#only wants to think about these stupid fucking men
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Mafia idea! What if they are both in the mafia and the driver (imma let you choose) gets kidnapped and badass mafia reader saves them and lectures them about being stupid lol
A/N: The fact I had to have an internal battle with to make this Lando or Charles should really speak how well this fits them
"Eh?" Dropping the ruby necklace, you stare in shock as your second in command had just given you the latest update on your husband.
"Yes ma'am, we're sorry, it just...happened," He cringes as your eyes narrow, and you suck on your teeth, looking at the jewels your people just stole, from the same person whose just now taken your husband. Groaning you rub your temples and lean back staring out to the ocean view.
"Please get the cars ready, we have to go get him." Joris nods, knowing and feeling horrible for the lecture that Charles is going to get from being stupid. I mean it wasn't his fault, he simply got distracted at gorgeous tear drop ruby earrings, and how gorgeous they'd look with the matching necklace.
Next thing Joris knows, Charles is gone, and they can't find him.
---------------
"You are stupid," Andrea seethes, as Charles just calmly stares at the earrings, shit he wanted those earrings so bad for you, you'd get that please smirk on your face and kiss his cheek. Damn, he really needs them, cause then you'd call him a good boy and maybe even, "Charles!" Wincing, Charles turns and glares at his third in command.
"Can you for once, not think about your wife, who is going to murder us," Andrea hisses, and Charles grumbles in French as the men from earlier come in. "Stupid fucks, thinking they could steal from us," Charles just rolls his eyes, annoyed with the fact they've ruined his day.
He was supposed to be home, and pulling your apart while wearing the jewels he stole for you, and only the jewels. "Stupid dumbfucks, ruined my plans with my wife," Charles grumbles in French while Andrea stares at him in shock.
He's a child, how the fuck is he running a worldwide mafia and people fear him?
Andrea shakes his head, sighing as Charles just glares, but stops hearing gunfire and the familiar sound of heels clicking. "What the-" The words are cut short as two bullets cut through the air, easily ending the men. "Bebe!" Charles sounds like a delighted puppy as you step into the room, glaring at the two men.
"It's his fault," Andrea is quick to point the blame, but Charles could care less about that, not when you're here wearing the ruby necklace. "You look so gorgeous, ugh," Charles quickly gets out of the ropes, which has Andrea's head whirling. That little fuck could've gotten us out.
Charles moves to hug and kiss you, but you place the barrel of your gun into his chest. "Are you serious, you think I'm going to kiss you? Charles Marc Herve, you are lucky I don't banish you to Amsterdam and let Max deal with you," Charles whines, knowing that Max would put him in his place quickly and you wouldn't even care.
"Please don't I'm sorry, I was just trying to get the matching earrings," Charles grumbles grabbing them, as you roll your eyes. "Charlie, you could've been hurt love," You whine, cutting Andrea loose who moves quick to escape you two.
"Pfft, I would've been fine, more so annoyed, but look how gorgeous they look on you, fuck," Charles growls, and you just glare at your husband. "When we get home," Charles nods his head quickly dashing out to the car. "I love him," You sigh, Joris and Andrea staring at the two of you like you were insane.
"They're crazy,"
#f1#formula 1#f1 fandom#formula one#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#f1 x y/n#f1 scenario#mafia!f1#mafia!charles leclerc#f1 mafia au#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc imagine#charles leclerc x you#charles leclerc fanfic#charles leclerc fluff#cl16#cl16 x reader#cl16 imagine#cl16 x you#cl16 one shot#charles leclerc blurb#charles leclerc oneshot#cl16 x y/n
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Bit of a long winded fluff/crack headcanon request: Illumi, Feitan, Chrollo, and Phinks developing the most infuriating crush on a gn! Reader who is just a lazy sopping wet dog of a person?
Reader will nap anywhere.
Will just kind of flop where ever they are when under too much emotional distress and refuse to move
Hell, sometimes they to be physically scruffed and carried/dragged to do social stuff and does the whole liquid cat thing where they go entirely slack just to be difficult. Overall reader's pretty reliable and will (begrudgingly) do just about anything the guys ask if incentivized, they're a surprising understanding and active listener, a highkey terrifying and precise combatant, and could probably be bribed to do anything from cuddle and never speak about it to horrible violations of the geneva convention for snacks and a nice nap afterward. They're incredibly easy to please and not that most/any of the guys would ever admit it but not being near them makes everything feel exponentially worse.
But they're also stubborn, incredibly low energy, and frankly seem a bit stupid on closer inspection to the point the guys are probably questioning "no- god- fuck- why???"
HXH Men with Lazy!Reader
Characters: Illumi Zoldyck, Chrollo Lucilfer, Feitan Portor, Phinks Magcub
Type: Crack, Headcanons, Gn!reader
IM NOT DEADDD
Warnings: mentions of violence, mention of pregnancy like once
Illumi Zoldyck
if you didn't have any special nen or whatever he would've killed you by now out of pure frustration
you were set up in an arranged marriage because of your status, and at first Illumi could not care but surprise surprise he caught feelings eventually
and it was upsetting.
1) he was feeling something 2) IT WAS FOR YOUR STUPID ASS
ALL YOU DO IS LAY AROUND THE MANTION AND EAT HOT CHIP
you remind him of Milluki sometimes and that just makes him even more mad
every time you guys are sent on missions together he actually has to drag you because you refuse to do any type of physical labor
if he's feeling particularly nice he'll throw you over his shoulder instead
at this point Illumi is only sent on missions with you to make sure you actually do it
because otherwise you would never be anywhere on time...
you're able to handle your opponents just fine you just...rather not
which is part of the reason Illumi gets so irritated with you
you have so much potential yet don't utilize it
at this point the only solution he can think of is knocking you up (if ur capable of getting pregnant) and hoping the kids don't come out as lazy as you...
Chrollo Lucilfer
with him being the leader of the phantom troupe aka your boss you should probably listen to him without hesitation but your ass does not gaf
he's learned how to deal with you
he keeps candy in his coat pocket just as a bribe if you don't feel like doing something he's asking of you
when he runs out you begrudgingly do what he asks anyways but not without complaints
Chrollo doesn't really mind having to physically move you places himself, considering you do most of his bidding anyways
but that's only because he likes you <3
if you were anyone else he would leave them wherever and whether they get up and follow him back to base is up to them
and because he's so lenient with you you feel bad sometimes and end up sucking it up and walking yourself
he doesn't mind your laziness as much as the others because you get your job done and could probably beat him up if you wanted to so who is he to tell you how to live your life?
he never sends you on missions alone, he needs to be there to make sure you actually do it (no he doesn't he just can't be away from you for too long)
Feitan Portor
this man is on the verge of killing you.
what the hell is the point of Chrollo keeping you around if all you do is lay around doing nothing and talk back when asked to do something??
he swears you act like a 5 year old boy sometimes
when he needs something from you he will threaten physical harm but its actually just empty threats
theres no fighting within the troupe and no matter how much he wishes he didn't, he likes you
and surprisingly, his threats are incentive enough to get you up and moving
most of the time...
other times when you refuse to move or just flop onto the floor he is grabbing you by the ankle and dragging you the rest of the way to wherever you need to go
he doesn't care if you get scratched and bruised up, if you wanted to avoid that then you should've just gotten up and walked by yourself
sometimes to get you to do things the rest of the troupe offers you things on Feitan's behalf
"Hey if you get up and beat this guy's ass with us Feitan will carry you all the way home instead of dragging you" "Like hell I will"
after seeing you in action for the first time Feitan is even more upset that you're so insufferably lazy
you are quite literally one of the most valuable troupe members but you??? never want to follow orders?????? this is literally your job
you're lucky he likes you because if you were anyone else he'd leave you where ever you decided to lay down and let you die there
Phinks Magcub
this man is going to argue with you for DAYS
at this point he feels like you refuse to do anything just because it makes him mad
hes another one who tries using incentives but he never follows through with what he promises
when you ragdoll he will begrudgingly carry you wherever you need to go
this guy battles your laziness with loud, annoying and never ending complaints
and tbh? it actually works most of the time
he gets so annoying that ur like "FINE FINE I'LL DO IT JUST SHUT UP ALREADY"
if you catch him on a good day he'll carry you/give you a piggy back ride without complaints
sometimes he uses your laziness as an excuse just to hold you <3
sry this one is so short I cant think of anything
#hxh 2011#hxh x reader#hunter x hunter#hxh#hxh illumi#illumi zoldyck#chrollo hunter x hunter#chrollo lucilfer#chrollo x reader#chrollo#hxh chrollo#phantom troupe#feitan#feitan x reader#feitan hxh#hunter x hunter feitan#hxh feitan#illumi x reader#illumi hxh#illumi#phinks#phinks x reader#phinks magcub#phinks hxh
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To me it's not really about morality if I have to be honest. I'm an Isaac Castlevania stan and he wanted to kill literally all of humanity. Like I don't care if you play evil characters or get off to immoral dom daddies or whatever. I've wanted to punt children in Skyrim into the sun for saying sassy shit to me so like. It's a video game where you kill people. I do not care.
To me, the "problem" (or rather, the thing I like making fun of the most) is just how very surface-level evil the Ascendant ending is, how obviously evil it is, how Larian pretty much beats you over the head with it using very simple and traditional storytelling techniques ("you'll have to kill 7000 people, including literal children btw"), and how some people still manage to twist it into something it isn't (a triumphant, perfect ending) despite Larian constantly blasting at you how bad it is. (And this isn't a critique, it works well and tropes are tropes for a reason, this shit works.)
And it's not even a unique setup. It's a classic dichotomy of want vs need. That's why they're contrasting endings. Astarion wants power, but he needs freedom and self-worth. That's the gist of it.
That's why I love the epilogue titles so much, because they perfectly sum up the endings. Radiant Hopeful, because he's his own light in the dark. For someone who's been a pessimistic asshole after suffering for two centuries, that's HUGE. Sunwalking Regent means he can walk in the sun, a symbol for everything he wanted, but "regent" implies he's a temporary ruler. Someone, somewhere, will come to de-throne him one day, and every day he fears that moment. His newfound power binds him to constant fear and paranoia, and he always searches for new ways to become stronger, because in his mind, he can never be strong enough.
Spawn ending is bittersweet: he lost power, he's still cursed with vampirism and can't walk in the sun, but he is free, he is his own person and he has hope for the future. He's decided for himself what he wants to do, and that's adventuring and helping others, lending his strength to those who do not have any, in his own weird way. He's physically weaker than Ascendant Astarion, and yet he's got strength to spare.
So what's the flip side? In the ascendant ending, he has power, he has control, he has money. But he's paranoid, he's controlling, and he's terrified of losing it all again, because without it, he believes he's nothing, so having it becomes his one and only purpose. It's also bittersweet, because he finally has everything he wanted, but he'll never again have what he truly needs.
These are like ... classic tropes. You can't have it all. You have to make a choice. The thing you think you want, or the thing you don't know you need. AA stans argue that actually, no. His endings are actually suuuper flat and uninteresting. Either he stays a weak and worthless and fearful spawn, or he becomes a strong and powerful and manly supervampire (let's not unpack the masculinity stuff here cuz that's a whole other bag of yikes). That's the argument they're making. That it's a black and white choice of either you pick the stuff where everything works out forever or the stuff where he's a loser lapdog who has to obey Tav because men must either control to be real men or are controlled pussies who can't do fuck (again, not getting into that here). And it's just literally not how the story is set up. None of the companion stories are this flat. If they were, there wouldn't be any argument or choice to make. No pros and cons to weigh. And it's just logically not a good gameplay mechanic, for a role-playing game.
And yet there are people who are just choosing not to get it, just the way I choose to believe it's a choice for most of them because I don't want to believe so many of these people are genuinely this stupid.
So yeah. That's why I block AA fans on sight. Not because I think their fetish is funny (though I do), but because I genuinely don't think I would have anything to gain from people who fundamentally cannot comprehend extremely basic storytelling techniques when they're practically spelled out for you with not-very-subtle methods. It's not even a thing of consciously choosing the bad ending where he's a very shitty daddy dom because it gets them off, that's literally whatever to me, but the fact that most of them genuinely believe it's somehow the better ending.
Despite. Well all of the shit I wrote above.
So yeah. It's not about enjoying evil characters, to me. People who do generally don't brush the actual evil part under the rug. It's the refusal or apparent inability to grasp extremely basic storytelling concepts lmao. And for what? Pff.
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people being mad at aemond for calling alicent a fool or at aegon for yelling at her confuse me
just as a reminder: alicent raised her children in fear of rhaenyra, she told them that rhaenyra would kill them at the drop of a hat just to sit on a chair, all this whilst rhaenyra still lived in their home and viserys was getting sicker and sicker.
alicent made her kids live in constant fear for their lives knowing that there was a chance their dad would die in the middle of the night and they would be woken up by someone coming to get them cus rhaenyra took the throne and now they had to die.
this fear is what lead aegon to take a throne he did not want which then started a war, said war lead aemond to stormsend where he killed luke, which then lead to jaehaerys’ death.
there is a leaked video from the set of s2 where during jaehaerys’ funeral someone is telling the crowd that this is the work of rhaenyra the cruel. so they’re either fully going to pin b&c on rhaenyra instead of daemon, or they might just assume it was her.
so im sorry but if after all that alicent is still pleading for aegon to have mercy on rhaenyra, and apparently giving aemond reason to believe she still holds any love for her (the person who called for him to be “sharply questioned” whilst he was missing half his face, and who he was raised to believe would kill him to sit on a bunch of melted swords), then yes, im sorry but he has valid reason to call her a fool.
like just think about the emotional whiplash they’re experiencing.
they went along with the whole usurpation thing bc she made them fear for their lives, only to then have to hear her beg for mercy for the person she raised them to be terrified of.
ryan condal wants rhaenicent to be canon so bad that he is willing to make both alicent and rhaenyra plain stupid.
alicent begging for rhaenyra’s life during the green council even after two whole decades of treating her like shit and genuinely believing her capable of murdering her kids, which according to sara hess was all forgotten about thanks to one decent moment over dinner (ridiculous).
and rhaenyra crying on that fucking bridge bc of a page from 20 years ago (which was a clear manipulation tactic on alicent/otto’s part and you can argue with the fucking wall about that), clinging to a friendship that died 20 YEARS AGO and ignoring everything that alicent did to her and her kids in the meantime all bc of a page?
idc wether you like rhaenicent or not, i personally did not have an issue with it AT THE START, bc i thought it could make their dynamic interesting and it did for a while.
but if they keep sticking to trying desperately to ride this dead horse and refusing to give either of them some growth i’m going to lose faith in this show.
the writers are so stuck on this narrative that bc alicent did not have any control over her own life, that automatically means that she can not even try to learn how to properly wield the power she has, we saw her do it like twice to spite rhaenyra and that’s it.
this is a woman who has every reason to be angry and to want to use this power she has, if she really did believe rhaenyra would kill her kids that would’ve been an opportunity for the show to give us some growth within her character with her truly understanding the power she holds and wielding it to protect her kids, which in my opinion is just about the most noble of causes.
but no.
no growth for alicent, she was a victim with no autonomy at the start and this is the cage they will force her in until the end.
i hope i’m wrong but who knows.
btw im sorry but i’ve seen some posts saying that if either alicent or rhaenyra abandon their family for the other then it will be fine bc “they’re finally doing something for themselves and not the men in their lives”… girl…
they both have reason to believe that the other’s actions caused the death of their kids (or grandkid in alicent’s case), i do not care that they were pals. there is no version of this universe where it would make any actual sense for either of them to just “forget” everything that has happened just to have a fairytale ending to a friendship that has been dead for decades.
but whatever ig
i miss you book alicent and i hope you know that
#house of the dragon#hotd#hotd season 2#hotd s2#alicent hightower#queen alicent#hotd alicent#rhaenyra targaryen#hotd rhaenyra#queen rhaenyra#hotd aegon#aemond one eye#hotd aemond#prince aemond#not an aegon or aemond stan just making that clear#book alicent for the win#not tg i just worship biblically accurate alicent hightower
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The Story of Minglan
Honestly, I don't think any of this was cruel to Wang Ruofu.
First, she backed her sister when she stuffed a concubine into Minglan's house in a clear attempt to shit all over her marriage. Then she poisoned Granny Sheng when she rightfully punished her for it. She deserved both her punishments. In fact, they didn't go far enough, IMO.
***
I cannot anymore with this fucking woman 🙄
Who gives a fuck who gave birth to him? That is his GRANDMOTHER. Whom you tried to POISON. Also, he is a government official, and a moral and sensible man. Him covering up for your crimes would have been a failure on all fronts.
***
No.
Your best hope is that Granny will not live longer than ten more years since she is already quite old. And if she does, that she will have moved over to Minglan's house by then, so that she doesn't have to look at your stupid face every day.
***
And after all this, she still continues to be driven by grudges and resentment.
Of course he will have no love for you. Of course he will try to get some recourse for his dead mother. It's no wonder that none of the illegitimate kids love you because how have you treated them? Certainly not well. You may not have sold them into slavery the way your sister did with the kids in her home, but if it had been up to you, all three of them would have died of neglect and you would not have cared. Changfeng and Molan luckily had their real mother with them until they were grown, and Minglan had Granny. You deserve nothing from any of them.
***
I AM ANNOYED BY YOU!
DOES THAT COUNT? YOU ARE STARTING TO GET ON MY VERY LAST NERVE.
My guy, you cannot force trust and intimacy and yelling at her about it is not helping your case!
I find him so pointless as a male lead. He has not done a single plot-relevant thing since he married Minglan. He just whines and whines about how he's not getting enough attention from her while she goes out and about, making new friends and solving Imperial marriage problems. In this last arc, he just swooped in at the very end to take credit where none is due because of course, the writers couldn't have had Minglan resolve the situation, no, Mr. Feng Shaofeng had to have a place in the spotlight too. After everything she did, right at the end, they made her so bumbling and helpless, so that he could swoop in to rescue her. I'm beyond pissed.
***
LMAO, imagine bringing up Wang Ruofu as a role model for anything.
Shut up, shut up, shut up. This drama was miles and miles better without you looking for trouble where there is none.
***
I am on her side here.
I'm super aroace, though, and I can't stand whiny, needy men encroaching on my space and time, demanding more than I am willing (or able) to give. Seriously, fuck off.
***
LMFAO
Minglan did him the biggest favour.
***
Wait a minute.
Doesn't that make Old Master Kang her grandfather??
Gross.
***
What you don't know and don't want to know not only about your daughter but about your entire family, could fill not just a book, but an entire library.
And she is like this because you are worthless and spineless.
***
LMAO, she read him to filth 🤣🤣
I love her so much! Definitely one of my favourite heroines, if not THE favourite right now!
***
Pathetic.
***
Wait. Her??
Didn't Sheng Hong get rid of all of them?
Also, what happened to her leg? Did she also get caned or tortured or something?
Terrible fate, she had such a comfy life with Concubine Lin for so many years and now she has to do hard labour with no hope for things improving.
***
LMAO, so what?
It's not you who has served three Emperors and it's not your memorial tablet being worshipped in the Imperial ancestral hall.
***
LMAO, that's right Minglan, put them on the spot!
They want you to do their dirty work for them.
***
LMAO, of course, let's change the topic quickly, now that the spotlight is on them.
***
Ah, so all of them are slaves, after all.
MInglan gave her the greatest gift. Her freedom to live as a free citizen. I hope she does the same for the rest of them, if she hasn't already.
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Girl help, it's now morning and I'm still fixating on this ship in a fandom I'm not even in, I still do not actually go here and I genuinely don't know how exactly I got here, but I'm having the time of my life
#also i am 100% actually legit sick#this whole time i was hoping it was just fatigue from over doing it but alas 😔#i am ill#im hoping its 'just' a cold ?#but i woke in drenched in sweat at like 3am today and couldnt go back to sleep so fuck it we ball#and im trying. so. hard. to read the books im *supposed* to be reading right now#(which are: one intro to a spiritual healing technique. one english translation of a religious text. and one queer study.)#but my brain#only wants to think about these stupid fucking men#from a fandom im not even in#girl help#😔😔😔😔😔#also for the record i will 100% clarify what im vaguing about if asked but the reason im not and instead am vaguing about it#is entirely that i do Not go here#and i low key feel weird being like hi yeah im super invested in this ship atm even though i dont go here#so like#yeah vagueing about it
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if orin was a man she would be so much more popular and given the most empathy
#orin the red#orin#and not met with the misogyny or people not acknowledging what she is a victim to. she's faces violence and the only person#she's been groomed into “loving” is a man who had her by raping her own sister he wants to rape her or for durge to rape her and abuses her#i loathe that a character who is a woman who has faced things that are part of really graphic serious subject matter as a joke or to mock#like if people look at orin and go haha stupid evil crazy woman larian should have done better and not made light of this#the fact that people think she's the least sympthatic is pure misogyny#how tragic that i will never see her turn her rage violence and chaos at the men who abused her groomed her and used her#and she dies so some fucking man can live and get a new life#if you're gonna yell at me about this post i will not respond#even dare i say the most popular villain? if there wasn't durge/gortash? even larian panders to any fav male characters she gets no love#ketheric is an abusive selfish father and the game and fandom see him as some sympathetic character....orin has zero autonomy thinking#ketheric is not even sympathetic but even saying gortash has it the worst more than orin is pure misogyny and your blind thirsting#she has even more trauma than any male version of her can have because misogyny but that's the irony#she would get the empathy if she was a man & female characters in general would be more loved/popular/defended if they were men lbr#those essays an energy women and fandom only put into expressing empathy for tragic men
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genuinely bewildered at how it's just g@merg@te again. like it's just exactly the same strategy, except now it's a cabal of dark and sinister narrative designers instead of "there are women near my games" but it's like the same fucking thing and I'm so tired honestly
#thoughts#as a dark and sinister narrative designer I wish I was part of the secret club that apparently finance every game with a diverse cast#when I tried to fund my very queer game with a black lead I got told by a room full of 50 white men that “nobody wanted this”#in spite of our market analysis screaming otherwise#and then was ridiculed in front of my men colleagues and told I couldn't be trusted because I would spontaneously give birth#and forget all my dreams instantly#or I was considered the “fun girl” who was only there to present the game (it was MY game!!!)#and for every serious conversation they went to my male colleague behind my back#so yeah I want in on that sweet diversity money pleaaaase#without having to debase myself to get it#this is so fucking stupid#(and like there are things to be said about the handling of DEI in corporate settings)#(I had almost nothing but bad interactions with such structures personally)#(but it was because it was a tool turned *against* minorities to speak over them and police their self-expression most of the time)#(for the sake of corporate interests or to protect the feelings of whoever was in position of power)#(so I think there are conversations to be had and it's actually a pretty complicated subject that can get VERY VERY messy)#(but yeah this aint it gamers)
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You know I think we can resolve a lot of our problems and moral dilemma by asking ourselves "does this really matters that much?"
#this is mostly in relation to current moral panic specifically in france but i think it van apply to a variety of contexts#like idk if yall know but france hate muslim people (specifically women) so much and it's so absurd#like... so much debate over muslim girls in school specifically#'we can't let them wear hijabs cuz hijab is a symbol of oppression*' okay well does it really matters that much?#isn't it more important to let them go to fucking school in peace instead of forcing them to remove it#(*i know it's stupid but that's the mainstream view of the hijab in france)#'but we have to stay religiously neutral at school' why? i understand teachers being religiously neutral but students who care?#wouldn't it be better to let anyone exprime their identity instead of forcing a standard‚ so‚ y'know‚ people can learn about diversity?#'well sometimes they refuse to go to swimming lessons because they don't want to be half naked in front of boys/men'#yeah i can understand that somehow not sure it's specific to their religion tho maybe we shouldn't force kids to get half naked idk#maybe we could allow them to go to female only swimming lessons if they want to#'WHAT?! but that's separating bous from girls that's sexist and we won't surrender to that backwards vie-' does it really matters?#obviously i don't believe society should be segregated between men and women but here isn't it more important that those kids learn to swim?#(yeah i fucking hate this debate)#and that works for a lot of subjects#'but trans people-' that's 0.09% of people what the fuck are you talking about#'but if we let kids transition and they regret it' yeah what if? sometimes people do shit they regret (but let's look at the stats too)#if they have regrets we should support and help them and that's it#and like‚ sometimes the answer is 'yes' and if it is you have to keep fighting for your cause#but you have to choose your fights donlt waste energy again things that don't matter that much
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How’s it goin in aftg town sir
i CANNOT stop thinking about these books like they’re consuming my every waking hour i think i have like 20 pages of random aftg fanart drawn in my sketchbook and it’s been like 2?? 3?? days since i finished the kings men and i just like binged all the extra content (and i’m just going to ignore that most of it exists) like ohmygod
#i have like an exam uhh?? tomorrow?? and the only thing i can think about are these stupid books#like they’re just overriding my entire brain rn#i so want to reread them like right now but i don’t have the time god damnit#i think reading them was simultaneously the best and worst decision i’ve ever made#i have like 20 pages of aftg fanart in my sketchbook rn and like half of it is fucking andrew minyard#in other words i think i’m going insane#all for the game#aftg#the foxhole court#the raven king#the kings men
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literally wanna dieeeee I realized belatedly that not only was down bad written for me due to being an alien abduction metaphor song but it perfectly describes my situation w/my ex who dumped me 3 days into our second vacation in his country
#but yknow thats what i get for dating a fucking man last year when i absolutely knew better. i was in a low place & the idea of being#whisked away from europe was an escape for me . we got along really well but the second i showed any emotional weakness he couldnt handle i#oh but he sent a bunch of messages begging me to come back when i was on the plane fleeing to my sisters london flat! lol!!!#i didnt tell you guys about any of this on my old blog when it was happening bc i just knew itd invite a flood of#''why were you even dating a man'' messages. yeah im aware. it was stupid & yet another result of my inability to purge myself of the#desire to be in a relationship my homophobic father wouldnt hate me for. and i didnt think any woman would want me . im over it now#fuck my abusive father fuck men in general im so over the internalized homophobia. ive always preferred women why should i have to#supress that to make my fuckface hypocrite father happy. i only rly care bc i love my half brother & want to be in his life which means#i have to appease dad. but at what goddamn cost#why did i say from europe in that earlier tag. i meant TO europe...im from the us#anyways. what a shit show situation that was. i have never felt so betrayed by anyone except for my dad himself#oh i didnt even mention the worst part yet. when i texted from london asking if our friendship was over too (god. so cringe) he then went#into this spiel about how actually what he said earlier when he was asking me to come back#(that it had been a stupid impulse & biggest mistake of his life) was a lie & it had been a long time coming#IF IT WAS A LONG TIME COMING WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME FLY ACROSS THR ATLANTIC FUCKING OCEAN 3 DAYS AGO FOR YOU#and said hed tell me the reasons but ''didnt want to hurt me''#i have so much hatred in my heart for this man to this day when i really think about the mind games he was playing. unreal.#and he KNEW i already had massive trust issues
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ugh the transphobia in one piece is such a fucking frustrating ruinous thing
#one piece#first of all i'm trans so i have an unholy amount of trans rage#but second of all it's fucking unbelievable how stupid oda is#i'm mad but also i think a Lot about trans narratives. i see them everywhere because i'm. y'know. trans but also TRANS NARRATIVES#okay i would rewrite one piece and the rewrite exclusively focuses on making sanji trans in a good way.#yeah i'm talking abt transfem sanji now#look if transfem sanji was a thing in the show it would not be a good thing. a lot of harmful stereotypes.#but i think there's such a golden opportunity that has been wasted by transphobia#because look#a character who in early childhood was only treated well by women and poorly by men#growing up surrounded by men#starts building up a fancy masculine facade with wearing suits all the time#and it's a fucking devastating blow to their whole ideals of character but they're stronger for it#once they build themself up brand new. trans trans transgender trans#look ok i know this isn't the place to get it and i know that the transphobia in the world would probably make this shit#but i want a story where. a longtime character slowly realizes they are trans. it's like with marco from star vs again i wanted it so bad#i just feel like every time i see a trans character it's post coming-out. which i also love. but the realization of true self#and the slow process of REMAKING YOURSELF. IN YOUR OWN IMAGE. I LOVE TRANS PEOPLE#transness is akin to godliness#i kinda lost the plot in these tags but that's ok#being trans is so important and trans narratives are so important. and I love one piece! i really do! that's why it bothers me so much when#this series does stuff like this#if it was a media i didn't care abt i would just drop it and move on and i definitely think that's a smart decision for when you don't#wanna let something get to you but i've been invested for years so i guess i'll stay#STILL GONNA BE FRUSTRATED THOUGH#anyway. trans one piece fans out there...!! stay strong!! you're the best ones among us!!#on my way to my notesapp to do some writing. lmao bye#also sorry for all the one piece posting i unfortunately fell down here again please help me
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if. if johnny was a stripper. which is canon now apparently. who’s gonna tell the writers. that he wasn’t just stripping for women.
#do they not think gay people exist?? like it's not 100% women i just.#granted i'm aware it was the late 80s and men at male strip clubs/events were not nearly as common as they are now#i did a quick skim of an article (because of course i did) and it seems more like there were 'ladies only' and specifically gay strip clubs#which may hold true today to a certain degree or they may have kinda blurred together#i don't know i haven't. been. to a strip club yet.#anyways this is all i'm thinking about this is all i've ever wanted#this almost makes up for the stupid fucking karate baby (keyword: almost)#johnny lawrence#cobra kai#ck spoilers
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I'm just sitting here mentally telling myself 'I don't have to like him just because I find him attractive, I don't have to like him just because he's hot, I don't have to like him just because I like the character' over and over until I start to believe it
#every single time I love a character I also start to love the actor. sometimes that sucks. I don't want to. I want to pretend he doesn't#exist#but he's got the same face and the same body and the same voice and I just. how do I not do this.#I don't like him. I don't want to like him. he's at the very least kinda gross about women. which I'm not okay with. so. just. ugggh#it's just that I look at him and my mind shuts off and it's like 😍🥰😍#rationally I know that's also fine. I'm allowed to like people who aren't perfect (and no one is perfect anyway)#buuut. it makes me feel disgusting.#idk. I guess I just. i dealt with this for so long when I was younger because like. most of the men I thought were hot were also#misogynistic. because the culture at the time was so much worse. and it was just accepted.#and I fucking hated it and I don't want to deal with that anymore#it's just. idk. it feels gross and bad and I don't like it#but. I do find him extremely attractive and I want him so so bad and I don't know what to do with that#ugh I need to just. not be attracted to people. it happens so rarely but when it does it only causes trouble.#or maybe I need to get over these weird morality standards that I have but I don't think that's possible? like how would that work? I don't#get it.#anyway. yes this is about Eliot/CK no I won't elaborate on that and also I hope he's actually a great guy and everything I've seen#that made me think otherwise is just wrong#I will still stare at his face and think about him and listen to his stupid gross music all day. and I will enjoy it. but I will also#feel conflicted about it 😔#(but damn it he is hot and his arms are big and I am just a human being and I am very very weak 😫 big arms make me fucking stupid)
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My mom was just like ahhh Im anxious to go out of my comfort zone and I was like you’re good how is this out of your comfort zone you’ve done this before and she was like why do you always judge my feelings and say I’m not allowed to feel that way I should feel some other way and I’m sitting here like :| as if she hasn’t done that to my my entire life and as if I didn’t mean you’ve done this before as a you got this sentiment not get over urself
#literally she said that and I just put my headphones on and went into my room bc if I had stayed out there I would’ve said ‘like you’ve done#to me my entire life’ and she would’ve had a shitty night and yelled and/or cried at me and I would’ve felt bad#so I just put my headphones on and walked away and it’s just like god how can she be so fucking unaware#like I got these fucking habits from somewhere like you think maybe growing up depressed and suicidal in a family that didn’t talk about or#publicly feel their emotions made it difficult for me to express things and you think maybe you making me feel bad constantly because of my#depression and on top of my depression might have transferred into me saying things that hurt you and not meaning it#but I can’t say any of this becusse obviously she didn’t mean it at the time she didn’t know how to deal with me but fuck man it just fucks#me up cause i don’t want to be constantly trying to get pay back against my mother or whatever but I also feel like she’s constantly trying#to say shit to me about her going on dates or whatever when I have repeatedly told her I don’t want to talk about it and I don’t like when#she jokes about it and I tell her to like get a hobby other than men and like I’m joking but I’m fucking not#like she spends all her time out with guys or talking about guys or texting guys while we’re supposed to be hanging out and I have both#never felt more isolated and alienated from my family and have never felt this weirdly connected to my family#like I feel like how my mother felt when I was doing stupid shit and she didn’t want to say anything and when she did I’d be an asshole but#she’d be right and idk it’s just like how do I stay mad at my mother while doing the same things she did to me then#but how do I stop doing them if I can’t address why I’m doing it and how do I address it if I feel like I need to tell her#but I’ve told her and it doesn’t help it only makes her feel bad#how do I let myself feel my emotions. how has everyone else been doing it this whole time and it’s fucking impossible for me#ugh.#fuck.#I’m gonna take one of my crying edibles and see if I can get listening to some sad music and let some tears out of my face#and then I’m gonna play Minecraft tonight with 🧍🏻 and he doesn’t know I have a pet bird yet or about my trip so that’ll be fun
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feeling alienated in much of my day to day life because of my body and the way I present myself (whether that identity comes down to trans or masc or gnc or something else entirely) and knowing I could talk about it with my friends but not knowing how to bring it up and also not being sure they'll get it because not many of them present the way I do but also maybe that's just a shitty bias I have and maybe I don't understand them and also many of them have other things that affect their experiences with the world that I don't have (mental illnesses, neurodivergencies, being a person of color, being fat, etc) and those would all leave them feeling alienated too so they might get the feeling but maybe not the source and also all those problems seem much more important than mine so maybe I should just shut up and not say anything.
#listen I just want to talk about the fact I am the only person who looks the way I do at my job#and the company has a very good mix of men and women but there is like a little joking divide between those two#and I always get put into the woman category but I feel so wildly out of place there#but I also don't think I'd feel comfortable in the men category and don't look like any of the men either#and I like my job a lot but I do feel just a little constantly out of place because of how I look and the way I act and the things I like#and I don't know what to do about it#and then also I am struggling with it with my family right now too#I genuinely can't think of a single family member who has never made some comment about either me and my appearance and identity directly#or has made comments about general communities I am part of#and so I don't feel very safe with my family even though I should be able to and even with the people who are super warm and loving#and I look so distinctly different from all of them and I always have#I've never really been able to hide this part of me the way some people can and it has made me different since I was a kid#and I have been fighting to be accepted for looking the way I do and acting the way I do since I was a kid and it's exhausting and scary#and now I want to get involved with my community and find people like me#but there's so much drama now around every version of my identity I could have and it sucks#and like I have no idea when I'm going to be able to even look into medical transitioning stuff#because I am so scared of my families reaction#but I don't know with the political environment if I'll be able to get those services when I feel comfortable and safe enough to do so#and that is fucking terrifying and heart renching#and I want to talk with someone who gets it and feels the way I do but I don't know how and complaining about this seems stupid#when most of my friends have other bigger problems and most of them are GOING THROUGH IT right now so so bad#and I don't want to add stressors to their lives if I can help it
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