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nerdyandweird · 5 months

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Trade my Whole Life Just to be (Peter Ballard)

*Inspired by the song "One of the girls" by Weeknd, Lily-Rose Depp, and Jennie.*** Enjoy!

Why did I have to love someone who could never return those feelings in return? Why did I continuously want to be in pain, but never move on? I kept telling myself that it’s okay for him to not want to be in love with me, or for me to not to be the one. But, I still wanted to be his girl. No matter how many times he would tear me down or give me his tough love, I would always accept anything as long as it was from him.

We don’t have to be in love or be the one, but as long as I was near him, I would accept anything, whether it was hatred, love, or even indifference. I can never find peace until he’s gone, and I will waste my whole life for him to just be. I’ve locked myself up with him and thrown away the key while he’s still free and I’m prisoner of my own cage.

I lay in bed with a tear escaping from my eye with my back facing him as he got out of bed and left the room without a care. I stared at wrists which coloured with blue-greyish hues as a result from his rough loving from the night before. He would push me and hold me down, breaking apart for his pleasure, but I took it just for him while he would laugh and smirk each time I winced or every time my skin opened up for a new wound.

He wasn’t in love with me, but I love him. My heart beats for him, and I want to be his girl no matter how he treats me. Ultimately, this is the life that I have chosen for myself even though it will just result in suffering. I just laid there for another hour, not moving from my spot at all. Alone, bruised, but still existing. I felt like a waste of space, not wanting to move or even exist any longer. I felt like a shell of a person, no good for anyone. I never wanted to get up. After the second hour passed, I mustered up some energy to get up from the bed, although I felt a bit dizzy when I stood up.

I limped since my lower half was sore from events from hours before. I entered the bathroom and took off his shirt, leaving me bare. I avoided looking in the mirror, and jumped right in the shower, turning it on. The cold-water droplets attacked my skin, stinging at my open wounds, and I closed my eyes, allowing my body to get used to the feeling as the water becomes warm.

I sat on the shower floor, curling my body into a ball. I held my head down, as I sobbed for no reason at all, my voice being down up by the shower sounds.

After the shower was done, I wore the same shirt again, and untangled my wet hair before walking out of the bathroom and the room. I felt the emptiness of the house which meant he was not here. This was normal. He would be out for most of the day, and I’d be alone in this house, taking care of minor household chores, and keeping food ready whenever he comes at night. Then he’d return to me and release his frustration and stress over me, and that was always welcome from me.

He knows how to get the best out of me, and this is the secret that I keep although I will never find peace. I clean up the kitchen from the mess of his leftover breakfast. I clean up the house, and start making dinner, drinking small sips from a cup of coffee that I made for myself as I did so. Once I was done, I tossed whatever contents remained in the cup down the sink. I put my hair up in a bun, as I got into the routine of cleaning an already cleaned house.

Once I was done that, I just sat down on the sofa and just waited. Waited for him to come back home like I did every day. Hours passed, clock hands moved as the minutes and seconds ticked by. I knew no hunger or boredom. I was just completely dedicated to him. My whole existence served no purpose but his.

Eventually, the time came when he returned, giving me the same everyday joy that I experienced every time this moment arrived. His blue eyes glanced over me as he entered the house before going directly to the kitchen. I followed him as well to serve him food. He ate while I just stood a few metres away, just staring at him. He was focused on his food, not caring to ask whether I had eaten already or not, or even about my day. But I didn’t even care about those things myself, so why should he? Once he finished, I took away his plates and started washing them. I felt footsteps behind me and his presence close to me, as his arms snaked around my waist giving me butterflies. His chest leaned against my back as I felt his breath at the back of my ear. He slowly turned me around, smirking at me, pleased with my submissiveness as his head leaned down closer, brushing his lip against mine.

He repeated the motion a couple of times before firmly connecting our lips into a harsh kiss. I kissed him back as gently as I could while he did the exact opposite to maintain his dominance. I felt his nails dig into the skin of my hips sharply, but I ignored the pain as usual. His tongue entered my mouth, making me and out of breath, but he did not dare to let me go.

He lifted my body off the ground with ease, wrapping my legs around his waist without disconnecting our lips. He maneuvered easily to our room like he’s done many times before and placed me on the bed with his body on top of mine. His lips continued to attack mine as I struggled to breath. The clothes immediately came off, while his lips continued to devour other parts of my body, leaving bite marks behind.

He immediately thrusted inside of me without pleasuring me, making yelp in pain while he closed his eyes from pleasure. He moved roughly against my body without a care of my pain while I tried to keep my voices low by biting my lips. “You’re so thin now.” He said while grasping on my hip. “There’s nothing to hold onto anymore.” He grunts against my ear, while I turn my head away as a tear escapes my eye and close them waiting for everything to be over.

He fastens his pace, indicating that he’s close, and he places his lips on mine again, kissing me gently this time as he releases and comes down from his high. My lips remain still while he continues.

He removes himself from me and lays down beside me, but pulls my naked body into his, hiding our bodies under the covers. He surprisingly leaves a kiss on my forehead before digging his face into my neck, breathing heavily. Few minutes later, I hear soft snores escaping from his mouth, making me smile slightly. I turn my body sideways to face him, and pull his face upwards, away from my neck to look at his sleeping expression. He looks so innocent and beautiful like an angel. My heart flutters as I stare at this beautiful man, knowing that his heart will never reciprocate the same for me.

I let out a sad chuckle, as I lean forward to give him a soft peck on his lips, pausing momentarily to memorize the soft feel of his lips before pulling away to repeat the same to his forehead. “I love you.” I whisper as I move my head back to my pillow and close my eyes to sleep again, dreaming of him saying those same words to me which will never happen when I awake. We don’t have to be in love for me to be with him nor do I have to be the one for him, but if this is the only way that I can be with him. So be it. I’ll continue to waste my life away if it means that I can be with him although I’ll never truly achieve peace unless I give him up. But I know that I can’t do that. Because I’d rather die without him, and this a secret that I keep.

#henry creel x reader #001 x reader #peter ballard x reader #001 stranger things #vecna x reader #henry creel #one of the girls #inspired #the weeknd #jennie #lily rose depp

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