“Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.”
— Rainer Maria Rilke
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i want peace,
not the measured one that life offers me from time to time like a band-aid that will be ripped off before I heal
I want it like a graft,
patching up the exposed areas that i scraped off of my soul to feel lighter..
to move on.
I’m trying to write an independent story from all the tragedies of the women around me
digging my own plot with my nails on the exact same rocks that were used
to stone them..
carrying the guilt of that, the way they carried the shame of existence. The only difference is i refuse to ask for forgiveness.
sometimes it feels like all my feelings are over felt, if not by me then someone else.
I've seen it over and over again I, the eye of an outsider
or that of the storm
stood still when it all spiraled around me, I held on to the rubble,
and cemented myself back together
more often than not, I did it with rage so whenever i got spilled, like blood under an old rug,
with all my particles separated into different identities, unseen, uncared for while i floated in an astral projection status
Ironically, the core was always one
rage, rage again…
aging rage!
It's all that i know, it's all the shades.
I exist, Like an ugly bruise
Violet fading to blue, violent, contrasting the softness that i long for.
I can't seem to explain my existence to anyone, not even myself.
a bruise, self inflicted or not, I can’t stop examining it, obsessively
dissecting pieces of my soul, trying to find a marker for the malicious cells that overgrown my own.
In the daylight I get fascinated by the way it changes colors, and when sleep sits heavy on my eyelids i press on it harder,
curious to where will i draw my threshold line.. do i know how to exist without all this pain?
am i just a phantom of coping mechanisms, and survival instincts,
Shades of hysteria, along with estrogen ?
this world constantly seems bigger than me, that’s my only comfort.
•••
• Quotes: Taylor Swift/ Charles Bukowski/ Henry Miller/ anne sexton/ Louis Tomlinson/ Anaïs Nin/ Rainer Maria Rilke.
•original context: Sinligh
•Art reference:
1. painting by marta astrain. 2. Omen, 1886, by Emile Corsi 3. Oil paintings by Jen Mazza 4. Art by Liu Yuanshou 5. Art (detail) by Arthur Gain
•••
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François Cevert & Jackie Stewart - Zandvoort 1970. © Rainer Schlegelmilch / Motorsport. - source Carros e Pilotos.
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top 5 poems? 💌
ough this is difficult but the first 5 that come to mind:
because you asked about the line between prose and poetry by howard nemerov
the patience of ordinary things by pat schneider
let this darkness be a bell tower by rainer maria rilke
here, there are blueberries by mary szybist
sleeping in the forest by mary oliver
ask me my top 5 anything!
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a second chance at love
backwards, warsan shire // too sweet, hozier // wolf song, caamp // little dog's rhapsody in the night, mary oliver // if we were vampires, jason isbell // all your'n, tyler childers // rainer maria rilke
[image id: 7 screenshots of text on white backgrounds.
1: "i'll rewrite this whole life and this time there'll be / so much love, / you won't be able to see beyond it."
2: "i take my whiskey neat / my coffee black and my bed at 3 / you're too sweet for me / you're too sweet for me"
3: "know i'm always thinking of you / always thinking i could love you more"
4: "tell me you love me, he says. / tell me again. / could there be a sweeter / arrangement? over and over / he gets to ask it. / i get to tell."
5: "it's knowing that this can't go on forever / likely one of us will have to spend some days alone / maybe we'll get forty years together / but one day i'll be gone / or one day you'll be gone"
6: "[chorus] so i'll love you 'til my lungs give out, i ai'nt lyin' / i'm all your'n and you're all mine / there ain't two ways about it / there ain't no tryin' 'bout it / i'm all your'n and you're all mine"
7: "when i go toward you / it is with my whole life" /end id]
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Wanna give some love to Rainer!
What would be his reaction to Baby MC gettting happy when they see him? spending time with him? Or crawling to him to be close to him?
Rainier is much more approachable than his wife, but he’s also not that into being around humans either 😂 — mainly because he’s never been that good with children, even when he was human himself.
He’d let it happen, if you wished to spend time with him, but he wouldn’t be like Elias, taking you into his lap or cradling you, or Ophelia with her soft voice and gentle touch. If you let him read, then he doesn’t truly care — he may even let you nap in his lap, or on the cushion next to him, if he feels comfortable enough.
Again Elizabeth and Rainier are not lovey dovey people, but Rainier is a bit more open to it than his wife.
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Rainer Maria Rilke, from Where Silence Reigns: Selected Prose; "An Experience,"
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