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damn-it-a-hogwarts-legacy-blog · 11 months

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Moonlight

AO3 Link

Ominis and MC go for a nighttime walk, and quite literally stumble into the perfect little clearing.

Ominis x fem!MC

NSFW—sexual content

Fluff that devolves into rough al fresco sex. Not much more to say about this one, there's teasing and good old-fashioned rough sex. These two love branching out into new and creative ways to fuck lol

Word count: 2,971

A/N: For @callmehopeless :) @sebastian-and-ominis-share-me requested a tag too. As always, MC and Ominis remain my excuse to indulge in writing disgustingly sweet, idealized married life, and I will never apologize for it because my! 👏 boy! 👏 Ominis! 👏 deserves! 👏 it! 👏

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Night walks were always Ominis' favorite. His blindness made walks enjoyable at any time, but under the soft cover of night, he felt more protected from the prying eyes of those who sought to invade his precious few moments of peace. Perhaps it was a holdover from his days growing up in the shadow of the Gaunt family, or perhaps he would have enjoyed it regardless of his circumstances. It mattered very little, especially when he could take these walks with MC.

MC shared his love of nighttime outings, and had begun the habit when she was just a student. She would wake from vivid, unspeakable nightmares of Victor Rookwood and his poachers that left her entire body shivering and drenched in a terrified sweat. She would throw on her cloak (or Ominis', if she had borrowed it from him for the night) and stride into darkness that blanketed the castle grounds until her trembling fingers slowed and sleep once again tugged at her eyes.

They had found each other late one spring night, aimlessly wandering the castle, and decided then and there that, should one of them not be able to sleep, they would find the other and walk together until they were too exhausted and would drift off in the protection of each other’s arms in the Undercroft or the Room of Requirement.

The pair had decided on this particular summer night that a stroll at midnight was exactly what they both needed after they had spent all day hiding away from the punishing sun. Poor Ominis always looked as if his delicate paper doll skin might catch alight in the harsh rays, and MC could not stand the lethargy that threatened to pull her to the floor upon which she stood. The muggle neighbors who surrounded their peaceful country house were asleep at this hour, and Ominis would be free to navigate using his wand without fear of being seen by non-magical folk. The bright moon taking flight overhead would be their sole witness as the couple reveled in a world that belonged only to them.

The night air was intoxicatingly sweet, the smell of honeysuckle and roses floating on a breeze's soft sigh from someone's nearby garden. The pair walked hand in hand as if they were adolescents again, whispers of their love for one another on their lips as if they were afraid professors and other students might hear them.

On a whim, MC decided to wander off the road and explore the woods as the two had often done in the Forbidden Forest. MC and Ominis did not care that they might be considered too old to find joy in meandering through leaves and dirt, over fallen branches and through the scrub; they had both always felt at home in the frowned-upon and the impermissible.

Ominis, with his wand as his guide, deftly navigated every obstacle—far more easily than MC who had to rely on her imperfect nighttime vision. He crept up behind her and startled her so badly when he caught her in his arms that she shrieked and slapped his chest with a laugh. She struggled for a moment to break free of his grasp, and he tutted at her.

"Wherever do you think you're flitting off to now, my little hummingbird?" He leaned down to steal a kiss, drawing a luxurious sigh from her lips as he pulled away. "Certainly it's too dark for such a lovely little creature to be out here all alone."

He released her, and she skipped a few steps away before turning to smile at him. "You’ll have to be quicker than that if you want to ensnare me, my pretty serpent." With that, she was off through the forest, her floor-length skirt fanning out and Ominis not far behind, their mirth carrying over the trees as they leapt and ran on wings of night.

MC did her best to outrun him, but Ominis was still faster and stronger. She had made her way to a clearing dotted with wild daffodils when her husband seized her. He finally lost his footing in the excitement of his successful hunt, and the two tumbled into the long grass. MC was stunned and, for one dreadful moment, Ominis feared he had hurt her. Instead, she gasped and began laughing again. Ominis heaved a sigh and lay on his back, listening to the pure happiness bubble up from her lips. Crickets droned lazily under her voice, and he could feel another cool breeze carrying the scent of the flowers all around them. As she caught her breath, she looked over to see his eyes blankly staring upwards, a smile dancing across his lips. He turned his head toward her, and his smile faded into longing that pulled in his throat. MC's eyes followed the little constellation of moles up his cheek to his deep, starry eyes that glinted moonlight like sharp diamonds. She knew that look. He was thinking—intently.

"You somehow look even more stunning than usual, Ominis," MC smiled, her fingers dancing along his hand that lay between them. "What is it that's on your mind?"

"You," he breathed almost instantly. "Here, in this heavenly night, just the two of us... it does things to a man to know his beautiful wife is so madly in love with him. Lying here in a field of sweet-smelling flowers and grasses next to you, I feel as if I’m fifteen again. It's exhilarating."

He rolled himself up and, supported by his arms, leaned over her. He slowly brought his face to hers, and she could see every detail she had long since memorized in his still-open eyes. He moved forward until he was so close that her own eyes, trained on him, fell out of focus. She felt an exhilaration whenever he did that, leaning in while his eyes tried their damndest to stare at her. He was like a cobra, ready to strike. Her eyes fluttered shut as she welcomed his attack upon her lips.

He desired to be closer to her still until he was pressing his weight down on her, feeling her sigh into his lips. His kisses gradually pushed deeper into her lips, and his voice slithered from his throat.

"I need you," he moaned, growing bolder with every passing second. "I need to be as close to you as possible..." His hips rolled fruitlessly against her in accord. MC gently pressed her leg between his, and his moan sent hot tingling through her ribs and spine.

"Ominis," MC could barely get in between his kisses. "Are you sure you won't mind the dirt? Would you not rather wait until we get back home where we have a soft bed and warm, clean sheets?"

"To hell with dirt," he growled, lips now drifting towards her neck and leaving pure fire in their wake. "We can always have a warm bath—together—if we so desire."

Ominis had already begun undoing the buttons on MC's blouse, his fingers flicking expertly over each one. He was getting fast, she thought, and she briefly pondered finding blouses and dresses with more buttons just to be cheeky with him. In a few short moments he had released her from her pretty little ruffled top, and MC placed it in a pile knew would only grow. He placed a hand on her sternum, expecting to feel the thin fabric of a chemise beneath his slender fingers. Instead, he felt bare skin and his eyes lit up in surprise.

"It was too hot to wear anything under my clothes today," MC whined. "And anyhow, I had a feeling you wouldn't mind too much."

Ominis hummed to show his agreement, and he got straight to work worshipping her skin. He gave slow, soft kisses along as much of her as he could reach, as if he had been starved of her affections for months. Her skin was perfectly smooth, save for her nipples that stood firm in the night air. MC moaned softly when Ominis pressed his lips around one to kiss and suck at it, his hand mindlessly kneading her other breast. Each flick of his tongue or tweak of his fingers dazed MC, her eyelids fighting a losing battle to stay open.

"How does it feel?" Ominis asked with a devilish smile.

MC tried to reply and only let out another moan as heat pooled in her core. She had never been sure how he managed it, sometimes driving her to orgasm from teasing her nipples alone, but oh how it was inebriating.

Her own hand slid up the back of his head and carded through his soft, blond hair, brushing off bits of dirt and undoing some of the pomade that had kept it immaculately brushed back all day. She looked down to see him slowly becoming more wild.

"That's it," she whispered. "Just like that. Oh, your tongue—"

Ominis growled wordlessly and hips rolled again, now with more force, and MC reached down to help Ominis out of his trousers and pants. His hand and mouth reluctantly moved away from teasing her, and he stood on his knees, one on each side of her hips, as he made a show of stripping off the bothersome garments.

How absolutely spectacular he looked, a furious blush blooming across his face as he did not even bother taking off his shirt. His erection was endlessly beautiful. MC had seen her husband fully naked hundreds of times, but it never grew less arousing to see him leaning over her, cock swinging lazily and dripping with need, just waiting for her.

She rose and pushed him to his back, straddling his hips. "If I'm going to be covered in dirt and dust, I think it's only fair that we do the same for you," she smirked.

Ominis glowered at her for just a moment, annoyed that he was no longer on top. All was forgiven, however, when MC held his wrists to the ground and, underneath her skirt, slid her dripping wet core up and down the underside of his now-throbbing erection. He made a noise somewhere between a massively pleasured moan and a deep, feral growl. She knew how this game was played, and she knew the prize that awaited her if she could build up enough steam inside him.

"Oh, you feel so much better than any part of my hands," she goaded as she savored every single millimeter of his cock that slid against her needy clit over and over. She could not believe her luck, that she—and nobody else in the world—got to witness his current expression as it betrayed nothing short of pure lust. His chest rose and fell, impassioned as his eyebrows knitted together and, before he could catch himself, he hissed his need in parseltongue. She had learned just enough from him to piece together that he desired to fuck her hard and deep, and her core practically flooded around him.

Ominis growled deeply again and, with as much gentleness as he could muster, lifted her as he sat up and laid her on her back. "I can't take it anymore," he groaned. He leaned down and whispered dangerously, so close to her ear that his breath felt blazing hot on her skin. "I will have you."

His shaking fingers fought against her skirt and won, unbuttoning it and pulling it off her completely. She felt vulnerable there on her back, absolutely nothing between her panting body and the forest around them, and for one brief moment she was almost frightened. Ominis shrugged off his shirt and leaned back over her, eclipsing her anxiety. He tried his best to be a good and dutiful husband, reaching his fingers down to tease her core and play with her clit, but she knew what he truly wanted and pulled his hand away for him. He tilted his head, and MC answered his silent question with a hand on the back of his hips, gently pushing him further towards her parted legs.

She offered a leg around his waist and her arms around his neck. She ran a finger along that little spot, just under his ear, that sent tendrils of chills up his spine. His eyes rolled shut, and in one swift motion he buried his aching cock to the hilt and her head swam, tears springing to her eyes. He leaned forward with urgency and kissed her face comfortingly, but she pushed her hips against him to urge him to start moving. He was more than happy to oblige.

He moved in and out of her with a surprisingly slow, gentle rhythm, but the look on his face said all she needed to know. Even as he had her scandalously pinned down in a field in the middle of the night, he was waiting for her to ask for more.

“Fuck me,” she growled, surprised at how agitated she sounded. “We make such soft and gentle love in the confines of our comfortable bed. So show me what you really wanted to do out here—why you were so impatient.”

She earned herself a forceful thrust that grated dirt and grass against her back, and she savored the light sting. She gripped his hair encouragingly. “Oh, fuck yes,” she groaned, and Ominis was lost completely in her body.

Each rough thrust echoed as an animalistic growl in his throat, and she craned her neck to kiss and suck at that throat. He held her arms down and listened to her slide across the earth each time he pounded into her. Each time he wound up, he left her feeling woefully empty—empty to the point that she wanted to beg for him. And each time he rammed back into her, her vision flared white and she wondered how much longer she could contain herself.

He could hear every contact of skin and succulent fluid, and he pressed himself closer to her until each thrust pushed against her clit and she moaned his name. He could tell she was holding back the inevitable to draw this out, and he wouldn’t allow it. Perhaps another night, but not tonight.

“Come for me,” he seductively hissed. "I want to hear your cries and feel you tighten around my cock. I want to feel your pretty little body writhing beneath me in the dirt and grass.” Goosebumps rolled violently over her skin and she threw her head back, a tiny glimmer of amusement in the back of her overloaded mind about how much dirt must be in her hair by now, and suddenly there was nothing in the world except the two of them and the searing pleasure that ripped through every fiber of muscle in her body over and over. She couldn’t control the scream that carried Ominis’ name, or her nails raking over his shoulders, or her walls that clenched unforgivingly around him. Her entire body pulsed and bucked, desperately needing his release like she needed air.

Ominis surrendered to his own orgasm as she pulsed and milked his cock relentlessly. He matched her voice with her name and dug his perfectly trimmed nails into the soft flesh of her arms. With each sublime thrust, he whined and emptied himself deep inside her until he had nothing left, and he was left desperately out of breath as the rest of the world came rushing back to their ears. Save their panting, the only sounds were of crickets and a soft breeze that soughed through the trees and grass. MC's vision returned and she saw Ominis above her, mouth hanging slightly open and eyes lidded even heavier than normal. If only he knew just how beautiful he was, she mused as she reached a comforting hand up to the side of his face.

Ominis began to pull out, but MC whined and placed her other hand on the small of his back to stop him. He chuckled and pressed a delicate kiss to her collarbone. Ominis had become his typical sweet self again, and he smiled at her.

“Are you feeling better?” she breathed, tucking a rebellious strand of hair behind his ear and watching it fall out again.

“Merlin, that was good,” he groaned. “You’re always so lovely for indulging me like this.”

“Indulging you?” she laughed. "I should think this was quite mutual."

Ominis kissed her again. “You are a far better wife than I could ever hope to deserve.”

“And you, my beguiling serpent, are a perfect husband.” She punctuated her reply with a small tap on the end of his nose, causing him to flinch slightly and laugh.

MC finally relented and let Ominis go. He pulled out of her and she relished in the feeling of some of his seed spilling from her. She gingerly sat up on her legs and, with her husband’s help, tried to brush the dirt from her back. She felt long, loose strands of her hair escaping from her bun. Sighing, she pulled out the myriad of pins and combs and let it fall in a halo around her. Ominis combed his fingers through her long hair and couldn’t help but pull her into another loving embrace. “You’re just like a little nymph,” he hummed in amusement. “As much as I wish we could stay here so that I may admire your divine beauty, however, perhaps we ought to get you home so we may both have a bath.”

“Yes please,” she giggled as she leaned against his bare chest, the remnants of his cologne, the grass around them, and the perfect scent of lovemaking radiating headily from his skin. “Perhaps just a few minutes more like this, though?”

Ominis kissed her head in agreement. He suspected they would be taking many more night walks after this.

#OH GOD I completely forgot to mention that there are like two very stupid references that I wrote into this for my own amusement lmao #one is to Harry Potter and the other is unrelated to anything HP at all 😭😭😭#if anyone finds them I will be so completely impressed and flabbergasted #hogwarts legacy #hogwarts legacy fanfic #ominis gaunt #ominis gaunt x mc #ominis x mc #ominis gaunt fanfiction #ominis gaunt fluff #ominis gaunt smut #ominis smut #Isabel Greymoore

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hp-fanfic-archive · 3 years

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an introductory rec list (that nobody asked for) for some of my favorite (platonic and/or romantic) pairings: severitus [2/10]

First fic I read for the pairing: Of Potions and Phobias by tt22123 [1k,G] Severitus story with nightmares [i stumbled on this fic on accident and it was short and sweet (and a little bittersweet at the end).]

Fic that really sold me on the pairing: Leo Inter Serpentes (Series) by Aeternum [746k,E,6 works] (WIP) Just one conversation between two eleven year old boys goes slightly differently, and the world changes. Just how much will be different with Harry being sorted into Slytherin, and how much will stay the same? [i will never not recommend this series: it’s amazing, it’s well-written, it’s true to all the characters and relationships and it feels more canon than canon (of course, it’s also significantly more gay than canon but i said what i said).]

Absolute favorite fic(s) for the pairing: Nobody Cared by etherian [360k,G] Harry is 11 years old and looking forward to attending Hogwarts. Why, then, does he miss the Welcoming Feast? (warnings for: child abuse, bullying, depictions of violence) [this fic is really well done (but has a lot of angst and definitely mind the warnings above (although the author doesn’t include warnings on the fic)).] Family Means More Than Blood by WingsOfADream [422k,M] A prophecy made in 1975 drastically changes the life of the boy who should have been known as Harry Potter. [this is yet another fic with a really well-written and fascinating plot with excellent characterizations and plot lines. i definitely would recommend it to someone with a lot of time on their hands.]

Most recent fic I’ve read for the pairing: Blackberry Tart by starknjarvis [33k,G] One year after Severus Snape offered to become Harry's legal guardian, Sirius Black shows up at Hogwarts. [the fic is a part of a well-written and pragmatic series and this fic also includes the development of a remus & severus and a sirius & severus friendship so that harry can have a larger and supportive family and i’m living for it (i believe the exact tag that the author used was “coparenting with your childhood nemesis” and i am living for it).]

Favorite AU(s) I’ve read for the pairing: Alternate Sorting AU (Slytherin!Harry): Malfoy Flavor by Vorabiza [199k,E] Harry’s ready to banish the Golden Boy image and take charge of his life. Unfortunately for him, or fortunately, there are surprises in store for him. [Slytherin!Harry but it’s not an entire canon rewrite like most of the alternate sorting fics i love so much, so that’s fun. also drarry and just the right amount of painful but realistic angst. oh and it has a delightfully fluffy little sequel.]

Favorite Series for the pairing: Forgiveness & Redemption by waitingondaisies [130k,T,2 works] Severus Snape was discovered as a spy mere days before the start of the school year. Thankfully, Albus had been working on a vague contingency plan for this possibility. It had been inspired by the question, “What would it take for Severus Snape to see that he was wrong about Harry Potter?” The answer? Force Severus to go undercover as Alfonse “Eli” Hopkirk, a sixth year Gryffindor. (that’s technically the summary for the first fic but i think it serves well enough in lieu of a series summary, which the author did not provide. also warnings for child abuse.) [this series is such an interesting concept and it feels very realistic in how it played out and i’m honestly here for it.] You're a Parent, Severus by acmparker [210k,G,6 works] (WIP) When Lily got home from her first year at Hogwarts, she found a new distance between herself and Petunia. As a result Severus and Lily became even closer to each other over that summer. The next year Lily found a book in the Hogwarts Library that describe an ancient ritual for creating a blood bond that would make two unrelated people kin. She convinces Severus to undergo the ritual with her and they become brother and sister. This means that when Lily dies there is another whose blood relationship with her is recognized by the blood ward Dumbledore places on Harry. To Severus Snape's chagrin he finds himself the last line of defense between Harry and the forces of the Dark Lord. (again, no series summary but i think this works well enough.) [i love a good remus and severus friendship plus severitus so this series really works for me. and it’s a canon rewrite (love those).] Bruised Words by starknjarvis [49k,G,2 works] (WIP) After Harry blows up Aunt Marge, Dumbledore decides it's not safe for Harry to spend the rest of the summer at the Leaky Cauldron, and instead sends him to stay at Spinner’s End with Professor Snape. It's tense, awkward, and teeming with misunderstandings...but it might be the best thing that's happened to either of them. They're both been without a family for a very long time. (apparently all my favorite series aside from Leo Inter Serpentes, which i’ve already listed above, don’t have series descriptions, but the first work’s description seems to work well enough. also warnings for child abuse.) [this is the series that blackberry tart belongs to and may i just say: it’s excellent and well-written and pragmatic and i would recommend it.]

Longest fic I’ve read for the pairing: A Year Like None Other by aspeninthesunlight [789k,T] A letter from home? A letter from family? Well, Harry Potter knows he has neither, but all the same, it starts with a letter from Surrey. Whatever the Durleys have to say, it can't be anything good, so Harry's determined to ignore it. But then, his evil schoolmate rival spots the letter and his slimy excuse for a teacher intercepts it and forces him to read it. And that sends Harry down a path he'd never have walked on his own. It will be a year of big changes, a year of great pain, and a year of confronting worst fears. It will be a year of surprising discoveries, of finding true strength, of finding out that first impressions of a person's true colours do not always ring true. It will be a year of paradigm shifts. And from the most unexpected sources, Harry will have a chance to have that which he has never known: a home ... and a family. A sixth year fic, this story follows Order of the Phoenix and disregards any canon events that occur after Book 5. (warnings for: graphic depictions of violence, self-harm, severe medical trauma) [the fic has some really dark parts but the plot is so intricate and fascinating and the relationships and dynamics are excellently written and the characterizations are spot on and i would definitely recommend it to anyone with a lot of time on their hands.]

Fic(s) with some of my favorite tropes: Sickfic + Hurt/Comfort: When He Called Me Dad by MarauderChaos [31k,Not Rated] It was only however as the end of his second year did Severus collect enough evidence and enough of his own courage to step in. The boy looked as though the world was ending when Severus brought him to his private quarters to see Madam Bones, and for a moment Severus felt the world was ending when someone recommended him as guardian. But that was how it ended, with Harry Potter becoming the ward of the Potions Master. It was kept a secret from the press and the students of Hogwarts – even his own Godson didn’t know, mainly because Lucius was bound to hear of it if he did and Severus didn’t want to risk their lives. They had their ups and downs, screaming and shouting, hexes and slamming doors, crying and hugging, laughing and actually having fun. But there was one moment that Severus would always remember, with its own fair share of good and bad, was the time he called him Dad. [i’m a sucker for hurt/comfort and accidental revelation of feelings, which in this case is the strength of harry’s platonic feelings, and this fic has all that so… yeehaw.] Accidental Bonding (but make it platonic): Love is... (series) by atiaahmed [133k,G,4 works] (WIP) This series revolves around how Snape starts to care about Harry because of a charm put on him by Ron and Hermione. The first story "Love is a charm" explores how their relationship changes because of the charm and what happens when it expires at the end of the year The second story explores how their relationship develops after the events of "Love is a charm". In "Love is a haven" other paternal figures, namely Lupin and Black will threaten Severus position with Harry. [i kind of like the platonic severitus take on one of my favorite hp tropes tbh and i like the way that their relationship develops and the realistic trust issues and such.]

#severitus #severus & harry #harry & severus #severitus fic rec #severitus fic list #severitus fic rec list #intro to my fav ships rec list #hp fic rec #hp fic rec list #hp fics #severitus fics #queue is for quibbler

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happysadyoyo · 2 years

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Not to harp on it or anything but after a little more looking into it it seems that the overlapping symptoms of bipolar and autism don't really seem to include some of the symptoms I've seen you mention having.

It seems one of the big ways to know if you may be autistic or just bipolar is looking at when certain symptoms started. If you've always had the maybe-autism symptoms then that's a pretty good indication that you are also autistic, as bipolar shows up a bit later on, but if they showed up when your other bipolar symptoms started then it's likely just bipolar.

Again, I really hope this isn't rude or weird or something. I just. Hm. I am very passionate about doing your own research when something seems hokey, and what you seem to have been told about autism in relation to bipolar disorder doesn't really line up with what I know about autism after doing a lot of research and living as an autistic person.

Feel free to ignore these asks of you aren't comfortable with anything I've said.

I publish everything in my inbox publicly.

And again, I am not autistic.

A lot of my symptoms that don't like. Line up perfectly with bipolar disorder has to do with my other problems. Like growing up with an emotionally constipated ex Marine vet for a father (Parris Island of course because everyone knows the Marines trained in San Diego aren't actually Marines).

I started having episodes of psychosis (in my case delusions) when I was eight, AKA the first time I tried to kill myself.

Unrelated but I was a very dramatic eight year old. I made myself like. A shrine to die on? And put my copy of Well Wished on top of it? Shortly after I got into Harry Potter.

I basically spent 20 years undiagnosed with my parents, my religion, and where I was raised contributing to my mental health. I have GAD and some sort of chronic depression in addition to being rapid cycling bipolar type II. My GAD is fed into by my delusions (my circles), and my delusions are fed into by reality.

And stuff like flat/blunted affect and limited understanding of other people's emotions absolutely are tied to bipolar disorder. It just gets worsened when you have a delusion everyone is talking about you behind your back so you turn to your special interest -- books, esp HP -- and don't talk to people. Then you have a mom who constantly asks if you're high because of your affect and you don't know how to deal with it?

This isn't just what I've been told about bipolar disorder. I was told this, I did my own research, I stumbled across stuff like how I have low empathy, and I went back to my therapist and talked about all this.

If I'm being blunt I apologize, but my sleep meds are inching in. I'm not autistic. I don't know what you've read, but I know what I have, and my symptoms and diagnosis (at least mentally) are accurate.

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twoidiotwriters1 · 3 years

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Written In The Stars XCI (Harry Potter xF!Oc)

A/N: I'd missed this silly goose! tho the actors in hp for some reason look way older so he looks like a baby but pls imagine Erick like this older-looking student bc he should look that way jdhfd -Danny

Words: 2,195

Series’ Masterlist

Previous Chapter // Next Chapter

Chapter Twenty-Six: Talk it out.

"Hagrid!" Hermione shouted. "Hagrid, that's enough! We know you're in there! Nobody cares if your mum was a giantess, Hagrid! You can't let that foul Skeeter woman do this to you! Hagrid, get out here, you're just being —" The door opened. "About t — !" Hermione froze when she found Dumbledore there instead of their friend.

"Good afternoon," he said.

"We — er — we wanted to see Hagrid."

"Yes, I surmised as much," He said in amusement. "Why don't you come in?"

"Oh... um... okay."

Hagrid was sitting at the table, there were two mugs of tea. For the looks of it, he'd been crying.

"Hi, Hagrid," said Harry.

" 'Lo," he said lowly.

"More tea, I think," said Dumbledore, and with the flick of his wand, a tea tray appeared. "Did you by any chance hear what Miss Granger was shouting, Hagrid? Hermione, Mel, Harry, and Ron still seem to want to know you, judging by the way they were attempting to break down the door."

"Of course we still want to know you!" Harry said. "You don't think anything that Skeeter cow — sorry, Professor..."

"I have gone temporarily deaf and haven't any idea what you said, Harry," said Dumbledore, looking up to the ceiling with interest.

"Er — right... I just meant — Hagrid, how could you think we'd care what that — woman — wrote about you?" Hagrid cried silently, two huge tears falling down his beard.

"Oh, Hagrid, don't cry!" Mel's hand went to rest above his, looking almost comically small.

"Living proof of what I've been telling you, Hagrid," said Dumbledore. "I have shown you the letters from the countless parents who remember you from their own days here, telling me in no uncertain terms that if I sacked you, they would have something to say about it —"

"Not all of 'em," said Hagrid. "Not all of 'em wan' me ter stay."

"Really, Hagrid, if you are holding out for universal popularity, I'm afraid you will be in this cabin for a very long time. Not a week has passed since I became headmaster of this school when I haven't had at least one owl complaining about the way I run it. But what should I do? Barricade myself in my study and refuse to talk to anybody?"

"Yeh — yeh're not half-giant!"

"Hagrid, look what I've got for relatives!" Harry said in disbelief. "Look at the Dursleys!"

"An excellent point," said Dumbledore. "My own brother, Aberforth, was prosecuted for practising inappropriate charms on a goat. It was all over the papers, but did Aberforth hide? No, he did not! He held his head high and went about his business as usual! Of course, I'm not entirely sure he can read, so that may not have been bravery..."

Mel looked at her uncle knowing that there was certainly more he could say about their family, but she remained quiet.

"Come back and teach, Hagrid," said Hermione, "please come back, we really miss you."

"I refuse to accept your resignation, Hagrid, and I expect you back at work on Monday," said Dumbledore, standing up to leave. "You will join me for breakfast at eight-thirty in the Great Hall. No excuses. Good afternoon to you all."

When the Headmaster left the cabin, Hagrid sobbed for real, hiding his face behind both hands.

"Great man, Dumbledore... great man..."

"Yeah, he is," said Ron. "Can I have one of these cakes, Hagrid?"

"Help yerself," said Hagrid. "Ar, he's righ', o' course — yeh're all righ'... I bin stupid... my ol' dad woulda bin ashamed o' the way I've bin behavin'... Never shown you a picture of my old dad, have I? Here..."

Hagrid got up, went over to his dresser, opened a drawer, and pulled out a picture of a short wizard with Hagrid's crinkled black eyes, beaming as he sat on top of Hagrid's shoulder. Hagrid was a good seven or eight feet tall, judging by the apple tree beside him, but his face was beardless, young, round, and smooth — he looked hardly older than eleven.

"Tha' was taken jus' after I got inter Hogwarts," Hagrid croaked. "Dad was dead chuffed... thought I migh' not be a wizard, see, 'cos me mum... well, anyway. 'Course, I never was great shakes at magic, really... but at least he never saw me expelled. Died, see, in me second year...

"Dumbledore was the one who stuck up for me after Dad went. Got me the gamekeeper job... trusts people, he does. Gives 'em second chances... tha's what sets him apar' from other heads, see. He'll accept anyone at Hogwarts, s'long as they've got the talent. Knows people can turn out okay even if their families weren'... well... all tha' respectable. But some don' understand that. There's some who'd always hold it against yeh... there's some who'd even pretend they just had big bones rather than stand up an' say — I am what I am, an' I'm not ashamed. 'Never be ashamed,' my ol' dad used ter say, 'there's some who'll hold it against you, but they're not worth botherin' with.' An' he was right. I've bin an idiot. I'm not botherin' with her no more, I promise yeh that. Big bones... I'll give her big bones."

The kids shared nervous glances, but Hagrid kept talking without waiting for a reply.

"Yeh know wha', Harry? When I firs' met you, you reminded me o' me a bit. Mum an' Dad gone, an' you was feelin' like yeh wouldn' fit in at Hogwarts, remember? Not sure yeh were really up to it... an' now look at yeh, Harry! School champion! Yeh know what I'd love, Harry? I'd love yeh ter win, I really would. It'd show 'em all... yeh don' have ter be pureblood ter do it. Yeh don' have ter be ashamed of what yeh are. It'd show 'em Dumbledore's the one who's got it righ', lettin' anyone in as long as they can do magic. How you doin' with that egg, Harry?"

"Great," said Harry shakily. "Really great."

"Tha's my boy... you show 'em, Harry, you show 'em. Beat'em all..."

"But if it doesn't turn out as expected," Mel was quick to add. "Know that we are all proud of you as well, Hagrid. We love you very much."

"I'll follow Cedric's advice," Harry told her quietly before going to bed that night.

"Blimey, all it took was a crying Hagrid..." Mel raised her eyebrows. "Want help?"

"No," He replied. "Dunno... I'll let you know."

"All right," She sighed. "Good luck."

She had an important matter to attend that day in private and it could only be between her and Erick. She used the pocket watch he'd given her and informed him that she wanted to talk. On Monday, both students met at the far end of the library, Mel had no idea where to start.

"I won't apologize for what I said the other day, I know you hate it when I do that," She began, "but you're hiding something and I would like to know what it is, maybe I can help you?"

She was expecting many reactions, all except the one she got. Erick let out a long sigh and picked out of his bag one of the books she'd lent him.

"Persuasion?" Mel raised a brow.

"I take that you've read it?" He asked.

"I love it," She smiled at it. "The main character's name is Anne, right?"

"Yes," Erick shook his head. "The story... It made me think– What if I'm making a mistake?"

"What d'you mean?"

"What if I don't like Anne the way I think I do?" He elaborated. "I wrote and she wrote back every week, we never ran out of things to say, but the last week before going to my grandad's house she said something that... What if I just like her because she's the complete opposite of what my parents want?"

"I feel like those are unrelated, I'm not sure I follow," Mel frowned. "Since when you've been having doubts?"

"Since Anne and I started to talk more this summer. It's not exactly that I have doubts, I mean, I know I feel something, I just don't know what."

"I don't think there's a reasoning behind the people we like," She retorted. "...Right?"

"If there's no reasoning, then I guess it's all right, but if I'm supposed to have one... I don't have it. I can't tell why I like her."

"Well, you think she's pretty?"

"Yeah," Erick moved on his place awkwardly. "Although I think other girls are pretty too, and I could even get along with them as I do with Anne. If you were to ask me why I'm interested in her, I wouldn't know."

"But that's normal," Mel tried to calm him. "Love has no logic, that doesn't mean is bad?"

"Listen," He put a finger on the book and pointed harshly. "If I just like her because she's pretty and fun then it wouldn't be bad... Yet I think I'm around her because I know it'd make my parents mad, when I'm here, at school, I don't worry about her... I do wonder, but is not constant."

"So? I don't think about Harry all day."

"Aren't I supposed to be dying of solitude when I'm away from her? Maybe this is just a lie I tell myself so I feel like a normal guy, maybe I'm incapable of falling in love and Anne is just my excuse to be a bad son..."

There was a piece of paper coming out of the book, she took it without thinking. Erick kept rambling without looking at what she was doing and her eyes skimmed through the letter. The seams were so worn out that she could tell the boy had read it several times.

"Anne likes someone else..." She said quietly.

Erick's eyes landed on the piece of paper his face turned pale. "Give me that."

"His name's Stuart and he's nice...'" Mel read out loud. "Her boyfriend?"

"No," He said, seizing the letter. "He could be... but she's waiting."

"Waiting?"

"For me."

"And you don't want to say anything," Mel said slowly, "because you're not sure?"

"I can't be with her," Erick said with difficulty. "Not yet... I have two more years of school, even then I don't know when I'll be able to leave my parents' house..."

"But you like her."

"My parents won't approve."

"You don't have to tell them."

"I can't do that!" He said. "Imagine that Harry's parents were alive and they hated everything about you. That every time they see you they'd throw nasty remarks your way, and then Harry'd be out in the street with no money and without being able to give you a good life, imagine you're from two different worlds and nothing you have to offer can get him out trouble..."

"I think... I think we'd both be in pain all the time," Mel said quietly, "...Is that how you feel?"

"That's what will happen if I do the wrong thing," Erick ran a hand through his hair, ruining his neat curls. "I'd love to send a letter telling her everything... but we're young, I wasn't expecting things to move as fast as they did... she's great, she really is, but she doesn't even know I'm a wizard. There are too many secrets and I just think Anne deserves better. Maybe Stuart can do better."

"I think that in a way, you're right," Mel pushed the book towards him. "But I've seen you read and learn, get rid of so many prejudices just to meet her, not even knowing if she'd like you back... that has to mean something."

Erick supported his head in one hand, rubbing his forehead. "All I know is that if I pull her away from this boy without telling her everything... I'll end up ruining one of the best things that have ever happened to me."

"Then?" She frowned. "You're going to... you're just going to leave her?"

Erick swallowed the lump in his throat. "I want her to choose him... I'm not around anyway, I could even mention the ball and Daphne just to... to make her think..."

"You're gonna hurt her," She told him, not in a reproachful tone, but one that had to be said. "I guess this is the gentlest way you can do it... and it's not forever, right? I mean, if everything goes as planned, eventually you'll be able to try. It's meant to be."

"Meant to be?" He chuckled bitterly. "You sound too sure."

"I am," She responded sincerely. "You and Anne will end up together... just like Harry and me, if I'm lucky enough."

Erick gave her a look, a tiny smile on his lips. "Warming up to the idea then?"

"I've been too hard on myself and Harry," She shrugged. "I think life can be a fairytale if we do what we're meant to do."

"How are we supposed to know what that is?"

"Fate will find a way," Mel got up and patted his shoulder. "Just don't lose hope..."

Next Chapter —>

Taglist.

@dee123ksha @vampiregirl1797 @siriuslysirius1107 @stardusthigh @mikariell95 @vernon-dursley @thesuitelifeofafangirl @tomshollandz @kylosleftbuttcheek @reverse-hxlland @bloodorangemoonlight @omiwashere @t-rexs-world

#twoidiots writing #hp fanfic #Harry Potter #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter xoc #WITT fic

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janehaster · 3 years

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What the [[Fifty-percent off]]...

Sometimes I see people loudly complain about artwork or fanfic other people created based on their content and I wonder if they're capable of some self-criticism now and then.

Almost 99% of the content I see on social media is based on original works, such as Harry Potter, Avengers, Zelda, Disney movies and any and every kind of content imaginable. Some people make artwork based on it, but what other people do is create something on top of that and claim it as their own. That phenomenon is more visible with Undertale. There are an infinite number of AUs and versions of its characters - particularly of Sans and Papyrus - which people have appropriated, created alternate versions of and called them their own, such as UF!Sans, US!Sans, etc.

Now, when Harry Potter came out, there were ALL SORTS of fanfic going around. There was even a website dedicated solely to HP fanfic. This was back when Facebook wasn't even a thing and most people still used Orkut. The thing is, the Harry Potter fans took it to a whole new level and created entirely new universes which transcended and even deviated from the original one to become their own thing. Sometimes you would read a fanfic series and it had evolved to a point it was so unrelated to HP you had to wonder if the characters even resembled the original ones anymore.

Case in point, the same phenomenon has happened to many other franchises. Such as Undertale.

People have created hundreds of AUs. And some of them completely deviate from the original game or downright misinterpret its elements. From weird pairings to inexplicable fetishes for condiments, every sort of weirdness has made it into AUs. But creation is free, right? You can't criticize someone's creative content without risking upsetting the creator and making them believe you're being hostile to them. Especially when mob mentality has become so strong in recent years, either due to social media or merely strengthened by it.

So far, we haven't heard Toby Fox criticize any particular AU, not even the ones who are too weird to even be shown on Youtube, for example. Or JK Rowling coming in public and criticizing HP fanfic writers for making weird content sometimes. Has she ever complained about fics where Draco is paired with Hermione, or even Snape (an adult) is paired with her (a minor)? No. She just lives and let live.

But now there are AU creators who are upset fans are misinterpreting their universe and making content based on it without, as they put it, "respecting their work".

We have UT AUs where there's incest between Sans and Papyrus. We have AUs where skeletons go physical with humans. We have AUs where monsters are changed to mobsters. People have turned Undertale into something it isn't because their imagination runs free and they believe the internet has no restrictions. And not once do we see Toby Fox and the original development team complain about it or call anyone out on it. Hell, there are even tons of people making money off Undertale and Harry Potter and again, neither JK nor Toby complain about it.

However, you'll see UT creators getting upset because someone took their character and reimagined it in their own way.

Do you see where the problem lies?

Anything that is created will be reimagined by someone out there. There are people making money illegally off original books, series, etc. There are people taking something and turning it into something it's not. But when someone "messes" with their art, then boy, do they get angry about it!

This is just an opportunity for self-reflection. If you didn't create something original, then what are you complaining about? People don't think the same way, they don't assimilate things the same way. Two people may look at the same scene and interpret what happened in completely distinct ways. The same will happen to any work - original or not - that is made public. YOU, the creator, will imagine it in one way. SOMEONE ELSE will look at it and see something different.

What really deserves some criticism here is: if you're so angry about people taking your creation and tweaking it their own way when making fanart or fanfic, what makes you think YOUR artwork deserves a free pass from original content creators? In other words, what would YOU do if Toby Fox came in public and demanded you erase your AU or your fanfic because he felt offended by the way his characters are portrayed by you?

It's something to think about.

#self criticism is important #its easy to point the finger #just not at yourself #back in my days #we used to call some AUs plagiarism #now you make content based off someone else's work #and you're a content creator #you can even make money off of it #but content creators get pissed if you do the same to them #go figure #makes you wonder who are the real artists #and who's just trying to get in the market #where do you draw the fucking line #btw I only write fanfic #never tried making a dime out of undertale #or harry potter #cause that's just plagiarism to me #dunno about you though

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skeptiquewrites · 4 years

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Draco/Harry Fic Recs

Sometimes people ask me what my favourite all time Drarry is and it really, really depends on my mood but this is my top right now. I cannot maintain a masterlist to save my own life so anything else will show up under my fic rec tag eventually.

Away Childish Things by lettered

Rating: T Word Count: 153k Summary: Harry gets de-aged. Malfoy has to help him. My Pitch: My love letter to this fic is about the fact that I regularly think about it in the idle way the way other people presumably think about what they ate for dinner. I am completely weak for unintentional vulnerability and this trope really takes you there. There is so much restrained tenderness and intimacy.

The Bucket List by GallaPlacidia

Rating: Not Rated Word Count: 32k Summary: Draco will die in six months if he can't get Harry Potter to fall in love with him. Since that's not going to happen, he might as well spend his last days working through his Bucket List. Tap-dancing lessons? Rock climbing? Poetry-writing? Threesomes? Cocaine? Getting to know his adorable cousin, Teddy Lupin? Draco will try them all! My Pitch: You may ask, if this fic makes me sob uncontrollably why do I re-read it regularly? 1. Sometimes you need a good cry 2. A reformed cast of Slytherins including my favourite Pansy of all time 3. I really love Draco’s characterization and how Harry reacts to it. Indignant, confused...drawn in? I relate, Harry.

"Dad says" by GallaPlacidia

Rating: Not Rated Word Count: 39k Summary: Eleven-year-old Scorpius starts writing to Harry. Harry starts to fall in love with Draco through his portrayal in his son's letters. Featuring an extremely remorseful Draco living with muggles and working at a second-hand book shop, an isolated Harry, and a Scorpius who's dreading going to Hogwarts because he knows he'll be bullied there. My Pitch: I’m always looking for some complexity in answering the central question of a redemption arc. I love Draco’s Muggle friends, I love the gentle thawing of Andromeda, I love the unfinished business of the HP world post-war. And I’m saying all this conceptual shit but also their romance is beat-for-beat perfect.

Dwelling by aideomai

Rating: T Word Count: 83k Summary: Curses, James and Lily Potter ride again, several Ministry balls, a teenage Summer of Love, a grim young adult dystopian winter, a few different Draco Malfoys, secrets and the problems re: not having any, alternate lives, impossible lives, real lives, allusions to Dirty Dancing, and just because it's not called the Mirror of Erised doesn't mean you shouldn't know better. My Pitch: Another fic that lives rent-free in my head. There’s not much I can say without spoiling it but the atmosphere, the plot, the yearning mixed up with confusion. This fic also uses magic in a delightful, inventive way.

Remember Me by Hupsoonheng

Rating: T Word Count: 31k Summary: On a chilly day in October, Draco kisses Harry goodbye before he goes on yet another dangerous, undercover mission with the Aurors. And then Harry doesn't come back. Only Draco believes that Harry isn't dead, and pours himself into finding his husband despite his friends' pleas to move on and grieve properly. What he finds at the end of that work, though, is not at all what he wanted. My Pitch: Again, this is THE memory loss fic for me. It could end after the first chapter and it’d be perfect and then you get Connemara and their reconciliation? All the atmosphere and the imperfection and this ENDING.

Telling The Bees by Cibee Rating: M Word Count: 31k Summary: Scorpius’ body was found in Hogwarts one early morning. My Pitch: Grief gets dealt with really, really beautifully in this fic in a way that makes me feel like the writer peered directly into my heart. Because it’s not just sadness and love. Grief can be obsession, it is circling “what if”, it can be unrelenting nothingness and anger. It’s also about the way that love can mean steadfastness in the face of tragedy.

What We Pretend We Can’t See by gyzym

Rating: M Word Count: 131k Summary: Seven years out from the war, Harry learns the hard truth of old history: it’s never quite as far behind you as you thought. My Pitch: A delicious slow burn fic. It’s familiar for me like sinking into a warm bath, but still gives me the sharpest, biting, funny dialogue every time I re-read, like a shock to the senses.

#drarry #my high school english teacher told me I had a finely tuned sense of angst #he was correct #drarry fic rec #these days sometimes I just need to cry

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dramionediscussion · 4 years

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To the person who’s asking about the chapter count. I’ve never looked a chapter count totally isolated from a word count. This tends to happen almost inevitably and unconsciously as both are right next to each other at both FF.net and AO3. I am inclined to first look up the word count, then compare it to the chapter count. Mainly I prefer longer form works (unless it’s just for a pure smut, I discard anything under 10k. My preference is +40k, though sometimes I click on 10-40k if there’s otherwise something highly appealing, like an interesting premise or summary, or if it’s highly rated or popular, etc). If I just had to choose between long-chapter vs short-chaptered fic, then I’d go with the long-chaptered, but that’s more about the preference for the longer form, because that’s what it often implies. Nothing inherently in the chapter count itself. If the chapter count is high, but the fic itself is short, that just happens to be a red flag for me. If we are talking about a chapter length of under 1k, I am prone to dismiss it outright. 1-2k is a bit iffy, but after the threshold of 2k, I tend not to care about it (I don’t calculate it exactly, a quick glance and a fast estimate is more than enough). If a fic falls anywhere between 2k-15k with its chapter length, I am alright with it (the upper threshold is more difficult to estimate, because fics which have over 10k chapter length are quite rare, and I don’t think I’ve ever even seen anything over 12k. For me over 15k would probably raise an eyebrow). The total chapter count is irrelevant, unless it’s something absurdly high, like well over 200 chapters or something. I am more than willing to read through that one million words (about the length of HP series) fanfic epic, if I like the content. I am ready to give that 1-3 chapter chance to almost anything, which could even remotely be interesting. Although unfortunately more I read Dramione, I am becoming increasingly pickier and I abandon fics ever more easier. If I really enjoy something, then it doesn’t matter whether it has 20 or 200 chapters, because the supply of Dramione I happen to enjoy is high but not infinite. The problem is more of finding works I truly like, rather than not having time to read them all. If I don’t enjoy something, well that doesn’t really matter either, because it’s highly unlikely that I’ll be reading it more than couple of chapters anyway, so the time-sink is about the same regardless of the length or chapter count or anything. (Ofc, all of this is just a heuristic I’ve developed automatically and subconsciously while I’ve read countless Dramione fics. It’s just a normal pattern-recognition, not a logic-deductive causal law of the nature, in which I perfectly judge every fic apriori without reading them. I am aware that I might be missing some good fics, but there’s thousands of fics out there, and one has to sort them somehow and exclude some without reading them. Or read them all indiscriminately, which I don’t have time for. As long as it’s better than total randomness, then it’s fine enough, despite not being absolutely perfect). I don’t know how widely shared this sentiment is with other Dramione fans, because it’s not that often I see this brought up in any reviews. I basically never talk about Dramione with anybody ever, so my exposure to the larger Dramione audience is very limited (fics, their reviews and I sometimes look at this place). However, this question peaked my curiosity, and I decided to see, if there’s any obvious relation between fics’ popularity, its chapter count, word count and chapter length (in this I treat popularity and likeliness of people seeking out or clicking certain types of fics totally interchangeably). I first looked at the top10 most favored Dramione fics (FF.net) and fics that received most kudos (AO3), then calculated their average and median word counts, chapter counts and chapter lengths. Then took another sample of different tier of popularity (top 101-110), then from another one again less popular (601-610), and finally one more (top 1351-1360). And see if any patterns appear (this is a very crude, but crude and fast is more than nothing. Unfortunately I don’t have time to do anything profound, as I did this to satisfy my own immediate curiosity, and afterwards decided to share it with others). For a sake of brevity I only show FF.net numbers, because differences between AO3 were quite minor in this instance. The first number is always the average and the second is the median. I excluded one-shots and cross-overs. First tier (top10 most popular Dramione fics) Total word count: avg. 240,108 / med. 208,569 Chapter count: 44 / 37 Chapter Length: 5457 / 5637 Second tier (top 101-110) Total word count: avg. 101,844 / med. 89,565 Chapter count: 23 / 21 Chapter Length: 4428 / 4265 Third tier (top 601-610) Total word count: avg. 88,450 / med. 75,175 Chapter count: 25 / 25 Chapter Length: 3538 / 3007 Fourth tier (top 1351-1360) Total word count: avg. 78,000 / med. 63,848 Chapter count: 26 / 23 Chapter Length: 3000 / 2776 If one would plot this out, there’s a clear linear correlation between the popularity and the word count and chapter length, but the chapter count seem to be quite unrelated with the popularity. Top10 sweet spot is interestingly very close to a longest HP book (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is 257,045 words). Also the chapter length is even closer to HP series (5,5k for the whole series). The chapter count is a little more off the track, but not terribly far from the mark (HP from 4th-7th books has 35 / 37). It seems that there’s some kind of a descending effect. Although, it’s might be just with the sampling and small sample size and lack of controls, and million other things. But it’s still there, that more popular fics tend to have longer word counts and longer chapter lengths (at least up to that ceiling or golidlocks zone of best rated fics), and they have a linear relationship with its popularity, while the amount of chapters doesn’t seem to be related.

#dramione #submission

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ohscorbus · 5 years

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Harry Potter and the Cursed Child: Saturday 11th May, 2019

I think it goes without saying that seeing today’s show was an absolute honour. James Phoon, our lovely Craig Bowker (aaand everyone’s favourite Hufflepuff), FINALLY got to go on as Scorpius Malfoy. Now we’ve been talking, hoping, and begging for this for two years. Two years! Spoiler alert: it was worth the wait. ♥︎

So, who is his Scorpius? Well I initially summed him up in three words: sweet, strong, awkward. I stand by that. We’ve always said he’d be a total sweetheart, a child of sunshine and sweets. We weren’t wrong. But what really captured my attention was his strength. He didn’t feel vulnerable the way Jonathan’s Scorpius does (to me, anyway) and even when he was, I knew he could handle himself. There was something very Malfoy about him in that sense. You could almost see Draco’s influence. It was all there, intertwined with his own Scorpius-ness. It felt like something brand new but also exactly what you’d expect from Scorpius Malfoy. Watching him stand his ground and push back on Albus, and then awkwardly play with his hands and squeal in delight over something geeky in the next breath. It was the perfect mix which made for a fascinatingly brilliant interpretation and one I’d have loved the chance to explore further. I can only imagine where James would have taken him if he was already here at show one.

ACT ONE, SCENE FOUR: THIRD YEAR

I absolutely adored his approach to the scene where he tells Albus about Astoria’s death. Instead of looking down at the ground or focusing on Albus, he angled himself our way and stared out as if he was looking out of the train window. Yet his unfocused and glistening eyes told us he wasn’t really seeing anything beyond the glass. It made me wonder if he’d have stayed like that all the way to Hogwarts if Albus hadn’t have found him because even once Albus had arrived and started talking, Scorpius barely blinked. He spoke back but he never took his eyes off the view. It broke my heart. He couldn’t write those words and now he has to say them. I don’t blame him for not wanting to see the sorry on Albus’s face. He remained in that position until he suddenly turned towards Albus as he asked him to be his good friend. The fact that it’s that line that pulls Scorpius back into the world says so much about him. His friendship with Albus is what grounds him. It’s what he needs to get through this.

Also, unrelated to James but I have to call out Ryan in the wand dance. So you know how Albus fails at the very end and his wand shoots out the powder instead? Well while the other kids mocked him, Ryan just stood at the back, looking at his own wand, and wondered aloud: “how did he do that?” The look of confusion on his face and the fact the question seemed so genuine had me laughing so hard I wheezed. I’ve been saying it ever since. (Plus I like the idea that someone out there is impressed. Even if it was an accident. Bless him.)

ACT ONE, SCENE NINETEEN: BEATING THE LIBRARY

I just have to mention Jamie B here because his version of James’s Scorpius was absolutely superb. Like, A+. 10/10. Five gold stars. We gushed at him afterwards and he said he only got to watch James for a few scenes that day before having to go on and do this scene. I’m still wildly impressed at this man’s talent.

ACT TWO, SCENE SIX: HOGWARTS THROUGH THE TREES

This scene always stands out to me. There’s a certain kind of magic to it that sets it apart from the others. We come to the theatre, or pick up the book, or watch the movies, to visit Hogwarts. Yet in this scene, it’s those at Hogwarts who turn to watch us to see this world. It gives me goosebumps every time. I never feel as part of the magic as I do when I’m watching this scene. For that reason, it’s so interesting to watch the actors reacting to that view. Of seeing that magic, of all of us on this journey with them. There’s time there where they literally don’t say anything. They just stand and look and without fail, it exposes the true extent of their Harry Potter love. It doesn’t matter how good of an actor you are, there are some emotions you cannot fake. The beauty of the Palace Theatre itself and the realisation of pretty much being ‘Harry Potter’ (but better) in this moment has caused so many of them to well up. Now James P’s love for HP is common knowledge. He’s a very proud Hufflepuff who beat his losing streak in the Friday Forty by joining the cast in the second year. (I have so much respect for that haha.) So as you can imagine, the second we all saw his eyes glistening as he stepped forward we all cried with him.

ACT TWO, SCENE SEVEN: FIRST AU

Now you know the Malfoys are my favourites (apart from Albus, he’s still my number one), so seeing how Draco and Scorpius interact is pretty high on my list of priorities. I was on the edge of my seat for this scene today! So anyway, the adults run on stage and Draco immediately zones in on his son but Scorpius stays focused on Albus. I think it was partly because Albus was very obviously in quite a lot of pain, and I’m also fairly sure he was actively trying to avoid the look on his dad’s face too. He’s in trouble and he knows it. I just hope he also knows how worried his dad has been too because that is also evident on his face.

ACT TWO, SCENE TEN: WRONG BOY IN THE WRONG CARRIAGE

So for anyone who’s not seen the show, this scene has the adults talking around McGonagall’s desk with both staircases back to back behind them. They sort of frame the scene and enclose them to give the impression they’re in a room. Now while this scene plays out, Scorpius is sat on the right staircase behind/above them. Now I’ve never been fully convinced either way as to whether it means Scorpius is eavesdropping on their conversation or whether he’s there simply as a reminder of what’s at stake. Either way, Scorpius is usually uncharacteristically still as they speak. You could easily forget he’s there. So it was super interesting to see James decide to keep moving his hands as Scorpius would. It made you more aware of the fact even if he’s not part of the conversation, he is part of this. Everything that is being said directly affects him. This boy that’s sat in the darkness alone and showing signs of uneasiness. It made Harry’s misguided anger feel even worse.

ACT TWO, SCENE TWELVE: STAIRCASE BALLET

This is a random observation and probably not the one you want but for some reason, the image of him sitting on top of the staircase with his legs hanging down is stuck in my head. I just love it? I'm so used to Scorpius sitting up there cross-legged and looking down at Albus longingly and so full of hope. To see something different was refreshing! It was almost like he missed Albus walking beneath him at first and then as he seemed to realise, he quickly jumped up and ran back to the banister to catch him as he walked up the other staircase behind him. Although thinking about it now, that’s even sadder? The fact he doesn’t spot him immediately. Did Scorpius start to give up? It would explain his frustration at Delphi a few scenes later. Being confronted with the notion that Albus needs him when in fact it’s clearly him that needs Albus. A hard truth to learn when his best friend has all but abandoned him. It’s interesting to imagine a Scorpius trying to learn how to survive school (and life) without Albus at this point. Maybe that’s what Delphi sees. That’s why she risks everything because she can’t have Scorpius being so Malfoy about this and surviving. She needs him to fight for Albus. She needs them together.

Or maybe it’s just simply because Albus is always so quick to run off or change direction to avoid Scorpius so that when he does literally past right underneath him here it’s like Scorpius doesn’t believe it. Like he can’t trust his own eyes. But then it registers and of course he’s immediately up and after him. It’s definitely a much nicer idea. But I’ll let you decide...

ACT TWO, SCENE SIXTEEN: THE ARGUMENT

Now this is a library scene! I personally always prefer a Scorpius that gets so uncontrollably angry he properly shouts in this scene. I want him to finally explode after years of imploding. James P did not let me down. There was no mistaking his frustration. His “try my life” silenced the theatre. The pain in his “can you even slightly imagine what that’s like” exposed Albus. The next lines were unnecessary. Albus already felt two foot tall. Then his “giving sympathy to the boy WHO DOESN’T EVEN GIVE ANYTHING BACK” gave me goosebumps. This is my Scorpius. He had the whole audience in his hands. Even the annoyingly loud lady behind me was captived enough to stop using her Pringles as maracas! Wayhey!!! But all jokes aside, watching this sweet boy stand up to his best friend and speak without knowing if Albus would stay at the end of this was heartwrenching. But he’s right, some things are more important. I think this hits him here finally and his voice and anger dips as he said, ”so I’m sorry if I’ve ruined your life because I tell you - you wouldn’t have a chance of ruining mine - it was already ruined.” Each pause brought more emotion until finally he exploded with anger again for ‘the most terrible friend’ line. I can still see his face so clearly in my head as he shouted that at Albus. He had, what I can only describe as his ‘angry eyebrows’ on, and he meant it. The unwavering glare he gave Albus was cold and cruel. It was glorious. I have this thing about getting glimpses of what could be the Scorpion King. I love it. Now I know our Scorpius isn’t that person and nor is he capable of the things he is, but watching him use his words to cut Albus down was like a flash of what could be. If anyone in the theatre still had any doubt this boy was a Malfoy, they wouldn’t have after this scene.

But back to the height thing. We’re used to Scorpius having some height on Albus and it being visibly noticeable. Yet this was the one time I actually felt it, despite the fact that James and Joe are roughly the same height. He just had such a big presence on stage once he’d stopped holding back. The flashes of anger, fuelled by unimaginable pain, concealed for reasons that would only hurt you further if you learned them. There’s so much more to Scorpius Malfoy than sweets, and it breaks my heart.

Of course this all led to a truly heartfelt apology from Albus. It felt softer than usual. Or maybe it just seemed that way after Scorpius’s sharpness. It was beautiful to watch them equal each other out. There’s always a balance with these two and it’s never more obvious than here.

Oh and the hug! This was the most awkward hug I’ve ever witnessed. Basically, Albus pulled him up and tried to bring him straight into a hug but Scorpius put his hands up and froze. (Think Surprised Kitten.) That didn’t deter Albus though. He tried to work around it (by which I mean he still kept his arms out and half around Scorpius trying to coax him into it) but Scorpius was not moving. Oh and FYI, it wasn’t a ‘I’m uncomfortable with this’ kind of thing. It was definitely a ‘I don’t know what to do here’ kind of thing! In the end, Albus motioned with his hands for Scorpius to come closer and gave him an encouraging head nod along with it. That finally did it and the two hugged. It was super sweet with five layers of awkwardness and I loved it. Especially given how determined Scorpius looked when he said ‘always’. It’s fascinating how Albus is a source of both confidence and the unknown to him. His range of reactions will never stop entertaining me.

ACT TWO, SCENE NINETEEN: GIRLS’ BATHROOM

So the soap didn’t inflate and I’m only mentioning this because Albus’s response was just, “nevermind”, and he carried on. NEVERMIND. It’s not like if you get this wrong then the whole plan falls through or anything, Albus! This boy. Honestly. He’s a jumbled mix of accepted failure and confident stubbornness and I’m here for that.

ACT THREE, SCENE TWO: VOLDY TIMELINE

There was a really great parallel moment here where he was in the middle of the stage, facing the audience and looking at Hogwarts. Just like he was during the ‘Hogwarts through the trees’ scene. Yet the difference between these two looks spoke volumes about how different this version of Hogwarts was. The last time he looked in awe. He was happy to be there and proud to be at that school. But now he looked back at it over his shoulder and his eyes spoke of bone deep fear.

This Scorpius played the role of Scorpion King quite impressively. He was able to rein in a lot of his Scorpius-y mannerisms for longer than Jonathan’s Scorpius manages. It was more in line with Samuel’s Scorpius, if not better. It’s exactly what I expected of this Scorpius after part one. Draco may have failed to instil leadership in him but he’s definitely picked other things up.

ACT THREE, SCENE THREE: DRACO’S OFFICE

He went for what I can only describe as a ‘pitifully wounded trapped animal’ approach to being held down on the table. I felt it like a stab to the heart. He just collapsed into the desk and his legs looked like they were going to buckle. He looked so small it hurt. But if that wasn’t bad enough, once he’d got free he ran backward holding the side of his face and let out the saddest little whimper. He made no attempt to hide the fact he’d been hurt. I’m glad. I think Draco needed that. Scorpius too. I don’t think he’s tempted to stay in this reality but this affirms his need to change it back. He may be struggling with his dad but he knows enough to know that he wouldn’t want this. His mother either. He’s aware of his past but he’s also aware of his present. He’ll save the world for Albus, but he’ll change it for his family.

ACT THREE, SCENE FOUR: ALL THE CRAIGS

I’m not gonna lie, I spent this entire scene being alarmed by the fact the person I’ve watched as Craig for the past two years was now suddenly interacting with Craig. I wonder if that was weird for him too…

ACT THREE, SCENE FIVE: LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS

I love how his ‘you loved his mother’ seemed to escape from him without intention. He instantly became nervous and unsure as to whether he should have mentioned it. But he presses on and he slowly regains his confidence the longer Snape is quiet. It made me think about how important this moment is for Scorpius. He’s been in this AU for (presumably) days now and I can’t imagine the horrors he’s seen. But he never gives up hope and now there’s a light. Even in this world of darkness, Scorpius is not alone, and love will win once more. I know he loves reading about it in his history books but experiencing this first hand must inspire and empower him more than just the fact he survived this world.

ACT THREE, SCENE EIGHT: DEMENTORS

He really put his all into his interactions with the Dementors which I will always love an actor for. These creatures are mentally draining, affect you physically and emotionally, and are hard to detach from. There’s no fancy CGI of the movies here and honestly, they don’t need it anyway. James portrayed all of that brilliantly. (Dementors are my favourite HP creatures of this made me very happy!)

ACT THREE, SCENE NINE: CAREFUL, YOU’RE DROWNING ME!

Having seen all the reluctance and nervousness in the previous hugs, I was a little bit unsure of what to expect with this one since it’s the first hug Scorpius instigates himself. I shouldn’t have worried. The hug was short but Scorpius threw himself into it without hesitation or any hint of uncertainty afterwards. It was lovely and a true testament to his character. He could have come back from the Voldy AU angry and damaged but instead he focuses on his relationships. It reminds me of that quote from HBP: “You're the one who is weak. You will never know love or friendship. And I feel sorry for you.” Scorpius is awkward and bullied. He’s hurting and lonely. He must appear weak to just about everyone, but they’re wrong. To be dealing with all of that and still have such a pure love for magic and life and all the people in it? It’s incredible and beyond brave to choose love time and time again. I think we could all learn a thing or two from Scorpius Malfoy. He’s the bravest person I know.

ACT THREE, SCENE FOURTEEN: THE DORM SCENE

This was so heavily influenced by Samuel’s Scorpius that I instantly broke down in a flood of tears and sobbed my way through this scene (and the next few). He woke Albus up with an ‘Al-boos’ and then he even pulled his duvet up and wrapped it around his face as he said Mouldy Voldy. It was beautifully painful in the best and worst ways. None of us were prepared. I just never expected to see those things again but it also reminded me (like I could ever forget, ha!) how well they work. I mean, I may have been crying uncontrollably but everyone else was laughing along at his ridiculousness. It was like his sugar high had just kicked in. Malfoy the Unanxious was really loving life in this moment.

One thing that stood out in particular was the way he said the pun at the end. It was full of dramatic pauses (“It’s time.. that time turning… became a thing… of the past”) and he said it so seriously. This Scorpius has skills. The pride on his face afterwards made it even better. I like that he can give as good as he can get with dry humour and Albus. He’s clearly picked up a thing or two over the years. I can only imagine what they’re like together once they’ve got started. Total Slytherins.

ACT THREE, SCENE NINETEEN: TORTURE SCENE

I have to admit, I kinda just lost myself in this scene and enjoyed it so I have very few notes. Other than that he made this painfully sad whimper when Delphi turned her wand towards him and he realises that’s how she’s going to control Albus. But then the second time she does it he remains silent. He knows what’s coming but he’ll endure (and not give her the satisfaction) if it means stopping her. Although he didn’t hide his pain afterwards. He looked and sounded like he was in agony. I’m a big fan of that. (Sorry Scorpius!)

It was also really jarring again to see James P watch Craig Bowker die in this scene. Scorpius consciously tried to avoid looking at Craig’s dead body too and that somehow made it worse?

ACT THREE, SCENE TWENTY: YOUR DAD LOVES YOU, VERY MUCH

I always watch Scorpius’s face as Albus says this line. So Jonathan’s Scorpius always looks across at Albus in panic, like he’s about to expose what’s about to happen to Cedric and ruin time. Then once he realises he’s not, he deflates and simply watches Albus with such love. He knows what those words would mean to Albus, so for him to say them to Cedric, making sure it’s the last thing that Cedric hears before he dies, it makes him look at Albus like he’s seeing him for who he truly is. A boy whose heart convinces his head to act. That may have gotten them into this mess but Scorpius likes that about him. This moment is a reminder of that. So much has happened. The arguments, their falling out, their losses, their wounds exposed. But this seems to bring him back down and closer. It’s so incredibly touching. It made me super intrigued to see what James would do with it. Unsurprisingly, I was not let down. The emotion on his face just broke me. I’m not sure if it’s because of what he knew would happen, and must happen, to Cedric. The burden of that so soon after Craig must have been awful. Or whether it was hearing those words himself and thinking of his own dad that caused those feelings to overpower him. But it was beautifully painful to watch. It’s such an emotionally powerful moment. To see him physically uncomfortable, unable to sit still as he’s flooded with these feelings, truly brought home how young they are to be dealing with all this too.

ACT FOUR, SCENE THREE: SQUEEEAK!

I’m not sure I’ve mentioned this already but his voice got really light and wispy whenever he was really happy. Like whatever was happening had taken his breath away. Usually it’s Rose’s doing but here it’s aaallll Bathilda. It started the second he realises she’ll be alive and in that house right now. It only escalated once she’d walked out and he’d seen her. His voice went so high and his squeak could have cracked glass. He was so unashamedly geeking out.

ACT FOUR, SCENE FIVE: FANBOY

Also, it’s super important you know this ubergeek kept letting out these really high pitched squeals of delight as this scene went on. It was like he never came back down from the high of seeing Bathilda. He did it once they’d figured out their plan and then again when he opened Bathilda’s door. That one was an actual shriek. He showed no shame. Good.

A little Scorpius-y quirk for you: he was continually fiddling with his clothes. Here it was the bottom of his coat. Probably the zipper? When he was in his uniform he favoured the ends of his sleeves.

ACT FOUR, SCENE EIGHT: WE CAN HUG TOO

So to anyone who’s read any of my recaps before, you may remember how I mentioned that Jonathan’s Scorpius has very noticeable anxiety issues. At times he struggles to catch his breath and how it’s something both Draco and Albus help him with throughout the show. (Although sadly he’s definitely toned this down a lot recently.) Anyway, I’m bringing this up now because after Draco and Scorpius hugged, Draco always keeps his hand on Scorpius’s shoulder. Presumably to keep him close but to also focus him on his breathing. It’s a really touching moment that tells you everything about how loving and caring this little family is. But since this is a different Scorpius I wondered what James H would do here. Interestingly, he didn’t change a thing. Now I’m thinking this shared moment isn’t just about Scorpius. It’s also about Draco. I’ve talked before about why I think Draco is constantly rubbing his fingers together. That I believe it’s a stress/anxiety thing, and how I think he uses that as a way of channeling and restraining it. It’s useful as a parent to recognise and understand something your child is going through, and it explains why James H still had Draco do the same actions today with James P’s Scorpius. Because his Scorpius didn’t need that sort of help so obviously. So the idea that his exaggerating breathing isn’t just for Scorpius to copy, but for himself too makes sense. I can’t imagine the stress of what losing Scorpius must have felt like. To finally have him back again, right in front of him, I’m sure he needs to remember to breathe again too. Or rather, the reminder he can breathe now. They’re together. That’s all that matters.

James P made this even more lovely by reaching out for Draco back. So while Draco had his hand on Scorpius’s shoulder, Scorpius cupped Draco’s other elbow and held on for a while. That was really nice!

ACT FOUR, SCENE ELEVEN: DUELLING WITH DELPHI

So after Delphi has been stopped, everyone is stood either side of her with their wands pointed right at her. The fight is over but they don’t let their guard down. Now from the angle at which my seat was at, I got this wonderful view of Albus, Ginny, Harry, Scorpius, and Draco all stood in a line. They’re all stood rigidly with their wand arms up and perfectly straight. They look determined and ready. But then in the middle of the line up is Scorpius. He stood out today because his arm was relaxed and low. His wand was still pointed at Delphi but his stance was as far from threatening as you can get. Understandably really, given that the adults are in the room and the fact she’s restrained and he’s holding her wand. He doesn’t need to fight. But then as soon as Harry says he won’t kill her, everyone lowers their wands and relaxes and takes their eyes off Delphi. Everyone except Scorpius. His wand was still at waist height but it never wavered and remained directed at her. He never even looked away from her. I was on the edge of my seat. This is a Scorpius who could have easily hidden behind his father (Jonathan’s Scorpius), or been afraid to hold Delphi’s wand (Samuel’s Scorpius). But no, he points her wand straight back at her and never falters. He’s lived in the world she wants. He’s suffered through rumours she claims as an identity with pride. He’s seen what this wand has done. Yet he pulls all that together and stares her down. Afraid, but brave.

It’s not until the real Voldemort’s voice calls out that he breaks his concentration. He reacts to the danger by finally moving towards his dad. Although I have no doubt if he hadn’t then Draco would have gone to him.

ACT FOUR, SCENE FOURTEEN: CRUSHES

He said ‘smokey eyed potions professor’ in this croaky, elderly lady voice and held up his hands as if he was holding onto a zimmer frame and it was hilarious! Easily my favourite way I’ve ever seen someone do this line. By implying that the professor is that much older he’s actually taken this teasing to a whole other level and I love him for it.

After all, a teenage boy having a crush on a middle aged female teacher isn’t unusual. But the idea that Scorpius is winding Albus up about him fancying a pensioner is just too funny. I can just imagine the joy it brings Scorpius, getting to wind Albus up about this through potions class and beyond. Albus, torn between being the kind hearted boy that he is and helping her move the heavier cauldrons, and wishing she’d just for once use her wand because the look on Scorpius’s face when she tells him he’s a ‘very good young man’ is most definitely going to be parroted back to him for the next week in jokes. So thank you James for this. I shall enjoy imagining your Scorpius teasing him endlessly in the way only best friends can.

I so wish more of you could have seen him because my words could never do him justice. I have no doubt you all would have loved him. James was fantastic, and not only that, he reminded you of how much time and effort all the cast put into this show. Whether they have three hundred lines or whether they have three. James had this beautiful, fully formed character that he knew would probably never see the light of day. Yet he took him on this new journey and fleshed him out ready. I only really got into theatre because of Cursed Child so while I knew this was the case with all understudies/swings, actually seeing it from a second cover made me realise the true extent of it. There’s an immeasurable amount of talent in this cast and we barely scratch the surface with so many of them. I’m sad we won’t get to see this Scorpius again, but I’m excited to see where James goes in the future.

(Oh and just so you know, my Jonathan and Samuel comparisons are purely to help give you a better idea of what James was like. I’m not saying one is better than the other. Each interpretation is so different and I love all three of them! I just want to give you the clearest idea I can and this way is easier if you’ve seen the show and you’re already familiar with one or both of these actors.)

#harry potter and the cursed child #james phoon #TCCleanne #mypost #long post

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aj-writes-fic · 4 years

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Look! A multi-purpose long-form post!

I’ve been thinking that, in this new decade, it might be interesting to try some new things. One thing that I thought might be interesting was trying out the whole collaborative writing thing. I don’t really know anyone in the writing sphere so even if I don’t end up finding a fun writing partner for whatever reason it might be nice to meet a few people regardless.

The other thing is that I have a ton of fic ideas, but you all know I’m not a very prolific writer, so there’re all just stagnating in my docs. I don’t really have the patience to weed out the ones with substance and make some sort of prompt list on AO3 or whatever, so I’m just going to throw out all the categories and if anyone is curious just hit me up. (That goes for collab and prompts.) Two stories are better than one, and one story written by someone else is better than an idea rotting on my laptop because I’m lazy.

I have a bad history with Discord, but if anyone manages to successfully add me on there then feel free to do that as well if you want to talk about anything at all. My username is darkakumahunter#8032

Harry Potter Crossover Fandoms:

Torchwood

Stargate Atlantis

NCIS

Bleach

Supernatural

Persona 4 (also general Persona Series vibes)

Supernatural AND Batman (the distinction might be important to someone)

Ghost Whisperer

Young Justice

Arrow

Alice (that 2-part tv series)

General DC vibes

Avengers

Darker than Black

Sherlock

Steins;Gate

Devil Survivor 2

Kuroshitsuji

Avengers AND Torchwood

Durarara!!

Noragami

Kamigami no Asobi

Ultimate Spider-Man

Makai Ouji: Devils and Realist

Cuticle Detective Inaba

The Dresden Files

Teen Wolf

Code Geass

Eli Monpress

Meganebu

Skyrim

D.Gray-Man

The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya

Occultic;Nine

Servamp

Ajin

Percy Jackson

Dragon Age

Bungou Stray Dogs

Full Metal Alchemist

Katekyo Hitman Reborn

Baccano!

Psycho Pass

But wait! There’s more! Believe it or not, I do actually sometimes think in terms that are completely unrelated to HP.

Other Fandoms:

Supernatural/Persona

Supernatural

Night Vale

Avengers

Ghost Hunt

Arrow

Beyond Belief/Supernatural

Teen Wolf

Supernatural/Kuroshitsuji

Supernatural/Avengers

Big Hero 6

Kuroshitsuji

Supernatural/Torchwood

WTNV/Gravity Falls

Dragon Age

Teen Wolf/Percy Jackson

Persona 3/4/5

Supernatural/the Black Tapes

Lucifer/Supernatural

Miraculous Ladybug

The Flash

Servamp

FFXV

Persona 5

Boruto

Mass Effect

Collar X Malice

Tokyo Twilight Ghost Hunters/Persona 4

Mo Dao Zu Shi

Guardian

And then obviously there are some Harry Potter fics that aren’t crossovers (that’s the real shocker let’s be honest here).

A lot of the ideas veer more towards one or two line throwaway thoughts, but some of them have more substance. And people with more creativity than me might be able to take those one-liners and find inspiration for something. Who knows. I just feel bad whenever I look at my ideas document because I know I’m never going to write them all.

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ghostlybearmilkshake · 5 years

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So I saw fantastic beast 2 today and I need to ramble about so spoilers under the cut

So first of all I came in there really worried but I had a really good time now in no particular order:

I really like the abundance of spells in fantastic beasts, this oe included especially since in this one they gave the incatation for a lot of them whcih I really like

I also like the idea of maledicus which is very reminiscent of werewolf and gives a nice contrast to animagi

despite all the discource around nagini I actually like her. she had a few good lines, the best being "he knows where you came from not who you are" even though she lacks personnality due to her very short screen time. Also I don't mind her being asian: sure it doesn't solve HP's representation problems but it doesn't hurt either. now the question is: did we need an explenation for nagini's origin ? not really but hey she fits pretty well in the story for the little time she's shown (as little as credence actually)

Leta Lestrange love her ++ finally good slytherin rep

Queenie. I love her but also wtf. her switching size for the reason shown is interesting because it shows why grindelwalds caters to so many people he does not only catters only to pride fear and hatred but also to good emotions like love, loyalty, comraderie. but girl your relationship with jacob has major absolutely unrelated problem. a love charm ?!?! the only person we know who uses it successfullyin the saga is Voldemort's mother (what's-her-name who tried to use it on harry missed her target) and I got a feeling she's not gonna get confronted for that nor for her legelimancy which, yes, is to some extent spotaneous but also seems sometimes really intrusive in their relationship. it's a good thing it's not a trilogy because you're gonna need more than one movie to fix it

salamanders, v cute

"mr scamander you should take your shirt off" my gay ass: "YEAH YOU SHOULD" also I didn't know it but a guy riding a water dragon is actually really hot

I liked seeing nicholas flammel and the philosopher stone

seing Hogwarts with this music still gives me fucking chills

showing non maggie smith!mcgonagall only from the furthest away and as little as possible is not a bold choice but it's a smart one

Dumbledore's clean cut boring black suit really doesn't sit well with me. capes are an institution amongst british wizards and dumbledore's fashion sense is considered tacky even for wizards so I don't care if it's so make him seems sexier get this fucking CEO look off of him

the black cats with white eyes are just as ugly as I thouht they would but they appear in only one short scene so it's ok

I like the mentionned bound between Dumbledore and Grindelwald:: the Erised mirror scene where they entertwine fingers, the "we were closer than brothers" it's really nice it shows Dumbledore really cared for Grindelwald which is why

I don't like the blood pact. First it looks a little like an off brand Unbreakable Vow but most of all it's not necessary. Dumbledore didn't need a magical pact to prevent him from attackinbg Grindelwald his feelings towardsr him would have been enough and it would have gave great moments when Dumbledore has to muster the courage (griffindor) to face him and stop him despite their history. If anything the blood pact takes away some of these feeling's sincerity and strength

I really like Theseus and Newt's final hug it was very touching

so we go even deeper into "the ministry is just as bad as the dark mages" which I like

On that note they're really eager to use the killig curse wtf. this girl barely pull out her wand and his first reaction is Avada Kedavra ?!

also liked the anti-populist message nice contrast between voldemort's open call for violence and Grindelwald's manipulation of fear and of The Other

I really liked seing Paris magical world (allons enfants de la patriiiiie!) also "I can't tell if you are joking or if you're just being french"

johnny depp turned out to be pretty good as a grindelwald. could he have been another actor ? yes. do I like his design ? no. but still.

The final twist was SUCH BULLSHIT !!! HIM BEING A DUMBLEDORE MAKES NO GODDAMN SENSE! IT'S LIKE SHE CHOOSE THE WORST FAMILY POSSIBLE! WE HAVE A FUCKING GOOD TAB ON ALBUS' SIBLINGS ! HIM BEING A LESTRANGE WAS SO MUCH BETTER LETA AND CORVUS ARE ALREADY ESTABLISHED IN THE CANON ! THERE ARE A BUCH OF OTHER WELL KNOWN FAMILIE THE DESCENDANCE OF WHICH WE HAVE A MUCH SHIFTIER RECORD OF: LESTRANGE, BLACK, MALFOY, POTTER, PEVERELL, GAUNT AND! SO! ON! WHY A FRICKING DUMBLEDORE??? SO WE HAVE A FORCED FRATICIDE ?! COME ONE !!

it was nice to look at

#fantastic beats and where to find them #fantastic beasts spoilers #crimes of grindlewald spoilers #crimes of grindelwald #spoilers

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takaraphoenix · 6 years

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Okay so, here’s a thing I said two weeks ago when I was watching Fantastic Beasts with a bunch of Potter nerds that made me mildly unpopular with them, but that I feel even stronger about now that I saw the new trailer for the second movie:

There should be two different movies. Not one.

There’s the ACTUAL Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them with Newt and Jacob and the, you know, fantastic beasts. The fun movie I signed up for and that I really, genuinely, truly enjoy and really loved.

And then there’s the second movie awkwardly forced into it - Grindelwald: Origins. And it just... it has absolutely no business in this movie, for me? Like, there is literally nothing aside Tina that ties those two movies together.

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them should only be about Newt and Jacob and the escaped beasts. Give me more of the suitcase, give me the actual journey to where Frank was supposed to be released, give me more and longer shots of the beasts. Give me more fantastic beasts than fucking THREE that escaped. Take all the extra time that is created by removing the Grindelwald and Credence sub-plot and make the movie properly live up to its title amd focus on the fantastic beasts and where they can be found.

And then put all that Grindelwald storyline into its own separate movie, because quite clearly THIS is where you want to broaden the world and where you are taking the franchise.

This series is really truly NOT a Fantastic Beasts series. It is not. The trailer for the sequel has... barely shown ANY beasts at all and they seem more shoehorned in to somehow justify the title and again, there is no reason for Newt to be involved in this aside from Dumbles saying “Listen buddy, I can’t do this myself and Harry Potter hasn’t been born yet so I can’t send that child soldier to do my work on this one, so you be a dear and do it?”.

You want to milk the Harry Potter franchise for the last drop of money it has to give? I get that. I understand Hollywood greed and the need for seemingly unnecessary sequels, prequels, reboots and spin-offs just because “hey, this thing has made lots of money for us before and I’d like some more money please”.

So... just... why did you not double down on that? Make TWO spin-offs instead of one.

One proper, actual spin-off for the Fantastic Beasts that really does focus on just... literally just Newt exploring the magical world - and I do mean “the world”, because give me other countries aside from Britain and the US and show me different beasts and give the beasts real screentime, show me different cultures and how they interact with the beasts living in their country.

And then make your Grindelwald spin-off. Take all that Grindelwald and Credence nonsense from the first Fantastic Beasts and I don’t know, fatten it up with more backstory on what exaclty Grindelwald did and what exactly kind of war there was between Muggels and wizards because I, as someone not overly invested in the HP lore and fake history, have STILL absolutely no idea what exactly is going on there, what he did and why and what the fuck the overly dramatic motivation behind it all is, even though I’m pretty sure all those scenes in Fantastic Beasts 1 were supposed to set that up. (Please don’t lecture me on what exactly Grindelwald did. I genuinely, really don’t care and if the movie would want me to care, it should have properly explained it.)

I might have... even the mildest interest in Grindelwald’s story if I had like literally any grasp at all as to what it’s trying to be? As in, what kind of journey these movies want to take me? With Harry Potter, the goal was pretty clear from the get-go, the journey was set out clearly. And with Fantastic Beasts it... doesn’t even have to do with the damn title of the franchise, really...

But the way it stands, I really did not enjoy Fantastic Beasts on my third watch because it got tiresome and exhausting and I really just wanted to grab the remote to skip all those annoying Credence scenes to get back to the fun beast-chase. All those unnecessary and unrelated scenes about Credence and Grindelwald were exhausting and the third watch really made me notice just now little focus there is on the actual fantastic beasts that supposedly are the center and namesake of the movie.

And the trailer for the second one? It really shows that this series doesn’t really want to explain biology and life and cohabitation of fantastic beasts but just wants to shoehorn Dumbledore backstory and Grindelwald... stuff into it. From everything in that trailer, that little add on of Fantastic Beasts before The Crimes of Grindelwald is absolutely ridiculous and unrelated to the movie at hand. Seriously, even if they had chosen Newt Scamander: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them as the title for the first and now Newt Scamander: The Crimes of Grindelwald it would still be more related and truthful than the way they are handling it.

Seriously. And it’s not like I’m saying “This Grindelwald stuff does not interest me personally at all so they shouldn’t make movies about it”. I’m sure... some people are interested in that stuff. But I’m saying that two vastly different movies are happening at the same time and there doesn’t seem to be any valid reason to force those two things together into one movie, because they really do not go together and they really should know that the HP brand being slapped onto literally anything will get you the necessary viewers and thus money, so you could have been daring enough to make two profitable spin-offs out of this instead of one mashed together mess.

I would really love a PROPER Fantastic Beasts franchise. With the focus only on Newt and his beasts. Maybe encounter different wizards or muggles over the movies who help him, like Queenie and Jacob. Literally just exploring the beasts and where and how they live and how wizards interact with them. I really don’t need action in this? The search for beasts or maybe plots of protecting the beasts from wizards hunting them would be all I need.

And then have an additional spin-off series for all of those crimes and the queerbaiting and Johnny Depp and whatever (seriously, I have no idea where all of this is actually supposed to be heading).

#Fantastic Beasts #unpopular opinion #I suppose #seriously if Jacob hadn't been in the trailer #I wouldn't bother watching the second AT ALL #but I am MOST DEFINITELY #NOT spending money on this in theaters #it looks like a mess #and there are SO MANY problems #with this movie #like SO MAAANY #beyond that it has nothing to do with Fantastic Beasts

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eidheann · 5 years

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AO3 Filter Meme

Tagged here by the lovely @gracerene09. I know I’ve been almost completely absent from tumblr minus queue recently, but I wanted to ease myself back in a bit.

Rules: Go to your works page, expand all the filters, and answer the following questions!

1. What are your first and second most common work ratings?

Explicit (20) Teen (9)

Wow I write a lot of smut... I have 6 Mature and 2 Gen, so apparently I write explicit smut more than all the rest of the stuff combined. I’m... not exactly surprised.

2. What’s your most common archive warning? Least common? Do you consider yourself an adventurous writer?

My most common is No Archive Warnings Apply (33). Least would be “Chose not to use” (1). I don’t know that I’m a particularly adventurous writer, my tags are pretty consistent, even if that’s a question for later down.

3. How many fics have you written in each relationship category? Is this more accidental, or do you have preferences?

36 M/M, 3 Gen, 1 F/F. My Gen are also implied past/future M/M so... My relationship specifics are Draco/Harry 31, Steve/Bucky 5, (background) Ron/Hermione 2, Draco/Astoria 1, and Sharon/Natasha 1. I think this is intentional. As weird as it may sound, I’m more comfortable writing M/M than F/F, in part because I’ve read more, but in part because of the... I guess distance of it? It is more separate form myself? Does that make sense?

4. What are your top 4 fandoms by numbers? Are you still active in any of them, and do you tend to migrate a lot?

I don’t have 4 fandoms XD I have Harry Potter (31) and MCU/Captain America (6). I don’t migrate much, I don’t have time. I have other fandoms I follow on tumblr, mainly for the art, and fandoms where I’m like “Well yeah I ship that” but as far as writing? Even considering I’m not writing much (at all) lately, I just don’t have the brainspace to do multiple fandoms.

5. What are your top 4 character tags? Does this match how you feel about the characters, or are you puzzled?

Draco Malfoy Harry Potter Hermione Granger Ron Weasley No, that’s pretty much as expected. I’ve got a huge amount of Harry Potter fic compared to everything else, and in Harry POV at least, it’s pretty much impossible to discount the importance of Ron and Hermione to his life.

6. What are your top 2 most used additional tags, and your bottom 2? What would happen if you combined all 4 of these into a fic?

Top Two: Angst, Mpreg, Smut all tied for 7.

Bottom Two: Banter (4), and Romance, Fluff, Infidelity, Pining, Secret Relationship, Post-Hogwarts all tied for 5.

That kinda reads like my entire HP catalogue, tbh. Though when I select all of them, it doesn’t pull up anything so I guess not. THAT part of the question does surprise me, that I don’t have a fic that contains all of those tags together. It sounds like peak-me.

7. How many WIPs do you have currently running on AO3? Any you don’t plan on finishing?

I have two things listed as being WIP. One is a short fic collection that I occasionally added new chapters to, but each was an independent and unrelated story that I can probably mark as complete tbh. The other is Bread and Salt, which is fully tagged and marked as being abandoned.

8. Tag people!

@eremji @thelittleblackfox @chicklette @hawkguyz @firethesound and anyone else who wants to join in

#about me #tag meme

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creative-type · 5 years

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Finishing the year in books...

Any longtime follower of mine is likely aware by now (I mean I have been doing this all year) that I set a resolution to expand what kind of books I read that has been...somewhat successful. Les Miserables really set me back.

But on this, the last day of 2018, I want to make two more additions to my list. They have nothing to do with one another other than I read them specifically because of my New Year’s resolution. One I read back in October and forgot to do a write up and the other I finished earlier this month and have been too lazy to post about.

So let’s talk about Harry Potter and North Korea.

What can I say, I was the one who wanted diversity.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkeban

Why I read this book: I, like many children, grew up with the Harry Potter books. However my mom was one of those moms who forbid me from reading them because magic which kind of limited how and when I immersed myself in the world of Harry Potter.

Some of the Harry Potter books I’ve read dozens of times. My step brother in particular had a copy of the Philosopher’s Stone which I read every time I visited my dad for well over a year. The Prisoner of Azkeban is different--I have only read it once or twice before, and had forgotten many of the finer details.

I’ve also been keeping up with the illustrated collector edition, which are simply a delight if you can get your hands on them.

My thoughts on the book

JK Rowling might not be the fandom’s favorite person at the moment (I’ve never been terribly involved in the HP fandom so personally I don’t care) but she’s a damn fine writer.

I’ve seen plenty of people complain how the concept of time turners break the plot, kind of like how people complain why the eagles don’t take the Fellowship to Mordor, but this has always struck me as nitpicky. There are plenty of in-universe reasons for the cast not to use time turners to fix everything, and at the end of the day it’s a fantasy novel. As with all things, Rowling doesn’t do anything to break the suspension of disbelief she’s built inherent to her world. Time turners, as a plot devise, work.

What really struck me was how Rowling used the introductory chapters, which many authors regard as glorified plot recaps, to set everything in motion. There were also layers within the mystery that helped misdirect from the big plot twist at the end, which is really one of the best in the series.

For example, heavy emphasis is given to Hermoine being in two places at once with her class schedule, as well as to Professor Lupin’s many absences. Diligent readers, even if they’re children, could realistically figure out time travel and werewolves are involved.

These mini mysteries, more blatantly foreshadowed compared to the Scabbers reveal, distract from the true culprit. The way Rowling plants the ideas of the newspaper picture, Animagi, Lupin’s relationship with James and Sirius, and Peter’s death feel more like world building elements than foreshadowing (heck, the Animagus lesson is given the same page time as the Cheering Charm.) Clever readers that figure out the mini mysteries are likely to be too busy patting themselves on the back for being clever than to put together all the individual pieces to the larger whole.

Like I said, Rowling is a brilliant author.

The other thing that struck me was how the climax of the book felt almost like it was in reverse order. The reveal of SIrius’s innocence, Lupin’s lyconthropy, and Peter’s betrayal all happen during the first timeline. Harry and Hermione don’t really learn anything new the second go around, they’re just trying to save Sirius and Buckbeak.

And lastly, on a completely unrelated note, I have a really hard time understanding Snape sympathizers after reading this book. Even knowing everything that happened in the past, he comes across as a total douchnozzle, wanting to kill an innocent man and getting another innocent man fired over a childhood squabble. I’m pretty sure it’s his lowest moment in the series, and cements in my mind that while he might have done heroic things during both Wizarding Wars, he’s no hero.

And now for something completely different...

The Impossible State is a book by Victor Cha on the history, present, and possible future of North Korea. Cha was an ambassador during GW Bush’s presidency and was written during the Obama administration, so while it’s slightly out of date it’s an impressively in-depth look into the most isolated nation in the world.

Why I read this book

The Impossible State was an impulse buy for me. Truthfully I was fairly ignorant on North Korean history and America’s place in it, so I felt it would be a good way to get familiar with it

My thoughts on the book as a book

I’d be curious to know if Cha actually wrote this or if it was ghost-written, but either way it was more enjoyable than I thought it would be. I was expecting something dry, but I was never bored. It helps that the mere existence of North Korea as a country is something that defies logical explanation.

It’s certainly not a fun read, but it was informative and did a fantastic job explaining how North Korea got to where it is today. It doesn’t shy away from the human right’s atrocities, but neither does it describe them in gory detail. Cha was also surprisingly supportive of President Bush’s North Korea policy and actions, which is a pretty rare thing.

If anyone is interested in North Korea, I’d suggest giving it a read.

This Year In Conclusion

When I started this New Year’s resolution I didn’t really have an expectation for getting it 100% completed, but as the cheesy saying goes shoot for the moon and if you miss you’ll be among the stars.

If I’m to be honest with myself, if you asked me last January how far I’d get, I’d probably say that I expected to give up by April. Life is busy, and not likely to get any less so. As much as I love to read the time I have to sit down with a book is fairly limited.

So with all that said, I’m happy I made it this far. There were other books I read that didn’t make the list because they didn’t fit a category, while there were others yet that I had lined up to read or have already started. I think I’ll probably finish out the blank spaces, and with Les Mis off my back I might get done by March. We’ll see, but all in all it’s been a good year for reading.

#creative-type reads #harry potter and the prisoner of azkeban #the impossible state #JK Rowling #Victor Cha #New Year resolution

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unproduciblesmackdown · 6 years

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blast from the past: so you know in the early naughts with lotr movie fans trailblazing with the net jokes? every now and then i remember this site with hp jokes from for real 15 yrs ago and for some reason despite not being on it for over a decade, nowadays i can be like oh fuck what was that called and after a few seconds my brain is like “jerry the frog”

if you goog that you just get a few nearly as old hits about asking where that site went, which is apparently that whoever ran it went to school and didnt have the time to update it or the money to keep the site up, and apparently it wasnt archived/preserved anywhere.

it was like Humorous Summarizations of movies yknow, not just hp but other movies and shows i guess but i only remember the few hp movies it did, i probably read some other ones tho coz i feel weirdly like maybe i read one for a spiderman movie or lotr or i think they had a narnia one despite there not being any new adaptations back when it was up?? maybe there was a book section or maybe im making it up. i cant check because it was wiped out w/o a trace

weirdly, despite being pre-p.p.p., it was also called “hand puppet productions.” as things were written in forum-format lines of dialogue with avatars of the characters drawn in kind of simplified hand puppet style. i dont know if there’s any connection, this was the days of hp ppl (and everyone) being connected via myspace / livejournal / fansites, none of which i was on so i wouldnt know

anyways, it survives through the rich oral history of me remembering a single specific joke about cos where harry runs into hagrid in knockturn alley and hagrid gives this meandering alibi that trails off about being there for slug repellent and harry goes “you’re selling drugs, aren’t you hagrid” and hagrid goes “go play with ron and hermione, harry”

haha..gold...also i remember there being the “totally unrelated links to stuff i think is cool” with a few one shot net comics about absolutely anything and i know one was like one of those What If Modern Yeshua where a pregnant girl with a crappy boyfriend hops into the sidecar of hot rod jesus and his motorcycle gang of apostles. now i think about it is she meant to be mary magdalene, ffs...did you know that even tho its always like oh that one only lady hanging around jesus she was like a synfull womann of the nighft...but actually thats just conflation and have you ever heard of i think junea who is a woman mentioned to be like amongst the foremost of the apostles but in one of those BibleCons back in the day, all the dudes who were slapping together a bible were like “a woman? being one of the most respected apostles?? being A apostle???” and changed it to the man’s form of the name and were like nah thats just some guy who happens to be there

speaking of weird old net comics theres at least still this one hp fanartists site up who was drawing way back in the day. i used to think that all their stuff was like unattainably great but looking back on it now its divided between “pretty meh to kinda bad Old Art” and “the most recent pieces are many levels better and now they have like an official art job so.” but another piece of interesting net history there is the preservation of some comment this artist makes about the idea of two guys in a pairing (it was remus/sirius i think? like damn that shit was nigh universal ya nerd) as being like “ew” or “gross” and its like uh i hope you Learned but your embarrassing comment is still up and its not a good look

also there were the messy lego stopmo movies i remember watching...ive tried searching for some but unsurprisingly theyre either taken down or buried under a decade a halfs worth of other lego harry potter content

we’ve still got figwit and the theyre taking the hobbits to isengard shit tho hell yeah

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accio-transcript · 7 years

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Mod R: Hello, welcome to the oneshot accio-shitpost podcast. I’m Mod R, otherwise known as Roxie, and my pronouns are she/her, thank you very much. And you are?

Mod H: And I’m Mod H, otherwise known as LH, and my pronouns are they/them.

Mod R: Um, so, we’re going to be asking some of your questions!

Mod H: We’re going to be answering some of their questions. We’ll also ask them!

Mod R: They’re fresh off the…question mill, being made by our lovely question workers, in the question mill.

Mod H: In the question mines.

Mod R: theshieldswordandcrown.tumblr.com says ‘If y’all’ – nice Texan shit there – [in bad American accent] ‘If y’all could go to any magical school, which one would it be? Doesn't have to be in the HP universe, either.’ So I don’t know about any other universes apart from the Harry Potter universe that has magical schools, apart from the Worst Witch, which I doubt you know about!

Mod H: Yeah, I’ve got an even more obscure one, but I’m not even gonna mention-

Mod R: Tell me, tell me.

Mod H: Okay, so, do you know Anthony Horowitz? The horror writer?

Mod R: Yes.

Mod H: Well he wrote a horror, erm, couple of horror books for kids about a magic school called Groosham Grange, where basically all of the kids were fucked up. But to actually answer the question, I guess it’d have to be Hogwarts.

Mod R: Hogwarts. Like, I wanna be, like, special, and think of another magical school-

Mod H: But honestly…

Mod R: Are there any other magical schools?

Mod H: No…

Mod R: Um…the Bureau of Balance.

Mod H: Good one.

Mod R: Um, do they teach? I guess they do, don’t they.

Mod H: I mean, Angus learned magic there.

Mod R: From Taako.

Mod H: So it’s like a magic school because of that.

Mod R: Yeah…the Bureau of Balance is from the McElroy brother and father’s The Adventure Zone.

Mod H: Which, check it out if you haven’t.

Mod R: Check it out. It’s good. You’ll like it.

Mod H: Check it out if you like magical fantasy stuff that starts out totally silly and ends up giving you emotions.

Mod H: Anonymous said, ‘Five questions for your 100k thingy. 1) how do you come up with your clever post ideas like how its not fair 2) um... 3) lemme think 4) I... 5) yeah, I’ve only got one question.. never mind.’

Mod R: Yeah, so this is, it reads as bad as it sounds.

Mod H: Yeah. Sorry, anon.

Mod R: No offense anon, I’m sure you’re lovely.

Mod H: But to actually answer your question…

Mod R: Um…

Mod H: Straight off the dome.

Mod R: Straight off the dome-piece. One hundred percent.

Mod H: There are two methods – one of them is ‘oh no I haven’t filled up the queue, um, um, let’s make a post about…lamp’.

Mod R: Yeah, yeah. Like sometimes if you look through the posts, um-

Mod H: You can totally see a thought process.

Mod R: Yeah yeah, so like there was one about a unicycle and a Segway straight after each other in the batch that just came out.

Mod H: Two about Godzilla, recently, as well. I had Godzilla on the brain.

Mod R: Yeah, yeah, sometimes we reorder them so it doesn’t look like…but it’s totally obvious. If it’s from within twenty four hours it’s probably from the same.

Mod H: The other method is that…when we phone call each other, we just brainstorm.

Mod R: Yeah yeah yeah, and here’s one, I’m not sure if you do this anymore, um, but, I certainly used to do this and whenever I make posts now it’s um, I go to the Harry Potter wiki.

Mod H: Yeah.

Mod R: And like, I haven’t done this for a while.

Mod H: I used to do that too, yeah.

Mod R: Because Cursed Child and we didn’t want any spoilers.

Mod H: Heh. I knew the spoilers. I’m trash.

Mod R: You knew the spoilers.

Mod H: You didn’t.

Mod R: And we just used to click ‘random page’, and whatever – okay, here’s the bad bit about this. There’s a page for every day of the year.

Mod H: Everything.

Mod R: Every day of the year in – like, you say ‘did anything happen on January 21st in the Harry Potter universe?’ You can look it up!

Mod H: I don’t know but we can check!

Mod R: We can check!

Mod H: The third method we use to make shitposts, of course, is asking someone else. Shoutout to Mod K, who gives me-

Mod R: Yeah, that’s fucking true.

Mod R: Okay. Next question is from anythingcanonwillbeshipped.tumblr.com, who appropriately asks, ‘Drarry, Scorbus, both, or neither??’ And-

Mod H: Well, there’s an obvious answer to this.

Mod R: There’s an obvious answer to this. Scorbus. One hundred percent Scorbus.

Mod H: Scorbus.

Mod R: Like, no offense to all you Drarry shippers, it’s – okay right, I’ve never been a Drarry shipper.

Mod H: Me neither.

Mod R: Despite – despite some of our posts.

Mod H: We have made jokes about it.

Mod R: I do think that Draco Malfoy might have had a crush on Harry for a while.

Mod H: It’s totally a viable thing, like it would be interesting to see a well-developed dynamic between them.

Mod R: Yeah, yeah. There’s some good fics out there about that, but I’m just not about them being in a relationship.

Mod H: Yeah, personally.

Mod R: Until at least they’re adults.

Mod H: Yeah.

Mod R: And by then, they’re both married. Which is fine, you can still ship them, but like –

Mod H: The Cursed Child versions of them, it’d be particularly interesting to see them together.

Mod R: Yeah. I was about to say, the closest I’ve ever come to shipping Drarry – and I did ship it a lil bit.

Mod H: A lil bit.

Mod R: Is when I watched the Cursed Child. And you, most people listening to it probably haven’t watched it.

Mod H: Yeah, uh, we’ve been quite lucky to have the privilege of seeing Cursed Child-

Mod R: Yeah, because we’re both local to London. Not, we’re not really, I mean you’re – you live very far away-

Mod H: You’re more local.

Mod R: I live kinda far away. daq – as in d-a-q – litterqueen.tumblr.com, no dashes, says ‘#accio100k firstly, congrats!!!’ Thank you!’ :D secondly, combine the color of the t-shirt you are wearing and the name of the last food you ate and WALLA, reveal your unique spell!’ Okay so…mine’s…blue and I last ate – I had pizza, so I’ve got blue pizza, blueizza.

Mod H: Bleetza.

Mod R: I’m gonna say blueizza, because I’m not a fucking scrub.

Mod H: My shirt’s dark blue, like I guess navy, yeah, so navy chips.

Mod R: Nips.

Mod H: Oh God. Nips!

Mod R: It’s nips.

Mod H: Okay. Anonymous asked ‘time is an illusion that man made up to understand the fourth dimension’.

Mod R: More of a statement than a – but this is something I like to talk about. I know a little bit about physics, I dropped physics in GCSE but I’ve still remained very interested in it, and I still read up on it, I’ve read a lot of books about physics…er, I know this sounds like I’m bigging myself up but I’m really not, I’m kinda trash.

Mod H: But you know a bit-

Mod R: People say a lot, time isn’t real, humans made up time. That’s strictly not true. Time is a measurable thing, and we made up the measurements for it, and we’re like ‘oh half past four’ – half past four is made up, that’s not real.

Mod H: Yeah.

Mod R: Time itself is a real dimension that plays into the universe. If time didn’t exist, nothing would happen. That’s how-that’s how it works. Time is just the way we describe things happening in an order.

Mod H: It’s sort of like time is a thing, but our measurements of time is an illusion.

Mod R: Yeah yeah, like people could say space is fake. That’s not true. One metre is fake, we made that up, but like space is definitely real and the distance between me and, like, the bed in front of me might be a metre, and that’s fake, but it’s still in front of me, like it still exists.

Mod H: Yeah. It’s still that distance away, no matter how much-

Mod R: Same for time. So thank you for giving me this. Time is an illusion that man made up, to understand the fourth dimension, is closer to the truth but not quite. Anonymous asks ‘How old are y’all’ [in fake American accent] ‘How old are y’all and what do you do. Are yoi students?’ There’s an upside down question mark there-

Mod H: We are Yuri on Ice students.

Mod R: We’re not.

Mod H: We’re not students or Yuri on Ice.

Mod R: It’s spelled y-o-i, it’s a typo apparently. Are you students? I’m…technically on a gap year I might go to uni in a year or so. You’re not a student anymore.

Mod H: I’m not a student anymore.

Mod R: You’re in the in-between place between getting a job and going to uni.

Mod H: Yeah. I am unemployed!

Mod R: I’m between coming out from education to either going to further education or a job, or both. So we’re both sorta floating right now.

Mod H: Yeah, we’re sort of in a transitional phase.

Mod R: Ha ha ha. donutmesswithme.tumblr.com-

Mod H: Good name.

Mod R: Good name. Says ‘How was your day?’ Eh, it was okay.

Mod H: You had a hot dog. It was a good day.

Mod R: Okay, yeah, I had a hot dog, that was good. Good day-a good day.

Mod H: Gourmet hot dog, good day.

Mod R: pantless-wonder.tumblr.com, shout out to you, says ‘Thoughts on My Immortal (the original fanfic, people behind it, web series, and unrelated YouTube videos claiming to be the authors)?’ So, first of all, the original fanfiction, I have not read the entire way though.

Mod H: I have read the entirety of it, ‘cos I went through a very bad Harry Potter fanfiction phase when I was younger.

Mod R: Do you believe-are you one who believes that it’s fake, that it’s a troll fic, or do you think it’s real?

Mod H: I believe it’s a particularly well-crafted troll fic.

Mod R: Really. I’m not sure? Okay, I think the biggest-okay, right, I was so sure that it was real because fanfiction used to definitely be like that, back when they used the word ‘lemon’, you know.

Mod H: Back in those days. I remember those days.

Mod R: It used to be like that! And I know kids who could’ve written that.

Mod H: I could’ve written that.

Mod R: Strange kids, yeah. What ticks off for me, and makes me think-and I’ve talked about this a lot of time, that it’s a troll fic-

Mod H: Yeah I think we’ve had this discussion.

Mod R: We’ve had this conversation a lot. Yeah. At one point, she accidentally calls Tom Riddle Tom Bombadil?

Mod H: Yeah, there’s no way-

Mod R: And here’s the thing, here’s the thing. Right. That’s not a typo, and autocorrect didn’t exist back then, okay. Tom Bombadil was a very minor character in the book The Lord of the Rings, not the movie, the books. Like, the fact that she would know such a character, like, implies-cos she said she didn’t even read the Harry Potter books and just watched the movies, she would not have read Lord of the Rings if she had not read Harry Potter.

Mod H: She would not know who Tom Bombadil-I mean, I think for me, like a lot of the language is ridiculous and over the top, and a lot of the supposed spelling errors are so-

Mod R: Like, okay, there’s a couple of thing that are like, could definitely be real but probably aren’t with the context of Tom Bombadil, like, such as, ‘I ate my Count Chocula with blood’.

Mod H: Yeah.

Mod R: And that’s the thing that like, some emo scene kid in 200-whatever would have said, but like I think that she was just very ahead of her time in terms of like staging a fic.

Mod H: Yeah, I mean, in a lot of ways My Immortal was very much the prototype on which all previous-all later trollfics even were based.

Mod R: Yeah.

Mod H: Like, it became…

Mod R: It’s like the proto-trollfic.

Mod H: Basically. And one thing that I really like in myself is how well they really characterised that behind-the-scenes narrative going on, with like the friend and writing the character based on their friend out and then back in.

Mod R: Yeah.

Mod H: And then when the fic got ‘hacked’, and suddenly everything was all preppy because some troll had hacked them on the internet. And the way the grammar broke down as well after the supposed proofreader stopped doing it.

Mod R: But of course you’d just like delete the prep fics, wouldn’t you, if you hacked it back.

Mod H: Yeah, you wouldn’t like keep it. I mean, the whole thing’s gone now. But there’s archives. You can find it.

Mod R: Yeah, you’ll find it. Webseries. Have you seen the webseries?

Mod H: I haven’t seen it. I know it exists, but-

Mod R: Being someone involved in webseries, hint hint nudge nudge, check out the Uncanny Upshurs on youtube.com, but erm I’ve watched that with the creator of the Uncanny Upshurs, well, the co-creator, with Ingrid Nixie Greep herself, and I very much enjoyed it.

Mod H: The legend.

Mod R: I haven’t seen season two, so don’t spoil that for me. But I really liked it! It was very bare bones special effects. What they did was, when they had a wand fight near the end of it, um, when they like cast a spell, they would do like star effects, like the shape of like a star, and it’d make like a crack noise, and it was really nice because it was like stylised. The, er, unrelated YouTube videos claiming to be authors…you’ve sent me one I haven’t watched.

Mod H: I, yeah, I found one.

Mod R: That claims to be.

Mod H: It wasn’t that, it was that…the girls behind it were supposedly called Willow and Tara, and there was something with two girls saying they, like, ‘New Years 2007, but I don’t know why you celebrate New Years cos we’re all gonna die anyway’. And the fact that they had the same names as the supposed authors of My Immortal was like…people were wondering whether those were the same people.

Mod R: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mod H: As for people coming out later saying that they authored My Immortal-

Mod R: Unless JK Rowling comes out and says it, I’m not-

Mod H: Same.

Mod R: Until Jo says it.

Mod H: But like all of them are probably riding on the popularity of the fic.

Mod R: shitlordanakin.tumblr.com says ‘How did you feel the first time you saw a post of yours screenshotted on HP instagram accounts?’ We didn’t. We don’t use Instagram.

Mod H: No, neither of us actually do.

Mod R: And I’ve never seen any of our posts on Facebook. We’ve seen them on Buzzfeed?

Mod H: I’ve seen…I’ve seen a few of them on Facebook.

Mod R: I might have seen a couple now…

Mod H: Some of my friends linked me to them.

Mod R: But like, what happened usually is our friends that know about us send us screenshots before we see them. We’re fine with it, because, as long as they source us – usually, if we find someone who isn’t sourcing us we talk to them, and we’re like ‘hey, can you do that’, but like if they’re not sourcing us, we’ve made so many posts that we forget which ones are ours.

Mod H: And a couple of people have even come to us like ‘I want to set up an Instagram with and use your stuff, is that okay’ and like, it’s fine!

Mod R: And we talk to them, and we’re like, yeah, it’s cool. They had more followers than us then.

Mod H: That was good.

Mod R: But they weren’t just posting our stuff, so, it was original content as well. And Instagram, I think, is a whole different ballgame to tumblr.

Mod H: Yeah. I don’t understand it.

Mod R: Neither do I.

Mod H: lunaloveboook says-

Mod R: Aw, that’s a good-three ‘o’s, by the way.

Mod H: lunaloveboook. ‘For the podcast: 1)How did it started? 2) And I really loved when Something Big And Bad happened and you put all your efforts in reassuring people’

Mod R: So that’s one question and a statement, and-I’m gonna answer the question first, and then talk about the statement.

Mod H: Ok. Do you wanna tell this story, cos? You kinda instigated it.

Mod R: Yeah, so, I was just sending like bad Harry Potter jokes to LH.

Mod H: This happens sometimes.

Mod R: I remember walking from my school to Subway and back, to get a Subway-

Mod H: She was just sending me all these jokes, and I was replying with some.

Mod R: Yeah yeah, and we were like ‘we can make this into a blog’, and then we decided to post ten a day, we posted a few off the bat, made a tag – back then we tagged everything with ‘dank memes’ and stuff as well, so, to get to the target-

Mod H: We really didn’t know what we were doing.

Mod R: We didn’t know what we were talking-to try and get to the biggest audience.

Mod H: Yeah.

Mod R: Nowadays, since we don’t need any help with that, we just tag with the characters involved and hope there’s some fans looking through the tags maybe.

Mod H: Yeah. Cos I mean we tag the most obscure-and we tag like full names as well, that’s obviously not, like nobody’s gonna be-

Mod R: Like, if we make a post about Draco Malfoy, then somebody might-

Mod H: But like nobody’s going to be tracking Xenophilius Lovegood – or like not a lot of people. But like ones who aren’t usually referred to by their full name, like Pomona Sprout, we tag her as that.

Mod R: Oh fuck, I didn’t even know that was her name.

Mod H: There you go.

Mod R: ‘And I really loved when Something Big And Bad happened and you put all your efforts in reassuring people’

Mod H: Thank you!

Mod R: For those of you who don’t know, this is referring to the [cough]election last year.

Mod H: [cough]America.

Mod R: Yeah, um, of a country that we’re not – that I’ve been to, a bunch of times.

Mod H: I haven’t.

Mod R: You want to go there, because you want – I’ve actually been to the theme park.

Mod H: I wanna go to Disneyland.

Mod R: Which I am incredibly privileged to have been to. Thank you? I mean like, we felt like it just wasn’t the time for jokes, you know, instead we…what happened was, Donald Trump got elected, and we were like, this is a bit crass to post jokes today, because people are going-and people sent us messages like ‘you’re overreacting’ and maybe we were a bit, but, there are a lot of people who are genuinely afraid.

Mod H: And we basically had a conversation about it that morning and we said, we’re gonna keep posting regular content but we’re also just gonna say, you know, our askbox is open. And a few asks started trickling in so we started answering, and a whole lot of asks started trickling in.

Mod R: Because we answered hundreds that day.

Mod H: Yeah, I mean, I remember having to give up at one point because my hands were cramping because I’d been typing that hard?

Mod R: Yeah, and-like, I don’t wanna big myself up. We feel like what we did anybody in our shoes would have done. Like, this isn’t something that I feel proud of – I mean, I’m proud that I’m a good enough person to have done it-

Mod H: It’s not like a huge-

Mod R: I don’t wanna be, like, praised for it, you know, like anyone in our shoes would have done this. But thank you for the question.

Mod H: And thank you for the compliment.

Mod R: wizardingviolet asks-

Mod H: It’s a good question.

Mod R: ‘Do you ship any LGBT pairing or headcanon that isn't one of the "classics" ? (like Wolfstar, Drarry and’…how do you say ‘Deamus’? Day-mus?

Mod H: Dee-mus, I go for.

Mod R: Like, Dean and Seamus, Day-mus, Dee-mus…um-

Mod H: Well, there’s an obvious answer to this one, that we both have immediately.

Mod R: Luna Lovegood and Ginny Weasley.

Mod H: Luna and Ginny.

Mod R: Luna and Ginny!

Mod H: Luna and Ginny.

Mod R: Ginny and Luna!

Mod H: Linny-Linny.

Mod R: Guna?

Mod H: I just made that up by accident but that’s the ship name now! Other than that, probably-

Mod R: Headcanons though. I have a bunch of trans headcanons.

Mod H: Oh yeah, yeah.

Mod R: Like, I like to see Luna as a trans girl but that’s only because I relate to her a lot – I don’t like necessarily think there’s any evidence for that. Not that you need evidence to believe, but like there’s no other reason for me to believe that other than I really identify with her.

Mod H: That makes sense, though.

Mod R: But like we all do that. Neville’s bi, as far as I’m concerned.

Mod H: Oh my gosh, that’s really cute.

Mod R: Neville’s bi, and like he had a crush on Harry for the first three years.

Mod H: I’ve now decided that Neville’s in like a weird polyamorous relationship with Dean and Seamus.

Mod R: Someone said, ‘RONALD WEASLEY. HOW DARE YOU STEAL THAT CAR! YOUR FATHER IS NOW FACING AN INQUIRY AT WORK, AND IT IS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT! IF YOU DO SO MUCH AS PUT ANOTHER TOE OUT OF LINE, YOU WILL BE SENT STRAIGHT. HOME Oh, and accio-shitpost, dear, congratulations on reaching 100k followers. Your father and I are so proud!’

Mod H: Thank you, Molly Weasley.

Mod R: Thank you, mam! Mam!

Mod H: We didn’t know that any-

Mod R: Does this mean that we’re in a relationship with Luna Lovegood, because I’m okay with that.

Mod H: We didn’t know that any fictional characters from the Harry Potter universe were following our blog, but like-

Mod R: Nice. It’s good to hear that my mother, Molly Weasley, is a real person.

Mod H: It’s good to hear from you guys!

Mod H: Okay. briarrosebydayaurorabynight asks 'What inspired you to start the shitposting? Besides Harry Potter obviously.'

Mod R: Um.

Mod H: Honestly?

Mod R: Memes.

Mod H: Yeah, we just sort of started.

Mod R: We’ve sort of answered when we started and what caused us to start, but like what inspires us? Like, just honestly those big other shitpost accounts. Like, I’m not sure if we knew about others at the time but um, like just-shower-thoughts is a famous one that everybody sees. Um. Anonymous says ‘Have any of you ever been in love?’

Mod H: NO.

Mod R: ‘Also one of you must be gay, so who is it?’ Ok so, why must one of us be gay, and also how did you know that?

Mod H: I mean, like every other post we make is about how Ginny and Luna should be together.

Mod R: That’s true. But like, you believe that and you’re not even gay.

Mod H: I mean. Full disclosure.

Mod R: You’re also not straight.

Mod H: I am super aromantic, so like…I think that lets them know which one of us is gay here.

Mod R: I’m…a lesbian.

Mod H: But erm. Speaking for me, I’ve never had the romos.

Mod R: No. Um, I’ve been in love multiple times.

Mod H: You’re a big old softie.

Mod R: Yeah. Uh, I have a-well, I’m polyamorous and I have just like a bunch of girlfriends. Just a bunch. I’ve been in love multiple times and it sure is a trip!

Mod H: Anonymous asked, ‘How do you keep your shit posts fresh and steaming and avoid posting stale ones?’

Mod R: We don’t.

Mod H: We really don’t.

Mod R: Is the answer, we just don’t.

Mod H: We’ve definitely, by this point, repeated ourselves a couple of times.

Mod R: Right ok, there’s definitely a post we’ve done at least three times, and that is ‘I can’t believe that the reward for beating the dragon in Goblet of Fire is a screaming egg’. We’ve done that one like three times!

Mod H: But erm, to actually answer the question, there are a few times that we like, go back and-because we think we’ve made this post before, and we find that we have made this exact same post before. Word-for-word.

Mod R: Also, um, usually.

Mod H: So that’s embarrassing.

Mod R: I’m not afraid to admit that it’s you usually making shitposts these days.

Mod H: Yeah.

Mod R: And I usually deal with like asks and stuff instead.

Mod H: I mean, we both do make shitposts, and we both do answer asks.

Mod R: Yeah.

Mod H: But like, primarily those are-

Mod R: Um, yeah, and what we often do it, I’ll look through the shitposts you make, and I’ll like edit them. You can-there was this one a long time ago that-

Mod H: Oh, that one’s a classic example of that happening.

Mod R: There was one that was like ‘Ron: You’re a girl right Hermione’ and Hermione was like ‘No, I’m a lizard Ronald’ and then LH had put like ‘she turned into a lizard and scuttled away’

Mod H: Yeah.

Mod R: And I was like, that’s like, there’s a funny gag in there but the way you put it-

Mod H: Yeah, and I posted that thinking ‘there’s something funnier in here but I just can’t unlock it’?

Mod R: Yeah, so before it posted, when it was in the queue, I edited it to say like ‘No Ronald I’m a Weasley [she meant lizard]’ and then ‘blinks sideways’. Like, because like that’s what lizards do, and that’s way funnier!

Mod H: Some of the posts come out of conversations we’ve had and I’ve worded them, that’s-

Mod R: Pretty much.

Mod H: There’s my counter-example. Like, you’ve come up with an idea when we’ve been talking-

Mod R: Like I often, we’re often just talking about Harry Potter, and then you’ll be like ‘oh shit that’s good’ and then type that down.

Mod H: Yeah, and I put it into words, and actually make it into a post, so-

Mod R: Yeah, it really is a teamwork thing.

Mod H: Yeah, it’s a team effort! Moreso than we think it is, sometimes, I think.

Mod R: whimsicalfangirlthings said, ‘How do you like your macaroni and cheese?’ Like, together.

Mod H: Cooked.

Mod R: Like, cooked.

Mod H: In a microwave, usually.

Mod R: Like, no offense whimsicalfangirlthings.tumblr.com, are there many ways to have macaroni and cheese?

Mod H: If there are, I don’t know them.

Mod R: Like, in my mouth, that’s where I like to have…I really like-Mac and cheese is maybe one of my favourite pastas. Anonymous asks, ‘How many apples does Draco eat a day?’ I don’t fucking know!

Mod H: What-what kind of?

Mod R: I know that’s a reference to like, the gif where he’s eating the apple.

Mod H: Yeah.

Mod R: I don’t know! What does that mean, like-ok, I. Here’s, you want a funny answer? Sixty nine. There you go. Jesus Christ.

Mod H: Is that a funny answer?

Mod R: ig-ign…

Mod H: ignativs-weasley, that’s Ignatius spelled with a v instead of a u, dash Weasley-

Mod R: .tumblr.com

Mod H: Says ‘Hey! Ignativs here. I was wondering, why 1965? Your bio, I mean? Thanks. #accio100k’

Mod R: Um.

Mod H: This is-this is a long-held secret. It’s not really a secret!

Mod R: Nah, people have worked it out before.

Mod H: Many people have worked it out.

Mod R: People have asked us this, people have sent in ‘oh, I get it’, um, it’s when JK Rowling was born. Which is a bit-a bit of a nod, just to like say actually, actually we’re JK Rowling. Which is not true, we’re not actually.

Mod H: We’re-we’re not.

Mod R: ‘Which Harry Potter character(s) would you most like to have a slumber party with?’

Mod H: I mean, I think it’d be really fun to have a slumber party with Dumbledore?

Mod R: Yes, my man!

Mod H: But that would go places.

Mod R: That’d go places.

Mod H: That’d go weird places, and probably end up in death.

Mod R: The places it’d go would be like, like Voldemort Cave.

Mod H: But uh, I wouldn’t like to have a slumber party with but I’d like to have a drink with Aberforth. That’d be quite fun.

Mod R: Well no ‘cos-he’d end up fucking a goat at the slumber party. I always said Ah-ber-forth, by the way.

Mod H: Ah-ber-forth, Ay-ber-forth, I go back and forth. Eyyyyyyy.

Mod R: Eyyyyyyyy. Um, Slughorn, by the way.

Mod H: Slughorn! Slughorn-

Mod R: Because like, he does such good midnight parties!

Mod H: Let’s just have a professor party! Snape leaves, get McGonagall in here-

Mod R: Snape’s dead.

Mod H: Yeah, Snape’s dead, get McGonagall in here-

Mod R: No, I’m too scared of McGonagall.

Mod H: Ah, I think-

Mod R: I’m too scared and sexually intimidated by Minerva McGonagall.

Mod H: Ok, fair, fair. Flitwick! Flitwick would be a riot.

Mod R: Luna, by the way.

Mod H: Luna, yeah.

Mod R: And the Weasley twins.

Mod H: The Weasleys. Just all of them.

Mod R: All of them…apart from Percy, that wanker.

Mod H: I didn’t-what’s a Percy?

Mod R: Yeah, who’s Percy?

Mod H: Apologies to all Per-

Mod R: [gasp] Arthur Weasley! Because we’re Muggles, he’d love-

Mod H: That’d be really cute!

Mod R: [high voice] ‘What the fuck’s a lightbulb?’

Mod H: Let’s have a slumber party with Dobby.

Mod R: No, that’d be shit. Have you seen the one time Harry’s been asleep, and Dobby’s been there? It was Chamber of Secrets, and it was awful.

Mod H. nuevojesus-blog said, ‘What is your favourite HP book and film?’

Mod R: You go yours, I’m not sure about mine.

Mod H: Mine would be Order of the Phoenix for book, and Prisoner of Azkaban for film.

Mod R: Prisoner of Azkaban definitely for film, um, despite the fact that it misses out some of the important details, it’s definitely one of the better directed in my opinion.

Mod H: Well, I think it was definitely the last one before the books were getting far too long to adapt.

Mod R: Yeah. No offense, but the first three movies are the best.

Mod H: Yeah, the first-well, I mean, it’s-they’re different types of movies.

Mod R: And the last two are both far too long and too short, simultaneously.

Mod H: Yeah, I get what you mean by that.

Mod R: Like they put in too much stuff that they don’t need in, and they keep out too much stuff that they do need in, like a proper goodbye to the Dursleys wasn’t in. But Harry and Hermione dancing while Ron fucked off was in there.

Mod H: Yeah, like, they really left out some things that they should have had in and put in a lot of things that weren’t necessary?

Mod R: Which might be to do with the way that-I feel like the directors changed over?

Mod H: The directors did change from the first three to-

Mod R: Really. ordinarylittleme.tumblr.com asked ‘Who are you guys, also what made you decide to make this blog?’ So we’ve also sort of answered one of these, so, ‘who are you guys’, we’ve also again sort of answered. ‘What made you decide to make this blog?’ Um, for once, I had one of my wild ideas. The relationship that we have is very much-you’ll be asleep at like, to be fair at like eleven pm, okay? I used to phone LH up in the middle of the night saying ‘I’ve got this brilliant idea!’ And then every time, of course, they’d be like ‘no, that’s an awful idea.’

Mod H: To be fair, you haven’t heard some of the ideas!

Mod R: Yeah, they’re pretty bad. But this time, I was like ‘you know those jokes that we’ve been sending each other today, the Harry Potter jokes, why don’t we do a blog? Like, we could get popular!’

Mod H: And I, of course, being the practical one, I was like ‘no, that’s a terrible idea, we should never do that’

Mod R: I don’t think you were like that though, I feel like for most of the things you were like ‘uuuuh maybe’. But I think for this one you were like ‘actually, that sounds like a cool idea!’

Mod H: Well, I’m always more reluctant about a lot of these things.

Mod R: Yeah, that’s true.

Mod H: Like, I’ll admit that. Then, we just sort of did it. Like, we saved the url, after a little bit of haggling over what exactly that would be – I think whatever is our blog description, I think ‘Mischief managed’, mischief something, I can’t remember what it is, like that was gonna be the url for a bit, but then we decided on accio-shitpost, which was a good move.

Mod R: Right.

Mod H: Shitpost managed, that was what-that was what we were gonna-

Mod R: It was gonna be that for a while.

Mod H: I think that was my suggestion, and yours was accio-shitpost, and we went with accio-shitpost. So we compromised on that, and I think that was the better idea. Then, you know, we spent about a day setting up the theme.

Mod R: Yeah.

Mod H: And then we made it live! We just went for it! And the rest, as they say, is history.

Mod R: drearncatcher37.tumblr.com, that’s ‘dreamcatcher’ with an rn as people often do-

Mod H: So it’s like drearncatcher, technically.

Mod R: Yeah, says, ‘I have a question for the podcast. Why.’

Mod H: Good question.

Mod R: Yeah, yeah, that’s a good question.

Mod H: Good question.

Mod R: Because we’ve got nothing better to do, and we-okay, that’s a lie, we have so many things better to do, we honestly do. Anonymous said, ‘(You're my favorite blog)’ in brackets, thank-

Mod H: Thank you.

Mod R: sciencekilledmypurrmaids.tumblr.com said-

Mod H: ‘CHEESE?’

Mod R: Cheese. Um, I wanna interpret this as ‘What’s your favourite cheese?’, so – what’s your favourite cheese?

Mod H: I don’t-I don’t have a favourite cheese, I’m not a cheese connoisseur-

Mod R: I like all cheeses.

Mod H: I mostly just have cheddar cheese.

Mod R: Yeah, I mostly just have cheddar cheese.

Mod H: Or like Lancashire cheeses.

Mod R: Oh, yeah, ‘cos you’re from Lanc!

Mod H: I’m from Lancs.

Mod R: You’re a Lancer.

Mod H: That’s not-that’s not what we call it. Also fun fact! Lancashire/Yorkshire is where Neville Longbottom is supposed to be from.

Mod R: Really?

Mod H: Yeah, cos-

Mod R: He’s got-he’s got a northern accent in the movie, doesn’t he?

Mod H: In his hilariously abusive childhood, as well, he mentions getting dropped off Blackpool Pier, so-

Mod R: And of course…Harry mentions…train stations that I’ve been to.

Mod H: I still think that’s so ridiculously redundant, having to go all the way down to King’s Cross and then all the way back up to Scotland.

Mod R: Yeah, like-why don’t you just fucking Floo Powder it, you know?

Mod H: What if you already live in Scotland?

Mod R: Yeah, what does Minerva do?

Mod H: I mean, I assume Minerva just kind of stays there.

Mod R: Yeah.

Mod H: Although I think that is at least partially based on the childhood assumptions that teachers live at school. But in Hogwarts’ case it might actually be true! Anonymous asks, ‘'Tbh I legit expected you guys to be a shitpost account where literally nothing makes sense and it's the most ridiculous thing ever but half the things you post make Sense and ????'

Mod R: Yeah, um-the reason behind this is that anybody – and people have literally made robots to do this – can be like ‘the Marauders Map but it has a big dick’, and like-

Mod H: And we do make posts sometimes like that, that’re just like words and nonsense, but-

Mod R: But like, it loses its charm pretty quickly.

Mod H: Yeah, I-I think part of the reason we’ve had as much staying power as we’ve had is because we don’t actually make-

Mod R: We’re not actually shitposts.

Mod H: We make jokes, we make observations, like some of our posts…

Mod R: It’s observational humour.

Mod H: But some of our posts are just like, things we wanna talk about.

Mod R: What if Dobby had a big dick, you know.

Mod H: And sadposts. I-I do get a lot of joy out of making sadposts, I think most if not all of them have been mine.

Mod R: Yeah, we drain the happiness out of people.

Mod H: I-I enjoy this. I enjoy your suffering. I’m sorry.

Mod R: fangirlsneedmorebooks.tumblr.com says, 'What would you do if you were confronted by a hippogriff/dragon combo?' Poo myself.

Mod H: Probably die.

Mod R: Yeah, like, die. I’m not a wizard, I’m a muggle.

Mod H: Probably get killed by it.

Mod R: Yeah, I would die. fictionale934.tumblr.com said, 'When did you start this blog?'

Mod H: July the 6th.

Mod R: We started with my first post, ‘I name you after the two bravest men who tried to eat me, Aragog Student Loans’

Mod H: That’s still-I’m so glad we picked that one for the first one.

Mod R: And then your first one, which is my favourite one of yours ever.

Mod H: ‘Ah yes. Werewolf Werewolf and his boyfriend, Dog.’

Mod R: 'Other than this blog, what's the biggest way HP has impacted you all?', asks ronweasleywrites.tumblr.com.

Mod H: That’s an interesting question, actually.

Mod R: And also I’m gonna-I’m gonna have a bit of a segue here, people seem to think a lot of people run this blog?

Mod H: Yeah! They seem to think either there’s a lot of people-

Mod R: There’s two and a half.

Mod H: Or like one person. There’s two of us, who are the main-Mod K, who is a friend of mine, who I know in real life, and Roxie only knows from the internet-you’ve met, you’ve met once.

Mod R: The moniker ‘Mod K’ has always pissed me off, because we chose Mod R and Mod H because H and R-so like my first name begins with R, Roxie, and your last name which we’re not gonna say begins with H.

Mod H: Yeah.

Mod R: And also I’m in Ravenclaw, you’re in Hufflepuff. There isn’t a house that begins with a K!

Mod H: I think-that’s, that’s part of the rationale, though, because she’s not a main mod, she doesn’t get a main mod name.

Mod R: That’s true.

Mod H: She’s also a Slytherin, fyi.

Mod R: Is she?

Mod H: Yeah.

Mod R: Well, that makes sense.

Mod H: But um, what’s the biggest way HP has impacted us?

Mod R: Um.

Mod H: You have a good one for this, so I’ll let you go first.

Mod R: So, um, I’m autistic, a lot of you know this. I’m very very involved with autism advocacy and autism rights. I never really found many characters to relate to as a child? And, upon rereading Order of the Phoenix for the first time as an adult-because usually I just read my favourite ones, and Order of the Phoenix isn’t really my favourite book, and it’s quite long, and I’ve got a really bad attention span, so I never get through it. But this one time, I was reading it, and I got to the bit where Luna was first introduced, and just the way she was described was very similar to my experiences as an autistic teenage girl, and I just started crying and crying because for the first time I’ve seen a character who was like me. And I’ve met other people who’ve said the exact same thing about when they saw Luna in Harry Potter. And I think that’s the way it’s impacted me the most apart from, like, my wallet.

Mod H: Yeah.

Mod R: Like, I’ve bought a lot of Harry Potter merch.

Mod H: For me, I think, one of the biggest ways Harry Potter impacted me was-when I first came to secondary school…because I am a very nerdy, introverted person, I don’t really-I’m not good at like talking to people and making friends and stuff, and…I can’t remember exactly how it happened, but it definitely helped me bond with Megan. I’ve been friends with her for like ten years plus, now, and that was one of the things that we definitely built our friendship on, being a couple of dorks who really liked Harry Potter a lot, so like that’s a nice thing it’s done for me. sadie-bug82, that’s sadie dash bug 82, asks ‘What’s your favourite book and how many times have you read it?’

Mod R: Fuck if I know.

Mod H: I mean, is this like Harry Potter book?

Mod R: I don’t think it’s Harry Potter book.

Mod H: Or book forever?

Mod R: I’ve definitely listened to – because again, I’ve got a bad attention span – I’ve definitely listened to the audiobook of Philosopher’s Stone, which isn’t my favourite book, like a dozen times maybe. And my favourite book would probably be Prisoner of Azkaban, which I’ve listened to maybe five or six separate times.

Mod H: What about your favourite non-HP book?

Mod R: Fuck if I know, though. I really like Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, but I haven’t read that in years.

Mod H: I mean, for me, as I’ve already said, Order of the Phoenix is my favourite Harry Potter book. My favourite non-Harry Potter book?

Mod R: The Book Thief.

Mod H: The Book Thief, by Markus Zusak.

Mod R: I knew that one!

Mod H: We talked about it the other day. If you have the time, and access to a copy-

Mod R: Don’t watch the movie.

Mod H: Don’t watch the movie. The movie’s not a good adaptation. Go read the book, because it’s amazing and it changed my life, I swear to God.

Mod R: ‘I have so many questions’ says – what, what?

Mod H: takes-one-to-no-one-cares, with dashes between each word.

Mod R: Ah, right. I get it, I get it. Takes one to no one cares, that’s clever. 'I have so many questions! I'd love to know how y'all’ [in American accent] ‘I’d love to know how y’all met! J’

Mod H: How-how did we meet?

Mod R: Um…

Mod H: Let’s…

Mod R: We’re actually at the place we met.

Mod H: Yeah, this is…

Mod R: Four year anniversary.

Mod H: Four year anniversary, high five.

[High five noise.]

Mod H: We met…in this place, and for those of you who are-

Mod R: I don’t really wanna say what it is, because it’s like a bit personal.

Mod H: Yeah, but for those of you who are not listening in at the window right now, it’s like an event that we went to a couple of times.

Mod R: Yeah, it’s like-it’s not like a convention or anything, it’s nothing embarrassing, it’s just a bit personal.

Mod H: Yeah, we’d just rather not go into it.

Mod R: We met, because, um, a girl who I’d met the year before, who I was in a relationship with for a year, she’d just broken up with me, because she didn’t feel it was right, and I was like ‘yeah that’s fair’, but I was still very sad about it, you know, and I saw somebody with a Homestuck t-shirt across the room.

Mod H: And that person…was Albert Einstein. Funnily enough that was actually the second time that had happened within like ten minutes, cos – this is the way I tell the story – I was just kinda hanging round waiting for the thing we were at to start and two girls came over to me like ‘hey, I like your t-shirt’, you know, ‘is that a Homestuck thing?’ and we got chatting, and that wasn’t Roxie, and then another couple came along and that was Roxie, and we have been talking ever since, basically.

Mod R: We had a pun-off.

Mod H: We had a pun-off, that cemented our relationship. I have a vivid memory of sitting in a restaurant with my family, texting you bad puns under the table.

Mod R: 'Hope I'm not being annoying & clogging up your asks' You're not, anonymous. 'But what are your opinions on the drama of OoTP with Molly and Sirius duking it out on 'Who is the Less Problematic Replacement Parent for Harry?' Got those receipts. ‘I'm personally on Team Molly Needs To Chill, but my friends are on Team Sirius Is Literally A Criminal Who Thinks Harry Is James.' Okay so, the criminal bit isn’t so bad because, by definition, Molly is also a criminal.

Mod H: Also like Sirius was imprisoned for a crime he literally did not commit, like we know this as a fact.

Mod R: Molly is married to somebody who was infiltrating the government. That’s a fact. And she has children who are infiltrating the government-

Mod H: She was also, herself, involved in a resistance movement against the government, like, they’re criminals the same.

Mod R: And like even before Deathly Hallows this is the case.

Mod H: Yeah, yeah.

Mod R: But the issue is Sirius does think Harry is James. The problem with their relationship is both Harry and Sirius are using each other as a replacement for James.

Mod H: Yeah, absolutely. And like in that situation, Sirius cannot encourage Harry to be like James. Sirius shouldn’t encourage Harry to be reckless, because he in some-because he is in some genuinely dangerous situations.

Mod R: And don’t get me wrong-not only, when we’re saying James we don’t just mean Dad James, as a replacement for Dad James, we mean as a replacement of the cool lad James that Harry would have wanted to be friends with.

Mod H: Because like-

Mod R: However, right, Harry is using Molly as a replacement for Lily, or James, like gender doesn’t matter I guess-

Mod H: Generally parents.

Mod R: Here’s the thing – Molly isn’t using Harry as a replacement for a dead child or Percy or anything, even though Percy does leave, she’s just a mum, and she feels-she has a profound motherhood for Harry.

Mod H: I mean, I think my personal opinion lies somewhere between the two because like-

Mod R: Oh sure.

Mod H: All of the things we’ve said, but in the context of that specific scene, Molly was withholding information from Harry that was relevant to him, and it’s not like that’s ever been a problem in Harry’s past before, am I right?

Mod R: And Molly’s done some shitty things before to Hermione, in er Goblet of Fire-

Mod H: Personally I really like that scene, just for showing like the depth of Molly.

Mod R: Everyone sins, yeah, she’s a very deeply written character.

Mod H: None of these people are perfect, like her heart’s in the right place, she’s just sometimes overprotective.

Mod R: And same for Sirius! But-

Mod H: The other way.

Mod R: Even that, but-he’s missing out on this context of Harry’s life, and Molly said this, like this obviously isn’t Sirius’ fault but, and the ways she said it kind of implied that it was, but Molly saw the later years of Harry’s life. Sirius was introduced very late into Harry’s life.

Mod H: Sirius has known Harry for two years at this point, Molly’s known him since basically the start of when we first see him, at age 11.

Mod R: Like, as far as the wizarding world is concerned, yeah.

Mod H: And that does make a difference, and that’s not Sirius’ fault obviously.

Mod R: And of course Sirius has technically known Harry longer, but it’s not the same.

Mod H: I also think the problem, as well, is that Sirius is still in that mindset he was in when he was like twenty one. Because he’s lost all of these years to Azkaban and he basically comes out and there’s James 2.0. So naturally he goes back to the way he was acting.

Mod R: Like he comes out and there’s this kid who looks exactly like the boy who died, his best friend who died, and probably the man he loved who died. Give me that story instead of Snape loving Lily, by the way, give me that!

Mod H: JK Rowling! But yeah.

Mod R: Yeah.

Mod H: But thanks for that question, anon, because that was really interesting to talk about.

Mod R: Now, here’s a question responding to one of our posts, anonymous asked, ‘But was there anything specifically saying Voldemort /wasn't/ wearing a party hat?’ Uh…

Mod H: Technically no.

Mod R: There probably is actually.

Mod H: Yeah. ‘The light glimmered off his shiny bald head’.

Mod R: Yeah, exactly, lines like that, and also he can’t wear it under Quirrell’s turban.

Mod H: Oh. What if Quirrell was wearing a party hat, like at Christmas?

Mod R: Well it wouldn’t be a party hat, it’d be a Christmas hat.

Mod H: Okay. Like, Dumbledore’s birthday party-

Mod R: Also, bringing in some very very-

Mod H: Oh, here we go.

Mod R: Minute lore of Harry Potter – they don’t have Christmas cracker crowns in the wizarding world-

Mod H: That’s true, that’s true.

Mod R: They have regular hats that come out of crackers. And actual mice and stuff, and explosions.

Mod H: But they could’ve-I really wish they’d brought that in the movies, to be honest.

Mod R: Oh, fuuuuuuuck.

Mod H: That scene would’ve been so good.

Mod R: So goooood! antifacistmutsuki says, 'what are yall hogwarts and ilvermorny houses and wands' Hogwarts are Ravenclaw.

Mod H: And Hufflepuff.

Mod R: And Ilvermorny, fuck off I don’t care.

Mod H: I remember I got the Hufflepuff of Ilvermorny.

Mod R: I was like-I was really interested and then I saw the name and was like, I don’t care anymore. Thunderbird, that’s what I remember.

Mod H: I can’t remember my wand. I think mine was laurel?

Mod R: kimpossibleandme said 'Can I become a mod on here?' No. Sorry. We don’t take admissions. We don’t take submissions-we don’t even take submissions, you can’t be a moderator.

Mod H: We’ve made it a policy from the start that we only post posts that we make ourselves, or sometimes that our close personal friends do. It’s not really-it’s not anything against you.

Mod R: And when we say close personal friends, we’re not even saying favouritism, it’s like someone’s come up to us and said ‘hey, here’s a thing’ and then we’re like ‘can I use that as a shitpost’.

Mod H: Yeah, often that is the case, or like we’re talking about it or something like that.

Mod R: So no, you can’t be a mod on here. Sorry. Uh. Anonymous said, ‘I like my gilrs’ not girls, gilrs ‘how I like my Dumbledore. Headmasters.' Okay! Let’s leave.

Mod H: Let’s leave.

Mod R: I didn’t need to know that. Um, ihazgiantcheezburga.tumblr.com, that’s haz with a z, cheez c-h-e-e-z, b-u-r-g-a, ‘Draco Malfoy was a Mary Sue.’ No he wasn’t.

Mod H: No, not really.

Mod R: That’s like, done.

Mod H: Not at all, actually.

Mod R: Here’s your Harry Potter advice segment! ‘Draco Malfoy was a Mary Sue’ No, he wasn’t.

Mod H: No.

Mod R: He had many character flaws. He was incredibly rich…Harry Potter was a Mary Sue, absolutely.

Mod H: I mean, the concept of a Mary Sue-

Mod R: Is bullshit, it was just misogyny, wasn’t it. It was just, here’s a female character that I don’t like because she’s got so many-

Mod H: Well, no.

Mod R: People say that about Rey from Star Wars, and what they mean is that she’s as good at the Force as Luke was.

Mod H: The-the original meaning of Mary Sue though was a fanfic character who was impossibly perfect and probably dating Captain Kirk, or whatever.

Mod R: Me too.

Mod H: And that slowly just sort of became a character who I think is too perfect regardless fo anything-

Mod R: Well, Harry is a bit too perfect, he’s got a lot of character-

Mod H: He’s got a lot of flaws, like-

Mod R: He’s got a lot of those things that people in fanfics give them, like you don’t even need to give Harry an immense fortune for your, like, Bastard King fic, because he’s already got that, you know, he’s already got-

Mod H: Where he’s a secret Pureblood king, well…

Mod R: pixycaterino says, ‘Have y’all’ [bad American accent] ‘Have yall ever cosplayed? oh anD WHAT ARE YOUR WANDS’ We can’t do the wands one. I don’t know!

Mod H: We…yeah.

Mod R: Like, everyone’s like ‘what are your wands’, it’s not a question like ‘what’s your MBTI type’ or ‘what house are you in’.

Mod H: ‘What sign are you.’

Mod R: Or like ‘What’s your God Tier’ in Homestuck, or like what Pokemon Go team you’re on. It’s not like that, it’s like what piece of fucking wood do you use to cast magic, oh wait you don’t because you’re not a fucking wizard and you don’t have one of those. Like, Houses are sorted into-like, I’m sorry, I’m really sorry to whoever asked this, I’m not angry at you, I promise. But like people ask this question, and I don’t get it because there isn’t any like basis – there might be, like, subtext but there is no basis like personality and intellectual traits on what kind of wand you get. There isn’t houses-so like, if you’re very loyal, chances are you’re a Hufflepuff, if you’re very friendly, you’re loyal, you stick true to your friends, you’re probably a Hufflepuff.

Mod H: Yeah.

Mod R: If you’re very brave, you’re courageous, you like justice a lot then you’re probably a Gryffindor. If you think things through, and you might not be smart but you’re like, you spend a lot of time thinking about things-

Mod H: Not like intellectual but you’re like wise, logical.

Mod R: Yeah, like you think things through, or you place a lot of emphasis on waiting things out then you’re probably a Ravenclaw, and if you’re ambitious, and like maybe you put the team before the person, then maybe you’re a Slytherin, you know.

Mod H: Yeah.

Mod R: But for wands it’s just like ‘oh like I’m good at Transfiguration’.

Mod H: Like me and my friend both did the wand test, and we got almost identical results because we’re about the same height, age…

Mod R: Yeah, exactly.

Mod H: Physical appearance…it is pretty much a randomly generated thing, it’s not like deeply based. Like you could argue that the Hogwarts house quiz is based on actual stuff, but-

Mod R: I’m sure there’s some subtext to what wands characters get, like red wood means something in-

Mod H: Well are in characters, but the thing is like if you use the Pottermore-

Mod R: In the movies, in the movies, Dumbledore-uh, Voldemort’s looks like its bone. And of course that’s because he’s a deadly character, he’s very spooky, but like I don’t have that, I’m not an important character in the Harry Potter universe.

Mod H: Yeah, that’s the movie characters.

Mod R: I don’t have an arc.

Mod H: Like, the Pottermore wand test is just-

Mod R: How tall are you, what hand do you use, how many fingers do you have on your right foot.

Mod H: What?

Mod R: Yeah.

Mod H: As to the other, ‘have y’all ever cosplayed’…

Mod R: Yeah.

Mod H: Yes. We have.

Mod R: I’ve cosplayed as…I mean, I wore Ravenclaw robes last time I went to a convention. Other than that, I’ve cosplayed Chell from Portal, Roxie Lalonde…who have you cosplayed?

Mod H: I’ve cosplayed Jane Crocker from Homestuck.

Mod R: That was by accident, wasn’t it?

Mod H: No, I did it deliberately once. Booker DeWitt from Bioshock-

Mod R: That was good.

Mod H: And Doctor Linksano from Atop the Fourth Wall, which-

Mod R: Yeah, well that’s awful, that’s awful.

Mod H: For anyone in our audience who knows what that is…

Mod R: Hit me up.

Mod H: Hit me up. Cos, guys. Guys.

Mod R: brighterthantherain said 'I'd love to see some the MBTI types as x posts' Well, here’s the thing. No?

Mod H: No.

Mod R: Like, I’m sorry, we don’t mean to be rude.

Mod H: That takes a lot of work, that’s the only thing as well.

Mod R: If we sound rude, we’re just trying to be funny, and honestly we’re sorry if we offend people. Um, but like, it takes a lot of work-I don’t really understand all of the MTBI types.

Mod H: No.

Mod R: And also people are more likely to call you out for that kind of thing?

Mod H: Yeah.

Mod R: People will be like ‘oh you don’t understand the MBTI things’ like no I don’t! I didn’t major in Psychology!

Mod H: Like, that would take a lot of time and effort and dedication just for one post, which we don’t currently have, or-and we definitely don’t have the motivation to do all that research.

Mod R: ‘Surprise beautiful person!’ says anonymous. ‘Once you get this, you must put it into at least 8 people’s asks (anonymously) who deserve it. If you break the chain, nothing bad will happen, but it’s nice to know that someone thinks you’re beautiful inside and out. Help spread anon love, not hate! Love you. <3’ Thank you! We appreciate these-we never pass them on.

Mod H: We don’t pass them on.

Mod R: I never pass on these.

Mod H: Yeah, my days of passing on stuff like this are long gone.

Mod R: I’ve never done them.

Mod H: I did a while back.

Mod R: Nuh uh. Um, this is an interesting question, anonymous said – and they’re asking this as if we’re some like, we’re the figurehead of Harry Potter, which is really nice.

Mod H: Like we have any say in it.

Mod R: We’re JK Rowling. Anonymous said, ‘Idk if you can answer this but, can exist a three headed dog's patronus?’ Yes, probably.

Mod H: Probably.

Mod R: Somebody-I read on the wiki somewhere that somebody I know historically had a giant as their patronus.

Mod H: Yeah.

Mod R: So like, a three headed dog isn’t that unlikely. Like, wolves can be. A werewolf can be.

Mod H: Like, a three headed dog is a creature in the Harry Potter universe.

Mod R: Anonymous said, ‘are you a feminist?’ Actually, I hate women. I fucking hate them. No, we’re feminists, yeah.

Mod H: Yeah, I-I think we’d identify that way.

Mod R: Pretty much. If anything I wouldn’t want-the only reason I wouldn’t want to identify as the label ‘feminist’ is because we have some views so far left wing that even feminists often disagree with them. And that’s a particular thing, like because I’m a trans woman, there’s a whole huge sect of feminists – and I’m not generalising – there is a huge group of feminists who exclude trans women called trans exclusionary feminists, there’s a bunch of transmisogynistic feminists who think trans women don’t deserve a place in feminism or anywhere belonging to women. Which is one of the only reasons we wouldn’t want to label ourselves feminists. But if someone was like ‘oh feminism’s about this, like, only these kind of people can be feminists’, I’d be like, ‘I’m a feminist and that’s wrong.’ Like I use that label sparingly, but when I need it. And I don’t not use it because I’m embarrassed, because I tote my beliefs strongly.

Mod H: Yeah.

Mod R: freaki, with an I as in f-r-e-a-k-i, freakithechaos said ‘uh.. hello! *waves awkwardly*’ That’s cute. ‘uhm.. I'm not sure if this was discussed already but, why doesn't Umbridge love McGonagall? I mean, Umbridge LOVES cats and McGonagall's animagus is a cat ... so she basically IS a cat, isn't she? o.o’

Mod H: I mean, that’s not quite how that works.

Mod R: That’s not really how that works.

Mod H: I mean, cos Umbridge represents all McGonagall hates-

Mod R: Because Umbridge isn’t just a furry!

Mod H: And vice versa.

Mod R: McGonagall’s meant to be Umbridge’s foil, she was portrayed as that.

Mod H: Or, well, the other way round, because Umbridge was introduced later, but you know.

Mod R: Well, like, I mean, as the villain.

Mod H: Yeah, I know what you mean.

Mod R: Like, Dumbledore is not Umbridge’s foil – I think narratively, that’s one of the reasons they get Dumbledore out of the picture?

Mod H: Umbridge is basically evil mirrorverse McGonagall, like-

Mod R: Yeah, yeah.

Mod H: McGonagall gone completely wrong.

Mod R: And this is literally true in the Cursed Child, like, Cursed Child spoilers coming up here.

Mod H: That is quite interesting.

Mod R: In Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, Minerva McGonagall is the headmistress of Hogwarts, but in – again, spoilers coming up so like skip forward – but in the alternate universe, Umbridge is the headmistress, and she is, like, she has very little regard for but great interest in Scorpius, whilst the opposite is true for McGonagall, where she actually goes out of her way to not be interested in order to maintain Albus and Scorpius’ relationship, mainly because she’s seen generations of Potters falling in love and not getting their way. Um, anonymous said, ‘I always see yall’ [American accent] ‘using ur powers of being a popular blog with lots of followers’ I always do that with y’all, by the way, I’m not just doing that for a random reason, ‘and high visibility for good. thanks A+ keep up the good work’

Mod H: Thank you!

Mod R: Thank you, we really appreciate it.

Mod H: We were a bit iffy at first, about like starting to post more politics and signal boosts and donations and stuff, initially at least, but we basically decided that we’ve got a lot of followers, we can’t really not. We’ve got an obligation to, in this political climate.

Mod R: Another thing is – we get a lot of questions like this a lot, and we don’t answer them, and it’s not because we don’t like them. We love them.

Mod H: Yeah. They fuel us!

Mod R: Yeah. One, we don’t want to tote how great people we are. It’s quite narcissistic to be like-cos we get plenty of people who are like ‘fuck you’ as well.

Mod H: Yeah.

Mod R: Like, it’s not often, but there are people, but like whatever, you’re you, I don’t care. But like one, we don’t want to clog it up with that. Two, we want to keep relatively interesting asks being put out, compared to like ‘ah you’re great!’ ‘ah you’re great!’, again which is a bit narcissistic.

Mod H: Usually, the asks we answer are like admin-related, like we’re introducing a new tag or whatever, or interesting questions, or occasionally like funny things that pique our interest.

Mod R: Yeah, and um the third reason is, um, we like looking at them!

Mod H: Yeah!

Mod R: Like, our inbox doesn’t fill that fast, we don’t get dozens of asks a day, we get a couple-

Mod H: We get a fair amount a week, I’d say.

Mod R: We get five a week at least.

Mod H: Yeah, about that, on average.

Mod R: But-but when stuff happens, we get dozens.

Mod H: Yeah, when we ask for asks or when it’s obvious that we’re answering them we get quite a few.

Mod R: Yeah, yeah, so like we like seeing them! So when we refresh our inbox, if there’s nothing new in there, we get to see that one again and that’s nice. 'Someday,' says anonymous, 'I would like to know who's ran this blog and their personal tumblrs.' Too bad.

Mod H: We’re telling you nothing about us!

Mod R: I might eventually reveal mine, Mod H is not so keen.

Mod H: I don’t really wanna reveal my personal tumblr just cos, like-some people who follow me can probably guess because I make it quite obvious on my personal. But there’s about like five people I actually know on there.

Mod R: Mine’s pretty easy to work out, if you’ve got all the clues, which-all the clues are on the blog, if you go back far enough and look through all the tags…

Mod H: I think if you specifically went sleuthing through the blog to find out who we were, you probably could find that, with a bit of-

Mod R: And probably like, our close friends as well, from the beginning.

Mod H: Yeah, like our close friends and people we know.

Mod R: Luckily, a lot of the first posts – this wasn’t an intentional effort, but we’ve reblogged them in events and stuff, ‘hey look here’s our first post’ and we’ve washed out all the original reblogs which would have been to ours and our friend’s blogs, to promote the blog. Anonymous said ‘ALEXANDER HAMILTON!’ I don’t understand that.

Mod H: I probably made-I’m the one who’s seen Hamilton – well not seen it, I’ve listened to it.

Mod R: You’re going to see it.

Mod H: I’m going to see it!

Mod R: Lucky shit.

Mod H: I’m quite excited about that! I got really lucky with that.

Mod R: Okay, so, anonymous said ‘They do. It’s called Hogsmeade.’ So, like, I’m sure this was a response to a post, but here’s the thing – we don’t know what post this was a response to because we make ten a day.

Mod H: And by the time your ask has come in, it’s like a day later at least.

Mod R: From context of another ask, I think it’s–did we have a Starbucks, that Starbucks hasn’t opened a-

Mod H: Possibly. It might have been something along those lines, I can’t remember. I know that is a specific one, but I can’t remember what it was.

Mod R: Because someone asked us another one about magical instant coffee. Shout out to you, authoraiya. 'Which ships do u ship? like either canon or noncanon xx' Uh, all of them.

Mod H: Well, not all of them.

Mod R: Scorbus, sort of, but like also I don’t like shipping kids. Like I wish that they would-

Mod H: In a very-

Mod R: Have gotten together. I wish that Credence would have gotten a boyfriend. Because I think he was coded gay in Fantastic Beasts.

Mod H: I mean for me, erm, I don’t really ship generally. I ship Wolfstar kind of, Scorbus kind of-

Mod R: Wolfstar-well, I think I ship Wolfstar, a lot.

Mod H: Ginny and Luna.

Mod R: So that’s all the asks that we got, and a couple more.

Mod H: And a few more that we found from the archive.

Mod R: I’m gonna, just like the McElroys, I’m gonna leave you with another ask. Anonymous says, ‘What’s with y’all and micropigs though?’

Mod H: And with that, we’re out.

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