Today I find myself consumed by the infamous Simon-Harbouring-Wille’s-Jumper Scenes. (I swear, Simon putting on Wille’s jumper to feel close to him is some real Brokeback Mountain shizz right there, and frankly how dare he do this to himself and to us! But moving on…)
The infamous Jumper Scenes are pretty much a series of whyyyy questions that torment me on rotation: Why did Simon take Wille’s jumper before anyone else could? Why did he never even try to return it? Why are the writers doing this to us? And why did Simon choose to wear what he did to his Netflix date with Marcus after wearing it?
Send help because I think the beauty of the Jumper Scenes is that they are rife with all sorts of potential interpretations -- but it also means I can never make my mind up!
Okay so Q1: Why did Simon quickly yank Wille's jumper into his custody and hide it under his desk in the first place?
Simon grabbed that jumper so fast, it was like he was worried that someone else was going to take it instead (or that the teacher wouldn’t let him). The fact that he went as far as hiding it from sight under his desk really shows how determined he was to keep it in his custody. It feels like there had to be so much going on subconsciously for Simon to react the way he did there.
Were there elements of needing comfort in confusion? (ie. ‘I hate how this situation feels. Should I do something to try and intervene or leave it be? Let me just hold this remaining link to him until I decide’)
Were there elements of strategy? (ie. ‘I don't know why he is being forced to leave, but if I have his jumper then this is a plausible excuse to go talk to him in person and find out. I’m not letting any teacher or student get their hands on it instead.’)
Were there elements of protectiveness? (ie. ‘I know Wille best so I should be the one to take care of his jumper until it can be returned to him’)
And finally, was there panic driving an instinctual need to hold onto Wille to stop him from leaving (with the jumper acting as a symbol of Wille that Simon can physically hold onto in that moment)?
Whichever combination it was, taking that jumper would have felt like regaining some sense of control in a moment of helplessness. I love that Simon did that instinctually.
But I am so curious as to what excuse Simon gave to himself for taking the jumper. How did he justify it? Especially at a time when he knew maintaining space away from Wille was necessary for his health.
I wonder if he tried to brush it off initially as just a way of securing himself a plausible reason to get access to Wille to return it (and thus have a chance to talk to him to get to the bottom of things without Felice being the middle man).
Or was he cognisant that Wille’s sudden departure forced a split-second choice onto him -- whether he wanted Wille in his life or not -- and his jumper-snatching hands had made that choice for him before his head could catch up. That split-second choice exposed some hidden parameters of Simon’s intention to get over Wille: that 'space' from Wille did not mean 'complete absence' of him. There was a hidden, non-negotiable clause in Simon’s plan and that was that Wille had to still be present in Simon's life even if that meant it would take far longer to get over him. And now Simon is aware of his own caveat and has to act on it by seeking out the headmistress.
Okay, fine, cool, fair enough to Simon. But then...
Q2) Why did he keep the jumper and never return it once the crisis had passed?
Once Simon realised he still had Wille’s jumper in his bag, he had ample opportunity to pack it back in his bag and return it to Wille at school. Easy-peasy. It’s not like he needed it as an excuse to talk to Wille anymore, nor did he need to keep it as a souvenir of Wille since Wille didn’t actually leave. So what excuse did he use to keep it this time? That it was for the sake of the Jubilee because without its scent he couldn’t compose the modernised school song? XD
I know that obviously on a storytelling level, Simon kept the jumper because it is meant to represent his feelings for Wille (ie. treasured, kept close to him in secret, never discarded, unable to be let go of, etc), but I want to know why Simon could never consciously bring himself to return it when he knew that keeping it there in the room with him was completely sabotaging his own plan to get over Wille. I mean, he was so determined to get over Wille because it was agony not to but then he chose to keep Wille’s jumper under his pillow. Where treasured things go. That is not moving on, Simon!
So is that the answer? Simon was aware that he was struggling to let Wille go and this was his way of compromising? He thought he should be strong at school and avoid talking to Wille, but while it still hurts, he could get his secret fix of him in a controlled weaning in the safety of his bedroom? Because in the moments of stillness when he can’t quite distract himself from missing Wille, he can just take Wille’s jumper out and catch Wille’s scent on it or put it on and feel like Wille’s arms are around him, and that is a safe form of missing him because Wille’s not there in person to tempt him…
Oh Simon, you sweet self-saboteur…
But hang on just one minute because Q3! What was that boy thinking wearing his version of Wille’s orange jumper to his Netflix & Chill attempt with Marcus?
Like yes, I know Simon has worn that orange jumper before, but of all his jumpers, why did he change into that one that night? Swapping one shade of orange for another…
It happened after he stared himself down in the mirror for being such a pathetic, lovesick moper, wearing his ex’s jumper (that he stole). Was he hoping that he would be able to override the power of Wille’s Sniffable Orange Jumper™ (and thus Wille himself) by associating the colour orange with Marcus instead? Borrow the power of orange jumpers to jump-start the flame of attraction and then BAM a new sexy memory is unlocked and Wille’s Orange Jumper™ becomes just a pile of who-the-eff-cares cashmere (or whatever it is made from)? Because……. boy, there are easier ways to stop moping. Like just returning the jumper to Wille?
Or was it an entirely unconscious choice? He was just vibing orange when he looked through his closet that evening (because his subconscious was screaming ‘never forget about Wille!’).
Oh these damn jumper scenes do my head in in the best way. There’s so much room for interpretation and varying levels of angst. As I said earlier, send help.
194 notes
·
View notes