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#okay but they won so where was this so called kiss huh daisy
wooahaes · 1 year
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thrift shopping
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pairing: non-idol!yoshi x gn!reader
prompt: ugly sweaters
word count: 0.7k~
warnings: bg hosh + hao ment. just soft idiots in love.
daisy’s notes: you can tell im really soft for him huh. also this man called himself a tiger... i have a type...
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There was something adorable about the way Yoshi’s eyes lit up.
Thrift shopping with your boyfriend wasn’t something unfamiliar to you. He seemed to have an eye for nice things, and even when you didn’t leave the store with a new piece to add to one of your wardrobes, the two of you found fun in the little things. In ugly shirts that you’d joke about gifting to one of his friends, or the matching jackets in neon colors that he’d always have to (lovingly) talk you out of. Maybe next time, he’d always say, even if there was no clear next time in sight for something so bright and bold. Not that he wouldn’t gladly match with you any day: Yoshi, truly, loved matching clothing with you. That was why you wore the baby blue sweater that day, just to see the pure joy in his eyes as he intertwined his pinkie with your own and talked about the holiday party his friends were throwing. Since all of them had been scattered for the holidays, they were doing things late: gift-giving and gingerbread houses and all the sweet things that people saved for before Christmas.
Hyunsuk had been the one to pose the idea of an ugly sweater contest... and Yoshi knew that the moment you caught wind of it that you’d make sure he won. As happy as he was to just go and kick back with the others, maybe drink a little too (before stumbling his way into your apartment to press soft kisses and “I love you”s into your skin before falling asleep in your arms), he liked the way you lit up at the idea of competition. His friends said that the two of you balanced each other well: Yoshi kept you grounded, while you dared him to be a little bolder.
Thrift-shopping for sweaters was in itself its own adventure. As good an eye as Yoshi had (you’d tease him and say you got lost in them all the time, just to see him blush and giggle), yours was better for ugly sweaters. Where Yoshi knew how to dress himself and pull an outfit together, you always seemed to find the tackiest things in the store--typically to make him laugh because you lived to tease him, but the bold patterned shirts in both of your wardrobes spoke for themselves.
“What about this one?”
He looked up from the sweaters he’d been looking through to see the bright red sweater with Olaf from Frozen printed across it. “It’s cute.”
“Okay, but imagine it,” you said, “with tinsel and ribbons.”
Another thing Yoshi knew (and loved) about you was your love of art that the two of you shared. You’d met in a freshman level sculpture class, and you’d always been interested in crafting whatever abstract things out of clay when you could. There was a reason Asahi liked you: the two of you were a little out there in the best way. Maybe that was why Yoshi liked you so much: you were so you that he admired everything about you.
“Really?”
You smiled at him. “Hyunsuk didn’t say we couldn’t decorate it.” 
“I know, but...” It felt a little like cheating. “You know how he is.”
He watched you purse your lips for a moment before putting it back. “Okay... So... How about this?”
You’d pulled out a black sweater with a bright orange tiger on the front of it, the words MERRY CHRISTMAS written in bold white lettering above a series of candy canes forming the backdrop. He’d gasped at the sight and then grew flustered, looking around to see the one of the only other people on the aisle was looking up Yoshi had to pretend he didn’t see the way said other guy had seen the sweater and looked as though he had struck gold--only for his leaner friend to elbow him hard.
He almost said no, because he felt that with the orange hair he’d currently been sporting, he’d net some teasing over ‘matching’ the animal. But the glimmer in your eyes?
Well. That was enough to make him say yes to most things... especially when you produced a second one from the rack in your own size.
(Besides... Yoshi was very certain that that would have gone for both sweaters the moment you put it back. Couldn’t risk you matching with a stranger rather than your own boyfriend, right?)
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taglist: @twancingyunhao​
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Out Of Time ~ 126
MASTERLIST
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< previous chapter
Word Count: 2,525ish
Summary: Y/N sees her men after saying goodbye to Coulson and the team. Infinity War starts.
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Tony’s apartment was dark and quiet, which was extremely unusual for any of Tony’s places of living. 
“Tony?” Y/N called, her body was exhausted. She was trying to hold herself together from also saying goodbye to part of her family. “Tony?”
“The Boss is currently away on a business trip, Agent Rogers,” FRIDAY responded. “I will inform him that you are here.”
“Thanks… Uh, FRIDAY?”
“Yes?”
“I’m… I…”
“If I could step in, it seems like your body is exhausted, running on its last amounts of fuel. May I suggest that you rest? I will order food and work with Mr. Stark to get him here as fast as possible.”
“Okay… I’ll be in Tony’s room.”
~~~
“Y/N?” Tony called. 
When FRIDAY had told him that Y/N was back, Tony quickly ended the meeting he was in and flew home. He had been kept up to date on the SHIELD issues, since they were being broadcast everywhere. The man hunt was on Y/N like nothing it had before. He was concerned and so very worried, Tony was barely making it through the meeting.
“Y/N? Are you there?” He tried again, exiting his suit and searching his apartment.
“Boss,” FRIDAY responded. “She is resting in your room. She came back with extreme exhaustion. I’ve sent her to be and ordered food.”
“Thanks, FRI,” Tony sighed, relieved. 
He quickly, but quietly, made his way up to his room. Opening the door, the light from the hallway illuminated a very asleep Y/N, buried in the covers. He walked over, tucking her into the covers more before pressing a kiss to her forehead.
“Tony?” She rasped, eyes half opening.
“Go back to sleep,” he urged, brushing his fingers over her cheek. “I’ll let you know when the food’s here.”
She nodded, quickly falling back to sleep. Tony watched her lovingly before changing into something comfier. He was in the living room, waiting for the food, when the elevator dinged. Quickly on guard, Tony stood up defensively. He relaxed slightly when he noticed Peter waltzing in, bags of food.
“Hey, Mr. Stark!” Peter greeted excitedly.
“Hey, kid,” Tony responded. “What ya got there?”
“Oh, FRIDAY told me that you needed me to run and get some food. Even told me where to go and what to go.”
“FRIDAY, huh?” He looked up at the ceiling with a little shake of his head. “We’re going to have a conversation later.”
“Am I intruding on something?”
“No, kid,” Tony sighed. “It’s about time I let you in on a little secret.”
“A secret? What secret?”
“How about you go and get everything set up for three in the kitchen and I’ll be right back?”
“For three? Okay, Mr. Stark!” 
The kid rushed away to the kitchen. Tony headed back to the bed room. He had the urge to leave Y/N sleeping, as she very well needed it, obviously. But she needed to eat as well. He walked over and gently sat next to her.
“Y/N,” he called softly. “Time to wake up.”
“Hmm?” She hummed, stirring from her slumber. 
“Food’s here. And, there’s someone I want you to meet.”
“Meet?” Y/N was more awake now. “Tony, you know I can’t—“
“They won’t say anything to anyone. I promise.” He grabbed one of her hands and brought it up to his lips for a kiss. “Please?”
“Okay, Tony,” she nodded. Her stomach growled as she threw the covers off of her.
Tony chuckled. “You hungry?”
“A little.” She put her hands out. “A little help.”
Tony smiled and nodded before grabbing her hands. He carefully guided Y/N so that she was standing. Keeping hold of one of Y/N’s hands, Tony began to lead them out of the bedroom. Suddenly, Y/N tripped over her own tired feet.
“Woah, there, honey,” Tony said, steadying her. “When was the last time you ate?”
“Uh… honestly, I don’t remember,” Y/N responded. “It was… I thought happened.”
“And you better plan on telling me all about it after dinner.”
“Yes, Tones.”
Tony wrapped an arm around Y/N’s waist to keep her more steady as they made their way to the kitchen. When they arrived, Y/N saw a teenager, one from the pictures on the wall. He was setting up dinner.
“Mr. Parker,” Tony called, the boy’s head snapped to look at his mentor. The boy was clearly surprised to see who was standing beside Tony. “I’d like you to meet Y/N. Y/N, this is Peter Parker. Or, Spider-Man.”
“Hello, Mr. Parker,” Y/N greeted holding her hand out for the young hero to shake. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
Peter nervously shook Y/N’s hand. “You’re…” He swallowed. “Y-you’re Lady America. I… I fought your brother in Germany.”
“You did, huh?” Y/N gave Tony a look. Tony looked away, not willing to meet her eye. 
“Yeah! I even stole his shield from him.”
“Well, that sounds like an interesting story. I’d love to hear it sometime.”
“Okay!” / “Let’s not.”
“Miss Rogers, I promise I won’t tell anyone about seeing you,” Peter continued as they sat at the table. 
“Thank you, Peter,” Y/N replied. “It means a lot.”
“How was school today, kid?” Tony asked, taking Y/N’s plate and dishing food onto it. “And patrol? Save any cats?”
“School was school. I spent most of science reworking my webbing. And I didn’t save any cats today, Mr. Stark. Just some old ladies crossing the street.”
Y/N honestly enjoyed the dinner with Tony and Peter. It was a sense of normalcy that had disappeared from her life what seemed like ages ago. After dinner was done, Peter needed to go home to get Aunt May. He awkwardly said goodbye before disappearing into the elevator. Y/N leaned back into Tony once Peter was gone. Tony pressed a kiss to the side of her head.
“Coulson’s dying,” Y/N whispered.
“What?” Tony quickly moved so that he was facing Y/N. “How?”
“I don’t know. But, I said goodbye to him and the team. Only final time.”
Tony pulled her in for a hug. “I’m sorry you had to do that,” he said softly. “I know how much they meant to you.”
“He was there when I woke up… he was my first friend.”
“Do the others know? Does Daisy know?”
“No. And I wasn’t meant to find out.”
Tony looked down at Y/N. “What do you need me to do?”
“Hold me.”
So that’s what he did, all night long.
~~~
To say Bucky was anxious would be an understatement. Y/N had been gone for about a week, without a word from her. Shuri had tried to cheer him up, but it was only met with grumpiness. He was beginning to worry that something had happened to her. After that worry crept it, Bucky noticed that T’Challa and the others were keeping something from him.
“What do you know?” Bucky asked, marching into the throne room where T’Challa and his counselors were.
“Leave us,” T’Challa requested, and the others quickly left. “This is about Y/N.”
“What do you know?”
“I will show you.”
T’Challa showed Bucky the news footage of Talbot’s press conference and him getting shot in the head by Daisy, only for Y/N to appear moments later.
“The government will stop at nothing to throw her in Raft,” T’Challa stated. “I have—“
“They won’t waste their time with Raft,” Y/N’s voice came from behind. The men spun around to see her standing there. “They’ve already made it clear that they will kill me on sight.”
After spending time with Tony, Y/N knew she needed to go back to Wakanda to see Bucky. She willingly let Tony make her breakfast before fighting him to let her leave. Luckily, she won.
“But I’m fine,” Y/N continued. “Healed it myself.” Bucky began marching towards her, clearly angry. “What? I’m okay, I pro—“
She was quickly cut off by his lips smashing onto hers. With his only arm, he pulled her into him, keeping her tightly against his chest. Y/N could feel all the worry and frustration that was being poured into the kiss.
“Don’t ever do that again,” Bucky growled against her lips. 
“I’m sorry,” she replied softly. “I really had no choice.”
T’Challa cleared his throat, reminding the two that they were not alone. “I’m glad that you are alright, Y/N,” T’Challa said with a slight smile. “I’m afraid Barnes here was about to burn the whole country down to search for you.”
“The whole country, huh?” She looked at Bucky, teasingly. “Wow.”
“The whole country, no,” Bucky defended. “The whole world, that’s probably about right.”
“Cause that would solve the problem.”
“Anything to get me to you, doll.” He gave you a softer kiss. “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine. And I’m safe.”
~~~
The next year went by in this weird, fast-slow sort of way. Both Tony and Bucky were as understanding as they could be with the situation Y/N was putting them in. But as time went on, the more frustrated and jealous both men became. Valentine’s Day was honestly the least problematic of any of the holidays. And that was saying something.
Alone, Y/N worked to gain more control and confidence with her abilities. She needed to be ready for whatever was coming. At the start of 2018, the Stones slowly began haunting her dreams, concerning both men greatly. Sleeping was becoming a luxury. The Stones showed to her their powers and the vision Wanda showed her three years previous. They kept telling her to prepare, but not exactly what to prepare for. 
The mounting stress of choosing between the men she loved and the oncoming battle that laid ahead, was enough to make anyone go crazy. But Y/N tried her best to keep an even killed head on her shoulders. Both her men could see that this was all weighing on her, but they did their best (somedays) to take a weight off of her.
Y/N also began to grow more angry at Steve. Though she missed him greatly. She was so mad at him. Mad at him for not reaching out or appearing to not care. She was mad at him for not telling her about Howard’s death and for not being willing to see outside his stubborn ass. For that being there when she lost AJ. But Y/N also missed him terribly. Steve was her twin after all. She would always love him.
It was now currently April and Y/N was up late after having visions of the Reality and Power Stones. And a purple giant. She was alone in her Wakandan bedroom, staring at her hands nervously. She had woken up deciding that she couldn’t wait any longer to choose. A choice needed to be made before what ever was haunting her came. In all honesty, Y/N had known for months, who’d she choose. She was just lying to herself.
With a deep breath, Y/N looked over at her side table. There were two clocks on the table, one with New York’s time and one with Bucky’s. It was almost time for her morning run with Tony. 
“I guess it’s time to make the choice official,” she whispered to herself. “Someone help me.”
~~~
Tony was already waiting at the Compound for Y/N. He had bought the property on the other side of the lake months back so that their dates could be outside more. He put in a dirt path so that they could run in the mornings too. Tony was leaning against a tree, waiting for Y/N, with his fingers running over his knew (detachable) arc reactor. Ever since Y/N began to struggle to sleep at night, he knew he needed to do something to protect them. To protect her. The new arc reactor didn’t get placed without a fight. But Y/N eventually gave in.
“You ready to lose again, tin man?” Y/N teased, appearing through a portal beside him.
“I never mind losing,” Tony smirked. “The view’s great.”
“Perv!” 
Y/N playfully swatted him. Tony grabbed her hands and pulled her into him for a kiss. Something was off about it.
“You okay?” He asked, pulling away.
“Yeah,” she responded, unconvincing. “Just ready for a run.”
She pecked his lips once more before sprinting off. He quickly followed. They ran in silence for a while before Tony started talking, but it wasn’t all making sense to Y/N.
“Slow down, slow down,” Tony requested. “I’m totally not kidding.”
“You’re totally rambling,” Y/N laughed, slowing down to a walking speed.
“No, I’m not.”
“Lost me.”
“Look, you know how you're having a dream, and in the dream you gotta pee?”
“Yeah,” Y/N nodded.
“Okay, and then you're like, 'Oh my god, there's no bathroom, what am I gonna do?', 'Oh! Someone's watching,' ''m gonna go in my pants.’”
“Right. And then you wake up, and in real life you actually have to pee.”
“Yes.”
“Yeah. Everybody has that.”
“Right! That's the point I'm trying to make. Apropos of that, last night, I dreamt, we had a kid.” Y/N stopped turning to face Tony. “So real. We named him after an eccentric uncle. Uh, what was his name?”
“Right… Tony, I think—“
“Morgan! Morgan.” He snapped his fingers.
“So you woke up, and thought that we were…”
“Expecting.”
“Really?”
“Yes?”
“No,” Y/N shook her head. “We haven’t even had sex in a year. How could that me possible?”
“I had a dream about it. It was so real.”
“I’m sure it was, Tony. But I haven’t even—“
“I know, I know. You haven’t chosen yet. But just think about it, will ya? My dream can’t be far off.”
Y/N sighed and untied the jacket sleeves around Tony’s neck. “Also, if you wanted to have a kid, you wouldn’t have done that.” She tapped the new reactor.
“I'm glad you brought this up, 'cause it's nothing. It's just a housing unit for nano particles.”
“It's not helping your case, OK?”
“No, no, it's an attachment, it's not a—“
“You don’t need that.”
“I know. I had the surgery. I'm just trying to protect us. The future uses, and that's it. Just in case there's a monster in the closet, instead of, you know…”
“Shirts?"
“You know me so well. You finish all my sentences.”
“You should have shirts in your closet.”
“I should have more of your shirts in my closet.”
“Tony—“
“I know, getting ahead of myself again. You know what there should be no more surprises. Let’s have a nice dinner tonight and we should have no more surprises. I should promise you.”
“Actually, Tony, I really need to talk to you about something. I made—“
“Tony Stark,” a man with a red cloak appeared a few feet away. There was an orange portal behind him. “Y/N Rogers, I’m Doctor Stephen Strange. And I need you both to come with me.”
next chapter >
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beholdme · 3 years
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All the Many Shades of Gerry - Chapter 11
Chapters: 11/19
Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist
Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Sasha James, Gertrude Robinson, Elias Bouchard
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Library AU, Librarian Jon, Artist Gerry, Trans Male Character, Trans Martin Blackwood, Canon Asexual Character, Asexual Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Ace Subtype - Sex Positive, Polyamory, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Romantic Fluff, Falling In Love, Boys in Skirts, Kissing, Demisexual Gerard Keay, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, Canon-Typical Child Neglect, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Flirting, Minor Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker, Adventures in Hair Dying, Happy Ending, Banter, Gerry has a lot of sass, Gerard Keay is Morticia Adams, Jon is a very grumpy Librarian, Martin adores them anyway.
Summary: In which Gerry is a kaleidoscope and Jon and Martin can’t help falling in love with him.
He happens to love them back.
Find it on Ao3
[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10]
Jon has a terrible, sinking feeling about what he considers their new Mary Keay problem.
He knows Gerry feels more confident that he can deal with her now, as an adult with his own resources and a solid foundation, but Jon doesn't want her ever walking into their lives again.
He feels the threat of her existence hanging over their hard-won peace like an anvil on a lace string.
"I think we should try to find her," Jon tells Martin one evening when they’re alone in bed. Gerry is downstairs painting, and even though he almost certainly can't hear them, Jon whispers it like a dirty secret.
"You think-" Martin looks up from his book with an almost comically incredulous look on his face. "You think we should look for a murder who threatened your life?"
Utterly uninterested in secrets between the three of them, Martin does not attempt to speak quietly.
"Well, when you put it like that," Jon grumbles, returning his attention to his book and pretending to drop it.
The next day at work, he puts his researching skills to the test. It doesn't even take very long, and in less than an hour, he has an address in Morden, where she apparently owns a bookstore of all things.
The information available is fairly spartan, updated more than a year ago, but Jon can see enough. He can see that she lives less than an hour from Gerry, and it itches at him.
He knows he shouldn't go. Knows that Martin and Gerry will be furious if they ever find out that he snooped, nevermind if he goes there and unsettles old ghosts..
But still, he takes a half-day off from work and gets on a bus to Morden.
*
When Jon arrives and finds the storefront boarded up, he is half reassured, half perturbed. He had felt almost relieved when he had a concrete lead to follow, but now all he has is more questions.
"She's dead."
Jon startles at being unexpectedly spoken to and turns towards a teen girl sitting in the storefront doorway next door.
"She died, like a while ago? Apparently she lost her shit and cut herself up with a piece of glass. Bleed to death on the floor." She inclines her head towards the dilapidated bookstore. She seems quite taken with the gossip, as if it's the most interesting thing to ever intercept with her boring life. It probably is, Jon thinks, uncharitably.
"When did it happen?" He prods, hoping for as many details as possible.
"Oh, like two years ago?" She nods at herself in confirmation. "You can go in if you want. It's haunted. People are always going in to see if they can find Mary's ghost."
Jon shudders, feeling that Mary's ghost is already plenty present enough in his life. He asks how to get in anyway.
Jon doesn't find any obvious ghosts inside, only a lot of dust, a few vandalised books, and a trashed building.
There's a staircase leading upwards and he stares up at the upper landing for a moment, weighing his options. Might as well , he thinks, and proceeds up it carefully.
There's literally nothing but more dust, and Jon descends into a sneezing fit just as he is deciding to cut his losses, feeling slightly dizzy.
The sneezing turns into coughing, and Jon takes a step back to lean against a wall.
But the wall isn't there, and he falls.
And falls.
And falls.
*
Jon calls Martin from the hospital. He’s down in Brighton, meeting with a business supplier, and Jon assumes this makes it a safe bet he'll arrive without Gerry. He assumes wrong.
Gerry arrives, alone, in half the time it would take Martin to make the trip, looking flustered and scared.
"How did you get here so fast?" Jon demands incredulously, made short by his shame and physical discomfort.
"How did I-" Gerry pauses and takes a deep breath, but his next words are still slightly shrill. "I took a fucking Uber, Jonathan. How did you get here?"
Jon opens his mouth, but Gerry cuts him off as he goes on.
"You went looking for Mary, didn't you?" Jon's guilty face must tip him off, because he simply goes on, pacing angrily. "Christ, Jon! What the hell were you expecting to find? And you know what, Martin didn't even sound surprised when he called me to tell me you were here. You know, I can understand this uncommunicative bullshit from you, but not Martin."
"That's not very nice," Jon grouses.
"And do you think it was nice for me to hear from Martin that you were hurt? I'm glad to know he was your one and only phone call from an ambulance."
"Gerry-"
"Don't fucking Gerry me."
"I'm sorry," Jon says, looking down at his hands.
"Are you, Jon? Because you don't even know the worst part yet. If you had asked me, I could have told you Mary was dead, and then we wouldn't be in this mess at all."
"You knew?"
"Of course I knew! I was her next of kin!"
Gerry stops, pressing his fingers into his eyes and blowing a hard breath out. He takes several more breaths, heart-pounding, anxiety through the roof.
"Jon, how hurt are you?" Gerry asks quietly, coming closer to gently take a hand.
"Just a few bruises." Gerry raises an eyebrow in disbelief. "A mild concussion." And the other. "Maybe a few broken ribs."
"Oh, my sweet, sweet idiot. How loving you makes me want to climb the walls sometimes."
"Only sometimes?" Jon fills his voice with false levity, although it comes out rather shaky.
Gerry grunts, but leans down to kiss his forehead very gently. It's a minuscule point of contact, but Jon knows Gerry and can feel the tremble of fear (fear for him, who would have thought), and the tension of his frustration.
"I'm going to go talk to the doctor, okay? Just- just take it easy. Everything will be fine, love."
Jon doesn't believe him, not really, but he lets Gerry go. There's a lot of noise and movement after that, and Jon's head spins through most of it. Gerry is there, talking to doctors, querying the tests they want to run, and just generally making his opinion in regards to his partner's care very clear.
*
Martin knows it's bad when he arrives at the hospital and finds Gerry chain-smoking in the parking lot. His expression mostly just looks exhausted, but in his favorite black trench coat, and most intimidating combat boots, he looks ready to burn something down.
"That bad, huh?" Martin tries, but Gerry simply waves him towards the entrance, not making eye contact.
Martin almost cuts his losses, wanting to deal with one idiot at a time, but doesn't want to leave Gerry to sulk.
"How is he?" Martin asks.
"He's in one piece. They asked me to leave so they could do the x-rays. Apparently, he fell over a banister."
"A banister? How?"
"Your guess is as good as mine until we can interrogate him." Gerry takes a long, contemplative drag of his cigarette. "But apparently it's not all that bad and as long as the x-rays look clear, we can take him home in a couple of hours."
"He couldn't have chosen a worse time."
Gerry grunts in agreement. "He's going to tell us he wants to go back to his own flat, but that's only because he thinks I'm angry at him."
"And why would he think that?" Martin questions.
Gerry takes another long drag of his cigarette as if testing Martin's attention span, or patience, or both. Martin just waits, still and easy.
Gerry explains what he knows, his earlier outburst, Jon's guilty, stupid face.
When the cigarette is smoked and put out, Martin finally approaches Gerry all the way, and Gerry sinks into his arms gratefully.
"Everything will be fine."
"Hardly. This is my fault to begin with, and I yelled at him. In a hospital bed!"
"It's as good a place as any other, love. Come on, let's go get him so we can take him home."
Martin kisses him gently, before taking his hand and dragging him off to find Jon.
*
"Your partner is very loud." The blonde nurse with the buzzcut tells Jon as she wheels him to imaging.
"In his defense, I'm an idiot." He sighs, causing his battered ribs to ache.
She laughs heartily, wheeling him into an elevator. "Almost everyone I meet as an A&E nurse is. At least you seem like an interesting idiot."
Jon actually smiles, somehow pleased with the observation. "I'm Jon."
"Daisy Tonner." She offers a hand, which Jon shakes as firmly as he can manage. "You seem a bit old for trespassing in haunted houses, Jon."
The elevator dings and she wheels him out into the imaging wing. "I was looking for the woman who died there." Daisy gives him a skeptical look and he sighs dramatically. "I didn't know she was dead."
Daisy nods her understanding. "I remember when she died actually. They brought her here that night. Never seen someone with so much blood loss be so… Erratic. We had to strap her down." Daisy looks contemplative as she recalls the memory.
"She was a crazy bitch to the very end, then?" Jon asks, bitterness creeping through his tone at the woman who caused Gerry (still causes Gerry,) so much pain. Jon doesn't allow himself, yet, to dwell on the heartache of the years of Gerry she took from him.
"For sure," Daisy tells him. "What do you do for a living then?"
"I'm a librarian?" Jon tells her, but it goes up a bit at the end, like a question.
"Really?" Daisy asks wryly, "You don't sound very sure."
Jon considers laughing but remembers his ribs in time to settle on a tired smile. "I do work in a library but to be frank, most of the time I just feel like my boss's busy boy. Always running here and there and doing everything but what I thought I was supposed to be doing."
"Most professions aren't what we think they are when we sign up for them," Daisy observes. She parks his wheelchair outside a door and leans around to let them know a patient is waiting.
"Do you like being a nurse?" Jon asks her when she settles against the wall beside him, looking rather more intimidating than one would expect from the average health care worker.
"Most of the time. Sometimes it can be just exhausting and draining." She shrugs, contemplative. "Sometimes I get a patient that makes all the shit worthwhile. Mostly I just want to deck someone, though."
She cracks up at that and looks down at Jon to give him a feral grin. "Your boyfriend seems like a worthwhile candidate. Very punchable face."
"Careful, he might enjoy it," Jon warns her, deadpan.
They exchange a pointed look for a moment, before bursting into laughter. It pains Jon significantly, but he considers it worthwhile to enjoy the moment with a strange new friend.
*
By the time Daisy returns Jon to his room, both Martin and Gerry are there. Daisy looks pointedly between blue-haired, pierced, goth Gerry, and pink-haired, jumper clad, soft Martin and then eyes up 'born an 85-year old man' Jon for good measure.
Jon just shrugs at her and she nods in acknowledgment, before helping Jon into his hospital bed.
"As soon as the imaging comes through, it'll be checked by the surgeon on duty," Daisy informs them briskly, "then they'll come through and let you know what's happening. You'd best settle in for a bit of a wait. Buzz if you need me."
With a curt nod and a small smile for Jon, Daisy is off.
Martin comes over and pulls Jon into his comfortable arms, pressing his lips to Jon's forehead. He sighs out in relief to have solid reassurance that Jon is alright, alive, and relatively unscathed.
Gerry also moves over from his perch on the windowsill, and folds himself onto the bed, cross-legged in front of his errant partner.
They settle all together, Martin beside Jon, one unwavering arm around his shoulders, Gerry in front of Jon, both of his hands holding both of Jon's.
Jon opens his mouth to apologize.
"I'll go first," Gerry tells him, gently. "I am sorry that I was so upset earlier and that I raised my voice. I was fucking scared and I took it out on you when you needed me to be soft and steady. I'm also sorry that I didn't tell you Mary was dead before."
Jon tries to interrupt now, but Martin silences him with a squeeze.
"I meant to tell you, but it was all very messed up and over-wrought and I honestly forgot." Gerry looks chastised, a rare blush staining his cheeks. "I hope that we can get better at talking these things out so that this doesn't happen again."
He pauses, considering. "And I hope that if I have made you think that you can't talk to me by avoiding telling you things in the past, that you can forgive me and I will do what I need to be better."
Jon is truly floored, and utterly speechless. The words themselves had been a little bit halting and slightly awkward, as Gerry struggled to express himself, but the earnestness proves to Jon just how much Gerry loves him.
"I- I'm sorry too." Jon stutters out. "I'm an idiot but I love you. I hope we can get better at this together."
His words feel downright juvenile after Gerry's acknowledgement, but it's all he's got, pounding head and trapped emotions preventing similar declarations (oh and his total lack of social skills). Gerry beams at him regardless and he leans forwards to kiss Jon sweetly on the forehead.
Martin grabs Gerry's hand and places a kiss on his palm, sending him a significant look. It feels like approval to Jon, and he can't help but appreciate their bond just as much as his own with each of them.
They settle to wait, and they take turns reading from Martin's book to pass the time, each of their voices having a few moments to fill the air and weave around them.
Dr. Basira Hussain eventually comes in, assuring them that Jon's concussion is mild, his ribs are only bruised, and that he should make a full recovery (if he rests), in just a few weeks. They thank her profusely and she leaves them with Daisy to check out.
Gerry goes off to take care of the paperwork and in a few minutes, they're saying goodbye and walking out of the hospital together. Martin and Gerry flank Jon carefully, there to support him if he stumbles.
He also sits between them in the taxi, head on Martin's shoulder and one hand grasped between both of Gerry's. He feels exhausted and floaty from painkillers, and every jolt of the car makes it difficult to breathe.
He smiles, rather unexpectedly. Despite his current predicament, he's glad enough to know that Mary Keay is dead and that chapter of their lives is definitely closed. He does wish he had just asked Gerry, but he hopes that the strained feelings and injuries will blow over and she will finally be out of their lives for good, nothing but a sad, angry memory. A shade living only in the memories of those that didn't know her.
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millennialfangirl · 4 years
Text
Wherever You Will Go (post AoS Dousy Fic)
Fandom: Agents of Shield Pairing: Daisy x Daniel Rating: Teen and up Word Count: 1,717
Summary: 
What kind of present time is the team returning to after their hard fought battle against the Chronicoms? Will Daisy get her happy ending? If Daniel has anything to say about it, he'll always find his way back to her. Is there someone out there who can bring him back to her?
(entirely inspired by the song "Wherever You Will Go," by The Calling.
A/N: 
Whooo boy yall. I heard this song the other day and was just struck with inspiration for Dousy.
It's also my attempt at an endgame fix-it fic of sorts regarding plotholes and the lack of Phil Coulson and Daisy Johnson in the MCU, and aos/endgame fusion if you will.
This is a multi-chap with it all plotted out, and several chapters drafted. Non-beta-ed, we die as men.
I hope you'll join me for the ride!
Ao3 Link
Chapter 1:
For a moment, silence rings throughout the Zephyr.
Daisy slumps against the wall, exhausted. The adrenaline from the final fight against Malick and the Chronicoms is starting to dissipate. 
“The Zephyr is stable. Anyone still standing, make your way to the bridge for a headcount,” Mack’s voice booms through the stillness. 
Somehow she finds the strength to make it through the corridors, the desire to see her team and make sure Daniel is safe, the only thing keeping her going. Finally, she turns the last corner and sees Coulson first. 
He turns in time to see her as she half hugs, half collapses in his arms. 
“Whoa, whoa, I got you.” 
“Did we win?”
“Yea, we won. You can rest now,” he says leading her to one of the bench seats. 
Then she’s pushing against him, fighting against his hold. 
“No, where’s Sousa? Did he make it?”
“I’m right here,” he affirms from behind her. 
Daisy feels a wave of relief at hearing his voice. She turns and finds him looking at her with a similar look of relief. 
Without thinking about the consequences or who is watching, they step toward each other, and Daisy immediately pulls him down for a kiss. He wraps his arms around her without thinking, supporting as much of her weight as he can. The kiss is life affirming and celebratory, but there’s a desperation underneath, both of them scared that the fight’s not really over, that any minute now one of them will disappear. 
“Ay Dios Mio,” Yo-yo grumbles as she passes them. 
They pull apart, faint blushes covering their cheeks. It only lasts a minute before Daisy’s putting nearly all of her weight on Daniel. In an instant, he lifts her into his arms and carries her over to the seats. He carefully sits down with her, and her head immediately finds his chest. 
“I told you so,” Mack rubs in Yo-yo’s face. 
One by one, the rest of the team filters in. Injuries are assessed and hugs are shared. 
Coulson and Mack quietly discuss their next steps.
“Everyone needs a break, and a really good night of sleep,” Mack suggests. 
“Agreed. Fortunately for us, we have all the time we need here in the temporal zone. Let them rest, eat. We can regroup in 12 hours,” Coulson tells him. 
Mack gives the order to everyone, and the team scatters. 
***
Daniel carefully settles Daisy onto the bed of her bunk. Methodically, he takes off her boots, and then her gauntlets. He gently sits next to her on the bed, and softly moves hair out of her bruised face. Even with the dark purple spots and cuts, she’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. 
“Heyya, Danny-boy,” she says sleepily with a half smile.
He laughs out loud and brings her hand to his lips, kissing it softly. 
“Back atcha, Quake.” 
She turns her head into her pillow and groans in embarrassment. She’s never going to forgive Mack.  
“You need to get some rest,” he prods. 
“You know, I’d normally fight you on that, but I kind of feel like I was hit by a truck.”
“You never have to pretend you’re okay with me,” he tells her earnestly, rubbing his hands up and down her arm soothingly.
“Then can I ask you to stay? I don’t want to be alone.” 
“Thank God. I don’t want to leave your side,” he answers, already sliding his shoes off and propping himself up against the headboard beside her. 
“You should lay down and get some sleep too,” she insists.
“I will. I just want to watch over you for a little while.” 
Daisy blushes, but curls herself around him and lays her head on his lap. He automatically starts running his fingers through her hair. 
“I thought you would have had enough of that by now,” she mumbles.
“Never enough,” he says softly. “Now get some sleep.” 
His gentle touch and comforting embrace lulls her to sleep within minutes. 
***
Daisy wakes to the smell of eggs and bacon wafting through the Zephyr. She also can’t help but notice a warm body wrapped around her. Her suspicions are confirmed when she opens her eyes and all she can see is the blue of Daniel’s shirt. That damn shirt. 
Her head is tucked under his chin, and her arms are curled up between them. She’s using one of his arms as a pillow, while his other one is holding her close. She recognizes the intimacy of the moment, how they somehow jumped a million steps, but it feels right. 
“Good morning,” she hears his deep voice mumble against her hair. 
“Possibly the best one since 1931.” 
She nuzzles further into him, and wraps an arm around his waist, pulling him closer. 
“Definitely the best,” he confirms.
“As much as I would like to stay here and fall right back to sleep, I’m starving, and I can smell Coulson cooking breakfast.” 
“Oh no, I better get out of your way before you quake me,” he mocks. 
“The square has jokes, huh?”
“A few.”
He’s blushing when he leans over to kiss her softly. Her hand finds a home in his hair, and she kisses him back. His hand starts gliding up and down her spine, and without thinking, she gives more over to the kiss. She nibbles his lip, and he moans, causing her to stop, but he follows her quickly with his tongue, surprising her. From there, it’s a blur, both of them becoming heated. His fingertips are just grazing her stomach under her tank top when a loud knocking interrupts them. 
“Daisy...Coulson has food ready. C’mon before it gets cold,” Jemma informs her from behind the door. She’s quiet for a moment before continuing. “And bring Sousa with you.” 
Both of them are catching their breaths as they stare at each other, not flushed with embarrassment, but longing. 
“That wasn’t funny,” Daisy says staring up at him with emotion.
“No. It wasn’t funny at all,” he replies, voice thick with the same emotion. He caresses her cheek softly. “Let’s get you some food.”
Daisy agrees and lets him pull her out of bed. They decide to part ways to freshen up and change clothes before facing the new day. 
***
Everyone is gathered around the common area near the small kitchen galley. Daisy can hear the laughter as she comes down the hall from her bunk. It looks like she’s the last to arrive as she spots Daniel sitting at the table. On the opposite side, she catches the tail end of Mack’s story that has them all giggling.    
“And then she did a full on superhero landing, right in front of hundreds of people, live on t.v.”
“She totally outed herself as Quake,” Jemma says, leaning over to show Daniel a picture on her phone. 
He’s laughing along with everyone else when she clears her throat and makes her presence known. 
“I see how it’s gonna be. Should I bring up the Jasper Sitwell incident?” she threatens while leaning against the cabinets. 
Jemma jerks her phone away. “Oh, don’t be a spoil sport.”
“If it makes you feel any better, Tremors, we started off by telling him about how you saved our lives that day.”
Daisy grumbles as she starts to pour some coffee. “So what other dirty laundry have you aired, Mack Hammer?”
“Well, I have seen the,” Daniel pauses and looks to Jemma, “what did you call it? The goth phase?”
“Jemma!” Daisy shrieks.
“I’m sorry! We got carried away telling stories.”
“I think my favorite hair is the purple streak,” Daniel adds. 
Daisy just face-palms.
 “Okay, okay. Sousa, I’ve been dying to ask you for some SSR stories,” Coulson intervenes. 
Daniel dives into a hilarious anecdote about Howard Stark and one of his inventions. As Daisy prepares her plate and sits down next to Daniel, she soaks in the peacefulness. From there, the conversation flows from one war story to another, some hilarious, some sad. 
Long after their plates are emptied, they’re still going at it. 
“Wait a minute, wait a minute...Thor’s real?” Daniel asks, shocked. 
All of the girls nod and sigh, and Jemma pipes up, “I think I’ve got a picture!”
Jemma immediately pulls up a photo to show Daniel.
“You sure did find that awfully fast,” Fitz grumbles. 
Daniel looks and his eyebrows raise. “That's...impressive.” 
Daisy nearly chokes on her cold coffee, Daniel’s word choice reminding her of their conversation in the time loop. Yo-yo and May try to lean over and catch a glimpse too.
“Oh, jeez. C’mon guys. He’s not that dreamy,” Coulson whines. 
“As much as I would love this particular conversation to continue, we do have some difficult things to talk about, like when we’re going home?” Jemma suggests as she puts her phone away. Everyone chimes in as they all start discussing problems back home.
“Hold on, hold on,” Coulson butts in. “Maybe we shouldn’t rush. You all deserve to have a break, and we have plenty of food. We all need to heal. We don’t know what we’ll be going home to.” 
“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt. We really have all the time in the world here,” Fitz responds. 
The conversation drifts from there, everyone sharing the various things they’re looking forward to doing when they get home. Discreetly, Daniel takes Daisy's hand under the table. 
Not discreetly enough that May and Coulson both don’t notice. Coulson leans into May as they continue to watch their friends, family really, talk about happier things. 
“He’s good for her,” he says with a hint of remorse.
“He is. I can feel his affection for her. It’s genuine,” May observes. 
Coulson goes silent as he watches on. 
“It’s more than you just wanting the team to have a break, isn’t it, Phil. What aren’t you saying?” May asks looking at him stoically. 
Coulson sighs and rubs his hand down his face. 
“You know how I had to go into the time stream to destroy it...well I saw a lot of future timelines. They all had one thing in common,” he says before pausing and looking at Sousa grinning from ear to ear at Daisy. 
“Daniel Sousa has to go back to 1955, or else he’ll cease to exist.” 
****
Thanks for reading! Comments are treasured!!!
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blackhakumen · 4 years
Text
Mini Fanfic #339: Luigi's (and Friends') Reaction to his Appearance on Death Battle (Super Smash Bros Ultimate)
Luigi gets killed by Tails on screen
Dedede: (Completely Shocked) DAYUUUUUUUUUM!!!!!
Isabelle: (Covered her mouth in Complete Shock) Oh my......
Wolf: Jesus......
Richter: (Eyes Widened) My God.....
Cloud: (Speechless)
Luigi: Wow.
Everyone Turn to Luigi, who's acting completely normal from all of this.
Luigi: What?
Dedede: "Wow". That's all you got to say....after seeing yourself get killed on DEATH BATTLE?!
Luigi: (Taken Aback by Dedede's Sudden Outburst) W-Well Yeah. I mean....You guys do know this is was all Fan-Maded Series, right?
Richter: (Frowns a Little) Yeah. But still..... Doesn't it bother you at least little?
Luigi: (Shrugged) Not really? I mean, I am a little sad that I lose, but I'm also happy Tails won the fight too. And besides, it like what I said before. This is all a Fan-Base series. I really doubt that the both of us would fight to the death in real life, right?
Richter: That is....very much true. (Chuckles Lightly) We really overreacted around this, haven't we?
Luigi: (Shrugged with a Smile Softly) Probably. But I think I get where you guys are coming. Thanks for worrying about me.
Isabelle: (Hugs Luigi Worryingly and Happyily) You're very welcome, Luigi. We're only like this because we love you.
Dedede: (Smiles Proudly while Patting Luigi on the back) I said once and I'll say this again. You're Loved and Appreciated, boy.
Wolf: You know something, Luigi? I didn't really care about you at first.....(Smiling a Little) After getting to know you more thanks to my Izzy here....
Isabelle: (Giggles Softly by Wolf's nickname for her)
Wolf: .......I for one think you're pretty alright.
Luigi: (Smiles Softly) Thanks, you guys. I love all of you too.
Cloud: Let's just hope Daisy doesn't see this-
*Cellphone Rang*
Cloud: (Picks up his phone) Hello?... What's up, Tifa?........Wait....... Seriously?........('Sigh') Alright. I'll get him to go outside.......Love you too.... Bye.
*Call Ends*
Luigi: Who was it, Cloud?
Cloud: (Turns to Luigi with a Somewhat Serious Look on His Face) Luigi, you need to go outside and fast.
Luigi: (Confused but Worried at the same time) W-Why? What's going on?
Cloud: I don't wanna go to any details but.... Let's just say that I really shouldn't spoke too soon.
Isabelle: ('Gasps') You don't mean-
Cloud: Yep.
Outside of the Smash Mansion......
Luigi: (Walks out of the Smash Mansion) Alright. What's going-Ahh (Gets Hugged Tightly by Daisy) Wait....Daisy?
Daisy: (Looking at Luigi with Tears in her eyes)
Luigi: (Noticed Samus and Tifa making their way towards the couple) You guys, what happened? Why Daisy's crying?
Samus: (Frown a Little) Luigi, remember that episode of Death Battle between you and Tails?
Luigi: Yeah. We were just watching that- Oh my God....You don't mean-
Samus: Yep....We saw it too while we were in the gym. Daisy here didn't take it well.
Daisy: It's Truuue!....(Cries Softly into Luigi's Embrace)
Luigi: (Heart Actually Felt Broken to see Daisy Crying in Luigi's arms like this) Oh Daisy......
Tifa: (Frowns a little as she and Samus made their way to the door) We'll leave you two alone for awhile.
Samus: Oh and Luigi?
Luigi: Yeah?
Samus: (Turns to Luigi) You're a great person.
Tifa: (Smiles A Little Sadly) We're so glad we're friends with you.
Luigi: Oh! Umm....Thanks. I'm glad you all are my friends too.
Samus and Tifa Smiles Softly as they got inside and close the door behind them.
Luigi: (Turns back to a Daisy still hugging him) Daisy, are you going to be okay?
Daisy: Yeah.....('Sniff') I will be.....('Sniff') Sorry for overreacting, sweetie.....
Luigi: (Smiles a Little) It's okay, Daisy. I'm just glad you're calming down now. That Death Battle was pretty hectic, huh?
Daisy: Tell me about it. ('Sniff') I know it's just a show and all, but.....It almost felt real, you know? Seeing you get killed and what not......
Luigi: Don't worry, Daisy. I won't go anywhere anytime soon. (Kiss the top of Daisy's Forehead) I promise.
Daisy: (Smiles Softly with a bit of tears in her eyes) I know, babe. I love you~
Luigi: (Smiles Softly) I love you too, Daisy~
Bonus
Luigi: Wait. So if you saw the Death Battle and that it shocked you, does that mean you hate Tails now?
Daisy: (Surprised by Luigi's Question) What? Of course not, Weegie! I could never hate cute Lil' Tails. He's our nephew, remember?
Luigi: Ohhh....Right.....I forgot Bro and Peach adopted him a while back.
@luigifan00001
@keyenuta
@26shann
@cyber-wildcat
@chompycroc
@scribblehooves
@ink-correctsmashbrosbloo
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wrenhawtrey · 6 years
Text
mooncalves and alcohol | dren
wren lets dot meet a mooncalf. she buys him a drink.
Dot had left practice a little bit early, though most of the team had agreed to. They'd just won their big match so their captain had decided to give them a bit of a break. She'd been home and showered and changed into fresh clothing and did her hair and makeup a bit before heading to Wren's exhibit. She tucked her hands into the pockets of her coat as she walked around, smiling when she saw him. "Hey, Hawtrey," she called out with a grin.
Wren was always thrilled to do these exhibits and teach people about creatures. He did them once or twice a month, depending on how many people showed interest. The one for today was going to start in twenty minutes and he was excited as ever. When he heard Dot's voice, he looked up, smiling as he saw her. "Hey! How was practice today? Are you gonna help me out?" he smiled.
Dot grinned at Wren as she walked towards him. "It was good. Cap let us go early for doing such a good job," she explained. She shrugged a bit. "Yeah, if you can use me I'll help out," she grinned. "What exactly is going on today?" she asked after a moment, wanting to know before she blindly agreed and then suddenly had to do something she wasn't fond of.
Wren thought it was nice that she got to go early. It was always nice to leave work early, really. "That was nice," he smiled. He laughed a little when she asked what they were doing. "Nothing too bad. We're just introducing some wizards to our lovely creatures back here," he smiled. "I would love it if you could help demonstrate how to interact with each creature properly. Then I can do the talking. I'll be right here, though, of course," he added.
Dot thought that sounded like something she could do pretty easily. As long as he wasn't about to cover her in acromantulas and leave her for dead. "Yeah, alright. Sounds simple enough," she smiled, stepping a bit closer. "I can handle it. Just don't let any of them bite my throwing arm off," she teased. "The other I can do without. Just tell me where you want me and what to do," she grinned.
Wren laughed a little, shaking his head. "I wouldn't let you get hurt at all," he said honestly. He laughed harder when she said she didn't mind the other getting bit. "How about we aim for no bites?" he teased back. "First, I have a niffler," he said, getting it out and ready. "We'll start there. Just hold onto him good and tight," he said, handing him over to Dot.
Dot knew he wouldn't but it was sweet of him to say. "Yeah, how would you make any money without me?" she teased. "I mean, you can bite," she joked, giving him a bit of a nudge and a wink before laughing. She took the niffler, holding onto him as he'd said. She hoped it didn't try to nick one of her rings. "Very cute. Good starting choice," she laughed as she held it.
Wren smirked a little and turned his head to the side. "Exactly," he teased. He laughed, shaking his head. "I'll keep that in mind," he teased. "He is a cute little guy. He's big hit with the third years," he said with a laugh. "Okay, time to start," he smiled. He went through each creatures with groups of three, helping them touch the creatures and teaching them how to care for them and how to react should they ever run into one.
Dot rolled her eyes at his smirk, letting out a laugh. He was a goof. "That's oddly specific," she laughed. "The third years, after thirteen, are they just no longer entertained? Don't let him hear you say such a cruel thing," she teased. She watched him as he explained the creatures, always finding it rather charming. He was different around them. It was nice.
Wren made a face and sort of nodded. "It's not that they aren't entertained so much as it is that they try to look cool. And the second and first years don't get to hold them," he said with a small laugh. As he finished with the last groups, he moved to the last creature. "This last one is actually mine. She's my pet, if you will. Her name is Daisy," he said, holding her out on his hand.
Dot thought that was ridiculous and exactly the kind of thing she'd probably done. For like, a minute, until she saw how cute everything was. "Kids these days," she shook her head. As he finished with the creatures, she wondered if he'd ever thought of being a professor. He was quite good at explaining things. She smiled as she saw Daisy, stepping back a bit so she wasn't in the way. There wasn't much she could do to help show her off.
Wren let out a huff of a laugh and shrugged a shoulder. "Everyone has to look for their friends. I understand. It's rough being fourteen," he laughed a little. He finished off with the creatures and handed out papers for everyone to take home, waiting as they left. He tucked Daisy back into his coat and turned to Dot. "What's your favorite kind of creature? You know, aside from Daisy," he said playfully.
Dot shook her head, amused. "Fourteen is a hard age," she agreed. "Luckily we made it past that," she grinned. She laughed at the question, thinking about it for a long moment. "Well, if I absolutely can't say Daisy," she teased. "I suppose I'll have to say the mooncalf. They're so ridiculously cute, aren't they? I just can't get over their little faces," she laughed a bit.
Wren nodded, remembering that age himself. So much was happening, it was wild. "Thank Merlin," he laughed. He smiled when she mentioned Daisy again. He loved his little bowtruckle. He nodded a bit, listening as she spoke about the mooncalf. "They are quite cute," he agreed. "Have you ever seen one in person?" he asked curiously.
Dot grinned at the sound of his laugh. She tucked her hands back into her pockets, rocking forward on her heels a bit. "They are. They're a little goofy looking but very adorable," she smiled. "No, I haven't. Just in the book," she shrugged. "If you're about to tell me you have one to show me, I'll probably have to kiss you," she teased.
Wren had to agree with that. They looked goofy for sure, but they were adorable, and very sweet. "They're quite sweet, to add to the adorableness," he smiled. He nodded a bit. When she suggested he was going to show her one, he smirked a bit. "I just might have one or a few to show you," he laughed. "Would you like that?"
Dot smiled. "Sweet definitely adds a few more points in the cute column." She let out a surprised laugh when he said he had a few. "You have one to show me!" she sang, bouncing a bit. "Yes, I'd like that, pretty please. I'm not too cool for a mooncalf. Show me," she sang. "I think I just reverted to my thirteen year old self for a minute," she realized with another laugh.
Wren grinned widely when she sang out and started jumping. "I'm glad you aren't too cool," he grinned. "I can tell!" he laughed. He reached out and took her hand. "Come," he instructed, leading her into his tent. He went over to where he kept the mooncalves. "You have to be gentle, of course, and slow. They can get startled easily," he cautioned. He lead her in carefully, a bucket of food in his other hand. "Hey there," he said quietly.
Dot laughed a bit. "I'm definitely not too cool. No one is too cool," she beamed. She was so excited, honestly, she could hardly stand it. She let him take her hand and followed into the tent, looking around a bit. "Gentle," she repeated. "And slow. Easy. I've got this. No pressure," she said mostly to herself. She nodded a bit, telling herself to relax but she was beaming still when she saw them.
Wren had to agree there. He loved creatures. He didn't think anyone was too cool at any age to be excited about meeting them and treating them with care. "Agreed," he grinned. He smiled fondly at the way she repeated what he said as they walked in. "Here," he said, handing her a bit of food. "Throw it to their feet. They'll love that," he grinned. "After they eat you can give them a gentle pet."
Dot took the food that he handed her, nodding slightly. "Okay," she said quietly. She tossed it gently towards them like he'd instructed and smiled brightly at the way the creatures moved. "This is the best thing ever," she grinned. She reached out carefully and gently petted one of the mooncalves, smiling brightly. "I can't believe I'm petting a mooncalf," she laughed quietly.
Wren watched as she took the food from his hand, smiling widely as the mooncalves ate it up. He smiled even wider when she said it was the best, letting out a small laugh. "Oh yeah? You're really enjoying yourself, huh?" he grinned. He leaned forward, petting one slowly as she did. "They're sweet, aren't they?" He pet another one, smiling at how happy they were.
Dot nodded enthusiastically. "Definitely. This is so great, I never thought I'd get to meet one of these things and look how many you have! I should have told you how much I adored them sooner!" she laughed. She petted the mooncalf, the smile not at all fading. "They're so sweet. This is really incredible, Wren. Thank you. I mean it," she added, looking over at him.
Wren smiled fondly, standing back and crossing his arms over his chest. He was filled with so much joy seeing someone else, especially his friend, enjoying creatures as much as he did. It really made him so happy. "You should have!" he laughed. He smiled widely and nodded. "I'm happy to do it. Maybe I can show you someone else next time," he grinned.
Dot gave him a look over her shoulder. "Or, on second thought, you should have asked sooner which was my favorite," she teased him. She moved to pet a different one of the mooncalves. "Yeah, that sounds nice. I'd like that a lot," she smiled. "They're so cute, how do you ever walk away from them?" she asked with a laugh. "I could stand here literally all day."
Wren thought that was a fair argument. He could have asked, but of course, he wouldn't always have a mooncalf with him. "That's fair. I should have. But, I may not have had them with me at the moment, so it's cuter it worked out this way," he grinned. He laughed at her question, shrugging a shoulder. "I don't really know, if I'm honest with you. Probably because I have to more than anything," he said honestly. "Well, you have as much time as you want right now," he said with a small smile, watching as she interacted with them and giving them pets here and there.
Dot laughed a little bit, thinking he had a point. "Alright, true. It all worked out rather nicely today. I'm really glad that it did," she said, smiling over at him. She grinned at his laugh, figuring that made sense. "I mean, that's the only reason I'll be leaving them," she teased. She petted them a bit more, letting out a happy humming sound. "I'm in love with this one," she decided, looking at the creature in front of her. "You're my new best friend, aren't you?" she said as she petted it. "I mean, second best friend after Daisy," she corrected with a grin, looking over at Wren.
Wren really enjoyed showing her creatures she had always admired. Few people got as excited over creatures as he did, so it was nice to see. It made him happy. "Yeah, there's not really any other reason to leave them," he laughed a bit. He smiled fondly as she hummed as she pet them. He laughed a bit. He liked when people formed relationships with creatures. He laughed quietly and smiled. "Glad you mentioned Daisy," he teased. "You can name that one if you'd like," he smiled.
Dot wondered how he was ever able to get anything done when he had all these cute creatures around to distract him. "You're so good with them. And you're good to them," she smiled fondly. "I can't imagine there's anyone else that would treat them better than you," she admitted. His laugh had her grin widening and she shrugged her shoulder, still rubbing the mooncalf. "She'll always be my favorite," she smiled. "I can? Really? What should I call you?" she asked the little creature. "What about... Helene? Like Saturn's moon?" she asked Wren.
Wren was glad she thought so. He worked very hard to learn how to care for them, and even harder to get them to trust him. "Thank you," he smiled widely. He laughed a little and shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck. "I like to think there isn't and I'm their best caretaker, but I don't know. I haven't met enough magizoologists," he said honestly. He nodded a little, encouraging her to name her. "Absolutely," he grinned, watching her. When she asked him, he nodded again. "It's very pretty."
Dot noticed how happy the compliment had made him and it made her feel a bit fond. He was so invested in the magical creatures, it was very sweet. "I'm fairly confident that you are their best caretaker and I think I know less magizoologists than you do," she teased. She grinned when he said he liked the name. "Perfect. Helene it is. You're a real sweetheart, Helene," she said, giving her one more pet. "I think you need to drag me away from them now," she laughed.
Wren laughed a little bit. He wasn't sure that she exactly was the best judge, seeing as she didn't know many magizoologists. She was biased. "I think you're too kind," he smiled. He nodded, thinking that sounded perfect. "I'll remember that," he smiled. He laughed a little, taking her hand and pulling her gently back out of the tent. "It's nice, though, isn't it? Being in there?"
Dot laughed at that, shaking her head. "Me? Too kind? You must have mistaken me with someone else," she teased. She let him take her hand, looking once more over her shoulder at the creatures they were leaving behind. She'd see them another day, she told herself. "It's so nice. That was really, really incredible. Thank you for showing them to me," she smiled, leaning up to kiss him on the cheek.
Wren chuckled, shaking his head. Maybe that was true, but not with them. "My friend Dot? Too kind? I definitely don't have you mistaken for someone else," he grinned. He was more than happy to have showed them to her. They were sweet and she was sweet and she enjoyed seeing them and he enjoyed people seeing them. Plus, he trusted her an awful lot. "You're welcome. I'd be happy to let you see another creature another time," he smiled.
Dot leaned over and gave his shoulder a push. "Your friend Dot? Ha, who says I'm even your friend?" she countered playfully before letting out a laugh. She looked back at the tent before smiling up at him again. "You should definitely show me another one sometime. I had a lot of fun today. Even helping out was a good time," she admitted. She was so glad that practice had ended early. He'd made an already great day even better.
Wren rolled his eyes playfully, shaking his head. "Yeah, okay. Years of friendship but we aren't friends," he teased. He would definitely make an effort to show her more creatures in the future. It was a lot of fun. And she liked it. "I absolutely will," he smiled. "I'm glad you did. I had fun, too," he admitted. "After I get all these guys back to their home, do you want to get a drink maybe?" he smiled.
Dot let out a loud laugh, nudging him in the side. "Alright, fair enough. We're friends," she teased back. She thought it'd be a lot of fun to get to know more of his creatures, especially if they were as well behaved as all of the ones she'd met so far. "I can't wait," she grinned. "I'm glad you did, too," she smiled. "Yeah, absolutely! I'll even buy you one for making this the best day ever," she teased. "Can I help at all?"
Wren grinned a little when she gave in and agreed that they were friends. He looked forward to doing this again, he really did. He smiled sweetly and shook his head, waving a hand. "You don't have to do that! It was my pleasure," he promised. He shook his head a bit. "Not really. I have to take them back to a few different places, drop them off. It's not too bad, really. Mostly just a lot of apparating. Thank you, though," he smiled.
Dot shrugged a little bit. "I don't mind or I wouldn't have offered to. Just let me buy you a drink, Hawtrey," she laughed, rolling her eyes at him. "Alright. That sounds incredibly time consuming," she laughed. "I'm glad you don't need my help for that. Do you want to just meet me at the bar or should I just wait here for you?" she wondered, a little bit unsure as to what the plan was.
Wren hesitated for a moment before nodding a bit. "Yeah, okay, you can buy me a drink," he grinned. He laughed when she did, nodding to confirm her words. "It can be. I've gotten pretty good at it," he grinned. He nodded. "Yeah, I'll meet you at the bar. It won't be too terribly long, I swear," he said. "See you soon?" he grinned, leaning down to kiss her cheek.
Dot rolled her eyes at him again. "What is with your reluctance?" she laughed as she shook her head. "I would hope so," she teased. She nodded a little bit when he said he'd meet her at the bar, thinking that made the most sense. "Take your time. I can entertain myself for a few minutes without you," she laughed. "I'll see you soon," she smiled, stepping away and apparating to the bar. She found them a table and ordered a drink, slipping her coat off and sitting down.
Wren laughed a little, shaking his head. "Just thinking," he said with a smile. He laughed a bit, shaking his head at her. She was interesting. He nodded a bit. "Have fun," he grinned. He apparated away as she did, taking his tent with him. After he finished getting all the creatures settled again, he apparated to the bar. It had been a little over half an hour, though not yet close to an hour. He found Dot with ease, sliding into the seat across from her. "Did you have a good time?"
Dot wondered what that was supposed to mean. Thinking about what? They were friends. She could buy him a drink. She was still curious about that a little while later when he appeared at the bar. She'd spent a bit of time with some of their other friends but she was glad when she finally saw Wren. "I had a nice time, yes. Did you?" she asked with a smile. "Did everything go well?"
Wren ordered a water once he sat down before thinking about any alcohol. He nodded a bit. "Yeah, it was good. I mean, it was work, but it was good," he grinned. "They just don't like being in a tent all day and night, which I can't blame them. Lots of work though. Not everyone is as cooperative as the mooncalves," he smiled. He loved his job, though, even if it was a lot of work.
Dot nodded a bit, thinking that made sense. "Work can be good," she smiled. "I don't blame them for that, though, honestly, actually, if I spent all of my time in a tent as incredible as that, I'd actually be pretty happy," she laughed. "I mean, except for quidditch, of course," she grinned. She laughed a bit. "Those mooncalves are just the best, aren't they?"
Wren didn't mind his work at all. It usually was good, actually. He laughed a bit. It wasn't quite the same for the creatures, he was pretty sure. "I think it'd be more equivalent to being locked in a hotel or car all the time and never getting to go home, so I don't blame them," he smiled. "But I have to agree with you there. If I were in there with creatures all the time, I would be pretty pleased," he grinned. He nodded a little, taking a drink of his water. "They are. Very adorable, aren't they? You can't help but love them."
Dot considered that, tilting her head to the side. He had a point there. "That's very true," she agreed. "I would hate being locked in somewhere all day long. They all seem happy with you, though, so I don't think they're all that grumpy about it," she added. "Even if it isn't their ideal habitat, they still like you." She laughed a bit. "It'd be a dream." She took a sip of her drink before leaning back against her chair. "They're amazing. Have you seen them do their little moonlight dance?" she wondered, remembering reading about that in school.
Wren smiled a bit. He was glad that they seemed happy. He made a huge effort to keep his babies happy and healthy. "Well, I'm sure that's in part because I do take them home. I like to think creatures can really tell when someone cares about them. Maybe not all of them, I guess, but I think they can tell in general," he said with a smile. "They have bad days though, don't worry," he teased. He agreed that it would be a dream. He'd loved creatures for as long as he could remember. They were such sweet and innocent things. He couldn't help but love them. "It would," he agreed. He smiled fondly and nodded. "I have. It's quite adorable," he admitted.
Dot thought that had to be true. They had to be able to tell that someone cared. It made perfect sense. Especially considering how much she could tell Wren's creatures liked to be around him. "Of course they can tell. Look how much Daisy loves you. Look how much they all love you, actually," she corrected with a laugh. "Everyone has bad days, so I'm not surprised," she grinned. She let out a thoughtful hum. "I bet it was," she smiled at him.
Wren didn't really know if he could see it as clearly as she could, per se. It was hard to stand back and look at things like that objectively. But he wanted to believe it, so he let himself. "You know what, I'm not even going to argue with you. They do all love me a lot," he smiled. He nodded and smiled. She was the most understanding, lovely person. "Maybe you can see it sometime," he suggested. "How was your practice today, by the way?"
Dot let out a laugh when he said he wasn't going to argue. "I do love hearing that I'm right," she teased him gently. "Anyone can see how much they love you," she said more seriously. She smiled brightly at the idea. "Really? Do you think that I could? I'd love that." It had been something she'd always wanted to see. Even thinking about it made her incredibly happy. "It was good! Everyone is still on a high from winning," she admitted with a quiet laugh. "We'd been working so hard for that match. It was nice to have a more laid back practice, though, I imagine that we'll be right back to intense training starting tomorrow."
Wren was pretty sure they did love him an awful lot. He loved them an awful lot. And he felt like they had a relationship, not like he just cared for them as if they were plants. "I'm glad," he said with a smile. He nodded. "I don't see why not. I'll do my best to make it happen," he smiled. He was pretty sure winning a game like that would have quite the lingering high. "I'm not at all surprised," he grinned. "I can imagine. You guys were really busting your asses for that game. It paid off. I'm sure you will, but I don't think it hurts to have laid back practices," he said honestly.
Dot thought that'd be honestly so incredible. "That would be amazing," she grinned. "I really hope you can make it happen." She let out a laugh, shrugging a shoulder as she finished the rest of her drink. "We really were. It was honestly so exhausting. Worth it, but exhausting," she laughed. "I honestly wouldn't mind a couple of laid back ones," she admitted. "We have a bit of time before our next game. It'd be nice to have a bit of time to relax," she shrugged. "It's not up to me, though. I'm not the captain."
Wren hoped he could make it happen, too. He would make an effort, he really would. "It was worth it, I agree, but it wasn't exhausting for me," he teased. He nodded, thinking that made sense. He thought it was nice to get to relax a little bit. And she earned it, along with the rest of her team. "You lot deserve a few laid back practices. You earned it," he said honestly. He shrugged, taking another drink from his water. "I don't think it would be so bad if you were," he said honestly.
Dot rolled her eyes with a laugh. "Of course it wasn't exhausting for you. You didn't have to do any of the work," she teased. She hoped that the practices would at least be a little calmer. "I think we've earned it too," she agreed. She'd just have to cross her fingers and hope for the best. His words startled a laugh from her and she shook her head. "Well, maybe one day I might be," she said, turning to order herself another drink. "When are you going to order something?" she asked, turning to him again.
Wren laughed and grinned, shrugging a shoulder. "I didn't argue that. I'm just saying it was a great win," he smiled widely. He smiled a bit. He didn't think she was in any hurry to be captain by any means, but he knew she'd be an excellent captain. She was good at everything she did, really. "Maybe," he smiled. He nodded a little. "Sorry, I meant to, and got distracted," he laughed. He ordered a beer for the time being, taking a sip when it showed up.
Dot shook her head a bit but she was smiling. "It was a great win," she agreed. "I'm very proud of it. We played better than we ever have, honestly," she hummed the words, taking a sip from her drink. She hadn't thought too much about becoming the captain in a while but now the idea was back in her mind. She tapped her fingernails against the bar, letting out a laugh. "Distracted by me, yet again. You're obsessed."
Wren thought that over for a moment. He would have to agree. If that were the case though, that really just showed that they could continue getting better. Who would have thought they weren't playing their best at any point? "You'll only get better and better. Every practice will only lead to improvements. Your whole team is full of potential," he smiled. He laughed, nodding. "Sure, sure. I'm obsessed," he teased.
Dot nodded a bit. They were improving everyday. She really thought they had the chance at the cup this year. She hoped she was right. "We're a strong team. I think this is the best the team has been since I joined it. I'm really excited for what's to come," she admitted. She picked up her glass and laughed. "You're obsessed," she said again. "It's so obvious. No wonder you suggested sex."
Wren wondered what exactly had made their team so much better this year than before. He figured it was probably, in part, all of those intense practices. "You guys are doing incredible. It's really amazing that your team is so strong and constantly improving," he smiled fondly. He laughed, hardly able to catch his breath, and shook his head. "So obsessed. It's almost pathetic, really," he teased.
Dot smiled. She liked that he could see the progress the team had made. It was one thing for her to be able to tell how much better the team was but when a spectator noticed, that meant they were really headed in the right direction. "It really is. I'm really happy with us. I really want to win the cup," she admitted. She let out a loud laugh. "The most obsessed. It's cute," she teased.
Wren was so happy for her. He was so glad that she felt good about her team and the direction they were going in. "I don't blame you. I hope you guys do win the cup. I think you really deserve it, and your team is so excellent that I think it's completely possible," he said with a smile. He laughed with her, shaking his head and bringing his drink up to his lips. "Cute, but pathetic," he teased.
Dot wanted the cup so badly. She felt like it was almost in their grasps but until it was, she'd long for it. "I hope so. I really hope so. I guess I don't mind the excruciatingly intense practices that much if they're what's really improving our team," she admitted. She shook her head a bit, fondness on her face. "Pathetically cute," she grinned. "I don't blame you for your obsession, though. I am fantastic."
Wren thought that was probably a good way to look at it. It was nice to put a result with the work that was going into something. She would feel less irritated about going in or having tough practices if she knew it was going to pay off. "Just keep the cup in mind and I'm sure it'll make every practice a little less excruciating," he smiled. He laughed, shaking his head. "Oh yeah, of course. Why else would I be so obsessed?" he teased.
Dot nodded slightly. Keeping the cup in mind was crucial for the team's success. She hoped they won. "I'll do that. I'll try my best not to crumple from exhaustion," she teased. She laughed fondly at him. "Silly boy," she teased back. She finished her drink after a moment and ordered another one. "Let's talk more about you, then. No more obsessing over me," she grinned.
Wren thought for a moment, shrugging a little. "I could brew you a potion that might help you feel less exhausted, if that's legal. I'm sure it'll be worth it when you win. And then you can rest plenty," he smiled. He laughed a little, shrugging again. "I don't know how much there is that's interesting to say about me right now," he said honestly. "Do you have something in mind?" he said playfully.
Dot laughed at the thought of that. "I don't know if that's legal or not, but I think it'd be okay if it was only during practices and not before a match," she mused, tapping her fingers against the table. "I suppose that would be alright. What will it cost me, then?" she teased. She narrowed her eyes playfully, giving him a nudge. "There's nothing interesting about you? I would say automatically that you're having a drink with me but I said no more talking about me. Shall I just start complimenting you then?" she teased.
Wren didn't know if it could hurt when they were doing practices. "You should check before you let me give you something," he laughed a little. "Oh, I won't charge you," he added with a smile. He shook his head and laughed a little. "I didn't say there's nothing interesting about me. I said there isn't anything interesting to say right now," he said with a shrug. He laughed, shaking his head. "I guess that is interesting enough, huh?" he teased. He thought for a moment, letting out a breath. "My sister got engaged," he offered.
Dot nodded slightly. She'd check with her captain and consult the rule book. She hoped it'd be allowed. "I'll let you know what I find out," she smiled. "Oh, alright. And here I was going to pay you with sex," she teased, letting out a laugh. "How could you possibly consider yourself uninteresting at this moment? You spent the entire day with magical creatures. That's infinitely cooler than anything anyone else in this bar has done today," she told him with a laugh. "Oh, really? That's exciting! I love weddings. I'm happy for her," she grinned. "She'll make a beautiful bride."
Wren laughed and shook his head. "I don't do those kinds of services," he teased. He shrugged a little. He didn't think there was much more to be said about that that hadn't been said earlier. "I doubt it. You're here, and I'm sure plenty of other people have done more interesting things today than I have," he smiled. He nodded a little. He wasn't as excited as he should be, probably. "It is. She's happy, but, you know, she's quiet about it," he said with a shrug. "She will."
Dot rolled her eyes and picked up her drink. "You know, you could. Plenty of people would be into it," she teased back. She shrugged a bit, but found what he'd said was interesting. "I played a bit of quidditch and spent the rest of my day with you," she reminded him with a laugh. "But thanks for thinking of me." She hummed a bit, a fond smile still on her lips. "I'm sure she's thrilled. That's such brilliant news. Why am I more excited for your sister than you are?" she laughed, nudging him with her leg.
Wren shook his head again and laughed. "I don't think so," he said honestly. He had no intention of having sex with people for anything. He shrugged a bit and smiled. "I had a fine day, I'm not arguing that. I just don't know what I could say that I haven't already said," he admitted. He laughed a little and shrugged. "I have a weird relationship with my family, you know that. Her getting engaged is exactly as it was intended to be forever. It's not all that surprising or anything."
Dot shrugged slightly. "I'm just saying," she laughed. "I don't know if you've noticed but you draw quite a bit of attention with your tall, dark and handsome thing you've got going. It's amusing to see everyone swooning over you when you play," she teased. She finished off her drink and hummed a bit. "I suppose that makes sense," she agreed. She didn't have much else to say about her day either. She nodded, though she still didn't quite understand his family dynamic after all this time. "But she loves him, doesn't she?" she asked, frowning slightly.
Wren laughed and shrugged a shoulder. "That may be so when I'm playing, but I'm not playing right now, now am I?" he teased. "Anyway, even so, I'm not going to be selling things for sex," he laughed. He thought it over and nodded. "Sure she does. And he loves her. They just are so picture perfect typical. It's exactly what my parents would have picked themselves. I could have predicted it myself years ago," he said with a shrug. "I'm happy for her. I'm not looking forward to the wedding though."
Dot rolled her eyes with a laugh. "It's not just when you play," she told him. "People look at you. You're quite pretty," she teased. "Anyway, I was just saying," she shrugged. "Remind me not to give you anymore compliments," she grinned. She frowned thoughtfully, signalling for another drink. "I mean, I know I don't really understand how that sort of thing works but if they love each other, is it really so bad that it's what your parents wanted?" she wondered. She let out a surprised laugh. "I mean, I get that because of the weird relationship but... drinks. Drinks will cure any weirdness. Plus dancing! You'll have fun. Plus, you can always dip out early if it gets unbearable."
Wren thought she was full of shit. People weren't paying any attention to him right now. "Well thanks, but I think you're the only one looking at me right now," he grinned. He laughed and shrugged. "You don't have to," he teased. He shrugged a shoulder. It probably wasn't really bad. He didn't really care too much. He was glad she was happy. He had weird feelings about his sister, too, but he wanted her to be happy. "I guess not," he shrugged again. "Oh, I'll definitely be dipping out early. It's either that or deal with my entire family and all of my family's friends, and I don't think so."
Dot scoffed at him, waving a hand. "You're the most difficult man I have ever encountered," she told him, picking up her new drink. "I like giving compliments, surprisingly," she teased. "Not just receiving them." She thought it was so curious how his family worked. She didn't know how he'd turned into this sweet and pleasant man who took care of creatures for a living. "Well, maybe Fitz and Simone will get invited. Their parents are friends of yours, aren't they?" she asked. "I'm sure the three of you could just stick together. Or, if you really want to cause a stir," she grinned, "you could take a date that they wouldn't approve of. Cause a bit of trouble. You could take Dom," she laughed. "He's a quiet halfblood that works in a bar and is obsessed with muggles."
Wren laughed and shook his head. "I think you're exaggerating," he teased her. He raised an eyebrow in surprise, smiling playfully. "Really? Are you sure you aren't just excited because you might get one in return?" he teased her. He frowned and shrugged. Fitz and Simone wouldn't get invited. Their parents would, but he knew they wouldn't. He also knew she didn't know anything about that. He let out a laugh when she suggested he take Dom. "I would love to take Dom to ruin it for them, but I wouldn't do that to my sister. Boy, would that piss them off, though," he laughed.
Dot gave him a look. "I think you're annoying," she encountered playfully. She let out a surprised laugh and reached over to shove his shoulder. "How dare you? I just wanted to be nice. See if that ever happens again. You're a dick," she laughed, shaking her head. "Merlin." She thought he had to be the most ridiculous person she had ever encountered. She laughed when he did and shrugged a bit. "Shame. I'm sure it would have been hilarious to see," she teased. "You'll just have to mess with them another day," she suggested.
Wren laughed again, louder that time. "I might just be," he teased. He laughed again, louder still, and fell a bit when she shoved him. "I'm only kidding. I thanked you! I returned your kindness," he grinned. He would have loved to see his family's reaction to him bringing, not just any man, but Dom. They probably would have had heart attacks right on the spot. He didn't want to ruin his sister's day, though, even if he didn't like the whole thing much. "I'm sure I can find another day to mess with them."
Dot tried to glare at him but she couldn't keep herself from grinning. "You're the worst. I don't know why I even bother with you," she shook her head. His laughter amused her enough that she joined in and she shook her head a bit. "You accused me of fishing for a compliment when I absolutely wasn't!" she insisted. "I am capable of kindness, you know. I'm a fucking Hufflepuff. Dick," she scoffed playfully. She shrugged a bit, certain he'd figure something out. "Just take Dom around a different day. You'll still get the reaction you're looking for," she teased.
Wren couldn't help but laugh again. She was so much fun to be around. "I don't know why you do either," he admitted playfully. He laughed again, shaking his head. "I was only kidding!" he said with another laugh. "And I'm a Slytherin. Are you surprised that I'm a bother?" he teased, taking a drink and finishing off his beer. He laughed a short laugh and nodded. "I'll get right on that. I'm sure it'll be just as good then as ever."
Dot narrowed her eyes at him as she laughed. "I should kick you to the curb," she teased. "You were not kidding. You were being serious," she teased him. She let out another laugh, taking another sip. "You know, I actually am. I thought you were better than that but clearly I was wrong," she laughed. "I'm done with you. I'm leaving. As soon as I finish my drink," she told him, taking another sip of it. "You'll have to tell me how it goes down. Since it was my idea and all."
Wren shook his head fondly, taking a drink of his newly filled drink. "Go for it. I doubt you can do it for long," he teased. "I was kidding! I genuinely was. Only making fun of you," he teased. He laughed and shook his head. He would have been a bother no matter house he was in, really. Only a mild bother, though, he thought. "You shouldn't be. You've known me too long to be surprised," he teased. "Have a good night. Get a decent night's sleep," he said playfully, knowing she wasn't going anywhere. "If it happens, I will."
Dot huffed at him, shaking her head. "Yeah, well. We'll see about that," she said. She rolled her eyes again, though she was smiling. "If you say so," she teased back. She let out a laugh and pushed his shoulder. "Oh, please. You've been full of surprises lately," she told him with another laugh. First with the idea they have sex, then with how he'd completely blown her mind. "Don't say nice things to me," she huffed playfully. "I don't believe a word you say anymore," she teased.
Wren laughed and shrugged a shoulder. They were best friends. And to add to that, she had just gone on about how attractive and irresistible he was. If she really did kick him to the curb, it would only be to prove a point. "You really shouldn't be so surprised by that either," he chuckled. He laughed again, taking a drink. "Okay, I hope you have a terrible night," he said playfully.
Dot tried her best to look surly with him but it was impossible. And he'd see right through it anyway. "I regret complimenting you at all. Look at this attitude you have with me," she teased. "I've given you a big head." She rolled her eyes at that and let out a laugh. "I am sick of you," she laughed. "That's more like it. I can tell you really mean it," she grinned, having a sip of her drink.
Wren really didn't think he had a big head at all. He laughed, shaking his head and frowning a little, but there was a smile on his face. "I don't think there's a connection!" he laughed. "I'm just saying, you shouldn't be so surprised by me. You've known me for ages," he said with a smile and a shrug. "You don't seem sick of me," he teased. He laughed, shaking his head and taking a drink.
Dot laughed a bit too loudly and took another sip of her drink. She should probably let this be her last one but she didn't really want to say goodnight to Wren yet, even if she was telling him she did. "I don't think the years I knew you in school really count as we hardly spoke," she teased. "So it hasn't been ages." She made a face at him and finished her drink. "I am. I'm so sick of you. I'm starting to hate your face," she laughed.
Wren thought that was a fair point. They hadn't been that close, but they had known each other. And at this point, they'd known each other for many years and were quite close. "Okay, but it's still been years," he grinned. "It has, too! We've been friends for several years. You can't even deny it, because it's true," he said with a laugh. He laughed louder, shaking his head. "You're absolutely absurd."
Dot shrugged a bit but he was right. It had been a long time. She had almost forgotten what it had been like to not have him as her very best friend. "Fine, fine," she huffed. "That still doesn't mean I can't be surprised by you. People can always surprise you. That's what keeps life interesting," she teased. "Yeah but you're still sitting with me," she made another face at him. "That was a very weak comeback and I'm ashamed of myself."
Wren shrugged. Maybe that was so, but he didn't know if they necessarily were full of surprises for each other. Not that they weren't interesting, but they knew each other rather well. "Yeah, yeah, maybe so. We'll see," he said playfully. He laughed at her response, shaking his head. "Where else am I gonna go?" he teased. "You should leave now, huh. Save your pride," he teased.
Dot wanted to roll her eyes when he laughed but she'd already admitted that her comeback had been weak. She chalked it up to it being a long day, and that added with the drinks she'd consumed had her off her game a bit. "Home. Or you could go sit with someone else," she laughed. She made a face at him before sliding out of her seat and standing up. "It's for the best," she agreed. "I'm out of here. I'll see you around," she grinned, leaning down to give him a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek.
Wren laughed when she suggested he just leave. "Well, I should actually head home myself, so I can go somewhere else," he grinned. He finished off his drink, getting ready to leave himself. "I'll see you around," he smiled, leaning up and hugging her back. After she left, he stood up, tidying the table a bit before apparating back to his own home.
#6
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gingervsblondie · 5 years
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Blondie on a Budget (1940)
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11:31 PM, Wednesday, 2 October 2019
Here we go again. What are we watching this time? Let’s see…
Blondie on a Budget.
LET’S GET HYPED Y’ALL READY FOR-
Nah I can’t get into that wedding MC vibe. “ARE YOU EXCITED? I CAN’T HEAR YOU!!” That’s because I’m at a wedding.
So! Let’s watch Blondie on a Budget like civilized people. No hooping and hollering, just a quaint suburban american family and some comedic misunderstandings. 
11:42
Alright, I just bought my ticket to go see Joker tomorrow NOW LET’S WATCH THE REAL JOKER, DAGWOOD BUMSTEAD
And we’re going to be VERY careful this time not to let Mr. Amazon spoil the movie for us.
...Never mind this one isn’t on Amazon.
youtube
11:45
Hey hey! Dick Flournoy’s back in the writer’s chair! Is that a saying? Probably not. I mean everyone has a chair if you think about it.
First shot of the movie and Willie Best is back. (For real this time.) Now instead of working at a hotel, he’s delivering newspapers. Not to be confused with the young guy who said he was gonna look for Daisy on his bike last time. Come to think of it, did anyone tell him they found Daisy? Maybe Willie Best got his job because he didn’t come to work the next day. Maybe he’s still looking for Daisy. Maybe he’s gone all noir detective, questioning dames and drinking from a flask, sitting under a window so the shades throw stripey shadows over him.
“Someday I’ll find Daisy. Or I’ll find the hoodlums that put her out of the picture. Then I’ll make ‘em pay. Until then, I just gotta keep looking. On my bike.”
11:54
Alexander wants Blondie to read the funnies to him from the newspaper. I absolutely won’t be able to tell from the picture quality, but how much do you wanna bet that there’s a Blondie strip in there? I think superhero movies can get away with comic books existing within their universe, but I can’t think of a way that Blondie the comic strip can coexist with a real Blondie and Dagwood Bumstead.
Although Dagwood’s reaction to finding his life in the funnies could lead to some interesting The Truman Show/The Matrix shenanigans.
11:58
When Blondie ignores Alexander’s plea to read him the comics, (she’s busy doing some kind of accounting) he walks away, and then she says “Get daddy to read it to you.” And Alexander says:
“Hm. Heard every word I said. That’s a woman for ya.”
Just a reminder that Gladys Lehman isn’t writing this anymore.
12:02
Dagwood just did a pretty impressive somersault pratfall. I mean, it wasn’t funny, but it was mildly impressive, so good job Arthur Lake.
12:03
HEY OKAY I LIKED A THING! Again, wasn’t laugh-out-loud funny, but:
Dagwood came in, inhaled deeply through his nose, and sincerely delivered the line “Blondie, would you believe it? I could smell that good old coffee all the way in the backyard.” And Blondie replies solemnly: “I’m sorry, dear, I forgot to make it.” And Dagwood does his “Ye-huh?” but the one where he doesn’t make any noise so I don’t mind it. The facial “Ye-huh?” we’ll call it.
Now, Dagwood being his lovably oblivious but well-meaning self, just tried to say something nice, and Blondie interpreted it as sarcasm. Which as a misunderstanding doesn’t put Blondie into any awkwardness, but puts Dagwood in the position of having tried to open the conversation with a compliment and it instead being taken as a snide jab at Blondie for not making his coffee. But Dagwood isn’t about to correct Blondie, so this goes completely unremarked.
THAT’S ACTUALLY A PRETTY NICE PIECE OF WRITING.
12:13
I think they’re trying harder this time to give Dagwood those little hair points he has in the comics. I’d probably appreciate that if I were a Blondie comic aficionado. But as I hope I’ve made clear by now, my only goal is to be a Blondie movie aficionado.
12:18
Blondie: “I was awake half the night, dreaming. I dreamed that you asked me for 200 dollars. We had a violent argument, and I killed you. Wasn’t it silly? Why would you want 200 dollars?”
I’m a little worried about Blondie. And a lot worried about Dagwood.
12:24
Haha, Alexander just did what I’m assuming is meant to be Dagwood’s double-take. It doesn’t look like his, because he’s a small small child, but what it does look like is what would happen if the makers of a Blondie movie tried to explain how to do Dagwood’s double-take to a small small child.
12:28
Um. Okay. What the fuck.
I don’t know if I really want to describe what just happened? But it’s more of “hey look a woman didn’t write this one.”
A woman showed up at the Bumsteads’ door. As Alexander answers it, he looks up at her, and catcalls, he whistles at her. He’s 6 years old in this according to math. She says “I’m an old old friend of your father’s.” He says “You’re not so old.” She says “What a lovely thing to say! I could kiss you for that. Would you mind if I kiss you?” And then she does.
I nEeD aN ADuLT
12:35
Addendum: It wasn’t Alexander, it was Alvin, who pretended to be Alexander so as to talk to this woman. That makes nothing better. Also while we’re at it, Alexander doesn’t actually look like he could be 6 in this?
Man I just had do Google “What does a 6 year old look like.” For one thing I’m absolutely terrible at telling what age any child is, and for another I’m definitely on some kind of list now.
12:36
OK BUT THE SECOND I FINISHED WRITING THAT AND HIT PLAY, it became a plot-point that Alvin is 6, but once he tells the woman that, that’s how she finds out that he isn’t Alexander, because Alexander “couldn’t possibly be 6.”
I’M VALIDATED! I WASN’T CRAZY!
12:41
Alvin just said “Baby Dumpling, meet the woman who was almost your mother,” a line which is absolutely 3000% too real for a Blondie movie, back-to-back with Daisy’s ears going up, and her running over and pushing the door shut so Dagwood and Blondie can’t hear.
Which is maybe the most anthropomorphized and funniest thing Daisy has done so far. I mean, that time she closed a cupboard door after herself was good, but that was self-preservation and fear. This is Daisy actually getting wrapped up in the drama of what’s going on and trying to prevent it from developing.
12:50
My dad just told me when he was in university, he had a picture of Dagwood in a straightjacket, screaming, on his wall.
This is just a reminder that all fan-art is appreciated.
12:55
OH MY GOD.
I just found out Alexander’s full name was revealed in the comic in 1934. It is Alexander Hamilton Bumstead.
I promise you I didn’t know that when I opened the last review with a Hamilton parody.
(I was trying to figure out at what point in the strip he stopped being a baby and started being a teenager. I couldn’t find that on the Wikipedia article.)
1:43
Took a break. Back now.
1:55
Y’know, I guess Blondie is, from a certain point of view, equally demeaning a thing to call a human being as Baby Dumpling is. I decided to check if that was her real name, and found out that it is, and also her maiden name is “Boopadoop.”
2:00
Somebody is doing an impression of Dagwood to try and fool Blondie over the phone. And it’s amazing.
...awwww, he’s just dubbed. Man, I thought he was actually doing a great impression.
2:05
The return of Snort Watch 2019:
Daisy put her hand in her mouth, in the “that’s bad” kinda way.
2:09
Decent joke: A car won’t start. Dagwood, giggling, says “Where’s the tools? I’ll have it fixed in a jiffy.” Hard cut to the car being towed.
2:11
Dagwood just did the “I’m ready to punch someone in the face at the drop of a hat” thing again, and threw his hat on the ground just to emphasize it.
2:13
Dagwood’s a little infuriating. He realizes when the situation he’s in is going to end with Blondie threatening to divorce him again, but he’s such a pushover that he’ll only ever whine about it a little, and then continue on. It somehow makes it feel even more crushing to know exactly how this is going to go when Dagwood also knows how it’s going to go, but isn’t going to stop it.
2:22
It’s also frustrating that Dagwood never learns anything. He lies to Blondie about whatever misunderstanding there is so he doesn’t get in trouble with her, and then the lying just makes it worse and prolongs the drama, and then she finds out the truth and everything’s resolved. And then there’s a new misunderstanding and he starts lying to her again like he’s a goddamn 6 foot goldfish.
2:25
Blondie just said she went to Church off-screen. I think this might be the first allusion to religion in the Blondieverse? Presumably they worship their lord and saviour Richard Flournoy.
2:29
Weird race joke just happened. Earlier Blondie I mean Dagwood (I’m still doing that) was in a movie theater, and he was looking around at people, and then they’d morph into Blondie, glaring at him and making him feel guilty. The last time this happened, it was an Asian mother with a baby that morphed into Blondie holding Alexander. I didn’t notice that they also did it that time, but this time, now that he’s home, he looks at Blondie and Alexander, and they have black hair and what looks like eye makeup to make them look Asian. And then he looks down at Daisy and she’s turned into a Pekingese (which I had to Google dog breeds to figure out was the joke.)
And now I’m concerned what post-Pearl Harbour Blondie is going to look like. (I’m looking at you, 1942’s Blondie for Victory.)
2:43
“That scheming hussy.” -Blondie Bumstead, formerly Blondie Boopadoop, 1940.
2:47
Uggghghhghghg. They just had a scene where Dagwood confessed the truth about everything to Blondie, most of which were things she’d figured out for herself. That might’ve fixed what I’ve been complaining about. Then Dagwood gets a phone call, which is telling him he won 200 dollars in a raffle that we’ve seen him tear up the ticket for, and now he’s decided he’s going to spend the money we know he won’t get on a fur coat Blondie wants. So when he goes back up, he wants to keep who he was on the phone with a secret from Blondie, and starts lying again. And Blondie knows he’s lying, and punches her pillow in frustration.
But then she goes to sleep.
AGAIN she sees where this is going and DOESN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT WHICH MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I’M GOING INSANE. EVERYTHING IS FUTILE, THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT HAPPEN IN EVERY BLONDIE MOVIE AND EVEN WHEN THE CHARACTERS INSIDE THE MOVIE HAVE BEEN READING BLONDIE COMICS IN THEIR MORNING NEWSPAPER, EVEN WHEN THEY CAN SEE THE CODE OF THE MATRIX, THEY DON’T DO ANYTHING TO DISRUPT THE LOOP. THEY KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING AND THEY KNOW THEY CAN’T STOP IT. THIS ISN’T JUST FATALISM, THIS IS OPENING A GUN, SEEING THAT IT’S LOADED, CLOSING IT AGAIN, AND LOOKING DOWN THE BARREL TO SEE IF IT’S ACTUALLY LOADED. AND THEN SHOOTING YOURSELF IN THE FUCKING FACE AND TELLING ST. PETER “yeah it was loaded.”
I’m going to bed.
10:56 PM, Friday, 4 October 2019
It’s been 2 days. Whoops! Let’s get back to it.
11:03
There’s a featured extra that just delivered a line in a way that’s funny, but the line itself isn’t actually funny. Blondie’s buying a bus ticket, I think to leave town because she thinks Dagwood’s cheating on her again. Blondie’s on the brink of tears, and the cashier selling her the bus ticket starts tearing up, and says “I know just how you feel. I wish I could sell a ticket to Niagara Falls…”
I don’t get it. Was there something going on at Niagara Falls in 1940 or is it just a total non-sequitur? 
11:09
I think… Blondie might’ve skipped town, but left Daisy.
11:13
And now Daisy is drunk, through a chain of events that left booze on the floor. I don’t know how to feel about this development.
11:19
There’s something different about the way Flournoy shows Dagwood’s loneliness in this one. I think this is the first time where Dagwood hasn’t had anything to do while Blondie thinks he’s cheated on him. He’s not in jail, he’s not off trying to get a good deal done selling property to some mogul, he’s just at home, alone, and completely defeated. A lot of it has been silent, like right now he’s stacking pillows in Blondie’s twin bed, because he can’t get to sleep without her there. The pathos is through the roof compared to the other movies.
11:30
Blondie: “Oh, I’ve been such a fool.”
Dagwood, hugging her: “Oh, that’s alright. Everybody’s a fool.”
Is that a sweet moment? I think that’s a sweet moment. Something about that is sweet to me.
11:33
A minor twist at the end involved a trout club burning down. I suspect pyromaniac uncle.
11:36
And that was Blondie on a Budget! Took me longer than usual to get through it, I’ll try not to do that again too often. Got real mad at it in the middle, but it was inoffensive and of typical quality for the second half. Maybe a little above average, because Dagwood sad and alone at home was something new.
My Dagwood sandwich rating is: one sandwich that is practically identical to a sandwich you just ate a minute ago, which annoys you, but then once you’ve finished eating it, you can appreciate the minute details that distinguished it from the previous sandwich.
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chillbooks · 7 years
Text
SO YOU WANT TO DATE A HUNTER
A Supernatural “screenplay” by
Cynthia "Original Cyn" Hill
c 2017
INT. A CHEESY GAME SHOW SET. BRIGHT COLORS, 70S STYLE FLORAL DECALS. BEHIND THE HOST THE SET IS DIVIDED INTO TWO SECTIONS: ONE WITH A SINGLE STOOL, ONE WITH THREE STOOLS.
GABRIEL, our host for the evening, runs across to center stage from the wings, waving with one hand, holding a microphone in the other.
GABRIEL
(looking directly into the camera and using smarmy game show host voice)
Hello there, and welcome to "So You Want to Date a Hunter"! I'm your host, Gabriel, and I like long walks in the clouds, harp music, making home videos, and putting morons into ridiculous situations in a futile attempt to teach them lessons! The object of our game, obviously, is to match up our bachelorette with the hunter of her dreams. So without further ado, let's meet our bachelors, shall we?
Audience roars and claps its approval. Enter DEAN, CASTIEL, and SAM who go over and sit on the three stools.
GABRIEL
So, let's talk to you first, Bachelor #3. Tell us about yourself, why don't you?
SAM
(shifts uncomfortably in his seat)
Um, okay... well, my name is Sam Winchester, and I'm 33 years old. I'm from Lawrence, Kansas. And I'm a hunter...
GABRIEL (cutting him off)
Fascinating! So let's move on to Bachelor #1, shall we? Tell us about yourself.
DEAN
My name is Dean Winchester. I'm 38 years old, and I'm from Lawrence, Kansas. I enjoy killing vamps and saving pretty girls.
(gives the camera a wink and a grin)
GABRIEL
And last but not least, Bachelor #2, tell us something about yourself!
CASTIEL (looks over at DEAN)
Dean, I don't understand why I'm here...
DEAN (mutters to CASTIEL)
We needed a third hunter, and it was either you or Garth, but his wife wouldn't let him.
GABRIEL
All righty then! I think it's time we brought out our bachelorette. Now this young lady has been backstage this whole time in a soundproof booth, so she hasn't heard any of what we've just talked about. The only things she will know about our hunters before she chooses one for her mystery date is what answers they give to the questions she's about to ask them. Won't that be fun???
Audience cheers.
GABRIEL
So come on out here, Tiffany!
A tiny blonde girl in her early 20s comes out, waves at the audience and sits in her stool on the other side of the stage. GABRIEL walks over and stands at her side, with a fairly obvious glance down her low-cut top. She holds blue cue cards in her hands from which she reads her questions.
GABRIEL
How are you today, Tiffany?
TIFFANY
Great, thanks! I'm just SOOO excited to be here!
GABRIEL
Tell us something about yourself!
TIFFANY
Well, I'm 23, and I go to Stanford University. I like 70s classic rock music, and getting slushies from the Gas-n-Sip on a hot day.
SAM and DEAN look at each other as if daring each other to try and win. CASTIEL still looks confused.
GABRIEL
Interesting! Well, let's get started, shall we? Who is your first question for?
TIFFANY
My first question is for Bachelor #1. What is the longest relationship you've ever been in?
DEAN
I've been with Baby forever...
SAM
I don't think she means with your CAR.
DEAN
Shut up, Sam.
GABRIEL
Whoa now! No names, Bachelor #1. Let's move on, shall we?
TIFFANY
Okay, then Bachelor #2, when you were young what was your favorite cartoon to watch?
CASTIEL
There was no television when I was young. Or cartoons.
TIFFANY (looks confused)
Huh?
CASTIEL
But now I do enjoy an episode of Scooby Doo on Netflix once in a while. Shaggy and Scooby are very loyal to each other. They always have each other's backs. I appreciate that.
TIFFANY
Oh, I love Scooby Doo! I love how they always end every episode with "...if it wasn't for you meddling kids!" So corny! Anyway, Bachelor #3, what's one thing your mom cooks better than anyone else?
SAM
Um, well my mom was actually killed by a demon when I was six months old, so...
AUDIENCE
Awwwww...
SAM
No, but it's okay, because last year God's sister brought her back from the dead, but we found out that she can't cook, and then she joined up with an organization that tortured me, so... um, I guess I like when she brings burgers and beer back to the bunker?
GABRIEL
Mmm mmm mmm... gotta love those takeout burgers. Especially with extra cheese. Who gets the next question, Tiffany?
TIFFANY
My next question is for Bachelor #2. Where did you go on your last date, and what did you do? And don't leave out any of the... racy details...
CASTIEL
My last date? I guess that would be when I was human, and my boss at the Gas-n-Sip asked me out... well at least I thought she had asked me out, but as it turned out she just wanted me to babysit, and so she went out with this jerk, and then the baby got sick, so I basically spent the whole night trying to calm down a crying child, which would have been much easier if I'd had my grace and I could have just healed her...  But seriously, why do I have to answer these ridiculous questions? I can't mate with this woman, that could create a nephilim, and we all know how THAT would work out... so why would she want to go on a date with me?
GABRIEL
Oka-aaay... moving on! Next question, Tiffany!
TIFFANY
Bachelor #1, if I was a dessert, what would I be in order to tempt you best?
DEAN
Pie. Next question!
TIFFANY
That's... succinct.  Bachelor #2, describe what do you prefer in a woman, angel or devil?
CASTIEL
Angels don't have a gender...
GABRIEL (sighs)
You are just no fun sometimes, you know that?
CASTIEL
I have been told that before. But what do you expect from me? Whoopee cushions and joy buzzers?
GABRIEL
Buzz kill.
DEAN
Hey! Can you two squabble later? I've got a date to win.
TIFFANY
Bachelor #3 where's the most naughty place you've ever done the deed?
SAM
I don't really like to kiss and tell, but there was this one time I was dating this girl... let's call her Ruby...
DEAN
Demon, Sam. She was a demon. Not a girl. You were bonking a demon.
SAM
Come on, Dean... she was in a human vessel! It's not like I was making love to a puff of black smoke!
DEAN
"Making love"? What kind of chick flick is this? Should I get out my hanky?
CASTIEL
I didn't know you carried a handkerchief, Dean...
GABRIEL
All right! Enough already! Tiffany, next question.
TIFFANY
Bachelor #1, describe your ideal date, and don't leave out any details if you really want to woo me!
DEAN
First, we'd go for a long drive in my car, listen to some Zeppelin. We'd drive to the vamp nest I'd just heard about, and together we'd machete those mothers until the sun went down. I've got to tell you: there's nothing that turns my crank more than a woman who knows how to handle a machete. Then, once the fangs were taken care of, we'd head to the local diner for some burgers, beer, and pie. Or maybe even a really fine whiskey. Then, back to my motel room, where my brother would NOT be hanging out because he was busy at the all-night library, re-reading his favorite Judy Blume books.
TIFFANY
Oh... wow... well, then...
GABRIEL
You really know how to woo 'em, don't you Bachelor #1?
TIFFANY
Bachelor #2, let's play "Marry, Kill or..." well, you know what...
CASTIEL
What is this? Who do I have to kill? How is this playful?
SAM
No Cas, it's a game. She lists three names, and you pick which one you want to marry, which one you would kill, and which one you... want to create a nephilim with...
CASTIEL
I just said that I...
DEAN
It's just a game, Cas. Pretend you're still human.
TIFFANY (alarmed)
He isn't human?
CASTIEL
I still don't understand the purpose of this, but all right: what are the names?
TIFFANY
Beyonce, Betty White, and Wilma Flintstone.
CASTIEL (protesting)
Wilma Flintstone isn't even real! She's a cartoon character...
GABRIEL (to TIFFANY)
Why don't we just move on?
TIFFANY
Sounds good to me... Bachelor #1, your turn:
Jessica Simpson, Taylor Swift, and Paris Hilton.
DEAN
Well, I already killed Paris Hilton. Sort of, I mean... it wasn't actually HER, she was an Eastern European forest god, but yeah, after that there's no way I'm going to dip my oar in THAT water, know what I mean?
SAM
Hey - I was the one who killed Paris Hilton!
DEAN
Whatever. Potayto potahto... the bitch is dead. So Paris - kill. And really, no question for the other two: I'd totally sleep with Simpson. Come on, Daisy Duke? So I guess it's marry Taylor... she's just got some catchy tunes at least. But let's face facts: if I marry anyone they're probably going to end up dead, so no amount of bubbly pop music is going to help her then...
GABRIEL
He has a point! Next question, Tiffany.
TIFFANY
I... do I have to?
GABRIEL
Why yes, yes you do! Them's the rules here on...
AUDIENCE
"So You Want to Date a Hunter!"
TIFFANY (reluctantly)
If I have to then... Bachelor #3, same question. Your names are...
GABRIEL whispers in her ear and hands her a card.
TIFFANY
Wait, why? Who are these... fine. Bachelor #3 your names are Jessica, Amelia, and Madison?
Audience gasps.
SAM
WHAT?
DEAN
Low blow there, lady...
TIFFANY
What? I didn't... those weren't my... he gave them to me! Who are those girls?
DEAN
My brother can't help it that he has a penis of death!
TIFFANY
Your brother? Penis of DEATH? What kind of show is this?!? Is this some kind of sick joke?
CASTIEL
I can assure you, Tiffany, that the tendency of Sam's lovers to die horrifically is no laughing matter.
TIFFANY
Look, I only agreed to come on here because I got rejected from "The Bachelor." I am so out of here. I should have gone with the offer from "Crowley the Millionaire."
TIFFANY storms off the stage in a huff.
CASTIEL
So wait? Which one of us won?
SAM
No one, Cas. She left.
CASTIEL
But I thought this was a game. Shouldn't someone win? This wasn't very enjoyable.
DEAN
Screw this. Let's go, Sammy. C'mon Cas. I hear there's a great diner down the street with an apple pie to die for.
SAM, DEAN and CASTIEL all get up and walk off the stage. GABRIEL looks over at the camera.
GABRIEL
Well, that's it for another - well, the only - episode of "So You Want to Date a Hunter". Up next, stay tuned for another exciting episode of "Casa Erotica: Cage Match"!
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