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Adora, Catra, and Glimmer and their Relationships to Destiny

She-ra covers a lot of topics in surprising depth, but the one I want to talk about right now is it’s dissection on destiny. It takes a long hard look at the topic through it’s three female leads Catra, Adora, and Glimmer. It’s surprising how much overlap there is and how each character is used as a direct foil to the others in regards to the show’s exploration of destiny.

Adora

Adora has a complicated relationship with destiny. Throughout the series until the series finale she has continually followed false destinies first with shadow weaver and the horde then with she-ra and light hope then finally with the failsafe. Adora has had false destinies forced upon her and she feels she has no way out, that she can’t refuse the call. She actually feels secure in knowing she has a destiny. It’s a path to follow, a purpose, and without a purpose what’s the point of her? At least that’s what she believes. She places her entire self worth on what she can do for other people to the point of self destruction. She is willing to answer the call no matter the cost even if it’s not what she wants. But Adora was never meant to succeed in any of her false destinies. It was always someone else using her for their own gain. All of her sacrifice would be for nothing.

Her breaking the sword in destiny isn’t her refusing the call. She believes her purpose is to protect etheria and those she cares about and by breaking the sword she is “killing” a part of herself to answer that call. Just like how she left the one person she cared most about and her entire life behind to answer that same call in the pilot. Just like her taking on the failsafe and accepting her, what she believes to be, inevitable death. In a weird way every time she rejects the call from someone else (shadow weaver, light hope, the first ones, etc) she is leaning harder into the idea of her purpose and sacrifice defining who she is, which is in and of itself a false destiny and self fulfilling prophecy that almost gets Adora killed time and time again.

Adora is never given a choice in any of her other false destinies (in fact she was actively conditioned to believe that she had no choice by shadow weaver and light hope. Adora was made to believe that she was meant to answer a higher call and neglect her own needs and wants) so she feels that the call to protect etheria and her friends isn’t a choice either. To Adora it’s the reason she exists. She is what she can do for other people. She is stuck in her own cycle of service and sacrifice that was forced upon her by shadow weaver and others.

Catra

Catra, like Adora, follows a destiny she thinks has been forced upon her. She feels the role of the villain is her only choice. At first it was a role forced onto her by shadow weaver then it became a way to prove to everyone she felt hurt her and didn’t believe in her that she was capable, that she was strong, but then the farther she went the more she believed that there was no other path for her. She felt she had to continue because she had gone too far to turn back and so she had to make something of it all. She felt she was proving shadow weaver, the source of her trauma, wrong by gaining power and relevance within the horde and etheria, but also that she was proving shadow weaver right, that she was a horrible, good for nothing person that only hurts those around her. She felt trapped within this destiny (the cycle of abuse and violence).

She continues to double down and claw her way up to the top which culminates in her defeat of Hordak. She is the sole leader of the horde, she has clawed her way up and defeated all of those that were above her, and yet she has lost everything. She has lost everyone who ever actually cared about her and to make matters worse the power she strove after all these seasons was decimated in one fell swoop by Glimmer mainly because of her own actions (though Glimmer’s plan was smart). Glimmer would not have been successful if Catra hadn’t overworked the troops, been lying to Hordak, sent Entrapta to beast island, pushed Scorpia away, put faith in double trouble who she knows is hired help who knows no loyalties, and taken even a little bit of care of herself. It’s in this moment where she’s at her lowest that she is given the brutal and (only partially true because shadow weaver was definitely not pushed away by her. Shadow weaver just sucks.) eye opening speech by double trouble.

Catra has fallen victim to her own self-fulfilling prophecy just like Adora does during the series. Both had these cycles/destinies forced upon them by shadow weaver and her abuse and can’t see a way out. They feel they have to continue down their respective paths of self destruction because it’s their only choice

Glimmer

Glimmer isn’t like Catra or Adora. She never had a destiny forced upon her, but she wanted one. She wanted to be the hero, to save all of etheria. Glimmer wants glory and power. This isn’t to say that Glimmer is a bad person, far from it in fact, just that she has shortcomings that blinded her to the truth: that she didn’t have a destiny, but that doesn’t make anything she does less meaningful than what Adora does.

A large part of her season 4 arc is about her clashing with Adora over her feeling as though Adora is failing in her destiny and won’t take the necessary steps to win, but that she can. Adora isn’t willing to use the dirty tactics to beat the horde, but she is. Adora isn’t willing to use all of her resources like shadow weaver, but she is. Adora isn’t willing to fire off the heart of etheria, but she is. Because of all of this Glimmer starts to believe in her own way that Adora is failing as the hero and in her destiny and if that’s the case Glimmer will take that destiny. Adora is meant to finish off the horde by activating the heart of Etheria and since she won’t Glimmer takes that destiny from her. There is a conflicting mix of anger, desperation, pain, and pride that push her to do this, but it still all ends with her going to light hope to take Adora’s destiny for herself and her using Catra’s tactics to take the horde down from the inside.

She in a way takes the forced destinies of Catra and Adora on for herself. She believes, like Catra, that she has to make it all worth it, all the loss her and her people have gone through, which is what leads her down her spiral like how it led Catra down her spiral this same season.

How it all concludes in the 5th season

As I’ve said above all of their struggles with destiny come to a head in season 4’s finale. Glimmer in taking on the destinies of others ends up making a grave mistake that almost ends the world and universe. Adora effectively “kills” she-ra to answer her calling to protect etheria. Catra has climbed her way to the top of the horde, but has lost all the power she thought she wanted and had to strive for at the same time. All of these in their own way subvert the expectations of each character and force them to take a hard look in season 5 at themselves and their destiny.

Catra is forced into a situation where she is effectively powerless and is faced with the same decision she had at the end of season 3. This time she decides to take action against destroying the universe. She hasn’t erased her mistakes, but has shown that she has grown from them. In this decision she has started to break free from the cycle she was stuck in. It isn’t until the episode “Taking Control” that she fully starts to break the cycle. She makes the decision to live and face her mistakes instead of die or run from them. This is Catra breaking free from her destiny. It’s through facing her mistakes that Catra is able to grow and become the person she always was instead of the person she felt she had to be. Catra’s struggle with destiny was always that she felt she had to be someone else, that it was the only way to protect herself and prove others wrong. It’s through actual acceptance, care, and compassion shown to her that she is able to break free from this mindset. Obviously the journey isn’t over, it’s something she will always have to work on, but she has made significant strides and wants to continue making them. Her destiny is her own choosing.

Adora is a bit more difficult because she backslides in a big way in the fifth season. She starts out the season having difficulty adjusting to no longer having her destiny as she-ra and she seems to come to terms with the absence of this destiny by the time she leaves earth. And in “Save the Cat’’ she actively goes against her calling and destiny she believes she has to follow. She puts saving Catra above the universe. She won’t leave the ship without Catra and the odds of her getting out, especially without she-ra, were practically non-existent and she knew this going in. This is the first time in the series that Adora really makes a choice that is for herself not her calling. This ironically is what brings back she-ra, one of her false destinies, but this time she-ra is a manifestation of Adora and her will, not that false destiny. Once Adora returns to Etheria and is faced with the failsafe and shadow weaver she backslides back into a false destiny pushed onto her by shadow weaver. She takes on the failsafe and decides that being sacrificed is a better outcome than letting horde prime get the heart. She is fully prepared to die and Catra sees this. Catra becomes the first person to ask Adora what it is that she wants. Adora can’t answer. Her needs and wants are unimportant next to her destiny. “It was always going to end like this.” To Adora this end was inevitable. But then Catra comes back and decides to stay with her when she activates the failsafe. It’s in this moment of selfless love from Catra that Adora is able to break free from the coffin of her abuse and reach for what she wants. In doing so she is able to break the cycle of service and sacrifice. She has let herself want to live and have a future which is what saves her. It’s what lets her break free from her destiny.

Glimmer is once again different. She doesn’t have a destiny to break free from. But from taking on the false destinies of Catra and Adora Glimmer is able to gain perspective that she didn’t before. She understands to a much greater degree what drove Catra to where she is now. Their similarities are no longer a point of contention but rather a point of connection. The new perspective Glimmer has allows her to reach out to Catra and see the potential for good that she was so adamant didn’t exist in earlier seasons. She’s able to see the shades of grey within people unlike before (ex. “Bad people don’t change” in the price of power). It allows herself to see her own flaws with much more clarity such as her desire for power and glory, jealousy, quick temper, etc and grow. She’s able to see the shades of grey within herself. This also allows her to accept that she doesn’t have a destiny, but her actions are just as important as anyone else’s. It doesn’t negate all the good she’s done or will do. This allows her to find the power within herself to defeat her father and protect all the princesses in the final battle with horde prime. Glimmer isn’t defined by this lack of destiny. It’s an interesting foil to Catra and Adora who always felt trapped within destinies. Glimmer felt trapped because of her lack of one like she was limited because of it, but it’s once she discovers that she isn’t, that she can create her own path, that she’s able to create her biggest positive impacts which is rather fitting.

Actiontoongorlz's Top 8 Canon x OC Ships 💖💖

I've been looking at OTP/Couples memes for a while and decided that it's time for me to make my own! For an extra surprise I'm not putting Ben Tennyson x Jora Holiday on this list because I focus too much on them anyways & I want my other OCs & their loves to have the spotlight for a change. The timing couldn't be more perfect as we're close to Valentine's Day!!! If you don't support canon x oc or find my ships displeasing then move along because this is a Happy Place! 😁😁 Again these are couples that I consider my personal OTPs in regards to canon x oc. That and making more content with my ships in general! Be warned the text is long and contains spoilers for certain shows and such!!

Clarify: these are my own ocs so there's not going to be anyone else's oc/canon. I might have to save that for another post in the future! 💚 But yeah these are characters that I came up with :]

Alright I'm done ranting, let's get started!

1. Sonic x Lani: I never quite gave much thought into this pair as I should so I promise to do something with them in the future! I promise! What I appreciate about SonLani is that there's little drama, like everything is super chill because both parties are chill. It's not a big deal and they don't need grand gestures to show how much they care about each other. Unlike Preboot Archie with its carts full of poorly written romance and strangely OOC moments on Sonic's end, SonLani had a lot of time to grow, while keeping his established personality in check. They actually communicate with each other, and stick by each other thick and thin. Lani loves Sonic for who he is & has no plans on changing him. Likewise Sonic has someone he can rely on when things get tough; not to mention he can really be himself around her without going all "iLl sLOw dOWn fOr U." Plus the ship name I gave them is a huge nod to the games ^_^

2. Jason x Vanessa: A recent pair due to Vanessa being a new creation but I'm honestly in love with them right now. In-universe they are regarded as the prime example of 'Opposites Attract' in Odyssey. They didn't get along very well in Jason's first couple of months in town due to his hardheaded self and her aloof demeanor. But through events such as Blackgaard and Novacom they gradually learn to trust one another. They see each other in a different light, Vanessa realising that Jason is a lot more thoughtful than he lets on, and Jason discovering her hidden fun side and kindness. Vanessa provides challenges and a sense of normalcy Jason can enjoy away from spy business. Meanwhile Jason fulfills her thirst of adventure & simultaneous desire for a peaceful life as well as spirituality. They're a equals, regarding each other as such and not to mention the BANTER! Hard to believe a former nun can keep up with a secret agent both physically and trading barbs XD. There's also the Forbidden Love factor of Vanessa being the duaghter of Regis Blackgaard, Jason defending her because he KNOWS she is nothing like her old man. Their friendship and romance overcome so many obstacles. I can honestly say that if Vanessa was canon she'd be the type of person Jason would like to be with especially over Jillian Marshall *gags*

3. Kaysha Wallace x Leo Hamato: Now here's a ship that I want to get more into 😁😁 Honestly I love the idea of this pairing: the serious leadee x bubbly spirit! Kaysha is very perky yet understands Leo's feelings on shouldering so much responsibility (she being the oldest child in her family). She's very willing to support him because she doesn't want to see him get all weary from burden. Likewise Leo can be himself around her, and teach her to be more responsible. He doesn't doubt her potential and sees her as an equal even during those periods where she was not on par with the other ninja. Kaysha shows Leo it's okay to relax and let other people help him out and not shut everyone out. When Leo expresses his ability to give her a safe life she simply laughs it off; the way she sees it him simply there in her life is enough. The most interesting facet is their dynamic varies between shows, so you'd see different scenarios and reactions as well as similarities and differences in their romance subplot.

4. Artie x Rhodanthe: Another couple I seriously need to give more attention to, they're meant to be is the foil to Shrek and Fiona in several ways. Artie and Rho may come from different social classes but they're both searching for a purpose to prove their haters wrong. Artie lacked confidence while Rho was overconfident believing she didn't need help. Together Artie learns to stand up for not only for his kingdom and loved ones hut also for himself; Rho's pride gets tempered by Artie's kindness and willingness to compromise. Another thing I like is that Artie has someone who loves him for him not because he is attractive and of royal blood. Likewise Rho has someone who respects her in spite of her social standing & shares her beliefs in making life easier for the poor & outcasts. While both lacke the physical prowess of Shrek and Fiona they rely on each other's resourcefulness and strategic thinking to get by. Unlike Shrek and Fiona they don't get married at the end of their focus movie, resolving to figure out where to take their relationship next. They still have their own life goals and don't want to rush into a relationship which sends a pretty good message. However they have their disagreements - in fact they got a huge argument that became a plot point in Shrek Forever After - but through it all they rediscover the things that made them fall in true love with each other. I'm really loving the subplot I have planned where they forget their memories and slowly fall back in love again.

5. Finn x Alma: Surprise! Yes8 I have a Cars OC (that was originally a fanon Disney Princess) who is the niece of Tow Mater in my verse and she enters a relationship with Finn McMissile. The thing I love about this pair is that it allows Alma to use her skills to flourish, treating amd healing injured spies. She's also into travel and adventure so she can pretty much keep up with Finn. Likewise Finn realizes she is more than just a pretty face or a one-off fling but someone with the passion to face challenges head on; Finn seems to love a good challenge! But overall they'd make a nice pairing, Finn showing Alma the world and Alma showing Finn some of the more simpler things in life.

6. Alexander Paine & Qiu Jin: Well well well look at what the cat dragged in? If it isn't our first villain pairing? XD Just kidding only one half is a genuine villain. What makes this couple so unique in that their storyline goes way back to before the events of the show, he being a agent and she a mechanic. They loved each other deeply, even to the point of starting a family, but forced apart due to some troubling events. When they do get back together it's not so much a bittersweet reunion as Paine became a full villain and Qiu Jin had spent years in&out mental institution before being released There's visible pain & regret, Alexander desperately wanting a semblance of what they once had. He seeks power not just for himself for to heal her. But Jin refuses to go along with his schemes wanting nothing more than to move on and see their children. Jin is a huge Mortality Pet for him, but his own selfish desires for power is a major obstacle their love can't overcome. It's the more bittersweet of my pairings but an important one nonetheless.

7. Bruce Wayne x Nicola Holden: Ok the Brooding Guy/Gentle Girl trope is a mixed bag these days but I really like this trope in regards to Brucola. Like with Artie/Rho, Bruce and Nicola come from different social classes but has that same compassion and drive to help others. Nicola is someone Bruce can trust but at the same time she lets him know there are boundaries (aka don't use my weaknesses as a contingency plan). I also feel like Bruce needs a sort of normal love interest, while he has canon normal girlfriends most of them were pretty boring. At least with Nicola she has has a life outside being a love interest her own goals and motivations. She also loves Bruce for him, not because of his money and good looks. It's a generally healthy dynamic built on honesty & empathy. Another reason why I find this pair adorable is that it actually matches with the rest of the Trinity; you know, like how Superman is with a journalist and Wondy is with a soldier/agent. Nicola & Bruce having different ways of pursuing justice while still sharing similar moral codes. It helps that Nicola is actually a hero rather than an antihero/villain/straight villain (Bruce dating a villan would only make him look like a hypocrite). Nicola sees all facets of Bruce's life and makes the choice to stay; provides some much needed light not just in his life but also the rest of the Batfam. In turn Bruce has another connection to the normal world that is willing to be in his life and see him genuinely happy. They're mature adults who ground each other and build each other up.

8. Optimus Prime x Malina Lovelace: Okay is it just me or do I think TFA Optimus Prime needs more love? What's funny is that at first Malina didn't like the thought of being outshined by newcomers in her superhero career. Spending time with Optimus makes her realize that there's more to being a superhero than fame. Optimus doesn't look down on her, and is more than willing to work with her and appreciate her work. She becomes touched by his friendliness and aceepts him and the other Bots. At the same time Malina reminds Optimus that it's okay to make mistakes and move on, and that it's okay to cut toxic people out. I even wrote a noncanon ficlet where Malina calls out Sentinel and Blackarachnia for the way they treat Optimus. OptMalina is a romance built on respect despite the obvious differences. Not to mention they have each other's back, and they learn about each other each time. And just like with KayLeo and BatRose there's different continuities which means unique versions of the Optlina pair. The Bayverse *chortle* and Prime versions are a few I'd love to explore in the future!

Miscellaneous

- Chad Charming x Soraya Nedakh: Essentially snobby rich kid who learns to be self sufficient and see past appearances through a positive influence. Soraya helps Chad to understand that being royalty isn't just pretty clothes and parties but actually using that status to help others. And Chad actually has his views challenged: Soraya doesn't back down easily.

- Jetta x Zane: The concept of JettaZane (or A Touch Of Snow/IceMagic) is that the robot teaches the human what it's like to be human. Jetta started out as an extremely cold person and a loner, but her time with Zane - the literal ninja of ice - gradually melts her heart & she becomes more caring and accepting. So the robot programmed to be human helps the human raised to be a cold machine unlearn her toxic traits and reclaim her humanity. Also Pixane is kinda boring imo, like they're only together because they're both robots. Not very compelling if you ask me.

- Brian Crown x Kelly Arbol: The wellmeaning goofball and the beatnik poet are something I rarely see much of, but that pretty much sums up their ship. Brian may be a bit self centered but he has a heart of gold and through Kelly's influence he becomes more confident in being a worthy successor to his dad. Meanwhile Brian respects Kelly in and out costume and teaches her how to have fun. Not to mention Kelly interacts with someone outside her circle, which is a welcome change from the trope of only dating someone within your circle.

- Janus Lee x Lenora Rose: Another pair from the same show as Paine and Qiu Jin, there's not much to say on them other than it's one of the most tragic couples. Lenora died a long time ago due to circumstances beyond her & Mr. Lee's control and it's her death that was the catalyst to his gradual descent into evil. As the show goes on we see glimpses of their life together and realize that Lenora is more than the Ghost, she was someone with her own dreams and motivations. She and Janus were outcasts who found companionship in each other, and were able to build a life together using their hard-earned resources to help others. Even in the last few months of her life she didn't go down without a fight, wanting her legacy to be one of love and hope. It's her memory that may be the key to redeeming Mr. Lee in the future of A.T.O.M.

- Ben Florian x Paige: Again not much else to say but they're the antithesis of Mal x Ben. One thing that bothers me about Mal & Ben is that they are supposed to be equals when it's pretty darn obvious from the scenes they were not. With PaigeBen it's clear that they ARE equals who respect each other. Ben's agency isn't reduced to just love interest, he has someone he has good communication with and wants to see him succeed. Paige has someone who shares her interests and see her more than just that One American Newbie. They LEARN to work together without love potions involved. Plus we haven't had a commoner Disney Princess in a while so Paige fills in as someone who works her way into high status then uses that status to help others with Ben at her side.

That's enough of my Canon x OC OTPs! I hope to explore them more throughout the year :) I work hard to flesh out my OCs and their romantic storylines as if they're real 💚😌

I do have KayLeo week planned for Feb 14 to Feb 21 so don't be shocked when I start posting rottmnt stuff or art of Kaysha! Anyways these are my personal ships that I enjoy despite the lack of content I made of them, so hopefully I have the creative juices flowing to make more stuff! Final note I'm working on a platonic oc x canon meme to show that love doesn't have to be romantic. A

Countdown

Sooooo.... several.... um months ago, I was tagged by @jaygirl987  and this has just been sitting in my drafts... forever??? oops. Oh well, I am feeling in an over-sharing mood. So I am going to do it now. Felt confident in sharing, might delete later. Response is below the cut, because we are writing essays tonight. 

Rules: List 1 Insecurity, 2 Fears, 3 Turn-ons, 4 Life Goals, 5 Things I like, 6 Weaknesses, 7 Things I Love, 8 Tags  I am going to tag: @akai-vampire, @claudeng80, @bookloverfio, @bigprincess-energy, @peachdoxie, @ruleofexception, @infinitelystrangemachinex, @anais-mitchell

ONE Insecurity:

---People who meet me for the first time always say I am remarkable. But I don’t really agree with that at all, I still don’t understand where people get that from. I feel very desperately flawed and a moderately dysfunctional human doing my damned best with what I’ve got, and isn’t that just a normal state of being for everyone making their way in this life. And if people say I am remarkable, and it turns out to be true, then does that mean I am not normal??? How is everyone else living their life then? What am I doing wrong??? or right?? or differently??? How do I bottle up this whole remarkable thing and share it with everyone else?? Being called remarkable makes me fear for everyone else. Because if i am struggling this much, and people still seem to think I am amazing then does that mean everyone else who is struggling is failing in some reguard?  I have met so many other people in the world who are just as special as me, and if i am raised above that then what about all those other people? Aren’t they remarkable too? Kinda takes away the meaning of remarkable then, if everyone else is also remarkable. I don’t know. Every time I meet someone new and they call me remarkable it makes my skin crawl. What sort of face are they seeing me wear that makes it happen so often? I just try and be myself, and stay true to who I am in any given moment but then that makes their statement have more power? I hate it. Nothing makes me more insecure. I can go from full blown confidence down to nothing the moment someone says that about me. I know I am odd and don’t quite function right in society, and have a very different perspective on it because of my dysfunction, but that shouldn’t make me remarkable. There are too many other people in this world for me to be remarkable. 

TWO Fears:

---I may never get to see Amber Gray perform Persephone in Hadestown

---Cockroaches. Turns out I have an actual phobia of cockroaches. 

THREE “turn-ons”: 

---Silly Antics, like sheer outrageous, ridiculous things that make you laugh until you cry. Like, I fall in love a little bit with everyone who has ever made me laugh. So like, the more you make me the laugh the more I look at that and go, “mhm tasty”. Also, if we are not laughing at some point during sex then what even is the point??? 

--- Loyalty, Reliability and just being supportive and a good friend. Like, I am very much very very demisexual and while I can look at people and love their look and their aesthetics and be attracted to that, I need a very firm established relationship for like... years, before I am ever actually interested in letting them into my bed. I need some definite proof that they are in this for the long run before I can let my sexuality come into play.  

---Being crafty and creative. Seeing someone make a very nice craft gets me all worked up in ways I can’t quite describe. But every time a partner of mine starts a project and is making things I want to jump their  b o n e s. 

FOUR Life Goals:

---Get my ass to fucking Greece and like. Stay there. For months. And just travel??? And like, take my time, no rushing around to do every single thing. I want to go to these places and be there for so long that I can just sit and be. 

---B a b i e s. Dear lordy if you look at every major decision i have ever made in my life, it has all lead up to the fact that I want to have kids, and I want to have a family in a very specific supportive and stable way and I need to complete these things before i can have my kids. BUT BOY THE HORMONES ARE STRONG AND I WANT THEM NOW. 

---Can I put travel twice? Travel is so important to me. I have to see the world, I need to map it. I need to see all the different types of humans and cultures there are in the world and I need to experience what there is in this life before its all over. 

---I have this home I like to dream about, its constantly changing, but its small, while having enough space to breathe, covered in plants, an entire wall that is just a bookcase to store the entirety of Alex and I’s mug collection (we are looking at least 80 mugs between the two of us currently). A claw foot bathtub in a room full of windows that is just a glorified greenhouse really. comfy reading nooks and places for play, covered in nothing but soft blankets and cushioned seats. A cat or two lounging around among all the soft places in the sun light. Walls covered in cork boards so that I can pin up hundreds of pictures of the family I have built for myself. Little foot steps running around from kids playing, and having my partners home with me to cook and raise the little ones together in a family and a community. I just. I just want that little domestic haven of something calm and secure that I never got to have growing up in my life. 

FIVE Things I Like:

---Pottery!  (my craft of choice, I’ve been making pots for 17 years now and it never gets old) 

---Plants! (I live in a small jungle! I’m a plant witch! I love my plants! They are my only friends some days! But thats okay, I take care of them and in return they take care of me.) 

---Places! (I’m a map maker, I love learning about the identity of a location both on a map and within the human mind. How amazing that a collection of humans create an identity for a geographical space separate from other all the other geographical spaces. That’s wild! I want to learn what makes them all different forever!) 

---Purple! (My hair is purple, its been purple since I started grad school! I flirted with pink hair and orange hair last year to try on different types of variety and see how that fit but I am back to purple and I am back to my normal skin! My purple hair is the source of my internal confidence and a major point of my identity) 

---Music! (I am not sure I  would ever be able to navigate my own mental landscape without the aid of music guiding me through all my different emotions and feelings so that I could have a safe place to experience them without fear of repercussion) 

SIX Weaknesses:

---I over think everything (case and point, this post, whoops) 

---An open opportunity. Like, if I am given an opportunity suddenly that wasn’t previously available and wouldn’t be available in the future, I will move mountains to make it happen. If I see a window to be able to do something with a time limit I am jumpin as fast as I can to get through that window before it closes. I think its because I grew up with zero opportunities in my life when I was little so somewhere in my bones I believe that every opportunity I get is rare and special thing and if I don’t take it now then I won’t ever get another one. Sometimes its exhausting but I can’t honestly say there is a list of things that I could have done that I didn’t? I have very little regrets in that regard. 

---I am willing to see and recognized my flawed personality traits, but rarely ever actually do anything to fix them. I am a big of a believer in accepting yourself with all the flaws (part of the side effects of recovering from perfectionism) but that mentality has a different problem... in which you are so comfortable with the problems that you don’t have any desire to fix them? Yeah.  

---Um, I have a major weakness for brown eyed, brunette girls and have fallen waaaay too hard for too many of them in my life for it to not be a thing (that Alex teases me relentlessly about). Honestly the list is long, but good news. Fiona is on that list. <3

---Potential. I have a weakness for potential, sometimes that manifests in craft materials. (Oh I could make this into this other thing!) So I have quite the collection of crafting hoards. I rarely buy plants when they are big because I am far more interested in getting a small plant because of it its potential to grow into something. I love love love love working in clay because there is just SO MUCH potential for it to become really ANYTHING???? Its amazing!!! Like, if you imagine in there is a way to make it real. And I am obsessed with that feeling. 

--- I have a weakness for cream. I like half and half in my tea. I like whipped cream on my waffles. I like straight up cream on my strawberries. I like clotted cream on scones. I like creamy milkshakes. The creamiest of cheeses. If its a cream based sauce I’m in. Just. Cream. 

SEVEN Things I Love:

I just now realized that there is a difference in the lists for “like” and “love” LOL there is no difference to me. I have no moderation, I either love something with my whole heart or not at all. So lets wax some poetry on things I have already listed, because the things I like I also love. 

--- Okay, pottery, so like, Pottery is amazing??? Because you take dirt!!! like muddy gross squishy dirt!!!! and you mold it into something you like???? And then you FIRE IT!!! Like how metal is that???? You are creating something from DIRT. And on top of that, it lasts FOREVER. like, people hundreds of years from now are gonna be digging up our civilization and our computers are going to be dead, our papers and paintings: dead, our books? Hopefully not dead. But whats going to be left is our city foundations, our places, our trash and our shitty broken pots. And goddamn, I am obsessed with looking around our world and just IMAGINING what these people in the far off future are gonna think. And there isn’t a single piece of pottery that I make in which I am not thinking those exact thoughts and trying to imagine what that person in the future is going to be like when they find this.

--- And on that note, places are just so fricking cool. Because I grew up in a mono-culture where the majority of the population belonged to the same culture and the identity of the place was a direct reflection of the people. But other places have SO MUCH DIVERSITY and I am just amazed and inspired about how you can take SO MANY PEOPLE from SO MANY DIFFERENT CULTURES and pack them all into a city, and then that city becomes its own culture??? and has its own Identity??? Like, New Yorkers, those people come from fucking everywhere on the entire planet, and YET everyone knows there is a New York culture that is just agreed upon? And New York has an cohesive identity to how it functions, and how it works. Just. How amazing is that. And Minneapolis, jeez, bless Minneapolis. Because it has the midwestern identity but its developing one all on its own. And it doesn’t have a National presence yet, so in a lot of ways its just developing its identity for the world and its just so amazing to see all the different ways that people provide input on how they want their city to develop, and with each step it comes closer and closer to a face it wants to display to the world??? Its like, seeing a teenage, trying out who they want to be and developing them self to become a real adult. And goddamnit I want to see Minneapolis into a fully mature Nationally known city. I can’t wait. 

---So plants, are like. The best therapy. Because plants don’t really talk, well okay I think they do, BUT PHYSICALLY, they don’t talk. And so in order to figure out what they need to you have to listen to them in a very different way then humans are used to?? You have to observe, and check-in and interact and just learn about a plant so that you can care for it. And I think thats exactly how humans are too, except we have this obnoxious thing called talking that sometimes make it difficult to actually figure out what is going on down below. Its easy for someone to say they are fine when they really are not. But plants don’t get to say that they are fine. When they suffer they do so silently and while they may want to scream for more water they have to let you know in other ways, drooping, changing color, dropping all its leaves in protest. And thats the other thing about plants too, is that every type of plant asks for help differently? How amazing is that. You have to get to know the plant on an individual level, there is no “one way fits all” fix-it for plant care. You have to know your plant. You don’t have to know all the plants in the world, just the ones you take into your care. And thats just so symbolic for me. And when I am taking care of my plants, I am taking care of myself too. Water for the plants, water for the Becca. Sunlight for the plants, sunlight for the Becca. Extra boost of fertilizer for the plants, extra boost of vitamins for the Becca. And I love my plants, even with their imperfections and wild ways of growing. Sometimes they get a whole lotta attitude in how they grow, and it isn’t picture perfect, but that doesn’t matter. Cause thats my plant! And its growing and thriving and I am so happy that its doing well! It doesn’t need to be the prettiest plant that ever existed. It just needs to live. And damn thats all I need. 

---Purple is just an amazing color. Like everyone has heard the poetry talking about the richness and royalty and the history that the color purple has. But for me? Purple was a color I was immediately drawn to as a kid for no apparent reason but that I liked it. And I was not allowed, because the color purple was Barney colors and my parents were so very concerned that the other kids would torment me (spoilers, the kids found other reasons to torment me, and I was just denied being allowed to wear my favorite color). And then there was the instance of my grandmother, who, lets be honest, doesn’t win any “good grandparent” awards. And she LOATHS the color purple. Just thinks its really ugly. And took every chance to tell me that whenever I went shopping with her or if she wanted to get me a gift and was looking for input. So i went through all these stages when I was little, only being allowed to like pink, but then internalized misogyny said that was dumb so then I chose blue to be my favorite color while completely denying that what I wanted was purple. So yeah. By the time college came around and I was an “adult” (lol) I was just like. Fuck this shit no one can tell me what I am allowed to like and claimed purple for everything in my life. and I mean. e v e r y t h i n g. Backpack? Purple. Every piece of clothing I owned? Purple. Jackets? Purple. ipod? Purple. Does the object come in purple? Yes. Well then that is the correct answer. When I broke down and finally dyed my hair purple (like I have wanted to do since I was little, but again, I was not allowed and can you imagine being a non-mormon kid in the little valley with purple hair in high school??? Fuck I would have been the anti-christ of all sinners.) But in Minneapolis it seemed like it would be far more acceptable and wouldn’t result in immediate social disgrace. So I did it. I graduated my undergrad and dyed my hair purple because I could. And it changed my entire life. No more wall-flowering. No more hiding in the shadows praying no one notices that you don’t quite belong. No more pretending that you don’t exist so that people can walk all over you as they pass by. When you have a wildly different color hair, you have to own it. There is no “oh haha, whoops” about it. You made that decision, you put the color in your hair with that intention. And now its there to stay until you cut it all off. And that was the kick in the butt for me. That was the thing I need to own my own self and to lay claim to my voice. And for a while, it wasn’t easy. It was learning a whole new skillset. And there was definitely a major time span that was just “fake it until you make it”. But I kept faking it for the sake of my purple hair, because every time I looked into the mirror it made me so happy I could cry. I wasn’t looking a the mirror nitpicking my reflection any more. I was just joyful, because my hair was purple and I loved it. So every time someone made a comment whether it was good or bad, I would be dying on the inside from having the attention on me. But I would pull out the big ole grin of joy that I wasn’t really feeling and be like “Yeah isn’t it great! Its my favorite color!” And the good comments would be happy for me, and the bad comments would be thrown off by my enthusiasm and usually go away. And at one point that big joyful grin wasn’t just a farce, and now, 9 years later, working for the federal government and people try and make a jab at my hair, I can just laugh and tell them how much fun having colorful hair is. And that they should give it a try too. 

[TRANSLATION] HIGH CUT Magazine August 2017 issue - JJ PROJECT: You are my destiny

High Cut 203 July 2017 JJ PROJECT : You are my destiny

Translated by igot7_markp

B-boy Lim Jaebeom and Park Jinyoung from Jinhae met for the first time in 2009. It happened during JYP Entertainment 5th public trainee recruitment audition in Seoul. Two boys, whose registration numbers stood one after another as 24th and 25th, were able to leave behind 10 thousand people and get the first place together for the first time in the history. They debuted in drama "Dreamhigh 2" together, released album as JJ Project, promoted with group GOT7 and their hearts literally beat in synch. After 5 years JJ Project came back again. Now in their twenties. JB and Jinyoung, who were involved in producing music and writing lyrics for all 8 songs, stayed humble throughout the interview, but also slightly radiated self-confidence and ambitions. Story of two men, whose side profiles look alike, and who without regrets dedicated themselves to everything, without highlighting specific point but concentrating on every single one at once.

LIM JAEBEOM

Our indestructible relationship with Jinyoung is that kind of relationships, when later you'll be side by side even under the gravestone

Q: After 5 years JJ Project's still staying together and released album on July, 31. You uploaded on homepage "track cards" where you personally read one line from the songs you've written yourself. "Fade Away" lyrics was the really strong ones. "Always shutting my mouth, claiming it's love, you make me forget what kind of person I am" – is it something you've experienced?

JB: Both experience and imagination. First song's theme is the one that always big and common – "thing that bothers me". Sinking into that theme, I wrote basing both on my experience and imagination.

Q: You have been involved in producing and writing all 8 tracks. Which song one was the hardest to write?

JB: "Icarus" and out title track "Tomorrow, Today". Even though the theme of "Icarus" was clear picking right words were hard, therefore I had really a lot of worries. In the beginning when I started working on "Tomorrow, Today" I wasn't entirely sure what I should write about. Park Jinyoung PD-nim cleared it out for me. But for me it's more important to think of what I wanted to write when I've just listened to the music (for the first time). It was difficult to write lyrics about feelings you have, standing on the crossroad not sure of the choice you should make, so people of my age can empathize with it.

Q: I heard that the first thing you do in the morning after getting up is reading three lines from the book out loud? Seems like regular reading also helps you with writing.

JB: Ah, this is completely in the past. (laughing hard) Now as soon as I open my eyes in the morning I'm feeding the cats.

Q: Thinking of it, you own three, right? Nora, Koonta and Odd. Actually I was wondering if those scratches on your arms are cat's work.

JB: That's right. But scratches are not from the cat I own but from the stray cat. I was feeding stray cats and decided to slightly touch them. (smiles) When I walk down the street and meet cats, I don't want to scare them and just quickly go to the nearby convenient store and buy can of tuna to feed them. I also make sure that some food is remained. Because this is the only thing I can do for them.

Q: Seems like you are "Cat's Butler" to the core. I heard you had to be apart with your beloved Nora but now you are back together.

JB: Yes. In fact, originally all GOT7 members used to live together in one dorm, but now a few people moved out. In the beginning I shared the room with Youngjae and it suddenly appeared that kid is allergic to cats. That's why I asked members to change room arrangement a little bit, but all of them refused. (smiles) So I had to leave Nora in the other place for a while. When members moved out and each of us had separate room, I brought her back and she recognized me. When parents drove Nora back to me, she kept crying in the car. But as soon as I appeared in the car and said "Hi, Nora" she stopped crying immediately.

Q: No one wanted to change the rooms with their charismatic leader? (smile)

JB: I gave up a lot. (smile) I'm not sunbae for children, it's more like we are people of the same age group who are working on music together. But I'm really straightforward. That's why when I'm going around in conversation, I'm not sure children understand it and it feels awkward. So instead I'm just extremely cautious, when I talk.

Q: During JJ Project promotion you put GOT7's leader role slightly aside, right? To be honest it's kind of relieving, isn't it?

JB: It is. Really relieving. But I still have another burdens. Two people need to cover space that was filled with 7 people. Since me and Jinyoung don't have really entertaining character, I am worrying a lot if it will be too serious.

Q: I found an interview you gave when you started first activities. Back then it was 19 years old JB. You were asked to describe your teen years in one word and that word was "secret". How about JB's twenties?

JB: I'm still 24. For now, if you ask me, the word is "Vain". There are people who say that you shouldn't think too much and enjoy the time during your twenties, but if I think twice, I think I could have done a little bit better. If to say concretely, I could have been more careful and smart – and now it's a pity.

Q: But after debut you continuously worked hard. After JJ Project you filmed in "Dreamhigh 2" and then after GOT7 debut you promoted quite successfully.

JB: I'm just like that. I often think only about regretting things. With this album, too, when I listened it fully and finished mastering, I felt unsatisfied. "I could have done a little bit better. It's already late to fix it, right?" – this is what I was thinking about. (smile) I put efforts not to lose the heart I had in the beginning (rookie mindset).

Q: If you started to talk about rookie days, as I remember, you were a b-boy before becoming a JYPE trainee, right? I heard during each practice you only ate 1000 won worth vegetable crackers.

JB: Ah, back then we didn't have practice room, so we practiced in metro station. Since I was a student I didn't have money, but because I danced a lot I got hungry fast. Three packs of vegetable crackers costed 1000 won at that time, so I ate them as the refreshment.

Q: You applied for JYP auditions and shared first place with Jinyoung-ssi, right? Then you debuted together as JJ Project, filmed together in "Dreamhigh 2", made it together to GOT7 and now you are coming back as a duet once again. Your relationships must be really indestructible.

JB: Yes, they really are!! Seems like we will be side by side even under the gravestone. (laughs hard) I accidentally saw what fans write. How I do something or Jinyoung does something and we are copying each other's moves exactly in the same way. Unconsciously.

Q: In 2012 interview to the question "JJ Project's position?" you replied "Bottom". Now?

JB: Still bottom. Even though we gained some proficiency, after being left for 5 years I think we need to consider it as starting from the bottom again. The music that was there 5 years ago and music that is coming out now is significantly different. And there are so many skillful singers in the music world nowadays. (smile)

Q: Then I will change my question. Till what floor you want to go up during this promotions?

JB: Hm…If there are 10 floors, I guess till 3,5? The situation when you have already passed the third floor and on your way to the fourth?

Q: Is there a tip you want to give to fans so they can enjoy this album more?

JB: I can't recommend anything. Please, check everything. We put a lot of effort in it. Not only into music, but also into other things. In order to our face and body not look fat, we skipped dinners and got slimmer. (smile) We paid a lot of attention to everything – starting from music video and finishing with clothes. Even when we left the studio we kept sending and receiving ideas via mail, so songs would become even better. We really worker hard. So, please, check everything. (smile)

PARK JINYOUNG

"The day" is the song, I wrote in the plane, when I listened to music and started longing for parents

Q: When decision regarding JJ Project was done, how did you feel?

JY: I honestly asked the company: why now of all time? Since I though there a lot of things we had to accomplish as GOT7. Then I received reply from company that we would represent GOT7 and show people the different color of the group, so it would help GOT7 to grow more. I was infatuated with this answer. (smile)

Q: I guess during album preparations you have also felt how much you have improved yourself.

JY: Somehow comparing to us 5 years ago, we allow yourself more. Ah, and my throat stopped aching. When we prepared first album, my voice broke and also I didn't sing a lot. I only did rap and sang occasionally so my voice had gone. This time my voice cords definitely became stronger. I feel like I found comfortable tone for my voice.

Q: I heard the lyrics you have written are poetic. Especially, "Coming Home" lyrics. "When the emptiness passes, the cold wind blows. When the longing passes, the spring rain falls"…

JY: This is the lyrics I wrote in the airplane while listening to New Age's song. Suddenly I missed my parents so much and felt really melancholic. So I wrote down what my heart felt. When we composed album I found the song that suited those lyrics a lot.

Q: Looking at lyrics, team colors changed significantly after 5 years.

JY: I think it's just two opposites. It's been really bright back then. This time it's a light-beat youth song, which we can sing and dance to.

Q: Which song is your favorite?

JY: My solo song "The Day". I wrote the story I wanted to tell a lot. I can explain what this song is about in one sentence: "That day, when I thought everything was good, that day, when it went away from me so easily and it felt like the world will crumble down, it's vanishing like it was nothing". I live with the thought that things I always liked aren't really good things and things I disliked aren't really bad things. No matter how great the sadness or happiness was, after 1 year the memories of it will start vanishing.

Q: When you read the lyrics you've written yourself, haven't it made you embarrassed or cringe?

JY: I did it with one thought. "I must do it. I can only go home after I finish it smoothly. I have no time. I need to go (home) fast". (smile)

Q: I found an interview that you gave after debut in 2012. In it you explained your teen years as "Preparation". How will you explain your twenties in one word?

JY: Twenties are "Warm-up". (Isn't it and teen years' description same?) Undoubtedly different. Making analogy with health, teen age is like changing clothes. Twenties is like exercising on running machine and riding the bicycle to make your body slightly hot. Since I'm only 24, I haven't "sweated" yet. I guess sweat will appear at 29.

Q: In that interview you talked really detailed about your ideal type. "I'd like if she has something to say when we're sitting in a café and talking. And I wish her face would be natural. Even if she does something to it, it should still be natural in my eyes. I like big eyes and well-defined features. No fringe, just long natural hair falling down her spine. About clothes – just jeans, shirt and converse".

JY: I remember why I said this. It was influenced by Shin Minah sunbaenim's "My girlfriend is a nine-tailed fox". Whenever I receive questions about my ideal type, I describe main heroine from the film or drama I watched and was impressed by. That's why I don't have ideal type now – I didn't watch love story movies recently. (smile) Although I watch movies a lot.

Q: Your hobby is "watching movies alone".

JY: I watched 5 movies over the last few days. "Dunkirk", "Hedwig", "Amazing Spiderman", "My love" and one more. "Dunkirk" is like three part space novel, that cross each other. I like it even more because it has short running time. I cried watching "My love". It's a real story, so tears come out naturally. I'm happy when I watch movies alone. You can fully concentrate not caring about others. And also each time I watch movies I talk to myself. When character does something disappointing, I'm saying: "Aigoo, why are you like that?". I can't do something like this in front if others. (smile)

Q: Even being really busy you find time to watch movies. Do you master your acting?

JY: I really watch it without any thoughts; though people say you should go to study while watching. (smile) No matter how good actor plays, it's not easy to analyze acting. I also visited Pixar Animation exhibition recently.

Q: When you come around don't people recognize you?

JY: When they recognize they are like "It's Jinyoung, right?" and I reply "Right, but sheesh". They recognize me, but since they are not fans, they don't follow me. (smile)

Q: You are constantly busy with one thing or another. You played a role of university student who haven't had girlfriend even once and dreams of becoming a civil worker in 2017 web-drama "Magic School" produced by JYP Pictures, right? The shooting has just finished. It's the first time you play twenty-years old, isn't it?

JY: It is. Even if it's an act, I liked to experience the living of ordinary 20-year-old. Thing I envy the most is an opportunity to live with your family under one roof. It's been a year since I last visited my parent's home.

Q: I visited fan-café on my way (to the interview). You pay a lot attention to fans, so they gave you a nickname "Fan-Jal-Al" (the one, who knows fans). When I looked through SNS, what caught my eyes is that whenever GOT7 fans went to the trips they dress their official goods' dolls "GOTOON" and make prove shots with it. Have you known about it?

JY: No, really? (Manager: You haven't seen even once?) Since I don't use SNS, I didn't know at all. Wah, I'm so sorry right now. Sincerely, thank you. Even though traveling is the time for yourself, they are even going all the way long to bring GOTOONs and dress them. Once the interview finishes, I will search and take a look for sure. When I go for a trip, I will also take a picture with goods and upload it.

Q: Fans highly anticipates JJ Project's comeback. 5 years ago when you were asked "What is JJ Project's position?", you replied "20th floor underground". In your opinion till what floor you will be able to climb with this album?

JY: 5th ground floor? Because on the 5th floor JYP management office is located. Our company's top floor. (laugh hard) I don't have regrets about this album. We have done everything we could. We put our stories in it. Please, enjoy it a lot.

Translated by @igot_markedby7

Interview and photos scans - @GGOONERR_

All rights reserved by HIGH CUT magazine and JYPE

Crush // Shawn Mendes mini-series part 1

okay so wow ummmm i started writing this sometime before christmas so it’s set at that time, idk i just had this idea about this story and went for it. it’s not gonna be long, not like a million parts, probably maximum five, im writing the very end of it now so i thought i would start posting it and im also trying to makeup for not bringing a new boundaries chapter lol but that’s also coming i swear!!! anyway, enjoy this short story of mine, i hope you’ll like it!!

masterlist

Christmas is always the same for me. I come home a few days before, spend most of my time on the couch watching reruns on my favorite series, I watch my younger brother, Eric come in and out of the house as he keeps meeting up with his friends, being a popular kid. I eat basically everything I can find in the kitchen and just… forget about the world. Then we have family dinner at our place with all my uncles, aunts and cousins, the house turns into a chaos for one evening and then being so selfless I help Mom clean the mess up in the morning while Dad is sleeping his hangover off, because as a host, he must have a drink with every guest. Then we watch Home Alone together and boom, Christmas is already over.

This year, I expect everything to be the same when I throw my suitcases in my old Honda Civic and head home for the holidays.

“Charlie, your family literally lives forty minutes from here, but you pack like you can’t come back if you forget something.”

I roll my eyes at Maddi’s comment. Looking up at her I just stick my tongue out as I close the trunk of my car. She is shivering, because she didn’t bother to put on her coat to help me bring my stuff down. Her long brown hair is all over her shoulders, and she has some mascara on her cheeks, probably from last night. She never cares what she looks like at home and that’s the kind of people I like to surround myself with. I’m always a hot mess at home and I just don’t get those who try to look fine when at home.

“Have fun at your sister’s,” I tell her hugging goodbye. She is leaving to New York tomorrow morning to spend the holidays at her sister who just got married this year and insisted on having their family gathering in their place this year.

“They’ll have booze, so I’m fine,” she scoffs. She is not always this grumpy, she is just not in the mood to fly to NYC on one of the busiest days of the year.

“Alright, see ya next year!” I wink at her getting into the car. She steps aside and waves for me as I leave the small parking lot of our apartment complex.

I sing along with Adam Levine while listening to some Maroon 5 on my way to the house where I grew up. I moved out after high school. Not because I hated living with my family, but I felt like this is a step I should be taking at that age. The start was rocky, I had my ups and downs, but all in all I didn’t regret it. I met Maddi, she moved to Toronto from Ottawa and was looking for someone to share a flat with. I was hesitant to live with a stranger, but we soon became best friends and I was eager to have new people in my life after my graduation. This is how we ended up together.

My heart warms as I turn into our old street. I loved living here, I have a lot of good memories from my childhood and I’m thankful I don’t have anything to complain about regarding my younger years.

I park next to my mom’s car and when I get out I see the curtains move in the window of the living room. A moment later the door opens and my dad walks out holding his arms out for me.

“Chipmunk! Hi!” he greets me with a wide smile and I basically get lost in his arms. He is so much taller than me, I look like an elf next to him. I inherited my mom’s height so I stopped at 5’6, have been that tall since I was sixteen. My brother, on the other hand, the little devil is 6’2 at fifteen, turning sixteen soon. Life is unfair, I could be a model with legs to live for if only my DNA took more from my dad.

“Hi Dad. You smell like cookies,” I chuckle. Letting go we both go to the trunk to get my stuff from the car.

“Because your mother is trying to turn the house into a gingerbread house,” he sighs grabbing both of my suitcases and we head inside.

“Why? She hates gingerbread.”

“Because your brother has his girlfriend over and she is trying to make everything so festive,” he says rolling his eyes as we finally get inside. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion.

“Girlfriend? Since when does Eric has a girlfriend?” I gasp feeling pretty much left out. No one told me Eric is dating a girl, but they keep updating me about the tiniest stuff in the group chat, like how a cat crossed the backyard last week. Who cares! I want to hear the tea about Eric’s love life!

“About three months. She is nice though, but your mother goes crazy every time she is over.”

“Three months? I’m offended, dad.”

“I thought he already told you!” he defends himself setting my stuff down.

“Charlie!” My mom comes barging out of the kitchen in the apron she got for Christmas a few years ago. Embracing me in a tight hug she kisses my forehead. “Are you hungry? We have some leftover carbonara, but I haven’t started making dinner yet. I’ve been cooking all day.”

“I heard you are into gingerbread lately.”

“Yeah, you want some? It turned out pretty good,” she smiles at me tugging her short blonde bob behind her ears. Her blue eyes are shining like a diamond, she is always so happy to have me home. It was a bit hard on her, watching her first kid leave the house, Eric said she kept checking in on him in the night the first month after I left. She got used to it by now, but she is always treating my arrival as a celebration, though I come home pretty often, namely to every birthdays, their anniversary, Easter, Christmas and a whole month in the summer, but I guess it’s not enough for her.

“Eric! Charlie is here!” she shouts upstairs for my brother. “So, hungry?” she asks again.

“Yeah, I could eat.”

We all move into the kitchen as my mom warms up a plate of pasta, Dad tests the gingerbread and I assume he doesn’t taste anything for the first three times, because he keeps eating it.

“How is Maddi? Is she going home for the holidays?” Mom asks handing me the food and getting back to decorating the rest of the gingerbreads.

“She is going to New York to her sister, Lara.”

“The one that got married this summer?” she asks.

“Mhm,” I hum with my mouth full.

I hear footsteps on the stairs and I quickly swallow the pasta, not wanting to look like a chipmunk when I meet Eric’s girlfriend for the first time. Take a guess why my dad calls me Chipmunk, I’m a full-face eater.

“Chipmunk!” Eric laughs walking into the kitchen. I roll my eyes at him.

“Shut up,” I spat. Standing up we exchange a quick side hug, this is the most we ever do. The moment I let go of him I see a girl walk in behind him.

She has long brown hair parted on the side, she is almost taller than me, the nice knitted turtleneck dress she is wearing was a great choice, it allows Eric to gape at her figure, but the turtleneck makes it more conservative for my parents. Smart girl.

“Charlie, this is my girlfriend, Aaliyah. Aaliyah, this is my sister, Charlotte.”

I hop off the stool and hold out a hand for her that she takes with a smile.

“Hi, I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Oh really? I hope you didn’t believe everything this dummie told you,” I scoff looking at Eric.

“Don’t worry, from what he told me about you he is obsessed with you,” she winks at me making Eric’s eyes go wide.

“What? No I’m not!”

Aaliyah steps closer to him hugging his waist with a bright smile on her face.

“Oh, don’t be shy, on our first date you mentioned her a million times. It’s okay, baby,” she giggles to herself making me instantly love her. Roasting Eric together can be our thing!

“Eric, it’s okay to love your sister to death,” I chime in enjoying the situation more than I should be, probably.

“Aaliyah, are you staying for dinner?” Mom asks smiling at her and offering her some gingerbread. She shakes her head no but takes a cookie.

“No, my brother is also coming home tonight, so I have to go home. But thank you.”

“Oh, okay.” I can tell she is disappointed that she has to go. I guess Mom loves Aaliyah, and from what I saw I can’t blame her. In fact, she might be too good for Eric!

We all stay in the kitchen while I finish my late lunch. I chat with Aaliyah finding out that she and Eric go to the same school, the school I also attended, and that she and Eric have math together. Aaliyah tutored Eric for one of the tests that ended up with him asking her out and the rest is history. She is very nice, well-mannered and pretty mature, that’s why I don’t know how well it all sits with my immature, ass little brother’s persona. Okay, I might exaggerate, he can be fine. Sometimes.

“I’m really sorry, but I have to head home now. But that you for everything, Mrs. Parker and see you on Tuesday, right?” Aaliyah nicely says standing up from the table.

“What is on Tuesday?” I ask.

“Oh, I forgot to mention, we are having dinner at Aaliyah’s with her family, is that alright, Chipmunk?” Mom caresses my cheek and I just shrug. Not that I have any special plans for the holidays.

“I thought we are having the usual family dinner.”

“Oh no.” Mom shakes her head. “We are skipping that this year. Aunt Mary and Lance are in Switzerland, your cousins Harry and Donald are too occupied with their studies, or that’s what they say. And then…”

“Okay, I get it. Everyone I busy,” I cut her off chuckling. “Then, dinner sounds good. Hey, Aaliyah, do you need a ride home?” I offer, but she shakes her head no putting her coat on with Eric right behind her.

“No, it’s good, I live two streets down, Eric will walk me home.”

My brother nods approvingly putting his own coat on. Wow, he is whipped! Good job, Aaliyah!

“It was nice meeting you!” I smile at her.

“You too, Charlotte!” She waves goodbye, and they leave.

   This year’s Christmas is starting off just the same. I watch Brooklyn 99 during the day, work on a paper that is due to after the holidays and just casually hang out with my parents and Eric. The only thing that is different that Eric always has his phone in his hands, texting Aaliyah non-stop.

On the 25th I help Mom make come cookies that we can bring over for our dinner invitation, and she asks me about my love life, as per usual.

“So, have you been on any dates lately?”

I can’t help but roll my eyes as I hand her over the milk.

“Not really,” I admit sighing. Not because I’m sad I haven’t, but because I’m tired of these questions. I’m twenty, I still have time, it’s not like I’m supposed to get married anytime soon.

“I really wish Dylan didn’t turn into an ass.” She shakes her head and I scoff.

“He didn’t just turn into one, he was always one, he was just good at fooling people.”

Dylan Sanders, aka my only ex-boyfriend. I dated him from the age of fifteen until I almost turned eighteen. It’s a long time, and I’m kinda ashamed it took me so long to realize how big of an ass he really is. The pink clouds made me blind, but fortunately, it cleared up at one point and I successfully ended our toxic relationship. Too bad this point was after I ruined all my friendships because of him and ended up on my own when we ended things. This is one of the reasons I was excited to start a new life at the university, make new friends and just stop being Dylan Sanders’ girlfriend.

“Hey, maybe Aaliyah’s brother is nice. How amazing it would be if you dated him!”

Seeing her dreamy eyes I start laughing.

“Mom! I haven’t even met him, but I know you are already planning our marriage. Stop it, please.”

“Aaliyah is pretty great, I’m sure her brother is alike her.”

“Whatever, just please don’t make it awkward,” I plea. She just waves in dismiss.

 I talk to Maddi right before it’s time to leave. I’m finishing up my makeup as the phone is laying in front of me with her on speaker.

“I’m serious. Nothing is more embarrassing than being the drunkest at a family gathering,” she moans painfully.

“Maybe you learnt your lesson now,” I chuckle fixing my mascara.

“Not really. Chapter 2 comes tonight, my cousins are arriving and they are hardcore drinkers.” She sighs tiredly. “Whatever. So, dinner tonight at Eric’s girlfriend’s? How is she?”

“She is cute. Almost too good for my stinky brother, but they look cute, it’s like a puppy love.”

“Aw, that’s the best! Well, I’m interested in the details so text me when you get home.”

“Will do.”

“Charlie! We are leaving!” I hear mom shouting from downstairs.

“Gotta go, talk to you later,” I quickly say before ending the call.

I stand up and check myself one last time in the mirror. I chose to wear a mustard colored knitted jumper with a pair of black jeans and silver hoops in my ears. I grab my phone from the table and join my family downstairs.

Aaliyah really lives close to us, we don’t take the car, just walk and we arrive in about ten minutes. It’s a nice two story house, kinda typical around here.

“Please don’t embarrass me, okay?” Eric asks us right before ringing the doorbell. The kid is too in love.

Aaliyah opens the door for us in a nice nude dress and she kisses Eric on the lips shortly before we all walk in.

“Mom!” She shouts while we are taking our coats and shoes off and a blonde woman appears soon in the hallway.

“Hi! So good to have you here!” She greets us with a wide smile. “I’m Karen, and this is Manny, my husband,” she introduces herself and the man who joins us in a moment.

“I’m Evelyn, this is George and Charlotte, Eric’s sister,” Mom introduces us and we all shake hands.

As we walk into the living room where there are wineglasses waiting for us I remember that Aaliyah has a brother. Just when I realize this I hear another male voice behind me.

“Oh, and this is our son, Aaliyah’s brother,” Karen gestures towards the door and I turn around just to have my jaw drop to the floor. “Shawn.”

Shawn Mendes is standing there, shaking hands with my parents and Eric and when his eyes find me he is just as shocked as me.

“Um, hi. I-I assume we already know each other,” he mumbles stepping closer and I shake his hand very shortly. I can’t believe he is Aaliyah’s brother, how did I not see the resemblance?

“Yeah. Hi,” I say nervously and Karen gives us a confused look.

“How do you guys know each other?”

“We-“ I start, but Shawn cuts me off.

“Mom, you remember my friend, Dylan from high school? Um, Charlotte dated him for a few years,” he says uncomfortably and I feel the same.

Shawn and Dylan were best buds when we started dating. They hung out all the time and I was trying my best to be on good terms with him as well. I wanted to be friends with Dylan’s friends so badly, but Shawn… He always seemed to hate me. No matter how friendly I tried to be he was always pretty rigid and weird with me, often avoiding to be in the same room as me and he also had a few quite hurtful comments that I tried to shake off for the sake of my relationship. Oh, and the worst was when he made an attempt to break us up telling Dylan lies about me.  Thinking back at it now I wish he succeed, but it was still an asshole move from him, working so against me all that time, I wish I stood up for myself, but I was so into Dylan I was willing to put up with everything, even a mean best friend.

I haven’t seen him since about, tenth grade, when he became a private student to purchase his dreams and become a singer. Dylan kept in touch with him for a while, but I think they eventually stopped talking at one point.

“For two and a half years, to be exact,” I add bitterly.

“Oh! Wait, you are…” Karen starts, but Shawn gives her an unreadable look and she quickly gets quiet. “Never mind.” I raise my eyebrows seeing the scene, it’s quite odd. What did she want to tell me about? Did Dylan tell her stuff about me when he was still friends with Shawn?

I keep thinking about it as we have a nice glass of wine and move over into the dining room where the table is already set. The two families take place around the oval shaped dining table, I have my mom on my right and Eric on my left and I’m so lucky to have Shawn right across me, staring at me, making me quite anxious.

This is too uncomfortable, I think to myself. I try my best to ignore his gaze on me, and I mostly focus on Karen and Manny. They are extremely nice though. The dinner is amazing, the parents seem to hit it off immediately finding all the common things. Aaliyah and Eric seem to be satisfied, while I just sit there, ignoring Shawn’s eyes on me.

“And Shawn, which university are you studying at?” Mom asks making Eric laugh and she gives him a confused look. “What?”

“Mom, Shawn is…” Eric starts, but I cut him off before I could even stop myself from talking.

“He is a singer, Mom.”

“A singer? Like, a famous one?”

“He was voted as one of the most influential people this year,” Eric informs her and her eyes go wide. In the meanwhile, Shawn is just sitting there with a shy smile on his face.

“I’m sorry, I’m not really good with these stuff.”

“It’s fine. But, yeah. I don’t go to school. What about you, Charlotte?”

I can’t help but cringe how he calls me Charlotte, again. He did this in the past even though I hated being called Charlotte. I had this obsession to be a tomboy and though Charlie sounds better with my image. Now I don’t mind it, but still, most people call me Charlie, and he knows it, I think.

“I- Um… I’m a student at the University of Toronto. I study literature.”

“Oh, that sounds lovely! How much do you have left?” Manny asks clearly interested in my education.

“One year.”

“And what are you planning after?” Shawn suddenly asks and I’m surprised he is interested in anything in connection with me.

“Um… I don’t know just yet,” I mumble feeling nervous in the center of attention.

“Don’t be silly, Charlie!” Mom starts rolling her eyes. “Charlie is already working on a project for a book publisher. They are working on a book especially for sick children that has stories with characters with illnesses or disabilities.”

“That sounds amazing!” Karen cheers looking at me proudly and I can feel myself blushing.

“So you are still very generous,” Shawn comments and I look up at him with furrowed eyebrows.

“Still?” He shakes his head clearing his throat as if he just realized what he said.

“Um, yeah. Dylan used to tell me how much you volunteered and stuff…” he mumbles with his eyes fixed on his plate.

Oh, so he and Dylan talked about me and he still remembers it? That’s quite surprising, I thought he forgot about me as soon as he set his foot outside of Toronto. He never seemed to be interested in anything about me.

After dessert the table breaks up. Karen and my mom starts bringing the tables back to the kitchen, Manny and Dad move to the living room and Shawn disappears somewhere. Aaliyah is helping in the kitchen while Eric is just about to join the dad section, but I pull him to the side in the hallway.

“Why didn’t you tell me Aaliyah’s brother is Shawn Mendes?” I hiss at him, but he just gives me a puzzled look.

“Why do you care? I thought you are not a fan of these celebrities.”

I roll my eyes at him.

“Yeah, but a heads up would have been good, and if you told me who he is, I would have gotten ready to meet him. We weren’t really the best of buds in school.”

“Okay, and how would have I known? I was eleven when you and Dylan got together, even if you told me about Shawn, I wouldn’t remember it for my life. And besides, what is your problem with him? He is cool and nice.”

“Now he is, but he was an ass when I was dating Dylan.”

“Okay, well… that’s the past. Get yourself over it.”

He pats my shoulder before walking away. I growl in annoyance, because he is right, he couldn’t have known my past with Shawn. I don’t think I shared anything with him back then, it was way before our relationship matured and could actually talk without getting into a fight on the floor. All siblings need time to get over this phase. Ours ended sometime right before I moved out.

I rub my face to pull myself together and turning around I’m about to go after Eric and join the conversation in the living room, but then Shawn appears on the stairs and I stop.

“Hey,” he quietly says and I nod at him awkwardly. I have no idea how to deal with this situation. “So… I know, it’s awkward after all these years.”

“Yeah, it is,” I chuckle with a grimace.

“Are you… How are you and Dylan these days?”

“I have no idea how he is. After we broke up in senior year I saw him once. Two years ago at McDonald’s with some blonde chick.”

“Why did you two break up?” he asks it nosily. I find it pretty weird to stand here, at the Mendes house’s hallway with Shawn Mendes and talk about my breakup with my high school sweetheart.

“Um… He cheated on me with Kristi Burgess.”

“Ouch,” he frowns. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” I shrug. “I cried for about a month, but I guess I’m over it now,” I say jokingly and he also cracks a smile.

There is a short silence that is rather awkward, I don’t know if I should say something, or just walk away, but he is the first one to speak up.

“Listen. I know I was quite the asshole back in high school and I’m sorry for that. I’ve matured, I changed and I thought that maybe… we could start over. I haven’t talked to Dylan in years either and I was acting like a douche because I thought it was impressing him. I was so stupid.”

I can relate to that. Dylan had this power over people, he could make them want to satisfy him and make him impressed, but it’s all bullshit.

“This sounds great. Let’s forget about everything in connection with Dylan,” I offer and he smiles at me nodding.

“Deal. Well, it’s nice to see you again, Charlotte.”

“Okay, as a starter, you could finally call me Charlie,” I tell him chuckling.

“Yeah. Sorry, I guess I’m used to calling you Charlotte,” he apologizes. “Charlie, why don’t we join our families for another drink maybe?”

“Sounds like a plan,” I nod and I follow him into the living room.

Adora, Catra, and Glimmer and their Relationships to Destiny

She-ra covers a lot of topics in surprising depth, but the one I want to talk about right now is it’s dissection on destiny. It takes a long hard look at the topic through it’s three female leads Catra, Adora, and Glimmer. It’s surprising how much overlap there is and how each character is used as a direct foil to the others in regards to the show’s exploration of destiny.

Adora

Adora has a complicated relationship with destiny. Throughout the series until the series finale she has continually followed false destinies first with shadow weaver and the horde then with she-ra and light hope then finally with the failsafe. Adora has had false destinies forced upon her and she feels she has no way out, that she can’t refuse the call. She actually feels secure in knowing she has a destiny. It’s a path to follow, a purpose, and without a purpose what’s the point of her? At least that’s what she believes. She places her entire self worth on what she can do for other people to the point of self destruction. She is willing to answer the call no matter the cost even if it’s not what she wants. But Adora was never meant to succeed in any of her false destinies. It was always someone else using her for their own gain. All of her sacrifice would be for nothing.

 Her breaking the sword in destiny isn’t her refusing the call. She believes her purpose is to protect etheria and those she cares about and by breaking the sword she is “killing” a part of herself to answer that call. Just like how she left the one person she cared most about and her entire life behind to answer that same call in the pilot. Just like her taking on the failsafe and accepting her, what she believes to be, inevitable death. In a weird way every time she rejects the call from someone else (shadow weaver, light hope, the first ones, etc) she is leaning harder into the idea of her purpose and sacrifice defining who she is, which is in and of itself a false destiny and self fulfilling prophecy that almost gets Adora killed time and time again. 

Adora is never given a choice in any of her other false destinies (in fact she was actively conditioned to believe that she had no choice by shadow weaver and light hope. Adora was made to believe that she was meant to answer a higher call and neglect her own needs and wants) so she feels that the call to protect etheria and her friends isn’t a choice either. To Adora it’s the reason she exists. She is what she can do for other people. She is stuck in her own cycle of service and sacrifice that was forced upon her by shadow weaver and others.

Catra

Catra, like Adora, follows a destiny she thinks has been forced upon her. She feels the role of the villain is her only choice. At first it was a role forced onto her by shadow weaver then it became a way to prove to everyone she felt hurt her and didn’t believe in her that she was capable, that she was strong, but then the farther she went the more she believed that there was no other path for her. She felt she had to continue because she had gone too far to turn back and so she had to make something of it all. She felt she was proving shadow weaver, the source of her trauma, wrong by gaining power and relevance within the horde and etheria, but also that she was proving shadow weaver right, that she was a horrible, good for nothing person that only hurts those around her. She felt trapped within this destiny (the cycle of abuse and violence). 

She continues to double down and claw her way up to the top which culminates in her defeat of Hordak. She is the sole leader of the horde, she has clawed her way up and defeated all of those that were above her, and yet she has lost everything. She has lost everyone who ever actually cared about her and to make matters worse the power she strove after all these seasons was decimated in one fell swoop by Glimmer mainly because of her own actions (though Glimmer’s plan was smart). Glimmer would not have been successful if Catra hadn’t overworked the troops, been lying to Hordak, sent Entrapta to beast island, pushed Scorpia away, put faith in double trouble who she knows is hired help who knows no loyalties, and taken even a little bit of care of herself. It’s in this moment where she’s at her lowest that she is given the brutal and (only partially true because shadow weaver was definitely not pushed away by her. Shadow weaver just sucks.) eye opening speech by double trouble. 

Catra has fallen victim to her own self-fulfilling prophecy just like Adora does during the series. Both had these cycles/destinies forced upon them by shadow weaver and her abuse and can’t see a way out. They feel they have to continue down their respective paths of self destruction because it’s their only choice

Glimmer

Glimmer isn’t like Catra or Adora. She never had a destiny forced upon her, but she wanted one. She wanted to be the hero, to save all of etheria. Glimmer wants glory and power. This isn’t to say that Glimmer is a bad person, far from it in fact, just that she has shortcomings that blinded her to the truth: that she didn’t have a destiny, but that doesn’t make anything she does less meaningful than what Adora does. 

A large part of her season 4 arc is about her clashing with Adora over her feeling as though Adora is failing in her destiny and won’t take the necessary steps to win, but that she can. Adora isn’t willing to use the dirty tactics to beat the horde, but she is. Adora isn’t willing to use all of her resources like shadow weaver, but she is. Adora isn’t willing to fire off the heart of etheria, but she is. Because of all of this Glimmer starts to believe in her own way that Adora is failing as the hero and in her destiny and if that’s the case Glimmer will take that destiny. Adora is meant to finish off the horde by activating the heart of Etheria and since she won’t Glimmer takes that destiny from her. There is a conflicting mix of anger, desperation, pain, and pride that push her to do this, but it still all ends with her going to light hope to take Adora’s destiny for herself and her using Catra’s tactics to take the horde down from the inside. 

She in a way takes the forced destinies of Catra and Adora on for herself. She believes, like Catra, that she has to make it all worth it, all the loss her and her people have gone through, which is what leads her down her spiral like how it led Catra down her spiral this same season. 

How it all concludes in the 5th season

As I’ve said above all of their struggles with destiny come to a head in season 4’s finale. Glimmer in taking on the destinies of others ends up making a grave mistake that almost ends the world and universe. Adora effectively “kills” she-ra to answer her calling to protect etheria. Catra has climbed her way to the top of the horde, but has lost all the power she thought she wanted and had to strive for at the same time. All of these in their own way subvert the expectations of each character and force them to take a hard look in season 5 at themselves and their destiny. 

Catra is forced into a situation where she is effectively powerless and is faced with the same decision she had at the end of season 3. This time she decides to take action against destroying the universe. She hasn’t erased her mistakes, but has shown that she has grown from them. In this decision she has started to break free from the cycle she was stuck in. It isn’t until the episode “Taking Control” that she fully starts to break the cycle. She makes the decision to live and face her mistakes instead of die or run from them. This is Catra breaking free from her destiny. It’s through facing her mistakes that Catra is able to grow and become the person she always was instead of the person she felt she had to be. Catra’s struggle with destiny was always that she felt she had to be someone else, that it was the only way to protect herself and prove others wrong. It’s through actual acceptance, care, and compassion shown to her that she is able to break free from this mindset. Obviously the journey isn’t over, it’s something she will always have to work on, but she has made significant strides and wants to continue making them. Her destiny is her own choosing.

Adora is a bit more difficult because she backslides in a big way in the fifth season. She starts out the season having difficulty adjusting to no longer having her destiny as she-ra and she seems to come to terms with the absence of this destiny by the time she leaves earth. And in “Save the Cat'' she actively goes against her calling and destiny she believes she has to follow. She puts saving Catra above the universe. She won’t leave the ship without Catra and the odds of her getting out, especially without she-ra, were practically non-existent and she knew this going in. This is the first time in the series that Adora really makes a choice that is for herself not her calling. This ironically is what brings back she-ra, one of her false destinies, but this time she-ra is a manifestation of Adora and her will, not that false destiny. Once Adora returns to Etheria and is faced with the failsafe and shadow weaver she backslides back into a false destiny pushed onto her by shadow weaver. She takes on the failsafe and decides that being sacrificed is a better outcome than letting horde prime get the heart. She is fully prepared to die and Catra sees this. Catra becomes the first person to ask Adora what it is that she wants. Adora can’t answer. Her needs and wants are unimportant next to her destiny. “It was always going to end like this.” To Adora this end was inevitable. But then Catra comes back and decides to stay with her when she activates the failsafe. It’s in this moment of selfless love from Catra that Adora is able to break free from the coffin of her abuse and reach for what she wants. In doing so she is able to break the cycle of service and sacrifice. She has let herself want to live and have a future which is what saves her. It’s what lets her break free from her destiny.

Glimmer is once again different. She doesn’t have a destiny to break free from. But from taking on the false destinies of Catra and Adora Glimmer is able to gain perspective that she didn’t before. She understands to a much greater degree what drove Catra to where she is now. Their similarities are no longer a point of contention but rather a point of connection. The new perspective Glimmer has allows her to reach out to Catra and see the potential for good that she was so adamant didn’t exist in earlier seasons. She’s able to see the shades of grey within people unlike before (ex. “Bad people don’t change” in the price of power). It allows herself to see her own flaws with much more clarity such as her desire for power and glory, jealousy, quick temper, etc and grow. She’s able to see the shades of grey within herself. This also allows her to accept that she doesn’t have a destiny, but her actions are just as important as anyone else’s. It doesn’t negate all the good she’s done or will do. This allows her to find the power within herself to defeat her father and protect all the princesses in the final battle with horde prime. Glimmer isn’t defined by this lack of destiny. It’s an interesting foil to Catra and Adora who always felt trapped within destinies. Glimmer felt trapped because of her lack of one like she was limited because of it, but it’s once she discovers that she isn’t, that she can create her own path, that she’s able to create her biggest positive impacts which is rather fitting.

RWBY Recaps: Vol. 5 "Unforeseen Complications"

This is a re-posting from Oct. 28th, 2017 in an effort to get all my recaps fully on tumblr. Thanks!

This RWBY review had to be put on hold while I finished Stranger Things 2. In all honesty if you're reading this instead of watching the new season... please re-think your life choices.

For those of you who have binged properly you'll already know that though RWBY doesn't do holiday-themed episodes, they're still bringing in the Halloween spirit this week with the rather terrifying title "Unforeseen Complications." We open on Blake, Sun, Kali, and a pacing Ghira, wearing his tiny reading glasses that everyone was gushing over when the promo picture first dropped. Luckily we haven't lost the adorable cat Dad (yet), but things aren't looking good, especially when he's given this much screen time in a show that just loves breaking up happy families. Ghira is prepping a speech in regards to Adam's recent power-play and the only thing that eases the tension is a warm, family hug.

And Sun's awkward fourth-wheeling. Honestly, that was funny about ten episodes ago. For a side character that's been thrust into one of the main cast's storyline, Sun sure hasn't justified his place there yet. He's done little in the way of really assisting Blake in her work and the injury that worried everyone last Volume was explained away this very episode, amounting to nothing. The guy either needs something to do or finally needs to clear out--which, I should add, Blake wanted him to do weeks ago.

Sun aside, Ghira remains a favorite among fans for his sweet nature, fair views, and unending support of his daughter. His speech here, laying out Adam's rogue faction in the White Fang and his involvement in the Fall of Beacon, isn't anything that the viewer didn't already know about. In fact, the scene is a little confusing if you don't catch that Blake's story is apparently taking place a month behind everyone else's. There's no overt indication of this using text on screen and given that we're following so many characters, there's no easy way to imply an ellipsis, let alone that we're jumping around a suddenly non-linear timeline. I had originally taken Ghira's warning that Adam intends to kill Sienna as an indicator that news of her death hadn't reached the island yet. However, it was pointed out to me later that Ghira mentions Haven opening in two months time whereas Ozpin, later in the episode, says that school starts up in a month. I'm not sure why RT has chosen this form--or why they've made it so convoluted--but I'm trusting that it will somehow benefit the overall structure of the Volume.

Ghira's call to assist the humans in Haven certainly doesn't get an outcry of support from the crowd, but he's entirely undermined when Ilia (dramatically) throws off her cloak and reveals herself, shouting that they should never help the humans when they've done nothing but harm the faunus in turn. Sun tries to grab her (he fails) but the damage is already done. As we see through the camera focusing on our two creepy fox brothers, Adam's splinter faction has wormed its way in deep. We know thanks to Ilia's scroll that Adam not only plans to attack Haven but take out their CTT tower as well. RWBY is chock-full of themes surrounding communication (or the lack thereof) and literally taking out the kingdoms' one way of contacting one another is highly reflective of that. Combine that with Ilia’s few words sowing so much discord. Divide them and they’ll fall, and all that. 

The real action of the episode though is with Team RNJR. After a full two weeks we finally get to see the gang's reaction to Professor Ozpin's return and oh boy, it did not disappoint.

Ruby: "Isn't it weird?"

She's so excited about this! Qrow reminds the kids that this is strange for everyone involved, including the boy you're hounding, so they sheepishly give Oscar some space. He admits that he's a little nervous because he's never met real huntsmen and huntresses before, which is a wonderful callback to Ruby's excited, "Can I have your autograph?" to Glynda in Episode One. She's come far enough now that she's the one people look up to with awe. There's also perhaps a bit of rosegarden here, but that's obviously a ship that can only happen if Ozpin gets a body of his own.

We then (bless) finally get some actual information regarding this Oscar-Ozpin situation. Oscar shows everyone his "parlor trick" where, with a flash of green aura, gold eyes, and white hair, Ozpin takes control of his body, making everyone emotional with a sincere, "It is so very good to see you again, students."

It's a remarkably light scene for all the revelations. Like I've been noting in all these recaps, Ozpin admits how pleased he is that Ruby and the others can retain their sense of humor in the face of confusing and traumatizing circumstances. We get another callback as Ozpin apologizes, saying that he wasn't exaggerating when he once told Ruby he'd made more mistakes than any man, woman, or child. We learn that he has been “cursed” by the gods for failing to stop Salem centuries ago. For thousands of years Ozpin has lived, died, and reincarnated in the body of a "like-minded soul," though there's still no explanation of what exactly constitutes "like-minded” in this scenario. 

Jaune: "So who... what are you?"

Ouch. Though not an entirely unwarranted question when you’re suddenly dealing with the impossible. Ozpin says that he is the "combination of countless men" who have spent their lives trying to protect Remnant. The implication that he only reincarnates as a man aside (seems like a missed opportunity there), this seems like a pretty firm confirmation of the merging theory. The person we know as Ozpin might not entirely erase Oscar, but it certainly sounds like they won't remain completely separate people for forever. Indeed, Ozpin says straight out that at some point, "eventually," they'll “merge” and become the new Ozpin, a man who retains the memories of all his past lives. It’s all still horrendously murky, but honestly, if Oscar doesn't have at least a little bit of a freak out over this I'll be sorely disappointed.

We still don't know who or what Ozpin was originally. Was he just a man who took on too much, cursed by the gods for his failure or arrogance? Was he the wizard, one of the few capable of wielding magic in Remnant, thus making his survival (and the curse to ensure as much) a necessity? Ozpin isn't saying just yet. After assigning Qrow to find them more huntsmen he turns his sights on Team RNJR, telling them that they'll need to get into "fighting shape" before they can face Salem.

There is nothing that I don't love about this scene. Bringing back Ruby's lack of skill in hand-to-hand after Yang's character short spent so much time emphasizing it? Check. Implying that we'll finally unlock Jaune's semblance this Volume? Check. Ozpin confirming that outside the confines of his headmaster persona he's a happy, dramatic showoff?

Triple check.

All poor Oscar asked is that Ozpin not do anything embarrassing while he has control of their body and what does this man do? Act extra as fuck of course, performing a backflip onto the chair and spinning his cane far, far longer than he needs to. Nora is the only one unimpressed by this display, but I personally can't wait to see Ozpin training the kids. It should be especially interesting given his sudden loss of control--Oscar coming back unexpectedly and losing his balance, toppling them off the chair. Training is hard enough. Training while you're stuck in the body of a weak, undisciplined child... that's something else entirely.

The end of our episode takes us back to Weiss, still guarded by Raven's bandits. It's a moment of psychological torture, with her captor taunting Weiss with her own weapon and demonstrating that the one tool she has, information, is severely outdated. Ironwood has recalled all his troops from Mistral, including Winter. She's not around now to save her little sis’ like Weiss had hoped.

Which is hilarious, because in no world does Weiss Schnee need saving. Our last shot is of the miniature knight she's made out of a tiny glyph and her confident smile. Can't wait to see what she's planning to do with that.

Other Details of Note

I was incredibly nervous during the later half of Ghira's speech where he's just going, "We have ALL this INCRIMINATING evidence on this ONE SCROLL that I'm going to WAVE AROUND out here in the OPEN where anyone could EASILY STEAL or DESTROY IT..."

The faunus press all using their scrolls instead of cameras or old-fashioned pen and paper. It's a small but enjoyable bit of world-building.

The voice acting for Ozpin as Oscar was incredibly well done. Jury's still out on whether the echo is just a byproduct of his control or is somehow more meaningful. One theory currently says it's used whenever Ozpin says something that references all of his past lives, not just his last two.

Qrow immediately gets Ozpin coffee. Or hot chocolate. Whatever it is. He might be in the body of a 14yo, but you know as soon as he has control he needs a mug in his hands.

... Qrow then breaks the table and the mug. Hello, semblance. I'm looking forward to seeing more of that as the Volume goes on. Does the bad luck get worse the longer Qrow stays in one place? Is that why he's so eager to leave and recruit more huntsmen? What exactly are the rules here? No one has laid them out and (like silver eyes...) no one seems very interested. 

Oscar upon learning that he'll be training too: "Wait, what?"

And you've gotta love Nora. She went from thinking over how she could bribe her powerful, dignified headmaster ("No wait, he has a school") to flouncing about and calling him their "little cute boy Ozpin." I really hope she ignores his request and keeps calling him that indefinitely. It's very amusing.

i wrote a sad meta about the way people keep comparing tohru adachi and goro akechi

warnings: canon character death; discussions of child abuse, financial abuse, physical assault, rape, murder, and blackmail as well as rehabilitation of an abuser

also, major endgame spoilers for Persona 4 (the animation), Persona 4 Arena Ultimax DLC, and Persona 5

the first is goro akechi.

also i’m gonna call them tohru and goro from now on because otherwise this thing is gonna be hell on the eyes!

there are lots of superficial similarities between tohru and goro - their surnames, the fact they serve as a foil to the protagonist of their games, the fact they’re a secret first-hand perpetrator for some of the crimes that occur during the course of their game. but there are a lot of superficial similarities between tohru and another character, too: yuu narukami / souji seta (i’m gonna go with souji for this).

all three of them grew up isolated. all three of them grew up in an environment where their caretakers only cared about concrete proof of their growth, such as grades; and not about them as a growing young person. all three of them were moved around a lot growing up, so they never really had the chance to make friends. and all three of them had absent parents (or a dead parent, in goro’s case).

but these are background features. in all three characters’ cases, the places where they show their true personality and character... is also where they show their differences from one another.

out of this background, tohru chose to become bitter and entitled. he decided that he was owed the intimacy that other people showed, and that he shouldn’t have to work for any of it; after all, he already worked hard all childhood. why should he have to work for anything else? he becomes entitled and self-centred. he manipulates others with a superficial personality, and when that doesn’t work to get him what he wants... he becomes a violent offender, attacking and raping the people who he thinks are acting to spite him. he shows no remorse for these actions. he truly believes he’s entitled to do these things - for his own entertainment and satisfaction.

this is a world away from the way souji came out of his background. after connecting with yosuke, chie, and nanako, he chooses to tentatively put down roots in inaba. he reaches out to the people around him slowly, helping them with their problems and making himself available to them. unlike tohru, he’s TERRIFIED by the prospect that he may be doing this for selfish reasons - so terrified that this belief manifests itself in his Shadow, which Margaret forces him to confront near the end of the animation. He has a strong desire to earn the closeness and intimacy that his social links eventually share with him, which is polar opposite to tohru’s entitlement.

and then... there’s goro.

goro was never given a choice. not a meaningful, realistic one.

from the age of 15 at the oldest (and might i remind the court, 15 is very much an age of minority, legally speaking, in England (my country), America (probably your country), and Japan (his country)) he was under the direct, explicit control of the most abusive and controlling human being we meet in Persona 5: his father, masayoshi shido.

before then, he was in foster homes, pushed from place to place. he had no way of affording cram school; there was very little chance he would get into high school on his own. IMO, it’s no coincidence that the age he was when he reached out to shido is the same age that he’d be looking to get into high school. in that context, is reaching out to your politician dad for help really that unusual? without a high school diploma, goro’s life would be over. with no family registry to speak of and no education, finding work would be next to impossible. he’d be dooming himself to a life on the streets.

when you’re 14 or 15, and your choice is “ask my scumbag politician dad who disowned me for help” or “live on the streets for the rest of my life”, is that really a choice?

this adult he was now indebted to then asked him to carry out a contract killing. we know that shido has and can just have people killed anyway. he threatens goro on more than one occasion in the game, after he’s already got plenty of blackmail material to hold over him and bring him back in line with. nope, he goes straight for the threats. when they first met, it would have been even easier to make goro disappear.

when you’re 14 or 15, and your choice is “murder someone” or “die”, is that really a choice?

shido coerces through to enforces goro’s every action. shido constantly checks up on goro. he constantly interrogates any sign of dissent in goro. he constantly reminds goro that he’s the only reason goro is where he is; i.e. not dead or on the streets.

the first taste of freedom goro gets is during the casino palace, but even that is short-lived. he knows it’s fake.

but it leads to the first choice goro akechi makes, in the whole game:

to lie to shido about morgana. to tell shido, “no, i’m pretty sure the weird cat is just a cat. don’t even worry about it.”

it seems small. it seems tiny. but it’s the first sign of defiance we see in him. he knows things are getting down to the line and at the end of the day... the phantom thieves are the first people who have treated him with actual kindness in a long time, even if he’d be fairly certain it was fake. shido verbally and financially abuses him; sae regularly belittles him. everyone else is a non-entity in his life. no one else cares.

except... the phantom thieves. his first confidant.

so he lies for them. even if joker doesn’t escape the interrogation room, morgana is still free. goro must know from long-term observation of the phantom thieves that morgana is more than capable of finding more teens with “the potential”.

lying about morgana is not small. it’s HUGE. it’s the first REAL choice goro’s had in years. and he seized it, immediately.

and then, because of the thieves’ ongoing work in shido’s palace, shido begins to catch on that something isn’t right. he begins to doubt goro. he begins to call his work into question. his threats escalate. goro becomes more introspective. eventually he sets up the engine room ambush. he’s desperate there. we all know that, but knowing what he’s up against - take down the phantom thieves for good, or you’ll die. take down the phantom thieves for good, or you’ll die. is that really a choice?

well...

he makes it one.

which leads me, at last, to what i consider the only true overlap between tohru and goro’s characters: this specific, singular quote, from tohru’s Persona 4 Arena Ultimax epilogue.

when tohru first realises his friend isn’t leaving him - the original context of that quote - it’s a positive moment. it’s the beginning of tohru’s rehabilitation. it’s a realisation that even a terrifyingly unrepentant rapist and murderer can still take a step on the journey towards empathy and companionship with his fellow humans. his life begins, in a small way, to turn around.

when souji realises his friends aren’t leaving him... it’s the dramatic climax of the entire game. it’s the moment when all the themes come together and they defeat the big bad.

when goro realises it...

...did you know the most dangerous moment for abuse victims/survivors is the moment when they finally work up the courage to say, “no, that’s enough,” and leave? the moment they make their first free, independent choice, and use it to try and escape?

abusers hate to lose control of their victims. they’d rather their victim be dead.

every action goro takes is controlled and enforced by his abusive father. until... he chooses to aid the phantom thieves, down in the engine room, against shido’s cognition of him.

the only moment in the game where we honestly see goro’s true desires...

he tried to push joker away, but he came back. he tried to cut their bond, but it wouldn’t stay cut.

and because he acknowledges that, and acts in support of joker...

...his father’s cognition murders him.

immediately.

this desire for control over goro is so deeply ingrained in shido that his subconscious acts on it for him. his ideal vision of goro, this unquestioning child assassin who literally has had the light go out of his eyes, shoots his real son. he’d rather his son be dead than be or do anything that doesn’t suit that idealised, perfectly obedient image.

souji seta is, in most people’s eyes/playthroughs, a good person. in the anime, certainly, he’s kind, considerate, and generous both with his time and his money. so it makes sense that when his choices really shine, they shine bright.

tohru adachi is, given he’s a fictional character and not a real person, definitely evil. he’s selfish and mean and hedonistic. he hurts everyone around him for the fun of it, or at least for his own gain. but when he makes a choice to accept the love that his friend is offering him... it’s still a bright spot.

now... whether you think goro akechi is more like souji in that regard, or more like tohru... doesn’t matter. his choices are never given a chance to shine. because his abusive father is standing right over him, ready to stamp him out at the first sign of light.

so...

in summary...

when we compare goro’s story with tohru’s and souji’s, what becomes clearest of all is that goro is an abuse victim. he had no agency at all throughout Persona 5 because as soon as he tried to exercise any in a meaningful way, he was immediately murdered by the exact person who’d been trying to control him the whole time.

for souji, the moment his bonds come together is the moment he reaches his full potential. even for tohru - unrepentant rapist and hedonistic murderer - the moment he acknowledges a genuine, meaningful bond is the moment his life begins to turn around.

for goro - abuse victim, groomed child assassin, desperately lonely... the moment he acknowledges his bond is the moment his life is taken away from him.

New Post has been published on https://www.vividracing.com/blog/top-5-best-exhaust-upgrades-for-the-brz-frs-gt86/

Top 5 Best Exhaust Upgrades for the BRZ/FRS/GT86

The Subaru BRZ, Scion FRS, and Toyota GT86 are highly popular among enthusiasts for their economical price point, enjoyable performance, and the plethora of options that come along with owning one. The trio boasts a sporty design language paired with a low center of gravity and rear-wheel drive that make it the most fun you can have for the money. While they are extraordinarily alike in a number of ways, there are several products on the aftermarket that can help set your ride apart from the rest. One such modification that can do this is upgrading your vehicle’s exhaust components or replacing it with a new system altogether.

Not only will swapping out the restrictive system unleash new power gains and a more aggressive exhaust tone, but it will also add bold styling to the car’s rear end to show you mean business. There are several options on the market made from different materials that will emit varying levels of power and sound for your vehicle. We have put together the following list of the top 5 best exhaust options for your BRZ/FRS/GT86 to give you a starting point. These are in no particular order and are based on factors like overall construction, durability, design, power, and sound.

1. Invidia N1 Cat-Back Exhaust System

The Invidia N1 Cat-Back Exhaust System with Dual Ti Tips is a top choice for any BRZ/FRS/GT86 owner. Boasting a harmonious balance of price and performance, Invidia offers motorsports enthusiasts a strong lineup of N1 exhaust systems that deliver high levels of strength, power, styling, and sound. Crafted with high-quality SUS304 stainless steel, CNC-machined flanges, and a 101mm blue titanium exhaust tip, this system will not only look amazing on your car, but also sound and perform just the same. Each system features mandrel-bent stainless-steel 60mm piping that offers maximum exhaust flow and reduced backpressure over the stock setup.

The N1 Cat-Back from Invidia is specifically engineered to produce strong mid- to top-end power gains, as well as a noticeable increase in horsepower and torque. It was designed with minimal bends to reduce the amount of turbulence during acceleration to allow your car’s engine to exhale exhaust gasses with fewer restrictions. This means that you will see improvements in throttle response, along with newfound power gains. The Invidia N1 exhaust is an excellent way to experience better performance in a package that boasts strict attention to detail and delivers unmatched durability and strength even in extreme operating conditions.

Features: 

Crafted with 304 stainless steel

60mm Stainless steel piping

101mm Blue titanium exhaust tips

Provides an aggressive exhaust note

Exhaust hangers welded onto the OEM locations

Direct fitment exhaust; no modifications needed

New hardware and gaskets provided for easy install

Get It Here! 

2. Remark Axle-Back w/ Stainless Single Wall Tip

The Remark Axle-Back Exhaust offers a quick, clean, and cost-effective solution to rev up your BRZ/FRS/GT86. This system directly bolts onto the OEM mid-pipe; please note that this product will not fit aftermarket exhaust systems. The Remark Axle-Back Exhaust is made with 2.5-inch, 16-gauge T304 stainless steel, mandrel-bent piping and delivers optimal weight savings from the factory muffler. The 4.5-inch exhaust tips are available in a variety of options (stainless single/double or burnt single/double) to suit your tastes and the look you’re going for.

Remark is committed to providing systems that make your car look sportier with a powerful and authentic exhaust note to go along with it. Benefits of the Remark Muffler Delete include improved sound, better performance, and weight savings to deliver the best of all worlds in a compact package. High-quality hand welding and precision fitment ensure that this axle-back is crafted to high levels of strength and durability so it lasts for a very long time. This system features a factory OEM-style exhaust hanger rod construction and comes with all of the hanger bushings, gaskets, and bolts you will need to install it seamlessly.

Features:

Made with 2.5-inch, 16 gauge T304 stainless steel

Factory OEM style exhaust hanger rod construction

High-quality hand welding, mandrel-bent piping

Optimal weight reduction from the factory mufflers

4.5inch tips with a variety of tip selections available

Includes performance hanger bushings, gaskets, bolts

Direct bolt-on system with easy installation

Get It Here! 

3. HKS Hi-Power Racing Single Exit Exhaust

Inspired and designed from endurance and GT racing in Japan, HKS developed its Hi-Power Exhaust Systems for both turbo and naturally aspirated vehicles. HKS incorporated a new race-inspired offset muffler and piping design into many street applications, which offers greater flow and higher RPM power gains due to the less restrictive design. This is achieved by eliminating unnecessary bends within the system for the straightest exhaust path possible. What’s more, the Hi-Power muffler maintains sufficient ground clearance with its redesigned flanges and layout. Professionally developed with the racer in mind, this HKS exhaust system provides an easy and affordable way for BRZ/FRS/GT86 owners to boost both the power and sound of their vehicle.

The Hi-Power Racing Single Exit Exhaust was crafted from first-class materials, so it will last you for years to come. It features SUH409 stainless steel exhaust piping with a SUS304 stainless steel muffler, a piping diameter of 75mm, and a tip diameter of 97mm. This exhaust system is guaranteed to increase exhaust flow and power over stock, as well as offer an improved exhaust tone. The straight-through design not only eliminates exhaust flow restrictions but works with a large-sized silencer to help bring the sound of the engine to comfortable levels without that annoying in-cabin drone. After all, the Hi-Power muffler from HKS was born from the concept that high power, high performance, resonant sound, and added styling should be harmonized together.

Features:

Single exit exhaust design

SUS304 Stainless steel muffler

SUH409 Stainless steel piping

Aggressive/loud exhaust note

Weighs 25.5lbs (vs. stock 39.6lbs)

Includes a titanium tip

Diameter: 75mm

Tip: 97mm

Get It Here! 

4. Tomei Expreme Ti Titanium Cat-Back

For those looking to add performance by losing weight and adding horsepower, the Tomei Expreme Ti Titanium Type 60S Cat-Back is the system for you. Tomai starts with the very best in raw materials and takes it to the next level to deliver maximum performance benefits. When producing this cat-back, Tomei focused on stripping weight down to what feels like nothing compared to the stock system. In fact, this exhaust has been fully fabricated from lightweight titanium and weighs just 14.1 pounds! It has been strategically designed with minimal bends to reduce exhaust turbulence under acceleration which, in turn, improved throttle response and increases power figures. From the special racing layout design (made as straight as possible) to the high-flow silencer, the Expreme Ti system is unrivaled.

This is a direct replacement for your BRZ/FRS/GT86’s factory-equipped exhaust system, and exhaust hangers are welded onto the OEM locations so that you do not have to modify anything on the body to install it. Also included with this exhaust is a new gasket, hardware, and the required clamps to make this exhaust system ready to install. This is a single exit style exhaust that will provide your vehicle with an aggressive tone under acceleration and at idle, and is suitable for those staying at naturally aspirated form, or with forced induction. And, as the name “60S” states, this system will suit those who are mainly focused on street use performance and it is a great choice for those who are living in places with strict laws about exhaust sound limits.

Features: 

Lightweight design: 14.1 lbs

Great performance and sound

Made with titanium Type 60S

Direct factory replacement

4.13″ Tip Diameter

2.38″ Piping Diameter

Get It Here! 

5. GReddy EVOlution GT Exhaust System

GReddy’s highly regarded EVOlution lineup continues with the new EVOlution GT systems. The GReddy EVOlution GT Exhaust System for the BRZ/FRS/GT-86 is improved and refined, incorporating the brand’s latest high-flow straight-through internals. The new system still retains the many benefits of the compact and efficient, offset-tip design of the previous EVOlution muffler. Each GT exhaust system is carefully crafted from precision TIG-welded, high-quality 304 stainless steel for the utmost in strength and durability. This high-flow system will not only improve your car’s performance over the restrictive factory setup, but will also emit a rich exhaust note that the GReddy Evo line is known for.

GReddy exhausts are designed to reduce weight, backpressure, and turbo lag, thus increasing throttle response and horsepower without compromising durability. This exhaust features dual angled Evo mufflers for a stylish and aggressive layout that looks the part and sounds it too. Large 76mm (3-inch) piping is carefully routed through a large resonator in the mid-pipe and round the rear differential to a centralized Y-section for more even flow than the factory system. This creates improved performance and sound for both turbocharged and normally aspirated applications. The system is finished off with high-polished piping and GReddy’s classic Evo 115mm laser-engraved GReddy tip. Like all GReddy EVOlution GT systems, this fully hand-welded stainless-steel exhaust carries a Limited Lifetime Warranty. 

Features:

Made with 304 Stainless steel

Dual angled mufflers

Extended exhaust tips

Piping: 76 mm (3″)

Tip(s): 115 mm (4.5″)

Gasket(s): 3″ oval replacement

Resonator: Yes

Sound level: L94 / R93 dB(a) @4500RPM

Get It Here! 

Intern!Hansol

1/3 of the intern bunch

intern Hansol is very odd, often in his own world, often caught in an odd situation

got his skateboard confiscated by Jihoon during the first week he was interning but it's okay cause he's got heeles

really doesn't know what he wants to do or specialize in, he's hoping the whole rounds and getting a taste in every department helps his decision

“idk why can't I just be an everything doctor”

“Hansol no”

published a paper regarding pediatrics with Seungcheol because he won a rap battle

often hanging out with intern Seungkwan

says he got his way through med school by making raps of the body systems

rapped the anatomy of the body at the hospital talent show and did a Mic drop at the end

Much to Jihoon’s dismay, Hansol is actually a really good surgeon and is secretly vouching for him to choose surgery

got lost during the first week and somehow ended up in the morgue

is really really into his pager like he thinks it's the coolest thing in the world

“HANSOL WHAT THE HELL IS A CODE GREEN AND WHY DO YOU KEEP PAGING ME IT”

“it means I'm hungry, let's eat”

makes up a lot of different codes (but obviously stays away from code red or blue cause that's a no no)

chills with patients in their rooms when he has night shifts

found with his hand up a coffee vending machine because he was not going to put another dollar in

everyone leaves him there for the day

“wAIT SEUNGKWAN HELP ME.”

as air headed he may seem, he's really knowledgeable

always knows the toughest of diagnosis because he knows random information

gets really shy with new patients which makes it seem like he doesn't know what he's doing but he's just nervous around new people

he was the first one out of all the interns to finish stitching 10 oranges and is the first to step into an operating room

will switch Jihoon’s soft music to rap music and Jihoon can't do anything because his hand is touching a human brain and

“GODDAMMIT HANSOL SHUT IT OFF”

one day he got to substitute in for the person who speaks on the overhead speaker

made up nicknames for everyone

“Doctor S.Coups you're needed in the pediatric unit”

“Doctor Woozi please head over to operating room 2”

“if someone finds a skateboard lying around somewhere I think I misplaced it, actually it might be in operating room 5”

beatboxes into the mic before getting kicked out by Jeonghan

once made the nurse station made so they all stuck him with bedpan changes for a week

you work at the newly opened cafe in the hospital

you see Hansol and Seungkwan a lot because they're always hanging around when they're on break

you became friends with Hansol during the time he had his hand up the vending machine

the vending machine was next to the cafe (really bad placement like who puts a coffee vending machine next to a cafe)

you were working the cash register and you just keep staring at the boy who's hand is lodged up the mouth of the machine

“why is your hand up a vending machine”

“I PUT A DOLLAR INTO THIS. I AM NOT PUTTING ANOTHER ONE IN”

“do you need help”

“nah I got a friend coming”

that friend was Seungkwan who was a scaredy cat to leave rounds especially since Jihoon was doing rounds

After a while you and Hansol strike up a conversation when customers aren't holding up the line

“ARE YOU SERIOUS! YOU MEAN IF I JUST SHOW MY WORK BADGE I GET 30% OFF MY COFFEE”

You snort and laugh really loudly because his reaction was really cute and naive and now the tips of Hansol’s ears turn red because damn your laugh is hella cute

another hour passes with light conversation and you say it’s nearing the end of your shift and although you can't hear it Hansol is whining a small no

Seungkwan finally comes back with a janitor who helps gets his hand out of the machine

Hansol jumps to his feet and hurries to the cash register where you are and his cheeks tint a lil red ‘omg cuter up close”

Seungkwan is squinting his eyes with a lot of suspicion because why are these two silent and why are they red faced HANSOL HAS A CRUSH

SEUNGKWAN TELLS EVERYONE

“hansol has a crush on the girl who works at the coffee shop”

“hansol has a crush”

“hansol likes the girl---”

you get what I mean

Hansol starts to spend wayy too much time at the cafe like so much that you're able to quote the paper he's writing on the effects of the absence of the corpus collosum

this goes on for weeks and Seungkwan is getting really bored of the whole back and forth not wanting to confess because “it'll ruin the friendship”

22 hours with no sleep he's watching Hansol stare at you

“OH MY GOD JUST ASK HER OUT ALREADY! Y/N THIS IDIOT HANSOL LIKES YOU PLEASE GO OUT ON A DATE WITH HIM SO HE CAN STOP STARING AT YOU”

the cafe becomes really quiet. you and hansol are just deep red in embarrassment while Seungkwan passes out on the table

but thanks to sleep deprived Seungkwan, 5 coffee dates later

“y/n and I are dating”

sassy seungkwan “took you long enough”

seungkwan claims he doesn't remember that day but whatever Hansol has a girlfriend now

actually learned the cafe menu by rapping it and teaches you the rap

also teaches you to skateboard in the hospital and you bribe Jihoon with free coffee so Hansol doesn't get in trouble

at the end of your shifts, Hansol is usually still working so you bring him coffee with a  side of kiss on the cheek and Seungkwan barfs on the side

snuck back to the overhead speaker mic and rapped a cheesy verse about you which made you smile the whole day

you actually write little notes on the coffee cups and it brightens his whole day

on the rare times that his shifts ends before yours, he just sits and waits in the cafe and you two always leave with hands held together and third wheel seungkwan watching from behind

he still hasn't chosen a specific field to study more on but he's more than certain that he always wants you by his side with whatever he chooses

intern Hansol again is still uncertain about his career choices but he's always certain that the smile on your face, the warm coffee cup in his hand, and the press of your lips against his cheek is something that he wants for futures to come

I Am Become

Summary: It's been three years. Zeref is gone, all of his books burned. Natsu is alive, and free to marry the girl of his dreams. But fate is cruel, and Natsu cannot escape what he really is, no matter how hard he tries. If he wants to save everybody from himself, he'll have to go back to the beginning. "Now I am become death, destroyer of worlds."

Typical Pairings

FF.net chapt. 4 chapt. 6

Chapter 5: Trouble in Paradise

"Well, I can't say that there's anything wrong with you," Porlyusica grumbled, looking over at the man sitting on her bed. "Physically or otherwise."

They had arrived at Porlyusica's tree-house to find the Healing mage outside harvesting herbs from her garden. While the older woman had clearly not been expecting guests, she also wasn't completely surprised to see Natsu, Lucy, and Happy. If there was one thing she had learned over the years, it was to always expect a visit from the dragon slayer and his friends. After hearing Lucy explain why they were there, Porlyusica hummed in thought, disappointed that they actually had a good enough reason to seek her out, and that she couldn't chase them away with her broom.

Laxus had shown up in the middle of Natsu's physical without Freed. He was regarded silently by the old woman as he ducked his head to step into her tree-house. Laxus gave her the same treatment. To outsiders, it might have seemed like the two were hostile towards each other – but in reality, this was how they showed respect. The deep connection they both shared through Makarov was enough to warrant it. Her guidance and support had proven to be invaluable.

"You didn't find anything?" Laxus asked.

Porlyusica shrugged as she hoisted herself to her feet, leaning heavily on the cane that Wendy had made for her about a year ago. The woman had been old before the war, and now it seemed like the years were catching up with her. "It's hard to be sure when I don't even know what I'm looking for. I wasn't able to pick up any demon traces or other malignant entities. I did your bloodwork just to be safe. Everything comes back normal. Well… normal for you, at least."

It was odd, Porlyusica had to admit, that she hadn't been able to find any hint of E.N.D. or other magic within Natsu given what had happened. But his blood hadn't reacted to any of the serums that she used to detect anomalies. Before Natsu's etherious energy had initially awakened, she had been able to sense the demonic power without using any of her instruments or tinctures. It was hard to forget a feeling like that. After the war, there had been trace elements of the dark magic lingering in the young dragon slayer – it had taken him weeks to burn it all out and purify his magic once again. But now… nothing.

"I'll say it again." Porlyusica cast a hard eye to everyone. "I specialize in healing injuries caused by magic. I'm not a doctor. But, if I were one, I'd say that you have nothing to worry about, Natsu."

Happy and Lucy exchanged smiles while Laxus huffed a sigh of relief through his nose. Natsu sat forward, propping his elbows onto his knees and resting his chin on his steeped hands, eyes cast to the floor. Though not really the reaction that Porlyusica had been expecting, she couldn't really find it in herself to care. If Natsu wasn't satisfied with her conclusions, that wasn't her fault.

"Now, if that's all you people wanted, please get out of my-"

"Can you do it again?"

Everyone turned to stare at Natsu, who kept his eyes down. Porlyusica's crimson eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"I can, but the result will be the same." The old mage stepped up to Natsu, leering over him. She really did not like having her time wasted. "Unless you know something I don't."

Natsu sighed as he took his chin off his hands and pressed his forehead to his knuckles. He knew everyone was watching him, waiting for him to respond. The etherious behind his heart was pressing against his magic hard enough to remind Natsu that it was still there. The fact that Porlyusica hadn't been able to detect it had surprised Natsu. He had hoped that she would be able to explain what was happening to him, and he could pretend to be surprised along with the rest of them. Seeing as that wasn't going to happen, Natsu had no other choice but to come clean. Lucy was going to hate him for lying to her.

"It's still there." Natsu's voice was barely above a whisper. "I can still feel it."

"What on earthland are you talking about, Natsu?" Laxus snapped.

Natsu sat up, slapping his hands against his knees in frustration. "The damn etherious! I can still feel it inside me!"

No one spoke for a while – too stunned at his words – so Natsu seized the silence and continued, voice softer and one hand rubbing his chest.

"I can feel it, somewhere around here. I think… my magic is keeping it contained, like behind a sheet of glass. But the glass is cracked or something, and now…" Natsu turned to look up at Lucy. Her face was expressionless. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Lucy."

Her only response was to continue to stare at him. Natsu could only imagine what she was thinking at this moment. Happy at least had the decency to let his shock and fear play on his face – not that that was any better.

"Are you sure it's your etherious?" Porlyusica asked in a put-off tone. "You sure you aren't just… nervous?"

Natsu couldn't help but be offended. "I might not be the smartest guy in the guild, but I can tell the difference between dark magic in my own body and a bad case of the jitters, lady. Besides, I don't get nervous. The only time in my life I was ever nervous was when I asked her to marry me."

At that, Lucy finally reacted by giving a small smile. "It's true. He was a trainwreck."

"How long have you been like this?" Porlyusica pressed, ignoring Natsu's blatant disrespect.

"Since yesterday." Natsu dropped his eyes in thought. "After defeating the Leviathan."

Porlyusica's eyebrows drew together, thoughts racing behind her eyes. "And have you used your magic at all since then."

"No."

"I guess that explains why Gray reacted the way he did." Happy commented. Laxus gave a start, glaring down at the small blue cat.

"What? You mean Gray knows?" Laxus took an unwitting step forward, looming over Happy.

"No, we didn't tell him anything!" Happy crumpled a little under Laxus' stare. "But I think he suspects. He touched Natsu and his devil slayer magic went crazy! We had no idea that was gonna happen…"

Laxus stepped back and rubbed a hand to his temple, allowing Happy to retreat behind Lucy's ankles.

"Great, this is all I need." Laxus sighed. If one were to look close enough, they would see a few white hairs among the blonde.

The Healing mage's lips pinched together in a thin line as she gathered her thoughts.

"If Gray was able to sense your etherious and I wasn't, it can only mean one thing." Porlyusica closed her eyes, dreading the words she was about to say. "Your magic and E.N.D.'s are fusing together. I don't know how, and I don't know why, but I do know it can't be good."

Natsu stiffened. "That… sounds a lot like something Igneel told me once." He looked up to see the old woman staring at him, one eyebrow cocked as she waited for him to elaborate. "During the war, I somehow wound up meeting Igneel in my heart and he told me that there were two magic seeds trying to fuse together inside me, and I had to choose what I was – a dragon, or a demon – in order to live. I chose to be human. I was under the impression that that had solved everything."

"Yeah, that logic always seemed a little shaky to me," Happy mumbled from behind Lucy's legs.

Natsu twisted to sneer at the exceed. "I lived, didn't I?"

Natsu's eyes moved from Happy to Lucy's knees, trailing up her body to her face. She hadn't said anything in a while. Her arms were crossed loosely, one hand dropped to her hip to trace light circles over the fabric of her shirt, right where he scar was. Her face still remained uncharacteristically blank. When he made eye contact with her, she simply blinked at him, seeing him but also not.

"I doubt something as simple as that is going to help you this time. You should refrain from using your magic at all for the time being," Porlyusica said, catching his attention once again. "With any luck, this whole thing might just blow over… but I highly doubt that." Turning toward a door that lead farther into her house, Porlyusica hobbled away on her cane. "Now get out. I need to concentrate. Except for you, Laxus. We need to talk."

Natsu looked like he was about to protest, but a quick growl from Laxus silenced him. "Go home, you three. Come back to the guild tomorrow, after all of this is given a chance to make sense."

As the Master stepped forward to follow Porlyusica into her library, Natsu stood from the bed and watched them disappear. Many of his questions remained unanswered, and simply being told to not use his magic and go home was extremely unsatisfying. But just as he was about to barge off after Laxus, a hand firmly grasped his upper arm.

"Come on," Lucy said, her voice firm. "Let's go."

Natsu hesitated for a moment, but then conceded and let Lucy lead him out the door, Happy following close behind.

When Laxus and Porlyusica heard her front door close, the old woman turned to him. It may not have seemed like she had aged much over the past three years apart from her cane and her hair being a few shades lighter – but there was one thing that gave away her elderly age. The white rings around the edges of her crimson irises had developed a while ago, and while they didn't impede her vision at all, it gave her a more mystic look. Laxus gazed back into those eyes, a feeling of foreboding creeping into his chest.

"It's bad, isn't it?"

"Probably more than we realize – more than he realizes. We need to figure out why this is happening and how to prevent it quickly."

"The Leviathan appeared four months ago." Laxus thought out loud. "Something must have changed. Had you heard anything?"

"I stay away from people and their pointless gossip," Porlyusica snapped with a dismissive flick of her wrist. "If something broke somewhere in the world, it's your problem."

Laxus' lip curled. "Jee, thanks old hag."

"In the meantime, keep a close eye on Natsu." Porlyusica turned away and pulled a book down from a shelf. "Keep him out of battle and from using his magic. Tell me if anything changes."

"You mean like if E.N.D. awakens?" Laxus asked, one eyebrow cocked. It had been a rhetorical question, but Porlyusica stiffened and turned back to him, her eyes darkened with fear.

"I'm afraid to say," the Healing mage said lowly. "but it's possible that he already has."

The walk back to Magnolia was a tense, quiet one. Natsu walked behind Lucy, warily glancing to the back of her head every few seconds. He couldn't tell if she was mad, or just disappointed. Honestly, he would rather have his fiancé be angry with him. Even if was the worst kind of anger Lucy had – the silent, brewing type, like that of a thunder cloud looming on the horizon – it still beat the guilt of knowing that he had let her down. Happy was cautious as well, and neither of them were willing to break the silence, less they incur Lucy's wrath. But Natsu was never good with silence, and if he didn't say something now, then there was a very good chance he was going to do something really stupid later.

"Hey, so I think Gajeel and Levy are coming back later today," Natsu said meekly. Maybe talking about the Solid-Script mage would lighten her spirits. "You wanna meet them later?"

Lucy said nothing as the slight wind gently tossed her hair around her shoudlers. She kept her head facing forward, as if Natsu wasn't even there. Natsu licked his lips, determined to see this tactic through to the end. He was anything but a quitter.

"I still can't believe we got engaged before they did." Natsu laughed, but it was a shaky one. "Then again, Gajeel was always a little slow on the uptake."

Lucy turned her head just enough to look at Natsu out of the corner of her eye. Natsu pinched his lips together, suddenly feeling very exposed. Happy shifted his eyes between the two as they continued to walk. He always hated it when they fought, but even he had to admit that Natsu keeping secrets such as this was a little insulting to him as well. Lucy's feelings, whatever they may be, were justified. Natsu was walking on thin ice, and just like what always happened when fire met ice, it was bound to break. Therefore, the cat kept his mouth shut. Lucy looked straight ahead once more without a word.

"I think… I also heard that Erza was coming back tomorrow, too," Natsu continued, but now it seemed he was mostly talking to himself. "Would be nice to say hello to her."

They had reached the edge of Magnolia, a blushing meadow marking the border between the Lilac Forest where Porlyusica lived and the city they called home. Here, Lucy stopped. Natsu and Happy halted as well, watching her as she contemplated the two paths before them; the one straight ahead and back to the guild, or the one that turned north towards the house. Natsu sighed through his nose, hoping that she would allow him to walk the same road as her.

"Happy," she finally spoke. "Can you head to the guild hall and make sure everything is alright with Gray and Wendy? I feel bad for leaving them in the dust."

Happy wasn't an idiot – Lucy wanted to be alone with Natsu. His eyes flickered over to the dragon slayer once before settling back on Lucy. "Sure. What should I tell them about the cake?"

"Tell them that I've overcome my fear of chocolate." Lucy laughed. "Thanks, Happy. We'll see you at home."

Happy waved goodbye as he took the path straight ahead into town while Natsu and Lucy curved north, taking a shortcut back to their house. Happy felt a little bad for Natsu and the earful that he would no doubt be receiving later on. But now he had a valid excuse to spend more time with Carla.

Natsu and Lucy walked side by side, their legs brushing noisily against the tall grass of the meadow. The pleasant floral scent from the newly-sprouted wild flowers was relaxing, betraying the tension between Lucy and Natsu. His mind felt strangely numb. He knew that Lucy sending Happy away was her way of letting Natsu know that she was being serious. But still she said nothing. Walking next to her granted him a better view of her face, and he could see her surprisingly serene expression as she gazed off into the distance. She looked beautiful in the full-sun of the early afternoon.

"I'm not mad at you," Lucy finally said after she took a deep sigh. "I promise."

Natsu watched her carefully – he could almost always tell when Lucy was lying. She wasn't. Swallowing past the dryness in his throat, he reached and arm out to lightly touch the curve of her ribs on her back. Lucy stepped into the touch, lifting her arm under his to hold him the same way. Natsu was never good with words, which was why he always let his actions speak for him. Some instances, such as this, proved to be the wrong way of going about things. He knew he should have told her about what he was feeling, and he deeply regretted that he didn't. Natsu had just been… so scared that Lucy would think he was a monster and leave. The very thought made his chest tighten. He knew that was foolish, now. Lucy wasn't as simple as that, and it had been unfair of Natsu to believe that she was after everything they had been through. She was Lucy, after all. She deserved better than that.

"I'm sorry, Lucy," Natsu mumbled as he pressed his lips to her hair. Lucy hummed in response as they continued to walk through the meadow.

"We should be hearing from Blue Pegasus soon about your suit." Lucy looked up at him. "You'll have to go in for a fitting at some point. Think you can handle that without me?"

Natsu smirked down at her. "Don't worry. It's just trying on clothes and waiting around for hours. Nothing I haven't practiced with you."

Lucy chuckled at that. It was true – she had definitely utilized the boyfriend-bag-carrier perk when shopping ever since she and Natsu had gotten together. It wasn't just her, though. Juvia and Levy had been right there with her. Lucy still laughed at the memory of that day when they had all bumped into each other… how Natsu, Gray, and Gajeel had somehow managed to twist the situation into a contest of strength to see who could carry the most bags and boxes. There was no clear winner.

The continued to talk about wedding details as they walked – what food they were going to serve, the reception dinner, and the best way to keep Cana sober for a long as possible to name a few topics. When they approached their house, Lucy slowed to a stop, halting Natsu with her. As she took in the sight of their home, Natsu saw an idea playing behind Lucy's eyes.

"Hey Natsu," she said without looking at him. "When was the last time we sparred?"

Natsu blinked. "I'm not sure. Since before I proposed to you, I think."

Lucy had asked Natsu to teach her how to defend herself about five months into their relationship. Of course, Natsu had been delighted that she had asked. He proved himself to be one heck of a teacher, and completely defied Lucy's expectations. It was actually rather funny, because the techniques that Natsu taught her were ones of focus, balance, and control – things that he usually lacked in battle. When she had pointed this out to him, Natsu only smirked and said that since he had already mastered these things, he didn't have to follow them. That seemed a little backwards to Lucy, but his lessons were bearing fruit so she went along with it. Today, she was able to hold her own against Erza of all people.

"Maybe we should, just for fun." Lucy said as she moved away from Natsu, fists slightly raised. "Whadda ya say?"

Natsu cocked an eyebrow at her, a sneaking suspicion in the back of his mind telling him that she had an ulterior motive for bringing this up. But they had the rest of the day to widdle away and this would provide a good distraction. It was just odd that Lucy was the one to instigate the fight instead of him.

"Sounds great!" Natsu smirked as he loosened the scarf around his neck and cracked his knuckles. "You think you can beat me this time?"

"You can't use your magic," Lucy stated, returning his smirk right back to him. "I think I've got a pretty good chance."

Natsu might have been offended if he wasn't so excited. He and Lucy jogged around to the side of the house to the small field and the lone tree that waited there. Lucy did so without taking the time to change into her sparring clothes, which Natsu also thought was odd, but chalked it up to the idea that she was just excited, too.

"So what are the rules?" Natsu stretched his arm across his chest as Lucy stood across from him, stretching her calf muscles.

"Dodge. No holding back, either!" Lucy twisted her torso a couple of times before settling into her fighting stance. "I'll know if you do."

"You sure, Luce?" Natsu cocked his head. "You usually don't like it when I go all-"

Lucy's fist flying at his face cut him short as he bent backwards. Her elbow just barely skimmed the tip of his nose. Catching himself with one hand on the ground, Natsu instinctively swung one leg up, his knee headed straight for her gut. Just as quickly, Lucy pirouetted away from his attack on one foot, then followed through with the same momentum for a kick to his chest. Natsu flung his body up into a hand stand, shooting one foot out to try to knock her in the shoulder. Lucy evaded the kick, but it sent her off balance, allowing Natsu to flip over himself and right his body on his feet once more.

Lucy came at him again, and their match continued. Seeming more like an up-close-and-personal game of tag, Natsu and Lucy danced around each other as they each tried to land a hit on the other. That also meant that they weren't allowed to block, so it took a fair amount of acrobatic skill to remain in the fight. Where Natsu was definitely bigger and stronger, Lucy was flexible and quick. That wasn't to say that Lucy had also grown quite strong over the years. Her arms and legs were starting to gain a little muscle definition – which Natsu thought was unbelievably sexy.

But as their brawl carried on, Natsu began to realize that something wasn't right. While all his attacks were light and eased back so he wouldn't hurt her, Lucy's blows were always at full force, stirring small breezes on his skin as they just barely missed making contact with him. She wasn't smiling, either. Her face was hardened in concentration, and maybe a hint of frustration. It almost seemed like Lucy was actually trying to fight him, trying to strike him with all her might. A near miss to his groin seemed to confirm that for him. Lucy hadn't been lying earlier when she had said that she wasn't mad, because the truth was that she was pissed. Natsu realized that now, and cursed himself for falling for her trap so easily.

Lucy jumped, one leg curled to the side ready to kick at his head. Natsu was already ducked down low enough to dodge. But just as he was about to deliver a punch that he was certain she wouldn't be able to evade, Lucy twisted in midair, snapping her other leg up. The kick hit hard against the bone of Natsu's shoulder - not hard enough to break anything, but a bruise would definitely be there for a while. Natsu was just thankful that it hadn't been the shoulder with his guild mark on it.

Natsu tumbled to the side, sliding a little through the grass from the force of Lucy's attack. Lucy landed hard on her side, unable to get her feet under her in time. The two huffed on the ground, sweat coating their skin and grass sticking to their bodies. Lucy had won, if only just barely.

"You got that move from Gray," Natsu lifted his head. "I think that's cheating."

Lucy panted as she sat up, no trace of playfulness in her eyes. For a short while, neither of them spoke or moved as they caught their breath.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Lucy spoke softly. "I could have done something. I could have… I don't know, somehow stopped E.N.D. from coming back. I would have done anything to-why are you shaking your head?"

"Because what you just said tells me that you don't understand." Natsu grunted as he sat up as well, rubbing his tender shoulder. "And this is exactly what I was afraid was going to happen."

Lucy gaped at him. "What exactly don't I understand? Please, enlighten me!"

Natsu scowled at her tone, but tried not to let this situation devolve into a fight.

"You, Porlyusica, Laxus, and everyone else all talk about me and E.N.D. like we're two different people." Natsu cast his eyes to the side. "But we're not."

Lucy didn't respond, and Natsu was too afraid to look up and see her face. A slight wind picked up, ruffling the grass and cooling their sweat-covered bodies. The silence stretched on a second too long, and Natsu couldn't help but scoff as his own anger rose. The etherious stirred.

"It's not like I go somewhere else when E.N.D. takes control." Natsu spoke quickly. "I'm still there, but I'm not the same me – I mean he is me, but I'm… dammit! Why is this so hard to explain!"

Natsu suddenly shot to his feet, his face was hot and their might have been tears in his eyes.

"Do you get what I'm trying to say, Lucy?" His voice shook a little. "The only difference between me and that monster is the type of magic I use. It's wasn't just E.N.D. that attacked you yesterday… I was…"

He couldn't continue, the tightness in his throat was already making it hard to breath. Natsu did not cry easily, yet this was the second day in a row that he found himself reduced to tears by his own fears. He heard the grass rustling as Lucy also stood. She took a couple steps towards him, but did not touch him. The wind died down, leaving Natsu's heartbeat pounding in his ears.

"Then… how come you don't remember the times when… when you're not you?" Lucy asked tentatively. He couldn't see her face, but her tone was gentle and even – she really was trying to understand, despite Natsu's lack of eloquence.

Natsu tipped his head toward the sky, hoping the tears would drain back into his eyes. All it did was make things blurry.

"I don't know? I do unspeakable things, and my mind can't accept it, so I block them out, or something?" Natsu took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. "I get flashes of stuff, though, like from a nightmare sometimes. That's a thing, right?"

"P.T.S.D." Lucy stated. "That's the basic gist of it."

"That's why I couldn't tell you," Natsu said as he turned to her. "Not because I didn't think you couldn't help me – but because I was afraid you would hate me."

It only took a split second for Lucy to step forward and throw her arms around him, and for Natsu to do the same. Their skins were sticky and both were starting to smell funny, but Lucy held him tightly. She felt guilty – she should have known that if Natsu was keeping something from her, then he always had a damn good reason why.

"I could never hate you, no matter how hard you try," Lucy mumbled into his shoulder. "Don't you ever forget that."

She felt Natsu heave a sigh under her arms. Pulling back so she could look into Natsu's face, Lucy straightened a strand of hair.

"But we're in this together now," Lucy said. "No more keeping secrets, okay?"

Natsu closed his eyes and nodded. He knew that if they were going to spend the rest of their lives together, then they had to tell each other everything. Life was too short to be scared. It was a miracle that Natsu had Lucy, he thought as he opened his eyes. What would he do without her?

"How about we pick some berries from the patch, go take a shower, and relax the rest of the evening." Lucy smiled. "How's that sound?"

"Sounds awesome." Natsu grinned back at her.

Five minutes later, Natsu and Lucy finally headed inside after rooting around in the berry patch growing by the side of the house. Their fingers were stained purple, and Natsu's lips were also pink, since he couldn't help but eat a few. Carrying their handfuls of berries through the front door, Lucy tilted her head as a thought occurred to her.

"So if what you're saying is true," she thought out loud. "Doesn't that mean that I'm also marrying E.N.D.?"

Natsu jerked, almost dropping his berries. "Why the hell would you say something like that?!"

Gajevy Week 2017: A Surreptitious Suitor, Chapter 5

Here’s chapter five of my Gajevy week story! (Chapter four is here.)

I know I keep thanking y’all, but seriously, I am so thankful and amazed at the reviews, likes, and reblogs. 

Read HERE on fanfiction.net.

                                  Day 6 Prompt: Grief

It was no secret to anyone in Fairy Tail that Levy McGarden could sleep through just about anything. It had been a long-standing joke among the members of Team Shadow Gear—that throughout the many jobs that had taken them across Fiore, Jet and Droy had searched high and low for an alarm clock that could rouse Levy. They joked that said alarm clock had yet to be made.

Thus, Erza made no attempts to be quiet when she confronted the not-so-stealthy Jet and Droy trying to sneak out of Fairy Hills one morning.

“Explain.”

Jet held up slightly shaking hands in appeasement. “Erza-san! G-g-gomennasai! We were only leaving a surprise for Levy.”

Droy nodded vigorously.

Erza didn’t look convinced. “You couldn’t have asked one of us to give it to her or put it in her room?”

They hung their heads and made noncommittal noises.

Though it woke the few remaining slumbering residents of Fairy Hills, the pain-filled cries of “itaiiii” failed to wake Levy.

Levy cracked open an eye to peer at the clock. Ten a.m. Could be worse.

She stretched and dragged herself out of bed, nearly tripping as the tangled sheets tried to come with her.

Gods I need coffee. I stayed up way too late last night reading.

Again.

One teeny downside to being a bookworm and working at a library was the almost infinite supply for her addiction.

Before she could mainline caffeine, a small potted plant on her desk caught her eye. It had dark green foliage and daisy-esque flowers with pale pink petals surrounding a pinkish-orange center.

She smiled at the cheerful little plant, which she assumed was a new gift from her secret admirer.

Who she hoped was Gajeel.

Feeling more awake than was normal pre-coffee, Levy decided to get her morning java at the guild, and it was difficult to keep a happy little skip out of her step as she went.

No sooner had she entered the guild than a stern-faced Erza stopped her.

“Levy, as the leader of Team Shadow Gear, you are responsible for making sure your team behaves appropriately. I let it slide with only minor punishment, but any further such grievances and I will not be so tolerant.”

Levy raised an eyebrow in confusion. “I… Um…” Though she had no clue what Erza was going on about, she decided it was best to simply smile and nod. Doing so, she added, “Of course, Erza. Thank you for letting me know.”

Satisfied, Erza smiled back and left Levy to—finally—get her much-desired coffee.

Steaming cup of heavenly bliss in hand, she made her way over to Jet and Droy’s table.

“So why exactly did I just get lectured by Erza?” she asked, sipping her coffee slowly. It was hot. And divine.

“We were sneaking you a surprise, Levy. I’m sorry,” Jet said, looking a bit like a kicked puppy.

“Did you see it? It’s a special cultivar, just for you! I call it ‘Levy Pink’ since it almost matches the one on your headband,” Droy said. “Argyranthemum frutescens1 usually require full sun and planting outside, but this one will be fine indoors as a houseplant. It’s easy to care for—”

Jet cut off Droy’s enthusiastic horticultural ramblings. “We thought you would like it, but we never intended to cause you any trouble. Hopefully she didn’t give you too much grief?”

Levy smiled gently and placed her hands on top of theirs. “I love it. It’s such a cheerful little plant, and it makes me so happy that you did it just for me. Thank you both.”

Their answering grins were so full of relief she couldn’t hold back a little giggle.

“And don’t worry about what happened with Erza. Except…maybe hold off on the sneaking in, okay?”

They nodded, and Levy went back to drinking her coffee.

Those two… I swear…

She really did love Jet and Droy, but like brothers, not anything more. And they seemed to have finally accepted that as well as her budding relationship with Gajeel, though the latter had taken some convincing.

An errant thought had her stomach churning unpleasantly.

They snuck me…a surprise… Oh no!

Levy kept her features schooled in a neutral expression and continued drinking her coffee. Inside, however, her mind was a veritable maelstrom of emotions.

Does that mean…the other mystery gifts…

Are they my secret admirers?

So the books weren’t from Gajeel after all?

No…surely… Surely if it had been them, Erza would have caught them sooner.

A sliver of doubt pushed back. Or maybe you just want to believe it was Gajeel, so you’re refusing to accept that it could have been them all along?

She swallowed hard around the golf ball-like lump that had formed in her throat.

Feeling hot tears prickling the backs of her eyes, she scolded herself mentally.

Cut it out, Levy. Stop acting like a kid. So what if Jet and Droy are your secret admirers? You know Gajeel likes you—sure, he moves at a glacial pace, but things are progressing! You’ve gone on several dates, shared a few kisses. This is not the end of the world.

“Levy-chan!” A singsong voice halted her self-chastising.

Forcing a smile, she looked up at Lucy. “Morning, Lu-chan!”

Lucy dropped into a seat next to her. Jerking a thumb at the still-subdued Jet and Droy, who had gone to browse the job board, Lucy asked, “What’s up with them?”

Levy laughed. “Oh, they got a dressing down from Erza for sneaking into Fairy Hills.”

Lucy joined her in laughing and wiggled her index finger back and forth in a “tsk-tsk” gesture.

“Upside is that now I’ve identified my mysterious admirer. Or should I say, admirers. You’ll have to come see the beautiful plant they gave me. Droy cultivated it just for me!”

The girls chattering away happily, they didn’t notice Pantherlily frowning in concern at Levy’s comments.

Padding away quietly as only a cat can, he found his friend observing a Natsu-Gray argument. No one was quite sure what this one was about.

“Gajeel.”

The iron dragon slayer looked down at the Exceed and waited patiently for him to continue.

“I think there’s been a misunderstanding. Levy was just telling Lucy about her secret admirers Jet and Droy bringing her a plant today,” Lily spoke softly, knowing Gajeel would not want others in the guild to hear him.

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Gajeel groaned. He shoved a hand through his hair and exhaled loudly.

“Do you want me—”

“Nah, I’ll figure somethin’ out. Thanks for the heads-up, Lily,” Gajeel said.

Lily nodded, though he would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little concerned about what seemed to be an overly indirect tactic on Gajeel’s part.

I shouldn’t meddle. But if their happiness is on the line…

He mulled for a moment before deciding that for now, a wait-and-see approach would be best.

Deleted Scene

(The author apologizes in advance. It’s your choice whether to believe this happened during the story, or if it is simply the result of an overwrought brain. Should you wish to draw and quarter me, I will accept my punishment. But bear in mind that if you do, it means you won’t get the remaining chapters…)

 “Natsuuuuu! Why are we stopping here first?” Lucy asked as Natsu and Happy dragged her into the guild.

“Because I’m starving! Can’t start a job on an empty stomach!”

Happy nodded enthusiastically. “Aye!”

“Good grief, you two. You ate breakfast not an hour ago at my apartment!” The blonde glared at her partners, who’d plunked themselves at a table after giving Mira their orders.

Right on cue, both Natsu and Happy’s stomachs growled loudly.

Lucy sighed in defeat and sat down across from them. She started to comment when she noticed Levy staring at her.

“Oh, hi, Levy! Is everything okay?”

“Ne, Lu-chan, ever wonder about the origins of words or phrases?” Levy marked the page of the book she’d been reading and took a seat next to her friend.

Lucy gave an appreciative laugh. “Sure, all the time! But I think you and I might be unusual in that regard. What is it you’re wondering about?”

“The phrase ‘good grief’—excluding the idea of catharsis, not very many of us would think of grief as being a good thing,” Levy said.

“Hmm…good point…” Lucy tilted her head as she thought it over.

Around a mouthful of his second breakfast, Natsu asked, “Good grief… Ain’t that like Kobe?”

Lucy and Levy groaned and frowned at him.

“No, baka, that’s ‘good beef’.”

Natsu laughed. “Sorry, my bad.” He downed the last of his drink and slapped the tabletop. “Yoshi! Ready to go, Luce?”

Lucy waved to Levy as she hurried after her companions. “Bye, Levy-chan! You’ll have to let me know when you figure it out!”

Levy smiled and nodded, waving in return.

Author’s note: I wasn’t sure if I wanted to try to tackle full-blown angst in one chapter, plus I was uncertain about going there in this rather fluffy short story. So, I’ll back up my more lighthearted choices rather than traditional grief with a quote from Sappho—“There is no place for grief in a house which serves the Muse.” Given that my muse is finicky enough as is, who am I to argue??

Oh, and if anyone is wondering, “good grief” is what is known as a minced oath, believed to be substituting grief in place of “God.”

Footnotes:

1. Argyranthemum frutescens is also known as a marguerite daisy, and since it typically requires full sun (as Droy mentions), it wouldn’t be well suited as a houseplant—hence the need for Droy to cultivate an indoor one for Levy. While it does come in pink, to my knowledge no “Levy Pink” exists 😉

How to Stop Tying Your Self-Esteem to Your Relationship Status

Dating is hard…but you might be making it harder without realizing it.

Dating can feel like a grinding, painful roller coaster to nowhere. If you’ve hit your head against the wall as many times as I have and keep asking yourself, “Why am I sill single?”, you know how frustrating, depressing, and downright disheartening it can be when you keep putting yourself out there…only to wind up back a square one all over again.

But in order to have more success in dating, you have learn how to improve self-esteem and stop tying your feelings of worth to your relationship status.

Meeting someone new, going on a few great dates, getting excited, having one/both of you sort of stop calling, and then repeating the process over and over, is enough to make you want to give up on looking for love for good. The ups and downs in this dating cycle can cause low self-esteem, make you feel unbalanced and nearly give you whiplash.

While it can be fun to go on a bunch of dates with different people, it can also make you feel like you’re floating alone on your own little island of solitude, while rejection after rejection slowly chips away at your self-esteem.

I’m Ready for a Relationship — So Why Am I Still Single?

For happily married people, the trials of meeting a mate are ancient history that they often completely gloss over. So they often parrot of clichés like, “You’ll meet the right one when you least expect it,” and “You’ll find him when you aren’t looking.”

When you’re dealing with low self-esteem and this emotional dating experience, these well-meaning statements are enough to make you want to punch someone in the face.

How exactly do you even meet anyone if you aren’t looking? Does someone accidentally fall on you in the grocery store?

In the two-and-a-half hours I leave the house each week, is he going to trip on me at Starbucks while I’m nervously palming my skinny hazelnut latte and completely avoiding eye contact?Will I lock eyes with him at the library while I’m researching just how exactly relationships actually work?

“Oh, hello beautiful. I see you’re clutching every book on love ever written. I find that super intriguing. Want to go get a drink?” said no one ever.

After a while, it’s easy to feel like starting your collection of cats and totally giving up on the idea of ever meeting the right person.

Several times during my dating experiences, I had to shut down my various online dating profiles for a few months and lick my wounds. It takes a lot of determination and/or masochism to keep putting yourself out there when Mr. Potential turns into Mr. Wrong with such break-neck frequency.

It often became necessary to stop everything and reflect on why my dating experiences had been such abysmal failures.

Why was I still single, and why wasn’t my dating approach working?

I went on so many dates that I was testing different outfits, different responses to texts, different time frames for everything. I tried every type of date I could imagine.

I certainly could have won an award for persistence, but why did it still feel like not only were there great people out there, but they were behind some kind of sturdy glass wall?

Without fail, I would eventually put my rose-colored glasses back on and try again, inspired by a friend meeting someone new or it being the absolute depths of winter. My best friend called it “going for another round.” It took me years to realize that I was addicted to the experience of dating itself.

There is a great deal of novelty in meeting new people and experiencing new things with them while clinging to the distant hope that one of them just might click. The ups and downs were enough to keep me hooked as I allowed my feelings about myself to be dictated by the opinions of people I barely knew. If they liked me, I liked me.

Somewhere along the way, I had let my ego and self-esteem get completely tied up in these dating experiences and my relationship status.

I had fallen into the trap of letting my opinions of my failed relationships shape my opinion of myself. No wonder I felt horrible and had lots of go-nowhere relationships. I wasn’t confident — I was afraid and suffering from low self-esteem.

Dating was like trying on new bras. While it was often an uncomfortable, awkward, painful struggle, eventually I was ecstatic when I found a few that seemed to fit. Then, just like the lifespan of my favorite bras, the support system failed and the underwire started digging in. When this happened I felt horrible, and went out looking for my next fix.

One day, this realization hit me like a ton of bricks while I was obsessing over the failure of my latest relationship. To stop feeling terrible and get off this emotional roller coaster for good, I realized I had a choice to make.

I could continue to view my failed dating experiences as abysmal failures that reflected poorly upon my self-worth and keep letting my self-esteem circle the drain. Or, I could learn how to improve my self-esteem, manage my attitudes about my relationships in general and take a whole different approach to dating.

I could let myself off the hook and let the dating experiences just be what they were, instead of tying my ego and self-esteem to them. I stopped asking myself, “Why am I still single?”, and started enjoying the dating process.

When I stopped hanging so much of my feelings on these experiences and my relationship status, I started meeting completely different people than ever before.

The best part about it was that, even though I was still excited about a great date, there was no longer the subtle hint of desperation in my interactions. To continue to date without this destructive emotional cycle was difficult but essential.

Here are 5 ways to improve self-esteem in dating and stop tying your feelings of worth to your relationship status.

1. Develop and Maintain the Belief That You Are Already Whole Without Someone Else.

Rather than looking for your other half and staying off balance, you must believe that you are worthy and whole right now. While it is a universal experience to want someone to share your life with, your value is not determined by your success or failure at searching for a mate.

When you strongly view yourself as a whole person who is looking for someone to share your life with, it takes away some of the fear that they won’t like you, that your destiny is hanging on this outing, and that if they don’t approve of you, you are back to square one.

2. Be Mindful of Your Fears Surrounding Relationships.

So many people carry around the same negative thoughts about their desirability and about men. “I am flawed.” “If I spill my guts to someone else, they will run.” “I can’t be vulnerable.” “I’m not enough.” “I’m going to die alone.” “If I commit I will be trapped.” And on and on. These are all rooted in fear and are not facts.

When you hear yourself repeating any of these negative statements, say, “stop” and replace the thought with a positive affirmation. I like to use “I am whole, I am love,” but use a positive statement about your worth that resonates with you. Too much fear will lead you to sabotage your relationship and potentially get rid of something good.

3. Know That Rejection Does Not Mean You Are Not Good Enough

For whatever reason, you were not right for someone else. That decision is up to them. It is easy to get hung up on the “whys” behind their decision to dump you, but dwelling on it doesn’t change the reality. If you aren’t right for someone else, they aren’t right for you.

Each time someone isn’t right for you and shows you that, honor their decision even if you feel differently. Move on and let them go. Do not use the experience as proof that you aren’t good enough.

10 Easy Ways to Give Your Self-Confidence a Boost

4. Get Rid of the Scarcity Mindset Regarding Meeting the Right Person.

You have an infinite well of love to give another person. This love is extremely valuable. Do not underestimate its worth to a potential mate.

There are lots of people in the world. You must maintain the belief that there are more than a few who would love your company. If it doesn’t work out with one, you are not doomed. In addition, there is not a timer on your desirability.

5. Be Less Serious About Your Search.

Go on fun dates. Refuse to turn your dates into stuffy job interviews in contrived romantic situations. Dates are not a matter of national importance. Show up, enjoy yourself and take some of the pressure off. Laugh and play.

When you adopt a lighthearted attitude it is easier to be fully present and experience the other person in the moment. Fun takes the pressure off. Then if you two are not a love match, at least you had fun on the date.

This guest article originally appeared on YourTango.com: 5 Ways To Stop Tying Your Self-Esteem To Your Relationship Status.

from World of Psychology http://bit.ly/2PLB66K via IFTTT

Deadly D’s SE Asia Tour 2018 "Tales From the Road" What's Up! Magazine (Bellingham, WA) July 2018 Issue “Well it’s been a year Gary, what we doing this time?” I asked in regards to our last tour, one that consisted of 7 states in 5 weeks. After considering if we should hit the same route and build on what we started or go somewhere new, the DJ’s response was simply, “Go big or go home”. I already knew what this meant. Seeing how our availability to hit the road is limited, we need to maximize our time spent away. Should we hit the east coast this time? Or should we head somewhere that would add to our passport’s stamp collection? One thing we discovered on our previous excursion-something initially done out of a desire to cut down on accommodation costs-was that hostels are awesome. Not only could you save yourself some coin but also they made it possible to meet a hell of a lot of people from all over the globe. Ones just like us, seeking adventure and new friends. This is pretty tough to do holed up in some hotel room. From a traveling hip hop duo’s perspective, this element proved to be indispensable in our attempt to spread our music. With this mind, we began thinking where we could find a location that provides a hostel circuit worthy of our cause. After some microbrew infused research sessions at McKay’s Taphouse, it was decided that Vietnam and Thailand were the destinations of choice. Enter Deadly D’s “Plant the SEADD Tour 2018”. Both countries attract hostel goers from around the world. If you can accept that your life for the next month plus will consist of dorm style living with complete strangers, you will be introduced to a magical world that can only be discovered by stepping out of your comfort zone. Knowing that booking shows in such a foreign land would be difficult, we figured the environment would help streamline the process. With so many new people with insider tips, local staffers that could point us to the closest open mics and nightly activities such as pub-crawls accompanied by late night karaoke and freestyle cyphers, we figured we’d have little issue unearthing opportunities. So we decided to commit ourselves to find out and booked our flight to Vietnam. A week before we set out I received a message from an old high school friend that read, “What time does your flight land in Ho Chi Minh? I’m picking you up”. As it turned out my buddy Matt now lived there. Seeing our flight arrived at 1am, having a familiar face greet us upon arrival was a much better introduction to this new land than deliriously showing up at an airport with no idea of where to go. After a quick stop at Bui Vien-the street that never sleeps-for a beer and a banh mi, we crashed out a Matt’s apartment to rest up for our first day in the nation’s capital. The first question raised in the AM was “Holy shit. How many people live here? And better yet, HOW MANY SCOOTERS ARE THERE?!” Turns out 8.5 million residents followed by 7.5 million motorized bikes. And by the looks of it, they all run and I swear they ALL do at the same time. It’s honestly something you must witness in person. Seeing how that many motorists, driving from all directions, can actually make it work. It’s the definition of organized chaos. The way it was put to me, “You can only focus on what’s directly in front of you. Don’t worry about what’s behind you because everyone there is doing the same thing”. Regardless, we figured it would be best to save our first scooter experience for another city. One amazing aspect we discovered out there was the local expat communities (expats being individuals now residing in a country they weren't born in) and their willingness to help fellow foreigners navigate this distant land. Utilizing each city's expat Facebook group page turned out to be one of the most useful tools during our trip. In Ho Chi Minh City-or Saigon if you will-this process linked us up with our first show, only 2 days into our journey. Given the opportunity to link up with Ass Kicking Crew, the city’s #1 B-Boy posse, we couldn’t of asked for a better introduction to the local hip hop scene. Welcomed with open arms we were invited to play a show at Cipherz, a venue owned and operated by one of the crew’s OG’s Style D. The talent and humility of these cats was unreal. Representing hip hop in such a way that the US did in the 80’s, they could do it all. MC, DJ, break, graffiti. All 4 elements were on full display. Gary learned some new tricks on the tables from his new friend Phu. I was passing the mic back and forth with B-Boy Xell. Shit was ill. After many Larue beers and a spread of local street food, our first show in Asia came to a close. But not before we were invited to the weekends festivities: Ass Kicking Jam 2018. HCMC’s annual B-Boy summit just happened to fall on our first weekend and we had no idea what we were in for. Bringing his Canon 80D, Gary figured this would be a prime opportunity to put his videographer skills to the test. With over 150 break dancers from Vietnam, Germany, Ukraine, Australia and beyond, what we witnessed was something even a camera can’t properly describe (though we will try.. Video coming soon!!). The creativity, originality, pure dexterity and stamina exhibited was incredible. We got to see the lil’ homie Xell take on and battle the entire Ass Kicking Crew as his initiation into the group. Proud to say he succeeded and we were able to witness history. Even Phu who informed me that he doesn’t break and just cuts records proceeded to get into the action. Our first stop was insane. Alright, Vietnam. We see you. From there we took a jumper flight to Da Nang. Hostel on point. Hopped in on a food tour and pub crawl to get the lay of the land. It was here where we worked up the courage to attempt our first scooter excursion. We'll be okay if we can make it out of the city to the coastline where traffic is a little less intimidating right? Wrong. Within minutes we were convinced we would become one of those horror stories you hear of tourists who get acquainted with pavement in a bad way. Luckily this wasn’t the case and we finally made it to the beach unscathed. Good thing we did because this led to the most amazing jaunt up Monkey Mountain and built up a confidence to utilize the most effective mode of travel in SE Asia, which we capitalized upon the rest of the trip. Equipped with a GoPro on Gary’s helmet we scooted on down Hoi An. Took a pit stop at Marble Mountain, pulled some touristy shit and let go paper lanterns in the Thu Bon River via longboats and partied after hours at Tiger Tiger 2 Bar with our new friend and local guide Nguyen AKA “call me Justin”. After a late night cruise and Gary’s abrupt brush with death as he stepped off a cliff when attempting to take a leak, we made it somewhat safely back to the pad. From there we proceeded north to Halong Bay, where we kayaked through caves and explored lagoons surrounded by islands occupied by communities of monkeys. We paid a local fisherman to take us and our newly formed production team of youngin’s from the Netherlands to a deserted dreamlike island for a music video shoot. Captain Bird took to the air for his drone’s inaugural flight. Vietnam is insane y’all. It’s such a beautiful place and the people are incredible. Visiting a place with a history coinciding with our own in the way that it does is humbling to say the least. Taking a walk through the war museum or a Buddhist orphanage to visit with kids still being affected by the tragedies their country faced due to our past influence, you can understand why emotions can run a little high at times. We will forever be grateful for all we experienced in this amazing place. We could of spent our entire tour in Vietnam and still not even come close to seeing it all. But this would have to wait; we had to pick up our singer in Bangkok! So off to Thailand we go! Having lived there once upon a time ago, Lydia would not only act as our fellow bandmate but as a personal tour guide and translator as well. Which was great for a couple of clueless tourists. Another perfect timing “yeah we meant to do that” realization was that we showed up during the Thai New Year, Songkran. As a nation we should take notes because we’re doin’ it all wrong. Seeing entire cities engaged in an all out water gun warzone is waaaay more fun than fireworks. Especially spending it in Bang Saen, a place where locals who seem to have never seen white folk go for the holidays. Pure unhinged, positive energy. We then made our way to the jungles of Chiang Mai, hit up the all night hip hop club “Spicy” and swam with elephants. Yeah you heard me. After we said peace out to the big homies we had to catch a flight back to Bangkok for one of our more influential shows. Connecting with SuperFly, Freshly Squeezed Sounds and everyone at Live Lounge BKK, opened up a world of possibilities for when we make our return trip. Nearing the end of our tale we decided on our next destination. With Lyds headed back home it was up to us to finish this thing out strong. We'd be put to the test as we dropped our pin on Phucket and the infamous Bangla Road. Booking our stay at Slumber Party hostel, we discovered it lived up well beyond what its name might imply. This is where you go to party. This is where you go to dance at clubs with a capacity that could squeeze in all of Bellingham, a place that can really make you feel your age. I’m proud of how we faired. Well there we were. Finish line in sight. A little over a monththat felt like a lifetime yet went by in the blink of an eye. We returned to HCMC for a final farewell jam session with our Ass Kicking brethren before we headed home. Though this felt like home too. Guess that’s why we do this. Always trying to find that Highway Home. Guess that’s why we’re already planning the next journey. ‘Til next time friends. ~Deadly D Article Link: https://www.deadlyd.com/news/deadlydseasiatourrecap

Bathroom Storage Unit With Laundry Basket

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