audio equivalent to being in a washing machine. i watched back the actual slap like four times and i dont think they actually know what theyre fighting about

[Video ID: Everyone is picking our their new egg/child. There's a lot of background noise, but the focus is Quackity, Mariana, and Charlie. It is from Charlie's pov, so Quackity is a bit quiet. Frontflipo is the egg with glasses and is Charlie and Mariana's child, while Tilin is Quackity's child. It is from Charlie's stream on April 3rd, about 46min in.]

transcript:

Charlie: Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah! Mariana: Mijo- [My son-] [Frontflipo hits Mariana but he thinks it was Tilin] Mariana: Hey, hey, hey, motherfucker! Charlie: Discipline your fucking egg, dude! Watch where your son's going! You piece of shit! Quackity: Hey! My son is just fine! My son is just fine! I saw your son hit my son first! Charlie: Ours has allergies! Ours has fucking allergies! Step off! Step off! Mariana: Backflipo! Pégale! [Hit him!] Quackity: I saw your son hit my son first! Charlie: Step off! Quackity: My son didn't do anything! Mariana: Pégale, Flipo! Pégale! Matolo! [Hit him, Flipo! Hit him! Kill him!] Quackity: He's an angel! My son is an angel! Charlie: He's a loose cannon! My son could kick the shit out of your son! My son-I'm going to take your son's nose! Quackity: He would never do anything at all! He would never do anything at all! Charlie: I can [unintelligible] and crack your son! He can crack your son! Mariana: Mi huevo es mejor! [My egg is better!] Charlie: My son's gonna crack and eat your son! Quackity: Fuck your egg! I hate your egg! Your egg is stupid as hell! Charlie: What the fuck did you just say to me? Mariana: Tu huevo es parace mi testiculo! [Your egg looks like my testicle!] Charlie: That's right! That's right! Our huevo! Our huevo! Quackity, laughing and walking away: Tilin, don't trust him, don't trust him, you don't look like a testicle. Charlie: Frontflipo, kill him! Frontflipo, kill! We need to- We need to teach him to draw blood.

Should this conflict of interest actually go through, its gonna be real interesting.

Tazercraft have plans to target and potentially assassinate Baghera, who they see as a core competitor. They are still family to/allied with Forever. Forever is not only Baghera's brother, but her political ally as them + Badboyhalo have a pact to work together so long as one of them wins the election. Cellbit is also running as a front to aid Forever, and is presumably allied with Baghera, but also has butted heads with her over policies, meaning the two could see each other as potential threats. This isn't even getting into the other French members: Etoiles is very down for assassination, more so than actually being president, and is backing up Baghera, and the other French presumably as well (yet some of them are also friends of Tazercraft). Then you've got Fit being a friend of Tazercraft, and whatever strange secrets he's got up his sleeve. Felps is running by himself it seems, but I wouldn't be surprised if he allied with another Brazilian candidate at some point (or even became forced to choose between Forever/Cellbit and Mike).

Outside of this web, you've got Foolish running independently and only having an official ally in Jaiden as his ghost writer, and as such (along with his motivations for the server being very superficial) he'll most likely lose and ally himself with another candidate (either to help himself or them). BBH is allied, but he's also not fully trusting Baghera and Forever due to his own paranoia, which could cause a rift (I'm predicting now a BBH and Foolish team up behind the Ordo's backs). Quackity doesn't currently have any solid allies save for a potential and very mysterious connection to the Federation, making him a wildcard. There's a chance the Spanish speakers may favor him, though Roier doesn't want to get involved (his marriage to Cellbit could make him either support Cellbit or go against Cellbit since he doesn't want his husband involved either, which could lead him to Quackity's side), Vegetta would most likely support Foolish (which would give Foolish a very powerful ally and assassin on his side), and Maxo has pledged his support for Forever (they are also both Ordos and Maxo would most likely support the Forever/BBH/Baghera/Cellbit alliance). Gegg is a joke but Charlie is a menace and a friend of Quackity who could stir things up in his favor when it comes down to it (that or he commits to being Mike's brother and another ally goes into TC's field). And Philza is an anarchist who would kill everyone involved if given a motive...

I can see the train crashing...

Luzu discovering Tubbo’s insanity (/pos) is something I never knew I needed.

tbh the way quackity is treated in general is very obviously racist like the way he gets called out and considered horrible for shit white ccs don’t even get a second look at, the way people treat him as both entirely incompetent and also some malevolent threat, the way him showing emotion is ridiculed and scrutinised when people are understanding and caring to white ccs who do the same (at least male ones, which is a whooooole other issue), the way certain ccs and their fanbases (and that specific cc is a former white supremacist who specifically said awful shit about mexicans) target him and blame him for shit he couldn’t have feasibly done for years while letting others doing the same off more gently- it’s all naked racism tbh. like, blatantly obvious racism.

Tubbo tries to get his god damn divorce

word count: who fucking knows

summary: no

~-~-~

"Tommy,just sign the fucking papers."

Tommy got on his knees, wailing at his beloved husband. "No, please! I'll change, I'll be a better man! What if Molly married you as well?"

"More marriage isn't going to fix the situation, just sign the divorce papers!"

"But- But- But- But- But- But- But- But- But- But-,", Tommy stuttered, wimpering, "But- But- But- But- But- But- But- But- But- But- But… Think of our children, Tubbo…"

He gestured to the corner, where James Marriott and Jack Manifold were sitting.

"Goo-goo ga-ga,", said James, in a very deep and monitone voice.

"Yeah, no, I'm not fucking doing this,", Tubbo sighed, in a very bitch-like manner, as he got up and left.

He decided to take a long walk, to clear his head and question how he got to this point, eventually getting his phone out and calling the only friend he had with experience in The Law.

Quackity waved as he answered, on facetime somehow despite Tubbo calling him on discord. "Hey man, what's up?"

"Hey, Big Q; do you know anything about divorce court?"

"Not a damn thing, I missed that class to watch a soap opera on stream. what'd you need?"

"Could you be my lawyer? I'm trying to get Tommy to divorce me, but he only wants to talk about kissing without tongue and balls."

"Yeah….. About that…….. I'm actually already his lawyer, so……….. Yeah sorry. Too bad you guys didn't have a pre-nup, bye!"

Tubbo sat there in incredibly shocked silence after the man hung up. Yes, sat; man decided to sit in the middle of the sidewalk to ponder where it all went wrong.

His phone pinged, and he saw a message from Quackity telling him that the 'consultation' he'd just gotten was going to cost him $1 million dollars.

Tubbo could afford that, he was a multi-millionaire and a Tory after all, but not having a lawyer on his side didn't leave him with many options. Well, he *did * have one…..

Murder was legal in the UK if the victim was Tommyinnit; the Queen had spoken it into law when she got her restraining order. May lizzie rest in peace, and all that

Tommy had invoked squatters rights in his efforts to 'save their marriage', and had refused to leave Tubbo's home at all times since every second was a second for him to be wooed. Tubbo had shoved him in the closet where he belonged, hence Tommy's lack of streams as of late, so it would be incredibly easy to murder him and claim his wealth.

More money to the hoard, since Tubbo was a rich Tory that disliked the poor. wow that rhymed, regular eminem in these parts.

Anyways Tubbo got home and committed a horrible, unspeakable crime that will not be spoken so he didn't have to put up with any more of tommyinnit's bullshit.

Dragging the corpse to court gave him an easy win, and a medal of honor for taking out one of the nations loudest people that kept up the corrupt politicians all night.

tubbo got the kids and money and married someone famous and hot. idk who pick some hot guy out of a movie that you'd ship with tubbo and that's his happy ending.

The end.

i was rewatching the og egg vod and,,,, bro has a type😳

I know it won't happen because their stream time usually doesn't match but I wish qQuackity after losing his memory could befriend qPhilza just bc he has absurd amounts of avocado toast, and start qQuackity's healing arc from there.

Quackity, about Guil and Jimmy : The two French best players, why did we put them together, I have no idea!

You know what. I don't miss a lot about dsmp. But you know who I do miss whenever I think about them?

They were in LOVE. They are one of my few heterosexual ships (we ignore they are both played by men because that part doesn't matter) Guys they unironically were the only fully healthy couple on that damn SMP. I will now cry

Thinking of two absent fathers on the qsmp

I'm talking about Wilbur and Quackity. I know they can't log on due to being busy irl but I would still call Q a bad dad while refusing to call Wilbur that(without hesitating at least he's an ok dad to me). Wilbur canonically writes letters to Tallulah even if they may have stopped reaching her. He put Tallulah under Phil's care knowing he would take good care of her(especially with her tending to fall behind others). In all the clips I've seen of Quackity and Tilin. Yes, he loves them but there are also so many instances he didn't stop to read her signs, being distracted by other stuff or people, telling him that the adults are talking(no I'm fine with him taking her to drink it's normal on this island). To this day I still wish her custody were given to Roier and Jaiden, growing alongside Bobby, who dislikes Quackity for making her upset

Everyone's arguing over the "is Luzu the father? Is Wilbur the father?" thing in reference to the egg Quackity's taking care of (which is a dragon's egg, might I remind you) and tbh if it wasn't for the fact Rubius is so obsessed with Vegetta and busy keeping him single on a server full of eligible bachelors, Rubius would ABSOLUTELY show up in the middle of that debate with a steel chair labeled "Rubckity"

I wonder if the introduction of literal purgatory on the QSMP may lead to server lives becoming limited...

ROIER AND JAIDEN ARE GENUINELY SO SAD WHAT THE FUUUUCCCKKKK

thinking about how (c) Karl and Wilbur have nothing in common except having brown hair, being petty bitches and being in love with Quackity. now, modern au-ify them.... they are like.. the unlikely duo that teams up only because someone fucked with their mutual person of interest and now they have to hide a body together. could you IMAGINE the potential.

in love w/ pogtopia!tntduo's relationship going from angst to crack every 5 minutes

I JUST SAW YOUR QSMP ART RN ON MY PAGE AND OMG ITS SO COOL YOURE SO COOL I WANNA GET IT TATTOOED ON MY PERSON. your character designs and the hideduo art make me wanna go rabid they’re so pretty. imagine me tipping my hat to you like a western movie cowboy. ok tha k you thats all have a happy holiday 🚬

Aw, that's so sweet thank you ❤️ I have a lot of fun with the designs, especially when it comes to thinking about the functional aspects of what they wear & how their experiences get reflected in their appearance. QSMP & the fandom have been feeding me So Much good material to work with on that front (and also on the shipping front) I literally cannot keep up with all the ideas it gives me.

Happy holidays to you too, stranger