actually i do not have thoughts™️ about the first two eps of the pjo show because i did not go into it critically at all. i did not and will not go into it as a 21 year old adult with a decade long attachment to the characters and series, i am going into it like a ten year old child full of wide-eyed wonder and whimsy like the gods intended. and with that in mind i found it truly fantastic

De Amore

My fic for @aceomenszine is finally available on AO3!

Aziraphale has come to Paris to find the answer to an important question: What's it like to be in love? Crowley's not sure why he wants to know, but he's willing to discuss it to make his angel happy. Full text below!

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“What’s it like to be in love?”

Crowley stumbled to a stop on the Paris street, glaring at the angel beside him. Aziraphale stared straight ahead, walking with his usual expression: calm, poised, slightly arrogant. As if he were talking about the weather.

“Dunno. S’a human thing, isn’t it?” He scowled at a few gawking peasants, hurrying to catch up. “Romance. Lust. Sex. Nothing to do with us.”

“You could say the same of hunger, or exhaustion, or boredom.”

“Yeah, and I’d be right.” Crowley held out an arm to stop Aziraphale from walking directly into a produce cart. “Neither of us gets exhausted. You’re never tired, and I just like a good nap sometimes.”

“Really?” A flicker of that mocking bastard smirk. “How many nights did you sleep this past week?”

“Nrrg. Five or six, but that’s not the point.” They started walking again, Crowley tossing an apple he’d snuck from the cart. “I could stop if I wanted to — I’d miss it, but s’not the same as being tired. Same with you and eating.”

“But if I desire a food, so strongly I can already taste it, surely that’s…if not exactly hunger, a close approximation?”

“Don’t think so.” Crowley offered the apple, but Aziraphale shook his head. “Spend a couple days in the city, you’ll see what hunger looks like. S’not about pleasure or wanting a particular food. It’s need, desperation. And we just don’t experience that.” He tossed the apple towards a group of children, and a girl in a ragged dress caught it. “Boredom I’ll grant you. I’ve definitely been bored.”

“So, we might enjoy things as humans do, but never desire them the same way,” Aziraphale mused, smoothing his hands down the front of his stolen jacket. “But is love the longing for a connection with another, or the pleasure of that connection?”

“Doesn’t really make a difference to us, does it?”

He waited for Aziraphale to respond, but the angel simply continued walking, hands folded behind his back, eyes more distant than usual.

“So?” Crowley prodded after nearly a block in silence. “What brought this on?” Aziraphale shrugged. “Let me guess. Reading novels again? Sappy poetry? Getting…ideas?” He stepped ahead of Aziraphale and walked backwards, to ensure the angel saw his suggestive eyebrow wiggle. No response. Crowley shrugged, falling back into step. “Look, f’you want to try falling in love with a human, s’your business. Let me know how it goes. Just do it back in London, I don’t need that…drama getting back to my bosses.”

“That’s not it,” Aziraphale snapped, wringing his hands. “It’s not — it doesn’t even work that way, Crowley. Humans don’t just decide to fall in love!”

“They don’t cross an ocean and charge through a revolution for a snack, either.”

“Oh, never mind. Clearly you’re the expert here.” Aziraphale froze, glaring at a shop just ahead, and threw his hands up in disgust. “And now they’ve closed my favorite creperie! Why do I even bother? Might as well return to England and feast upon whatever lumpy brown bread the first tavern I pass serves.”

“Stop being dramatic,” Crowley hissed, turning down a side street and gesturing for Aziraphale to follow. “If you get locked up again, I’m not rescuing you a second time.” The angel’s lips twisted sourly. “Look, gourmet crepes aren’t really in demand right now, but I know a place. Might still be open.”

“I suppose that will have to do.”

Crowley rolled his eyes and glared at the sky, thin grey clouds veiling the sun. He should probably just let Aziraphale stew in his own sullen displeasure. Might even give him an advantage — a distracted angel was easier to outsmart.

But Crowley hadn’t been in the business of thwarting Aziraphale for over a thousand years. Why oppose each other, when they could work…not together, but in tandem? Ensuring all their duties were fulfilled, their paperwork properly filed.

It was better this way. Less fuss all around, less inconvenience. Pleasanter conversation. More time for trips to the theater or quiet meals, either of which was a far better way to spend an evening than any sort of elaborate espionage.

He’d been looking forward to griping about his job over a mug of cider while Aziraphale worked his way through a plate of crepes, smiling and wiggling in his seat. Watching Aziraphale get excited over something was, in Crowley’s opinion, one of the best ways to pass the time.

Only the conversation had left Aziraphale annoyed, pouting and…Crowley studied him carefully, dark glasses imperfectly hiding his eyes. More than anything, Aziraphale looked hurt. A sight that always made Crowley’s stomach twist painfully.

He sighed, tossing back his head. “‘Love is an inborn suffering, proceeding from the sight and immoderate thought upon the beauty of another, for which cause above all other things one wishes to embrace the other and, by common assent, in this embrace to fulfil the commandments of love.’”[1]

“I beg your pardon?”

“Look, I don’t know. You asked me—!” Crowley walked faster, face growing hot. “It’s from some old treatise, right? Love, he says, is seeing someone beautiful and wanting sex. Then, when you have your fill…” he waved his hand vaguely.

“I see.” Aziraphale adjusted his sleeves. “I suppose that…makes sense.” But he still looked grim.

Up ahead, not quite along their path, stood one of Paris’s parks, gates now open to the public. Apart from some rubbish cluttering the entrance, it seemed well-maintained. Crowley tipped his head, inviting.

Aziraphale’s eyes lit up and he nodded, the first hint of a smile on his face. It always made Crowley feel light, that smile, however briefly it appeared.

They wandered in silence up the path, lined by trees here, flowerbeds there. Leaves had turned yellow and the grass was edged with brown, but the roses were still in bloom. Crowley paused to pluck a particularly well-formed bud.

As they crossed a bridge over a small watercourse, Aziraphale suddenly said, “Do you think it’s true, though? That — that treatise? Because it rather sounds like he didn’t see any difference between lust and love.”

“Mmh.” Crowley paused, gazing downstream, where a group of ducks swam contentedly. “As a demon? Yeah. Fits the party line. Humans don’t think of anything but their own pleasure, always wanting what they don’t have. Jealous, possessive, until something better comes along. Then it starts all over. If love and lust aren’t the same, well, they’re pretty close, right?”

“I see.” Aziraphale stepped beside him, holding out his red cap, now filled with grains of barley and cracked corn. They each took a handful and tossed it down. The ducks swam over eagerly, bobbing to catch the seeds before they drifted away.

“But as a being who’s been in the world nearly six thousand years?” Crowley threw another handful, then leaned against the railing, crossing his arms. ��Not so sure. Humans do too much that can’t be explained by simple pleasure. Besides, I’ve seen what they do when overwhelmed by lust, and what they do when overwhelmed by love and…dunno. S’not the same.”

More handfuls of grains as a second group of ducks approached.

“What d’you think, Angel?” Crowley prodded. “Must be something in all those books you read.”

“Oh, quite a lot,” Aziraphale assured him. “Much of it contradictory. Many poets will only talk about their beloved’s face, or eyes, but if it were simply a matter of beauty, surely everyone would fall in love with the same beauties.”

“Sometimes they do.” Crowley rolled some seeds between his palms. “S’where the jealousy comes in. But yeah. Gotta be more to it than that.”

“I hope you’re not planning to make those poor ducks sink.”

“What? Nk — no. Course not.” He threw the grains down and the ducks quickly swarmed, turning bright shades of pink and blue and violet as they ate.

“Crowley.”

“Oh, it’s not hurting anyone.” He glanced sideways to see Aziraphale pressing his lips together, struggling not to smile. Grinning, Crowley tossed down more enchanted grains. “Go on then.”

“Hmm? Ah, yes. Well, the overall impression is that love is…transformative. Changes the way one thinks and feels at all times. They speak of, oh, the sun shining brighter, foods tasting sweeter, winter blossoming into summer. Metaphors. Others speak of — of attraction, quickened pulse, sudden heat and so on, but that’s a passing thing, part of a — a particular moment of closeness. Surely, no human could maintain such a state for an hour, never mind weeks or years!” Aziraphale offered Crowley the last handful of grain in his cap. “And once that moment passes…”

“Back to the metaphors.” The ducks below were now spotted, striped, every color of the rainbow. One bore pure white wings, beside another with midnight black. Aziraphale chuckled, very softly, which made Crowley feel immensely satisfied. Dusting off his hands, he circled the angel and continued walking.

“Yes,” Aziraphale hurried to catch up, cap twisting in his hands. “I get the sense that the feeling is so obvious, so…universal, they never think to describe it.”

“How inconsiderate.” Crowley thought it over. “So, flash of heat, racing heart, sun gets brighter, then ten pages about the color of their eyes? That about it?”

“I suppose so.” Aziraphale rubbed a finger across his lip. “Not always beauty, though. Some appear drawn by their partner’s clever mind, or acts of kindness. Some praise stories of bravery or great deeds, others fixate on meaningless symbols of wealth. But still, those only tell why one falls in love, not what it feels like.”

“Sounds like a sort of obsession.” Crowley furrowed his brow. “That treatise had a list of…sort of rules of love. Mostly about jealousy, really, don’t think the author thought much of women, but… ‘Every action of a lover ends in the thought of his beloved.’”

“I see…so that, together or apart, one cannot help but think always of the other. That certainly aligns with the evidence.” He started to replace his cap, then paused, looking inside. “Anything else of use?”

“‘Love can deny nothing to love.’” Beside him, Aziraphale turned pink and a brilliant smile broke across his face, like the sun after a storm. He pulled from the cap the bright red rosebud Crowley had hidden within.

Crowley watched as Aziraphale slid the flower into his buttonhole, drinking in the way the delighted shiver ran across his shoulders. Then the angel looked up, hitting Crowley with the full force of his smile.

Stunning. Blinding. It stole Crowley’s breath away, wiped every thought from his mind.

One day, that smile would destroy him, and he wouldn’t mind at all.

“So, this creperie — are we close?”

“Ngh. Smh. Unh. Nearly. Another block or two.” The park’s gate stood just ahead, half shut, the bustling street beyond. Crowley quickly stepped ahead, pulling it open for Aziraphale. “You, ah, find the answer you needed?”

“I…think so, yes.” He rested his fingers on the gate — so close to Crowley’s he could feel their warmth — then quickly pulled away, folding his hands behind his back. “I’ve been trying to work out…well…whether I’m in love with you, Crowley.”

“Oh.” What was he supposed to say to that? “Oh.”

“Indeed.” Aziraphale’s eyes darted nervously and he began to pace. “I-I want you to know, I don’t desire you. I’ve never felt that sort of attraction. And I’m not jealous by any means. I’m not even certain who I’m meant to be jealous of. But…” He turned back, tugging his jacket. “I think of you. Constantly. Every action, every experience reminds me of you. I go to a concert, and I can’t concentrate on the music, only whether you would enjoy it. I hear a joke and I imagine how you would laugh, or roll your eyes, and I can’t know a moment’s peace until I’ve shared it with you. And last month…when I was reprimanded…for days afterward I could think of nothing but how I wished you were there. When I finally found the strength to venture out, it was only from my determination to come here.”

“For…crepes?” Crowley offered stupidly.

“No, you silly creature, for you.” He stepped forward, reaching up as if to straighten Crowley’s lapels, but once again his hands dropped. “I hear your voice and no matter how dark my situation — no matter how absurd you look in the current fashion — I just…feel happy again.”

Aziraphale took a deep breath and lifted his eyes — hopeful, fearful, vulnerable — to meet Crowley’s.

“Oh.” Something more was probably needed. “Yeah.”

That was, apparently, the wrong thing to say.

“Well.” Aziraphale’s eyes dropped and he turned, trying to hide his expression. “Yes. I thought you should know.” He ducked his head and hurried through the gate. “Where — where is this creperie? We should try to arrive—”

“Me too.”

Crowley hadn’t meant to say anything. His mind was still ten minutes behind, struggling to catch up, but the pain on Aziraphale’s face hurt him like a blow to the chest.

The two words stopped Aziraphale in his tracks.

“I…I think about you, too.” Crowley stepped halfway through the gate, gripping the bar so tight it began to bend. “When I wake up, or fall asleep and…and away from you, here, I just…I miss you…but you — you idiot, with your crepes and your — your execution and…and then you smile and I just…” Blast! How could Aziraphale be so eloquent? Crowley swallowed and started over. “Look, m’trying to say…don’t think I can deny you anything. And. If that’s love…yeah. Me too.”

All this time, Aziraphale stood perfectly still, his back to Crowley. But now he turned, blue eyes furiously blinking. “That’s…ah…thank you. I know y-you hate being thanked but…” Aziraphale took one step closer, then another, until only inches separated them. “Thank you.”

“Nh.” He could so easily reach across that last bit of distance. Crowley didn’t know what that would accomplish, what he’d even do, but he wanted it more than he’d ever wanted anything. “Now what?”

“I don’t know.” Aziraphale’s gaze fell. “It…doesn’t change anything, does it? You’re still a demon, and I’m—”

“I don’t care,” Crowley hissed, shocked at the fervor in his own voice. “We don’t need to play by their rules. We could — run off, or—”

“We can’t. Crowley, both our sides would — they’d find us, they’d destroy you.”

“I’m willing to risk it.” He reached for Aziraphale’s hand.

“I’m not.” The angel jerked back, putting more distance between them, eyes wide. “Crowley that’s — that’s not a chance I’m willing to take. I’m sorry, but no.”

“Fine,” Crowley growled, pulling away. “What do you want?”

“I want…” Aziraphale shut his eyes, taking a shuddering breath. “I want a shop in London, where I can surround myself with books and foods and everything I enjoy. I want my superiors to trust me, let me bring good into the world my own way, without sending me all over Creation at a moment’s notice and — and punishing me for a few miracles to make my life easier. I want us to go to plays and gardens and balls together, not for clandestine meetings but because we enjoy them. To be openly in each other’s company, without fear of reprisal. And…I’d like you to visit my shop and bring me flowers or sweets. I’d serve my very best wine and…we’d talk all night about…everything and nothing. And laugh together.” His eyes fluttered open and for the first time Aziraphale looked sure of himself. “I want what we already have. Only I want more of it.”

This time he didn’t move as Crowley reached out. Long fingers carefully adjusted the rosebud, standing it straighter in its buttonhole. “Yeah. I…I’d like that, too.”

“And you don’t want anything…physical?”

Crowley snorted. “M’not a human.” But he wondered if Aziraphale’s cheek was as soft as the rosebud’s petals. “I’d like to touch you. Your hand, your face. Your wings. Hear your voice as I fall asleep. Feel your fingers in my hair. Is that…too much?”

“No.” Aziraphale smiled gently. “That sounds perfect.”

“Maybe…” Crowley fidgeted with his glasses, shuffled his feet, but refused to step away. “If we’re careful…”

“The Arrangement is already dangerous enough. You must understand…”

Crowley closed his eyes. “I do. Nothing changes.” Except there were words now, to the feeling he had when he thought of his angel. And that changed everything. When he looked again, Aziraphale nodded, as if he felt the same.

“Right then.” Crowley circled around Aziraphale, sauntering back to the main road. “Let’s see if these crepes are worth risking the guillotine.”

“My dear fellow,” Aziraphale easily kept pace. “One bite of true Breton crepes will silence your doubts forever.”

“Breton, huh?”

“Oh, yes, far superior to any others.”

“If that’s so,” Crowley smirked, remembering Aziraphale in his cell, “s’a wonder you came to Paris. Particularly in such a…controversial outfit.”

“The city has…certain other attractions.”

Something warm and heavy wrapped across Crowley’s shoulders, invisible to his eyes, though he could feel the individual feathers tickle his neck. Aziraphale strolled beside him, hands clasped behind his back, eyes forward, as if nothing were amiss.

Carefully, trying to look natural, Crowley scratched his shoulder, brushing his knuckles down a long flight feather, softer than any mortal bird’s.

Aziraphale smiled ever so slightly and flexed his wing, holding Crowley a little more tightly. An embrace that no one could see, no one could know about, except them.

“Dunno,” Crowley said. “Still seems pretty risky.”

“Yes. But I’m an incorrigible old fool. Sometimes I can’t help myself.”

“Suppose I can understand,” Crowley said as he extended his own wing, wrapping it around Aziraphale’s waist. The angel’s composure broke as he wiggled, burying himself in invisible feathers. Crowley smiled, heat running through him, a warm spring day after a long cold winter. “After all, we’re not so different, you and I.”

[1] De Amore, Andreas Capellanus, c. 1190

So happy to finally share this!

Eris(Demon’s daughter)

Demon's head daughter couldn't be anything other than perfect. She must master every martial art. Her education must be flawless. Failure is not a choice. Even the smallest mistake is a disgrace.

Marinette knew it. That’s why spent hours and hours training and perfectimg her form. But something was lacking and she craved to find it.

Chapter 2, 3, 4, 5

On the far east, high up in the mountains is a city, Nanda Parbat. There hides and lives Ra's al Ghul, the demon's head. 

The walls in Nanda Parbat have no warmth. They're permanently soaked in blood and death. At night you can hear the anguish screams of the long dead. 

In a small room without windows lives a girl with eyes as blue as sapphires and hair as black as night. Dark skin makes pale scars visible. 

The only welcome visitor is the girl's sister. She will tend to the girl's wounds and help her prepare for sleep. 

"You must be more careful, Marinette." Berated her Talia. "Your training will grow harder with time. You must be ready for this, ya albi. I can't lose you."

"Why do we have to train so hard?" 

"Father has a lot of enemies. We must know how to protect ourselves," Talia answers softly. 

"The League doesn't condone uselessness and everyone must reach a certain standard. It's even higher for us because of our father. And I am sure you enjoy a part of your training, don't you?"

"Yes, I enjoyed training with Lady Shiva. She taught me how to use a war fan. Dansen uchiwa* is my favorite, but mubuchae is nice, too." At her sister's questioning look she continued: It protects my arm and I can use it to dodge attacks. Then I will stab the attacker using balisong**. .. And I can also.." the next fifteen minutes were spent discussing different ways of using war fans and daggers. They briefly touched on the subject of Japanese martial arts and weapon making.

"...and that's why I prefer straight blades." Talia stopped talking and looked at Marinette. The girl was staring at the wall. 

"Why can't we just leave?" Marinette suddenly spoke. "We would go everywhere and stay nowhere. You could pose as my guardian. If anyone asked about parents, we would give them a sob story about their death." The brief training with Lady Shiva made the walls in Nanda Parbat feel more suffocating than before.

"Oh, ya albi, you know that's impossible. Father would track us down immediately. He has ears and eyes everywhere." Talia chuckled bitterly. Somehow her answer made Mari more enthusiastic. 

"But you want to run away! That's what matters! One day we will bribe Nyssa and she will help us. And we won't have to live under our father's tumb." 

Talia just hugged her sister. Getting out of the League of Shadows was impossible for them. Especially for them. She could only pray that Marinette would be happy one day.

***

Eight-year-old Marinette understood it the day she failed for the first time. She stood there, before her father, waiting for his verdict. The small voice in her head whispered how it wasn’t her fault, that even famous designers don’t have this much security as Gabriel Agreste does. “I should have been prepared for everything. This failure will be my lesson if I survive this,” she thought bitterly.

Demon's head daughter couldn't be anything other than perfect. She must master every martial art. Her education must be flawless. Failure is not a choice. Even the smallest mistake is a disgrace.

Demon's head daughter isn't a child, she's a weapon. A perfectly sharpened dagger.

"You failed me, Marinette. Not only you didn’t kill that man, but you were caught and Talia had to save you. As your master, I’m furious, as your father, I’m disappointed.”

The cold stone hurt her knees and her ears burnt from embarrassment. His words were sharper than the sharpest knife. That’s why he is called Demon’s Head after all.   

“I’m sorry, father. It won’t happen again. I..” Marinette tried her best not to falter under Ra’s’ glare.   “I don’t remember giving you permission to speak.” His words left goosebumps on her skin and Marinette had to bite her tongue to stay silent. “Your actions will have consequences, so be prepared for your punishment. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, father,” she answered softly, but Ra’s seemed satisfied and dismissed Marinette to her room. She left as fast as possible.In her room, she would think about the nature of punishment and try to be prepared. Hey, how does one prepare for their death?

Marinette was sure Ra’s wouldn’t let her walk away without proper punishment, but she decided to humor her sister.

***

After that Marinette had to spend even more time training and studying. Talia was happy to hear that. “Ya albi, if you continue training, you won’t fail again. You were lucky father decided to pardon you.”

Marinette spent a lot of time practicing with her blades and darts. War fans slowly became her weapon of choice. You can hide it. You can show off with it. There are multiple ways of using it making it perfect for Marinette.

Unfortunately, Marinette never used sharp tessen during practice. Later, Marinette would regret it, because fighting ten trained and armed assassins with two fans wasn’t her definition of fun.

Scratch it. It was hell. Given the number of attacks, she could avoid them only for so long. She couldn’t take out her daggers.

Swish. Kick. Jump. Repeat.

Marinette slowly rose from the water. The first thing she noticed was the absence of scars. "How many new scars will litter my skin before I die again?" She wondered silently.

Marinette was skilled, but so were the assassins. And it still took them an hour to take her down. “At least I managed to injure them, too.”    

***

Waking up in Lazarus' Pits wasn't something she wanted to repeat ever again. The water felt gross on her skin and the smell made her want to throw up.

Another prominent difference was anxiety she could feel in her bones. She craved to do something, to the blood of her killers on her hands, to feel how life leaves their bodies. A whisper in her head sung how glorious it would feel to get her revenge.

"It's not punishment when I feel so high and mighty, father. It's a gift I will treasure." With these words Marinette dug her nails into her arm, leaving small marks. The skin felt too clean for her.

“Marinette,” he greeted her. “I see you’re feeling better now. What is the reason behind your visit?”

In this state, Marinette didn't notice her sister entered. Talia stood there watching the last bits of Marinette's innocence fly to hell. It was the point of no return.

***

Ra’s was sitting in his room when he felt movement behind him.

Marinette tilted her head and slowly answered; “I wanted to ask your permission to return the favor.”

“You can do whatever you want to them. Just leave them alive. But you were very effective at taking them down, so three of them can’t stand.” This was the closest thing to praise she could ever hear from Ra’s al Ghul.

One time Talia gave her a book with Greek myths. It soon became her favorite book. She loved the stories about gods, and heroes, and monsters. The heroes knew when to kill and when to spare someone. Marinette could admire this.

“Thank you, father.” With a small nod, she left to enact her revenge. If there were more screams than usual, nobody paid attention to it.  

***

Reading was a great way to escape reality. Books told her about different worlds and people. Unfortunately, Ra’s had to approve every book given to her. Only for very significant achievement could she read something other than textbooks.

“I just don’t understand what you see in that fury! His enemies constantly escape Arkham and he still won’t kill them. His negligence hurts other people and they still call him a hero! Father respects him, too!” it wasn’t a common occurrence for them to argue about Batman, but Marinette was just too annoyed with Talia’s pinning.

“Bruce impressed our father with his skills and devotion to a cause. Bruce is hopeful. He believes everyone can change and be a better version of themselves. We know that’s not true and some people will never change.”

Marinette wasn’t impressed. “I know some people can’t change. We work with some of them.” Talia just laughed at her expression..

“One day you will fall in love. That day you will understand me.”

“Ew, disgusting. I will never, ever fall in love. Especially not with a hero. I’m sure of it.”  Talia just shook her head fondly. Her little sister still has so much to learn.

“And where will you go, Marinette?” Asked Talia. Marinette spared her a glance noting bags under her eyes and multiple cuts.

***

Eleven-year-old Marinette had an agency. She had a goal. She knew what she wanted to do.

“Gotham. I will tell Batman everything I know about the Light. But don’t think I do it to help him. I want to destroy everything for our father.” She threw a suitcase with much more force than needed.

“Why now? You seemed so eager to please him.”

“Pits did something with my brain and changed my memories about The fight. I thought it was their own decision. With this knowledge I asked father for permission to avenge myself. My overall perception of him changed.”

“And now you are angry. But you shouldn’t run away like this. Batman won’t trust you. He will think you are a double agent sent by the League.” Marinette just grinned at that.

“I will give B information and leave immediately. I’m going to travel the world. I have money and I can take care of myself.” Talia sighed and took Marinete’s face in her hands.

“I know I can’t change your mind, but please be safe, ya albi.” She whispered softly.

“Thank you, Tals.”

“You are more important to me than our father.”

Insufferable

Chapter two - A king’s duty is a king’s duty

Sander’s sides fanfiction - ‘Off the Devil’s head’ spin-off (can be read as a stand-alone)

Wordcount: 1928

Ship: intrulogical

TW: cursing - a lot of cursing (still Remus, lovlies, get used to it), confusion, cute bickering (I think...?), forests at night, very obvious autistic tics (based on my own, so I know they are real and how they work, in case you’re not sure ^^ I wouldn’t write something that I haven’t checked at least twice with someone who has, or deals with or is deeply interested in this stuff). And I think that’s all. If anything pops up, do let me know :) <3

Summary of the whole story: This might have not been the brightest idea - steeling from a cart right in the fucking smack-dab-middle of the Square. But Remus never claimed his ideas were bright. Never said his words and actions were appropriate either. So how in all off goddamned hell did he find himself sprawled out on a giant comfortable throne instead of a cold and dark (and very drippy) prison cell - with guards actually guarding his safety instead of assuring his imprisonment - is completely beyond him.

Link to AO3 for those who prefer reading there ^^

----------------------------

Chapter two - A king’s duty is a king’s duty

There’s not a lot of things Logan dislikes. There’s a total of fifteen so far. But disruption of order, change and tall grass is definitely in the top ten. And wouldn’t you look at that?

Green-haired hurricanes are tearing threw his peaceful kingdom, disrupting peace - thus creating an unnecessary change. Which caused his sleepless state, which lead him down a path where he has to hop from foot to foot like a dear, to eliminate any unnecessary contact with grass.

And the fact that all these things alone cause unnecessary stress, let alone combined, just makes it all worse. His movements are more jagged then usual, more frantic. Gestures all over the place in unorganized manors. And his eyebrows are stuck in a constant ‘thinking scowl’ as his advisors call it.

To any other person, his behavior would seem truly strange - Logan can’t say he doesn’t feel a little embarrassed by it, even now that he’s alone. But there are some things that just can’t be helped.

Besides, all of his kingdom know that their king is a ‘little weird’.

Since Logan first sat on the throne - at the mere age of thirteen - everybody’s been in love with their ruler. It sounds a little odd, that they let a thirteen-year-old kid on the throne, but Logan’s never really been a kid. Since when he can remember he read books far too difficult for the usual kid his age, listened in on conversations he probably had no business listening to, let alone understanding. Sat by his father’s side, while he made life-concerning decisions. Watched his mother as she took care of every problem with caution and care not everybody could offer. Although Logan never got around to fully understanding that care, he learned to act the same way. Same words, same gestures. Nobody was worried when the crown got passed down to him. All the people in the kingdom knew they were in good hands.

Logan’s very first mission was learning the name of every single person in town. It wasn’t an easy task, but it wasn’t as hard as someone would expect, since a surprisingly big amount of people shared the same name. And Logan had a really good memory when it came to association. A face to a name. A shape to a math formula. The smell, color, density and overall look to a chemical. And of course, the exact numeric measurement of a star’s whereabouts.

But there was no way of ‘associating’ his way out of this. He had no clue of the density, the weight, the pace, the name, nor the whereabouts of this mysterious disrupter of peace. All he knew was, that his hair was unnaturally green and he looked way too skinny for a wealthy towns-man - which just underlined the reason why he was steeling.

Oh, and let’s not forget he wanted to kiss Logan. Right there on the Square, apparently.

The young king scratched his arm, absentmindedly, trying not to think too much about it. Not that that’s helping. Questions keep popping up, tripping up his sane thought process.

It’s not like Logan liked the idea of the stranger kissing him. He didn’t like to be touched, let alone landing his lips to someone else. But the thoughts didn’t leave him alone.

Maybe that’s why he was here, stepping over unnecessarily high strands of grass in the middle of the night. He might not like the greenery touching him, and the jutting out branches and leaves of trees and bushes cause him immense panic (and make him scratch his exposed body parts like crazy), but he actually likes the forest. It is really calming (for the most part, anyways).

He hoped that this almost-calming surrounding would help him clear his head. But it just seemed to stress him out even more.

The thoughts kept on swiveling in his head - swirling and twirling, not letting the unknown thief out of their claw-clad grasp.

Logan needed to find out the thief’s name. He knows everybody’s name. And if this thief stays close to town, he’s considered a citizen. He needs to learn his name.

Not far from the obsessing king, Remus was lounging out in the hammock he hung outside Matilde’s old run-down cottage. One leg swung over the edge, he swayed from side to side, twisting the silver ring on his slender finger.

Bored out of his mind.

There wasn’t many days, when Remus’s screwed-up brain didn’t come up with things to entertain him; but some days even that head needed some rest, it seemed. Apparently today was one of those days.

Not a single fun thought. Even the inner monologue he never seemed to be able to end, somehow bored him to death. The only thing peeking even the slightest of interest in him, was the constant image of those scarily-blue eyes the king-dude possessed.

Seriously. In all his life, he has never once seen such ocean-blue eyes. Dark and deep, holding many a secret. It made Remus desperate to know each and every single one.

But that was not happening. No matter how much the eyes mesmerized him. How much he couldn’t get them out of his head. (Agh, Jesus fucking Christ those eyes…) There was just no way he could go back to that town.

The king has let him go once (he chalked it up to his good looks, charm and smooth words) and the second time is as likely as Matilde coming back from wherever she fled to.

So here he was. Bored as all hell.

He sighed heavily, wondering what kingdom was next on his agenda tomorrow. When suddenly he heard a scrunch. Then another. And another. This was no squirrel. Remus sat up immediately, eyes darting along the dark forest.

It was so late. What the hell would anybody be doing up at this hour of the night?

He darted out of the hammock - almost falling face first when his foot got caught in the fabric - hiding in the near-by bushes. Thank the lords that he didn’t forget to turn the fucking lights off again.

The scrunching got louder by the second, and Remus crouched lower.

Low muttering drafted into his ears. “…nice of you good sir, but I’ll have to decline. I am not sure that would be appropriate considering we just met…” A dark figure, drafted in shadow came into view. “And besides, you haven’t even introduced yourself. I know the name of every citizen in this kingdom. For the sake of consistency, I would also like to find out yours…” Jesus Christ, who were they talking to?  And what were they doing?!

One leg up in the air, like soldiers marching, then quickly stamped down, hopping to the other. Weird movements all over the place, not even in a straight line, like a sane person. Was this person drunk? They looked like a fucking goat, jumping from one small jutting out pebble on the mountain-side to the other.

The site alone would make Remus want to piss himself, but together with the inconsistent murmuring? He couldn’t hold back the snort.

The figure immediately froze in place. All movement and words falling into still silence. “Who’s there?” They called out cautiously.

Remus bit his tugging lip hard. Fuck.

Well, there was no backtracking now. Besides, it’s not like he was scared. It was more likely he’d scare the crazy-pants over there. So slowly, he razed from his hiding spot with hands in the air and a huge grin on his face. “What are you doing dude? You look like a fucking crazy person.”

“I’m sorry, who are you?” came the person’s answer. Voice laced with nerves.

“Just a random dude in a forest.” Rem shrugged.

“That’s not a very satisfying answer.”

Roman bit back a laugh. Seriously, what the hell? “Don’t worry I won’t hurt you.” he snickered. Then this thought blinked into his head, and as you know, thought’s bring words. Stupid, embarrassing and unnecessary words. “Unless you want me to.” he winked seductively. Then realized the person probably couldn’t even see his face, let alone the wink he just threw at them. Ah well, at least it saved him some embarrassment, when his tongue betrayed him.

Swear to god, the person ‘Eep’-ed at this. He made this strangled sound that sounded like a nervous whine mixed with surprise cut in half and that just made Remus want to laugh even more. “That’s really unnecessary, thank you.” And they’re still being polite! How even…?

Rem couldn’t help it at this point. It was too much. He burst out cackling like to crazy idiot he is. Probably scaring the poor person to death. (But then again, the ‘poor person’ did come wondering into a forest in the middle of the night, muttering to themselves and jumping around like an idiot.)

“Am… You still haven’t answered my question.”

“Oh that’s right…“ Rem’s forhead creased in thought. “…what was the question again?”  

“Who are you.”

“I’m Remus.”

If Logan could allow himself to curse, he would. But he couldn’t so instead he just gave a long exasperate sigh. “And who might that be?”

The stranger stepped closer, allowing the fleeting moon-light to reach his features and gave a big bow. Hand gesture and all. “Me, obviously.” No matter how much he disliked to admit it, Remus was every bit as dramatic as his brother. If not more…

The king’s eyes lit up with recognition (not that Rem could see). Well, guess his duty’s done then - the thief’s name is Remus. Huh…Very interesting.

“Well, now that you know my name, it’d be nice to get yours, pretty.” Rem grinned, daring to get a few more steps in. Bringing him closer to the still standing-frozen person.

From here he could finally see more of them. Well, him. Because apparently the smooth deep voice he was conversing with was the royal-head himself.

And his royal head slanted to the left slightly, eyebrows drawing together. “Why should I give my name to unknown man in the forest?”

“Why should I give my name to some random bloke, then?”

“Because I asked you to?”

Remus wondered what this dude’s problem was. Logan wondered why even wanted to get out of the safety of his chamber in the first place.

“Alright then, weirdo, tell me one good reason why I should answer and you shouldn’t.” Rem crossed his arms over his chest. Yes, he was aware he was talking to the king. But that doesn’t mean he had to play nice.

Rem treats everybody the same way, because that’s how it should be. (Maybe that’s what landed his ass behind bars twice already…)

Logan jutted out his chin. He could use the ‘King-card’ - as his advisor calls it. Could easily force the thief to answer without any objections (that is if he abbeys rules; which he should.) But honestly, Logan felt like doing neither. It was late, and he was supposed to stop obsessing about this whole thing. Which he did. The thief’s name was Remus.

So, as gracefully as a king can, he shrugged. “I don’t have one.”

“Well, shit. Then you ain’t getting my name, darling.”

The royal couldn’t decide whether the thief was that simple-minded or just easily distracted. “You’ve already said your name.”

Our beloved idiot’s expression froze, grin falling. “Ah, fuck.” his shoulders did the same. (In a very overdramatic - and admittedly, impressively flexible - way)

Well, if he wasn’t screwed before, now he certainly was.

-----------------------------

Jesus Christ, I’ve never cursed more in my life and I hate it so much! I don’t curse in real life, not even while texting with friends (I use shit, hell and damn, but that’s about it) and this is killing me on a whole other level! But this is Remus, and I feel like a good Remus requires a hella lot of curses. 

So here we are. Me actually cursing more then my brain can accept it. But at least I get to project on Logan, right? I love autistic Logan, too damn much. He’s too precious. And the greenery thing? Believe me, my mum constantly makes fun of it XD But I don’t mind, I know I look ridiculous.

Anyways! I hope you liked this chap! ^^ I still have no idea where the hell I’m going with this, but I guess we’ll see where we end up. 

My reads of 2020

My top ten is in a separate post but here are the rest of my reads!

5 Stars

If You Tell by Gregg Olsen 

This is a memoir about the Shelley Knotek case. It focuses heavily on the relationship and struggles of her three daughters that were just children when Shelley’s tortures started. This book was fantastically written for such a morbid tale but be warned, it is not for the faint of heart. Trigger Warning: Abuse, torture, murder

Wayside School Beneath the Cloud of Doom by Louis Sachar 

The Wayside school books were some of my favorite growing up. I made sure to reread them all before reading this one. It felt like no time had past at all. This is a great blast from the past that won’t disappoint old fans of the series. 

4 Stars

All Your Twisted Secrets by Diana Urban

A group of seemingly unrelated students are invited to a scholar dinner that turns out to be a trapped. Once all the students arrive, they are locked in with a bomb and the the option to choose one person to die or they all die. As the night slips away, we learn the secrets and connections the students share that brought them to their predicament. Surprisingly not as suspenseful as you would think it would be and the secrets/bad things the students had done in the past really weren’t that twisted. Still it was very fun with an explosive ending.

Beyond the Shadowed Earth by Joanna Ruth Meyer

This is a sequel to Beneath the Haunting Sea and actually focused on the hero from the first’s books antagonist, Eda. Eda overthrow our hero from the first book as heir to the throne, blamed the king’s death on her and had her wrongfully banished to an island that launched the story of the first book. After that we never visited Eda again as the book focused on a different story instead of getting her kingdom back. So in this one, we see what happened to Eda after she took over. She is not a good person and the author isn’t afraid to make her unlikable at first, but also redeemable through her adventure and misfortunate. 

Break Your Glass Slippers by Amanda Lovelace

Another book of poetry from Amanda Lovelace that delivers profound and touching poems.

Daughter of the Forest by Juliet Marillier 

A classic retelling of The Six Swans. This story takes place in a medieval/fantasy version of Ireland. Marillier is one of my favorite authors of fairytale retellings. This book is definitely a slow read but is gorgeously written and rich in character development. The story follows the fairytale with little variation. Trigger Warning: Rape (graphic depiction).  

Lady Killers: Deadly Women Throughout History by Tori Telfer

Nonfictional account of female serial killers. I liked that this wasn’t written like a wikipedia page and took a more narrative approach. After the first few women, they all start to blend together though. Lots of poisoning happens. It would have been nice for some variety. 

Malorie by Josh Malerman

The sequel to Bird Box that we probably didn’t need but was still good nonetheless. This one focuses more on Boy and Girl (now named thankfully) as teenagers and their view and challenges of the world they’ve grown up in. This book introduced new concepts that were interesting and creative. Somehow this managed to have a relatively happy and satisfying conclusion.

The Monstrous Feminine by Barbara Creed  

A look at horror films through a feminist and psychological lens. I absolutely loved this book and the ideas it presents. The first half of the book takes a look at certain horror films (such as Carrie, the Exorcist, Alien, ect.) and “challenges this patriarchal view by arguing that the prototype of all definitions of the monstrous is the female reproductive body.” I liked the first section of the book more than the second part where I felt it focused too much on Freud and his findings and challenging them through horror films.

No Judgements by Meg Cabot

A cute, fluffy romance that takes place on a small island preparing for a category 3 hurricane. Bree finds herself forced to shelter with the island’s resident heartbreaker and they don’t get along. At first ;)

The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides

Alicia, a famous painter and wealthy wife, shocked the world when she killed her husband and then stopped speaking afterwards. Now committed to a mental institute, Alicia is still refusing to speak. Theo is a therapist who jumps at the opportunity to work with Alicia and discover what really happened with her husband. Some of the twist was easy to pick up on at first but there was plenty that kept me guessing. This was a real page turner.

When We Were Magic by Sarah Gailey

Alexis and her group of friends have one very big thing in common; they are able to preform magic. One night, Alexis’ magic causes an accidental death of a classmate and the friends have to ban together to make things right. This was a creative and moving read. There’s plenty of magic but it almost comes secondary to the friendships and blossoming love between two of the friends. 

The Year of the Witching by Alexis Henderson

Immanuelle lives in. a patriarchal society where the prophet’s word is law and the town is bordered by the evil and forbidden Darkwood. In the Darkwoods lurks four witches that seem to be calling out to Immanuelle. This book had fantastic world building and the story was unique and engaging. Sometimes it felt like we were just skimming the surface of possibilities and I felt that the book could have been longer or divided into a series. While the story wraps up in the end it does turn out there is going to be a sequel so I’m excited for that! Trigger Warning: Mentions of Rape

3.5 Stars

The Cousins by Karen M. McManus

Jonah, Aubrey and Milly never knew their rich grandmother. Her children were all cut off ominously with a note simply saying “you know what you did.” Now their grandmother is reaching out to the cousins and inviting them to work at her island resort for the summer. Lots of secrets and twists await them! This book was a lot of fun and probably my favorite of this author’s so far. Some of the twists border on zany but the overall tone of the book is a little zany so it works.

Horrid by Katrina Leno 

After her father’s death, Jane and her mother are forced to move across the country into Jane’s mother’s childhood home. The manor has many secrets hidden within that Jane must face. The book was well written and intriguing. The books deal with grief and mental illness with a touch of the supernatural. I felt that the overall pacing felt off though. Very little happened in the beginning and then a lot happens in the last 30 or so pages and then it ended abruptly. It was a great concept though and I'm interested in more from this author!

One of Us is Next by Karen M. McManus

A sequel to the hit novel, One of Us is Lying. This book focuses on one of the character’s from the first books little sister and two of her classmates. The stakes in this one didn’t feel quite as serious as the first book but it was a fun read with interesting twists!

The Return by Rachel Harrison

Julie went missing, leaving her 3 best friends grappling with tragedy. Then, exactly two years later, she comes back with no memories. The four friends decide to spend a weekend together but something is not quite right with Julie. This book was creepy! However, it focuses more on the relationships of the four characters and dealings with grief with a touch of supernatural sprinkled throughout. It’s a gripping novel from start to finish that will keep you guessing.

3 Stars

All the Missing Girls by Megan Miranda

Nicolette returns to her hometown for the first time in ten years after the mysterious disappearance of her best friend. Shortly after arriving another girl goes missing, forcing Nicolette to relive what happened years ago. What made this book a page turner was that it tells the story backwards. Once she gets to her hometown it starts on her 10th day and works backwards to what happened on the day of her arrival. Unfortunately, while the concept works at first it builds up to a lackluster and disappointing ending. If you were to put the book in the correct order, it wouldn’t work as there are stuff that is found out in the first few days that the reader doesn’t know about but the characters do that wouldn’t make sense in a narrative sense.

Behind Closed Doors by B.A. Paris

From the outside Jack and Grace come off as the perfect couple but behind closed doors, everything changes. No twists here, Grace is Jack’s prisoner and she is desperately trying to get away. The book alternates between past and present about her current situation and how she got there. This involves a lot of suspension of disbelief. Jack is a cartoony type of villain with no real motive and he would never be able to get away with what he was doing. Grace is also not the smartest person, there were a lot of different ways she could have escaped but for the sake of the story she doesn’t. Don’t get me wrong, this was still a suspenseful and fun read but also questionable and some points.

The Blue Salt Road by Joanne M. Harris

A quick, fairytale like story about a selkie who was tricked into becoming human and now longs to return to the sea. I feel like there was a message being preached in this story, but I can’t really pinpoint what it was. Regardless, this was a magical little read.

Clown in a Corn Field by Adam Cesare

Clown in the corn field is a slasher film put on page. It starts off like a typical YA novel and sets up a mystery as to who the clown is, but then the clown attacks at a party and the rest of the novel is that one night as the clown wrecks havoc and the teens have to escape. I think I wold have preferred and more drawn out mystery but fans of slasher films would really enjoy this!

Coral by Sara Ella

A sort of retelling of the Little Mermaid. Sort of. This book focuses on strong themes of mental health. The mermaid/fantasy side is minimal and almost completely disappears in the 2/3rds in to the novel. It was a slightly confusing read but had a powerful depiction of depression. Trigger Warning: Suicide

The Doll House Murders by Betty Ren Wright

A sad but sweet little mystery novel about a preteen girl who discovers a dark secret via an old dollhouse and its mysterious moving dolls. The subject matter was dark but the story was written for middle graders and thus mystery is handled with simplicity and strange charm to it.

Good Girl, Bad Blood by Holly Jackson

The sequel to A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder. This book hasn’t been released in the US yet but you can still get the British/original version on amazon which is what I did. This novel requires a stretch of disbelief and I didn’t think the mystery was as good as the first one. However, if you are a fan of the first one, you will still want to check this one out as well!

I Know Who You Are by Alice Feeney

You definitely have to suspend your disbelief when you read this one. It's gripping and while some twists were easily guessed, the final one took me for a surprise. It's equal parts dark/chilling and cheesy/silly. I'm still left with a lot of questions after the ending. It makes the book fall apart when you think about it but if you just take it for what it is, an entertaining but cheesy thriller, you'll enjoy it.

The Harp of Kings by Juliet Marillier 

This book features the children of the main characters from the Blackthorn and Grim series but you don’t need to read that series in order to read this one (though you should!). The book features three teenagers that are training to be warriors that are selected to go undercover in a nearby kingdom to find the stolen Harp of Kings before the new king’s coronation can take place. It was slow in the beginning and I felt there wasn’t much character development but it was an enjoyable read.

In Darkling Wood by Emma Carroll

Alice’s sick brother is getting a lung transplant and Alice is forced to stay with an estranged grandmother. Her grandmother lives on the edge of darkling wood, a place rumored to be filled with fairies. This book reminded me of a less dark version of When A Monster Calls. It deals with some of the same themes but this is more aimed towards children with a feel good ending.

The Lost Girls by Heather Young

In the summer of 1935, six year old Emily disappeared leaving her two older sisters and parents devastated. Sixty years later, both sisters are dead but one of them left behind her house and a notebook detailing what happened that summer for her grandniece, Justine. This book wasn’t so much of a thriller but focused more on Justine’s current issues with her daughters and ex boyfriend. I found the chapters with the notebook pages in between chapters more interesting than the modern story.

Love, Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli 

I read the first Stargirl years ago but reread it before reading this one. This sequel doesn’t manage to capture the same charm as the first one did. The book is a series of letters that Stargirl writes (but doesn’t send) to Leo from the first book following her over the course of a year. I found it surprisingly boring at times and Stargirl seemed far to normal as compared to the first book. It was neat to see what she was up to after the first book but overall I didn’t think it was a necessary sequel. 

A Psalm for Lost Girls by Katie Bayerl

Callie’s older sister was considered a saint in her small town before she tragically passed away. Now the city is trying to have her canonized, but Callie knows her sister wasn’t a saint, and the pressure is what ultimately killed, so now she’s on a mission to prove that her sister was just a normal girl. This book involved a missing child that Callie’s sister was supposed to find before she died but couldn’t. The mystery there was very predictable and was kind of on the back burner to Callie’s story. I think this would have been a more interesting story if it had been from the sister’s perspective and how it felt to be a teen saint while she was still alive.

The Rose Without a Thorn by Jean Plaidy 

The story of Katherine Howard, the fifth wife of King Henry. I was looking for a novel that painted Katherine as sympathetic, as most adaptations make her out to be a seductress. This novel was strange as it read as a wikipedia entry in a narrative form. It was all telling and no showing and lacked real emotion. From the minor research I’ve done, it seems to be pretty accurate in terms of events that happened. Trigger Warning: Sexual Abuse featuring a minor (but isn’t presented as such)

Sadie by Courtney Summers

Sadie’s sister was murdered and she is determined to bring the killer to justice. In between each chapter about Sadie is a the transcript for a podcast that is covering the case, as well as Sadie’s future disappearance . This is a very popular book but to be honest, I'm not sure what the point was? The podcast was an interesting idea but it basically just rehashed everything we already knew. Not much was added by it. The ending just fizzles away and the story tended to drag in places. It was very well written though and I think I was just not the right audience for it.

The Seventh Bride by T. Kingfisher

A creepy retelling of Bluebeard. It reads like a YA in some places but Adult in others. It was definitely unsightly and out there but I found it confusing in some places. It has some great creepy imagery and slight body horror to it.

The Supervillain and Me by Danielle Banas

Abby’s brother is a superhero beloved by the whole crime ridden town. But when a supervillain comes into town, Abby finds her paths crossing with him again and again. Okay, so the supervillain wasn’t even a villain and the reason for wanting Abby to help him was not a very good one. The book is mostly about the romance between the two which was nice but nothing spectacular. I found myself more interested in the musical Abby was starring in. It was about a cannibalistic royal family whose oldest son falls in love with a servant and he has to save her from being eaten by his family. Now THAT sounded interesting!

Winterdream by Chantal Gadoury

A Nutcracker retelling. This was a sweet retelling of the story. It didn’t add much to the original tale or the ballet but it was a good winter read to get into the spirit of Christmas.

They Wish They Were Us by Jessica Goodman

Freshman year, Jill’s best friend was killed by her boyfriend., Graham Now it’s senior year and Jill is the president of an elite school club but someone keeps texting her about Graham’s innocence and she can’t keep herself from diving deeper into the mystery to unearth what really happened to her friend. Gripping and twisty, this book was a solid teen mystery!

Not Rated

I’m Thinking of Ending Things by Iain Reid

I read this almost a year ago and I still don’t know what to think about it. I can’t decide if the story was genius or simple shock value. Did the twist make sense? I don’t know honestly. I read this before I even knew there was a netflix adaptation coming and I while I read this book in one sitting, I only made it halfway through the movie. I personally don’t think it translated well to screen. If you are looking for a quick disturbing read with an ending you WILL NOT be able to guess, then I highly recommend this one.

The Merry Spinster: Tales of Everyday Horror by Mallory Ortberg

There’s a pretty popular post on his webiste that has a link to a horrifying retelling of Curious George. This is a collection of retellings/unrelated short stories by the same author. I didn’t read all of the stories in this because some of them were just too difficult to get through and confusing. However, the dark retellings of fairy tales and children books were really enjoyable. I particularly liked the retellings of The velveteen rabbit, the frog prince and the six swans. I think they can all be found online and not just in this collection.

Midnight Sun by Stephenie Meyer

Is it good? No. Is it garbage? Yes. Did I still read it any way? Yes. Team Edward for life.

Amy Lee Of Evanescence On Women In Rock, The Freedom Of Artistry & Finally Being Able To Say What She Wants To Say

Music Feeds: Amy, thanks for taking the time to talk to Music Feeds. We’re particularly excited to talk to you at the moment because you have a brand new album out. How is existence treating you?

Amy Lee: Awesome. Thank you for taking the time to talk to me too. We are all just SO happy to finally have it out there! It feels really good.

MF: It’s quite a sonic adventure, this record. It presents all of the elements that people are accustomed to hearing from Evanescence and blends them with a whole bunch of new elements, was this a fun and rewarding record to write for you?

AL: It’s hard to sum it up in a word like fun because it is, it is so deep. There was definitely pain involved and challenge and all those things that lead to making something great, you know? It takes a little bit of struggle and we went through a lot to get to the place where we could write this album. I think the word that sums it up is satisfying. It feels really good to get a lot of this off of my chest. For me, this is partially due to having things to say that had been building for a while and having a new perspective to write from, but also musically, with the band, it shows how far we have come as a band and displays what it is that these guys and lady, that I work with now bring to the sound and that connection deserves to be documented. I really wanted a chance to show what we’ve grown into and it feels really good to listen to that back.

I think everybody’s feeling excited for the eventual day that we get to go play this stuff live again because for so long, our live show has been about making a great collection of our big back catalogue of music, but it’s all old, you know? It’s been a while since we’ve been able to really go, okay, “this is who we are now”. So having this now it’s going to be hard to play anything, but the new songs.

MF: I’d imagine it would be, especially given how much of yourself that you’ve put into the record. Now I know that you all went through a lot of challenges, both personally and as a band in the writing process, with some personal tragedies, the pandemic and even having one member stuck indefinitely in Germany, do you feel like those challenges added to the emotional intensity of the record?

AL: Yeah, I think that’s a good way to put it. It made everything more important. The music has been like this life-giving thing for us all to grab onto and to connect us to each other. As people, we’ve been so isolated, so expressing yourself and being able to share in that with somebody far away, makes it feel like we’re not so far away, on an internal, on a soul level, you know, we are connected. It has been so healthy for all of us to be able to pull together and have something to work for, something to fight for and build a world that we can control.

That’s something we all want so bad in a time when it just has felt like so much is out of control. So I think for us, to have this thing to care about and to focus on, has just been such a gift. I don’t know what I would’ve done without it quite honestly, I think it would have really gone insane.

MF: All of these situations also made you have to be pretty innovative in order to complete the record, finishing songs and sessions for the album remotely and thinking your way around how to be a band, without ever really being in the same room. In a strange way did that challenge make the writing and recording process feel like a fresher and more interesting experience? Do you feel that adaptiveness and creativity added something extra to the record?

AL: Absolutely, I really do. I’m a believer in that. I really, really, really liked breaking rules, especially when it comes to creativity. I like making music, making art; to feel like making art, it needs to feel creative and inspired and excited. When we were making our first music, when I was writing Fallen, I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t have anything to live up to, or I didn’t have a method that I could rely on. It was just creating a way for the first time. The more that I think you can tap into that, where it feels like you’re just, a soul scratching at something trying to make it come to life, the better the art will be.

You can be surprised by how many different ways that can happen. I was pushing us in a little bit of that direction with Synthesis, making the band kind of find a new way to play their instruments, where it would fit into an orchestral setting without heavy guitars and big drums or anything that sounded like those acoustic instruments, pushing them to find a new way. Jen learned how to play the theremin a little bit and made that a part of her thing. I learned to play the harp a little over ten years ago, I’m a piano player and they’re related, I mean, a harp is the guts of a piano, but it’s being plucked. So there are similarities, it’s sort of like French to Latin or something but different, it makes you play differently, and I wrote songs during that time on the harp a little bit, because it forced me to play differently. It made me write differently also and because of that, we got songs that weren’t like the way they would be, if wrote them with a piano as my route, like I typically do.

I think it’s really good to work outside your comfort zone and outside the box and to be challenged, it makes it exciting too. I don’t want it to feel like a job. I want it to feel like the fun thing. I want it to feel like the secret project because that’s how it should be. Right? Like your job is your job, that’s the cubicle that’s filling out paperwork and doing your taxes to be a musician. To be a creator, to be an artist, that should be the thing that feels like your freedom, your release, the thing you’ll stay up all night for, not the thing that you’re supposed to do.

MF: That’s a very empowering message and an inspiring message to give people too and I feel like you can hear that fresh inspiration on the record.

AL: Good! You know, having to, having to think around the problems, this time a lot of it’s been about the promo. We did get to get back together and be in the studio, all of us, except Jen, last fall and do things in a fairly typical way, which was amazing, but it was more humble like we were eating ramen and stuff so that we wouldn’t have to do takeout a lot of the time. Everything was a little bit more like early days, which felt good. It made it feel like we’re doing this because we love this, not just because it’s a cushy job. Having to think about making our own music videos or even this right now, like setting up the stuff where I have to film myself, that’s a new experience.

We even did Jimmy Kimmel recently, and they essentially said, “do it yourself, figure it out and send it in, and we’ll put it on the air.” It’s like, Oh my God, well, we’re all over the world, but we don’t want to pass up this opportunity. So you just have to find a new way and it’s amazing, the feeling that you can get at the end of that after you do it, the empowering feeling that really does give you like, “Hey, I did it, I did it!”. It means something to know that I cared about it enough that I tried and I made it happen and in the process, I’ve learned a new skill.

MF: You learned a lot of new skills in the process, especially when you’re talking about the videos, the fact that you shot two video clips on your iPhones… did you ever think that would be possible? And was it hard to get into the performative headspace to make that look as organic and as awesome as it does?

AL: It was really fun! It’s hard to explain it, but it really reminds me of being in high school and having a dream and doing whatever I could with what I had to make it happen. Once we got the idea we realised that it’s not like we’re going to be able to do production, so let’s make it about the soul, let’s make it about the point and the heart of the message and see if we can get that across and let that be the leading thing. That’s been sort of the guiding mantra about this whole time through last year and in the process too, has been: let the meanings lead, not the tempo, not the style. Whether it is deciding which songs come first, or what’s going to be a single, all those things really have come about this time by answering the question of “What’s the message we want to convey? What are the words we want to speak into the world right now?” Because this music, as much as it is for us, it’s more than ever feeling like it’s for everybody. So what, where are we now? And what, what could the world, you know, relate to or need?

MF: The messages on the record, are particularly strong. The obvious one is ‘Use My Voice’ but overall it seems like a record with quite a lot to say, and I feel like that might differentiate it from what people might have come to expect when it comes to lyrical content from Evanescence. Is your focus as a musician and as a strong voice in the community to just say what you mean now? Was there ever a point in your career when you felt prevented from doing that?

AL: I think the biggest preventer of things like that is my own self. The music for me has truly, always been the one place where I tell the truth, not that I’m a liar in real life, but the music is the one place where I’m not holding back from saying what I really mean. The one place where I’m not just keeping my mouth shut because I don’t want to deal with the fallout. So whether or not that’s always come across clearly, because I have been vaguer in the past with the lyrics, I’m not sure. But if you knew my situation and you knew who I was talking about at the time, it would have been a lot more clear.

It’s funny because we’re on a level now, where it’s not just me and my family and my friends who know me, it is about something bigger on some of these tracks and ‘Use My Voice’ is definitely the biggest one that is that way. That’s coming from me, pushing myself. I have been really pushing myself over the years on every album and challenging myself to be more specific and to say what I really mean because it feels good. The more that I can really let off, the more of a release it is for me to let some of those things go. It felt good and felt like, there was a higher purpose with ‘Use My Voice’ because we knew that we were going to be able to use it, to empower other people, and make positive change in our country and in the world, in the fight for democracy. It’s so important. It’s huge. If rock can’t be the voice for power to the people, then I don’t know what we have to do that? That’s our job!

MF: That is awesome. It’s also good to hear to an extent that you feel like it was always you that has been holding yourself back, and that you’ve grown through that, rather than it being a case of industry folk, holding those elements back. Because I think there’s a bit of a belief in the music industry that particularly at the start circa Fallen, that people wanted you to be something that you’re not. Those people around you were trying to force you into becoming Linkin Park or something?

AL: That’s actually true, that part, but I still wrote about all of that, I still wrote those lyrics. So I guess that was the start of me pushing myself.

MF: It seems that you were a bit of a trailblazer in the modern heavy scene, in many ways. When Fallen blew up it inspired a generation of new performers and it seemed to also open industry eyes to what female and femme-identifying acts could bring to that space. With this in mind, it would be remiss of me not to ask how you feel about the state of the industry at the moment in terms of its attitude towards the female and femme-identifying artists in the heavy scene?

AL: That’s the question, isn’t it? It’s not about women not being allowed to be musicians. They always have been. It’s about how we see the summary. So often rock these days is not in the mainstream. It’s boiled down to a teeny, teeny, tiny piece of the pie, and there’s only room for one face, and it’s a picture of a dude. Because that’s how people that are not rock fans see the genre. People that are rock fans know that rock music has never gone away, that it has legions of fans and thousands of fresh acts and perspectives, but whether or not these big mainstream gatekeepers are going to let that through, and show that as reality, is a different thing altogether. I think to an extent that people who don’t know a lot about modern rock music, still see it as a picture of something ancient, like an artefact of when they were kids. They still see it like Bruce Springsteen, or The Beatles, or these other depictions of old rock bands, when the truth as you know is that it has changed so much since then.

I do think that they’re making an effort now, I’m seeing an effort being made. I mean this last Grammys was all women in the rock category, In This Moment was up for the metal award, and I know that it’s not just about the Grammys, but it’s good to see that happening. I think that the world, our society is aware that this is a moment for different perspectives to have a chance to show their face and to shine and to say, “Hey, here’s, here’s something from my perspective”. I think that’s really, really important that we all are able to kind of see things through more perspectives than just our own. I think that is really the road to helping a lot of the issues in our world, in our society. Not thinking only from your little perspective of you and your hometown and what you’ve seen, and there’s a lot more out there and it doesn’t need to be scary. We just need to be exposed to all kinds of differences. It’s happening. Rock is definitely a place for all things, all people, you know. But it’s just gonna take time, you know, for that picture to change, when all it boils down to a summary, they need to stop summarizing so much. I will say as well, rock music is huge. There’s so much of it. We need a little more air time, please!

MF: Yes, yes, yes, definitely. Definitely more time, more perspectives, more diversity, more respect, more rock! I’m actually a rock singer myself. So I’m just sitting here nodding thinking that it would be lovely to be considered a worthwhile genre again, in a mainstream sense. Now, I do want to know something about you as a person, Amy. The band has a very distinctive, visual aesthetic and I’ve always wanted to know if that’s something that’s inspired by your tastes, the other things in life that you enjoy, or if it is just something that fits the music?

AL: That’s an interesting question. I feel like it’s both. I’ve always had a huge interest in the visual. It is essentially important to me and I always have ideas like when the songs are happening, when I’m making music when we’re in our world of creating, I’m constantly just seeing things in my head and thinking about ideas about how to bring the song to life with visuals. I’ll sit there thinking “ooh if we do a video, I need to see this happening” you know? Or, for example, with the clothing you see me in, I designed my own clothes. So a lot of the time what I wear either on stage or in music videos, I’ve made specifically for that purpose. It’s about being able to create a whole world and have a visual representation of who you are from the production too, on stage, it’s so important, it makes all the difference. It’s honestly, you understanding and accepting and putting out there a further dimension of what you are for people to tap into and to get and to relate to and perceive.

It’s hugely important to me, but it has to do with the music. You can currently see toys against a white wall, on a couch, in my house, so you can tell that my house is not entirely full of like black wallpaper and chains, if that’s what anyone was expecting. But I wouldn’t say that Evanescence aesthetic is straight-up metal either. It’s more complex than that. So it’s the side of me that is that trying to summarize the music in a way, in a visual mode, where it’s kind of like got some Victorian elements that represent the classical for me, and it’s got weird atmospheric things that kind of represent the electronic world, and of course it’s got the distressed elements and the darkness and the heavy feeling of the band. The more layers you can use to express yourself, the better.

MF: That makes a whole lot of sense. I honestly hadn’t connected the Victorian imagery and the classical music background before, but it absolutely makes sense to me now. Speaking of visual arts, you’re doing a very cool thing within that spectrum on this record, by releasing a graphic novel anthology that’s inspired by Evanescence music. How did that come about? And as a lover of the medium, that must be the most awesome thing ever, right?

AL: It’s so awesome. It’s so awesome! I have all these really grand ideas that would take way too much time and energy to actually do, while also doing my music career and being a mum and everything else that goes on in life, but this is something that I’m able to do because it’s coming from heavy metal. They came to me and were like, “Hey, we’d like to do this with you”, so instead of me having to find artists and put all this stuff together and create this world, they’re like, “Hey, we got it, we have the coolest, the best graphic design artists in our works in our sphere and the best story writers and stuff, and we want to do something based on your music”. So they came to me about a year ago and it sounded like one of those ideas that are too good to be true, where I was saying, “I’m in, now let’s see if this is just a bunch of meetings or it’s really going to happen” and it’s really happening!

The first two songs are in the works right now, it’s just so cool. I want to make this clear to our fans, it’s not my idea and my inspiration of the meanings behind the songs, presented as a visual. This is different artists and different writers for each song, getting an idea and being inspired while listening to the song and turning that inspiration into a beautiful graphic novel, based on their individual interpretation of the song. It’s so cool because it lets the music just take on more forms, have more lives, more alternate realities. I love it!

MF: I look forward to looking at every single one of these! Have you seen any of the graphic novels yet?

AL: I have, I’ve seen some of the stuff already and it looks really cool and I’m very excited. I have a little hand in it, giving opinions like do this, don’t do that, but for the most part, this is other creatives, just taking it to another place. It feels really good to see that happen.

MF: That’s so awesome. I’ve got to let you go, so thank you for talking to Music Feeds. I must confess that as a heavy music-obsessed teenager when Fallen dropped, I was all about it, so it’s great to see and hear you and Evanescence in such a great place as you’re putting The Bitter Truth out into the world.

AL: Thank you, that’s lovely to hear. It’s good to be back! It’s been nice talking to you, thanks for taking the time.

Endless Love

With another season of Love, Death + Robots in the books, i wanted to revisit the entire series one more time. I spent the last two days, running through the entirety of the franchise, all eighteen from the first season and all eight from the second, twice, because i absolutely love this series. From the bottom to the top, these are my absolute favorite entries into the franchise so far.

10. Ice

Ice was a real surprise for me. It’s the only entry in season two that is classically animated so it already got bonus points from me but, as an entire short, it was amazing! The second we got outside of that apartment and into the wider world, i wanted to live there. So much content could be embellished from that all-too-short time spent in that world. More than that, i loved he relation ship between Sedgewick and Fletcher. I’m not saying an entire show abut those two is necessary but i wouldn’t scoff at them being supporting characters in a more anthology or ensemble show about that world.

9. All Through the House

This one is just cute. It’s a genuine short and i i don’t think there is a ton of legs in exploring that world but i had a fantastic time with what we got. The animation was gorgeous and the premise was outstanding. Of course, I'm curious about the “Naughty” but we don’t necessarily need confirmation about that I think that little glimpse into the world was more than enough.

8. Three Robots

Three Robots is in the same boat as All Through the House. i loved the time spent in this world but i don’t think we need to to revisit it in any capacity. What we got was the perfect amount of time there. It was beautifully animated, ingenuously written, and executed perfectly. This was a surprise for me to be honest because, in my order, it came right after Sonnie’s Edge and The Witness so shifting thematic gears like that was a little jarring. Jarring and welcome.

7. Helping Hand

Helping Hand is everything i wanted Gravity to be. This one won me over with the sheer panic of it’s narrative. The storytelling was incredibly intimate but that tension was f*cking palpable! It was able to really instill the utter despair and unbridled dead Alexadria felt as she began to spiral off into the infinite nothingness. I was absolutely enthralled with the humanity and sacrifice she made in an effort to straight up survive. Like, how many of us could do what Alex did in that situation? How many of us would have the absolute balls to make that call? Absolutely brilliant storytelling.

6. Pop Squad

Pop Squad makes this list on the sheer potential of that world. Aside from the fact that the entire narrative revolves around straight up murdering children, something that rarely ever flies in the greater entertainment world, and i f*cking love it! Outside of the fact that this entry is easily one of the most beautiful submitted for season two, i absolutely fell in love with the scope of that world. There is a ton of stories that can be told there, so many characters we can follow. Hell, i wouldn’t mind a limited series just following Briggs up to his fateful demise. I’d watch the hell out of that!

5. The Witness

The Witness makes this list based strictly on the strength of it’s aesthetic. For me, the art design in this short was the strongest of the first season and i say that knowing it’s only the fifth entry on this list. As a narrative, it’s a closed looped so there is a ton of lacking substance but the way it’s executed is too f*cking dazzling to ignore. This thing smacks of that Spiderverse animation style but does it in a way that sends you into a surreal trip of colors, glitches, and nudity. I as completely in awe of what i witnessed in that entry.

4. Snow in the Desert

Snow’s adventure was my absolute number one of season two. It’s f*cking incredible. The animation, the character work, the plots, the world building; All of it is an absolute marvel of execution. It presented a complete universe in a matter of minutes and i found myself not wanting to leave. Indeed, of the eight new entries, Snow’s wold is one that i absolute need more of. I need to see his life before Hirald, before his balls got a bounty. I want to explore his very human life with his wife and why she did what she did. I want to see what that world looked like two hundred years before we got our fleeting glimpse, and what Earth looks like in present day. Snow in the Desert was so goddamn great, i was upset it was so short. That’s only happened to me with one other entry on this list and at the very top.

3. Beyond the Aquila Rift

Now, i just gushed, full tilt, about how much i loved Snow in the Desert so why is Aquila ahead of it on this list? Why are there three more ahead of it on this list? Because the remaining three left me with a complete feeling in their narrative while leaving the door open for deeper exploration in to their worlds. Plus, i mean, Aquila’s presentation was f*cking chef’s kiss. Watching that short felt like watching The Fifth Element. Between the space setting and the killer music, it definitely gave me Luc Besson vibes and we all know how much i enjoy Besson’s movie movie making. Aquila is rife for anthology storytelling, just the world Greta could fabricate in her mercy killing duties as a giant spider nest is prime for infinite narratives. Think Tales from the Crypt but sexy and full of Alien Spider Mistress.

2. Sonnie’s Edge

Sonnies Edge was my first glimpse of what would become the utter brilliance of Love, Death + Robots. I Was absolutely enthralled by the character designs and the overall world because, if you don’t know this about my, cyberpunk dystopias are kind of my thing and the world of Sonnie’s Edge it my neon drenched wet dreams perfectly. Watching this felt like watching those old, excessively violent, gratuitously sexy, Eighties anime entries i grew up on. I missed all of the blood and f*cking and gore and violence. Sonnie brought that all back for me, leaving me satisfied but with a nagging hunger for more.

1. Good Hunting

Of all the shorts submitted between these two season, Good Hunting is my absolute favorite. I absolute love every second of this entry. The animation is fluid and top tier, giving justice t the gorgeous art direction and character design. The mix of computer and classic animation mixed perfectly, never outshining one over the other. I’m not he biggest fan of Steampunk but this is the rare entry that really grabbed my attention with how intricate, how absolutely stunning, all of the the iron work is in that world. As i gush about every aspect chosen to present this magnificent world to us, the crux of my adoration lies with the relationship between Liang and Yan. That sh*t was a real pleasure to see and, even after the tragedy, their love for each other really resonated through to the end. I want more of this world than any other we’ve seen so far and i hate that all we got was this one short.

Look, this is just the top ten of my list and, in all honesty, this thing stays in flux. With the exception of the front three, any of these shorts can make my list on any day of the week. I really like Automates Customer Service, Zima Blue, The Tall Grass, Suits, and Shape-Shifters. I’m sucker for classic animation so Blindspot has a shot, even if it’s the weakest of the first season, and The Secret War is just a feast for the eyes. The is a lot of good to great in this show and i can’t wait for the third season. Love, Death + Robots is a bastion for pure creativity, something that mainstream Hollywood lacks. That, i think, is why i adore this series so much. I miss when cats took risks and created unique masterpieces. You see that with smaller studios like Neon and A24 but that spirit has long since vacated the major studios. Thank the stars for Netflix because without them, we’d never have wonderful little nuggets of pure inspiration like this show.

Ten Of Swords: Level One

The world of Swords of Power and Conquest was one Virgil dove head first into, giving his soul and life to the game. He would play whenever he could, and had even decided he wanted to go into game design. At times he had even dreamt of how wonderful it would be to be inside that world for even a moment- until that world became his reality.

The familiar world he had come to love was now a foreign prison, one with no way out.

A Log Horizon AU. If you don’t know what that is, this is a Show Better Than SAO AU. If you still don’t know, the sides get trapped in a video game.

Ao3 - Masterlist 

Taglist: @hells-missing-a-goat @angels-and-dreams @ollyollyoxinfree @gattonero17 @chumo-cookie @dreaming-always @anxiety-ismy-name @mrbubbajones @janustheliar

~~~~

Level One: A Place That Doesn’t Really Exist

He had gotten the game on a whim out of boredom. It was something he heard of a lot from kids at school, but with a laptop as old as his he had never considered getting it himself. And then he got a new laptop for his birthday. And a few days later, knowing he’d be bored during his family’s Christmas party, he downloaded it. It had taken forever honestly, and he kept going back and forth to his room to see when it would finally be ready for him to play. When it finally was prepared he had sat on his bed surrounded by younger cousins who had made their way into his room (past the door he had been 80% sure he had locked) and made his character. They had opinions on his character’s look, and even the name. But finally he thought he had found a way to both trick and satisfy the kids, and typed the name of the toddler in. He had fully expected the system to reject the name and then the kids couldn’t complain when he changed it to something he actually wanted. He hadn’t expected the game however to fucking accept “Anthony” as his screen name.

It had been a stupid introduction gaming, but back then Virgil didn’t realize how much of an impact Swords of Power and Conquest would have on his life. At one point he had thought the name was cheesy, but soon enough just like the rest of the world of Lirya, Virgil fell in love with it.

The intricacies of the many skills available, the complex fighting system which interpreted those skills, and the way it seemed to thrive without any form of class systems, were all mesmerizing to Virgil in ways he couldn’t describe. He had thrown himself into the game playing day and night (much to his parents’ dismay), and fell more in love with it each moment.

He had tried other games, at the urging of friends who claimed Swords was too pointless with all the holes in its main quest. Those games had been fun, and Virgil had even tried a bunch of different genres. But there was something about Swords which always pulled him back. Maybe because it was his introduction, or perhaps because the constantly updating side quests and his in game friends were too great to give up. So much so that years later Virgil found himself not only playing, but wanting to go into game design. He wanted to create- to work on something just as good, if not better than Swords. To give someone else the feeling he had when he first started the game.

He was a true geek wasn’t he?

“I could’ve told you that,” Simon commented.

Virgil rolled his eyes as he typed out his reply, you can’t tell but I’m rolling my eyes

He heard as the guy gave a slight laugh, “You know the point of this feature is to talk right?”

My roommate’s napping, he was feeling sick

“Rude of him... I just got a message from Tact. Apparently he wants to meet and talk.”

What about?

“Doesn’t say. Just says he has some info worth paying for.”

Go handle it. I’ll watch things here

“Sounds good, don't get more handsome while I’m away.”

Virgil rolled his eyes but didn’t bother to reply as Sam teleported out. He gave a stretch as he looked about his screen and the empty shop. On the other side of that virtual wall would be customers hanging out and lounging around, he supposed he could switch outfits and join those working, but he wouldn’t gain much from that. Maybe it was time to sign off for the night, he could watch some of the Twins’ videos. The latest guild had apparently done a large raid against one of the sphinxes of legend, that would be a cool video to watch. With that thought in mind he logged off and when the window was closed he noticed his calendar open.

His calendar with words written in red for the following day.

CALC TEST

A curse slipped from Virgil’s mouth as he glanced at his clock. 5:34. If he skipped dinner and studied straight until midnight maybe- just maybe something would stick. Hopefully.

~~~~

Virgil was on the brink of committing murder.

Not only was he stressed about his exam in the morning, but his roommate’s, Jonas’, NyQuil fueled snoring had been loud enough on its own. But on top of that there was  the sound of their neighbors. Virgil had never been a fan of those living in the room to his left. This was usually on account of one them seeming to have an “overnight guest” over too often subjecting Virgil to sounds he wished to erase from memory. But tonight that wasn’t the case (at least not yet), tonight was a party.

A loud party which had gone on far too long.

The party had begun probably around nine or ten. And since it had only persisted and grew in volume. At first Virgil had knocked on his wall annoyed, but when that had yielded nothing he had gone over right before midnight to complain about the noise. The one who had opened the door had been taller than him, and if Virgil wasn’t so annoyed and tired he probably would’ve found himself spending more time staring at that gorgeous face as opposed to bitching about the noise. The guy had nodded once and had promised to quiet down.

But that had been two hours ago.

And it seemed Virgil’s second trip to yell at his neighbors to shut the fuck up a few minutes prior had done just as much good. So there was only one course of action left.

“You told the fucking RA?”

Virgil looked up from where he had been staring at his Calc notes in preparation for the test about to begin to the face (of who else but) his neighbor. “I asked you to quiet down twice,” Virgil replied looking back down to the equations in front of him.

“But tattling? What are you? Five?”

Virgil took a deep breath as he looked back up to that face. “It was two am.”

“I don’t care. No one else on the floor seemed to care.”

“That’s not my fault.”

“Alright everyone!” The professor cut in. “It's that time!”

As if calculus exam’s weren’t bad enough on their own, his neighbor’s eyes were glaring holes into the back of his head the entire time. He definitely failed that test. And the pop quiz in CS. And then he had left his Spanish homework in his room (and turns out the asshole neighbor is in that class too). Oh and of course he couldn’t forget he still had an essay due.

Today was just shit in its purest form.

And there was only one shovel Virgil knew how to use.

He couldn’t stop the sigh of relief which escaped his lips as he sunk into his desk chair.

“I take it you had an amazing day?”

Virgil just gave his roommate the finger as he pulled his laptop from his backpack. After glancing at the clock he could play for about an hour before needing to switch to writing his essay in order to be done before it’s due at 11:59. “Hey will you yell at me to stop in an hour?”

“Set a timer,” Jonas advised. “I’m not being yelled at again for forgetting.”

Virgil rolled his eyes before doing as he was told. With his timer set he pulled his headphones on and logged in. Logging in was accompanied by a message from Ralph.

The Silver Green Sharks and the Zora Regime are warring today on the Sheriyan Ruins in two hours. I’ll send a follow up with the exact coordinates soon as I know.

Virgil glanced at the time the message was sent with a smile as his inbox refreshed with a new message. Ralph seemed to have perfect timing as always.

He found a spot toward the outer ring of the ruins where he’d been hidden in the shadows of the collapsed building. And not a moment too soon, because it was then others began to arrive at site. But after nearly forty minutes, Virgil was finding neither guild seemed to be timely. They just seemed to have taken sides, but neither had bothered to attack. Virgil’s fingers were itching for something- anything to do. They needed to start fighting soon, before Virgil spent too long playing and his essay (and grade) suffered as a consequence. He sat there, spinning his phone’s ring stand in his hands and biting his tongue, and then a shout sounded over his headphones. He hadn’t been paying attention enough to know what it said, but the moment the voice ceased the two armies charged.

The chaos was instant, and Virgil had to stop himself from smiling at the sight- he had nothing to smile about just yet. His eyes scanned the details of everything in his character’s field of view- which wasn't much in this spot. But even if he moved further out he wouldn’t have enough information... He’d need to get to higher ground to see anything, but he’d need to risk being seen. But then again the risk was a portion of the fun. Virgil’s eyes flickered to his skills list, his mind already running through the combinations he knew. This was the true fun of Swords. To a new player a single skill was simply that. To a veteran its a building block, a string meant to be interwoven in an unseen pattern with others to create even better ones. The combinations were near limitless overall, and every pattern held potential. But even with so many patterns only five patterns could be saved to be used a single click before the level cap. Others would take long casting time purely based on the abilities of the player.

The skills, the skills, the skills.

Virgil could and had gone on and on explaining to friends the combinations he had found and written down, and he could go on about theories he had for new ones. But this mission wasn’t the time. It wasn’t the time to think about improving his skills to get what he needed, right now he had a single saved skill, which would be useful in this situation, Silent Presence. A sneaking and cloaking skill which would keep him hidden for five seconds before a cool down too long to let him use it again if needed. Virgil took a deep breath and poised his fingers on his mouse and keyboard. He’d run, look for higher ground while looking out for any possible grabs, use his skill and then steal the best thing he could.

He took a deep breath and then he was going. He ran out amongst the masses fighting, dodging them as he went. If anyone noticed him, they didn't say anything or try to fight him, most likely assuming he was a mercenary. He moved quickly spotting a higher bit of a crumbling wall, a few feet higher than the rest and everyone’s heads- perfect. He gave another deep breath, and then charged the wall. He jumped up to another crumbling piece and then double jumped up to the top ensuring he used Silent Presence as he did.

Virgil bit his tongue as his eyes scanned the screen and zeroed in on where a few of the The Silver Green Sharks and a Zona regime commander surrounded, and she was failing to fight back. But regardless of who would win, there would be some nice drops. The only problem was that he wasn’t sure how much longer that fight would last, but with Silent Presence ending he had no choice but to move and hope for the best. He hopped down and started running going wide to see the fight going on his left. But as he went Virgil’s gaze couldn't help but slip to his timer and he bit his tongue noticing how much was left, three minutes. Maybe he’d go a few minutes past, he’d just need to get a good drop to make it worth it.

The Silver Green Sharks had forced the Zora Regime’s commander back away from her troops. There were three of them, surrounding her, forcing her to back up as they attacked him from long and short range with all the skills in their arsenal. From his angle none of them looked particularly impressive by Virgil’s standards, but it didn't matter. She was failing to fight back despite the impressive looking sword in her hand (a high level one no doubt given the Zora Regime’s status), so her HP wouldn’t last much longer. And that meant Virgil needed to move faster. He glanced at his remaining skills debating if he should save his Speed Sprint for before or after this grab. But looking at how badly this commander was doing he didn’t have much of a choice. He charged forward watching as the commander fell and the Silver Green Sharks began to jump for joy. Virgil didn't waste time jumping with them. He used the last of his speed burst to run up to the dead character.

The sound of his timer pierced his psyche and Virgil’s fingers slipped causing his character to stumble, but he tried to regain his momentum as he reached the fallen commander. The moment his hand was on the sword he wasn’t even sure if anyone was following him but he didn’t bother to check as he continued to run as fast as he could. He gritted his teeth as he ignored the sound of the timer ringing loudly in his ears, he couldn't think about that right now. Right now he needed to focus on the game. So in case of pursuers, he switched the sword strapped to his back, for the higher level one he had stolen. He had never been good enough with long distance weapons to rely on them. He could only rely on how fast he could run. He ran for the outer edge of the Ruins where he could dive into the forest. His fingers were flying across the keyboard queuing up a teleport crystal. For a moment he thought he was free-

“Turn the thing off!” Jonas shouted at him.

Virgil grimaced but didn’t bother responding as enemies began to come his way. He gave a swallow, eyes scanning the map for an escape as he tried to ignore Jonas’ bitching in the background. Damn he should’ve saved the fucking sprint.

The cliff. It was a gamble but if he managed to get the edge, maybe they would slow down enough rather than push him off the edge. He just needed enough time to plug in the coordinates to the crystal. That would only take what? Four seconds? Could he buy himself that much-

“Virgil!”

“Shut up.” He returned, or was he directing it at the shouting voices in his headphones. Quite frankly he didn’t care. They were gaining on him, but as he reached the edge his character skidded to a stop. The enemies behind him didn't close in but they were too close for comfort. If they shot an arrow he was dead. Virgil gave a swallow as he finished typing in the last of the coordinates a risky plan before him.

“Virgil!”

He jumped from the cliff and hit teleport at once, and as he began to teleport he felt an overwhelming amount of relief. He couldn't help but smile as Jonas snatched his phone away, nor did he care about the angered shouts in his headphones.

And then came the deafening static.

It was sudden- it was loud- it was piercing and Virgil let out an involuntary scream of pain. He reached to rip off his headphones only to feel his body crash to the ground as his vision flickered. Until he was left completely alone in the darkness.

A groan escaped Virgil’s lips as he pushed himself to his knees. He rubbed at his closed eyes wondering how the hell he had managed to take such a hard fall from his chair before he opened them.

He was greeted with the sight of grass. Grass and trees.

Virgil gave a swallow as he pulled himself to his feet trying to annoy the way his heart had leaped into his throat which was already constricting itself. He tried to force down his panic and the rising bile- he tried to breathe - but his gaze was focused on the sign.

On the sign he had once helped put in this exact spot. But that didn’t make sense, that spot- this spot- that sign- was at the fork leading to the tavern- to a place that doesn’t really exist...

At least, not outside of the game.

~~~~

Level One - Level Two

tgcf chapters 107 - 120 this is one where i give some Opinions. i do overall like hualian a lot but i have some quibbles

wait why am i still taking screenshots? i can copy/paste again afskldfjasad

It really was hard to tell whether people would feel happy after watching such performances. However, in truth, slaughter and the sight of blood did create excitement in people. Whether or not there was fear, after the initial shock was over, a rush of adrenaline would be produced in the heart- me watching horror movies

“Shi Qingxuan said. “Then, Your Highness, Crimson Rain Sought Flower! I order you to—to immediately strip each other’s clothing!” - djslkadjlsd WHY DID HE SPECIFICALLY SAY THEY HAD TO STRIP EACH OTHER THISALSKDJ is this a normal thing is it a wingman attempt what is happening

“I’ll tell you what it is,” he said softly. “To watch with your own eyes your beloved be trampled and ridiculed, yet be unable to do anything. That’s the worst suffering in the world.” ... “Ming Yi asked, “What’s the biggest regret of your life?”- when truth or dare gets a bit too real

On the side, Hua Cheng was still only observing, and was already bored to the point where he’d changed back into his red robes. Then he changed to black robes again. Then to white robes. Almost every time Xie Lian looked back, he would be donning a different appearance, and with every new look there were different hairstyles, and different accessories, and different boots, and so on; sometimes playful, sometimes elegant, sometimes deadly, sometimes glamourous. Xie Lian was growing dizzy from all the colours and kept looking back, unable to look away. - THIS ISNT THE TIME HUA CHENG. YOURE PRIMPING. THE WINDMASTER HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED AND YOURE PRIMPING

obsessed with xie lian not being able to figure out to use the windmaster’s fan and just. using it to SMACK

also windmaster??? whats going on??? :( i know some things from spoilers like who is not to be trusted but i really have no clue whats happening rn

anyways back to puqi shrine lets check on those kids also can we PLEASE get some funds for this restoration smh. hua cheng and xie lian doing mundane hard labor together to fulfill prayers.... :pleading:

jailbreak in the heavens 2: dig a tunnel

Sure enough, the moment Ming Yi put pressure on his shovel, a hole opened up before them. With the shovel raised, he burrowed crazily ahead while Shi Qingxuan, in the middle, cheered him on crazily. As the only non-crazy person, Xie Lian brought up the rear. That treasured shovel of the Earth Master was indeed magical, and with only a few strokes, a new tunnel of over ten meters was dug. - anybody remember mulch diggums from the artemis fowl series? this is much more dignified than that but i think this is only the second time ive read a character just starting digging a tunnel as a plot point

okay so much is going on i wish i hadnt spoiled who certain characters actually are for myself but i have no one to blame but me for a) not blacklisting spoilers at all and b) just having a little freefall through the tags. oh well. anyway heavenly college admissions scandal except way worse. the corruption extends to the heavens and the windmaster is having a very bad day

i guess we’re having a high seas adventure now?

im gonna keep it real im getting tired of how often we get told how handsome hua cheng is. i know its all xie lian’s pov and while im not terribly familiar with it i know what genre we’re working with and im assuming thats pretty typical. its something i dont much care for in general and idk maybe it sounds better in the original but ngl its starting to make me roll my eyes. love you goth king but god okay we get it.

i guess what i will say about hualian so far is that overall i like them and i like how they interact in general they have a lot of nice moments and they just genuinely seem to like each other which is really nice to see EXCEPT for when it actually comes to things that could be romantic or sexual which is a shame bc i dont think it has to be like this. again disclaimer that im only reading a translation and dont know everything might not have all the knowledge necessary to accurately criticize etc etc and im assuming a lot of this is expected from the genre (disclaimer to this disclaimer that i cant say that for sure its just based on things ive picked up about the bl genre over the years) but idk like xie lian was so distressed after their underwater kiss scene. it was kind of uncomfortable to read and maybe im being unfair i know his cultivation is based around abstinence or whatever but idk i dont care for it. and that scene alone doesnt have to be a bad thing like idk i guess its his first kiss ever (?) and it would make sense if he feels weird about it but i just have my doubts thats going to be addressed or resolved in a satisfying way. also im like. dude everyone is like centuries old. xie lian’s been on earth for 800 years. has he really never met or heard of a gay person during all this time? maybe he hasnt idk what he got up to yet maybe that’s actually a thing. also same thing with the reactions from the immortals to xie lian in a dress and characters like the windmaster like again you’re all centuries old and its not uncommon to be able to just completely change gender presentation. why are you all weird about a man wearing a woman’s dress? i just feel like that shouldnt be a big deal to these characters idk

also again not going to lie part of this that im not really a big fan of reading romance in general. yes i am reading this book. yes i do read and write a lot of fanfic that includes or centers romance. im multifaceted. but really what im talking about is the like physical side of it and descriptions im extremely picky about it. ill give an example. early on in the torture pit (or whatever it was called i cant remember lol) when xie lian kind of accidentally felt up hua cheng in the dark when he was being carried. i dont think thats a bad thing to have happen between the two romantic leads i think thats fine and good to include that early but i just did not enjoy reading it when it happened idk maybe it was the wording and i do think that moments like these work better in a visual medium. ive definitely read het romance that reads like this and i wasnt a fan of that either lol same with fanfic i get tired when writers go on and on about how hot one characters finds another character. this isnt a huge criticism of it like i said im picky but again like with the way that hua cheng is described it just makes me roll my eyes sorry kings

okay back to the reading. this whole saving the fishermen thing feels like a big set up for something narrative-wise. hua cheng specifically insisted on coming and i know one of the characters involved ends up dying im wondering if thats now it would be a good time tbh if things get just a bit too unfortunate during this heavenly calamity... and the brothers are notably not having a harmonious time... also tho it feels very likely we’ll just have another Hualian Moment (tm)

In such a situation, Pei Ming still acted the same. In the evening, when they rescued a few fishermen girls, so scared their eyes were blurry from tears, he held them in his embrace and soothed them with a gentle voice; a true show of honeyed romance, affectionate and charming. - pei ming please get pickled again.

also its funny that hua cheng is just kinda hanging out and everyone else just has to deal with it

Looking down from above, the entire area was painted in a terrifying black. It was easy to see the collision between the two different-coloured currents. Their fierce battle was what formed this enormous whirlpool. As the eye swallowed the ship whole, the two currents of water separated. However, the battle was far from over. Like two venomous vipers, they continued to snap at each other. Each collision was followed by a mountain of angry waves. - this pretty dope ngl. also love our wind and earth masters just chilling on a shovel i dig it. hehe

Yet, other than discovering Hua Cheng had a fine body, there were no other finds. Xie Lian was at his wit’s end and started to worry. - okay see this one’s funny im just also irritated bc im like WE KNOW!!! WE GET IT HE’S HOT AND XIE LIAN THINKS HE’S HOT OKAY GOT IT

okay kiss #2 again its not the kisses themselves its xie lian’s reaction it just bothers me idk im not saying i need him to be super into it and completely unconflicted about it rn but he’s just so freaked out about it and idk i just dont really like it just feels weird i dont care for that aspect of it. also dude hua cheng is a ghost and he did this exact same thing for you before just chill. i wish instead of xie lian literally running away while screaming that hes sorry he was just like “oh haha youre fine thats cool im gonna go look around the woods i dont feel weird about this at all haha” like idk its kind of funny but when its literally our two romantic leads i just feel like its confusing like it kind of makes me feel like they shouldnt be together if one of them freaks out this much again considering the fact that they are both CENTURIES old. i know i know xie lian is an 800 year old virgin but. he hasn’t been like this about anything else so yeah idk like it still could have been awkward and funny i just dont think it needed to be so :/ that being said it was funny that xie lian was then internally like “oh i did it wrong? perhaps i should ask him for more.. instructions....” if that actually happens i might like it bc it would complete this little watery theme

Before he finished, he immediately remembered. Coffin wood. There were trees here everywhere; and a deceased? There was one right before his eyes. Sure enough, Hua Cheng smiled. “Won’t it be fine once I lie inside? - love that hua cheng just sat on the fact that he can turn anything into a coffin. that would have been really useful information earlier but no he just waited until everyone but xie lian was gone afjaklsdjf

also i do think that oblivious xie lian thinking “wow whoever it is that hua cheng fancies is an idiot for not liking him back theyre totally taking him for granted :/” is kind of funny and sweet. actually the whole conversation they have at the campfire is good and im bookmarking it to think about later

“...You on top and me on the bottom,” Xie Lian replied. “Isn’t top and bottom the same?” Hua Cheng asked. - okay im sorry but. mood whenever theres discourse about top/bottom dynamics for a ship im just like jesus christ i dont care. tbh i rarely read fanfiction if its just sexual and ngl if i see a fic specifically tag characters as top or bottom i wont read it lmfao. especially when people have really strong opinions about this stuff when theres nothing canonical to back it up like headcanon all you want but whenever i see people argue about it im just like no offense but go work out your own sexual issues and dynamics instead of arguing with strangers on the internet about who’s a top and who’s a bottom. sorry to be mean but just thats how i feel lol

this was mostly a ramble with a few excerpts but im getting sleepy im going to TRY to take a break from this for like a day but we’ll see how that goes i do very much want to know what happens. anyway if you read this whole thing hiiiiii sorry for subjecting you to my opinions on top/bottom discourse

B-Squared’s Top 10 Games of 2020

I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that having something to distract me from the genuine horrors unleashed during 2020 was vital to staying alive, and for me that means a lot of video games! I played…a lot of games last year, but I spent a lot of time playing older games, so I didn’t get a chance to check out a lot of high-profile games that launched this year. Still, I do want to shine a light on the games that managed to resonate with me even a little bit, that somehow managed to launch this year. So let’s get to it!

#10 – No Straight Roads

Rarely have I been struck by a single trailer for a game like I was for No Straight Roads. Produced by industry veterans under a new studio, this is a rare game that’s not quite an indie game from a studio full of newbies, but it’s also not produced with the same kind of budget and resources of a Triple-A project. What do we call this? A Double-A game? Single-A? Regardless, I have to give the team at Metronomik some props for delivering a super stylish game in the midst of a very challenging year. No Straight Roads is a rhythm-based action game where two up-and-coming musicians fight to bring back Rock and Roll to the people of Vinyl City. I absolutely adore this game’s presentation, with each major boss being visually unique and having their own feel that compliments the music they bring to battle. There’s some real energy in these animations with character designs that ooze personality, and being a game about music the soundtrack is great! All that being said though, I have to admit I wasn’t a huge fan of the gameplay when all was said and done. It leans way more on the rhythm side of the equation than I was hoping for, and the action felt very shallow. The fixed camera made some phases of some fights a real problem, and the Switch verison, which I played, is plagued with a lot of issues that really brought the game down for me. If the game interests you at all, give it a shot on PC or PS4; I hear those versions are a lot better. Still, I liked the potential I saw in this game and in this studio, so I can only hope they did well enough to continue on. This definitely feels like the kind of passion project that deserves more recognition.

#9 – Streets of Rage 4

OK, so full disclosure: I didn’t grow up with 2D beat-em-ups. I missed out on all of the greats of the genre back in the day. No Final Fight, no River City Ransom, no Double Dragon, and definitely no Streets of Rage. In more recent years I have tried to dip my toe in the genre, as I did in 2019 with River City Girls. However, I came away from that game a bit disappointed by the overall gameplay and wondered if 2D beat-em-ups were for me. Seeing so much praise heaped onto Streets of Rage 4 had me curious, so I knew I had to try it, if only to broaden my experience in the genre. In many ways, this game is the perfect sequel to a franchise that hasn’t seen any signs of new life in years. It retains what made the series beloved with satisfying combat and challenge, but with a modern touch. The overall art style of the game and music work out pretty well, and I found the act of comboing enemies to be really satisfying. It really doesn’t overstay its welcome either, which is very appreciated in an age of endless timesinks. I also struggled a fair bit with the game, even on Normal, and well after some patches that seemed designed for more casual fans like me. Had this game not had online co-op as an option, I don’t know if I could have beaten the final levels. So my time with this game was pretty rough but despite that I can still see this was a game made with care, and if this game DOES do something for you, there’s plenty of reasons to keep playing on higher difficulties, unlocking more characters and even playing online with friends. Let me put it this way; I’m not all that sure I like the genre and I still liked this game, so I think that counts for something!

#8 – The Wonderful 101: Remastered

…this one is kind of cheating, I’ll admit! I had a lot of trouble thinking up ten games that really stood out to me this year, honestly. That said, I’ll definitely use loopholes to plug one of my favorite games from years ago. Seven years ago, PlatinumGames launched The Wonderful 101 on the ill-fated Wii U, where it bombed harder than just about anything on the system. For those that gave the game a shot, however, they were quick to discover a deep, complex, and charming action game that plays like nothing else out there. Controlling a team of 100 heroes at once, players form weapons out of the various Wonderful One’s bodies, smacking around giant robots and aliens far larger than them with the power of teamwork! How could you not love that, right?! Now, years later, PlatinumGames is aiming to become more independent and their first act was launching a Kickstarter as a way to get this game on newer platforms. While we may never know why Nintendo gave Platinum their blessing to release this game on non-Nintendo platforms (being as this is still, as far as I know, a Nintendo-owned IP), I’m just glad more people can have access to one of the most unique action games I’ve ever touched.

To sell it another way, this game combines the overall aesthetic of Viewtiful Joe with the shape-drawing action of Okami but with a bit of Bayonetta flair on the side. Basically, this is the culmination of everything director Hideki Kamiya has ever worked on. The Remastered version fixes some issues present from the game’s original release, and while I do think they could have gone a bit further with some changes, it is likely the best way to play the game for many. All those sections that made heavy use of the Wii U GamePad are a tad awkward though, but that held true even back on the Wii U anyway…d-don’t worry so much about that, though! I’d still recommend this game to anyone looking for the type of over-the-top action that only Platinum (and occasionally Capcom) can provide! So please consider joining the Wonderful Ones and Unite Up!

#7 – Paper Mario: The Origami King

Discourse around the Paper Mario series is…more than a little rough, honestly! Many fans have been quite vocal about not liking the direction the series has been heading with the last few games, but I went into The Origami King with an open mind and ended up really enjoying the game for the most part! What the game lacked in a developed storyline, it made up for with some really strong character moments and memorable setpieces. Bobby and Olivia are among my favorite partners in ANY of the Mario RPGs, easily, and the entirety of the Great Sea section of the game was a really fun adventure. I love the highly-detailed paper-crafted enemies and locales, and the soundtrack really didn’t have to go as hard as it did. While the battles against common enemies didn’t quite click with me, the boss battles throughout the game constantly surprised me with interesting twists on the ring-based combat and are a real highlight for me. I know this game is pretty divisive amongst Paper Mario fans, but I think the franchise has a pretty bright future ahead of it!

#6 – DOOM Eternal

Fair warning here, but I haven’t quite managed to beat DOOM Eternal at the time of writing this, but what I’ve played so far tells me it definitely belongs here. I think Eternal is hands-down the most intense game I’ve played in a long time. It gets my blood pumping as I dash about, shooting and slicing through demons that are extremely eager to rip and tear me to pieces. I don’t play many shooters in general, so I knew I was going to be in for a rough time, but DOOM Eternal brings it to another level right away. In some respects, I don’t quite agree with various aspects of the core game design that makes the game harder than I think it needs to be at times. The scarcity of ammo, and thus the constant need to use the Chainsaw weapon in order to gain more ammo gets tiring, though that somewhat levels off as more weapons are acquired and players learn of more efficient ways to take out the hordes of Hell. The game’s fantastic soundtrack by Mick Gordon definitely elevates the experience, so it is a huge bummer knowing that he and ID Software had a falling out and he won’t be coming back. I really dig the game’s expansive levels and more focus being put on exploring every nook and cranny for secrets, and certain old-school touches like finding extra lives or cheat codes definitely makes the game feel like it was ripped out of a bygone era and given a modern paintjob at times. Doom is eternal, and with it, so is pulse-pounding shooting action!

#5 – Xenoblade Chronicles: Definitive Edition

Compared to the other re-release of an old game on this list, I think this particular title had a lot more time and care put into it…and it also happens to enhance one of my favorite games on Wii as a bonus! Xenoblade Chronicles on Wii was a game that almost passed me by but even years later, I still adored the characters and world it introduced, and I’ve been happy to see what started as game that was almost stuck in Japan eventually grow into a full franchise. I consider the first game to the best in the series, though it was held back by a few issues later games would iron out. Chief among the problems was the visuals, particularly the character models and…wow does ten years make a world of difference. The Definitive Edition does more than just clean up everyone’s faces, it also cleaned up the game’s cluttered UI, made it easier to track quests and materials for said quests, and added some fun optional challenge missions for veterans to tackle. The bow that adorns the top of this package, however, is the epilogue story Future Connected that serves to tie up some loose ends and gives a particular character some great closure. If you love massive worlds to explore, a compelling, at times over-the-top story, and a deep, rewarding combat system, I can’t recommend THIS version of THIS game enough. If you’re going to give the Xenoblade series a try, there’s no better place to start.

#4 – Ghost of Tsushima

When Ghost of Tsushima was first unveiled years ago, I didn’t exactly have a high opinion of it. It seemed like a game that put more emphasis on visuals over gameplay, and I was almost certain it would launch as a PS5 exclusive so why bother getting excited when I probably wasn’t going to be an early adopter of the system? To my great surprise, not only was this game confirmed for PS4, it wound up being one of the prettiest games on the platform and well-optimized to boot, even on my old slim PS4. Playing as lone samurai Jin Sakai, players try to repel the Mongel invasion of Japan, but are forced to adopt less-than-honorable tactics to take on this ruthless enemy. Usually when I play stealth games, I find myself frustrated. I feel weak, or limited, and often the games feel overly harsh. If you get caught once, game over and there’s little salvaging being seen. In Ghost of Tsushima however, there’s a great deal more care put into stealth, and at times I’d argue it’s almost too fun to pass up over the sword play. Very few missions in the game force you to go completely unseen, so stealth just because yet another tool rather than a limitation imposed on you.

Swordplay felt a bit less engaging against common enemies (typically just being Simon Says, switching to the appropriate stance for a given enemy), but the one-on-one duels throughout the game were fantastic and I almost wish the game was all about them instead. I can’t overstate how gorgeous this game is either, with a world that feels like it is breathing, as the wind whips through the tall grass, the moon penetrates fog overtaking a creepy forest, or seeing the smoke from an enemy camp wafting over the distance. Hands-down one of the best-looking games on the PS4, and I’m particularly happy that developer Sucker Punch managed to land a hit with a new IP, as those generally feel more risky as times go on. While I’d argue that Ghost of Tsushima doesn’t really redefine how open-world games should be designed, it is an extremely polished experience and manages to do it well, with plenty of opportunities to grow in a potential sequel.

#3 – Animal Crossing: New Horizons

If there’s any one game that people absolutely needed in 2020, it was Animal Crossing: New Horizons. While there are other games of this type, like Stardew Valley or the Harvest Moon (and later, Story of Seasons games), Animal Crossing is one of the few games that gets mainstream attention while simultaneously running counter to most mainstream gaming trends. No conflict, no combat, no overarching story really…just a game that lets you live your live, day by day on your own terms. I tried getting into the series before with New Leaf but just didn’t stick with it, but New Horizons launched at the perfect time in an imperfect world. Being able to escape the uncertainty and dread that enveloped the world as the pandemic spread for even a little while was a necessity, and thankfully New Horizons had plenty to do to keep idle hands busy. Changes like item crafting and eventually limited terraforming of your island paradise give players so much more agency in decorating their homes and building up something they can be proud of.

We all start as nothing but a small tent on a mostly-empty island, but seeing what people were able to do even in the first few weeks or so was nothing short of amazing. We need more unflinchingly wholesome games in the world, and I’m thankful for Animal Crossing for being there when we needed it, and considering how well it sold and how much post-launch content is expected to be added with time, it remains a sanctuary to return to even now. Just…please let us craft in bulk? Pretty please, Nintendo?

#2 – Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity

Last year, Nintendo released Astral Chain, a game that no one knew about before release, which was revealed and released with very little gaps between them. It was a game I didn’t know I wanted until it was presented to me, and that trend continues this year with Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity. The first Hyrule Warriors was a fun, surprising spin-off of the main Legend of Zelda series, and Breath of the Wild was a fantastic game that shook up the core of the Zelda franchise, so in hindsight it really does seem like a no-brainer to combine the two into one package. Age of Calamity, for my tastes at least, cuts down on the repetition and overall stressful atmosphere of the first Hyrule Warriors and instead focused on fleshing out it’s core combat and crafting more creative main storyline missions. It helps that the game reimagines iconic locales from Breath of the Wild from before their destruction, and really makes you feel like you’re fighting through actual places rather than just a collection of random keeps that most Warriors games use.

Bringing in aspects like the Sheikiah Slate and Elemental Rods allows players to control the flow of combat more directly on top of letting them be more creative. Freeze enemies standing over water with the Cryonis rune or burn some grass with the Fire Rod to distract certain enemies, among many other things. Each playable character is also very distinct, even in cases where I could have forgiven the developers for reusing some attacks or traits. For one, Link has different movesets for his Sword and Shield, Spear, and Two-Handed weapons, but none of his attack overlap with the other Champions who use similar weapons. Some people might be put off with certain aspects of this game’s story and ultimately not everyone likes the overall structure of the Warriors spinoffs anyway, but for my part, Age of Calamity was one of the best surprises of the year, unveiled right at the end of the year in the nick of time. Of course, there was one game this year that surprised me more than any other.

#1 – Hades

I’ve known of Supergiant Games for quite a while and very recently began looking through their catalogue of games. They’re known for well-crafted narratives and satisfying combat, and yet when I first saw Hades when it was released in Early Access I was tepid on it. It didn’t look bad or anything, but it didn’t exactly blow me away and even now, I think a random screenshot or quick clip of the game might not do the game justice in explaining the appeal. I already wrote about the game at-length (as my only real non-retrospective blog post of the year, oops!), which you can read here if you want more in-depth praise, but to summarize…Hades is the total package for me.

Playing as Prince Zagreus your end-goal is to escape the puts of Hell, and more specifically get away from your overbearing father, Hades. It’s a rogue-lite, meaning you’re expected to finish the game in one shot and if you die you lose any upgrades you picked up along the way and have to start from scratch…to a point. Hades does allow you to keep a fair amount of items you pick up which can towards small, permanent upgrades or even gifts for various NPCs that can deepen your bond with them. Unlike most other games of this type too, the story constantly moves forward, even after death. The game is about dying over and over and then dusting yourself off to try again, all the while other characters remark on your progress or lack thereof. I grew to really enjoy this cast of characters, a fun spin on the Greek pantheon, paired with excellent voice acting for the entire cast. From the imposing, if somewhat sultry Megaera, to the nervous wreck that is the maid, Dusa, to the pompous ass Theseus, I looked forward to each new run just to learn more about this world and those within it. For once, death wasn’t really a punishment, but a reward, and just part of the process.

Of course, incredibly satisfying combat is ALSO part of the process and it just gets…addicting; muttering “one more run” over and over as you try out different weapons and boons, discovering what works well together and what doesn’t. While at first beating the game felt like it would never happen, I grew from my failures, adapted and eventually overcame. Multiple times. If you want the “full” Hades experience, this game can really demand a lot of time out of you but at the same time it stays fresh, so I can’t really complain. With new gameplay mechanics unlocking as time goes on, to the Pacts of Punishment players can trigger if they want a bit more challenge (or a lot more), Hades is that rare game that just keeps giving and giving. Before I knew it, I had dumped well over 50 hours into it, and I STILL need to get back to the game if I want that epilogue.

Compared to every other game that came out this year, Hades is the one game that grabbed me from moment one and would not let go until I hit credits. When I wasn’t playing this game, I was counting down the minutes until I could play it again, and let me tell you that is rare for me these days. At this point, Hades is clearly the breakthrough hit for Supergiant and I couldn’t be happier. The fact that this game got to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with industry titans at The Game Awards is kind of surreal, but I can’t think of many who deserve that recognition more. It helps that Supergiant is a studio that actually takes care of its employees, which is way rarer than it should be. I don’t mean to hype this game up like it’s the cure for COVID or anything, but I mean it with all my heart that this was the best game I played this year, and I’d recommend it in a heartbeat. I couldn’t stop talking about it for months after playing it, just ask my friends! So yeah, it’s pretty OK I guess.

CONCLUSION

I’m sure my Top 10 List looks a lot different from most out there, but that’s what’s great about games! So much variety and so much quality no matter where you look! Every year, without fail, there’s always at least a small handful of games that come out that I don’t get to, and try as I might I’ll never trim that backlog down. I want to keep playing games for as long as I can, trying out so many different experiences and seeing what this wonderful pastime can offer. For a good chunk of 2020 I was more than a little down, not just because of…you know, but a lot of games that were coming out weren’t appealing to me. That said, seeing as this was the year of shadow drops and announcing things at the last minute, I ended up loving a bunch of games I hadn’t already spend months hyping myself up for, which definitely helped to lift me up this year. Already, 2021 has a lot of titles I’m anticipating though, so it’s sure to be an exciting year.

Happy Gaming.

-B

Mother Knows Best: A Tale of the Old Witch by Serena Valentino Review

Serena Valentino's villain series is... interesting. I really loved Fairest of All when I first read it, then A Beast Within was disappointing and cluttered, then Poor Unfortunate Soul was awful and weighed down by an over reliance on Valentino's OCs and running plot, then Mistress of Evil was literally the worst Maleficent thing I've ever wasted time on, and then The Odd Sisters was "no payoff” incarnated into a single book. I had skipped over Mother Knows Best (which is actually the fifth novel in the series, set before The Odd Sisters) originally because I'd been burned by Valentino before and didn't like Gothel enough to give it a try. But my friend said it was actually on the better end, and I'd already suffered through the rest so, hey, might as well complete the series.

Before I say what I thought of the book, I need to address my opinions of Tangled and Mother Gothel in general. So I like Tangled. I don't love Tangled. I think it's on the better end of Revival era Disney movies but on the lesser end of Disney movies on the whole. It really took me until the Tangled TV show to come around to liking Rapunzel and Eugene as much as I do, and I definitely feel like the show made me appreciate the movie Tangled more than I did at first. Likewise, my feelings on Mother Gothel are about the same: one of the best villains of the Revival era but one of Disney's weakest overall. My issue with Mother Gothel is that, though she was basically the last real Disney villain, it doesn't feel like the writers were that invested in making her a character in her own right. Unlike Dr. Facilier one movie earlier, her motivations are only told to us by the opening narration and she gets only two very short scenes from her point of view. For the most part, she exists only as she pertains to Rapunzel, just there to fill the role of Rapunzel's abusive mother without having much character of her own. And having my default Rapunzel story in my head being Into the Woods (the stage play, btw, not Disney’s compressed film version) with a really complex and nuanced Witch character, Gothel was never satisfying. As a result, I feel like Gothel was always ripe to be filled in with more information to flesh her out and make her feel less like a stereotype and more like a character. As a result, I ended up loving this book. Well, okay, my bar for Valentino books at this point is super low, and this one cleared the bar so I probably am grading it on a curve. Don't love it as much as Fairest of All, but it's an easy second place in this series. I had a good time reading it, and I got sucked into Gothel's character and struggles. Here's the thing: if I liked Tangled more then I probably WOULDN'T like this book because it takes a sledgehammer to Tangled's film lore and also gives very little room for any of the TV show events or characters to exist. That said, I find the book's original ideas to be engaging and fun, and I think they're cooler than the movie's. A quick plot summary (spoilers ahoy): Gothel and her two sisters Primrose and Hazel are the three daughters of the witch Manea, the queen of the Dead Woods. Gothel and her sisters are set to become real witches by Manea sharing her blood with them. However, Primrose detests how evil their mother is and the wicked things she does, and she tries to rebel. This leads Manea to try to kill Primrose. Unwilling to let her sister die, Gothel burns her mother's magic Rapunzel flowers, causing Manea to crumble into dust by rapid aging. Gothel and her sisters attempt to move on with their lives and pick up the pieces, but Gothel's sisters soon become terribly ill following Manea's spirit coming back for revenge. The three Odd Sisters arrive under the pretense of helping in exchange for Gothel sharing Manea's magic books with them. However, despite all of Gothel's efforts, her sisters succumb to their illnesses and die. Gothel is devastated, and the Odd Sisters give her a spell that puts her to sleep for centuries. Gothel's undead servant Sir Jacob keeps her alive as she sleeps by using the last surviving Rapunzel flower. When Gothel awakes, she becomes obsessed with reviving her sisters. However, when the armies of Corona storm the Dead Woods to find the Rapunzel flowers, Gothel flees with her sisters' tombs and one single Rapunzel flower and goes to live in a cottage far away. She lives there peacefully with her cook Mrs. Tiddlebottom for a time, but eventually word gets out about the remaining flower and the Coronans come for it. Gothel, desperate for the flower to keep her alive and one day possibly revive her sisters, goes and kidnaps the princess whose hair now has the flower's power. Gothel names the child Rapunzel after the flower and leaves her to Tiddlebottom to raise and take care of whilst she studies her witchcraft to revive her sisters. On Rapunzel's eighth birthday, Tiddlebottom walks in on Gothel and the Odd Sisters trying and failing to use Rapunzel's hair to revive Hazel and Primrose and interrupts the ritual. The Odd Sisters wipe Tiddlebottom's memories, and Gothel decides to whisk Rapunzel away to the tower until her hair is long enough to complete the spell. However Gothel, having no interest in being a mother, has the Odd Sisters place Rapunzel in an enchanted sleep where she would dream of living out her days with a loving and doting Mother Gothel. After ten years, Rapunzel's hair is finally long enough and she awakes from her decade long slumber, blissfully unaware that her life had all just been a dream. The events of the movie happen and Gothel dies, her ambitions unfulfilled. Maybe a not so quick plot summary XD It's a fairly long book, and a lot happens, as you can see. The flower is no longer a single mythical sundrop hoarded by Gothel, but, rather, a breed of flower cultivated by the witches of the Dead Woods. Gothel doesn't even TRY to be Rapunzel's mother, and most of Rapunzel's childhood is nothing more than a dream. And there's a lot of extra lore with the witches. So, what I like MOST about this books is everything up until the destruction of the Dead Woods. The Dead Woods is a decaying forest where the neighboring villages are ordered to turn over their dead to. If a village tries to hoard their dead bodies, then Manea sends an army of the undead to slaughter their village. The setting is very macabre and gothic, and its got a great Halloween feel to everything that takes place in this setting. It's creepy and fun, and Gothel's mother Manea makes for a great villain despite her limited appearances. I'm not super fond of Primrose or Hazel, and I feel like they're kind of generic in personalities, but I do like Gothel having someone she cares about THAT much. And Primrose being the one disturbed by Manea's evil leaves Gothel plenty of room to be kind of enthralled by it in a way that makes her stand out nicely. In fact, Gothel is fittingly really good in this book. Her personality is not really the one we saw in Tangled, but the book explains that the movie events are Gothel trying to put on a motherly act after having not done anything for a decade. And, to be honest, I like her personality in the book more than the movie version. She talks more like a person than a stereotype, which is nice. She's not just some vain woman, but someone smart and cunning who is not without compassion but who will tolerate and commit any depravity as a means to an end. I found her to be a fun and engaging villain protagonist. I also appreciate that while Gothel never gets to become a full out witch with powers because Manea never completely the blood ritual, she's constantly surrounded by witchcraft and necromancy and her lack of magic is actually an important plot point and disadvantage that she works to overcome. Again, something I always felt missing from Movie-Gothel was magic and witchcraft so I appreciated this book giving it back without contradicting the movie. While Poor Unfortunate Soul and Mistress of Evil both had the problem of their focus villains being only supporting characters while Valentino's OCs were the main characters, Gothel in this book is fully and completely the point of view character outside of a hand full of chapters. Valentino's OCs don't get in the way as much in this book. The Odd Sisters kind of do get annoying and in the way at a few points (a lot of the recounting of the movie events are literally "The Odd Sisters watch Tangled with wacky commentary"), but they're not as bad here as they are in some of the other books. We don't find out in this book, but in The Odd Sisters, they're revealed as Gothel's half sisters, so there's a bit more relevance to them here than in, say, Maleficent or Ursula's stories. So, yeah, overall a pretty good read, imo. Maybe not the best thing in the world, but I'm glad I went back and grabbed this one. Gave me a new appreciation for Gothel. Also, you gotta love these covers under the dust jacket with the alternate faces.

JULY PICKS

What emotions I experienced this month! Does the CW understand that they can’t have TWO series finales happen on back to back days? It’s hard enough to say goodbye to one show. From binge-watching to theater going there’s a lot to talk about; so let’s get started!

Are you really shocked that there’s a SPOILER warning? 

STRANGER THINGS

We’ll start with one of the first watches of the month: the third season of Stranger Things. I teased at the end of last months wrap up that I might do an entire post just on this last season, but time got away from me. Nonetheless, I’ll try to keep it short. (Or try) ;)

THIS IS ANOTHER SPOILER WARNING!! DO NOT CONTINUE IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE THIRD SEASON OF STRANGER THINGS!! But I’m sure you have already. 

Don’t watch the finale at 12:30 in the morning or later, unless you want to cry. That was just me...okay. But seriously, why Hopper? Now I know since it was released everyone has theories that Hopper’s not gone for good. We didn’t see him turn to ash like those Russians. There was a look but not enough to warrant this is the end. And of course the notorious, “The American” line during the after the credits scene. I just hope this isn’t TOO overly obvious making it not true because that will really upset me...A LOT.  I love the fact that El is staying with Joyce. (It makes complete sense that she would.) Don’t love that she doesn’t have her powers. I thought it was interesting in the end how Mike and El are like ‘See ya later,’ because they’re moving, but Jonathan and Nancy feel like they’ll never see each other again. I don’t know if that’s supposed to be because El and Mike are kids and their love isn’t as deep? Either way I really hope this isn’t the end of Jonathan and Nancy. Big fan of Steve (as usual) and Robin and honestly just the whole Scoops crew (”It’s not America without Erica!”). They were definitely one of my favorite story lines of this season (and there were many). I feel bad that Steve is without love again this season, but I love his relationship with Robin and I think they did a great job introducing her character. I’m excited to see what happens next season with her. Overall, just really like all the relationships this season. Of course Dustin’s girlfriend is real and yes I haven’t been able to get that song out of my head since. Big fan of El and Max getting some girl time. El exploring the mall was one of my favorite scenes. It was also great to see so many old stores (shout out to Sam Goody!). While this season was definitely the darkest so far, I really liked the energy it brought and am excited to see what’s next. My only big suggestion is to give Will more actions than just touching his neck when something bad happens. We know he’s capable of so much more after season 2 and I’m upset he didn’t do more this season. Oh and always make sure to give us a cool team up scene where they circle around each other ready to attack. (See below--it’s the best one I could find, but you know what I’m talking about.)

Jane the Virgin

One of the two series finales I’ve watched this month. It’s so bittersweet when a show is over. You hope they do it right and don’t want any loose ends, and at the same time you’re so sad it’s over. (Or you have that weird feeling where you’re in denial and expect another new episode next week.) Jane the Virgin was a show that I started bingeing this year and I knew would be upsetting when it ended. (I mean I was upset when I had no new episodes to watch.) But I am really happy (and satisfied) with how they ended it. The hour long special prior to the finale was a nice touch looking back on the show and talking about how revolutionary it was for the time period (especially when it started). There still is nothing else like it on TV and I’m not sure anything ever will be like it again. I loved all the magical realism they included in it and how despite all the crazy moments (”speaking of telenovelas..”), it was so relate-able. As someone who was Team Michael from the beginning, I grew to really love Jane and Rafael. So the start of this season when Michael came back with his amnesia and then when he got his memories back was extremely frustrating and I wasn’t always excited to watch it. But once that plot was resolved it became more entertaining for me. I love Matteo and the girls. Petra’s character development was HUGE and she has become one of my favorites-especially her sisterhood with Jane. Xo and Ro, Alba and Jorge. It’s really sad to say good-bye to all of these characters. I might have to re-watch some old episodes...     

iZombie

Wednesday was Jane the Virgin’s series finale and Thursday was iZombie. Like I said earlier: really CW? After a “minor” hiccup of the episode not taping (Okay, I was really upset about the fact I had to wait to watch it on demand), I watched it the next day. This season there was SO MUCH going on from the Dead enders, to Fillmore Graves, and then Liv’s dad. As we were quickly approaching the end, I wasn’t sure how they were going to address everything and then I was really hoping that they weren’t going to drop the ball on anything. But the finale really delivered (as all seasons did). All of these story-lines came to a head and Seattle saw its war on zombism that was bound to happen. There were casualties and people becoming zombies that I didn’t see coming, but in the end the cure was FINALLY created. Lots of twists and turns to get there and then we jumped ten years. I liked looking into the future and hearing from Clive, Ravi and Peyton. Deep down I knew Liv couldn’t be dead, but they did have me worried for a little bit. Or for the fact that they didn’t know she was alive. So it was a really nice touch in the last few minutes where Liv and Major spoke with them. (Btw super happy that they were endgame. I desperately wanted it this season and they didn’t have too many scenes until the last few episodes, so I didn’t believe, but PHEW!) One question I still have is what is Seattle like now? Do only zombies live there now or is Liv’s family the only remaining zombies? It was a little confusing to me. Let me know if you better understood it.  

The 100

Disclaimer: I have not watched the finale..yet. I’m sorry. But this is relating to all the episodes leading up to it. 

Something I’m noticing with a lot of the shows this summer season is that the second half is more intriguing. I tend to save up a lot of episodes and then when a certain plot line starts to pick up I feel more invested. This season of the 100 has been like that for me. But since the group (or should I say Bellamy) discovered that Clarke was alive and then she fought with Josephine, I have found it really entertaining. I like the transformation that Octavia has gone through, Echo has really grown on me (believe it or not) especially since watching her backstory, and as usual Murphy is one of my favorites. In the last episode I watched when Clarke goes back and pretends to be Josephine I love how we got to see who Murphy was truly loyal to. And then when Clarke talks with them and he says Josephine called him John. So good. The only part I’m really not a fan of his Maddie’s story-line. i just feel like we’ve got so much other stuff going on that it feels forced. But then again it will probably play a big part in the finale. 

As a huge Bellarke fan since day one I have been taking in all of these moments between them these past couple of episodes and seriously feel like if they don’t get together next season (which is their last) it will be a mistake. Bellamy’s face when Clarke was dying...He needs her and her him. Come on Jason! (Okay rant over. If you want more Bellarke see my page: Lydia-yougowith-Stiles.)    

KRYPTON

I know this SYFY original started its second season back in June, but I truly didn’t start to catch up until July. (Like A LOT were saved on my DVR and I did seriously think about cutting it loose.) I enjoyed the first season and the story of Superman’s grandfather and was interested to see what would happen in season two. The beginning of this season felt slow for me though. I just wanted most of the characters reunited and to know that Seg was alive. I had a feeling Brainiac would somehow be in him because it would be too easy if the villain was gone. Once people started interacting with each other it held more of my attention and then once SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER.......  Lyta “died.” (It’s really only on a scifi show that you can put “died” in quotes.) That really through me off. I didn’t think she’d die. So was I completely shocked when it was revealed that she didn’t die and her clone did instead- a little? I was more upset. I felt like for her character to die would work because characters would transform and react in a way that would stir up the show. Like I said this was one of the reasons why I stayed tuned in. I mean there’s still a chance (haven’t watched the last episode of this either) that she will die, but I have a feeling she won’t. I like seeing Val alive and present on the show rather than just a hologram in the fortress. Seeing Dev and Jayna team up has been really great. I always enjoy Nyssa and Seg’s relationship and just about jumped up and down when JOR-EL GOT HIS NAME!!! You knew it had to be him all along, but at the same time I was like when is it going to happen? It was so epic with the dramatic pause and the Superman theme playing in the background. One of the best parts of this season (in my opinion). Now they just have to get him back. 

PANDORA

I feel like I’m watching a lot in the Sci-Fi genre this summer. This CW show was one that I hadn’t heard of before the first episode aired. It grabbed me because there were so many familiar faces in the cast. (If you’ve watched shows like The Librarians, Ride or Free Rein you’ll know what I mean.) It follows Jax who lived on one of Earth’s colonies called New Portland, which was recently bombed. She was the only survivor. As she makes her way to Earth, to live with her Uncle and attend the academy, she is on a mission to solve her parents’ death and discover what truly happened. This is VERY Sci-Fi (which shouldn’t come as a shock I know). It’s cast of characters include humans, telepaths, aliens, clones, and part cyborgs. In the first episode you’re introduced to A LOT of characters, so it’s a little information overload. I also find that when I start a new episode it often feels like you’ve missed a previous one or that you started midway. I think it’s because of the styling of the episodes. They often jump a lot of time without telling you, or think you understand a definition, but really don’t. (There’s something involving Jax’s past that I still don’t 100% get.) But there’s something about this show that has me actually caught up with episodes. Right now it feels very much like a first season because the episodes are (not to use the same word) episodic. Something happens and then is solved the same episode. There’s an overarching plot, but it’s just in the background (probably until the finale). With the large cast of characters there are also a lot of ships and almost everyone interactions lead you to believe they could be a couple, so i feel very conflicted. RIght now though I keep getting drawn back to Jax and Xander. 

The Outpost

This CW Fantasy debuted its second season not too long ago. (I feel like I group it with Pandora because 1) they’re both summer shows and 2) not your typical CW style. I like the representation of Fantasy and Sci-Fi on the network.) I enjoyed the first season last summer, but it is REALLY hard for me to get into this season. I usually put this show off for a couple weeks and watch it when I have nothing else to watch. I think it’s because of the new black blood as well as Gwynn’s plot. Maybe it’s because last season there was already so much action and looking at this season we are trying to get more names and summon a demon army for Gwynn who awaits the Prime Order. And that’s been going on for about 3 out of 4 episodes? (Wow there’s only been 4 episodes?) Last episode with the return of Garret I found myself liking it more. I also like how Dred isn’t the head villain. We now know who he answers to. So that will be interesting to explore. I just hope the show picks up a little more. 

AT THE MOVIES

Yesterday

I was very excited for this movie to come to theaters. I thought the concept was great-strange but great. What if you knew all the Beatles songs, but no one else did? Jack Malik is a struggling musician who just can’t get his big break, so when he gets hits by a car and is the only one who remembers the band he does what anyone else would: play the songs as if they were his. I enjoyed most of the movie (and the inclusion of others who also remembered the Beatles), but did not like the ending. It brought down the movie for me. I’ll be good with this one and not give much away, but after you watch it let me know what you think. 

Spider man Far From Home

Another movie that I was very excited to see in theaters and it did not disappoint. I was a fan of Homecoming and was interested to see Tom Holland as the webslinger once more. Great dynamics with the cast. Loved Ned and Betty’s relationship. Zendaya’s MJ is one of my favorites and I liked her awkward interactions with Peter and how she was suspicious of him. All the echos back to Tony made me tear up. The scene in the plane when Peter is making his suit and the same song from Ironman plays and he’s basically doing the same moves. It hurts to just think about it now. I didn’t know about Mysterio before going into the movie, but it still wasn’t a shock what his true motives were. Especially because it seemed solved so early in the film. I think his reasonings make complete sense, which made him an entertaining villain. When first seeing the trailer I didn’t know how I felt about Jake Gyllenhaal, but I really liked him (and all the interviews he did promoting the movie, especially this one:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3FcCz2y2mM. Watch it. You’ll like it!) That first after credits scene was CRAZY! First I was dying at the return of J.K. Simmons and then the reveal! Can’t wait for it to come out so I can watch it again and again. 

*************************************************************************************

That’s a wrap! Any of my picks yours? If not what did you watch this month? Let me know in the comments!         

Rhetorical Ink Reviews: “Spiderman: Far From Home”

**WEB SLINGING SPOILERS BELOW**

I hadn’t seen the first Spiderman: Homecoming film in theaters, but I really liked it -- so, I was excited for this new film, but not sure what to expect. I went in with no spoilers, so if you get a chance to see it before being spoiled, DEFINITELY DO -- and then come back and read --

My Top Ten Thoughts on Spiderman: Far From Home:

10. I instantly love the chemistry all of this cast has throughout the film -- from the classmates, to the teachers, to Fury with Peter, to ESPECIALLY Mysterio and Peter Parker -- the acting is just top notch and everyone pulls their weight throughout the movie...yes, even Brad!

9. Samuel L. Jackson really brings it in this movie in terms of comedy -- heck, the comedy is really brought well throughout. This film has a very odd tone -- there is a lot of darker humor throughout, from the very first frame of the film to the last shots of BOTH after-credit scenes (so stick around for those). I personally loved the tone, and thought it was very effective in being both humorous and serious with high stakes throughout.

8. Peter’s struggle is real -- Everyone’s putting a LOT of pressure on Peter to be the next Iron Man -- and Peter, like we all would, rightly freaks out about that. He’s already having some PTSD symptoms pop up whenever Tony Stark is mentioned. In fact, it’s his stress of being a 16-year-old put with so much weight on his shoulder that drives his trust of Mysterio further. While we’re on the topic:

7. Damn, Jake Gyllenhaal NAILS it as Mysterio! As a fan of the comics, I knew that Mysterio would be, SURPRISE, a villain, but the way Jake acted and really sold the performance was so, so satisfying. He took what could have been a flavor-of-the-week villain and made it an extremely memorable performance! I predicted part of the film early on, but loved the explanation of The Elementals and his powers -- it made SO much sense and was SUCH a call back!

6. Mysterio’s big power is illusions and MAN, are the illusions trippy, scary, and really interesting in this movie! There is a moment when Peter first confronts Mysterio, and those illusions had my mouth gaped open -- one particular part was actually creepy and toeing the tasteful line **Too Soon?** but I was just in awe -- it was like a comic book battle between Peter and Mysterio come to life, and really led to some EXCELLENT character moments later between Peter and Happy and in the climax of the film!

5. I love that Peter is kind of like Tony’s would-be-son, but he’s definitely his own person...seriously, Tom Holland is PERFECTION in this role as Peter Parker. I just love him as this super hero. He’s my favorite actor to play this role, and he just delivers all the way through! A scene leading towards the climax between him and Happy is just so quiet, tender, and sweet -- my heart was swelling!

4. My only complaint in any Spiderman film is usually how CGI Spiderman looks in action, and yes, that is definitely the case here -- especially in the “illusion” sequences, but I’m willing to overlook it because of how good the script is. SERIOUSLY, the writing in this script is just flat good. Clever, fun, unexpected at times, and just helped to make the visual effects be a complimentary feature and not the “soul” of the film. It goes to show just how powerful a simple, but effective three-act structure can be.

3. I wasn’t on board with Zendaya as MJ in Homecoming, but I really liked her in this film and with Peter Parker’s relationship that blossoms. They spend a good chunk of the film building up the relationship, and it pays off in the end -- I was SO rooting for them and loved how it ended up! Although --

2. Those after credit scenes! I’m at such a loss now as to where Peter Parker’s story is going to go, especially after how Mysterio basically screwed him over with that first after-credit scene. But regardless, I’m excited to see his next adventure -- and maybe how Flash Thompson will react to Peter’s secret getting out? Cue the “Led Zeppelin,” right?

1. Go see this movie! If you like Spiderman, you will love this. If you like Marvel movies, you will love this. Personally, for me, this ranks up there with the first Avengers, Thor: Ragnarok, and Guardians of the Galaxy in terms of writing, action, humor, and overall fun!

Author’s Notes: These Our Actors, Chapter 2: Rosalie

I meant to start getting in the habit of posting a link back to my work on AO3 with my author’s notes for Brave New World Chapter 1, but I plum forgot, so I’m starting that practice now:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14429865/chapters/46781116

As I’ve said, this was a particularly difficult installment for me to write. To understand why, you need to understand my creative process. I tend to view writing as something of a dialogue between myself and my characters, particularly my protagonist. It’s not that I’m literally speaking with them - I speak of my characters as having minds of their own, and they do to an extent, but they’re not fully realized people. It’s more of a mental back and forth. I have an idea for a story, I begin writing, and then I just get a sort of sense that, oh, no, things actually happened this way, or that character felt this and said that at a given point. The characters tell me their own story, in a sense, once I’ve set the basic framework of the story.

Sometimes a character doesn’t want to talk to me, and I get stuck, and have to find a way to move forward. That wasn’t the problem with Rosalie.

Rosalie just had too damn much to say, and was quite picky with how I said it.

Am I entirely satisfied with the end product? No. Is the part of my brain that got into Rosalie’s frame of mind, the part of my brain that IS my version of Rosalie, entirely happy? Also no! But at a certain point you have to call the work done and put it out there, and after over a year of struggle, I was ready to get the blasted thing out of my head.

Looking at the revision history, I see that I spent a lot more time actively working on it, with fewer breaks, than I did working on Brave New World Chapter 1. I did take a six-month break from September to March, and then another extended break from March until June and July. I wasn’t doing a lot of writing at all in those periods due to the major stressor I mentioned before, a troubled organization I got involved with last fall which ate up a huge amount of my energy and mental bandwidth. Only since resigning my position with that organization and taking a step back have I found myself able to write again.

I did have a fairly complete version of this installment last year, but I’d had so much trouble writing it that I felt I needed a few extra pairs of eyes on it. I’m part of a small local writers’ group that meets every other week to share and discuss our fiction. Mostly I show them my original work, but they had seen some of my fan work before, including pieces of Out of the Blue (my Little Mermaid/Wonder Woman crossover) and a Power Rangers fic I have not yet begun to publish. Only a couple of them had read Twilight and none, as far as I know, had read As Dreams Are Made On, but I felt their general feedback might help me figure out what I was still missing.

A lot, as it turned out. In the draft I submitted to the group, there were no flashbacks to Rosalie’s developing relationship with Bella. The story focused entirely on Rosalie talking about Vera, intercut with scenes of her vigil at Bella’s bedside in Denali. I made mention of Rosalie and Vera’s little blood sister ritual, but didn’t show it; and in fact the blood sister scene and the observatory scene were a single scene, when they were about ten years old, and Edward wasn’t present. (Edward was, in fact, a very late addition to the observatory scene.)

The group felt that the story might be better served with more emphasis on Rosalie’s memories, and less on what was happening in Denali. They also felt that they didn’t entirely understand the depth of Rosalie’s feelings for Bella, and would like to see how they had become close. There were other more specific criticisms and suggestions, but those were the main issues.

So I went back to the drawing board. Even though none of the These Our Actors installments are meant to stand on their own - they all depend upon As Dreams Are Made On (and will eventually depend on Brave New World) for context - I had to admit we had only seen Rosalie’s relationship with Bella from Bella’s side, and I wasn’t entirely sure I’d sold it. I wanted to get her perspective on things. As always, she had almost too much to say.

The revision that followed involved a lot of agonizing. A lot of hair-pulling. This is probably the most technically complex story I’ve written in a while. I tried to keep the order of events consistent, always shuttling between time periods in the same order - present-day, Vera flashback, Bella flashback. I wrote the flashbacks as Rosalie telling the story, and the present-day scenes as an inner monologue. I added dates and places to try and ease confusion. Edward turned up - he was originally mentioned, but not shown - and while I didn’t feel he really fit, he came off as a decent character and I’m trying to write him sympathetically so I let him stay. I found I wanted to include discussion of Rosalie’s power, something I couldn’t really fit into Brave New World right upfront, and again it didn’t really fit but I tried to make it work.

Did I succeed? I don’t know. The initial feedback I’ve gotten is that the story is still confusing in parts. But people seem to be responding well to at least one of the parts I’m proudest of, and perhaps that’s the most I can ask.

The scene in question - Rosalie visiting Vera near the end of her life - hasn’t changed much from the first draft, if at all. I wanted to bring closure to Vera’s story, beyond the night of Rosalie’s death. I found it hard to believe she would never look in on her best friend, her surrogate sister. And, well, I guess Alzheimer’s and dementia are becoming something of a theme in my work, and writing Vera as suffering dementia toward the end of her life gave Rosalie another point in common with Bella.

As this story has evolved, I have deliberately started divorcing Bella’s story from my own. When I started writing, she was a straightforward self-insert, and the only question the story asked was “what if I found myself dumped into the story, in Bella Swan’s body and role?” But as this has changed, I’ve been trying to see less of myself in Bella, to make her more of her own person. She still has some things in common with me; one of those is that my mother died, far too young, from early onset Alzheimer’s, or as near to it as to make no difference. We never got a definitive, final diagnosis, but I watched her lose her mind, go from a force of nature to a barely verbal shell, from an independent person to someone who needed full-time care, who drifted in time and place, and who ultimately lapsed into a coma and died.

It was agonizing. And among my many regrets is the fact that I didn’t get to have an exchange like the one Rosalie gets with Vera. I didn’t get to have that final moment where she recognized me, and we talked, and I got to say goodbye. I didn’t realize that I’d had my last remotely lucid conversation with her until it was already over and gone.

So it’s a little bit of bittersweet wish fulfillment, perhaps, and a road into Rosalie’s head that I didn’t have before I conceived and wrote it. I am glad that at least some people have found it moving.

On to other matters.

The story centers on two poems. “The Old Astronomer” - one of my favorites - was part of it from the beginning, and seemed like a piece that both Rosalie and Bella would find moving for their own reasons. Canonically Rosalie did study astrophysics at one point, and Bella (again, like me) has always loved the stars. “Autumn Chant” came later, but when I heard it for the first time, especially that final stanza, it seemed so very fitting, and it gave me some ideas for Rosalie’s unique qualities.

Even in the actual Twilight books, Rosalie seems to have a uniquely sharp recollection of her human life, compared to other vampires. I knew early on that I was going to give her a power, and I wanted it to be more complicated than “supernatural beauty,” so ultimately I decided to bring her supernatural charisma together with her unusually good memory and create a new power: a supernaturally resilient self-image, one that allows her to protect her memories and sense of self from outside influence, and even project her self-image onto others. She sees herself as uniquely beautiful, she was raised to believe first and foremost in her own beauty, so others still see her that way too. (Rosalie is naturally lovely, of course, but her power gives it a little extra oomph.) How will that power change as Rosalie begins to master it and Bella helps it along with her own ability? What relevance will this have to the plot? I can only say that time will tell. But it was important, I felt, to get it down. I’ll have to find some way to work the explanation into the main story as things go forward, of course.

Overall, I sincerely hope you enjoyed most of Rosalie’s story. It’s not perfect - I don’t know if I can ever make it perfect, even if I do eventually loop back around to making an author’s preferred text out of all the Tempestverse stuff - but I hope there’s more good than bad. I have much more straightforward ideas for Callie, Angela and/or Edward, and Jasper and/or Jessamine cooking on the back burner, so we’ll see who ends up getting to go next.

Me reading your posts, "Hmm, yes. I agree. Wow you said that so eloquently and captured all the issues I feel." Just saying but your awesome. So on another note, any shows you recommend other than MLB?

Thank you!

As far as other shows I’ve watched, I have admittedly not been keeping up too much with television as a whole lately, but some shows I still enjoy kind of range in terms of currentness, so forgive me if some of my suggestions are dated. But even as old as they are, I still feel they are worth going back to now and then.

Gravity Falls has won my heart. Stan is awesome and I will fight anyone who says otherwise. And no, Mabel isn’t nearly as horrible as people have claimed. The creator himself made a point of taking standard tropes of relationships we commonly see that are usually built on annoyance and irritation between the two characters involved (the sheriff and the dumb deputy, the greedy boss and the earnest worker), and put in some love and positivity instead—and it shows in just how deep and downright awe-inducing some of the various relationships and interactions between the various characters turned out to be. He didn’t hold back his punches. He hit the characters where it hurt and made them grow.

Over the Garden Wall doesn’t get nearly enough praise. It’s unique and a good mix of creepy and humor. I felt Wirt got a bit too much flak at times, though. The use of the music and style is interesting and definitely different from what we’ve been seeing. 

Young Justice will remain one of my higher rated. I honestly think it was better in the first season since it showed more of how the team came together rather than how it fell apart. I get that times change and things happen but DAMN.

Teen Titans will always perhaps be one of my favorites. Not the horrible parody, I’m talking the original. It says something when we have a series that shares the focus on ALL of the members of the team. Each character was the center of not just a day in the limelight episode but their own ARC. In addition, we also got to see how each of them interacted and developed with each other and not just the ones based on shipping.. It made their relationships as friends and as a team feel real. And regardless of the enemy they were facing or just how wide-ranging the plot in question they were dealing with was, each overall plot felt equally significant whether it was just saving the team from nanobots or saving the entire world.

Danny Phantom. Over ten years since it ended, and like MLB, could have been done better in a lot of ways. It has similarities in that much like Marinette, Danny was also often the buttmonkey and made to be in the designated “wrong” of a situation, even if it reasonably was something he was arguably right about or it was involving a “lesson” he already learned three times previously. But it was fun and engaging. We got to see him and his friends grow as characters. Even the villains had some depth to them and were enjoyable to see again after their initial episode. 

Kim Possible is also awesome and yes, I am looking forward to the movie. Because it’s perhaps the one instance of a teen hero done right where everyone knows, her family is supportive, and the rest of the school doesn’t care.

Of course, those are all series that are done with, sadly. Unless they’re getting a reboot or continuation by fan demand. For other series that are still current:

Some of you already noticed, but Boku no Hero Academia is on my list. We have a main character who is an emotional teenage fanboy that we all have something in common with, and seeing him grow and kick ass is so satisfying. The horrendous damage to his limbs, less so. But I have to give this series credit that it’s the first series I’ve seen in a good long while—anime or otherwise—that has managed to create an entire roster of female characters with distinct personalities without resorting to making any of them the designated “mean girl” to stand out. To that effect, with the exception of Bakugou who has at least the potential of a hero if not the heart, the other 18 members of the class are all awesome people with good hearts and real potential to be heroes. (And yes, I meant 18. If you’ve seen the series, you know why.)

Love is War is another anime, one a bit more recent. It is perhaps the best romantic comedy I’ve seen so far that as someone else put it “answers the age of question of what happens if a tsundere falls in love with another tsundere”. Both of the leads are in love with each other but want to force the other to admit it first. One wouldn’t think a viable show could be made solely from a concept like that, but it WORKS. And it works so well.

There’s one more I have to add to this list, though it does deviate from the action/adventure genre most of these seem to fall into. It’s a new anime called “My Roommate is a Cat” and it is perhaps the most pure and beautiful things that has come out lately. You want an adorable show about a shut in writer who adopts a cat and the combined sweetness and hilarity that comes in the complete dissonance between how they see each other? This is the show for you! It’s cute, funny, and wholesome. Perfect for something to relax to and brighten your day.

These are just the ones that are currently on my mind. Check them out or if you already have, tell me what you think.

My 2019 reads

My top ten reads can be found here

4 Stars

All the Bad Apples by Moria Fowley-Doyle

Deena’s family is cursed. Any “rotten apple” in the family is doomed for a a tragic end. When Deena’s sister Mandy goes in search of the cause of the curse, Deena and friends go after her. This book alternates with stories from the past and present dealing with strong feminist themes throughout.

House of Salt and Sorrow by Eria A. Craig

A darker more horror story retelling of the 12 Dancing Princesses. Personally, I felt that connection to the original fairy tale was kinda weak and this could have been pitched as its own fairy tale. It was definitely creepy and kept you on your toes throughout.

Lock Every Door by Riley Sager

Riley Sager is becoming one of my favorite thriller authors but this one was probably my least favorite of his 3 books so far. Don’t get me wrong, it was still really good but while the twist was good, I figured it out fairly early on. I kept waiting for another twist that would blow me away but it never happened. Still, this was fun to read and I still stand by the 4 star rating.

Stepsister by Jennifer Donnelly

After Cinderella leaves with her prince, her stepsisters are left in shame. This story covers the stepsisters lives after happily ever after, and maybe they will get their happily ever after too. This book was sweet and creative. Isabelle, are evil stepsister, was a flawed character but still deeply likable. There was some magic and greek mythology woven in that really made this story stand out for me.

The Rest of the Story by Sarah Dessen

Sarah Dessen does it again in this heartfelt tale of a teenager trying to find her place in the world. Emma Saylor’s mother was an addict and now that she’s gone, Emma only has her stories to remember her by. So where does Emma’s life fit in to these stories and how does the story end?

Magic for Liars by Sarah Gailey

A non witch detective is called in to a high school for the magically gifted to solve a gruesome murder. This was a fun and unique read. It plays out like a typical mystery but the added element of a modern day world with mages and a magic boarding school made it it's own thing. I would actually love to read a series in this world as it was well built and intriguing. A big strength of this novel was I actually was interested in the main character's storyline as I was with the mystery. Sometimes with mysteries, the main character is just there to solve the mystery and nothing more. This was not the case for this book.

The Window by Amelia Brunskill

Jess’s twin sister is dead. She fell out their window one tragic night. But what was Anna doing sneaking out of their window? In this thrilling and emotional book, Jess discovers some of her twin’s secrets and sets out to learn what really happened that fateful night.

The Fork, the Witch, and the Worm by Christopher Paolini 

A fun short read that brought me back to my middle school years. Eragon holds a special place in my heart and this was a welcome return to the world. It hints at more in the future and I'm excited to see were this story will continue to go. I will admit though that I preferred the in between chapters with Eragon than the short stories themselves. The Urgal story was probably the best but it seems like Paolini is setting up for another full sized novel in the series and it really had nothing to do with the story at all. Still, it was enjoyable!

The Dark Days Deceit by Alison Goodman

A satisfying ending to the Lady Helen trilogy. There was a twist about the main villain that I honestly would have hated in any other book but it worked so well in this one. I’m going to miss this fun series.

3.5 Stars

Echo North by Joanna Ruth Meyer

Echo North is a retelling of East of the Sun and West of the Moon. This one had its deviations but was more of straight retelling of the fairytale. There are two parts to this book. The first one is about 280 pages and the last part is the last 120 pages. I think I would have preferred if they were an equal length. The first part could have been shorter and the second part could have been longer. There was a lot of interesting content in the second part that I would have loved to explore more. Still, this was a lovely read and a good retelling of the popular fairytale

Here There Are Monsters by Amelinda Berube

Skye is our main character. A high school girl that moved to a new town and just wants to be normal, maybe even date her cute neighbor? What stands in her way is her 13 year old sister Dierdre. Deirdre is weird, she’s creepy and she refuses to grow up. And now she is missing. All in all, I thought this was a worthwhile and exciting read. While I was personally left a tad disappointed in the direction it took, I know there are a lot of others that will absolutely love it. And the strength of the first half and the themes it deals with, is enough for me to recommend it! Read my full review here.

The Bear and the Nightingale by Katherine Arden

Based on Russian mythology and lore. This is a perfect fairy tale to read on a cold winter night. The characters are well developed and the conflict is subtle. It's a slow build up but never felt boring at all.

Two Can Keep a Secret by Karen M. McManus

For the most part, I really enjoyed this book! It was quick paced and kept you guessing. However, while I didn't think the ending was predictable, I did think it was a bit cliched. I was surprised by the twist but but it still felt cheesy. The rest of the book was really solid though. There were plenty of red herrings that kept you guessing and it was an enjoyable read with good characters. I liked that this one only had two main characters as opposed to One of Us Is Lying had the four but if I had to pick one though I would say One of Us Is Lying is the stronger book.

3 Stars

The Goose Girl by Shannon Hale

A retelling of the fairytale of the same name. It was such a sweet story! I thought that Ani/Isi's transformation and growth throughout the story was very well done. The romance was put on the back burner but I didn't mind. It was cute but a little rushed too. It was also very obvious who Geric really was but I don't think it was suppose to be this amazing twist or anything so I didn't mind. I liked the added elements that Hale put into the fairytale. Ani's wind talking ability was a great addition whereas in the fairy tale, she just talks to the wind and it’s never explained why. It stuck to the fairy tale very closely and I really enjoyed reading it.

Imaginary Girls by Nova Ren Suma

Chloe lives with her older sister Ruby, the girl everybody wants to be. But when a night of fun with Ruby goes wrong, Chloe is taken to live with her father, leaving Ruby behind. But Ruby will do anything to get her sister back and make things right for her. This was a strange book. I read it quickly because I wanted to know what was going on but the ending just left me more confused. I don't understand what the point of any of this was? However, the writing was beautiful and I loved the creepy and hazy atmosphere.

Teeth in the Mist by Dawn Kurtagich

This was pitched as a Faust retelling but I found little connection between it? I loved the Dead House by Kurtagich but her next book was a disappointment for me. While this one was better, I was still left wanting more. It’s strange that the story in the past is the main one, whereas the one in the present is done through transcribed video recordings and journal entries. Honestly, she probably could have done away with the story set in the present. I think many would like this book but it just wasn’t for me.

Twice Dead by Caitlin Seal

Naya lives in a world where necromancy is common, but the wraiths they come back are treated as second class citizens. When a solo trading mission goes wrong, Naya awakens to find herself the very thing she always found disgust in. Wholly creative with lots of twists, this was a strong debut novel.

Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo

I read Bardugo’s series of short stories A Language of Thorns last year and absolutely loved it. I was...surprised this was written by the same person. It was a very basic YA novel with a love triangle and super special main character. I think I would have enjoyed this a lot more if I had read it as a younger teen.

Truly Devious/The Vanishing Stair by Maureen Johnson

I went into this book expecting a lot of murder and creepy riddles left behind. That's not exactly what I got though. This book was just a tad bit too slowly paced. The murder doesn't happen until a little after the half way mark so the first half of the book felt unnecessary. I feel like 100 pages or so could have been chopped. What I really liked was the mystery behind the school that happened in the 1930s. For me that was the strongest part and I'm more interested in that than the modern day mystery. Which was sort of solved by the end anyway? I think there's more to it but if not it's rather underwhelming. Overall though, I enjoyed the book and the sequel was enjoyable too. Oh, and I need to set the record straight, there's a line in the sequel where someone mentions that the country bear jamboree doesn't have a movie based on it... but it does!!!

Hidden Pieces by Paula Stokes

Embry is the town hero for saving a homeless guy from a fire at an abandoned hotel late one night. But what would the town think if they knew she was the one who started the fire in the first place? Now Embry is receiving notes from someone who knows what she did. Now she must choose between letting the truth get out or given in to her mysterious tormentor’s demands. Hidden Pieces was a fairly solid mystery but it bordered on unrealistic at most times. Still, it was definitely a page turner.

Dumplin’ by Julie Murphy

This is one of those rare cases where I found that the movie was better than the book. Don’t get me wrong, it was still a good book but the movie fine tuned it a lot. The book was surprisingly long and the movie cut out some unnecessary stuff. I was surprised that there was two love interests in the book and I honestly preferred the one that was cut from the film. He was a much better fit for Willowdean and Bo in the book was much more of a jerk who was initially put off by being seen with Willowdean. The fight that Willowdean and her best friend have was much bigger and more dramatic and Ellen was actually pretty nasty throughout it. The movie definitely fleshed out these characters in a much softer light. The relationship with her mother was also much sweeter in the movie than in the book. It felt kind of emotionless and less inspirational here.

Pretty Dead Girls by Monica Murphy 

Popular girls are turning up dead and our main character, Penelope, fears she may be next. I went into this expecting more serious take on Scream Queens. I read this back in September and I honestly don’t remember much other than the characters barely reacted to their classmates/friends deaths and the murderer was impossible to guess and was utterly lame. If the killer has to explain their motives with brand new information that was not found anywhere else in the book, it’s not a good twist. 

The Twisted Ones by T. Kingfisher

This had a lot of potential and I know a lot of people have loved it but it fell flat for me in some places. The book is based on and sort of a sequel to the short story The White People. You definitely need to have read the short story first or this will make zero sense to you. Our main character, Mouse, spends much of the first third of the book cleaning out a hoarder’s house. It gets very tedious but picks up pace when the Twisted Ones are introduced. There are some good moments of tension but Mouse tends to ruin these moments attempting to be funny (which she’s not). The White People works best as a type of horror that is never truly explained but this book does just that. It’s at this point that the book lost me again. I think it’s mostly a matter of taste but I just wasn’t in to it. 

Five Dark Fates by Kendare Blake

I loved this series as a whole but I did not like the ending. Mostly because my least favorite characters ended up as the “winners”. That’s all I’ll say about that.

The Invited by Jennifer McMahon

Helen and Nate decide to leave their cozy life behind to build (literally build) their own little house in a small superstitious town. Problem is, the land they’ve bought is where Hattie Breckenridge a women accused and murdered for witchcraft, lived a hundred years ago. This reads more like a murder thriller that just happens to have ghosts in it than a true ghost story. There were some great twists but it was slow in some places. Like learning about all the ins and outs of what goes into constructing your own house from scratch. Helen and Nate also suffer some martial problems, brought on by the ghost, that just made me anxious and probably wasn’t necessary. I know it adds to the drama and suspense but ugh.

The Best Lies by Sarah Lyu

There’s a murder. There’s a mystery. But that’s not really what this book is about. Remy’s boyfriend is dead and her best friend Elise is the one who killed him. But it was self defense. Probably. The majority of the book takes place in flashbacks starting with Remy and Elise meeting and becoming friends. What starts as a normal friendship slowly turns into a toxic and emotionally abusive codependent relationship. Ultimately, that’s what the book is about. It’s honestly a fantastic portrayal. It’s toxic on both sides but you understand why they care about each other and stay friends. Not all toxic relationships end with a death though and perhaps this would have packed more of a punch had our main character came to some conclusions about her best friend in another way.

Winterwood by Shea Ernshaw

Nora is a Walker and Walkers are witches. How do I know this? Because she mentions it every other page. For the most part this book was enjoyable but extremely predictable. I would still pick up the next book this author writes though.

2 Stars

The Dead Queens Club by Hannah Capin

A modern day retelling about Henry and his 6 wives but this time they are high schoolers. The story is narrated by Annie “Cleaves” Marek, Henry’s fourth wife girlfriend.  I'm pretty much assuming everybody knows about Henry and his 6 wives at this point. So where the book really lost me was at the half way point where it turns into a murder mystery type book. If you know your history, you know who did the murder in this book. So the murder mystery angle doesn't work here, The characters don't know for sure, but we the readers do. It becomes somewhat tedious honestly. Our main character also sucked. Cleves was your typical quirky girl. She says witty things that really aren't witty. She claims to be a hardcore feminist but demonstrates this by kind scolding Henry when he says something sexist...and that's about it. This book was entertaining enough to keep me reading but I had my problems with it. Especially the second half. I think there are some people that will really like this spoofy tongue in check retelling but it just wasn't for me. You can read my full review here.

Wilder Girls by Rory Power

Let me just start by saying that I don't get the hype for this book. It’s an interesting concept but this book just did not work for me. It's somehow not long enough but nothing really happens throughout. The girls were not very "wild" and I don't know what the point of any of this was. This book has been called "feminist horror" and I don't understand that at all. The tox didn't empower them in any way and there wasn't any feminist themes throughout. The gore/body horror was minimal and not very creepy or disgusting at all. Overall, this book was not for me.

The Missing Season by Gillian French

Our lead character moves to a small town where kids go missing every year. The adults find logical reasons for these disappearances but the children of the town believe it is a monster named The Mumbler taking them. Interesting concept that wasn't fully realized. Nothing happens in this book until the last 20 pages. there's no build up or clues that led up to the big twist in the end. When the climax finally happens, it's over within ten pages and then the book ends another ten pages later. Minor plot points lead to nothing and the mumbler was barely played up to make this book suspenseful.

The Babysitter’s Coven by Kate Williams

Adventures in babysitting meets Buffy. Sorta. I went into this super excited and was hoping for something akin to Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. I did not get that. This reads more like a middle school book and was overly cheesy. I think younger teens would enjoy but I wasn’t a fan.

How She Died, How I Lived by Mary Crockett 

Kyle texted five girls one night. Only one responded and met up with him. He killed her that night. Our unnamed narrator was one of the girls who didn’t answer his text and now she’s dealing with the aftermath of knowing it could have been her. f this book had ended differently, I would have rated it higher. I had major issues with the romance. The narrator starts a relationship with the slain girl’s boyfriend and it was so insanely toxic though it was written to be romantic.

Rereads

Keeping the Moon by Sarah Dessen (5 stars)

Just Listen by Sarah Dessen (5 Stars)

Gemma Doyle trilogy by Libba Bray (5 Stars)

Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins (5 Stars)

Heartless by Marissa Meyer (4 Stars)

The Beautiful Ones by Silvia Moreno-Garcia (5 Stars)

The Refrigerator Monologues by Catherynne M. Valente (5 Stars)

Short Stories

The White People by Arthur Machen (2 stars)

I like the story itself but the way it was written was horrendous and hard to follow. It was a huge rambling block of text.

Bridal Boot Camp by Meg Cabot (4 Stars)

The Grownup by Gillian Flynn (5 Stars)