To own the private parts of every male mammal living in Iceland, you see -- a goal he set for himself years ago -- Hjartarson needed a walrus, an animal that's becoming rarer every year. "Collecting penises is like collecting anything. You can never stop, you can never catch up, you can always get a new one, a better one," Hjartarson said as he reached into the museum's penis-shaped cash register to return some change to a customer, before picking up a phone of the same shape.

I've dropped five beta readers (before finding the incomparable and ever-affirming @bingleyjinglesmybelles) because they couldn't get past my characters' "unrealistic motivations," as if people like Sigurdur Hjartarson don't exist IRL.

no but honestly how was pyeongchang 6 years ago i still remember the normal hill mess of a competition like it was yesterday and how obsessed we were with the nominations for team competitions and how the results were somehow perfect and whatever the hell happened im deutschen haus and maren getting gold and stoch becoming double olympic champ and the crying mess andi and that lellinger hug after he got gold and

fvedya . can you PLEASE elaborate on the icelandic penis mueseum that you casually mentioned in the tags . im literlaly begging

YES I CAN

(um i talked quite a bit and i think some people may want to opt out of hearing about this soooo its under the cut)

ok so theres this museum in iceland called the 'the icelandic phallological museum' that features penises. HUNDREDS of specimens' species' penises its so crazy. including whales!! whale penises are wild, a lot of people mistake them for monsters in the ocean (tbf, in grainy photos, they do look like the lochness monster. but no, they're just cocks.)

the museum also has a bistro called the phallus cafe and bistro where you can get penis waffles. and theres a gift shop with penis themed wares.

the penis museum is looking for human donors last i heard. its been a while since i checked in on the museum so take it with a grain of salt, but they have a human penis on display but its really small and sad due to poor conditions and a bad detachment process so they are supposedly looking for a bigger and healthier one!

anyways its like my dream to go there (and omg if i could work there- thatd be so cool!!)

anyways heres the website theres not many photos and its not really explicit or anything (they got to be professional on the internet ykyk) but the waffles look soooooooo yummyyyyyy omg

my class is going to Iceland later this spring :3 i'll get to see the penis museum!

(flirtatiously) i aaccidentally listened to this eminem impression so many times today that i know all the words now

Au where Ed owns a very popular museum and then a small little museum opens close by, and it’s Stede and he’s this guy:

Ed obviously falls in love instantly. “You know how hard it is to find someone doing something original out here?”

A Woman of Independent Means

by PacificRimbaud

Summary:

In London, 1851, Draco Malfoy, Earl of Wiltshire, has been tasked with gifting the British Museum with a bequest from his grandfather's estate. Simple enough, but for the mysterious contents of the gift, and the museum staff assigned to receive it.

A terrific, perhaps underrated, gem of the @pacific-rimbaud oeuvre. Concise and hilarious. Listen/read while you draw yourself a bath.

audio by meems_toanend

“I don’t think I should bring this up, given what’s on my screen,” said my older coworker apropos of seemingly nothing, “but my boyfriend’s son is on vacation in Iceland with some friends. Do you know what they have a museum of there?!”

I couldn’t help my belly laugh, face split in a grin immediately. “I sure do! Which leads me to having to know, WHAT is on your screen that brought that to mind?”

She was doing the sexual harassment training PowerPoint.

Lubby from hit web series Eddsworld I am possibly visiting iceland soon. What should I know

weather in iceland is very unpredictable you should be prepared for sunny weather one moment, windy and rain the next and.. if youre visiting in january/february/march, snow as well. its very icy and slippery during winter and spring so find some nice good sturdy shoes. if you visit very soon it will be very dark for a very long time (~3 hours of sunlight), if you visit during summer it will not get dark at all (24 hours of sunlight)

iceland is pricey and reykjavík is littered with tourist traps. tourist-friendly junk food like kfc, metro (mcdonalds), american style, etc are overpriced. ss-pylsur stands, pylsubarinn, búlluborgari, etc are local alternatives that are cheaper. if you buy groceries do not shop at 10/11 or krambúðin because they both exploit the fact that tourist busses stop in front of them so they price their food unfairly.. bónus and krónan are cheaper and their food is higher quality

if you visit the blue lagoon or any pool know that icelanders shower before and after jumping in the pool. naked! showering naked. if showering naked in front of strangers is something you arent used to doing but you really want to go swimming mentally prepare yourself i promise that no one is judging whatsoever its second nature to us  >_< the blue lagoon is definitely a sight worth seeing though 

locals are VERY friendly and love to show off their english skills and talking to strangers so if you are in need of directions or advice dont be afraid to ask someone on the street

also presumably connor doesn’t know this but in the napoleonic years / the decades surrounding the french revolution, conservative political commentators linked usury and onanism partly because both were actions that could potentially overexcite the imagination and thus contribute to the degradation of the social fabric. like if you were masturbating, you were retreating into a world of fantasy, and if you were charging interest on a loan, you were also introducing an element of the imaginary into the monetary system (france was notoriously rocked by economic instability during the 18th century, partially caused by rampant speculation). so there’s a nice irony to connor, one of the most delusional characters, embracing a political platform that has its roots in insane french conservatives being like “we must remain grounded and concrete at all times, lest the nation fall prey to the building of castles in the air and fall behind the good and solid industrialisation of great britain”

Stelae from the kingdom of Funan (present day Cambodia/Thailand/Vietnam), written in Sanskrit & old Khmer. 632 AD

having the weirdest morning after an allnighter, arguing with a stranger on the internet who refuses to believe me when i cite sources saying "i'm sorry sir but whales do not have a bone in their penis"