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hephaestiions · 1 month

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It stands to reason that Harry’s holding groceries when he runs into Draco Malfoy for the first time in twenty years.

Well— doesn’t run into, exactly. No, more like peers through a shop window like a right barmy bastard, bits of overspilling lettuce brushing his arm and passers-by on Diagon shooting him strange looks.

Of course Malfoy has to look up from the till— because, yes, Draco Malfoy is a shopkeeper on Diagon Alley apparently— and see him goggling. So, of course, Harry has to step inside, as though he meant to make a stop at— right, yeah, Narcissus Needlework Studio— all along, holding brown paper packages of vegetables.

Malfoy’s frowning when Harry makes his way over to the till.

“I don’t want any trouble,” he says. “I’ve registered the shop, everything’s perfectly within regulation—“

“Trouble?” Harry blinks. “Oh, no. I’m not an Auror. Anymore.”

“I know that,” Malfoy says unhappily. “The whole Wizarding World all over Europe knows that. Only you’ve never left well enough alone, have you, Potter?”

Harry’s forty next month. He’s lived twenty years seeing hide nor hair of Draco Malfoy, and he’s never gone looking. Well, except for that one time when he was twenty one and went to the Manor as a trainee Auror for a— well, it was a routine check, really. And that other time when he was twenty five and thought he saw a man at a club who looked just like Malfoy from the back and was convinced for four months Malfoy was back in London and must be up to something if no one knew about it. And that time when he was thirty two— and, oh, alright, Harry hasn’t ever left well enough alone, not when it comes to Malfoy, at least.

This time, though, Harry really didn’t go looking. And it’s definitely Malfoy.

“I just wanted some— thread,” Harry says. A needlework studio should have some of that, shouldn’t it?

“Thread,” says Malfoy. He looks down, deliberately, at Harry’s lettuce.

“For Molly,” Harry says. “As a, um, birthday present. New shop on Diagon, thought I’d pop by. Seemed the place, you know. Didn’t know it was yours.”

Molly’s birthday, Malfoy doesn’t need to know, is in December. It’s June.

Malfoy continues to stare at him, until Harry’s unsure whether to get indignant about it all or turn tail and flee.

“Well,” says Malfoy before he can make a choice. “Embroidery yarn for you, then, Potter. Come along.”

“I’ll see you again, I assume,” Malfoy says at the end of what transpires to be a surprisingly smooth purchase.

Harry nods.

He only realises after he leaves that there’s no reason for him to come back. He’s seen it for himself— what Draco Malfoy’s up to these days. Nothing nefarious or suspicious, just yarn and needles and tapestries on Diagon.

Except, well, he’s committed now, hasn’t he? And Harry Potter’s a man of his word. He said yes, when Malfoy asked— Malfoy asked!— so he’ll be back.

And really, if he has to invent Hermione’s sudden new and passionate interest in needlework— well. That’s between Harry and his lettuce.

written for @drarrymicrofic’s prompt “sewing”. i just personally think harry james potter could be seventy five and still rapidly become obsessed with draco malfoy at any given moment.

#drarry #hpdm #drarry microfic #drarrymicrofic #draco malfoy #harry potter #drarry fic #drarry fic rec #geets microfics #i just personally find this bit of their completely canon dynamic beyond hilarious #obsessed little freaks

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saturnniidae · 1 month

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Hiccup is a prime example of that specific type of autism where you were ostracized for being different as a kid then later in life struggle to empathize with other people and are better at relating to and connecting with animals.

Like that scene when they were on the ship they found the dragon eye in??? They see the bones of dragons and Hiccup is visibly disturbed and upset that Toothless has to be seeing this, then like less than a minute later he pries something out of the hand of a human skeleton and has little to no reaction to seeing it other than 'ew'

#hiccup is still an incredibly kind and empathetic person yes #but hes more prone to apathy towards people than dragons and i find that hilarious #and definitely a result of his childhood #autistic!hiccup #toothless #hiccup haddock #rtte #httyd #httyd headcanon #hiccup horrendous haddock iii #autistic hiccup #autistic headcanon #autism acceptence month #moth.txt

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hypewinter · 1 year

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After Danny exposed Vlad and his corrupt dealings, the older halfa got the last laugh by getting his blacklists from all engineering jobs. Desperate for a job Danny ends up applying for a personal assistant position and he actually gets it. It only takes him a week to see how detached Bruce Wayne is from his own company. AND he has his 16 year old son running it as CEO!? No way is he letting that slide.

#dp x dc #dc x dp #hyper prompts #there's nowhere bruce can go that danny can't find him #his pa is the one person other than alfred that he's actually terrified of #also i imagine the rest of danny's family quickly follows him to gotham #jazz naturally begins working at arkham #a reformed dan opens up a restaurant in crime alley that doubles as a soup kitchen #and ellie helps him out while also doing a bunch of odd jobs around the city #whatever flights her fancy for the day #the bats don't know whether to put them on some sort of supervillain watchlist #or just watch the chaos unfold #it is hilarious seeing bruce squirm though

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oifaaa · 4 months

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Anyway the good news is I'm vaccinated the bad news is that I have two younger siblings

#this conversation actually happened like half a year ago #but i still find it very funny #bc i think i forgot about how many learning disabilities i had for a second #also yeah if i hadnt been vaccinated #and still ended up #well like this #and my mum was still anti vax #that would have been hilarious #personal

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mewtwo24 · 3 months

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Not to be That Guy but like.

Am I the only one that can't stop thinking about how Tianlang-Jun says about Luo Binghe that he pretends to be cold-hearted like his mother. The hint of fondness there, the heartache in that utterance.

Like it drives me absolutely insane. Imagining her putting on a front of strength, cold and driven and unrelenting. Why does TLJ say that about her. Did she secretly look for solutions that meant reconciling with demons instead of hurting them when her sect wasn't looking? (I wonder this because I feel like his weird fondness for SQQ would lowkey track if it's connected to the woman he once loved.) Did he mean that she was tasked with basically assassinating him and she fell in love with him instead (re: failed step one)? Did he mean that she was fond and doting in her own way (e.g. conceding he was attractive, paying for his exploits and humoring him)? Did he mean that, like LBH, she thought that power would be the thing to protect her--and that it was disguising a person who was deeply and privately wounded? All four????? I don't need sleep I need a n s w e r s

Did she know about the Huanhua Palace Master's skeevy ass intentions before she met TLJ? Or did those only come to significant light after she fell in love with TLJ? Is that why she never anticipated that level of betrayal, because initially she had no intention of being with anyone romantically? And HHPM just assumed she would be under his thumb forever?? Was she furious at her own indiscretion or did she try to use the pregnancy as a bargaining chip, a way to try to stop the immortals of Cang Qiong Mountain from attacking TLJ (plus the bonus of marriage entrapment no takesies backsies this is where LBH gets it from)? Did she try to use that claim on her to dissuade HHPM from his covetous advances, framing herself as tainted so that she could finally escape? Did she dream of a life by TLJ's side, far away from Cang Qiong Mountain?

Like. Literally every single permutation of what this could mean guts me to hell. Do you ever just cry about tianxi because I--[loud bawling noises]

#svsss #tianxi #tianlang jun #su xiyan #like this shit keeps me awake at night #i'm trying to put fic ideas together and every time i go back to that line i just #find myself trying to parse and hone out su xiyan's mannerisms/personality #zzl's descriptions help a great deal but i also love that they're limited in the sense that #1. zzl was clearly scared shitless of/disconcerted with her LMFAO #2. he was suspicious of her (as a cultivator fundamentally) and its fascinating that TLJ did not seem to share this suspicion at all #or one could argue tlj just didn't care beyond his attraction and glee being around her jkahglfdskjhsfkhjg #there is also the hilarious implication that part of what turned tlj on so much about sx is the fact that she could prbly kill him #tlj really said 'i love a woman who can and WILL kick my ass'#'none of that soft power seduction shit manhandle me or nothing'#like he always believed deep down--or at the very least wanted to believe--that she loved both him and lbh dearly #i'm not usually the fix-it fic type but the Way I Need To See Su Xiyan Destroy Huanhua Palace Master's Entire Life.#i just want sx and her boytoy to live happily ever after is that so wrong?#i also think of that person (im so sorry tumblr user i dont rmr who u are at the minute) that said there had to be trust between tlj and sx #because YES. ABSOLUTELY. I AGREE. AND I WANT IT FOR ME #don't mind me just the usual descent into madness anytime i think too hard about svsss #i need to outline damn you airplane and your refusal to expand on LBH's juicy ass backstory #ill never forgive the chinese (joke)

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axquiva · 1 year

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I know a lot of people doubt byler being canon but honestly I fully belive Will does like Mike back

#i dont know if this joke makes any sense #but personally #i find myself hilarious #byler

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batbusiness-schooldropout · 2 months

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Will: I would kill someone for some Kraft mac and cheese right now

Hannibal: That's quite the exaggeration to make

Will: Who's exaggerating?

Hannibal: *positively ecstatic that Will is talking about murdering people, but deeply distraught that it's over macaroni*

#will graham #is a class traitor #but he's also a murderer so we'll let it slide #hannibal #hannigram #i really find it hilarious how Hannibal's personality chafes against everyone else's

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iridiumzer0 · 4 months

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HE SAID IT HIMSELF

👏🏻HE👏🏻SAID👏🏻IT👏🏻HIMSELF👏🏻

#i dont actually ship any of hermits myself #but i personally find this hilarious #were all blessed they dont use tumblr #Hermitcraft #rendog #docm77 #hermitshipping #rendoc

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starry-bi-sky · 5 months

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for clone Danny, Clone Damian

I give you

Edit Clone Talia as somehow Girlfriend of Danny, just think of the comedy

nah brO BECAUSE LITERALLY I HAVE THOUGHT BOUT THAT. Literally since the conception of Clone Danny, I have thought about it. If only for, as you said, the COMEDY of it all. Plus I love writing romance.

Literally my motto for my aus is: A) is it plausible, B) is it FUNNY (and a secret third option C) is it ANGSTY)

Clone Talia would be an offshoot au of Clone^2 because idk how she'd fit into the original timeline, bUT, she'd exist. And to avoid confusion I'll call her Nasra - I thought about Tameka (which means twin) but I like Nasra better. "Talia and Nasra" just flows so nicely doesn't it?

Idk WHY there's a clone of Talia running around -- maybe the LoA made her, maybe n unknown organization who hates Batman and knows he has romantic ties to Talia, and started making a clone of her to fuck with him and then she got nabbed by a portal when she was still Danny's age and in the middle of training. She might be like Connor (??) and have memories and thus her training is more proficient than baby Dames.

Either way, regardless of how she was made, I think it's hilarious if she, much like baby Dames, immediately attacks Danny on sight. She falls into his city and Danny only has a moment to go "goddammit not agaIN" before he's fending off a very confused, very violent Nasra. Fortunately he's able to actually try and talk to her and be at least somewhat successful -- Nasra knows english. although even if she didn't, Danny would still be somewhat successful since he knows Arabic.

Also Bruce and Danny are the battinson bat because i think that is also hilarious and 'wet rat' is STILL the perfect energy for Danny as Phantom - especially in the early days when he's running around in all but jeans and a hoodie. (and god watch me go on a rant in a separate post about his outfit and reasonings for being Phantom when he has no powers later on because it makes me go FERAL. and his active choice to look as inhuman and ghost-like through his behavior as phantom and the decision to wear such a creepy mask as possible)

(like seriously, imagine walking home late at night while danny was still in his early vigilante days (and even now when he's got damian and a better suit) and seeing a skinny figure in the shadows with sunken in black-and-glowing-green eyes, and a bone white, skull-like face, crouched on all fours like a wild animal about to pounce. THAT is the level of creepiness I was going for for clone danny)

In my head, Sam offers to house Nasra and Nasra stays with her. SAm is able to convince her parents to let her stay, or she pulls a Danny and just straight up smuggles her in and her parents are none the wiser. I also think it's funny if they have unspoken BEEF with each other. Only to later become like sisters. Nasra teaches Sam the martial arts she knows, and also Danny joins in too with Damian because goddamn he needs it even IF he's learning stuff from his mom (as per the most recent snippet post I made).

OH AND DAMIAN AND NASRA. I think it's equally as funny if they ALSO have beef with each other. Nasra is a clone of his mother (of whom he might have complicated views on due to being a clone but still is his mother) and Damian is a clone of Nasra's "son". This beef largely starts from Damian's own refusal to want to share his Danny with another clone, especially with a clone of his MOTHER.

Danny and Nasra don't become lovers for a good, long while I think. They're besties first before they even consider the idea of dating -- not only just because of the whole "uhhh our counterparts dated so it'd feel kinda weird and forced if we dated" and also because Nasra, with her newfound freedom, is busy trying to figure out herself.

A big theme here in clone^2: discovering your identity and who you are as a person when the only thing you own that's unique is your name (which isn't even the case for Damian), and figuring out if your choices are your own or because you're a clone and its something your original would have done. Nature vs Nurture and the illusion of choice and whether it really is one or not.

Also Nasra also becomes a vigilante. Danny appreciates the help but is also tearing out his hair because what the fuck is up with these assassins and becoming vigilantes?! Nasra goes by "Nesha". She's similar to Red Huntress at first where she kinda does her own thing, but is lowkey forced to team up with Danny about it because she doesn't have any proper ghost hunting equipment with her.

And then a duo becomes a trio, and Danny is spending more time with her. And they steadily become friends. Very snarky friends who are very bratty to each other, but friends. Damian still doesn't like her so Danny spends extra time during patrol keeping the two of them from making insults at each other.

"Nesha please stop fighting with a nine year old. Wraith, quit insulting Nesha."

Nasra also uses like, weaponry as Nesha which exasperates Danny a little because why are you using swords??? They're already dead its not gonna kill them,,,, If you cut off their heads its just gonna piss em off, its re-attachable. Let him ghost-proof it first too. But well, its still gonna HURT he supposes. He's still a little exasperated.

And MMM i'm sorry lmao im so focused on Nasra becoming her own person than the actual romance aspect of it all. Nasra cuts her hair short for the same/similar reasons that Danny keeps his long - to try and gain a semblance of autonomy and identity that's away from their original. Danny has his alternative rock-kinda geeky look and Nasra's got, from influence from Sam, a more alternative fashion style. Although she still leans into being feminine, which is a good challenge to Sam's belief that feminity = bad, and gets her to unlearn those bad habits since her new adoptive sister is feminine while still being an unapologetic badass.

And ykw I think Nasra gets into rollerblading and loves it. She rollerblades constantly. Damian is furious because skating is his thing (even if what he gets later on is a skateboard - skater boy damian ftw. i can see him wearing flannels and graphic tees as a teenager. very grungy/skater aesthetic. He also has a much more relaxed and teen-y speech pattern compared to DW's more formal way of talking. He also spray paints as his form of artistic medium.) and he refuses to have Nasra be a copy of him.

They will sort out their differences eventually. LMao.

Anyways they eventually do get together, but not before Danny finally has his run in with Mister Wayne. Which, they only meet because Danny starts destabilizing, and thus needs Bruce Wayne's DNA to help stabilize himself. Which that meeting in and of itself is pretty chaotic on its own, but then add clone Damian and Nasra? Bruce needs coffee.. or alcohol.

Because picture this: its late at night, you're on patrol with the rest of your family. It's like, two in the morning. You suddenly get a call in from your butler, Alfred, informing you that not one, not two, but THREE children -- two of them in their late teens and the other one not even ten yet -- showed up on your doorstep. One of them is unconscious. They are all clones.

The girl and the boy are twins - and are clones of YOU - and the girl isn't even technically YOUR clone she's a clone of your clone - and also this clone of you is your college friends' kid. And then the youngest boy is a clone of your youngest SON. Bruce is running across rooftops when he gets this call and does a literal 180 degree turn and touches the ground because he basically did a figure skating turn, and sprints back towards the manor because what the fuck? He needs to check this out.

And then half a day later a clone of your fucking ex shows up on your doorstep demanding to see the clone of you - the boy that is, not the girl - and then immediately gets into a verbal lashing with the clone of your son. Like what a fucking DAY. Your kids are equally as baffled but also laughing their asses off -- except your bio son, who is very unhappy about this turn of events and keeps getting the stink eye from his clone.

Like??? I'd quit right then and there.

While Danny recovers he's staying in Wayne manor and Damian is very reportedly not leaving his side. Ellie has to leave to help take care of Amity Park with RH, and then Nasra is also very determinedly not leaving his side either. This is her friend dammit. The first thing she does when he becomes lucid is insult him, and he insults her back - they're bantering. It's how they flirt later on. None of the Bats know how to deal with this situation.

#dpxdc #dp x dc #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc crossover #dpdc #dpdc crossover #dpdc au #dp dc #dp dc crossover #clone^2 #danny fenton is a clone #danny fenton is not the ghost king #sorry this got so long and i barely even got into them falling in love with one another #satoshy you should totally reblog this so we can talk about this more i'd love to bounce ideas with you or anyone else about it 👀#this is so funny to me personally because like. im imagining nasra doesnt show up unti danny's like at least 18-19 #which is a wild set of 3 years for danny because he finds out he's a clone when he's 15 #acquires Damian at 16 and then meets nasra at 18 #like he got one grace period where it was just him and his new little brother and then BAm another clone #damian showed up by accident but i promise you nasra was specifically clockwork's doing because its hilarious to me personally #CW loves danny but also he's a little shit. i was originally gonna call Nasra's vigilante name 'revenant' but thought it was too basic #also danny not meeting bruce until he's almost 20 is very funny to me. especially since baby dames was with the league for 6 years #beforehand #like what do you mean my clone has been living unnoticed for 18 years. he's had damian for HOW LONG? THREE YEARS?#morally gray danny has my heart ever since my post where he murdered three guys for nearly killing his brother.#nasra attacks danny and yay! he doesn't hurt his hands this time around! he's grown since he met damian. that was also a large part why dee #didn't like nasra right off the bat. she could've hurt him and made his hands even worse.

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becca-e-barnes · 1 year

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It's been 3 weeks since I first starting thinking about this but I just can't shift the thought of making a subby!dbf!Bucky cum inside you so I'm gonna talk about it

But I really do mean "making" him cum inside you.

Like both hands on his neck while you ride him, watching him turn into the most beautiful mess, succumbing to pleasure he's not quite used to.

He's not used to it because he'd always worn a condom up until that point. Maybe he didn't think it could feel all that different but now that he's inside you, losing himself in how slick and soft you are, it's like nothing he's ever felt before.

"O-oh God, no." He whines, his hips rising off the bed to press every inch into you. His eyes have been closed almost the entire time you've been on top of him because he swears if he looks at you for too long, he's going to cum a lot faster than he wants to.

"Are you okay?" You ask softly, moving one hand from his neck to cup his cheek but he takes your wrist and clamps your hand back down on his throat.

"So good." He groans, whimpering each time you slide down on his length. There's almost a relief in this for him but it's a relief he didn't know he needed. He didn't think he would crave this as badly as he does but he knows he'll probably never want to use a condom again.

"Fuck..." He grunts, eyes squeezed shut, little beads of sweat gathering on his forehead. "Fuck, you need to stop. I'm gonna cum."

Arousal twists in your stomach, hearing he's lost himself in this so quickly. It's beyond rewarding, knowing he just can't bring himself to last any longer but you don't let yourself dwell on how it's quite a strange thing to be flattered by.

"No, you're gonna cum inside me." You readjust your grip on his neck and you watch the way his brow furrows, desperate to hold off his orgasm.

"Babe, no. Fuck, I gotta pull out." Despite what he's saying, his hands grip the meat of your hips, helping you work yourself on his length.

If he really wanted to, he's more than strong enough to shift you off him. He could push you back onto the bed with one hand. Half of his brain tells him he should but the other half tells him not to.

The latter half is dangerous. That half tells him you'd be a fantastic mother. It tells him you'd look so pretty with your tummy swelling with his baby. It tells him that this was your plan all along. This is what you want. You know the risk that comes with not letting him pull out.

"Cum inside me." You're adamant, flexing your fingers ever so slightly against his neck, bouncing on him until you feel his release shoot into your body.

"Fine. Oh God, fine. Take it." It's too late anyway and he knows it but seeing you look so damn smug just makes him cum even harder.

#becca's thots #becca writes spice #dad's best friend!bucky #dbf!bucky #sub!bucky #subby!bucky #I was gonna write something like this for halloween #but in other news #I got quoted as an academic source in a friend's assignment this week #which I find absolutely hilarious #I'm gonna print her essay out and frame it on my wall #bc I'm a person who knows some niche stuff about boring things #I need to get back to the SHS series #might write some tomorrow morning

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