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wachtelspinat · 4 months

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Hey ! I’ve been seeing your art going around since your midnight crew stuff and I just recently stubble across your tumblr, thank to your beautiful overwatch art for our beloveds junkers ! I’ve been scrolling through your account and read about your experience of being a former graphic designer who is a doctor now. And damn. I can’t emphasize how much I admire you, especially as someone who is struggling really hard to choose between 2 careers paths ( with one of them being art related ). This is why I was wondering if you would be open to talk about how and why you switched from art to medecine ? Especially because most of the time I feel it happens more the other way around ? ( If it’s too personal just ignore this ask + sorry if you already talked about it before )

hey ! no worries, i don't expect ppl to scroll through my tumblr to find an answer for a question they might have. first of all thanks for your nice words, means a lot <3

i switched from art to medicine because my early 20-something-self was even more anxiety-ridden than my present-self, and being in art school and having to "perform" regularly was a nightmare. i'm talking about a time in which i was so scared of being perceived that i often skipped grocery shopping, just so i could avoid being around people. so like, pitching art related projects to peers and profs was eeh... especially because art is so personal oh my god. i still hate it when someone tries to sneak a peek while i'm drawing, makes me wanna throw my sketchbook and myself off the bridge. anyways so i always felt a 110% inadequate (plus i got a gf during that time who was so good to me and tried to get me out of my funk on multiple occasions (she was and still is an artist and has now a career as a freelancer and i'm rly proud of her) but i couldn't see that because i just compared the two of us all the time and sabotaged any attempt she made for having fun with drawing with her) that i sat down at some point and asked myself if i could do this any longer, and i came to the conclusion that no, it really kills me rn.

what made me go into the health sector? i don't even know anymore, i think it was a mixture of "i loved biology, esp. the human body in school" and "my mum is an icu nurse and talks a lot about hospitals, maybe i should check it out"... it was not a well thought through decision, which is so funny because studying medicine was a hell of a meatgrinder ride (also my anxiety and self hatred? still there, but now i wasn't judged anymore because of my art but instead being called a dumb idiot collectively with all the other students because nobody likes med students) and for some reason i was able to get through that despite it not being my passion at all, but i couldn't stand up for myself in art school. i don't even know if i could work through it nowadays, but the good thing is i don't have to ask myself this question anymore, because being a doctor pays the bills, and ever since i left art school i was able to just draw without consequence. which is nice to a degree, my artistic output is not tied to the means of generating money. on the other hand... idk, in another life with more confidence and less worries, i'd love to be some sort of character designer T_T

so yeah that's basically it. at some times i cherished my career decisions, at other times i regretted them deeply, worst thing is i know it has a lot to do with personality, but the fact that we can't change who we are with a blink of an eye gives me the framework to think that the path i took was ok. as in. things happened for a reason and maybe i'm just not cut out for that kind of work. you have to be aware of the conditions of a job to decide if you are up for it. because being an artist doesn't end with "just draw". i myself had an unrealistic view of the job back then too. and the fact that i could not seperate between personal aspects and "doing a job here" was crucial.

yeah, idk if this is helpful at all. i think the one thing that is super important here is to have a realistic view on the conditions of work you are about to head into, and i know this is mostly very difficult to aquire. because unless you really work in a sector there is often no way to fully grasp the situations you can find yourself in (this applied for me also in the health sector, which made me fall into a depression a year ago, but what do you do after you spent 6 years of studying :') ). doing internships and just trying to get to know a lot of things really helps. and - idk how old you are, but if you're really young: it's ok to switch careers at some point. it's even ok to do so when you are older (trying to end on a positive note here because it feels like i just said a lot of depressing things... like don't get me wrong i like my job, the conditions are just fucked up, and again my personality prevents me from switching again but it's also not that easy in germany, BUT it's a valid thing to do, being versatile is good! just... make sure you don't end up with a job that you absolutely hate because that kills it all)

#LONG #sorry #i'm rambling #being an adult is hard and it never ends being a work in progress

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mostlymaudlin · 1 year

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what's the worst take you've seen on your favorite characters?

HAHAHAHA this is a funny question 😂 i dont really like to yuck other peoples yum, and that goes for pretty much everything in fandom! so i don't wanna like, call out bad takes, but rather just be vocal abt my own takes?

so, on that note...

i have a lot of thoughts about andrew's mood/connection to his own emotions. one really unhealthy way of dealing with a lack of control over your mood/emotions/general situation is compartmentalization and repression -- for me, that always looked like rationalizing my feelings away until they hurt, but i'd convinced myself that it's stupid that it hurts & so i will not acknowledge the pain/do anything to address it -- im just gonna push on through like nothings wrong.

and like... this works! for a while! sort of! it's dysfunctional as hell and probably damaging to many aspects of your life, but you can survive with this detachment as long as you can maintain your web of lies.

with andrew, you can see that he maintains a very rigid view of the world: he does not CARE about anything, he does not WANT anything, he will make deals and he will do exactly what it takes to uphold his end, and he will expect that of others. in the books, esp in TKM, we see that as long as he can operate under these assumptions, he can maintain that famous apathy. but whenever this worldview is challenged, he flips out (example: that scene where aaron accuses andrew of killing tilda for his own benefit, and he gets PISSED and says he did exactly what he said he'd do and "fuck you" if you thought otherwise.) he also tends to lose his apathetic facade around neil, because neil inherently challenges his perception of his own caring/wanting, and it's especially bad when neil does or says stuff that like rly makes andrew's heart squeeze hehe.

i believe andrew is really good at repression. but the thing about repression is that it takes constant, difficult work to filter all sensory input through your internal logic, so your mind is constantly racing as you rationalize everything down into a place where you don't have to acknowledge how you feel it. so if we're talking about how andrew thinks, i'd say that he's incredibly self-aware and a big thinker, because he's doing a lot of internal work to maintain apathy.

and also, from personal experience, it's extremely difficult to cope when you can't lie to yourself anymore. if you believe that you're worthless and undeserving of feeling your pain, and someone comes along, makes you trust them, and then is willing to die to prove how wrong you are -- how are you supposed to rationalize that away? and how are you supposed to shoulder all of those emotions when you don't know how to process them? that's so scary, and so hard, and something that takes a lot of time and support.

all of this is to say: i view andrew as a character that is clinging desperately to a thin mask of apathy, and i don't think he can hold on for much longer. i think he feels soooo many things and is constantly at war with himself over it, because he does not have any tools to cope. so FOR ME, i have trouble reconciling this with interpretations of andrew that show him as someone actually feeling apathetic. but, like, to each their own!!

#no one asked for this <3 but once i started i couldnt stop

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aristotels · 4 months

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Thinking about art and fiction and concepts of ownership and honestly it's kinda fucked that collaborative and transformative storytelling is literally as old as time and one of the most basic human instincts that exists, but the only good word it we have right now is "fanfiction"

and when you tell people you write fanfiction they think you're some kind of cringe weirdo and possibly pervert and then the whole thing gets derailed by this bizarre side discussion into how "No it's not all porn, it's absolutely everything and anything imaginable, duh, but like, even if it were all porn, that would also be okay". Like I'm all for pointing out the double standards about how published authors who put sex into their stories don't lose any respectability (especially if they're men, and especially if the sex is cishet), but the second I, a fanfiction person, add a romantic arc into my plotty casefic suddenly I'm a fujoshi with shipper brainrot etc etc-

But it's tiring that this is even a focal point

My favourite funny and sad thing is watching people (usually dudes) who clearly either view themselves as above fanfiction or have simply never ever thought of themselves as "the type" to do creative writing discover The Fanfiction Urge, because the way they express it is like. An increasingly passionate and detailed video essay about how Movie should have gone instead, or, my favourite, a story about something cool that happened to them in XCOM or Darkest Dungeon or some other Difficult Game For Serious Gamers and by the end of the post they're legitimately just writing prose. Like look at this! LOOK! Damn if this person didn't speedrun the gamerbro-to-AO3 pipeline just for a sec. And not that there's anything wrong with those formats but it makes you wonder if that's something they'd be interested in exploring more if their wings got unclipped

Or DnD. Small wonder that TTRPGs are becoming so popular when they're one of the few increasingly non-cringe ways to do the extremely basic human urge of Tell Story Collaboratively

A friend of mine had this to say recently about his own struggles with this kind of internal bias:

i'd like to try out Thousand-Year-Old Vampire (a solo role-playing game with minimal rules to make you write your own narrative) and my toxic masculinity is getting in the way. discouraging thoughts include: i'm not creative enough; creative writing is for Floofy Humanities types and i am a Cold STEM type; it's not a real game unless it has Systems that you can Study and Master. would anyone like to say something encouraging?

and honestly that's incredibly illuminating innit isn't it. The splitting off of creative activity (not just fanfiction, either) into something only for Floofy Humanities Types but not Serious People and the way it's linked to whether or not you can make money off it... oof.

This became a long post thank you for your patience

ngl i just dont rly care that much for fandoms... i like fanfic, i read it and write it, but i dont rly see fandom as my identity or smth i particularly care about, to me all of it is just the same as me playing with barbie dolls.

i dont think its something special that can be compared to actual literature and i think there are certain problems w booktok people relying on tropes that come from fanfic mentality. its just not the same, and i do wish people who like fanfic would sometimes also read.......some actual books sometimes

i just generally dont see what youre describing as some huge thing or problem, i think anti-kink ppl doxxing artists is the major worrisome thing when it comes to fandoms, but i think the doxxers also take the whole fandom experience too seriously

and i say this as someone who also writes fanfic, so like, it rly isnt me going "fanfic authors/readers are stupid", i find fanfic super cool to explore yourself, fanart taught me sooo much as an artist, i even enjoy roleplaying; all of this serves a very real purpose of exploring things as a human in realms of fiction, and pre-existing characters make that easier. i think that can be very useful, we learn about ourselves through books and stories. i just think fandom should be treated the way it is - playtime with toys ✌️

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boy-above · 2 months

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tagged by @vespertin-y to share three random facts abt myself sooo

1.) i have a big phobia of lakes or just dirty water in general, and submechanophobia, i can't stand looking at like cars submerged in water. i don't seem to have the same fear of the ocean, for example i would never swim in a lake and i'd probs have a panic attack if i fell in one, but i went to the beach for the first time in my life a couple years ago and i got in the ocean just fine. i didn't go very far out bc i was afraid i'd get pulled in, im very small you see and i can't really swim, but i enjoyed it and my friend got seaweed for me to touch ajdjf. despite not being afraid of seawater i do Not like boats and wouldn't get on one on the sea or in a lake. i'd probs feel Better about being on a boat in the sea but the feeling of being in a boat in general feels Wrong to me, like my primal monkey brain is like "humans shouldn't be able to float above water like this".

2.) i have very repetitive stress dreams every night of my life, i don't think i've ever had a Good dream before and im not joking. usually the mundane stuff like being back in high school and not knowing where my classes are or my locker combination etc (which is wild bc that's never something i actually needed to worry about in high school, like i never once forgot things like that). also losing my phone or having it stolen seems to be a theme lately as well. HOWEVER when a dream isn't mundane, i manage to have REALLY weird dreams. the first nightmare i ever remember having was when i was like three years old and i dreamed a tree was chasing me. like a legit tree. i never saw it walk, it would just move when i wasn't looking and would be closer when i looked back. i ran home and still have the vivid memory of slamming my front door and looking behind me to the window where the tree was "looking" inside at me. it didn't have eyes or anything im just assuming it must have been looking at me lmao. anyway i was Terrified of this tree but hindsight that's literally so funny. a tree. also had a dream where my trash bag climbed into bed with me. and one where it was "emu hunting season" in my neighborhood and everyone was hunting emus. i probs don't have to clarify that there aren't emus anywhere near my midwestern city.

2.5.) interesting combination of the first two facts, which is why this is a bonus fact™️. i realized a recurring aspect of my dreams is something highly specific to me and not normal. i didn't realize this from conversations with people or anything i just suddenly was like "oh that's actually very weird and specific to my particular phobias". the aspect in question being that in multiple dreams over several years there's been partially submerged roller coasters in my dreams. like the roller coaster is like 1/4 submerged in a dirty lake and i either just see it and am like "eugh" or i'm actually forced to ride it and have to deal with the horror of both the anticipation of the dirty water part plus the actual contact with the dirty water. i'm not afraid of roller coasters or anything i guess my brain just found a way to tap into my submechanophobia. very weird brain thing that sounds very stupid and it is ajdjr

3.) on a lighter note, i have five genshin impact accounts, although i don't use two of them anymore. i have my main account, an anemo only account, and a new gimmick account that is a secret. my other accounts were just a replay account to experience exploration again, and one that i was gonna call carrot run where i only used xingqiu. i might still end up playing on that one again eventually given that i have xingxiu and sac sword on that account already in very early game with was lucky 4 me.

this was longer than i thought it would be i just decided i like talking about myself apparently LMAO

i don't rly have anyone to tag bc i'm afraid of bothering ppl so AJDHDHFH will leave off the post here

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mysillyside · 2 months

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Answering asks #1

I just finished answering all the asks I had piled up on my main blog, so imma do the same thing here! The time has come... So basically this post will just be me answering every remaining ask I still had lying around in my inbox on this blog! Enjoy!!!

Adventure Time Related Asks

(in reference to the Fionna and Cake finale)

You see I get what you mean, but for me it's less to do with time and more to do with what they spent the time they had doing. I really don't understand why AT feels the need to shove Shermy and Beth into everything. Also I really don't understand why they thought the best way to make a grown ass 50-something year old man who survived the apocalypse and 1000 years of trauma learn that his relationship wasn't perfect was through a video game. And I really don't understand why the crew thought the best way to showcase this was to literally spell it out to the audience like we are toddlers (especially since F&C is supposed to be for an older audience apparently). I agree with the conclusion, but I really hate how it was executed.

@samhadjblog2 I completely agree with this! I like what the show was going for, again I completely agree with the conclusion it came to, just the way it got to said conclusion was incredebly underwhelming and frustrating for me T_T (also big agree on Simon's main flaw being his insecurities and how passive he was in his relationship with Betty, to a point where he didn't do enough to prevent her from hurting herself)

@wintercandle42 Honestly I'd die for a fic that goes into scenarios I've explored in my own Ice King analysis posts and while I rly appreciate the offer I generally only work with friends or creators I'm already fimilar with! Even so, I rarely collaborate in general T_T. I'm sorry, but ty for offering!

To answer your questions anon and @xfriki26 I've actually recieved a few asks about this on my main blog, you can find my response in this post!

I feel really bad for not answering these asks earlier, because I made ppl who had so much interesting stuff to say/tell me like anon here wait for so long. I'm sorry T_T! In any case, while I didn't intend this AU to parallel the experiences of ppl who deal with DID, I'm really happy to hear you felt seen anon! Even if it wasn't my intention, it's rly cool when ppl find stuff to relate to in art I make :'D

@mossdealer thank you so much!!! I love love love your username btw...

I think transitioning could save her!!!

@earthnicity You have my full permission to roleplay it and write fics abt it etc. XD I honestly don't mind at all! In fact it's welcome!

YOUR MIND ANON YOUR MINDDD. You're onto something...

Miscellaneous Asks

Anon, not to be James "Mr. Plagiarism" Somerton but I'm stealing this. (it's so funny I love that)

Yes!! I love indie animation (indie anything rly)

Obviously I'm fimilar with the big two (The Amazing Digital Circus Helluva Boss) however my favorite indie animated series are actually The Vampair Series, Threnody and ENA !!! Ofc, I also love watching indie short films or other such shorter animations on YouTube (I actually have a playlist of some of my favorite animations/animatics on YouTube if you wanna check that out)

Oh and I'm following the development of One of The Powerful! It's a series made by only one person, and those ones always impress me so hard. (if you are interested the creator recently made a series development blog on Tumblr! @oneofthepowerful)

Honestly, one-man-team type animated series are super cool to me. Sch Ribbit is another artist/animator who made their own series just out of their sheer passion, and he was always a huge inspiration to me growing up! (an example of stuff they'd make is their Jaden Unshaked series. even though it's scrapped and a bit old, I still find it super cool!!)

But yeah I love indie animation!

@the-rumbybagg-cake I don't play Minecraft and I never watched any Minecraft YouTubers! I also rarely watch gaming YouTubers in general, so nope!

Weeeell one of my usernames online is Krejzac (made up word that uses worldplay to fuse Croatian and English, and that basically means crazy person)- so that checks out!

Thank you for asking anon! I've def been doing better lately! Gonna be real, late fall/early winter wasnt the kindest to me (I was sick for a long while and then the seasonal depression hit where I wasn't going outside at all, and till relatively recently I was barely socializing and was just girlrotting in bed all day. A mix of social battery dying out but also generally feeling rly drained), but I do feel a lot better now! I'm getting back on track. Hence why I've finally felt able to answer all the inbox messages lol! But fr ty for asking ;w;!

@kajakay TYSM!! Very kind of you :'D!! Though I mostly post clean sketches on this blog haha, I don't rly post a ton of stuff with lineart XD I think it's rly funny (but also feeds my ego) when ppl say they like my lineart and then point to my clean sketches. Don't get me wrong I love to hear it!! TYSM!!

@cloudbustingss (I assume this ask is refering to this fiasco) Yea you are correct! I know I shouldn't respond to angry randos blowing up at me over nothing, I generally avoid it. I just felt like I needed to in that instance, mostly to make other ppl aware in the fandom that "hey if all it took for this person to blow up and start being transphobic and just generally cruel was a drawing of a GNC cishet couple, they'll likely be even worse if they encounter actual trans art or art made by trans ppl, probably block them if you wanna avoid them doing this to you". But yeah usually I avoid responding to ppl like this, I've been online for long enough to know it's not worth it (I've learned through trail and error XD I used to respond to everything when I was younger. Tbh I'm still learning to control my "I wanna respond to this mean person" impulses but I'm getting better I think!) In any case, I appriciate the advice ty!! ;w;

#📬 askbox

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gayforjuza · 1 month

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Hi, allosexual/non-ace person here, I come in peace!

I'm not usually one to weigh in on broader topics like sexuality online, since anything I say is bound to be tinged with my subjective experiences more than I'd probably like. I'm also not an expert by any means...

But the recents Asks I saw in your blog made me want to chime in with my 2 cents; just, for the sake of the confused/concerned asexual homies I guess?

The stuff about allosexuals, or the majority of allosexuals, being motivated almost exclusively by sex isn't quite accurate. True, during preteen years (cuz of puberty and HoRmOnEs), allosexual peoples' sex drive start developing alongside their developing bodies. And as they grow into young adults it's very normal for them to explore their sexuality, to varying degrees.

But to say it's their main motivation throughout life? Or even that it's at the forefront of their mind most of the time?? Nah, dawg. A lot of people over-estimate how sexually active even young adults alone are.

(I remember like 4 years ago in one of my Psychology courses, the professor asked students how many sexual partners they think the average male college student desires to have in a year. The average guess of the students of my class was around 8? When actually, according to the series of surveys we were looking at, the vast majority of male college students wanted an average of 1-3 sexual partners in a year.)

Obviously, experiences will vary from person-to-person. But excessive promiscuity? Adultery? Living for sex??? That stuff is not the norm. To say all, or most, allosexual people are like that is (respectfully) some Freudian bullshit.

Hell, even the horniest of us (coughcoughMEcoughcough) ain't got time to be horny all the time! We're normal humans with jobs and hobbies and other stuff to do.

If you feel like you're surrounded by people obsessed with sex, those people are either exaggerating their actual thoughts/experiences (for comedy, toxic gender-normative posturing, etc.), or they happen to be from a group/community where that activity is more frequent than the usual.

And if you feel like all media is overly sexual (when it is not necessary for it to be sexual)--well, yeah, I agree with you. There's a lot of media where sex/sexual content is included where it isn't needed. The Big Business Executive dumbasses make those decisions, but honestly? If they took those parts out, allosexual audiences would not give a fuck. Genuinely.

(And if there were a small majority that complained about not seeing enough nudity or whatever-the-hell in their action movies or something, let's be real: that group would be the toxically-masculine asshole men--who are a dying group--and I don't think they should be associated with the rest of allosexual people.)

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

UR TRUE! this is more in line with my personal experiences w/ allosexual ppl thank u 4 sending this 😌

also very funny that u said "i come in peace" like i was gonna fucking GET you for not being ace LOLOL allosexual people my behated (joke)

im ofc not an expert either and idk my thoughts rly on this besides just, like i said, that ur experience is more in line with mine

its also i think worth pointing out for any question/discussion like this that 1. saying ur opinions are limited to ur own subjective experience applies to literally everything anyone has ever said and there is no objective truth literally at all and 2. since theres no objective truth there is no difference between the "reality" of the big picture/greater society and "not reality" its just basically luck i think, of who u end up around

#ask response

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quillkiller · 10 months

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i'd love to hear more about why u didn't like barbie if it's not a problem for u

it’s not a problem! i do want to preface by saying tho that i did actually love seeing it and especially in the theatres with my dyke best friend!! and we had the time of our lives.

i wrote a very long and messy film review about barbies take on feminism and the patriarchy, i could post that if you’d be interested? :)

it also just. rubs me so in the wrong way seeing ryan gosling being peoples favorite thing to come out of the barbie movie. it just proves to me, imo, that barbies message went completely unheard. i absolutely loved his performence too but like. did we watch the same film? do we really think it’s funny that ken got bored of ruling a pareiarchy bc it didn’t include horses? is that actually funny or is it just unbelievably insensitive and out of touch? because i personally think the latter.

my main thing tho is basiaclly just that i had expected the film to do something literally anything new. to say something we don’t already know. i could name several films with the same feminist take and i just genuinely thought it would do one single radical thing. and it didn’t, in my opinion, and it left me very disappointed. i can’t name one single (new) thing the barbie film did for women/feminism if i’m being completely honest. it wrapped itself up in a neat little package towards the end saying ’everyone matters!’ w a cute little bow on top. men (because kens are still men) didn’t have to apologize and ryan goslings ken is everyones favorite part. from a movie about patriarchy and the sidelining of women. it just doesn’t sit right with me at all.

the kens are literally my enemies like what they did was unforgivable? they were men brainwashing and taking advantage of women and they didn’t even have to apologize and now we’re all obsessed with ’kenergy’? they should’ve at the very least be held responsible, but no they got an apology instead. while the barbies literally didn’t get a single one. is kenergy rly something we want? was he really keanough?????? i swear if i ever meet a man saying he’s a ken / is kenough i will kill him and then myself

some people may think i’m overreacting or that i’m a buzzkill but this is is genuinely how i feel about it. i see women say ’this is a film for all women!’ but i didn’t feel that once? i didn’t feel included once in the narrative and im definitely not being represented by barbie. it brought me back to when i was in the closet and i felt alien to everyone around me. i felt strange and ugly and wrong. this was a film for heterosexual women, imo.

in my defense, i am a film student film with a bachelor’s degree in film science, so i do feel confident in my own reading of the film. i am also well read on feminist theory and have been educating myself for years (and still do). it’s two things i’m very passionate about and literally you couldn’t spend even half an hour with my friend group, all dykes, before it turns into political/feminist discussions hahahah. i trust my judgment in how i feel about the film, but i’m not trying to change anyone else’s mind and im definitely not saying it wasn’t a good film. i’m absolutely not automatically right because of this. this is simply my reading of the film.

however, i find it very difficult not to engage with media, especially film, critically as someone who studies film and intends to make it my career. and i tend to engage critically from a gender perspective based on feminist theory because i honestly just can’t help it. a huge part of me didn’t want to engage with barbie critically because i had the time of my life watching it. i had so so so so much fun. but sadly, here we are

i had a similar experience when, in film history class, we started every single morning watching silent films. i fucking love silent films but let me tell you, the people who made silent films don’t love me or care for women. every morning i had to prepare myself to watch a woman get murdered by a man. a reminder of how women have been treated in cinema. a reminder that a woman isn’t a person, she’s a plot device for the male protagonist. the men in my class never noticed, whereas me and my uni friends (all girls) felt rather affected by it every single viewing. film theory hits different depending on who’s watching the film

that’s why i wanted barbie do just something new. it’s a film literally based on feminism and patriarchy and it still ended with a woman apologizing to a man. she still had to fight him off trying to make advances. she still had to do the emotional labour for another man.

it was just tiring. i wouldn’t have this opinion if it hadn’t made it so clear that the literal plot is patriarchy and feminism. that’s why i feel so let down

#barbie movie #sorry for being terribly mean but sometimes i feel like people call themselves feminist without knowing what it means #without reading feminist theory #it’s not just a statement #it actually means something to actively be a feminist #wiho sorry this whole post is kinda pretentious

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milkbreadtoast · 1 year

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I don’t know if you’ve played ovenbreak as well so for now I’d love to hear your thoughts on Financier and Caramel Arrow Cookie….. they both seem incredibly loyal but with very different personalities

hi ty for the ask!! someone already asked abt them and unfortunately i dont really have any detailed thoughts/strong opinions bc i hadnt considered them before... tbh i'd like to hear ur(/u guys') thoughts abt them! u prob have more thoughts than me, what do u like abt them/why makes their dynamic interesting to u? ^^

let me think abt it tho...🤔i do think theyre compatible! ur right in that they r similar yet r v diff... They're both incredibly loyal, they have serious and earnest/honest/upright and humble personalities... I think one major diff tho is that CA is much more assertive, as she's the leader of the watchers, and is the one who makes decisions and gives orders during battle; whereas financier is a knight and usually takes orders, and she's more passive and non-confrontational. I think they're both v strong and capable, but in terms of actual battle experience I think it can be safely assumed that CA has (much) more... we know for a fact that she has seen many battles firsthand + even witnessed many comrades falling in battle...Whereas the Republic is known as a "peaceful"(/peacetime?) country (as in not having seen war w other countries), to the extent that their knight commander, Madeleine, had 0 prior (real)battle experience before being promoted and leaving w Espresso LMAO.. We also know that Financier is a recent graduate of the Paladin academy(making her younger than Madeleine), so it can be safely assumed that she, while rigorously trained and having fought many duels, hasn't had the same "battle" experience as CA.

I think another difference personality-wise is CA seems likely to be a bit more laid back and personable and more expressive(which u can see in her sprites)... We know that altho she is a hardworking, earnest, and highly disciplined leader, she's also very kind and warm-hearted, adored by all her fellow soldiers, who r fiercely loyal to her not out of fear but out of trust and love, sharing her own rations with hungry villagers, v quick to protect and defend other cookies... I think Financier cookie is also kind hearted and earnest, but her outside demeanor def seems more "cool and collected", more of a rigid/uptight honor student vibe... CA seems more warm/friendly/more of a people person(cookie) than Financier lol, like she'd be more likely to make small talk, crack light jokes, smile more, etc... Financier is def one of those charas whose slight smile is a rare sight 🫢(and her laugh even rarer...), doesn't talk much unless needed, doesnt joke around, etc djfjsn it's fun to compare/contrast her to Madeleine, because they're both paladins but their personalities could not be more diff... they're foils to each other in a way (it was rly fun to see this addressed in the story too lmaoo their interactions are so funny😭)

ANYWAY I def think if they got an opportunity to interact in canon, theyd get along rly well and would prob become good friends... and given crunchy is canonically friendly w financier(despite being so diff), I def think caramel would get along w her too!! Although they come from v diff cultures, they have similar values and I could see them clicking well and enjoying each others company~

#sorry that took me so long to answe #I tried rly hard to think abt it #ALSO LMAO i enjoy comparing and contrasting various charas (does smth like this count as analysis? lol #so uses this as an excuse to ramble abt that #ask #i actually could go on even longer but i had to quickly post this 😭😭 its late enough...#dont want to make ppl think im ignoring their ask

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fufukunaga · 2 years

Text

skts online dating ft. demi!kiyoomi

Kiyoomi has always found dating hard, much more so when the pandemic hit and everyone had to switch online.

Before the lockdown, Kiyoomi had been going out on blind dates set up by friends or Motoya.

He's been struggling with all the flirting and the subtle touches and the prolonged eye contact. He doesn't get it, if he's being honest.

Motoya insists he try online dating. It'll be good practice, he said. Talking to people while being in the comfort of your own home sounded like the perfect solution to Kiyoomi. He liked the fact that he could see a picture and some basic information unlike in a blind date. He liked that he could choose who to talk to, choose whether he wants to make the first move or not.

In theory, online dating should suit him.

But after the 55th match, Kiyoomi still hasn't found someone that gets past the 3rd day talking stage.

He calls it "The 3-Day Curse". After three days of talking, either Kiyoomi gets bored or the other person ghosts him. Eitherway, none of his matches lasted more than 3 days.

He's honestly getting tired of it and he was about to quit and uninstall the dating app when he came across Miya Atsumu's profile.

He doesn't know why. Normally, Kiyoomi swipes left on people who have thirst traps for pictures. Maybe it's because Atsumu's bio is of a quote from a book Kiyoomi had found interesting. Or maybe it was because it was way oast midnight and Kiyoomi's judgement was skewered.

But he felt compelled to swipe right.

He immediately finds that they matched and Kiyoomi doesn't know what to feel.

He doesn't initiate conversation though. Just leave it alone and go to sleep.

t's only until the next morning that Kiyoomi sees Atsumu's message.

Atsumu: i knew it

i knew you wanted me, omi-omi

abt time you finally became honest with yer feelings.

He didn't know what else he expected from Miya. The familiarity made Kiyoomi relax.

Kiyoomi: don't think too much into it, Miya

it was simply a misclick

Atsumu: i doubt that

Kiyoomi: believe whatever you want

It's weird, Kiyoomi thinks. They've been teammates for almost 2 years now but they never really texted much since they always see each other in practice.

Atsumu's as talkative as he is in person, which Kiyoomi finds grateful as he's not a good conversation driver.

One of the many reasons online dating seem to be not working for him.

Atsumu: say, omi-kun i never thought I'd see u on a dating app

Kiyoomi: neither did i

Atsumu: are u rly looking to date or are u just bored bc of the pandemic?

Kiyoomi: is that the new pickup line?

Atsumu: ur funny omi

but srsly

Kiyoomi: i guess i am looking to date

but it's been hard

Atsumu: whyy???

not a lot of guys up to ur impossibly high standard?

Kiyoomi: idk...

dating is hard

but

i do want someone to intimate with

i just

don't know how

Atsumu: oh

Kiyoomi: online dating is especially hard too

i dont know how to flirt

and i guess the distance doesnt help

it's just harder to get to know people and genuinely connect with them

Atsumu: i get what u mean

but you've come to the right place

Atsumu: did u know i wrote the book on the art of seduction?

Kiyoomi: no you didn't. stop lying.

Atsumu ur right i didnt.

BUT

i may as well have

bc i know all the secrets

and now i will teach them to u omi-omi

so u better be grateful

Atsumu tells him about his few choice of opening liners; He tells Kiyoomi how to spot red flags in a profile; He teaches Kiyoomi how to liven up a conversation, how to choose the right topic, and a lot of other things.

It's pretty insightful, if Kiyoomi says so himself.

They talk for two days straight just going over Atsumu's "online dating techniques".

In turn, Kiyoomi tells him about his dating experience so far both online and offline. They share worst date stories, most embarrassing date stories, most weird ones, and ever in between.

On the night before the third day, Kiyoomi tells Atsumu about his "3-Day Curse".

Kiyoomi: I can't believe you'll be the first one to break it

Atsumu: aww does that mean im special omi?

Kiyoomi: keep on dreaming, miya

Kiyoomi doesn't think much of it when the two of them are still talking nonstop during the third consecutive day. It doesn't mean anything, he reasons. They already know each other so technically they've been talking for more than 3 days already. It doesn't count.

With his newfound knowledge about the ins and outs of dating and flirting, Kiyoomi starts to try it on other people.

He tells Atsumu how things go, whether his tips worked. Atsumu teases him sometimes because "look at ya omi-omi being such a flirt im swooning"

Kiyoomi ignores him. But he follows more of Miya's advice.

Some are more successful than others. A few people make it pass the 3-day curse but Kiyoomi sooner or later loses interest and ghosts them himself.

He suddenly feels like there's something wrong with him.

Kiyoomi: i just can't understand why nobody's clicking

Atsumu: dont feel too pressured omi-kun

im sure you'll find someone soon!!!

Kiyoomi: i dont think i will

Atsumu: u will!!!!

trust me

Kiyoomi: now that's too much to ask

Atsumu: mean!

After a month of trying and failing, Kiyoomi gives up. He tells Atsumu that he's planning to uninstall the dating app permanently so they probably switch to a different messaging app.

They continue talking. This time, not about dating. They talk about everything and anything.

Despite the self-isolation and the social distancing, Kiyoomi didn't feel alone when talking to Atsumu. It's something he's never experienced before — feeling close to someone who is physically far away.

Sure, they live in the same city but they can't see each other. Not yet.

But that's okay. Kiyoomi is happy with just talking.

After a few months, they start doing video calls and watching movies or volleyball matches together while being on call. They do this sometimes with the team but it's different when it's just the two of them.

Kiyoomi likes it better when it's just the two of them.

When lockdown was lifted and restrictions started easing up, volleyball practice started up again with certain health protocols that Kiyoomi was more than happy to follow.

Seeing Atsumu for the first time in months brings a weird feeling in Kiyoomi's stomach that he can't quite explain.

Atsumu smiles at him the moment their eyes meet and Kiyoomi's stomach's flip.

Oh.

Oh no.

He likes Miya Atsumu.

He's not sure what changed but

Kiyoomi reinstalls the dating app he had deleted long ago and desperately tries to find Atsumu's profile.

Once he finds it, he immediately swipes right. No hesitation, no overthinking. No blaming it on sleep deprivation.

They match.

Atsumu messages him first.

Atsumu: fancy seeing u here again, omi-omi

Kiyoomi remembers Atsumu's online dating tips: "once you've talked to each other enough to get to know them, tell them directly if you like them and the next step asking them out on a date (i know we're in lockdown so we can't go out on a date but virtual dates are in right now, omi-omi u should def try it)"

Kiyoomi: i like you

would you like to go on a date with me?

Atsumu: ohohoho?

what's this?

Kiyoomi: you can say no if you want to

Atsumu: and what if i dont want to?

what then, omi-kun?

Kiyoomi: then say yes

Atsumu: pick me up at 8?

Kiyoomi: see you then

Sakusa Kiyoomi was never good at online dating or dating in general but his boyfriend definitely is.

#sakuatsu #haikyuu #sakusa kiyoomi #miya atsumu #bre's thread fics

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forcemelt · 11 months

Text

tehee a little post to share my thoughts on best ops coz i got nothing better to do at 4 am :3 though I'll just talk of the ops that go up to DP rn.

gonna be generally talking of nightmare mode there unless it doesn't have one or I mention otherwise, also from either a dps or heal perspective (my tanking experience is limited to the dread master arc ops on hm and even then I've only done them once or twice).

but anyway. to start off with ev or kp - i think they're actually kinda neat as ops to start out with, u got your basic mechanics and stuff. even a heal check on some of the bosses, though healing can oftentimes depend on how good the group is at taking damage rather than the encounters themselves. though ultimately I really don't care too much for these and don't find them particularly engaging.

then for the whole dread master arc ops - over time I've kinda grown to loathe SnV personally? I wouldn't say i actually hate it, but you got bosses like olok that are just a drag and then spending over 10 minutes on a "you cannot fight forever" styrak pull only to wipe due to an unlucky failed push during a manifestation rly changes a person. also I'm shit at pushes if I need to do them lol. I find that ops aight as heals tho. warlords are a pretty cool fight also.

then u got ec, can be fun to ie. reflect on as both dps and heals, some cool heal checks if ur healing. neat to do every once in a while but no strong feelings abt it. TfB is pretty fun and I think I prefer it over ec but doesn't mean I'd always wanna go for it over the other (ec def feels more chill..?).

leaving us with df and dp for now - this one is kinda funny bc Brontes might just be my favourite legacy nim fight, but I could also kinda couldn't care less for the other bosses except for maybe draxus (but even him I preferred before the boss hp nerf and r4 gear, from a dps perspective). I also kinda actively loathe grobthok because the magnet (which insta kills on nim) gives me the fear if I'm melee. but Brontes is just a fun fight to try and optimize at least with certain specs and particularly burn is something you can do a lot on (so much fun on IO honestly). anyway compared that to DP - feel like every boss has some fun or interesting things going (although I will say calphy can get a bit annoying esp if you wipe later in the fight and then have to do the phases again which sometimes feel like they drag on). council fight is pretty cool. also getting the timer on dp is extremely satisfying, since its probably the tightest one and you can afford one wipe (or two if its early into a fight) at best. overall I think I like DP out of the legacy ops the most but Brontes individually might be my favourite end boss out of them.

oki that's all might write stuff for the remaining ops tmw 😎

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only-lonely-lovers · 3 months

Text

09.26.2022

tags: scars, emaciated bodies, blowjobs, piv, menstruation (brief ment)

Bird is あ / Avvy is つ

あ：Oh right… something bird wants to contemplate more is thinking about the twins genuinely having an upsetting situation under their clothes. And this being brushed up against by Nene. since we were recently running a scenario where she handles Hanako being avoidant of even unzipping pants, i wish to also contemplate Nene really having to digest just how many layers there are… like… wait, haven't even touched him under his jacket… Get forlorn…

These things just naturally emerging as she enters 'having a boyfriend' brain and is like ;;;;; but i wanted to… experience…. things…… i want to….. touch…………. boyfriend

つ：I reaaally would like them to be disasters…. it would be a major trust moment for Hanako to finally let her peel him. but it could also be a very crushing angle of things, if you're having sex and such, and yet he won't let you see him topless, ever

nene is a simple thirsty girl, too…. i think she would really want the hotness of her boy open-shirt lounging being a slut.

maybe all the more reason to ask tsukasa first….. bc they are twins, and tsukasa would simply oblige. and have to confront that situation first

あ：juuust not willing to… and dodgy of hands slipping under anywhere. but god its literally hard to get at him, he's like a crab.

つ：pinch pinch

あ：wont let you get at my delicious meats

but yes i was thinking Tsukasa would be an ideal conduit for things. prep her while also being warm and obliging

つ：I would like the element of spookiness to really mean Hanako's situation isn't in any way conventionally sexable, and leans closer to feeling like fucking a corpse if you did strip him down at all

I reaaally like the idea of it being fullbody messed up. picture perfect tells us nothing as the illusion even had the power to hide his seal, or mitsuba's hand.

あ：Yes PP is really a full-scale illusion, their bodies feel like normal and warm and they have heartbeats

つ：Tsukasa, who is proud of his wounds and scarring, not at all presenting them like something shameful or upsetting despite nene's response, he would not falter

あ：sustained smile. he has faith in her though

つ：simply encourage her to feel it. Nene might ask him if Hanako-kun…. died similarly… or if… it was just, him…? upsetting for a moment, and slightly a bit of bargaining… like, maybe Hanako…. wasn't this thin and malnourished….. auh

あ：It's hard to stomach…

つ：but Tsukasa just warmly clarifying that they looked just alike…. but maybe reflecting after a moment like…. well..❤️ maybe he has some more booboos…💔

あ：^^ ….. ahe. you like Tsukasa being so unflappable because he'll still be like, ah, you wanted to touch, right? :3c [hand extended] [grabby grabby] but i feel like Nene does have to commit like 6.6 welcome to being a corpsefucker sweetie…

つ：being entangled with the twins should feel ghoulish, if you could peel them. ahh but i'd love consequences to her touching tsukasa, and giving tsukasa the impression she likes or wants this. its funny 'cuz its not as if i'm a person rly into naked skin, but you know…. its fun if his actual body would be triggering, to hanako. maybe just shrug the top half of the outfit off during a session together and make Hanako panic

but I think even if he wanted to quickly hide Tsukasa's body, he'd be arrested by SEEING the wound and unable to move not a bad time to start unbuttoning Amane like🎵

あ：unbuttons you

but i do rly think its like this for a sec

つ：

あ：its true despite not being here for nakies rly. liking all the clothes. i just like the thought of having to confront it yk

tsukasa unbuttons you like a nice doting girl in something fixing someone's outfit does it all affectionately

つ：you like Hanako having to feel ah… humbled… really…. unfortunately, while i know he's not top shelf to most, he does act like he's hot shit….. thinking about him actually getting very gnnnnn ddoont look--!! is, ahhh… gap moe

あ：He's usually so unchallenged in his mind he is #1 handsy boy in the room

but things moving faster than he's ready for is like moe. [clutches the ends of my button up like a girl trying to hide behind a towel] once he catches up. like h- HEY

つ：[Tsukasa stares at him with no mouth for a minute]

あ：[they just stare eyeball to eyeball for a min]

つ：[Nene slowly reaches forward and starts undoing a button while they're stuck]

あ：get a hand between this

it would make hanako feel so like . AND YOU??/

つ：like noooo! betrayal

あ：once again stare in shock for a min like mghh why do you two conspire…. against me

つ：but ah maybe at some point he'd hit that moment of. fine okay you want to see if tsukasa's already showing off his ….

hanako's being, worse… i like to think he was very careful killing tsukasa, and its more… precise? while stabbing himself would have been uncontrolled by nature, more, nasty, jagged and then… the wounds across the body, in general

あ：i do think it's the sort of thing you can't fight really, if it's already known facts. its like. okay. fine fine… if yashiro knows what she is "getting into". that's her business

つ：teach you to leave my gakuran on, idiot...

あ：ahh i feel like nene would really have to think about the boy getting his wounds bandaged by tsuchigomori… like…………. right…………………….. I know this… gotta be heart pounding loudly in ears… uahh… but also it's excitement from like… it's happening….

つ：I think she's horny despite it all

あ：yosh. like mghh boyfriend… touch doin it…

つ：the vulnerability…. the signs of Hanako's, tragedy. the…. skin… ribs…. seeing how Tsukasa and his wounds correspond…. maybe she can just faintly feel the artistry of it.

あ：in the end i think she can't avoid how touching skin to skin will make her feel… whole planes… like ah,,, havent gotten do this yet… running hands across belly…

kfsdgh… on hanako's end i do think he's like… god.. yashiro.. a freak… she's like staring so hard and breathing heavy and face flushed. whats wrong w her

つ：you were supposed to be appalled and embarrassed to have again forgotten i am a ghoul it is like. furrows brow she is just moving to lay over you and rubbing down sides and feeling dip before pelvis…. ueh. looks at tsukasa, like, you see this? wtf? but tsukasa is just purring

あ：[wasn't ready for that either] it's like he looks at tsukasa and they make sustained eyecontact LOOKS. AWAY. sheesh…….. [twists and throws arm over face.]

つ：if nene gives tsukasa some space to share this all tsukasa will lick the scars

あ：hmm one of those gestures that makes the room more humid light gets dimmer

つ：mmm lights flicker

but it would be nice if nene seeing that was switch flipped to llkjmh,. ohhh working with tsukasa…. nene could aim to jerk hanako off and blow him, with tsukasa giving attention to the exposed wounds

would make hanako feel like WHATS WRONG WITH MY- GIRLS, dklkf;kld;gjdfkg whine why am i-- why would anyone want to make this horny

あ：IT LITERALLY SHOULDN'T HAPPEN LIKE THIS hmm but painfully hard about it… reactive… nene can feel this.

the sort of thing that really makes you want to strangle tsukasa in the middle of this

つ：what an interesting show for nene, to be able to look up and see tsukasa's situation… i imagine he's very lounging mostly laying. seeing both of their… bodies…. despite it all, i think for the simple girl, it's, erotic.

sympathetically takes off her top. it makes hanako's propeller hat spin

あ：zizz

つ：tsukasa is like WOO PARTY

あ：like oh what are we doing my whores. submits and puts a hand on both of their heads

Hanako is so stubborn though, I feel like after an experience like this he'd still go… 'okay, you got your fill.' and not expect to ever do it again w Would make a face if someone started unbuttoning him again. like. what you need more??

つ：it's 'fine', tolerable if its some sort of… 1 time ritual. is it a fetish…? worrisome i dont want you to. fetishize my. sick body

____________________

あ：being besot with visions of hanako fucking nene doggystyle while tsukasa is laying underneath nene on his belly. and he casually takes Hanako's cock out of her pussy and sucks on the tip while lazily jerking him off.

ahmmn and. Hanako very pointedly waiting until he can tell Nene is on her period so he starts to eat her out, on his knees sticking head under her uniforms dress, pulls out tampon. in this context she's never felt anything like this. tfw this kind of motion is rly hanako-appropriate, just disregarding anything Nene says or does or feel about it. so selfish… going to stick it in anyways. but also being so streamlined at this point that after finishing he can whistle Tsukasa over to clean bloody cock with mouf… the ah sorta thing that would be like, too. like unclassy to instruct Nene to do, so it is saddled onto Tsukasa. And Nene watches like

つ：ah I love Tsukasa becoming indulgent rat. Feeling like mmm but I wanna feel it… homf. In my mind once he makes this adjustment to BJ, Hanako freezes for a little while just arms around Nene registering what's happening. Like…….. Tsukasa…. funny for Nene to be like [out of it] aouhh sssex stopped..?? whynnn.. [hears blowjob sounds] oh…. thats good for him [warm]

ahh but it would be cute for Nene to have a day she's like mmghh Tsukasa-kun aagklfjgl no please… [IMPATIENT!!] and she reaches down to take it back from Tsukasa and guide Hanako back inside.. Hanako is observing this like… god, my hot commodity….

oooh everyone just needs it, huh. nobody thinks about my own feelings [high on ego]

あ：nyehh I like both truly… the thought of Nene being like, mid pound & needing it so bad, or, like in a mood thats like. nouuu i need h;is come

#22 #ghosties #i

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webslingingslasher · 8 months

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hiii it's sleepover anon again :’) another long update ahahah. i was able to talk to them the day after my bday thru vid call!

they basically said that they were talking abt me bc it was just randomly brought up when they were tgt waiting for me to arrive to bff1's house on the day of the sleepover/dinner party, and they thought that me being delusional over the guy was funny.. i mean, sure yeah it is pretty funny but 1) someone *must* have brought it up bc how else would that convo even happen while they were waiting for me 😭 i don't believe it was "random".. 2) they were still laughing abt me behind my back ? i mean, yk we could've done that together lol bc i rly was silly ngl. but i said that i'm not ashamed about it even if they think i was being too much bc first of all that guy actually showed interest and he implied lots of times that he did like me sooooo it's only natural to feel that way ? 🙁 i wasn't going to not let myself not feel anything abt it bc i just wanted to have fun 😭 and even if he was sus, which we all thought at first b4 i got close to him, i stuck around w him bc he was the only person i knew in one of my classes cuz we were also classmates in the previous term.. then we got close bc we helped each other n yk stuff happened but it was also for the sake of common decency. and i rly was just fucking around to find out bc i wanted to know even tho he was sus.. and now i know and there's actual proof that he's just not it. i wasn't going to cut him off or smth without reason or proof lol i'd end up being the bad guy despite what we all thought ab him at first :// but now i do have a good enough reason that i can back up n thats why i stopped talking to him. simple as that

also bff2 alr felt bad enough bc she realized that drunk her isn't a good person so i didn't feel the need to crush her abt the stuff she said abt our other friend lmaooo.. i could've but nah she was alr depressed enough i'm just glad she's aware now. i did mention it tho and i said it was just plain mean..

but it's also quite funny to think they were making fun of me for being so head over heels when they don't even have experience 😭 they don't even know what it's like to have someone interested in them at least.. like one time when i was talking to him for like 2 whole days, bff2 once told me she was jelly of me and him bc she's never gotten to talking stage w anyone.. n then after all that they were laughing abt me like lol ok :\\

anw i just told them that i don't appreciate how they talked abt me without my presence bc whatever they said to each other was smth they could actually say to my face.. it's smth i'd laugh abt too yknow.. but they apologized tho which is good but honestly i don't rly trust them now after all that.. their insecurities spilled onto their perception of me + our other friend like yikes i don't rly want insecure friends who laugh abt me behind my back i want supportive and non-judgmental ones!! it's not even hard to be kind 😭 glad i went to that sleepover n that i went thru him tho even tho it was just bs bc i found out the truth abt my friends.. bottom line is i don't have trustworthy friends so i'm just going to keep my distance.. we r still 'friends' i don't want to cut them off but i'm just not telling them anything anymore and i'm not talking to them unless they msg to talk to me first or if i need them for smth lol

anw thats it for this whole drama thank you sm for listening omg HAHAH 😭😭💗💗 also jsyk i am one of the emoji anons haha i just didn't rly want to associate the drama w it but yes. tysm for the safe space u created on here<33 and thank you for taking ur time to always talk to us even if it's a lot to go thru one by one🥹🫶🫂❤️‍🩹

WAIT UR AN EMPJI ANON?????? NAH CAUSE NOW IM TRYA FIGURE IT OUT

also!!! let’s go boundary queen!!! nice to know it was all bc they’re jealous.

#thanks anon!

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saetoru · 10 months

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Hi I've been following your blog for ages and I love ur writing and I think ur spitfire personality is so funny to see on dash too hehe. I haven't really interacted before bc im shy 😭 but yday one of your rbs struck a chord with me and I thought I'd finally break the ice

That post about telling white people to kill themselves xyz idk I just think it was quite a sad statement overall and idek if you agree with that take or entertain it at all but I feel like its so common all over tumblr :/

Its 1000% fair to call out people who are entitled and privileged, esp after generations of discrimination and trauma (Im a poc too and I've had my fair share of marginalisation) but to make such a sweeping statement about a whole race of people...

Theres lovely white people, and I've met some genuinely amazing, down to earth ones throughout my life who couldn't give a shit about what colour my skin is. On the other hand there's other white people who blatantly hate you for looking a certain way.

In the same way, there's amazing poc whilst there's also terrible ones too. I worked in retail for a year and both times I cried was because a POC verbally abusing me. One of my own race, telling me I should take off my hijab because I "don't know manners" after she screamed at me to return her items and I said I wasn't allowed to because she didn't have a tag which funnily enough is also racism.

The only point I'm trying to make is that unironically the world isn't black and white, and I feel like making sweeping statements about a whole race of people just feeds into the vicious cycle of hate that we're all trying to break out of in the first place.

I feel like saying this on tumblr on your own account is social suicide because everyone's so like omg white people kys 🙄🙄🙄🙄 so I thought I'd talk to you instead because you're eloquent, have a big platform and tbh I just wanna know more ab your takes on it all

hi !! while i’m very glad you think i’m an eloquent person to talk about this, and i’m flattered you think highly of me as motioned above, i think i’ll have to drop this topic with the simple fact that i think the humor of that reblogged post was that the blog dm’d someone and explained why they wanted to block them, that they didn’t know how to block them, and asked if the other person could block them for them. it was just the humor of that concept i think that made that post blow up and the irony of messaging someone u want to remove.

i don’t tell white ppl to kts for simply being white and i don’t think ppl should do that, but i also don’t rly want to get into racial discussions rn bc i don’t think that was the real point of that post.

anyway i appreciate ur thoughts—they were all interesting points and ur experiences are all valid and i’m sorry you went thru them, and i didn’t want to ignore u, but i hope u can understand i’m not rly looking to start this discussion !!

#asks!

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necromanticfemme · 2 years

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i had a rly similar experience w/ an older guy at 14🥺💞 i’m so sorry. all that sounds familiar, but for me going no contact with him was the right thing to do. if you feel ok to share,, what was the emotional abuse like?

i'm so sorry that we've both been through this.

some further venting and stuff below:

sometimes i still struggle to feel like im allowed to call it emotional abuse, especially since i really didn't recognise any of it as genuinely harmful at the time. it was just a lot of little things that he'd play off as funny and quirky about our dynamic, like the fact that i was the only one in our friend group who had never had an argument with him or left the group chat. when he disagreed with someone else it was always really messy and horrible and so i just never disagreed with him and i think he liked that about me, how much i was willing to twist myself to get along with him. on the surface it was really funny and cute how our dynamic seemed to fit, since i was always

it was only really earlier this year when i was really severely struggling with my mental health that i realised how much talking to him about my problems made me feel worse since he had this way of dismissing and minimising every issue i would talk about, but he'd play it off as him trying to comfort me and thinking that was what was good for me, even after i told him repeatedly that it just made me more upset when he told me my problems didn't matter. he'd say stuff like 'i'm sorry that talking to me is such a burden for you. why are you even friends with me if i'm clearly such a struggle for you.' when i'd try and express a boundary, very classic shit lmao.

and i guess on a wider level, probably not even very intentionally, he just had this way of making me second guess my own thoughts. i remember one of the few fights we had before this year was after i was really upset with the results of a drama competition i was in and i was complaining about some of the systemic and class-related issues in my area and how the resources of the school that won were directly related to their win. he basically just started belittling me and telling me that i was wrong about this and everything i did and maybe i just wasn't as good as i thought i was and i was just lying to myself about other factors to feel better. even when i explain this whole thing to other people i get really paranoid and feel like people will agree with him and think I'm stupid and full of myself and like. the way that he said all of that really fucked me up and kind of set me back a lot mentally since I've struggled really badly with my self-esteem and imposter syndrome for a really long time and he KNEW all of that and still said these really horrible things that he knew would send me into tailspin of self-hatred.

also idk if it really counts since like,,, it was good for me in the end even if the way he approached it was dodgy but he basically got me to break up with my partner when i was 17 in a way that i now feel a little iffy about, since he was the only person i really talked to about it and he sort of goaded me into doing it when i was having second thoughts.

it definitely wasn't very good of me either but once after a fight we had (where we were both in the wrong) i was feeling really upset with the way he handled conflicts and i was desperate for some feeling of connection with someone who KNEW him and his emotions in the same way i did and i requested his ex on Instagram and i didn't even message her or do anything but bc he stalked her religiously he saw that she had accepted and that i followed her now and he basically just went off at me accusing me of trying to conspire with her to ruin his life and telling me i was stupid for thinking she would agree with me and telling me i was horrible and needed mental help (i mean i did but not in the way that he meant it lol) etc etc etc. like it wasn't like i was 100% in the right because the argument that we had i got far too invested bc of some of the personal shit i was going through at the time but like. it was just really really horrible.

that's just some of the stuff ive been thinking about i guess anon, tbh it has been really helpful to type this all out because as i read it back I'm like wow. if this were someone else's story id be like holy shit that's awful I'm so sorry. and that rlly helps me remember that I'm not insane or making things up or just being dramatic. and even if his version of things is different from mine, what remains is the fact that he hurt me really badly over a period of years. it feels like a self-fulfilling prophecy almost, like he made me promise at one point that i wouldn't stop talking to him once i started uni and got a whole new life with new friends and stuff like his ex did which. is p much exactly what happened this year lol. anyways im thriving as much as can be reasonably expected in the current climate and my life is genuinely a lot better without the constant stress of trying to keep up a friendship with him,,

#it probably says a lot that i got paranoid for a second that this ask was secretly from him trying to 'gotcha!' me about his behaviour #like im 99% sure he doesnt know this blog but. man he did a number on my brain lol #anyways lol

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oh-katsuki · 2 years

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nooo, now I'm curious abt the girl bossing thoughts

are youuuuu???? i have many many many to spare.

this is mostly just my personal opinion on the trend, mixed in with some history of the patriarchy, so take it with a grain of salt. just a disclaimer.

i think that trend was born out of the pressure women face to behave in a way that allows us to fit into our patriarchal society. we are taught, from a very young age, to be meek, quiet, easygoing, nurturing, submissive, etc etc etc., especially in conversation with men. it's only been the last 80 years or so that women have taken a widely acknowledged role in society, but that doesn't mean that society has adapted to that socially. in fact, its obvious that it hasn't yet.

men have been doing the "gatekeep and gaslight" shit to us for centuries. it's actually so normalized in men's behavior within certain communities that a lot of women don't even recognize it. and it's very very commonly used to belittle the emotions, achievements, or experiences of a woman. for men, gaslighting and gatekeeping has been the norm for centuries.

women were not allowed to take roles outside of the home, women were not permitted to have their own bank accounts, women are meant to bear children, etc etc etc. we've been kept from the world stage for so long. not to mention men consistently using women's "emotions" as an excuse before proceeding to belittle them. i mean... for the longest time women were thought to make bad leaders because we "overreact".

most of the time... when we use that trend, we are literally just referring to having strong opinions. it's not gatekeeping or gaslighting. it's just a woman having a strong personality and strong opinions and being told by the patriarchy that it's wrong. so that "gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss" trend was born out of women standing up for themselves, their opinions, and their beliefs without shame against an opposing force (usually men). it's a complete satire. and it's fucking funny. because women (and female presenting people) have been suffering at the hands of the patriarchy for the entirety of our existence.

so personally, when i hear that trend using words i commonly associate with men being used in something by and for women, i tend to lean in favor of it. that's not to say two wrongs make a right. don't go around treating people like shit because "gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss". but i'd be fucking lying to myself and all of you if i said that behaving like an "evil woman" doesn't feel good. some guy wants to act like he knows more about shit than you do despite being equally qualified? gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss. you wanna make fun of him for his toxic masculinity that tries to put you in a “woman’s place”? gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss. someone is being a cunt and overstepping your boundaries? gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss. because it doesn't MEAN to actually fucking gaslight the people you're with. it means to assert yourself.

the trend doesn't apply to the real definition of those things. you're not meant to be walking around acting like a cunt when you're "girlbossing" but you are meant to be walking around acting like a man. that's the entire point of that trend. so i am going to keep being an evil woman and asserting myself and my boundaries. i will keep flexing knowledge to men who speak over me in a bitchy way. because women today deserve to get to have a joke about the way we've been treated. sorry not sorry.

i got rly aggressive in that bc I'm quite passionate. but yk whaaaaaaattt?? gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss or whatever!!!!!

#[ 🏩 – chatting ]#it's very late so this many be a bit incoherent #also i did get a bit uhhhh passionate but I'm not angry #i love u thank u for letting me ramble #tw: sexism #tw: misogyny #id like to be VERY clear that it's not an excuse to do to others what has been done to us #kindness is very important #and gaslighting and genuinely manipulating those around you is a SHITTY thing to do #but that joke??? has nothing to do with that and everything to do with the historical oppression of women #it's (according to my own opinion) very likely that that's why the joke is so funny and resonates with so many women

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