Was feeling a bit productiveless.

Then realised that over the last four days I’ve completed questionable artwork, designed and made a new micromacrame bracelet, completed a metre’s worth of kumihimo, and written over 2000 words.

Like, what was I thinking? Not as up there as usual, but considering I’ve been feeling down, that’s not that half bad.

::kicks inner critic in the goonies::

Nutty

(Stupid brain)

// I’ve been torn today between a) writing, b) reading, or c) iconing. It’s made for a very... productiveless day? Because I can’t make up my mind what to do. So I’m not accomplishing a WHOLE lot :( 

I wanted this summer to be super awesome and a totally cool last summer and so far it’s nothing but a boring, productiveless, lonely drag. As much as I love binge watching Boy Meets World Id like to do other stuff too. I can’t even find a fucking job. At least with a job I’d be able to leave the house and talk to somebody other than myself. I’m starting to really get sick of my same old messy room and waking up to the same siblings and mom screaming at eachother and always depending on myself for my own food and getting berated for eating three meals a day when all I’m trying to do is gain weight and be healthy like I have been for the last 3 years because of that ED I had that you didn’t realize I had because you were too busy consumed by your own self hate and blinded by stupid ass selfish purchases to notice. All I wanted to do this summer was hang out with my friends because we didn’t get to do anything last summer or during the school year. And now I don’t even know who those friends are anymore. It’s like 6 years of friendship are just washed away. All I’ve ever tried to do was keep everyone together. Stay as close to you as possible so that when summer hit itd be like covid never separated us and now look...more far apart that we ever were. I’m sitting alone in my messy room complaining on tumblr as all my friends become strangers. Strangers that I used to tell all my secrets to, and stay up until 5am with , and laugh with about the stupid stuff we’d say, and make mac n cheese, and all of it is...nearly gone. Disappearing and so far I haven’t gotten an explanation as to why.

Dozing off #speeddown #downtempo #unhustle #busiless #productiveless #hanging #over #refill #camfilmi #campus #kassel #hessen #khs #kunsthochschule #closertohome