rating every kirby villain-turned-ally by how evil they are after becoming an ally
dedede: gotta start with the classic. if he were an actual king i might have to judge him for the sins of his ancestors but since he's consistently called a "self-proclaimed king" he's fine. he probably just found an abandoned castle and went "woah... my castle now" and then the waddle dees went "wait we have a king? that's so awesome i'm gonna follow this guy forever." anyways he's a rival and a selfish hedonist but not actually evil. arguably not ever evil but that's a philosophical debate i'm not going to get into. while not the first to help, and still sometimes a troublemaker, he's a dependable companion when it counts
meta knight: look he was attacking dreamland in revenge of meta knight for, reasons??? because he thought they were too lazy??? kind of a lame reason meta knight. the point is he counts. meta knight spends most of his time as an honorable fight seeker, like if vegeta was never evil and his goku was a baby, but he'll step up to the plate when it's time to protect the planet or whatever. he is certified Not Evil. a reliable ally whenever he shows up
dyna blade: that's right, dyna blade counts too. as we all know dyna blade was just trying to feed her kids in super star. beyond that, i believe birds are like ghosts and just sort of do things arbitrarily. rating: Not Ever Evil
marx: okay this freaking guy. i don't think marx has changed literally at all after being beaten by kirby. like in star allies he's still got his powers. the only lesson he learned is to not pull any shenanigans while kirby's around. he is probably waiting for a villain to actually defeat kirby so he can swoop in and steal all their power, and every time kirby beats some horrible god he goes "wow~ you're such a great hero, kirby~!" while being more mad than anyone has ever been
shadow kirby: hold on i'm checking the wikirby page because i needed a refresher on his lore and was reminded that he was never actually a villain in the first place. he was always helping out. my bad
dark meta knight: okay i gotta show everyone this image before i begin my analysis
look at him. he is full fist gripping that crayon. he is holding it like a child would. he's drawing his cool badass epic sword. he's having fun. he seems like he's a threatening villain ("what if meta knight were evil... that would be so sick and twisted") but really he does not know a single thing. it's gap moe
this may be controversial but my rating is: he was never actually evil in the first place. like, he was serving dark mind, and might have had some influence in turning sectonia evil and huge (maybe??? possibly???), but he is not evil. i think he's more like that one image where he doesn't have empathy and goes into a dissociative state and commits atrocities. this of course does not imply that he is good. but the potential is there
daroach: on one hand, daroach was kind of never actually evil, since all he did was steal a slice of cake and get mind controlled. on the other hand, he IS the leader of a gang of thieves, and stealing is sort of evil. like marx, he has clearly learned not to get on kirby's bad side and will help out on occasion. but if kirby needs to grab a treasure i doubt daroach would hesitate to take it first. all in all: not a good guy exactly but in the grand scheme of kirby villains, he's pretty small-scale. not much to worry about. he can't even destroy a planet
bandana waddle dee: thought i was done talking about characters who briefly opposed kirby during super star? think again. this guy's pretty much just loyal to dedede with all that entails but he seems to have a better relationship with kirby than his king does. a nice guy who likes to help out. we all love him
magolor: i've 100% completed the magolor epilogue and minimal spoilers here but that basically confirms that he's still a little bastard. like he seems to have gone "wait, losing all your friends because you betrayed them sucks," and if you want to get speculative he could have been influenced by the master crown a bit since before KRtD's opening and that might have upped his evil rating for that game. outside of that he learned nothing. he just decided that selling gem apples and running theme parks would be more fun. he loves making an attraction where close friends throw explosives at each other. his continued pseudovillainy is of course obvious, given that he has performed the most dastardly deed of all kirby characters: Selling Real-World Microtransactions. perhaps it would be better if he got defeated once and for all but unfortunately evil wizards give kirbies lots of enrichment. unless he teams up with marx and ends up in some sort of betray-off, we're stuck with him. to be clear i think he's awesome except the microtransactions
taranza: on one hand, even in triple deluxe he wasn't exactly evil, he just wanted to help out his huge, evil friend. on the other hand, kirby did kind of kill his friend. like there were some circumstances there but it'd be understandable if there was some resentment
claycia: does it count if she was only a villain because she was mind controlled and is only an ally during the final boss fight and ending of her game? i'm going to say yes because i've already included bandana waddle dee. obviously if you were being mind controlled you probably were never evil in the first place. but we don't know much about claycia's inner life. it could go either way
hold on i was on claycia's wikirby page and i noticed that drawcia shows up alongside her in some illustrations: i've played it pretty fast and loose with my criteria but i'm going to say this doesn't count as being a villain-turned-ally. documenting my process
^one of the images in question. sectonia is also there and not only has she also never been on kirby's side in a video game, i'm pretty sure she died. so this is debatably canon at best
back to your regularly scheduled programming, it's susie: susie is like. still a capitalist. i had to review her star allies pause screens and apparently she wants to bring back her dad's evil company and keep doing colonialism? like come on susie don't be this dumb. don't make kirby take you to the guillotine
addendum: kirby-polis pointed out in the tags that the original japanese star allies pause screens do not reference mechanizing planets which opens the much more sensible possibility that she went "i want to make this company be how it was before my dad got thralled by a big evil computer." but said original pause screen text also quotes her saying "i will exterminate the uncivilized." which is... questionable at best. updated verdict: susie will be spared for now but she maybe still has some learning to do
the three mage-sisters and hyness: i guess technically hyness hasn't helped kirby out yet but he's part of the package. we do not get a great deal of insight on what the lower-end believers of their religion are like so i'm optimistic about the possibility that the whole "reviving an ancient god of destruction" incident will result in religious reforms, where the sisters take on leadership positions while hyness is reduced to having more of a figurehead role where he can't revive any more ancient gods of destruction. but they might not do that and instead continue being a weird evil cult. hard to say
the beast pack: the beast pack was only being evil because their leader was mind controlled, and presumably they would feel a great debt to kirby for saving both him and their planet. but they're also a rowdy bunch. i wouldn't be surprised if they went and caused a ruckus
elfilin: hey, wait a minute! you're not a villain! you're just a little guy! you don't belong in this list! get out of here, you scamp!
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