IF YOU USE GOOGLE DOCS / GOOGLE SLIDES / ETC. FOR ROLEPLAYING PURPOSES (i.e. rules pages, muse lists, etc), please be aware that people can find your email, your full legal name, and other info when you share the document or link it in your bio. if you put your name on your account when creating it, people can find it. INSTEAD, USE A BRAND NEW EMAIL WHEN MAKING YOUR DOCUMENTS, or create an account using your muse's name to protect your identity.

the “yes, and-” approach & why it’s important in rp.

i think most people are at least somewhat aware of the yes, and- approach, but for those who aren’t, here’s a quick rundown of it. the yes, and approach basically started out as a concept for improv comedy (but it is extremely useful for rp as well and we will get to that). the approach is basically that no matter what your fellow actor presents to you, you shall not negate it, but instead roll with it. now why is this important in the rp community? well, i’m sure we’ve all been there at some point, on one end or another. two people are rping together, but the thread doesn’t seem to go anywhere, and might even get dropped due to it. and it might look a little something like this:

muse one reply:  “hey, you don’t look so good. are you okay?” muse two reply: “yeah, i’m fine.” muse one reply: “are you sure?” muse two reply: “yeah. thanks though.” muse one reply: “okay, if you say so. i’m carla, by the way. what’s your name?” muse two reply: “kate.”

you probably get the gist, that muse two does not really engage in anything. they never ask questions, they don’t build on anything, they just reply to what has already been said. this way, all the focus is put on muse two, and none of the focus is put on muse one. this will get very difficult for muse one to work with after a few replies. a better way for muse two to write replies here, might be “yeah, i’m fine. i just got off of work, so i’m just a little tired. thank you, though. how are you?” or when muse one asks if they’re sure “no, actually, i got into a struggle” or something like that. this way, you have your muse build on the story and drive things forward and give muse one something to reply to.

you don’t necessarily have to have your muse say anything either, if they for various reasons don’t usually talk much. have them do something. think something. react to something. show something. anything that the other muse can then respond to.

but the yes, and- approach isn’t only useful in character, but out of character too!

when you want to interact with someone or just get to know them, it’s a good idea to use the yes, and- approach here, too. an example below of what happens if you don’t, which i’ve personally encountered a lot is this:

mun one: hello! wanna plot? mun two: sure, i’d love to! mun one: cool!

here, mun one is asking to plot, but when the other agrees, they don’t come with any ideas themselves, nor asks if the other mun has any ideas. i’ve seen this kind of interaction keep going for quite a bit, with mun two trying to make some effort, and mun one continuing to give one-word responses. this will make mun two feel like all the plotting responsibility is put on them. instead of simply writing short 1-5 word responses like ‘cool’ and ‘sounds great’ and ‘i’m down’, try to engage by following up with some questions, like: 1) what would you be interested in? 2) do you have a wishlist? 3) what verse and/or au should we have our muses interact in? 4) should we do something pre-established or do a first interaction? 5) how do you think your muse would react to xyz?

this way, you’re actively driving the conversation forwards. this is important that both muns do. after all, roleplaying, talking, as well as plotting is a two-way street. you kind of need both to put in some effort to get anywhere.

I’ve seen your post about good starters, is there anything with good conversations starters that’ll actually get characters somewhere?

So, starters are something that gives other people an idea of how you play your character, what your goals are, and what you're looking for. They also need to be pretty open ended, or happen in a public place unless you want to hook a specific other character. That means a starter is infinitely customizable and super personal to write. Just copy pasting any given starter is not going to do the job you need it for, it'll stymie your growth and leave you scrambling to keep up with whatever someone else chose for you. On top of that, starters are not what keep RP going: The plot and player is.

So, let's jump in and break it down a little more so it's easier to put together your own starter from absolutely nothing, and how you as a player can keep plot going after the initial starter is dead in the dust behind you on your little journey, shall we?

When you write a starter, basically you're writing a hook to get someone involved in a situation. You're putting out into the world a question, or something that looks like it needs to be interrupted or acted on, so that other people will interrupt or act on it. So write it from that perspective: what would make you want to engage with a post?

So, pick apart what's important to you to get from a partner. When you roleplay, you look for specific goals, an A to B, essentially. Are you writing this scene in an attempt to explore the character and maybe find out something about their past or reveal a secret? Do you simply want to see how they respond to others? Or do you have a plot in mind? If there's an arc of a story you wanna get through, you're gonna have to nestle your starter securely in a situation that will allow you to forward that plot. See what I mean about it being deeply personal?

For example: If I were playing Tony Stark, and I wanted him to show off a new invention while handling his PTSD, I might drop a starter invoking curiosity. I'd set it up with a scene, probably near his workshop but public enough someone would have a chance to see me. I'd be carrying something remarkable but, questionable. "Did you just see him with a bomb?" This item would effect another character, so it would be rewarding to double check Tony isn't about to wreck your household by blowing it up. Then I'd have an experiment or invention in mind. He's made a robot that goes and grabs bombs, and folds over them to protect the household ala Steve Rogers jumping on a grenade. Mostly to stop Steve doing that shit. Cool, cool. I'll have that in mind when I describe what they find if they call out to him, and he ignores them and keeps bolting, or they follow him to see what's up. Then I can discuss it, and show emotions in my post that lead the other character to ask questions why I made this. Reveal a personal story or anecdote, and eventually get cornered by their curiosity or my loud mouth into joking and revealing some deeply personal trauma. Tada, a starter!

A starter that only works for my goals of exploring Tony's trauma, that only works for Tony Stark, that only works with characters who would see him when he's vulnerable at home with the other Avengers. So it's absolutely personalized and broken for anyone else.

Except, throughout, you can see how I logically broke it down! Here is the hook, here is my character's interests, here is why another person wants to care, here is my goal for the reveal, here's enough plot to feed into the machine to keep them interested, here's how I expect the scene to get to a certain point. It's very loosely put together, because by the end of it I might be looking at their trauma instead if, for instance, the explosion sets off a panic attack. Keeping flexibility helps keep a conversation going.

It also helps to provoke. Prod, ask questions, be curious, or offer something that makes other people want to know more. When you just roleplay hi, how are you, hello, how's the weather that's not a conversation so much as small talk. Which will die out quickly because there's no bonding or true interaction beyond the surface level. Like a geode, a character must be broken to see what shiny things are inside. So find something to crack them open a little, a chip here or there.

Now, if the other person absolutely fucking sucks at prompting you or offering a chance to open up? You may wanna, as a player, screw with the narrative and make for external pressure. Put your character under a deadline, by making them be waiting for something stressful. It makes them try to get things in fast, and they mess up. Maybe have a phone call or something happen, so they have to talk in front of the other character and divulge more than they meant to. You can force things on your character from outside, and it can help keep things going.

Relying entirely on your characters to keep things going is a fool's errand if the characters are not expressive, extroverted, and mouthy. A quiet stern guy who keeps to himself will want to kill a conversation quickly, and it'll drive other players off because they think that's you doing it, not your character. So make sure your narration explains why they're acting like that, and give tips to approach for the other character. Like I said, external forces may be the only way to force someone out of their shell while making sure your RP partner wants to keep digging!

You may have to fudge your character's personality or characterization slightly to get the ball rolling. Don't be afraid to make them slightly OOC if it means opening a door to tons more IC things. What, you've never blurted out something by mistake, or gotten mad and said something you regret because it's not really you? You never lied? Tch! They can fuck up too! Let them! Explore that!

Starters are never gonna be as easy as reading off cards, or having something set-up for you. You're gonna have to look at the setting for your character and see what's important. Are there places people frequent? Are there hobbies your character does that may be interesting? Can you arrive covered in blood because you're an assassin to prompt other people to fret until they realize it's not your blood and you can brag about the kill? Can you do something that seems out of character, but is perfectly normal? Be interesting! be interested in what your partner has to offer too, maybe it's not what you intended but following THEIR plot concepts can be super rewarding too!

So, good luck, and happy roleplaying!

little tip for anyone wanting to indent posts with the new editor : u can't indent without using a loophole as far as i've seen , & the best one i've found is using this : "ㅤ" character ( yes , there's a character to copy & paste there - it's just invisible ! ) to indent your lines . it counts as a character ! place as many as you want .

example :

ㅤㅤㅤthis is indented ! ㅤthis is indented !

A close cousin to "he would not fucking say that" is "he would not fucking say it LIKE that" and it's something that can really make or break writing a canon character in RP or fanfic. I've seen lots of writers who were good, but I couldn't vibe with their portrayal of a canon because the way they wrote the canon character speaking was just so OFF from the source material. Likewise, I'm a comics reader, and I once just straight up skipped one writer's entire run on a series for the same reason; the way he wrote the dialogue for characters with a VERY established and distinct dialogue style was just WRONG. Naturally, there is room for variation. When it comes to comic book characters, every writer who takes them on in canon will write their speaking style a little differently, just as every writer will envision their personality, psyche, and so on a little differently. And I think it's perfectly fine--great, even---for RPers and fanfic writers to put their own spin on things too. For instance, I made my own verbal quirks when I was writing some canon characters, that I thought fit them, without departing from their canon speaking style. I just made it my own too. But there's a line between "making your version of a dialogue style" and "making an entirely different dialogue style" and while I wish I could be more distinct on where that line is and how to avoid it, it's such a case by case thing that all I can do is caution against it and urge writers of canons to be conscious of it. And you know what, OC writers too---if you're CONSISTENT in how your OC speaks, they feel much more realistic!

For whoever needs to hear it, learning to play more kinds of characters will always make your roleplaying experiences better. It's a skill and you have to work at it, but it's worth the effort, I promise.

Tips on playing the villain

Advice from a 15+ year veteran of villain muses writer. How to tap into your inner unhinged and still be a good rp partner.

Your muse is in their eyes, the hero of their own story. The ends justify the means of reaching their goal.

Have a goal or endgame in mind. What do they want? In this respect they are no different from a more good aligned character.

They can have good qualities about them that draw others in. Very, very few villains are completely evil bastards. Good characteristics here and there add flavor.

Exploit the trust of others to what your villain wants. Be manipulative when it suits.

Have nuances. Peeps love nuance.

Even if your muse is an all powerful deity, for a one off interaction give your writing partner's muse a chance to escape. Even a slim one.

Discuss any permanent maiming or death of a character before hand. Consent is the name of the game.

Use trigger warnings for content that is unhinged.

Respect your writing partner's need to back off from a situation. Respect your own need to do so too.

It's okay to take a break and do fun stuff.

I'll repeat this one again. Consent. Consent. Consent from your writing partner. Communication is key.

Writing partners

This is for you. Do not approach evil aligned characters/villains and expect no consequences for your actions. Their morals are not your morals. They will react in unhinged ways. And that's okay. If you aren't prepared for that, do not approach them.

Especially do not approach them with your sassy wit, a confrontational attitude, or I'm gonna kick your ass stance and not expect backlash.

If you aren't okay with any of this, don't approach a villain. Live and let live. Villain writers are often the kindest and most well adjusted writers behind the screen. They deserve to enjoy themselves too.

Tips to Create a Character (specially RP)

No rules, just things that I do

Physical traits

How tall are they? Yes, think about it. You don’t need to be precise but understand if your character is higher or lower than the fellow PJs. It can work out as an addition to the image you wanna bring, like a leader being taller, the new guy being the smaller;or it can be a great irony! Think about the sweetest person in the world, now make them be the taller in the group. Or make you really angry OC be so small that they look inoffensive.

Think about their posture. How do they stand when they are doing nothing? They are still rigid, straighten-spined? Or do they relax like if they were melting? Or, even, do they ever stop?

Clothes. Yes, this helps. What’s their style? Think about it and how it relates to their personality.

Acessories. Choose one to be your character’s key. Maybe they always use a hat. Maybe they use gloves all the time. Maybe they wear a hijabi or another religious item. Give it a story, make it matter.

Eyes. Understand your character’s energy and use it to describe their eyes. An ocean is deep, can change very quickly from calm to impetuous. But a different character with the same tone of blue can have eyes cold as ice. Look around, see what has your character eyes’ colour and how it can relate to them.

Personality traits

Temperament. This is by far my very favourite one. I know all my character’s temperaments and it helps me a lot to understand them. Look for it, it will certainly help you because it’s a huge guidance (as it talks about instinct) and it’s SYMPLE. Sanguine, choleric, phlegmatic or melancholic?

Choose an animal. Think about it, watch videos about that animal, read about them. What’s their personality? Choose one, and make your character the human version of that creature. Are they prey or predator?

Describe them  in ONE word. Make them really really simple. Maybe they’re an optimistic. Maybe they’re a caretaker. Define it and make it IT, and then, in game--

Make them conflicting. After you feel your character is well rooted in that characteristic that you picked, now it’s time to BREAK it. make your optimistic character feel hopeless. Let your caretaker be selfish. This WILL bring them so much depth.

Don’t forget to bring them back to their roots. Remeber that your character IS naturally an optimistic. Or a caretaker. It has to come back to them, they have to move on, to go back to who they are. It tells people that your character wasn’t lying when they thought they were an optimistic: they were being real. They’ve been hurt. And they have to feel better again so people can still belive them.

Impulsionamento

Friendly reminder that in these days, when you're replying to a thread, to @ your partner. Sometimes the notifications won't always show up in the activity, and sometimes they won't even show up in thread tracker. At least with @'ing your partner, you have a better chance of actually seeing that your partner replied!!!

(These are ooc questions, so feel free not to answer, but how do you go about starting one of these blogs? How do you think of posts besides answering asks? And since you're playing a canon character, do you ever worry about being too out of character? I wanna start one of these blogs, but it is a little bit intimidating, haha)

Hi! I'm glad I'm seen as something of a good info source on this type of thing, haha!

This is a bit of a doozy, so I'm putting it under a read more.

To begin, starting one of these blogs is something that, at least for me, feels pretty stop and go. The trick is being persistent. You may not get a lot of interaction from other people in the beginning, but if you go out of your way to interact with other people's blogs, then that exposes you to more people, and more interaction, until eventually it's more of a two-way deal than just you seeking interaction.

This blog was pretty small for a while until I managed to luck out and a "For lols" type post blew up enough that I was getting semi-regular interaction. I was enthusiastic on my end with my responses, and people reciprocated that. If you're getting asks and people see that you're answering them, it'll be more likely that you'll get more asks. Though it may feel a bit narcissistic, don't be afraid to send yourself an ask or two! Especially if you have something specific you want to happen, it can be handy.

For posts beside answering asks, I think they're fun! Although I don't do it as much now, since I get enough regular asks that I can subsist off of those, I think it's fun to sprinkle in little bits or worldbuilding or character development. Hell, a few(?) months ago I mentioned a random little thing as a sort of throw-away "It would be funny to send Raihan to Unova" and people piled on! The annual Dragon Convention wasn't something I had planned at ALL, but people enjoyed the idea, so we bounced off of that.

Although, that honestly depends on how you're trying to frame the blog. If it's meant to be more like an askblog, then in-character posts will probably be fewer, but if it's meant to be like a personal blog for the character, then go for it!! That's half the reason I occasionally reblog art on here, is I think it's the type of thing Raihan would reblog.

As for worrying about being out of character, yes and no. Personally I like to think I'm pretty good at copying speech patterns and mannerisms (Perks of autism? I guess??), so I worry a little less, but sometimes I do feel like I'm not being as accurate as I'd like to be. I went on a bit of a hiatus from Raihan for a while, and so I'm still trying to feel out the specifics of how I played him again.

Adding on to that, a lot of the canon characters in Pokemon, such as my boy here, won't have much to them in ways of backstory. Because of that, there's a bit of creative leeway with how exactly you play them. There's a lot of gray area that you can work in. In the swsh games, Raihan is the leader of the Hammerlocke gym, and has an unexplained connection to the Hammerlocke Vault. I've taken that and built it up into "Along with the position of Hammerlocke leader, he also inherited the role of vault-keeper, and is basically the security guard for the Hammerlocke castle."

It CAN seem intimidating, especially when you're first getting started and it feels like there's no interest for your blog. My biggest piece of advise is to keep at it.

you cannot blame other people for your own inaction. you cannot complain on the dash about not having any interactions or threads when you've never replied to all the plotting messages, starters, or ask memes waiting for you in your inbox. i understand that the social aspect of rp can be paralyzing for many, and of course our lives irl take high precedent in terms of priority, so please don't mistake this as a demand for constant replies or a constant presence on the dash (that would be utterly unhealthy and completely unfair to expect from anyone; that's not at all what i'm talking about here).

instead, i'm talking about the times you are online and are here to write and have fun, and the times you are looking for new plots, new threads, and new dynamics. if other people have made contact, sent memes, wrote you starters, and all of these means of communication have gone unanswered... how can you grumble and moan on the dash about not having any interactions? reply to those ask memes. answer those plotting IMs. post a starter call. reblog memes. hunt for that old starter someone wrote you weeks ago and finally reply. if this is your hobby, and you want to have fun writing with other people, you can't let them do all the work. you need to contribute. you need to put in some effort, and the fun will follow.

pro tip; the one place you should censor the word 'nsf.w' and other words / triggers that are usually blacklisted, are in your pinned posts (unless said pinned post also contains visual and/or descriptive content of it).

why should you censor it? because by not censoring the words, the people who have said words blacklisted will not see your pinned post when opening up your blog.

Hello, just a question pertaining RPG's in tumblr, this is the first one I'm into in a long time, and I've noticed mods often save good characters for themselves and like don't even post them for other's to try and apply, they post the bios when they are already taken by THEM and rule out anyone who might have tried for said chara, my only question here is if being bothered by this (even if I don't even want said chara) makes me petty or is it justified anger?

Honestly, that's just them making their own space and playing the characters they're excited to play. If you're unhappy about it, you can make your own roleplay. It is a little silly to feel angry because someone on the internet developed a character/world for them and their friends with an invite to try out some minor characters and see how you fit in. You could always take those characters and make them well-written and amazing. You have no idea how good they might be under your guidance without trying!

If you feel strongly enough about it, you're always welcome to develop your own characters and world and roleplays. I know it sounds like a lot of work, but in the end, that's why they get the good characters. They did all the work to get where they are. You're not entitled to be part of random roleplays just because they exist. They aren't spiting you, they don't even know you exist. They're planning a fun party together, and you're standing outside the cafe seething because they got the cake they ordered ahead of time custom made for themselves.

Many times I see a fully fleshed out character in a roleplay application process it's because someone made them that way. They didn't come out of the keyboard as the perfect awesome character they are. They were just someone's pet project they put a lot of time and effort into. So they might appear to be the best character, but that's because someone loves them! That means any character, even the weird guy with only one line is capable of the same thing. Don't be afraid to try for a nearly empty character sheet, it's not a bad character, it's an opportunity to make a good one. The freedom to adapt and change them to suit you, and really express yourself. Once you love them, they'll become a good character too.

Hell, their characters may be from another roleplay entirely, just changed a little to suit this one. Imagine playing a character for years, moving them to a new RP, and someone you don't know gets mad because they wanna play your character. Kinda... weird right? And they wanna apply to take your character away from you? I'd be wheezing at the audacity.

So, my advice to you is to let that grudge lie very very deep until it rots into fertilizer, and the use that fertilizer to make your own garden to play in. Plant the seeds of character development and work on a character until it's a "good one" and make your own RP and invite people to do the same: expand on your world and make it even richer and cooler than it was when you started. It's a lot healthier as an approach, and you look 90% less like a fucko who got mad at someone for having fun the wrong way. Haha.

DnD tip of the day: not every character concept is good for RP. Yes, that sounds like a *very* interesting story, and a *very* tragic/emotional/incredible tale. Write it out. Not every single PC concept is going to work out as a RP-able character. They might make an amazing protagonist in a book, but you're not writing a book, and the story is not centered on you. It's centered on the party. If your super edgy rogue just "can't" fit in, they're not a good RP character. If your sadgirl tiefling is *so* wild and chaotic that they leave everything in ruins, they're not a good RP character. If your arrogant, holier-than-thou drow can't find a single reason to join the group, then they're not a good RP character.

Ren's Guide To RP

Terms to Know

Muse- A character you write for in RP/Fanfiction. A character that inspires you to write.

Plot- A storyline you plan to write. In RP, this is typically done with another person.

Thread- An RP between two or more people.

OC- Original Character. A character YOU created. Or maybe an alternate version of a canon character

Ship- Slang for relationship. Typically of the romantic kind.

Fanfiction - Solo writing done usually for self-indulgent headcannons, ships, alternate endings or alternate plotlines Can be collaborative but not in the same way as RP

AU- Alternate Universe. A universe not related to canon

Headcannons- Your own ideas for a character. Things you think a character would like, think, wear, say, do that isn't in Canon.

Canon - Base material. A show, movie, book or piece of writing that AUs, headcannons and plotlines come from.

Canon-Divergent- Anything that isn't quite canon but still complies with Canon material

Verse- Similar to an AU but it can apply to a certain universe you created with someone else or just for your character.

Tips for Plotting {RP}

Communication is key! Tell your RP partner your ideas, show them your muses, make connections! Get to know their character and let them get to know yours!

Don't overwhelm your partner! When plotting, it's best to follow the simple rule of K. I. S. S {Keep it simple, Sally}. Your character has an elaborate backstory? Cool! Make sure you find a way to connect them to your partner's muse! They can't interact with yours very well if you don't leave room for them to make an appearance/ meaningfully interact with your muse.

Don't Godmod! Remember when you were a kid and other kids would still your toys and butt in to what you were doing? Annoying and rude, right? Yeah, that's just what it's like when you Godmod. Don't do it!

Questions to ask yourself before asking someone to plot/RP

What is my Muse's connection to my partner's muse? Can there be a connection made? How can they meet?

When our muses meet, what kind of relationship will they have? Remember, take into account the personality and backstory of BOTH muses. Why do they have this kind of relationship? Have they interacted before? What do they have in common?

How will they react to certain things said or done to them? Are they an asshole? Are they nice and meek? Would they kill you for merely breathing in their direction? Take this into account when you pick a character to play with. 9/10 people aren't going to change how their character acts for you. They are not your personal fanfic writers!

*And remember, if you aren't sure or you need help, ask your partner about their ideas or any advice they might have.

Communication is key!

If your partner can't work with what you're throwing at them, take a step back and ask yourself why. Ask them why. Work with them. This is something you're writing TOGETHER. They need to be able to respond. Think of it as if you were in their shoes. Could you respond to what you're about to send them? If you're having a hard time writing it, they're probably going to have issues with responding to it

Check yourself before you ask someone to RP. Also, don't be afraid to talk to the Mun OOC too. Usually, if you two vibe OOC, your characters probably will too but not always.

Did I miss anything? Have your own tips and tricks to add? Reblog this and start a conversation!

A Less Obvious Toxic RPer: The Overaplogizer

I see a lot of RP resource blogs that talk about toxic RP partners in the cases of people who are overtly controlling, aggressive, demanding, and/or cruel, but rarely if ever do I see posts about a different sort of toxicity: The over-apologizer. These RPers don’t get defensive or aggressive, they get so submissive and self-hating and apologetic over the SLIGHTEST criticism or even suggestion. It’s not a problem of “not saying sorry” it’s a problem of TOO MUCH sorry. Here are some examples: Sally: “Hey there, I know we planned for our muses to end up together eventually, but some of your recent asks seem to suggest they’re already a close  couple. I was hoping for a longer slow-burn sort of thing, moving in too fast will definitely scare my muse off. Could we dial it back a bit?” Bill: “I’m so sorry, I completely fucked up! Please don’t hate me ! I should never have started RPing! Let’s just drop the whole thing I’m sorry I wasted your time!” Sally: “Hey, so in your last reply, you had a whole bunch of spiders come out of the walls. I probably should have mentioned this before, but spiders are kind of a trigger of mine. Could we change that to something else?” Bill: “OMG I’m so sorry I’m such an asshole! I should delete my blog, I’m so terrible at this! This is why nobody likes me!” Sally: “Hey, I really love our threads, but our last three have all focused on my muse saving and comforting yours, and the new plot you just suggested seems the same. I like writing with you, but I was wondering if this time around, your muse could help mine instead?” Bill: “I hate myself, I’m such a selfish prick. I push everyone off, why did I think this would be different?” Sally: “I love talking to you OOC, but could you stop messaging me about New Show? I’m just not really interested in that.” Bill: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to annoy you, I’ll just shut up now. I’m sorry I’m such a loser.” So, why is this bad? Well, for one thing, insulting yourself isn’t what someone’s aim is when they ask you to change something or cease a behavior. It makes the Sally in this situation feel bad, like they’ve just bullied you, when all they’ve done is politely communicate a reasonable request. It changes the topic of the conversation from Sally communicating a need about RP, to Sally having to personally reassure Bill that she doesn’t hate him, he isn’t a terrible RPer, etc. This is really, really uncomfortable for the Sally, and usually, in my experience as a Sally, ends up taking a lot of time and emotional labor all focused on Sally comforting Bill and apologizing a lot herself simply for speaking up about something bothering her. All of this combines to making Sally more and more unlikely to voice any further concerns or requests to Bill, because she doesn’t want to go through this again and again. Which means Sally either suffers through threads that bother her in some way and aren’t fun for her. . .or she gets tired of that and just ghosts. This sucks for both Sally and Bill. Now, I don’t think most people are trying to be deliberately manipulative when they act like Bill. Some certainly are and I hate them, but it can also be that they’re genuinely extremely insecure, anxious people who think they have to over-correct due to either mental issues, trauma/abuse in the past, or both. So I genuinely try to be patient and kind, but I won’t lie, it is still manipulative and it gets my hackles up. It leaves me conflicted between wanting to comfort the person and reassure them, and at the same time being pissed at them. It’s definitely a frustrating experience. And honestly? I still don’t actually know how to handle this when I’m in the Sally position. So I tried to do the next best thing, and write this for the Bills out there, who might not REALIZE this is toxic behavior or why. Bills, you’re not a bad person, and I know this behavior can be hard to rein in, especially when it’s a trauma response, but please do what you can to try! I wish I had advice for how, but I don’t. All I can do is point out that this behavior, while it may have helped you survive a bad situation in the past, is actually really shitty to others now. And if someone WANTS this behavior from you? If someone WANTS you to scrape and grovel and insult yourself when they point out the slightest thing wrong? Get the hell away from them, because that’s toxic as hell too.