knife even deeper.
"I don't know, Narinder. I don't know."
~~~
Sooo, I posted late on Ao3, so I'm posting early here to make up for it. Anyway, hope you guys enjoy this angsty chapter, and I have a little question...
How slow-burn should I make this? I'm not great at super long slow-burns, and honestly, I didn't really plan to make this one. Still, there are a lot of complicated emotions between Narinder and Lamb, so... It might take a while for them to be on better terms, but I'm just worried about going too fast and making it less realistic or too cliche. I'm also super impatient though, and I want romance, fluff, and happy bullcrap because it's been a tough week, and writing all this angst is gonna push me over the edge homies. Listening to ppcocaine can only do so much to prevent me from crying, my guys.
What do any of you think? Should I speed it up more in this next chapter or continue with my current game plan of at least two, three, or maybe four more chapters before forgiveness and touchy-feely stuff?
#cotl#cotl fanfic#cotl narinder#cult of the lamb#fanfiction#ao3 fanfic#cotl lamb#cotl the one who waits#fanfic#fanfic writing#ao3 writer#ao3#archive of our own#ao3 stuff#cult of the lamb fanart#cult of the lamb narinder#cotl narilamb#cotl the lamb
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'Til Death Do Us Part AU
Wow first post into the Cult of the Lamb tag!!
or, at least, I think so??
Anyway, time to talk about an AU that we have!!
(real quick to note: Veal, my Lamb, uses He/They/It/Hoof/Sheep/Wool/Gore/Bell pronouns but primarily for this post it's going to be gore/gores)
Essentially, it's pretty canon compliant (Lamb [in this universe named Veal] gets saved by The One Who Waits, goes on crusades to kill the bishops, ect.) up until the matter of "killing" the bishops.
Instead, gore gives the bishops a choice after defeating them: agree to be a part of gores cult, or die. The initial reactions are varied from Bishop to Bishop (which will be discussed) but it boils down to all of them saying "yes".
What started as a way to piss off the bishops (and a small bit of the thought process of "death is too kind for them") turns into Veal ending up falling for each of the Bishops and marries each one of them.
After marrying them, Veal realizes that the task of taking up all the roles of the previous Bishops is too taxing, so restores their powers...partially, with the warning of "if you guys fuck up, I'm revoking your abilities".
All except one.
But that'll be talked about in due time. :)
Soooo let's get started on talking about the bishops!!
Putting everything under the cut for rambling, body horror, and spoilers!
Oh, also before we get into the cut, I used @radicalrainbow's cult of the lamb template for this!! :]
So, we'll start with Leshy, the first Bishop indoctrinated, and the Bishop of Chaos!
To put it bluntly, he's very similar to Narinder in the fact that he's very proud, bitter, and tends to avoid his emotions like a plague unless backed into a corner about them. He also hates receiving help or being perceived as weak, even if it means getting hurt in the process.
His first reaction to being told to join the cult was resigned but extremely bitter about it and, upon joining, would never stop giving barbs that would border on dissenting, but never crossing the line.
When it comes to courting Leshy, it involved Veal finding out that he loved flowers and just gore repeated handing over flowers every time that Veal grew them or found them in crusades in Darkwood. Leshy sarcastically asked if Veal was trying to court him, and after hearing a very serious "yes", started to accept them in a very tsundere "w-well if you took all that time to pick these i might as well take them" sort of way. The way that Leshy "courted" Veal was allowing Veal to help him out more and relying on gore when he needed it.
Next is Heket, the second Bishop indoctrinated, and the Bishop of Famine!
She's very withdrawn and rarely says anything other than small quips and needed instructions/input. She takes Leshy's "not recieving help" and takes it to the extent of she will just do whatever she wants without asking (ex. if she's hungry, she will pick a pumpkin and eat it raw; if she needs mushrooms from Anura, she'll go on a crusade there without asking Veal first). It's not that she doesn't NOT want to talk about her emotions, it's more that because no one asks her about them, she doesn't talk about them. So it's wise to ask her about what she's thinking/about her emotions in order to figure that out, because she will tell it extremely bluntly.
Her first reaction to being told to join the cult was indifferent resignation, viewing it as a "you did beat me in a fight, so you decide what happens to me" sort of thing. In the cult, she does her job, and she does it well. Whatever you ask, she'll do it, no matter whether it's farming or literal murder.
When it comes to courting Heket, it was small thing that Veal did that slowly endeared gore to her. Things like giving her first dibs on resources gotten from crusades, patching her up when she got hurt, and even helping her get to bed when she had worked herself to exhaustion. Heket returned the endearment by starting to run things that she wanted to do by Veal first instead of just acting on them outright.
Up next is Kallamar, the third Bishop indoctrinated, and the Bishop of Pesilence!
He's extremely flashy and prideful, constantly flaunting off gifts that Veal and other cult members have gifted him. He takes a lot of pride especially in his looks, constantly complimenting himself and bolstering his own accomplishments, especially in front of Veal.
His reaction to being told to join the cult was one of relief and delight, as he had begged for his life and didn't want to die. But, upon arriving at the cult, realized that he was Not Prepared to Face Leshy and Heket. He mostly avoided them, instead trying to cozy up to Veal to get "protection" from the other two, which included going on pointless, silly errands for other cult members in Veal's stead.
When it comes to courting Kallamar, it was somehow both incredibly easy and incredibly hard. Because, while it involved giving him attention, gifts, and phrases of endearment, it took awhile for it to register "...oh this is an affection thing?". But, when it clicked, Kallamar showed it back by showering Veal in gifts, attention, and endearment, practically staying glued to gores side unless told to do otherwise.
Here is Shamura, the fourth Bishop indoctrinated, and the Bishop of War!
They are extremely intelligent and witty but also tend to be extremely spacey and dissociative. They tend to do one task at a time because trying to do too many things makes them even more spacey and dissociative. They are extremely forgetful, with the amount that they remember varying from day to day. They have most of their recent memory, but anything pre-injury and anything too "monotonous" gets "lost" extremely easily.
Their reaction to being told to join the cult was mild surprise followed by quick acceptance. They were extremely hostile to Kallamar after joining but mostly focused on helping the most that they could. After all, they were saved out of mercy (in their eyes) so they needed to "repay" that mercy.
Shamura was one of the harder ones to romance, mostly because it involved reminding them it was because gore loved them and not that gore was just doing this out of obligation or duty. After Shamura realized it, Shamura would show their affection by going to gore with a new fact or memory that they knew and telling gore it with vivid details (or as much as they could manage).
And here's Narinder, the fifth Bishop indoctrinated, and the Spouse of Death and Love!
He's very angry, bitter, and extremely wish-washy, sometimes being like "I can totally be mature" and then the next minute getting into a fist fight with Leshy because Leshy called him a bitch. He has a lot of guilt and emotions that he hides behind a shit ton of anger issues and grumbling.
His reaction to being told that he was going to join Veal's cult was to laugh and call Veal a fool. Well, the laughter ended quickly when, not long after they arrived back at the cult, gore married him a few days later, and works as the second in command of the cult.
There wasn't a "courting" period, more accurately it was a slowburn of "i hate you" "i know 💗" to "...i love you." "...i know. ♥". But, afterwards, Narinder will just quietly snuggle up to Veal when he needs comfort or wave gore over when he needs to tell gore something privately.
And last but not least, we have Veal goreself, the Bishop of Death & Love!
What started as an unwilling contract turned into leading a faith where gore realized gore could take the devotion meant for gores "god" and take it for goreself.
And now, gore has more or less settled into gores new life as a god...but things do get a tad boring, even for a god. :]
And that's everything!!!
If you got to the end of this, holy shit I admire your dedication!! I might not post much about this but if there's enough feedback, I might!!
#cult of the lamb#cotl#cult of the lamb au#cotl au#'til death do us part au#leshy#leshy cult of the lamb#leshy cotl#heket#heket cult of the lamb#heket cotl#kallamar#kallamar cult of the lamb#kallamar cotl#shamura#shamura cult of the lamb#shamura cotl#narinder#narinder cult of the lamb#narinder cotl#the one who waits#the lamb#the lamb cult of the lamb#the lamb cotl#🐑🩸 veal - character#god please tell me if these tags are wrong i did so many#my art
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Kallamar Dialogue Analysis
I might be crazy, but I think there's another character at play hiding in plain sight.
Sorry for the lack of screenshots, I'd have to start a new save to get most of them, but this document contains all the dialogue from the base game (and then some) with the text effects preserved. Maybe I'll add pictures in at a later date. Anyways,
While the same probably can't be said for other Bishops, Kallamar is very particular when he speaks about Narinder and the Red Crown. The Red Crown is it/its, Narinder is he/him. And he clearly talks about them as separate beings.
"Shamura, the Red Crown grows stronger by the day. Already it has succeeded where he has failed before. Leshy has been slain!"
"He has sent many vessels like you. One after the other, they all fall."
"And he sends you back from death stronger each time."
"Kill Shamura, but do not send me to my death. Do not send me to him!"
Two of these he/hims are not like the others.
And the reason this even catches my attention is because of Him. As in, His Infernal Majesty (HIM) from Powerpuff Girls. A plain old 'him' could be referring to anyone, but Him meant specifically that character.
Kallamar has lots of other dialogue speaking about Narinder, and he doesn't use that emphasis. In fact, the only time Narinder receives an emphasized 'him' is from Leshy, but it's red.
"You may think yourself righteous in your service to HIM."
So. There's another him causing problems for the Bishops that isn't Narinder. Need more proof?
The thing is, Narinder never tried to kill Leshy, so he couldn't have failed at it. He wounded him and Kallamar, but those weren't lethal strikes. Those two don't see what he did as an attempt on their lives either.
"But when dear brother Narinder struck us in his fury, my eyes were torn from the socket."
"[...] my handsome ear, unfairly taken by Narinder."
So, who tried and failed to slay Leshy? A previous vessel maybe? It may have been a previous member of the Old Faith. Or maybe even the proper Red Crown bearer before Narinder. Whoever it is, Kallamar doesn't want to have to face him in death. But the thing is.
Narinder is in the Realm Beyond. The Bishops get sent to Purgatory. The Bishops most likely never crossed his path. The only reason Lamb ends up on Narinder's doorstep is because they were sacrificed on a pentagram. He may be chained away, but that symbol is still connected to him as much as it's connected to the Bishops. Not to mention, Narinder is clearly still very attached to Shamura, as mad as he is at them. He wouldn't watch them die, but he'd torture them in Purgatory?
By the way, someone is definitely actively torturing the Bishops in Purgatory. Purgatory is a place where souls go to be punished so they can (potentially) be released into the next life, which is what's happening every time Lamb 'kills' someone in there. But there's a stark contrast between how the Bishops look and how everyone else looks. Even though their mini-bosses and Witnesses look more monstrous, none of them are sustaining injuries.
Perhaps the reason the other realms are being affected isn't just because the Bishops are in Purgatory, but because they're in Purgatory with someone who's absolutely pissed with them.
Shamura knows the Bishops are bound for Purgatory. More on that in a different post. Kallamar most likely knows too, hence his fear of dying. These two are the most "aware" when they're in their Purged state, and Kallamar may even be more aware than Shamura. Everyone seems to be fighting an illusion of Lamb while the actual culprit beats their ass and tears them apart. Except Kallamar. Kallamar has to be able to see the true attacker (at least sometimes) because he's gained items from the new environment: the tooth of a beast, and a tentacle impaled on a stick.
"Free me! Let me out!"
"Stay back! Stay away! Mercy, Red Crown, mercy..."
In the first quote, Kallamar knows that either Narinder or Lamb is listening at that moment. And he demands their help. When Lamb does finally come to help him, he says the second quote. Which wouldn't make any sense, right? He requests their presence and then tells them to stay away.
Unless, of course, he's not begging Narinder or Lamb for mercy. He's begging a past Red Crown user, whose name he doesn't know, but whose face he does.
Or, OR. The Red Crown itself.
Though this is a Kallamar dialogue analysis, this quote from Shamura is relevant:
"I envy you not. While you may yet kill me, still I would not trade places."
What is so bad about the role Lamb plays in all of this? There are three paths for Lamb: 1) They die, 2) They die and are tortured until Narinder gets it out of his system, 3) They ascend as the new God of Death. The first two apply to Shamura as-is. So there has to be some type of baggage associated with the Red Crown or being the God of Death that Shamura would rather die than deal with.
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