November 28th, 2023

Oh….

You're not stupid, you're traumatized.

Trauma fundamentally changes three different parts of the brain and effects everything from emotional regulation to decision making to learning and memory. The first thing that trauma does is enlarge your amygdala. The amygdala keeps you safe during dangerous situations because it keeps you alert and on guard so that you can get away from danger. But when we're put under constant stress the amygdala grows too large from overuse and that can manifest anxiety, insomnia, irratability and also fatigue, because when your fight or flight mode is always going off you will be tired all the time. The second thing that trauma does is shrink your hippocampus, which is the learning and memory center of your brain. So if you find that you´re very forgetful or you have difficulty concentrating or maybe you have bad hygiene or maybe you can't hold down a job, maybe you can't remember simple directions, maybe you can't stay organized - the part of the brain that is supposed to help you do that is not really helping you all that much, and it is totally normal to not be able to function at the level of everybody else when your hippocampus is smaller than it should be. The third thing that trauma does is shrink your prefrontal cortex and that's the part of the brain that's responsible for making logical decisions. So traumatized people are often very impulsive, very reckless, they don't really make plans for the future and do things that make sense because the part of their brain that is supposed to tell them what the logical option is isn't telling them that. Instead they are ruled by their enlarged amygdala which is extremely emotional and does not use reasoning at all. Give yourself some credit for getting through life despite having a brain that has a hard time regulating emotions and learning things and remembering things and making logical decisions. It's very hard to get through life when your brain operates that way. Have a little bit more compassion and understaning for your own experience.

//sadsahara on tiktok i will link the video later on

I’m not a popular instagram account (<400 followers), but some of my favorite followers from over the years have been:

Margaret Avery, who played Shug in The Color Purple

Shirley Cook Brooks, sexy model in her 50’s

Ceilidh Garten, model otherwise known as lilmixedhunny

Mary Rosenberger, professional artist and model

Lora Mathis, professional writer

It’s nice for small lil ol me to feel noticed by my icons

April 3rd, 2023

february 8th, 2023

December 3rd, 2023

I never learned how to play guitar, but I was in love when I came up with this so I guess the guitar played me. One day I’m going to remaster this and make it into an actual song. I came up with it on the spot but it’s better than anything I’ve ever covered or written. Headphones are the best way to listen. It’s not the best quality but I hope you enjoy it

directed by & sung by me film creds: helter skelter, fallen angels, devdas

you said if you could have your way you’d make a nighttime of the day

Undertow cover ay