#reagan literally said i could fix him but whatever is wrong with him is way funnier | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gayiconwaluigi · 5 years

Text

Non-binary Elliot Anderson text support from the Red Wheelbarrow companion guide

“Bottom line is, how the hell do I become normal after this? Is it possible?...Is there any way to come back from this? Can I later down the road be a normal person with a wife and a dog and tell my kids the story about the one time I lost my FUCKING mind and started seeing...I can’t think about this anymore.”

This quote showcases Elliot’s desire to live a patriarichal, heteronormative life--to subscribe to institutional normalcy/normativity, but he can’t because of his DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder). He sees his DID and anxiety as the barrier to normalcy. He rallies against normalcy because he can’t achieve it.

“I guess my gut instinct tells me I’d want to be normal...Do I really want to be normal? Okay, I’m not done with that question. I’ve thought on it some more. I don’t think normal is the right word. I think it’s happy. Normal is too nebulous and subjective. So is happy, but I think that to be whatever I think is normal is just to feel right. To not be afraid of who I am. I want to believe that the other people who understand who I am are okay with me as is and accept it.”

This following quote builds on that idea of normalcy past his experience with DID and mental illness in general. He wants to be satisfied with himself, whoever and whatever that entails. Elliot is extremely unhappy with who he is, which includes having his mind manifest Mr. Robot, alienating his friends due to his control issues and social anxieties, and basically causing people to die.

But this isn’t who Elliot is. For a show concerned with identity, Elliot doesn’t have much of one. He focuses on “fixing” society and “fixing” his friends’ lives. He’d probably identify himself as a nerd and a hacker, but other identities (gender, sexuality, race, etc) are pretty much untouched in his narrative because his relationship with his mental health is such a large part of who he is.

The companion book doesn’t delve into how Elliot views his ethnic background or his racial identity other than that he’s “not white.” Those are his words. He doesn’t identify beyond that, which makes me wonder (was this book written by a white person or) does Elliot distance himself from that identity because of his hatred of his mother, who is a woman of color.

And with how the above two quotes read, it feels like he’s speaking beyond his mental illness. He doesn’t want to be afraid of who he is, and of course because of that fear, he hasn’t delved into or developed parts of his identity.

“Krista, Angela, Carla, and Darlene were all having dinner in my mom’s house...And in the living room, Gideon, Lloyd, my dad and Tyrell were all sitting around watching football. I was just standing in the middle of both rooms, not sure which one to be in...I was a little lost, stuck in my space between both groups, but I didn’t feel totally alone.”

This quote is the most specific reference to gender and gender roles. Elliot dreams of salient women in his life sharing a meal, and meal preparation is a traditionally female gender role in hegemonic America. In the other room are the men in his life enjoying a traditionally male past time. Elliot exists in the middle, not able to choose which room to exist in or not being able to move from his spot in the middle.

Elliot is incredibly smart but just so not self-aware when it comes to compulsory aspects of culture. He feels happiness with Darlene in season 1, so that must mean he is attracted to and wants to kiss her because she is a woman. [Don’t get me started on how I think Elliot’s attraction to all the women in his life is compulsory. If there is a woman in his age range, he will “fall in love” with her! Minus Carla because of the show’s latent transphobia...]

He’s decoded the faults with America and consumerism and capitalism, but he’s distanced himself from his own identities so that he’s incredibly ignorant as to who he actually is. The first time we see him, he’s literally erased himself and exists on morphine, which numbs him. He doesn’t want to experience himself. Essentially he wants to exist but as a different person. He wants to know people but not for people to know him. [Leon: Do you dream, Elliot? You scraping so hard like you never asked yourself this before. I said, do you want to be here right now?]

We can draw from the bullying we know he experienced. That stemmed from his nerdiness and other’s perceptions of his neurodivergence. It’s understandable why he hasn’t developed past these identities because if people hate him for being socially different, he certainly doesn’t want to discover something else about himself that people could hate him for.

And here is Elliot’s fairy tale sequence transcribed from season 2:

“If I do close my eyes, what is it that I picture years from now? Like Leon said, doesn’t one need to understand that before they’re ready to fight for their existence? How would my future fairy tale unfold? Will I finally connect with those I deeply care for? Will I reunite with old friends long gone? See the ones I love find true happiness? Maybe this future includes people I’d never dream of getting close to. Even make amends with those I have unfairly wronged. A future that’s not so lonely. A future filled with friends and family. You’d even be there. A world I’ve always wanted. And you know what? I’d like very much to fight for it.”

I want to emphasize that each of the scenes Elliot describes are incredibly stereotypical portrayals of happiness that you might see in a commercial for any medication. Two people [man and woman] speaking at a bar. Friends at an outdoor venue. A man proposing to a woman. Meeting a smiling family [man and woman and child].

It is essential to recognize the table scene is an homage to the Thanksgiving table scene in Raising Arizona where the protagonist describes his vision of the future. This film is a scathing critique of 1980s Reagan-centric America where a couple unable to have a child steals a child in order to fix all their problems.

In the Raising Arizona scene, the protagonist and his wife sit at the end of the table, whereas only Elliot sits at the end of the table. If we were to believe Angela was his romantic counterpart, she would be sitting with him. Instead Angela is sitting across from Darlene--an analogue to his sister.

Despite all his talk of revolution, Elliot wants a hegemonic happily ever after because that’s what he’s been fed his entire childhood of popular 1980s film tropes. He struggles to understand that people and life extend beyond these tropes.

#mr robot #elliot alderson #trans elliot alderson #sam esmail #red wheelbarrow #nonbinary elliot alderson #mr robot meta

31 notes · View notes

a-dreamer-named-mars · 6 years

Text

Imagine Having a Fight With Jamie

Requested imagine. To read this and more imagines and fanfictions click here.

"I don't know why you're being like that!" You said in exasperation while you threw the pillows of the bed that you and your husband, Jamie Reagan, shared, to the ground.

"Because I am being cautious! I'm telling you, you shouldn't work in that hospital anymore. It's my honest opinion and I think you should consider it." He said, trying his hardest to be calmer than you were at the moment.

"Yeah, I consider it BS! Listen to me, Jamie - I am a grown woman of thrity-one years old. I am old enough to defend myself and I'll be damned if I'll let a man get in the way of me following my dream!"

Wow, you shouldn't have said that. You didn't mean it, it was just a heat of the moment thing and you couldn't control the words when they were already halfway out of your mouth.

He was hurt. Very hurt. You have known each other since you were in your twenties and you had just gotten out of medical school and he was fresh out of the academy. In one of his first cases while he still rode with his training officer, he had to do a follow up on a teenage boy who had gotten shot on a shootout in the projects. Turns out the guy was carrying more guilt with him than young Jamie was expecting and, out of all the case scenarios, the guy ended up getting an infection and staying in the hospital for longer than expected and so, you and him became pretty close, seeing each other a lot. He asked you out, you went on a couple dates and, although he was still heartbroken because of Sydney, you fixed him and helped him heal and three years later you got married, while you were carrying your first child - a boy, that you had both agreed on naming after Joe, Jamie's brother who passed away. A couple years later, you welcomed your second baby, this time it was a girl, named Margaret. Fast forward two years, you were in your bedroom fighting over some stubburness from both, you had to admit, while your children were asleep.

"Whatever." He said blankly and got inside the bed, turning his back to you and covering himself with the plain blue covers.

You sighed and crawled inside the bed, touching his shoulder and telling him to turn around in a whisper, guilt eating you up.

"Jamie... Let's talk about this, come on."

He turned around to face you, much to your surprise, the look of pain in his beautiful blue eyes killing you inside.

"I am your husband. I know it's not the fifties but I am not some man... Or at least I thought I wasn't."

"You're not! You're not just some man, you're right, you're my husband and your opinion does matter to me, but... You have to understand, I like working on that hospital because I'm closer to the kids' daycare. If they get sick or something happens I can get there quicky."

"I understand that, but I am a cop and I am telling you it is not safe. That hospital is highly frequented by drug addicts and gang members... I'm sorry if I'm only trying to keep my wife safe!"

"Jamie, you don't udnerstand, do you?"

He did understand, he just rarely showed he did. When you had your son, you had gone through a severe post-birth depression, and your husband being a cop didn't help. You didn't want to be alone in the house with the baby, you never did anything without Jamie around. You wouldn't change a diaper alone, you wouldn't give him a bath alone, you wouldn't even breastfeed alone! And you never wanted Jamie out there, in danger. It took a very long time to go through it ( parcially ) and two years later you got pregnant with Margaret and said to yourself things would be different that time and that you were never gonna act like you did when Joe was a baby. Guess what? You did... slightly. Meaning you got to do stuff alone by the time she was three months old and you weren't as worried with Jamie as you were with the last pregnancy. But with your kids, you never stopped worrying. And that was why since when Joe went to daycare you asked for a transference on the hospital you used to work in, to the hospital that was literally only one block away from where your little cubs spend their day.

Jamie was really loosing his patience now, and going to bed even more stressed than he was was not in his plans so he decided to end the discussion right there.

"Alright, I gotta wake up early tomorrow and I need to sleep." That being said, he stretched his arm to turn off the light on his nightstand and closed his eyes.

You sighed in frustration and got under the covers too, after turning off your light, and tried your best to fall asleep.

* * *

"Come on, baby, eat your food, mommy's gotta take you and your sister to daycare in twenty minutes." You begged your son, who was a slow eater. But who could blame him? His mom was one too.

A sound of what seemed like keys caught your attention and you turned around to look at where that sound was coming from and saw Jamie closing the front door after he walked out of your apartment.

Did he just leave?

That was so not a Jamie thing to do. He always kissed you good morning and and he usually kissed you again when he left the house. And the kids! The kids were his life! He loved them and he always kissed them good morning and goodbye too. What the hell was wrong with him? You couldn't believe this all because of the fight you had last night. He was being so childish right now, and you were actually finding it hard to be because he was the opposite of that. It was one of the things that made you fall for him back when you were younger.

"Did dad leave?" Joe asked, looking up at you with his bright blue eyes.

"Yes, daddy had a lot of work to do today and he was late and so will you if you don't eat faster." You bent down to kiss his cheek and went to Margaret's bedroom to help her get dressed and ready for another day.

* * *

Your eight hour shift passed by faster than you expected and when you looked at the big silver clock that hung on the hallway wall of the pediatrics floor, where you worked, you smiled to yourself and made your way to the locker room to change and pick up your kids.

You did that quickly and about half an hour later, you were already walking inside your apartment, holding your little girl with one arm, and holding your son's hand with the other.

"Can I watch TV, mom?" He asked as he ran and jumped on the couch.

"Yes, baby. I'll go give your sister a bath now but you'll be next so don't settle." You warned while you put your bag down on the counter and walked to bathroom to prepare the bath.

You were pretty deep in thought, thinking about Jamie and the fight you had last night and how he was feeling hurt. But above the sound of the happy and joyful songs that came from the cartoon's channel, you could still hear something that stopped your line of thought.

It sounded like a a key, opening the door.

You heard some steps and sighed in relief, thinking it was Jamie who was back from work. But the sound of your son screaming made you change your mind.

"Mommy!!!!!"

You put Margaret down on her bed and closed her inside, looking the wooden door behind you and running to the living room.

"Well, well, well... look who have here."

The man holding the gun had a terrifying voice. He was probably only about ten years older than you but looked like the biggest monster.

Joe ran to your arms and you picked him up, holding him close.

"Who are you?" You asked, mad at yourself for doing it in a shaky voice and showing fear.

"I'm a friend of your husband's. That's right... Jamie knows me, so it's all good, don't you worry."

"Please leave, the children don't deserve this." You begged, now furious at yourself for doing so.

"Oh don't worry, I just came here to talk to him and... get some things right."

"He's not home yet... He's still working."

"Well, then maybe I could just talk to you." The man said in scary and confidence voice tone.

"Do whatever you want with me, just let me take my son to his bedroom. Don't let him see anything, please." You begged again.

You literally thought he was about to rape you or stab you or just... do something bad with you but you needed to protect your children before anything.

"No! Get the other one out here and tell them to sit on the couch."

You closed your eyes in fear and walked to Margaret's bedroom where she was already crying for being left alone inside.

You picked her up and did as the man said so and placed your children on the couch.

The guy carried a black backpack and as soon as the kids were settled, he pulled out of it a roll of rope and tied them together.

Of course, they were uncomfortable with the situation and scared too, and they started crying, not stopping.

"Please, keep them out of this!" You begged again but unsuccessfully.

"Shut up!!!!" He yelled, clearly frustrated at you for trying to stop him from doing what he planned on doing. "Sit down." He told you to do, changing the point of the gun to your face to the couch that was set next to the one where your children were tied on.

You did as he said and sat down, all types of cases scenarios running through your mind. And you kept praying that Jamie would come home soon but he was already an hour late... Maybe you hurt him too much last night, maybe you and the kids weren't what he loved coming home to anymore. He was probably with his brother or his partner at a bar or something, talking about what had happened. And now you and your babies were in this mess.

You and Jamie did have a gun at home and you did try to grab it earlier but you couldn't and now you were absolutely powerless and this man was gonna do everything he wanted out of you. And it truly scared you, so much.

He tied your hands and feet together so you couldn't move and were one hundred percent still. Going through his backpack, he took out a roll of grey ductktape, and he quickly glued it on your kids' mouths and then yours.

"I'll take care of you in a minute, don't worry, princess." He said while caressing your face creepily.

You couldn't take it anymore and tears were already streaming down your face, uncontrollably, demonstrating the state of panic you were in. And your kids.... you couldn't even look at them without having your heart broken to pieces.

He went through his bag again to look for something that you soon saw it was a laptop. It was already turned on, so he just lift up the cover and started typing numbers and letters that you couldn't identify.

What on earth could he possibly be doing? Was he working on some algorithm to have a bomb exploding in your apartment?

Just when the children's cries were all that broke the silence in the room, you heard what seemed like a key going through the door lock. It was when Jamie walked inside the house, already holding his gun in his hand and ordering the man to get down on the ground.

The man, who had made the fortunate mistake to place his own weapon on the ground when he was on his computer, couldn't reach for it so, he just surrendered.

What saved you was the fact that from the hallway Jamie could hear his kids' cries, that sounded much more filled with panic than usual, and grabbed the gun he always carried with him, ready and prepared for whatever he was going to walk in to.

Jamie saw the rope next to the gun and tied him up, before calling the department for an RMP to take the guy to a precint and eventually to jail. They came very quickly, apparently they were near the neighborhood, and once it was sorted out, he untied the kids firstly, then removing the tape from their mouths, and he held them close to his chest and repeatedly asking them if they were okay. Both of them wrapped their arms around his neck tightly, leaving red marks on his skin that you could see from the other couch.

Your husband walked over to you, the kids still hanging from his neck while he held them close, and sat down untieing you and pulling off the tape. As soon as you felt free you lunged to him, and wrapped your arms around him, the kids in the middle, now holding both of you.

"Hey, hey... are you okay?" He asked as he cupped your face in his hands.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm good." You nodded and rested your head in his shoulder.

"Gosh, I was so scared." You whispered, your voice yet muffled.

"It's okay now, it's okay." He said, wrapping his arms around you tightly.

The children were still scared but they were no longer crying, they were just tugging to your and Jamie's shirts in search for comfort.

Thankfully, it was good now.

#jamie reagan #blue bloods #jamie x reader #cbs #excerpt from a book i'll never write #excerpt from a story i'll never write #writing #writer #imagine

28 notes · View notes

svubloods · 7 years

Text

Imagine your boyfriend Sonny and your brother Jamie protecting you from a handsy Detective

(A/N: For Anon, I hope you enjoy and that it meets your expectations. This is probably bad. I’m half asleep writing this because it’s like 2:00 am and I’ve been working all day and I was too stupid to check my plan and was writing the wrong imagine up for the whole of my writing time. So I hope you’ll forgive me for being late. Even though it’s still Tuesday in some places!)

Imagine your boyfriend Sonny and your brother Jamie protecting you from a handsy Detective

“Jameson!” You shouted sternly right behind Jamie’s back, intending to scare him.

You were successful. Obviously, that police academy training did nothing to help with how easy Jamie was to scare. You watched in delight as he jumped up slightly and spilling the coffee he was holding slightly down himself before realising and saving the majority from spilling. He turned to look at you and glared.

“Y/N,” He hissed, looking down at himself and assessing the caffeinated damage.

“You’re still so easy, Jamie.” You giggled profusely, bending over and clutching your stomach.

“Do you not having better to do than to annoy me, Detective?” He asked, sighing and shaking his head at you.

“I’m only doing my job,” You shrugged with a grin.

“It’s your job to annoy me?” He questioned sceptically.

“It’s literally in my job description as a little sister,” You reminded with a smirk.

“I thought you were talking about being a detective,” He confessed finally with a small smile as he cleaned himself off with some nearby napkins.

“Oh it is also part of the Detective job description to mess with uniforms,” You informed, playfully raising your eyebrows at him.

“Is it now?” He questioned unamused.

“Uh huh,” You nodded enthusiastically, “We get a pamphlet on it and everything. You’ll get the same one if you become a detective.”

“Yeah, ‘if’ Rook,” You commented, “Oh and by the way how did guarding my crime scene for five hours go?”

“You’re the one that ordered me to that?” He asked.

“Yep,” You admitted, “That’s what you get for telling everyone at Sunday dinner that I let a perp outrun me,”

“But you did,” He defended, about to put his hand up in defence only to remember that he had a coffee in his hand.

“He took a shot at me!” You argued.

“He did?” He asked surprised.

“Yeah, “ You reaffirmed, “Excuse me, for taking cover instead of dying trying to catch a perp!”

“You just enjoy bossing me around,” Jamie countered.

“It’s every little sister’s dream to be in charge of her big brother,” You grinned.

“Wait till we’re off the clock,” He chuckled.

“We’re still going shopping?” You asked.

“Definitely,” He smiled before walking away and heading back on patrol.

You headed back to your desk with a smirk on your face.

“You really need to stop messing with him,” Your boyfriend and partner Sonny said as you sat down at your desk, which was opposite his.

“And stop all the fun I’m having? No way!” You responded, looking up at him.

“He’ll get you back! There will be an encore of what happened on Sunday.” He warned.

“And when it happens. I’ll just get him back.” You grinned, “Anyway are you ready to go?”

“I was waiting for you,” He insisted, standing up and fixing the collar of his coat.

“Whatever,” You commented, getting up and putting on your coat.

“By the way, Lieu says that a Detective from Brooklyn Homicide is going to meet us at the scene?” Sonny informed as you began walking out the station side by side.

“Why?” You questioned confused.

“He thinks it’s connected to one of his,” He explained.

“But he’s homicide?” You questioned.

“I know but he says that he thinks his guy is escalating and besides from the sexual assault part with ours and it’s exactly the same apparently,” He continued.

“We’ll see,” You commented, going through the door that Sonny held open for you.

You couldn’t help but smile to yourself as you walked through the door. Sonny always went out of his way to do stuff like that for you. He did the typical stuff like holding the door open for you, opening the car door for you and giving you his jacket when it was cold and you were too stupid to bring one yourself. But it was the other things he did as well that he probably thinks you don’t notice like warning you of cracks in the sidewalk because he knows that you’re strangely superstitious with stuff like that or when you were walking and talking making sure he stood on your left side because you have the strange tendency to veer to the left when walking and talking instead of just walking straight.

It was the little things that Sonny picked up about you and consequently catered to, which made you realise that he was the one. He was the only person you’d ever met that wanted to know everything about you. Little or small. You were healthily obsessed with each other. And you’d never had that before. He was the first person who completely got you. Like he just understood how your brain worked from the second your met. It was an instant thing. You were the same but completely different at the same time. He changed your whole world with the profound bond that you shared. You were connected, that was the only way you could describe it.

You were never believed in soulmates and falling in love at first sight but your Mother always did. Your Dad was her soulmate. When you asked for an explanation because you and your logical brain couldn’t comprehend the concept. She explained it as when you met the ‘one’, you fall in love at first sight but you don’t realise it straight away. But you will and when you do you’ll understand and then that’s how you know you’re with the right person. You’ll admit, you didn’t believe her until you realised you were in love with Sonny.

Then you understood.

You met Sonny on the job over three years ago now, when you transferred to SVU. You had an instant connection and it was hard to deny. You were and still are a great team because you are so different in terms of personality but had the same moral, values and way of thinking. You couldn’t help but fall for him and he clearly couldn’t help falling for you.

You went on your first real date about two months after meeting and becoming partners. And obviously, you’d been dating ever since. Your three year anniversary was a couple of weeks away. You moved into together after a year but more importantly, he became a regular at Reagan Sunday dinner after about six months of dating. Your family loved him. Sonny is a sweetheart and he could charm almost anyone, including your older brother. They even have a group-chat. They loved him but their favourite thing about him according to your Dad was that he made you happier than any one of them had seen before.

Your favourite thing about him was how found all the things about yourself that you thought were embarrassing as cute or endearing. Like he thinks it’s cute that you’re always writing notes to yourself because you’re so forgetful. He also loved it when you wrote him notes. He thinks you don’t know but you know that he’s kept every single one you’d ever written for him and he keeps all the ones you write to yourself if he finds them. Everyone else thought it was weird or strange but not him. It made you realise that he was as willing to accept every part of you good or bad as you were for him. And in your case, there were bad parts, broken parts and in particular lost parts.

"Do you mind if I drive today?" Sonny asked as you reached your car and circled to the driver’s door.

“What? Why?” You asked defensively, "I'm not that bad of a driver you know! Okay, I’ll admit last time I was a bit off but in my defence, that pole came from nowhere.”

“Hey, that wasn’t what I was getting at! I think you're a great driver. It's just that the driver’s seat in your car is cleaner," He clarified.

"Are you calling my car dirty?" You demanded, crossing your arms across your chest and looking at him over the roof of your car.

"Not dirty exactly just messy," He clarified once again "Please,"

“Fine,” You huffed, chuckling the keys at him which he caught, “But or have you know everything in my car is organised just not in a way that you would understand.”

“I’m sure there is a method to the madness I just can’t sit amongst it,” He explained as you both got into your seats, buckled up and took off.

“Like this for example,” You began attempting to make a point, as you picked up a long role of carnival tickets, “What is this to you?”

“Trash,” He stated.

“What it really is, is a token from the date we had three weeks before our second anniversary of the first time we held hands,” You informed, nodding at him before putting it on the floor again.

“How do remember stuff like that but you can’t remember the grocery list a minute after I tell you?” He asked in disbelief.

“I don’t know?” You shrugged, “My brain works in a weird way,”

“You don’t need to tell me that,” Sonny chuckled.

“Hey,” You protested, glaring at him.

“I don’t mean it in a bad way,” He reassured, “I love the way your brain works. It’s part of the reason that you’re with me, right?”

“Sure,” You giggled.

“So…um…do still you want to do that thing after work today,” He asked after a few minutes of bickering over what radio station that you were going to listen to on this fifteen-minute drive.

“You mean ‘that’ thing?” You countered matching his allusiveness.

He nodded.

“If you still want me to come with you Sonny,” You informed, “I’m all for it.”

“I do,” He reassured.

“I’m just surprised you want to do it this way. It’s very non-traditional of you,” You commented.

“I know but I just think for us. It’s the best way. It’s a compromise which I know you didn’t ask for but I want to give to you anyway,” He sighed in relief, “And, anyway the one I want to give you is broken and it’s going to be yours soon so it’s only fair that you get to make it the way you want it. You’ll be the one to wear and hopefully pass it on, one day. I was going to have to do it anyway so that you could have it so why not have you there to help and make it yours?”

“I’m really excited,” You blushed, looking away from him and onto the road ahead, “I didn’t ever think I would get to do something like this.”

“Me neither.” He grinned, grabbing your hand and kissing it.

“We’re here,” You announced.

“I know. I’m the one that stopped the car,” He smirked.

“Look at you, getting all sarcastic,” You commented with an unimpressed expression.

“What can I say? You’re rubbing off on me!” He said as you both got out of the car and headed down the street and into the building where the crime scene was.

You started laughing automatically.

“What’s dirty about what I just said?” He demanded, now unimpressed himself.

“Rubbing off,” You spluttered.

“You have the humour of a twelve-year-old boy,” He sighed, nodding to a nearby uniform and lifting up the crime scene tape.

“You say as if it’s bad thing,” You grinned before strolling ahead as he was pulled aside by the same uniform to get the rundown on the crime scene.

You, on the other hand, continued to walk towards the body of your victim and the Medical Examiner who was in the process of examining it. There was also another person standing over the body and you can only assume that was the homicide detective you were meeting. As you approached you were greeted by the ME, which you returned and then you turned to the detective.

“Brooklyn Homicide?” You asked typically.

You pride yourself on being an observant person. Much like your memory you always picked up on the little things and in particular especially when meeting someone new you picked up on their body language. And this guys body language was definitely off. His eyes were on your face for a second before moving south. He straightened up in typical wannabe alpha male by thrusting his chest forward and spreading his legs slightly. As if he needed to prove his masculinity and alpha male or lack thereof status to you.

Unusually, though you dismissed these signs because he was a cop. If it were anyone else you wouldn’t have but coming from a cop family you trusted anyone with a badge. Reflecting back on it now you realise that some people don’t carry the same respect for it that you have and have been taught to have.

“You must be Detective Reagan,” He commented putting his hand out.

“I am indeed,” You confirmed, shaking his hand, his hand wrapped around yours tight and firm as he briefly rubbed circles into your palm, “Detective Y/N Reagan,”

“Detective Brandon Harris,” He introduced and as he did you dropped his grip quickly to avoid shuddering at his over-affectionate handshake.

He must do that to everyone.

“So what about my vic makes you think it’s connected to yours?” You inquired, crossing your arms and engaging in standard cop talk.

“It’s exactly the same MO expect for the rape aspect and the fact that it is in Manhattan this time.” He informed.

You engaged in a general discussion about his case. It had been well publicised in the papers, the string of murders he was investigating. Public interest was strong as one of the families had put up a reward. Tips were constantly coming in but he saw this body on the bulletin and saw the similarities. You discussed these similarities and why he thought your cases were connected and why he thought that they were committed by the same person

“Could just be a copy cat,” You suggested, “Especially, as it’s so well publicised and reported on.”

“I don’t think so,” He replied before gesturing towards the body, “Take a look at this,”

You mimicked his actions and angled yourself, leaning awkwardly to see what he was indicating. You saw was he was motioning at straight away and was about to straighten up again when you felt a hand on the square of you back. Guiding you unnecessarily but you ignored it for the most part as you assumed he was just trying to show you the killers calling card. Holy water on the victims forehead. You could only see it when the light was hitting it right. You straightened up in attempt to get the detective to take his hand off you but he lingered.

“Y/N?” Sonny’s voice from behind asked.

As you span around Detective Harris took his hand away from your back.

“Hey Sonny…um…Detective Harris. This is my partner Detective Dominick Carisi.” You smiled normally, in that moment you decided to ignore the incident, you assumed you were reading too much into it, “Sonny, this is Detective Harris from Brooklyn Homicide,”

“Nice to meet you,” Sonny said unusually as he shook his hand and exchanged pleasantries.

You almost immediately noticed that Sonny was acting slightly off but you didn’t know why.

“So what’s the verdict, connected or not?” He asked.

“Well, we definitely think it is,” Detective Harris interjected and replied for you.

“Do ‘we’?” Sonny questioned, looking right in your direction this time.

You nodded, “Has the same calling target, couldn’t have been a copy cat as it was kept from the media and public reports.”

“Okay,” He acknowledged, “So what’s the plan?”

“There are a couple of leads that I’ve been working on,” He informed, “We could split them up and work them,”

“I’m good with that,” You nodded, “But I’m pretty sure we’d like to take a better look at the body and crime scene beforehand though,

“Need any help?” He asked.

“I know that she’s capable of doing that herself,” Sonny interrupted to state.

“I’m only trying to be helpful,” He defended.

Sonny was about to say something else but his phone started to ring and he excused himself and then consequently walked away to answer it.

“What’s his problem?” He joked, giving you a little nudge.

You shrugged helplessly before heading over to some of the evidence stops a couple feet away and heading back. As you got closer to the opposite edge of the crime scene vicinity you noticed Jamie talking to another uniform. He must have been assigned to watch the sense again and you didn’t even have to ask. You were working your way back when Detective Harris called you back over.

“What’s up?” You asked, coming back to him.

“Come look at this,” He replied, crouching down beside the body.

You followed quickly, crouching down yourself as he lifted the body up gently to the side to reveal a surprise injury.

“A stab wound?” You questioned, surprised, examining it yourself.

You were starting to feel like his case wasn’t connected to yours at all. You were about to say something when…

“Detective Reagan?” You heard Jamie call formally.

“Yeah?” You responded, standing up and looking over at him.

He motioned for you to come over and talk to him. You sighed dramatically and tossed Detective Harris a sympathetic smile before heading over. No one was letting you stay put at this particular crime scene.

“What’s up?” You asked as soon as you reached him.

“Who is that?” He asked, his demeanour was off as well, which was making you suspicious and confused.

“The detective from Brooklyn homicide,” You explained, examining his face carefully tying to figure out what was going on.

“I don’t like him,” He stated.

“What? Why? You haven’t even met him.” You argued even though you didn’t particular like him yourself.

“I don’t like the way he looks at you,” He elaborated.

“Huh?” You asked, taken aback.

“He keeps looking at you like you’re a peace of meat or something. And when you were crouching down he was looking at your ass,” He continued to explain.

“He was?” You asked.

“He was ogling it. It was disgusting it.” He spat truly disgusted.

“You’re probably seeing things J.” You suggested, “Maybe you looked over at the wrong moment or …?”

“He shouldn’t be doing it in the first place,” Jamie countered, “This is a professional environment not to mention you were inspecting a dead body. That guy has no respect,”

“Thanks for letting me know,” You sighed.

“You don’t need to thank me, Y/N. You might be the boss at work but you’re still my baby sister and if some creep is disrespecting you, I’m going to have something to say and I'm going to warn you.” He stated.

“Why don’t you head back to the station?” You suggested.

“Are you relieving me from duty?” He countered.

You nodded.

“I don’t know how I feel about leaving you with that guy,” He breathed, glaring over at him.

“I can handle myself, go,” You reassured before prompting.

“Keep your eye on him,” Jamie reminded before heading to his patrol car.

You kept what Jamie said in mind as well as your own instincts and feelings about everything as you headed back over. Not to mention the discrepancies in the connection that kept coming up. You were having doubts not only about the connection of the cases but your decision to ignore all of this inappropriate behaviour just because he was a fellow officer.

“Listen, Harris,” You began upon arrival, “I’m starting to think our cases aren’t related.”

The crime scene was empty bar him. The ME had left with the body, lab techs were out getting more equipment to collect all the evidence. As you had received Jamie, the only other officers were stationed round a corner so they couldn’t actually see the crime scene. Only stop people form getting into it as that was the only entrance and exit.

“Why not?” He demanded, almost forcefully.

“There are too many differences coming up. The rape, the stab wound, even the location. It isn;t consistent with your guys MO, if you think about it. All your supposed connections are stetted, to say the least,” You explained.

“You didn’t think so before,” He commented.

“I try and not to critique the skill of a detective I just met,” You countered.

“But the holy water,” He argued, taking a step closer to you.

“Tomorrow was Sunday, they might have just gone to church,” You suggested.

“Maybe you’re right,” He eventually gave in, “That’s disappointing though,”

“You still have some leads without this fresh one don’t you?” You asked to ensure.

“Yeah, I have a couple but that wasn’t what I meant.” He replied and then corrected.

“Then what did you mean?” You asked.

“I was hoping to spend a little more time with you,” He whispered into your ear taking a step closer and practically leaning into your body.

“Umm,” You spluttered flustered, you were so taken back by this scene.

You never expected anything like this from another cop. You were raised by some in your opinion the greats not to mention their colleagues who were always around you. Maybe you held cops to that high standard because you were always with other cops who did.

“Come on,” He smirked, grabbing hold of your arm and pulling it closer towards him, “You can’t deny that there is something between us,”

“I can because there isn’t,” You defied, ripping your hand out of his grip, “We just met. There isn’t anything between us,”

“How about I show you?” He suggested, lowering his head down as if he was going to kiss you.

You took a step back and dodged it.

“What the hell?” You demanded, “Are you a fucking idiot? We’re at a crime scene. I’m a cop! What do you think you’re doing,”

“Just having some fun. You must like having fun. Anybody as hot as you does. And anybody who dresses like you does,” He chuckled creepily.

“You’ve got to be kidding me?” You sighed.

“It will be fun,” He winked as if it was a promise, taking hold of you again and pulling you close.

You were so taken aback and surprise by the situation. That you didn’t fight back like you knew you always would in a similar situation with anyone else. You just froze and you didn’t know why.

“Let go of me!” You protested.

“You like it really,” He argued.

“I said let go of me,” You repeated, unable to struggle as you were still paralysed in movement.

“We’re only having some fun,” He argued again.

“She said let go,” Sonny said, his tone so dangerously calm it was terrifying.

“We’re only having some fun,” Detective Harris chuckled loudly but he proceeded to let you go.

“She told you to stop,” Sonny reminded, cornering the detective as soon as you were out the way, causing him to back up, “Are you deaf, stupid or just plain disgusting? Or perhaps it’s a mixture of the two?”

“Come one man…” He began to say before his back hit the walk and Sonny slammed his palm into it.

“If you ever touch her again. I will kill you and you know I know how. That’s my partner you’re disrespecting and if you ever do that to her or any other women. I will hunt you down and make you pay. Are we clear?” Sonny threatened, slamming his fist in time with the last word.

Detective Harris nodded.

“It’s clear that these cases aren’t connected so get lost!” Sonny demanded, continuing his scarily calm voice until the last word.

Detective Harris practically ran out the room. You’d never seen Sonny be so terrifying to another person before not to mention so protective over you. You were struggling to process the whole situation and that just added to it. You watched as Sonny’s face switched from fuming to concerned as he looked over at you and hurried over.

“Are you okay?” He asked, pulling you into a gentle hug.

“Yeah,” You reassured, returning the hug, “Just surprised. I never thought a cop could be or act like that, you know? It just shocked me so much I couldn’t anything. If a cop can be like that what makes us any better than half the people we arrest?”

“Cops are just normal people. You get good ones and bad ones,” Sonny said, “Unfortunately, some cops act more like perps than cops.”

“Thanks for having my back partner,” You smiled as he let go.

“I’m only returning the favour,” He grinned, “You’ve helped me so many times. How can I not help you on the rare occasions you need it?”

“God,” You breathed, still in disbelief of it all.

“I can finish up here.” Sonny offered, “How about you go sit in the car and clear your head? We ca future out together what to do about what happened if you want.”

You nodded in agreement and started to walk toward the door before turning around and saying, “I love you, Sonny,”

“Love you too,” He returned with a broad smile.

“Are we still ring shopping tonight?” You asked.

“If you still want to marry me,” He joked.

“There isn’t anything I want more…” You replied.

620 notes · View notes