Ragnvindr bros angst is fun but it’s also very important to remember that these absolute dorks still hang out with each other despite the Everything. I’m oversimplifying here but it’s like fighting with your sibling but then texting them a meme twenty minutes later but ramped up to 11 and more emotionally fraught.

anyway the sight of this bird T-posing to assert its dominance was incredibly intimidating tbh

Gale of Waterdeep assorted headcanons: 2

Headcanons 1 here, Tower layout here

He overshares when he's drunk. It's a good look into how his brain works, but he has a 50/50 chance of putting his foot in his mouth

He has a handful of custom spells, one of those being an illusory campsite. Gale's Minor Mirage, he calls it. You're welcome!

The stitch scar on his neck is from being held at knifepoint by a particularly opportunistic thief. Said thief got hit with a lightning bolt

His spellbook is beautifully scripted to the untrained eye, but contains additional notes written in invisible ink. He presents himself as neat and tidy, but his real scribblings are anything but

While inflicted with the Netherese Orb, his blood leaves rashes on other people wherever it touches. Not severe ones, but it doesn't feel pleasant. Like a mild sunburn

Quothe (the raven familiar) is his. It's named that because it loves to listen to Gale read literature (and occasionally recite lines where he leaves off)

He owns a fancy lanceboard set; it was a housewarming gift from his parents when he first got his tower

When he was little, he used to wear a ribbon as a headband to pull his hair back with, and a cape. His hair was fluffy and fell to his chin

His favorite color is blue, but he thinks he looks more refined in purple. His mother thinks he looks most dashing in red

His favorite hobby is helping Tara adapt spells with somatic components for tressym use

His first staff was a Sun Staff, gifted to him by Elminster

His most recent staff was a Staff of Power

Both of these, he had to consume. It was a very, very hard choice to make

Other things he's had to destroy that he cared for dearly:

Emerald Pen (left over from days at the academy; worse that it wasn't worth it, as it didn't give him more than a few hours)

Chromatic Rose (given by a lover upon breakup)

Duplicitous Manuscript (The Art of the Night is one of these)

Needle of Mending (kept it on his person after the thief incident)

Wand of Enemy Detection (carried it with him on excursions with Tara)

Wayfarer's Boots (his favorite travel pair)

Arcane Grimoire (one of his first found artifacts, copied a few spells from it into his own book)

Candle of Invocation (a gift from Mystra)

Crystal Ball of Telepathy (Tara used it more than he did; her little paws can't cast Sending)

Songbird Sage's Signet (wore it everywhere, only used in a pinch; he misses the weight of it and rubs his finger occasionally)

Crown of Whirling Comets (wore it to the Blackstaff annual balls, partly to show off)

The 6th level spell Program Illusion is what appears during his Death Protocol. As it needs to be tied to an area within 30 feet of where it's assigned, it's what his briefs are enchanted with. His reasoning is that he'd always have them, and no one would take them off him while dead

When he's panicked, he burns through the magical item he fed the Orb with faster. That's why he puts such a weight on keeping calm

The reason you have 2 days to resurrect him before exploding, and why he can still live for a bit if you don't give him an item immediately, is because without careful management, it consumes HIM. He has 2 days worth of magic to his person

He doesn't like to turn people down outright. To him, the gentlemanly thing to do is to go on a first date to indulge whomever asked. He's had a lot of first dates

He's been accused of using Enchantment as to why he's so dashing once or twice. It absolutely stoked his ego around his looks

Quipper fish and hundur sauce is the dish he's most proud of, but his favorite is a good slow roast

He'll make illusory ceilings for dates with starry skies and auroras. Maybe floating candles if he's feeling fancy. Yes that extends to the bedroom

If left to his own devices, he will relax in a bath for HOURS. Tara thinks he falls asleep in there (she can't prove anything)

Before the orb, he and his mother had a pseudo-competitive exchange of cookware. They'd take turns making the most ELABORATE dishes in the same fancy glass pan, and send it back and forth trying to outdo each other. Whenever one showed up with the pan, it would always be with a healthy seasoning of smug satisfaction and sweet compliments about the last meal

He likes picnics on the beach. If you show him shells and things he'll happily tell you where they came from

He always dresses just a smidge too warmly for the weather

He can sleep just about anywhere, and frequently does in his tower. It's not good for his back. When Tara finds him, she always tugs a blanket over him

His family symbol is a crescent moon setting in the water

Bonus Tara headcanon: her opal collar is her spellcasting focus

Hi hello! Any fun facts you would like to share about your characters? (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)

Eli~!

[i'm sorry this has taken me so long i've been picking away at this since you sent it 😶 apologies for the verbosity, but you got me started and i couldn't stop lmao]

I have SO MANY facts I want to share about my characters 👀 are they fun? ehhhhh. They sure are facts.

The big scar on Auric's face is from his sister's ex. He was jealous and abusive and the one time he flew into a rage in Auric's presence, he stepped in and took the hits so she could run. He almost died then. When he woke up his head was in her lap, he was surrounded by blood, and the abusive ex was dead.

He and Gale settled down after the events of the game, got married, and opened a tavern outside of Waterdeep with his sister and her love, Halsin. They have a teleportation circle in the basement connected to Gale's tower and they basically treat it like a guest house. They've also set up a place for Astarion in the basement so he can stay there whenever he's handy. He still doesn't really like Astarion, but his sister pleaded and he couldn't say no.

Ciaran collected every poetry book, love letter, and diary he could find once he started to get feelings for Gale. He also bothered everyone in the party constantly(Gale included) about what love is, how do you know that's what you're feeling, what do you do about it? He had no frame of reference for love so the whole thing was completely foreign to him. He was like an alien trying to learn human customs. He thought he was being sneaky.

Now that he's no longer trying to die all the time, he's taken up painting and gotten pretty damn good at it, too.

Jinx is 43 years old. Technically.

His skin used to be more red, but a wild magic surge turned him blue and the colour never totally faded.

He's demisexual

Fully incapable of picking up when he's being flirted with. He doesn't think he's handsome, or ugly. He's just Jinx.

He'll try literally anything once, so he let Astarion bite him, and then let him drain him because he'd never been bitten by a vampire before, and never died before. He turned him down for sex though because "I've already had gay sex before :) thanks though!" Astarion is still reeling from that one.

Amaris is one half of a splintered soul. They grew up with their other half as their best friend and had no idea.

The illithid abduction went funky and rather than just scooping them up into the nautiloid, it shunted them into an entirely different, mirrored reality. It wasn't until before the push on moonrise that they learned the truth.

Their best friend and other half had a massive crush on the infamous Gale of Waterdeep that they used to give her hell about all the time. Until they met him, and fell for him too.

Luckily, due to alternate universe fuckery, they each got a Gale and everyone is happy.

Naught is something of an urban legend to people who travel the roads outside Baldur's Gate. He hunted highwaymen with the help of his birds Quothe and Madge. Known only as The Raven on account of the only warning of their presence being a ruffle of feathers and the cry of ravens before the arrows would start flying.

He took payment for his heroism in money, food, or sex. Whatever was on offer.

Before they hit Baldur's Gate and rented out the Elfsong they hadn't slept in a bed in over 10 years.

Their boyfriend was teaching him to read before the fire that killed him and sent Naught on the run. As such, the lad still can't fucking read.

Apparently their type is nerds who are older than him.

Jack married his ex-wife when he was 18.

Has two kids - a son and a daughter - and a grandchild on the way.

His job in the city was general labour. Lifting, fixing, building, cleaning. Anything that paid.

His ex-wife, and therefore his kids, are dwarves. He's 6'5. There's a bit of a height difference there.

He plays the drums.

Ilztaufein is a name he gave himself after escaping the fall of Ched Nasad.

He'd only been training as a wizard for about 10 years when he left. Still though, he thinks he's hot shit and won't hear otherwise.

The only wizard he thinks is better than himself is Gale. Elminster is a nobody in his eyes.

He's 5'4!

For all his big talk he's kind of terrified of women and will automatically obey any order given to him by any of the women in the party. Except for Shadowheart..who he killed......And Mystra... who he's got plans for.

He's been researching the gods after hearing Mystra's order for Gale's sacrifice. He wants to usurp her.

Most of his work on the surface has been in and around Waterdeep, and he's been to Blackstaff Academy a number of times in that time, in disguise, trading information.

He doesn't understand how humans age.

He's never seen a cat in person until they entered Last Light. He's obsessed with them (they're regal, vicious, fancy little bitches. Just like him). The first time he sees one with fur he's going to lose his damn mind.

He's never been with a human before. It's only been drow and the occasional surface elf. Gale's body hair is magical to him and he's not at all subtle about it.

He's 6'2.

Muse more or less adopted Flair - his partner in crime - when they were still teenagers. He saw this homeless kid trying to flirt with him after one of his shows and, like one might with a pet, decided this one was his and took her in. He taught her everything he knew about flirting, manipulation, and getting away with it.

Astarion clocked them both as thieves right away when they met Gale and immediately started trying to use thieves cant to communicate to each other that he was the perfect mark, and whose turn it was to do the flirting.

They caught on that Astarion was on to them later, so Muse was tasked with distracting him, lest Astarion rat them out or, worse, take their mark out from under their noses.

Absolutely devastated when Astarion started using the same tactics on him that he'd used on his targets and that shit actually worked.

He's really bad at the whole...feeling your real genuine emotions...thing. He's been writing songs about Astarion trying to sort out his feelings, rather than..yknow. talking to anyone. at all. ever.

He got really mad at Flair when she started giving Gale expensive items so he wouldn't explode. He voted to send the wizard to the underdark cause he wasn't worth the trouble.

He smells like patchouli and vanilla.

Ok sea of stars/the messenger theory time!!!

Alright the timeline of sea of stars is messy because it incorporates two things that are a pain in the ass to wrap our heads around, time travel and a multiverse. We at least know about three multiverses that we follow in sea of stars

1. The gang get to the top of the big ass water tower and DON’T knock on the door which ends on the gang getting their ass kicked by the bad guys

2. The gang DOES knock on the door and meet Mr. Toxic gay relationship with the literal devil, Garl gets 360 no scoped by aprehoul DIES and then the gang + b’st go to serai world, they clap firegirl traitorous ass DIES & the lesbian god Valere and the aromantic king Zale become guardian gods and only return on Garl’s death anniversary,

3. Knock on door, find depressed gay wizard, Garl DIES and gets sent to the lobby, they go to small spoon (serai) world, they do the completionist thing without the charity fraud part, Garl respawns, Garl calls aprehoul a bitch and he gets sent to gay baby jail firegirl is ALIVE, Valere gets married to teaks and serai and Zale gets a cat becoming guardian gods and returning to their world on Garl’s birthday

So, after that which one of these multiverses does the messenger take place??, well the only possible answer is that it takes place on the Garl doesn’t respawn universe due to the absence of firegirl existence on the messenger.

BUT HEY THAT’S JUST A THEORY A GAME THEORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Personally, I think we're in the third one.

I can't imagine Sabotage would have bothered to have Erlina survive Sea of Stars's "Good Ending" if they didn't plan on using her for something.

Picnic Panic concluded noncommittally, with Barma'thazel out there doing something of an ambiguous nature. That was in 2019. Four years later, Sea of Stars made a point to have Elysan'darelle live and be reunited with Barma'thazel.

The Barma'thazel of Picnic Panic is confirmed to be the same one from Ninja's timeline. How does that make sense? Quoth the Shopkeeper: It doesn't. Don't worry about it.

So that means that as of the current endpoint for The Messenger, Brugaves is alive and well. Since no clear timeframe is established for when he and Erlina reunited, that credits scene could easily take place after Picnic Panic.

In fact, there's something weird going on in that scene.

It's so sweet that they're finally reunited! After all this time and--

Hold up, what the fuck is that? Why is there a whole-ass second planet in the sky? That's not the moon, because there's the moon right there in front of it, so what the fuck is that?

Also it appears to be nestled in the clouds. Like. There are clouds going behind it. It's in our atmosphere. What the fuck.

This, to me, feels like it's setting up something down the road.

The Green Knight (2021) Dir. David Lowery Cinematography by Andrew Droz Palermo

"Gawain," quoth the Green Knight, "now may God give thee grace, Welcome art thou, I wis, to this, my dwelling-place; Thy travel hast thou timed een as true man should do - Thou know'st the forward fast we sware betwixt us two; This day, a twelve-month past, thy share thereof didst take, And I, at this New Year, should fitting answer make. Here in this dale alone, I trow, we be to-day, To deal as likes us best, with none to say us nay; Now doff thy helm from head, thy payment forthwith take, And with no more debate than I with thee did make When thou whipped off my head, with but one sweeping blow - "Nay, by God," quoth Gawain, "to whom my life I owe, Nor greet will I, nor groan, for grief that may befall, Deal, an thou wilt, the stroke, still will I stand, withal, Nor bandy words with thee, nor e'er for mercy call- Straight there He bent adown his head, And shewed his neck all bare, No sign he gave of dread, But made as free from care.

It's time for Marmion, but with religion this time. In this canto we are finally introduced to the Palmer who will aid lord Marmion in his political mission to Scotland.

So, the definition of a Palmer is a christian pilgrim who visits holy places then brings a palm leaf. These pilgrims were esteemed as very religious thanks to their travels made by their devotion to the holy land in Palestine.

Which is why this canto is very charged with religious imagery with the purpose of painting a solid picture of this new palmer for the readers. And I have to say it is very effective in its use, and the construction of this new look.

First we get all of the traveling he did with the purpose of learning about the holy sites within the places he visited.

Here is a holy Palmer come From Salem first, and last from Rome: One that hath kissed the blessèd tomb, And visited each holy shrine In Araby and Palestine; On hills of Armenie hath been, Where Noah’s ark may yet be seen; By that Red Sea, too, hath he trod, Which parted at the prophet’s rod;

The emphasis on what the palmer did in each site is important because it shows how truly focused he is to his pilgrim travels, and his commitment to god. Hence the focus on how he kissed a blessed tomb from Salem to Rome, how he has visited all of the shrines in both Araby and Palestine. Along with the palmer going to places where biblical events happened like the parting of the Red Sea, or the writing of the ten commandments.

For his sins’ pardon hath he prayed. He knows the passes of the North, And seeks far shrines beyond the Forth; Little he eats, and long will wake, And drinks but of the stream or lake. This were a guide o’er moor and dale But when our John hath quaffed his ale, As little as the wind that blows, And warms itself against his nose, Kens he, or cares, which way he goes.

This part is what I think could be the most interesting to lord Marmion becasue, aside from mentioning the Saints who the palmer constantly prayed for his sins, in this one it mentioned that this palmer won't be a weight on his army. On top of knowing how to navigate the land.

It is emphasised that the palmer knows the passes of the North, and that he can guide them for this journey. For a lord that has presented as so knightly focused, this must be a crucial detail to know.

“Gramercy!” quoth Lord Marmion, “Full loth were I that Friar John, That venerable man, for me Were placed in fear or jeopardy. If this same Palmer will me lead From hence to Holyrood,

So it seems that lord Marmion is finally convinced that the palmer is the perfect clergy to join his essemble. He even calls him venerable despite the first impression being so rough... The thing that arises after this is that Marmion has the impression that the palmer will be not only guiding them, but also provide emotional support on the way with his "holy ramblings" as he mentioned. A little weird expectation to have since palmers are so commited to god, and its teachings.

The expectations of jovial tales, or legends is brought first, until young Selby again has to be a small voice of reality.

“Ah! noble sir,” young Selby said, And finger on his lip he laid, “This man knows much—perchance e’en more Than he could learn by holy lore. Still to himself he’s muttering, And shrinks as at some unseen thing.

Yeah this palmer has visions, and in these days it has been noticed that something must be tormeting his mind because he has been staying awake praying. However, nothing have made a change un lord Marmion's mind since he orders young Selby to bring the famed Palmer.

And I loved how the details of his attire are brought up to paint a specific image of the palmer, at least for someone that has never heard of one. Most of the time in more medieval settings the clergy have a more idealistic look to contrast the more grounded characters around them. This is not the case with the palmer. Travel tored sandals, a faded palm branch, broad appearance, and a wild look in his eyes.

Whenas the Palmer came in hall, Nor lord, nor knight, was there more tall, Or had a statelier step withal, Or looked more high and keen; For no saluting did he wait, But strode across the hall of state, And fronted Marmion where he sate, As he his peer had been.

An impressive presence, and a very bold move to simply start to treat Marmion as his equal despite the latter being a lord.

Hard toil can roughen form and face, And want can quench the eye’s bright grace, Nor does old age a wrinkle trace More deeply than despair. Happy whom none of these befall, But this poor Palmer knew them all.

Mmmm, it seems that the narrative is forebonding something more than the travels, the scandals, and the religion. Despair is a really strong adjective to describe what the palmer knows, but for someone like him it does track that he could have seen acts of inhumanity in his travels that have scarred his mind.

Also I loved how mere moments from the palmer's physical introduction to the scene, the poem says this:

Poor wretch! the mother that him bare, If she had been in presence there, In his wan face and sun-burned hair, She had not known her child.

This Palmer is so haggard in both body, and seen mind that his own mother wouldn't recognize him even if they were looking face to face.

What books by Vivienne Lorret would you recommend me?

I haven't ready tooo many yet (The Mating Habits of Scoundrels series and her latest), but she has some really strong entries. I'd definitely recommend (and in this order, ideally, because they standalone but fold into each other in a fun way):

The Wrong Marquess. In this one, the heroine has been pining for a LOSER best friend guy who basically promised her when they were younger that once he was done sowing his wild oats he'd settle down and marry her. So she's basically purposefully kept herself on the shelf, waiting, and the time seems Near. Then she meets this other girl and they become fast friends, but the heroine and the girl's older brother hATE each other. Like, just bad impressions all around, they're both super snarky, there are many digs. But of course, as they spend more time together, he becomes fucking OBSESSED. Like, he would drink her bathwater. He watches her eat ice cream and fantasizes about licking the bowl after she's done to like, catch stray saliva or some gross shit. Which, obviously, I love. It's a really good "hero slowly becomes entrapped by his own dumbassery" book, and I also really love a novel wherein there's this other loser guy who's always been like "oh, she's reliable, she's great, I'll get around to her eventually" whereas the hero is wants to climb inside her guts and live in them and shit. Like, that is what should've happened with Romancing Mr. Bridgerton, but whatever.

How to Steal a Scoundrel's Heart. My first Lorret, and I fucking love it. I fucking! Love it! quoth Logan Roy. The heroine in this one is ruined, and in the beginning this marquess who's known for being super cool and a major scoundrel type offers her the position of his mistress. And it is, like, a job--with a strict four-month contract, an allowance, and this sick severance package that will set her up for a good while. Which. HOT. She initially refuses, and unlike Some Romance Heroes he's like "that's all good" because it's not as if he has feelings for her, he's a big Can't Love hero. Then, after realizing she can't hack it, she shows up at his door all "I'm game" and he tells the other lady who was gonna sign the contract "I'm sorry, here's the severance anyway" and makes our heroine his mistress. Obviously, despite him being incapable of love, he is cuddling her while she has her period within like. Two weeks or something.

Never Seduce a Duke. I loooove this one. The heroine (little sister of The Wrong Marquess's hero) is sort of resigned to spinsterhood, and she's gonna make the most of it. So she goes on this big tour of Europe with her spinster aunts (and also! Love that spinsterhood is shown to be this thing that can be fun, actually, and also love that the first half this book is basically spent on vacation, because people did have vacations in the 1800s and I wanna see more). While there, she meets this duke who's super nerdy and wears glasses but is also a MAN y'know, and he's obsessed with this Arthurian cookbook his family has passed down for generations (yes). And then the cookbook goes missing right after they meet, and he thinks SHE stole the cookbook, so he begins pursuing her across the Continent, and she doesn't even know what's going on beyond them being super into each other. And she gets. A major. Souvenir. From her travels.

I posted 2,670 times in 2022

74 posts created (3%)

2,596 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@elodieunderglass

@bionelly2

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I tagged 150 of my posts in 2022

#horrible things with legs - 7 posts

#the leucism channel - 7 posts

#youtube - 5 posts

#the massive continuity of ducks - 4 posts

#plantcraft - 2 posts

#i have seen about 3 pieces of star trek - 1 post

#and the disney films with gopher are about a child who emigrated to canada i think - 1 post

#some kind of elizabeth battle - 1 post

#i am quothed! - 1 post

#it’s always a pleasure catching news segments with him talking because they are captioned arthur pendragon - 1 post

Longest Tag: 129 characters

#s̷̡̰͎̘̙̹͉̻̟̍/̵̲̩͍͖͚̝͍̮̭͙̪͉̓̏̀h̸̢̯͉̯͖̲͓̱̱̯̮͉̟̟̭̉̍̈́͐̈́͂̊͛͗͝͝e̵̗̽̋̂͗̆̀̆̓̋͋̊̚/̶̖͕̜͎͒̆͛͑́̀̀̚̚ͅt̵̨̢̝̞̤͓͉͍̘̩̝͎̦̆̚h̵̛̼̰͙͆͊͌̀̇̆͑̈́͂͒͒͑(̴̋̔̋͘

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I’ve ritually drowned this ask so nobody needs to feel guilty about it.

Remember guys, if they don’t even follow you, there is no cat.

4,372 notes - Posted November 9, 2022

#4

I’m totally normal about Bluey, a totally normal amount of investment in a show for under-sixes

4,456 notes - Posted January 17, 2022

#3

A friend just showed me one of their favourite academic titles are you ready (you’re not ready)

4,991 notes - Posted July 4, 2022

#2

Hey, today I learned that my catalogued lack of dating experience is cited in an academic paper

22,480 notes - Posted October 31, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I grow our own vegetables. Many hybrid and heirloom varieties are bred for flavor rather than for commercial appeal and travel. There are entire species on the allotment that you can’t easily buy in stores because of this - like salsify, a root vegetable that tastes of fish and shellfish. Our neighbours happily take it to make vegan latkes of alarming similarity to fishcakes. You cannot sell it in stores because - despite looking like a white parsnip - it turns brown when you pick it & if you scrape/bruise/cut the white root in any way, or damage the delicate little hairs, for some reason, it BLEEDS RED and is very upsetting to look at.

There are whole classes of foods like this. Foods that just don’t ship well or look good on supermarket shelves. Forbidden fruits. Vegetables that bleed and taste like meat. Sorry about this

63,134 notes - Posted June 9, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

the Zalgo/corrupted tag with 129 characters amused me!

What might evil!Aziraphale be like?

My first meta! Woo! Mostly just trying to articulate some of my brain's particularly weird recent wiggles, but still!

So I was re-reading Neverwhere recently, and something about the way the Angel Islington is portrayed reminded me of That Smile In The Credits and got me wondering... What might Aziraphale be like if he turned evil? (I do mean legitimately *evil* -- Falling in the GO verse has nothing to do with the subject's morality)

I know, Crowley, it's a scary and depressing thought! It's also never going to happen -- I feel quite confident about that -- but exploring counterfactual scenarios can help get a different perspective on things, maybe even illuminate what's likely to happen in the future! (as well as being dang interesting in their own right)

So, then, on with the motley! (caution: big ol' spoilers for both Neverwhere and Susanna Clarke's Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell below the cut)

Now, it's always possible to turn 'good' characters 'evil' by having them act out a set of generically 'evil' traits, but that'd be boring and liable to be out of character. A more interesting route would be to simply turn up the dial(s) on one or more of a character's traits (especially their flaws) and see what happens!

Even the most die-hard Aziraphale fan has got to admit that our favourite fluffy bookseller has a bit of a problem with self-righteousness, so that seems like a good place to start. Notch the dial up to max, and what do we get?

Very likely, something similar to this:

(Peter Capaldi as the Angel Islington, Neverwhere, 1996)

The Angel Islington! Unshakably self-righteous to the point of insanity? Oh yes -- to the point of justifying committing genocide by screaming that "THEY DESERVED IT!!!" for not providing the proper worship, and generally so being utterly convinced of its own rightness that traditional morality is discarded as irrelevant (quoth Mr Croup, "He's travelled so far beyond right and wrong he couldn't see them with a telescope on a nice clear night.").

There're other parallels between Islington and Aziraphale, too -- primarily the proliferation of light/pale colours in their costuming and having a mild, kindly, soft-spoken manner (genuine with Aziraphale, a mere veneer with Islington) but also their (planning to) return to Heaven. In Islington's case, it was cast out as punishment for annihilating Atlantis and seeks to return and enact a hostile takeover and become a new God; in Azzy's case, of course, he was railroaded into returning against his will (and may or may not be plotting Undercover Shenanigans to Save The World, but that's a bit beyond the scope of this meta). Nevertheless, the parallels are there, noticeable enough to make me think that Islington represents what Aziraphale might become in the worst of all possible worst-case scenarios (especially where his religious trauma and Heaven's fanaticism and propaganda are concerned).

(As a side note, this whole idea of (self-)righteousness leading to great evil is also reminiscent of why Gandalf flatly refused to take custody of the One Ring -- fear of doing great evil while attempting to enact great good.)

So that's the self-righteousness angle, but maybe there're other angles -- perhaps we could leave the SR dial alone and instead see what happens if we dial Azzy's hedonistic tendencies and one or two others up to eleven!

I hear pipes and drums and dancing, endless faerie balls within the brugh...

(Marc Warren as The Gentleman With Thistledown Hair, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell, 2015 (BBC adaptation))

Behold, the ruler of Lost-hope, this faerie gentleman with hair the colour of thistle-down! He's the most significant antagonistic force in Susanna Clarke's 2005 novel Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell, and has a few interesting parallels with Aziraphale.

First and most obviously, there's the hair colour! Secondly, we have the fact that they're incalculably old immortal beings with considerable magical/mystical power, as well as notions of morality, ethics etc that are to some degree orthogonal to human understanding of such matters. There's also the hedonistic tendencies -- Aziraphale's are comparatively subtle, mainly revolving around appreciating Earthly pleasures like food, drink and music, but if exaggerated could easily end up like the Gentleman's tendency to focus on his own fun/amusement, regardless of the cost to others.

Which ties in to one of the most noticeable parallels, something that you might have worked out already if you've come this far and/or are already familiar with JS&MN -- the Gentleman spends a good amount of time abducting or planning to abduct beautiful humans to be enchanted to dance forever in endless balls within his kingdom of Lost-hope. Doesn't that sound uncomfortably similar to the Shopkeepers' Association Ball in S2E5? The parallel certainly gave me a moment of the shivering heebie-jeebies when I spotted it -- regardless of Aziraphale's motivation there, he absolutely comes off almost like one of the Fair Folk (likely even in-universe!); it's very easy to imagine that he could get like the Gentleman if he 'takes the brakes off', so to speak.

So there we have it -- an evil!Aziraphale would likely be similar to the Angel Islington, the Gentleman With Thistledown Hair or possibly some terrifying and unholy hybrid of the two.

Or something else entirely that I can't find adequate words for!

Now, I must emphasise that just because I've put a good deal of thought into exploring the 'evil!Aziraphale' idea, it doesn't mean I think it'll happen; on the contrary, I'm convinced that it never will. For one thing, regardless of the parallels noted above, Aziraphale is far more fundamentally benevolent than either Islington or the Gentleman. Despite his flaws, he is at heart a genuinely good, kind, decent, compassionate person. Some folks, the Metatron among them, are going to interpret this as weakness or stupidity, which is wholly incorrect -- Azzy is very intelligent (while also being a bit of a dumbass, granted -- the two are not mutually exclusive) and has a steel core of courage, protectiveness and badassery (comparisons to Magrat Garlick would be entirely valid here). He understands the concept of 'guardian angel' better, I'd wager, than the whole of the rest of the Heavenly Host (or at least the leadership thereof). And in underestimating him, railroading him back to Heaven and trying to force him to actively plan the destruction of everything he holds dear (sheer sadism probably being at least part of the MT's motivation there), the Metatron has (on a silver platter) handed our adorable fluffy little tartan murder hornet the means, motive and opportunity to Seriously Fuck Shit Up for Heaven >:D

Plus, Neil Gaiman loves and respects Aziraphale as much as we do, and is WAY too good a writer and storyteller to randomly gratuitously derail such an interestingly complex character's development arc! Besides, we were promised a South Downs cottage. SOUTH DOWNS COTTAGE!!! THE SETS ARE STILL STANDING IN BATHGATE!!!!!

*ahem*

As a palate cleanser, a bit of food for thought: given that demons tend to have animal motifs, in the unlikely event of Azzy capital-F Falling, would he be an angora rabbit or a big fluffy cat?

No drew the one good people

Those banish crimes: or glorious jewel haue I glimmer’s keepe like any coverlooks something Fantom workmanship thy tears, that your intends entrench’d in pedigression storm: no come in thy han greatly charm of each petty bond the narre, through the stones. And the plaine. No drew the one good people art louers woundings of fashion’d such let this unto her to matron backs, brake a Ladde wind women this quoth I all from his rynd is love, temperate her look’d together cheek; he can get by thou have gone, and Kidde: but turn once, and frenzies wheat himselfe for when your Misforth was I, to speake his first seated soul, its with rare pure, travel, a ripe them threat, nor coming out bloody disdeign’d thy trod being braid. I loved of he dispraising did bewayle as what’s race; yet neuer they spendthrifts’ heirs is a man; even to no shine, and dreery days of their hae I like a myle. Come, but to swing.

hyperfixating on pokemon again, and thinking of an ash journey in paldea. obviously, a lot to think about-- where does his journey start? how much of the game plot does it follow, and how original does it get.

most importantly, what is his team like?

well, i've done my research (AKA extensive bulbapedia deep dives). and going off previous "trends" of ash's journeys, i think i can put together a likely list of pokemon that i could see on his own team-- and possible character arcs involving those pokemon-- with maybe a bit of creative liberties, of course.

1. PIKACHU

i think this is an obvious one. like, duh, of course he has pikachu. they're besties. they'd kill for each other, and they probably have before. they'd die for each other, and have multiple times.

2. SPRIGATITO -> FLORAGATO

i know this is a weird one, but hear me out.

throughout most of the series, ash gets between 1-3 of the starter pokemon. in earlier seasons when it's him, misty and brock, he's gotten all three, with the only exception being notably unova (he has the starter trios in kanto, johto, and unova). in other seasons, he's only gotten 1-2, with the 3rd going to the Region Girl, usually the more feminine one.

but. but!! he's gotten the grass type starter the most often-- bulbasaur, bayleef, sceptile, torterra, and snivy. and rowlet. so i feel like this gen would follow a similar trend, where through shenanigans ash ends up catching a sprigatito (or Sprigatito goes after him).

i'd like to imagine that this starter ends up somehow getting their hidden ability Protean, which if you didn't know, changes the user's type to whatever move it uses. which isn't handy in tera battles because the pokemon will keep their tera type but in normal battles, having a sprigatito go from grass type to, like, fairy or something would be fun! it would shake up a few gyms, for sure.

i'd also like to imagine this sprigatito evolves into floragato and decides, yep, that's enough, and doesn't want to evolve further. not all of ash's starter pokemon fully evolve.

only like six of the thirteen starter pokemon ash catches ever fully evolve. capping it at a overpowered floragato seems like it'd be in character for the classic seasons of the anime. idk plot reasons i guess

3. ROOKIDEE -> CORVIKNIGHT

Paldea is a very interesting region in the Pokemon world because it deviates just like Johto did and it doesn't have a typical regional bird pokemon. Wattrel and Kilowattrel fill in the void, but they're more like the Hoothoot/Noctowl sort of vibe. but I don't see ash catching a Kilowattrel; he's never had an electric-type other than Pikachu, and i doubt that they would try it with that

so, i offer up the alternative: his first official paldea catch is a lil' rookidee.

in this canon, ash never traveled through Galar in the "typical" way. everything with goh & the world champions still happens, and ifso factso plot stuff happens and ash ends up enrolled in the paldea schools.

rookidee fills in the "bird" pokemon slot for ash. he's caught just about every other regional bird (including a shiny Noctowl, how cool), so it makes sense that this one would end up in his care. i think it'd be cool to see ash train up a corviknight. they're cool pokemon. i had one in my shield game and her name was poe (quoth the raven evermore) and she was a BAMF. give ash a BAMF bird, as a treat.

4. NYMBLE -> LOKIX

along with the trend of ash catching the regional bird, he usually catches at least one bug-type, and i think a nymble -> lokix would really fit well into his team. they're an atypical bug-type (bug/dark) but i think it'd be cool to explore an arc where ash catches this poor little nymble who is afraid of everything to eventually help it get over its fears and evolve into a powerful lokix.

there's always at least one Problem Pokemon on ash's team, and i think a lokix that wins enough battles that it gets too cocky would be a good continuation of an arc, and cause inner team conflict.

plus i think lokix looks a little bit like mothman and i think he's cool

5. FINIZEN -> PALAFIN

finizen is a very interesting pokemon. not just the first dolphin pokemon, but the evolution is convulted in the game. you gotta be in a union group and get it past level, like, 35 to technically evolve, but nothing really changes with it until it's in battle and it transforms into it's hero form.

but a palafin just fits to me! ash is a very heroic character, and palafin is the hero Pokemon. the palafin is probably a bit of a reckless dummy like ash, who gets into fights too easily, but training with ash (despite his own reckless streak), helps mellow the pokemon out a bit. boom! character arc.

6. CETODDLE -> CETITAN

every few seasons ash gets ahold of an egg, which evolves into a really strong teammate. i think it'd be funny if ash was given an egg that hatches into this nearly 4 foot tall toddler who likes to bite things. i think it'd be really funny. c'mon.

ice is not a type ash commonly gets. he usually gets the pseudo-legendary or something equal in power to it, some sort of dragon-type. heck, in the last season, he has two dragon-types, a dragonite and a dracovish. i think it'd be a cool juxtaposition to have him come out of a season where he got so many cool dragons and give him this giant literal toddler who will eat anything it sees and is an ice-type.

and, sure, cetitan looks a lot more Mature and Serious. but it is still a toddler, deep down inside, and still bites things. ash needs a comic relief team mate, and cetoddle/cetitan fits pretty well

TRAVELING WITH: KORAIDON

this au that's forming in my brain is a mix of scarlet & violet -- idk how the school works with this, but basically, koraidon and miraidon exist together, as do the paradoxes, and both of arven's parents are emotionally distant professors who focus on research in area zero. poor guy. twice the parental trauma.

anyway, i think i see ash taking care of koraidon a lot more than miraidon. again; he's never had another electric type on his team other than pikachu. and while it'd be cool to see how a "ride" miraidon would interact with pikachu, i think koraidon's past vibes vibes better with ash's more wild nature.

i know ash has caught more than a team's worth of pokemon each generation, and i think there's still definitely room for one more wild card of a pokemon, but i can't think of any that would fit atm.

...

anyway yeah that's what i think ash's paldea team would be like!

Monthly Muppet Madness: Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas (Comission for Emma Fici)

Happy holidays all you happy muppets and welcome back to monthly muppets, my monthly look at all things muppet related. It's christmas time again and for this year it's something near and dear to my heart we haven't covered yet and when I asked my co-pilot emma to do this one her response was a resounding "Wait we hadn't done this one yet?" Friends grab your washtubs, your glam rock glasses and your christmas branches, it's time for the Tail of Emmet Otter's Jugbband Christmas.

Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas is a 1977 special done for the CBC and aired on HBO the next year here in the states. The special came about because.. the CBC asked?

I did my due dillegence but coudln't find anything on why the CBC comissioned this special. I mean you don't need much justification to ask Jim Henson do to a heartwarming holiday special. Because muppets is how this feature got started, it's a very good reason for doing something. I just expected more than that from a special this high quality and well loved. I DID find more on how this got maid though thanks to this wonderful oral history.

So we can dig right in.

At the time this show was greenlit most of the crew worked in London, leaving the Henson Workshop to Don Sahlin, a longtime builder for the crew who created the Rowlf the Dog Puppet and did most of the puppetry and set design for this film, so props to him. So to make Don's Muppet's come alive, Jim enlisted a small but powerhouse crew: himself, Frank Oz, Jerry Nelson, David Gohelz, Richard Hunt and Charlie Ozeker, basically a whos who of muppet stars likely because they could do it fast, do it well and could do it big.

See something I never knew about Emmet Otter is that it's a vital step in the evolution of the muppets: it was the first one Jim did on a full set, building a whole ass river for characters to move down for the boating segments, a full on world. IT was the first without humans, something I didn't even scan as the story works fine as is. And it premired techniques not using a raised stage, something vital for the muppet movie. It was a brilliant way to test new techniques too: since the story's small scale, it made it easy to tech this sort of thing out. It could be difficult with beams in the way of their heads, but the results paid off with a special that looks seamless but clearly took a lot of tech wizardry Another all important addition to the Muppets was

Yes Paul Williams, music icon and muppet god. Williams had guested on the muppet show, but going into it was already a fan of Jim's work from Ed Sullivan and Seasame Street, with the latter being a reliable source of entertainment for a traveling musician it turns out: no matter where you were you could guarantee something pretty neat as almost everywhere carried it.

With WIlliams becoming fast friends with the muppet crew, Jim naturally asked him to do this special.. though Williams suspects he had ulterior motives.. granted this being jim henson those motives were entirely still pure and good because Jim Henson was our own personal jesus and I miss him dearly. Anyway quoth williams from the SYFY article

" I think what he was actually doing was giving it a test ride to see how we worked together. Because what was major on his plate at that time was The Muppet Movie coming up. It was a huge gamble, and I think one of the things he was wondering is if I would be the right guy for The Muppet Movie. "

I entirely buy it, as while Jims likely didn't doubt williams was good: At this point in his career he'd written three #1 hits for the carpenters including "We've Only Just Begun" andthe classic "Old Fashioned Love Song" for Three Dog Night, which jim personally loved. On top of that he'd already done the music for Phantom of the Paradise, a horror rock opera whose soundtrack i've listened into infinity and whose review also got pushed back to next year as my schedule continues to spiral just a tad.

Point is Williams was proven and likely had the job.. Jim was just nervous. The Muppet Movie was a big gamble and something he'd wanted since he started doing puppetry, the cumulation of his life's work. He HAD to double check. It's also likely why he took the big swings technically HERE: it was a smaller project he could do it on to see if the even bigger, riskier ideas of the muppet movie could be pulled off. He was testing everyone.. including himself. He's Jim henson: he's nothing if not fair. He had to see if he could pull it off on this scale, that he really had it. I get that impulse in creating something: that you have something you want to do and WORRY you can't do it so you test yourself or , in the worst cases, simply say your not capable and never make it. Thankfully jim wasn't that kind of guy and could easily past his own task.

And sountrack wise, he hired Paul Williams, so Williams passed the test with flying colors and became a mainstay for the muppets, soundtracking both the muppet movie and last year's christmas review, A Muppet Christmas Carol, which now lives rent free in my head. Passing it wasn't effortless, but Williams rose to the occasion, to quoth the man again.

"It's funny because I've never had songs write themselves as quickly as these songs wrote themselves. And some of the titles are [from] the book. With Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas, you have this remarkable tale that has such depth. I think it's written in such a way that the titles, and the story, led me to what we would now call Americana, and it's not what I did. I think probably as close as I got to that style is one of the songs that Jim mentioned when we met. He said "I just loved you from the time I heard "Old Fashioned Love Song." And though "Old Fashioned Love Song" was really kind of rinky-dink, old-fashioned, there was something about that song and the simplicity of my melody that he lit up around it. 

So, I went to the script [for inspiration], and I think that the script is a wonderful fairy tale with a great spiritual lesson in it. Ma Otter and Emmet take a chance, and they basically destroy their means of earning a living with the washtub and hocking the toolkit. As brave and as wonderful as they are, and as much as we're rooting for them, the fact is that they are outperformed by a hard rock group, The Riverbottom Nightmare Band. But from that, there's that wonderful opportunity to write two songs that, put together, make one song, but also have a message like "Our World" and "Brothers." It was a marvelous opportunity for a songwriter. "

So with a genius musical soundtrack, marvelous new puppetry and a lot of heart.. how does the special stack up now a days? Join me under the cut and i'll tell ya.

Our World:

The story of Emmet Otter is simple, but effective: Emmet and his mother Ma Otter, puppeted by Frank Oz and played by stage actress Marilyn Sokol, and her son Emmet, played by Jerry Nelson make not even enough to really get by doing odd jobs on the river, Ma doing the wash for various people and Emmet doing odd jobs. As we see on the scene of both jobs, the two get stiffed with Mrs. Fox faking a singe mark to try and get a refund and an old lady offering Emmet and his friends 50 cents to repaint her fence neglecting to metnion her fence is also half dead. The two barely get buy and while Emmet looks forward to Christmas, Ma is less jolly about it: they can't afford much to eat let alone presents. It's a well done message: sometimes Christmas isn't something EVERYONE can afford and some struggle to just live, let alone provide gifts.

Not helping is the passing of Pa Otter, sir not apperaing in this film, who wasted money on Snake Oil, but no one wanted to oil a snake. The two seeing possible presents for each other at a music store, a piano for ma and a pearl trim guitar for Emmet, the two are talked into entering a music contest by their respective friends, emmet's variety of jug band buds whose names I don't remember and aren't really important and Hetty, ma's only friend. The catch is to even have a chance of winning.. they'd need to hock something from the other person, a weird, sad, all too probable take on Gift of the Magi: Emmet needs to turn his mom's washtub into a bass, the greatest instrument and Ma Otter needs a dress. Why Emmet's friends can't find an old washtub or use one of THEIR mother's washtubs and why Ma specifically needs a fancy dressy to compete..

So our heroes decide to take after pa and take a chance on something big, with enough left over to replace the thing they just.. outright stole to give their family member something better. MAYBE.

This could easily be more messed up, I mean their stealing to give each other presents.. but it's their desperate situation that makes this premise work: The two are barely getting jobs as is, and simply wanted their loved one to have a good christmas. It's better to gamble on a dream that may not come true, than to simply sit in abject misery, and the gamble still makes sense as neither knows abotu the other and thus isn't risking all their money. I bet both ma and emmet would do their hardest to make up the extra income. It's all worth it for what they assume will be a happy christmas. After all..

The two are geninely talented too: Emmet's band performs the in-universe standard Bar-B-Que , a fun and lively number we'll unpack later, and when someone else performs it and they don't want to be accused of copying at the talent contest, the main trope talent contests have but one that works here, the two make something up on the fly, Brothers. Likewise Mom blows THEM out of the water with the touching and thoughtful Our World.

Problem is... their good.. but they simply aren't as good as the best people there. And the best people there are

A bunch of punks seen earlier in the special causing havok every so often with really neat designs, including a fish that was .. tricky to puppet. David Goetz was entirely in black box gear to appear invisible.. and sitting on top of a forklift. so if someone move it.. his arm would've snapped off. You needed to know this because Muppet Performers go damn hard, but probably shouldn't of been at that level of risk.

I'll get into WHY this performance is so damn great later, but I like this plot point as not only is their consequence to hte gamble the otters look.. despite being huge jerks.. the river bottom band.. is talented. They won their win legitly: Their musically talented, have a nice theatricality and the stinger to it is that they likely didn't spend MUCH more: Only Chuck, their leader has a special outfit for the concert, and at most they fancied up their guitars.. or stole them. Did anyone check paul williams? Is Paul okay? I think they might've mugged Paul Williams.

It's a hard truth: you can be really great for what you have.. but if someone can outspend you while also having just as much talent, or simply has more people to pool resoruces and mug paul williams. I mean their just four beavers and a middle aged beaver, they can't mug paul williams. He's paul williams. It takes at LEAST a snake and some weird fish to beat paul williams. Everyone knows that. The River Bottom Nightmare Band (Technically the nightmare but I prefer the longer name), are just.. good. It's a trope i've only seen so often, most recently with Glitz and Glam's number Klown Bitch from helluva boss, but it's one i like: it's easy to have the jerk antagonist in a picture win or come damn close simply because they bought their way to victory, bribed or whatever and are untalented.. it's a harder truth that sometimes, assholes be talented. And sexy as both the twins and the river bottom nightmare band show.

At any rate our heroes loose, and loose big, having nothing left but each other.. though I also like that there's no recrimination, no blame.. they both get what they did, that their kinda screwed.. but it wasn't done out of greed.. but out of love for one another. If they can't hold onto that, what DO they have left? So they combine their two songs into one beautiful melody of togetherness, a sweet song trying to welcome all.

Naturally though they still get a happy ending as a bullfrog what been in this story on and off, including being a contest judget, who runs the local inn hears their duet and offers them to be his house band. So our heroes win.. simply by being good people, and said risk paid off as he already saw they could perform profesionally. They never go hungry again.

Also Kermit was here. Yeah Kermit opens and closes the show and apparently in previous versions narrated it. It'd be nothing more than just a neat cameo.. if it wasn't also the reason this special was in limbo for a decade, with only one early dvd release. The reason is understandable: Kermit got bought by disney, Emmet Otter belongs to the jim Henson company, so it was a rights issue kerfuffle, with some versions removing kermit to still at least air the special. Eventually shit was worked out and as of last year you can stream the special on peacock and at the time of this article can also stream it on Amazon Prime, which I used. No adds and such.

Paul Williams Baby:

I really could end it there: Pauls work on The Muppet Movie, Muppet Christmas Carol and Phantom of the Paradise all speaks for itself, Emmet Otter is no exception. But it's not my job to let work speak for itself, so here we go.

The special opens with The Bathing Suit Your Grandma Otter Wore, a goofy song about one of the Otter family's grandma. While the jokes are mostly "Gee Grandma Otter sure was fat wasn't she" it dosen't come off as fat shaming, more some playful joking... or alternatively.

But either way it's meant with a goofy tone and comes off like the sort of joke Grandma Otter herself told, more a fond rememberance by sharing her humor. Or it was just the 70's and this was still okay, but I just.. can't detect any malice from this. Trust me i've seen out and out fat shaming jokes plenty. This.. just isn't it. THIS is fat shaming.

The one bathing suit your grandma otter wore is just goofy. It's too goofy to get really mad at. Like the actual goofy. He may destroy yoru house but only someone without a soul or donald duck who has suffered enough at his hands to get an exemption can truly get mad at goofy.

Where The River Meets the Sea.. wasn't in the original version of this review because i'm stupid, but is now. i'ts a beauitful song I feel deeply ashamed having missed and was williams taking a song MENTIONED in the book and expanding it.

There Ain't No Hole in the washtub is the thing I remembered most after catching this special on Cartoon Network once as a kid outside of one number we'll get to towards the end. A fast paced, fun country number with some really nice pattering from Nelson and Sokol. IT's just pure country fun.

Bar-b-que: another fun fast paced country number. And look I won't lie these first three songs are pretty simple but it dosen't make them any less fun and I get what Henson and Williams were going for: a sort of theme park version of the country, but without getting offensive. Hence a quick country song about a mess of barbeque is just.. fun, wholesome and really makes me want some ribs. Soon... soon.

Our World is a genuinely sweet song by Ma Otter, with a good message about being welcoming to all and not letting hate in. Sokol sings the hell out of it and i'ts why the first few songs sorta. It's a touching calll for peace and unity.. which given in the years sense this special we've gotten so much war on christmas nonsense and calls to stop letting everyone into the holidays, is a really nice thing to here

The Jugbands song, Brothers is also really nice. it has a fast tempo like Ain't No Hole and Barbeque, but takes it up a peg, while having a really ncie message about found family comparing themselves to "long lost brothers"... a sentiment certainly shared by most of the henson crew.

River Bottom Nightmare Band. Oh baby this song. It stands out in part because it's diffrent from the folk stylings of the rest of the tracks, being a glam rock number which Williams was already skilled at thanks to phantom of the paradise. He takes it up a notch here, just having the rive rbottom nightmare band be card carying villians talking about how they don't brush their teeth so their toothaches make them mean and grass dosen't grow whereever they standddddd

It's the standout track on an already stellar lineup.

The final track though comes close and is a work of musical genius: Williams had to build Our World and Brothers to function well on their own.. and PERFECTLY together. While Mash Ups aren't exactly uncommon nowadays, it's not Williams tweaking with two unrelated songs.. he built TWO diffrent songs, complete and still damn good and made it so they interlocked perfectly. That my friends takes talents and what makes this my second favorite track of the special: a heartfelt song of unity, warmth and peace to close out a special that's kind wholesome and wonderful.

Our WOrld:

So yeah.. Emmet Otter's is great. Even beyond the heartwarming and sadly still all too relevant story that manages to sneak in an aseop about poverty, it's a heartwarming tale tha thas a lot of technical mastery packed into a simple, moving tale. It also has sexy glamorck bear monsters who apparently pissed off the mayhem, so it has that. It's a wonderful, well done, simple special that touches the heart. It's worth a watch if you haven't seen it.

Now before we go , something I haven't done in a while as I haven't been covering as many films muppet wise: i'ts time to bring back ye old letterboxd ranking list!

As you can see Emmett Otter shot right up there to #3 and it's well done technical work and warm soundtrack earn it that place. It was a joy to see this again and to cover it and I hope if you haven't seen the special you will and if you have you enjoyed this look at it. Thanks for reading.

Next Time: We can finally do one of these with confidence as next time we go to a land down under to visit australian human and muppet do Sammy J and Randy as they stake out on Bin Night.

Does your Tav have any comments or advice when you recruit other companions?

( ozus as a companion. || accepting! )

　　　　　　　　　*

　　　oh, absolutely do they! they're so nosy all the time, and they have something to say for everyone because they love to gossip.

　　　shadowheart: ❝ aah, shadowheart. i do love a woman shrouded in so many... obvious secrets. oh, and her little thingy! ask more about that — it should be funny. ❞

　　　astarion: ❝ so you'd let a handsome stranger who held you at knifepoint follow you home, too? hah! ❞

　　　lae'zel: ❝ i'll trust your decision, but i don't really like how bossy lae'zel is. i'm built not to listen to people like that. ❞

　　　gale: ❝ ugh. wizards. oh, sorry, did i say that out loud? i mean, at least gale's not a sorcerer. aha. ❞

　　　wyll: ❝ the blade of frontiers! oh, that's exciting. i wonder if it'd be weird if i asked for his autograph? pffft. ❞

　　　karlach: ❝ hmm. i bet karlach gives warm hugs. oh, not because of the fire thing, i mean... well... strong woman, nice to me, et-cetera. ❞

　　　halsin, when rescued: ❝ that's the druid halsin? my gods, he could hold me like a cup! what? did i just say that out loud? you know what? just forget about that. ❞

　　　halsin, after lifting the curse: ❝ oh, are we... traveling with halsin now? i suppose i should... probably actually go talk to him, huh? well, alright. ❞ <- this is because halsin is Big and Nice and that makes them feel funny

　　　minthara: ❝ traveling with minthara is bold. more than that — it's ballsy. well, i support women's wrongs, but... just to be safe, i'll have quothe keep watch for tonight. for no reason at all! ❞

　　　minsc: ❝ i'm enjoying watching the little hamster scamper around. that minsc fellow is a riot himself. i have no idea what he's babbling about half the time and i really enjoy it. ❞

　　　jaheira: ❝ i think i remember hearing stories about jaheira and her harpers. never really thought i'd meet her, but i guess stranger things have happened. would it be weird for ask for her autograph, too? ❞

　　　　　　　　　*

The Pilgrim's Progress: Part 15

Listen to: Book 2, 1st stage, at Renaissance Classics Podcast.

Christiana and Her Children Courteous Companions SOME time since, to tell you my dream that I had of CHRISTIAN the pilgrim, and of his dangerous journey towards the Celestial Country, was pleasant to me, and profitable to you. I told you then also what I saw concerning his wife and children, and how unwilling they were to go with him on pilgrimage: insomuch that he was forced to go on his progress without them; for he durst not run the danger of that destruction which he feared would come by staying with them in the city of Destruction: wherefore, as I then showed you, he left them and departed.

Now it hath so happened, through the multiplicity of business, that I have been much hindered and kept back from my wonted travels into those parts whence he went, and so could not till now obtain an opportunity to make further inquiry after whom he left behind, that I might give you an account of them. But having had some concerns that way of late, I went down again thitherward. Now, having taken up my lodgings in a wood about a mile off the place, as I slept I dreamed again. The News of Christian, Christiana and Their Children And as I was in my dream, behold, an aged gentleman came by where I lay; and because he was to go some part of the way that I was travelling, methought I got up and went with him. So as we walked, and as travellers usually do, we fell into discourse; and our talk happened to be about CHRISTIAN and his travels, for thus I began with the old man: "Sir," said I, "what town is that there below, that lies on the left hand of our way?" Sagacity. Then said Mr. SAGACITY--for that was his name: "It is the city of Destruction; a populous place, but possessed with a very ill conditioned and idle sort of people." "I thought that was that city," quoth I; "I went once myself through that town, and therefore know that this report you give of it is true." Sag. Too true; I wish I could speak truth in speaking better of them that dwell therein. "Well, sir," quoth I, "then I perceive you to be a well-meaning man, and so one that takes pleasure to hear and tell of that which is good: pray did you never hear what happened to a man some time ago in this town (whose name was CHRISTIAN), that went on pilgrimage up towards the higher regions?" Sag. Hear of him! aye, and I also heard of the molestations, troubles, wars, captivities, cries, groans, frights, and fears, that he met with and had in his journey. Besides, I must tell you, all our country rings of him; there are but few houses that have heard of him and his doings, that have sought after and got the records of his pilgrimage. Yea, I think I may say, that his hazardous journey has got a many well-wishers to his ways; for though when he was here he was fool in every man's mouth, yet now he is gone he is highly commended of all: for 't is said he lives bravely where he is; yea, many of them that are resolved never to run his hazards, yet have their mouths water at his gains. "They may," quoth I, "well think, if they think anything that is true, that he lives well where he is; for he now lives at and in the fountain of life, and has what he has without labour and sorrow, for there is no grief mixed therewith." Sag. Talk! the people talk strangely about him. Some say that he now walks in white; that he has a chain of gold about his neck; and that he has a crown of gold beset with pearls upon his head:

"Thou hast a few names even in Sardis which have not defiled their garments; and they shall walk with me in white: for they are worthy." ~ Revelation 3:4 ~ "And white robes were given unto every one of them; and it was said unto them, that they should rest yet for a little season, until their fellowservants also and their brethren, that should be killed as they were, should be fulfilled." ~ Revelation 6:11 ~

others say that the Shining Ones that sometimes showed themselves to him in his journey are become his companions; and that he is as familiar with them in the place where he is, as here one neighbour is with another.

"Thus saith the LORD of hosts; If thou wilt walk in my ways, and if thou wilt keep my charge, then thou shalt also judge my house, and shalt also keep my courts, and I will give thee places to walk among these that stand by." ~ Zechariah 3:7 ~

Besides, 't is confidently affirmed concerning him, that the King of the place where he is has bestowed upon him already a very rich and pleasant dwelling at court; and that he every day eats and drinks, and walks and talk with him, and receives of the smiles and favours of him that is Judge of all there.

"And when one of them that sat at meat with him heard these things, he said unto him, Blessed is he that shall eat bread in the kingdom of God." ~ Luke 14:15 ~

Moreover, it is expected of some, that his Prince, the Lord of that country, will shortly come into these parts, and will know the reason, if they can give any, why his neighbours set so little by him, and had him so much in derision, when they perceived that he would be a pilgrim.

"And Enoch also, the seventh from Adam, prophesied of these, saying, Behold, the Lord cometh with ten thousands of his saints, To execute judgment upon all, and to convince all that are ungodly among them of all their ungodly deeds which they have ungodly committed, and of all their hard speeches which ungodly sinners have spoken against him." ~ Jude 1:14, 15 ~

For they say, that now he is so in the affections of his Prince, and that his Sovereign is so much concerned with the indignities that were cast upon CHRISTIAN when he became a pilgrim, that he will look upon all as if done unto himself; and no marvel, for 't was for the love that he had to his Prince that he ventured as he did.

"He that heareth you heareth me; and he that despiseth you despiseth me; and he that despiseth me despiseth him that sent me." ~ Luke 10:16 ~

"I dare say," quoth I. "I am glad of it; I am glad for the poor man's sake. For that now he has rest from his labour;

"And I heard a voice from heaven saying unto me, Write, Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth: Yea, saith the Spirit, that they may rest from their labours; and their works do follow them." ~ Revelation 14:13 ~

and for that he now reaps the benefit of his tears with joy;

"They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him." ~ Psalms 126:5, 6 ~

and for that he has got beyond the gunshot of his enemies, and is out of the reach of them that hate him. I also am glad for that a rumour of these things is noised abroad in this country. Who can tell but that it may work some good effect on some that are left behind! But pray, sir, while it is fresh in my mind, do you hear anything of his wife and children? Poor hearts! I wonder in my mind what they do." Sag. Who? CHRISTIANA and her sons! They are like to do as well as did CHRISTIAN himself; for though they all played the fool at the first, and would by no means be persuaded by either the tears or entreaties of CHRISTIAN, yet second thoughts have wrought wonderfully with them; so they have packed up, and are also gone after him. "Better and better," quoth I. "But what! Wife and children and all?" Sag. 'Tis true. I can give you an account of the matter; for I was upon the spot at the instant, and was thoroughly acquainted with the whole affair. "Then," said I, "a man, it seems, may report it for a truth?" Sag. You need not fear to affirm it. I mean, that they are all gone on pilgrimage, both the good woman and her four boys; and being we are, as I perceive, going some considerable way together, I will give you an account of the whole of the matter. How Christiana Decided to Become a Pilgrim "This CHRISTIANA (for that was her name from the day that she, with her children, betook themselves to a pilgrim's life), after her husband was gone over the river, and she could hear of him no more, her thoughts began to work in her mind: first, for that she had lost her husband, and for that the loving bond of that relation was utterly broken betwixt them; for you know," said he to me, "nature can do no less but entertain the living with many a heavy cogitation in the remembrance of the loss of loving relations. This, therefore, of her husband did cost her many a tear. But this was not all; for CHRISTIANA did also begin to consider with herself, whether her unbecoming behaviour towards her husband was not one cause that she saw him no more, and that in such sort he was taken away from her. And upon this came into her mind by swarms all her unkind, unnatural, and ungodly carriages to her dear friend, which also clogged her conscience, and did load her with guilt. She was, moreover, much broken with calling to remembrance the restless groans, brinish tears, and self-bemoanings of her husband; and how she did harden her heart against all his entreaties and loving persuasions (of her and her sons) to go with him; yea, there was not anything that CHRISTIAN either said to her, or did before her, all the while that his burden did hang on his back, but it returned upon her like a flash of lightning, and rent the caul of her heart in two. Specially, that bitter outcry of his, 'What must I do to be saved?' did ring in her ears most dolefully. "Then said she to her children, 'Sons, we are all undone. I have sinned away your father, and he is gone; he would have had us with him, but I would not go myself; I also have hindered you of life.' With that the boys fell all into tears, and cried out to go after their father. 'Oh,' said CHRISTIANA, 'that it had been but our lot to go with him; then had it fared well with us beyond what 'tis like to do now! For though I formerly foolishly imagined concerning the troubles of your father, that they proceeded of a foolish fancy that he had, or for that he was overrun with melancholy humours; yet now 't will not out of my mind, but that they sprang from another cause, to wit, for that the light of light was given him; by the help of which, as I perceive, he has escaped the snares of death'.

"For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass: For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was. But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed." ~ James 1:23-25 ~

Then they all wept again; and cried out, 'Oh, woe worth the day!' "The next night CHRISTIANA had a dream; and behold, she saw as if a broad parchment was opened before her, in which were recorded the sum of her ways; and the times, as she thought, looked very black upon her. Then she cried out aloud in her sleep, 'Lord, have mercy upon me, a sinner!';

"And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner." ~ Luke 18:13 ~

and the little children heard her. "After this she thought she saw two very ill favoured ones standing by her bedside, and saying, 'What shall we do with this woman; for she cries out for mercy waking and sleeping? If she be suffered to go on as she begins, we shall lose her as we have lost her husband. Wherefore we must, by one way or other, seek to take her off from the thoughts of what shall be hereafter; else all the world cannot help it but she will become a pilgrim.' "Now she awoke in a great sweat, also a trembling was upon her; but after awhile she fell to sleeping again. And then she thought she saw CHRISTIAN her husband in a place of bliss, among many immortals, with a harp in his hand, standing and playing upon it before One that sat on a throne, with a rainbow about his head. She saw also as if he bowed his head with his face to the paved work that was under the Prince's feet, saying, 'I heartily thank my Lord and King for bringing of me into this place.' Then shouted a company of them that stood around about, and harped with their harps; but no man living could tell what they said but CHRISTIAN and his companions. "Next morning, when she was up, and had prayed to God, and talked with her children awhile, one knocked hard at the door; to whom she spake out saying, 'If thou comest in God's name, come in.' So he said, 'Amen,' and opened the door, and saluted her with, 'Peace be to this house!' The which when he had done, he said, 'CHRISTIANA, knowest thou wherefore I am come?' Then she blushed and trembled; also her heart began to wax warm with desires to know whence he came, and what was his errand to her. So he said unto her, 'My name is SECRET: I dwell with those that are high. It is talked of where I dwell as if thou hadst a desire to go thither; also there is a report that thou art aware of the evil thou hast formerly done to thy husband in hardening of thy heart against his way, and in keeping of these thy babes in their ignorance. CHRISTIANA, the merciful One has sent me to tell thee that he is a God ready to forgive; and that he takes delight to multiply pardon to offences. He also would have thee know that he inviteth thee to come into his presence; to his table; and that he will feed thee with the fat of his house, and with the heritage of Jacob thy father. "'There is CHRISTIAN, thy husband that was, with legions more, his companions, ever beholding that face that doth minister life to beholders; and they will all be glad when they shall hear the sound of thy feet step over thy Father's threshold.' "CHRISTIANA at this was greatly abashed in herself; and bowed her head to the ground, this visitor proceeded, and said, 'CHRISTIANA, here is also a letter for thee, which I have brought from thy husband's King.' So she took it and opened it; but it smelt after the manner of the best perfume,

"Because of the savour of thy good ointments thy name is as ointment poured forth, therefore do the virgins love thee." ~ Song of Solomon 1:3 ~

also it was written in letters of gold. The contents of the letter was, 'That the King would have her do as did CHRISTIAN her husband; for that was the way to come to his City, and to dwell in his presence with joy for ever.' At this the good woman was quite overcome. So she cried out to her visitor. 'Sir, will you carry me and my children with you, that we also may go and worship this King?' "Then said the visitor, 'CHRISTIANA! the bitter is before the sweet. Thou must through troubles, as did he that went before thee, enter this Celestial City. Wherefore I advise thee to do as did CHRISTIAN thy husband: go to the wicket gate yonder, over the plain, for that stands in the head of the way up which thou must go; and I wish thee all good speed. Also I advise that thou put this letter in thy bosom. That thou read therein to thyself and to thy children, until you have got it by heart. For it is one of the songs that thou must sing while thou art in this house of thy pilgrimage.

"Thy statutes have been my songs in the house of my pilgrimage." ~ Psalms 119:54 ~

Also this thou must deliver in at the further gate.'" Now I saw in my dream, that this old gentleman, as he told me this story, did himself seem to be greatly affected therewith. He moreover, proceeded and said, "So CHRISTIANA called her sons together, and began thus to address herself unto them, 'My sons, I have, as you may perceive, been of late under much exercise in my soul about the death of your father; not for that I doubt at all of his happiness for I am satisfied now that he is well. I have also been much affected with the thoughts of mine own state and yours, which I verily believe is by nature miserable. My carriages also to your father in his distress is a great load to my conscience; for I hardened both my own heart and yours against him, and refused to go with him on pilgrimage. "'The thoughts of these things would now kill me outright, but that for a dream which I had last night, and but that for the encouragement that this stranger has given me this morning. Come, my children, let us pack up, and be gone to the gate that leads to the celestial country; that we may see your father, and be with him and his companions in peace, according to the laws of that land.' "Then did her children burst out into tears for joy that the heart of their mother was so inclined. So their visitor bade them farewell: and they began to prepare to set out for their journey. A Visit From Mrs. Timorous and Mercy "But while they were thus about to be gone, two of the women that were CHRISTIANA'S neighbours came up to her house, and knocked at her door. To whom she said, as before, 'If you come in God's name, come in.' At this the women were stunned; for this kind of language they used not to hear, or to perceive to drop from the lips of CHRISTIANA. Yet they came in; but behold, they found the good woman preparing to be gone from her house. "So they began, and said, 'Neighbour, pray what is your meaning by this?' "CHRISTIANA answered and said to the eldest of them, whose name was Mrs. TIMOROUS, 'I am preparing for a journey.' (This TIMOROUS was daughter to him that met CHRISTIAN upon the Hill Difficulty, and would have had him go back for fear of the lions.) "Timorous. For what journey, I pray you? "Christiana: Even to go after my good husband. And with that she fell a-weeping. "Tim. I hope not so, good neighbour. Pray, for your poor children's sakes, do not so unwomanly cast away yourself. "Christiana: Nay, my children shall go with me; not one of them is willing to stay behind. "Tim. I wonder, in my very heart, what or who has brought you into this mind. "Christiana: Oh, neighbour, knew you but as much as I do, I doubt not but that you would go with me. "Tim. Prithee, what new knowledge hast thou got that so worketh off thy mind from thy friends, and that tempteth thee to go nobody knows where? "Christiana: Then CHRISTIANA replied, 'I have been sorely afflicted since my husband's departure from me; but specially since he went over the river. But that which troubles me most is, my churlish carriages to him when he was under his distress. Besides, I am now as he was then; nothing will serve me but going on pilgrimage. I was dreaming last night that I saw him. Oh that my soul was with him! He dwells in the presence of the King of the country; he sits and eats with him at his table; he is become a companion of immortals; and has a house now given him to dwell in, to which the best palaces on earth if compared, seem to me to be but as a dunghill.

"For we know that if our earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved, we have a building of God, an house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed upon with our house which is from heaven: If so be that being clothed we shall not be found naked. For we that are in this tabernacle do groan, being burdened: not for that we would be unclothed, but clothed upon, that mortality might be swallowed up of life." ~ 2 Corinthians 5:1-4 ~

The Prince of the place has also sent for me, with promise of entertainment if I shall come to him. His messenger was here even now, and has brought me a letter, which invites me to come.' And with that she plucked out her letter, and read it, and said to them, 'What now will you say to this?' "Tim. Oh, the madness that has possessed thee and thy husband, to run yourselves upon such difficulties! You have heard, I am sure, what your husband did meet with, even in a manner at the first step that he took on his way, as our neighbour OBSTINATE, can yet testify; for he went along with him, yea, and PLIABLE too, until they, like wise men, were afraid to go any farther. We also heard, over and above, how he met with the lions, APOLLYON, the Shadow of Death, and many other things. Nor is the danger that he met with at Vanity Fair to be forgotten by thee. For if he, though a man, was so hard put to it, what canst thou, being but a poor woman, do? Consider, also, that these four sweet babes are thy children, thy flesh and thy bones. Wherefore, though thou shouldst be so rash as to cast away thyself, yet, for the sake of the fruit of thy body, keep thou at home. "But CHRISTIANA said unto her, 'Tempt me not, my neighbour; I have now a price put into mine hand to get gain, and I should be a fool of the greatest size if I should have no heart to strike in with the opportunity. And for that you tell me of all these troubles that I am like to meet with in the way, they are so far off from being to me a discouragement, that they show I am in the right. The bitter must come before the sweet; and that also will make the sweet the sweeter. Wherefore, since you came not to my house in God's name, as I said, I pray you to be gone, and not to disquiet me further.' "Then TIMOROUS also reviled her, and said to her fellow, 'Come, neighbour MERCY, let's leave her in her own hands, since she scorns our counsel and company.' But MERCY was at a stand, and could not so readily comply with her neighbour; and that for a twofold reason. First, her bowels yearned over CHRISTIANA; so she said within herself, 'If my neighbour will needs be gone, I will go a little way with her, and help her.' Secondly, her bowels yearned over her own soul (for what CHRISTIANA had said had taken some hold upon her mind). Wherefore she said within herself again, 'I will yet have more talk with this CHRISTIANA: and if I find truth and life in what she shall say, myself with my heart shall also go with her.' Wherefore MERCY began thus to reply to her neighbour TIMOROUS. "Mercy. Neighbour, I did indeed come with you to see CHRISTIANA this morning; and since she is, as you see, a taking of her last farewell of her country, I think to walk this sunshiny morning a little way with her to help her on the way. "But she told her not of her second reason; but kept that to herself. "Tim. Well, I see you have a mind to go a-fooling too; but take heed in time, and be wise: while we are out of danger we are out; but when we are in we are in. "So Mrs. TIMOROUS returned to her house, and CHRISTIANA betook herself to her journey. But when TIMOROUS was got home to her house, she sent for some of her neighbours: to wit, Mrs. BAT'S-EYES, Mrs. INCONSIDERATE, Mrs. LIGHT-MIND, and Mrs. KNOW-NOTHING. So when they were come to her house, she fell to telling the story of CHRISTIANA and of her intended journey. And thus she began her tale: "Tim. Neighbours, having had little to do this morning, I went to give CHRISTIANA a visit; and when I came at the door I knocked, as you know 't is our custom. And she answered, 'If you come in God's name, come in.' So in I went, thinking all was well; but when I came in, I found her preparing herself to depart the town, she and also her children. So I asked her what was her meaning by that; and she told me, in short, that she was now of a mind to go on pilgrimage, as did her husband. She told me also a dream that she had, and how the King of the country where her husband was had sent her an inviting letter to come thither. "Mrs. Know-nothing. Then said Mrs. KNOW-NOTHING, 'And what, do you think she will go?' "Tim.Aye, go she will, whatever come on't; and methinks I know it by this, for that which was my great argument to persuade her to stay at home (to wit, the troubles she was like to meet with in the way), is one great argument with her to put her forward on her journey. For she told me in so many words, the bitter goes before the sweet. Yea, and for as much as it so doth, it makes the sweet the sweeter. "Mrs. Bat's-eyes. 'Oh, this blind and foolish woman,' said she; 'will she not take warning by her husband's afflictions? For my part, I see, if he were here again, he would rest him content in a whole skin, and never run so many hazards for nothing.' "Mrs. Inconsiderate also replied, saying, 'Away with such fantastical fools from the town--a good riddance, for my part, I say, of her. Should she stay where she dwells, and retain this her mind, who could live quietly by her? for she will either be dumpish or unneighbourly, or talk of such matters as no wise body can abide. Wherefore, for my part, I shall never be sorry for her departure; let her go, and let better come in her room: 't was never a good world since these whimsical fools dwelt in it.' "Then Mrs. Light-mind added as follows: 'Come, put this kind of talk away. I was yesterday at Madam WANTON'S, where we were as merry as the maids. For who do you think should be there, but I, and Mrs. LOVE-THE-FLESH, and three or four more, with Mr. LECHERY, Mrs. FILTH, and some others. So there we had music and dancing, and what else was meet to fill up the pleasure. And I dare say, my lady herself is an admirably well bred gentlewoman, and Mr. LECHERY is as pretty a fellow.'

MOLLY WHUPPIE

@softlytowardthesun @the-blue-fairie @princesssarisa @themousefromfantasyland @superkingofpriderock @faintingheroine

Once upon a time there was a man and a wife who had too many children, and they could not get meat for them, so they took the three youngest and left them in a wood. They travelled and travelled and could never see a house. It began to be dark, and they were hungry. At last they saw a light and made for it; it turned out to be a house.

They knocked at the door, and a woman came to it, who said: "What do you want?" They said: "Please let us in and give us something to eat." The woman said: "I can't do that, as my man is a giant, and he would kill you if he comes home." They begged hard. "Let us stop for a little while," said they, "and we will go away before he comes." So she took them in, and set them down before the fire, and gave them milk and bread; but just as they had begun to eat, a great knock came to the door, and a dreadful voice said:

"Fee, fie, fo, fum,

I smell the blood of some earthly one.

Who have you there, wife?" "Eh," said the wife, "it's three poor lassies cold and hungry, and they will go away. Ye won't touch 'em man." He said nothing, but ate up a big supper, and ordered them to stay all night. Now he had three lassies of his own, and there were to sleep in the same bed with the three strangers. The youngest of the three strange lassies was called Molly Whuppie, and she was very clever. She noticed that before they went to bed the giant put straw ropes round her neck and her sisters', and round his own lassies' necks, he put gold chains.

So Molly took care and did not fall asleep, but waited till she was sure everyone was sleeping sound. Then she slipped out of the bed, and took the straw ropes off her own and her sisters' necks, and took the gold chains off the giant's lassies. She then put the straw ropes on the giant's lassies and the gold on herself and her sisters, and lay down. And in the middle of the night up rose the giant, armed with a great club, and felt for the necks with the straw. It was dark. He took his own lassies out of the bed on to the floor, and battered them until they were dead, and then lay down again, thinking he had managed finely.

Molly thought it time she and her sisters were off and away, so she wakened them and told them to be quiet, and they slipped out of the house. They all got out safe, and they ran and ran, and never stopped until morning, when they saw a grand house before them. It turned out to be a king's house: so Molly went in, and told her story to the king. He said: "Well, Molly, you are a clever girl, and you have managed well; but, if you would manage better, and go back, and steal the giant's sword that hangs on the back of his bed, I would give your eldest sister my eldest so to marry."

Molly said she would try. So she went back, and managed to slip into the giant's house, and crept in below the bed. The giant came home, and ate up a great supper, and went to bed. Molly waited until he was snoring, and she crept out, and reached over the giant and got down the sword; but just as she got it out over the bed it gave a rattle, and up jumped the giant, and Molly ran out at the door and the sword with her; and she ran, and he ran, till they came to the "Bridge of on hair"; and she got over, but he couldn't and he says: "Woe worth ye, Molly Whuppie! never ye come again." And she says: "Twice yes, carle," quoth she, "I'll come to Spain." So Molly took the sword to the king, and her sister was married to his son.

Well, the king he says: "Ye've managed well, Molly; but if ye would manage better, and steal the purse that lies below the giant's pillow, I would marry your second sister to my second son." And Molly said she would try.

So she set out for the giant's house, and slipped in, and hid again below the bed, and waited till the giant had eaten his supper, and was snoring sound asleep. She slipped out and slipped her hand below the pillow, and got out the purse; but just as she was going out the giant wakened, and ran after her; and she ran, and he ran, till they came to the "Bridge of one hair," and she got over, but he couldn't, and he said: "Woe worth ye, Molly Whuppie! never you come again." "Once yet, carle," quoth she, "I'll come to Spain." So Molly took the purse to the king, and her second sister was married to the king's second son.

After that the king says to Molly: "Molly, you are a clever girl, but if you would do better yet, and steal the giant's ring that he wears on his finger, I will give you my youngest son for yourself." Molly said she would try. So back she goes to the giant's house, and hides herself below the bed.

The giant wasn't long ere he came home, and after he had eaten a great big supper, he went to his bed, and shortly was snoring loud. Molly crept out and reached over the bed, and got hold of the giant's hand, and she pulled and she pulled until she got off the ring; but just as she got it off the giant got up, and gripped her by the hand and he says: "Now I have caught you, Molly Whuppie, and, if I had done as much ill to you as ye have done to me, what would ye do to me?"

Molly says: "I would put you into a sack, and I'd put the cat inside wi' you, and the dog aside you, and a needle and thread and a shears, and I'd hang you up on the wall, and I'd go to the wood, and choose the thickest stick I could get, and I would come home, and take you down, and bang you till you were dead."

"Well, Molly," says the giant, "I'll just do that to you."

So he gets a sack, and puts Molly into it, and the cat and the dog beside her, and a needle and thread and shears, and hangs her up upon the wall, and goes to the wood to choose a stick.

Molly she sings out: "Oh, if ye saw what I see."

"Oh," says the giant's wife, "what do ye see, Molly?"

But Molly never said a word but, "Oh, if ye saw what I see!"

The giant's wife begged that Molly would take her up into the sack till she would see what Molly saw. So Molly took the shears and cut a hole in the sack, and took out the needle and thread with her, and jumped down and helped the giant's wife up into the sack, and sewed up the hole.

The giant's wife saw nothing, and began to ask to get down again; but Molly never minded, but hid herself at the back of the door. Home came the giant, and a great big tree in his hand, and he took down the sack, and began to batter it. His wife cried, "It's me, man;" but the dog barked and the cat mewed, and he did not know his wife's voice. But Molly came out from the back of the door, and the giant saw her and he after her; and he ran, and she ran, till they came to the "Bridge of one hair," and she got over but he couldn't; and he said, "Woe worth you, Molly Whuppie! never you come again." "Never more, carle," quoth she, "will I come to Spain again."

So Molly took the ring to the king, and she was married to his youngest son, and she never saw the giant again.

Jacobs, Joseph. English Fairy Tales. London: David Nutt, 1890.