#people can be very confusing sometimes
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[chemistry] it's not a word that actors [use]. but you must endeavor a little bit to try and fall in love, in whatever that capacity is. and andrew is a very easy person to fall in love with. he's kind, generous, talented. we shot the film at the perfect junction in our friendship where there was a lot we didn't know about each other, but there was mutual admiration and respect. and a similar sense of humor. (...) yeah, it felt fizzy when we were acting. especially with that first scene at the door -- it's so well-written. you feel like you're dancing through the scene, you can go in loads of different ways, and if i went one way, andrew would go another. if that's what chemistry is, i was aware it was happening.
-- paul on chemistry and whether ‘they (andrew & paul) knew instantly that their onscreen relationship was working’ in all of us strangers, screendaily.com (1/31/24)
#i just find this whole acting thing & the process actors have to go through very fascinating. how so many of them have said that your --#mind knows that it's not real; it's make-believe but your body doesn't & it gets blurred & your body gets tricked into thinking it's --#actually experiencing all of that. no wonder sometimes actors need to take some time to recover from/get over a specific role they played.#i just recently saw claire foy talk about this & how 'you're falling in love with a person you're not in love with.' and there's a --#psychological thing happening where you can either suspend belief or you can make real what's happening. and that it can get very confusing#& how when she was watching this movie her body would react -- tears & heart palpitations -- but not because of what she saw on screen --#but because she (her body) was remembering it. it's wild & i don't think i'd ever be able to do it.#reminds me of what jessica chastain said about 'scenes from a marriage' & how her & oscar's years long friendship was changed after that#idk how these people do it; honestly; especially those actors who play really dark characters & put themselves in their minds (evan peters)#paul mescal#andrew scott#all of us strangers
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It’s very kind of people I speak other languages with to assume that my slow comprehension and endless requests for repetition are as a result of us not speaking my first language, when in reality, my auditory processing is just complete shit.
#linguistics#second language problems#I mean it’s definitely harder in my non-native languages to understand what people are saying#but it’s not fucking easy in my L1 either lmao#people are confused because I can see them thinking#‘oh they speak so well so surely they’re very proficient’#‘and yet they don’t understand what I’m saying?’#auditory processing disorder#auditory processing issues#adhd#neurodivergent#your local autistic linguist here!#*stares blankly at someone else speaking as I try to make my brain translate their mouth sounds into words*#I’m an English teacher and sometimes my students are like ‘my goal is to watch English shows without subtitles!’#and I’m like ‘babe *I* can’t even do that and it’s my native language’ XD
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You guys should read 17776. It's best to go in blind. It's about how football will look in the future.
(Warning that there is a very fast moving part specifically in the beginning in case you have photosensitivity, and the story includes gifs and videos. If you are sensitive to unreality some parts may bother you.)
#i cant really say too much because part of the experience is the confusion and slight unreality.#there was a post going around sometime in... 2015-18? maybe earlier linking people to it#i havent seen it in circulation in a very long time and this is an extremely good thing to read.#so maybe we can get this into tumblr circulation again#if you like homestuck youll probably like this? it's a multimedia story. but its a hell of a lot shorter than hs lol#ri rambles#stories#recommendations#but yeah if you are confused it's okay you'll understand. youre supposed to be like ??? in the beginning. just fyi#it's not super duper long.#maybe a few hours read?#probably less#something is terribly wrong#17776 football#17776#im bad at guessing story length because i read really fast#it will make you feel things. i promise.#you WILL be confused.#but itll clear up
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Met a new neighbor tonight, started talking about work.
Me: So yeah, I'm trying to work my way toward something more stable, especially because I have a queer nibling in Texas who might need a place to land.
Neighbor: NIBLING?
Me: Yes?
Neighbor: Is that one of your millennial words?
Me: (wondering what age I look rn because "millennial" sometimes means "kid" and it's too dark to see the gray in my hair) Not ... really? It's a gender-neutral term for, like, nieces and nephews. Like sibling, you know? If you have a brother and a sister, then you have siblings?
Neighbor: Yeah, but what's a nibling?
Me: In this case, it's one of my brother's kids. He has four of them.
Neighbor: ???
Me: One of them is ... kinda figuring some stuff out, gender-wise, so I'm using gender-neutral language for them until they ask me to use something different. Just giving them space, you know? They're a kid, they need some time. So: my brother has four kids, and I have three nephews and a nibling. (Decides not to mention bff's kids, whom I have also adopted as niblings.)
Neighbor: That's...
Me: (smiles desperately)
Neighbor: That's really kind of you. I've never even thought of that. That's a really good way to let them figure it out for themselves, you know?
Me: Exactly! It's not like I can figure it out for them, right? So I'm just holding space for however it shakes out.
Neighbor: They're lucky to have you.
Me: I'm trying. That's all I can do, right?
Neighbor: Nibling. That's a GOOD word.
Me: Yeah, I like it.
#sometimes it's nice here#niblings#goat nibling#it's amazing how far my cis ass can get with people on trans stuff by sounding mildly confused but very well-meaning#sentences like “I'm not an expert on X's gender but if anyone is it's probably X?” serve me well#also “idk I'm going by what the actual doctors say since they're doctors and stuff”#big “i don't expect you to know everything but i do expect you not to be a dick” energy#i learned this from my midwestern grandma who was also a moderately legendary local journalist#moderately legendary for getting people to tell her EVERYTHING presumably bc they assumed she was dumb#narrator: she was not in fact dumb
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The joy of looking up stuff that describes you then finding the community and how open they are and how you can be accepted accepted accepted.
Just to remember you hide your real self, who you are, because your family and friends don't know and wouldn't accept you.
#therian#i was something once#otherkin#the ears and snout are back#i remember describing this to my mom for the first time and getting confused head nods of not understanding#i remember wearing cat ears for years until i couldn't anymore#beep#vent? ish?#i dunno#all i can do to stop myself from growling at people sometimes#haha yeah the beep is my animal noise. not just for fun#tho it is very fun and entertaining to do#spoiler alert im not a snake. im otherkin#anyways thats enough about that haha
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Need to rant.
I spent an hour and a half working on The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. I only got 50 pages in. The reading is easy, but I’m annotating a LOT so it’s going super slow.
But I’m annotating a lot to remind myself of all the bullshit, so I can properly roast it. There are some good ideas and points in there but omg he sounds like an insufferable asshole writing a book for himself, ignoring that other people can have totally valid ways of being. Fatphobic undertones, implying there are definitely good values and like, limited ways to correctly prioritize them. I’m now 45% through. I am hate-reading at this point, and I’m torn between:
do I just want to finish it off quickly from here on out? (he has started going into specific things that are negative that he thinks everybody should value highly, versus talking more about his general philosophy)
Or do I want to keep going through slowly making notes ripping him apart.
On one hand: I’m definitely enraged and I kinda want it to end because it’s so irritatingly wrong. On the other hand: i want to give it such a scathing review because of its wrongness that I want to have everything wrong with it detailed meticulously because I enjoy that level of thoroughness.
I’m hoping there will be less to annotate tbh.
#seriously this dude is on such a high horse#he called everybody who feels less than adequate compared to peers entitled bc he assumed those people expect special treatment#nah some of us may not think we deserve anything at all and expect others around us to give 0 shits and treat us like they do everybody#he pretends like most people have a very shallow understanding of themselves#which is probs true#but the pretending is that he is like in the summit of Mt. Self Aware#when he is like 25% there and doesn’t go any further himself#confuses values and metrics#and while he says we can change both of those he basically only goes into why some values are bad and why his values now are the best#values are not good or bad inherently IMO#but sometimes we do confuse values and metrics#and something we say we value we actually are using as a metric for a different value#or like we have untrue thoughts about how to measure that value#I’ll do another ranty review when I’m done
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I'm gonna continue with the requests later, but I also felt the need to doodle my two PVs with a little bit of gender on the side
They're both still very much genderless, but because not every non-binary/agender person will have the same perception/feelings regarding their gender and won't have the same gender presentation, I decided to mess around with it a little
Hallow is genderfluidv(though after some consideration I realised agenderflux describes them more accurately, but oh well, these labels don't even exist in their story so who cares), they're non-binary but their alignment fluctuates between fem-leaning, masc-leaning, something in-between and neither. They're fine with any terms and pronouns but mostly go by they/them.
Luna is genderfae/transfem, their gender fluctuates between agender and fem-aligned non-binary. They mostly go by they/them and gender-neutral and feminine terms, they're fine with she/her and some neopronouns, but any masculine terms and pronouns are a big no-no for them. Currently, I'm considering making them an enby lesbian, but that might change in the future.
#spooky arts#hollow king au#I swear this is the longest I've ever spent considering what labels would describe a character. I myself have a weird relationship with#labels so I only ever think about what people would a character be into and how their gebder 'feels' like and never go into details#I spent like an hour looking for a term that could describe how I imagined Luna's gender LMAO#Hallow is mostly me projecting. Luna is 75% me wanting to explore a situation where the pure vessel comes out as trans after they're found#out that they're not hollow. And 25% spite for all the people who call them he/him#So you know how some enby lesbians describe their gender as like. The only connection to womanhood they feel is their attraction to women?#That's kind of the vibe I get from Luna. They're enby just very sliiightly titled towards womanhood#They're also a teen and in a scenario where all the different AU hollows interact they'd bond a lot with Hallow as the only other person#who went through the same confusing gender feelings as they are going through right now.#They're kind of like 'man I wish I was a girl sometimes so I could be called princess and wear dresses' 'you know you can just do that#right?' 'I CAN?'#Also even though they're fine with different pronouns I'm still just gonna be using they/them on my blog for them. Bc I know some people#are weird about Hollow's gender and refuse to acknowledge theyre enby or keep misgendering them 🙄 I don't wanna add to that#We give a little bit of gender fuckery to the vessels though. They deserve it.#But yeah I still wanna be clear. Their genders fluctuate in alignment but they're still very much agender/genderless. Please don't treat#them like binary people 😭
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happy new year everyone..!!! ( ^ 0^)/
i was planning to post something a little more impressive, but instead all i found in the house was this pair of strange little rabbits.
after reading the mysterious inscriptions on their backs, it seems that the red one promotes good health and helps people to achieve their goals, while the white one bestows wealth and absorbs your bad luck.
i hope together they will bless you with a wonderful year ahead!
#mysterious low quality rabbits that are certainly not#joongdok#though I have not had this account for very long#everyone has been so sweet and lovely i'm glad i decided to#make a tumblr after procrastinating and being confused and nervous about it for so long..!#i recently realised i can filter the activity page to see people's tags and you are all so delightfully wise and silly#i still feel shy about responding to things sometimes#and mostly all of the art here is just on queue but i do check and read comments every once in a while and they always bring me great joy#and a lot of motivation to commit greater crimes#thank you
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Being an introvert that everyone thinks is an extrovert is sure... something
#its tiring is what it is#at some point people seemed to take it as 'quiet person who is socially awkward' but i can be very friendly bubbly etc etc#so theyre like oh youre so extroverted!! like no. i really need to go be by myself now or im gonna freak out lmao#i always feel like no one has a clear image of me tho bc people have always thought i was super confident#bc idk ? im loud sometimes more in the past than now and idk i crack jokes ?? but like no i have horrendous body issues and bad self esteem#literally since i can remember. genuinely going back to when i was like 5 so again its just very ?? whenever people say shit to me about me#like my cousins bestie who i have known since i was like 6 said i was such a joyous happy person#and truly it made me so confused bc i am truly not but idk guess to her i am so 🤷♀️#this is why i spend so much time alone now#its not totally an act sometimes i am that happy and fun but it is sometimes a mask that i have just been doing for 20 yrs so im good at it
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#dead space#reblogging appreciated im genuinely very interested#i typically do 3#sometimes 4#plasma cutter + something short range + something long range#usually flame thrower/force gun + pulse rifle#i don't like the contact beam or the line gun that much bc they're too powerful lmao#altho the line gun's alt fire in the remake is soooo satisfying#but also i've watched a lot of people play the remake and i kinda feel terrible for the people who go in blind and#end up carrying every single weapon they pick up with them sdflskdj#that's a serious downside to the way they did it in the remake vs in the original where you had to buy it imo#like. i like the change for the remake a lot it's really cool to just find the weapons around the ship. that's sick as fuck#but i think it might confuse new players a bit and some people end up constantly out of ammo and having to switch guns#maybe that's the intended effect. i mean it's survival horror and all lol. but to me it looks absurdly frustrating#but maybe there's people who prefer to play that way? maybe im being judgemental lmao#but for the people playing blind i think they'd benefit from knowing that you can store weapons + ammo won't drop for stored weapons#polls
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always wild to see people freak out over dark romance novels when you know they're also like... Spuffy shippers? or something along those lines?
I mean, I have no issue with that lmao, I've had ships that are on the same level, but I don't know, it's just like... are you romanticizing the thing you're shipping to the point that you don't recognize its own darkness, or are you fully aware of that and just knowingly hypocritical?
#romance novel blogging#every week twitter declares that society is crumbling because of silly dark romance novels#and usually not even the REAL dark shit lmao#and every week it is the dumbest moral panic i've ever seen#but yeah dude it when you can literally see people with the WILDEST ships handwringing that i get really confused#like okay so the books are undermining women#but the women falling in love with their attempted rapists onscreen... are not..................#and to clarify to me it's just a quality of the work thing; the content itself there doesn't concern me#I MYSELF do not think spuffy as an example was handled well and the context of joss being who he is#retroactively makes it worse than a dark romance written by some random very normal lady keying into common fantasies#like mitzie or heather or whoever doesn't want to go out there and assault someone. probably#whereas joss.....................#wasn't allowed to be alone in a room w a teenage girl#and that isn't every showrunner ofc but a lot of visual representations of trauma#and romanticizations of these relationships onscreen are often written by people of the same gender as the perpetrator#whereas dark romance is often written by women--sometimes even women working out their own shit#and idk i'm kind of making that realization in real time as two why one bugs me more than the other#PERSONALLY speaking#and ofc that doesn't absolve women of handling SA whether it's romanticized or not badly#and CERTAINLY sa is not inherent to dark romance#which i think is a common misconception#dark romance in terms of genre is not 'rape and abuse as romance' it's honestly pretty broad#ANYWAY. thoughts over#just focus on the people who are actually preying on others plsthx
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dysgraphic artiƨts risɘ UP!!!!!
#raise your pencils!!!! and erasers. to fix the backwards letters 😔#sorry still thinking about my weirdness with my art professors. yknow a lot of em have been really pushing us as#students to make our personal identities a major part of like our 'brand' as artists#which. well from an art history major perspective thats a very contentious and nuanced topic. i love a lot of artists who live this way#and i think its great seeing my peers who focus on identity thrive. but also as an fine arts major (double major fool LOL)#i keep getting pushed by teachers into like. specific '____ artist' identities???#specificaly woman artist. which is a little bizarre because im a bit fat and a bit gnc so im generally like. ungendered? in day-to-day life#(which doesnt actually matter to me directly that much honestly LOL people tend to view me as like. buddy? buddy or pal.)#(not man. not woman. not anything human. sometimes i remind people of a beloved dog. which. hkdsahjk thats its own can of worms)#(a can of worms that also doesnt matter much to me directly because im a wannabe furry who chose to be the dog when playing house as a kid)#(LOL so um. well. theres that) but yeah i dunno i dont really consider myself a woman artist. its been. shockingly (and sometimes luckily?)#irrelevant to most of my life and experiences and art (although dont get me wrong misogyny is very real and very present) so i dont#have a whole lot to say about it from an art perspective. you could also call me all kinds of things. a queer artist. a mixed race artist#again technically correct. some aspects more visible in my work than others. but also very technical. i focus on race a lot in in my#art historical work but i dunno how much my drawings have to say. except that i keep making too many mixed ocs LOL#i dunno i just think my professors gotta focus that energy away from tokenizing me and over to supporting like actual#capital W Woman artists capital Q Queer artists capital A Artists of Colour who are doing far more interesting things than I#far more thought out and engaged in these topics directly. i just kind of stumble into my art blindly and confused <3#sorry that was a long tangent WHAT IM SAYING Is despite all that: i do consider myself a capital D Dysgraphic artist#i think its an unmovable constant of my art and the way i draw and the way my hands move. the untrained eye doesnt seem to be as aware#of it directly. but those who are familiar can probably see it. the dysgraphia LOL if not just from whenever i write a letter or number#half of them are busted and frantically fixed HDKJSDJDS but its in all my art. if u can see it <3 ive been trying to embrace it#dygraphic artists raise your pencils indeed!! and throw away the eraser!!! make the legibility of your words everyone elses problem!!!#what does that say? what is that sketch? none of my business! none of your business!! its the business of my hand and the pencil alone#motor skill and spatial issues take the wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel
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Gaslighting? In MY household? It’s more likely than you think
#sad pav hours#<- ‘tis my new vent tag. filter as needed#just pav things#I have experienced so many levels of Confusion today#I mean most of it just boils down to my dad being a dick for no good reason#what do I even do to him????? I yet again ask him this and he’s like#‘I live with you’. My mere existence causes him misery apparently#He says that I’m unlikeable. I say that people generally enjoy my whimsical disposition or just don’t care and ignore me#or in the case of [redacted] try to pacify me in neurotypical ways that only ended up hurting when I found out#instead of communicating that she didn’t want to be friends. Actually that was what my first vent post on here in 2021 was about#and very ironically it was the reason me and Dolphin became friends (random skribbl game my beloved ^^)#But I digress#Also I’ve already accounted for the fact of my future bosses probably disliking me and some people out there just by virtue of being human#but i’d like to believe I’m generally likeable??? I have so much evidence to prove this that the put-down just ends up confusing#Also the amount of name-calling is insane once you stop filtering it out#I can just casually be called stupid. again without any reason#and then people wonder why I have such low self-esteem sometimes#I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m the family scapegoat. I live with 3 blood relatives who hate me.#Also ffs I’M NOT A FREELOADER!!!! STOP sAYING THAT#I understand the real world will be brutal I see the real effects of the cost-of-living crisis every day#I’m prepared to live frugally to survive so stop saying i will be shook 😭 i’m fuckign ready to leave as soon as I have enough savings#and a place to stay. I’m done here. Except for the dogs I will always love and miss them 😭😭😭
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#hiding this in the tags bc it’s kind of embarrassing and i need to get it off my chest#and i could journal about it but i just want someone to see me#sorry for being cringe <333#but i don’t know what the hell i am like i don’t know if i’m even nonbinary anymore and that scares me like being nonbinary felt like coming#home after a long trip#and now i’m having all these thoughts about wanting to be a man? like near tears rn bc i want to be a guy but then when i think of actually#being a guy i freak out a bit#bc i like being seen as feminine too and i know that there are feminine men and they get treated so terribly#and i feel like all the men i see that i want to be like or look like are white! why don’t i see any black trans men like i feel so alone#and i’m scared to look/be openly trans bc there’s so much violence against people like us that it feels safer to just cosplay as a cis woman#even though i’m not#like i don’t want to be a boy but i want to be one and i absolutely don’t want to be a girl but i’d like to be seen as someone sometimes#it’s all very confusing#AND like i know i’m biromantic like im attracted to all genders and people#but im like? am i on the ace spectrum#bc i have a low sex drive am often sex repulsed and will sometimes ‘test’#myself to see if im sexually attracted to people and most of the time it’s like#it’s like meh not really but sometimes im like sure but that’s rarer and rarer these days?? and like. tmi here but i jerk off and enjoy it#so i can’t be asexual right?? i tried looking it up but the articles just confused me#but then i also am like with the right person if i had a connection to them i wouldn’t mind having sex with them! but like. then i think#about actually having to be in a relationship and i’m like gross no but i think that’s just relationship trauma and fear of being#vulnerable#and like i know i don’t HAVE to have a label on my gender or sexuality but for me personally it helps to know What i am#and and i love butches so so so much and if i’m a man how can i love butches? like#it’s all so confusing#i feel like i’m 14 and going through puberty again
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I could tell tallulah was being played by a dif admin cuz I think 02 would have called bad’s hair slay or something
LMAO SHE WOULD
#sometimes ill see people talking abt how tallulah is just a very sweet egg and nothing else#and im always confused bc she can be so funny#ask
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I am actually way too happy dappy for the tfp au scenario where the wider world of humans learn about the Cybertronians as in a few canon continuities it's because of the war or some apocalyptic situation. But here! It's likely probably because of slip ups or a carefully planned reveal!
#we are not including continuities that just... don't care about the disguise part like g1 or tfa#i so very much want the reveal to be a whole ~thing~ about tentative yet hopeful coexistence and alliance#because i love it#and people don't give enough credit to just how kind humanity can be sometimes#there will always be assholes and evil in the world and primus do i know that#but there will also be good and altruism in this world and I've only been learning that recently tbh#there's fuckimg nothing like the shine in the eyes of a young scientist finding out about something new#or the confusing yet soft and sweet concern/comfort from an online community#and damn are humans and Cybertronians so very much social bastards#//and there's nothing more wholesome in my opinion than very different peoples learning they share / can share things actually//#exactly all of this is projection#but idc#tfp au#maccadam#transformers
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