#or rather. i got proper into ofmd
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it has been. oof. six months. but for anyone following me who is still interested, we’re 7 pages deep (and i usually write about 10 pages per chapter) into the next chapter of the chatfic! in the words of granny weatherwax, i aten’t dead, and neither is the fic :)
schedules are not promised, but hopefully the wait won’t be too much longer!
#clari speaks#clari writes#wsrtwts#mabom#tma chatfic#i think that's all my relevant tags aye#idk lads it's just. the creative motivation has been at an ebb lately#or rather. i got proper into ofmd#started writing ofmdfic#promised myself i'd finish that one bc i knew if i left it it would die#guess what. i left it#got distracted by the dw au which admittedly was rabidly fun#then idk#teaching stressy gigs stressy auditions stressy work increased responsibilities not so stressy (yet) but even so#i've just been spending my evenings conked out on the couch#le shrug#anyway we're back to writing again! so that's nice#and once i've cracked through the dnd chapter (a key motivator for me writing this fic. and yet. the hardest chapters to write)#i know what's coming next so#:))) hold onto your butts
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Jim and Oluwande got the worst end of the deal. I'd even say they regressed as both characters and partners and anything they had built up in s1 was almost completely stripped away from them. The way they're portrayed together and apart in s2 is not only unlike the characters we saw in s1, but their rich storyline was reduced to extreme side characters used only as plot devices in a way they absolutely did not have to be used. I LOVED them in s1, and I was so disappointed by what s2 did to them and their potential growth, which I think applies to pretty much everything in s2, not only them.
Mind if I piggyback of this ask to go into all my critiques of the handling of Jim/Olu in Season 2? Thanks!
OFMD Critique: Tealoranges, Dropped Storylines, and Wasted Potential
God, the issues I have with the writing of Season 2 extend in so many directions. Jim's character, I felt, was well-handled for at least the first two episodes but then slowly starts skewing wrong as early as episode 3 (I am still chewing glass over the way their reunion scene with Oluwande was written- or, rather, NOT written). Episode 4 was good, but everything after that? Someone said that Jim in the back half of the season feels more like Vico than Jim, and though I do love and appreciate Vico, it's completely true. Jim doesn't feel like the same character we've come to know, whether from Season 1 or even what is set up in early season 2.
And yet, I STILL feel like they're written better than Olu, if you can believe it? So, I haven't talked about this much, but I feel like Olu is done dirty from almost the moment he is introduced in Season 2. At least Jim (through editing alone, but hey, we'll give the show the smallest benefit of the doubt) gets an acknowledgement that they miss Olu during that flashback sequences while they talk to Archie- Olu doesn't even get that. I read about a deleted scene that would have had Pete and Olu desperate to reunite with Lucius and Jim in episode 1 and I feel like that was DESPERATELY needed to make the Season 1 finale -> Season 2 jump make any sort of sense. I like Zheng, but for the love of God, her romance with Olu (which I had my own issues with for the disservice it does both their characters) is not worth destroying the tealoranges build up from Season 1. Just cut something from the first episode or one of the Zheng/Olu scenes from the second episode to make it make sense.
Then, moving onto later in the season- I've posted about how Olu and Jim deserved the grand, epic reunion otherwise 1x10 and everything set up with them in Season 1 doesn't make sense. Could the writers of the show have possibly redistributed some of the glorious cinematography from Ed and Stede over to Jim and Olu? All I need is one shot of their reunion (a proper, emotional one, not played for laughs or friendship or whatever) framed by the sun to parallel Ed and Stede's being framed by the moon and I would have been happy on that front.
And then later in the season...I was down for the poly elements if they could have been executed better. Fanfics have shown that the Archie plot could have been executed well. But the fact that Zheng is straight up NOT MENTIONED until 2x7 by Olu? And then Jim says that he's been pining for her the whole time? I'm sorry, but it doesn't compute. Show, don't tell. There's a reason why I'm down for Jim/Archie/Olu (if executed well), but can't see Zheng/Olu at all.
But of course, 2x7 comes along and we get the "family who fucked" line. And the implication that Olu could have ever left the Revenge without Jim, when in Season 1 he became a wreck because Jim left for A FEW DAYS, much less was FORCEFULLY SEPARATED from him for MONTHS. Then in the finale, at the lupete wedding, they were separated out, him with Zheng and them with Archie, and, well, at that point...I was tired. I'm not gonna lie. Because this wasn't questionable or problematic writing, it just fundamentally DIDN'T MAKE SENSE.
And this is just on a romantic relationship POV. I hated seeing Olu lose his leadership arc from Season 1 and his loyalty to Jim and his nuanced emotional level-headedness/sense of logic. Season 1 really felt like it was slowly building up the idea that the ideal Captain was neither Stede nor Blackbeard but someone a bit more rational, a bit more grounded, a bit more communicative with his crew- someone like Olu. And he gets shoved into the back in Season 2 and reduced to the guy who can't sort scrolls or know that the BOATS ON A MAP MATTER. He gets no influence on plot or major decisions when he was often the voice of reason in Season 1 (we all remember Lucius being a romantic voice of reason in Season 1, but rarely remember that Olu was a major supporting deciding factor in a number of decisions made on the Revenge).
And as for Jim, I wanted more exploration or even just acknowledgement of their trauma post episode-4. I wanted an actual organic continuation of their character arc post-vengeance quest and post-Blackbeard, not just them getting defined by "funny knife thrower with a girlfriend and an ex-boyfriend who they want to get with his crush." They were so much more than that, and it killed me to see the two people who were basically main character 3 and 4 in Season 1 get shoved aside for unneeded subplots about Ricky and Zheng or Gentlebeard's three separate breakups when Jim and Olu's plotline had so much more potential than any of that. They weren't just star-crossed lovers- they were a slow burn ship built of absolutely interesting, complicated, and well-developed characters who brought out the best in each other with a DEVASTATING midpoint to their arc and it honestly would have made a better season not just for them as characters, but for the show overall if someone had just realized that the parallels between a couple that fights and claws to stay together no matter what (tealoranges) and a main ship that was still figuring itself out (Gentlebeard) would have SLAPPED.
(I am now picturing a version of this season where instead of the Izzy fakeout death/Gentlebeard reunion in the beginning of the first episode, we get an Olu/Jim reunion in episode 3 to parallel whatever reunion the writers wanted to slap together for Stede/Ed. I would have actively cried over the Olu/Jim reunion and it would have drastically improved the season.)
#oluwande boodhari#jim jimenez#tealoranges#my asks#ofmd critical#ofmd season 2#meta#analysis#jim x oluwande#jim x archie x oluwande#rant#just in case#garlicule rides again
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some thoughts about ofmd 2x07 and the “break up” (it’s not, it’s ed being an impulsive sensitive fool (affectionate) but i digress) so spoilers abound, just wanted to share my pov
ok so!!! ed panicked. he’s still trying to figure his shit out, trying to heal from literally dying, from losing stede and getting him back and every dark thing that happened with the crew. so much has happened in such a short space of time that his head must be spinning. we see him flashing back to it, he’s still processing, and it’s all going so fast.
and then the revenge gets boarded and he has to watch stede be tortured, watch stede take a life purposefully for the first time, be reminded of killing his own dad, and then they fall into bed together after ed went to him to see if he was okay. they have sex, and ed makes stede this lovely breakfast, and he throws his leathers overboard whilst wearing his nice blue robe. he immediately wants to shed blackbeard for good and live in this new bliss where he can be soft and safe, but that’s interrupted when stede says that near-death situations are hard to avoid in their line of work. he’s brought crashing back to reality and thinks, shit, this isn’t gonna work is it? what have i done?
his head and heart are being pulled in so many directions and he really is facing an identity crisis, a personal dilemma, trying to answer the question “what do i want?” while all this is going on, while he’s faced with the fact that they’ll never truly be safe doing this and they could lose each other again. he might never get proper peace and bliss with stede, and he wants it so much. he wants a life where he doesn’t see stede in danger ever again.
and ed is insecure too, is the thing. he’s so highly sensitive. about the twine on the tray, the fish he caught. stede isn’t the only one who runs and buries his head in the sand when shit gets tough, ed does it too. whim-prone. this time, running off to be a fisherman is ed’s blanket fort. he’s like, okay, i’m feeling bad so that must mean last night was too fast, a mistake, and i don’t wanna do the pirate thing anymore but stede is loving his new fame, so that must mean i should leave. it’s almost like he’s rejecting himself before stede can, before stede realises this isn’t gonna work, that they want different things; they’re not compatible after all and it’ll hurt less if he walks away first this time. he’s trying to save himself the heartbreak.
i don’t think ed truly thinks them sleeping together was a mistake, i think so many feelings are just being mixed inside and that’s the conclusion he’s come to. he got to have this little taste of what their life could be like if they were safe and out of harm’s way together, settled down, but he doesn’t think it’s possible. he’s pissed off with himself for giving in to that temptation when he already knew he wanted to retire.
stede tells him their relationship can be whatever they want it to be but ed isn’t listening because he’s already made that impulsive choice and he’s stubborn, he’s afraid, he’s spiralling, he’s angry it has to be this way. he doesn’t even stop to think that, actually, it doesn’t have to be this way. they could find their middle ground, it doesn’t have to be one life or the other, but they cannot do anything without talking it through.
ed feels doubt, uncertainty, and takes a job on a boat rather than actually telling stede what’s going on in his head. what he wants. he wants to retire, has this fantasy in his head of owning an inn with stede, having quiet domesticity away from a fear of death. clearly he doesn’t think they can compromise, it probably hasn’t occurred to him or it has and he just thinks it isn’t possible to have the best of both worlds. but it is, and they’ll get there, and i think s3 will see them really find the life they’re going to keep.
honestly they should just look at their crew, really look, at how they look after themselves and each other. they could learn a thing or two.
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I've been thinking about Izzy's death today-
(Thank you hyperfixation for THAT)
And I don't think it's his death that's really bothering the fandom. But rather the grieving process that is.
See, this season the writers worked incredibly hard to show us how important Izzy Hands is to the crew. Izzy Hands became arguably the most important character both to the crew and to us.
And had he been given a proper death and burial. (Say, 5-15 minutes of screentime dedicating to losing Izzy, and his crewmates and friends mourning him), I think we'd all be fine with it.
Sad, sure. Heartbroken? DEFINITELY. But ultimately fine with it.
But because the finale is so rushed, we only got like 90 seconds to say goodbye. After a whole season of them carefully showing us how much we should love Izzy and how much potential he has, they ripped it away.
And it feels manipulative. Because not the death, but the grieving is so short, it feels like the writers have been taunting us from day one, just for this emotional betrayal.
The Fandom agrees that the finale in general feels rushed. (Stede and Ed don't even get a moment to say goodbye to the crew they created for fuck's sake-) But I think Izzy's death is the place where we really feel that.
Granted, that's likely more HBO's fault than the writers, but one could make the argument, if you can't do it right, don't do it at all.
I LOVE our flag means death. OFMD means a lot to me, especially as a newly out queer person. Izzy hands in particular means a lot to me. And this ending disappointed me. But it didn't make me love the show any less. I still love David Jenkins, and all the writers, and all the actors, and everyone who made this show possible. I'm just . . . dissatisfied.
And I think a lot of us are feeling like that. We'll still come back for Season 3 (if there is one, I think there is one? Please tell me in the comments-) with open arms. But we're still a little displeased at the moment.
Please don't confuse our criticisms for hatred, because a lot of us do still LOVE the show, even if we're not content with the ending.
Now, a side note, to give all us Izzy's fans a little hope-
Do you guys remember the scene where Buttons turned into a bird? And the overall theme of that scene was that Edward needed to have a little faith?
Maybe that's the message David's trying to get across with this scene:
Maybe we need to have a little faith right now.
#ofmd#ofmd speculation#ofmd season 2#ofmd season 2 spoilers#our flag means death#our flag means death season 2#our flag means death season 2 spoilers#izzy hands#izzy hands death#izzy hands grave#buttons
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Good Omens S3 possibilities?
These are not predictions, or even really based on any actual evidence. Just thoughts that I’ve been thinking about.
In no particular order:
I would like to see more pre-The Beginning scenes. Specifically, the battle and the Fall. Something about how Crowley said "I remember going into battle" has just stuck with me and I want to SEE IT. (also, they got Benedict Cumberbatch to voice Satan in S1, and I feel like we deserve to see a proper bumblebee cumberbumble cameo).
I want to see how Aziraphale influencing the car/the car not being fully Crowley's anymore plays out. Angsty side of me would actually quite like to see the car refusing to play Queen and repeatedly giving us "Nightengales" to the point where Crowley lashes out and destroys the car. Would be peak breakup angst. Fully devastating.
What happens if Hell asks Crowley back now? I’m not sure they actually want him back, but what if he pulls a OFMD finale Kraken move and goes full demon. Heart broken, rejected, unloved, unforgivable: might as well prove them all right by finally being the evil demon they all told me I was when I wasn’t good enough for them.
(Right, now I’m picturing Crowley blowing up the Bentley and saying “fuck God and fuck Humanity” and going full feral. I don’t actually want this, but it’s not unlikely)
I really don't want a sex scene. I don't even want another kiss. I want there to be long, desperate hugs and intimate cuddles, but I want it to read comfort and safety rather than lust.
I think we're going to see more of 1941. I think what people have noted about the Nightengale song coming out around then is very likely relevant, as is the fact that this is the only footage we see twice. A long flashback in S1, expanded on in S2. I feel like this is going to come back again in S3. Whether it's to see more of that night specifically (like what happened to the photo and who took it home to stare at for 80 years) or whether we'll see the next day/week because when, on that night, would Aziraphale have had time to do the I Was Wrong dance?
I want more Muriel. Like, a lot more. They saw the bookshop breakup, and they looked pretty shook the first time we see them through the window. I want to see how they grow and learn on Earth when they're very likely not being supervised by any other angels. How long will Crowley sulk outside before he’s invited in/overcome with the urge to help Muriel?
I would like to see one or both of our main babes growing facial hair. I know we don't really see that much on angels or demons but it would be delightful to see. Equally, I would like to see one or both of our main babes full femme-presenting.
Something I don’t actually want, but well within the realm of possibility: not just memory erasure by Heaven, but intentional self-deletion as a coping mechanism. Thinking Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind here. Think, “I’m erasing you and I’m happy!” (spoiler: they’re not happy).
I will probably keep adding to this as I rewatch Season 2 a few dozen more times.
#ineffible husbands#crowley#good omens#ineffible#good omens 2#good omens theories#good omens theory#aziraphale
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Honestly, I really admire (and am thankful for) the way you manage and handle those back and forth with some Izzy stans, I don't think I have the mental strength to entertain them myself.
I wasn't part of the fandom after season 1 aired, I watched it without engaging much and then kind of waited for season 2 to come out, so I had no idea such a divide had happened between Izzy stans and the rest of the fandom (glad I was oblivious to it ngl). All I know is that I hated Izzy’s guts and wanted him to get his just desert.
So yeah, I wasn’t a fan and I struggled forgiving him when season 2 started because the show was trying so hard to make him sympathetic (which I honestly couldn’t give two shits about at first, I wanted revenge), plus you’re right, Izzy got way too much screen time (which gave Izzy stans ammunitions to say “SEE!! Main character!!!”), but I did end up warming up to him by the time he died. I can even say I genuinely liked him.
BUT the journey to that point was sooo conflicting because some Izzy stans were also doing the absolute most in the main tag, painting Izzy as this angel who never did anything wrong and was terrorized by the monster Ed, and I was like????? Did season 1 happen??? Did I dream the whole season??? Did I watch a version from an alternate universe??? I was BAFFLED. I don't know who is that Izzy they're talking about, but it's not the one on my screen, that's for sure.
Then, Izzy died and the hardcore stans lost their shit (you know what I'm talking about) and they have seriously soured me to Izzy again. I want to like the character we had on screen, and I want to like his redemption arc. He was a great antagonist even if I hated him, and we owed him so much for all the shit he pulled in season 1, but the OTT takes and behaviors from stans I’ve seen have made me give up on him, which sucks. Maybe I’ll feel better about him in a few months, but right now, I can’t stand him, and I’ve blocked his tag everywhere (ao3 included, because, truly, fuck fanon Izzy, fuck him).
Hope it’s not too draining for you though, just writing this felt like screaming into the void, so I can’t imagine dealing with this on the daily. Take care!
hi anon i'm so glad you sent this bc i felt very similarly about izzy in s2. i didn't find him sympathetic at all. i didn't give a single shit that he was suffering from ed being in his kraken era bc he's the entire reason ed ended up like that in the first place. izzy was reaping what he sowed. seeing ed feeling so miserable broke my fucking heart and i can't stand any bullshit takes about 'izzy was protecting the crew from ed's abuse' or 'edizzy invented love confirmed' or whatever other nonsense his stans chose to take away from episodes 1-3.
i truly do not see izzy as a victim. i truly do not see ed as an abuser. sometimes i will start reading a post in the ofmd tag that refers to an 'abuser' and a 'victim' and i get halfway through the post and realise that the op has a completely opposite view of who is who than i do.
and as s2 progressed i just felt worse and worse about it like he was getting so much screentime and popping up all over the place and he'd absorbed a load of traits (from other characters that i'd have rather seen more of) bc the writers had to speedrun making him semi-likeable. i still haven't done a proper rewatch since the finale aired and i'm pretty sure i'll feel different watching it knowing he dies in ep8, but when eps 6-7 dropped i fucking hated every scene he was in and felt like he ruined some otherwise really lovely ed/stede moments like their breakfast in bed. izzy being cheered on for wearing drag and singing - the exact acts that caused him to threaten ed - feels exactly like the very common queer experience of seeing the homophobic kid who bullied you for being queer getting loads of support when they come out themselves.
and the takes that were coming out of the canyon at this time were absolutely wild, especially in relation to ed. people absolutely baying for blood, wanting to see him suffer, wanting his relationship with stede to suffer, wanting him to have to crawl across broken glass to repair his relationship with the crew, all while treating izzy as a protagonist who never did anything wrong.
so ngl i was delighted when he died. but mostly i was relieved that it was going to be over. i walked out of my circus tent with my clown makeup on believing that the canyon would yell for a bit and then slowly quiet down as people who claimed they'd be leaving the fandom if izzy died made good on their promise and fucked off.
and if anything they've got louder and more unhinged and are out here reinventing tjlc and harassing the writers and churning out the most rancid racist posts and writing obituaries that caused multiple people on twt to mistakenly think Actual Human Person con o'neill had died.
and on one hand i'm kind of glad that more people know what they're like now but god i really do feel for any izzy fans who have had their enjoyment of him ruined by the canyon. i really do think it's not the character that's polarising, it's the fandom response, in that most people who come in liking izzy end up either aligning with the canyon or getting so fucking fed up of the canyon that they don't like him anymore. and both of those are a shame tbh because he is very well acted and well written, especially in s1, and i wish i could've enjoyed his scenes and felt the emotional payoff of his death
anyway. sorry for writing you 1 billion words. ily ❤️
#asks#anon#the izcourse#izzy critical#absolutely no sarcasm - i really love that my askbox has become a Place For Screaming over the past few days#it ticks all my boxes bc i love attention and i love talking about my opinions. win win
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AN ~ Finally some fluff! because they deserve it. Future-fic, Stede has a surprise for Ed. For @fictober-event’s Fictober 2023 prompt: “Do you recognise this?“
Masterpost of my Fictober OFMD fics
Fandom: Our Flag Means Death
Characters/Relationships: Stede Bonnet, Ed Teach. Ed x Stede
Minor spoilers for eps 1-3.
Cashmere
The tailor’s shop is a particular joy the likes of which Ed thinks he may have never known. It’s taking everything in him not to touch every single texture and bead and button in sight. His world is full of colour and it’s delightful - he only wishes there was more room between the stands and manakins and marvelous creations that drape around them like the most fabulous garden. He weaves his own fingers together to try and quell the impulses and he focuses on Stede instead; on the way he scans through things with a discerning eye, and he calls things by their proper names, and he looks like he belongs.
Stede has a discreet chat with the proprietress, like it’s the most natural thing in the world, and gets them beckoned into the back room. There’s a little more space here, and a little less fabulousness to crowd in on his senses. Instead, the walls and the furniture are a little more plain and the highlight of the room is very obviously a torso-shaped manakin sporting the most exquisite coat he’s ever seen. It’s gloriously long and swishy and magnificent. Just looking at it makes him want to do a spin. The colour is a pale seafoam, and it’s trimmed with gold and pearls. It looks decadent. It looks… delicate.
Stede looks absolutely chuffed. He beams, and waves Ed forward.
“I knew you’d like it,” he declares. He runs a finger down the sleeve, inviting Ed to do the same. “And the fabric, do you recognise this?”
Ed lets himself drink in the texture. First with a touch and then, feeling bold, he takes it from its stand and holds it up against himself. Familiar is the wrong word for it, but oh, recognise it he does. It’s soft and warm and it takes him back. It’s a rather exquisite cashmere.
“Cashmere,” he breathes. “And the colour, this is indigo, right? Stede- this thing must be worth a fortune.”
“Mm-hmm, it certainly is.” He nods. “I know you said it’s not the same as a wedding exactly, this matelot thing, but… I wanted to get you something special.”
Oh, it’s special alright. They can bury him in this and pry it from his cold dead hands.
“How did you afford this?”
Stede’s smile softens, and it reminds Ed of that night under the moonlight.
“Edward,” he reminds him. “You’re Blackbeard.”
Ed blinks. Of course he’s Blackbeard. He’s got more money to his name than he will ever even know and it’s never occurred to him yet that he can just. Buy cashmere. He can buy pearls, he can probably buy this whole place if he wants. But he’s used to getting his finery by raid. Not like this. Not custom-made.
The curtain to the back door sweeps back and the tailor sticks her head in.
“How are we going?” she asks. “Can I get you boys some champagne?”
Ed makes a series of nonsensical noises, still trying to catch up on where he is and how he got here and how he can possibly think about champagne when he’s holding this in his hands. Stede interprets for him.
“Yes, thank you,” he says, and turns back to Ed. “Now, would you like to try it on?”
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So I finally bought a replica of The Robe from OFMD and wanted to write about it a bit (…a lot) and thought it was probably too long for an endless thread of tweets so here we are.
SO when I first got into the show (April) there wasn’t a proper replica of the breakup/depression/confidence robe readily available, only the fabric (though the existence of that was a bit of a mystery as the costume designers for the show said it was super expensive and they’d bought out all of it and only had enough to make one robe, so this newer fabric is probably a lower-quality copy). I nearly bought the fabric then but the idea of having to commission someone to make it, mail them the fabric, find the lining fabric too … eh, it just seemed like way too much of a hassle (not to mention way too expensive). But then the same seller that sold the fabric (Theblockprints) also started selling the robe itself! Buuuut it was still pretty expensive (though much less expensive than the fabric & commission route), so back in May I opened the Etsy tab and … left it sitting there until last week when I FINALLY caved (because the weather was getting cooler, probably). I spent ages looking at other listings and reading reviews/looking at all the review pics on Etsy (luckily there are lots), and decided to go for it based on the multiple excellent reviews and pics.
ANYWAY it got here incredibly fast - just under a week, from India! I got the 48” version as I am a shortarse, and it comes to mid-calf; the 57” would have been dragging on the floor, I’m pretty sure. It has kimono sort of sleeves rather than the square ones in the show but they still look good and I actually prefer that the drop is slightly less extreme (it’s more practical). The sleeves are a good length on me, surprisingly - it has the darts in the back, the 4 tassels, and it even has a pocket! (Inside)
OK, first impressions:
It’s a bit lighter (in colour) than I expected, and particularly a kinda - lower contrast of the design. Like, it almost looks a bit faded, but then, that’s potentially just what it looks like, because it seems to have a bit of a chameleon thing going on in different lighting...
I took photos in both natural and non-natural light and it looks quite different in both; also people take pics of theirs in different lighting for reviews, and of course TV shows both have very different lighting in different scenes *and* post-production Studio Magic, so it can be really hard to tell how “accurate” it is (or indeed, if all of the ones sold by the same shop are the same fabric, or if they have different ‘runs’ that look different).
The design is somewhat less crisp than I expected with less contrast (though again that varies on lighting), buuuut part of that might be that it’s velvet vs the canvas material of the tote bag I got recently… but, the second most recent review on Etsy is actually saying the same thing, that they bought a pillow in the same fabric from the same shop and the fabric was much more vibrant and crisp. (However, the *most* recent review, from today, is saying that it’s fantastic and perfect, no notes, 10/10, so I reckon people might just have different expectations/standards etc? And if you don’t have anything to compare it to on hand, then… maybe you wouldn’t notice?)
Like even on the show, it looks quite light in places (e.g. Ed singing on the deck) and darker in others, like the blanket fort scene, but of course that’s totally different lighting.
I haven't colour or contrast-adjusted any of the photos I took but even without that it can be tricky, as you'll see. (tumblr does eff up the quality of images a bit, sorry about that) It also looks much better at a distance, as you'd expect, but there isn't much less of a distance you can have from something than wearing it, lol.
this is the robe on my bed, in a room without natural lighting (the curtains were closed, the light was on). this is a really good pic! maybe i just need to only wear it in the dark.
tote bag vs robe. the tote bag is canvas, mind you
left - natural lighting, right, non-natural lighting
(this pic is especially maddening and is here as an example, because both these pics above were taken in the exact same spot at the same time, no filters or changed lighting or anything, I just moved my phone a bit and this is how different the pics looked. Phone cameras adjust depending on angle, light, reflections, colour, all sorts, so even the same time in the same place isn't consistent. -_- )
----
I’m no dressmaking expert but it seems well made. The tassels are lovely, a gorgeous colour, though a bit ratty in places, nothing a lil trim won’t help a bit.
Like. I didn’t expect it to be *identical* because it’s not made by the same people, didn’t cost as much as a full screen-accurate replica would, and I knew the design was a bit different based on the reviews and photos … and it *is* very nice indeed. I’m just - not sure it’s nice *enough* to be worth what it costs, which is A Lot. Based on the costume designer’s description of the cost of the original fabric, I’m sure that would have been higher print quality, which is to be expected.
I don’t think I regret buying it exactly, and it’s still the best option there is out there (aside from a full private commission which is definitely out of my price range), but I guess I’m just saying, manage your expectations. If you’re not expecting screen-identical look *and* quality, it’s great! Is it £150 great? Well, that’s up to you. Maybe?
It’s very comfy, though. Fits (me) great. I was a bit worried it’d be too heavy but it isn’t at all, it’s a nice weight. The lining isn’t silky but a hot pink cotton, feels nice, especially as I’m not gonna be wandering around shirtless in it like Ed did, lol. I’d be wearing it now, probably, except it’s pretty warm today, darn it.
So, to finish, do I like it? I do like it a lot. It’s nice quality overall and it’s a fun thing to have, a little piece of my favourite show (kinda). I’m a *little* disappointed that it doesn’t, to my eyes at least, look as vibrant as I’d hoped (except when it does, when it's not so bright out), but I honestly can’t tell how “inaccurate” that makes it because of lighting etc. I do think they’re possibly cheaping out a bit on the fabric/print for the robes vs smaller items like pillows and such to save $$, but I couldn’t prove that without seeing multiple robes (and pillows) together in person or something.
Would I recommend it? Well, if you want one and can’t afford to commission one (and honestly even if you did, you might still get this same fabric if you ordered it from the same shop) and can afford this one, then yes; you’re not gonna find a better option because there currently isn’t one.
And... actually, as a lil update, I've spent so long writing this that it's gotten a bit darker/overcast outside and the colour actually does look a bit more vibrant/accurate (or I'm incepting myself), so maybe the slight shininess of it is a factor in bright lighting/daylight?? I dunno man!
It is a beautiful, lush robe. If I'm gonna be a sad bitch, at least I can be a sad bitch ~in style~ <3
#ofmd#our flag means death#that merch life#this is so hard to review because it looks different every time i look at it sdklksjdlk#it's super comfy tho
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i've been wanting to read more poetry since being cracked open in the most beautiful way by all of your poem choices in proper hydration. i've already added tc tolbert, ellen bass, and timothy liu to my list but i want moreee. if you could recommend any three books of poetry to someone, what would they be? (three is an entirely arbitrary number feel free to share as many or as few as you like) <3
HOLY SHIT THANK YOU FOR ASKING A:LKSDJF
I described in a previous post how I typically find my reading, so here’s a crop of my all-time personal favorite collections, or at least the ones that immediately come to mind. And while I have faves based on moods/vibes, these transcend regardless of what mood I’m in or after.
Too Bright to See & Alma by Linda Gregg. Holy shit, buckle up. I’d been reading poetry for about a year when I encountered this book thanks to a post from the poetryisnotaluxury insta and it blew my socks out of my Birkenstocks. It’s Linda Gregg’s first two books (1981 & 1985), reprinted in one volume. Short, declarative sentences grab you by the shoulders and force you to reckon with the emotion she’s conveying with sparse but clear language and imagery. I had to, like, pause my poetry reading for a few days after reading this to let it swim around in my being. Could only read one or two of her poems at bedtime rather than my usual inadvertent five or seven (or 10, oops, knotwerk, go to sleep). Here’s the first poem in the collection: We Manage Most When We Manage Small
Kingdom Animalia by Aracelis Girmay, which includes this banger—if there were some kind of counter for how many times I’ve read a poem, this one would definitely be in my top 5: Elegy
Time Is A Mother by Ocean Vuong. *rolls up sleeves* Okay, so: everything Ocean Vuong has done, ever. OMFG. I started with Night Sky with Exit Wounds, and then read On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous and my brainheart exploded. And then I listened to as many interviews as I could and got more insight into life art creativity writing than I thought possible from a single source. There was a span of time (early 2022; the months preceding the drop of OFMD S1 actually) where I had immersed myself so much in Ocean Vuong work that he appeared in my dreams. I had this one dream where I was wearing a mint green football jersey with OCEAN VUONG on the back in neon pink letters. I’m that kind of fan. And this particular collection—this is a writer at the top of his game, leaving it all on the field. Highly recommend getting acquainted with his bio & his preceding work first so you can get a sense for the context of this absolute brilliance.
Undrowned: Black Feminist Lessons from Marine Mammals by Alexis Pauline Gumbs. OK, this is a hybrid work; prose-poem-y pieces that started out as posts on her Instagram. I want a t-shirt that says “I was there when Alexis Pauline Gumbs started posting the pieces on Instagram that became Undrowned” because I like remember where I was whenever I read a new post—I was like HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT LOOK WHAT YOU CAN DO WITH WORDS I HAVE TO LAY DOWN. And here it all is in a book and it’s amazing.
Other fave writers (off the top of my head, certainly forgetting some who are important to meee) who totally have collections that should be on this list but if I don’t stop now we’ll be here for weeks:
CA Conrad
Cameron Awkward-Rich
Ross Gay
Louise Erdrich
Ada Limón
Naomi Shihab Nye
George Abraham
Also, my favorite Neruda is Extravagaria. 🌊
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING I LOVE YOU
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Do you have any advice on how to make your writing sound appropriately Shakespearian?
As someone who does it recreationally, sort of!
Strict accuracy to Elizabethan language is neither possible in all things nor desirable. No matter how useful it would be to have "thee" as an intimate second-person pronoun, it rarely reads well to modern audiences (happy to see exceptions, though). And contractions will often help the flow of your text -- something Billy Shakes would agree with! -- but "It's" trips your reader up less than "'Tis"
You can still capture the spirit in a few ways. One I find comes pretty naturally to me is being prolix. Use five words to paint a charming picture where a "yes" or "no" might do. (Not all the time -- variety is the spice of life, and you also don't want to bog the piece down so much it doesn't progress.)
"Variety is the spice of life" was a phrase coined by William Cowper in the 1700s, not Billy Shakes. But it sure had me a moment there.
My method is something like "grab a few lines that really attract me in whatever Shakespeare or Marlowe I've read recently, then make sure they don't stick out from the surrounding prose like gilded thumbs." So I have to elevate the rest of my prose to match theirs.
Like "prolix" isn't usually my choice of word (I'd do "verbose" or even "wordy") but it's got a flavor, right?
Read a lot & watch or listen to a lot of performances - both are helpful, as some sentences don't really come alive unless someone is saying them. Text of the complete plays is available free on the MIT site.
And this site is a free Shakespeare concordance, in which you can look up all Billy's uses of a given word. Useful to check a) if a word would be anachronistic (doesn't mean you can't use it!) or b) if it was used in a somewhat different way than modern speakers would. For instance, I've had characters' "nerves come alive with sensation" and such, reflecting modern understanding of neurons and sensations, but Shakespeare tends to use "nerves" in a way that's more like a type of muscle. I and my readers are alive, so the meaning that's more meaningful to us wins out. But if I started talking about serotonin or synapses, I've gone too far into modern neurology to be convincing.
Additionally, Will would call himself a "poet" rather than a "playwright" (after all, much of the plays are written in verse), so I will sometimes reference that in my writing about him.
Yes, this is often more research into historical accuracy than Shakespeare ever did: modern Billy Shakes would be the guy who read a fair deal to get ideas for plots, but didn't care about the geography (giving seacoast to European nations that have none, etc) and used language HE found fun, not language appropriate to the period he wrote in. William Shakespeare was the sixteenth-century David Jenkins writing OFMD, basically. But we're not trying to be the modern Shakespeare/Jenkins, we're trying to mesh with the sixteenth-century writer and his sixteenth-century works (in some ways at least).
Re: anachronisms, I once griped (gently) about a writer having Kit Marlowe's crush use the word "Masochistic". Sacher-Masoch lived and died and gave his name to my favorite perversion in the 1800s. If it wasn't a proper-name-derived term I'd probably gripe less. But I also think the author passed up an opportunity to try playing with terms for kink used in the 1500s (Marlowe himself gave the world a few references, or at least enhanced them, with Tamburlaine). Then again, the author and presumably most of her audience might not care as much about either kink or precise language as I do.
On the other hand, Dorothy Dunnet's Lymond chronicles includes a use of "catamite" that is a bare few decades too early, and while I've read enough about queerness in the sixteenth century to notice, I do not object, because the word hit the modern reader where it needed to, and anyway a few decades vs a few centuries is not the same (also proper noun vs more generic term).
The Lymond chronicles overall are delightfully prolix and intensely clever, so possibly one of my fave examples and inspirations when I want to write 1500s, though the books themselves take place several decades before Billy Shakes wrote (I think he might have been born by the time of the last books, but he's not showing up or anything).
Also, there's a handful of quotes from Shakespeare and especially Marlowe that everybody knows: this doesn't mean you can't use them, but be aware "those who love not tobacco and boys are fools" isn't fresh unless you can do a spin on it. It doesn't have to be fresh, but I've seen some authors unveil it like a shocking line we've never read before. And if we know & like Marlowe enough to read a book because he's in it, we've heard it before ;D. Unexpectedness and irony are useful when pulling in a shout-out.
Anything I've ever written in iambic is by accident, but you can pick up some sense of...something from enough reading & listening, and you can use other forms of wordplay that come more naturally to you: metaphor and alliteration are both fun for me.
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The Perfect Height (OFMD Ficlet)
Our Flag Means Death, Stede/Ed
Post-S1, post-reconciliation, post-love confessions and sexy times, it’s time to work out what to do about Izzy.
Ed and Stede have been debating what to do with Izzy for about three hours and are no longer to coming up with any answers. They’re on their second glass of rum each and their sitting positions on the sofa have slowly turned into Ed sprawled out with Stede cuddled up against him, relishing every point of contact.
It’s not even a proper debate, because neither of them are really settled one way or another, but keep changing their position as new factors occur to them.
“It’s just that he’s proved we can’t trust him not to betray us if he’s not on board,” said Stede, currently on the side of keeping Izzy on the crew.
Ed snorted. “Can’t really trust him if he’s here,” he pointed out. “And the rest of the crew won’t like having him bossing them about, not after...all the bullshit. They mutinied on him, you know.”
Stede considered that, taking a slow sip and then resting his glass on Ed’s thigh, as it was right there. There was such comfort in the possessiveness he felt for Ed, in the way he now knew Ed would let him make this little gestures without saying a word. “We could bump him down from First Mate,” he suggested. “Who doesn’t get to give any orders? Cabin Boy?”
“We make him Cabin Boy and he’s going to set about getting promoted by creating dead men’s shoes to step into,” said Ed, moving his arm from around Stede’s shoulders briefly so he could swipe his finger meaningfully over his neck. “Besides, whatever else he is, he’s a fucking good pirate. Good sailor as well. We don’t have enough of those to go wasting ‘em.”
“If we keep him as First Mate, will he even take orders from me?” asked Stede, spinning back to an earlier discussion point. “You know he wants me dead.”
Ed let out a gusty sigh, tilting his head sideways to rest against Stede’s. “Dunno if he still does,” he said tiredly. “He might be over that now.”
“I rather think any chance that he might stab me in the back one day over breakfast isn’t worth the risk.”
“Yeah, I know,” said Ed, and he really did sound exhausted. Stede wasn’t sure if it was the late hour or the conversation that was draining him but he started to wonder if they shouldn’t shelve it for now in favour of going to bed. Izzy would still be in the brig tomorrow morning, waiting for a decision on his fate. There was no great hurry.
There was a pause in the discussion for a few minutes but unlike the usual silences Stede came up against in conversations, it wasn’t awkward or punctuated by irritated looks. It was calm and easy, both of them comfortable just sitting with their own thoughts while basking in close contact with the other.
It really was quite lovely. He was looking forward to it becoming a normal part of his life.
“Thing is though,” said Ed as if no time had passed since his last comment, “he’s exactly the right height.”
Stede blinked, because he hadn’t expected that. He took a moment to try and work out what Ed meant, picturing Izzy’s stature, and then half-shook his head. “The right height for what?”
“For after a raid,” said Ed. “A proper raid, you know, not one where they just roll right over, but one where there’s leaping about and sword-fighting and fuckery shit, you know. When I’ve gotta be Blackbeard, and show no weakness.”
Stede nodded, because he’d seen Ed doing that, jumping about and moving like a man half his age.
“And then afterwards, I’ve still got to be all threatening and shit, but usually my knee is kinda fucked, you know? Even with the brace.”
“Oh Ed,” said Stede, starting to sit up so he could turn to look at him, “you shouldn’t risk hurting yourself, that’s-”
“Nah, it’s fine,” said Ed, pulling him back down with the arm around his shoulders until Stede is cuddled into his side again. “Part of putting on the show, you know? And usually it just needs a cold cloth and some rest. But when I’ve got to face down a surrendered crew first, Izzy’s really just perfect to lean on. You know, arm around his neck or even just a casual elbow resting on his shoulder like he’s a whatsit, leaning post type thing, and it just looks like Blackbeard and his first mate showing a united front. Looks cool, even, especially once they’ve seen the fucker fight. Blackbeard draping himself over his fierce little attack dog, no fear of being bitten, you know.”
Stede nodded, because he could see that. Two leather-clad pirates, moving as a team and glaring down the crew who had just surrendered to them.
“And he’s a strong fucker,” added Ed. “I can put all my weight on him and he just stands there, steady as anything, glaring at whoever’s around and acting like I’m just being casual. I don’t think he’s ever said a word about it, just lets me rest my knee like that until I can get back to my cabin and sort it out properly.”
“Well you can always lean on me in the future,” said Stede. “I’m stronger than I look too, you know.”
“Oh, I fucking know,” said Ed, nudging Stede’s head gently with his own in an affectionate way that made Stede think of a big, gentle dog. Warmth spread down his body at the reminder that he had this now, had this lovely man to cuddle. “Kind of a different vibe though, Blackbeard snuggling up with his lover, to Blackbeard dominating his First Mate.”
Stede supposed he had to admit that. He let out a sigh. “So you want him to stay?”
“Fuck knows,” said Ed, then sighed as well. “I want the fucker I’ve known for twenty years to stay. The one who had my back and did as much to create Blackbeard as I did. I don’t want this fucking shithead who thinks I can only be one version of myself and is willing to make deals with the fucking British to keep me trapped like that.”
“Maybe that’s it then,” said Stede. “We’ll have to ask him which of those he wants to be, and make a decision once we know.”
“Yeah,” said Ed, and it came out half-word, half-sigh. “Fucking...fucking little fucking arsehole.”
Stede patted at Ed’s leg. “I don’t think we’re going to make a decision tonight, anyway,” he said. “Shall we go to bed?”
Ed perked right up at that. Stede was pressed close enough to feel his whole body twitch and straighten up.
“Oh yeah, bed,” Ed said happily. “I like that idea.”
“Thought you might,” said Stede and stood up, putting his glass down and then turning around to lend Ed a hand getting off the sofa.
Maybe he couldn’t help with this when Ed was being Blackbeard and needed to be fierce, but Stede could help him in here, in the quiet contented space of their cabin. He knew which he’d rather have, given the choice of the two.
#ofmd#our flag means death#ficlet#Snuggling on the sofa solves every problem#Is apparently a tag I already had#they don't solve their problem but I'm still going to use it#pirates in love
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“Well it really can’t be all bad,” Stede said from where he was sitting on the cot while Izzy paced back and forth in front of him. “I know my crew will be searching for us—and I’m sure yours too. They’re wouldn’t want to leave their dear Captain behind.”
Izzy paused and turned to look at Stede, his ever present half-sneer turned slightly into confusion. “What in the fuck are you talkin’ about?”
“Hum? Well, they seem quite loyal and all that,” Stede said. “Ivan and Fang do. Wouldn’t leave you behind, certainly.”
Izzy faced him fully, thumbs caught in the loops of his belt. “You think I’m their Captain?”
“Well, yes. Isn’t, isn’t that what we’re doing?” Stede gestured between the two of them. “Rival pirate Captains, duking it over the high seas? For fame and glory and the joy of getting one up over the other.”
Izzy snorted, then laughed what was quite possibly the most genuine laugh Stede had ever heard nor ever would from him.
“I’m not their goddamned Captain I’m the First Mate, of course they’re loyal,” Izzy said. “We serve under the same man.”
“Oh, well that’s. Huh.”
“What?” Izzy bit out.
“No, no nothing I simply, well, I suppose you simply acted rather captainly so I mearly assumed,” Stede said.
“Of course compared to you I look like a proper captain,” Izzy said, stalking across the stone floor, words spitting out. “The man I serve has more skill and power in his pinkie ring than you could ever dream of having. He’s more of a man, let alone pirate, than you’ll ever be and the fact you even dare to place yourself at his level makes me physically sick ”
“Indeed,” Stede said, back pressed against the wall of the tight cell as Izzy hovered over him menacingly. “Well, he certainly must be quite the Captain to hold such devotion.”
“He is,” Izzy said and he looked like he wanted to snarl or bite or something but he simply stood there, glowering for a beat before pulling back from his menacing hover to stare at the opposite wall.
“Then we’re in even better shape than I thought.”
Izzy looked at him askew, lip curling. “What do you mean by that?”
“Well like you said, I’m not even close to half the pirate your captain is, rather not even a quarter really. So I’m sure he wouldn’t leave behind his most loyal compatriot.”
“You don’t know how any of this fukin works, do you?” Izzy said, rounding on Stede again, only this time stood—well, rather sat—his ground. “You think he’s just going to come trouncing in just because I got myself tangled with the likes of you and your absolute stupidity and got myself captured? Pirating don’t work like that mate.”
“Perhaps not,” Stede said, gaze lowering for just a moment as his hands figited nervously on his knees. He glanced back up to lock firm eyes with Izzy’s “But still, I know myself as a Captain, and I know for certain I wouldn’t leave any of my crew behind in a situation like this. Not if I had any recourse to save them.”
Izzy huffed a breath through his nose as he stared Bonnet down. “What the hell are you implying?” he said with a breathy snarl.
“Nothing, nothing at all,” Stede said honestly. “Just...either we sit here and wait for either my crew or your captain to come get us in time or…”
“Or?” Izzy snapped when he never finished.
Stede sighed. “Or we put aside our differences for the moment to focus on our mutual situation and…” He caught Izzy’s eye. “Work together.”
Sorry can’t stop thinking about the 25 ep season run of OFMD and half season antagonist Izzy Hands having to begrudgingly work with his hated rival Stede Bonnet who’s an absolute moron and still somehow manages to get the better of him half the time
#hbo max is being homophobic and keeps crashing while i'm trying to finish the show so I wrote this#our flag means death#ofmd#stede bonnet#izzy hands#25 ep season ofmg au#izzy can have little a minion to a scarier big bad villain arc; as a treat#ofmd stede#ofmd izzy#jack.txt#jack.fic
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OFMD NSFW alphabets p1: LUCIUS
A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex): OHOHOHO this man is an absolute sweetheart when it comes to aftercare, he'll ask roach to make you a warm drink and wipe you down like it's another round of fucking foreplay
B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s): Yours: he absolutely ADORES your thighs, this man loves gripping onto them well he eats you out like a man STARVED but also, He loves your sides. Specifically, he likes where your ribs are. He trails his hands down that regular path on his way to get your pants off
His: he really likes his shoulders, he love looking in the mirror and seeing all the pretty bite marks you and Pete have left there other than that he's quite prideful of his ass, as he should be
C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person): okay here me out: when this dude cums he CUMS. Mf is fine Nutting anywhere you're comfortable with
D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs): he REALLY wants a 3some with you and black pete he'd literally commit several felonies to have his 2 favorite people either fucking him or being fucked by him
E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?): he knows what he's doing, mans can play you like an upright bass for God's sake
F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual):he loves fucking into you from behind seeing your ass on display just for him
G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc): a few jokes here and there, aftercare tho OH BOY FUCKING HOWDY he's teasing you and making jokes to make you red in the face
H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.): he manscapes a little so it ain't like a jungle but he's got a happy trail and a little bit to keep warm
I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…): He's somehow intimate, yet vulgar. He'll make lewd noises, but somehow, the sweat and skin colliding keeps things intimate
J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon): if you and black pete aren't available (for whatever reason) he'll usually fuck into his hand and whimper either of your names
K = Kink (One or more of their kinks): He's a total SLUT for praise, tell him he's doing a good job and he'll MELT. He's very much into gripping, never hard enough to hurt you. His fingers will dig into your thigh or hips when he's drilling into you to keep you in place. He's also canonically into exhibitionism, the risk of getting caught always gets his blood pumping to the right places
L = Location (Favourite places to do the deed): he likes going into stedes private closet full of fancy clothes.
M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going): frenchie started this regular thing where he'll sing on deck and it'll turn into a little party, seeing you dance and laugh with the other crew members always gets him hot and bothered
N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs): anything having to do with bodily fluids (other than cum) he has class even if it's not much
O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc): he prefers to give, he's a chatterbox, using his mouth is a skill on its own. He'll eat you out like a man starved until you're crying from overstimulation
P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.): first couple of times he was like a dog in heat. After a while he caught feels and now he makes it all about your please bc it gets him off way more knowing he's making you feel good
Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.): he LOVES quickies, going at it when yall are supposed to be doing work? He fucking lives for it
R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.): He's into exhibitionism. Need I say more?
S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…): he busts pretty quickly but he can go for around 3 rounds
T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?): modern lucius would definitely own a couple vibrators to use on himself AND his partners
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease): he LOVES to tease, edging is a two way street for him
V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make): he tries to keep the noise down but all it takes is a tug of the hair and one "good boy" and he's a whimpering mess
W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice): first time yall fucked was right after he sketched you
X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words): good 5.5 inches, average girth, leans slightly to the right
Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?): he sees you dancing or laughing at a dumb joke stede made and he's ready to go. Seeing you happy makes him weak in the knees
Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards): after he's done with aftercare he holds you and makes sure you're asleep before he let's himself drift off
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OFMD NSFW alphabets pt 2: Wee john
A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex): this man LIVES for aftercare, absolutely covering every part of exposed skin with kisses telling you how good you made him feel, he's such a sweetheart
B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s): Yours: he likes your lips, he loves watching you graze your teeth again them in pleasure and kissing you when he's about to cum
C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person): He'll go on with foreplay until both of you are practically seeping with pre-cum.It makes you both particularly needy, and makes the climax more welcome and more exhilarating.
D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs): He has a lot of wet dreams about waking you up with head.
E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?): He's experienced enough to know exactly what to do to make you scream his name
F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual): he loves when you ride him watching you bounce up and down on his cock and he ain't gonna last long
G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc): He's not too too serious but there's not a lot joking until afterwards it's mostly just praise and moans
H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.): this man is the DEFINITION of a bear sure he doesn't have a full bush but he's got pubes to spare
I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…): this man is so sweet about everything, constantly praising you, kissing every bit of exposed skin he's a sweetheart about it all
J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon): He beats off routinely twice a week for stress relief and partakes in mutual Masturbation bc he thinks it's a sight to watch you come undone with your hand wishing it was his
K = Kink (One or more of their kinks): this man is HEAVILY into praise. He'll whisper sweet nothings into your ear telling you how good you're taking him for HOURS, also, definitely into creampies, mans into breeding I said what I said.
L = Location (Favourite places to do the do): sitting nook. Very quickly did it turn into the fucking nook.
M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going): sometimes you'll wear your shirt so your shoulder is showing and oh BOY that gets him harder than steel
N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs): he doesn't like being called sir, master, anything like that, however he is partial to being called daddy.
O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc): oh he LOVES eating you out and he's damn good at it. He also loves when you suck him off because he's able to both praise and degrade you at the same time
P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.): He's rough but also very sensual and passionate about it, he makes sure you cum before him
Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.): he doesn't prefer them but he'll still go for one if yall are both horny enough
R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.): he likes being behind closed doors but he does kinda like the idea of risking being caught
S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…) oh he can go for 4 rounds easy and they last a WHILE
T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?): modern! John would definitely own a cock ring. Fight me.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease): He's very unfair, he makes sure you cum at least twice before him and even then he can go again and again
V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make): He's somewhat loud but if you are he's sticking his fingers in your mouth because "you don't want the entire ship to know what a greedy little cockslut you are do you?"
W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice): he REALLY wants lucius to sketch you two fucking
X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words): he. is. PACKING. THAT DICK IS HUGE (and I want it)
Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?): it's moderate, he sees you looking hot he'll pop a boner easy.
Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards): oh he's cuddling up to you asking if you're okay and showering you with praise and adoration until you both fall asleep
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