Namaari: *giving Raya the 69th excessively expensive gift of the week* Raya: ...Are you trying to buy my love by bribing me with expensive stuff? Namaari: NO!! ...Maybe...yes...*blushing and rubbing her arm* Is...Is it working? Raya: ...Maybe... *blushing*

WIFEY EDITION: BIHAH, THE SUBMISSIVE MINDED LADY

Sometimes kalau aku lemas dengan girls yg too sexy, dick aku akan teringin dengan wifey yang taat, solehah dan submissive. Aku akan pergi dekat girls yang macam ni sebab dorang sangat nerdy at 1st layer. Kita kena explore dan selongkar, baru dapat tau keinginan & nafsu dorang. Jangan terkejut kalau wifey mcm ni lagi high libido berbanding yg sexy.

Salah satu yang selalu aku lenjan tentunya Bihah, the nerdy person. Dengan muka yang suci murni, specky type, pure Malay face, ahhhh my dick perlukan bahan mcm ni kalau dah boring dgn yang lain.

Yang best sebab aku tahu asset Bihah not bad. Dia bukan sampai tahap yang wow mcm sexy lady. Tapi tetap padu. Bontot Bihah kalau siapa yang pernah layan dia live, memang akan mencanak habis. Boobs Bihah kategori sederhana tapi ada shape yg very nice.

Bihah jenis yang loyal dengan relationship. Memang dia akan decent gila dekat luar. Tapi bila dekat ranjang dgn partner, wild punya side akan slowly nampak. Dengan partner yg nafsu tinggi, Bihah memang kena lenjan habis habisan. Sexual exploration Bihah bermula dan dia memang addicted dengan sex. Cuma dekat luar dia akan sorok benda tu.

Dekat ranjang, dia akan jadi very submissive. Partner akan lenjan dia kaw kaw. Start dgn slow then mula liar dan very rough. Hardcore habis sampai Bihah moaning tak ketahuan. Betapa sedapnya kena lenjan. Bihah suka kalau 1 body kena lick. Telinga dan leher Bihah sangat sensitive. Kalau partner multitasking dgn rubbing jgk clit serentak, memang Bihah dah dapat cum tak sampai 5 minit. Masa foreplay Bihah dah tewas. Position paling Bihah suka tentunya classic one, mish. Sebab partner boleh dominate 100%. Kaki angkat ke bahu tinggi-tinggi, dan dick panjang membalun pussy sampai ke gspot. Kalau dah kena gspot memang Bihah akan squirt walaupun dia cuba nak ressit. Bila round berikutnya Bihah akan ride dekat atas. Masa ni, dia akan kalah lagi cepat. Dia kalah teruk bila on top.

Bihah cepat cum. Dan dia akan cum berkali-kali. Bihah kategori yang tak pandai nak dirty talk, tetapi moaning dia akan buat partner yang dah pancut boleh tegak balik. Suara halus, sexy, meminta merayu. Ahhhh damn. Sebab tu la Bihah asyik preggy. Setiap tahun preggy tanda Bihah sangat sexually active. Bihah terpaksa tidurkan dulu anak-anak sebelum make love dengan partner. Sebab moaning Bihah yang kuat, selalu jgk anak-anak terjaga.

Aku lagi bernafsu dengan Bihah bila tau bra & panties yang dia favourite. Sebagai bra fetish, ni maximum level yang aku akan bernafsu gila. Bihah ada preferences lingeries sendiri.

Brand: Pierre Cardin (selesa, material tahan lama, tak too pricey)

Design: Like plain design (tapi after married, suka lacey), wired, full cup, push up ada 1-2 (untuk pakai dgn kebaya etc)

Size: 34B (lepas breastfeeding boleh sampai 36B)

Color: Pentingkan colors. Masa remaja suka striking colors. Suka warna-warni. For now, banyak nude, red, black, grey (majority nude color)

Paling last, untuk round terakhir, paling best untuk Bihah dan partner tentunya apabila sperm memancut meleleh dekat muka. Muka Bihah yang licin specky memang layak terima sperm pekat. Fuckkkk. Mungkinkah wifey macam Bihah ni terfikir untuk terima dick orang lain kalau kena dengan approach? Ahhhhh... damn.

RATING

Face 9.5/10

Bihah aku boleh cakap senang cerita, muka dia kategori cummable. Memang kategori yang aku boleh turn on habis dengan tengok muka je. Memang aku akan cocktribute dan kalau dah tak tahan sangat, cumtribute.

Boobs 7/10

Kategori sederhana. Tak kecik, tapi bukan tahap busty. Lagi pun Bihah suka pakai baju yg longgar. Cuma sometimes bila raya dan ada event, dia akan pakai kebaya. Masa tu la dapat nampak sideboobs dia. So memang tak kecik. Terbentuk elok je shape.

Butt 7.5/10

Bihah punya asset paling nice dekat butt. Dia jarang show off bontot dia. Tapi kalau sesekali dia tertayang, damnnnn memang tahap yg boleh dianggap padu. Memang butt dia kategori yg boleh doggy sambil berdiri. Doggy sampai dia tak tahan sangat dan tepis tak nak lagi.

Body Cutting 6.5/10

Bihah tak ada body cutting yg perfect sangat. Lagi-lagi lepas kawin. Tapi tetap ada something untuk fappers. Kalau dia pakai kebaya, tetap nampak cutting yg wow bagi seorang wifey. Aku dah boleh turn on, cuma tak la tahap yg boleh sampai precum.

Sexual Attractiveness 7.5/10

Aku letak Bihah tahap yang tinggi jgk sexual attractiveness. Sebab macam aku cakap, dia kategori sangat loyal. Depan orang semua dia tak kelihatan bernafsu. Tapi bila dekat rumah, depan partner dia akan jadi wild. Dia akan follow je apa yang partner suka. Very submissive. Dia akan dapat kepuasan yg maximum dengan cara partner menguasai seluruh game. Hujung baru la dia ride. Ahhhh, submissive type pun agak rare sekarang dan kalau dapat, memang wow. Lenjan habis.

Others

Kila suka oral sex. Foreplay memang Bihah layan habis. Dengan specky, dia akan ada eye contact bila layan dick partner. Dia tak gopoh. Slowly layan sampai la tahap deepthroat. Partner yg sensitive akan terpancut awal dah masa Bihah blowjob.

OVERALL RATING

7/10

Can we have Pierre and Charles were you are best friends with both and Pierre catches y’all with prompts from your NSFW LIST #’s 5, 14, 20, 33 👉🏼👈🏼🥵🫣

We're All Friends Here

Summary : You were Pierre's friend first and then he had to go and introduce you to one Mr Charles Leclerc, and what happens with you two couldn't exactly be described as friends. But then Pierre goes and complicates things even more by walking in on Charles eating you out.......... Rating : 18+ Pairing : Charles Leclerc x Reader & Pierre Gasly x Charles Leclerc x Reader (in part 2) Word Count : roughly 1,600 Trigger Warnings : 18+, NSFW, male masterbation, threesomes, fingering, PinV sex, unprotected sex, dirty talk, pet names, oral male & female receiving, adult language, dom! themes 💞*Authors Note : This was too good not to make a multi part mini fic. So here is part one. Obviously there is a little french here because I mean, these two kinky little french fuck's would be switching between English and French just to make you go crazy Gif owner : @schumaclerc

Part 1:

You catch Charles’ eye as the driver held open the car door for you to slide in. Why did he have to sit in the back with you? Why couldn’t he have sat up front instead of Pierre? You would have trusted yourself a hell of a lot more if it had been Pierre sitting beside you, staring into the side of your head practically willing you to turn to look at him. It was all your fault that you were in this situation in the first place. You were the one who couldn’t resist him. You were the one who couldn’t resist Charles.

It had all started eight long months ago. It began in Abu Dhabi. Pierre had dragged you to an end of season party and although they didn’t drive for the same team, his friend Charles tagged along with you both. He was a welcome addition for you as the rumours of you were Pierre’s new girl swirled around the paddock and spread like wildfire with fan girls. You had never been Pierre’s girl and you were fairly certain he didn’t view you like that. You had been his friend for a long time – roughly 6 years – and not once had the well known ladies man ever so much as kissed you anywhere but your cheek. While he laughed the rumours off so freely, you were concerned about your image and how it would make you a target for abuse online. The thing was, that night you were looking for distraction just like Pierre was. He was off draping himself over some pretty Instagram model (the type that probably had a successful OnlyFans account or worse, was on Raya) while you allowed Charles to take your mind off things. But as you consumed more and more alcohol Charles went from being friend material to highly fuck-able. And when he suggest the pair of you go back to his hotel room you practically leaped into his arms right then and there. Drunk or not, that night was one of the best nights of your entire existence. His body and the things he could do with it – the things he could do to you - set every inch of your soul on fire.

And so it carried on from there. Two or three times a month turned into two or three times a week. No one could fuck you like Charles and what’s more, he never made you feel like a booty call (even if that was what you were). It was an unspoken rule between you that you could see other people and the words commitment or relationship never came up – but neither of you had been seeing anyone else since you made this a regular thing. You weren’t actually sure that Charles was your type outside of the sex anyway. He could be tender, thoughtful and sweet. He could also be egotistical, dramatic and a little childish at times. But the sex was too fucking good to quit.

Tonight, Charles had been making eyes at you the whole time. His face looked like thunder and everyone kept asking him if he was all right because he seemed angry. He had to grit his teeth together because if he told the truth then no, he wasn’t ok and yes he was in fact angry. He was pissed at you for wearing the silly little black dress you had on that clung to you in all the right places and showed off your ample assets. He was pissed that you had been dancing suggestively with Pierre even though you protested the pair of you had only ever been friends. He was pissed that regardless of the fact you had been dancing with Pierre, men still stared at you and checked you out. But most of all he was pissed at you because he wanted to take you home immediately and rail you into next week. So when you finally announced you wanted to leave to him – with him - he practically grabbed you and pulled you through the busy VIP section. But then the both of you ran head first into Pierre who said he would come with you, back to Charles’ apartment. He had invited himself to stay over much to your annoyance and the annoyance of the Monegasque on your arm. And now, as you finally turned and looked into his eyes while Pierre talked to the driver, your eyes had to shoot him a warning across the car. If he read it he didn’t care. His hand still went to your upper thigh just to watch your mouth fall open at his touch. The bastard just wanted to know he still had this control over you even if you were in the presence of his and your friend.

Pierre was shown to the room the other side of Charles’. You were across the hall, annoyingly but there was no way you could protest in front of Pierre without him knowing something was up. Charles and you had discussed the issue of Pierre many times in fact. How the Frenchman never guessed something was going on between you and one of his best friend’s neither of you knew. You were certain that it was obvious and he was just pretending it wasn’t happening. Nearly thirty minutes passed from the time you closed the door to Charles’ spare bedroom and when you found yourself far too horny to get any sleep. He looked so good tonight in his sky blue shirt. It made his eyes shine even brighter and his bone structure was like cut glass. The memory of his hands on your skin made a pulsating beat pound away between your thighs. You bit your bottom lip while thinking about how easy it would be to sneak across the hallway. It could have only been a few feet. There was no way he was possibly asleep yet. After Pierre had gone to his room, you stood across from him silently for thirty seconds or so. You whispered that you hadn’t expected the extra guest and he nodded in response and then he glanced down toward his crotch where he was harbouring a semi “Moi non plus” * he stated and left you to enter his room. Fuck, the thought of him hard and trying not to be was so hot.

But now, after an agonising wait, you closed your door behind you. You had thrown all caution to the wind. You wanted him too much. Your desire for him was too strong. And so, with utter determination, you crossed the narrow corridor and immediately opened the door to his room. You had been correct. He was still awake. And the distinct motion his hand was making under the covers was the reason. He was taking care of the erection he had motioned at before closing the door. It was where your eyes had gone to first but then they travelled up, across his taut stomach, his broad shoulders and finally they settled on his eyes. He was staring back at you. “Do you need some help?” You whispered and he smirked but followed it with a nod. Without a single shred of hesitation you purposefully stride to the bed. Prepared fully for your task. Mouth salivating at the thought of his big, thick cock being in it moments later. But just as you reach him – hand outstretched to peel back the covers and expose him – he suddenly grabs you. It only took a few seconds. He was go good at making you think time miraculously skipped so he could change positions without you realising. You were on your back on the bed and the motion made you yelp excitedly. Charles didn’t waste time trying to silence you. He was already focused on his next task. His fingers went straight to the sides of you thong and before you registered it, he had it trailing down your legs and flung it away from him. He cared only about the glistening, wet folds that were now on full display to him. “I’ve been thinking about this all night, petit chaton” ** He growled against your thigh. You mentally agreed upon his statement. This was exactly what you had wanted since you realised that Charles would be joining you this evening.

Charles did not waste time. As soon as your pussy was exposed to him his tongue was already lapping at your folds. Your hands gripped the sheets and you tried to stay as quiet as possible. But the mission was utterly ridiculous as soon as Charles sucked strongly on your clit you couldn’t help but let out a very stifled moan. And it was in that moment you realised he was doing it on purpose. He was angry with you for dancing with Pierre tonight, or at least that was what you had gathered from the look he had plastered on his face as he observed you with your friend. Charles face looked like thunder but now, as you glanced down between your thighs to see him looking up at you – his tongue fluttering against your sensitive little nub – he was oozing confidence. With your eyes on him, he went ahead and groaned against your dripping flesh. You were going to call him out for his ludicrous behaviour when you felt his finger dance along your entrance. You could feel his smugness radiating around the room when your hands pushed through his hair. He took the action to mean you wanted more and Charles slipped his finger inside of your soaking wet pussy. And it elicited another moan from you. An utterly shameless loud moan that there was no way you could possibly have stopped. You were too lost in the pleasure Charles was giving you with his fingers and his tongue to hear the creak of the floorboards outside of the room.

French Translation - *“Me neither” **Little Kitten

Read Part Two Here

*wakes up at 3 AM* Girl help, I forgot to pay attention at the fact that the portrait of the "green" person in Debate Parlour is not likely to be Sellen, from logical standpoint

It already was on the back of my mind, but I want to actually look into it! They are implied to be founders/teachers, and we know Sellen was a student of Azur and Lusat, but this is not quite an arguement, yeah. Sometimes new teachers will rise from younger people that once were scholars in institution! But it is the fact that keeping the portrait of that despicable, outlaw person that shook the whole Academy with her deeds would be strange. Why honor her?

+ And speaking of which, I thought the first two portraits could have been Azur and Lusat, but maybe also not? Their study of Primeval Current did not work well with the new Raya Lucaria agenda after Rennala took over, nor anyone who accomplished a lot ever got status and uniforms like they did! Portraits might be.... well, Karolos and Olivinus, lol. The guys crowns are named after. So, more convenient guys chosen to "repost with credit to the original artist" and become faces (literally lol) of Comets and Stars studies respectively!

^ The puppet body Sellen uses also has the Witch Crown, and not a broken one! So, not likely a replica, but another student from whatever the 'Witch' school was!

The significance of green glintstone is strange too, because this is not something that exists normally! They are cold colors, like cyan, blue and indigo! Well, also "superior" amber stars, but they're a whole material of Elden Ring, not sorceries. Crystals from the mines could be green though, and those poisonous stones the miners throw at you are green too. 🤔 My guess on what 'Witch' school represented would be, exploring how the cosmic essence interacts and adapts with "our" ground and lifeforms! In other words, how to bring the cosmos IN earthly realities and make it all closer to the stars. Not waiting for the comets and star shards to fall down on people, but (re)create them right here in some capacity! Color green symbolizes these more earthly, "lab grown" glintstones (that aren't even really glintstones but rather crystals)! + potential connection with Miranda flowers, who do rain sort of cosmic showers as an attack but are adaptive to their environment in terms of abilities and element!

And, nobody until Sellen did something as drastic as trying to turn PEOPLE into stars.

I think also the school was not entirely cancelled because of Sellen (again, why still acknowledging it with the founder portrait then?). But more likely it became unpopular and there just aren't any more people that we know of to wear the Witch crowns, besides Sellen and whatever scholar Seluvis was holding as a puppet. Maybe there are more somewhere outside that ran away kinda like how Thops did! Maybe the school was already going extinct because "why do we need stars to modify earthly life if we already have Golden Grace + Moon is already a better bridge between mortal and divine 🌛" after Rennala married Radagon. Lazuli conspectus sort of overshadowed Witch school, it was a more advanced offering for the similar demand! 'Witches' to Lazuli conspectus are like traditional art to digital art; both are valid but one of these quickly gained popularity and unfairly accused another one of being outdated and not marketable gghghfjghj

Guys why is making Raya mean so much I mean this girl has so much material

I read the comments on ur page . So u think S has relationship with this dandoo girl? She just started following Alex and commented on his picture 🤨 maybe he finally found a girl with the same passion scottish and not trash' FINALLY

I actually don't think anything about it. I just remembered he started following her at some point, don't know even when it was. When I saw her name I sort of remembered he followed her.

I think with all we've seen, we've learned the guy is not the settling down kinda material. So don't put your money on it. He's still on Raya 😉🙈

Fuck you?yea fuck me.

MDNI!!!

[ genre:smut,angst?]

[Pairing:rival!Hyunjin x rival!reader]

[Warning:smut,arguing,oral,reader gets called a good girl]

[Request: Smut Hyunjin x fm!reader could literally be anything, thinking enemies to lovers at school 😫🙏]

Raya here!I just want to apologize for the awful smut(idk if that’s even proper smut lmao) I’ve never written anything smutty so it’s my first try on this ya’ll have mercy on me!.

"As the mid-terms have concluded, many of you have been drained of ideas thus, I'll be assigning partners for this project. If you have yours, you can leave," Miss Hack announced, her voice cutting through the chaos of students gathering their belongings.

Approaching the teacher's desk after the majority of the class had left, Miss Rose unveiled the list of assigned partners. "Your partner is Hwan-"

"WHAT?" you practically yelled out. "No, no, no, Miss, I can't pair up with him. Please let me switch partners."

"I'm sorry, but I can't make changes. I've already assigned all students a partner, so you two will have to work together. Remember, this project is almost worth half of your grade," Miss Rose stated, neatly putting away her books as you stormed out.

"HWANG HYUNJIN!" you yelled, storming across the hall toward him. His head snapped around, and he rolled his eyes. "What?" he breathed out, annoyed at your presence.

"You're my partner for the project, and you better not mess it up like last time," your voice laced with venom.

"Oh, come on, that was one time, and I definitely didn't mean to give you the wrong information," he said, and you scoffed.

"Totally an accident that you sabotaged me, Mr. Hwang," you rolled your eyes at him. "Oh, you like my last name that much, or why do you keep saying it?" he asked, leaning down a little.

"I'll meet you in the library at 5 PM," he whispered in your ear. The distance between both of you practically nonexistent.

You two crackled with tension as he sauntered away, leaving you grappling with the unexpected partnership.

————

As 5 PM approached, you hesitatingly made your way to the library. Hwang Hyunjin was already there, flipping through project materials. “Took you long enough,” he remarked without looking up.

Ignoring his comment, you sat down, the air thick with unspoken competition.

„Are we going to talk about the project or what?“you scoff at him sitting at the table.

"Are you reading?" You ask voice filled with confusion"Are you blind?" "Tsk, apparently you're the blind one hyunjin. You're reading the book upside down, you moron."

”oh shit“he whispers as he turns the book around.“Anyway let’s like start or whatever,let’s just like write ideas down or something“he rolls his eyes

———

As you settled into the quiet solitude of the library, the initial tension between you and Hyunjin began to dissipate, replaced by a spark of intellectual curiosity. You both had a passion for art, music, and photography, and you were eager to create a project that would showcase your talents.

“So, what do you say we do?”Your inquired, voice laced with a hint of challenge. “Art? Music? Photography?”

He leaned back in his chair, contemplating her question. “Well, I’m personally drawn to the expressive and emotional nature of art.”

“But don’t you think music has a way of transcending language and cultural barriers?”You countered, eyes twinkling with enthusiasm. “It’s a universal language that can speak to anyone, regardless of their background.”

“True, but art can also evoke a deeper connection with the audience, a connection that goes beyond words,”he insisted, his voice rising slightly in the quiet library.

“But music can transport you to different worlds, make you feel emotions you never knew you had,” you retorted, your passion for your chosen medium evident in his words.

The debate intensified as the two of you argued passionately for your respective preferences. Your voices grew louder, echoing through the hushed library, drawing the disapproving gaze of the librarian.

“Settle down, you two!” she hissed, her voice barely above a whisper. “You’re disturbing the peace!”

You and Hyunjin exchanged heated glares, both of you equally annoyed by the interruption. The librarian’s words had only served to fuel the flames of your rivalry.

“This is all your fault,” you hissed at Hyunjin, pointing an accusatory finger in his direction. “If you hadn’t been so stubborn about your music project, we wouldn’t be in this mess.”

“And it’s your fault for being so closed-minded about art,” Hyunjin retorted, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “You’re missing out on the beauty and power of music.”

The tension between you was palpable, and you could feel the electricity crackling in the air like static. You were both so caught up in your argument that you didn’t notice the librarian approaching until she was standing right beside you.

“That’s enough!” she exclaimed, her voice sharp and authoritative. “If you can’t control yourselves, I’ll have to separate you.”

You and Hyunjin fell silent abruptly, your faces flushed with anger. You glared at each other, each of you blaming the other for the librarian’s reprimand.

The librarian shook her head in disapproval. “Both of you know this is a public library ” she said, her voice stern.

The air in the library crackled with tension as you and Hyunjin this time silently argued over which art form was superior. You were both passionate about your respective fields, and your voices rose above the hushed whispers of the other patrons.

“Art is the purest expression of human emotion,he insisted, his voice echoing through the cavernous space. “It has the power to evoke a deep connection with the viewer, to transport them to another world.”

You scoff,your eyes narrowing in challenge. “Music is the language of the soul,” your voice resonating with emotion. “It can transcend borders and cultures, uniting people through the shared experience of sound.”

Your voices grew louder, drawing the disapproving stares of the librarians. But you were too caught up in your heated debate to notice. The sparks of anger and frustration ignited a flame of something else, something deeper and more primal.

As you spoke, you felt Hyunjin’s gaze burning into you. His eyes were piercing, filled with an intensity that made your heart race. You could almost feel the electricity coursing between you, a magnetic force that drew you closer and closer.

Hyunjin leaned forward, his eyes locked with yours. Without warning, he grabbed your face and pulled you into a passionate kiss. The shock of his touch sent a jolt of electricity through your body, and for a moment, you forgot all about your argument, all about your rivalry.

The kiss was intense and passionate, a whirlwind of emotions that neither of you could deny. You could feel his lips moving against yours, his breath intermingling with yours.

The world around you faded away, the hushed whispers of the library replaced by the pounding of your hearts. All that mattered was the feel of Hyunjin’s lips against yours, the taste of his breath on your skin.

When he finally pulled away, you were both breathless and disoriented, staring at each other in stunned silence. His eyes were filled with a mix of desire,lust and anger.

"I think we should go somewhere," Hyunjin said, his voice husky with desire.

You nodded, your heart pounding with anticipation. You followed him out of the library and he pulled you into the nearest bathroom.As soon as both of you were in the tight Stall he smashed his lips against yours and pinned you to the wall.His hands trailing up and down your sides.

”Somehow you look really fucking hot when you are pissed“he whispers as he leaves kisses and hickeys down her neck.“Y-yeah you think so“you stutter as you feel your body tingle.“I’ll show you how hot I find it““On your knees.” he whispers his voice soft as he guides you onto the floor and tilts your chin up.“You’re gonna be a good girl and let me fuck your face, will you? Yeah?“ Hyunjin whispers seductively as he looks into your eyes. The tension feels so thick that you only nod at him while he zips his jeans open. The sight of his red tip leaking with pre cum makes your mouth water. You wrap your lips around his tip and slowly relax your throat as he pushes deeper into your mouth.” That’s it, fuck, that’s a good girl.”

Hinge Review October 2022

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FAQ

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1.0 TOOLS

.01 What materials/programmes do you use?

iPad Pro 2020, 12.9” with Apple Pencil Gen 2

iOS Procreate (drawing process)

Photoshop 2022 (post-edit process) + XP-pen Deco 01 (v2) tablet

.02 What brushes are you using?

I use a combination of brushes released by Lotusbubble, JingSketch, Jeremy Fenske, and Devin Elle Kurtz.

.04 Where would you suggest I learn about…

anatomy: Morpho Anatomy books, life drawing classes, pinterest, theposearchives (dA) colour theory: Marc Brunet’s tutorials, Colour.adobe resources character design: Marc Brunet’s tutorials

.06 Art book recommendations?

Here’s a list of my favourite books:

Creating a Champion (The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild) The Art of Raya and the Last Dragon The Art of Encanto Tokyo Storefronts by Mateusz Urbanowicz The Art of Heikala by Heikala The Art of Kiki’s Delivery Service

.07 Do you do tutorials?

Not at the moment. But in the future I would like to do tutorials on my Patreon page.

2.0 Art and Bee

.00 Who are you even?

I am a very short girl, who enjoys drawing fandoms such as Harry Potter and The Legend of Zelda. As of now, I am 26 years old, and I work as a freelance artist and ESL teacher. I LOVE peach tea.

.01 Did you go to art school?

No. I am self-taught. I actually have masters in chemistry. I dropped out of my Chemistry PhD in my first year because I realised that science is not something I want to pursue in my life. I do not regret studying chemistry though - it was a very interesting and valuable experience. Would I have the chance to choose now though, I’d go study degree in Illustration.

.02 Who are your favourite artists?

Here are some that I often turn to for inspiration:

Mimimaru, Heikala, Mateusz Urbanowicz, Ladowska, Mehkuni, Devin Elle Kurtz, Marc Brunet and many others.

.03 How do you motivate yourself to draw every day?

I really make sure I draw what I enjoy. There are days I wake up and I do not feel like picking up my pen. When this happens, it is about time to turn back to studying. I go to my Morpho books, youtube tutorials and my favourite artists and I dedicate the day to anatomy studies, colour theory etc. That way I do feel accomplished although no illustration is done in the process.

.04 How to get out of art block?

Take a break. No seriously. If art frustrates you, it is time to put it down and take-a-well-deserved-break. I hit the wall 2-3 a year and usually, it comes after a big project or when I refuse to pace myself.

This relates to the previous questions, but when a time like this hits, I often restrict myself to no art for up to 3-5 days. Instead, I go back to passive studying - watching tutorials, watching an animated film, reading some books, playing video games for inspiration.

Sometimes it also helps to switch a medium. So for example I go from digital to traditional.

.05 What is you digital art process like?

I start with light gesture drawings followed by detailed soft lineart. Then I shade in black and white. When this is done, I turn the black and white sketch to red (using curves) and with multiply layers, I block in the basic colours. Then I create a normal layers and I begin to paint in all other details. I often finish the background first before I move on to the characters.

.06 Why don’t you do traditional anymore?

In 2020 I had to move to my parent’s house for 4 months while I was recovering from an illness. I had to leave all my traditional media in my flat in a completely different country. I only had my old iPad with me, which was the only way I could do art. I have been drawing digitally on my iPad since.

Once in a while, I still use the good old pencil and paper, but I found that digital painting gives me great creative freedom and helps me to visualise my light-up fantasy brain cells. hahaha

In general - I just enjoy digital painting more at the moment.

I still do oil painting once in a while tho!

3.0 USE OF MY ART

.01 Can I use your art for my pfp?

Yes, BUT! Please do message me for permission and make sure you credit the art appropriately.

.02 Can I use your art for bookbinding fanfictions?

Now - please read this carefully.

I ONLY allow use of my art in fanfiction bookbinding if it’s a NON-PROFIT bind (ie only cost of materials is paid for). Please DO message me in dms (ig, twitter, tumblr) if you want to use my art in your binds. The chances are most likely I will say yes and be very excited to see the outcome!!!

4.0 COMMISSIONS

.01 Are you available for commissions?

Yes! You can find the link to all the details here.

.02 Why are your commissions so expensive?

I only charge for labour and the time spent on the commission. For a full-illustrated type of commission, I can spend up to 30 hours working on it, hence the high price.

.03 How long will your commission take?

I ask for my customers to count with 2-4 weeks from the date the payment is received. This is because often I have a couple of projects before I commence on your commission. I also count in any unexpected events such as an illness, my teaching job hurdles, art block, and inspiration dips.

.04 What you will/will not draw for me?

Will do: humans (fanart, OCs, irl), pfp’s, larger illustrations, and character designs

Will NOT do: nsfw, fetishes, gore, mecha, furry, animals/pets, hateful art, ships I am not comfy with

A Small, Rambly Rant

Listening to the Encanto soundtrack really makes me wish that Raya and the Last Dragon was more like a musical. Even Mirabel gets an “I want” song like the other girls do! Like I know that Disney’s thing right now is to expand their horizons and give us non-Princess and non-musical material, but Southeast Asian kids deserve something just as fun and whimsical as Tangled and Moana and Encanto.

Like I can’t put my finger on what it is exactly, but there’s always a stereotypical depiction of how fairytale/fantasy/fictional characters are portrayed based on where in the world they’re from. Asians are usually warriors or at war, Europeans are always elegant/graceful and wealthy or modestly comfortable, Indigenous characters are always in tune with the earth and the elements, etc. And not that those depictions can’t hold any truth to them, but there are other facets of these cultures that are just as interesting and worth focusing on.

The white princesses collectively represent different aspects of humanity, and they all possess qualities that set them apart from one another.

• Belle was an intellectual who didn’t want to settle for mediocrity, and she let herself form her own opinions.

• Cinderella valued kindness towards others, and remained a kind person after leaving an abusive situation.

• Ariel sacrificed her own voice just to appease her growing curiosity, and showed that a person is more than what they have to say.

• Merida rebelled against decades of tradition because she knew it wasn’t worth sacrificing her own freedom of choice.

• Rapunzel was a dreamer who stopped at nothing to make her own dream a reality, and she also inspired others to prioritize and fulfill their own dreams.

I guess what I’m getting at here is that: Raya, our second Asian princess, deserved more than to be shoved into the stereotype that Asians stories only consist of sword-wielding warriors. Yes, there’s room in the world for more than one Asian warrior princess, but there are more to Asian stories than fighting with swords and saving your people.

Give me a soft Asian princess who learns to cope with change while still keeping some of the softness that makes her unique. Give me an elegant Asian princess who embraces her femininity without weaponizing it. Give me a hopeless romantic Asian princess who accidentally solves a mystery that plagues her community. Or even give me an Asian prince that’s next in line to take the throne who compromises parts of his identity for the sake of keeping up appearances, and then throw a princess in there like they did with Aladdin and Hercules. Just don’t give me another Asian warrior™ please, be more creative.

Anyway tl;dr - I’m happy Encanto is a magical and joyful adventure about Colombians and I sure hope Disney revisits a specific Asian culture in the future and gives them a cool musical that we can also be proud of, the same way Colombians will love Encanto!

WIFEY + PREGGY EDITION: LINA, THE FUCKABLE WOMAN EVER

Modal wifey tetap menjadi keutamaan aku. Lepas aku lenjan berpuluh atau beratus modal girls, teens, etc... aku tetap akan berpatah balik kepada default materials aku sebenar iaitu wifey. Sensasi wifey ni susah nak explain dengan kata-kata. Dia akan very mixed feeling dalam emotion dan otak akan translate benda tu jadi sensual. Dick akan mencanak bila fikirkan macam mana wifey tu kena lenjan dgn partner dia. Ada tak perasaan wifey tu nak pengalaman merasai dick orang lain... atau pengalaman sex yang lagi power daripada partner sendiri? Benda thrill macam ni yang menyebabkan modal wifey berada dalam kelas dia tersendiri. Apa lagi body wifey tak sama mcm gadis baru nak up. Body dia dah sangat ranum. Boobs & butt akan berada dalam kelas tersendiri selepas kena uli berkali-kali dgn partner. Damnnn ingat benda ni pun aku dah mencanak. Tapi kalau la wifey ni package lagi dengan preggy, ni ultimate lah. Heaven bagi fappers yang ada taste mcm aku.

Antara wifey yang memenuhi kehendak nafsu aku dari sudut ni tentunya Lina. Aku follow dia dari zaman dia belum kawin dan masa tu boobs & butt dia dah sangat-sangat padu gila. Aku dah tak terkira berapa gelen sperm dah keluar masa tu. Sekali lepas dia kawin, sperm aku lebih banyak keluar dari zaman dia belum married.

Lina sangat subur. Pantang kena fuck, terus preggy. Ni memang penanda aras yang Lina sangat active dalam sexual. Kalau tak kerana period, boleh dikatakan setiap hari Lina teasing partner dia. Even kalau tengah period pun, Lina akan layan jgk kalau dah horny sangat. Lina memang sangat dominant. Position paling dia favorite tentu la riding dekat atas. Lina akan henjut tak sedarkan diri sampai dia dapat cum berkali-kali. Partner dia jenis yg tahan lama dan kuat sex jgk. So lepas Lina cum, partner tetap masukkan dick dan henjut dari bawah. Waktu tu Lina dah menggeletar. Moaning tak payah cakap. Maximum volume. Kalau Lina terlalu geram, dia akan start dirty talk. Lina akan teringat masa dia couple zaman study dulu dengan European & American guys. Lina dah rasa banyak dick sebelum ni. Sebab tu dia sangat experienced. Dirty talk yang menyebabkan partner dia boleh tewas walaupun dia jenis tahan lama.

Cuma satu je kekurangan Lina yang sebenarnya tak menjejaskan sangat keseluruhan rating. Lina pakai braces. Aku tak berapa suka sgt girls yg pakai braces. Selain tu, aku letak Lina tempat yang tinggi. Rating power. Dengan muka horny, bontot padu nak mampus, body cutting yg menaikkan nafsu fappers... tapi paling heaven bagi aku tetap boobs dia. Boobs Lina memang markah yg maximum. Besar, gebu, solid, bengkak penuh susu. Ahhhh fuck. Memang taste partner dia akan focus dekat boobs sampai nipples Lina besar gila sebesar pemadam (eraser nipples). Masa tu la dia akan perah atau milking boobs Lina cukup-cukup sampai keluar susu. Partner Lina akan telan puas-puas susu sedap Lina. Tak kisah la baby tak dapat sebab baby boleh bagi formula milk. Shittttt. Boobs Lina memang sempurna ikut preferences aku.

Lina & partner naked je dekat rumah. Memang dari awal married sampai sekarang, macam tu la lifestyle dorang. Senang nak fuck. Sebab sangat kerap sampaikan lebih baik naked dari menyusahkan pakai apa-apa. Lina kalau naked dah layak jadi Malay porn star. Even masa hari raya, Lina stay rumah MIL dia tetap naked. Kalau keluar bilik, dia pakai baju simple tapi tak pakai bra. Semua ipar memang turn on dengan Lina. Dan memang dah ada percubaan nak affair Lina & ipar. Make it real, please Lina...

Kau memang layak kena fuck dengan dick lain termasuk bapak mertua, ipar, kawan 1 office. Sebab kau punya level memang Malay pornstar. Bukan amateur punya. Tapi proffesional level. Batang American & black guys je yang boleh betul-betul puaskan nafsu serakah Lina. Lina akan ride habis sampai dia menggigil dan sentuh gspot. Lina akan squirt. Fuck. Level Lina ni gangbang pun layak. Semua benda extreme dan kinky Lina akan layan. Guna machine yg extreme mcm dalam Kink porn tu pun Lina layak. Anal apatah lagi. Dengan butt mantap nak mampus tu, Lina layak utk kena double anal penetration. Damnnn.

Kau slut wifey Lina. Sluttttt. Laki Lina yang nafsu tinggi jgk akan open nanti utk lelaki lain lenjan Lina depan mata dia. Aku nak slap bontot Lina kuat-kuat sampai merah, lepas tu anal sex sekuat hati macam kuda porn Italian, Rocco Siffredi tu. Sampai tahap Lina surrender dan ressist tak nak dah dick masuk lubang dia. Aku akan lenjan cukup-cukup Lina sambil dia berdiri dan mengadap dinding. Angkat kaki sebelah. Puas anal dan Lina dah cum, aku beralih dekat pussy pulak. Aku akan pastikan Lina grip kuat-kuat dick bengkok aku. Sampai la kemuncak aku akan fingering Lina dan cari gspot dia. Aku akan pastikan Lina squirt walaupun dia mengelak tak nak. Ahhhhh fuck.

Dan kau akan preggy lagi hasil benih lelaki lain, Lina... masa preggy aku akan jadi lagi bernafsu. Lina la girl yang akan nak fuck dengan hardcore masa dia preggy. Dengan tetek padu nak mampus, aku akan pastikan dia ride aku sampai boobies dia terayun-ayun. Bullshit. Sampai la fasa tetek dia dah betul-betul bengkak, aku akan perah susu Lina. Dan aku akan minum utk puaskan selera serakah aku.

Fuck, aku dah cum, Lina... aura sex kau memang level tertinggi.

RATING

Face 9.5/10

Sangat cummable. Muka yang penuh nakal, wild. Tengok muka pun dah bernafsu gila. Cuma kekurangan dia, dia pakai braces je. Kalau tak, aku memang bagi 10/10.

Boobs 10/10

Boobs level bidadari. Besar, montok, gebu, solid, berayun-ayun, nipples besar dan mengeras kalau dah terangsang. Cover macam mana pun tetap akan nampak boobs Lina paling heaven. Kalau titsfuck Lina, aku tak jamin aku boleh bertahan 1 minit pun. Shit.

Butt 10/10

Bontot yang sangat lentik. Kalau dia pakai seluar yg betul-betul ketat berkilat, memang tu mood dia nak belanja butt dekat fappers. Butt dia level yang lebih dari doggy senang cakap. Anal doggy ke. Atau double anal ke. Butt dia kena level Rocco Siffredi baru nice nak layan.

Body Cutting 9.5/10

Lina bukan la level yang model cutting. Tapi utk seorang wifey, aku letak dia maximum level dah dari segi cutting. Kalau dia pakai kebaya, aku boleh pancut dekat situ jugak. Kalau dia berjalan, memang sundal. Memang dick aku akan tegak habis.

Sexual Attractiveness 10/10

Lebih dari 10 sepatutnya tapi senang cakap full marks la. Sangat suka explore sexual. Very kinky, suka role play, suka dominate, suka torture partner, extreme. Macam-macam yang orang normal belum tentu boleh buat. Dan level kesuburan dia memang sangat tinggi. Kalau tak plan, dia boleh preggy setiap tahun.

Others

Aku lagi bernafsu gila time dia preggy. So Lina menepati package wifey + preggy. Memang perfect combo. Tengok perut dia tu pun aku dah boleh precum. Belum lagi tengok tetek dia masa preggy, dah boleh bertukar tetek ke perut. Ahhhhhh shit. Damn.

OVERALL RATING

10/10

“Raya and the Last Dragon”

Michelle Joy Princess Marimon Hedmond @ShellieCutiePie on Instagram

Re-Creation - Disney’s Raya and the Last Dragon

Hey! My name is actually Michelle and I’m from Nevada! I am Filipino and my family is from the Visayas islands. I used to live in The Philippines for high school and a year of college. I learned so much with working with our indigenous materials back then! From huge palm tree leaves, banana leaves, sticks, dried flowers, coconut husks, and more! I fell in love with working with what I have and what’s out in nature, it made me even more creative.

I hope you love my take on recreating Raya’s full outfit! I made my own hat with dead palm leaves straight from my own backyard. It was my first time making a foam sword and handling a dremel tool. The arm pieces are made of foam, thick shoe laces, twine, and puffy paint. I bought some boots that costed $13 and I cut it and made the tip of it sloping up, painted it, added foam for the center part. I painted all the props and boots all at the same time while each was drying, puffy painted details on my cape & blazer, and even made my own foam stamp for the blazer. I even made my own patterns. 

Faith is big in The Philippines. My parents raised me to learn the ways of our Lord, our God. I prayed to God that I could make and finish this costume and it was a fun and amazing experience overall! I’ve made and done things that I’ve never before! I spent less than $125 on this cosplay because I started with whatever I had at home first. My belt is made out of a handwoven wine gift bag that I cut up and puffy painted the designs. My pants I made from scratch with light green vibrant fabric that I already had at home, I dyed with brown and black rye dye in a bucket and hot water, dried in my backyard in this perfect summer heat to dry it up quick, and splattered it with water and spray to get that perfect Raya pants color! My top is sewn on the machine for the base part and then I draped and hand-sewn the pleats. By hand, I clay molded the dragon piece on my sword! Did embroidery for the first time too for the tip of my cape collar!

Raya And The Last Dragon was such a delight to see because I finally got to see a strong woman character who is Southeast Asian like me! Can’t wait for my future kids to watch it! 

Making this cosplay was definitely the most special one I’ve ever made. It is everything to me. That I put all of my talents, my faith, and my love into this, in a crunch of 8 days straight. I owe it all to God & I hope that little girls and boys who love Raya can look at this and know that with keeping our Faith and having it strong, Nothing is impossible. 

Photos and Video taken by my Husband, Robert <3 

All photo edits, video editing, hair styling my real hair, directing by me. 

I want to thank my Husband so much for motivating me to always do everything I love all at once and for believing in me. I love you forever!

I also wanna thank @nammai​ for inspiring me to make this & all the tips he gave me to start. I applaud his talents in costuming (and how fast he works) and hearing his podcast episode with @asiansewistcollective gave me that push to really go for my dream to make this cosplay.

#Comic-ConAtHome

#Comic-ConAtHome2021

#Comic-ConAtHomeMasquerade

I saw the comment in SKC and I thought it’d be a cute lil fic. Raya’s favorite song comes on the radio and Namaari sings along while the Druun have control because it’s instinct for her. And Raya doesn’t realize Namaari is doing it cause she’s focused on something else it’s just such a cute idea

Can I ask what comment you mean?

I got a little confused by this prompt, can you be more specific? Do you mean Raya hears her singing it but doesn't understand why she's singing it? Or do you mean she just doesn't notice it at all and Namaari is just randomly singing?

welp...here we go!

It was just another high school dance.

Raya said she didn't want to go, but of course everyone was talking about it at her school. Making the whole thing such a big deal, acting like she was the weirdo for not wanting to attend.

But why should she? Namaari was her girlfriend and she didn't want to go without her and between her Mom and the school's weird rules about getting permission slips and verification beforehand; Raya just didn't feel like getting into it. Telling Namaari again and again it didn't bother her that she wasn't going. Never really the type of girl to be into that stuff, formal dances in a school gymnasium, people all around you watching you make a fool of yourself when you don't know how to dance.

Maybe Namaari didn't quite believe her when she said it was fine or maybe she just felt like doing something special for her, but she couldn't leave the subject alone. Getting an idea, putting it forth, wanting to make the night special for Raya even if they didn't attend.

The night of the dance she came over. Dress on, a silly corsage for Raya that matched a dress she had tucked away in her closet. A mix of songs on a CD she burned for them, decorations for her ceiling that were silver and streamed down in a shimmery way. Confetti that they had way too much fun throwing at each other, the shiny material sticking in their hair. Making it twinkle when they cut the lights and put on a tiny glowing sphere light that Namaari had brought, playing the music then in her room as they danced.

Fast, upbeat vibes.

The latest trendy song on the radio.

Slow music where they held each other close, allowing the songs to wash over them as they rocked back and forth. Neither knowing much how to dance, however still loving the way they melted into each other. The quietness of being here now, alone, having the time of their lives.

"This is my favorite song.." Raya mentioned, against Namaari's ear.

"Mine too honestly.." Namaari replied.

"Then it can be our song." Raya stated, moving back then so she could look at Namaari. Kissing her lightly on her lips, "and every time it plays we can remember this and how wonderful you made this night...thank you.."

Namaari smiled, kissing her back.

The kiss saying all that needed to be said, the two melting once more in each others arms as they replayed the song, their song, over and over again.

~~~

Sisu had turned on the radio, somehow getting a connection way out here in the tundra that was Spine. Kicking out tunes, which seemed to put everyone in a good mood. Even Namaari, who perked up at the sound despite her druun-fueled mind making her the zombie that she was.

Raya even enjoying it for a time until it came on.

The song.

Their song.

Sisu must have noticed the way she flinched, nudging her softly as they all gathered around the fire Tong had made.

"You okay dude?" she asked, mouth full of rice.

Raya nodded, unable to speak as she looked across the fire at Namaari. How she moved her head to the music, mumbling words under her breath. Singing along, reacting to it.

"Hey, Namaari must love this song!" Noi chirped, smiling along with Tong and Sisu as she seemed to know every word to it. Boun rolling his eyes, ignoring it, while Raya got up to take a walk.

"You okay, Raya?" Sisu called after her, glancing her direction when Raya turned and gave her a small shrug and a weak smile.

"Nah, I'm good." she lied as she walked off, trying to hide the pain inside her heart, "I just don't really like this song..".

The Little Things You Keep Hidden From Me

~~~(this is a long one so bear with me! using she/they pronouns for namaari btw!)~~~

namaari likes things—she really really does! she just, well, never really knows where to put their stuff, just shoving it into a basket to get it out of sight...they had never really thought of it as a problem, just something that was obvious since she was so busy with all of her royal duties, but the longer she’s around raya the more they realize something might be up.

when raya and her start dating, they naturally begin to spend more time at each other’s homes, more specifically in each other’s rooms. the third time raya spends the night in fang since they’ve become official, she finally asks namaari just why her room is so incredibly bare, claiming it looks more like a spare room in a random inn rather than a living space. namaari is actually stumped by this question, answering that “she’s just too busy to put any posters up or little figurines out.” raya doesnt believe it though, she can tell there’s something else by the quirk in namaari’s brow that the fang princess does often without even realizing. nevertheless, raya let’s it go and cuddles deeper into her girlfriends neck, taking a mental note to bring it up when they’re both more awake.

the next time raya brings it up, however, is when the girls are sparring together to blow off some steam. namaari had already been slightly agitated from an argument with her mother so it probably wasn’t the best for raya to bring up right then. despite that, the princess of heart had tried to play it off in a joking manner, snickering a bit as she told the other princess that they should travel to talon sometime to pick up decorations so namaari can stop having such a “bare ass room”. the kick to the gut raya received immediately notified her that it was definitely a bad time, especially as she moaned on the ground in pain as namaari stormed off. despite it only taking them two days to reconcile after that, raya promised she wouldn’t bring it up again, even though namaari still hadn’t told her why the question bothered them so bad.

even though raya had said she wouldn’t bring up the issue again, she began to rethink after a short talk with sisu about the matter. the dragon had brought up a very good point: “why not just add things here and there and see how namaari reacts? that way nothing is permanent and namaari wouldn’t have to try and put her feelings into words, just remove what they didn’t want.”raya didn’t have the best feeling about this but she sensed that this issue was more than it seemed and that it needed to be explored so she took sisu up on her offer and put the plan into effect on her following trips to fang. she’d place a poster by namaari’s bed or a small dragon carved of trees from spine on the desk one day and place a plant or a book by the door the next. the first two items disappeared within the hour of them being up and the second two held out for a day. raya tried this again two more times and the same pattern followed. she was now missing a poster, the wood carving, the book, a throw pillow, a small teddy bear, and a plant—this only concerned her more as namaari hadn’t brought any of it up. just as raya was starting to give up on this experiment, a breakthrough moment happened.

it had been a exhaustingly long day of meetings and diplomatic hearings and all the two princesses wanted to do was sleep. they hung out on namaari’s bed, cuddling as they chatted with sisu who was perched on the windowsill before namaari decided she was going to shower. sisu said goodbye and raya started gathering her own belongings from her bag for bed. normally she’d join her girlfriend in the shower but they were both feeling much too sluggish for that kind of shower at the moment.

as raya was taking off her jewelry, one of her arm bands rolled off the edge of the bed and under the closet door on the other side of the room. she sighed in exasperation but got up to retrieve it nonetheless. when she opened the closet door and reached in to grab her jewelry, she was surprised to see a large basket placed in the middle of the chamber among her girlfriend’s clothes. she knew she should probably ask namaari if it was ok to open it but something in her gut was screaming at her to peak inside, so she looked behind her to make sure no one had entered the room without her knowing and moved to open the basket, face contorting in confusion when she saw what was in it.

in front of her sat all of the objects that she had placed in the room, all situated in such a way so that nothing was broken or squashed. raya also noticed some other objects like books and pages of artwork hidden under the materials she had lost. it took her only a moment to sigh sadly and put the lid back onto the basket. she made her way back to the bed and sat on it, head in her hands as she waited for namaari to return.

“i can’t believe how much dirt can stick to you when you sweat, it’s absolutely disgust-“ namaari said as she walked back into the room, now in her night clothes.

“raya? what’s wrong, why do you look so sad?” The fang princess said, closing the door behind them with a worried expression.

raya was silent for a moment before exhaling and standing up from the bed, walking over to her girlfriend and taking both of their hands in her own.

“when i was getting my stuff together for my shower, one of my arm bands fell off the bed and rolled under the closet door. i saw the basket, maari.” raya said, looking down at their conjoined hands.

“you didn’t open it, did you?” namaari said, voice clearly wavering as her eyebrows creased together.

“you know i had to. it didn’t feel right...” raya replied sadly.

“well it doesn’t mean anything, it’s just a stupid basket.” namaari huffed, pulling her hands away from raya and walking away from her and towards the window, back to their girlfriend.

“that’s not true namaari. you and i both know what that basket is for.” raya could tell namaari was getting upset, their shoulders were tensing and her fists were squeezed into balls.

“i said it was nothing. drop it raya.” namaari warned, chest heaving as she started to get worked up.

“i will not drop it! why didn’t you tell me that you don’t keep any of your personal items out because you’re afraid you’ll have to flee fang one day and don’t want to risk leaving them behind?!” raya shouted, temper fully exploding.

to anyone else, that may seem like a ridiculous stretch, but raya knew better. she knew this is what namaari had done because she had done the same thing all her years of searching for sisu. since she had no time to gather her belongings the day the dragon gem broke, the only mementos from home she had left were the clothes and accessories on her body, tuktuk, and her father’s sword. for years as she traveled she never once took them out of her bag, in fear that she’d be ambushed and would have to outrun bandits or druun. she longed to be able to take out her clothes she was wearing that day and hold them close to her chest, focusing on how beautiful that morning had been with her father still in her life, but she was more terrified of losing them in the event she had to run for her life.

the basket was large but also made out of a very light material that was abundant in fang. the handles were designed to not pinch or strain the hands and the bottom was weaved in such a way that running with it would not be too much of a hinderance. raya immediately knew that this basket was bought for a specific purpose and the person who bought it hadn’t even realized how heartbreaking the situation was.

“so what?! i just want to be prepared, get off my case about it!” namaari shouted back, turning to face raya with a deep scowl on her face.

“namaari, being prepared is packing a bag with the essentials for survival! maybe even some extra clothes that mean a lot to you, this is not prepared! this is paranoid!” raya shouted, gesturing around the bare room with flailing arms.

“i am not fucking paranoid! who knows what could happen tomorrow?! who knows who i could lose at any moment in my life! just because i want to keep my things at the ready does not mean i am paranoid, it means i’m smart, don’t be jealous because you were too dumb to think of it!” namaari all but roared at their girlfriend.

they both froze for a moment, just looking at each other in a huff as they took in namaari’s words.

“i’m smart enough to know when someone is going through something and i’m smart enough to know that i need to step in to help. but yeah, guess i’m the fucking idiot for trying to check on you, my own girlfriend. my bad, though, i’ll try to be less dumb next time, yeah?” raya said, face stone cold as she grabbed her coat and left the room, leaving namaari with tears streaming down her face behind her.

~~~

namaari absolutely hates crying. not because they feel like they don’t have the right to do it, but because once she starts, she can rarely ever stop. she bottles up so much and when that bottle explodes every negative emotion she’s had just comes gushing out. they cried and cried, head feeling like it was going to split as she sobbed into her hands. they hadn’t meant to hurt raya’s feelings, they were just so incredibly ashamed their fears had gotten to them so badly. it took her an hour for the tears to stop falling from her eyes and one hour after that to fully compose herself enough to stand up from where she had sunk to the ground. they walked over on shaky legs to their closet and opened it, pulling out the basket and dumping the contents out onto the bed. she looked over the objects, finally understanding it had been raya who had placed them all in her room out of care and not her mother to spite her, the thought only making her want to cry again. she shoved it down and kept looking, eyes finally landing on the bear plushy that had rolled farther down her bed. she picked it up and sighed, holding it close to her chest as she bit back more tears.

“i hate it when you two fight.” sisu said solemly from the windowsill, voice soft but still startling namaari on accident.

“you and me both.” namaari responded, voice weak from their sobbing.

“she’s ready for you, you know.” the dragon said, making her way into the room to stand beside the fang princess.

“i know. it just, continues to shock me just how much she trusts i’ll always come back to her. i don’t think anyone but my mother has fought for me that hard.” namaari said, toying with the plush in her hands.

“i don’t think she’s ever wanted to fight for anyone as much as she fights for you, other than her father.” sisu replied, placing a hand on the human’s shoulder.

“i really messed up, sisu. i feel awful.” namaari said, leaning into the touch.

“nows your chance to make it right then, come on, she’s waiting.” sisu said, waiting for the princess’ consent before grabbing her by the waist and flying them out the window.

~~~

raya absolutely hated being angry. the feeling burned like thousands of fire ants under her skin that were crawling through her nerves and stinging at her body to get out. she just wanted to help namaari! that’s all. she had been exactly where the fang princesses had and it was eating her alive that she felt like namaari wasn’t trusting her.

after leaving namaari’s room she had managed to make it to the water front uninterrupted in an angry haze before sisu stopped her.

“woah, woah, woah, hold it right there, grumpy!” sisu said, stopping right in front of the heart princess.

“what’s with the frown?! did namaari kick you out again because you snore?” sisu said, completely oblivious to the fact raya was deeply upset by this.

“no sisu and i don’t want to fucking talk about it right now, move.” raya said harshly, pushing passed the dragon and continuing her stomping.

sisu was back in front of her in seconds, face now contorted in a scowl as she towered over the princess from heart. they had talked about how much sisu hated when people cursed at her, even if it was all light hearted, and it seemed like raya had forgotten and needed to be reminded.

“don’t talk to me like that. it’s disrespectful, princess.” the dragon all but spat at the human.

rayas eyes went wide, weak inhale filling her lungs as she understood what the dragon was saying. after a moment of them staring at each other, raya sighed, hands pressing onto her eyes as she started to tear up.

“you’re right. i’m sorry. i just—god i’m just so angry!” raya said, tears falling freely from her eyes at this point as she sunk to the ground. they were at the water front now, sitting on the edge of where the boats would dock.

“what happened?” sisu asked, gently wrapping her arms around her friend.

“namaari and i got into a fight about all of the missing stuff. i don’t know why i hadn’t put two and two together but she was hiding it in a basket in her closet because they were afraid they’d have to run from fang.” raya said, leaning into the dragon’s touch.

“why would they still be afraid? the druun are gone now.” sisu asked, face pulled into a worried expression.

“i would’ve asked them but they got defensive when i told them about the basket and you know when she gets defensive she starts acting like a jerk.” raya said, wiping her tears as they fell.

“sounds like someone else i know...”sisu said, smile clearly present in her voice.

raya laughed softly, sisu’s comment cheering her up slightly. she sighed and pulled away from the dragon, pushing her hair out of her face.

“i don’t want her to be afraid that they’ll come back. we’ve only talked about them a little bit i know she also has nightmares about it and it keeps her awake when i’m not with her. i just didn’t expect them to be so fearful that they refuse to keep anything permanent up in their room because they don’t think they’ll be able to take their belongings with them in case they have to flee.” raya said, now looking down at her hands.

“i know you just want to help but getting over stuff like that isn’t always easy, especially when you think you’re moving forward and it seems like ten things push you back. i know i’m not the best at relationship advice but maybe try letting her talk at you rather than with you.” sisu said.

“like how?” raya asked.

“let her get everything out: the nightmares, the objects and what they mean to them, all that stuff. no arguing and little to no commentary. just free talk. through that you might understand the underlying cause of all of this paranoia. which i’m also guessing you made her feel bad for so you should apologize for that asap.” sisu replied.

“you’re right, i know you are, it’s just—hard. i’ve never felt like this before, so in love with someone who has their own stuff to work through too, and i don’t want to mess it up because she deserves happiness.” raya said, looking up from her hands and at the dragon by her side, who she was surprised to see was wearing an expression of absolute surprise at what she had said.

“what? why are you so surprised? was it something i said?” Raya began—in that very moment realizing it was something she said. she covered her mouth with both hands and matched sisu’s wide eyes.

“raya, you said the L word.” sisu whispered.

“oh my god i said the L word.” raya echoed.

“sisu—i...” raya tried to speak but the words were caught in her throat. she had really said it out loud that she was in love with namaari, like fully and deeply in love with her and it was so overwhelming she began to cry again.

“i’m so proud of you, girl! admitting your in love is a big step. i’m so happy for you.” sisu said, pulling raya into a hug that was beating the edge of way too tight for a human and not tight enough for raya.

“thank you, sisu, you’re an incredible friend.” raya smiled.

“yeah, i know. i rock!” sisu chuckled, pulling away and getting up from where she had been sitting.

“now, i’m going to go get that other grumpy princess and you two are going to talk some things out, ok?” sisu said.

“ok, tell her i’m ready for her.” raya said, smiling as sisu sprang into the sky and glided to the palace.

~~~

even though it would seem like namaari would be afraid of heights, it was actually quite the opposite. they loved being in high places and looking out at the world around them. soaring through the air with a dragon, let alone the sisudatu, was not something she ever thought she’d do in her life—now? they wouldn’t have it any other way.

“this is your stop, your majesty. oh! and be on your best behavior or i’ll drop you in the ocean when i come back.” Sisu said, placing namaari on the ground next to raya.

“and that goes for both of you! best. behavior.” sisu added before flying off and leaving them alone.

both princesses sat in silence for a moment, both not entirely sure where to start.

“look, maari, i’m—“ raya began.

“No!” namaari countered, effectively cutting Raya off.

“you always take the first step. i don’t want you to think that i won’t meet you there. if it’s ok, i’d like to go first.” namaari said, sitting down next to the heart princess.

“ok, go for it, i’m here to listen.” raya replied.

“i’m really sorry for how i reacted. I didnt mean to hurt your feelings or imply you’re not intelligent. I was so ashamed that i let my fears get the best of me that i started acting like a...” Namaari began.

“A jerk?” Raya asked, mouth slightly quirked up at the corner

“A bitch.” Namaari smiled softly.

“I should’ve listened to what you were trying to tell me. I was being paranoid when i should’ve just toughened up.” Namaari finished.

Raya sighed and took her girlfriend���s hand that wasn’t holding onto the little bear.

“Don’t say that. You are not a bad person for being paranoid and it’s not so easy to just “toughen up” when it comes to trauma. I’m so sorry I made you feel that way, i was so wrong for that, maari. And i’m also sorry for opening the basket without your permission.” Raya confessed, making good on her agreement with sisu to apologize for making Namaari feel less than because of her fear.

“thank you, that means a lot to me, raya. I just dont want to start thinking that the druun will never return only to be proven wrong if they do, it makes me feel stupid and like i should’ve known better than to expect better. the nightmares and the second guessing and the stress of being alone on a lot of open land with no water source...it’s all so hard to deal with sometimes. but i think i’m realizing the more i push it down the worse it gets.” Namaari confessed.

“as much as i wish i knew what i could do to make it hurt you less, I don’t think i’ll ever fully understand how you’re feeling, even if our situations used to be similar—so i’m gonna work really hard to prove to you that you can always come to me and get comfort, even if i don’t always know what it’s like. i guess i was just feeding my own fear that you didn’t trust me instead of realizing you were so afraid because you do trust me.” raya explained, squeezing her girlfriend’s hand tighter.

“i dont want to lose you, not like i did before.” namaari said, unshed tears making their eyes gloss over as they squeezed raya’s hand tightly.

they both knew they were talking about when raya turned to stone, since namaari was uncertain if putting the pieces back together was going to work at all—if they hadn’t that would mean raya would be gone forever.

“i promise you i’m not going anywhere. i love you far too much to not fight for you.” the heart princess said, placing her hand softly on namaari’s cheek to use her thumb and brush away a stray tear.

“please never stop loving me.” namaari pleaded, tears rolling down her cheeks now.

“i wouldnt dream of it, dep la.” raya said, pulling the fang princess in for a long overdue make up kiss. she firmly pressed her lips to namaari’s as she pulled the princess’s face towards her, love confession making her needy. though she wanted to savor namaari (thanks to her newfound energy of course), she knew that this kiss was all they needed right now.

“if you want, we can start taking one thing out from the basket at a time,” Raya said as she broke the kiss, “i think we should start with the plant since it hasn’t had water since i got it and is probably dead.”

namaari chucked at this, “of course you’d get me a thirsty, half-dead plant to slip into my room. you’re a menace.”

“maybe,” raya began, breaking her sentence up by pressing another kiss to namaari’s soft lips with a smile, “but i’m your menace so you can’t get mad.”

“i love you, dep la.” namaari said, leaning over with the bear still clutched in their hands to rest their head on raya’s shoulder.

“and i love you, princess.” raya echoed, placing an arm around her girlfriend to pull her closer as they looked out at the water as the moonlight glistened on it.

Namaari: *sits down on a bench*

Girl: *sits next to her*

Namaari: *scoots away*

Girl, smiling: I don’t bite

Namaari: so? My girlfriend does

Raya, materializing out of nowhere: CHOMP CHOMP

↪ 𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗮𝗻 :

𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘭 

𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙤𝙣𝙚 - 

𝘀𝘆𝗻𝗼𝗽𝘀𝗶𝘀 : 𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦, 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦, 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳, 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘺 30𝘴, 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘳, 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦. 

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁 : 4𝘬+ 

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 : 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥 𝘯𝘦𝘨𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵, 𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴

they say that time passes in the blink of an eye, days turn to weeks, weeks turn to months, and months turn to years. this is both true and utterly wrong.  because despite the fact that it was coming up on ten years since you'd left colombia behind, all at the same time, it felt like yesterday, but also as if it had been twenty years. at first it had been hard, moving back in with your mama and papa. you wanted to be ashamed that you had finally proven them right, that you were too young and immature to move to colombia on your own, and that, eventually, you'd be returning to them in tears. while this was correct, you were all the more surprised at the fact that you were welcomed with open arms, no judgement to found, finding that they were more so just happy to have their baby girl back. as before, despite the fact that that had been nearly ten years ago, the memory still pulled at your heart strings even to this day. one of the nicer memories to string back to your departure from colombia, rather than the ones that were the bane of your existence and you avoided recalling with all of your might, the ones that only crept their way back into your head after one too many glasses of wine. memories such as crying almost every night for the first week or so of being back in san francisco, laying in bed at night, unable to sleep purely because you were kept up by the sheer terror at the idea that you'd made the wrong decision and that life was only going to continuously go ever more downhill from here. it took another year for you to move out of your parents place, despite their insistence that you were welcome to stay longer, and moved into your own small apartment. it was lonely for the first month or so, but your newly acquired job as a receptionist at the law firm just around the corner was convenient and decent money, enough to maintain and semi comfortable lifestyle, even if some dinners for a week were nothing but ramen on the weeks that your landlord decided you'd used the washing machine one too many times. even if he was a bit of scumbag, it was enough for you, nothing you couldn't handle with reminders of how much worse it could be, reminding yourself to stay grateful for what you didn't have to deal with, in comparison to what you did. it was a relative uneventful 2 year's of that same apartment, apart from a few family weddings and quince's you had to attend, as well as a promotion after a year at the law firm.  as the 80's slowly transferred into the 90's, you were pleasantly surprised to see all the changes forming around women in the workplace, suddenly, it was as if a whole new world of opportunity was available to you.  you found yourself doing something you thought was closed off to you the moment you left, only now, you were back, the world was at your fingertips. it only took you another 2 years of what could only be described as floundering, feeling nothing but numbness as you went back to the same job every day, only to go back home to an empty and quiet apartment, to decide to go to school.  never one to take the simple option, you of course opted to begin preparation for a phD. keeping your receptionist job but also taking on the occasional spanish lesson and translating job to those who needed it, already planning to begin saving money where you could.  the first two years of obtaining your masters was stressful to say the least, but you couldn't say it wasn't giving you something to occupy your time with, time that wasn't spent thinking of colombia. time spent not thinking of him. the reason you'd sworn of dating the moment you stepped foot back in san francisco, only to be even more so when you began school. never again were you going to let your heart drag you down, you'd put your foot down, tired of crying over a man who had likely forgotten who you were in the first year of your absence. from now on, your purpose was to serve yourself, and only yourself. or at least, that was the plan, a plan you'd stayed true to for the first two years, gaining your masters and even in the beginning stages of gaining your phD. contrary to the gossip sessions countless tia's held about your love life and your weakness as a hopeless romantic, your promise to only serve yourself was not broken with a romance, but rather, a friendship. hitting the magic 30 was supposed to be an experience that women dreaded, a time spent crying over red wine about the fact that they were finally starting to age. instead, you'd found it to be a liberating experience, having begun teaching only 10 months short of your 30th birthday.  it hadn't taken long for you to become friendly with most of your students, you were easy enough to talk to and most of them were pleasant to teach. despite the occasional disrespect here and there, it wasn't difficult to straighten them back up, wasting no time reminding them of the fact that were more than welcome to leave the class should they find the material uninteresting. a reminder that often shut them up. it was safe to say that it didn't take you long to fall in love with teaching, unable to hide the fact that you saw so much of yourself in your students, taking the steps that you first had when moving back here.  and while you had friendly relationship's with your students, it was inevitable before you couldn't stop yourself from intervening. alex raya was a sweet kid, filipino american with an almost always goofy attitude, but still always handed in his assignments right on time, honestly a pleasure to have in class.  it was at first hard to put in the words the dynamic that began between you two, beginning to day he'd handed in an assignment late for the first time in the 7 months you'd been teaching him. you couldn't help yourself, you wouldn't have been able to forgive yourself if you hadn't check up on him. so when you'd asked to see him after class, the expression on his poor little face broke your heart.  gone was the positive attitude that alex always brought to class, only replaced by a quiet young man who could barely even look you in the eye as he sat across from your desk. it wasn't hard for you to realize that alex raya had never experienced any form of parental concern in his entire life, because the moment you asked him if everything was ok, and he realized that you meant it, he broke down.  through his laboured breathing, he explained to you that he and his father had had a screaming match over the phone, and that his money was being cut off, and that now his landlord was demanding the rent, otherwise he was going to be kicked out.  you couldn't help but take pity on him, only getting up from your desk to give him a hesitant hug before promising him you were going to help him get this fixed.  you let him come over to your apartment for dinner that night, even if it wasn't exactly a home cooked meal, oven pizza seemed only slightly better than ramen, not that you would have known it by the way that he practically demolished the pieces he was given, only to let him finish yours when you realized how hungry the poor kid was.  not at all shy about opening up to you whatsoever, alex was more than happy to explain his situation, confiding into you practically his entire childhood. as he went on and on, detailing the emotional neglect he suffered throughout his childhood, up until leaving home to attend college, you couldn't hide the few small tears escaping your eyes. that was the night you took alex raya under your wing officially.  it wasn't hard to scrounge up enough money to save his small apartment for that week, convincing him to sell his super nintendo along with a few nice branded items, however, was much harder. from that point on, it became a regular routine of yours to go to alex's and cook him one big dinner, allowing for pre packed meals to be stored in his fridge, as well as helping him out with his schoolwork, promising you'd be able to get him by even with the missed assignment.  he'd always told he was going to pay you back one day, which you'd only reply to by shushing him and insisting that getting a job and keeping up with his schoolwork was payment enough. you even helped him get a job. the benefit of having relatives all over san francisco meant that it only took three phone calls before you were able to get him an interview at a bowling alley that your cousin owned, by that week he was a new employee.  it took hitting you 30th birthday to be able to admit to yourself that you had begun to see alex as a son. even if you were only 14 years older than him, it was enough for you to take on the role of the mother he was never able to have with ease.  he even started to jokingly call you tiya, explaining it meant 'aunty' in tagalog. you'd be lying if you said it hadn't warmed your heart to be told that, and that you had to go into the bathroom so he wouldn't see you making sure your mascara wasn't running.  it wasn't to say that your kindness wasn't repaid though, in his own little ways, alex was looking after you as well, even if not directly.  it was always the little things with alex, your own personal alarm clock as well as your reminder that it was ok to go to sleep after five hours of sitting on your couch grading papers. especially when on your 30th, you found a card on your desk signed by him wishing you a happy birthday, along with a little note on the bottom making a snarky crack about the fact that you were 'now the big three o, tiya!! live it up!!'  it now sat on your book shelf, always there to remind you of the young man you now considered a son figure.  after nearly a year, you even decided to take him to one of your family dinners where everybody, cousins, nieces, tia's, everybody, met up for a big feast. not only was he welcome, he was welcomed with open arms, and by the end of the night was considered a part of your family, especially after the right of passage when all of your little cousins were practically climbing him and giggling away. it was honestly safe to say that being able to support and care for somebody else for the first time in nearly five years had brought meaning back into your life.  it had been sealed when three months prior, you had seen on your television set that pablo escobar had finally died, killed and his body displayed for all to see in the polaroids that found there ways to the wrong place. one particular polaroid stood out to you, because staring back at you, smiling into the camera while holding up pablo's dead body by the sleeve of his shirt, was steve murphy.  you couldn't exactly say you and steve murphy had ever held more than two minute conversation in the past, but seeing his face was more than enough to have you rushing to turn off the tv and placing your head in your hands as memories came flooding back like a tidal wave from hell, washing emotions of all different kinds over you.  as if he were your guardian angel, it was by sheer coincidence that nearly 15 minutes into what you realized was nothing short of a minor breakdown, alex arrived for for weekly dinner, only to see you on the couch shaking and breathing rapidly.  if somebody were to have seen the way in which he'd rushed to your aid, pulling you into his arms and rapidly asking you what was wrong with desperate panic lacing his voice, they'd be able to say that the strong emotional ties you'd developed to the boy were well and truly mutual.  in the same way he'd opened up to you a year before, it was your turn to open up about your life prior to being his teacher.  you'd kept a skillful veil up, hiding the parts of your life which you desperately wanted to remain unknown. so much so that almost nobody but your close family knew of your time in colombia, living in the middle of a drug war, and how you'd returned to the states in order to change that.  you spared any all details about him, not even wanting speak his name as you told your story as if he hadn't existed in the first place, owing your sudden move from colombia to the sudden intensity of the drug war and how you feared for your life.  you even showed in polaroids you'd kept in a journal, smiling softly through your slowing breaths and you pointed to a photo of you and your boss outside the bodega you'd worked at, both of you grinning. in an odd way, it felt weird looking back at photos of yourself when you were alex's age, especially considering the fact that it felt like barely any time had passed, when in reality, it had been 6 or 7 years since you'd left colombia at that stage.  just as you were starting to calm down, alex turned the page, only to reveal a photo that made your heart sink to the ground as memories, just as they had previously, hit you like a speeding train. -  "what are you doing." javi's deep voice broke the silence that had previously been looming in his lounge as he sat there nursing a cigarette in his mouth and intently reading a file, not bothering to look up at you as you stood up, reaching into your bag sitting beside the door. "nothing. hold still." you ordered, pulling your polaroid camera out of it's case as you pulled the strap over your head and rested it at your neck.  he still didn't look up, doing as promised as you held the camera up to your eye, trying to angle the shot as best as you could, even with the orange light of the sunrise shone through the windows. it was only when the camera flashed that he finally looked up, not in alarm, but more so in amusement as you grinned, grabbing the polaroid as it zipped out of the small opening at the front. placing the camera and the polaroid down on the table, you sat beside javi, leaning your head against his shoulder and kissing his golden skin softly as he closed the file and threw it onto the table. -  you weren't surprised when alex asked who the guy in the picture was, the one looking intently at a file while a cigarette hung from his mouth. you wouldn't have expected any less from alex, hell, you probably would have asked too. after nearly 7 years of being fine, not letting yourself be reminded of what you'd left behind and the reason you had to do so, and now, all it took was one news report and a polaroid to have you crashing back down.  not able to reply for the first few seconds, only staring down at the photo before alex called you back into reality, asking if you were ok. of course your response was to take the photo album off of your hands and slam it closed, practically throwing it on the other end of the couch as if it were a hot plate, only to calmly take a breath, quietly informing alex that the man in the picture was 'nobody.'  there was no doubt in your mind that alex didn't believe you, you could tell by the look on his face, you'd grown to be able to read his face like a children's book, always knowing if something was wrong or if he was lying about something. you hadn't even thought about the fact that he'd very likely grown to be able to read you in the same way.  this was the same reason as to why he dropped the subject entirely, pressing it further wasn't going to help you and he knew that.  that was the only slip up you'd had regarding your past, since then, you'd managed to keep your past fully concealed. even if it wasn't a particularly malicious secret, it was more so treated in the sense that it was not something you wanted to relive, and having had enough experience with the way gossip spreads in the teachers lounge, you knew you would never live it down should it get out. you would forever be known as the student teacher who had her heart broken so she fled colombia to avoid the shame. that wasn't who you wanted to be, you'd fled so that you could live a life without javier peña and you'd been doing so successfully. you were no longer the silly 22 year old girl who let her heart dictate her life and allow some stupid little man to ruin it all for her. you were a fucking career woman as far as you were concerned, there was no more room in your life for that anymore, and you were going to try your damnedest to keep it that way. no more will you allow yourself to fall to the whim's of a little girls failed attempt at playing house with somebody who couldn't even have the balls to admit you were nothing more than a booty call. -  with nearly two more years passing, you were growing closer to finally getting your phD, you and alex had only grown closer, especially now that he was happily living with a girlfriend and had become manager at the bowling alley. though you still continued your weekly dinners, he was still your student after all.  it was no more than a month after your 32nd birthday, standing by the counter in the teachers lounge, stirring the coffee in your mug, staring down as the dark brown colour faded to a light brown as you mixed your milk into it.  already suffering from limited sleep due to the fact that your neighbours had decided to have yet another screaming match until the ungodly hour of 3:30 in the morning, you were dealing with forcing yourself to smile and nod along as your coworker was already talking your ear off.  "so basically, i told him if he was going to talk to me like that, there was a perfectly good couch for him to sleep on tonight." she continued ranting about her on and off boyfriend, somehow unable to tell that you were barely paying attention, only just nodding on as she kept on going. she was nice, you could give her that, but it was once again just stark different between 25 and 32 that the two of you were stuck with. you hoped to god to weren't like that with the other teachers when you first started, but there was really no way to know for sure. admittedly, your lack of sleep was not only due to next doors argument, but also because you were already having trouble sleeping anyway.  it was coming up to be 10 years since you'd left colombia, an anniversary that left you with so many mixed feelings, one part was a sickening feeling in your stomach as you remembered everything to do with the drug wars, bodies on the news and other horrifying things even to this day were in your dreams to haunt you. but then there was also the emotion and memories connected to colombia, hell, the reason you almost wanted to go back a year after escobar was killed, but stopped yourself just as you were looking up the prices of tickets, deciding it was best to quit while you were ahead. you couldn't say the beginning of your morning had been all bad. the moment it hit 7 am, your phone went off, only to see an unknown number, and when you answered, you had to stop yourself from tearing up when you heard the oh so familiar voice of your old boss greeting you with the ever classic "hola miha! long time no talk aye?"  in an instant, it was as if you had never left, that you were 23 all over again and back in that crummy little bodega to sell cheap cigarettes and cans of baby formula that were far too expensive to connie. now completely in his early 70s, his nephew was now running the bodega, while he once again was keeping to his telenovela's, as per usual, explaining that he'd found your number after recognising your name in the phone book and deciding to give you a call. the two of you talked for at least a solid 45 minutes, ended with you promising you were going to call him again but that you had a class in 40 minutes and that you really needed to go. as if nothing had changed, he teased you about your teaching position, before wishing you all the best and hanging up.  your old boss' call had brought a sad smile to your face, but all at once, had also brought a horrifying thought that invaded your head before you could even think.  'should you dare ask about him the next time you talk to your boss?'  there was no doubt in your mind that he never went to that bodega again after you left. he wouldn't have been able to resist those cheap cigarettes. resisting the urge to slap yourself so as to not look like a manic should somebody walk in, you instead shook your head a bit and reminded yourself in your head of the promises you'd made to yourself years previously, reminding yourself that you were far, far better than this. even ten years later, you were better than the girl you were back in colombia. you deserved better.  - having well and truly calmed yourself down, you left the teachers lounge and began the path down the winding hallways towards your classroom, you shoes clicking along the floor as you struggled to look for your keys under the big pile of files that you were holding in your hand.  hearing footsteps behind you, you didn't look up from your bag as you quickly recognised the voice of your coworker behind you calling you by your last name, a form of teacher's lingo that you'd just grown to accept, already beginning to talk to you as you continued to walk up the stairs to the classroom.  "i've got a guest speaker with me who spoke at my criminology lecture yesterday, and i was thinking they should speak for criminal psychology as well yknow? that could be real good for your students."  only nodding your head, you reached the top of the stairs, still not turning around. "uh, yeah sure, they need a break from my lectures anyway, send them my way for this lesson." finally reaching your door, you found your keys and began to unlock the door, pushing it open and walking, only to be followed in by your coworker, who smiled brightly.  "that's awesome, i think he's just getting a coffee last i saw him. you'll love him." nodding, you began to organise the files on your desk hurriedly, knowing that you were already running a bit behind due to your boss' phone call.  "i'm sure we'll get along fine." you sighed, still not 100% paying attention to the conversation. "well i mean, your colombian right? yknow ca-" "i'm not colombian, i use to live there." ignoring the part about the fact that he'd somehow found out you had any sort of association with colombia, too tired and somewhat stressed to care right that second.  "he was in colombia for awhile too, during the drug wars and stuff! he was a dea agent."  in that very moment, it was as if time slowed down, your surroundings started to disappear and the files in your hands flowed out onto the desk, as if your hands faded out of existence. nothing in your mind was happening except pure, white hot panic. turning around slowly, trying to gather yourself, you took in a deep breathe. praying oh so desperately that it was anybody but who you were terrified that was. hell, at this point, you'd take steve murphy, just, please, please, please. don't let it be him.  "what was his name.." 

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