#reborn as a game is quite significant to me in general but also in the context of selfshipping | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cometchasr · 1 year

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4, 10 or 17 for the ask game?

ask game

this ended up being extremely long so all of it is under cu

4. What's a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

tbh i have no clue. i love writing fluff and angst, but i fucking love fluff. good fluff, and by "good" i mean "fulfills a very specific set of requirements that makes my heart melt". i think some good candidates would be "cuddle" (with adjectives and description of character's emotions) and "(insert thing that means said softly here)". generally i tend to go crazy over specific sections of text more than single words... like, give me soft cute gay fluff written the way i like it and i will die of happiness.

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

i've never thought of this properly before. what would "haunted" mean? how would it work? i'd feel like it would mean that the work has left a big impact on me and how i do things. it "haunts" me because you will see echoes of it in my work, because i keep looking up to it as a role model unrealistically knowing that whatever i see is after editing, after betas and from someone with more experience, and i'm trying to get raw drafts up to that quality. so fun. anyways, works that have haunted me, in order:

Shadow of the Mind and Different Threads by Firehawk1100 on ffn and ao3. WoF. this was way back when i was writing broken draft 1, because his works were so long (to me back then). i wanted to make my work that long. yeah. then i got into warriors and tdp, and i started losing interest in WoF... so this ended.

the Exile AU by @/troutfur, @/kudossi and @/mallowstep. warriors. as you know utopia is based off this. it was a very important experience, because mallow's use of brackets echoes in my work, and so do the titles, and so does the method of using oneshots. probably one of my most important influences, just because. how much of what makes my writing style what it is came from here. there is only one other fic that reached this level. i thus find it slightly funny that mallow, who is one of the people that have influenced my writing incredibly, has me blocked. it's just a little bit funny

I Am Arthur Wellesley: An Iron Duke SI by Sarthak on alternatehistory.com. it actually didn't influence anything you've seen yet, but it haunts me. i keep thinking about it. it is dead, which i find infuriating. but it was the first AH story i read, and it basically told me how to write an SI fic, in the traditional sense. tdp si is influenced by this. actually you could put a lot of AH.com stories here but IAAW was the first i read, so i put it here. other good contenders are The American Dream by okmangeez and Purple Phoenix Reborn by Sersor.

finally, Warped Skies by @team-ion. in the flesh. DoP, as you know, was started literally because i read this and went "oh shit i want to make something like this". this is the other fic. a non-negligible portion of DoP's worldbuilding is directly taken from there. not a very significant portion, but one large enough that i can't hide it. the only reason the portion isn't bigger is because a) i actually need this to be original and b) i need to ask a lot of stupid questions like "how does primal dialga KGB work" and "what is the feasibility of manufacture of X in PMD world" and "can quadrupeds gain enough breath support to sing". but for me, this is THE pmd fic of all time (that's also because i havent read many others but shhh). it's beautiful. haven't read through the whole thing because it's still long as fuck, but it's beautiful. this is the other fic that made me insecure about word count again, but then i managed to make DoP's chapters three times as long as every other fic's through the sheer power of dialogue, so that got solved rather easily. it's always in the back of my mind because it's fucking good and i quite directly and blatantly based DoP off of it. also we're both on PMDWU and i'm a less effective version of him when it comes to being a writing demon. it's so fun.

that was long as fuck.

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

oh boy which one to choose. (spins the wheel) (yes i use a name wheel i have too many things to juggle shush)

tdp si. right. literally just started this, so... yeah. very much based off IAAW. chapter 1 (done, unedited) is just over 1k long, i think. but i dont care! this one's all about the POLITICAL SHENANIGANS and those are later on! >:D

so. stas is adopted by annika and neha. they are an absolute joy to write. imagine how i wrote zanrex, but different. yes, i love fluff. i already said that, i believe. they bring him around everywhere, which means this baby sits through council meetings and everything. of course, he's a baby, so he sleeps through most of them... but he gets through one whole meeting once, beating his body.

also stas is panicking slightly because he knows annika and neha are going to die at some point, and then he has a nine year timer until things go to shit, more or less. depends on how fast viren is able to convince harrow. i know butterfly effect but i actually need the show to happen ok? but right now he's 1 year old and very much wants to enjoy himself while he can.

(what he doesnt know is that annika and neha will die when he's 4)

#mine #qna

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pixelpoppers · 2 years

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Toonstruck, Telltale, and Ken Williams

Recently I was chatting with friends about this article: Toonstruck (or, A Case Study in the Death of Adventure Games)

It's an interesting retrospective, especially for people like my friends and me who grew up on Sierra and LucasArts adventure games but lacked the perspective to understand the genre's decline in the mid-to-late 90's. It pins at least part of the downfall on an adherence to a vision of games as interactive cinema, as championed by Sierra's Ken Williams. Toonstruck in particular was an overoptimistic overinvestment in this vision that went way past deadline and over budget (though this write-up also makes it sound pretty fun and makes me want to finally get it off my backlog and play it).

In our conversation, my friend asked me, "With some distance, what do you think about Telltale's attempt at a revival?" I turned out to have a lot to say about this.

I was going to start by saying I haven't actually played any Telltale games, but that's not quite true. I just haven't played any of the ones people think of. I played Poker Night at the Inventory (very much not an adventure game), Puzzle Agent and Puzzle Agent 2 (kind of adventure games but not really, closer to Professor Layton-style narratively-wrapped puzzle compilations), and the first two chapters of Strong Bad's Cool Game for Attractive People (an early not-super-well-known-or-regarded part of the revival).

That said, there are a couple different angles to address here. First, one of the major flaws of the Ken Williams vision as described in the Toonstruck write-up is that at the time, making that kind of game was more expensive than making movies and had much worse-looking results. Neither of those things is anywhere near as true anymore. Tech has advanced on both sides so that kind of game would be much easier and cheaper to make now and people could more easily view it on nice big screens in high resolution with lots of colors and stuff.

There's a sort of rising-tide-lifts-all-boats effect from tech advancement in games. I think my friend said this before me, but as a rule of thumb, anything that's AAA today can be replicated by a small indie team in ten years and by a single person in another ten. So as games-in-general become more mainstream and it becomes easier to reach niche audiences, it's inevitable that things that used to be AAA mainstays and then declined get revived as indie/niche later on. I'd expect to see most once-popular genres eventually get reborn with proportionally smaller teams and lower budgets but similar (or even superior) levels of quality.

Adventure games absolutely did that, even aside from Telltale. Telltale just ended up being maybe the best-known studio for it. Which brings us to the second angle I want to get into: Telltale's specific approach.

The first few adventure games they made (Sam & Max, Strong Bad, etc.) got some notice because they were licensed IPs with built-in fanbases. But my understanding is that their gameplay, writing, and puzzle design was actually basically... standard/middling. The effect was just: here are some more adventure games. That genre you knew is back now. Not evolved over the intervening time, except in that the tech has improved and they used the episodic model. So the games were only ever going to appeal to the people who'd already liked adventure games as they'd previously existed. Which is very much a niche, especially in today's larger market with more alternatives. (Even I only played the first two episodes of Strong Bad.)

And then Telltale made The Walking Dead.

This was significant in a couple of ways - one, it was a currently popular property rather than a nostalgia one, so it got the attention of more new players. And then, those players (as well as reviewers/influencers/tastemakers) liked what they found and talked about it, because it also had a shiny new gameplay formula.

This is where it becomes relevant that I haven't actually played any of these games, because I can't speak from experience. But my understanding is that The Walking Dead moved its focus from puzzles to characters, relationships, and consequences. It was less about vacuuming up items and then clicking everything on everything else, and more about getting to know these characters and then making choices that have effects on them that you then get to see play out (which also meant that the episodic setup actually became beneficial instead of just a quirk of the business model). The writing was also quite good, as it would need to be to actually support that formula effectively.

The game was a huge success. And it was superficially similar to adventure games of yore, and Telltale was that company that makes adventure games, so it kind of got lumped in as one in the popular consciousness. But I feel like this is when Telltale actually pivoted from just "doing the old kind of game again" to pushing the format forward.

The Walking Dead looked around at what you could do in the modern landscape with modern tech and actually took advantage of it. It was like, "Hey, we can have voice acting and animations where you can actually see facial expressions and body language. We can actually tell emotional stories now and not just rely on jokes that work in text." (It also did some internet stuff on top, I think? I want to say there was a thing where when you finished a chapter you got to see how many people made the same choices you did, which was good for social media and helped the game spread farther.)

So, this is the game that made Telltale blow up... in both senses, as I understand it. What happened was basically the same thing that happened at Halfbrick after Jetpack Joyride, and probably at many small studios that had a sudden hit. The sudden success attracted people who smelled money rather than sharing the creators' vision who then pushed the company into going all-in on trying to catch that lighting in a bottle again and milk it before it ran out.

Telltale rode on a great reputation for a while just on the strength of that one game. While I haven't played them, my understanding is that Telltale then basically started churning out more games with the exact same formula as The Walking Dead for various other licenses, and there was a period where people assumed they'd be good because The Walking Dead was so good, but largely they weren't. I'm sure different people would give you different rankings but I've heard that basically the only other good game they made was Tales from the Borderlands. (And maybe The Wolf Among Us.) The later you go, the more universally their games were considered bad, and ultimately they shut down.

Telltale veterans are now at other places doing things like Star Trek: Resurgence. (From their FAQ: "Star Trek: Resurgence is created by Dramatic Labs, an independent collaboration of 20+ former Telltale writers, developers, designers, artists, and producers. Star Trek: Resurgence will be familiar to fans of Telltale's unique style of gameplay, but it also brings some welcome additions and refinements from Dramatic Labs." I'm really keeping my fingers crossed for this one.)

There are still standard-bearers for the Telltale-like evolution of adventure games. The most notable are probably Quantic Dream (Indigo Prophecy, Heavy Rain, Beyond: Two Souls, Detroit: Become Human), Supermassive (Until Dawn, The Quarry), and Dontnod (Life is Strange, etc.) These studios don't usually get lumped in with Telltale, for a few reasons, but honestly I think you could reasonably argue that the natural categories here are old-school Sierra or LucasArts point-and-clicks in one bucket, and Telltale/Quantic/Supermassive/Dontnod/etc. in another bucket that hews much closer to Ken Williams' vision of the future of adventure games.

It's also worth noting that there are other buckets here: hidden object games are another evolutionary offshoot that change up the emphasis in a different way and which have been thriving in their own niche for quite a long time.

So, Telltale brought adventure games back into the mainstream spotlight and then faded away, but the revival itself started before Telltale and has outlasted it. There are still other small studios making old-school adventure games, in that niche-rebirth way I mentioned before, and others making other niche offshoots like hidden object games. And other larger studios took notice of the ways The Walking Dead actually did evolve the formula and have continued to push that envelope in their own ways. Even if most people don't think of the results as "adventure games", I think they're showing that Ken Williams's vision was ahead of its time and is now coming to fruition with exciting results.

#adventure games #telltale #toonstruck #sierra #ken williams #the digital antiquarian

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chibimyumi · 3 years

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Kuromyu Q&A

Dear everyone, as promised, here are the A’s to all your Q’s!

PVs are usually carefully selected to show the best part in hope to convince people to throw the money at them, right? 💴 The Kuromyu 2021 PV was really showing the best parts without plot-consequential spoilers. None of the most awful scenes were in the PV.

Click here for all official Kuromyu 2021 PVs.

Tateishi explicitly said the following in this interview.

Host: ーーThis is the role that has been played by Mr. Matsushita Yuya and Mr. Furukawa Yuta until now. What are your thoughts about succeeding them as “the third generation”?

Tateishi: “During the rehearsal period I turned how fast I could absorb this role into my own body into a game. Even though there were limitations on how much time we had for rehearsals and how much we could communicate under of the corona virus measures, I wanted to do everything I could. For that purpose, it was necessary for me to know how the people who built this [role] until now played [Sebas], after all. Even though both Mr. Matsushita and Mr. Furukawa faithfully represented the Sebastian of the original manga, they also showed themselves as actors. While carefully learning from the Sebastian portrayed by those two, I also need to show my own interpretation, and the significance of playing [Sebas] by the [start] of the actual show. I want to present the world view of the “Kuromyu” loved by the many people in this new Kuromyu properly.”

Host: ーーAbout your role of Sebastian Michaelis , what kind of character do you think he is?

Tateishi: “He is omnipotent, is cool and has his gaps. Including his roots of being a demon he can be described using one word: “sneaky“ (laughs). While I’m reading the original comics and watching the anime, I started from how he moves as a butler, and explore what he’s like as a demon. Of course the way he speaks and his posture included. At the base I want to have his calm tone, and show this part that it’s reversely creepy “should he laugh.”

There are more asks about the reaction of the JP fandom, so I shall only be posting this one here, sorry other Anons (≽△≼)

【Edit:】I compiled a few JP reactions here in this post.There are positive ones, neutral ones and negative ones of course, but overall it seems overwhelmingly negative.

.......it was supposed to be this scene ⇊, but this Myu!Ciel ⇈ is wearing the eyepatch, so it must be Our!Ciel....

I also don’t know why that scene was necessary, not even through context of having I watched the full musical. I think it was just a desperate attempt to pander to Undertaker fans, because as everyone who’s read the manga knows, Undertaker’s role in this arc is pathetically small.

A.....4/10 I guess.

The song is called “perfect black” I think. It doesn’t sound bad, just very unimpressive. I just have the feeling that this sequence doesn’t really fit the atmosphere of the contract scene well because it is very rushed.

The total sequence was about 7 minutes, and here Sebas is summoned, frees Ciel, discuss all the contract terms, kills all cult members, Ciel returns to his normal attire, Sebas and Ciel get their character exposition of what the Watchdog is, Sebas is expositioned as the omnipotent demon butler, there is a recap of the mafia arc, Lycoris, Circus and Campania, Sebas defeats Undertaker, and swears loyalty to Ciel. Yes. ALL that happened in ONE SONG.

Something else that made me give this such a low rating is because it was basically a love-letter from the lyricists/songwriters to these characters. Sebas is constantly describing himself as one hell of an omnipotent butler who is “the perfect black”, and the entire sequence was just showing off how perfect he is....realllly boring. The music and atmosphere also don’t really give this ominous feeling that Kuro is supposed to have.

Past “Contract” scenes

I don’t like “The Most Beautiful Death in the World”, but “Contract” was memorable and impressive. At the time the writers didn’t know better so it’s in retrospect out of character. BUT, there was this silently approaching shadow that almost symbolised Ciel’s chance of being reborn into a much darker version of himself. It worked at the time, and it still works for people who didn’t read the manga.

Lycoris’ “contract” song was kindaaaa terrible because it sounded like a mashed together product and the lyrics were ABOMINABLE. HOWEVER, when performed well it was the first “contract” song that reflected the energy of Sebas’ summoning. Sebas ain’t some charming vampire to the rescue; he’s a drab of dark that’s gonna fucking devour a child, but he’s the best Ciel has got. It conveyed the characters properly at least.

Circus was a blast. The lyrics were retroactively inserted into the manga by Yana after watching that. The song was good, the atmosphere was loyal to Yana’s world, and that demonic scream of Sebastian at the end, easily one of the most memorable moments of ALL of Kuromyu.

Campania didn’t have a contract song, but DAYUM was that performance memorable ughghghgh 💖

The opening and ending of Kuromyu 2021 both focus on Sebas and Ciel indeed. The opening is as you can see in the PV, the forming of the contract which was in song. The ending however does not have a song unlike all past Kuromyus.

The instrumentals of the opening song was played (at least... that’s what I think it was), and the last line spoken is Sebas going: “Well then, I will be baking you a super sweet cake!”

Vincent and Deidrich don’t have an appearance in the musical, they were only mentioned in the exposition that there was once a Blue Miracle.

The best scene was Derek’s appearance! His actor did such a good job at portraying a “normal” boy who just had something REALLY off-putting about him, but until he revealed himself as the zombie, you just couldn’t quit explain what’s so wrong about him. Amazing.

The worst............. oh gosh don’t make me CHOOSE. Erm.... either the Harcourt getting diarrhea and sounded like a screaming pig.... or the unnecessary SebaCiel shoe-horning........or any of the MIND NUMBING expositions that were just repeating themselves or just straight up unnecessary. I guess the first two candidates are marginally worse... because they just made me want to run away in discomfort. The mind numbing exposition were just boring, but you could space out for a bit.

Full review Kuromyu 2021 - First day performance 05-03-2021 Live Stream, Ticket, and Proxy Service

Official PVs of Kuromyu 2021

Tateishi Toshiki (New Sebastian) at Academy Night G.

Full cast 2021 names

Full cast 2021 visuals

Kuromyu 2021 asks

#Kuromyu #Kuromyu 2021 #Q&A #You asked!!!!! You asked for this

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incarnateirony · 4 years

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Thanks for your thought provoking spec. With Jack playing such an important role, I've wondered where that might leave TFW. Your take on Sam harrowing Heaven & Cas dealing with the Empty fits nicely. I'm not sure how I feel about Dean. Since the narrative often codes him as female, I'm a little uncomfortable with Dean's role being limited to a romantic s/l while the "men" play big roles on a cosmic scale. I'd LOVE for Dean to rescue Cas- I just hope his relevance to the story doesn't end there

I wouldn’t consider subverting Death Itself to be “just about romance” or any kind of small part to play.

There’s other elements I see to this that build out differently, such as collecting Dabb’s sum of lessons since about S14. Dean was the mother and the father to Sam. First Dean told his mother to go and be happy; and then both Sam and Dean sat with John, discussing his failings and John apologizing, but also his willingness to fight for them and love them, which was enough. First Mary let John go, and in time, Sam and Dean let Mary go. Castiel taught Jack that time on earth is short for humans, and letting go can hurt, but it’s a memory of how much you love them.

One thing that’s been screaming to me is that the pink-violet light of death and transformation serge and wanek spoke of in the past missed Sam. It hit Dean, Castiel, and Jack; Jack then was immediately reborn and beyond the pink light. Jack’s transformation in reclaiming his soul was complete, but Dean and Castiel’s rebirth is beyond them. I feel like Sam is the one already ahead of the game, already holding this essence of life in his hands, the sacred gold that was the stone passed from Dean to Cas to Sam in 15.09, and then from Dean to Cas to Jack in 15.13. And all things this represents–the first their family and accumulated lives as a proverbial gold, the second as the literal divinity of man as is to live in their corrective child.

Let’s look beyond making this “just romance” but instead respect the general geneological storytelling in this show. Beyond even Chuck and Amara, we have John (grief) and Mary (dead) with the aeon child (Sam) stuck beneath the thumb of grief but then raised by Dean (parental.) In season 13, we have dean (grief) and Cas (dead) with the aeon child (Jack) to blame in a yellow eyed curse if you will that brought on the death of the “mother”, literal and figurative mother, and one person – Sam (parental) taking on the role of both.

Jack and Sam both holding that sphere, that stone, that essence is not by coincidence. They are different generations of the same value in this family, now trying to liberate itself from shadows of vengeance and Grudges.

The point of the family as a /whole/ is the point, really. Respect John and Mary, or Dean and Castiel as the respective masculine and feminine no doubt (I’m unclear where Dean’s feminine coding is coming in with your implication, it was Joseph he was typecast as, not Mary, and also unclear why either cites a greater or lesser value); but in the end the value is the gold accumulated within them, the famous pearl of the philosophers, or their gold.

Should, for example, that final transformative light end with Dean and Castiel going to be at peace as John and Mary does, by matter of choice if you will, it’s actually a very strong blossoming for Sam. Because go, Dean. You loved me. You fought for me. That’s enough. Now, I’m a grown man. Go, be happy, be at peace. Find your own place and your own story. It’s okay.

Even if that comes by way of propping up cosmic balances between them (though I’m unclear how literal their final manifestation of these story pillars will be, IE, will they literally replace these entities or more find method of erasing them from being significant in the universe, it really all depends on how either is framed) – that’s… no small measure. It’s reductive to esteem manliness only on gunpower and bravado, realistically. For all the talk of disbanding “toxic masculinity” for Dean the fandom does, I find it a strange talking point that Dean being willing to talk through, communicate, and resolve his issues is in any way diminishing to him? Like legit, no shade nonnie, I just find that to be confusing.

Because Dean was daddy’s blunt little instrument, a point and click powderkeg on orders designed to stab first and ask questions never. We all recognize that this was in fact a toxic origin and shadow put over him by the parents, so I fail to see how it’s emasculating for him to actually find ways beyond his gun. Momma take this gun from me, I can’t shoot it anymore. Knock knock knockin’ on heaven’s door.

In this theoretic proposal of mine, should Dean and Castiel move on one way or another, Sam NOT being piloted by revenge or fear or anger at being abandoned but being at peace is, quite textually even within SPN, the very definition of growing up, too. As is Dean’s ability to move on facing a plague that has haunted him since 2.1, but like Tessa said – there’s always a choice. If it’s, say, not about being suicidal, or impulsively sacrificial, but knowing that he has literally done everything he could possibly dream of doing – being a mother, father, lover, saving people, hunting things, defeating /god/, liberating man – and can with faith move on and lay a weary head to rest, knowing that in whatever system they’ve reordered, he won’t be forcefully segregated from people he loves but rather, able to make their own world, their own future, their own story in eternity, by their own choice – this would be, in my opinion, the *ultimate* resolution for Dean. Because even if he, say, moves on while Sam’s on earth– how is it Jensen said? “It’s not goodbye, it’s I’ll see you later.”

Releasing fear of god and the mortality god imposes for the control and segregation that follows– in the scale of eternity, what’s 20 years to let Sammy do his thing on earth, to raise their collective son, to help guide man?

Because I saw you, back there. You’re ready for this. (12.22)

Time of death, five eleven p.m. (2.1)

Perhaps, just perhaps

it is worth noting

that 15.19

was originally scheduled

to air on 5/11.

#supernatural #spn #meta #my meta #pagan life

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elfyourmother · 5 years

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*chinhands* i don't know anything about final fantasy but! as you progress through the story at this point has gisele regained all of her memories of thedas? how is she acclimating to [new world] in general? what's her favourite [new world] dish and how has she put the Gisele (tm) spin on it?

Gisele starts the story as an amnesiac with no memory of any kind of life or childhood in Eorzea, and only had the knowledge of her name, and that she was traveling to Ul’dah to learn the art of thamaturgy from the Order of Nald’Thal and make her way as an adventurer. For all she and anyone else knows, she’s a Wildwood Elezen from...somewhere. The Sixth Umbral Calamity left a lot of people displaced (the apocalyptic event that marked the end of 1.0 and the in-story reason for why the world drastically changed for the rebuilt game; the tl;dr is that Evil & Crazy Elder Primal Bahamut ran ripshit on Eorzea) . People tended to assume she was a shell-shocked survivor of the Battle of Carteneau, and adventurers are a dime a dozen in this setting so no one really thought anything of it. She went with that explanation because it was the simplest, but there was always this nagging feeling in the back of her head that something wasn’t true or right about that. Thing is, she adapted regardless and acclimated quite well to Eorzea even if things seemed odd to her for reasons she couldn’t explain.

It’s when she discovers that she has the Blessing of Light that things start changing. As the Realm Reborn (ARR) main story progresses, the PC gets an elementally aspected Crystal of Light during significant parts of the story, for a total of six (for the six elements: Fire, Ice, Lightning, Wind, Water, and Earth). Usually this happens after killing a Primal but also at other plot significant times. These crystals are important though because this is a sign of the Blessing of Light that the Mothercrystal Hydaelyn (creator of the planet Eorzea is on, which is named for Her) grants. They’re what set the PC apart from everyone else with the Echo (the ability to have visions of the past, and immunity to Primal mind control)--it means they’ve been chosen by Hydaelyn to be Her champion. It’s worth noting that you meet several people during the course of the story who have the Echo, but only two other people who also have the Blessing of Light.

In Gisele’s case, every time she gets one of these Crystals, and grows in the Blessing, she begins to remember things bit by bit. She doesn’t have any context for what’s going on and it’s snatches of things (think of Shepard and the Prothean Beacon visions in ME). Minfilia, leader of the Scions and another of Hydaelyn’s chosen, helps Gisele piece it together with her own use of the Echo. Then the proverbial floodgates open in the wake of the Final Battle, when Gisele uses the power of the Crystals to destroy the Big Bad and ends up having a vision of Hydaelyn. The truth of all these strange memories of another world, another life--it all comes back.

It’s also worth noting that Hydaelyn didn’t lock Gisele’s memories away--this was a consequence of the magic which brought her to Eorzea. Remember when I mentioned the Calamity before? Your friendly local Gandalf archetype, Louisoix Leveilleur, cast this massive spell to save Eorzea from Bahamut’s wrath, channelling the power of the Eorzean pantheon to try and imprison him again, but Bahamut was too powerful. Louisoix knew the OG PCs were toast and so channeled the power of the god of time/space to send them all into the future.

In Gisele’s version of the story, Louisoix did this at the precise moment she plunged her sword into Urthemiel’s heart. So Grandpa basically opened the door, and Hydaelyn drew Gisele’s spirit through it, into the Lifestream, and her aether took shape again (she literally sprung out of a crystal cocoon fully formed as an adult Elezen woman).

At first, Minfilia and Gisele decide to keep the truth a Need to Know thing among the inner circle of the Scions--they know from weird shit, they’re used to it. But her Mysterious Past and the fact that no one seems to have any memory of her, anywhere, is used against her when she’s framed for the assassination of Ul’dah’s figurehead ruler--the shadow government who actually did it spread rumors that she’s an agent of Garlemald (the requisite Evil Empire, it’s FF lol) and that’s why no one knows who she really is or where she came from.

Anyway, during the Heavensward part of the story when she’s in Ishgard, she and Alphinaud make the decision to stop hiding her background--the first non-Scion she comes clean to is Haurchefant, when they go to him begging asylum. It’s an admittedly crazy sounding story and Gisele realizes that. But he believes her, because he’s Haurchefant and would believe Gisele if she told him the sky was green instead of blue. Alphinaud discloses it to some trusted allies with her permission, and from there it basically becomes common knowledge if only in rumors given how famous she is and how much Eorzeans like to gossip, but most people think it’s just another outlandish tale heaped onto a heroine with a lot of outlandish things attributed to her.

#gisele surana #warden of light au #kamidoodles #ask bisho

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maybeshelives · 6 years

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youtube

Placebo - “First Day” Rock Remix (Timo Maas)

My day was about to start. I was casually warming some milk up and burning a couple of eggs, when this song started playing on my stereo.

Although it could easily pass as a break up song (”Don't fuck it up / You'll remember me / For the rest of your life / It's the first day / Of the rest of your life”, as if this is the first day of the person’s life without the singer being in it, as if this is the first day of the rest of their life alone/single; maybe we’re sort of dead after a romantic seperation and we have to be somewhat reborn again - “how one becomes two” and vice versa), it instantly attained a different meaning inside my depressive mind.

Earlier that morning, I carried out my fifteen-minute morning mediation session, a habit that I’m struggling to form for the past month (two sessions each day, one in the morning and one before I fall asleep, like an antibiotic). So far, I tend to select guided sessions, for the lack of knowledge and experience from my side.

As I was slowly sinking into my armchair, the instructor said: “So, for today’s meditation, let’s just begin with our eyes open. Take a moment to be aware of your surroundings, notice any sounds or movement happening around you... Just simply observing this moment of being alive”.

That last sentence struck me and stuck with me throughout the whole session.

There’s just something so poweful into those two phrases combined: This is the first day of the rest of your life, so just take some time to observe this moment of simply being alive. Every time you wake up, you are confronted with the rest of your life, so, in a way, every day is a first day.

Being someone who has suicidal and self-destructive thoughts on a daily basis, somenone who wants to escape the reality of her emotions pretty often, meditation offers me a few minutes of stillness; I can just be. Life doens’t have to always be overwhelming, at least for fifteen minutes.

The state of just being is very underestimated. If you don’t do, consume, possess or think in general, then others might think less of you. Everyone has this constant expectation, from themselves and others, of movement. Some people do things only because they’re expecting that the outcome will get them somewhere or give them something of different nature (it could even be a sense of worth and superiority, for all I know). People get into relationships and often wonder “where is this affair going?”. Why does it have to go somewhere? If I do a roadtrip from Athens to Bucharest, for example, would that be considered as some kind progress that adds value to my life? Is getting from point A to point B cosidered as progress? Why? Who says so? Sure, gaining experience, seing new places and having fun is dope, but it doesn’t have to mean anything other than that.

Well, maybe I reject this false notion of progress because it doesn’t feel like I have done any myself. Yes, maybe I’m using the philosophy of meditation as an armor that protects me from revealing that all this comes from a place of insecurity and jealousy. Or maybe I’m just tired of feeling that I can never rest, of always thinking that I have to move, to ascend.

A while ago, I was watching a video on passivity, mediocrity and mental illness, with which I don’t fully agree (I mostly disagree), because I think that it promotes an erred mindset on greatness and what gives humans value and worth. But, oh well, the internet is already far ahead of me:

“Not saying I disagree with everything in this video, but I believe that some time spent being inactive (and I mean truly inactive, as in not scrolling through social media or anything like that) can be very productive. If you always have to distract yourself with tasks, then you're essentially trying to run away from your thoughts. If you're always running from your thoughts, then you'll never be able to examine yourself or the world around you. Time spent idly contemplating can be very enlightening. But of course, take everything in moderation”. (commenter: angry hermit)

“From a more nhilistic viewpoint, we do we necessarily have to be great? The entire argument here is playing on most people's desire to be significant/be better than everyone else. But while you're breaking your back and toiling day in and out to climb that ladder and be on the top, what is it all worth in the end? Your life is nothing more than a blip in the span on time and history. If racing to be great genuinely makes you happy, then go right ahead... but I personally think more people than not feel an uneccesary pressure from society that unless you do great things and become the next Steve Jobs then your life is effectively worthless. You can achieve self love without this mindset because genuine self love is unconditional, not based on your worth to society”. (commenter: blep) [Trying to be better than someone else means that you’re still playing their game in a way, doesn’t it? - wink wink]

“There is a point where I dissagree; one should not see oneself's value through their actions and achievements, for this itself will create a state of constant dissatisfaction, never being quite feeling worthy of pride since there's always a way to be better. This lack of self love will lead to dismotivation. The individual shouldn't be motivated through the lack of self validation, but, by the contrary, by the presence of it; it may seem conterproductive, since "if you feel good with yourself, why would you change?", however, if you know your value as a "good person", you will feel like you are worthy of more, of going beyond, of living a more fulfilling life, and that will motivate you through the discomforts, it will lead you to act on what you desire to achieve, and not what conformity gives you. Additionally, while engaging in non-stimulating, passive activities in our free time is counter productive and leads to all the problems mentioned, working on the same things as in working ours is equally counter productive, since we would never stop to evaluate our place and impact within the world, thus also succumbing to conformity in labour, not considering what we desire for ourselves. We must evaluate our lives always and our free time is the most fruitful time for this.“ (commenter: Pedro Silveira)

But really, what is progress? What does it mean to go/get somewhere? Is this always related to personal growth? And what the heck is personal growth to begin with? Who defines it? And how can it be experienced? Can someone be aware of it and how?

Maybe doing nothing is an Art itself. Perhaps it intertwines with the Art of Being.

As for me, I haven’t felt good in years. Being hurts, all of the time. So, I’ll just focus on that for now. I think that, as I’m gradually being aware of the present, it makes me want to stop putting up with the mess I’ve made for myself, which exclusively includes other people’s desires and expectations, whereas mine are cramed into labels such as “secondary”, “hobbies only” and “unimportant”.

Expectations are chains, whoever holds them.

This is the first day of the rest of your life. You can spend it however the fuck you want... if you want to spend it at all.

Peace xxx

#placebo #timo maas #brian molko #first day #meditation #depression #self destruction #personal #growth #expectations #chains

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jonsa101 · 7 years

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Jon Snow realized he needed to play the Game of Thrones in season 6 to survive and he’s been playing the game throughout season 7!

I think a lot of people have been questioning how much Jon Snow has changed since his death. Some might be wondering if Jon has changed at all. Looking at this past season of Game of Thrones, many fans seem to believe that Jon Snow is still the good-hearted northern fool who hasn’t changed much based on his actions in the show.

I beg to differ.

Even though in season 8 the attention of the show will be on the White Walkers and the supernatural, don’t be fooled by the hype! The main focus of this show will always be about the political game, “breaking the wheel,” and the strategical players smart enough to survive. I think in season 8 Jon will be revealed not only as brilliant military man who saves Westeros from the White Walkers, but also as a political player. Here is how is see Jon Snow’s character development from season 6 to 7.

After Jon’s death, there are three moments that I felt made Jon realize that he had to start playing the game.

The first moment is his Rebirth at the Battle of the Bastards.

Yes, Sansa did bring some sense of purpose to his life again, but for the entire season up to the point of the Battle of Bastards, Jon was living in a place of inner hopelessness and despair. It was only for the love of Sansa and Rickon that he was even willing to fight for Winterfell in the first place. When Jon was able to come out of the stampede of men and take a breath, he was reborn. He was purposely making the choice to live and fight for his life. He was finally clinging on (maybe even grateful) for the second chance that he’s been given.

The second moment is Sansa throughout season 6 but specifically at Winterfell.

Many people believe that Jon became aware of how capable Sansa was in season 7. I think he was aware of this since season 6. In many scenes, you have Jon looking quite taken aback by Sansa. I feel like these scenes are trying to portray how shocked he is of the smart, well-spoken, politically savvy woman she has become. The scene in Winterfell is the icing on top of the cake. That scene was amazing for two things. 1. It showed how deep and intimate Jon and Sansa’s relationship is and 2. It showed Jon that Sansa is playing the political game. In that scene, there’s first an admittance by Jon that Sansa’s actions won the battle and got them back at Winterfell and then there’s Jon questioning Sansa about if she trusts Littlefinger.

I FREAKING LOVE when he asks her that question. I think some people misinterpreted the scene as Jon trying to “check” Sansa’s loyalties but for me, I see that scene as Jon asking her whether THEY (Jon and Sansa) should trust Littlefinger. Once she responds “only a fool would trust Littlefinger,” you can clearly see the satisfied look on his face implying that he trusts her judgment!!! This is HUGE y’all. To me, this showing that he is finally aware that Sansa is playing the game. I think it also quietly establishes that the two of them don’t trust Littlefinger but he has to stick around for the moment. In the next line when Sansa starts apologizing and Jon responds by saying “We need to trust each other,” to me he is basically saying “ next time let me in on the strategy your playing” “we are a team.”

The third moment is when Jon is named King in the North.

Jon definitely felt the weight of responsibility and the significance of being named King in the North. With a combination of the other two moments that I listed above, I feel like Jon realized that he couldn’t be the same Jon Snow that got himself killed. With a second chance at life, Sansa in his life and now being named King in the North he had no choice but to make a decision to play the damn game whether he likes it or not! For the sake of himself, Sansa and the people in the North.

Season 7 you actually see Jon ruling and trying his best to make smart decisions (playing the game in a nice way). In the first episode, you see tension between Jon and Sansa. There’s tension not only because of potential deep-rooted, unexplainable feelings but also frustrations about political strategies. Jon is clearly frustrated at Sansa because in his mind and in his best efforts he feels that he is making smart political decisions. He is also aware that Sansa is more politically savvy than him. This would explain why he felt that she was undermining him because in his mind he is probably thinking “ she doesn’t trust in my leadership capabilities even when I’m trying my hardest to be politically smart.” Sansa affirms him and lets him know that he is a great leader but calls him to a higher standard. Basically, she say’s you’re good a leader but you need to be smart X1000 because the true players in the game are cut throat!

In episode two, you can see that Jon actually took what Sansa said to heart. He is listening to her and genuinely trying to play this game smarter. Some people hate it, but it was a good political move for Jon to head to Dragonstone to gain alliances. In episode 3 I believe that Jon was still trying to play the game in a nice way. When he talks to Tyrion to express his frustrations I believe that was genuine and Jon was legitimately mad at himself for making “a wrong political move.” I don’t know when but somewhere in the midst of that season Jon, changed tactics. He is playing the game but he is being as “cut throat” as his character can be about it.

Jon’s development as a political player for me has been developing since the last episodes of season 6. When season 8 rolls around I’m not saying he has to be the biggest/baddest player of the game. Quite frankly, that’s just not him. But a political aspect of Jon needs to be there in some form and I think that it’s definitely already there. He can’t survive nor will he be deserving of surviving if he doesn’t learn from his mistakes and become smarter. Also, I think for Jon his political game is uniquely different from everyone else besides Sansa. Jon and Sansa are both playing the game for the sake of their family and for Winterfell. I would even go a step further that for Jon it’s also for the sake of humanity in general. Jon is not playing the game for power like everybody else!

#jonsa #jonsa meta #jonsa is coming #jonsa is endgame #actuallyjonsa #got #got meta #jon snow #jon x sansa #sansa stark #jon snow meta #undercover jon

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dfroza · 4 years

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to illuminate.

from within & without, to come to speak of what the heart believes in (A full circle of silence & sound) is what my heart points to in its writing, as well as being seen in Today’s reading of the Scriptures from the Letter of 2nd Corinthians, as chapter 4 that illumines the significance of what is chosen to be believed (to be treasured in the space of the heart) that inspires what is spoken from a body made of earth, temporal in nature, yet carrying a seed (a pure and sacred promise) of its rebirth just as the heart is reborn by the Spirit and the Word:

[New Covenant Ministry]

Now, it’s because of God’s mercy that we have been entrusted with the privilege of this new covenant ministry. And we will not quit or faint with weariness. We reject every shameful cover-up and refuse to resort to cunning trickery or distorting the Word of God. Instead, we open up our souls to you by presenting the truth to everyone’s conscience in the sight and presence of God. Even if our gospel message is veiled, it is only veiled to those who are perishing, for their minds have been blinded by the god of this age, leaving them in unbelief. Their blindness keeps them from seeing the dayspring light of the wonderful news of the glory of Jesus Christ, who is the divine image of God.

We don’t preach ourselves, but rather the lordship of Jesus Christ, for we are your servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said,

“Let brilliant light shine out of darkness,” is the one who has cascaded his light into us—the brilliant dawning light of the glorious knowledge of God as we gaze into the face of Jesus Christ.

[Treasure in Clay Jars]

We are like common clay jars that carry this glorious treasure within, so that the extraordinary overflow of power will be seen as God’s, not ours. Though we experience every kind of pressure, we’re not crushed. At times we don’t know what to do, but quitting is not an option. We are persecuted by others, but God has not forsaken us. We may be knocked down, but not out. We continually share in the death of Jesus in our own bodies so that the resurrection life of Jesus will be revealed through our humanity. We consider living to mean that we are constantly being handed over to death for Jesus’ sake so that the life of Jesus will be revealed through our humanity. So, then, death is at work in us but it releases life in you.

We have the same Spirit of faith that is described in the Scriptures when it says,

“First I believed, then I spoke in faith.”

So we also first believe then speak in faith. We do this because we are convinced that he who raised Jesus will raise us up with him, and together we will all be brought into his presence. Yes, all things work for your enrichment so that more of God’s marvelous grace will spread to more and more people, resulting in an even greater increase of praise to God, bringing him even more glory!

So no wonder we don’t give up. For even though our outer person gradually wears out, our inner being is renewed every single day. We view our slight, short-lived troubles in the light of eternity. We see our difficulties as the substance that produces for us an eternal, weighty glory far beyond all comparison, because we don’t focus our attention on what is seen but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but the unseen realm is eternal.

The Letter of 2nd Corinthians, Chapter 4 (The Passion Translation)

with these lines mirrored in The Voice and The Message:

Since we are joined together in this ministry as a result of the mercy shown to all of us by God, we do not become discouraged. Instead, we have renounced all the things that hide in shame; we refuse to live deceptively or use trickery; we do not pollute God’s Word with any other agenda. Instead, we aim to tell the truth plainly, appealing to the conscience of every person under God’s watchful eye.

The Letter of 2nd Corinthians, Chapter 4:1-2 (The Voice)

Since God has so generously let us in on what he is doing, we’re not about to throw up our hands and walk off the job just because we run into occasional hard times. We refuse to wear masks and play games. We don’t maneuver and manipulate behind the scenes. And we don’t twist God’s Word to suit ourselves. Rather, we keep everything we do and say out in the open, the whole truth on display, so that those who want to can see and judge for themselves in the presence of God.

The Letter of 2nd Corinthians, Chapter 4:1-2 (The Message)

with Today’s paired chapter being from the book of Genesis as chapter 33 in which is seen a peaceful reunion of brothers Jacob and Esau:

Jacob looked up and saw Esau coming with his four hundred men. He divided the children between Leah and Rachel and the two maidservants. He put the maidservants out in front, Leah and her children next, and Rachel and Joseph last. He led the way and, as he approached his brother, bowed seven times, honoring his brother. But Esau ran up and embraced him, held him tight and kissed him. And they both wept.

Then Esau looked around and saw the women and children: “And who are these with you?”

Jacob said, “The children that God saw fit to bless me with.”

Then the maidservants came up with their children and bowed; then Leah and her children, also bowing; and finally, Joseph and Rachel came up and bowed to Esau.

Esau then asked, “And what was the meaning of all those herds that I met?”

“I was hoping that they would pave the way for my master to welcome me.”

Esau said, “Oh, brother. I have plenty of everything—keep what is yours for yourself.”

Jacob said, “Please. If you can find it in your heart to welcome me, accept these gifts. When I saw your face, it was as the face of God smiling on me. Accept the gifts I have brought for you. God has been good to me and I have more than enough.” Jacob urged the gifts on him and Esau accepted.

Then Esau said, “Let’s start out on our way; I’ll take the lead.”

But Jacob said, “My master can see that the children are frail. And the flocks and herds are nursing, making for slow going. If I push them too hard, even for a day, I’d lose them all. So, master, you go on ahead of your servant, while I take it easy at the pace of my flocks and children. I’ll catch up with you in Seir.”

Esau said, “Let me at least lend you some of my men.”

“There’s no need,” said Jacob. “Your generous welcome is all I need or want.”

So Esau set out that day and made his way back to Seir.

And Jacob left for Succoth. He built a shelter for himself and sheds for his livestock. That’s how the place came to be called Succoth (Sheds).

And that’s how it happened that Jacob arrived all in one piece in Shechem in the land of Canaan—all the way from Paddan Aram. He camped near the city. He bought the land where he pitched his tent from the sons of Hamor, the father of Shechem. He paid a hundred silver coins for it. Then he built an altar there and named it El-Elohe-Israel (Mighty Is the God of Israel).

The Book of Genesis, Chapter 33 (The Message)

my personal reading of the Scriptures for Saturday, february 29 of 2020 with a paired chapter from each Testament along with Today’s Psalms and Proverbs

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architeuthid-blog · 7 years

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Books That Have Made an Impact On Me

The Pale King: It’s strange to read a book by a dead man, I mean a book that wasn’t finished because the author died but which was published anyway. In the literary world this is taken as a matter of course; one expects posthumous publications from renowned authors. It’s pathological, and it was hard to shake the feeling when reading one of these artifacts that you’re looking at something unintended for your eyes, like you’ve wandered into a dressing room and stumbled upon a clown who hasn’t finished putting on his makeup. Then again, the novel ends with the same abruptness and feeling of ruined orgasm as Infinite Jest, so maybe the difference is academic for Wallace.

That’s not what made this an impact though. It’s a certain scene, in the chapter from the point of view of the slacker-stoner character, who’s wandered into the wrong classroom and ends up listening to a lecture from an accounting professor. It’s the way he describes, in his airy confessional, the teacher’s attitude, a self-possessed man, without any of the corny jokes he’s used to from the humanities department, an assurance that everything he is saying is true and necessary, no filler, no need for emotional connection, just pure knowledge, a Kantian understanding of the world and its phenomena.

This semester I’m teaching a world literature course in the science & engineering building. Every day I arrive a few minutes early to set things up, and every day the previous professor is still occupying the classroom, either still lecturing about mathematics or staying after to answer students’ questions about the material. Every moment is filled. It’s pedagogy at its most efficient and essential. I bet she never feels the need to justify what she’s doing; the importance of differential equations is self-evident, even if one has (probably) never moved anyone to tears.

I’m sure it’s not always the case. Some of my students do seem to care about the Epic of Gilgamesh; I’m actually surprised how many, this semester around. And everything is more complicated than it first appears. I know nothing of this other professor’s life, her dreams, whether or not she’s happy, whether or not such a question actually matters. But every time I’m up at the lectern and have to fill an awkward silence, every time I’ve run out of things to say about some classical Indian epic and then realize there’s still 20 minutes of class time left, every time I ask a question about the text and am met with a sea of blank stares, I can’t help but think about The Pale King and the way that layabout was inspired by an accounting lecture.

Have I ever inspired anyone?

2666: Ah, and we’re hopping right back into morbidity. Another book that was never finished due to the author’s sudden non-existence. This might actually be, unintentionally, my favorite genre of literature. Few will argue against Bolaño’s genius, and 2666 holds up even incomplete, even incomplete and in translation (for Natasha Wimmer, though less celebrated, is also a genius). Beyond general prose mastery, this book is also remarkable for being telepathic: About halfway through The Part About the Crimes, I was sitting in a coffeeshop, thinking to myself, “Wow, all this violence is really starting to become a chore to get through, I wish something else would happen for a change,” and lo and behold, on the next page, the book suddenly lapsed into a bizarre, extended parody of One Hundred Years of Solitude. I have to respect that.

Bolaño has also been one of the largest influences on my writing style, mainly because I decided to write a story that imitated his prose, and, it turns out, imitation is not just the sincerest form of flattery, but also the best way to learn from someone. I swear less in my writing though. I’ve been uncomfortable with swearing, I don’t know why.

The Story of My Teeth: The first book on the list that isn’t a doorstopper and whose writer didn’t die before finishing it. Wow! Also the first book on the list written by a woman. Double wow!! Actually, I’m not quite sure what impact this book made on me, but it was a good one. It certainly made me fall in love with Luiselli’s writing. Her prose is just the kind of weird and humorous that I adore. (I was originally going to write “She’s just the kind of weird and humorous that I adore,” but I’ve never met her in real life, and so cannot make that kind of qualitative judgement. I was going to meet her, back in 2015, at a conference in Tucson, but I miscalculated when booking my flight and hotel, and so had to leave a day early. On top of that my flight was on Halloween, so I also missed out on one of my favorite holidays. I wouldn’t say that I was inconsolable, but I was certainly in an ill mood for a while.)

I’d talk about how Luiselli is like a reincarnation of Scheherazade, a master of the art of the story-within-a-story, but this isn’t LitHub, and the onanism I’m engaging in here is a different animal altogether.

(Even though I’ve written for LitHub before, I kind of despise them, for reasons that don’t quite add up. I think mainly they seem like yet another vanguard of the fake-woke brigade, and I can’t stand people who seem like nothing more than the masks they wear. Ooh, what to do, you’re being problematic again. And you just used “seem like” twice in quick succession. That’s shoddy craftsmanship.)

Not One Day: I actually just finished this book a few days ago. Actually, it hasn’t even been officially released yet (tee hee, I have an advance copy, well that’s less titillating that you might think). The conceit of the book is that the author, Anne Garréta (a member of the Oulipo, nonetheless!), has decided to spend five hours every day writing about different women she has desired over the course of her life. So it’s a confessional novel, but Garréta is very self-conscious about the fact that she’s writing a confessional novel, she knows how the sordid game is played. I, too, often feel self-conscious about the things I do, like I’m always late to the party. Fortunately, Garréta knows how to innovate. And not all her tales are erotic adventures; actually, very few are. One is about a little girl who develops a fascination with her. Another chapter centers around her learning that someone has a crush on her, but she never figures out who.

I don’t know what I’m trying to say here. I like the style. I’m narcissistic enough that I may steal it for something (just like I’m stealing this from someone--but I’m getting ahead of myself).

The Elephant Vanishes: This was gateway drug into the world of Murakami. Short stories are easier to digest than full novels; there are natural starting and stopping points, along with the sly exhortation that you can walk away at any time if you’re feeling unsatisfied. Of course, I was reading the book for an undergrad course, so that wasn’t really an option for The Elephant Vanishes, but then again I never felt the need to take advantage of that particular safety cord.

(The course was called “The Poet In Asia” and was a general survey of Asian literature, more or less. We also read Rumi, Li Bo, Du Fu, Matsuo Bashō, etc.)

Actually, there’s not much else to say about this one. I guess it also introduced me to post-modern literature, literature that maybe went beyond the mainstays of plot, characterization, and so on. Does that mean anything? Plenty of writers today would say no, that post-modernism is just privileged navel-gazing. But I do gaze at my navel a lot; it collects a worrying amount of lint over the course of the day.

Notes From Underground: Another required reading from my undergraduate years, twice: first in a mandatory “Narratives of the Self” class, then later in an elective course on Russian literature (Anna Karenina would have also made this list, but, I mean, c’mon). My major, incidentally, was philosophy. All of this is just tangentially related.

Notes From Underground taught me an important life lesson, one I didn’t even realize I needed until I had it. Oh wow, I hate myself a little bit more for writing that. I don’t even want to tell you what it is now.

Okay, I’ll give you a hint.

I saw some of myself in the Underground Man, and correctly understood that to be a bad thing.

Pale Fire: Did this book actually make an impact on me? Thinking about it, I’m not really sure. Formally it does something I think is cool. Moving on.

Minor Angels: The first Volodine novel I read. Of course that carries significance. It certainly delivered on its promise of its effect hiding not in the text itself but within the reader’s dreams. After finishing Minor Angels I woke up locked outside my apartment, around midnight, in January, barefoot in the snow, braving my way over slippery ice and pointy rock salt to reach the emergency phone. I need to stop talking about this event, or at least stop pretending that it somehow makes me interesting. This isn’t even the post-exotic novel that made the biggest impact on me. That honor would belong to. . .

We Monks & Soldiers: Everything comes around in great circles. Or small circles. Fuck, I don’t know. Everything is at least repeated here, and by here I mean in We Monks & Circles, er Soldiers. I like how we see the narrative twice, with slight variations the second time. It’s a genuine post-exotic form, the Shaggå, a series of seven sequences, repeated, and interspersed with commentary, impenetrable to the outside reader, any of which could be the enemy of post-exoticism.

Yes, this is hell of pretentious. No, I don’t care. Shut up. I hate you. I’m going to kill you. Oh noble son or daughter, you who are reading this, you shall die by my hands. Think on the Clear Light, though you will not reach it. You are doomed the wander the Bardo for forty-nine days until you are reborn into another miserable existence.

Also, the scene with the spider-girl in the burning hotel is pitch-perfect.

The Soul of an Octopus: This book made me jealous more than anything. Here Sy Montgomery is, going backstage to prestigious aquariums across America, getting to meet firsthand the octopuses in their care (not to mention a rather handsome-sounding marine biologist), and then she goes and writes a best-selling, award-winning book about the experience! Whenever I go to an aquarium, the octopus isn’t on display. Or they’re hiding. I can’t blame them for hiding, I’d be shy too if I were on display like that, but the former just seems like rotten luck. I was so looking forward to seeing the Enteroctopus dofleini at the New England Aquarium two Decembers ago, and her handlers had spirited her away that inauspicious winter day for some well-deserved r&r. At least I got a t-shirt.

I have gone to the following aquariums:

~Georgia Aquarium (Atlanta) ~Tennessee Aquarium (Chattanooga) ~New England Aquarium (Boston) ~Mystic Aquarium (Mystic) ~Tybee Island Marine Science Center (Tybee Island) ~South Carolina Aquarium (Charleston) ~Aquarium of the Bay (San Francisco) ~Shedd Aquarium (Chicago) ~National Museum of Play (Rochester) ~Aquarium (Endless Ocean: Blue World)

Our Lady of the Flowers, Echoic: It’s not the book itself that made an impact on me here, but rather its translation, by Chris Tysh. She takes Genet’s Notre dame des fleurs, a prose text, and transforms it, in her interpretation, into a poem. The effect is striking and opened the door to a vast array of translatory possibilities. Things were no longer one-for-one (nor had they ever been, but before this, it was merely an academic matter, shadows on a distant wall).

Granted, I’ve never translated a prose text into a poem, but then again, I’m not a poet. Poets have an easier time going crazy with translations, I think. The older generations didn’t even bother learning the source language. That’s probably taking things too far. But if Quine is right, then it doesn’t matter either way, I guess. Is Quine right? Who the hell would have a special word for “rabbitness instantiated”?

Autobiography of Red: Another book of poetry, another liberal interpretation of an earlier work. Turning and turning in the widening gyre, etc.

I’ll come out and say it: This book made me cry. I straight up teared up. I bet it made other people cry too. If you say you read Autobiography of Red and didn’t cry, I’m going to assume that you’re lying. Or that your literary sensibilities are far more refined than mine. Probably that second one. (Putting aside the fact that it’s hard to get more refined than Anne Carson, but rationality rarely enters my autoevaluative equations.)

Why did I cry? For all the normal reasons. Even when we identify with them, tragic characters will always be way cooler than we could ever dream of ourselves.

In the House upon the Dirt between the Lake and the Woods: I’m including this book here specifically because it did not impact me the way I thought it would. While reading it, I often felt tired, like I was running a surrealist marathon (especially once the narrator stopped transforming into a cephalopod). I can’t begrudge Matt Bell’s style; he does some interesting things with his prose. I get the feeling that he’s an ace when it comes to unreliable narrators. But things have to come to a close at some point, and so many times I thought I was finally reaching some sort of conclusion, only to discover that, nope!, we were just going a layer deeper, into the house, or the protagonist’s psyche, or the married couple’s past. So, even though this book was kind of a let-down, I still talk about it, because every condition contains the seeds of its opposite nature, and I’ve read Hegel too, Sam. Maybe Cataclysm Baby is better.

The Pillow Book: I would be remiss if I didn’t mention to book to which I am indebted for the form in which I wrote this whole shindig. I admire the way Sei Shōnagon writes about whatever seems to capture her fancy at any given moment. It’s incredibly intimate (and with reason: we’re essentially reading her diary. Why do people think it’s okay to publish others’ private writings? What would Anne Frank say if she knew her personal thoughts during a time of great trauma were now required reading for middle school students?). Her poetry is beautiful, yes, but it’s the lists that get me. They’re just lists of things, a show about nothing. But they convey so much about her, about her compatriots, about courtly life in Heian Japan. Last semester my students weren’t huge fans of this text; they preferred the Tale of Genji. They found the Pillow Book “too hard to follow.” I think maybe they just didn’t like how long the selection in the anthology was. But then again, judging by their research papers, many of them had no problem reading the New Testament Gospels (even if they had no idea how to write about said Gospels--it turns out, coming as a surprise to no one, that devout undergrounds have no fucking clue how to do Biblical exegesis). So here I am, taking up the one-woman literary tradition of a courtier who lived over a thousand years ago, for no reason in particular beyond a habitual shrug and a muttered “just because I felt like it.”

A Google search reveals that TV Tropes has an article on the Pillow Book. According to the anonymous author or authors of the page, Sei is an example of the “Alpha Bitch” trope. So, that’s enough of that web adventure.

Post-Scriptum: Reading over what I’ve written so far, it would be tempting to ask (like the rote commentator of any list on the internet), “Are these really the only books that have impacted you? What about The Dew Breaker? What about If on a winter’s night a traveler? What about Horror Recognition Guide?” That’s all well and good; plenty of other books have certainly stirred something inside me. The practical answer is one of laziness: I’ve written what I felt like writing about, and now I’m done. Or maybe, if I didn’t mention some book, then I didn’t inspire me as much as you might think it did. Or, I only wanted to include one book by any given author (with one obvious, but pre-eminent, exception).

Incidentally this entire exercise also borrows heavily from not just the Pillow Book but also Not One Day: Anne Garréta ends her confessional narrative with a P-S that’s essentially an apology and a shrug. Which is what I’m doing here, explicitly so.

Okay, I think I’m done.

#Books #David Foster Wallace #Roberto Bolaño #Valeria Luiselli #Anne Garréta #Haruki Murakami #Fyodor Dostoevsky #Vladimir Nabokov #Antoine Volodine #Lutz Bassmann #Sy Montgomery #Chris Tysh #Jean Genet #Anne Carson #Matt Bell #Sei Shōnagon #Squid life

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