Pronoia

The exact opposite of paranoia.

The firm belief that our universe operates in our favor.

-crsfree

Hypnovember Day 23: All for One

It gave her a delicious paranoia. Once she agreed to it, every interaction with her Dom was potentially loaded. Every word and gesture and motion could be completely innocuous - or it could be part of a meticulously planned manipulation. Of course, there were obvious commands she followed- and clear hypnosis sessions where she knew something had changed. But- what most excited her about it was that all of the casual conversations about Pokemon and politics and day to day minutia could now have a secret hidden meanings. Easing her. Priming her. Making her more suggestible. Reinforcing ideas. Preparing her for changes she might not ever be able to notice once they happened. She imagined herself as clay- being shaped more and more each day into whatever they wanted her to be. A word here. A forgotten trigger there. A touch packed with hidden meaning. All of it for one purpose: Making her more and more theirs.

Haunting of Sleep Paralysis

When I tell people I have sleep paralysis, they tend to mourn for my lack of sleep. They ask, "Do you see demons?" or, "Is it true you can't move?" Others sympathize with what they think I may be experiencing: fear. It's odd, in my opinion. To fear the lurking shadows that creep from the corners of my eyes. I felt numb and heavy throughout my entire body, desperate to twitch a finger to feel ten times lighter. People think that's scary. Honestly, it's not the best way to start a 4:00 morning on a Monday. But it's also not the most frightening thing either.

I do not concern myself with what's happening in my dreams. Not even the haunting of sleep paralysis. The real stuff keeps me awake, like the tiny blue button from the fan that lights up the room. Sometimes, on windy days, the rattling of the screen door on the window makes me clench my jaws. Or worse: hearing the shadows whisper behind my back. She's a snake descaling against the back of my skull, leaving so much doubt behind. It's evidence that everything you are afraid of is true. What scares me, what keeps me up at night, the truth is: that only I can love myself. I would rather be haunted by paralysis every night than realize I haven't experienced what it is to be loved.

🌒🖤

I really try to keep my pronoia in check but sometimes it feels like the universe is constantly conspiring to make me unable to make bad/toxic choices even when I want to and it’s so frustrating

Love is hope . Is it. It is infatuation I think. Love is despair. Love is ache. Love is that which makes us feel the lack of everything else . Love is balm.but is it. I find it to be torture. The blind leap of faith you want to take but always scared about the aftermath. About being the one ridiculed cause one always leaves and the one left is shattered with denial and confusion. so much confusion. Love heals . It does heal for a few weeks it does . But it also leaves . It leaves out of nowhere leaving you disorientated and the ache .oh the aching.the tears. Oh god the tears . Clutching the heart as we believe that us where it hurts the most and crying in the pillow.love is a fools errand ,do they say that. I don't know but i think it to be true. It is foolish to be willing to go through all the other emotions and suffer just for the one single overrated emotion. To be so scared yet so hopeful. Wanting nothing to do with it .yet never ceasing to hope for it. Romanticism and love.we confuse the two I guess. Despair and longing is it any different . I wonder and keep on repeating the same mistake or maybe it is the way of life and not necessarily a mistake. Kind of like us buying apple products despite their crazy antics to make us spend all we earn and we endorse it just as more. Life is all about making mistakes and repeating it on loop until we figure it out and then avoid everything to repeat the same mistake and in doing so we go through the exact motion of making another mistakes . Just another hamster on the wheel.

If only one consciousness unfolds its creative capacities through all of us, then everything we experience as a nemesis or an opponent is actually a helper or a teacher in disguise. We have more reason to be ‘pronoiac’ than paranoiac. Pronoia is a concept developed by the astrologer Rob Brezsny. He thinks the universe is actually conspiring, at every step, to give us the most amazing experience we can handle at that moment.

Quote from the book How soon is now of Daniel pinchbeck

The Laughing Heart (again)

Another bit of yammering on The Laughing Heart.

Oh yes, I touched on this poem about three years ago, and I suppose I will touch on it now. Every Tuesday, I facilitate a Creative Writing class at work. One of the prompts I came up yesterday was: Is there a quote or a poem that inspires you? What is it that inspires you? Normally, I will go off-script and write up some dribble drabble. However, I took up this little prompt and the results…

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Schizophrenia is being unable to dismiss any event as random.

what if the whole reason that we're here

is so we could dive into our fears

what if all the demons in our lives

only want to open up our minds

you ever heard the word pronoia?

it's the opposite of paranoia, pronoia

the belief that the world conspires in your favor

honey, it's a game changer

it's a cherry lifesaver

so sweet (so sweet) ..

50 Days of Fetish Day 9: Conspiring/Plotting

I love kink-related conspiracies and plotting. Not the mcstories/Manchurian candidate kind (although those can make good stories) but kind you do with kink friends and partners you love. I adore being part of long term, "secret" plots to make some fun scheme happen for someone else. For example, a friend of mine had a kidnapping fantasy so one year at con we had a conspiracy to kidnap them...and take them to dinner. So many aspects of this kind of group project are appealing- socializing with a group of people I like, the creativity of bouncing ideas off of each other and learning lots in the process, getting to tease the conspired against and give them some good pronoia, and finally giving a unique gift to someone I care for.

I also like doing individual "secret" plotting during one on one play with someone I'm topping- having a whole plan with an end goal that they're barely aware of. (With consent, of course of course.) This kind of thing is such a fun creative and intellectual exercise- and those are some of my favorite parts of topping.

I haven't been conspired against nearly as much as I've been the conspirator but- that's also very appealing. The idea that people are talking about you and putting the energy and thought into plotting against you is such a unique, kinky form of love- like someone throwing you a surprise party. It's so hot to be conspired against in this way. Relatedly, one of my favorite things a partner has done for me was keeping a notebook where they wrote down ideas and my reactions. Thinking about them plotting and planning on their own about what to do to me was such an incredible turnon. Being the focus of someone's attention is one of my biggest kink hot button. I always feel giddy imagining being studied in this way in my absence.

2024-W01-05

Happier. No stress. No toxicity. Product of love and hard work. Simple day? Any day can be remembered if we make it memorable. There is so much going in with our lives. Life is so fast, week one of 2024 is 71.43% complete. More to go!!!! Let's not waste 2024's 361 days left!!!!