#probably my father? he's also the reason that i knew the beatles when i was that young too | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dykefaggotry · 4 days

Text

[image id: an ask from @harbingerofskulls that reads: "im gonna b real i only knew the jerking off i would love to hear you elaborate more if you want to go on the whole situation" /end id]

answering here so i can save as a draft without risking the ask disappearing bc tumblr's been doing that lately but

oh god </3 for everyone else- it's talking about this post. sooo i'm gonna go through each one bc i've been feeling insane for several weeks. i'll do my best to cite my sources lmao

i don't know (johnny johnny)

this is referring to this unreleased VERY early beatles track from 1960. the audio quality is absolute shit & as such unfortunately people love to put words to it that don't make much sense in either direction (i.e a lot of mclennon fans want to hear "you're in love with me" and a lot of people that hate mclennon will just make up the weirdest lyrics that make 0 sense so it's Not Gay). some of the lyrics that ARE clear make it obvious this song is about the two of them running away together- at one point i'm fairly certain paul says "how am i gonna tell my father that we're leaving town?" probably referring to them leaving to hamburg. which would be fine but some of the other lyrics areeeee..... very..... Hm. like multiple times paul refers to john as "my boy" and there's bits of them talking about not knowing what to tell their friends & wanting to just run off together alone. if i were the other members of the band having to record this i would have killed them with hammers <3 also the entire end is just paul going "oh johnny" like 1 million times. okay. sure. also since the lyrics ARE so garbled i mean i guess people could be right about it saying "how am i gonna tell my father you're in love with me" but i just don't hear it. still, a very gay song about running off together and getting away from everything and everyone, complete with moaning the other's name </3

2. paris

this one is a huge part of McLennon Fandom Lore lmao but for good reason. not citing sources on all this bc it's one of those that's just Fact & can be found in like any beatles biography or thebeatlesbible.com (my savior) but. for john's 21st birthday, he got 100 pounds from a rich relative. instead of taking his girlfriend or any of his other friends, he decided to use the money to take paul to spain. but they stopped in paris on the way and just decided to stay there. which i mean like. taking your best friend over your girlfriend to the city of love is a little weird but it's not THAT weird. it's everything else that makes people want to chew glass about it. including some of the other things on this list. like this audio of john just goofing around singing about paris and paul, with such hits as "my cheri, my pau pau my pau paul." which is :| okay best friend. and paul has this picture hung up in his house that he took of john sleeping in paris. okay. sure. why not. (although ig there's some doubt about if the photo is from paris? either way it's a picture paul took and has framed in his house which is incriminating enough my man). also NOT in the original post but may pang, a woman john had a brief affair with in the 70s, wrote a book called loving john. in it, there's this quote:

After a late lunch, Linda launched into a long paean to the joys of living in England. When she was finished, she turned to John and said, “Don’t you miss England?”

“Frankly,” John replied, “I miss Paris.”

okay! also in an interview once he said:

The thing was all the kissing and the holding that was going on in Paris. And it was so romantic, just to be there and see them, even though I was twenty-one and sort of not romantic. But I really loved it, the way the people would just stand under a tree kissing; and they weren’t mauling at each other, they were just kissing.

(interview with david scheff for playboy in september 1980)

3. if i fell

this one i already made an insane post on that started my spiral into posting about the beatles publicly </3 but, essentially, the song "if i fell" by john is..... well it's most likely about paul. he said it wasn't about his wife but that it was auto-biographical and he never really had any public affairs that weren't flings, certainly not a lover. but most damning is he wrote the complete lyrics for the first time on a valentine's day card addressed "to paul with love" with some hearts and arrows pointing to where the lyrics were written. absolutely insane. made me insane.

4. oh! darling

rawest paul song of all time if i do say so myself lmao. but it's just.... Highly Suspicious, that's what it is. a Lot of beatles fans/historians will admit this song is most likely about john but they won't admit that it's fucking romantic if it is. like.

like that is so blatantly romantic idk what to say other than that. also, in the official recording on abbey road, there's Several points where paul says "darling" that sound more like he's saying "johnny" which is what he called him. people brush it off by saying it's his accent, but there's a very clear difference between when he's saying "darling" and when he's saying "johnny". i mean the Lore behind this is that it was written right when things were splitting up between them (& the rest of the band) so it makes sense and it's why most people are willing to accept it's about john. it's just insane to me that they'll accept it's about john without considering the implications of that.

5. the real life demo

this one made me want to light myself on fire i won't lie to you. but here it is! john had a song called "real love" and this is a very early demo of it. but instead of the lyrics that came to actually be in the song (which are thought to be about yoko but let's not get into the fact that it was on a tape labeled "for paul" but whatever), it includes john fucking crying as he sings saying:

"was i just dreaming or was it only yesterday? i used to hold you in my arms. and now a baby and another on the way... la la la la farm..."

which can quite literally be about no one else but paul, as this demo was recorded when he'd just had two children with his wife linda and linda was pregnant with their third child. they'd moved to a farm in scotland. hearing this audio clip did genuinely make me want to lie down in the dirt for a week. also "i used to hold you in my arms" just... yeah. god. when people think it was unrequited idk what to say, really.

6. If Paul Were A Woman-

shoving these two together but. in april of 85, paul said in an interview about john and yoko's relationship:

"I mean, I couldn’t stand in the way of someone who’d fallen in love. You can’t say, 'Who’s this?' You can’t really do that. If I was a girl, maybe I could go out and…"

okay bestie <3 and what would make your relationship different if you were a woman? interesting! and yoko had something similar to say. in this audio, she says:

"I’m sure that if he had been a woman or something, he would have been a great threat – because there’s something definitely very strong between John and Paul."

just reminds me of being a kid and telling my best friends "if i were a boy i'd date you" lol. incredible. does anyone here know about bisexuality.

7. stuart!

not much to say here except that john had a best friend, stu sutcliffe, who died young & before that had been the bassist in the band. paul fucking hated him sooo much oh he SEETHED. a lot has been written on that relationship but it was.... very interesting to say the least. it could have just been about the band, or just jealousy over john's friendship, but take that with a lot of john biographers suspecting john had feelings/even a sexual relationship with stuart and it paints a very Interesting picture to say the least

8. john's bisexuality

here's a compilation of quotes about it, but john was more than likely bisexual. which has nothing to do w paul, really, but more to do against people that like to claim they were both Heterosexual Men. although an interesting quote in this compilation is him saying he's "had paul" lmfao

9. paul's post-beatles work

there's just.... there is so so so much here i don't even know where to begin. @ringompreg has a good compilation of paul songs here. a lot of them do take a bit of Lore but like..... it comes down to the fact that both him and john have/had admitted many times to using their lyrics during The Breakup Years to talk to/reference each other and sooooo many of these lyrics are insanely blatant. the two i mentioned were tug of war and let me roll it, both of which are acknowledged to be about john by most people WITH NO ONE BOTHERING TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE IMPLICATIONS OF THAT which..... tug of war has this:

we could stand on top of the mountain with our flag unfurled? dancing to a beat played on a different drum? this is what gaylors think gaylor conspiracy is but paul mccartney is really out here saying this shit.

and let me roll it is so fucking blatantly romantic but every reviewer is like haha! what a cool song that's "making fun" of john and clearly in his style! like are straight people stupid genuinely. anyway:

bonus to that but about JOHN'S solo work :)))))) he wrote a song called "watching the wheels" and when you consider he very much responded to MANY of paul's solo stuff it's :)

which as a response to let me roll it would just be... so devestating but it may be a stretch idk if i'm onto anything there it's just worth Mentioning

and there's a lot of others, a lot of them in that post up there. like far too many where paul mentions falling in love with a friend like Alright.

10. paul's first lsd trip with john/"i know" "i know"

this one is less blatantly romantic but it is just insane. here's an article. and a quote from george martin about it. the first time paul tripped on acid w john was bc john accidentally took some and he took him home & then took acid w him bc he didn't want john to be alone on the trip :( but, notably:

"And we looked into each other’s eyes, the eye contact thing we used to do, which is fairly mind-boggling. You dissolve into each other. But that’s what we did, round about that time, that’s what we did a lot," the singer recalled, "And it was amazing. You’re looking into each other’s eyes and you would want to look away, but you wouldn’t, and you could see yourself in the other person. It was a very freaky experience and I was totally blown away."

he also apparently saw john as the, and i quote, "emperor of eternity" during this trip??????? okay

SOMEWHERE i can't find it rn and i'm getting lazy but somewhere they (i think paul?) talk about the fact that they used to just stare into each other's eyes and then say "i know" "i know" which. considering john's song "i know (i know)" makes me crazy

11. in my life/i will

these are really just some devastating songs with lyrics that make you really raise your eyebrows. for in my life, written by john, it's just an incredibly romantic & sweet song that is again, not about his wife. given that the lennon estate is still out here posting pictures of paul to those lyrics i have to say it's a liiiiittle suspicious. and i will is...... it's one that paul insists is not about his girlfriend at the time, jane asher. and when you look at the lyrics vs how him and john met.... like. the song goes:

and the story of how they met was that paul saw john repeatedly before they ever met, when he didn't know who john was other than that he thought he looked cool & admired his sideburns (lmfao). and when they did finally meet, it was when john was singing at a garden fete (party) and paul was in the crowd just Mesmerized. so. well. you can see.... you can see how fitting that is. makes me crazy makes me want to chew glass actually

12. "we were each other's intimates" and other insane quotes

"we were each other's intimates" is a paul quote about john which is just insane but that's not even the tip of the iceberg. here's a ton of quote compilations.

13. "literally everything else"/honorable mentions

some honorable mentions go out to: john going on stage w elton john & playing i saw her standing there and introducing it as "a song by an estranged fiance of mine" okay! the "just like starting over" demos. okay! which isn't even to MENTION the fact that paul locked himself away in the studio listening to "just like starting over" on repeat for DAYS after john died like???? john saying repeatedly that he considered paul & yoko to be his two major partners in life including in an interview the literal day he died. a whole ass rpf movie where they kiss & talk like they're ex-lovers and dance in central park (two of us) made by the same dude that made the let it be movie like. he knew them personally? he worked with them closely? and the only thing paul had to say about it was just essentially that it was what he wished would've happened like???????? i can't find a super reliable source for this so take it w a grain of salt, but apparently paul referred to mclennon fanfiction as "beautiful stories" and doesn't mind them being written. paul also had a cat that had kittens & he named two of the kittens pyramus and thisbe after fictional lovers he and john played and he gave pyramus (the character paul played) to john :|

and literally so much else like all of this and it's not even all of it. it's not even close to all of it. i didn't even get to talk about the way in "get back" the documentary, paul started talking about john leaving the band for yoko and how john would choose her over them and then he got teary eyed, started choke laughing, and then started singing "build me up buttercup" before looking at the cameras and stopping. what the FUCK was that about! IT'S NOT EVEN GETTING INTO THE SONG "TWO OF US" THAT'S SO OBVIOUSLY ABOUT JOHN THAT IT HURTS. it's. it's not even scratching the surface. they were just genuinely insane about each other.

#mclennon #this is long but it had to be to expand on every reference i made in that post FJADJFASDF

116 notes · View notes

embrassemoi · 3 years

Text

Surrounded by the Moon and Stars • 06

Pairings: Sirius Black x [F]Reader, Remus Lupin x [F]Reader Content: Language, possible errors, music snob!Remus, Author’s notes: song used: Come Together by The Beatles

BTW: I always try to use little to no physical descriptions for the reader insert but I did add that the reader has some sort of hair. I didn't mention hair texture or length (Sorry if ur bald). My taller readers, I only mentioned that you were shorter than Remus (no height was given)

Masterlist: Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter 6: ABBA vs. The Beatles

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

“Merlin’s beard! Binns is a sadist; torturing students must be his only pastime,” James yawned, taking his glasses off to rub his eyes.

Nothing could ever compare to the History of Magic. Today, lessons were dreadful and muddy. Professor Binns’ monotone voice filtered throughout the class, rambling on and on about various dates in history. Hardly anyone paid attention before he started calling on students. Annoyed, Binns would continue to reiterate his inquiry until the student(s) got the correct answer, no matter how long it took.

A sadist indeed.

Although Binns wasn’t the sole reason why the class was pathetic, but rather the lack of any practical work was simply a joke. The class only reminded Y/N of her short time in public school. Geometry? Utterly useless for any daily life interactions. To make matters worse, Binns surprised the class with a pop-quiz and two chapters of reading. Luckily, he had an ounce of mercy in his ghostly body and dismissed the class early for lunch.

James continued, “I would rather fight a dragon than — Woah! Your hair! “

She glanced to look at herself through the reflection in James’ glasses. Her hair, which originally was emerald green, was now turning into a golden yellow. The different colours clashed together boldly.

“You look like the banner for the Holyhead Harpies,” Peter said, striding up to James’ side.

“The Holyhead Harpies,” James said dreamily, “They’re probably one of my favourite teams.

Remus, who had been trailing behind Peter jumps in, “You only like them because they’re all women, you wanker.” He turns to Peter, his hand shooting up to the side of his head, massaging small circles into his temples, “Why’d you get him going?”

James became insufferable whenever someone or something mentioned Quidditch. Not only would he boast about his abilities as a Chaser, but he seemingly was a never-ending encyclopedia about Quidditch. It only worsened as November neared, the start of the new Quidditch season was approaching.

One time Y/N found herself stuck listening to him babble about Ireland winning the world cup for about thirty minutes. She didn’t have the heart to stop him, though. Nobody listened to his rants and he could hardly contain his excitement. How could she tell him she wasn’t interested?

A monstrous smirk etched its way onto his face, “Caught me.”

“Be anymore of a predator would ya, Prongs?”

“Hey! That’s not the only reason why I like them. Did you forget their victory in 1953 against the Heidelberg Harriers? Their strategy was blood-fucking-brilliant. They’re legendary! My father was there to see it in person. Lucky bastard. He told me…”

His voice fades into the background as Y/N catches Remus’ eyes. A glint of mischief shined through them before he forced a fake pitiful smile. He mouthed a quick ‘sorry’ to her before looping his arm around Peter’s shoulder, discreetly leaving James’ side and out of the classroom.

That sly, slippery bastard.

"— and did I mention that their seeker was one of the most sought out —”

“Wait, James.”

He abruptly pauses, waiting patiently for her to continue. She leads them out into the corridor and towards the great hall. “Sorry, didn’t mean to cut you off like that, but when is my hair going back to normal?”

Y/N instantly regretted mentioning her hair. There was no trace of a smile on James. His shoulders slumped a bit and his walking even staggered. “Godric, I know, I know and I’m sorry. I thought it would have returned back to normal by now. I’ve been creating reversal spells — even started asking Moony to help.”

“Moony?”

“Remus.”

“Another one of your nicknames?”

“It’s not a nickname! It’s a brotherhood — a pack!”

“Oh, sorry Prongs,” she drawled, a sarcastic smile on her face, “If I didn’t know you I would assume you were an asshole.”

“What? How?!”

“You go around calling yourself a marauder, the king of Quidditch and now Prongs. Seems pretty assholely.”

James’ mouth opens before closing again, repeating the process several times.

“Plus, you pull silly pranks every day.”

He chuckles, “Oi! You helped us with that itching idea!”

Her eyebrows raised in acknowledgement, “Touché.”

To this, James shakes his head, directing the conversation back to the Holyhead Harpies. Inwardly, Y/N wanted to whack him with a broomstick.

They were among the first students to reach the Great Hall, aside from students who had a free or were excused early by Professor Binns. None of the girls were there yet. Unfortunately, Marlene was held back by Binns, so Y/N was left to sit beside James who sat opposite to Remus, Peter and Sirius.

She had been trying her best to avoid Sirius whenever she could. It was clear he didn’t like her. He never laughed whenever she made a joke, he hardly noticed her, he never praised her, even if she tried to compliment him. He was just rude for no apparent reason. The rest of the marauders and girls knew this, although they preferred not to comment about the obvious, strained relationship (which they didn’t even know the reason for. Granted, Y/N wasn't quite sure herself. Was it the rejection, he just didn't like her or is just an ass?).

Although, ignoring and avoiding him proved to be extremely challenging. Y/N was glued to Lily’s hip ever since the Sorting Ceremony. It also didn’t help that if you were with one marauder, another one was sure to follow. She and James started to spend more time with each other, and by extension, she was obligated to be around at least one other marauder. With the addition of study sessions with Remus, it was inevitable.

Surprisingly, Sirius hadn’t made any snarky remarks, excluding dirty looks, he was being… nice — nicer to her. The action was a stark contrast from his previous behaviour and she speculated a few reasons why:

Most likely, James or Lily, she assumed the former, said something to him. Since his little spat with James at breakfast a few weeks ago, Sirius was tight-lipped ever since.

Maybe he was done being a prick, deciding to stop by himself after realizing he was a prick.

Went through something personal, it stopped, and his behaviour improved.

Minutes after the bell rang, students began to trickle in for lunch. The comfortable chatter rose as Y/N finished eating an apple. Everyone seemed pleased when James’ Quidditch lecture was interrupted as hundreds of owls streamed in, packages and letters dropping into the laps of students. She hadn’t expected anything considering her owl, Celeste, didn’t drop anything off since the first week of October. However, today she fluttered down between the bread and fruit bowls, dropping off several letters and a small parcel onto Y/N’s plate, pecking at the bread crumbs on the table. She tore the letter open, inside it said:

Dear Y/N,

Are you still having a hard time with Charms? If so, perhaps I find some textbooks and send them over.

Don’t slack off this year. Send me a letter whenever you have the chance. (Make sure to tell Celeste to be quieter next time. You know I can, and never will get used to the owls.)

Mom

Her mother finally wrote to her. A sense of joy flooded her body as she placed the letter back down on the oak table. A part of her wondered if Celeste was dropping off her letters to the wrong house, the one back in Toronto as her mother never wrote back. She opened the next letter, immediately recognizing the messy scrawl:

October 19, 1975

Y/N! I thought you replaced me with one of your brits, but a false alarm, your letters just take a while to arrive. Must be tiring for Celeste to travel to and from Scotland then America and back. You know, whenever people see her fly in, they still recognize her.

Are you doing anything for Halloween? We’re throwing another dance. Going to be alone this year now that I can’t force you to come. I guess I’ll just watch half the school dry hump each other while I smuggle in firewhiskey.

How’s it going over there? I heard from a few students, even read in the papers about the war. It’s getting pretty crazy over here. Teachers have been meeting and trying to prevent students and parents from losing their shit. My mom has been worried too, writing to me like a lunatic and I’m not even in the UK. The MACUSA have been keeping quiet but they were caught having meetings with counsellors from the Ministry of Magic. Even heard that Jenkins is stepping down. If it keeps getting out of hand here, I can’t imagine what it must be like at Hogwarts. I truly thought the war was dying down, I was wrong. Keep your wand close. Surely, you’ll get away with a hex or two.

Until next time

Matthew G.

So engrossed in her new environment, her old life slipped to the back of her mind. There was a detachment from her reality compared to the one at home. A pang of guilt hit her, swallowing her up from the inside out until another pang hit, loneliness. If she easily forgot everyone, would anyone remember her? None of her old friends, apart from Matthew, had made a move to contact her since she left.

Often thinking about writing them first, she had to remind herself if they wanted to, they would. Especially with the knowledge that people still recognized Celeste.

Was she forgettable and if so, was it karma for forgetting too?

It put a mechanical vice grip on her heart, applying just enough pressure to be a constant reminder. With every beat, it tightened more and more.

Looking around the table, she saw her peers huddle in groups, familiar laughter ringing throughout. So noisy, so taunting. She may have been friends with Lily, Dorcas, James or even Marlene, but they had their own friends. Friendships that had years to develop before she came. She had only known them for less than two months.

Forgettable.

How hilarious, she thought.

“Hey,” a gentle voice cooed into her ear, “Are you okay?”

She hummed back absentmindedly.

James wore a concerned expression, his eyes knitted together, one raised higher than the other like it always does when he was worried. The look he shot her suggested he wasn’t convinced, although he didn’t press; instead opting to stir the conversation. “So, who wrote to you?”

“A friend and my mom —”

A snort so loud that it caused the rest of the marauders, random onlookers and even Lily (who had a look of pure disgust on her face) turned towards them. “What did you say?”

“I got a few letters?”

“No!” He bellowed, “Who sent you them?”

“My friend and my mom —”

Nearly choking on his sandwich, James clutched his stomach laughing. Laughing so hard he has to grip the table to prevent falling off the hall bench. "Haha! Mom?! MOM?” He mocked in a poor American accent, “What the fuck is mom? It’s MUM. Bollocks!”

“We say vitamin.”

“It’s VIT-A-MIN! Who says VIGHT-A-MIN?” Without a pause, James presses his entire body onto her shoulder, smushing her before grabbing the letter her mother sent her. His eyes scanned across the pages before hitting a certain word. “Back home? Maple trees? Where did you use to live exactly?”

“Canada.”

“Canada?! You don’t mean those snowy gits?” At this, Peter and Remus snort under their breaths. Even Lily had to force down a smile.

Staring deadpanned at him, in an unamused voice, “Really?”

“You are a bundle of surprises! I thought you lived… I’m not sure. I assumed somewhere like New Hork.”

“York,” Lily corrects.

“Tomato, tomato,” he jokes, playfully batting his eyes at Lily before biting into his sandwich, “You do live in London, right?”

“Right.”

James takes a moment, letting the conversation die down before he quickly glances at Y/N again. An undecipherable expression crosses his face before it’s promptly replaced with elation, “I take back anything negative I’ve said about Canada. They have an amazing Quidditch rooster. Have you gone to any of their games?”

A low grumble of sighs follows at the mention of Quidditch from James. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Remus shake his head and sighed dejectedly.

“Nah, I’m a New-Maj, remember? My mom — “

“Mum —”

“ — sorry, Mum — hardly understands the wizarding world, let alone what Quidditch is.”

His eyes were wide, whimsical, as a hand flew to his chest dramatically, “Rubbish! Bloody ridiculous! You’ve never seen a real Quidditch game? One day, I swear I’ll bring you to one! Or you can bring me to Canada one day and we can watch a home game!”

As James continued to rant, Y/N’s mind slowly drifted back to the bitterness in her chest. Trying to distract herself, she borrowed Lily’s quill and a few sheets of parchment, scribbling down letters in response.

Mom,

I’m fine with Charms, you don’t need to send anything. And don’t worry, I’ve been studying for my OWLs.

Love you, write soon.

The next letter was addressed to Matthew:

Matty Matt,

Of course, I didn’t replace you… yet.

Another dance? You would think the students’ protest last year would have influenced the professors this time. I guess it’s time for you to get wasted. I didn’t tell you last time but I think I’m going to a party. A friend of mine is throwing it and I know he’s going to force me to come no matter what. He briefly mentioned costumes and drinks. Plus, there’s going to be some kind of prank that I may or may have not been a part of? Sounds cool right?

Yeah, I’d say it’s been bad up here. I don’t know much about what's going on outside of school, though. The professors are hiding it well. I didn’t even hear about Jenkins stepping down. Keep me updated.

Until next time

She sealed the letters before sending Celeste off again, “Be quieter when you drop off the letters, yeah?”

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

It must be her lucky day.

The ringing of the bell went off, signalling the end of class. Professor Flitwick asked the students to stay behind so he could hand out quizzes the students completed on Monday in preparation for their upcoming test on Growth and Reductor charms the following Tuesday.

It was never a good sign when a professor flips your test over to prevent other students from seeing their mark. Flipping it over at a downwards angle, Flitwick handed Y/N her quiz.

Turning it over nervously, a tight coil formed in the pit of her stomach. A large P was plastered on the top right corner in bold red ink. She studied hard for this too. Angrily, she shoved her work into her bag and left the class. This was the third poor she'd gotten in a row. She should have told her mother she needed those Charm books.

“I swear I’m going mad! Her brother is a complete cow! He even — are you listening?”

She looks at the girl beside her, Marlene. Her glossed over, doe eyes must have served as an answer before the blonde shook her head.

“Sorry, distracted,” she mumbles, before forcing out a fake-happy tone, “Continue your story! I wanna hear!”

“Hey,” Marlene says in a softer voice, “If something’s bothering you, you can talk about it.”

“No, it’s okay,” she replies instinctively. She felt bad spacing out during Marlene’s story but her mind was running through and under hoops. The last thing any fifth year student needed was to fall behind in their classes, let alone feeling like nobody cared about them.

At that moment, she wished she was wrapped away in red and gold blankets to wallow in her self-pity party, away from prying eyes. She could feel the burning sensations of tears building up.

Dammit.

Y/N looked out the window to her left. The sky was melting with the warm hues of reds and yellows while the other half was being slowly engulfed into a cloak of twilight. Even from here, she could feel the cool air seeping in from the windows making her tug on the sleeves of her robes.

She continued, “I’m just tired — been a long day. I’m going to take a nap before dinner. See you.”

Judging by the look on Marlene and Lily’s face, guilt riddles her body. They both look sympathetic. The pity only made Y/N feel disgusting. In all honesty, Y/N will care later. Right now wasn’t the time and she desperately needed some shut-eye.

Before she left the room, she overheard them talking.

“What’s up with her?”

“Dunno.”

Great.

❉───────•~❉•᯽•❉~•───────❉

Sleep did little to ease her thoughts.

The same uneasiness she felt on the train ride to Hogwarts settled deep into her bones again. She thought she was past this. The worrying about friends, missing home, feeling alone, failing class, stressing about her future. The rational part of her brain knew it was just one silly quiz (and old shitty friends), but knowing herself, if she were to continue to have this mindset, she would only fail in the end.

Dinner ended and Y/N belligerently climbed up the stairs towards the library to attend today’s study session. The Charms quiz threw her into a loop and it was better not to dwell on it, opting to rather use her time for something useful.

Her marks improved significantly since she attended her first session two weeks ago. The last couple of assignments and quizzes she handed in that she worked on during the groups were some of her best work, ever. Additionally, her ability to retain information was improving at astonishing rates and she found herself participating in lessons more often. Unfortunately, she started to doubt her abilities again.

There weren’t as many students as usual. Perhaps it was because of the Quidditch meeting for all teams tonight, or because nobody wanted to spend their time in a library Friday night. She assumed it was the latter.

Although, the same student with black hair from Slytherin was there; tucked away in his usual corner. He was always there. Whether it was the study sessions, another OWL or NEWT student or he simply just enjoyed the library, Y/N could always rely on him sitting there in his little nook.

In the far back, surrounded by tall bookshelves sat Remus. Another student, a first or second year, judging by their height, seemed to be asking him a question, rapidly writing down something on a piece of parchment whilst they walked away. Remus leaned back in the brown chair, his right leg was folded over the other as he stretched.

She spent over twelve hours minimum with Remus directly since the first session, minus the time he was around James and the girls. Perhaps she only started to notice afterwards but she swore Remus wasn’t around this much before. Now, he was everywhere.

In the past couple of weeks she’d gotten to know him, she made a mental list in her head of him:

1. Remus loves sweaters. They weren’t flashy, seemingly preferring to wear ones with small designs, stripes or a solid colour. He wore green the most. He also wore cardigans. Two, in particular, he wore the most; one was white and the other was a muted brown. They were big and hung off his loose frame, the pockets were often stuffed with books, rumpled parchment and his wand.

2. He’s a coffee addict. He drank it in the morning, the afternoon, at the study session and sometimes with meals at dinner. He loved to dump pounds of sugar, so if he only drank black coffee, it usually meant he was in a bad mood. James even joked that he became Sirius whenever he drank black coffee, because haha! Get it? It’s BLACK coffee!

3. He frequented the library whenever he wasn’t with the rest of the marauders. He enjoyed poetry, wrote post-it notes after post-it notes to annotate his favourite parts. He even slept there from time to time, not without having to persuade Pince to not give him detention.

As if Remus magically sensed her, he took a large inhale before he stopped stretching, opening his eyes to look at her. A small smile was plastered on each other’s faces. He stuck up a few fingers to wave at her, motioning her to come over.

“Hi Y/N. I thought you didn’t come on Fridays?”

“I don’t but I have a test, Charms, Tuesday.”

“Oh, well I’m happy to help.”

“Thanks for the offer, Professor Lupin, but just being down here will help me focus.”

A scarlet blush settled on his face at the mention of his tutoring. “Well come sit with me then.”

Pushing the chair out of the way, she sat down beside him, pulling out her cassette player and earbuds along with her notes. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Remus staring at the player curiously.

“Do you want to listen?”

“If you don't mind. I didn’t know you could use these here.” Picking it up, he turned the rectangular device.

“If record players work here, why not this?”

She hands him an earbud, alongside a small collection of other tapes she had on hand.

“Choose whatever you want to listen to.”

Without much thought, he pressed the play button. The upbeat tune of Waterloo by ABBA trickled into their ears. Y/N bobbed her head up and down before the song was suddenly stopped.

A sour grimace sat on Remus’ face before their eyes met, his nose upturned slightly.

“Why’d you stop it?”

“I hate ABBA.”

“What!?”

“I just don’t like their cheesy disco-pop-esk sound. They sound generic and random words are thrown in when they don’t add to the song.”

“Jeez— never met anyone who hated them that much.”

A ghost of a smile appeared before he flicked through her collection of tapes. He picked up Abbey Road by The Beatles. Opening the player up, he slid out Waterloo. With a click and the press of a button, Come Together played.

“So you hate ABBA but not The Beatles? Benny and Bjorn said they were influenced by them!”

“Keyword: Influenced; which is just another word for a shitty knock-off version.”

4. Remus Lupin is apparently a music snob.

“Well, I think both are good.”

“Respectfully, I disagree with you.”

“Whatever you say, professor.”

"I've been thinking a bit, why did you come to Hogwarts? Why not just stay at your old school?"

The sudden switch of topics threw her into a loop. “Wasn’t by choice. My mom’s a doctor and got a position here. It was too good to turn down. But it’s not bad. There’s less wizarding laws.”

He nods his head, "I'm assuming you have dual citizenship?"

"Mhm."

About a half an hour passed as she sighed for the umpteenth time before putting down her quill. Her chair scraped back noisily as Y/N’s hand balled up into a tight fist, feeling her fingernails bite into her palm. She’d been flicking through her notes, the words all blended.

At this rate, if History of Magic didn’t exist, Charms would surely be her least favourite class.

“Are you sure you don’t need help?”

She was at a loss, this was the third time Remus had offered to help and he was persistent. She felt horrible that she was taking up his time to help her on a stupid Charms test.

He continued, “If you think bothering me is an issue, it’s not. I run the sessions on Friday. It’s my job.”

“Fine, but there has to be something I can do in return.”

“Hmm,” Remus pondered for a second, “How about this, I tutor you in Charms and in return you give me your Potions notes? I'm dreadful at it.”

“Deal.”

“Great. Before we start, is there anything in particular that you have questions on?”

Silently tapping on the quiz she received today, Remus snatched it and quickly scanned over her answers and Professor Flitwick’s notes.

“I see what happened. You know, the curriculum taught at Ilvermorny is different. That’s probably why you can’t understand some of this shit.” He cleared his throat, “So as we know, the growth charm increases the size of your intended target…”

His voice, like a light switch, changed instantly. Instead of his softer deep, raspier voice, it became commanding and steady. He never stumbled over his words and articulated his points elegantly. She found herself enraptured by him, understanding why he was in charge of the study groups.

Eventually, Remus takes a pause, “Does that make sense?”

“Yes. You know, you’re really good at this. No matter how much I asked Flitwick or even Lily I could never get it.”

A large blush bloomed on the apples of his cheeks before he shyly rubbed the back of his neck, averting his eyes. “I’m not that good.”

“No time for modesty, Professor Lupin!”

“Okay, okay! So here, do you see what went wrong? There would be a reaction with those two spells if —”

A boy, small, most likely a second year, stood at the foot of the shared table holding a large red and gold book. His hair, dark ginger, similar to Lily’s, was cut short. He fiddled with his fingers as he continued to stare at the two.

“... Um, hi. You're Remus — right?”

“Yup. Did you need help with something?”

“Yes! I’m having trouble with the Transfiguration spell, beetle into button.”

A look of understanding passed through his face before Remus turns to look at her, “Duty calls. It’ll be quick.”

“Of course, take your time.”

It was not quick. Understandably, very few were successful at the ginger’s age to perform the spell, but thirty minutes passed and the second year still didn’t understand the basic concepts. No matter how many times Remus had reiterated his point differently, the boy couldn’t retain it.

“I just don’t get it.”

“You learned this last year, it's a quick revision. I’m not sure what part you’re talking about. Look, do not wiggle or twirl your wand left, direct it towards the right. You have to picture the spell in your head before saying the incantation.”

He guided the boy's hand steadily before performing the spell himself.

“I don’t understand!” The boy whined.

He sighed, “Then we keep trying —”

“It’s too hard. Why are they teaching this crap anyway?”

“Could you stop complaining?” He snapped, closing his eyes before he realized what he’d just done. “I’m sorry about that. I’m… just tired. I can’t help you anymore, though. You should ask someone else,” Remus said brusquely, his eyes unnerving as he stared at the child. As a result, he yelped out a ‘thank you,’ rushing off in the opposite direction.

The muscles in his jaw tensed under the soft glow of the table lamps. There was a pale red tint rimming his eyes and he looked visibly paler than normal. Irritated, he bounced his knee rapidly, up and down, before looking out the large window beside them. The sky was mostly cloudy. Only the peak of the silvery moon appeared. A sliver was missing before it was fully complete.

He closed his eyes, before breathing in. His posture once stiffened, completely relaxed before a flimsy smile reappeared on his face, returning his attention to Y/N.

“Let’s continue, shall we?”

“If you’re tired we can stop.”

“No, s’okay. I’m fine — really.”

She chewed the inside of her cheek, adding to her list:

5. Remus was always so hard to read.

147 notes · View notes

tuilathu · 3 years

Text

When Love arrives

I knew exactly what Love looks like, in seventh grade.

Even though I hadn't met Love yet, if Love had wandered into my homeroom, I would have recognized him at first glance. Love wore a hemp necklace.

I would have recognized her at first glance. Love wore a tight French braid.

Love played acoustic guitar and knew all of my favorite Beatles songs.

Love wasn't afraid to ride the bus with me.

And I knew, I just must be checking the wrong classrooms.

Just must be searching the wrong hallway.

She was there, I was sure of it.

If only I could find him.

But when Love finally showed up,

She had a bowl cut.

He wore the same clothes every day for a week.

Love hated the bus.

Love didn't know anything about the Beatles!

Instead, every time I try to kiss Love, our teeth got in the way.

Love became the reason I lied to my parents.

"I'm going to... Ben's house".

Love had terrible rhythm on the dance floor but made sure we never missed a slow song.

Love waited by the phone, because she knew if her father picked up, it would be:

"Hello?"

"I guess they hung up".

And Love grew.

Love stretched like a trampoline.

Love changed.

Love disappeared. Slowly, like baby teeth, losing parts of me I thought I needed.

Love vanished, like an amateur magician. Everyone could see the trap door but me.

Like a flat tire, there were other places I had planned on going.

But my plans didn't matter.

Love stayed away for years.

And when Love finally reappeared, I barely recognized them.

Love smelled different now, had darker eyes.

A broader back. Love came with freckles I didn't recognize.

New birthmarks. A softer voice.

Now there were new sleeping patterns.

New favorite books.

Love had songs that reminded him of someone else.

Songs Love just didn't like to listen to.

So did I.

But we found a park bench that fit us perfectly.

We found jokes that make us laugh.

And now, Love makes me fresh homemade chocolate chips cookies, but Love would probably finish most of them for a midnight snack.

Love looks great in lingerie, but still likes to wear her retainer.

Love is a terrible driver, but a great navigator.

Love knows where she's going. It just might take her two hours longer than she planned.

Love is messier now.

Not as simple.

Love uses the word "boobs" in front of my parents.

Love chews too loudly.

Love leaves the cap off the toothpaste.

Love uses smiley faces in her text messages.

And turns out... Love shits!

But, Love also cries.

And Love will tell you "You are beautiful", and mean it.

Over and over again.

You are beautiful - When you just wake up.

You are beautiful - When you've just been crying.

You are beautiful - When you don't want to hear it.

You are beautiful - When you don't believe it.

You are beautiful - When nobody else will tell you "You are beautiful".

Love still thinks you are beautiful.

But Love is not perfect, and will sometimes forget when you need to hear it most.

You are beautiful. Do not forget this.

Love is not who you were expecting.

Love is not what you can predict.

Maybe Love is in New York City, already asleep.

You are in California, India, Australia, wide awake.

Maybe Love is always in the wrong time zone.

Maybe Love is not ready for you.

Maybe you are not ready for Love.

Maybe Love just isn't the marrying type.

Maybe the next time you see Love is 20 years after the divorce.

Love looks older now, but just as beautiful as you remember.

Maybe Love is only there for one month.

Maybe Love is there for every firework, every birthday party, every hospital visit.

Maybe Love stays.

Maybe Love can't.

Maybe Love shouldn't.

Love arrives exactly when Love is supposed to.

And Love leaves exactly when Love must.

When Love arrives, say: "Welcome! Make yourself comfortable!"

If Love leaves, ask her to leave the door open behind her.

Turn off the music, listen to the quiet.

Whisper: "Thank you for stopping by".

#when love arrives #sarah kay #phil kaye #poems #button poetry

28 notes · View notes

beey-the-faerie-knight · 3 years

Text

"when Love arrives" by Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye

I knew exactly what Love looked like … in 7th grade.

Even though I hadn’t met Love yet, if Love had wandered into my home room I would have recognized him at first glance – Love wore a hemp necklace.

I would have recognized her at first glance – Love wore a tight French braid.

Love played acoustic guitar, and knew all my favorite Beatles’ songs.

Love wasn’t afraid to ride the bus with me.

And I knew I just must be searching the wrong class room, just must be checking the wrong hallway.

She was there, I was sure of it.

If only I could find him.

But when Love finally showed up – she had a bull cut!

He wore the same clothes everyday for a week.

Love hated the bus.

Love didn’t know anything about the Beatles.

Instead, every time I tried to kiss Love, our teeth got in the way!!!

Love became the reason I lied to my parents. I’m going to Ben’s house.

Love had terrible rhythm on the dance floor but made sure we never miss a slow song.

Love waited by the phone because she knew if her father picked up that’d be “Hello”… “Hh..” “Hello?” “Hh…” “I guess I’d hang up.”

And Love grew.

Stretched like a trampoline.

Love changed.

Love disappeared, slowly, like baby teeth.

Loosing parts of me I thought I needed.

Love vanished.

Like an amateur magician everyone could see the trapdoor but me.

Like a flat tire – there were other places I had planned on going.

But my plan didn’t matter.

Love stayed away for years.

And when Love finally reappeared, I barely recognized him.

Love smells different now, had darker eyes.

A broader back, Love came with freckles that I didn’t recognize.

New birth mark – a softer voice.

Now there were new sleeping patterns.

New favorite books.

Love had songs that reminded him of someone else.

Songs Love didn’t like to listen to, so did I.

But we found a park bench that fit us perfectly.

We found jokes that make us laugh.

And now Love makes me fresh homemade chocolate chip cookies.

(But Love will probably finish most of them for a midnight snack.)

Love looks great in lingerie but still likes to wear her retainer.

Love is a terrible driver, but a great navigator.

Love knows where she’s going, it just might take her two hours longer than she planned.

Love is messier now.

Love is simple.

Love uses the word boobs in front of my parents!

Love chews too loud.

Love leaves the cap off the toothpaste.

Love uses a smiley face in her text messages.

And turns out… Love shits.

But Love also cries;

And Love will tell you “You are beautiful”, and mean it.

Over and over again.

“You are beautiful.”

When you first wake up, “You are beautiful.”

When you’ve just been crying, “You are beautiful.”

When you don’t wanna hear it, “You are beautiful.”

When you don’t believe it, “You are beautiful.”

When nobody else will tell you, “You are beautiful.”

Love still thinks, “You are beautiful.”

But Love is not perfect and will sometimes forget.

When you need to hear it most, “You are beautiful.”

Do not forget this.

Love is not who you were expecting.

Love is not what you can predict.

Maybe Love is in New York City already asleep.

You are in California, Australia, wide awake.

Maybe Love is always in the wrong time-zone.

Maybe Love is not ready for you.

Maybe you are not ready for Love.

Maybe Love just isn’t the marrying type.

Maybe the next time you see Love is 20 years after the divorce.

Love looks older now but just as beautiful as you remember.

Maybe Love is only there for a month.

Maybe Love is there for every firework. Every birthday party. Every hospital visit.

Maybe Love stays. Maybe Love can’t. Maybe Love shouldn’t.

Love arrives exactly when Love is supposed to and Love leaves exactly when Love must.

When Love arrives, say, “Welcome. Make yourself comfortable.”

If Love leaves, ask her to leave the door open behind her.

Turn off the music. Listen to the quiet.

Whisper, “Thank you for stopping by.”

#spoken word poetry #sarah kay #phil kaye #poetry #love poem #poem

10 notes · View notes

marmalodi · 3 years

Text

John Lennon and Yoko Ono Interview: St. Regis Hotel, 9/5/1971

When we turned up at the St. Regis for our first interview, John and Yoko were still in bed. It was nearly afternoon and there was a flurry of activity in the adjacent rooms. May Pang was much in evidence, bustling about, her long black hair swirling around her. (This was a year or two before her affair with John.) She told us that our interview would have to be interrupted by a fitting for Yoko, which turned out to be to our advantage, because in Yoko's absence John was prepared to go back into the past and talk about Hamburg and the role of Brian Epstein.

We were served tea on a silver tray. John chain-smoked Gauloises, and the interview proceeded. It was obvious from the start that he was still angry at Paul, but when I played the tapes back later, I noticed he did not say anything negative about Paul's music. He attacked Paul for being bossy, arrogant, chauvinistic, etc, but in the next breath he would be telling us about Hamburg and about Paul having to be onstage for an hour and a half playing 'What'd I Say,' and you could hear the affection in his voice.

I have listened to these tapes many times, and I have always been struck by the contradictions within John Lennon. He tended to see the world in terms of black and white, and people were either on his good list or his hit list, and often subject to being switched from one to the other, according to which way the conversation turned. He was always outspoken, yet the charm of John's outspokenness was not only his way with words, but also that he was as critical and candid about himself as others. In the end it was this that made him endearing. He bared his soul about everything -- his insecurities, his mistakes -- and when he did so, even when he appeared ridiculous, he was a breath of fresh air in the entertainment world.

One moment I remember during the interview was when John and Yoko were leaning toward the microphone, each jostling the other to tell the story of how they met and fell in love. No one could have been in their presence for those minutes and not have been affected by it.

Neil Aspinal, the Beatles' longtime friend, said, 'The Beatles' world was an unreal world... a war zone.' It surely was. In a way I think Yoko brought John home. He found comfort, love, and understanding with her. He had a son by her and devoted himself to his child. I have no doubt he was a happier man in 1980 than he was in 1967 when he walked into that London art Gallery. - Peter McCabe (1984)

Q: "Let's talk about the Beatles' breakup, and the falling out between you and Paul. A lot of people think it had to do with the women in your lives. Is that why the Beatles split up?"

JOHN: "Not really. The split was over who would manage us -- Allen Klein or the Eastmans -- and nothing else really, although the split had been coming from Pepper onward."

Q: "Why, specifically?"

JOHN: "Paul was always upset about the White Album. He never liked it because on that one I did my music, he did his, and George did his. And first, he didn't like George having so many tracks. He wanted it to be more a group thing, which really means more Paul. So he never liked that album, and I always preferred it to all the other albums, including Pepper, because I thought the music was better. The Pepper myth is bigger, but the music on the White Album is far superior, I think."

Q: "That's your favorite, of all the Beatle albums?"

JOHN: "Yeah, because I wrote a lot of good shit on that. I like all the stuff I did on that, and the other stuff as well. I like the whole album. But if you're talking about the split, the split was over Allen and Eastman."

Q: "You didn't like Lee Eastman (Linda's father), nor John (Linda's brother), and the Eastmans didn't like Allen Klein..."

JOHN: "The Eastmans hated Allen from way back. They're from the class of family... like all classes, I suppose, they vote like Daddy does. They're the kind of kids who just think what their fathers told them."

Q: "But for a while you didn't get along with Linda."

JOHN: "We all got along well with Linda."

Q: "When did you first meet her?"

JOHN: "The first time was after that Apple press conference in America. We were going back to the airport and she was in the car with us. I didn't think she was particularly attractive. A bit too tweedy, you know. But she sat in the car and took photographs and that was it. And the next minute she's married him."

YOKO: "There was a nice quality about her. As a woman she doesn't offend you because she doesn't come on like a coquettish bird, you know? So she was alright, and we were on very good terms until Allen came into the picture. And then she said, 'Why the hell do you have to bring Allen into it?' She said very nasty things about Allen."

Q: "Yoko, you weren't with John the first time he met her?"

YOKO: "No. The first time I met her was when she came to the EMI studio. And you know, when Beatles are recording, there's very few people around, especially no women. If a young woman comes into the room, everybody just sort of looks at her. So I was there, and the first thing Linda made clear to me -- almost unnecessarily -- was the fact that she was interested in Paul, and not John, you know? She was sort of presupposing that I would be nervous. She just said, 'Oh, I'm with Paul.' Something to that effect. I think she was eager to be with me and John, in the sense that Paul and John are close, we should be close too. And couple to couple we were going to be good friends."

Q: "What was Paul's attitude to you as things progressed?"

YOKO: "Paul began complaining that I was sitting too close to them when they were recording, and that I should be in the background."

JOHN: "Paul was always gently coming up to Yoko and saying, 'Why don't you keep in the background a bit more?' I didn't know what was going on. It was going on behind my back."

Q: "So did that contribute to the split?"

JOHN: "Well, Paul rang me up. He didn't actually tell me he'd split, he said he was putting out an album. He said, 'I'm now doing what you and Yoko were doing last year. I understand what you were doing.' All that shit. So I said, 'Good luck to yer.'"

Q: "So, John. You and Paul were probably the greatest songwriting team in a generation. And you had this huge falling out. Were there always huge differences between you and Paul, or was there a time when you had a lot in common?"

JOHN: "Well, Paul always wanted the home life, you see. He liked it with daddy and the brother... and obviously missed his mother. And his dad was the whole thing. Just simple things. He wouldn't go against his dad and wear drainpipe trousers. And his dad was always trying to get me out of the group behind me back, I found out later. He'd say to George, 'Why don't you get rid of John, he's just a lot of trouble. Cut your hair nice and wear baggy trousers,' like I was the bad influence because I was the eldest. So Paul was always like that. And I was always saying, 'Face up to your dad, tell him to fuck off. He can't hit you. You can kill him (laughs) he's an old man.' I used to say, 'Don't take that shit.' But Paul would always give in to his dad. His dad told him to get a job, he dropped the group and started working on the fucking lorries, saying, 'I need a steady career.' We couldn't believe it. Once he rang up and said he'd got this job and couldn't come to the group. So I told him on the phone, 'Either come or you're out.' So he had to make a decision between me and his dad then, and in the end he chose me. But it was a long trip."

Q: "So you think with Linda he's found what he wanted?"

JOHN: "I guess so. I guess so. I just don't understand. I never knew what he wanted in a woman because I never knew what I wanted. I knew I wanted something intelligent or something arty. But you don't really know what you want until you find it. So anyway, I was very surprised with Linda. I wouldn't have been surprised if he'd married Jane because it had been going on for a long time and they went through a whole ordinary love scene. But with Linda it was just like -- boom! She was in and that was the end of it."

Q: "So if the falling out was essentially with Paul, what made you decide not to participate in the Bangladesh concert with George?"

JOHN: "I told George about a week before it that I wouldn't be doing it. I just didn't feel like it. I just didn't want to be fucking rehearsing and doing a big show-biz trip. We were in the Virgin Islands, and I certainly wasn't going to be rehearsing in New York, then going back to the Virgin Islands, then coming back up to New York and singing. And anyway, they couldn't have got any more people in, if I'd been there or not. I got enough money off records and I don't feel like doing two shows a night."

Q: "Do you have any regrets about not doing it?"

JOHN: "Well, at first I thought, 'Oh, I wish I'd been there,' you know, with Dylan and Leon... they needed a rocker. Everybody was telling me 'You should have been there, John,' but I'm glad I didn't do it in a way because I didn't want to go on as 'The Beatles.' And with George and Ringo there it would have had that connotation of Beatles -- Now let's hear Ringo sing 'It Don't Come Easy.' That's why I left it all. I don't want to play 'My Sweet Lord.' I'd as soon go out and do exactly what I want."

Q: "John, you said you 'get enough off records,' but you used to say you weren't as rich as people thought you were. Are you rich enough finally?"

JOHN: "Well, I do have money for the first time ever, really. I do feel slightly secure about it, secure enough to say I'll go on the road for free. The reason I got rich is because I'm so insecure. I couldn't give it all away, even in my most holy, Christian, God-fearing, Hare Krishna period. I need it because I'm so insecure. Yoko doesn't need it. She always had it. I have to have it. I'm not secure enough to give it all up, because I need it to protect me from whatever I'm frightened of."

YOKO: "He's very vulnerable."

JOHN: "But now I think that Allen Klein has made me secure enough, it's his fault that I'll go out for free."

Q: "You mean tour for free?"

JOHN: "Well, I thought I can't really go on the road and take a lot more money. What am I going to do with it? I've got all the fucking bread I need. If I go broke, well, I'd go on the road for money then. But now I just couldn't face saying, 'Well, I cost a million when I sing.'"

YOKO: "It's criminal."

JOHN: "It's bullshit, because I want to sing. So I'm going out on the road because I want to this time. I want to do something political, and radicalize people, and all that jazz. I feel like going out with Yoko, and taking a really far-out show on the road, a mobile, political, rock and roll show."

YOKO: "With clowns as well."

JOHN: "You know what I was thinking -- when Paul's going out on the road, I'd like to be playing in the same town for free next door! And he's charging about a million. That would be funny."

YOKO: "Our position is -- I come from the East, he comes from the West -- a meeting of East and West, and all that. And to communicate with people is almost a responsibility. We actually are living proof of East and West getting along together. High water falls low, you know. And if our cup is full, it's going to flow. It's natural for us to give because we have a lot. If we don't give, it's criminal, in the sense that it's going against the law of nature. In order to go against the law of nature you have to use tremendous energy."

Q: "Let's talk about Allen Klein. He has a reputation as a tough wheeler-dealer in the music business. What made you decide to have him as your manager?"

JOHN: "Well, Allen's human, whereas Eastman and all them other people are automatons. And one of the early things that impressed me about Allen -- and obviously it was a kind of flattery as well -- was that he really knew which stuff I'd written. Not many people knew which was my song and which was Paul's, but he'd say, 'Well, McCartney didn't write that line, did he?' I thought, anybody who knows me this well, just by listening to records, is pretty perceptive. I'm not the easiest guy to read, although I'm fairly naive and open in some ways, and I can be conned easily. But in other ways I'm quite complicated, and it's not easy to get through all the defenses and see what I'm like. Allen knew to come to me and not to go to Paul, whereas somebody like Lew Grade or Eastman would have gone to Paul."

Q: "Did Klein hope to get Paul back into the group?"

JOHN: (laughs) "He came up with this plan. He said, "Just ring Paul and say, 'We're recording next Friday, are you coming?' So it nearly happened. Then Paul would have forfeited his right to split by joining us again. But Paul would never, never do it, for anything, and now I would never do it."

Q: "There was a lot of negative publicity about Klein. Didn't that bother you?"

JOHN: "Well, he's a businessman. He's probably cut many peoples' throats. So have I. I made it too. I mean, I can't remember anybody I literally cut, but I've certainly trod on a few feet on the way up. And I'm sure Allen did also."

Q: "How does Klein compare with Brian Epstein as a manager?"

JOHN: "Well, Brian couldn't delegate, and neither can Allen. But I understand that. When I try and delegate it never gets done properly. Like with my albums and Yoko's, each time I have to go through the same process -- Get the printing size right. I want it clear and simple. I have to go through the same jazz all the time. It's never a lesson learned."

Q: "Let's get back to something we were talking about earlier. The attitude of the other Beatles toward Yoko."

JOHN: "They don't listen to women. Women are chicks to them."

Q: "What about George?"

JOHN: "George always has a point of view about that wide (he holds his hands close together), you know? You can't tell him anything."

YOKO: "George is sophisticated, fashionwise..."

JOHN: "He's very trendy, and he has the right clothes on, and all of that."

YOKO: "But he's not sophisticated, intellectually."

JOHN: "No. He's very narrow-minded. One time in the Apple office I was saying something, and he said, 'I'm as intelligent as you, you know.' This must have been resentment. Of course he's got an inferiority complex from working with Paul and me."

Q: "John, what did you think of Yoko's work when you first saw it?"

JOHN: "Well, her gallery show was a bit of an eye-opener. I wasn't sure what it was all about. I knew there was some sort of con game going on. She calls herself a concept artist, but with the 'cept' left off, it's con artist. I saw that side of it and that was interesting. And then we met."

Q: "Was it love at first sight?"

JOHN: "Well, I always had this dream of meeting an artist woman I would fall in love with. Even from art school. And when we met and were talking I just realized that she knew everything I knew -- and more probably. And it was coming out of a woman's head. It just sort of bowled me over. It was like finding gold or something. To have exactly the same relationship with any male you'd ever had, but also you could go to bed with it, and it could stroke your head when you felt tired or sick or depressed. Could also be Mother. And if the intellect is there... well, it's just like winning the pools. So that's why when people ask me for a precis of my story, I put, 'born, lived, met Yoko.' because that's what it's been about.

"As she was talking to me I would get high, and the discussion would get to such a level that I would be going higher and higher. And when she'd leave, I'd go back into this sort of suburbia. Then I'd meet her again and my head would go off like I was on an acid trip. I'd be going over what she'd said and it was incredible, some of the ideas and the was she was saying them, And then once I got a sniff of it I was hooked. Then I couldn't leave her alone. We couldn't be apart for a minute from then on."

YOKO: "He has this nature, and I'm thankful for it. Most men are so narrow-minded. Somebody once told me, 'You don't make small talk, and that's why men hate you.' I mean, I have so many male enemies who try to stifle me. What the hell."

JOHN: "I did the same, of course. I found myself being a chauvinist pig with her. Then I started thinking, 'Well, if I said that to Paul, or asked Paul to do that, or George, or Ringo, they'd tell me to fuck off.' And then you realize -- you just have this attitude to women that is just insane! It's beyond belief , the way we're brought up to think of women. And I had to keep saying, 'Well, would I tell a guy to do that? Would I say that to a guy? Would a guy take that?' Then I started to get nervous. I thought, 'Fuck, I better treat her right or she's going to go. No friend's going to stick around for this treatment."

Q: Did you know anything about rock music, Yoko, when you first met John?"

YOKO: "I didn't know anything about rock music, or anything like it. I thought of rock songs as something a bit lower than poetry. It was like reading poetry that had a definite rhythm to it."

JOHN: "She used to say, "Why are you doing the same beat all the time?' I used to get very irritated."

Q: "What were your feelings about art and the art world at that time?"

JOHN: "Well, I went to art school and I thought that was the art world, virtually. And they're all such pretentious hypocrites. There was no artist I admired, except for maybe Dali or someone from the past. And when I read the art reviews... I couldn't understand why I wasn't being reviewed for my art, because I always felt like an artist.

"So I went to her show. I was thinking, 'Fucking artist shit. It's all bullshit.' But then there were so many good jokes in it, real good eye-openers."

YOKO: "That's another thing, most artists don't have a sense of humor."

JOHN: "And there was a sense of humor in her work, you know? It was funny. Her work really made me laugh, some of it. So that's when I got interested in art again, just through her work."

YOKO: "All the men I met, I felt they were more pretentious than me, hypocritical, narrower than me, and not genuine. And I'm talented. Because I can compose, I can paint, I can be in many fields. Most men that I met were bragging about their professionalism in one field."

JOHN: "They get one idea and flog it to death, and become famous on one idea."

YOKO: "And fucking conservative, you know? And they talk about women not having a sense of humor. I used to despise every man that I met. I was thinking, 'There's something wrong with me, because everybody hated me for it.' And then I met this man, and for the first time I got the fright of my life because here was a man who was just as genuine, maybe more genuine than me. He's very genuine. And he can do anything I can do, which is very unusual. And I got surprised. And that happened at the first meeting."

JOHN: "It took me a long time to get used to it. Any woman I could shout down. Most of my arguments used to be a question of who could shout the loudest. Normally I could win, whether I was right or wrong, especially if the argument was with a woman -- they'd just give in. But she didn't. She'd go on and on and on, until I understood it. Then I had to treat her with respect."

Q: "Yoko, did you have any idea of what the Beatles' life had been like, on tours for example?"

JOHN: "She was really shocked. I thought the art world was loose, you know? And when I started telling her about what our life was like, she couldn't believe it."

YOKO: "I came from a different generation. I mean, my friends didn't want me to know they smoked pot, you know? So I thought 'Oh, he's an artist. He's probably had two or three affairs.' Then I heard the whole story and I thought, 'My God!'"

JOHN: "She was just like this silly Eastern nun wandering about, thinking it was all spiritual."

YOKO: "He once said to me, 'Well, were you a groupie in the art world?' I said, 'What's a groupie?'"

JOHN: "So I said, 'Just tell me. I don't want to go 'round and fucking Picasso or someone comes up and says, 'Yes, I've had her.'"

YOKO: "And I really didn't know the word 'groupie.'"

JOHN: "So anyway, I'd been dying to tell her about the 'raving' on tour. I just wanted her to know what a scene it was. I thought it was silly not to say it. And of course the people with us were living like fucking emperors when we were locked in our rooms. That's why they cling so much to the past."

Q: "Talking of your entourage, do you resent it that so many people take credit for their contributions to the Beatles?"

JOHN: "Well, there was an article on George Martin in Melody Maker -- he's telling all these stories. He says, well, I showed them how to play feedback, or put tape loops together, or some arbitrary little technical thing... Where is the great talent of George Martin and Derek Taylor, and the legacy of Brian Epstein? Where is their talent?"

YOKO: "It's like my ex-husband saying that he sacrificed his talent for me, or something."

JOHN: "Well, I never had anything against George Martin. I just didn't like all the rumors that he actually was the brains behind the Beatles. I can't stand that."

Q: "Let's talk about Brian Epstein, your first manager. What did you think of him?"

JOHN: " I liked Brian. I had a very close relationship with him for years, like I have with Allen, because I'm not going to have some stranger running the scene, that's all. I was close with Brian, as close as you can get with someone who lives sort of the fag life, and you don't really know what they're doing on the side. But in the group I was closest to him. He had great qualities and was good fun.

"He was a theatrical man rather than a businessman, and with us he was a bit like that. He literally fucking cleaned us up. And there were great fights between him and me, over years and years, of me not wanting to dress up. He and Paul had some kind of collusion... to keep me straight. Because I kept spoiling the image, like the time I beat up a guy at Paul's twenty-first. I nearly killed him, because he insinuated that me and Brian had an affair in Spain. I was out of me mind.

What I think about the Beatles is that even if there had been Paul and John and two other people, we'd never have been the Beatles. It had to take that combination of Paul, John, George and Ringo to make the Beatles. There's no such thing as 'Well, John and Paul wrote all the songs, therefore they contributed more.' because if it hadn't been us we would have got songs from somewhere else. And Brian contributed as much as us in the early days, although we were the talent and he was the hustler."

Q: "So after Brian died you made 'Magical Mystery Tour.' You said Paul was acting as if he were going to take charge of everything?"

JOHN: "Well, I still felt, every now and then, that Brian would come in and say, 'It's time to record,' or 'Time to do this.' And then Paul started doing that -- 'Now we're going to make a movie,' or 'Now we're going to make a record.' And he assumed that if he didn't call us, nobody would ever make a record. Well, it's since shown that we managed quite well to make records on time. I don't have any schedule, I just think, 'Now I'll make it.' But in those days, Paul would say that now he felt like it. And suddenly I'd have to whip out 20 songs. He'd come in with about 20 good songs and say 'We're recording.' And I had to suddenly write a fucking stack of songs. Pepper was like that. Magical Mystery Tour was another. So I hastily did my bits for it and we went out on the road. And Paul did the thing for his album -- the big-timer, auditioning directors."

Q: Let's go back for a minute and talk about all the early influences on the Beatles. What would you say had the greatest effect on the group? Was it Liverpool? The Cavern? Hamburg? Did Hamburg really improve the playing?"

JOHN: "Oh, amazingly. Because before that we'd only been playing bits and pieces, but in Hamburg we had to play for hours and hours on end. Every song lasted 20 minutes and had 20 solos in it. We'd be playing eight or ten hours a night. And that's what improved the playing. Also, the Germans like heavy rock, so you have to keep rocking all the time, and that's how we got stomping. That's how it developed. That made the sound. Because we developed a sound by playing hours and hours and hours together."

Q: "You all must have found yourself playing in some unbelievably bad conditions."

JOHN: "Yeah, but it was still rather thrilling when you went onstage. A little frightening because it wasn't a dancehall, and all these people were sitting down, expecting something. And then they would tell us to 'mak show'. After the first night they said, 'You were terrible. You have to make a show -- Mak show!' So I put my guitar down and I did Gene Vincent all night. You know -- banging and lying on the floor and throwing the mic about and pretending I had a bad leg. They're all doing it now -- lying on the floor and banging the guitar and kicking things and just doing all that jazz.

"Then they moved us to another club, which was larger and where they danced. Paul would be doing 'What'd I Say' for an hour and a half. And these gangsters would come in -- the local mafia. They'd send a crate of champagne onstage... this imitation German champagne, and we had to drink it or they'd kill us. They'd say, 'Drink it and then do What'd I Say.' We'd have to do this other show, whatever time of night. If they came in at five in the morning and we'd been playing for seven hours, they'd give us a crate of champagne and we were supposed to carry on. We'd get pills off the waiters then, to keep awake. That's how all that started.

"I used to be so pissed I'd be lying on the floor behind the piano, drunk, while the rest of the group was playing. I'd just be onstage fast asleep. Some of the shows, I went on just in me underpants. I'd go on in underpants with a toilet seat 'round me neck, and all sorts of gear on. Out of me fucking mind!"

Q: When did you get into acid? Did Paul time his LSD announcement to coincide with the release of Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band?"

JOHN: "No. We'd had acid on Revolver. Everyone is under this illusion... even George Martin saying 'Pepper was their acid album,' but we'd had acid, including Paul, by the time Revolver was finished."

Q: "So why did he make that big announcement?"

JOHN: "Because the press had cornered him. I don't know how they found out about him taking it. But that was a year after we'd all taken it. Rubber Soul was our pot album, and Revolver was acid. I mean, we weren't all stoned making Rubber Soul because in those days we couldn't work on pot. We never recorded under acid or anything like that. It's like saying, 'Did Dylan Thomas write Under Milk Wood on beer?' What the fuck does that have to do with it? The beer is to prevent the rest of the world from crowding in on him. The drugs are to prevent the rest of the world from crowding in on you. They don't make you write better. I never wrote any better stuff because I was on acid or not on acid."

Q: "Did the fact that Sergeant Pepper inspired so many people to try LSD surprise you?"

JOHN: "Well, I never felt that Haight-Ashbury was a direct result. It always seemed to me that all sorts of things were happening at once. The acid thing in America was going on long before Pepper. Leary was going around saying, 'Take it, take it, take it.' We followed his instruction. I did it just like he said in the Book Of The Dead, and then I wrote Tomorrow Never Knows,' which is on Revolver, and which was almost the first acid song -- 'Lay down all thought, surrender to the void' -- and all that shit. Do you remember if Paul's statement on acid came out after Sergeant Pepper?"

Q: "Just as it was released."

JOHN: "I see. He always times his big announcements right on the letter, doesn't he. Like leaving the Beatles. Maybe it's instinctive. It probably is. Anyway, 'Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds' is not about LSD. And Henry the Horse is not about smack on Sergeant Pepper, because I'd never even seen it when we made Sergeant Pepper. But those kinds of stories evolved from it -- people thought if you listened to it backwards it said 'Paul is dead.' All that shit is just gobbledygook."

Q: "Still, many who got into acid might never have followed Timothy Leary but did follow the Beatles."

JOHN: "Well, blame it on Dylan. He turned us onto pot."

Q: "Having written so much with Paul, do you think it's possible for there to be some type of settlement, outside of business?"

JOHN: "Well, there's no way for it to be settled 'outside business,' because it all gets down to who owns a bit of what. It's a house we own together, and there's no way of settling it, unless we all decide to live in it together. It has to be sold."

Q: "Have you missed writing songs with him?"

JOHN: "No I haven't. I wrote alone in the early days. We used to write separately. He used to write songs before I even started writing songs. I think he did. And we'd written separately for years. I wrote 'Help.' I wrote 'A Hard Day's Night.' He wrote 'Yesterday.' They'd been separate for years.

"In the early days we'd write together for fun, and later on for convenience to get so many numbers out for an album. But our best songs were always written alone. And things like 'A Day In The Life' was just my song and his song stuck together. I mean we used to sit down and finish off each other's songs. You know, you could have three quarters of a song finished and we'd just sit together, bring ten songs each, and finish off the tail ends, and put middle eights in ones that you couldn't be bothered fixing, because they weren't all that good anyway.

"We usually got together on songs that were less interesting. Now and then we'd write together from scratch. 'I Want To Hold Your Hand,' things like that were done like that. But we'd been working apart ever since we were working together. It was only news to the public that a lot of Lennon-McCartney songs weren't Lennon-McCartney. That was something we'd agreed on years ago."

Q: "Do you think it was a mistake in retrospect to have named everything Lennon-McCartney?"

JOHN: "No, I don't, because it worked very well and it was useful. Then it was useful, so it was quite good fun. I've nothing against it."

Q: "If you got, I don't know what the right phrase is... 'back together' now, what would be the nature of it?"

JOHN: "Well, it's like saying, if you were back in your mother's womb... I don't fucking know. What can I answer? It will never happen, so there's no use contemplating it. Even if I became friends with Paul again, I'd never write with him again. There's no point. I write with Yoko because she's in the same room with me."

YOKO: "And we're living together."

JOHN: "So it's natural. I was living with Paul then, so I wrote with him. It's whoever you're living with. He writes with Linda. He's living with her. It's just natural."

Source: Transcribed by www.beatlesinterviews.org from original magazine issue

#john: where is the great legacy of brian epstein? where is their talent?#john two minutes later: brian contributed as much as us in the early days #i've seen a lot of quotes from this interview going around on tumblr but not the whole thing #tw f slur #john lennon #yoko ono #the beatles #shanty’s posts

13 notes · View notes

dex-xe · 3 years

Text

I’ve made Spotify playlists inspired by each of the ghosts and I’ve made these little written pieces to talk about them. if you wanna read them, please go ahead - if not then enjoy the music!!

This is Humphrey’s playlist:

Body - Mother Mother

I wish I were sorry, but I’m honestly not. There’s no real consensus regarding what the song is actually about. I usually interpret it as being about body/gender dysphoria which isn’t really relevant here but I guess it links to the separation between body and soul and the idea that the body doesn’t define you which I think is quite relevant to Humphrey who relies on his soul for attention from others rather than his physical presence in a room.

Sign of the Times - Harry Styles

I feel like Humphrey probably has the most reasonable understanding of the passage of time of all the ghosts. He’s very down to earth compared to the rest of them. I know Robin has been there longer but I think he’s probably accepted the change of time without really considering it philosophically, whereas with Humphrey getting lost all the time he’s probably had more time to contemplate and I think he’d appreciate the song to listen to while he’s stuck various places. Also he’d like he piano, Humphrey’s a kinda piano man you can’t tell me otherwise (no Billy Joel fuck off).

Greensleeves - Ralph Vaughan Williams & Philharmonia Orchestra

This’ll come up a lot in various other ghosts’ playlists but I’ve tried to include some music from each of their time periods to try and capture what they would have heard so yeah, enjoy some Tudor music.

Tilted - Christine and the Queens

It’s been established that Humphrey’s wife was French so I felt the need to include at least a little bit of French which this song obviously captures. Also again it’s kinda the idea of not having total control over your body.

Abracadabra - Steve Miller Band

No idea why it’s just a Humphrey song I will take no criticism on this.

Don’t Look Back In Anger - Oasis

The scene with Fanny and Humphrey talking about their marriages is one of my favourite scenes and basically the whole “marriage went wrong but you can’t look back at it with contempt because it’s over now and time’s moved on” is what he was trying to say to Fanny and aid her recovery from her marriage trauma in the same way that Humphrey has healed from his.

High and Dry - Radiohead

I also see this song in reference to that scene with Fanny because it’s like no precise meaning to my knowledge but I interpret it as being about telling someone to let go of other people and what’s happening with them and focus on yourself and what you need.

My Iron Lung - Radiohead

Humphrey’s death is constrained by the decisions he made in life that brought about his death, which is kindaaaaa the meaning of the song like it’s a stretch. Like it’s actually about Radiohead being constrained by Creep as one of their most successful songs but like the idea of being stuck in a box and not being able to live freely. I really want to learn more about Humphrey’s life in the new series cause like, I want development to show how his beheading was brought about and what it’s like to live his… death completely restrained by his situation.

Body Terror Song - AJJ

“I’m so sorry that you have to have a body, one that will hurt you, and be the subject of so much of your fear, it will betray you, be used against you, then it'll fail on you my dear”. There we go!! Humphrey’s body wanders away - newsflash from me.

Eleanor Rigby - The Beatles

“A ballad for the lonely”, catch me crying over Humphrey as usual. But yeah obvious reason is cause Humphrey is often left alone and unable to interact with the others. The other thing I like to think when listening to this song is about the idea of lonely people noticing the little details no one else does, in the song it’s clearly the little details about the protagonists lives (Eleanor Rigby picking up tiny grains of rice with no one to help, and Father McKenzie writing sermons no one will hear) but Humphrey - like I think many lonely people — notices little things like Francis writing the letter to Thomas etc.

Where Is My Mind? - Pixies

Idk this song is just trippy. I remember reading ages ago that it was about scuba diving. But yeah, I primarily think it’s a Humphrey song because I just like the image of his body wandering aimlessly about the house with this song looking for his head XD

Waterloo Sunset - The Kinks

Again, I’ve said this a few times now but Humphrey being an observer of Button House and what takes place within it’s walls, just watching the others going about their days as he sits alone. I know the writer said he watched the world from the window of a hospital as a child and I think being able to watch over the city without being able to participate because of physical ailment is pretty telling.

O Lord, in Thy Wrath - Orlando Gibbons & Choir of Clare College, Cambridge

This is just a Tudor song. I grew up very very religious and, while I’m not sure I heard this exact song, I spent hours upon hours in church services every week with songs very similar to this and the music was the only thing I actually enjoyed about it. But yeah, I wanted to include at least a few religious songs in Humphrey’s because of my theory regarding his death which (given that we might find out about it in season 3 and I might be totally wrong) I’m gonna just briefly mention XD I basically think his death might’ve been religiously motivated because of the instability of state sanctioned religion in England at the time. Elizabeth I (monarch when Humphrey died) put 200 Catholics to death and given that Humphrey was married to a French woman and the French were under Catholic rule at the time it might not be too far outside the realm of possibility for Humphrey to have lost his head for being the ‘wrong’ denomination. Idk, probably miles off cause I’m really bad at theories but we’ll find out soon hopefully!!

Pantyhose and Roses - Echobelly

Just for the line “it could change but it never will”. Being a ghost must be such a difficult existence because there’s very little they can do to change what’s wrong because they obviously can’t leave where they die. But especially for Humphrey, nothing can change really for him because of his situation.

Waltz #2 (XO) - Elliott Smith

“I’m never gonna know you now, but I’m gonna love you anyhow”. As far as we know Humphrey’s relationship with his wife obviously wasn’t the best and it seems as if he possible barely knew her cause of the language barrier and the fact it was an arranged marriage.

After Hours - The Velvet Underground

This song has such a feeling of isolation like wishing that you could be a part of everyone’s fun but you’ve yet to find the person with whom you can experience that fun with.

Out of Time - Blur

I’ve said it before I’ll say it again but the idea of noticing the small things around you and focussing on the bigger picture of the world rather than hyper fixating on the intricacies of our own existence. Also, this is totally irrelevant but there’s an episode of Torchwood called ‘Out of Time’ in which three people from the 1950s suddenly rock up in 2000s Cardiff and the Torchwood 3 team have to take care of them and try to teach them about the modern world (it’s one of my favourite episodes, like it’s genuinely really good) and I think that’s really cool.

Blackstar - David Bowie

The song is just sad and I put it on any playlist of a sad character, no further explanation.

Why do I use my paper, ink and pen? - William Byrd, Stile Antico & Fretwork

More Tudor music, Tudor musiccccc.

25 Minutes to Go - Johnny Cash

Obvious but yeah there we go: just basically a man waiting and being led to his death which, if the assassination theory is to be believed (which we shall soon find out I guess) then the idea of Humphrey being led to his death is potentially gonna be a sorrowful story to hear about in the show??

#bbc ghosts humphrey #bbc ghosts

14 notes · View notes

thecoleopterawithana · 4 years

Note

"I never knew what he wanted in a woman because I never knew what I wanted" I think this quote is so telling but I haven't seen much commentary on it. Do you have any particular thoughts? It seems to put John in a very sad light. And to me it's one of his most revealingly repressed-gay quotes, but maybe there's another way to interpret & I'm overstepping.

Hello there, dear anon!

I hope you’re still around to see this! As usual, I’ve taken an appalling amount of time answering this thought-provoking ask. However, in this instance, that “appalling amount of time” is probably over a year; a new record for me. Wherever you are now, I hope you are well, and if my ramblings don’t reach you, may they interest others.

I also have to admit that at the time I received this ask, I was most likely not equipped to understand all the layers of meaning in this sentence. And it’d be quite presumptuous of me to assume that I am completely prepared now. But let’s just hope that my ability to perceive their nuances has grown since then, and will continue to do so in the future.

Needless to say, this is only my current interpretation, and I welcome any commentaries that will help broaden it! (And please don’t fret for a second about offering your own interpretation and somehow “overstepping”; we’re all just having a decades-spanning conversation here.)

Now, on with your question.

First, let’s integrate that sentence in its full quote:

Q: So, John. You and Paul were probably the greatest songwriting team in a generation. And you had this huge falling out. Were there always huge differences between you and Paul, or was there a time when you had a lot in common?

JOHN: Well, Paul always wanted the home life, you see. He liked it with daddy and the brother… and obviously missed his mother. […]

JOHN: So it was always the family thing, you see. If Jane [Asher] was to have a career, then that’s not going to be a cozy family, is it? All the other girls were just groupies mainly. And with Linda not only did he have a ready-made family, but she knows what he wants, obviously, and has given it to him. The complete family life. He’s in Scotland. He told me he doesn’t like English cities anymore. So that’s how it is.

Q: So you think with Linda he’s found what he wanted?

JOHN: I guess so. I guess so. I just don’t understand. I never knew what he wanted in a woman because I never knew what I wanted. I knew I wanted something intelligent or something arty. But you don’t really know what you want until you find it. So anyway, I was very surprised with Linda. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d married Jane (Asher) because it had been going on for a long time and they went through a whole ordinary love scene. But with Linda it was just like – boom! She was in and that was the end of it.

— John Lennon, interviewed by Peter McCabe and Robert Schonfeld, at St. Regis Hotel, New York City (5 September 1971).

So, the interviewer inquires about their differences and similarities during the relationship, probably to assess the pervasiveness of the clashes that supposedly led to the “huge falling out” in “the greatest songwriting team in a generation.”

And John answers that “Paul always wanted the home life.”

At first glance, and following the logic of what was asked, one might assume John was pointing to a difference that always existed between them. And an irreconcilable difference at that, given that it’s the first thing he points out in answer to a question that is probing for sources of conflict that might explain their falling out.

So we get a feeling that John saw Paul having a family as incompatible with Paul maintaining a partnership with him. They were mutually exclusive; thus, Paul getting a family resulted in a falling out between them.

That right there carries a lot of implications already.

Because John himself also wanted the “complete family life”:

Q: But with that much experience behind you, now, would you like to have more children?

JOHN: Yeah, I – as – as many as come, you know. If Lennon roll out, as they. [thoughtful] I like large families. The idea of it.

— John Lennon, interviewed by Brian Matthew (13 November 1965).

And we shouldn’t take his disappointment with the suburban life in Weybridge as proof that he’d given up on that fantasy. It’s all about the circumstances, in the end; who you’re sharing your dream with.

After all, Yoko herself came with a “ready-made family”: a six-year-old daughter named Kyoko, who she was fighting to get the custody of, after divorcing the father, Anthony Cox, in February 1969; by then John and Yoko would even have a baby of their own.

This would all eventually fall through, as Yoko suffered a miscarriage in late November 1968, and Cox would disappear with Kyoko in 1971. Yoko would not see her daughter again until almost three decades later.

So you could see how John could have felt resentful of the family life Paul had built. Always perfect mirror images, Paul was living the dream, while John’s turned into a nightmare.

But with John, the situation is always doubly complicated. Because if he was often envious of Paul, John was also jealous. Note that “envy is when you want what someone else has, but jealousy is when you’re worried someone’s trying to take what you have.”

So we have to go back to his first answer. We’ve established that wanting “the complete family life” was something they had in common rather than something they differed in.

But Paul wanting a family is still presented here as a reason for their falling out, or at least tangentially related. And John goes on to present his theory about how Paul’s choice in life partner was based on who could provide that for him. It wouldn’t be the career-focused Jane, or the inconsequential groupies.

And it couldn’t be John himself.

We should also note that, in answer to the second question, it is made clear that John’s previous declarations were but a retrospective interpretation of what happened. As he goes on to admit, at the time, John was surprised by Paul marrying Linda instead of Jane.

And that is how we finally get to the sentence in question:

“I never knew what he wanted in a woman because I never knew what I wanted.”

A possible first layer of meaning is what I’m guessing you meant by this being “one of his most revealingly repressed-gay quotes.”

1. The emphasis being placed on John never knowing what he wanted in a woman, and thus not being able to know what Paul would find more desirable in a wife.

He does go on to use admittedly questionable pronouns: “I knew I wanted something intelligent or something arty.” It happened in other instances in this interview:

I just realized that [Yoko] knew everything I knew, and more, probably, and it was coming out of a woman’s head. It just sort of bowled me over, you know? And it was like finding gold or something. To find somebody that you can go and get pissed with, and have exactly the same relationship as any mate in Liverpool you’d ever had, but also you could go to bed with him, and it could stroke your head when you felt tired, or sick, or depressed. It could also be Mother. And obviously, that’s what the male-female – you know, you could take those roles with each other.

— John Lennon, interviewed by Peter McCabe and Robert Schonfeld, at St. Regis Hotel, New York City (5 September 1971).

So one could see how, at this time, John was struggling to manage the differences between male and female partners. As Cynthia put it:

I think he was trying to find himself a… what he’d call a soulmate. Someone who had as mad ideas as he had. I think he felt that she had the talent… but that’s debatable. But he needed that— he didn’t need a ‘mumsie’ partner at that point. He needed a mate. And I think he actually said, at some stage, in an interview that, you know— She’s the nearest thing to a man — a mate; man — that he’s ever had in a woman.

— Cynthia Lennon, interviewed by Alex Belfield for BBC Radio (2006).

Another angle that I find curious is:

2. The parallel drawn between Linda’s knowledge of Paul’s wants (and her ability to satisfy them) versus John’s.

“[Linda] knows what he wants, obviously, and has given it to him.” / “I never knew what he wanted”

This one integrates a theme I’ve been interested in exploring recently: their epistemology of each other. Basically, assumptions of knowledge; when it works out and when it doesn’t.

1968: I wonder should I call you but I know what you would do

JOHN: Well, [‘How Do You Sleep’]’s an answer, you know? Paul, uh, personally doesn’t feel as though I insulted him or anything. ’Cause I had dinner with him last week, and he was quite happy.

— John Lennon, interviewed by Mike Douglas on The Mike Douglas Show (12 February 1972).

1973: And I know just how you feel / And I know now what I have done / And I know and I’m guilty (yes I am) / But I never could read your mind

In this specific case, he could be humbly admitting he never knew what Paul wanted. But another possible reading of the sentence is the exact opposite:

3. The assumption that they were so connected, so much like a single entity, that to know himself was to know Paul. That their wants and needs are aligned, and what John wants must be what Paul wants.

I never knew what he wanted in a woman because I never knew what I wanted.

1967: I am he / As you are he / As you are me / And we are all together

1969: I know you, you know me

The mirror image of this interpretation would be Paul’s own thought-provoking declarations:

[T]he Beatle thing is over. It has been exploded, partly by what we have done, and partly by other people. We are individuals— all different. John married Yoko, I married Linda. We didn’t marry the same girl.

— Paul McCartney, for Life Magazine (7 November 1969).

Q: Will Paul and Linda become John and Yoko?

PAUL: No, they will become Paul and Linda.

— McCartney press release (9 April 1970).

And finally, I believe another very important facet expressed in this sentence is:

4. The theme of John not knowing what he wants for himself.

I never knew what he wanted in a woman because I never knew what I wanted. […] But you don’t really know what you want until you find it.

This is a sentiment that John has expressed before.

JOHN: Weybridge won’t do at all. I’m just stopping at it […] I think of it every day — me in my Hansel and Gretel house. I’ll take my time; I’ll get my real house when I know what I want. You see there’s something else I’m going to do, something I must do — only I don’t know what it is. That’s why I go round painting and taping and drawing and writing and that, because it may be one of them. All I know is, this isn’t it for me.

— John Lennon, interviewed by Maureen Cleave for the London Evening Standard (4 March 1966).

JOHN: I think, in one way, all of us were under the slight illusion that we might— or maybe it wasn’t an illusion and maybe had we pushed harder we would have got what we wanted, but I’m not sure that anybody really knew what we wanted. We knew we didn’t like what was happening but nobody quite knew what it was that we wanted, cus we’d never had it!

This is another very fascinating avenue I’ve been wondering about.

John Lennon, the Dreamer, not actually knowing how that dream would manifest. Him having a vague romantic idea of what he wanted, but not really knowing how to practically bring it about.

[Imagine here a whole essay of John versus Paul in the studio, and their contrasting abilities to materialize the sounds they heard in their head and turn them into something that others could experience with them.]

In conclusion, these are about all the potential levels of nuance I can read in John’s statement at the moment. All of them fascinating and worth exploring. So I’m truly grateful to you for giving me the perfect opportunity to do so.

It would fill me with joy to have this conversation continued with all who feel like adding their own perspectives to it!

#asks me why #i never knew what he wanted in a woman because i never knew what i wanted #it's like a marriage #wedding bells are breaking up that old gang of mine #I'm just a jealous guy #and if i say i really knew you well #i know you you know me #you may say i'm a dreamer #the person i actually picked as my partner #johnny #macca #linda #yoko ono #Cynthia #3rd verse #1971 #quote #meta

331 notes · View notes

long-after-love · 4 years

Note

It wasn’t Paul’s job to dictate Mal’s actions with his family. Mal leaving his family says nothing about Paul, but Mal himself. Mal wasn’t a good husband, his wife had said so. And it’s reported Mal made girl fans sleep with him first, so they could get to the Beatles. Meanwhile, John left his NEWBORN & wife to vacation with Brian. That’s one of the reasons John/Brian’s story and affair is a bigger deal. “Brother Malcolm” was a filler lyric, like so other starter lyrics, like “father McCartney”

Hello Anon, and thank you for sharing your thoughts. Only now could I manage to answer.

Please keep in mind this: This is my answer and my opinion only, which you may or may not agree. I welcome any kind of disagreement and I’d love to see people’s feedback. I don’t hope for a wholesome or safe space community when everyone has to agree with each other – I don’t need that kind of echo chamber. Sometimes a bit of fighting would be constructive even, if people remember to be respectful rather than calling each other names (which I experienced when I dared to criticize Yoko – someone called me racist and sexist, mind you, I’m an Asian woman who certainly has been through some hardship as well).

I do understand what you meant by “It wasn’t Paul’s job to dictate Mal’s actions with his family. Mal leaving his family says nothing about Paul, but Mal himself.”

Yes, I also think it’s right that you pointed out some sneaky things Mal did to take advantage of his closeness to the Beatles. However, I am not interested in discussing Mal’s personal shortcomings. I don’t think it has anything remotely to do with Mal and Paul’s relationship. Mal could be a horrible husband and lousy dad, a man who slept with as many girls as he could, but that was something he did on the side. It doesn’t explain, or negate his relationship with Paul. To Mal, The Beatles and Paul were always more important – in this case, Mal was ready to shove everything aside for Paul.

In John’s case, he was either bored or wanted to try some adventure. And people had talked quite a bit too much of it, even though it happened once, and he already confessed to Pete Shotton, then confirmed about it later on. It fizzled out quickly, yet people are so obsessed about it.

Thanks to @georgemccharmly I have some more insights about Paul’s trip to Paris and how he met Mal there. Please check her post here. I’d only quote these lines from her so that you know what I am talking about:

Paul went on holiday by himself to France

and then asked Mal to meet him at exactly 1 o’clock on the corner of cours Victor Hugo and rue St. James, at the Grosso Horloge Churche, Bordeaux

That rendezvous sounds oddly romantic to me – maybe it wasn’t Paul’s intention to be romantic – he only thought of Mal as an employee – someone who could drive him around or record him on films and take his photos, but in my opinion, it definitely meant something far more profound to Mal. Mal followed Paul around and filmed Paul frolicking through the streets of France and Spain.

Paul couldn’t dictate what Mal did – but I think Paul certainly knew Mal had a new born baby at the time, because as far as I can tell, Mal were already closer to Paul than the other three in 64 - Yet Paul still summoned Mal – was this an act of pure negligence, or did Paul intentionally do it just to test Mal’s devotion? Somehow I think both was true. Paul possibly knew when he saw Mal there, that Mal could not say no.

About the Brother Malcom Lyrics: No, I don’t think it was a filler lyrics.

Paul has been peddling that story of him dreaming about Mary for ages, and I believed him. Until Mal told that story of Paul telling him that he dreamt of Mal, and wanted to change the lyrics to avoid the situation that, someone might get the wrong idea. See this link here (of course that’s amoralto!)

You know what I think? I think Paul probably wanted to treat it as a secret between him and Mal. We all swallowed that story of Paul dreaming of Mary, which was, beautiful itself, but if it was Mary he dreamed about all along, why the Brother Malcolm lyrics? And then he was afraid that something so innocuous like “Brother Malcolm” may make people have the wrong idea? I believe Mal held that song dear more than anything, because to him, it was actually about him. It’s not like Paul was singing randomly to fit the tune he had on his mind at all. Either Paul was lying about his dream about his mother, or he was lying to Mal about his dream about Mal.

Now I know that what I’m going to say will make some people unhappy, but Paul was manipulative, and to me, he was deliberately taking advantage of Mal. It’s not that I want to attack Paul for being so – Paul had always been the one who preferred to quietly pull the strings like how people would perceive John as the leader, while Paul was the one who lead John. It’s the same for Mal’s situation here – he could have stayed with his wife and kids, but he didn’t because of Paul, or the effect of Paul on him.

The other day I watched the Shea Stadium concert and saw something revealing – at least to me. John and George left their instrument on stage, but Paul handed his Hofner to a smiling (and possibly smitten) Mal, who was there, and Paul didn’t even looked at Mal. I made a horrible gif of it, but you get the idea, I suppose…

#paul mccartney #mal evans #mcevans #mclennon #the beatles #anon ask #john lennon

29 notes · View notes

fulltimecatwitch · 4 years

Text

I Found a Reason ( To Keep Living)

My first anderperry fanfic set in the late 60s´ and early 70s´!

I had already posted the a03link to the first chapter but it doesn´t show in the tags for some reason (?) so i´m posting it here as well.

Summary: It is the fall of 1969 and the start of senior year at Wellton for the Dead Poets. The world around them is changing fast and soon they will have to decide what they want for their lives. Neil is struggling against his fathers wishes of becoming a doctor,while his roomate Todd is trying to find the confidence to allow himself to lead the life he wants. They connect through their shared loved for music and dreams of moving to New York ,but don´t quite know what to do when it comes to the feelings they have for each other.An ode to the dead poets and the counterculture of the 60s´.

Warnings for: underage smoking, underage drinking, period typical homophobia, police brutality ( mentioned), brief mentions of war, poor parenting

Chapter 1: Gimme Shelter

Neil Perry loved music, there was no other way to say it. Even before acting and performing, music had been his lifesaver in the ever-demanding life his father had already planned for him. Whenever he was feeling blue, he knew all he had to do was listen to his favourite records. He kept them in his closet, neatly ordered and hidden under piles of sweaters and other clothing items. Under the bed was the record player his mother had gifted him when he turned fifteen. His father had resisted at first, going on about how much it had costed and how much it was going to distract him from his classes. It took some help from his mother, but he let him keep it as long as he promised to use it “moderately and only after he was done studying”.

Neil had some records stored at home, but the ones he kept at Wellton were the ones that would get a disapproving look from his father and one or two of his professors. Most of the albums from the Beatles and the Stones, some Bob Dylan, Led Zeppelin, Hendrix, Clapton, he had a bit of everything. It hardly mattered now that he was back at school, away from his father and his incessant demands. He listened while doing homework in the afternoon with the volume almost at the lowest just in case Hager was around. Saturdays were his favourite days because he would then take the record player to the school´s rooftop along with some records; the others would join him too. Charlie provided cigarettes and wine that nobody knew how he obtained. Pitts would bring snacks and when he was feeling particularly happy, he would dance along with Meeks. They spent their afternoons lazily listening and dreaming how their lives would be after Wellton. For Neil, sometimes it seemed as if there was no future. There was so much chaos in the world around them: the war, the civil rights movement, the riots at that bar in New York, the police brutality, the list was endless. Yet, all his parents could think of was getting him to medical school. He supposed they had a point; in a year he and all his friends would be eighteen, all eligible for the draft. Sure, he could play it safe for a year or so with the college defer but what if he wasn´t able to keep up with the workload? Pre-med wasn´t easy, he knew that much, and it did not help that he dreaded the idea of becoming a doctor almost as much as the idea of getting dragged to the jungle. Unlike Charlie, who kept bragging about how he would burn his draft card if he ever got called, Neil´s parents had no connections that could help him. He was certain Todd and Knox had them but the rest of them were screwed. Pitts had once told him that if he ever got drafted, he was done for. No way he would survive in the jungle. They had all seen the news coverage; it was a massacre. “Perry,” Charlie said on one of those afternoons, while rolling his eyes “Knoxious here wants to listen to Rubber Soul because he thinks that the Beatles are better than the Rolling Stones, can you believe it?" Neil sighed internally, the same thing happened with Charlie and Knox every time they listened to music. They would first argue about which record to play and then endlessly debate who had the better music taste. Since Neil was the owner of the record player, he unofficially had the power to ultimately decide which album to liste, and he often had to intervene between the two. “I didn´t say that Charlie,” Knox interrupted “I´m just saying they have more idea of what they are doing, what they want their music to sound like. Even Bob Dylan said so.” “Well Dylan hasn´t really been the same since he went electric right?” “Come on Charlie you love the guy” “Not relevant right now, Neil” he said while putting out his cigarette “I say we take a vote to settle this for once and all” He called to the other dead poets, who were mindlessly talking about the massive amount of workload they had barely a month into the fall semester. “What are we doing?” asked Pitts “Taking a vote on who is better: the Beatles or the Stones” Neil said hoping his voice conveyed the slight annoyance of the situation Cameron rolled his eyes all the way back to his skull “Not again” Todd was standing slightly behind Meeks not saying anything yet. His new roommate was still a bit of a mystery, one that Neil found himself drawn to immediately. He was a bit of detective, so he tried hard to be friendly and the payoff was that little by little he saw glimpses of what composed the entirety of Todd. He liked hot tea on the afternoons, he only liked to shower at night, he clasped his hands together when nervous, his favourite sweater was a blue woollen one, he wasn´t good at maths, such little things. The most important one Neil had noticed was that even if Todd didn´t speak his mind often, his brain worked a thousand miles an hour and when he spoke, he did it with power, like prophet. He had such a gift with words and probably so much to say; it made Neil a bit sad that he would not allow himself to do it. He didn´t quite know what it was, but he had bonded with Todd in a way he had never with anyone else in his life. He suppossed that is what some would call "connection" but there had to be another word for it. Everytime there was this electricity running through both of their bodies and pulling them together. He felt the static in every inch of him, amplifying every part of his soul. “Who do you prefer, Perry? Asked Charlie, pulling him out of his thoughts. Damn it, Charlie. “Look, I don´t know who is better but right now I would take Let it Bleed over Revolver any day of the week” “You are a man of taste, Meeks? Pitts? “Sorry Charlie,” said the ginger “but I prefer the Beatles, not the old stuff though” “I agree the old stuff sucks, but I´d rather go to a Stones concert” added Pitts. “Cameron?” “You should know that I don´t approve much of either but if I had to pick, I would go with the Beatles. No way I am listening to someone who calls themselves satanic” “Why did I even ask?” sighed Charlie. What about you Todd? asked Neil raising his brow. The blue-eyed boy jolted slightly; he knew he had the final decision in his hands. If he was completely honest, he was more of a Beatles guy himself. He found that the lyrics suited him better, the mellow sounds were more of his taste, and even the old cheesy stuff ,he found endearing. The problem was that Neil had said he preferred the Stones and he could not deny Neil anything, even if he wasn´t aware he was asking. Neil was special on his own: he had this energy and passion to live that Todd had never seen on anyone else. He loved everything and everyone so much. He was determined to share bits and pieces of his beautiful soul, some he might never get back, just to make his friends feel the same joy he radiated. Neil was also the first person who had not given up on Todd. He had tried to push him away for good as much as he could during their first days at Welton and yet Neil persisted, like the leaf that refused to fall of a tree. Soon enough Todd realised that talking to Neil was easy and lovely. They had developed this little game, an unspoken one, where they guessed each other with just a hand gesture or a smile. Neil could guess what Todd was feeling or thinking with just a glance and the other way around. He liked this game, he liked being predicted and basked in sheer happiness whenever Neil smiled at him, signalling that they were thinking the same. Wasn´t that beauty in this world? To finally be able to talk with someone? To laugh? To dance? To read? someone to a dream about? Maybe it seemed small for Neil but the kindness he had showed him made Todd cry every time he thought about it. He took a few more seconds to think before finally saying: “Sorry, Knox but lately I´ve been more into the Stones and their blues” “Oh, you guys are the worst” Everyone laughed and the first few notes of Gimme Shelter were heard. The sun was setting, and the air was filled with cigarette smoke, everything was perfect. Todd wanted to preserve this in his head, capture it like a short film he could go over and over every time he felt alone. He tried to take it all in and took the courage to glance at Neil´s direction. Todd was certain he would be there, looking with that secret smile of his. Their eyes met through the last beams of light the sun had to offer, and when he curved his lips into a playful smirk and then a smile, they both knew he was saying: “Liar, we both know you prefer the Beatles” Todd smiled back and slightly shrugged his arms “You are welcome, Neil”

#dead poets society #anderperry #Neil Perry #todd anderson

36 notes · View notes

erw-menei · 3 years

Text

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cPG6nJRJeWQ

youtube

I knew exactly what love looked like

In seventh grade

Even though I hadn’t met love yet

If love had wandered into my homeroom

I would’ve recognized him at first glance

Love wore a hemp necklace

I would’ve recognized her at first glance

Love wore a tight french braid

Love played acoustic guitar and knew all my favorite Beatles songs

Love wasn’t afraid to ride the bus with me

And I knew, just must be checking the wrong classrooms

I just must be searching the wrong hallways

She was there, I was sure of it

If only I could find him

But when love finally showed up, she had a bow cut

He wore the same clothes every day for a week

Love hated the bus

Love didn’t know anything about The Beatles

Instead, every time I try to kiss love

Our teeth got in the way

Love became the reason I lied to my parents

I’m going to Ben’s house

Love had terrible rhythm on the dance floor

But made sure we never missed a slow song

Love waited by the phone because she knew

If her father picked up it would be: Hello? Hello? I guess they hung up

And love grew, love stretched like a trampoline

Love changed. Love disappeared

Slowly, like baby teeth, losing parts of me I thought I needed

Love vanished like an amateur magician

And everyone could see the trapdoor but me

Like a flat tire, there were other places I planned on going

But my plans didn’t matter

Love stayed away for years

And when love finally reappeared

I barely recognized him/her

Love smelt different now, had darker eyes

A broader back, love came with freckles I didn’t recognize

New birthmarks, a softer voice

Now there were new sleeping patterns, new favorite books

Love had songs that reminded him of someone else

Songs love didn’t like to listen to, so did I

But we found a park bench that fit us perfectly

We found jokes that make us laugh

And now, love makes me fresh homemade chocolate chip cookies

But love will probably finish most of them for a midnight snack

Love looks great in lingerie but still likes to wear her retainer

Love is a terrible driver, but a great navigator

Love knows where she’s going

It just might take her two hours longer than she planned

Love is messier now, not as simple

Love uses the words boobs in front of my parents

Love chews too loud

Love leaves the cap off the toothpaste

Love uses smiley faces in her text messages

And turns out, love shits!

But love also cries

And love will tell you you are beautiful and mean it

Over and over again, you are beautiful

When you first wake up, you are beautiful

When you’ve just been crying, you are beautiful

When you don’t want to hear it, you are beautiful

When you don’t believe it, you are beautiful

When nobody else will tell you, you are beautiful

Love still thinks you are beautiful

But love is not perfect and will sometimes forget

When you need to hear it most, you are beautiful, do not forget this

Love is not who you were expecting

Love is not who you can predict

Maybe love is in New York City, already asleep

You are in California, India, Australia, wide awake

Maybe love is always in the wrong time zone

Maybe love is not ready for you

Maybe you are not ready for love

Maybe love just isn’t the marrying type

Maybe the next time you see

Love is twenty years after the divorce

Love is older now, but just as beautiful as you remembered

Maybe love is only there for a month

Maybe love is there for every firework

Every birthday party, every hospital visit

Maybe love stays- maybe love can’t

Maybe love shouldn’t

Love arrives exactly when love is supposed to

And love leaves exactly when love must

When love arrives, say, welcome, make yourself comfortable

If love leaves, ask her to leave the door open behind her

Turn off the music, listen to the quiet, whisper

Thank you for stopping by

do yourself a favor

#Youtube #poetry #greek posts #greek quotes #greek tumblr #love #ερωτας #αγαπη #αγγλικα quotes

4 notes · View notes

fiesta-freddie · 4 years

Text

Love in Disguise -George Harrison x reader PART TWO

Here’s part two of this thing. I hope you all enjoyed the first part! If you want to be added to either taglist let me know! This chapter is a little bit longer than the last

Words: 2.9k

Summary: After an argument with Archie and a long day of thinking, you decide to call him and ask a favor. Your unsure if he’s willing to do it, but you want to make things up to him

------

Hours had passed since Archie delivered the papers. Although the day was slow, per usual, you couldn’t get his words out off your mind no matter how hard you tried.

“Have you ever considered cross dressing?”

You scoffed every time the phrase crossed your mind. Cross dressing. That was as bad as asking you to be a prostitute.

Maybe you were being a bit over dramatic about the situation, but considering it was illegal in America, you had assumed it was the same for London. Not to mention the fact you hadn’t even been in town for six months and now your best friend was giving you the idea to break the law and travel around the world with four of the most famous men alive. What would people think if they ever found out?

You knew deep inside Archie didn’t mean to offend you, after all he was only trying to help you out. You had felt guilty for being rather unpleasant to him, earlier that day, after he first brought up the suggestion initially.

“Cr-cross dressing?”

“Yeah you know,” Archie said leaning closer, lowering his voice to a whisper “You dressing up like a man.”

You were silent. You didn’t have anything to say. What were you supposed to say?

It was evident that Archie was awaiting an answer to his idea, but you couldn’t think clearly. A mix of anger and confusion coursed through your veins. Although your mouth was closed, your teeth were clenched.

“Listen I know it sounds a bit on the extreme side-”

“A bit? Don’t you mean a lot?” You exclaimed, still trying to keep your voice low, just in case the one customer could somehow hear your conversation “You’re talking about dressing me up as a man, for Christ sake!”

“Yes, yes I know.” Archie said putting his hands up defensively “But hear me out.”

You crossed your arms and huffed at his words. How did he expect you to be calm and ‘hear him out’ when he had just proposed the idea of cross-dressing?

“Fine,” you said coldly, sending him a scowl “You have my attention.”

He took a deep breath before beginning to speak. “Listen I know you aren’t open to the idea considering what all is involved, but just take a minute to think about it.”

“Give me a good reason why I should.”

“Well...because if you walk into that interview dressed as a man, and it’s convincing enough, I doubt they would even think twice you’re a woman! You would fit in perfectly! And I could help you out too, ya’ know, I mean besides getting you all the right stuff, I could teach you how to act like a man.”

You rolled your eyes at his words, as the bitter expression on your face grew more into an annoyed one. “Are you done yet?” You asked rudely

“No, I’m actually not” Archie shot back, pretending like your words didn’t affect him “Look, the papers said interviews till Sunday afternoon, right?” Archie questioned. You didn’t answer, but he continued anyways.

“Well I know you don’t have work tomorrow. And I also know a few people that could help us out, clothing wise.” he said with a shrug. “Then Saturday I could teach you the proper way to act like a man.” It was clear to him you weren’t convinced on his plan or the idea at all. “Trust me, you have a sure shot at getting this job” Archie finished, hoping to sell you on it.

“If I really wanted to know how to act like a man I could just sit in a pub all day with the drunks who complain about their lives.” You said in a sarcastic manner

“Trust me,” Archie retorted with the same sarcasm “there’s a lot more you need to know than meets the eye.”

You were silent again, surprised by the unexpected comeback.

Of course, you had something to say but you refused to say it until you and Archie had the cafe to yourselves.

Thankfully the only customer who had been in the shop stood up and left, moments after the thought crossed your mind. You waited until the door closed behind them before you began to speak to Archie.

“Listen Arch,” you began with a stern tone which had seemed to recapture his attention. You took a deep sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose before continuing “The job isn’t worth the risk. You have to think in the long run of things too.”

“Well it-”

You raised your voice slightly as you continued to talk over him “I mean how would people react if I was found out? I’d be fired immediately. I’d probably be on the cover of every news paper not to mention every news channel as well, and not for the same reason those boys are.”

“But Y/N-”

“If it all went wrong I’d never be able to live a normal life ever again! I’d have to move out of the country and change my identity, my name even! I don’t think you understand how it will affect me! Me, Archie!” You exclaimed, pointing to yourself

He was silent.

Archie was a sensitive person and you knew that, but because you grew up in a household with two brothers, you often forgot he wasn’t the best when it came to criticism or fights.

Archie on the other hand didn’t experience the same thing as you, the complete opposite actually. He grew up with his older sister and mother after his father had left when he was younger. Naturally because he never had a father figure, he had become more sensitive to a lot of things.

His hazel eyes grew big and full of sadness. He took a step back from the counter, as though he had just been scolded by his mother. Had you really just yelled at him like that?

An uncomfortable silence had fallen among you both. What were you supposed to say? You had just yelled at your best friend, and why? Because he was looking out for you and was only trying to help?

Seconds, which felt like hours, passed before Archie was the first to speak. You were glad he was the one to break the silence, but were afraid of what he would say.

“Uh I- I should get going. I have to deliver the other papers.” Archie said softly and sheepishly, walking towards the door.

“Wait, Archie!” You called after him, hoping he would turn and face you so you could apologize. But he didn’t. It was apparent you had upset him, anyone could see it clear as day.

You didn’t try to call after him a second time. You knew well enough if he hadn't responded the first time it was very unlikely he would the second.

He exited the small shop quickly, briskly making his way over to the door. You watched as his hand reached for the doorknob and swiftly turned it, the tiny bell ringing as he left the shop, only leaving the echoing sound of a ding.

*****

Closing time came, after a painfully slow day.

You grabbed a washcloth and ran it under the warm water dispersing from the sink, the days thoughts running through your mind causing you to zone out.

It wasn’t until you felt the burning water against your skin that you were brought back to reality.

Quickly, you shook your head to help clear your mind. Instead your eyes focused over to the counter, gazing at the stack of papers that sat in the same spot from the morning.

You tried you best not to think about the newspapers, knowing it would distract you from the work you had to finish, but your mind wasn’t on your side.

Turning off the faucet and dropping the washcloth in the sink, you grabbed a towel and dried you hands.

Reluctantly you made your way over to the stack of papers on the counter to place them in the recycling.

You slid them off the counter and into your hands. As you began to walk towards the back door, something inside you caused you to stop suddenly.

You were unsure what had brought it on, but not feeling motivated enough to figure it out you didn’t question it.

A deep sigh filled the space in your lungs “God what am I going to do?” You asked yourself.

You took a moment and sat down at a nearby table to think. You threw down the papers next to you as you placed you head in your hands “C’mon Y/N, be honest with yourself, you’re not getting anywhere with this job are you? And its not like you ever will, I mean, who ever heard of a successful barista? No one. You’re probably just better off taking Archie's advice and going in for that stupid interview.” You said mumbling the last sentence.

Silence filled the cafe for the second time that day. You could hear the sound of cars passing by outside the window as the streetlights illuminated the night sky through the darkened windows. Groups of people walked along the streets laughing with each other.

You redirected your attention back to the newspapers that sat beside you, eyeing them from the side of your eyes, like they were the most hideous thing in the world.

“What if I did?” You questioned yourself.

You reached your hand over to pick up the paper you despised to much but hesitation ran through your mind, stopping you and leaving your hand hovering over them.

“No I can’t,” You said moving your hand away “Think logically Y/N, how many other people are going to go in for that interview? A handful, a dozen! You don’t stand a chance. Besides they’re probably all legitimate males who are actually in need of some extra cash. But who are you kidding,” you scoffed “You need that extra cash too.”

You bit your lip and gazed over at the papers that sat next to you once again, thinking thoroughly about each of your actions.

After moments of hesitation you swiftly picked up the papers and scanned over the ad that sat on the front of the paper. You saw a picture of four boys who looked about your age, and who you assumed were The Beatles.

Looking under the picture were the printed words Archie had spoken earlier that day. Your heart skipped a beat, and you could in fact see for yourself, that he wasn’t lying. (Not like you thought he was lying)

‘New Assistant Needed for The Beatles! Interviews until Sunday afternoon. MALES ONLY!’

Slowly setting the newspaper down on the table, you closed your eyes tightly, taking few deep breathes before speaking to yourself once again “What the hell am I doing?”

You picked up the stack of papers and made your way to the back door, throwing the newspapers in the recycling bin.

Quickly you made your way back inside and walked over to the phone behind the front counter, which you had wasted countless mornings at.

Your cold fingers struggled to spin the numbers on the dial, but nevertheless you managed to get through to the number you needed.

You listened intently, hoping the silence on the other end would be replaced with words. “Pick up please, c’mon” you said anxiously.

As if on cue, you heard muffled noises on the other end, but couldn’t make out what was being said. “H-hello? Are you there?” you questioned

More muffled noises were made before real words came through. “Yes, hello. Sorry about that. Who is this may I ask?”

You hesitated, biting your thumb before continuing. “Its Y/N, Arch,” You were silent, waiting to see if he would say anything, but he didn’t. Taking it as a sign to continue your sentence, you did exactly that. “Look, I understand if you’re not very happy with me at the moment. I apologize for this morning, but do you think you could come down to the cafe? There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

Nothing.

“It’s kind of urgent.”

He didn’t say anything, but you could hear him take a deep sigh. “Okay. Give me fifteen minutes and I’ll be down there.”

A smile grew across your face instantly, as Archie spoke. “Okay, great. I’ll see you then.” You said

“Right, then.” You heard him say before the line went dead.

You hung the phone back up and although Archie didn’t seem the most enthusiastic, you on the other hand were.

Picking up the washcloth you had left sitting in the sink, you ran it under the water again to finish your nightly closing duties.

*******

“So your telling me you want my help now?”

You quickly turned your attention to the doorway, where your eyes were met with a tall, slim figure who spoke with an all to familiar English accent.

“Archie!” You exclaimed, walking up to him to embrace him in a hug. He only took a step backwards and shoved his hands deeper into his pockets.

Your hands quickly fell back down to your sides as you realized he was probably still upset with you and even asking him to come down to the cafe was a stretch.

“Look, I understand if your still upset with me,” you began, carefully choosing your words “I realize it wasn’t right to blow up on you the way I did this morning. Your a wonderful person Arch, and pretty much my only real friend. I just need to ask you a favor.” You said softly, hoping the soothing sound of your voice would help persuade him

He was quiet for a few moments, not saying anything, but making an uncomfortable eye contact with you. You were worried at first. Was he going to walk out on you and never speak to you again? It sure seemed that way.

Just as you were about to speak, you saw his dead look relax as a smile fell upon his face. He began to laugh. Pulling his hands out of his pockets, he stepped forward and embraced you in a warm, friendly hug, the kind you were used to getting from him.

As Archie engulfed you, you let out a few nervous chuckles unsure of what to do. “ I could never be mad at you Y/N. Your my favorite little American.” He said ruffling your hair in the brotherly manner he always displayed.

You pulled away and stepped back from him, letting out a small giggle and running your hand over your arm. “Well I’m glad you say that Arch because I really do need your help with something.” He nodded as you spoke “Its a little on the bigger side in terms of commitment, though.” You said with a shrug

“Okay, well what is it?” Archie questioned, with a curiosity in his voice

“Well I’ve been thinking about it all day, and truthfully I’m not sure how I even convinced myself to do this,” you started, beginning to fidget with your fingers as you spoke “but I think in the long run, if it all works out then I’ll be happy I did it, ya know?”

“No, not really because you haven't told me what it is your planning to do yet.”

“Right. Hear me out on this okay? I’m not forcing you to do it either but I would appreciate your help on it, even if it was just the slightest bit.” You rambled on

“Y/N just tell me what it is!” Archie beamed, patience clearly not siding with him.

“Okay, okay,” you giggled “drum roll please.”

With a toothy smile, Archie began to pat his hands against his thighs creating the sound you had asked for.

“It is my honor to announce that I have decided...” you prolonged, allowing the suspense to build up “to give it a shot at being the Beatles assistant!”

Archie stopped patting his legs and immediately engulfed you in another, bone crushing-hug. The aroma of cinnamon and grapefruit from him surrounding you as you tried your best to hug him back.

“Y/N! I’m so happy you decided to give it a shot!” He said pulling away from the hug, leaving his hands on either side of your arms

“Thanks Arch. I mean, I know I’m not the most daring person ever, If anything I’m actually a bit of a goody-to-shoes,” you chuckled, “but if I have your help, then maybe this wont be so bad.”

“Listen, I know I might have seemed a bit pushy with the whole idea this morning, and I apologize for that. But I’m glad you decided to give this a shot, I’m sure you won’t regret it and I’m positive something good is bound to come out of it too. You give a little you get a little you know?”

“I’m sure it probably will Arch. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

You could see that his woody brown hair still had a few snowflakes in it from the outside, his hazel brown eyes sparkled in the dimly lit cafe. His cheeks were a warm rosy color and you were sure your were burning up as well.

“So what’d you say then? Well meet tomorrow morning and get some shopping done?” You asked

“Sounds good. I can meet you for breakfast at nine-ish?”

“Yeah, that works for me.”

“Well then I guess I’ll leave you to finishing whatever it is that needs to be done and I’ll see your in the morning! Get some sleep because it’ll be a long day tomorrow.” He added

You nodded in response before he left the cafe, the ding echoing throughout the acoustic cafe.

As you began to make your way back around the counter, you began to think of tomorrow and all the endeavors you would come across.

Being a man? Hard hard could it be?

———-

Taglist: @beatlevmania @givemequeen @my-dumbshit @john-lemonade@ineedyoubygeorgeharrison @princesof-theuniverse @geostarr @katiekitty261@killerqueenisthebest

Love in Disguse taglist: @motley-queen @littledarlingwellaway @thetimelordmeeps @killerqueenisthebest @lizvxx @edsloveshisrichie @beatlesdotcom @thiccjelly17 @viralwolf02 @givemequeen @bowiescocaine @julessworldd @sapphic-cupid @thegreat-annamaria @casafrass

33 notes · View notes

goldenkamuyhunting · 4 years

Text

Ramblings and crazy theory time about GK chap 227 “Partners In Crime”

And so we reach this important chapter which talk about what one truly needs in order to turn someone into a murderer…

Too bad Tsurumi never had the chance to hear this Beatles song, he might have found it inspiring… (and by the way ‘diabolical mastermind’ is the name of a trope fitting him) but let’s go with order as this chapter is rather psychologically complicate and hard to judge objectively.

Why is that?

We’re dealing with a flashback whose settings were set in the previous chapter but… with a twist. Although this is fundamentally a flashback about Usami and Tsurumi’s past, in the previous chapter we didn’t really get a glimpse of the mind of either of them. The mind we were shown is the one of Takagi Tomoharu with the result we were influenced by his perception of the situation so we were unprepared for what Usami did (which was likely the point of hiding his point of view by the way).

The second is that since we know Usami and Tsurumi by a long time we tend to view them according to their present identities and it gets hard to think that in this flashback Usami was in between childhood and teenager years (12/13) and Tsurumi has already lost his wife and daughter but hadn’t taken part to any war yet, and he’s not even in the 7th.

And now let’s start.

The cover seems to be a redraw of the last panel of the previous chapter, although with some differences.

In addition to the increase in size we can see Usami’s foot is still above Tomoharu as if he has just hit him or he’s about to strike him again (in the last panel of the last chapter he seemed to be about to lower it), Usami’s face now well visible and clearly enraged. We can also see Tsurumi is now running to stop him.

As a cover isn’t necessarily a continuation of the story but can also merely be a summary of what happened previously, we can’t tell if the cover is meant to hint Usami is planning to hit Tomoharu again or it’s just here to summarize, to who had missed the previous chapter, what had happened before this chapter will show us how Tsurumi pushes away Usami and kneels on Tomoharu.

Usami’s expression seems back to normal as he’s pushed away, and maybe hurt. Is it because Tsurumi is getting in between or because he realized what he did to Tomoharu?

Anyway, when Tsurumi tells him to call a doctor, instead than just doing so, Usami starts to blurt out his reasons.

He didn’t want to do it, it was Tsurumi who said “to do it in this wide area” (こっちの広いところでやりなさい ‘Kotchi no hiroi tokoro de yari nasai’).

His choice of words is... kind of scary. In the scanlations they left ‘the two of you’ but Usami actually cut the initial ‘kimi-tachi’ (キミたち “You (plural)”) which was in Tsurumi’s speech in the previous chapter so that it seems as if what he’s saying is that ‘he didn’t want to do it but Tsurumi told him to do it (murder Tomoharu) there’... honestly, I worry for Usami’s mental state as in this chapter he sort of remind me of Heita.

Anyway as Usami speaks his eyes are either close or almost close as you basically see only a thick black line. There are lines on his forehead, which are usually used as signs of distress in manga.

The fact that instead than doing what Tsurumi told him, Usami is trying to defend himself shows he’s aware he did something wrong and, in the perspective of someone who’s barely a teenager, the things he lists (which are factually true), probably felt as if enough of an excuse, something at which Usami can cling.

The reaction ‘it’s not my fault’ is often typical of someone who’s trying to cope with shock or something traumatic by distancing himself from the deed he did.

In short, although we see Usami standing there apparently calm, he’s likely not that calm and comfortable with what had happened, his gaze turned away from Tsurumi and Tomoharu as if not seeing would equate to make the whole situation disappear.

Killing is always traumatic and men do a lot of mental gimmicks to excuse themselves when they commit murder but the younger you are, the better you are to wrap your own narrative around a traumatic fact so as to protect your mind from breaking.

The problem is that if you don’t face what you’ve done you only end up damaging yourself further.

Who instead is surprisingly calm given the situation is Tsurumi. Although I’m pretty sure he was surprised when Usami crushed Tomoharu’s throat, if I study the visual of the scene, it clearly wasn’t that shocking for him as his eyes remained black and Noda tends to represent shock by whitening the eyes.

While for us Tomoharu is a side character just introduced, Tsurumi clearly knew him by a while. He helped training him, he saw him grow, he seemed happy when both he and Usami wanted him to do randori with them. He should also have had a similar relation with Usami, seeing him grow, training him.

I’m not saying he had to feel a father/son bond with them but still he supposedly should care for them in some way, after all he had acted like he cared when he had supposedly supported and encouraged Tomoharu in his wish to have a last standing with Usami.

Now he wasn’t witnessing something merely ‘surprising’, he was seeing one of his students attempting to murder another of his students. Poor, agonizing Tomoharu wasn’t an enemy or just ‘a random boy he never met’, he had just volunteered to overlook on his and Usami’s match which implies also taking care of their safety. Tsurumi isn’t yet a war hardened veteran.

In short, he shouldn’t be so comfortable dealing with the idea one of his students might die. He should want him to live, even if only because there could be consequences for him as well if Tomoharu were to die.

Remember when Tsurumi asked Tomoharu ‘how his father was doing?’ a chapter ago? It wasn’t just a question out of politeness. Tsurumi asked about Tomoharu’s father so as to show proper respect to a superior officer because Tomoharu’s father is a higher up in the 2nd division in which, at the time, Tsurumi belonged. That’s also why Tomoharu is going to Tokyo, to get into an army school (like Koito did).

In short Tomoharu’s economical and social situation is drastically different from Usami, who’s apparently the son of a farmer and is supposed to stop studying to help him in the fields… but it’s also clear that Tomoharu’s father is someone who could be powerful enough to cause Tsurumi lot of troubles if his son were to die while under his supervision.

Yet from this point on Tsurumi will stop caring of Tomoharu’s survival, he’ll stop attempting to give him some sort of medical aid. Chatting with Usami is more interesting.

So, he turns to look at Usami, a dark background behind him and instead than urging again Usami to call for a doctor, he calmly claims he did all he did because he had no idea Usami would have done that ‘to his friend’. To be exact Tsurumi uses ‘Shin'yū’ (親友) which means something like “close/intimate friend” and, by extension, can be translated as “best friend”.

It’s worth to mention Tomoharu is still alive right then, fighting to draw another breath, even if Tsurumi doesn’t care about it anymore.

Now we readers too probably assumed Usami and Tomoharu were close friends. TOMOHARU was always calling Usami, wanting to spend time with him, wanting to beat him, desperate to leave him… Tomoharu.

We never saw Usami being interested in him and now that Tsurumi has called Tomoharu ‘his best friend’, Usami clearly begs to differ as he repeats ‘my best friend’ his expression turning enraged again.

In what looks like a fit of hysteria, nodding his head back and forth, the visual making him look almost as if he had two heads, as if to depict his contrasting feelings or a split in his personality, his face still a mask of rage, Usami starts listing all the times in which Tomoharu didn’t act like a ‘best friend’ would. In a way it reminds me of when he beat Ariko. Here it’s a clear sign of distress even if it’s also a clearly disturbing sight that makes him look as if he’d gone mad.

So, while the previous chapter focused on Tomoharu’s side of his relationship with Usami, now we get Usami’s side.

Usami in a clearly disturbed tone, if the font Noda is using can be taken as a hint, points out to how Tomoharu always interrupted his time together with Tsurumi forcing Tsurumi to give him attention because Tomoharu’s father is a big shoot in the 2nd division.

[It’s worth to note that Usami didn’t say ‘bastard’ when referring to Tomoharu, that’s just something translators chose to use as Usami didn’t use any way to refer to him. Usami’s exact words are “Itsudatte Tokushirō-san to no jikan o jamajiya gate” [いつだって「篤四郎さんとの時間」を邪魔じやがって] which means just “Always getting in the way of ‘(my) time with Tokushiro-san’” and they are clearly missing the subject (Tomoharu) which translators had to include and chose to do so by having Usami calling him ‘bastard’ to better drive home how enraged Usami is.]

Usami points out how Tomoharu was planning to go to the Army Youth School in Tokyo so as to get close to Tsurumi by becoming an official like him.

He points out to how he looked down at him till that day, by refusing to tell him the truth.

Then, for each thing he lists, he says he can forgive him, in a big, normal, bold font (in the Japanese version. In the scanlations scanlators chose to use the same font).

In a way the 2 heads he seems to be having also can represent this, one head is for listing ‘Tomoharu’s wrongdoings’ in a disturbed tone, the other is to say ‘he’ll forgive him’ in a loud tone. Usami is split between his rage and the fact he wanted to forgive Tomoharu.

Now… the flashback showed Usami being trained by Tsurumi in 1893. In 1891 Tsurumi was shown being in Vladivostok. Fina and Olga’s death might have taken place in autumn (when Kiro and Wilk were hunting martens they were more lightly dressed than when they dropped by Tsurumi and Fina and Olga died) and then Kiro, Wilk and Sofia used the drift ice that forms in winter to reach Karafuto.

All this to say that till around the end of 1891 Tsurumi was likely still in Russia, so he moved in Japan in either 1892 or 1893.

Why this is relevant?

Because it tells us Tsurumi hadn’t been always present in Usami’s life, by the time the flashback started he was back in Japan by a little more than 1 year at best, or more likely, by much less. It would explains why Usami’s father have no idea who this Tokushiro-san his son is talking about is, because Tsurumi had been for a long time in Russia so the people in the town don’t remember/know him.

On the other side Tomoharu could have been around Usami from when the two were small. They could have been friends… maybe best friends the way kids can be best friends… before Usami developed a mad crush/obsession for Tsurumi and started interpreting everything Tomoharu did as Tomoharu’s attempts at getting between him and his love interest.

Of course WE know Tomoharu never planned to do such thing, he likely was totally unaware of Usami’s crush but jealousy is an ugly beast that warps everything and so Usami was completely fooled. He’s in between 12 and 13 and very young and immature and completely taken by Tsurumi it’s no surprise he misinterpret.

On the other side it’s true Tomoharu wasn’t a perfect friend as he didn’t understand Usami at all, tried to use him to gain confidence (the idea if he were to beat him he would find the courage to live in Tokyo), wasn’t fully honest with him (how he couldn’t tell him the truth about going to Tokyo) and didn’t care of how Usami would feel if he were to finally beat him. Of course as Tomoharu is rather young it’s pretty normal his friendship with Usami is still self-centered and that this could end up hurting Usami even though Tomoharu didn’t mean to.

However… it’s interesting to wonder… before starting to obsess for Tsurumi… how did Usami feel in regard to Tomoharu? Did he consider him as a friend? Is he so enraged because he saw him as a friend in the past and felt that friend had left him down? Or he never liked Tomoharu to begin with and had to get along with him merely because Tomoharu was up in the social scale?

Honestly I think it’s relevant how, when he says he’ll forgive him, the font used is a normal, big and bold one.

It makes me think Usami is being sincere in saying he forgave Tomoharu and that there’s the possibility that Usami originally viewed him as a friend and wanted to forgive him like a good friend would do.

Still, it’s hard to say and anyway it doesn’t matter anymore.

Usami goes on listing Tomoharu’s actions which he perceived against him, claiming the last one was something he could never forgive. It’s at this point we learn Usami has overheard Tomoharu and Tsurumi’s discussion in the dojo (it’s from that discussion Usami learnt Tomoharu was going to Tokyo) and that said discussion continued after the bit we were shown in the previous chapter.

The discussion continued with Tsurumi fundamentally saying to Tomoharu he could beat Usami, that he can become stronger than him.

And this is what breaks Usami as we see that when Usami overheard it, his face contorted in rage.

Usami, very naively, believed that him being the best in the dojo is something that connected him to Tsurumi, is something that made him ‘special’ in Tsurumi’s eyes as if it were some sort of love declaration and not merely an acknowledgement of his ability.

If Tomoharu were to beat him, Usami wouldn’t be number 1 anymore in Tsurumi’s eyes and would lose his connection with Tsurumi, the only thing Usami claimed he had, the only thing that mattered to him, opposed to Tomoharu who, due to his father being in the 2nd and him going to become an officer, would have many more things that would connect him to Tsurumi.

Usami wants to be Tsurumi’s number 1 but Tsurumi told Tomoharu he can easily replace Usami. Is it true? Why is Tomoharu doing this to him, trying to snatch away Usami’s spot in Tsurumi’s eyes? That’s what Usami was likely thinking.

In his mad jealousy Usami doesn’t see Tomoharu has no interest in connecting with Tsurumi, just with Usami.

When Tomoharu found Usami outside the dojo, although he looked calm, Usami clearly had a storm inside and Tomoharu… didn’t realize at all, didn’t worry at all of how Usami would feel if he were to lose to him. I don’t mean he had to understand Usami was unhealthily obsessed with Tsurumi, it would have been enough to understand Usami took pride in being number 1 and could be saddened by losing the way Tomoharu was saddened by losing, instead it doesn’t even brush Tomoharu’s mind. He’s young, it’s normal he would focus on himself and not on the consequences this could have on Usami.

Tomoharu is just young and immature but his insistence in fighting as well as the fact Usami overheard Tsurumi thinks Tomoharu can beat and replace him, ends up causing Usami’s control to shatter.

Usami can’t allow Tomoharu to beat him and snatch his place in Tsurumi’s heart, he has to show Tsurumi he’s number 1. The result is something we all know. When Tomoharu ends on the ground and refuses to accept his loss, Usami loses it and ends up attacking a vital spot, effectively silencing him and giving him a slow death.

If you think at it calmly and rationally it’s fully insane but if you’re barely a teen, possibly in a hormonal storm with a crush that’s bigger than yourself, a sense of jealousy that’s planet-sized and the possibility to actually murder your love-rival you can delude yourself this makes sense.

There are two things that come to my mind here, one is a scene from “Magia Record” (“Puella Magi Madoka Magica” sidestory).

If you’re unfamiliar with it the plot idea is that ‘magical girls’ are forced to risk their life fighting witches (and yes, this is no “Bishojou Senshi Sailor Moon”, magical girls can die) but if they accept to become magical girl they can get one free wish at… everything really, they can even ask for a miracle.

Anyway a girl accepted to become a magical girl in order to get a date with the boy she liked. She admits they had broken up in the end, so it wasn’t like he was the perfect person for her, and this has stuck her in that dangerous situation from which she’d like to escape and that she regret becoming a magical girl but she still states that, at the time, dating that boy meant EVERYTHING to her.

In short when you are young and in love your emotions might cause you to blow things out of proportions. A date with a boy that wasn’t even perfect for her wasn’t worth that life but still at the time she couldn’t see it.

Usami is the same. For him Tsurumi’s words that he’s the best are EVERYTHING.

The second thing that comes to my mind is from “Video Girl Ai” and it’s about how people are prone to give most of the blame or the full blame not to their loved one but to the one with whom they loved one betrayed them.

In short Usami, instead than feeling as if Tsurumi had made fun of him or had lied to him by telling him he was the strongest only to tell Tomoharu he could beat Usami, took it out on Tomoharu.

At this point Tsurumi embraces the still enraged and out of it Usami, APOLOGIZING TO HIM and telling him he said such words because he assumed Tomoharu would give up and go home if he were to tell him that as USAMI IS STILL HIS NUMBER 1.

Tsurumi’s expression as he apologizes and says he lied to Tomoharu is pretty detached and, at first, he’s not even watching Usami who was still shaking with rage. However this is enough to cause Usami to make a 180° turn. His face go back to normal, his rage dissipates and he smiles claiming he feels relief.

Now… remember what I said before, at the start of this meta?

‘If you don’t face what you’ve done you only end up damaging yourself further.’

Usami succumbed to rage and jealousy and committed murder supposedly over a misunderstanding (honestly I’ve no idea if Tsurumi triggered his rage on purpose or decided to capitalize on what had happened only later, when he realized what he had done).

He was young and although some countries think 10 is an age in which a child can be prosecuted as if he were an adult for murder, the majority thinks you’ve to be much older to realize the implications of your actions and have the necessary self control to restrain yourself in a stressing situation.

Tsurumi could have used his influence on Usami to help him to understand what Usami did WAS WRONG. I could give him a pass for covering up Usami’s murder as Usami was young and acted in a moment of emotional storm but not for VALIDATING Usami’s actions as if they were RIGHT and RIGHTFUL.

In this way he encouraged an already emotionally unstable youth to consider murder as the best option in any situation. Usami, from this experience, doesn’t learn to control himself, he learns to vent his worst emotions and that’s why he grows up as an adult who thinks the best option is to murder people.

And so the attention moves back on Tomoharu again.

This time Usami refers to him directly, not calling him ‘bastard’ but calling him ‘sore’ (それ “It/that thing”). He’s not insulting him, he’s objectifying him, denying the fact he was human. He’s distancing himself from him as he asks if Tomoharu is dead. The visual is interesting as well, because it shows Usami pecking at Tomoharu while holding Tsurumi’s arm and almost hidden behind him as he claims they’re ‘Kyōhan’ (共犯 “partners in crime/accomplices”).

In short he’s persuaded Tsurumi agrees with his actions but at the same times he’s searching still his support and protection. He’s turning Tomoharu’s death into something that validates their relation, that unites them, reframing it into something good and precious. Tsurumi let him, actually he supports him in this by making a cover story for Tomoharu’s death and sharing it with Usami.

The story is that Tomoharu had been kicked by the horse Tsurumi was riding and that’s why he died. The result is that Tomoharu’s father went berserk with rage and killed Tsurumi’s horse under Usami’s eyes. Usami is clearly shocked by this, his eyes going fully white.

Tomoharu’s father’s actions told him what he did was wrong, that HE should have been the one ending like the horse. Usami tried to bury it inside himself but we saw how, in chap 225, Usami supposedly murdered a horse, and then looked at it in the same way he looked at Tsurumi’s horse.

I think the idea Noda is trying to deliver is that although Usami worked hard to reframe Tomoharu’s death into something good, a side of him deeply buried inside him, still felt guilty for what he did and he took it out on the horse. This is something Usami can’t face, he can’t face or he’ll break, his mind split between how Tomoharu wasn’t a good friend because he tried to steal Tsurumi from him and how he would still forgive him because Tomoharu probably had been a friend for him before his obsession for Tsurumi started.

Meanwhile we go back to 1895, Tsurumi and Usami standing on the yard where Tomoharu died that Usami called ‘his sacred place’. Now Usami confirms that’s so because that’s the place where he first killed a person, the info box adding ‘where he lost his virginity’ or, more specifically it says just ‘Boku no dōtei sōshitsu’ (僕の童貞喪失 “The loss of my male virginity”) where ‘dōtei’ specifically refers to male chastity/virginity.

So yes, Usami is comparing what he did to having sex with Tsurumi, not just to a vague loss of innocence. He then claims he had come to those sacred ground countless times to remind himself about that day, to better wrap himself in that lie, claiming it’s a secret between just him and Tsurumi. In short he managed to fully persuade himself what had happened was something good, something romantic, something that ties him to Tsurumi.

Usami than says he heard from Takeda that due to how Tsurumi’s horse caused Tomoharu’s death, Tomoharu’s parents hated Tsurumi and made difficult for him to remain in the second division.

It’s interesting how now Usami is using ‘ano ko’ (あの子 “that child”) to refer to Tomoharu. Of course he might be quoting Takeda but normally we don’t quote people word for word, we report what they say in our words unless their words were peculiar or needed to be reported exactly. So it’s possible that, although Usami is still refusing to call Tomoharu by name, he’s starting to acknowledge him back as a person, or more specifically as a child. Or maybe not. Hard to say as manga often have people quoting other people word by word even if this isn’t exactly normal.

Usami anyway seems touched Tsurumi would cover up for him even if he knew this would have happened, likely framing it as another proof Tsurumi loves him.

Tsurumi claims that’s why he was demoted to a position in Hokkaido but claims this is all right as being farther away from central command allows him to act with more freedom than he might have had otherwise.

Now… since in the Sino-Japanese war Tsurumi was still in the 2nd division with Tsukishima and the Sino-Japanese war has just ended, his being moved in Hokkaido should be a recent thing... but the fact he was demoted well explains why, despite being so good, he’s still stuck at the rank of first lieutenant. It’s not just lack of family support, it’s also due to an officer hating him.

Then Tsurumi cleverly wraps the whole thing as if it was all something he did for Usami by saying he thought it would be an awful waste if someone as interesting as Tokishige-kun ended up being destroyed.

Yeah, Tsurumi defines Usami as ‘Kyōmibukai sonzai’ (興味深い存在 “Interesting being/existence”) and maybe it’s just me but this sounds more like he finds Usami some sort of interesting specimen than a love declaration but Usami misses this and, again, warps this in his mind as some sort of love declaration.

Now, it’s worth to mention this time, when Tsurumi speaks Tokishige’s name isn’t written in katakana anymore (usually when Tsurumi would talk to him his name would be written in katakana [トキシゲくん ‘Tokishige-kun’]) but in kanji [智春くん ‘Tokishige-kun’]. Japanese readers interpreted this as Usami rising in importance for Tsurumi… or better for Tsurumi’s plan.

Anyway Tsurumi stretches his hand toward Usami, saying he’ll be waiting for him to join him in the 7th division.

It’s worth to note that the Hokkaido division was a territorial division which was converted to field infantry division in 12 May 1896, in the aftermath of the First Sino-Japanese War. We’re in 1895 but Tsurumi might be aware of the conversion and think that place would be a good place in which to cultivate his ambitions for dictatorship.

The part of the flashback that regards Usami’s meeting with Tsurumi ends here.

We’re still in flashback zone though as now we’re shown how Tsurumi’s discussion with Takeda, which started in chap 225, continued. Remember when they were talking about how men found difficult to kill people?

Tsurumi continued talking with Takeda about it, about how to make soldiers who would kill enemies troops without hesitation, explaining how he witnessed ‘an incident in which someone overcame is resistance in killing’ (basically he’s talking of how Usami killed Tomoharu) and how that fact stuck within him and he continued to think at it and finally, during the war, he discovered the answer on what caused that boy to act that way.

He claims what motives soldiers to kill isn’t hatred for the enemy troops, nor fear or difference in political ideals (yeah, as if common people of that time were interested in politics… Tsurumi, really!).

Tsurumi, with an helated face, claims it’s love what pushed people to kill, behind him appearing the images of Ogata, Koito, Usami and Tsukishima, as if to hint that they all committed murders out of love.

Now, while some info box informs us of how, during the World wars and during the Vietnam war soldiers claimed they found easier to kill due to the powerful and loving relationships they formed with their comrades and out of fear of betraying the expectations of superior officers they admired and adored and fellow soldiers they loved we see how Tsurumi manipulated Tsukishima, Ogata and Koito.

For Tsukishima there’s the whole ‘I lied to save you my precious friend’ which pushed Tsukishima to risk his life to save tsurumi, for Ogata there’s the scene in which he promises him acknowledgement in the 7th division and for Koito there’s the scene in which he helped him to stand after beating him and how Tsurumi went to rescue him.

We don’t get anything for Usami but, I think, it’s unnecessary as it would mean to show us what we just saw in the flashback.

This basically tells us they all were manipulated into ‘loving Tsurumi’ and doing everything for him… or so Tsurumi assumed, even if this is clearly a flash forward as Tsurumi will manipulate those three only AFTER speaking with Tanaka.

Anyway Tsurumi’s idea he has been successful is quite mistaken.

Tsukishima saved him out of inner kindness, quickly discovers the truth but remains loyal to him due to believing there’s nothing else he can do. It’s not love it’s hopelessness.

Ogata did things for love… but not Tsurumi’s love, he wanted to get his father’s love.

Koito crushed on Tsurumi as well also thanks to his naivety but the one he loves the most are clearly his father and Tsukishima, Tsurumi being merely an infatuation.

Tsurumi has barely grasped the mechanisms that push a man to kill another.

It’s not just ‘I love my boss and my companions’ but also ‘I’m trapped in this situation with no way out, dealing with overwhelming emotions that cloud my judgment and naively think this will solve everything’.

There’s a huge component of desperation that pushes men to act, as well as rage, self preservation, fear, confusion, sense of entrapment, pressure.

Tsurumi is over-simplifying everything, thinking he discovered the exact formula to rule men and their hearts when he’s just grazing at the surface of things.

No wonder he fails with Ogata and gets easily discovered by Tsukishima while Koito planned to drop him as soon as he had discovered the truth. He doesn’t understand his men, he creates illusions, offers them sweet lies to influence them in the moment in which they’re psychologically at their weakest and thinks that’s the key to hold them in his power forever, that they will never question him or rebel to him.

And in the end, even if love were to be the key, Tsurumi doesn’t offer them love, just an illusion of it. His men delude into thinking he cares when he’s just using them.

I think that’s why he should lose to Asirpa, because Asirpa offers genuine love to the people she cares for but we’ll see.

Tsurumi tosses in it’s also a battle between the soldiers and guilt but he doesn’t really care to dig into it much, he worries more into how to create soldiers who could do any sort of dirty deeds for him. He then goes and claim that many soldiers are just sheep but occasionally among them there’s one who’s a dog, who’s born soldier, who’s aggressive and loyal and feels no guilt or remorse about killing people and Tsurumi feels it’s vital to have soldiers like that in his troop.

Well, normally we would say a ‘wolf’ but the choice of the word ‘dog’ ties this well witht he story Asirpa told in chap 225 and with a characteristic Tsurumi wants his men to have and that stereotypically belongs to dogs but not to wolves. Dogs are loyal to their masters (opposed to wolves who have no master).

In short Tsurumi aims to have an army of loyal psychopaths without knowing psychopaths aren’t as easy to control as he seems to think… and that many people he exchanges for ‘ideal soldiers’ are actually just traumatized guys, not naturally born psychopaths but people who either went through trauma or reacted in the wrong way to pressure and ended up twisting themselves so that they suppressed their guilt and become extremely murder prone.

Anyway, as Tsurumi says so we go back to present time and to Usami, of whom Tsurumi has understood nothing. Usami’s hysterical crisis was a sign that Usami wasn’t a natural cold blood killer, otherwise he would have just shrugged off calmly how he murdered Tomoharu (not mentioning we would have had a lot more signs of Usami being a sociopath during his youth) and wouldn’t have cared to murder again a horse that much later.

Usami is currently unstable and very dangerous as his actions of that day had been excused and legitimated and he never properly faced them but was encouraged to continue through that way. No wonder his eyes have the ‘crazed whiteness of the irises’ in a permanent manner now and no light.

Usami says to Kikuta the murderer kills for the sake of killing, that he will return to the crime scene, fantasize about it and masturbate to his fantasies, and this is something he can understand...

...implying he did the same... which would already clash with Tsurumi’s idea that murders are moved by love... and, more than anything, would clash with the reason why he killed Tomoharu which was merely the fear to lose his connection with Tsurumi, not the enjoyment to kill people. Though well, over the years things might have changed for Usami, and in his attempt to cope with what he did and the way he chose to cope with it (seeing it as an act of love toward Tsurumi) he might have grown to transfer this to all his following murders and therefore ‘enjoying them as proofs of his love for Tsurumi’. Or just having turned so deranged, even the initial gimmick of connecting them to his love for Tsurumi got lost and, like Pavlov's dog, he subconsciously conditioned himself to enjoy murdering.

Now, you’ve probably heard how ‘The criminal always returns to the scene of the crime’. In truth is not true for all the crimes, it tends to be true only for crimes of ‘passion’ as the culprit, as Usami said, gets off relieving the crime. Psychopaths who’re good at planning their crimes for example tend not to do it as it would be stupid. Arsonists instead are a lot more prone to do it.

The FBI "Crime Classification Manual" roughly divide serial killers in 3 categories: organized, disorganized and mixed.

Organized serial killers are normally the smart type who plans their crimes beforehand which includes carrying a weapon with them and, once they’re done, feel no regrets and wouldn’t be that stupid to go back to their crime scene.

Disorganized serial killers obey an uncontrollable urge, use weapons found on the scene and might have regrets in the aftermath either out of guilt or fear to be discovered which can push them to go back to the crime scene.

It’s clear Usami’s murder was out of sudden rage and he coped with it by romanticizing it and transforming it into some twisted form of manifestation of his love for Tsurumi when instead it was just him losing his cool out of jealousy and getting so angry he couldn’t contain himself and stomped on his ‘love rival’s’ throat.

Even his recurring habit to go to the crime scene is nothing else but a way to cope, to reassure himself of his own action… which clearly made him a very disturbed individual but not an organized serial killer.

Now our ‘Jack’ carried with himself his own knife and clearly planned his murder. He chose the timing, night, and his target, a drunken prostitute in a poor area which he drew in an empty place before abruptly murdering her. Then he performed his sick ritual of eviscerating her, confident no one would come bother him.

I’ll say Jack is a much more organized murderer than Usami who, in Tomoharu’s murder, clearly lacked in the planning department a lot and nowadays never get a honorable mention for planning something, ending up on getting discovered when he tried to do spy work for Tsurumi.

It’s hard to say if his murders are out of ‘passion’ because, even if people tends to think that the murder of sex workers is tied to it, this isn’t always the case.

Gary Ridgway killed killing 48 sex workers just because they were easy preys, as he could easily pick them up and won’t be reported when going missing.

Peter Sutcliffe instead murdered sex workers because ‘the voice of God told him so’.

Samuel Smithers apparently did so because so traumatised by his abusive childhood that he hadn’t really known what he was doing.

Rurik Jutting was just a sadistic sexual predator.

So it changes according to the case.

As for Noda he showed us both organized and cold murderer, like Sekiya, and disorganized and passionate ones, like Henmi but, interesting enough, it was Sekiya who went back to his crime scene, and not to get his jollies out of it but merely to draw more victims. Henmi didn’t bother doing so, nor did Sakamoro and O-gin even if they were clearly having a blast when killing.

So… it’s hard to say what Noda will chose to do with ‘Jack’.

Personally I would like for Usami to be wrong if only to slam in his face not everyone works like him, that what he did is not the norm. I fear it’s too late by now to help him realize what he did but who knows, maybe I’m wrong. Though the things I would find more interesting is, if like he had done with Koito, Ogata were to manage to instill the doubt toward Tsurumi in Usami’s heart. But this might be just me.

Elsewhere in the hospital Koito and Inkarmat are, Nikaido is searching for his prosthetic hand that, apparently, disappeared while he was sleeping.

Koito, snickering and hiding something under the covers suggests ‘someone’ hid it because the thing Nikaido does with the chopsticks is annoying. It’s not really hard to guess who that ‘someone’ is.

Personally I find this an assholish move like few others.

You DON’T steal someone’s prosthetic, it’s not fun, they’re like a part of that person’s body. They need them.

Inkarmat then volunteers to use clairvoyance to find it, which makes Nikaido extremely grateful (he even calls her respectfully ‘Inkarmat-san’).

Inkarmat senses a strong sense of it coming from Koito. Me too and I’m not into clairvoyance.

Interesting enough though now Inkarmat uses ‘Koito Nispa’ instead than ‘Koito-san’ as she did in chap 222. Was that a mistake? Or she has started calling him ‘nispa’ out of late?

We’ll see.

Anyway Koito, naïve child he is, is shocked he got found out and hands Nikaido’s hand back. Tsukishima claims he too could have guessed it and really, I’m disappointed in him. He shouldn’t have allowed Koito to do it.

Meanwhile Koito starts praising Inkarmat’s ability munching on an Ikema root that guards people against evil. Inkarmat evidently gave him a discount because she sold it to him for 20 sen while Shiraishi paid 70 sen. That or she starts with a low price and then increases them on the way.

Tsukishima says she should stop swindling money form Koito. He could have told Koito to stop hiding Nikaido’s hand for a change. That was more harmful than getting 20 sen from Koito.

Koito defends Inkarmat, claiming if Tsukishima doesn’t believe her he should just ask her to search something for him. Tsukishima gives him a sideway glance then turns his gaze away claiming he refuses. Not meeting Koito’s gaze, Tsukishima? Do you maybe feel guilty?

Inkarmat volunteers to search for him something he can’t find or that he’s searching for. We get a flashback showing us Igogusa’s hair, making clear that’s what Tsukishima is thinking about.

Tsukishima still tells Inkarmat she shouldn’t try to think she can win him over to her side.

Basically Tsukishima thinks Inkarmat’s actions are so that Koito and Nikaido will become her allies and that she’s trying to win him as well but this won’t work on him, no, much better to trust in Tsurumi’s ‘sweet lies’ that promise him a place in his royal guards than in Inkarmat’s that promise him to see the person he loves again. Really, Tsukishima, you should reconsider who you put your trusth in.

Inkarmat, with a sad gaze points out to how Tanigaki should have returned from Hokkaido but hadn’t dropped to see her so she asks if she’s a hostage.

Tsukishima doesn’t reply, his face is hidden but shadowed.

Meanwhile Nikaido complains his chopstick don’t come out of his hand and, there’s something stuffed in. When he manages to pulls it out it turns out it’s Youkan, an emergency ration Nikaido can eat without chopsticks so evidently Koito hadn’t just stolen the hand, he also has tampered with it, obviously exchanging Nikaido’s hand, if not Nikaido himself, for some sort of toy he can play with.

Someone give him a spanking please.

I’m really sorry for all the troubles he had to face and for the situation he’s in but he’s being a brat in need of a spanking and if he gets one maybe he can stop following Tsurumi like a lost child and start following someone who’s more morally sound since, in order to get him to behave, all Tsurumi needed to do was to give him a slap.

Anyway, with this, the chapter ends.

Well, to start from the end it’s clear Inkarmat is aware of her condition and I like how she’s trying to win allies over. Clearly, if she weren’t in such an advanced state of pregnancy, Tsurumi won’t manage to keep her there for long.

Something else worth to ponder is that Tsukishima can claim all he wants he’s fine the way he is but he’s still thinking at Igogusa and can’t let her go even if he can’t find the guts to dump Tsurumi and go search for her.

I’m not sure of what’s going in Koito’s mind as he just seems to be enjoying his time in the hospital, free of responsibilities and worries. Maybe he’s just metaphorically attempting to hide his head under a cover and forget about the situation he’s in.

I pity Nikaido. He’s not a good person but they had basically broken him and turned him into a guinea pig for drugs and this is inhuman.

I still don’t know why Tsurumi wanted Usami and Kikuta to tag along unless he aims to get rid of Kikuta because Kikuta still isn’t willing to do every dirty deed Tsurumi would want him to do… which might have been originally why Nikaido and Usami were sent in Noboribetsu ahead of Tsurumi.

Then Toni Anji got involved in the mix and things became troublesome and the plan to get rid of Kikuta, who had moral values and a rank that’s rather high, got scrapped.

We’ll see.

I honestly hope Tsurumi’s plan to use love to control people will blow in his face. As hard as possible. Thinking that he should warp something as good as love making his men worship him and turn into remorseless murders is… I’ve no words for it.

As for Usami… a part of me pities him.

When he kills Tomoharu he’s barely a teen, and it’s clearly not a planned thing, it’s out of an excess of negative emotions, piling up stress and delusions. Killing a person in a fit of anger is something that sadly happens more often than not to grown up adults who should know better but just ‘lost it’.

As for kids… it is rare for a child under the age of 14 to kill someone; approximately 74 children a year do so in the United States which is less than 1% of all homicide perpetrators with the vast majority (90%) being boys between the ages of 11 and 14 who, about 75% of the time, kill someone older.

That’s because children usually fall in one of the following groups.

1- Older sibling beating to death the younger sibling of 0-2 when taking care of him or her.

2 - Child kills a relative, usually a parent or grandparent who abused of him.

3 - Child grabbing a gun and killing a peer during a moment of anger.

4 - Young teen shooting an adult stranger during a robbery or break-in.

5 - Teens (often gang members) attacks a lone victim or group of victims as part of an ongoing conflict.

Although Usami didn’t use a gun he clearly fell in the 3rd group. His martial arts proficiency and the situation worked like a charm to turn him into a lethal weapon even without the gun.

Children control poorly their anger and aren’t fully aware of the consequences of their actions. Their brain just isn’t developed enough yet. Usami was enraged, delusional, stressed and dangerous. What’s worse, when the deed was done no one helped him to cope with it.

Nihei too killed people in a long lasting bound of anger for they had targeted him, not stopping not even when the last one was caught by the police but then he realized his mistake. It took him time but he at least managed to realize by doing so he had downgraded himself to the level of a beast.

There’s no one to tell young Tokishige what he did WAS WRONG, that there was no good reason to excuse it, helping him to cope with it in a correct way. No, he’s only helped to think what he did was right and encouraged into doing again for Tsurumi. From the way Noda depicts him… I fear Usami had gotten too twisted to realize what he did, what he’s still doing, was wrong. In a way maybe the fact Usami still uses ‘boku’ to say ‘I’ instead of going with the much more adult ‘ore’ as the rest of the soldiers might be Noda’s way to tell us Usami never truly grow up from when he was barely a teen and killed Tomoharu. For him time stopped to that day.

In a way it did. That day probably split him in two, an Usami pre-murder who was like any other normal kid and an Usami post-murder, obsessed with Tsurumi, what he had done for him and what he will do for him in the future. Yet the murder of the horse let me wonder if, in a small corner inside him there’s still a small Tokishige who knows the truth and regrets Tomoharu’s death.

In a way Usami might be similar to Heita… or Sugimoto as he too has inside himself the kind and gentle Sugimoto of before the war and ‘soldier Sugimoto’ who can easily murder whoever he sees as a threat. We’ll see.

On another note… if the whole thing between Tomoharu and Usami on a side resembles Sugimoto and Toraji’s relation, it also presents elements of similitude with Ogata and Yuusaku. Tsurumi, who initially seemed to hold Ogata in great esteem, then starts to switch his interest on Yuusaku, praising him and his noble blood. Ogata, the poor child like Usami versus Yuusaku, the son of an officer like Tomoharu. And Ogata, like Usami did with Tomoharu, kills Yuusaku but this time it’s not for Tsurumi. It’s for Hanazawa as the love Ogata is desperately searching is the one of Hanazawa. That’s why Tsurumi’s words that promised Ogata great prestige might have fallen flat on Ogata. Ogata didn’t want such promises from Tsurumi but from his real father, he wanted genuine fatherly love, not Tsurumi’s attempt at seduction.

Maybe that’s why Tsurumi can’t understand Ogata.

In a way Tsurumi is egocentric, he thinks he can get his men to worship him and die for him but Ogata is unwilling to do so and Tsurumi can’t understand why his ‘Tsurumisexuality’, as we jokingly call it in Discord, failed on him.

We’ll see.

Well, this is all for this chapter.

I’m kind of surprised Noda placed the flashback in what basically will be the middle of the volume instead that at the end as he did for Tsukishima and Koito but well, Ogata’s flashbacks also were placed in the middle of the volume so it’ not such a surprising occurring.

Well, we’ll see what GK has in store for us.

Last but not least many apologies if this meta isn’t as good as the others. There were tons of things I wanted to say and I had to rewrite it many times but it still feels lacking so I apologize. All I can say is I attempted to do by best. I hope it didn’t turn out too bad.

#Golden Kamuy #Usami Tokishige #Tsurumi Tokushirou #Takagi Tomoharu #Takeda #Inkarmat #Nikaidou Kouhei #Koito Otonoshin #Tsukishima Hajime #Ogata Hyakunosuke #Tanigaki Genjirou #Golden Kamuy Ramblings and Theories #Michael Ostrog #Kikuta Mokutarou #Harumi Chiyo

81 notes · View notes

nerianasims · 3 years

Text

Billboards #1 1964

Under the cut.

Bobby Vinton – “There! I’ve Said It Again” -- January 4, 1964

*sob* This song is so bad. Is there even a beat at all? It's so slow. It should not be so slow. Vinton sounds both self-satisfied and whiny. It's a love song, I suppose, but this doesn't sound anything like love to me. It sounds like it was created by the Moral Majority. Help, I need someone.

The Beatles – “I Want To Hold Your Hand” -- February 1, 1964

Yeah, I did that on purpose. It's fashionable to hate on The Beatles these days, but I will not be joining in. "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" is not one of their best songs, but if I'd been there at the time, I'd have been screaming my head off for them too. After going through the past couple years of hits, I feel ready to scream for them now. There's a beat. There's forward motion. There's understanding how to sing a song. That wasn't totally lacking on the charts until them -- Ray Charles, after all, and some others -- but what a wasteland it's been generally. The bad stuff has been so very, very bad. Anyway. "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" -- okay song today, but pure oxygen in 1964.

The Beatles – “She Loves You” -- March 21, 1964

This is one of my favorite songs. "Hey idiot, this great girl you thought you lost due to your idiocy still loves you." Implied: Either you go on her knees to get her back or I go after her. And it doesn't sound anything like any #1 I've covered so far. Major interesting bassline, great harmonies, good drums, guitar, everything lines up perfectly.

The Beatles – “Can’t Buy Me Love” -- April 4, 1964

What else is there to say at this point? It's good. It's true. It's romantic. It's fast. McCartney knows how to sing. Notice that none of these three hits in a row are heartbreak songs? There have been way too many of those on this list, and most of them were bad. These songs are happy, and not fake happy. They're driven. They're alive.

Louis Armstrong – “Hello, Dolly!” -- May 9, 1964

The person to finally kick The Beatles down the charts was one of our greatest homegrown artists. It's like people had finally woken up after Bobby Vinton's horrible song in January. Not Louis Armstrong's best, but it's Louis Armstrong. So it's thoroughly enjoyable.

Mary Wells – “My Guy” -- May 16, 1964

Motown is well and truly here. I adore this song. It's sweet without being cloying, the beat is fun, and of course Mary Wells is amazing. And as a woman whose taste in men has never matched up with what I'm supposed to find attractive, and has taken a lot of crap for that, I connect with the song personally.

The Beatles – “Love Me Do” -- May 30, 1964

I think this is the worst of the Beatles' hits so far. Which doesn't make it bad. The harmonica's great. But the lyrics are kinda, well, dumb. Thankfully they're dumb and cheery, not dumb and doleful like so much I've covered.

The Dixie Cups – “Chapel Of Love” -- June 6, 1964

Earworm alert. That hook is a killer. The song gets at the overwhelmed, slightly stunned happiness that comes from getting married. We went to city hall, not to the chapel, but the feeling's the same. I can't say whether I like the song exactly -- the hook is so overpowering, it doesn't really give you a chance. It's in your head now, forever.

Peter & Gordon – “A World Without Love” -- June 27, 1964

The narrator doesn't have a girlfriend so he's going to hide in his room until his true love shows up. Or maybe he was dumped by his true love and therefore is going to hide? It's not very clear, which is unusual for a song written by Paul McCartney. But there's a reason he gave it to someone else. It's actually a fine song, good harmonies, good beat, very teenage sensibility without being annoying. Not too special after the last six songs though.

The Beach Boys – “I Get Around” -- July 4, 1964

I can never hear this without picturing the 1986 film Flight of the Navigator. As usual with Beach Boys songs, the music is excellent and the lyrics are deeply dumb and repetitive. So it's a fun song, but not one I go out of my way to listen to.

The Four Seasons – “Rag Doll” -- July 18, 1964

Gah Frankie Valli's falsetto again. Also it's overproduced. This guy loves a poor girl but his father says nope, she's a poor so you can't marry her, and he just accepts it. I really don't like anything about The Four Seasons.

The Beatles – “A Hard Day’s Night” -- August 1, 1964

My mom and I once rented the movie A Hard Day's Night, and were surprised at how fun it was. (She was a little young to experience the full force of Beatlemania when it hit.) The song written for the movie: Also very fun, and good, and sexy. "But when I get home to you I'll find the things that you do will make me feel all right." Things sure changed fast in 1964.

Dean Martin – “Everybody Loves Somebody” -- August 15, 1964

Dean Martin was constitutionally incapable of being serious. Sometimes his smarm worked. Not here. It could be worse, but it could be a lot better. I'd have been much happier if it had been just about anyone else's version, though Peggy Lee's is my favorite.

The Supremes – “Where Did Our Love Go” -- August 22, 1964

Have you noticed how good pop music suddenly got? It's not just The Beatles. This is a heartbreak song without a hint of schmaltz. It makes you feel better, not worse, and you can even dance to it. But it's still sad. Motown was amazing in its heyday.

The Animals – “The House Of The Rising Sun” -- September 5, 1964

I've loved this song since I was a kid. And I understood it; "gambling causes ruin" is perfectly comprehensible to an 8-year old. It's dark and real, and Eric Burdon's voice and singing give me chills. The keyboard is like nothing I've heard on this list before. I think this might be goth. It's something great, anyway.

Roy Orbison – “Oh, Pretty Woman” -- September 26, 1964

I hate the movie Pretty Woman. A lot. This song became a hit again when the movie came out. Obviously I associate this song with that movie. So I don't have an opinion about the song that's separate from a movie I hate and that Roy Orbison had nothing to do with. I'm passing on this one.

Manfred Mann – “Do Wah Diddy Diddy” -- October 17, 1964

Two number ones in a row about a pretty woman walking down the street. They sort of sound similar in parts too. Anyway, pretty woman walking down the street singing nonsense, narrator ends up making out with and then getting engaged to her. It's silly, and it's okay. "Okay" has a much higher bar than it did just last year.

The Supremes – “Baby Love” -- October 31, 1964

I have a problem with The Supremes, and it's that their first four #1 hits have exactly the same subject matter, and that subject matter is being in love with a man who no longer loves them. After this list, I'm sick of heartbreak songs, and they were never my favorite anyway. Four love songs in a row and I'd have been happy. Dance songs, ditto. But if we must have heartbreak songs, can we have a little righteous anger too? Not just plaintiveness? Anyway, "Baby Love" is a Supremes song, which means if you hear it far apart from their other songs, it's great. When I hear them together like this, though, the formula gets painful.

The Shangri-Las – “Leader Of The Pack” -- November 28, 1964

I hope this song was meant to be funny, because I find it goddamn hilarious. How'd she meet a bad boy whom she knew was sad at the candy store? I like the message that you shouldn't dump your boyfriend solely because your daddy tells you to. But I don't think there's any intended message here. I think it might be a song making fun of the 50s motorcycle bad boy aesthetic and all those "girlfriend/boyfriend died" schmaltzfests people suffered through.

Lorne Greene – “Ringo” -- December 5, 1964

A baritone spoken word piece about a Western outlaw. I doubt it would have gone anywhere if Ringo Starr hadn't been named Ringo. It's probably good for its genre, since Lorne Greene was a good actor, but I can't tell.

The Supremes – “Come See About Me” -- December 19, 1964

It doesn't sound like a heartbreak song, but of course it is. And a super severe one; she gave up all her friends for him, and then he left her too. But she still wants him back. Eesh. Of course Diana Ross doesn't sound sad singing it, because she never sounds really sad singing these songs. The technique obviously worked, but the more I think about it, the more I don't like it. It's a really good song. And not for me, now that I've actually thought this much about it.

The Beatles – “I Feel Fine” -- December 26, 1964

A sitar has been spotted! Anyway, he and his baby are in love, and he brags about buying her diamond rings. The Beatles never had any shame about buying the women in their songs stuff to make them happy. I like that. And I like this song.

BEST OF 1964: "My Guy". Yep, not a Beatles song. This is thoroughly subjective, after all. But what a lot of great songs there were this year, and how relieved I am to be able to say that. WORST OF 1964: "There! I've Said It Again", overwhelmingly.

#billboard number ones

2 notes · View notes

wearemostly · 4 years

Text

It’s Time for Musical Musings, a.k.a. Mus(ic)ings

When I was 12, I sang in my school talent show. Although it was not an outright failure, the memory of my so-so voice projected through the auditorium haunts me to this day. I just wasn’t great. I had no business belting out “Love Story” in front of all my classmates. I’m no musical expert. I’m not even a musician. There was a brief stint with the violin in fifth grade—that ended after, I’d say, three months—then about a year or so with an electric guitar...that my brother now owns. Needless to say, musical talent is just not a part of my life.

But I love music so much. My education actually began when I stopped playing guitar and started listening. Sickened by the fact that I only listened to pop and a bit of Fall Out Boy (because, what else does a 12-year-old in 2009 listen to?), my now-guitar-playing brother took it upon himself to expand my taste in music. He started with something he liked—hardcore Led Zeppelin, which, sorry, just wasn’t the move at the time. But then he showed me The Beatles. And honestly, my life has never been the same.

I don’t need to wax poetic about how listening to the fab four opened my mind to literally all the incredible music that exists in this world. (But, seriously, it really did). The Beatles are a gateway band for so many people, and I’m more than happy to count myself in that population. Not only were they the uniting factor between me and not one, but two of my romantic relationships, but The Beatles also strengthened my connection to my brother and my father. Okay, so I guess I did need to wax poetic just a little bit.

After I listened and listened and listened, my brother and I journeyed to other bands, other albums, other genres. I didn’t completely abandon pop—a frequent source of eye-rolls for my brother—but I now knew that it wasn’t the end-all-be-all of music. Listen, I won’t pretend I didn’t go through the One Direction phase and scream my head off at my fair share of Taylor Swift concerts. I just did so while also adding a lot of indie rock to my iTunes library (RIP).

And then. Then there was Bob Dylan. When I started listening to Dylan in high school, it was like looking back on a past life, or experiencing some alternate existence I was always meant to have. The king of reinvention, Dylan’s extensive library provided songs for every emotion, be it happy, sad or in between. He made me want to wander Greenwich Village in 1960 with the artists and dreamers. I was on stage with him, going from acoustic to electric, being heckled by angry fans. There was, and still is, plenty I don’t understand—plenty I’m not supposed to—but I felt it all so strongly.

Blood on the Tracks, in particular, has always meant something more to me. Released in ‘75 as Dylan was dealing with marriage troubles, the album has a folksy, heart twisting vibe I just can’t quit. Although Dylan avoids saying the album’s about his estrangement from his wife—and although I’ve never dealt with something so romantically terrible—I am unavoidably drawn to the vivid stories of love and loss that wind through the tracks.

I’ve also gone through other phases with my music taste. For truly no reason at all, I was a very angry teenager. Honestly, I’m probably just an angry person, but nowadays that anger has just morphed to...weariness. In high school, though, I sought out harder, louder songs to wrap myself in these raging emotions. Teachers ruthlessly unfair? Blasting The Rolling Stones on the ride home will fix that. Boss at work sexist? Let’s see if some Arctic Monkeys will cure that.

Clearly, music has always been a source of escape. It’s also been a way to cloak myself in feelings, emphasizing and heightening the similar thoughts already in my head. Recently, I’ve dived headfirst back into my devotion to Blood on the Tracks...but on steroids. When the pandemic first kicked off in my life, I hadn’t been as dedicated to any artist or genre in particular. But things got bad (duh) and I felt an innate need to surround myself with this fuzzy, retro, gut-wrenching sound. It started innocently enough, with me playing a combination of Carole King’s Tapestry plus James Taylor over and over again. Then I was researching the best ‘70s chill’ playlists full of folksy singer-songwriter hits and physically could not turn off John Denver.

Fast forward several months and I am...still listening to this playlist on repeat. I’ve tried returning to more modern selections, like Folklore and Haim and Harry Styles, but I keep going back in time. I just can’t get enough of that velvety sound—it’s like your favorite old t-shirt, so soft to the touch and rendered nearly vintage from countless runs through the washer. A warm embrace from your mom or your best friend or your partner after you haven’t seen them in a long time.

It’s not even that I was returning to some of these songs after not listening in months or years. I know that feeling, and it’s a completely different nostalgia—almost uncanny, like you’re reliving your past. It’s not that, because half the songs on this playlist are ones I’d barely ever listened to before. Some are completely new to me. Yet, just like with Bob Dylan, I knew I was always meant to hear this music. It just sits right with my soul.

And I think that’s why I can’t stop listening. Because it’s more than just music, comfort, catharsis—it’s home. In a time when quite literally everything is uncertain, and I’m feeling rootless in an entirely new way, these silky songs give me a sense of belonging. They blanket me in other lives lived and loves lost. I don’t feel so completely alone when I hear Neil Young croon about searching for a heart of gold, or Jim Croce wanting to put time in a bottle. Mama Cass humming about dreams of California can soothe me to sleep every dang night for all I’m concerned.

It doesn’t really make sense, considering I was born in 1997 and have barely experienced a world separate from 21st century technology, media and speed. But when I hear songs of this genre, this era, I know they belong to me, and I to them. It’s not to say I can’t get along with current songs—I can certainly strut through my neighborhood to Bastille and feel completely in power—but this time-worn playlist hits a different note.

I don’t know if there’s a future where I stop listening to my 70s chill playlist. I kind of, sort of, maybe don’t want it to end. Home is hard to find, whether it’s a person, place or thing, and I’d really like to continue living in this nostalgic bubble—even if it’s not my own nostalgia, not really. But it is my home.

1 note · View note

uribo-in-space · 4 years

Text

Star Trek TOS First Time Viewing Reaction - S2E2: Who Mourns for Adonais?

DISCLAIMER: I have seen some TNG and Voyager when I was a child and later the AOS movies as a teenager. I felt quarantine time was the right moment to begin the ambitious project “Star Trek marathon 2020/(2021?20??)”, meaning I’m going to watch all of Star Trek starting with TOS finishing with Disco (or maybe we have Strange New Worlds by the time I catch up haha). I started TOS last month and I AM LIVING. IT’S AWESOME and sparks so much joy. I decided I could just write up my thoughts as I am viewing it for the first time as a memory of the experience, not knowing most episodes at all. So, there we go.

Spoilers obviously - just in case somebody else is 50 years late like me, haha.

Opening scene: Scotty flirts with a female lieutenant on the bridge. So far so cute. What about the dialogue from Bones and Kirk accompanying this scene though?

MCCOY: I'm not sure I like that, Jim. KIRK: Why, Bones? Scotty's a good man. MCCOY: And he thinks he's the right man for her, but I'm not sure she thinks he's the right man. On the other hand, she's a woman. All woman. One day she'll find the right man and off she'll go, out of the service. KIRK: I like to think of it not so much losing an officer as gaining SCOTT: Come along. (He and Carolyn enter the turbolift.) KIRK: Actually, I'm losing an officer.

like - what? I had to rewatch this scene to fully understand what they’re saying. I think it’s interesting that, despite TOS being like 50 years old now, I find it easy to forget we’re actually in the 60s/70s when binge watching. Watching it now is sometimes a weird meta experience as you tend to overlook elements that were considered super futuristic in the 60s but are perfectly normal now, so that you actually miss some FUTURISTIC elements because you’re living those aspects of FUTURE already. Yes, of course women quitting their jobs after marriage still happens, but it is not considered a “rule” or “natural order of events” anymore, and is (talking from a western perspective) more of a choice and you would not assume this happening automatically. Especially if you produced an utopian sci-fi series today, that concept would probably not be included. Anyway, it’s pretty interesting that female Starfleet members seem to drop out of service after marriage and it is not considered something a captain or anyone can do something about in the future (I mean, apparently the men still continue their service? I only have divorced Bones for reference so far though). Anyway, TLDR, I am not judging the 60s relics as they are a product of their time, I think they are rather an interesting addition to the viewing experience in 2020, considering the writers did think this concept would persist in the far future. Back to the episode.

IS THAT A GIANT HAND IN SPACE

I love that Chekov casually assumes he has hallucinations - like bro do you have reasons to believe that and what did you do in your free time

This hand really kills me. I also could not believe what I am seeing but I love it

Spock stating he is not offended because you need emotions to be offended - interesting, Spock, so what happened when Kirk pulled a yo mama joke on you in that Paradise Hippie Love Romance Pollen episode (man that was a gem of an episode)

Chekov has one of the most HILARIOUS lines in that episode (next to having one of the most hilarious hairstyles, his hairstyle looks like an interesting over the top take on the Beatles haircut and his head looks so much like a mushroom I feel like he has a side job in Mario Kart):

APOLLO: Search your most distant memories, those of the thousands of years past, and I am there. Your fathers knew me, and your father's fathers. I am Apollo.

CHEKOV: And I am the tsar of all the Russias.

KIRK: Mister Chekov.

CHEKOV: I'm sorry, Captain. I never met a god before.

Chekov be sassy to gods

I can’t let this haircut go, as it got me thinking: Is there a hairdresser on the Enterprise?

That’s a thing to explore

What gossip that person might hear sign me up

So, the guy really is the God Apollo huh

Costume note 1: That toga Apollo wears is SO SMALL like - “SIR nice to meet you but you’re REVEALING THINGS please sit with more modesty OR - NO NOT LIKE THAT”

Costume note 1, addition: Nice to see the ratio of revealing costumes of men & women wearing sexy revealing clothing in this episode is very equal

Apollo really has a worshipping kink huh

But as a Greek god you probably have that

Also where ARE the other gods? Like he just casually says they are all gone... “with the wind” but... why? Did they suffer from worship withdrawal like he does now?

Also: I really LOVE the concept they introduced that the Ancient Greek gods were just a bunch of space travellers visiting Earth who decided to chill there for a while and be all powerful and worshipped. But as Kirk says in the end they were a huge factor for mankind to move to the Golden Age, which is a cool thought.

Seriously what a fun premise? I would watch that as a series. Hera, Artemis, Zeus, Apollo etc. all chilling on their ship and having fights and romances and space adventures on strange planets. I imagine them being a really chaotic and high-maintenance bunch though

Thinking about it, Apollo said he was a demi-god with a human mother (if I understood that correctly) so basically he was born on Earth and never saw (what I assumed is) their home planet until he was an adult and they returned (why did they return?)? But the Enterprise crew defeats him by finding out his “god powers” are actually originating from the temple structure on the planet, so does that work long distance then?? Like they could access their home planet powers from far away...? And not the powers themselves are passed down by genes but rather the access to it? Or is it that they need worship to thrive (like that’s why it worked on Earth and they just need a temple?) Questions over questions. Love the concept overall.

Kirk, Scotty and Chekov talking about energy patterns and science and how to defeat Apollo (also Chekov you’re such a smart boy! and he says he is only 22 in this episode awwW and the others are looking at him like - wow a child is with us) and Bones just randomly... grabs a bowl of fruit, holds it a bit and puts it aside - as I saw no note for that in the script I think it was improvised by Kelley... but why? Like was somebody from the staff whispering last minute “oh no that bowl is ruining the shot take it away subtly if you can”? It really startled me but it’s kinda funny.

Chekovs hair is even more FLUFFY and voluminous in this scene like did they bring the Enterprise’s hairdresser with them? (It’s cute)

CHEKOV: Perhaps if I assisted. KIRK: How old are you? CHEKOV: Twenty two, sir. KIRK: Then I'd better handle it.

Also I like protective Scotty in this episode. I think it is one of the first times he really gets some character development and proper screen time

Kirk being choked by Apollo is on the thin line of really intense acting and passing into Shatners school of overacting but - it works so I am giving a thumbs up for very INTENSE acting

I feel somebody shouted at him “MORE INTENSE” “MORE MOANING” “INTENSITYYY” “BE MORE CHOKED”

Lieutenant Carolyn is kind of a weak character and is pretty much the embodiment of a 60s ideal of a woman but HELL she is beautiful

Costume Note 3: I actually like the cut of her costume, it is an imaginative take on the toga and also sexy - I was surprised they aired it like that tbh - like from one side it looks like she is topless really

Costume Note 3 addition: but then HOW did they fix it? Like she’s not wearing any kind of bra and the fabric is not attached to anything so I guess they glued it to her skin in a lot of places huh - also there is a scene with a storm and a strong wind where I feel the way she tries to protect and cover herself is not just acting but really an attempt by the actress to catch her costume from flying away and not trusting the glue the costume people used

I don’t want to imagine how many wardrobe malfunctions she had with that costume and how many times she stood there topless in front of everyone so... idk

I guess same goes for Apollos costume lol so fair

On a more positive note on the portrayal of women is Uhura’s role here. Her in that mechanics uniform building a bypass circuit in that crammed space under her console (she still has her full hairdo which gets all squished oh NO and the hairdresser is down on the planet fixing Chekovs mushroom!) - you go girl

UHURA: Mister Spock, I haven't done anything like this in years. If it isn't done just right, I could blow the entire communications system. It's very delicate work, sir.

SPOCK: I can think no one better equipped to handle it, Miss Uhura. Please proceed.

Thumbs up for the supporting Spock.

Also I love every time Spock takes over the Bridge. It’s so cool.

So that’s all! Overall a campy episode at first look but I was pleasantly surprised by the concept of the Greek Gods being space travellers etc. Thumbs up for that giant hand too (pun intended). I like to imagine that like with episodes that play in a middle-age setting they just had a set from another movie lying around and thought - how can we make this a strange planet - but that’s really part of the charme of it for me.

This was a long text huh.

BONUS QUOTE (or rather BONES QUOTE?) - as it was my favorite:

MCCOY: To coin a phrase, fascinating.

#star trek tos #star trek marathon 2020 #star trek #star trek episode reaction #star trek tos s2 #star trek tos s2e2 #who mourns for adonais

4 notes · View notes